1282 – The Firm Office Space Interactive Experience
More boring than Brimley, more meanders than Mike or Mitch this tour takes tangents perfect for sleeping in swales.
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Episode 1282 – The Firm Office Space Interactive Experience
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for the podcaster who really needs to help you as much as you…to help you fall asleep as much as you need help falling asleep. Making this show really gives me purpose. It means a lot to me. So, I’m glad to be here to help you. If you’re new, welcome to Sleep With Me. It’s a podcast to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff. Normally it’s a joyful podcast. I don't know, but I just got serious there for a minute. But I really love being able to make this show, put you to sleep, keep you company night after night after night, and if you’re new, welcome. I’m glad you’re here.
I hope the show…I hope this podcast can help you out. I’ve been doing it for about…almost eleven years — pretty close to eleven years when you hear this — to keep you company in the deep, dark night. What we got…the way it works or whatever is I lull you into sleep, I tell you a bedtime story. Tonight will be one of those cool experiences. Well, it won't be cool; it’ll be lukewarm experiences where you go…we had one we recently did called Wildy Wonda…Wildy Wonga Experience. This one is definitely even more mundane. So, you got that coming up.
First we’ll have a long, meandering intro — this is the greeting — then there’s support, then a long, meandering intro meant to ease you into bedtime, which if you don’t like the intros, you could listen to Bedtime Stories From Sleep With Me. Those don’t have the intros, but most people like the intro. It’s like a friend in the deep, dark night. But yeah, I think that’s it. I’m really glad you’re here. I wish I could have explained more, but I got mixed up. I’m glad you’re here, and the bore-friends who are listening who support this show, people who support the sponsors, people who refer people to the podcast, that’s how we’re able to do this for you. So, thank you everybody, week after week after week. Thanks.
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts on your mind, thoughts that you’re thinking about about the past, the present, the future, thinking thoughts, it could be feelings, anything coming up for you emotionally, feelings that came up earlier, anticipation feelings, baffling feelings. I don't know, feelings; holy moly…feelings about holy moly or mole.
Let’s say you cooked some quality mole and then someone frowned. You say, I got feelings about that. Or they said, holy moly, and you said, no, no, it’s just me. I just worked hard in the kitchen. Nothing spiritual about this mole. It could be physical sensations, changes in time, temperature, routine, you could have something coming up, you could be going through something, you could be traveling, you could have guests, maybe you work the third shift, maybe you work a job with irregular hours, maybe you’re a student or a teacher and…or you just have something big coming up in your life. Whatever it is, I’m really glad I’m here…able to be here to try to help keep you company and take your mind off of stuff so you could fall asleep. The reason I make this show is twofold.
One, I’ve been there, tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep, so I know how it feels in the deep, dark night, like what it’s like to struggle with that stuff, what it’s like to anticipate bedtime in a non-positive way, to understate it, you know, to dread bedtime, and I know how it feels for me. Even in a house full of people, even in a room with people in it, even in a bed with people in it or my lovely dog Koa right next to my bed, for me, it can feel lonely. It might not feel that same way for you, but I’m here to keep you company however you feel. But the important thing is for a lot of people that have trouble sleeping, it can be hard to connect with people that sleep just fine. I think that’s just part of it.
Maybe you have a roommate or a partner or family members and they’re all sleeping great, and they say, well, why don’t you just try closing your eyes and thinking about something nice? Why don’t you try counting sheep or counting backwards? Why don’t you make a list…? I say, make a list of stuff? I don't know if I should be doing that. I’m trying to sleep. I’m already…my brain’s full of lists. So, no, thank you. So, you’ve heard suggestions and you just don’t feel seen. This is a podcast where almost everybody listening — not everybody, but almost everybody listening — they see where you’re at and they’ve been somewhere similar, and they can probably relate to some of the feelings you have about bedtime and sleep and all this stuff, and they’re glad you’re here.
They’ve been holding a space for you. They’re like, wow, I really hope this podcast helps you like it helped me, because I know I’ve been through something like you have or maybe something different and I know how it feels, and I know that getting the sleep I need has made my life more manageable, has made my life more pleasant, not dreading bedtime. Having this goofy podcast to listen to has helped me. I'll be honest with you right now; when I’m recording this, I’m going through it and my family’s going through it, and I’ve heard from people that listen to the podcast, and it’s really touched me.
Because it’s like, it’s…when that stuff comes up and you can't sleep or when your life is…life’s life-ing, it…I don't know, those things pile up, right? But if you’re getting some rest at least or at least some respite in the deep, dark night, some kind of comfort, some kind of distraction where you could be distracted from whatever’s keeping you awake, it offers some relief, and that’s what I hope I can provide for you, because you deserve some relief. You deserve some rest. Just like the people in my family that are having trouble sleeping right now and myself, you deserve a little bit of a break, and I hope I can provide that.
What I’ll do here is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, and superfluous tangents, which means my voice is not traditionally soothing, I go off-topic, I get mixed up, and…like that; something peters out, then I get distracted, then I’ll talk about something, then I’ll re-talk about it, then I’ll forget what I was talking about. So, those are pointless meanders and superfluous tangents, and all of it is just to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff. It is very different. When most people get here, it takes a few tries to get used to this podcast.
One, because you’re probably tired and fed up, right, and maybe you found this podcast by accident or someone mentioned it to you a few months ago and then somebody else did or you read something about it and then you heard about it, then you searched for it, and you probably had certain expectations, reasonable expectations, of what a sleep podcast would be or what it would sound like, and this is very different. This is more of a friend keeping you company. So, if you’re skeptical or doubtful or unsure or frustrated, that’s pretty normal. For our most engaged listeners, the people who have supported the show the longest, a lot of them say, yeah, at first I just didn’t like the show, and then I realized, oh, that’s…I mean, the not-liking it is my reaction because it doesn't make any sense.
He’s just talking, talking…he’s never going anywhere. He’s always never going anywhere. So, it does take some getting used to. If you already know, though, that the show is not a fit for you or your style or your taste, bravo. It’s good that you know that right now. Check out sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou. There’s other sleep podcasts and sleepy stuff on there, and that hopefully will help you out, 'cause you still deserve a good night's sleep. You still deserve a distraction and a break in the deep, dark night, even if you can't stand me. I’ve heard from so many people that would agree with you over the years. That’s why I said sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou.
You don’t have to send me an e-mail about your feelings about me. Find a nice sleep podcast out there for you that works for you. But the way this one works is it’s a podcast you kinda just barely listen to, almost like background noise but slightly more engaging. Like, it’s something you could listen to but you don’t need to listen to it. Tonight it’ll be kinda like a audio experience, almost like a walking tour that you listen to, but much milder and point…more pointless. But you could just barely listen to it, just like if you were looking at a out-of-focus picture or even an Impressionist picture. You say, okay, I get that. That’s nice.
But I guess my brain kinda fills in the details…or you just enjoy it for what it is…or if you’re trying to hold sand in your hand and it’s slipping through your hand or there’s a TV on in the other room, music or a party down the street, just far enough down the street that it’s not…it doesn't bug you, I don't know, birds in the distance, stuff like that that you say, huh, that’s not bad. If it was closer, if I was paying attention to it, I don't know if I would like it. But yeah, that far away? Not too bad. So, it’s a podcast you barely listen to. Also, this is…I’ve been making this sleep podcast since, whatever, 2013, and it’s kinda grown and the types of sleep podcasts have grown from there, but this is a podcast that doesn't put you sleep.
I’m here to keep you company while you fall asleep. There is no pressure to fall asleep. The whole idea of the show is I keep you company like a friend. If you can't sleep, I’m here to keep you company. That’s why the shows are over an hour, so you don’t have to wonder, oh, is he gonna stop talking? Or, there’s over 600 ad-supported shows ready to go that you could build playlists with or listen all night long, 'cause I’m here to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-bud, your bore-bestie, your bores, your neigh-bore, your Borbie, your bore-bruh, your best bore-friend f’eva, and to keep you company while you fall asleep.
There’s people who are listening who need a break during the day, there’s people who are listening who won't…they just have a kind of insomnia where they can't sleep, and I’m here to keep you company whether you’re awake or asleep, whether you’re listening or not, and that’s kinda what works. I’ll be here to the very end, and I haven't talked about this in a while; it was one of the most essential pieces of feedback I got in the first six to twelve months of making this podcast, when it was an experiment and this whole idea was an experiment and I was trying to figure out…what is this idea I have about a podcast where somebody just talks and keeps you company?
I used to have jokes towards the end where I was a little bit self-depricating and guessing…nobody’s listening right now, so I could kinda, whatever…it doesn't matter what I say, and those people that were listening let me know; hey, I’m listening. I can't sleep at all. I’m listening because you’re my friend in the deep, dark night, my bore-friend. That’s where those terms came from. They weren't always here. I said, okay, I get it. I’m not just here to put you to sleep. I’m here to keep you company whether you’re awake or asleep. I’m here to be here to the very end whether you’re listening or not, just like a friend. The best part is I’m a friend that doesn't leave crumbs.
You don’t have to wonder if I turned the lights out, you don’t have to worry about spacing — I’m far enough away, for sure — whether I’ll be on time, whether I’ll stay past my welcome. I’m here on demand, which most friends can't do. That’s what this…the great thing about making a podcast and doing it for a long time. So, that’s what I’m here to do, is be your friend in the deep, dark night, keep you company. What I’ll do…what else do you need to know? Give us more good news. Most people don’t like the show, we don’t listen to it, it doesn't put us to sleep. What else do we need…? Oh, structure of the show.
So, the structure of the show is just how most…it’s designed on how most people listen, but you can adjust the show or listen to different versions of the show to find what works for you. But at first try this way, 'cause it’s the most successful version of the podcast and the most people benefit from it. So, just see how it goes, and if you’re…if you’ve got a little bit different taste of Sleep With Me, there’s a lot of different options out there. But it starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, so you feel seen and welcomed in. You say, okay, this does sound like a friendly show. I think I will give it a try. Or, regular listeners say, oh, okay, there’s Scoots welcoming me back again. Then there’s support so paying for the podcast is optional.
You could either listen to the sponsors, support the sponsors when you can, or if you want a ad-free experience, it’s on Sleep With Me+. But it works for most people. Then after the support is a long, meandering intro, totally separate from the support. The intro lasts about ten to twenty minutes long. It’s where I unsuccessfully…well, I successfully introduce what the podcast is, but it kind of is a setting-the-tone thing. I’m just not good at getting to the point, so that’s why it takes me ten to twenty minutes. But in that ten to twenty minutes of the intro, it also helps ease you into bedtime, to give you a buffer between the daytime or the evening and the time to get in bed and get comfortable.
So, some people fall asleep during the intro, a small percentage of people, some people are getting ready for bed, some people are doing a chill, wind-down activity or a chill…barely an activity, you know, but they’re not in bed yet, or they’re paging through stuff or doodling or whatever it is, knitting, hooking, crocheting, petting their pets, pandering to their pets, kissing their biceps, dipping their elbows in milk, whatever it is, like winding down, and some people are in bed getting comfortable. But that’s what the intro is there for, and if you prefer a show without intros, Bedtime Stories From Sleep With Me is in all podcast apps for free.
So, you could check that show out, but most people enjoy the intro. It’s different every time but it’s familiar and it just gives you a wind down. So, that’s what the intro is. Then after the intro is support. Again, it keeps the podcast free for everybody. Then tonight it’ll be our…it’ll be another one of those experience…an audio experience much like the one that came out six months ago which we did as a podcast, but it was very…it got…it was very well known 'cause the art did not match up with the experience for Wildy Wonga. So, that’ll be…that takes…that’ll be about forty-five, fifty minutes.
All told, we’ll be here over an hour, and I think that’s it. I’m really glad you’re here. I work really hard. I yearn and I strive. A team of people work hard on this show, and they all love…I think they all love working on it because they know there’s people out there getting comfort from this podcast. It’s having a positive impact on their lives, and they enjoy it and the goofiness of it. It gives us all a purpose, so we love doing it, and we work really hard. The people who work on the show, they work really hard, 'cause we yearn and we strive. We really want to help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple ways we’re able to do it for you for free twice a week.
Well, hello again. I’m so happy to be in your ears. You may remember me from such audio experiences as the Wildy Wonga Audio Tour, the Build-A-Builder Audio Experience, other audio experiences. I’m also available for your audio…though this is a…these…so, I’ll explain…oh, welcome to this tour. I’m sorry, I was explaining when I don't need to explain anything. I’m glad you’re here with me. We have an exciting forty-five to seventy-five minutes — also depending on what add-ons you’ve purchased in store for you — and as soon…now, that time of your experience started when you pressed Play on this audio. I am your host for this multitude of experiences. In the past, people have been disappointed with some of the experiences run by experience experientials experiences…something something.
I don't have the exact…they don’t provide me with the script because they said, if we give you the script, then we’re responsible for what you say. So, I guess…well, welcome to this multitude tour, because you…now, some people may have purchased just one tour, but here’s the thing; you get them all. So, welcome to the Office Firm, Office Space, Office UK Experience. I think I said that correctly. It’s all…those are all words that may…that have spaces between them, and that’s important, but they’re also all used together, so none of them should be taken separately. That is one run-on sentence title, and you’ll be experiencing multiple worlds of life at the office. You may say to yourself right now, where am I standing?
I’m standing in a swale. You’d say, what fancy word; swale. I feel like I’m just in the grassy area of a parking lot outside an office park that looks nothing like what I expected. I’d say, surprise one has already…did this first surprise bring you delight? But this grassy area, this swale, is somewhere important. You’re waiting in line for some…in a very important thing, because this is where three of our heroes returned to the office one day. It’s a forgettable scene, but oh boy, when you experience it…while you were waiting, they were walking, Peter, Samir, and Michael. They walked across the swale. Now, not this exact swale, but if you’re familiar with these tours, you are now in a place…and you’re in another place at the same time, because this experience uses the theatre of the mind to provide the actual experience for you.
So, you may say, there is no grass here. This is just dirt, and this looks nothing…I’m actually an expert in swales. I’d say, oh, well, that’s great for you, but this is theatre of the mind. You’ve crossed over the arch and you are on the stage, but the stage is within you. If that is confusing, it may be intentional. But yes, we’re coming up here where your pass will be checked to see if you’ve added any add-on experiences. Might I suggest dining for lunch or for dinner…now, it is not included, but if you…now, those are not coupons they’re handing you right now, so we don’t want you to be confused, but if…for those are special…they are…they do say you get free refills, which I thought those places already gave you free refills. But those tickets provide you with free refills at any of those corporate restaurants listed.
Now, to walk back to them, you do have to…it is…it’s right on the other side of the freeway, which you may be hearing that noise, or…this tour is actually traveling the world, so it may be a highway or…but a road with a lot of traffic. But we have confirmed that all our locations are just…well, if you could fly, just a few steps away from many restaurant options with, now, free refills. Now, I’m told my company would be…the company I work for, they never paid me for the first audio I recorded…but that they will be…they’ll be compensated for you going to whichever restaurant you go to. But there’s Apple Hat, there’s the Chili Sauce, Thank God It’s Not Monday…I think there’s other ones, too.
What is the other one, Apple…? I don't know the other ones, but those are just some of the ones you’ll be able to dine at, just like the characters on the show. You might say, holy friend, is that Joanna wearing her flair? Here’s the thing; you could say to them, nice flair, because most people that are working at those restaurants won't…they may not have…they may not know what you’re talking about. I don't know, I’ve never worked there. But it’s worth a try, and enjoy your free refills. Thank you, because you may be paying the cost of me not being paid for making this audio.
But oh, what an exciting time it is as we come here, and I want you to think about where you are, because you’re no longer where you were in the world, which with each step, you’re traveling the globe, or one place…some places and…because you say, is this swale…where is this swale set? I’d say, well, it could have been anywhere, right? It could be in Texas, it could be in Austin or Dallas or Los Angeles, but it could be anywhere. Or, do you feel like with each step, you’re going from Dallas to Scranton and from Scranton to Memphis? But you could be anywhere in the world where your feet are, or you could move from place to place, because still coming is Slough…Slough in the UK. Not Reading; oh no, no, no, but Slough. I practiced that, but I’m still feeling like I got it wrong.
For today, you…so, which is the place you’re in now? Oh, my goodness, I would have thought you would have been in a different place. Oh, you’re in a different place now, too. Now, tell me what; when you’re in your chosen place of the Office Firm, Office Space, Office UK, which…how does it…? It must feel good to be in that one place, your favorite place. How does it feel to be in the other places? Oh, yes, exciting to make so many journeys on what one would call a swale. Or, they would just say it’s dirt in a parking lot. But here in the theatre of the mind, we are here walking closer as they scan your…okay, you’re going in now. This is the first time we’ve had a choice between our first experiences, because you may be surprised.
You may say…if you were just in the world…oh, that plain world you’re in, a plain, old office park…oh, hum drum…thank goodness or whatever it’s…no, not goodness. It’s thank not goodness it’s Monday. I’m pulling up here to my working…to work and file and paper it. You would think this would just be a normal office place, but it is not. Oh no, it is not. This is a place of magic. ‘Cause, you know some people when they’re in that mode, the hum-drum mode which I’ll keep you out of the best I can…but I just want to greet you, hum-drummer, because your hum-drummer is one…in a sense, these works of art are about…sorry, I said that strangely. These works of art are about a hum-drummer within me. I’ll only use my experience. I won't tell you what to do.
But for me, when they showed me the locations of this magical experience, part of me said, huh, that doesn't look anything like any of those places. Where is this or where is that? Where would they…? That’s not where they parked. Now, I did not take the time to think about movie magic or television magic, you know, and that Mitch McDeere was not gonna walk right by me, because that was shot on location. The location is different than the place where they were. So, I thought, oh, I’m not…I’m de-magicking the movie and the show, and saying, this place is…this carpet doesn't even look like this, as we enter this building. But you could say it is nondescript, which is perfect.
So, if part of you is hum-drumming it, just say it’s okay to hum-drum it, because really, we’re entering…now is where we can turn to our straight ahead or we could turn to our right and choose our next experience, unless it’s on your ticket that you have to go…oh, you have a choice ticket. Okay, well, let’s…which way would you…? Oh, to the right. Okay, so you’re off the trail here. Now…oh boy, this is…we’re going on quite the journey. We’re going off of the main path, they say. ‘Cause you could say, is that the smell of grease? Is that the smell of oil or sweat, of hard work, of collars that could be blue? I would say, you are correct, that it is…this is…now, you could say, is…who am I on the lookout for, Roy and Darryl or Lee? I have to check my notes that those are the correct names. It’s been a while.
But Roy or Darryl or Lee, I think, is the correct…and…where they’re working so hard away from the office people whose hands are soft. But here, their hands may be hard. Oh boy…and there is where they move things and warehouse things, correct, but you could almost hear Darryl’s voice as he’s saying do this or do that, or some comedy antics are unfolding down here, whether someone’s getting in the way or they’re a fish out of…pretty common. So, maybe we could pretend we’re the fish from the office now swimming in the warehouse. We swim through this warehouse…and you may say, I thought this ware…and I’d say, oh yes, can't you imagine the high ceilings of the warehouse?
Don’t let this ceiling here mask your experience, because this is a time to see that the heights of the warehouse are higher than the limits of our humdrum mind. It is so exciting to be in this place with paper everywhere, where the wheels of paper take place. But also, somewhere in here is Milton working…well…because this is a time when all of the offices were…whatever your favorite part of the movie is or the show, while things are flourishing, you know…so, Milton…but you say, well, I want Milton to flourish. I’d say, okay, well, you could write your own story, then. I said Milton could be down here working, but that doesn't mean Milton is necessarily working somewhere. But they said, oh, out of place, out of mind with that Milton. Have him work next to the warehouse.
That feels more like interconnected storage rooms when my humdrum observes. But as we go into this next room, which you could say is a extension of the warehouse…now, this may be, in my opinion, the room closest in look to the actual…what was caught on the big screen. Now, of course, this is a stop…can I take a look at your ticket? Okay, well, you’re gonna be an observer here, though no one else seems to be on your tour right now. So, I’ll just walk you through what could happen here. Now, a lot of people…our friend Damon was the one who said, I remember this. It is essential to have this on the tour. We said, oh, don't worry, Damon. For a add-on fee, you can have this on your tour.
So, this has been provided, and we just happened to get…that every office has a room like this, which you say, there’s some machines in here heating…heat the building or the water. There’s mops and general disarray, but this is where real excitement comes. Now, you see…now, would you like to…? Now, even though you didn’t get the add-on experience, you could help with the add-on experience even though we don’t have anyone to perform it. Okay, 'cause you can see…now, see the…that wheeled thing. On there is…now, you may say, that’s Wilford Brimley. I’d say, oh, no, no, no. You’d say, that kind of looks like a color printout of Wilford Brimley’s head taped to some laundry bags that are taped together. I’d say, oh, no, no, no, that is Bill from The Firm. Oh, that Bill. Oh, so stern.
He’s the one…so, what you’re going to do is…so, go ahead and test us out. Bill is on wheels for this situation. Now, what would happen here…and you may have seen this at other experiences or themeparks; there’s usually a rappelling experience where you could climb up a wall and then you get to rappel back down. Now, in this one, just like in the film, you get to be Mitch McDeere. Or, in this case, you get to be the person who pushes the imaginary version of Wilford Brimley, Bill, Wilford Brimley. You’re like Mr. Brimley’s assistant, in this case, if he was on roller skates when they were filming the movie, which wouldn't have made any sense at all. But here in the depths of a building in Memphis, where there’s some offices but we’re not…we’re in a random room.
This is where Mitch McDeere falls from the heavens. How many times have we said about Tom Cruise…has he fallen…? Now, a observation about the film The Firm. Tom Cruise runs in that movie, which has become one of my things as Tom…if Tom Cruise is in the movie, will he be running? I know that sleep podcaster said it was his…one of his peak film experiences, seeing a film…I think it was in 2017 or 2018 in the biggest screen, and Tom Cruise was running and people were jumping out of their seats and cheering him on. Run, Tom, run. In this case…so, in that film, he runs. In this case, he does not run. He is sweating, and you will be allowed to sweat for a part of your rappelling fee.
But if we had a guest here who had paid for the add-on, which doesn't seem to be successful…I think it’s just a Wilford Brimley thing, because who would want to fall from the heavens like Tom Cruise or Mitch McDeere and land on Wilford…? That’s not a…it’s a color face of Wilford Brimley. Then you get to gently tap Wilford Brimley with that briefcase down there. That’s Mitch McDeere’s briefcase, full of the secret files. Oh, no, no, they’re not secret files. That was the joke. That was my joke, actually. Let’s just say that was my joke. I think that one is full of the actual…I don't remember. Do you remember when he fell from the heavens, old Mitch McDeere? He landed on Wilford Brimley and said, hello, catch me, Wilford. Catch me, Bill.
Catch me if you can, but not like Tom Hanks and Leonardo DiCaprio, but catch me, Wilford. Catch me like your sweet, sweet lips catch your oatmeal. Catch me in your arms. I’ve fallen from the heavens. So, that’s what would happen, and then you would…they do a little game in the film where Mitch McDeere says, how many…? Like, this is the papers that I’m going to either bring to the hotel or back to my house and show…I don't know. These are important papers. That’s what you would say, Wilford. Is this oatmeal on my papers? How could you, Bill? How could you…how could we not place a product placement in this movie? They said, that happened after the movie. They say, oh, you…well, you’re like Henry Fonda finally playing the person who makes people frown.
So, congratulations to you, Wilford. Our house is no longer in order, because falling from the heavens is Tom Cruise. Oh, Mitch McDeere, sorry. You’ve caught him, but you haven't caught him, because you found that he said to you, files not…you know, I need to bring these files to our client. Now, you may say, are you buying time? And I am, because I wanted to make sure if people were having that…you did a great job pushing Wilford Brimley or whatever his name was. I can't help it. Do you want to take a picture? You know, here’s the thing; this is a free add-on. You could take a selfie with Wilford Brimley if you want, or Jim…oh no, his name’s Bill, Bill DeVasher. I don't remember catching his last name in the movie, but I’m sure he introduced himself.
He talked very curtly, Mitch, but…or, now, at the end of the thing, we…those will be available for purchase, though they forgot to stock oatmeal and lemonade, Country Time Lemonade. That was my suggestion. I was told he was never in a Country Time Lemonade commercial. That’s what they said to me. I said, well, good luck selling your add-ons. I will just read the…so, great job pushing Wilford Brimley. Take a picture. Oh, you don’t…it’s too strange of…it’s surreal. Well, I guess it is. It’s laundry with Wilford Brimley’s picture on it. But yes, you could have landed on it. So, we’ll move on now. From this room, we will head out, and we’re back in the lobby now and prepared for the next stage of our tour.
Now that we’re back here in the foyer, we’ll say, I want you to look outside and see what you see, 'cause…do you see the outside through those doors? Oh, yes, you do. You may be asking yourself, do I see Scranton or Slough, Silicon Valley, Los Angeles, Memphis, Austin, Dallas? Do you see that statue out there? That sculpture, not a statue. I’d say it’s a sculpture. Oh, what sculpture do you see? Is it a square peg in a round hole? Ha, ha, ha. Or a paper clip, a copier, or…? Because that’s the next room as we enter this office, this Office UK, this firm, this space of office. You may be saying, huh, this is not the…but let’s go through the door before we make any…you said, this is an open office space.
Why, yes it is, but here, on the left-hand side, is a collection of printers where you could do your TPS reports or if you want to pretend you’re Mitch or Holly Hunter, whose character’s name escapes me at this time. It’s not written here anywhere where I could find it. Or you could pretend you’re Pam or Jim meeting randomly and making copy…just making copies. You could be on Saturday Night Live making copies. Where…who are you? What are you copying? Or are you finding in the depths…you’re about to play some hip-hop, some Notorious BIG, I think, and you’re going to say to this printer, you, printer, are like Wilford…the Wilford Brimley…you’re my Wilford Brimley.
For another add-on charge, there is a room…now, it is a higher price 'cause these used printers, we do have to gather them, and it is two tiers. This is a late-stage add-on, but you could go outside and say to the printer…and we could print out a Wilford Brimley or you could just pretend…would you want to be Michael Bolton? Or, we could play Michael Bolton while you dance with the printer, but in a sense…in that Wilford Brimley, Mitch McDeere sense. Now, I want you to look at these desks and see how they’re arranged in these cubicles. You may be saying to yourself, well, those are picnic tables, some of them. Those aren't…and I say, oh, no, no, no. Yes, outside of this theatre, in that humdrum world, they may be picnic tables, but here, oh no, no, no, they are not.
These are so much more, clearly, than picnic tables. There’s Jim’s desk and there’s where Milton worked. So, let’s just take our time here, because some of this is not…this isn't where Mitch McDeere worked, obviously. It doesn't have the gilded halls. This is where…this is another part of that firm. But let’s pretend we’re there in Slough and we’re walking into the entrance of the office. To our left, we see Dawn greeting us. Hello, Dawn, hello, Dawn, how are you? Is that Tim and Gareth over there? I don't know. I think they’re playing tricks on one another and giving one another a hard time. We could see the water cooler…maybe some people are gathered around the water cooler; Trudy, Alexander, Ben, Philip, Jamie, and there in the back corner, we see Keith. Of course, moving around the office…so busy.
Mouse, Oliver, Rachel…behind Dawn is the meeting room, you know, and then the stairs. There’s a store room if we pass…Dawn, we’re gonna walk by. I’m giving a…hello, Dawn. Oh, hello, Tim. So good to meet you. Happy thirtieth. It’s great to see you and celebrate your birthday. You don’t…I know you don’t want to celebrate your birthday even though you have a birthday hat on, and Gareth doesn't seem to want to celebrate your birthday, either. I can hear sounds coming from David Brent’s office, sounds of…he’s being interviewed, so we cannot go in there, and we wouldn't want to, right? We’re here to be comfortable. So, we won't be saying ‘hi’ to David Brent on this tour, though you could go whenever you want.
We’re here in the theatre of the mind, so it is optional, but it’s been suggested to us that we don’t…that would be something you would do. But yeah, before we pass by…we don’t want to pass by his office directly, so we’re gonna turn here at the store room. But Tim…Dawn, is this where you’ve stolen away and looked longingly at one another, wondering if this is a…? Oh, sorry, sorry. Sorry, I’m speaking out of turn. But that’s really the extent of this office here. There is a room where you could have a smoke break in the opposite corner. There’s Keith; hello, Keith. I like to wave at you, of all the people. Let’s finish up our tour here. We’re going to make one more turn, and then what we’re going to do is come in the front door once again.
Oh boy, this is not Slough. This feels more like Scranton to me. Now, you know I drive through Scranton quite a bit, but that’s neither here nor there. But we’ll walk through the doors yet again, and…how it’s not…it’s Pam. Hello, Pam. Hello. Oh, sometimes Pam; you’re right. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. But yeah, let’s pretend we’re seeing Pam right now at…Pam Beesly, right? Once upon a time known as Dawn, but now Pam Beesly. It could be Erin as well, depending…hello, Erin. Hello, Pam. I know it’s…we’re living in a era of duality. This is an experience. We are here within…you are guests in the theatre of the mind, Pam and Erin, or Erin and Pam, or just Pam or just Erin. Now, again, we will try to be silent outside of Michael’s office because we are here trying…obviously we don’t need to be distracted by Michael.
It is a unique place, though, and if you…now, if you could…now, if you say, I thought we were supposed to be on the second floor overlooking…you could. If we could access Michael’s office, which we cannot, you would see the…you would see Scranton, USA…scrantonpa.usa parking lot. That would be interesting, you know. That is where we could see Scranton if we were there. Michael is iconic, though. I mean…well, there has been other people working in this office. That would be…that’s an add-on, actually. You say, well…and you say, in the theatre…no, no, no, you could do it for free within this…they want to do it as an add-on, but you could imagine whoever you want to; Robert California…paging Robert California.
Could you take over in Michael’s office, please? The doors are closed, which is rare for Michael’s office. I don't know if they’ve…have those doors ever been closed? They probably have. Here’s the break room up next. This is where the action happens, right? I don't know why we went to the break room next, but that is where this current tour I’m on takes us. This is where you could…people could talk and connect as friends or frown…friends that are not friends that frown at one another. You could have a snack. You could take a break. That’s why the picnic…that’s…the picnic table is representative of the leisure…or clubs, you know, where you could have your fancy lunch, like the Fancy Lunch Club or whatever they called it.
While we’re looking at rooms that are unavailable to us, here’s the conference room as well. This is where…you don’t want to be in a conference in this conference room unless you’re watching it for entertainment, because…whichever…whether you’re in Slough or the…Scranton, whether it’s Scott or Brent…Scott…Brent…Scott here. Hello. Brent, Scott, good to meet you. David Michaels, Michael, David. David, Michael, Brent, Scott. That’s what they call me here around…I’m just kidding. I like Mitch McDeere because it’s alliterative. Michael Scott…yeah. I just do. But yeah, this could be where there’s different things going on. I know we haven't seen Dwight or Jim yet. We’ve seen Pam; I know, I know.
But before we go, we want to see…back at that intern, Ryan. Holy cow. This is an office…it’s a broom closet. This is actually a broom closet. Now, Ryan is not in there currently, but you could look in there. He could be in there working away and soon to be running the show. He could be thinking or solving, depending on…some people have…I’ve learned have split opinions on Ryan, but I prefer to see Ryan through Michael’s eyes. In the theatre…in this theatre you could see…you could…you know, there’s no wrong way. Is Ryan in there? Oh. Did you greet him? Oh, yes, you did. Could you take a pencil from Ryan’s office? Well, right now it’s only…it’s a broom closet, so you could do some sweeping to prepare the way for Ryan. Yeah, let’s go back. Across the way is Pam, dreamy Pam. We are here with Jim and Dwight.
Maybe there’s a bobblehead. I don't know, but here we are. Hello, Jim. Good to meet you. Dwight, good afternoon, of course. Yes, yes, yes, so good to be here with everybody. Yes, so, Dwight, Jim, are you having a rivalry currently? Have you spoken to Toby today? I don't know, I just thought…hello, Kelly. Thanks for stopping by. We’re all going to see Andy perform tonight at the musical, maybe, depending on what time of year and where we are in the timeline. I’d like to sit down with Phyllis and Creed. I don't know if Bob Vance will come by to visit, but he may. You say, are you just reading from a script? I say, well, this is the tour of the office. I’m trying to facilitate your imagination. Kevin, Oscar, and Angela back there…are you crunching numbers back there?
Excuse me. I don't mean to interrupt, but I don't…don’t mean to interrupt. But Stanley’s busy selling things. Stanley, yes, good to see you as well. But, I don't know, I’m always interested in the crunching of…why do numbers have to be crunched? Couldn't they be…? Well, I guess you couldn't inflate…you could inflate numbers, but would you even want to? That’s an excellent question here. So, I want to ask you, which desks would you like to sit at? Could you tell me which desks? Okay, so, first you want to pretend…do you want me to greet you as Dawn, as Pam, or as Erin? Okay, would you like me to take your picture? I’m happy to take your picture. Well, hello, hello, Erin. Good to see you again. Yes, it is a nice day. Oh, now you’re Pam? Oh, hello, Pam. Pam, I have to ask you about the TPS reports.
Oh, I guess I have a case of the Mondays. I was overlapping two things. I had too much flair for lunch. I saw too much flair during my lunch, and then I…there was a man working for Wilford Brimley with blonde hair, and he surprised me. I said to myself, another case of the Mondays, m’kay? Oh, that’s not from this one. Oh, that’s from another show. There’s an office in that show, or a school. Well, so, anyway, I wonder if Beavis and Butthead have ever been in the…or in the…this wonderful experience we’re having. Now, I’m recording this before your tour even though this is very…there’s a lot of variety of this tour. So, I don't know what art you saw when you bought your ticket, but if I know the company that indirectly employs me…that you probably saw some fanciful art, right?
Michael playing music with David, Pam and Jim dancing, Kelly and Ryan maybe playing hide-and-seek with one another, Mitch McDeere smiling at you and saying, hello. Maybe even…I wonder if Gene Hackman has been in…probably not directly in the art, but I wouldn't doubt it. Maybe there was even a piece of art that looked like a movie…one of the newer…not a movie poster but the kind of cover you see on a streaming service, so then you see many of the main characters around a central image. I would think they would probably do that to sell the tickets, too, and say The Office Firm, The Firm Office, Office Space, Firm Office UK Experience.
You’d see different…and maybe they change it or maybe they offer different versions, and they did AB test…now, that art is based on…now, here’s the thing; the last time I didn’t quite grasp what had happened. They created the art, and the experience was much different than the art. Now, this time…now, we wished…I would have wished I would have had…this would have been a interactive experience. It must…would have been much…I mean, this…within the theatre…I am enabling the interactive experience. Oh, I’m also interrupting it. I’m sorry. This is supposed to be the interactive portion of the tour, but I got distracted thinking about how they sold this last time. It was much more fanciful.
Then they thought that having a grounded experience based on a place they could rent that’s already similar to all of these places, that there’d be much less objections. You’re in a office, so just tour the office. Of course the art is evocative of a idealized office. Oh, hello, Meredith and Kelly. What are you laughing at? Are you laughing at my narration? Oh yes, it’s a bit silly. Toby, I know you will object to the artwork that was used to sell the tickets, because Darryl and…we saw Darryl and Roy earlier, though, Toby. They were working…were they working hard or hardly working? You don’t know. Maybe other characters come in and out like Jan or Holly, Joe, Gabe. I don't know, Gabe I’d like to spend some…Gabe, are you wearing a sweater…? That’s not a sweater vest. Is that what a sweater vest is?
What is it when you don’t have arms but you put it over your head? You’re shrugging. Okay, well, that’s good. I’m just so happy to be here in this office. It’s so bustling. So many people walking around. There’s Milton. Hello, Milton. Good to see you. Bill…oh boy, Bill, you are a…and Bob, Bob and…oh, Michael Bolton, Samir, hello. Lawrence, you shouldn't be in this office. Now, some may say, are you just reading character names? I say, no, I can picture…this is theatre of the mind. Can't you hear it in my voice when I say, Lawrence, hello? I know exactly what Lawrence looks like, and I’m happy to…well, Paul…Paul, are you a consultant? Yes you are, maybe. Oh, sorry, your real name’s Paul. That’s how I could picture you. Oh, Bob. Good to know you, Bob. So, you’re Bob and Bob. Bob and Bob. That’s…Bobbin’ and Bob.
Holy cow, yeah, so, it was just too much…I had free refills. That’s what happened, Bob, free refills. What a gathering here. Oh, that’s Abby McDeere. Hello, Abby. Yes, Abby, you are one of the more courageous characters. Luckily I’ve gotten to the page where I could greet Avery. Avery, you’ll…Avery, no offense, but you’ll always be royal to me. You’re royalty, Avery, royally. You’re royal to me. Tammy…thank you, Holly. Sorry I called you Holly. If it was the holiday season, I’d say, have a holly…jolly holly, but you’re Tammy here. Oh boy, who is parked outside that window? Is it…is that Wayne? Over that, is that Oliver or is that…? I feel like I should be watching Designing Women or a performance of Mark Twain instead of wondering if that is Oliver. There’s Ray McDeere heading out.
I don't know, this is quite a gathering. I’m reading through so many things. Would you like to sit at the desk? Here’s another offering we have; it’s imaginary filing. So, what we could do is sit down for a spell. Yeah, have a seat here. Sit next to me. We’re going to do some filing. Now, I’ll tell you a name and you tell me where to file it, which…The Firm, Office, Office UK, or Office Space. Paul Calderon. Oh, well, that one’s obvious 'cause I had just done all the characters from The Firm. I’m glad you got that one. Okay, let’s try another one here. So, that one…would you put it under P for Paul or C for Calderon? Yes, correct. Okay, next up. This may be easy, may be not; Keith Bishop. That’s a B, so we’re going backwards. Keith Bishop. Keith Bishop, that’s right. Keith Bishop. Oh yes, that’s a good one.
Okay. Okay, how about only first name, but we’ll keep it in the beginning of the alphabet since we don’t have a last name. His name is Brian, and the hint is…if we had to make a last name for him, it would be Brian Flair. Brian Flair. Yeah, that was obvious. I know, I know. Okay, you want more filing. Isn't this pleasurable? We’re working hard here. Who else do we have? How about Pete Miller? Pete Miller. No? Okay, well, how could I give you a hint? Pete Miller. Oh, that doesn't help. Well, why don’t…what if you…what if I gave you…what can I do to help you get Pete Miller? Well, what if we travel to Hawaii and we go to a place where a story based…that’s not in an office but in a upscale hotel named after a flower? No, that doesn't…?
Mike White. That doesn't help you? Not Mike Judge; Mike White. Okay, well, it’s from The Office. Jake Lacy played that character. Okay, so, we’ll give you another one, which I’ll…should be obvious, then. Let’s see here. I’m trying to think of one that you won't know. I don't know what to tell you that you won't know. How about Holly Flax? Holly Flax. Yes, The Office, obviously. You put it under F. Okay, you do enjoy this, though. Okay. Oh, here’s someone. Well, no, that’s not gonna help you. Give me a second to think of someone. Mitch’s secretary? Yes, that’s one you should know. Nina Huff. Oh, I said ‘Mitch’s secretary’ out loud. I mean, you know Margo Martindale for sure, so…you should. I mean, if you don’t…you do know Margo. You just don’t…go ahead and look it up tomorrow.
You’ll remember her. I would like her to…I mean, some of her characters are not always sleepy, but for the most case, she has a very sleepy demeanor. Okay, so, you want me to do another one. Not Taffy, no, no, no. What about Malcolm? Malcolm. No, I said…yes, I did say Malcolm. Oh, you say, that’s very UK. Well, you’re correct. That’s…you’re correct. You want me to give you another one. Okay, I don't know any other ones that aren't gonna be obvious. A manager of tchotchkes? That’s Stan, the manager of tchotchkes. Oh, okay, so I gave that one away as well. Do you know who played Stan? Mike Judge. Correct. Okay, I don't know if I’m very good at this game, then. But I’m happy to be playing it with you, because our time has nearly come to a close. I hope you’ve been enjoying yourself. You have?
Oh, that’s good, because I’ve enjoyed taking you on this journey, and I think you’ve enjoyed being on this journey. Do you want to do the add-on for the printer? Or you could…we could go and get…you could go and get free refills and enjoy having some refills. Where would you eat? Which of the places would you eat at, the Pepper…the Peppers, Applejacks…? Oh, is the pepper place the one that has the baby back BBQ sauce? Is that one of the places? BBQ Sauce, it’s called? Yes, well, it’s nice to have you, and I hope you enjoyed this journey. Oh, let’s leave the office…how about we return to the swale? Oh yes, the two of us walking with the rest of your party out of this office. As we walk out of the office, it does change.
So, you may have some dissatisfaction as you leave, but that’s what happens when you leave the theatre. It suddenly goes from a bustling office party for Jim and Tim’s birthday and to celebrate the promotions and all those nice things; Mitch McDeere’s victory over oatmeal, all those things that have happened, all the journey we’ve taken…you will feel…and you say, those are just picnic tables, used picnic tables taken from a park. I’d say, how do you know they’re taken from a park? Oh, they have the park’s name on there. Well…yes, they are set pieces, believe it or not. We had entered a theatre, but when you leave the theatre, even the theatre of the mind, it’s hard to journey back to the Mondays and the humdrums as we step out here back outside. Now, where are we stepping out of and into?
I don't mind saying this; I feel like I’ve traveled time and space with you together. I’m really honored to have been there as we traveled the world. I mean, we visited portions of the globe. I think we could agree on that. We felt the brisk chill of Scranton in the fall, the weather at Slough, which is weather…the weather…maybe it was damp when we were there, I believe. We felt like we were in some place that could have been Silicon Valley, but also felt like Dallas and Austin and Los Angeles. Then it was the humidity in Memphis; oh boy, but then we felt the anticipation of heading to a chain restaurant to eat something…how about some tater skins, you know, or some cheese sticks? Some…you know what they call that, is smazony ser in…oh, a fried cheese. We could have some of that together.
That would be nice, wouldn't it? And enjoy some…I think I’ll have an Arnold Palmer. Then when it’s free refills, you could switch. So, then you could have a lemonade or just an iced tea, or you could create your own internal Arnold Palmer. Have an iced tea, then…instead, on my next refill, I’d like a lemonade. Then have a lemonade. You’ve created an Arnold Palmer within you, and that’s what I want you take away from the theatre, is opportunities like that, that we could together travel the…well, not the whole globe, but some places on the globe in time and space and…remember when we were right outside of Michael’s office, tip-toeing so he wouldn't come out and talk to us? ‘Cause I would have…'cause you…that’s one thing they told me to anticipate, is like, well, I didn’t meet David or Michael.
I mean, I didn’t expect to meet Tom Cruise, but I expected to spend some time with either David or Michael or someone else, Bill, maybe, even. I expected them to interrupt us. But I can't be interrupted on this tour. So, here you go…here’s what the magic of the theatre…you don’t have to leave just yet. There’s one more special moment right out here on the swale, which is a patch of dirt in the real world, but here on the swale, someone’s calling after you, calling your name, your name. One second, please. Who is that calling your name? Is it Jim? Is it Pam? Is it Dwight? Gareth? David? Is it royal? I’m just…I would like to hear his voice call my name. Is it Michael having…Toby? Really. Huh, interesting. I wouldn't have pegged you to want to have some time with Toby, but you will.
For now I’ll leave you, and as you get comfortable, you don’t just hear Toby’s voice; you feel the presence of someone, whether it’s Toby or Creed, Kelly, whoever it is. They’re there. They’re gonna keep you company across the deep, dark night as we end this portion of our tour. But I will see you again. We are working on another tour, a much more fanciful tour to a place that does not exist but will exist in theatre of the mind. But yeah, spend some time in this swale with your favorite character, even if it’s David or Michael talking about talking and performing for you, and behaving in an over-the-top manner. Oh dear, this is uncomfortable, but it is not. It’s enjoyable at the same time. Michael, David Brent, Scott, it’s good to see you, and I will leave you two to it. Goodnight.
[END OF RECORDING]
(Transcription performed by LeahTranscribes)
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Tour
Mole
https://www.cocinacorazon.com/mole-poblano/
https://www.texasmonthly.com/food/forget-everything-you-think-you-know-about-mole/
The Office Reboot
https://www.backstage.com/magazine/article/the-office-reboot-news-77227/
https://variety.com/2024/tv/news/the-office-spinoff-peacock-plot-details-1235996108/
Office Space
https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20190205-office-space-turns-20-how-the-film-changed-work
The Office UK
https://www.radiotimes.com/tv/comedy/the-office-20-anniversary-sitcoms-rt-rewind/
DOWN TO BUSINESS
I need to help you as much as you need help
It’s normally joyful but got serious there for a minute
One of those lukewarm experiences
Deep Dark Night United
n/a
PLUGS
Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Calm History Podcast; Rusty Biscuit Links; Emily Tat Artwork; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline
SPONSORS
Helix Sleep; Zocdoc; Progressive; Lumen; Bedtime Stories with Netflix Junior
INTRO
Feelings about Holy Moly
Holy Mole
Nothing spiritual about this mole
I’m here to keep you company however you feel
I don’t know if list-making is what my brain needs to fall asleep
Some kind of distraction
Reasonable expectations of what this show would sound like
I’d rather help you find something that does work for you than get an email from you about how this doesn’t work
Like looking at an Impressionist picture
I used to be self-deprecating but my listeners told me they were listening
The term borefriend came from the listeners
I won’t leave any crumbs or overstay my welcome
Another audio experience like the one that came out around 6 month ago
Art did not match up with the experience
We love making this for you
STORY
Hello again
I’m available for any audio experiences you want
A host for a multitude of experiences
I don’t get a script for liability reasons
Space Office UK Experience
One Run On Sentence Title
Standing in a Swale
The stage is within you
If it’s confusing, that’s intentional
Get ready for your ticket to be checked
These are not coupons
These tickets get you free refills
You just have to cross that freeway / road
Applehat
Chili Sauce
Thank God It’s Not Monday
Is that Joanna wearing her flair?
Where is this swale set?
Everywhere and Nowhere
Wow, you’re in a different place now
Office Space UK
It’s exciting to make so many journeys
The first true choice you’ve had
These works of art are about a humdrummer within me
Don’t worry if these locations look nothing like the set of the show / movie
De-Magicking the Movie
It is nondescript, which is the perfect description
Going off the main path
Is that the sweat of grease and collars that could be blue?
Roy or Darryl or Lee
In the hard hands of the warehouse workers
Imagine the high ceilings of the warehouse
The heights of the warehouse are higher than the limits of our humdrum mind
The Real Wheels of Paper
Milton is somewhere in here, I think…
This room looks the closest to the goings on of the screen
Every office has a room like this
Water heaters and disarray
That looks like a color printout of Wilford Brimley’s head taped to some laundry bags
No, it’s real, it’s Bill from The Firm
A rappelling experience
You can pretend to push Mr. Brimley
Here, in the depths of Memphis
If Tom Cruise is in a movie, will he be running?
Scooter’s fond memories of a movie theatre cheering at Tom Cruise running
When Mitch McDeer fell from the heavens
Catch Me In Your Arms, Wilford
Wilford, you’ve caught Tom Cruise
What’s up with these fake files?
You pushed Wilford so well
Wilford Brimley was never in a Country Time Lemonade ad after all
Feel free to take a picture with Wilford. Ok no?
Back in the lobby
You see the outside through the doors
We now enter the real deal office
I promise this is whatever office you want to be
A collection of printers
You can pretend to be whoever you want to be
For an add-on charge, you can go into a room and bash some copiers
Into another part of the firm
Let’s pretend we’re there in Slough
Hello, Dawn, you’re greeting us
We can even pretend to see people
Oh, hello, Tim, happy 30th!
We won’t say hi to David Brent this time
Tim and Dawn, is this where you look longingly at each other?
Hello, Keith
Through the door, we’re now in Scranton
Hello, sometimes Pam
We are living in a theatre of duality
Scranton PA.USA Parking Lot
Michael is admittedly iconic
Paging Robert California
You could have your own Fancy Lunch Club
You don’t want to actually be in this conference room
Brent Scott and David Michaels, haha
Holy cow, there’s the intern Ryan
We haven’t seen Jim or Dwight yet, I know
Good to see you, Dwight and Jim
We’re all going to see Andy in the musical, depending on the timeline
Yes, I’m reading from a script, but I’m just trying to facilitate your imagination
Why do numbers have to be crunched?
I had too much flair for lunch
Oops, I’m mixing up my office shows now
I’m recording this beforehand
You probably saw some fanciful art
Has Gene Hackman ever been here? I bet he has
The Firm Office Office Space Office UK Experience
They tried to make this experience more grounded than the last one
Evocative of an Idealized Office
Gabe, is that a sweater vest?
Oh, hello, Milton!
I’m not just reading names, no
Oh hello, Abby McDear
Is that Wayne over there?
Imaginary Filing
I’ll tell you a name, and you tell me where to file it
I’m gonna try to give you some softball names
Oh, you know Margo Martindale
I’m not very good at playing this game
Do you want to pay for any off the add-ons?
Enjoy your free refills
Return to the Swale
Those aren’t just used picnic tables taken from a park – those are set pieces
I feel like I’ve traveled time and space with you
You’ll hear Toby’s voice and presence as you go off to sleep (or whoever you want)
We’re working on a new, fanciful tour
I’m surprised by your character choice
SWM+ THANKS
Milos, Johsua, Lars, Maxine, Kim, Caroline, Des, Casey, Laurie, Nathan, Philip, Gabriella, Laurel, Samantha, Medina, Emily, Lauren, Barbara, Heidi, Sarah, Mickey, Margaret, B, Lane, Tabitha, Brandon, Amy
SUMMARY:
Episode: 1282
Title: The Firm Office Space Interactive Experience
Deep Dark Night United: n/a
Plugs: Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Calm History Podcast; Rusty Biscuit Links; Emily Tat Artwork; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline
Sponsors: Helix Sleep; Zocdoc; Progressive; Lumen; Bedtime Stories with Netflix Junior
SWM+ Thanks: Milos, Johsua, Lars, Maxine, Kim, Caroline, Des, Casey, Laurie, Nathan, Philip, Gabriella, Laurel, Samantha, Medina, Emily, Lauren, Barbara, Heidi, Sarah, Mickey, Margaret, B, Lane, Tabitha, Brandon, Amy
Notable Language:
- Lukewarm Experience
- Holy Moly
- Holy Mole
- Wildee Wonga
- Experienced Experiential Experience
- One Run On Sentence Title
- Swale
- The humdrummer within me
- De-Magicking the Movie
- Theater of Duality
- The Firm Office Office Space Office UK Experience
- Evocative of an Idealized Office
Notable Culture:
-
- Willy Wonka Glasgow Experience
- Impressionism
- The Office
-
- Applebee’s
- Chili’s
- TGIF
- Office Space
- The Firm
- Catch Me If You Can
-
- Henry Fonda
- Saturday Night Live
- Notorious BIG
- Beavis and Butthead
-
- Hal Holbrook
- Designing Women
- Mark Twain
- The White Lotus
- Margo Martindale
Notable Talking Points:
- Feelings about Holy Moly
- Holy Mole
- Nothing spiritual about this mole
- I’m here to keep you company however you feel
- I don’t know if list-making is what my brain needs to fall asleep
- Some kind of distraction
- Reasonable expectations of what this show would sound like
- I’d rather help you find something that does work for you than get an email from you about how this doesn’t work
- Like looking at an Impressionist picture
- I used to be self-deprecating but my listeners told me they were listening
- The term borefriend came from the listeners
- I won’t leave any crumbs or overstay my welcome
- Another audio experience like the one that came out around 6 month ago
- Art did not match up with the experience
- We love making this for you
- Hello again
- I’m available for any audio experiences you want
- A host for a multitude of experiences
- I don’t get a script for liability reasons
- Space Office UK Experience
- One Run On Sentence Title
- Standing in a Swale
- The stage is within you
- If it’s confusing, that’s intentional
- Get ready for your ticket to be checked
- These are not coupons
- These tickets get you free refills
- You just have to cross that freeway / road
- Applehat
- Chili Sauce
- Thank God It’s Not Monday
- Is that Joanna wearing her flair?
- Where is this swale set?
- Everywhere and Nowhere
- Wow, you’re in a different place now
- Office Space UK
- It’s exciting to make so many journeys
- The first true choice you’ve had
- These works of art are about a humdrummer within me
- Don’t worry if these locations look nothing like the set of the show / movie
- De-Magicking the Movie
- It is nondescript, which is the perfect description
- Going off the main path
- Is that the sweat of grease and collars that could be blue?
- Roy or Darryl or Lee
- In the hard hands of the warehouse workers
- Imagine the high ceilings of the warehouse
- The heights of the warehouse are higher than the limits of our humdrum mind
- The Real Wheels of Paper
- Milton is somewhere in here, I think…
- This room looks the closest to the goings on of the screen
- Every office has a room like this
- Water heaters and disarray
- That looks like a color printout of Wilford Brimley’s head taped to some laundry bags
- No, it’s real, it’s Bill from The Firm
- A rappelling experience
- You can pretend to push Mr. Brimley
- Here, in the depths of Memphis
- If Tom Cruise is in a movie, will he be running?
- Scooter’s fond memories of a movie theatre cheering at Tom Cruise running
- When Mitch McDeer fell from the heavens
- Catch Me In Your Arms, Wilford
- Wilford, you’ve caught Tom Cruise
- What’s up with these fake files?
- You pushed Wilford so well
- Wilford Brimley was never in a Country Time Lemonade ad after all
- Feel free to take a picture with Wilford. Ok no?
- Back in the lobby
- You see the outside through the doors
- We now enter the real deal office
- I promise this is whatever office you want to be
- A collection of printers
- You can pretend to be whoever you want to be
- For an add-on charge, you can go into a room and bash some copiers
- Into another part of the firm
- Let’s pretend we’re there in Slough
- Hello, Dawn, you’re greeting us
- We can even pretend to see people
- Oh, hello, Tim, happy 30th!
- We won’t say hi to David Brent this time
- Tim and Dawn, is this where you look longingly at each other?
- Hello, Keith
- Through the door, we’re now in Scranton
- Hello, sometimes Pam
- We are living in a theatre of duality
- Scranton PA.USA Parking Lot
- Michael is admittedly iconic
- Paging Robert California
- You could have your own Fancy Lunch Club
- You don’t want to actually be in this conference room
- Brent Scott and David Michaels, haha
- Holy cow, there’s the intern Ryan
- We haven’t seen Jim or Dwight yet, I know
- Good to see you, Dwight and Jim
- We’re all going to see Andy in the musical, depending on the timeline
- Yes, I’m reading from a script, but I’m just trying to facilitate your imagination
- Why do numbers have to be crunched?
- I had too much flair for lunch
- Oops, I’m mixing up my office shows now
- I’m recording this beforehand
- You probably saw some fanciful art
- Has Gene Hackman ever been here? I bet he has
- The Firm Office Office Space Office UK Experience
- They tried to make this experience more grounded than the last one
- Evocative of an Idealized Office
- Gabe, is that a sweater vest?
- Oh, hello, Milton!
- I’m not just reading names, no
- Oh hello, Abby McDear
- Is that Wayne over there?
- Imaginary Filing
- I’ll tell you a name, and you tell me where to file it
- I’m gonna try to give you some softball names
- Oh, you know Margo Martindale
- I’m not very good at playing this game
- Do you want to pay for any off the add-ons?
- Enjoy your free refills
- Return to the Swale
- Those aren’t just used picnic tables taken from a park – those are set pieces
- I feel like I’ve traveled time and space with you
- You’ll hear Toby’s voice and presence as you go off to sleep (or whoever you want)
- We’re working on a new, fanciful tour
- I’m surprised by your character choice
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