1266 – A Chance to Dance | Alba Salix S1E4

Episode 1266 – A Chance to Dance | Alba Salix S1E4

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for the podcaster who’s here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff, to be your friend in the deep, dark night. This is a very different show, though, so if you’re new, give this show a few tries, I would say. I’m here to kinda be background…a little bit more than background noise, like a person you don’t listen to. I’m here to fill the role of a person you could listen to. You say, I don't really mind you talking; I’m just not gonna pay attention to it. But could you talk about some stuff for an hour or so? You don’t need to make very much sense, just enough sense to take my mind off of stuff and keep me company.

 

I say, sure, I’m actually pretty…I’ve been doing it for a while, so I’m pretty good at it, I think. Or, I’m not great at it, but I’m good enough. Sleep With Me; welcome to the podcast. It’s just good enough, good enough not to listen to, good enough to barely listen to. Sleep With Me, it’s pretty not bad. I think that’s closer than good…good enough. What do you mean by good enough? Well, it’s pretty much not bad. Pretty not much…pretty much…huh. So, I’m glad you’re here. See how it goes. What we got is…the structure of the show I’ll explain more, but…support, then a long, meandering intro meant to ease you into bedtime, and then a bedtime-story-crossover episode with the podcast Alba Salix. So, get comfortable, and thanks for making it possible, my bore-friends.

 

INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts on your mind, thoughts about the past, present, the future, thinking…overthinking or…I don't know if under-thinking is a thing. I mean, thinking less…my thoughts of thinking less, they say, well, I’ve been thinking you’ve been under-thinking.

 

If you get some more…overthinking about under-thinking; I’ve gotten…I don't know if I’ve…yeah, I’ve never under-thought anything, but I have overthought my ability…my…or lack of thinking. You think that’s a more apt description. I overthink when I’m…my lack of thinking, and then I overthink…if I could just think enough, if I could over-drive my overthinking, that would solve my lack of thinking. I think that’s an example of trying to fix something with a tool that’s broken, right? You say, well, that’s…one, that’s not a wrench, sir. Two, that wrench…whatever that device is doesn't work. You say, are you trying to change out the transmission with tweezers? Well, no. I’m pretending…I’m dressed as Uncle Ebenezer. That’s a Phish reference, sorry. Just a song, tweeze…anyway, over-explaining…but it could be thoughts.

 

I guess I went off…that’s a early tangent. Thoughts, it could be feelings, anything coming up for you emotionally related to those thoughts, or analogies. You say, I’m having some feelings about those analogies. Or, is that a simile? When I use ‘like’ and ‘a’ or ‘as’ as filler words…I’ve probably talked about…this podcast is full of accidental similes, accidental similes, because…they say, well…they’ve never done this and they won't, but at some sort of future Northern European Institute when they’re analyzing this stuff, they’ll say, technically someone…they’ll no longer work there after this. They’ll say, technically he is…he’s correct. He is using…he is creating accidental similes. They say, wait a second, you’re the podcaster. You snuck in here again. I thought they banned you from time travel. Yeah, I got this new thing.

 

I’m time-slipping now. I slip in; I slip out. I slip into the particle collider; I slip out. I slip into your Northern European Institute on…the Northern European Institute for Similes and Metaphors. It’s no longer…this is a Marvel movie that won't be…it’s no longer on the map anymore. You gotta be kidding me. What do you mean? The Northern European Institute for Metalies and Semaphores. Wait, the Institute for Semaphores? No, no, no, that’s a different thing. I’m sorry, I misspoke. It’s the Northern European Institute for Similes and Metaphors. It’s gone. Gone how? We don’t understand it. I mean, we do; it was that podcaster again, the sleep podcaster. Well, what hero do we call in? No one. He’s his own arch nemesis, so we just got a lot of…give him about fifteen more minutes. Can we just put this in…?

 

Our films don’t have intermissions, but he’ll be…it’ll be resolved during the intermission. It’s all taken place in his imagination. Okay, so, thoughts, feelings, it could be physical sensations that are keeping you up, changes in time, temperature, routine, work schedule, you could be going through something, you could have something coming up. It could be a lot of different things. The reason I list some of the things and some categories is to let you know you’re not alone. I know this is a podcast and you may pooh-pooh that, and that’s okay, too.

 

But the fact is that I’ve got a pretty good idea of how it feels for me in the deep, dark night, and I’ve heard hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of thousands of listener stories of what listeners over the years have been dealing with, and while I haven't been through all those situations, a lot of times I can relate to the feelings there. But here’s the thing; even if you’re going through something I’ve never experienced and I can't relate to the feelings, there’s enough people listening right now at this moment, there’s somebody that can relate to how you feel, and they’re sitting up in their bed…or, not totally sitting up because that wouldn't be…but they’re perked up. They’re also wondering, is there a Institute for Semaphores? Is that some sort of sailing-based thing? There probably is, then. Maybe it’s an academy of semaphores.

 

I don't know, is that where the modern Major General was? Or, a model of a Major General? Was that on…was that something to do with semaphores or is that a petit four? A petit four is something else. Simaphor? Petit four. That could be my team. Simaphor; it’s when I combine similes and metaphors which they said could never be done, and then I said, as…and they said, sir, that’s not making…that’s not combining a simile and a metaphor. That’s just saying words. Then I said, zoinks, and I tried to move on with my own podcast, 'cause I can relate to how it feels, and even if I can't, someone else can. I don't know why that’s important. I just know in my heart it is, because for me it can feel really lonely in the deep, dark night, or it can feel really lonely when someone says, why don’t you just try closing your eyes?

 

What do you mean, you can't sleep? You make a sleep podcast. You don’t know what you’re doing yet? I say, nope, I don’t. Have you ever listened to my podcast before? I thought you knew something about sleep. I say, I do. The more you know…that was how I was raised, with that…talk about the worst message for an over…a future overthinker. They would say, the more you know…and my brain ran with that for most…and then we ended up with a sleep podcast. I mean, that’s why I had those…I never did this, but if I had a wall with diagrams and yarn moving from one point to another, it would be…what are you doing? Well, I’m trying to crack the code to make a simile and…you know. As if…trying to put it all together.

 

Also, there…yeah, there’s…this is the Simaphor Zone, this is the Petit Four Zone, and, yeah, whatever other words I’ll…I’ll eventually find other words that rhyme with those that aren’t common words, but…petit four, simaphor…I guess those are pretty good…Simaphor, come here, Simaphor. Those are good pet names. Petit Four…Petit Four is a cute pet name. It is too many syllables, but you could say it fast. Simaphor is a little…Petit Four, Petit Four, Simaphor…so, yeah, there’s one extra syllable. I don't know, maybe…is that…has anybody…? Even though this is supposed to be the beginning of a sleep podcast, you say, anybody out there? How many pet names have three syllables? Does it drop off there? Are we down to the 90% of pet names? 95% have two syllables or less? What do we got? Flipper; that’s two.

 

I’m trying to think of other famous pets even though I know Flipper wasn’t a pet. Believe me. Most people don’t know who Flipper is, by the way. Clifford…Clifford’s come up recently. Beethoven…Beethoven, Beethoven. Toven, Toven…that’s a tough one. That’s like, 2.5 syllables. I don't even know any other pets. That’s how much my brain…my brain’s withholding information right now. Probably should move on with the podcast intro. So, the other thing I want you to know is that you deserve a good night's sleep. You deserve a bedtime you could get the rest you need and you deserve in so that your life is more manageable, or if you get that rest you need on a regular basis, that you could be out there flourishing in the world.

 

That means our world’s a better place to be in 'cause your world’s a better place to be in, and that is important. What I’ll do here is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, and superfluous tangents, which means I’ll go off-topic, I’ll get mixed up, I’ll forget what I was talking about, then I’ll…you’ve already seen all that, superfluous tangents and, I don't even know, pointless meanders. Creaky, dulcet tones means my voice is not traditionally soothing. It’s just kind of tolerable for some people. This podcast, at first, it does take some tries to get used to. It’s just a podcast that’s not for everybody, but see if it’s for you. Give it a few tries.

 

This is one of the only podcasts that on the second or third try, people are like, I’ve been looking…I had no idea I was looking for this my whole life. But most people don’t say that. The show does not work for everyone, and I really desire that it works for you because I want you to get the rest you need. Just in case it doesn't or you already are positive…you say, you’ll never grow on me. I say, you know what? I’ve said the opposite thing to moss. If I could write poetry for moss, it would be the exact opposite of that statement. You’ll never grow on me, sleep podcaster Scooter. If I was to write a ode to moss, it would be…talk about…here’s…I love characters that are facing futility. Maybe somebody could remind me of this one day. The Boy Who Dreamed of Being Covered in Moss, another chapter in my autobiography.

 

Say, yes, oh moss, how I dreamed you will grow on me, and that we’ll be…whatever that’s called, some sort of bio…we’ll become our own biome. That was another chapter, My Own Personal Biome. Maybe that was…that’s the chapter…I mean, that’s a chapter in everybody’s autobiography. You just don’t know it. It just isn’t titled that. That’s my bio…My Own Personal Biome. Oh, I realized…oh, to live on…oh, to be a moss-person and a mountain where the moss grows. Anyway, I know I shouldn’t talk about it too much, but it would be cool to be covered in moss, I think. Of course I’d be wrong. Say, could somebody get this moss off me? They say, sir, you said you wanted to be fully integrated with the moss.

 

Well, that was before I was covered in moss, obviously, because no one’s ever…you said it had never been done before. Sir, we also said we don’t recommend it. I said, well, but…so, yeah. So, that was another thing that didn’t…that’s another timeline I live in, luckily. The moss-based boy…I mean, there’s a lot of moss-based beings. I think I’ve used that term before. I was the moss-based boy. I wanted to be a bad boy; I turned out to be a moss-based boy. I thought I would write poetry to show them all. So, okay…oh, obviously, yeah, if you’re not into people making moss-based jokes…you say, that’s not really…moss-based-adjacent…adjacent…humor-adjacent…moss-based-adjacent humor…you may be in the wrong place, but give it a few tries anyway.

 

But you could also go to sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou, and there’s other sleep podcasts and sleepy stuff on there. But for most people, they arrive at the show…they’re tired, they’re skeptical, they’re frustrated. They listen once…they say, what? Was he really talking about that stuff? Does he not know what a simaphor is? I say, I don't. I do have that vinyl where they sing that song. I have that…that’s…it’s not an opera and it’s not a musical. It’s…right? I don't know. But…it’s Gilbert and Sullivan. They sang about semaphores, I think. So, yeah. No, I mean, I don't know what I’m talking about. So, what was my point? Oh, so not everybody…just give it a few tries and see how it goes. Oh, this is a podcast that never gets started. It’s a podcast you just kinda barely listen to.

 

When I say I’m humor-adjacent, it’s like, yeah, I’m close, but I’m not quite there, right? I’m within the vicinity 'cause I’m here to be barely entertaining, 'cause this is a podcast that’s just out of focus or you’re listening to it like it’s in another room, but it’s here and you could listen to it because I’m…believe me, I’m putting work in. I’m here to be present, honestly, and to keep you company, and I’m not really here to put you to sleep. I’m here to keep you company while you fall asleep. That’s why the shows are over an hour. There’s no pressure to fall asleep with this podcast.

 

I’m here to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-cuz, your bore-bestie, your neigh-bore, your Borbie, your bore-bor, your bores, your bore-bruh, your bore-sib, your bore-cuz, to be your friend in the deep, dark night and just keep you company and take your mind off of stuff whether you’re awake or asleep, ‘cause there’s people who are listening who can't sleep at all. I’m here to keep them company and I’m here to keep you company whether you’re listening or not or if you wake up in the middle of the night or if you’re trying to go back to sleep or you need a break during the day. So, that’s what I’m here to do, and…what else do you need to know? Structure of the show; that’s the other thing that throws people off.

 

The structure of the podcast is very intentional and it’s just a way that it can help the most amount of people it can, and then you can adjust it from there. So, the show starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, so you feel seen and welcomed in and you say, I might check that podcast out. Then there’s sponsor support so the show could be free, paying for it’s optional, or as…you know, you’re just listening to the sponsors or you’re supporting the sponsors. That’s how most people like to listen, and they listen linearly, because after the support is a long, meandering intro meant to ease you into bedtime that you listen to while you’re getting ready for bed or in bed getting comfortable or doing a wind-down activity.

 

Now, there is a small percentage of people that skip the intro, there’s a percentage of people that fall asleep during the intro, there’s people that pay for the podcast so they can only listen to intros, there’s people that pay for the podcast so they can only listen to stories. So, you could kinda see there’s people that listen and pay 'cause they listen all night long. So, kinda just…at first, though, just see what works, 'cause most people, this ad-supported version works. But if you decide you want to adjust, there are ways to do that. But the intro, yeah, it’s fifteen minutes to twenty minutes of wind-down and fun nonsense.

 

It’s different every time but it follows the same structure because, yeah, it would be way more efficient for me to just put out a short intro and then start the story, but I’ve found and I’ve found over the years making the show that it’s not as…it just doesn't work as well. Easing people into bedtime works. If I used the same intro over and over again and I didn’t talk about, whatever, petit fours and semaphores and reveal that I know…how little I really know, one, it would be…you would relate a little bit less, but you’d also…you’d know what was coming next. I’ve just found, again, from feedback but also my own experience, that that’s what keeps me up. If I know what’s gonna happen next, I’m gonna wake up or I’m not gonna fall asleep. I’m not gonna be as distracted.

 

So, that’s what the intro does, then there’s, again, support between the intro and the story so the show…paying for it’s optional. Then there’s a story. Tonight it’ll be I think Episode 3 of Season 1 of Alba Salix, a little crossover podcast season we’re doing here, and then there’s thank-yous at the end. So, that’s the structure of the show. That’s why I make the show. I’m really glad you’re here. I work really hard. I yearn and I strive. Thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple ways we’re able to do it for you for free twice a week.

 

Alright everybody, this is Scoots here. This is our crossover series with Alba Salix, and this is one of the coolest things we’ve ever done, the first time we’ve had a ongoing crossover where you could listen during the day to Alba Salix, and that’s A-L-B-A S-A-L-I-X. You could go to albasalix.com or just look up Alba Salix or use the link in the show notes of this episode. Alba Salix is a fiction podcast. It’s episodic. Oh no, it’s not…episodically modular, right? Yeah, it’s episodic. It’s not what’s…it’s not…it has a throughline and common characters with…it’s episodically modular with a touch of seriality. This is Episode 4, and we’re gonna get straight into it with…the narrator will sound very familiar because it’s…yeah.

 

Hey everybody, this is Season 4, Episode 6, A Chance to Cure. As Alba and Holly try to deal with some inflated egos, Magnus receives a visit from the kingdom’s most revered person with a BA, an attitude. So, this is Episode the Fourth, and first you will hear the…footsteps and bumping. Okay, this is Alba; can…? Okay, let’s get him over here. Oh man, this is just an extra with lines, though. Alba, this is Holly; don't worry, extra with lines, you’re gonna be…I don't think that makes…I think that makes…not an extra, though. But Alba’s on the case. You’re doing great. By the way, you’re doing great at being an extra, too. Okay, yeah, Holly, let’s move it over here. Okay. Magnus, could you be more careful, though, with our extra? This is Magnus; they’re…I know who this is. Their ego is huge. Okay, that’s silly, Magnus.

 

Okay, Holly, let’s…do we have…egometer? Is that…? The egometer with an O. Egometer. Can you get that running, please? This is Holly; I’m on it. Okay, Alba, what do we got here? Okay, this extra was cast as a male, mid-fifties. Reported a pink, cloud-like feeling this morning, growth in ego, and related…ego-related feelings and a blurring of reality. Can you hear the…? The egometer’s making a sound like ‘um, um, um’. Yeah, this is Magnus; how come every machine…how come you haven’t used this machine with me, Alba? You’re not interested in soothing my ego, huh? This is Holly; what do we need to do to soothe…do we need to soothe his ego? Not Magnus’ ego, no, Holly, but a silence spell would be excellent right now. No, I mean for the extra that we’re working with here. Well, that’s the thing, Holly.

 

He was medicating himself with plum brandy all morning. Oh, that…no wonder. This is Magnus; I recognize that smell. Wait, so…this is Holly; do you think…? So, his ego normally isn't this enlarged? Yeah, this is Magnus; what’s causing this, Alba? No, no, see here? See here, right here? You’re tapping on him. Yes, Alba, I could see that. Yeah, his actual ego…he’s experiencing…his super ego…his ego has gone super. But isn’t that his…Alba, isn’t that his super ego? Or are you saying his ego is getting…gone super? I don't understand. Oh, Magnus, his ego has gone super. His super…does that mean his super ego is super? Oh, Holly, you don’t understand, either. This is clear…you’re just a fairy. You can't relate to the ups and downs of a human’s ego. I don't even think you should be involved in this procedure.

 

Uh, fairies are people, Magnus. Okay, this is Alba; please, everyone focus on the extra we’re working with. Alba, his pulse is very strong. Okay, well, he’s out…his humor’s out of balance. It’s the strangest thing. It’s all…he’s falling out of balance. This is Holly; I’m reading the results of the egometer. It says his humor’s great. Nothing’s out of balance. Okay, well, this is Alba; that can't be accurate. This is Magnus; what if I just deflate his ego with a couple…? I could tell him a few different things and deflate his ego. Magnus, you always want to do things the hard way. No. I want to do hard things the hard way 'cause it gets results, Holly. You know, once I met someone who had an inflated self…sense of self-worth.

 

Okay, this is Alba; this is discovering a mystery, like the Mystery…like we were in the Mystery Machine together. We don’t go in deflating egos and jumping to conclusions. We need to get to the root cause. Okay, that’s so boring. Ugh. Oh my gosh, the ego is still growing. Oh my gosh, I’ve never seen such an inflated ego. It’s mesmerizing but also off-putting at the same time. This is Magnus; what happens…? Is there a point where the ego stops growing? This is Holly; I don't…I can't watch this anymore. Okay, well, this is Alba; I don't know. It could be a purple phase, it could be a Cubist phase, maybe chasing the red balloon. This is Magnus; what if it’s some sort of…they crossed a spellcaster in the wrong way? Wait a second, that’s a good idea. Go and grab the Orb of Hydrogenes from my office.

 

Okay, this is Magnus; I’ll do that if I can then deflate his ego. Let me just try this out…worst extra ever. Back at the monastery I had to deal with this monk who thought they were a sloth. Then they…their ego started growing out of control just from them going slow and not getting anything done. Magnus, go get the orb. Yeah, of course. Promising ideas for Magnus thwarted again. Oh, this is the extra with lines…this is Holly; don't worry. Stay with us. You’re very strong, you’re very grounded, and we’re gonna deal with this ego thing. This is Alba; Holly, I don't even think he can hear you. Yeah, well, Alba, this is…that’s called an affirmation. It strengthens the spirit. This is Magnus; is this the right orb? That’s the one. It’s making the shimmer sound…ahh.

 

Okay, there’s no sign of malevolent magic, so that’s not…that’s a bust. Well, this is Holly; what do we do then? Well, I think we have to deflate the ego. Alright, this is Magnus; I’ll start writing up some roasts. This is the extra with lines…oh, this is Holly; don't worry. You’re gonna be fine. You’re hale, you’re hardy, and you’re gonna make it after all. Alright everybody, this is Magnus; who’s ready for a trip straight to the point? How many should I…? Should I start off strong? Should I start with their attributes or their defects? What about comparing them to a rotten fruit? Okay, this is Alba; just start…oh my goodness, just start. Alright, your wish is my command. Sir, you smell like rotten fruit. Okay, okay, try something else, Magnus. Sir, your ego is representative of your smallness. Wait a second, they’re starting to glow.

 

Well, that’s…this is Alba; that’s even stranger. Why are they glowing? If Magnus is roasting their ego…yeah, this is Magnus; I don't know, but maybe I should keep going. Shouldn’t this be deflating their ego? No, no, no, there’s something with the…even the egometer’s making strange noises now. Well, this is Magnus; maybe I should roast them again. Oh my goodness, this is Holly; their ego is…I’ve gotta avert my eyes. Okay, this is Alba; everybody close your eyes. This is Magnus, Holly, and Alba all at the same time; there’s a bright, glowing sound with a bright, glowing light. Whoa boy, this is Magnus; did you see that? That was awesome. It was like they turned into…they shined like a star and then they vanished, I guess, but they were supposed to be here…they were our extra, so I guess that’s in a bad way. Now, dun, dun, dun, the opening theme.

 

By appointment to the King and Queen, Alba Salix, Royal Physician, Episode the Fourth, A Chance to Cure. This is Alba; I’m so very sorry, Mrs. Studabaker. Well, thank you, Miss Salix. I’m sure you did everything you could. It was quick. He started to glow…glew? Glowed? It could be…was glowing brighter and brighter and brighter, and then he was gone. Well, I know he had that plum brandy in the morning, and quite a bit of it, Miss Salix. Oh, Arthur, poor, silly Arthur. I knew his ego was out of control. Would it be alright if I see the room where he turned so bright? Did he shine bright like a diamond? This is Alba Salix; not right now. Excuse me, this is Magnus; just doing a little…we’re just…excuse me, doing a little clean-up in the other room. Wait a second, this is Mrs. Studabaker; is that sunshine in those buckets?

 

Oh, no, no, this is Magnus; nothing to see here at all. Magnus, I told you to use the other door. Wait, that sound earlier, was that the sound of sunshine, like a humming of sunshine, proverbial sunshine? Are you saying Arthur winked out of…became so bright he winked out of existence? Well, in a manner of speaking. Oh, typical. That’s just like him. Oh, somebody else is coming. Yes, hello, I’m a named character. Name’s Gerard. We could use your assistance, stat. Whoa, whoa, this is Magnus; check out this Gerard. Oh my goodness, this is Alba; not again. This is Gerard; are you the Royal Physician? Yeah, that’s me. Well, this is Gerard. My ego is growing. At one point I was an extra. Now I’m a named character. I was an extra in another piece of audio fiction, but now I’m a named character. The name’s Gerard.

 

I have lines and a name. My ego’s out of control. Okay, well, hold onto your hat. I mean…sorry. Well, this is Mrs. Studabaker; do you think…is this…is my ego gonna go out of control? Am I gonna wink out of existence? Wait a second, this is Gerard; I’m not gonna wink out of existence, am I? Well, that’s what happened to my husband. Wait a second, this is Gerard; is this true, people are weak…their egos are growing in a healthy way, I would say, and then they’re winking out of existence? This is Alba; well…no, this is Magnus; yeah, maybe that could happen. Okay, only…this is Alba; it only happened to one person. Yeah, just…Magnus; just a little bit of winking out of existence. Don't worry, this is Alba; we’re working to ascertain the cause. Okay, well, this is Gerard; I demand for my ego to be treated this instant.

 

Okay, please stay calm, sir. Do you have any idea who I am? Gerard. Do you know who I am, though? Yeah, this is Alba; I’ve seen your signs before. You’re the…Gerard, Royal Real Estate Agent. I’ve seen your signs around town. Uh, Carleton Gerard, property developer is who I am. I own this town, and you better have a fix for this ego, whatever…or whatever’s going on. Okay, this is Alba; come this way. Magnus? You want me to start…? I’ve seen the signs, too, Alba. I could start writing up some burns. You know what I’m saying. Okay, no, no, no, Magnus, you stay here and see to Mrs. Studabaker. Oh, so I should roast Mrs. Studabaker? Closing the door, Magnus. Just stay here. Oh, man…this is Magnus; I was looking forward to it. Okay, the egometer’s on…on…on.

 

Well, this is Gerard; so, Alba, you have any idea what’s going on here? No, Gerard. I’m working on it. Now, if you’d be so kind, this…I need answers. I don't need theories. Okay, well, have you had anything to drink today, Mr. Gerard? No, no, no, I never touch the stuff. My body is a temple, so I don't…I mean, I drink…only drink things that are, you know, in the Real Estate Agent Handbook; water, tepid water, tap water. I wouldn't have got this far…okay, okay, that’s enough. I’m just trying to rule out any other factors. Anything else going on recently? Well, no. I’m as healthy as a horse. I haven't missed a day of work in twenty-six years, and that includes weekends. Alba, this is Holly; I’ve looked through every book I could find. There’s nothing that makes sense with this ego-inflation. Okay, great. I mean, not great.

 

But Alba, I have an idea; what about a shrinking spell? Well, then instead of winking out of existence, Holly, their ego would shrink out of existence. This is Gerard; what are you two muttering about? I need assistance here. Okay, Mr. Gerard, you’re as healthy as a horse. You can beat this thing. Oh, this is Alba; you had to say that, didn’t you, Holly? Now, back in reception…now, they don’t just call me Mrs. Studabaker, but…oh man, I couldn't…I never saw my husband enough. Well, this is Magnus; I hear that. That happens with a big ego. He was in show business, you see. He was always on the road. Uh-huh. He was known as Studabaker the Magnificent, the best stage magician who ever lived, Dazzeleone Bagatelle. All those younger so-called illusionists, they stole every trick they know from Arthur.

 

But wait…but he didn’t do any real magic. Oh, he dabbled. Once he started losing his audience to these young upstarts, Arthur started hawking crystals and whatnot to make ends meet, but none of that stuff ever worked. Wait a second, you said he was traveling? Yeah, he was just back from touring the West Coast through Mediocrea and the Pointy Lands. Maybe…I think he was in some of the tropical places, too. Maybe that’s where his ego started to go…grow. Huh, this is Magnus; you think so? I always warned him, don’t travel to too many fancy places, Arthur. The water will go straight to your head, I said, and the food, it’ll go straight from…it’ll go straight to your head, too. You’re just asking for trouble, Mr. Big Pants. Wait a second, that sounds great. Yeah, he didn’t listen to me, though. Of course not.

 

Always traveling; Floria, Balgomar, Eastrise, all over the place. I don't know if you can hear in that room, Magnus, but this is Holly and Alba saying, the glowing, it’s increasing, the glowing. Oh man, tell me about it, Mrs. S. Tell me more. Wait a second, that was the sound of bright, bright sunlight. Yeah, maybe I better get into the back room. We’ll have somebody come by your place and check in, Mrs. S, okay? Okay, this is Holly; I don't understand it. We…pinchweed, elm bark…yeah, this is Alba; we tried incantations. They didn’t do anything. Oh, this is Magnus coming in; so, another person’s ego grew…flashed so bright. Shined bright like a diamond? Okay, this is Alba; we gotta get…we gotta mop up all this sunlight, quickly. Alright, I’m on it, I guess.

 

Yeah, this is Alba; I can't believe it, two patients in one day, high-profile patients at that. Wow, this is a lot of…who’d have known that…is this liquid sunlight? It’s so sloppy. We really gotta put curtains up so people can't see in here. Ugh, this is Holly; ugh. Okay, but…okay, back to looking into this. Like I was saying earlier, why these two? What do they have in common besides this ego inflation, turned to a bright light…? Okay, well, this is Holly; they were both male. They were both human. This is Magnus; yeah, they were old and full of themselves. Wait a second, this is Holly; you don’t know that. Well, that’s what Mrs. Studabaker said. More importantly, she said he was on tour and visiting tropical areas and relaxing. Wait a second, this is Alba; that’s interesting. That’s right, McMagnus is on the case. I’m the lead.

 

Okay, but how does that connect us to Gerard? He hasn’t left town in years. Maybe he went…this is Holly; maybe he went to the magic show. Wait a second, what was the first thing you said, Magnus? Studabaker was on tour in Meluria. No, no, no, about both patients being full of themselves. What if it was actually ego…the ego became something concrete? Wait a second, this is Magnus; their ego wasn’t just inflating. It was inflating with something, not figuratively inflating. Oh my gosh, this is Holly; you know what that means? Yeah, this is Alba; it means that that’s egoistic, an egoistic fluid. Wait a second, what? Yeah, it’s only been a theory ‘til now. This could be the first time it’s been discovered. This isn’t sunlight. It’s pure ego. Oh my gosh, this is Holly; I think this is my fault. It’s all my fault. What do you mean, Holly?

 

My affirmations, I…my affirmations, I mean, I told them both they were strong and they could get through it, and I fed their egos. No, Holly, I don't think it was you. Oh, I’m not a very good fairy. Okay, no, no, something out there…no, no, no, Holly, something out there is causing people’s egos to become…to create this egoistic fluid which is like sunlight, but people with egos that are already sizeable seem to be more susceptible. Oh, there’s someone ringing the bell at the door. It’s gotta be someone else. This is Alba; we don’t know that yet. We’re coming. Forgive me, Miss Salix, but this is the page paging you. Oh, no. Let me guess. Who is it? This is the page. It’s Her Majesty, the Queen. Oh, this is Alba; if anyone’s got an excess of ego, it’s Parabel. Now we head to the palace.

 

Yes, I’m a guard, not named, so I think my ego is safe. What’s your business? I’m Royal Physician and assistant to see…this is…I’m Alba, the Royal Physician, and this is my assistant. We’re here to see Queen Parabel. Carry on. Alba, this is Holly; it was my fault. Holly, that’s nonsense. How were you to know? Alba, I don't want to be…you know, there was a movie, The Worst Witch. I don't want to be the worst fairy. Okay, well, help me solve this, then. The salve you brought, if we rub that, it should bring melancholy. Then we’ll work together on deflating their ego. Wait, both of us? That doesn't seem nice. Well, we have to. It was always me, me, me for Parabel and I when we were growing up. Now she’s the queen, she’s completely out of control. You should have seen her birthday party. Well, I did see those fireworks.

 

They were in the shape of her face. Yeah, that’s Parabel for you. At dinner, she had to wear a different dress for each course. I don't know if I…I’m not good at roasting. That’s more of a Magnus thing. Okay, well, just keep your affirmations to yourself and leave the rest to me. Okay, alright, and don’t let on about the other cases. We don’t want to put her on guard. Ah, Alba, Holly, it’s me, the king, Gunther. Thank goodness you’re here. Oh, it’s me, Parabel; Alba, you have to help me. Yes, this is Alba; of course, Your Majesties. Oh, Parabel, what’s happening? What have you done now? Me? Me? I’m the queen. I don't know what you’re talking about, Alba. Yeah, see what I mean, Holly? So much for your bedside manner, Alba.

 

Holly, this is Alba; she’s got the same things; growing ego, almost glowing…your skin’s glowing, Parabel. Okay, well, this is Holly; I’m getting the unguent ready. Give me a second. Wait a second, this is Gunther; you’ve seen this before? Oh yeah, yeah, yes, two so far. Oh, my head, it’s just…this is…even for a queen, I feel like this is too much. There, there, dear, you’re in good hands. You can overcome this, whatever it is. I’m too young and beautiful to just go…to go super-ego and then super bright. I don't want to go super…I don't want to get too big too fast. That goes without saying, my dear. Oh, honey duckling…Alba? Your Majesty, we’re gonna have to be alone with the patient. But Parabel is in a weakened state and my Gunther gives me the strength to carry on. Sorry, no. Your Majesty, I have to insist. Very well.

 

Courage, dear. Oh darling, I miss you already. Be strong, my treasure. Okay, please, Gunther, out. Alba, why do you always have to ruin things? It’s my job, Parabel. Hold still. Oh, this is terrible. Why are you looking at me like that? How am I supposed to help you if I’m not looking at you, you silly goose? You see? You always treat me like I’m still your baby sister. Well, if the slipper fits…I’m queen now, and you’re not, so you should show me some respect. Isn’t that right, fairy? Uh, I’m just a fairy. I wouldn't know. I don't get involved in human affairs. Alba, where did you find this fairy, anyway? Are you certain she has good intentions? Okay, I just have to put this unguent on your forehead now. Hold still for me, Your Majesty. Can I still call her ‘Your Majesty’, Alba? Yeah, that’s fine, that’s fine.

 

Now we’re in the reception room where Magnus is working, squishing and scraping. Okay, a little bit of sunlight here, a little bit of sunshine there. Put the sunshine in the fun shine and let the sunshine in. Excuse me, my character’s name is Guy. I’m looking for some assistance. This is Magnus; Alba’s not here right now. Can I help you? Yes, yes, I need some attention right now. Why is everybody so demanding today? I was in a dance-off and I think I twisted my ankle. Oh boy, that does…yeah, it looks like you did twist your ankle. Are you the Royal Physician? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, no, I’m the…I’m royally a physician, yes, yes, yes. So, your ankle? Indeed. Okay, well, I’m really good with the physicianing part, but not the ankle part. Ah, well this is…my name is…you’d think it’s Guy, but it’s Guy.

 

You won't help somebody, huh, 'cause I dance…? You don’t like the way I dance, do you? You don’t like that I dance the forbidden dance. Well, I won't tell anyone if you get me fixed up. Yeah, this is Magnus; I got a better idea. I have two feet. You only have one. I could dance you right outta here. Oh, very clever move, Magnus. Yeah, yeah, watch my moves. I could dance the forbidden dance, too, if I wanted to. Well, this is nice. Believe it or not, my name is…they don’t just call me Guy. My name is Guy and I’ve learned to dance on…the forbidden dance on one leg, two, or three. Well, aren’t you a…you don’t even…what do you mean, three? Yeah, I hate to boast, but I could also do it on my hands, doing a hand-stand and dancing the forbidden dance.

 

You know, I trained in the Monastery of the Dragon Mountain, just so you know. Yeah, I guessed it by the robes you’re wearing, but by the way you dance, I surmised you didn’t actually train there for very long, did you? Wait a second, that was a special move I made to give you a opening so I could take an opening. Oh, really? I thought it was so I’d take pity on you. Go ahead, let’s see your moves. You can't…you won't be able to dance on your hands for very much longer while I’m dancing. Guy van Fleet is the name. I’ve danced across this county, past…out-danced two people already, and I got a few more dance-offs to do just to get my average for the day. Wait, you’re Guy van Fleet, the high…you danced to the song The Highway Man, right? No, no, no, Guy van Fleet, cousin of Fred van Fleet.

 

Of course, Guy van Fleet, the Dancing Highway Man. I’ve danced to Life is a Highway and to The Highway Man, and I’ve danced all night long. So, why don’t you bind up my ankle, son? Okay, yeah, no, no, that sounds like a good idea. As a little incentive, I can tell you that these shoe…I have shoelaces that will tie your shoelaces so that when you stand up, you trip on your shoelaces. These are magical shoelaces. Oh, boy. Okay, well, let’s see about this ankle, huh? Okay, well, come on in back. Good. Remember, if you don’t get me fixed up and dancing…back on my feet again, as we say, your shoelaces will forever pester you. Ingenius. Alright, back at the palace…okay, any change…? Holly, you see any change? No, Alba. I tripled the strength of the salve, but it’s not doing anything.

 

This is Parabel; I knew I should have just dealt with Crankle. I should have just called Crankle sooner. He’s a phony. Well, why…? I don't even know…Alba, why did they even make you the Royal Physician? I don't know, for being good at my job? Now my ego…are you saying I’m gonna wink out of existence? I’m gonna become so bright I’ll wink out of existence because of you? Listen, Parabel, it’s not my fault your ego’s over-inflated. Oh yeah? Well, whose fault is it? This is Holly; it’s yours, Parabel. Well, I’ve never had a fairy speak to me in that way. It’s true; you’ve brought this on yourself. Well, how dare you address me like that? I am the queen. Yeah. See? That’s your problem. You’ve let being the queen go to your head. Just who do you think you are? Well, I’m a fairy.

 

I’m a good fairy who knows what’s best for you, Your Majesty. It’s bad enough I had to listen to my domineering, older sister. This is Alba; when…Parabel, when have you ever listened to me? Alba, you don’t even have any natural talents. Unlike you, of course, Parabel. Well, one happens to be the third daughter of a third daughter. This is Holly; well, why aren’t you out there healing people then, Parabel? That’s a good one, Holly. Because I’m Queen and I have more important duties. Such as? Such as ruling, representing Farloria to the world, inspecting the Royal Constalbury…yeah, but this is Holly; anybody could do that. I’ve had enough of your impertinence, fairy. I’m having the guards escort you out of the castle. I’m only saying this 'cause it’s gonna lower your ego.

 

I just want to protect you from winking out of existence like the others. Wait, winking out of existence fully? I thought it was just shining bright like a diamond temporarily. Great. So much for keeping it under wraps. Yeah, I’m sorry, your…queen, but we’ve had two other cases like this today and they both…poof, if you know what I’m saying. What? Yeah, they had complications. Yeah, they poofed. They poofed right out of existence. You couldn't stop their egos from doing that? No. They started glowing and if we stopped their glowing, then they wouldn't have poofed. Oh my goodness, I’m gonna poof? No, no, no. I’m too young to poof. You can't be too young to poof, and I don't think you could…this is Holly; I don't even think you have what’s in…to take you…I don't think you can not not poof.

 

I don't think you can do it, Parabel. Well, where’s Crankle? Someone go get the Sorcerer General. Now we’re back with Magnus and Guy. Oh man, my ankle. No, seriously, I could give you…you want to take a Tyrenol or an Asblin or an Edvil? No, no, I’m fine with the ankle. It makes me want to dance. Okay, well, how’s the mobility? I mean, it’s gone. Okay, well, that’s weird. Try to move…I mean, move your ankle around. Oh, okay. Yeah, no, it’s working. Yeah, but it’s stiff. Yeah, it’s a close call. It’s stiff, but you can move it. Yeah, I could still move it. I’ve had worse than this, you know. There was a dance-off at Castle Cochanella where I had to dance off with twelve of the Duke’s dancers. Even one of the dances, we had to dance…we were in giant pieces of pasta, and we still had to dance within giant tubes of pasta.

 

So, your hands are at your side. The only thing they can see is the top of your head and from your shins down. Wait a second, you gotta be kidding me. You’re dancing inside of pasta? Yeah, it’s all in a day’s work for the greatest dancer this side of dancing and all that. I’m sorry, this is Magnus; have you had any…do you feel like your ego’s in check or your ego’s inflated? In check? I mean, I guess. Well, I was just making sure. There’s something that had come up. Okay, well, it looks pretty good. I’m just gonna put some ice on here, too, and I’m gonna wrap that around there and get it all stotched up. You mean stitched up. Yeah, no, no, I was just being colloquial. You know how tough guys talk. Yeah. So, I was just thinking, it’s just me and you, Guy.

 

If you ever needed a dance partner or a dance assistant trainee or a backup dancer, I did train at the Monastery of the Dragon Mountain where I learned to dance off, a lot of other things, different stretches, even…keep you limber. I’m pretty good at mopping floors. I’m good at running away. I mean, I’ve never done this as a paid position before, but…and I’ve never actually won any major awards, but since you’re the expert…we’ll just keep that on ice for now. Thank you, Magnus. Yeah, yes, that’d be best. Back in the queen’s bedroom…this is your herald, my queen. The Sorcerer General is here to see you. Yes, Your Majesty, this is Crankle. Oh, Mr. Crankle. It’s Dr. Crankle. Oh, thank heavens you’re here. Alba says my ego is growing out of control. Indeed, I came as soon as I could. Excuse me, ladies.

 

Not at all, Crankle; this is Alba. Well, this is Crankle; this is quite worrying. Parabel’s making noises there. If Your Majesty would be so kind as to hold this cup while I fill it with thrice-distilled spirit of amber…Crankle, this is Alba; what is that gonna achieve? A proper diagnosis. Observe the ripples on the surface of the liquid. It appears Your Majesty’s physical form has been distorted by mythical means. We’ve already tested for magic spells, Crankle. Not a magic spell; a magic accident. Let me see. Okay, back at…back in the back room of Alba’s…oh, this is Guy; I really gotta…that ice is cold. Yeah, we just gotta get the ice on the other side. We’ll strap it on there, and we’re done. This is Guy; good work, Brother Magnus. Anytime. You may be young, but you could be quite a fine dancer’s dance assistant.

 

Yeah, well, you would know, I guess, which is why it would be a shame to have to dance-off against you. Okay, back at the palace…this is Crankle; see how the ripples are crossing? That’s the sign of water. Oh, this is Parabel; is it just from drinking too much water? No, no, no, this is Holly; that’s not what it means, Your Majesty. Yeah, this is Crankle; water could refer to reflection or refraction. Like a mirror? Quite, Your Majesty. Have you seen anything unusual in the mirror today? In a mirror? Oh, this is Alba; or a glass or a crystal? A crystal? Oh, Holly…this is Holly; like that…this crystal. Oh, that silly, old crystal? Yeah, a [inaudible] crystal. How did Your Majesty come to possess such an item? Oh, this is Parabel; it was a gift. Well, yeah, this is not actually a crystal, believe it or not, Your Majesty.

 

You weren’t attempting to work magic with this, I hope? Oh, no, no, no, of course not. Then what’s this pamphlet, Your Crystal-Clear Path to Prosperity? This is Parabel; I have no idea what you’re talking about. Yeah, right, your…queen. You were totally using that. Holly. I can't stop, Alba. All these words…I’m just trying…I’m roasting the queen without roasting her. Oh, this is Parabel; I found out how much my birthday party cost and I felt so guilty. I didn’t want the kingdom to grow broke on my account. Where did you get the crystal, Parabel? I bought it from that traveling magician, Studabaker. Ah. Yeah, and I did the ritual from the pamphlet. I saw myself reflected in the crystal. I was growing and growing. My ego’s being bigger and bigger. So, not much of a change at all, then? Okay, that’s enough, Holly.

 

Yes, this is Crankle; just as I thought. Look at the curvature. Well, yes, Dr. Crankle, but this is hardly the time. No, no, this crystal’s flawed. Typically one would use it in a spell to attract energetic patterns; money, wealth, health, happiness. But this crystal has a feedback layer to it distorting the ego, specifically the spellcaster’s ego. What does this all mean? Well, nothing right now, Your Majesty. Now that we know the mechanism behind your ego growth, it’s as easy as crunching this crystal. Oh, my goodness. Man, this is Alba; why didn’t I think of that? Well, not even the Royal Physician is an expert in magical healing, it turns out. This is Holly; you just keep your mouth shut, Crankle. Miss Salix, could you please take your fairy minion and head outta here? Minion? Who are you calling a minion?

 

Now back at the operating room…this is Magnus; you don’t want to dance off with me. I mean, come on. Listen, I can't have anyone know I didn’t fix my ankle on my own, and I can't risk you telling the tales I’ve told you. Don't worry. This is Magnus; I won't tell anybody. Honest, honest. I’m hoping that you get better and then one day hire me, Guy. Okay, and it’s not a bad point you got there, Magnus. Yeah, a free idea. I’ll even work for you. The first job’s free. Okay, very well, but remember, my…remember those…I’m always listening through your shoelaces. Okay, and this is Guy; if you tell anyone about this, you’ll never…you’re never gonna dance again 'cause guilty feet got no rhythm, and that’s what those shoelaces will ensure for me. Okay, no, this is Magnus; totally, promise, cross my heart.

 

Now, I am Guy; I’m making my exit. Not a word. Farewell and remember me, Magnus. Not a word. I’m getting on my horse, Magnus. My horse’s name is Arsinio. Arsinio, away. Thanks, Guy. You’re the best. Back in the palace…oh, this is Queen…my ego, it’s achy. My ego’s achy. You see, Your Majesty? Your ego’s already returning to a normal, healthy tiara size. Okay, this is Alba; you’re not gonna…Parabel, you can't mess around with this kind of stuff, especially if you don’t understand it. With respect, Your Majesty, I must concur with your sister. These magicks are not to be trifled with. Excuse me, who’s queen here? I’m the third daughter of a third daughter. I have the gift. Uh, of oversized ego? Yeah, this is Holly the fairy; clearly you do. Okay, please dismiss the Royal Physician and her assistant.

 

This is Crankle; good day to you, Miss Salix. Yeah, shove it, you wizard. Never call me a minion again, banana. Your Majesty, if I may? Okay, everybody out. Everybody out of the room, please. This is Parabel; I need to lie down and rest my ego. Yes, Your Majesty. By the way, Your Majesty, this is Holly; your ego is still too big. Goodbye. The door is slammed, and on the road soon after, Holly and Alba walk. Birds and insects make sounds. Alright, well, Holly, we’re gonna have to put out an alert about those crystals. Do you think Mr. Gerard had one, too? Yeah, probably. I mean, I know he was planning on building another town and it didn’t work out. So, maybe he turned to magic. So, it had nothing to do with their actual egos at all. Well, not directly. So, we were insulting the queen for nothing?

 

Well, I mean, our own satisfaction, at least. That means I’m not a good fairy. Holly, that’s nonsense. Your wings have not turned gray. Yeah, but not yet. What about your teeth? Nope, my teeth are fine. Okay, then you’ll be fine. Okay, well, I still have to perform good deeds for you, but I understand if you don’t want me working. Listen, Holly, I’ll tell you the truth; you’ve been a big help. Really? Yeah, even verging on useful. Well, thank you, Alba. Don’t mention it. It’s like we’re a team now. Yeah, maybe I could get Parabel to fire me. Okay, back at Alba’s office, Magnus dances with a broom. That’s right, I’m Brother Magnus, assistant to Guy van Fleet, fleet of foot, fleet of spirit, and a dancity, dancity…oh, this is Holly, part of the team, the team that cares, the team that heals together. Oh, hey, guys.

 

Magnus, I thought I told you to clean up around here. I was just getting to that. You took care of all the sunshine? Well, that’s the next thing on my list. Why is everything messed up in here? What was going on? Why are the chairs moved around? Are those shoe scuff marks? Has there been dancing in here? Uh, um…honestly, Magnus, what has been going on since we left? I’ve been pretty busy. Were you dancing on top of the reception desk? Wait a second, are these ice packs? Well, maybe I was dancing and icing. You don’t know. Well, what happened? Dancing and icing? That’s ridiculous. Alright, well, get back to work and get this place cleaned up. Yeah, clean up…and clean up your act while you’re at it, Magnus.

 

Okay, back at Crankle’s office in the palace…excuse me, Dr. Crankle, this is Parabel; I wanted to apologize for calling you names and acting like a child. You did so much work for me and I know I shouldn’t have been meddling with magic, but I was trying to help our kingdom. Your Majesty, there’s no need to apologize. It was a stressful situation. Right, of course, but it was foolish of me to practice without the proper study and understanding. Is this perhaps the reason for Your Majesty’s visit? What do you mean, Dr. Crankle? Do I gather that Your Majesty seeks to develop her in-born gifts? Oh, gifts; you mean the nonsense about being the third daughter of the third daughter? Yes, yes, it would be an absolute pleasure to work with a natural talent as Your Majesty’s.

 

It’s nothing, really, but if I may, why not get lessons from your sister instead? Do you really think your…my sister would teach me? She doesn't trust anybody, least of all me. She thinks you’re trying to take over the kingdom. Oh, how very amusing, Your Majesty. Perhaps better not to tell her about these lessons, then. Of course not. No, no, Alba can mind her own business. Well, Your Majesty, shall we get you some rest and then after you rest, begin your lessons and close this episode and say goodnight until next time? From Alba Salix and everyone here, sleep well.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

(Transcription performed by LeahTranscribes)

Alba Salix

 

Petit Four

https://www.swisscolony.com/blog/bakery/petits-fours-luscious-little-layer-cakes

https://www.tastingtable.com/1482123/four-types-petit-fours-explained/

https://www.cadburydessertscorner.com/quickbites/a-brief-history-of-petit-fours-how-they-got-their-name

 

Famous Background Performers

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/03/17/nyregion/radio-man-autograph-hunters.html?smid=url-share

https://www.vice.com/en/article/n7b33g/hollywood-background-actor-extra-jesse-heiman

https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/films/features/most-memorable-movie-extras-dunkirk-back-to-the-future-star-wars-a8859991.html

 

Humors

https://becker.wustl.edu/news/humors-and-you/

https://www.nlm.nih.gov/exhibition/shakespeare-and-the-four-humors/index.html

https://becker.wustl.edu/news/humoralism-and-the-seasons/

 

Supernovas

https://www.space.com/6638-supernova.html

https://www.astronomy.com/science/the-different-types-of-supernovae-explained/

https://www.energy.gov/science/doe-explainssupernovae

 

DOWN TO BUSINESS

This is a very different show

A little bit more than background noise

SWM: Good Enough to Barely Listen To

Pretty Much Not Bad

 

Deep Dark Night United

n/a

 

PLUGS

Alba Salix, Park Stop Fundraiser, Sleep With Me Plus, SleepPhones, Rusty Biscuit Links, Emily Tat Artwork, NAPAWF, Anti-Racism Resources, Ukraine Relief, Crisis Textline

 

SPONSORS

Claritin, Dusker, Helix Sleep, Odoo, Air Doctor Pro, AquaTru, Zocdoc, Progressive

 

INTRO

Is underthinking a thing?

Overthinking about underthinking

Trying to fix something the wrong tool that’s broken

Sorry, that was a niche Phish reference

Am I using similes or analogies?

Accidental Similes

Maybe my accidental similes will be studied one day in a Northern European Institute

Metalees and Simafors

I’m my own arch-nemesis

Someone out there can relate to what you’re thinking

The Academy of Semaphores

The More You Know was the worst message for a young overthinker

Petit Four is a decent pet name

Semaphore is a great pet name

Are most pet names under 3 syllables?

I really desire that the show works for you

Writing poetry for moss

An Ode to Moss

The Boy Who Dreamed of Being Covered in Moss

My Own Personal Biome

I think it would be cool to be covered in moss

I wanted to be a bad boy, I turned out to be a moss-based boy

Moss Based Adjacent Humor (MBAH)

Alba Salix crossover

 

STORY

Crossover series with Alba Salix

One of the coolest things we’ve ever done

Episode 4

“The Chance to Cure”

Bring him over here

Don’t worry, extra with lines, you’ll be okay

This person’s ego is huge!

Get the egometer!

Growth in Ego and Ego Related Feelings

Do we need to soothe his ego?

Holly, a silence spell, please

Medicating with Plum Brandy all morning

His ego has gone super

Holly, you couldn’t understand a human’s ego

Fairies are people, Magnus

His humors are out of balance

The egometer says nothing is out of balance

Magnus wants to just deflate the guy’s ego

We have to uncover the mystery together

I’ve never seen such an inflated ego!

Grab the Orb of Hydrogenes, Magnus

This guy can’t even hear Holly

No sign of malevolent magic

Okay, we do have to deflate the ego

Magnus starts writing roasts

Sir, you smell like rotten fruit

Sir, your ego is representative of your smallness

Why are they glowing if they’re being roasted?

Close your eyes!

A bright glowing sound and light

Wow, they shined and then vanished!

Sorry, Mrs. Studebaker

Poor silly Arthur

Magnus, use the other door!

It’s just like Arthur to wink out of existence

Gerard needs assistance

Gerard’s ego is growing, too!

Are we going to wink out of existence??

Gerard, the Royal Real Estate Agent

Carleton Gerard, Property Developer

Magnus is rearing to roast

Magnus, take care of Mrs. Studebaker

Alba tests Gerard’s ego

Gerard’s body is a temple

He hasn’t missed a day of work in 26 years

Holly thinks they could shrink the ego down

Studebaker the Magnicent was always on the road

The best magician in the world

Arthur had to get into real magic to make ends meet

He’d been traveling

Gerard’s ego is glowing, too!

Nothing worked to save Gerard

We gotta mop up all this sunlight, stat

What did these 2 patients have in common?

What if the ego became something concrete?

Literally inflating with something

Egoistic Fluid

This liquid is pure ego

Are Holly’s affirmations to blame? No

What’s causing this?

The Queen Paribel is paging Alba

Alba goes to see the Queen

Holly doesn’t want to be the Worst Fairy

We’ll have to work together to deflate the Queen’s ego

Paribel’s skin is glowing

I don’t want to go superego!

Please leave us, King Gunther

Magnus is cleaning up the reception room

A guy named Guy needs medical attention

He twisted his ankle

Guy dances the Forbidden Dance

Magnus and Guy boast in a dance-off

Guy Van Fleet, the dancing highwayman

Magical shoelaces to make you trip

Magnus better heal Guy Van Fleet or else

Paribel wishes she’d just called Krankel

Alba thinks Krankel is a phony

Paribel has let being the queen go to her head

The Third Daughter of a Third Daughter

Paribel is fed up

Explaining the possible repercussions to Paribel

I’m too young to poof!

Someone get Krankel

Back to Magnus and Guy

Mobility is gone

The ankle is stiff but he can move it

Memories of dancing within giant tubes of pasta

Guy is boasting but his ego seems to be in check

Wrapping up Guy’s ankle

Would Guy ever need a backup dancer?

Back to the Queen’s bedroom

Krankel arrives

It appears the queen’s physical appearance has been distorted by mythical means

A magic accident

Guy is thankful for Magnus’s help

Has the queen seen anything silly in a reflective surface today?

Where did this strange crystal come from?

Your Crystal Clear Path to Prosperity

Holly can’t stop roasting Paribel

Queen bought this “magic” crystal from Studebaker

This crystal can distort the spellcaster’s ego

We just have to crunch this ego

Alba is jealous she didn’t think of this solution

Guy wants to dance off with Magnus to keep his mouth shut

Maybe one day Magnus will work for Guy

Don’t tell anyone, Magnus

Queen’s ego is achey

Krankel and Alba agree that Paribel shouldn’t dabble in magic

Paribel needs to rest

Holly gets one last roast in

Holly and Alba walk back to their office

We were only insulting the queen for our own satisfaction

Holly thinks she’s not a good fairy

Holly has been verging on useful

Magnus dances with a broom, fantasizing about Guy Van Fleet

Finish cleaning up, Magnus!

Has there been dancing in here?

Magnus keeps his mouth shut

Paribel apologizes to Krankel

Paribel wants Krankel to teach her magic

Maybe don’t tell Alba about these magic lessons, your majesty

 

SWM+ THANKS

Terry, Patrick, Linda, Jessica, Tony, Rebecca, Sean, Brandon, CM, Kim, Libby, Emily, Nancy, Eric, Evan, John, Jean, Adam, Christy, Leanne, Zany, Adam, Andrew, Richard, Sasha, Raphael, Louis, David, Catherine, James

 

SUMMARY:

Episode: 1266

Title: A Chance to Dance | Alba Salix S1E4

Deep Dark Night United: n/a

Plugs: Alba Salix, Park Stop Fundraiser, Sleep With Me Plus, SleepPhones, Rusty Biscuit Links, Emily Tat Artwork, NAPAWF, Anti-Racism Resources, Ukraine Relief, Crisis Textline

Sponsors: Claritin, Dusker, Helix Sleep, Odoo, Air Doctor Pro, AquaTru, Zocdoc, Progressive

SWM+ Thanks: Terry, Patrick, Linda, Jessica, Tony, Rebecca, Sean, Brandon, CM, Kim, Libby, Emily, Nancy, Eric, Evan, John, Jean, Adam, Christy, Leanne, Zany, Adam, Andrew, Richard, Sasha, Raphael, Louis, David, Catherine, James

Notable Language:

• Overthinking about underthinking
• Accidental Similes
• Metalees and Simafors
• SemaphorePetit Four
• An Ode to Moss
• My Own Personal Biome
• Moss-Based Boy (MBB)
• Moss Based Adjacent Humor (MBAH)
• Egometer
• Liquid Sunlight
• Egoistic Fluid
• Tiara-Sized Ego (TSE)

 

Notable Culture:

• Alba Salix

• • Phish
  • Northern European Institute for Metaphors and Similes
  • Marvel

• Pirates of Penzance – Gilbert & Sullivan

• • The Academy of Semaphores

• The More You Know

• • Flipper
  • Clifford the Big Red Dog

• Beethoven

• The Boy Who Dreamed of Being Covered in Moss
• “Diamond” – Rihanna
• “Let The Sunshine In” song
• “Life Is a Highway” song
• Your Crystal Clear Path to Prosperity

 

Notable Talking Points:

• Is underthinking a thing?
• Overthinking about underthinking
• Trying to fix something the wrong tool that’s broken
• Sorry, that was a niche Phish reference
• Am I using similes or analogies?
• Accidental Similes
• Maybe my accidental similes will be studied one day in a Northern European Institute
• Metalees and Simafors
• I’m my own arch-nemesis
• Someone out there can relate to what you’re thinking
• The Academy of Semaphores
• The More You Know was the worst message for a young overthinker
• Petit Four is a decent pet name
• Semaphore is a great pet name
• Are most pet names under 3 syllables?
• I really desire that the show works for you
• Writing poetry for moss
• An Ode to Moss
• The Boy Who Dreamed of Being Covered in Moss
• My Own Personal Biome
• I think it would be cool to be covered in moss
• I wanted to be a bad boy, I turned out to be a msos-based boy
• Moss Based Adjacent Humor (MBAH)
• Alba Salix crossover
• Crossover series with Alba Salix
• One of the coolest things we’ve ever done
• Episode 4
• “The Chance to Cure”
• Bring him over here
• Don’t worry, extra with lines, you’ll be okay
• This person’s ego is huge!
• Get the egometer!
• Growth in Ego and Ego Related Feelings
• Do we need to soothe his ego?
• Holly, a silence spell, please
• Medicating with Plum Brandy all morning
• His ego has gone super
• Holly, you couldn’t understand a human’s ego
• Fairies are people, Magnus
• His humors are out of balance
• The egometer says nothing is out of balance
• Magnus wants to just deflate the guy’s ego
• We have to uncover the mystery together
• I’ve never seen such an inflated ego!
• Grab the Orb of Hydrogenes, Magnus
• This guy can’t even hear Holly
• No sign of malevolent magic
• Okay, we do have to deflate the ego
• Magnus starts writing roasts
• Sir, you smell like rotten fruit
• Sir, your ego is representative of your smallness
• Why are they glowing if they’re being roasted?
• Close your eyes!
• A bright glowing sound and light
• Wow, they shined and then vanished!
• Sorry, Mrs. Studebaker
• Poor silly Arthur
• Magnus, use the other door!
• It’s just like Arthur to wink out of existence
• Gerard needs assistance
• Gerard’s ego is growing, too!
• Are we going to wink out of existence??
• Gerard, the Royal Real Estate Agent
• Carleton Gerard, Property Developer
• Magnus is rearing to roast
• Magnus, take care of Mrs. Studebaker
• Alba tests Gerard’s ego
• Gerard’s body is a temple
• He hasn’t missed a day of work in 26 years
• Holly thinks they could shrink the ego down
• Studebaker the Magnicent was always on the road
• The best magician in the world
• Arthur had to get into real magic to make ends meet
• He’d been traveling
• Gerard’s ego is glowing, too!
• Nothing worked to save Gerard
• We gotta mop up all this sunlight, stat
• What did these 2 patients have in common?
• What if the ego became something concrete?
• Literally inflating with something
• Egoistic Fluid
• This liquid is pure ego
• Are Holly’s affirmations to blame? No
• What’s causing this?
• The Queen Paribel is paging Alba
• Alba goes to see the Queen
• Holly doesn’t want to be the Worst Fairy
• We’ll have to work together to deflate the Queen’s ego
• Paribel’s skin is glowing
• I don’t want to go superego!
• Please leave us, King Gunther
• Magnus is cleaning up the reception room
• A guy named Guy needs medical attention
• He twisted his ankle
• Guy dances the Forbidden Dance
• Magnus and Guy boast in a dance-off
• Guy Van Fleet, the dancing highwayman
• Magical shoelaces to make you trip
• Magnus better heal Guy Van Fleet or else
• Paribel wishes she’d just called Krankel
• Alba thinks Krankel is a phony
• Paribel has let being the queen go to her head
• The Third Daughter of a Third Daughter
• Paribel is fed up
• Explaining the possible repercussions to Paribel
• I’m too young to poof!
• Someone get Krankel
• Back to Magnus and Guy
• Mobility is gone
• The ankle is stiff but he can move it
• Memories of dancing within giant tubes of pasta
• Guy is boasting but his ego seems to be in check
• Wrapping up Guy’s ankle
• Would Guy ever need a backup dancer?
• Back to the Queen’s bedroom
• Krankel arrives
• It appears the queen’s physical appearance has been distorted by mythical means
• A magic accident
• Guy is thankful for Magnus’s help
• Has the queen seen anything silly in a reflective surface today?
• Where did this strange crystal come from?
• Your Crystal Clear Path to Prosperity
• Holly can’t stop roasting Paribel
• Queen bought this “magic” crystal from Studebaker
• This crystal can distort the spellcaster’s ego
• We just have to crunch this ego
• Alba is jealous she didn’t think of this solution
• Guy wants to dance off with Magnus to keep his mouth shut
• Maybe one day Magnus will work for Guy
• Don’t tell anyone, Magnus
• Queen’s ego is achey
• Krankel and Alba agree that Paribel shouldn’t dabble in magic
• Paribel needs to rest
• Holly gets one last roast in
• Holly and Alba walk back to their office
• We were only insulting the queen for our own satisfaction
• Holly thinks she’s not a good fairy
• Holly has been verging on useful
• Magnus dances with a broom, fantasizing about Guy Van Fleet
• Finish cleaning up, Magnus!
• Has there been dancing in here?
• Magnus keeps his mouth shut
• Paribel apologizes to Krankel
• Paribel wants Krankel to teach her magic
• Maybe don’t tell Alba about these magic lessons, your majesty