1263 – Freshly Oiled Soapbox | All Intros 912 – 916
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Episode 1263 – Freshly Oiled Soapbox | All Intros 912 – 916
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Hey everybody, this is Scoots. This is a all-intro episode. We run these kind of on long weekends every…or every once in a while. They’re a listener favorite for a lot of listeners, but we also put out two all-intro episodes on Sleep With Me+ for bore-besties and bore-friends, and there’s big news 'cause I reached out to the bore-friends and the bore-besties, and we’re upgrading the all-intros to be similar to this one, where there’s only…the theme music only plays once during the first episode.
So, if you love all-intros, you get a feed…a podcast, I guess, on Sleep With Me+ with just all intros and all-night episodes or four to eight-hour compilations, and that’s the same on Patreons for the bore-friends and the bore-besties. But then bore-buds on Sleep With Me+, you still get these episodes like this one as a all-intro with ad-free…in your ad-free, full-episode feed as well as in your story-only feed, which is kinda funny. So anyway, thanks so much for listening. If you support the show, I really appreciate it, and I hope you enjoy this all-intro episode. If not, there’s plenty other stuff out there. But yeah, at least this one won't…doesn't have any theme music after the first one. Thanks, and goodnight.
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary, trees, Multi-forms, it's time for the podcast that does…sounds much sleepier than the sound of a TARDIS. It's time for the podcaster…whether I'm talking about Doctor Who or who or what, I'm here just to try and create a safe place where you can feel seen, where black lives matter, and you could get the rest you need. It's time for the podcast that puts you…and if you're new, you might say, what? Wait a second, did you just…how much…? I say, yep, it's a goofy show about a very important thing, you getting the rest you need. It's time for Sleep With Me, the podcast to put you to sleep.
Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I'm gonna do the rest. What I'm going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever's keeping you awake, whether it's thoughts, things you're thinking about on your mind…'cause believe it or not, even as I'm talking, my mind is constantly tapping me on my shoulder with things to talk to me about. So, if it's things on your mind keeping you up, believe me, not only…it's a pretty steady…I wouldn't say it's a steady…it's a steady flow of distraction from my mind.
But it could be thoughts, it could be feelings, emotions coming up for you or remnants or the…you know, feelings; they're there in varying degrees of…you know. You know what I'm saying. Physical sensations, those could be there, too. So, whatever's keeping you awake. It could be any of those broader things, it could be something very specific like your work shift and when you sleep or a change in your schedule or your routine…or someone that you share a room with traveling, or snoring. Holy moly. You say, oh, I don't…no, I don't snore. I just breathe loudly while I'm sleeping. You say, well, I'm glad you're sound asleep because I'm…actually, 'cause I'm here to help. The other side of the bed over here, am I right?
But whatever it is that's keeping you awake, what I'm going to attempt to do is create a safe place — or a place that feels safe — where you can say, phew, and you feel your shoulders relax a little bit. You know what? Here…I'm not kidding; I mean, in this situation, I'm not worried about posture. Believe me. When I'm recording the show, there's no posture rules here. I won't posture about…there's a lot of posturing about posture, and I mean, sure, during the day or when we're not talking about creating a safe place, go ahead. Have at it. Holy…posture about posture. I guess…here's a thing; when you're posturing, you could be standing on a soapbox, right? Especially if you're posturing about posturing.
I imagine that if you're standing on a soapbox…unless it's some sort of high-end soapbox you purchased that's…oh, this is a version of a soapbox; modernized, super-enforced. I can't imagine that a soapbox is the most…if you just grabbed a soapbox, you say, well, I got…there's no…I wanna raise up so I can project my voice. People can make eye contact with me as I speak. I can make eye contact with them. They could see my gestures. They could get a feel for my tone and my body language. So, I'm gonna grab this soapbox here. I don't know…I mean, even if you brought your own soapbox from home, it would probably be…you'd probably have to have…what I'm saying is…in a long, meandering way, is you’d probably have to have pretty good posture to stand on that. So…and maybe we'll come back to that.
But so, whatever's keeping you awake, I'm gonna try to create a safe place where you can set that aside. What I'm going to attempt to do…oh, I said that stuff. What I'm gonna do, though…one of my methods you just witnessed…another one is to send my voice across the deep, dark night. I'm gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones. You could say, what sound does a soapbox in use make? You'd say, well, if you had a microphone just on the soapbox underneath it, you'd probably say, creaky, dulcet tones it would make, unless it's one of those…you know. Oh, this is a freshly…'cause you'd say, that's not a good idea. You're gonna freshly oil a soapbox and then you're gonna stand on it? No, not a good idea, Junior. No, not a good idea. Let's get back to the intro.
So, if you're new, you may already be confused, and believe it or not, eventually you'll see that as a good thing. But when you first get here, it could be…this show is very, very different from normal podcasts. A couple things that make it different is…well, there's…I don't know. I wish I could…it'd probably be shorter…the intro would be much shorter if I said the things that are…this is audio with talking, so that's similar to normal podcasts. But a few things that make it different; one is expectations. Your expectations may…this may be different than what you expected, and that is very normal to feel that way. I'm saying that because that's most listeners' experience. You get here; you say, what in the…? Was he just talking about soapboxes for five minutes and posture?
I'm not sure…did he ever get back to his point? That's a pretty…I thought this was…episode was about Doctor Who. I say, yeah, that's a very normal reaction. Some reactions are stronger, 'cause you say what is this…this is supposed to put me to sleep? Really? I say that without a touch of…what is that thing called, the thing that people use? Sarcasm, because that is a very normal, skeptical response to something that's supposed to put you to sleep, especially if you've been trying as I have in the past for years and years and years to find something to put you to sleep. Why wouldn't you be doubtful? So, remember that. The second thing is this takes two or three tries to get used to the show.
I just say that because that's what the majority of listener feedback that's come in over the past…probably…this might be around Episode 900 or something, that…or past 900. So, those are normal things. The other things for a non-normal…this is not a normal podcast. The other things that can throw listeners off is this is a podcast…well, you may have figured this out already, but you just barely listen to it 'cause it barely makes any sense. I barely get to the point. So,you could just barely kinda listen. Also…almost in a loose way like water flowing through your hands. Occasionally you could cup it and look at it, but eventually it's gonna flow away. So, just barely listen to me. This is…that's different than most podcasts. Most podcasts, they want you to listen to it.
This is also different than most sleep podcasts or sleep audio in the fact that I'm more here to keep you company as you fall asleep than really to put you to sleep. To be honest, I'm just your bore-friend. Or you could say I'm your bore…your bore for hire. That could be my new show on whatever channel we one day invent; Bore for Hire. Actually, we've done episodes like that, so…but where I come over and I just talk about nonsense until you fall asleep. So, this is a podcast that doesn't need to be listened to and it's a sleep podcast that's kinda here to barely put you to sleep and just keep you company. But if you can't sleep…the reason the shows are about an hour…one, to give you plenty of time to drift off so you don't gotta worry about it.
Then two, if you can't sleep or you wake up and you need me again, I'll be here 'cause there's some listeners that just can't sleep, and I want to be here to keep you company, too. So, that's really how I view my job, is to keep you company whether you're awake or asleep, to create a safe, semi-distracting place where you could rest. So, those are…there's even more things that are different that throw new listeners off, so let me get to those. Regular listeners, welcome back, but we have never talked about soapboxes and posture before, so I'm glad you're here, too. Structurally what to expect…this show is structured kinda similar to podcasts but a little bit different.
It starts off with a greeting; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary, trees and Multi-forms in this case for you Whovians, then…would a Whovian also be someone that studies the Whos from…if the Whos were a real thing, would you be…? Is a Whovian a fan of Whos or a person that studies Whos? I don't know. I just want…I heard that word. I said, I wanna work ‘Whovian' in at some point. It feels wonderful to say it; Whovian. Oh, so the show starts off with a greeting so you feel welcome, then there’s business. That's how we keep the show coming out twice a week on a regular basis, 4:00 p.m. Pacific Time, Sundays and Wednesdays, for seven, eight years, over 900 episodes. So, that's the business. Then there's an intro.
So, the business kinda throws some people off, but that's really not that much time, and then the intro is a lot of time. Normally you'd say, okay, four minutes of business, four minutes of intro, then get to the bedtime story. That would be at the Fresh Bedcast or something. I don't know. But for this show, the intro is…it serves two purposes. One…well, three purposes. One, it makes…it gives you an idea of what to expect and I try to go over things for the new listener. The second purpose is that I'm not really good at getting to the point, so it kind of fits my purpose which is just trying to be here with you to keep you company and not put on airs or posture. Like, oh, I'm the sleep…then I say whatever I say; one, two, three, go to sleep, badda-be. So, that's the second thing.
Then the third thing is for regular listeners, they kind of figure it out as they start to listen to this show, and maybe they change their relationship over the show…with the show over the years. But for a lot of listeners…so, 2% of listeners start the show at twenty minutes. Then another…well, two…1% or 2% of listeners support the show on Patreon, and some percentage of those listeners listen to story-only episodes. But the rest of the listeners, they use the intro in a bunch of different ways. But the intro can be used in so many ways because it's here, one, to make you feel welcome and to take your mind off of stuff.
But then, a lot of people I hear from, they either start the podcast as they're getting ready for bed or as they just got in bed, as they're beginning their wind-down routine or at the second stage of their wind-down routine when they're getting in bed, turning out the lights, and pressing Play. The intro gives you a way to ease into bedtime whether it's as a part of your bedtime routine or it's after your bedtime routine or it's even part of your wind-down routine or your skincare routine or your evening hobby that you chill out to. Whatever it is, that's why…part of the reason the intro's so long is because for me and a lot of the listeners that this podcast does work for, a lot of the stuff that's just supposed to work right away or…hey, it should work, that's a common thing we experience, right? You say, well, it should work.
You know, the blinds…make your room cool and dark. That should work. You say, well, it kinda works. What about breathing? Have you tried breathing? Yeah, of course. Well, it should work if you're…and I say, okay, enough of that, 'cause I got listeners here. I think that's my harrumph brain or something. I guess that's my should-er. I'd like to put the should-er somewhere that rhymes with that. So…oh, that's why the intro's so long, because…to ease you into bedtime. You could always skip it, but give it a few tries and see how it goes, 'cause a lot of listeners…some people fall asleep during the intro. Some people fall asleep right away during the intro after they've been using the show for a while.
So, that's the intro, then there's some business — that's just the structure of the podcast — then there will be Doctor Who. We'll talk about a Doctor Who episode in a way that you'll never recognize, that…you'll say, that was a Doctor Who episode? Mm, I don't know. I don't remember that one. Or if you've never seen Doctor Who…first of all, this…right now we're talking about the David Tennant Doctor Who. I don't know which number that is. But you say, well, he's pretty delightful, so, yeah, I could listen to you talk about…yeah, okay. But I don't know that show. You say, oh, don't worry about it. You won't…so, I'll just go off topic anyway. Then there's some thank-yous at the end of the show. So, that's the structure of the show, kinda things to know before you listen.
The reason I make the show; one, I've been there tossing and turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep. All those things I'm familiar with. Whatever the muscle is that shoulds you, oh boy, is that muscle strong. I'm a body builder with…what is…what are those things called? Oh, I'm trying to think…well, I call them brainbots, but I was trying to think of the actual…some of the actual professional words I've heard for them. They say, I know one word…this sounds a little bit harsh, but it's actually a kind word; you say, maladaptive. All those maladaptive parts of me…if there was any Olympic events for maladapt…the maladaptive muscle body builder…you say, well, every maladaptive part in his mind and his somatic system…you say, how did you build up…?
I say, it's just…that's the way I was…it's the way I'd…it’s some sort of…that's why I make a sleep podcast. So, I did lean in and eventually…I mean, this is actually…this is why I make the show. I've re-adapted those things and I have embraced them. Not totally in my personal life, but here on the show I can cuddle up my maladaptive parts and put their strong things to work and say hey, I know you use to should everybody about…it just sounds funny saying that 'cause it sounds so similar to something else. But, you know, now we're here to help. So, I've been there, and the reason I want to help is because…also, just like my maladaptive parts deserve a chance to unwind and be respected, you do, too. You deserve a good night's sleep.
You deserve a place you could rest and you could flourish and live your life, and that's what I hope to provide for those of you I can. So, that's why I'm here. That's why I make the show. I guess there's other things that randomly come up. Like, my brain naturally wonders what your posture is like on a soapbox and wonders if it's better…if you're…you say, well, it probably has to be pretty good if you're standing on…I don't think there could be any disagreement. You could…they'd say, oh, boy…but I would say unless…'cause you think of a milk crate, right? Those are the things…those aren't even around very much anymore. But a milk crate was…the plastic milk crates that you'd see people moving in…I think was probably the last time you had seen one, maybe. Even those aren't exactly sturdy. We're talking about a soapbox, like a wooden box that maybe soap came in?
I have no idea. I'm not talking about a cardboard box. This is an allusion to an imaginary time in history that lives within my mind. So, I don't know. Here's what I can tell you; I'm glad you're here. This podcast does not work for everybody but for the majority of the people it works for, they gave it two or three tries. I really want to help, so give it two or three tries. Like, unless you’re a hundred…usually if you made it this far, there's a chance the podcast is gonna help you if you listen two or three times. The people that it definitely didn't work for, they already stopped listening after like, minute four to seven and started writing about…writing me. So, give it a few tries. See how it goes. I'm really glad you're here. I work very hard. I yearn and I strive. I really want to help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by, and here's a couple ways we're able to bring you this podcast twice a week. Thanks.
Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I'm gonna do the rest. What I'm gonna attempt to do is repeat myself when it's necessary. What I'm gonna attempt to do, though, is create a safe place and…repetition, respect, and saying, well, could you give me a second? I'm gonna go back and make myself a little bit clearer, though that's not my forte. My favorite…I've said it before. My favorite forte; Will Forte. My use of the word ‘forte'…not as good as my love of Will Forte.
So…oh, I'm gonna try to create a safe place. Whether you're a Forte or you're just fortuitous or neither or neither, I'm gonna try to create a safe place here. I'm smoothing it, I'm patting it, I'm rubbing it down. If MacGruber…I think MacGruber…is it…? I can't pronounce very many words, but MacGruber could…I don't know if MacGruber needs a safe place or MacGruber's friends do, but you'd say…if there was a…if I wrote…well, I did write MacGruber…I do admit, I did write a MacGruber-after-dark novel, but it was trying to be a little bit romantic, too. It was called The Cave Within My Heart.
Well, then I said…then…well, that was what my initial title…and I said, well, what does it have to do with…how is that MacGrubery, Scoots? Then some part of my brain said, Scoots, are you sure Will Forte played MacGruber? I say, hm, I'm pretty sure. Okay Scoots, what were you saying? Oh, well, I was gonna…yeah, then I said, countdown to the…yeah. I said, you're right, I'll probably have to brainstorm that title. It was a little bit too romantic, The Cave Within My Heart, huh? But it is a sleep podcast, too, so I couldn't say anything action-packed. Oh, who's MacGruber, or what does this have to do with a sleep podcast and a safe place? Those are great questions. Let me get to them before I move on, just to…so, MacGruber…maybe you've heard of MacGyver.
MacGruber was another…very similar to MacGyver, but kinda like…well, I guess we do have a good analogy here…kind of like a regular podcast would have already gotten to the point…if MacGyver is your regular, run-of…I mean, there's no such thing as a regular, run-of-the-mill podcast. That's the best thing about podcasting; there's so much out there and it's all different. But let's just say that MacGyver was a podcast. MacGyver would be like okay, well, give me that…okay, give me a couple pieces of story there, and I'll put it together in a concise way that works. MacGruber and Scoots…I would be the…I'd say, well…okay, give me some bubblegum. What are you gonna do with the bubblegum, fix this story issue, Scoots? No, I'm gonna chew it. I want to have fresh breath while I fix this. So…oh, but what was MacGruber?
That's what I was trying to explain, not something else. Oh, MacGruber's…I don't know if a parody version of MacGyver, but a less-competent MacGyver but with the heart of MacGyver and the skills of me, maybe. So…oh, what does any of that have to do with podcasts or the other thing I was supposed to remember? I don't remember the other thing. But what I'm gonna attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever's keeping you awake. The way I'm gonna do that is I'm gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night, I'm gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents. I'm gonna go off topic. I'm gonna get mixed up.
I mean, you've already seen that; pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, and mixed-up stuff…all to take your mind off of stuff so you could fall asleep. So, whatever's keeping you awake, whether it's thoughts…did I say this already? Thoughts you're thinking about like things on your mind, feelings, any feelings coming up for you, physical sensations, changes in schedule or routine, maybe you work a second or third shift, maybe you're on a break from work or you're on-call, or maybe you just got stuff that's keeping you from sleep. Sometimes it's baffling. Whatever it is, I'm here to take your mind off of that, and that's why I said I'm gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night, to do that.
Now, a couple things that in a MacGruber…the most MacGruberousy way…I don't even know if that's a word, but…also, now I'm like, wait a second, is MacGruber the Will Forte character or is that a character on The Simpsons? I don't know. But…so, if you're new, a few things to know that you'd say, well, a little late now. I'd say, yep, that's how we do it here. Right on time…barely ever right on time. But a couple things to know; one, this podcast is not for everybody. So, if you're skeptical or doubtful or you're like, what is with the creaky, dulcet tones or pointless meanders, give it a few tries. Again, the podcast is free, so you could give it a few tries.
I'm not even pressuring you to do that, but most listeners — and this is pretty steady feedback I get on a daily basis — they say, hey, it took two or three tries before I got used to the show and realized it won't ever make any sense, and that's what makes the most sense about it. Then I realized…then I was like, oh, wait…as soon as I stopped trying to figure out what was going on and accept the fact that it was unfigurable…or, yeah, as soon as I accepted you were no MacGyver, which was my first instinct as soon as you opened your mouth…it's funny; my brain said, that person is no MacGyver. I mean, either MacGyver, either. Maybe there's been more than two MacGyvers. I only know of two.
There's a younger MacGyver who I'd say is new…maybe…I don't know, and then there's Richard Dean Anderson MacGyver, so…and then there's MacGruber. You say, well, you're more like MacGoober. I'd say, like McUber? Like, the Uber…? No, MacGoober, I said. Oh, yeah, that kinda makes sense. So, there's MacGyver, MacGruber…MacGyver 1, MacGyver 2, MacGruber, and I'm MacGoober. I'm not…a goober…technically I'm not sure I can agree to that, 'cause I'm not positive what a goober is, 'cause it might be something that's not sleepy, so I gotta kinda move on. But if it's something that's…exists in the world like…kinda like…could we agree to just for now say that that term means ‘homemade sparkle slime and/or slime with the puffy stuff inside’? Okay, good. I'm glad we could agree to that.
Oh, I'm supposed to be talking about the podcast. You're right. So, this podcast is not for everybody, but give it two or three tries to see how it goes. Oh, 'cause I was saying once the regular listeners realize that I'm more…much more MacGruber than MacGyver, they say, oh, okay. I get it now. I don't really have to pay attention. He's not gonna figure anything out. It would be like that…like we said, okay, now give me that. Okay, now give me a bag of jasmine rice. Okay, give me a magnifying glass. Okay. Okay, now I need some earmuffs. Okay, hand those…okay, what are you doing? Oh, let me look closer. Hold on. Do you have a cheese stick? Okay, let me put that in there. Okay, now…hold on, I need a break. Then I would take a break. But in this case, I'm coming back to you. So, give this show a few tries.
That was one thing I should have told you like, eleven minutes ago. The second thing to know is…oh, this pod…this podcast, you don't need to listen to…that's what I was trying to say that whole time. Also, this isn't really a podcast to put you to sleep. It's here to be here, keep you company, and take your mind off of stuff as you fall asleep. So, I'm kinda like your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-bestie, your bore-bud. I'm here to kinda just take your mind off of stuff, be at your side, be your companion. Like, what if MacGruber or MacGyver had…do they have anyone on that show that goes, uh-huh, okay? Like, I'm…just be handing…technically that would be my job. Uh-huh. Okay. Chopsticks? Okay, there you go. Uh-huh. Okay. Okay, well, let me look in the bag. Burlap sack? There you go. Okay. Okay, two eyes made out of coal?
There you go; you got it. A button nose? The only button nose I see is on you, MacGyver 1. I don't know, is that a term of endearment? So, my job is here to be here to take your mind off of stuff, keep you company as you drift off. So, a podcast you don't need to listen to, no pressure to fall asleep. That's why these shows are about an hour. If you can't sleep or you find yourself…you need a break during the day, you want to take a nap or you just want a little mental escape, this podcast is here for you…or you wake up during the night. The reason the shows are about an hour is to give you plenty of time to drift off. But if you can't sleep, I'm here to the very end, like I said. I'm here to keep you company, awake or asleep. So, I think one of the things about MacGruver and MacGyver is competence.
Then you’d…I'm on the other side of competence. You’d say, I don't think there's any way you can quibble that MacGyver is highly competent, either MacGyver or either MacGyver. I was just wondering if Richard Dean Anderson was also in that movie…that show Air Puppy or whatever, about the helicopter. I think so. Anyway, so, where was I? Oh yeah, I'm not very competent at getting to the point. I'm confident at…I’m confident in my incompetence. I mean, that's the truth. Oh, the other thing…and this is way too late to tell you this, but just in case…the structure of the show is very different. So, most podcasts start off…they do a quick intro, then they probably have some business, then they do a setup, and then they might have some business, and then they have the thing. Our show is…I guess kinda like that.
We have a greeting; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary, so everybody…say hello to everybody. Then we do business for a few minutes, then we have an intro which goes from like, minute four or minute six to about minute twenty, twenty-two. The intro just kinda goes on and on like we've been doing tonight, where I kinda get distracted and follow those distractions wherever they're going. So, for the new listener, you could say, what is this? But the regular listener, what it does is it eases you into bedtime or it gives you a chance to get ready for bed, or to start your wind-down routine. Or if you're in bed, it gives you a chance to get comfortable.
Your familiar friend Scoots is here, and instead of an action-packed night of dreamy hunks like the MacGyvers or…I mean, talk about a hunk, in my opinion; Will Forte. He's making you laugh and…I mean, easy on the eyes, I'd say. So, instead of that, you say…I don't know what my point was. Instead of that, you say, oh, okay, Scoots is here. I'm just gonna kinda barely listen. Yeah, my friend's here to keep me company and not get to the point. I don't have to worry about it. He's just gonna go uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, instead of okay, what are we dealing with here? You know…okay, we got the ticking clock, MacGruber. We gotta figure it out. So…okay, so there's that, and then…I don't know what…oh, so that's the intro. Then there's some business, then there will be a story, a bedtime story.
Tonight it'll just be a one-off, kinda random thing. Then there's some thank-yous and some goodnights at the end. So, that's the structure of the show, and I think that's kinda everything. The only thing left to tell you is the reason I make the show. I make the show, one, because I've been there. I know how it feels. I woke up this morning wicked early and I couldn't get back to sleep, but I've also…have trouble on all…trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep, tossing and turning. All that stuff I've dealt with. I know how it feels, and it doesn't feel good to me. It's nice to have someone there to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff, in my opinion. So, I hope I could provide that for you.
But more important than that is you, and it's my belief and my knowledge that you deserve a good night's sleep. You deserve a place where you can rest and get away, and I hope I can provide that for you. Now, like I said, it doesn't work for everybody, so you could check out sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou for other stuff. But that's really why I'm here, is to see if I can help, so let's see how it goes. Like most listeners say, you gotta see how it goes two or three times. Then you realize, oh, it's kind going nowhere-ish. Somewhere…oh, it's…the maps…it's kind of like figuring out one of those mazes that's really complicated, like with the…with a Crayon.
You say well, my Crayon is…it's one of those…the Crayon is wider than the maze. I'd say well, that's the perfect analogy for Sleep With Me, a complicated maze where the Crayon is wider than the maze. I'm amazed you came up with that, and I can understand it, but it barely makes sense to even me. So, I'm glad you're here. I really appreciate you checking the show out, giving me your time, and I really hope…I yearn and I strive 'cause I want to help you fall asleep, and here's a couple ways we're able to bring this show for free.
Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I'm gonna do the rest. What I'm going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever's keeping you awake, whether it's thoughts, things on your mind, thoughts you're thinking about, thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature…so, let's see, things you're thinking about, repetitive stuff…so, things from the past, present, or future. Sometimes my brain repeats itself in podcast intros and at night. Actually, I don't want to get into that, but that is one kind of dreaming I do.
I was doing it last night. Repetitive, dreamy problem-solving; that is something that doesn't keep me awake. It's trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep there. But it could be physical sensations, feelings…whatever it is that's keeping you awake, I'd like to take your mind off of that. Let's see…yeah, I'd like to take your mind off that, I'd like to keep you company, and help you fall asleep. That's my goal. So, the way I'm gonna do it is I'm trying to establish a safe place where you feel comfortable, particularly if you're new, or re-establish it if you're a regular listener. I'm gonna, yeah, try to establish that. I'm gonna try to smooth it, I'm gonna pat it, I'm gonna rub it down. I'm gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.
I'm gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents…yeah, superfluous tangents, sending my voice across the deep, dark night…oh yeah, repetitive stuff. But I'm really here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff while you fall asleep. If you're new, I guess I'm a little bit…tonight I'm a little bit…my brain's a little bit foggy. But so, here's the thing; if you're new, I'm glad you're here. If you're wondering what's going on or when I'm gonna get to the point or any of that stuff or you're feeling skeptical or doubtful, welcome. You're in the right…if you're feeling skeptical, you're in the right place. I don't know how many…what the statistics are in skepticism.
You say, well, this is how many things skeptics agree on. They say, well, not much. I'm skeptical about those numbers, Scoots. I'd say, well, I got no…no wonder you're skeptical. I don't even have any numbers. But one thing that people…they're doubtful I'm gonna get…I'm trying to think of a joke and a way to actually tie this in in a useful way. But if you're skeptical, many, many…I'm skeptical and many, many of our regular listeners are not only skeptical in general; they were skeptical about this podcast and doubtful about it. So, if that's your thing, of course you're gonna be skeptical or doubtful. What do you mean, you're gonna put me to sleep? When are you gonna get started? What are you doing? Why are your…why is your voice so creaky and dulcet? What are creaky, dulcet tones any…?
I say, yeah, those are legitimate concerns, totally. I'm not being sarcastic. This is…it’s shared by most regular listeners of this show. So, let me address a couple of them. But, one, I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're doubtful. That means you’re…that means it's important to you, so that's good. So…oh yeah, so a lot of people share that. So, a couple of things to know, yeah; one, this is a podcast you just barely listen to. So, you don't really need to listen to it too much or pay attention. It's a podcast you kind of…just passively listen to it, just like when you're pretending…again, we're here in a safe place, so we could talk about this…just like when you're pretending you're listening during the day. Even less effort than that, 'cause you don't have to hide it.
You mean I can pretend to listen…pretend to listen without pretending to listen? I say, yeah. How about that? You finally get to…the cover is taken off…when you put your covers on, you could pretend to listen without pretending, but in a way that has pretend that's kinda fun. You say, wait a second. You lost me there, Scoots. I'd say, well, I'm doing my job then. But what I mean is during the day…and I'm good at this, unfortunately. It's a strategy I've used my whole life. You say, uh-huh. You make a lot of eye contact. You try to use good body movement. You can sense my body movement even there. Uh-huh. Oh, yeah. Oh boy, you're kidding me. Really? Okay. Then what happened? Mm. Oof. Okay. Oh man, she didn't know. Oh. Well, I could see that. I could see how you…so that's…it takes some…it takes other skills.
But if you're lying in bed with me, I don't…I'm glad you're not listening to me. You can cut all that other stuff out and then have the good parts of pretend. When you're playing kid stuff, you say, uh-huh. Oh boy, Scoots, oh boy. Pointless meander…oh, oshkosh b'gosh. Uh-huh, Scoots, uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Now, if you have a partner or somebody that snores a lot, what if you start doing that? Uh-huh, mm-hm, oh boy. Yep, mm-hm, uh-huh. Just listen to me like that for a while. They say, what are you doing? You say, I'm…I don't know, I was asleep. Was I snoring? They'd say, no, it sounded like you were saying, uh-huh, uh-huh. Well, I don't know. I was asleep, so maybe that's how I snore. I don't know…and then just wait for them…that's a little bit passive, but you could do that.
If it's gonna help you…it's soothing. Can you hear me relax? Oh, boy. Oh, you're relaxed, huh, Scoots? Uh-huh. Okay, you doing a podcast intro? Uh-huh. What are you gonna do…? Okay. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Yeah, okay. Uh-huh. So, what was my…? Oh, you don't need to listen to me; that was my main point. So, if you're new, one thing…don't…you don't have to listen. You could just barely listen in a very loose, unfocused way. This is also…I guess it's irony. The podcast does not put you to sleep. It's here to keep you company while you fall asleep. So, I'm here to walk at your side and tell you a story or just go on and on with an intro as you drift off, and that's the reason the shows are about an hour, is you have plenty of time. You could fall asleep whenever you fall asleep. If you can't sleep for some reason, I'm gonna be here.
I'll be here keeping you company to the very end. So, that’s…so, it's a podcast you don't need to listen to. It's a podcast that doesn't really put you to sleep. More…it keeps you company and then you fall asleep. So, those are two things you might need to know. What else do you need to know? What else? Oh, structurally…this is another thing that can throw people off. Structurally the show is different, too. It starts off with a greeting; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, then it goes to a…that's so you know you're welcome. This is a spot where you're welcome. I'll try to create a safe place. Then there's business, business about six minutes…I don't know, eight minutes. That's what keeps the podcast out twice a week.
Then there's an intro which is around…from around minute six to eight to minute twenty, twenty-two. The intro is what we're in the middle of here. It's where I over-explain what the pod…for a new listener, you say, what are you doing? The first time most people listen, that's one of the things they say. What is he doing? Uh-huh, uh-huh. Actually, what are you doing? I don't know. I don't get this. This is supposed to put me to sleep? This is a very, very common theme. You say, when's the pod…? I thought you were gonna…when are you gonna get to the…? I say, well, I get there eventually. But first, I want to explain to you what the podcast is and what to expect, and that takes, yeah, about a third…you say, okay, so explaining to me the podcast takes a third of the podcast? I'd say, more or less.
Sometimes maybe twenty-five…yeah, somewhere between 25% and 33%, I would say. Maybe even sometimes 35%. I'm not good with percentages, but I can see it on a progress bar. So yeah, that's the intro. So, the intro is…the business throws some people off, but the intro really throws people off because they…one, a lot of people think it's just part of the business, but it's…I'm in the business of putting you to sleep and taking your mind off of stuff. I'm in the business of making content that you don't need to listen to, so it's…it can be tough at first, 'cause you say, okay, I don't understand how to do that. I say, I get it. Your whole life, you've been told to put some…if you're gonna pretend to listen, you better pretend you're listening instead of…go ahead, pretend to listen. This is not stuff we're raised to do.
For some reason, we live in a world where we're raised to pretend to listen to people instead of playing pretend to listen…which is more fun and very soothing. So, that's why the intro can throw people off, but it's also just 'cause it takes forever and you feel like, well, is this ever gonna get started? I say, well, when you're asking that, on the second or third time you listen to the show, you'll realize, oh, that's part of it. It takes forever to get started. But for a regular listener, what can happen is after you listen for a little while, you say, oh, you know what I'd like to do is start the podcast while…before I even get ready for bed, when I'm sitting on the couch with the lights down. Or you say, you know what? I like to get comfortable, get in bed, and then press Play.
Or for some people, they say, well, I like to start it at 3:00 a.m. when I wake up, or some listeners listen back-to-back-to-back-to-back episodes times eight or nine or ten. You'll find what works for you. There's about 2% of people that just skip ahead. They start the show at twenty, twenty-two minutes, or they listen to story-only episodes on Patreon 'cause they just want…they don't want the intros. There's also a percentage of listeners that only…either only hear the intro or listen to all-intro episodes on Patreon over and over and over. Or there's listeners that listen to the same episodes. So, there's so many different ways you'll eventually find, and then maybe you'll adjust and change how you like to listen to the podcast, maybe. Maybe it won't work for you.
But the intro is kind of a part of that. It's part of…ideally it gives you a chance to wind down and get some distance from the day and start to pretend, pretend that you care about what I'm talking about. In any other context that would sound nearly obscene, right? But in this context you say, go ahead, pretend like you care what I'm talking about. I hope you barely care what I'm saying. That's how we practice caring around here and it's the truth. The regular listeners are laughing because they know that's where the heart of this podcast is and the soul of it, is like, I care enough that you don't need to care. You could just say, uh-huh. Oh, Scoots…uh-huh, uh-huh. So, that's the intro. Then there's business 'cause that's just how the structure of the business is, then there's the episode, and then there will be some thank-yous and goodnights.
So, that's the structure of the show. What else do you need to know? Oh, the reason I make the show is because I've been there, like I said; tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep, all those things. So, if I can help you, it would be my honor, 'cause I know how it feels there in the deep, dark night. Like I said, lately…or at different times…a lot of the time, one of the things that happens for me is this repetitive dreaming stuff, and I don't want to get too deep into it. Sometimes it's like, things are going good, and then lately…then some part of my subconscious or medium-conscious is trying to solve these problems, but it's never in some…these are like the dreams you'd…it's in a gray zone.
But there's nothing exciting going on, and I don't even know…it's like rote tasks. That's what it is. My brain was doing it last night, very much like filing, but it wasn't. It was trying to solve some bigger problem. I said, holy cow, can we…did we get that figured out? I woke up twice. One of my strategies…not…it doesn't work for everybody but lately is get up, go visit the WC if needed, but even not, just go for a walk and look out the window or something, then get back in bed. I call it a reset, and sometimes that works. You could put on the podcast or maybe it's already playing, so then you could start listening to me again. But one of the reasons I make this show is 'cause I know how it feels, and it's frustrating sometimes. It's frustrating to even have to do a reset. You say, what about that other person?
They sleep through the night every night. But not for some of us. It's not easy. So, if I could help with that, it's my honor. The other reason I make the show is 'cause you deserve it. You deserve a good night's sleep. You deserve a safe place and if…I can't provide that for everyone but if I could provide it for you, I'd be great, because you'll get the rest you need, you can fully live your life or a little bit more fully, you can be rested, and that's a beautiful thing. So, that's another reason I make this show, 'cause I say, well that's…that would be pretty nice, helping somebody else out. I know how they feel. Their life will be a little bit better. The world will be a little bit better. So, you deserve it. That's why I make the show.
Now, it doesn't work for everybody, but thousands and thousands and thousands of people have said, give it two or three tries because it takes some getting used to 'cause the podcast is so different. I don't say that, 'cause I don't win either way. I don't gain any benefit from people listening to the show. It's like, people that are involved with the show. So, the only reason I want you to listen two or three tries is to see if it helps you or not, 'cause those are real people that keep the show going, are the people that…it's like a two-way street. So, don't worry about it. I'm not trying to get you to listen to more podcasts for my benefit…other than if it works for you, it's great. Then if not, you say, well, I tried it and I still don't like Scooter.
That's a common reaction, too. You say, but then I checked out Sleepy or Sleep Cove or Get Sleepy or Miette's Bedtime Stories, my friend Harris' Sleep Whispers. I checked out another…Empty Bowl, and that worked for me. So, you could try that, too. So, I guess that's it. Yeah, give the show a few tries. I really hope it can help you. I really appreciate you checking the podcast out. I really yearn and I strive to help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by, and here's a couple ways we keep the show going for everybody. Thanks.
Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I'm gonna do the rest. What I'm going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever is keeping you awake, whether it's thoughts, things you're thinking about on your mind, feelings, any emotions coming up for you, so things you're feeling, physical sensations, so anything on your mind, past, present, or future, anything emotionally coming up or physically, whatever's keeping you awake.
It could be something else, something you can't quite put your finger on or someone lying next to you be it human or in pet form that's either generating snores, heat, gas, movement. This is probably something you can only say within the confines of a sleep podcast, but if you’re listening to the show, you could probably relate to it, and I'll just say it for you because you can't say it in public; you say to that snoring, sweet, sweet one right next to you, your comfort is really making me uncomfortable. Oh, your resting so sweetly is really not helping me get any sleep. It could be…that's what I'm really here for. I guess I'm making a joke about it kinda, but really, that's why I'm here. I'm here to take your mind off whatever's keeping you awake. So, if it's that, you say, man, this is frustrating.
How can this person fall asleep instantly and snore like a dump truck while the dump truck's going by right…? You know how it is. But it could also be changes in time, temperature, routine. Whatever it is that is keeping you awake, I'm here to, yeah, take your mind off of stuff, to distract you. So, what I'm gonna do or what I propose to…what I propose and intend to do is create a safe place where you could set all that aside. I'm gonna smooth it, I'm gonna pat it, I'm gonna rub it down, and then what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I'm gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents.
So, I'm gonna go off-topic, I'm not gonna make a whole lot of sense and not get to the point, and I'm gonna do all those things so you don't have to pay attention to me and you can fall asleep. Now, if you're a regular listener, thanks again for coming back. I'm so glad I can help you and be here to try to create this safe place for you and really make…I hope I'm doing my best to give you the nice…can I pat it? Smooth it, pat it, rub it down? You want me to air anything out? Move anything around? Do you have any pets I could pet for you? You want me to just look at the fish and talk comforting to your fish or your plants or to you? How about that? You say, pets…fish, they…that fish got fed four hours ago. I say, no, don't worry, fish. I'll talk comforting to…how about I talk comforting to everyone or just to you?
Also, there's no wrong answer. You could say, yeah, forget the fish and the pets and the snoring lumberer next to me. Please…just…Scoots, can you be here…? I say, yeah, don't worry; I'm here for you. I just said that other stuff because there's cultural norms I'm supposed to follow, so…but you don't…that's the best part of this show; you don't have to follow any cultural norms. So, if you're new, this really can throw you off 'cause this podcast is by definition not normal. As Doc Brown once never said, norms? Where we're going, we don't need any norms, except for you, Norman McFly, the youngest…this is in Back to the Future, the one that I never wrote. But it’s…yeah. He says, norms? Then he said, it's just you, Norm. Hardy-har-har. Or maybe they said it…maybe he said it in a way…like, he said, Norm, you just stay here.
But I was meaning social norms. But also, I just needed your sister. She's the protagonist of this movie. You're the one we get a view of in the normal world, Norm. You're supposed to be…for once, Norm, you're a normy. Your role in this story is to stay here. We showed the ordinary world just like every Back to the Future is supposed to open, and then we'll return and see the results of your sister's journey into…where we need no norms. Oh, you're doing a sleep pod…sorry about that. Thanks, Doc. I'll take it from here. So, if you're new, a couple things to know; this show could throw you way off, and that's totally normal. So, if you're listening at this point and you're wondering what's going on or when I'm gonna get to the point or, really, this is not making any sense, you're right.
Or if you're doubtful or skeptical…I would be skeptical, too, tuning into a sleep podcast with creaky, dulcet tones and pointless meanders. So, those are all valid concerns, just like Norm's valid concern would be, whoa, whoa, whoa, how come…? I would like to time travel. Doc Brown says, trust me, it never goes as it's supposed to, Norm. Also, this is just…this car doesn't really…you'd have to…there's not really…it wasn't designed for three people. Doc, why don't you stay here and my sister and I will go? This could be…maybe we could…maybe instead of…this could be your version…we could make these into children's books. I'm sorry, Norm. I think we're in the middle of a sleep podcast, not a fanfiction within a fanfiction podcast. Oh, you're right. Let me give it back to Scooter, then. Thanks, Norm. Thanks, Doc.
I'm back. So…oh, if you're skeptical or doubtful, you should be. I mean, that's perfectly normal. A couple things…a few things that usually help settle down the skepticism but not always…one is to know you're not alone. Millions of people have listened to this show — or probably a lot more than that that didn't like it and then they just moved on — but of the regular listeners, they've said, hey, it takes two or three tries to get used to this podcast, and then you kinda start to become a regular listener. At first you say, I'm trying to figure out what's going on and it's not making any sense. So, that's the first thing. The second thing is this is a podcast you don't really need to listen to, so you just kinda barely pay any attention. I guess leaning into this…oh, who's Doc Brown?
Oh boy, sometimes I make these references and I'm just so…my cultural window is so…so, there's a movie about…called Back to the Future, which you may have heard of; you just don't know anything about it. Normal. Of course, I was making an A double S out of you, me, Doc, Norm, Lilian, who I think is Norm's sister, but most importantly you. Oh, it's a movie about time travel with this quirky doctor. That's who Doc Brown is. Actually, it's just D-O-C, so I don't know…anybody listen to D.O.C and The Doctor? That's another reference. If not, check it out. That was on Spotify. But…oh, so I was just saying…oh, so Doc Brown would be a deep, interested scientist.
So, one thing you could do…the idea of not paying attention would be…hey, tell me more about that flux capacitor that you use to power time travel while I get cozy here. Go on and on about all the…oh boy, can I tell you. I wanted to call it a flex capacitor, but it's actually a time-flux capacitor. It's actually capacitors, but I combined them into one unit. So, that would be where you stop listening, maybe. So, that's kinda the thing with me; you just don't…you don't need…you can just barely pay me any attention. The other side of it is even though it's a sleep podcast, it doesn't really put you to sleep. It just keeps you company. I'm gonna be here for about an hour, so you could fall asleep whenever you want or just whenever it happens.
But then if you can't sleep or you need me during the day, I'm here to the very end to keep you company. So, either way, whether you're awake or asleep, I'm here. The good thing is I'm gonna be here whether you're paying attention or not, so you don't really need to pay attention. It's optional. Those are two things. The next thing…what are the other things you need to know? I know there's other stuff. Oh, structure of the show. Maybe I'll tell you that next just 'cause I forgot what else. I mean, when you have the cast of Back to the Future 9 running around in your head and you wonder where are they gonna go…like, what is this situation that they have to solve by going to a place where there's no norms? You say, well, they're going into your sleep podcast, Scoots.
Oh, tell me about the norms that…well, one norm of active listening…we don't need to follow that here. Two, of paying attention during a story…don't need to do that…of listening. Structurally that's a little…your show's a little bit different. Yep, you're right. It starts off with a greeting; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary so that people feel seen and they know they're welcome. Then there's…okay, so there's that part, then there's the business. The business is what enables us to bring you the podcast twice a week. That's like four, six minutes or something. Actually lately it's been less than that. But so, that's what keeps the podcast going. Then there's an intro that's about eighteen to twenty-two minutes or something.
An intro that's eighteen to twenty minutes; that doesn't sound normal, does it, Norm? No, it doesn't. Yeah, well…so, the intro's eighteen to twenty minutes 'cause it serves a couple different purposes. One, it introduces the podcast to people that never heard it before and they get an idea of…oh boy, what is this thing? It's a bit different. This person has something like a sense of humor, almost…they actually do have a sense of humor. They're not humorous. I just realized that term. It's like Scoots is the only person…one of the few people that does have a sense of humor. You say, man, he's not hilarious. He kinda…people say…they throw that word around like they know what it means. No offense, but you say…I mean, don't you think so? You say, oh, I guess that would be…I have more of a scent of humor.
You say, he's…it's like he just barely…you know when you barely smell banana sometimes? You say…or maple syrup? You say, okay, I have just a bare scent…or is that a scent of cinnamon in there? That's Scooter. He has a scent of humor. Or also, you could say he has a C-E-N-T of…you say, yeah, he's about a ha'penny…he has a ha'penny of humor. But he has a bare sense of humor. I'd say, you're right, but that doesn't fit. Oh, but that's 'cause something…come up with the intro…but for a regular listener…all my regular listeners out there, what up? The intro serves a purpose of giving you some distance from the day and helping you slowly wind down and drift off. So, that's kinda…yeah, I mean, it gives you some distance. Some people start listening before they get in bed while they're winding down.
Some people are in bed getting comfortable. So, you just kinda have to see how it goes as you become a regular listener. But it becomes part of your wind-down routine whether you're awake or you're asleep or you fall asleep during it or you become one of the 2% of people that skip ahead to about twenty, twenty-two minutes. So, that's the structure. Oh, and then there's the intro, then there's business. That's how podcasting structure works, is that business is kind of the most important business, but that's just how it has to go in the structure of the show. Then there's a story. Tonight we'll be looking back at a famous movie about…a famous Michael Keaton…I don't know if it was a Michael Keaton vehicle, but oh boy, is it our friend Betelgeuse, as they may have said in France.
That great movie, Betelgeuse or Huego de Beetle Bailey. Yep. Oh boy, that movie. So, we'll be talking about that and seeing what I can remember from that movie even though I've seen it recent…like in the last ten months. Yeah, it's a little break between our TV show coverage. Then at the end of the podcast is thank-yous and goodnights. So, that's the structure of the show. The only other things you need to know is one, I make the show because I've been there tossing and turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep, so I want to help. So, that's one part of it. The other part of it is you deserve a good night's sleep. You deserve a place where you could rest and get comfortable, and our world will be a better place.
If you're rested and you can flourish or you just have a little bit better…it's…if your life's better, my life's better. It's really that simple. If I could help you get the rest you need, that's even better, right? So, that's why I make the show, because I've been there, I know how it feels, and you deserve more. I think that's it. The rest of you will kinda get an idea of…if you're new, I'm glad you're here. I work very hard. I yearn and I strive. I really appreciate you coming by, and these are a couple ways I'm able to bring you this podcast twice a week.
Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I'm gonna do the rest. What I'm going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever's keeping you awake, whether it's thoughts you're thinking about, thoughts, feelings, physical sensations…so, things on your mind from the past, present, or future, anything physically you're feeling or emotionally you're experiencing, or it could be many, many other things; changes in time, temperature, work stuff, life stuff, unknown. You say, huh, that's…I don't know. I don't understand.
Everything’s…that's the one that…I don't know. That one really gets me every time. I say, I thought I did everything right. But whatever it is, I'm here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff. What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I'm gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones. You say…what do you say? What are they called? Creaky, dulcet tones, like a creaky…you know…well, here's nothing…here's something else that hasn't been glorified on this podcast. What do you call it? What does Hollywood do? Glamorize it, right? Here's another thing that just doesn't get the credit it deserves when…actually, now that we're talking about it, there's a lot of different times this should get good credit.
Hopefully I'll remember to come back to it, but creaky floors…'cause I was just gonna say, when you say creaky, dulcet tones, what…how do you…would you…? Okay, creaky like a creaky floor, but dulcet. So, it'd be like a creaky floor in your…on your favorite floor or your favorite room or your favorite place to be. You'd say, well, you know that spot where we'd get our favorite summer treat? Oh boy, I can just remember…four steps into that old spot, I'd hear that creaking floor and I'd feel that feeling because I was about to order my favorite summer treat. Not only nostalgia, because I do it in the present day, too. So, that would be more of a creaky…that's my new collection of collectibles; Creaky Dulcet Moments or Creaky…yeah, Creaky Dulcet Moments.
The Creaky Dulcet Moment Collection, now not available or probably won't ever be. Maybe that's what tonight's episode will be about, though. Yeah, let's do that. Creaky Dulcet Moments, 'cause that'll save me from having to figure it out right now. So…oh, but…so, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders – which we just went on one – superfluous tangents…so, if you're new, really what I'm trying to do is create a safe place where…that I can send to you or you could feel like you could come and visit or we could share or just you could use it. It's really like I'm sending it to you. You do…that's the nice thing, is you could do whatever you wish with it. This is an adaptable, safe place, and what I mean by that is, well, one form of adaptation is that this podcast does not work for everybody.
So, some people, they turn it off or they just say, well, this isn't gonna…this isn't necessarily helping. Or you might be arriving for the first, second, or third time doubtful, skeptical, frowny, or your expectations are not being met. I want to say that that is a very legitimate reaction to this podcast, very normal, because that's what most people feel when they turn this show on. Of course you're skeptical. How many times have you been told something's gonna help you fall asleep and it didn't necessarily help you fall asleep? Or doubtful…you say, this…your creaky, dulcet tones and your pointless blathering…I'm just using a strong word for now to make an example. But you say, your pointless blathering is supposed to put me to sleep, or this nonsense? I'd say, maybe. We'll see. So, if you're feeling that way, that's normal.
I want to point that out because most listeners, 90-something percent of people that listen to this show, say, it took two or three tries before I realized this show was for me. So, just kind of see how it goes. The podcast is best consumed in a very loose way. So, if you're waiting for it to start making sense or start putting you to sleep, kind of pay a little bit less attention or just…and I don't mean it in an active way. You just kinda tune me out. This is the one podcast you could multitask to. Ideally you're multitasking by sleeping, but I'll get into how the intro works. Because most stuff, you want to be in the moment, and this actually is kind of to take your mind off of stuff so the rest of you can be in the moment getting comfortable, 'cause I don't want to encourage you to multitask.
I just don't want…I just want to encourage you to not…not to pay…that you don't have to pay a lot of attention to me. So, that's another thing; one, this podcast isn't for everybody. Two, it's a podcast you really don't need to listen to. You can just kinda barely listen. Three, this is a bit of…out there, too; this is a sleep podcast that doesn't really put you to sleep. It keeps you company while you drift off. But I'm more here as your bedtime companion just talking than I really am putting you to sleep. You're falling asleep barely paying attention to me. The other side of that is if you can't sleep, I'm gonna be here to the very end.
I'm here to keep you company whether you're awake or asleep, so if you can't sleep…there's listeners that can't sleep, there's listeners that listen during the day, there's listeners that are going through something and they can't sleep, there's…I'm here, I'm here. That's why the show is an hour. It's an hour so you don't have to worry about when you're gonna fall asleep, and you also don't have to worry if you can't sleep. You say, well, I got Scoots here for an hour. I got episode after episode after episode if I need it. So, that's another part of it. Moving on to the next few things that can throw listeners off is the way…the structure of the show. This also goes back to the multitasking. Now, regular listeners, they know what I'm gonna say. They just don't know the manner I'm gonna say it, because I change that every time.
But this show is structurally very different. It starts off with a greeting; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary. That ideally is to make you feel welcome and seen and invited in. You say, hey, check this out. I got a place set aside for you, but here's the irony; you go ahead and pick it out. There's a place here for you, but you go ahead and pick it out. See what works for you. So, that's the greeting. Then there's business, probably like four, six minutes of business or something like that. That's how we're bringing the podcast to you twice a week, is the people that take action on that, but that's more for regular listeners. If you're new, that's not important. Then we move into an intro, which is about twelve to twenty minutes of me explaining what the podcast is.
Those two things can really throw new listeners off, 'cause they say…'cause I think most of the time they say, what…are you getting to the point or are you just talking about the podcast, or is it all business? I say, well, it's the business of going off topic. Yeah, the intro…the bedtime story and the intro are kind of…they're…you could separate them, but I'll get into the method, and it is adaptable. You could start the show at twenty minutes or you could become a patron and listen to story-only episodes. But for the most part, this is what works in some different style for most listeners, is…so, the intro's like, eighteen to twenty minutes, we'll say, and it's me kind of introducing the podcast to the new listener.
But for the regular listener, they get to multitask while I'm doing the intro, because it eases you into bedtime, lets the day drift away. So, for a regular listener…and you could discover what works for you and you could keep changing it up. Some people are listening as they're getting ready for bed, some people are getting…doing it as they're getting comfortable and they're getting settled in, and some people are knitting or drawing or petting their pets or combing…brushing their hair, maybe giving them…maybe they're getting massage, giving massage, foam-rolling, maybe you're making your bed or…I mean, this is something…and sometimes I don't pause to do this, but when…I do a pillow reset.
I don't know…that's another one that's never come up on this…this is why I do these intros, 'cause this stuff doesn't come up. I mean, this…that I remember. I don't ever remember glorifying creaky floors before, which I'll do hopefully in this episode, and I also don't remember talking about pillow reset, which is a really important thing in my life…that so many times I'm in such a hurry to get into bed and toss and turn, I don't pause and do a pillow reset which is, one, getting my pillows back in my pillowcases, 'cause whatever I'm doing to my pillows at night, practice kissing and other things…maybe when I'm asleep; I don't know. Not when I'm awake. But they get out of their pillowcases, and also, they kinda get de-poofed. Also, I have two pairs of pillows that I have paired up, which I have talked about before.
Mostly I get them into their pillowcases, but I have two softer pillows that are…they could go under my head. Now, this is…I know these aren't for everybody, but I have…so, I have two feather pillows and then I have two non-feather pillows that are a little bit firmer that I either will grip into my arm or put under my legs or put over my head, depending on my mood. I like my pillow temperatures…I like to be able to switch up between the two pairs. So, I have one feather pillow, one firmer pillow, one feather pillow, one firmer pillow. That way I got my options. What I fail to do a lot of times is I just get in bed instead of doing a pillow reset, you know, making it nice. I say, okay, I'm gonna get my pillows lined up here before I get in bed, get those pillowcases on.
I don't know why it seems…I mean, if you listen to this podcast, you probably could relate to this. Why then…if I do it before I get in bed, it's easy, but for some reason I usually skip over it. But if I try to do it once I'm in bed…and even if the lights are on or out, it seems like such a monumental task. I'm like, well, I just gotta live with it now. This pillow's halfway outside its pillowcase. I can't possibly put the emotional wherewithal together to deal with this tonight. I might even…that's when the brainbots start. I might be like, jeez, I wish I was the kind of person that really dialed it in before I got into bed, but now it's just too late. I'm stuck with this pillow that's sticking out, and man, is it…isn't it…? If you're listening to me, it's funny, but it's weird that it's true.
You're like, just gonna have to deal with this…I'm never gonna get to sleep now that my pillow is 1/8 out of its pillowcase. I can't possibly…I don't know what it is. This is really what it's like for me. I say, I can't possibly pause and sit up in bed and realign my pillows, unless it's so great…but I'd be doing it like it would be like…I don't even know. I would do it with such…‘vigor’ would be a strong…light version of the kind of feelings I would be feeling if I actually did sit up and try to rearrange my pillows. It'd be like I'd be so…I'd be like, I guess I just gotta rearrange these pillows now. What an onerous thing to have to do. So, yeah, maybe tonight…maybe…but while you're listening to the intro, you could do a pillow reset, or maybe that's a reminder. You say, okay, that's great, Scoots, 'cause I was just getting ready for bed.
I was actually doing my slipper reset where I had my spring slippers, my summer slippers, which I call splippers just because…I don't know. I like it. You say, cool, cool. So, I forgot…oh, that's why the intro's so long, to explain what…in a long way to the new listener…why is the intro so long and pointless? Well, there you go. That's why, because I am who I am. So, that's why the intro's so long, but it actually…so, if you're multitasking, whether you're resetting your pillows or, yeah, you're petting your pets, maybe you're balming your elbows, maybe you're kissing your shoulders, whatever it is, you got time to ease into bedtime. So, that's the intro. Then there's business between the intro and the episode.
Then tonight it'll be some sort of random episode about creaky, dulcet…oh, I did that Creaky Dulcet door collection by Dior, but this is Creaky Dulcet Moments. I guess it would have been at one of those stores that sells things like that, like where you buy…well, I wouldn't buy ornaments there, 'cause I'd say, those ornaments are too expensive. But, you know. Oh, not collectibles, though. I don't know. You know…kinda know what I'm…a store that sells stuff with moments. Yeah, a store with ‘Moments’ in the title. So, that'll be the episode, then there's some thank-yous at the end. So, that's the structure of the show and kinda the things to know coming into it. If you're a regular listener, welcome back. Glad to have you here. Then the other things to know is I make this show because you deserve a good night's sleep.
You deserve a safe place, and if I can provide that for you, it's my honor. The reason it's my honor is because I've been there, clearly. You just heard what I go through just with pillows. That's just a scratch on the surface. I mean, I don't even think I talked to my therapist about that. I mean, because probably my therapist…well, I would have known that already. Thank you for informing me, but let's really talk…let's actually talk…are you sure you're not just filling time now? Did you prepare that, Andrew, before you came in tonight? Just in case you didn't have…you were not…I say, you got me. You really know me well. The therapist…that's the therapist that lives within me. But I say, did you practice that in the car on the drive over just in case there was some dead air in here? I'd say, yeah, I did, I did.
Actually, I practiced it on a podcast intro, too, months ago. That actually gives me even more reassurance. I say, well, I'm gonna get to use this intro twice. Maybe I'll prep my pillows more. But you deserve a good night's sleep, and I've been there, tossing and turning. So, I hope I can help. The only thing is, clearly, this podcast doesn't work for everybody. I'm a bit different. So, just see how it goes. See if it works for you. Give it a few tries, because I work really hard. I yearn and I strive. I really want to help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by and here's a couple of ways we're able to keep this podcast coming out twice a week. Thanks.
[END OF RECORDING]
(Transcription performed by LeahTranscribes)
-
All Intros
Dr. Seuss
https://news.vanderbilt.edu/2012/03/01/dr-seuss/
MacGruber
https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/650261/macgruber-movie-facts
https://www.denofgeek.com/tv/inside-macgruber-tv-series/
The Art of Conversation / The brain during sleep
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-happens-in-the-brain-when-you-sleep
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/what-happens-in-the-brain-during-sleep1/
Beetlejuice, the Musical
https://www.papermag.com/beetlejuice-broadway-tiktok-trend-1-2640689936.html
https://www.backstage.com/magazine/article/beetlejuice-broadway-musical-sound-design-advice-67626/
Precious Moments
https://www.preciousmoments.com/history
https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/a34904/precious-moments-facts/
https://www.simplemost.com/things-you-may-not-have-known-about-precious-moments-figurines-2016-2/
DOWN TO BUSINESS
A new form for All-Intros
Deep Dark Night United
Karl W Links; Calm History Podcast
PLUGS
Calm History; NYC Mesh; Sean Casey Animal Rescue; Hand in Hand; The Midnight Mission; Trevor Project; Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Rusty Biscuit Links; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline
SPONSORS
Claritin; Dusker; Helix Sleep; Odoo; Air Doctor Pro; AquaTru; Zocdoc; Progressive
INTRO
- 912
- Feelings: They’re There
- Posturing about Posture
- Standing on your soapbox for posture
- Freshly-Oiled Soapbox
- This is audio with talking
- Listen like water flowing through your hands
- Doctor Who
- Would a Whovian study Doctor Who and Dr. Seuss’s Whos?
- My Harumph Brain
- The Shoulder
- I can’t remember any professional words for Brain Bots
- The Olympics for my Maladaptive Parts
- The Imaginary Cardboard Box in my mind
STORY
- 913
- I’ll repeat myself when necessary
- My favorite forte? Will Forte
- MacGruber definitely needs a safe place
- I’ll admit I did write a MacGruber after dark novel
- Trying to explain MacGruber and MacGyver
- SWM is the MacGruber to every other podcast’s MacGyver
- Wait, is MacGruber from the Simpsons?
- Barely Ever Right on Time
- Scooter’s more like MacGoober
- I’m not sure what a Goober is
- Let’s just agree it’s homemade sparkle slime for now
- Let me just check out this burlap sack real quick
- Was Richard Dean Anderson also in Air Bud?
- I’m confident in my incompetence
- Talk about hunks
- The Crayon is Wider than the Maze
- 914
- Sometimes my brain repeats itself
- Repetitive Dreaming
- Establishing / Reestablishing a Safe Place
- My brain’s a little bit foggy tonight
- If you’re feeling skeptical, you’re in the right place
- Skeptical Statistics
- You don’t need to pay so much attention
- Pretend to listen without pretending to listen
- Oh, Oshkosh B’Gosh, Scoots
- Small, agreeing murmurs
- Explaining the podcast takes about a third of the podcast
- I’m not good at percentages, but I can see that progress bar
- I’m in the business of making content you don’t have to listen to
- Raised to Pretend to Listen
- Go ahead, pretend that you care what I’m talking about
- I care enough that you don’t need to care
- My brain is doing rote filing at night
- It’s my honor to be there for you
- 915
- Heat, Snores, Gas, Movement
- Your comfort is making me uncomfortable
- Snoring like a dump truck while the dump truck is going by
- Can I air out the safe place for you?
- Talking comfort to your fish and plants
- Norms? Where we’re going we don’t need norms, except you, Norm McFly
- My unpublished Back to the Future sequel
- Fan Fiction within a Fan Fiction Podcast
- Explaining Back to the Future
- DOC and the Doctor
- Time Flux Capaci-doors
- When you have the cast of Back to the Future 9 milling around in your head
- The Norms I won’t follow in this show
- A Scent of Humor
- A Ha’penny of Humor
- Looking back on Beetlejuice
- Batal Zoosa
- Juego de Beetle Bailey
- 916
- The Unknown
- Creaky, Dulcet Tones
- Hollywood doesn’t glorify creaky floors enough
- Fond Memories of Creaky Floors
- The Creaky, Dulcet Moment Collection
- You can definitely multi-task to this podcast
- You can pick the safe place yourself
- The business of going off topic
- The Old Pillow Reset
- Practicing Kissing with my Pillows
- 2 Pairs of Pillows
- Adjusting my pillows with vigor
- Splippers (Spring Slippers)
- I hope this explains why the intro is so long and pointless
- The Creaky Dulcet Door Collection, by Dior
- I don’t think I’ve even talked about my pillow stuff with my therapist
- The Therapist That Lives Within Me
SWM+ THANKS
n/a
SUMMARY:
Episode: 1263
Title: Freshly Oiled Soapbox | All Intros 912 – 916
Deep Dark Night United: Karl W Links; Calm History Podcast
Plugs: Calm History; NYC Mesh; Sean Casey Animal Rescue; Hand in Hand; The Midnight Mission; Trevor Project; Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Rusty Biscuit Links; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline
Sponsors: Claritin; Dusker; Helix Sleep; Odoo; Air Doctor Pro; AquaTru; Zocdoc; Progressive
SWM+ Thanks: n/a
Notable Language:
- 912
- Feelings: They’re There
- Posturing about Posture
- Soapbox
- Whovian
- My Harumph Brain
- The Shoulder
- Maladaptive
- 913
- Forte
- MacGruber
- Barely Ever Right on Time
- MacGoober
- I’m confident in my incompetence
- The Crayon is Wider than the Maze
- 914
- Repetitive Dreaming
- Skeptical Statistics
- Skeptical
- Pretend to listen without pretending to listen
- Oshkosh B’Gosh
- Rote tasks
- 915
- Your comfort is making me uncomfortable
- Snoring Lumberer
- Norm
- Fan Fiction within a Fan Fiction Podcast
- Time Flux Capaci-doors
- A Scent of Humor
- A Ha’penny of Humor
- Scent / Cent
- Batal Zoosa
- Juego de Beetle Bailey
- 916
- Creaky, Dulcet Tones
- Fond Memories of Creaky Floors
- The Creaky, Dulcet Moment Collection
- Pillow Reset
- De-poofed
- Vigor
- Splippers (Spring Slippers)
- The Therapist That Lives Within Me
Notable Culture:
-
- 912
- Speaker’s Corners
- Doctor Who
- Dr. Seuss
- The Fresh BedCast
-
- Olympics
- 913
- Will Forte
- MacGruber
- The Cave within my Heart, a MacGruber after dark novel
-
- MacGyver
- The Simpsons
-
- Richard Dean Anderson
- Frosty The Snowman
- Air Bud
- 914
-
- Oshkosh B’Gosh
- Sleepy
- Sleep Cove
- Get Sleepy
- Sleep Whispers
- Empty Bowl
-
- 915
- Norm McFly
- Back to the Future
-
- DOC and the Doctor
- Beetlejuice
- Beetle Bailey
- 916
- Hollywood
- The Creaky, Dulcet Moment Collection
- The Creaky Dulcet Door Collection, by Dior
Notable Talking Points:
- 912
- Feelings: They’re There
- Posturing about Posture
- Standing on your soapbox for posture
- Freshly-Oiled Soapbox
- This is audio with talking
- Listen like water flowing through your hands
- Doctor Who
- Would a Whovian study Doctor Who and Dr. Seuss’s Whos?
- My Harumph Brain
- The Shoulder
- I can’t remember any professional words for Brain Bots
- The Olympics for my Maladaptive Parts
- The Imaginary Cardboard Box in my mind
- 913
- I’ll repeat myself when necessary
- My favorite forte? Will Forte
- MacGruber definitely needs a safe place
- I’ll admit I did write a MacGruber after dark novel
- Trying to explain MacGruber and MacGyver
- SWM is the MacGruber to every other podcast’s MacGyver
- Wait, is MacGruber from the Simpsons?
- Barely Ever Right on Time
- Scooter’s more like MacGoober
- I’m not sure what a Goober is
- Let’s just agree it’s homemade sparkle slime for now
- Let me just check out this burlap sack real quick
- Was Richard Dean Anderson also in Air Bud?
- I’m confident in my incompetence
- Talk about hunks
- The Crayon is Wider than the Maze
- 914
- Sometimes my brain repeats itself
- Repetitive Dreaming
- Establishing / Reestablishing a Safe Place
- My brain’s a little bit foggy tonight
- If you’re feeling skeptical, you’re in the right place
- Skeptical Statistics
- You don’t need to pay so much attention
- Pretend to listen without pretending to listen
- Oh, Oshkosh B’Gosh, Scoots
- Small, agreeing murmurs
- Explaining the podcast takes about a third of the podcast
- I’m not good at percentages, but I can see that progress bar
- I’m in the business of making content you don’t have to listen to
- Raised to Pretend to Listen
- Go ahead, pretend that you care what I’m talking about
- I care enough that you don’t need to care
- My brain is doing rote filing at night
- It’s my honor to be there for you
- 915
- Heat, Snores, Gas, Movement
- Your comfort is making me uncomfortable
- Snoring like a dump truck while the dump truck is going by
- Can I air out the safe place for you?
- Talking comfort to your fish and plants
- Norms? Where we’re going we don’t need norms, except you, Norm McFly
- My unpublished Back to the Future sequel
- Fan Fiction within a Fan Fiction Podcast
- Explaining Back to the Future
- DOC and the Doctor
- Time Flux Capaci-doors
- When you have the cast of Back to the Future 9 milling around in your head
- The Norms I won’t follow in this show
- A Scent of Humor
- A Ha’penny of Humor
- Looking back on Beetlejuice
- Batal Zoosa
- Juego de Beetle Bailey
- 916
- The Unknown
- Creaky, Dulcet Tones
- Hollywood doesn’t glorify creaky floors enough
- Fond Memories of Creaky Floors
- The Creaky, Dulcet Moment Collection
- You can definitely multi-task to this podcast
- You can pick the safe place yourself
- The business of going off topic
- The Old Pillow Reset
- Practicing Kissing with my Pillows
- 2 Pairs of Pillows
- Adjusting my pillows with vigor
- Splippers (Spring Slippers)
- I hope this explains why the intro is so long and pointless
- The Creaky Dulcet Door Collection, by Dior
- I don’t think I’ve even talked about my pillow stuff with my therapist
- The Therapist That Lives Within Me