1193 – Love’s Labor Lulls | All Intros 884-888

Episode 1193 – Love's Labor Lulls | All Intros 884 – 888

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, it’s time for the podcaster, patrons, that…I was trying to think of some lyrics from a song to make a witty turn of phrase for you. But really, I just say thanks, thanks, patrons. Thanks for supporting the show. I’m here to put you to sleep. Thanks.

 

INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts, things you’re thinking about on your mind or going through…in there, around there…stuff on your mind. How many more ways can I say it than mind on your…you might have your…this is…this…okay, we’re already…we’re off topic early. But I’d say, what does a person prepping for Thanksgiving say in a song when they’re trying to…?

 

This is far removed from Thanksgiving time-wise, but you’d…if…you say, I got stuffing…I got my mind on my stuffing and my stuffing on my mind. If you were…you’d say…'cause you’d say, I’m trying to remember all the ingredients. So, that could be one thing on your mind, but now I’d like to take your mind off of that. It could be something physical coming up or emotional that you’re experiencing. What I want to do is take your mind off of that. I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, all, like I said, to kinda create a safe place — whatever’s keeping you awake — where you could have some room to get comfortable and relax.

 

Now, if you’re new to the show, you might say, okay, did you say you have stuffing on your…mind on your stuffing and stuffing on your mind? I’d say, also, stuffing? I don't…if I was at a diner and they said today’s special is stuffing, I’d say, stuffing? I don't mind. So, is…bread pudding, is that considered a stuffing? I mean, I’ll just throw it out there. Isn’t that…wouldn’t that be just a dessert stuffing? That’s the thing; here’s…I’m not saying start a stuffing-based business or only stuffing, though I might start selling it. What are you selling…what does Scoots do? What happened to Sleep With Me? Well, Scoots started a multi…a stuffing-based…an SBB opportunity. SBB, is that like an MLM? I didn’t get that far. It was a stuffing-based business. Oh, like stuffing envelopes? No, Scooter didn’t even think of that one.

 

That was a timeless…that was actually connected to those first letters. No, it was…he thought…he accidentally triggered the great stuffing restaurant glut where everybody…and all…he gets that word glut mixed up, so it could have…he could mean the other one, dearth, where people are opening all those things, where it’s like…a scoop of stuffing; that was one of them. That was actually the only one that was successful. That was a truck. It was only successful in Billings, Montana. It did really well there, and everywhere else…but that was one of the businesses. Stuffet; that was a stuffing buffet. It was all 'cause Scooter wanted to promote dessert stuffings. He said, enough with this bread pudding. I’m here for some dessert stuffing or some stuffing for dessert, but not savory stuffing.

 

So, that was popular for a time, a very brief time, just as long…just part of a podcast intro. Also, I forgot…oh, so if you’re new, you might be wondering what I’m talking about. So yeah, that’s a common experience. I’m here…welcome to Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. A couple things to know if you’re new; I tend to go off-topic as I try to create this safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. So, one thing to know is this is a podcast…and actually, it’s a bit like the shape of stuffing, which may be another novel I won't write, or it could be an auto…a fictional autobiography or something I wouldn’t write. ‘Cause you say, is stuffing…stuff…it’s not…it’s neither a liquid nor a solid. I think we could all agree on that.

 

It’s barely…it has a low, low viscosity, but it’s still viscous, 'cause…here’s another one; science teachers, let’s get this…you say, well, instead of covering plasma…I know all…I had you kids so excited about covering plasma today and plasmids and those other…whatever. Scooter’s just trying to put words in my mouth. He wanted to say inter-modular states, but I…even I as a fictional science teacher know that’s probably not…words meant to go together. But as we talk about states of matter, I did promise we’d cover slime. I know how popular slime was. The great Aquafina, she was known to have her own slime kits. That would be a branding opportunity. But so, instead I decided…instead…the cool glitter slime and all that, I decided to do stuffing instead. The kids sighed. Oh, ho hum, was what it’s…what it really meant.

 

I say, well, stuffing doesn’t really have a shape. Sometimes it takes the shape of its container. It could be shaped or…a stuffing sculptor; there’s another one. I don't know, should this be a stuffing-based episode? But so…'cause I’m stuffing in something. Yeah, I hear you. I hear you, new listeners. But kinda look at it. You don’t normally look at stuffing and judge it on its shape. You may judge it on other things; color, consistency, its degrees of dryness to wetness and all that, but you don’t say, huh, that’s…'cause stuffing by definition is…it’s tough to…you say, well, it’s kinda got bread…it has cubular parts but it’s not a cube. It’s made up of cubes or something like cubes, but don’t…they don’t necessarily always look like cubes. I would say, if this is your first time consuming this podcast, that’s one way to look at it, is like, huh.

 

Well, it’s in a…this podcast, probably the dish it would be served it would be a casserole dish. Or, I don't know…I don't think…they don’t serve things in chafing dishes; they put a dish inside of a chafing dish. Or is it a chafing dish? Here’s another sign; never needed to be put anywhere. No shaving in the chafing dishes. Yeah, no, okay, I’ll keep moving. I was gonna say…well, bathing, but you say, please don’t. That’s what happened to Stuffet, the stuffing buffet. Oh, boy. So, if you’re new, just kinda consume this podcast loosely. Like a shape like that; you say, hm, okay. Then you maybe start thinking, well, I could kinda mold it…so, it’s just meant to be kinda passively consumed at first. Don’t try to figure this podcast out, 'cause you may end up frustrated, 'cause I’ve gotten those e-mails.

 

I’m here to put you to sleep and to take your mind off of stuff. So, it’s a podcast you don’t really need to listen to, and then as you become a regular listener, if you do, over your third or fourth or fifth or sixth listen, you say, okay, this is how I enjoy listening to the podcast as it puts me to sleep or as I get ready for bed. The other thing is there’s no pressure to fall asleep. I’m gonna be here for about an hour to keep you company as you drift off. I’m your bore-friend, your bore-bud, I’m your bore-sib, your bore-bestie, your bore-bae, and yeah, I’m just here to be your companion in the deep, dark night and keep you company and…as you drift away. So, that’s why the show’s an hour. Plenty of time for you to fall asleep. No pressure on my end.

 

Structurally what to expect…well, the show is a little bit different as you’ve heard so far, and it starts off with business. That’s how we’re able to keep the podcast free for everybody, coming out twice a week, so I realize it’s not convenient to have sponsors and stuff, but I’d rather have the podcast free than behind a paywall. Then there’s an intro, and the intro…we’re about nine or ten minutes into it. Usually it’s somewhere around twelve to eighteen minutes long, and this could definitely throw you off if you’re new, 'cause you say, well, you spent twenty minutes talking about the business of the show? No, it’s kind of like a monologue about things like stuffing or SBBs, stuffing-based…SBBOs, actually; stuffing-based business opportunities. I’d say, do you want some stuffing in your life? Do you love stuffing?

 

Couldn’t you deal with stuffing all day long? Well, I’ve got the…do you have the right stuff? Well, call 1-800-STUFF-IT and take a look at our stuffing-based business opportunities. Glamorous…maybe that’ll be what this episode’s about. So…it definitely will be. So, oh, structurally…oh, so the intro is just…it’s twelve to eighteen minutes of nonsense…somewhat nonsense where I kinda explain what the podcast is, go off topic, try to come back. So, it’s something familiar everything…single time, but it’s a little bit new, 'cause I won't…next time…it won't be…it’ll probably be eight episodes…in eight episodes from now, you’re gonna hear me say, huh, I never talked about stuffing in an intro before. If you’re a regular listener, you’ll go, Scoots, you just did.

 

I say, probably been two hundred episodes since I talked about stuffing, and then I’ll probably talk about it in a different way. I don't know. The famous album, A Pocket Full of Stuffing, or maybe that was a childhood nursery rhyme. Or, no, that was a truism, right? Grandma said, don’t leave the house with a pocket of stuffing. It won't be good for…it won't be good for you, particularly. I’d say, you were right. Oh, were…it wasn’t good for anybody, but particularly it was…mostly wasn’t good for me or the stuffing or my pants or my pocket or my self-esteem. It may have taken the biggest blow. Maybe one day I’ll have the esteem to just walk around with pockets full of stuffing. So, oh, what was I saying? Oh, structurally.

 

So, the intro kinda meanders…live meanders in-person, but it’s to give you time to get ready for bed or to get into bed and start drifting off. That’s the main mechanism of it. It’s a friendly voice in the deep, dark night, and take…I can guarantee that for a lot of you, you’re thinking about either…oh, what’s up with Scoots? Once again you’re wondering that, but that’s every night. Then you’re wondering, huh…I mean, it’s natural. You say, huh…how would you even get stuffing in your pocket in the first place? That’s what my dad said. After he chased the birds off, he said, how’d you even get your pockets full of stuffing? I said, I stuffed them. By definition, that’s what I did. Hate to state the obvious, but I stuffed my pockets full of stuffing. That’s why they’re stuffed with stuffing. I mean, can you just bring me home now, please?

 

And he sighed, the sigh I’ve heard a million times. Oh boy…oh, this isn’t my biography. Sorry. The Boy with A Pocket Full of…A Pocket Full of Stuffing and Other Things I Learned Making A Sleep…in Conjunction with Making A Sleep Podcast. Oh yeah, so that’s the intro. It just gives you time to wind down. Sometimes…there is 2% to 4% of regular listeners that just start the show at twenty minutes and listen there, and then there’s a good amount of patrons that either start with one regular episode, then listen to story-only episodes every night or just listen to story-only versions, but you could kinda see what works for you. I don't know, I guess tonight we’ll be talking about stuffing in some sense. I don't know, this will be a random Trending Tuesday episode.

 

But I make the show 'cause I’ve been there, one, and I know how it feels in the deep, dark night. Two, I mean, where else are you gonna get this much talk…where else does stuffing get its full? I mean, most people are full of stuffing, or turkeys, for a time, are. You say, this is where stuffing finally gets the attention it deserves. I could go on and on. But so, that will be the story part of the show. Between the intro and the story is some business, then the show ends with thank-yous. So, that’s the structure of the show. I think that’s it. Oh, I make the show 'cause I’ve been there. I know how it feels in the deep, dark night, tossing and turning…trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep, trouble waking up. All those things. I’ve been there recently. Then the other thing is I really believe you deserve a good night’s sleep.

 

You deserve a place of solitude, of rest, a safe, comfortable place to drift off, and if I can help provide part of that, it’s my honor. Really, it really is my honor to do so. The catch is obviously this podcast is a acquired taste. You already figured that out. Some people, they figured it out eleven minutes ago. They already sent me an e-mail. Unfortunately it’s…they said, well, this is what you could do with your stuffing. I say, well, if you would have listened, you would have found out I already put it in my pockets, so I can’t stuff my stuffing 'cause it’s already stuffed in my pockets, but thank you for the e-mail. Thanks so much. So, just kinda see how the podcast goes.

 

Most listeners…this is…I’m not…these people might think I’m making up these numbers…but probably close to a million people that have said, took two or three tries before I got used to the show. So, that’s a pretty ubiquitous piece of wisdom about the podcast, is give it a few tries, see how it goes, and see if it can help you. See if it can take your mind off of stuff or keep you company as you drift off so that you can get the rest you deserve, you can be out there in the world rested and flourishing, and then we all benefit, particularly you and the people around you, but by proxy, the rest of us do, too. So, I’m glad you’re here. I really appreciate your time and checking the show out, and I really hope I can help you fall asleep. Thanks again, and here’s a couple ways we’re able to keep this podcast free for everybody.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? It’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts you’re thinking about, thoughts, things on your mind, feelings, like any emotions coming up for you, physical sensations…it could be anything, you know. A lot of different stuff. Stuff; holy cow, it’s always there, and sometimes it’s stuffed up in there. So, whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that, and the way I’m gonna do it is I got this nice, safe place all picked out.

 

It’s all set aside for you. You could pick out your part of the safe place, and you don’t even have to pick it out, actually. You could just lie there and be like, yeah, somewhere over there. Can you imagine that? That could be a new kind of…Sleepy Movers. Now, just hear me out. It’s probably the wrong time to talk about this, so I’ll try to come back to it, Sleepy Movers, because I better explain what the podcast is to the newest listeners. Welcome. What I’m also gonna do in addition to taking this safe place and letting you arrange…have me arrange it for you, is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, creaky…lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents.

 

I’m gonna go off-topic…oh boy, am I gonna be…I’ll be off-topic and then I’ll be back on topic, and then I’ll be off-topic again. Superfluous…what did I say? Pointless meanders, superfluous dialogue, extra words, sleepy moves. The only moves I got are sleepy. Say, all those…Scoots, so, you’ve been working on your moves, huh? Oh boy, have I. Oh yeah, Scoots has got moves, the moves that put you to sleep. I say, well, those moves weren’t intended to put anybody to sleep. Those were supposed to be my…I had my fancy moves, my hot moves, my smooth moves. None of those put you to sleep, too? Oh, boy. So…okay, what’s…pointless meanders…oh, all to take your mind off of stuff and be here, actually, to keep you company while you fall asleep. Now, if you’re new, a couple things to know. One, I’m glad you’re here.

 

Two is this podcast normally takes two or three tries to get used to. A recent reviewer said one or…somewhere between one and four times. Give it one or four tries. The reason for that, one, is like, if you’re listening to a sleep podcast, you’re probably naturally skeptical and doubtful about it. You say, hm, what is this you’re getting me into here, or what are you really up to? So, there’s that, which is totally normal. If you’re doubtful or skeptical, I’m a skeptic most of the time, except when I’m that other thing; gullible. Well, I guess most of the time I’m gullible, but the rest of the time…I’m skeptical because I’m so gullible. Talk about a paradox. I’ve been working my whole life to try to get outta that. Maybe today’s the day. I say, you know what? I’m gonna be open-minded but with limits.

 

I guess that’s what I’m striving for. So, there’s a problem solved. I mean, maybe. But…oh, so, you’re…I’m here to help you fall asleep, so if you’re doubtful or you’re not sure, this podcast is very different than everything out there, so give it a few tries and just see how it goes. I will tell you this; what was I gonna tell you? I forgot. Oh, so if you’re new, a couple things to know other than this podcast is strange; one, this is a podcast you don’t really listen to. You kinda barely listen and you kinda do that by just kinda saying, hm, okay, I’m gonna pay attention here for a few minutes and see how it goes. Well, he’s kinda not talking about anything. Maybe I don’t have to pay…so, you kinda let it bounce off your ears or let me kinda go out of focus. Just kinda barely listen, kinda like this moving sleep company I’m coming up with next.

 

So, there’s that. So, don’t…this is a pod…the one podcast you don’t listen to. The other thing is this is a sleep podcast, but believe it or not, it’s more here to be here while you fall asleep and to take your mind off of stuff. My job is to walk at your side and kinda distract you while you fall asleep or while you drift off. I guess another part of my job is to ease you into bedtime, which kinda segues nicely into the other thing that new listeners can find a little bit off-putting, I guess would be one way to say it, is the structure of the show. Show starts off with a greeting; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, because I’m so happy that all you are here, and I want you to feel acknowledged and seen and know that your sleep is important to me.

 

Then we go into business, and the business is what enables us to bring you the podcast for free, so that’s cool. Then after the business, around six or eight minutes into the show, we go into the intro, and that’s where I ease you into bedtime. This could throw some people off because the intro’s around…it goes from around minute six or eight to around minute twenty or twenty-two-ish, and I say…when I say ‘ish’, I mean pretty…I always shoot for…to shut the recorder off at like, eighteen minutes, but you never know what’ll happen, where my meanders will take us. Nowhere, I mean, mostly, but on a journey to nowhere. So, sorry, I went off…so, the intro…the whole idea of the intro, it’s really long. So, initially you say, what do you mean the intro’s like, eighteen minutes long? It doesn’t really make any sense.

 

I’d say, exactamundo, as the Fonz says. But really, what the intro…the purpose of the…the purpose the intro serves is…I’m laughing just 'cause I…my words were out of order there. If my words were a machine, they’d always say Out of Order. You’d say, is that Out of Order sign because your words don’t work, your word machine doesn’t work? No, no; it’s just a heads-up that any words coming out of my word machine will be out of order. But so…oh, so the intro is so long and meandering…one, the show has an intro to greet you and to kinda let new listeners what’s coming up and what to expect. It also kinda gives you a overview of what the show will be like overall.

 

But also for regular listeners…the regular listeners…believe it or not, 98% of regular listeners listen to the intro or fall asleep as the intro goes on because it’s part of their bedtime routine. It’s part of their wind down. Because if you’re listening to the show, you’ve probably faced some kind of sleep issue before, and for most of us, it hasn’t been a easy thing to fix, and we’ve tried the easy stuff or the magic stuff or the stuff that you pay money for, and none of that really has worked well, or at least hasn’t worked instantly. Anything that’s been part of a slow and steady thing usually works better. So, the intro’s kinda that in a microcosm. It’s a slow and steady journey into bedtime. It’s a slow wind-down.

 

So, some listeners…if you become a regular listener, some listeners start it before they get into bed, as they’re getting ready for bed…either on their sleep phones or their headphones or there’s just their phone in their pocket or their smart speaker, and you don’t even have to be in the same room as me to not listen to me. That’s how convenient this podcast is. You could say, well, I can almost hear Scoots down the hall and just barely hear him over brushing my teeth and washing my face, doing my skincare routine. Then I’m gonna balm my elbows, kiss my shoulders, maybe give my biceps a little pecky-poo, and I can almost hear him before that smooching between the smooches on my biceps. Then some listeners start the podcast as they get into bed and start their wind-down routine or their bedtime routine.

 

So, the intro just kinda eases you into bedtime. Then after the intro will be business. That’s just kinda podcast structure, then there’s a story. Tonight it’ll be our first episode of our new episodically modular serial story, Otter Things. That’s O-T-T-E-R T-H-I-N-G-S. So, that’ll be fun, and it’s gonna be a nice story about otters and other creatures that live together in a swamp. I mean, talk about bedtime material. Then there will be some thank-yous at the end of the show to say goodnight. So, that’s the structure of the show. Those are the kinda things to know. But yeah, to come back to that image of…the idea of the show is like, what if there was a moving…this would be the moving service I would offer, so hear me out.

 

Now, it would take…we would have to have a magic-user on-staff or some powerful stuff…because you say, okay, so, tell me about this Sleepy Movers. I say, okay, well, one, we’re licensed and bonded. Totally…double-license, double-bonded, triple-insured, so don't worry about that. We got all the accreditations. We even got an accreditation from the ROYGBIV Institute, 'cause Scooter invented that anyway. That’s more for holiday lights to make sure they follow the ROYGBIV protocol. Anyway, so, yeah, it’s a moving service where you go to sleep and we move your stuff while you’re sleeping. You might say, including me? We say, that is an offer in our package, that yeah, we’ll move you and your bed.

 

Totally…don't worry, we have all the technology to make it 100% totally dreamy and comfortable, and yeah, we do have a hyperbolic thing so it’s like, if you’re going across the country…totally, we could…you could sleep for a few days if you like. Some people do it…that’s just a bonus. They said, wow, I slept for a week, too, and I moved and I woke up and everything was moved. It’s more…a lot of people think it’s a gimmick, but the one thing we’re known for is arranging stuff while you sleep. Now, we work out a plan ahead of time, but we’ve also figured out a way to basically communicate with you while you’re sleeping to move your furniture and lamps and stuff around. It kinda goes like that; you just say, uh-huh…no, no, no; over there. No, up…no, that’s crooked. Please…okay, perfect.

 

Okay. No, no, no, let me see how that looks over there. Okay, turn it to the left. Okay, back to the right a little. Oh boy, that’s good. Okay, now just fix the lampshade. No, fix it a little bit more. Okay, wait…no, turn it back a little. Okay, good, good. Okay, now…no, wait…okay, push it back one…oh, no. Now…okay, good, good. Alright, now over there; I want that vase moved over…uh-huh. Oh boy. Uh-huh, uh-huh. So, that’s kinda how it goes, and believe it or not, it actually works. Now, again, we have a magic-user on-staff and we do…we have lasers. A lot of it’s laser-based and technologies from alternative universes that we’ve acquired, and multiverses. Tranverse…we do a lot of the moving on the transverse plane, but you’re gonna be sleeping through all that anyway. Yeah, just go, uh-huh, uh-huh.

 

Then believe it or not, then it’s stress-free 'cause you don’t even have to think…when you wake up, you say, okay, that’s pretty much how I wanted it. If you say, well, I’d like to move that back…you say, okay, we’ll do it for you. Or you could go back to sleep and we’ll do it. It’s taken some adoption to get it onboard. We can’t tell anybody that we have a magic-user anymore, or…only on this podcast, but other…in our main marketing. Also, it’s an imaginary service at this time, so that’s why it’s…that’s when it’s really working good, is when you imagine it. You say, oh boy, yep. Oh boy, yeah…no, no…okay…no, I want…you put them…you’re gonna put all my socks in a drawer; great. Yeah, no, no, I like the ones…the tube socks go with my tube tops.

 

Yup. Mm-hm, and my Hanson DVDs, 'cause I like to say tube top…topped-up tube top. Yeah, that was…I know that’s not what that song is, but I always used to sing it that way when I had a tube top on and tube socks. Okay, good job. Thanks. You can even tip us while you’re asleep, and then you can recheck it when you’re awake. You say, okay, well, 22% is…I’m gonna lower it to 20%, but you did a good job. So, that’s one of the services we’re offering now. We’re really happy and proud to be doing it in my imagination and possibly yours, but I think one day it’ll take off. Once we get the magic-user down and the transporting of you in your bed and all that parts and the subconscious communication or effective subliminal communication…I don't know if that’s what it is, 'cause it’s kinda like you’re actively participating.

 

So, we’re working on it. I mean, not really. I always just imagined…I say, well, hopefully my imagination will do the hard work, iron out all those things. Then years later I’ll say to my imagination, so, how’s that plan for that moving…? Oh, haven’t worked on it. Okay, well, I’ll imagine you did. You say, agreed. Good work. So, that’s another thing to expect during the show, a pointless meander like that. The last thing I’ll tell you is the reason I make the show. One is because I’ve been there and I know how it feels in the deep, dark night, tossing and turning and having trouble getting to sleep, so that’s one thing. Then the second thing is I believe…I know you deserve a good night’s sleep and a place of respite, a safe place where you can lie down and relax without the rigmarole of having to go to bed and the non-fun part.

 

Now, I can’t promise to make bedtime fun. I can only promise to make it, eh, not bad. You say, well, it’s not as bad as…when Scoots is there, going to bed’s like, eh, it’s, you know, it’s like that thing. Not bad. So, yeah, that’s why I make the show. You do deserve some rest, and the world…your world and our world will be a better place when you’re rested. So, if you’re new, please give this show a few tries. It’s free, so just see how it goes, and if it works for you, great. If it doesn’t work for you, check out sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou. But I’m glad you’re here. I really work hard. I really yearn and strive and I really want to help you fall asleep. So, thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple of ways we’re able to bring you this podcast for free.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts you’re thinking about, things on your mind, so, things you’re…I guess, yeah, things you’re thinking about, feelings, like any emotions coming up for you, or physical sensations, changes in time or temperature or routine, any inside or outside…anything going on. Whatever’s keeping you awake, I’d like to help with that. What I’m gonna do is I got a safe place here, as I like to say.

 

I’m smoothing it, I’m patting it, I’m rubbing it down, and I’m saying safe place, just like I was a part of the East Coast family. But I’m a part of…I’m coast to coast, pole to pole. Whatever your longitude or latitude is, I’m coming to you with a safe place. Longitudinally and latitudely…I like that. I haven’t used these kind of words before on the podcast. The way it’s gonna get there is I’m gonna send it across…I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones. So, they’re both creaky and dulcet, which kinda means sweet or pretty nice. Dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, I’m gonna go off-topic, and I’m gonna bend…I’m gonna be bending…my logic is circular or…I guess it’s not ovular.

 

Here’s a question I really don’t know the answer to; are there any ovular planets, or are planets only spheroids? Is an oval a spheroid? That’s another one. I guess it would be a sphere. It’d be a oval…what’s an ovoid? You’d say, I don't know, is that some sort of new breakfast cereal? Oh yeah, it’s…well, that was a failed breakfast cereal by Ovaltine. What’s Ovaltine? Great question. I believe my parents used to drink it. I know the kid from A Christmas Story drank it. I don't know…I think it’s just chocolate milk and…I don't know what else. Yeah, I don't know. Okay, well, maybe you should get some. Maybe I should. I don't know. Maybe…has anybody ever taken the ad for Maybelline and said, maybe it’s Ovaltine? Then said, ovoid…I guess that’s it. A spheroid…ovoid. I think that’s it. Ovoid, the old ovaloid.

 

That was…yeah, that was that…that was that character on…what was the word…what was that drink? Ovaltine. The character on Ovaltine was the Ovaloid. Had a whole backstory. I’m not familiar with it though, because it was before my time. It doesn’t answer my question about…I mean, I’ve seen asteroids that are oval-esque or nearly ovular. Here’s another possible biography I could write; Almost An Oval: An Android’s Story…Tales Across the…My Tales Across the Universe Being Almost An Oval. Yeah, didn’t…not selling that one, either. So, that’s that. So, oh, what am I doing? Oh, going off-topic. I just did that. Sorry about that. If you’re new, welcome. I’m glad you’re here. That does happen a lot, but if you’re new, let me give you some information, as close to…right upfront.

 

Like, ten, twelve minutes into the show. That’s usually when I give it out, anyway. But if you’re new and you’re doubtful or you’re skeptical or you’re disoriented already or maybe you’re a little frowny-faced, you’re not sure if you like this, that’s totally understandable and you’re in good company, 'cause that’s what almost every regular listener said when they first started listening to this show. The most common phrase is what in the heck’ most listeners say when they listen to this podcast. So if you’re doubtful or skeptical, totally legit, totally normal reaction. I wanted to acknowledge that. Also want to tell you this is a podcast you don’t really need to listen to. It’s more…listen to in a out-of-focus way or in a way where you could almost barely hear me. You just gotta…where I get to a mumble, at least at first.

 

So, you could listen to me at whatever volume works, but just…in reality, what I’m saying is don’t pay me any mind. As my nana always says, don’t pay him any mind. So, a podcast you don’t need to listen to, one of the few podcasts you don’t need to listen to. It’s also a sleep podcast that’s not really here to put you to sleep; it’s here to keep you company as you fall asleep. So, a little bit different, that yeah, I’m here to be at your bedside, your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-bud, your bore-bestie, your bore-sib, your bore-bruh. Whatever it is, your friend in the deep, dark night, really. That’s what I hope to…so, a podcast you don’t need to listen to, but there’s no pressure to fall asleep.

 

That’s also why the episodes are also about an hour, is to give you plenty of time to drift off, so you have plenty of time to fall asleep, and I’ll be here to the very end. If you can’t sleep, I make this show just as much for you, or if you need to listen to it during the day, I’m here. These episodes are complete. They’re also completely full of nonsense, but they are complete. So, yeah…so, I just want you to know that. So, a podcast you don’t need to listen to, no pressure to fall asleep…okay, structure is the other thing I’m supposed to cover. So, this podcast is also a little bit different structurally. So, the show starts off with a greeting, then there’s business; that’s how we’re able to bring you this podcast free twice a week, so I appreciate…more the regular listeners. If you’re new, not important. Then there’s an intro.

 

So, some people the business throws off and then…new listeners, and then most new listeners get thrown off by the intro, 'cause the intro is normally very efficient and to the point. Mine is not because it’s…one, because it’s a sleep podcast, and two, it’s just what has worked for the audience over the years. So, the intro is really me talking about the podcast and trying to introduce it for somewhere around six minutes to twenty minutes. So, anywhere between minute four and minute eight to minute twelve to minute twenty-two, I’m doing the intro. Why, you might ask? Why did you just ramble on and on for twelve to eighteen to twenty to seventeen to nineteen to thirteen to fourteen to fifteen minutes about the…introducing the podcast? I say, that’s a great question, especially if you’re new.

 

Totally natural to wonder that. I’m tempted when you say why to say…tell them that’s human…it’s just Scoots’ nature to go off-topic, so that’s one reason why it’s so long. But the real reason is because it eases you into bedtime. The whole idea of Sleep With Me or the difference between Sleep With Me and a lot of other stuff is that some stuff is more solution-based, and maybe that’s a shiny, fancy way of saying it works real darn good or that it’s the best. I’d say, Sleep With Me is not the best. It’s just, I’m not striving to be the best in anything. I’m just striving to be here on a regular basis and be pretty darn not bad. But the whole idea of the intro is it eases you into bedtime.

 

It gives you a long landing strip, 'cause I find that stuff that’s supposed to work, that keeps me up longer, in my opinion, so that’s why this show is different than that. ‘Cause I’ve found that when something’s supposed to work or it’s supposed to work fast, then the pressure’s on me as the listener. I say, well, I don't know what my spirit animal is, and now I gotta take it on a journey? I’m still trying to think of what my spirit animal is. Or, I can’t really pay attention and listen along, or whatever it is. You know what I’m saying. So, Sleep With Me…or the intro, it’s just something to kinda barely listen to. But the whole idea is that for regular listeners, the majority of them…well, a lot of people listen during the day now to relax to the intros, but then a lot of listeners start it before they get into bed, as they’re getting ready for bed, or once they’re in bed getting comfortable.

 

So, it’s just here to…while you wind down, to ease you into bedtime. I think I use that over and over again 'cause that’s really my goal. Now, the next thing you might want to know is why would I do it or why do I make this sleep podcast? I say, well, because I’ve been there and I know how it feels in the deep, dark night, tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep; I’ve had it all. Trouble getting back to sleep, the old falling asleep for five minutes and waking back up like you slept eight hours…not that I’m irritated with that one, but I am. So, I’ve been there and I know how it feels, and the other thing is I think that I really, truly believe that you deserve a good night’s sleep, and I think that’s important. That’s what I was gonna say.

 

It’s important for you to know that, that that’s really what I feel in my heart, is that you deserve a place of respite. While I can’t provide that for everybody, I hope I can provide it for you. The downside is this podcast just doesn’t work for everybody. Probably doesn’t even work for the majority of the people that listen. It just works for the people it works for, and I wish it worked for everybody because you deserve a good night’s sleep and your life will be a little bit better or a lot bit better if you get the rest you deserve. So, I don't know, those are the reasons why I make the show. I don't know, what…so, I went off-topic. I was talking about ovoids, Ovaltine, then something else came up in the middle of that…some part of the intro, but I already forgot what those other things were.

 

Then at the beginning I was thinking about…what did I say? I said, I put the…I don't put the…did I say goodnight? Then I forgot. I said, I don't put the ‘good’ in ‘night’. I don’t put the ‘nigh’ in ‘night’, though, either. Goodnight. Welcome…I don't know. I thought I said something witty at the beginning, but I already forgot what it was. But yeah, you will notice as you listen to the show that my logic is ovular or…I guess it is ovoid. Spheroid, ovoid. Would it be an octoid, an eight-sided oid? How many oids did a oid oid oid if an oid oid could oid oids? It’s never been asked before. It should have, though. Oh, I think I thought of some words I never used on the podcast. I guess somebody will have to remind me what those words were. Speaking of space, though; tonight we’ll be talking about TNG.

 

Oh, I was supposed to talk about the structure of the show and then I went off-topic. So yeah, the show starts off with the greeting, business, intro, then there’s business — that’s just kinda the structure of podcasting — then there’s the story. Tonight will be a recap of an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, recommended by my friend Lauren at This Is Love Podcast and another famous podcast that she makes with Phoebe. So, I’m excited to talk about that episode. But you might say, well, I don't watch Star Trek TNG or I do watch…and I say, don't worry, it’ll be…I say, don't worry, this will be the most…it’ll be an incomprehensible recap of an episode where you say, was that a fairy tale? That’s a TV show. So, I want you to know that. Let’s go back, though, before I close out this intro.

 

So, octoid…I’m trying to think…so, there’s…a spheroid means a sphere. Rectoid…there’s that other roid that I just thought of. That’s why I’m laughing. So, a rect…'cause I said rectoid. That sounds…why do they call it the other thing? They should call it a rectoid. It’d be very accurate. Squaroid…that doesn’t sound like something…'cause it’d be so hard to say. Squoid…that’d be a squirrel…an oid that’s a squirrel. Spheroid…what’s the difference between a sphere and a spheroid? Is it just really big, like interplanetary size? I wish I had Data here to explain to me that. It just sounds inefficient. You say, well, that planet’s a sphere. Well, I guess that’s hard…you say, I’m sorry, did you say it’s here? No, no, it’s a sphere, my dear. You say, okay, Riker, keep it to yourself. You say, no, spheroid.

 

You say, oh, okay, thanks for adding that ‘oid’ in there. It helped clarify that you weren’t saying it’s here. You say, how…you see any rectoids out there? Rectoid, octoid…a octoid may be in a video game. If anybody’s make a video game, put a octoid in there. It could be either a big boss or a type of being. Quadroid; that’s…that would be a robot. That would be a droid. That’s the first…out of all the oids, that’s the first droid. Quadroid. You say, well, I can do it to the power of four. After that, I’m useless. What other ones do we got? Octoid…I don't know any…I wish I had more…I wish my geometry vocabulary was stronger, 'cause we could have a field day with this. Does any juggler say that they…? They say, well, I don't juggle balls; I juggle spheroids and octoids and a rectoid.

 

That sounded funny just 'cause I said…there was an ‘e’ before the rectoid. I didn’t realize that that would…if you need a laugh later, like you’re lying in bed and you’re guffawing, it’s because you’re thinking of when the juggler said, yeah, an erectoid. You say, I don't know what that means but it sounds very funny. Said, yeah, I could see someone juggling…you say, well, the only person that could juggle that is someone that has a universal…and I say, okay, great. I’m sure there’s jugglers…in the divine realms, there’s probably jugglers. Somebody’s gotta entertain them. But I’m not really here to entertain you; I’m here to take your mind off of stuff, which…I think that experiment probably proved that this podcast takes your mind off of stuff, keeps you company as you drift off.

 

It doesn’t work for everybody, but the majority…this is…hundreds of thousands of people have said give it a few tries before you give up on it. That just sounds…that sounds so…mediocroid. They’d say, Scooter, what award did you…? I heard you won a big award. Yep, I won the Mediocroid. It was given to me by Dan Aykroyd for my cheap rhyming schemes. Yeah, and first…winner of the International Mediocroid for achievements in mediocrity. So really, I’m just here to keep you company as you drift off. I really appreciate you checking the show out. I’m glad you’re here. I work very hard. I yearn and I strive, and I want to help you fall asleep, and here’s a couple ways we’re able to bring you this podcast free on a regular basis.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep, or any other things? Or early stuff, early…pre-dawn awakenings. I don't know what else to call it. That’s what I’m dealing with, by the way. But I have story hope on it, though. So, whatever’s keeping you awake, or, yeah, whatever’s got you awake…now I got mixed up 'cause I improved that part. [MUMBLING] …boys, friends beyond the binary, it’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast…are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play.

 

Also sometimes we do rehearsal right in the middle of the beginning of the episode. What I’m gonna do…I’m gonna do the rest. Still not perfect; that’s…I like to lead by example. That would be on…that will be somewhere…I say, you could hold me to that. You say, well, there’s…here sleeps Scoots, still not perfect except for…anyway, we could probably move on. So, do it with a bedtime story…alls you need to do is get in…I’ll do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts you’re thinking about, things on your mind…so, thoughts, it could be feelings coming up about the past, present, or future, or just generalized feelings. You say, where did these come from?

 

That does happen to me, particularly in the…moreso in the morning unrelated to dreams that I remembered. Sometimes I wake up and I say, where are these…? ‘Cause I do…sometimes I try to do some journaling, and then I say…I mean, I have my own feelings about journaling, too. Feelings About Journaling: A Journal About Feelings About Journaling in a…and maybe it will be like Scriptnotes, too. What was I saying, though? Oh…but I say, where did these feelings come from? So, it could be thoughts, feelings, physical sensations that you’re having or experiencing, changes in routine. Whatever’s going on, I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff, and what I’m gonna do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night in an attempt to take your mind off of stuff and establish a safe place.

 

I’m gonna use lulling, soothing…eventually they’ll be soothing, creaky, dulcet tones. You say, oh, so creaky are those dulcet…they’re more creaky than dulcet, but there is a underlying dulcetness to them. I wonder if dulcetness…is that a correct usage of…construction of a word; dulcetness? I don't know, but…my brain said, I don't know. I said, okay, I’ll say that then so listeners know. Then you say, obviously you don’t know, Scoots. I say, yeah, that’s what I’m here for. Pobody’s nerfect or whatever. Mine will just say, still not perfect. Okay, so…oh, send my…creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents. Holy cow, we’ve had a few. I’m gonna go off-topic, I’m gonna get mixed up, and I’m gonna take my time getting there, all to take your mind off of stuff while you fall asleep.

 

So, a few things to know if you’re new; one, this podcast does not work for everybody, but for a ninety-aught percent of listeners, it took two or three tries to get used to. You could just look at our reviews anywhere. It says, well, it took two or three tries and then I realized the podcast is…made no sense, and that’s why I love it. Or Scoots was rarely get…he tries to get to a point and he kinda barely gets there. So, give it two or three tries if you wish, and the only reason I tell you that upfront is because if you’re skeptical or doubtful, that’s totally normal. How many of us that have…listening right now have been…said, oh, this will totally work to put you to sleep? Maybe it did one or two nights, and then after that it didn’t quite work, right? You say…or it just never worked. This person says, that’s what works for me.

 

You say, what is…? Well, I pour a saucer of warm milk. You say, oh, okay, warm milk; I heard…no, no, no, I don’t drink the warm milk. I dip my elbows in the warm milk. Okay, I’m sorry, what? You’re my boss, right? Yup. Just telling you, that’s what works for…every night…old grandmama, she taught me that; an elbow dipped in milk and sleep is soothe…sleep as smooth as silk, she said. She was like you, Scoots; she had trouble with some of those words. I say, okay, let me just walk through this. First of all, what’s a saucer? ‘Cause I’m not…I mean, I’ve seen them in cartoons, but I don't know if I own any saucers. It’s somewhere between a plate and a bowl, like a side plate that’s like a bowl, right? That’s a saucer, Scoots. Okay. So, okay, let’s move on, then.

 

So, you warm the milk, obviously just to somewhere beyond lukewarm but not too warm? Exactly, to a comforting temperature. I guess that would be…everybody would figure that out on their own…you say…'cause everybody has their different way of warming milk. Correct, Scoots. Then you dip your…so, you just dip them in there. You don’t…I guess it’s a saucer, so you can’t plunge your elbow into the milk. Correct; I just dip it. Do you…you don’t soak your elbow? What’s the difference…? A dip is…how long…what’s the difference between a dip and a soak? Well, that’s a great question. Why don’t you sit down? We’ll talk about this a little more. Well, yeah, I gotta…I’m in the middle of a podcast intro.

 

I was just talking to the new listeners because that’s the point where I lose them and they…where some people might already be like, what did I get myself into? Okay, well, that’s…you might be asking yourself that when you dip your elbows in milk anyway. You say, okay, well, I was just…this was supposed to be just a quick metaphor. Okay, well, I’ll tell you…a dip is quick, like a quick metaphor, but you don’t have to be…a soak is long, so it could be…so, it depends on my mood. I try not to rush it, so I don’t do a quick dip. You could do this in any milk, right? Because some people might not want to use dairy milk to dip their elbows in. Oh boy, what a world we live in. So many options. You’re right, and I have used…I do use many kinds of milk. Right, just not exclusively dairy milk. Correct. I tried oat milk for the first time.

 

I realize that’s a popular thing. Right; rice milk, oat milk, almond milk, whatever…any milk, but it has to be labeled milk, in your opinion. Yes…just so you know, it is part of…it is a combination. It’s not just…it’s the act of dipping the milk, it’s the fact that it’s milk…yeah, so it is all connected. It might…it’s part physical and part mental and part, for me, connection to my grandmama. So, part spiritual for me. That works for you, dipping…? I mean, it could be. Could be a placebo. I don't know, but it works for me and I highly recommend dipping your elbows in milk. Okay, thanks so much. That was my…that was some imaginary boss of mine. Not my recommendation, but we’ve heard those before, right? Maybe not in such a long, drawn-out way at the beginning of a sleep podcast, but you say…I mean, that’s the conversation we’ve all had.

 

You say, okay, wow, you dip your elbows in milk. It works like a charm. That’s what — usually — they say; it works every time. It’s gonna change your sleep habits. You say, okay. The first time you do it, you might feel a little…especially this one; you feel a little bit ridiculous. You say, what am I supposed to do? My elbows are covered in milk. He never said to wipe it off or not. I say, of course, I wipe it off with a warm washcloth. You say, oh, okay, great. That makes sense, too. Then some of you…then you say, well, if it’s a nice ritual or part of a routine, it might be nice. But then you say, well, it doesn’t work for me exactly the way I imagined it would, or you say, well, it’s just not for me. I don't know, I’d rather have a nice cup of tea or something than dip my elbows in milk. I’m being honest; that’s what I’m like.

 

I say, go out…sit outside and have some tea and do some light reading. So, it’s different for everybody, and…but this…my point was that this podcast is very different. So, if you’re doubtful or skeptical, that makes total sense because this is a strange and different show. So, just kinda give it a few tries. The other piece of advice I usually give…and this is over seven years of doing this, is that one, at first you’re trying to consume the podcast loosely, or maybe on your second or third try. This is a man who has a conversation with himself about dipping his elbows in milk. I think if you say that to yourself, you’ll realize the kind of attention you really need to give me, which would be out-of-focus, fuzzy attention.

 

If you consume the podcast in kinda that loose way, like sand in your hand or elbow…you say…after you dip your elbows in it, technically it is elbow milk, I would say. I’d say, holy cow, what…let’s just move on. But that is elbow milk. Then maybe that causes something at home. You say, dear, if this is the last time I’m gonna deal with your elbow milk in the morning…can you imagine being their next-door neighbor? You have no idea about any of this elbow-dipping…elbow-milk-dipping ritual that this person does. Normally you try not to listen in next door, but this last time you hear the partner say, if I have to dip my elbows in…dip my elbows…clean up your elbow milk one last time, that’s it. You’d say, holy mackerel, we gotta move, or I gotta start listening in to these people more often, or I gotta invite myself over there.

 

So, those are interesting…I mean, those are things to think about, I guess. What was my point? Oh, just consume this podcast loosely. Only took twelve minutes to get to that point. The second thing is this podcast really isn’t here to put you to sleep. It’s here to keep you company while you fall asleep, so there’s no pressure. That’s why the episodes are an hour, is to give you plenty of time to get comfortable and drift off. Then if you can’t sleep, I’m gonna be here for you to the very end. The other things that throw people off is the structure of the show. So, the show starts off with a greeting; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary, then there’s business — that’s what keeps the podcast going — then there’s the intro, which is like twelve to twenty minutes long where I try to explain what the podcast is and then I go off-topic and then I try to come back to being on-topic.

 

Then there’s the episode, and in the episode tonight it’ll be a crossover visit walking tour of Rome and my memories of Rome. So, it’s a crossover with a podcast The Bittersweet Life, and I’ll have links to the original episode and I’ll talk…you probably heard me talk about it at the top of the show, too. Then there will be some thank-yous at the end. So, it’ll be all meandering to keep you company and help you fall asleep. Also, the intro can throw people off 'cause it’s twelve to twenty minutes, but the whole idea is it’s part of your bedtime routine. As opposed to elbow milk, you say, okay, I’m gonna start my tea, I’m gonna start the podcast, I’m gonna steep my tea. That’s what most regular listeners start to do, is kinda build a routine including the podcast either before they get into bed or once they’re in bed getting comfortable, though 2% of listeners start the show at about twenty minutes to skip ahead.

 

So, those are most of the things you need to know. The last thing you need to know is one, you deserve a good night’s sleep and that’s why I really make the show, is because I want you to get the rest you need and deserve, and that your world will be a better place, our world will be a better place if you get that. Then the other side of it is because I’ve been there, tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep. All those things I deal with, and I want…I do want to say…I hope — I said at the beginning — because it’s like, I have been waking up pretty early a lot of times, and then trying to figure out what to do about that. I guess part of it is having something like this podcast or something else to change the narrative, and for me, I said, okay, I do have to start changing the narrative and doing something else.

 

So, it’s like, okay, I’m gonna go back to reading some Robert Ludlum. I did that last night, and it was one of those in-between hours where it was just too early to get up and then I was awake, so I read for an hour and then I fell back asleep for a few hours and it was great. So, I hope the podcast can provide something like that for you that makes it less lonely and less of a rigmarole where you say, okay, well, at least this is a little bit different. So, that’s it. That’s why I make the show, and kinda see how it goes. Like I said, it doesn’t work for everybody, but I really hope it works for you. I work hard, I yearn and I strive, and I really want to help you fall asleep. Thanks so much for coming by, and here’s a couple ways we’re able to bring you this podcast twice a week.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. So, I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts, things on your mind that you’re thinking about, thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, so anything going through your brain, anything you’re feeling in your body, or where feelings exist kind of in both places and more, or all three.

 

Whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that, and that I’m gonna do is I’m gonna send my voice across…I’m gonna try to create…oh, yeah, I forgot; try to create a safe place, smooth it, pat it, rub it down and invite you in or send it your way. Say, signed, sealed, delivered. This safe place is yours. Or it could be not signed or sealed; just delivered or sent your way. I’m gonna…and the way I do that is I send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents. I’m gonna go off-topic, which I’ve probably already done in some sense…senseless banter; holy moly. Is that a…? Yeah, that’s a thing, right? Senseless banter.

 

Definitely banter…I think…I’m the only person when they say, are you gonna put up any bunting this year? I say, I’m sorry, what’s that? They say, that…those are the…it’s not a flag but it’s like a…it’s like the…you kinda…it’s those…and I say, oh, that…yeah, no, don’t really…I put out some banter. I’m not actually…I’m only good at bantering at bedtime. Bedtime banter; have we thought about that before? Bedtime banter. But what I’m gonna do…let’s see, is…what I’m gonna do…oh, send my voice across…oh, go off-topic, get mixed up. So, I’m doing that right now. All to take your mind off of stuff and keep you company as you fall asleep. Now, if you’re new, a few pieces of information I’d like you to know. One, if you’re doubtful or skeptical or confused, those are totally normal reactions for a new listener.

 

The confusion will remain, but it’ll become a different…it’ll be diffused…diffused and confused. That’s a Sleep With Me listener. Or I confused…I try to diffuse and confuse. I do. I like the way that sounds, 'cause it’s true, though. But if you’re new it might not seem that way, 'cause nonsense suffuses this show…and goofy stuff. But so, if you’re new, if you are skeptical or doubtful or you’re like, I don't know if this is for me, that’s a very, very legitimate and normal reaction. So, that’s why I want to fill you in on a few things. One, if you can, give this show two or three tries. Millions of people have said it took two or three tries to get used to the podcast. So, kinda see how it goes, and there’s no pressure. You don’t have to like the show. It doesn’t have to work for you. Just see how it goes. I hope…I really do hope it helps you.

 

So, if you’re doubtful, the other piece is this is a podcast…one of the reasons people are doubtful is 'cause they’re really listening and waiting for content, and that’s a little bit of the…I don't think it’s irony. But yeah, mine is more like a diffuser. Like when you put something in one of those humidifier diffusers, right? Even that confuses me. I say, well, is it…is this just like a humid…a mini-humidifier or not? Then you put essential oil in it, maybe, and when you drop the oil in, it’s little drops of oil with some scents — I don't know — probably diffused in there, too. Then it diffuses it into the air. I kinda do that with thoughts, where you say, okay, at some point, this thought was a…in another person’s mind or on a piece of paper, this was a flower. This was a thought. It was a beautiful thing or a plant or a stem or something.

 

This isn’t a negative thing; this is just the goo that I do. Then for me, I’m more like the mist. So, a regular podcast, yeah, would say, okay, well, that’s what…lemongrass. That’s lavender. Oh boy, that’s frankincense or whatever. You say, okay, I know what that is. Very clear thoughts, well-formed, short intro, gets to the point. So, just like you would look at a flower; when you’re diffusing a flower or whatever…I don't even know what gets diffused or put into the oils. I don't know any…cold-pressed, I think, maybe, or something. But you say, oh, okay, I like looking at flowers. Don’t need to look…I’ll look at the mist of a diffused flower smell for a few seconds, about as long as it takes Scooter to say ‘a few seconds’, and then I’ll move on 'cause it’s just mist. It’s not bad to look at, but it’s not the same as looking at a flower.

 

You say, Scoots, I don't know if that metaphor…that metaphor would not make any other sense in any other context other than your podcast. That’s what regular listeners are saying. I know that didn’t make any sense, but it kinda does. It’s like comparing the flower to the mist. I’m the mist, without a doubt, and I still smell good. The thing is I still smell good. Flowers smell great. I still, most of the time, smell pretty good. So, we got that for us. So, that’s…so don’t…just barely listen, just like if you were looking at that mist coming out of the humidifier. You say, okay, well, it’s…okay, yep. Okay, alright, I’m gonna go do something else. In this case you just kinda bare…you say, okay, I’m just gonna kinda barely watch it. Here’s a question, 'cause I know people love cat gifs and cat videos.

 

Is there any videos of cats looking at mist, or even as mist out of a diffuser, humidifier…even for a cat, is it like, yeah, well…? What about a…you got any laser pointers? That would be a normal podcast, and this is the mist. Okay, I think I’ve over and under-explained that enough. So, this is a podcast you don’t need to listen to. Also, it’s not really a podcast to put you to sleep. Even though this is a sleep podcast, it’s here to keep you company while you fall asleep. I’m here to take your mind off of stuff and be your bore-bud and your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-bestie, your bore-cuz, your bore-bruh, whatever it is your comfortable with, and just take your mind off of stuff as you drift off. So, those are two pieces of information.

 

The third thing that can throw new people off…and I want to give you this 'cause it definitely has the strongest reaction. If you have a super-strong reaction, like I said, you don’t…the podcast does not…might not work for you, and I wish it did. But maybe knowing that people have a strong reaction about this will make you feel like there’s space…there is space for your feelings about this podcast. I want to tell you that. If there is space for it, you could just maybe see how it goes and then be like, yeah, you know what? It’s not for me. So, another thing people…some people have strong feelings about is the structure of the show, 'cause it’s also very different. So, the show starts off with a greeting; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary.

 

That’s greeting everyone and saying, I see you, I care that you get a good night’s sleep, and you’re welcome here. Then there’s business, so…just like the greeting is the door, coming through the door…you say, okay, what do you got here? That’s how we keep the show out…coming out two times a week for free, the business. That’s maybe two to six minutes or something, I don't know, and then there’s an intro that’s around twelve to twenty minutes, and that’s what we’re maybe halfway or more through, where it’s not business. It’s just me kinda introducing the podcast for a new listener. It actually serves two functions probably within a spectrum of limitless functions, but if I had to put labels on it…on this…the further edges of the spectrum, I’d say…there’s two parts of the intro spectrum. One is new listeners.

 

It kinda introduces you to the podcast and what to expect, and you kinda get an idea that I can’t get to the point, really, this is very misty, very diffused. I’m diffused and confused. That might be one of my next autobiographies that I’ll never write. You say, wow, not…you’re not dazed and confused. No, I’m diffused and confused. Yeah, and I’m trying to think of other words that rhyme with it, but I should probably move on. Oh, what was I saying? I forgot. I’m not kidding. Oh, so the intro is to introduce you if you’re new, and you kinda see how it goes. But as you become a regular listener…and what I’ve discovered over doing this for seven years is that the intro allows a regular listener to either get ready for bed or get comfortable in bed, or…it’s part of their wind-down routine.

 

Wherever they are…wherever you are that you’re listening…and that may change over time whether you’re new or you’re a regular listener or you’re a daytime listener looking for a break. So, that’s another thing, is just kinda see how it goes. Oh, but that’s the intro; it goes on and on and on. Now, 2% of people skip the intro, start the show at about twenty minutes. Eighteen to twenty minutes, it seems like most people do, and then they just start listening from there. So, you could get to the point where you say, well, I just like to skip the intro. Then after the intro will be business. That’s kinda…part of, again, how we keep the show free, is our partners there, and then there’s an episode.

 

Tonight it’ll be our modular episodic series about otters and things, and you can listen to that in any order, but it’ll just be a nice, meandering bedtime story. So, that’s the structure of the show. You know what other thing I forgot to tell you is this…oh no, I think I told you; the podcast really isn’t here to put you to sleep. Oh, the end of the show ends with thank-yous, so that’s the structure of the show. But yeah, this…so this is a podcast you don’t need to listen to and there’s no pressure to fall asleep. That’s kinda how it’s structured that way. So, if you can’t sleep, here’s the good news…or if it takes you a while to fall asleep or if you need a break during the day or you’re waking up, is the structure of the show’s kinda built for that. You say, okay…some people listen to the episode in chunks.

 

Other people listen…everybody figures out their own way. But it’s like, oh, if you can’t sleep, then it’s like, okay, I got the intro to look forward to, then the story, then the thank-yous. Or if you set your sleep timer for like thirty minutes or something, you say, oh, okay, well, if I wake up I could just hit Play again and it’ll start it wherever Scoots left off. Neither one of us, Scoots or I, will know what he’s talking about. So, that’s kinda the structure of the show, and that’s, I think, the most important things for new listeners to know other than this, which is that the reason I make the show is because you deserve a good night’s sleep. You deserve some rest, and if it’s at all possible, I’d love to provide that for you. So, I hope it does. The reason I care is…the world will be a better place.

 

Your world will be a better place if you get some rest and you get the rest that you deserve, but also because I’ve been there. I’ve been there…I was there last night or somewhere between the night and the morning. So, I know how it feels, and if I can help interrupt that or take your mind off of that or make it a little bit less intense, it’s my honor. So, that’s why I make the show. That’s kinda how people listen, and just kinda see how it goes. If you’re a regular listener, thanks…I’m so glad I could be here for you and I’m so glad you’re here to be here to kinda barely listen to me. It is such a pleasure for me to make this show, and even though this is the middle of the intro or whatever, just keep coming back to how much I love making this show, how much I love telling bedtime stories, and how lucky I feel to be able to do it and have it be of service.

 

It really is an honor. I say that but I mean it. Those words have huge meaning for me, and the idea that you deserve a good night’s sleep and I want you to feel seen and welcome is really important to me, and I can’t accomplish that all the time. I stumble just like everybody else, but I hope we could create space for that, just like if the podcast isn’t for you or you don’t like it, I can try…I’m trying to grow and create space for that too, and say, hey, we’ll just see how it goes and then check out another sleep podcast or something else. Maybe Rick Steves or something. That’s one that keeps coming back up. So, I think that’s it. I’m really glad you’re here. I really hope and yearn and I work hard and strive 'cause I really want to help you fall asleep. So, thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple of ways we’re able to make this podcast free for everybody.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

(Transcribed by Leah Hervoly)

All Intros

 

Stuffing History

https://marketbasketfoods.com/the-history-of-stuffing/

https://www.wsj.com/articles/much-ado-about-stuffing-a-history-1479479057

https://slate.com/human-interest/2006/11/why-stuffing-tells-you-more-about-the-cook-than-the-turkey.html

 

Mental Stress of Moving

https://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/28/realestate/28cov.html

https://www.bustle.com/p/moving-is-one-of-the-most-stressful-life-events-a-new-study-says-but-here-are-7-ways-to-make-it-suck-less-11832166

https://www.zillow.com/resources/stay-informed/moving-stress/

 

Physics of Football Shape

https://interestingengineering.com/science/the-math-behind-throwing-the-perfect-football-spiral

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/football-science-shapes/

https://ideas.time.com/2013/12/30/how-the-football-got-its-shape/

 

Bathing in Milk

https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamadermatology/article-abstract/2657249

https://www.bustle.com/articles/90189-i-bathed-in-milk-because-history-and-my-editor-told-me-to-and-because-im-a

https://oureverydaylife.com/history-of-the-milk-bath-12205846.html

 

Diffuser / Essential Oils

https://healingscents.net/blogs/learn/18685859-history-of-essential-oils

https://blog.lebermuth.com/essential-oils-a-journey-through-history

https://www.rockymountainoils.com/learn/history-of-essential-oils/

 

DOWN TO BUSINESS

I couldn’t think of any lyrics

 

Deep Dark Night United

Zach, Belinda (Helix Sleep)

 

PLUGS

WGA/SAG-AFTRA Strike Support; Orlando Park Stop / Trevor Project; Patreon; SleepPhones; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF: Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline

 

SPONSORS

Odoo; Polysleep; Helix Sleep; Progressive; Zoc Doc

 

STORY

884

I got my mind on my stuffing and my stuffing on my mind

Is bread pudding a stuffing?

(SBB) Stuffing-Based Business

The Great Stuffing Restaurant Glut

Dessert Stuffing

Stuffé, the stuffing restaurant

The Shape of Stuffing

Science teachers, what’s the state of stuffing?

Plasma / Plasmids

Inner Modular States

Postponing the Slime Discussion

Stuffing Sculpting

Cubular Parts, but not a cube

The Stuffing State of Matter

Chafing Dish

Stuffing Business Opportunities (SBOs)

Don’t leave the house with a pocketful of stuffing

Inner Nana

Don’t leave the house with a pocket full of stuffing

885

Stuff, holy cow it’s always there

Sleepy Movers

Oh boy I’ll be off topic then on then off again

I’m skeptical because I’m so gullible

Who knows where the meanders will take us?

A Journey to Nowhere

Exactamundo, as the Fonz says

Warning: My words will be out of order

Otter Things

We’d need a magic user to properly implement Sleepy movers

ROYGBIV Institute Accredited

You sleep and we move your stuff

This service works best when you’re imagining it

Tube socks go with Tube Tops

886

Prepping a safe place like the East Coast Family

Whatever your longitude or latitude, I’m here

Are there any ovular planets?

Is a oval a spheroid?

What’s Ovaltine?

Ovoid

Adventures of the Ovalloid

Almost an Oval (Memoir)

Don’t pay me any mind

Thanks, Inner Nana

Why is this intro so long?

Some stuff is more solution-based

SWM is not striving to be the best

Pretty Darn Not Bad

Spirit Animal Struggles

I don’t put the Good or Nigh in Good Night

Oid

Talking Star Trek: TNG

Don’t worry this recap will be incomprehensible

Is there an octoid?

Squaroid

What’s the difference between a sphere and a spheroid?

Think of Erectoid

There must be jugglers in the divine realms

I wont the Mediocroid, awarded by Dan Akyrod

887

Pre-Dawn Awakenings

I’m still leading by example how to not be perfect

Tones more creaky than dulcet

Pobody’s Nerfect

Oh, I just dip my elbows in this bowl of warm milk

First of all, what exactly is a saucer?

Everyone has a different way of warming milk

Dipping vs Soaking

It can be any kind of milk – it’s more about the act itself

Connecting to my dear GrandamaMa

I deserve out of focus, fuzzy attention

Elbow Milk

A walking tour of Rome

The Bittersweet Life Podcast

I have been waking up pretty early lately

Reading some Robert Ludlum in the in-between hours

888

Signed, Sealed, Delivered, this safe place is yours

Senseless Banter

Talking Bunting

Bedtime Banter

Diffused and Confused

Diffusing my Nonsense Scents

The Mist of a Diffused Flower Smell

I’m the Mist

Are there any videos of cats looking at mist?

Otter Things

It’s such a pleasure to make this show

It really is an honor

Does Rick Steves have a podcast?

 

PATREON THANKS

n/a

 

SUMMARY:

Episode: 1,193

Title: Love's Labor Lulls | All Intros 884 – 888

Deep Dark Night United: Zach, Belinda (Helix Sleep)

Plugs: WGA/SAG-AFTRA Strike Support; Orlando Park Stop / Trevor Project; Patreon; SleepPhones; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF: Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline

Sponsors: Odoo; Polysleep; Helix Sleep; Progressive; Zoc Doc

Patreon Thanks: n/a

Notable Language:

• 884
• I got my mind on my stuffing and my stuffing on my mind
• (SBB) Stuffing-Based Business
• Glut
• Dearth
• Inner Modular States
• Cubular Parts
• “No shaving in the chafing dish”
• Stuffing Business Opportunities (SBOs)
• 885
• Sleepy Moves
• Journey to Nowhere
• Exactamundo
• ROYGBIV Institute Accredited
• 886
• Longitudally / Latitudally
• Adventures of the Ovalloid
• Pretty Darn Not Bad
• Oid
• Octoid
• Squaroid
• Spheroid
• Erectoid
• Mediocroid
• 887
• Pre-Dawn Awakenings
• Dulcetness
• Pobody’s Nerfect
• Saucer
• Connecting to my dear GrandamaMa
• Elbow Milk
• 888
• Senseless Banter
• Bedtime Banter
• Diffused and Confused

 

Notable Culture:

• 884

• • Thanksgiving / Stuffing
  • Stuffé (Restaurant)
  • The Shape of Stuffing
  • Awkwafina

• A Pocketful of Stuffing

• • 885
  • The Fonz

• Happy Days

• • Otter Things

• ROYGBIV Institute

• • “MMMBop” – Hansen
  • 886
  • Ovaltine

• A Christmas Story

• • Maybellene

• Almost an Oval (Memoir)

• Star Trek: TNG

• • Dan Akroyd
  • 887
  • The Bittersweet Life Podcast
  • Robert Ludlum
  • 888
  • “Signed, Sealed, Delivered” – Stevie Wonder
  • Cat Videos

• Diffused and Confused Autobiography

• Dazed and Confused

• Otter Things
• Rick Steves

 

Notable Talking Points:

• • 884
  • I got my mind on my stuffing and my stuffing on my mind
  • Is bread pudding a stuffing?
  • (SBB) Stuffing-Based Business
  • The Great Stuffing Restaurant Glut
  • Dessert Stuffing
  • Stuffé, the stuffing restaurant

• The Shape of Stuffing

• • Science teachers, what’s the state of stuffing?
  • Plasma / Plasmids
  • Inner Modular States
  • Postponing the Slime Discussion
  • Stuffing Sculpting
  • Cubular Parts, but not a cube
  • The Stuffing State of Matter
  • Chafing Dish
  • Stuffing Business Opportunities (SBOs)
  • Don’t leave the house with a pocketful of stuffing
  • Inner Nana
  • Don’t leave the house with a pocket full of stuffing
  • 885
  • Stuff, holy cow it’s always there
  • Oh boy I’ll be off topic then on then off again
  • I’m skeptical because I’m so gullible
  • Who knows where the meanders will take us?
  • A Journey to Nowhere
  • Exactamundo, as the Fonz says
  • Warning: My words will be out of order
  • Otter Things
  • We’d need a magic user to properly implement Sleepy movers
  • ROYGBIV Institute Accredited
  • You sleep and we move your stuff
  • This service works best when you’re imagining it
  • Tube socks go with Tube Tops
  • 886
  • Prepping a safe place like the East Coast Family
  • Whatever your longitude or latitude, I’m here
  • Are there any ovular planets?
  • Is a oval a spheroid?
  • What’s Ovaltine?
  • Ovoid
  • Adventures of the Ovalloid
  • Don’t pay me any mind
  • Thanks, Inner Nana
  • Why is this intro so long?
  • Some stuff is more solution-based
  • SWM is not striving to be the best
  • Pretty Darn Not Bad
  • Spirit Animal Struggles
  • I don’t put the Good or Nigh in Good Night
  • Oid
  • Talking Star Trek: TNG

• Don’t worry this recap will be incomprehensible

• • Is there an octoid?
  • Squaroid
  • What’s the difference between a sphere and a spheroid?
  • Think of Erectoid
  • There must be jugglers in the divine realms
  • I wont the Mediocroid, awarded by Dan Aykyrod
  • 887
  • Pre-Dawn Awakenings
  • I’m still leading by example how to not be perfect
  • Tones more creaky than dulcet
  • Pobody’s Nerfect
  • Oh, I just dip my elbows in this bowl of warm milk
  • First of all, what exactly is a saucer?
  • Everyone has a different way of warming milk
  • Dipping vs Soaking
  • It can be any kind of milk – it’s more about the act itself
  • Connecting to my dear GrandamaMa
  • I deserve out of focus, fuzzy attention
  • Elbow Milk
  • A walking tour of Rome

• The Bittersweet Life Podcast

• • I have been waking up pretty early lately
  • Reading some Robert Ludlum in the in-between hours
  • 888
  • Signed, Sealed, Delivered, this safe place is yours
  • Senseless Banter
  • Talking Bunting
  • Bedtime Banter
  • Diffused and Confused
  • Diffusing my Nonsense Scents
  • The Mist of a Diffused Flower Smell
  • I’m the Mist
  • Are there any videos of cats looking at mist?
  • Otter Things

• It’s such a pleasure to make this show

• It really is an honor
• Does Rick Steves have a podcast?