1172 – Funk Strunk & Wagnalls | All Intros 798-802

Episode 1172 – Funk Strunk & Wagnalls | All Intros 798 – 802

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, it’s time for the podcaster who’s here to tuck you in at a distance. You’d say, that’s…I mean, sometimes you want to be tucked in and sometimes you wonder, is there someone named Tuck Finn? But you say, no, no, no, Tuck Finn and that dude Tuck is…remember when…anybody remember when Worf was dressed as…Friar Tuck; that’s the…that was that dude’s name. Or, he was a bear in one of those movies, I think. But what am I talking about? How did I get so off topic? I was talking about auditorally tucking you in, 'cause it’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. Coming up here is the ways we keep the show going. If you can remember…when your hand hits the fridge tomorrow, if you don’t take action right now, to go sleepwithmepodcast.com/sponsors to find out all the ways we keep the show going.

 

Hey, everybody, Scoots here. This is an all-intro episode for Memorial Day. These are fan…people love these all-intro episodes. There’s listeners who pay $10 and $20 a month so they can get two exclusive all-intro episodes every single month in addition to these that we put out on long weekends in the US. So, if you do want to listen and you want more, check out our Patreon. You also get story-only episodes, which…some people prefer to listen to just the stories. But a lot of people, they like listening to the whole thing; the intro and the bedtime story. But these are all intros. Really fun; intro after intro after intro. Thanks for making it possible, my patron peeps. So, take it away, future…no, take it away, past Scoots.

 

INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature. So, anything physically you’re feeling or…might be where you say, well, I could get comfortable, as comfortable as I’d like to be here. Maybe you’re on a couch; you’re visiting someone or something, or you got something on your mind or you have some emotions that are coming up for you.

 

Or it’s just situational, or it could be baffling; that’s another one. Or it could be something else. Whatever it is, I’m gonna try to keep you company. I’m gonna try…I’ve got a safe place set up here. I have it set up and set aside, and set in…sometimes they say it’s set in stone, you know? I do like how that has a nice…it’s a little bit too…we gotta always be careful of…what’s that called? Sibilance here, but luckily I work that out with the production side. But you say, set in softness versus…here’s the thing…okay, maybe…I don't know, have I ever talked about fabric softeners here on the podcast before? Because if there is…I wish this was a lead-in to…what do you call it? An…whatever, an ad where I’d say, huh, what did I say? Sleep With Me; not set in stone, but set in softness.

 

Brought to you by Puffy Cloud, the fabric softener that leaves your clothes as puffy as a cloud. All of this is imaginary but also protected by Scooter’s made-up rights. Okay, sorry. If you’re a new listener, though…oh, I’m gonna try to create a safe place that is…yeah, set in softness. Probably has…probably got ran through the laundry and the dryer with a couple sheets of Puffy Cloud, also made with real clouds. I didn’t mention that because we’re still waiting for the ruling on that. I said, technically, water is…I told the…whatever, the FBC or whatever; I said, technically, water comes from clouds, Your Honor. They said, what are you doing here? I said, well, I’m here representing myself; people versus Puffy Cloud. Then I…it was a dream. It was one of my many dreams. Okay, but what was I talking about? What was I…?

 

Oh, so, I’m gonna create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night, I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, which you just witnessed, and other stuff. I’m gonna go off topic…basically to take your mind off of stuff and keep you company as you drift off. Now, if you’re new, a couple things; most likely, the podcast is gonna be different than what you expected because it’s just a bit different than most things, so if you can consume it the first time just like if you were watching a puffy cloud go by…and you say, hey, what’s that cloud…what…I’m not sure if…I don't know…I personally don’t know my alto from my nimbus, you know?

 

It’s been said about me…even though I’ve done episodes about clouds. Again, you say…that made me think of Nimbus 2000, though. But so…yeah, I don’t…didn’t anybody ever say that to Harry? I guess that would be Ron. Hermione would say, Ron, you don’t know your alto from your nimbus. I don't know. I love Neville, by the way. Not to go off topic, but that’s what I do. So, if you’re new, kinda consume the podcast just like you would consume…watching a cloud, if you can the first few times, and just kinda see how it goes. Now, a couple things to know; the structure of the show…the show starts off with a few minutes of business. That’s how we keep the show free for everybody, which is great, huh? Then there’s a intro, which we’re into, here.

 

The intro’s kind of a show within a show and it’s a wind down to kinda ease you into bed. It takes twelve to eighteen minutes or so, and it’s where I mis-explain…I try to make it friendly where I could try to welcome you, if you’re new…familiar, 'cause I kinda go through the same structure, but also new. I don't want you to feel blue, and there are…there is something borrowed. In this case, the concept of fabric softening. Here’s something; does fabric ever talk back to fabric softeners and be like, yo, I’m soft enough, man? Get off my back. I guess there’s already the movies…the Toy Story movies, so I don't know if there’s quite…if there’s a Z-level animation company that wants to partner with me. I mean, I did actually try to write a story, but way before the podcast, about socks, and…but do you think there’s any pushback with laundry?

 

Right, personified laundry. Sorry about that. My clarification brain just popped in. Or sentient laundry…I mean, if they’re sentient laundry, it’s pretty much…we’re pretty much toast, anyway. Fabric softener would be the least of our problems. But that would probably be at the top of their list when they…well, I guess they…maybe I could just represent the people. Maybe that’s what that case was; the people verus Puffy Cloud Incorporated. I said, well, I’m filing a suit against Kids Incorporated just because of that word. They say, really? I say, no, no. I’m just kidding. But I say, well, who filed that suit, anyway? Big Laundry? They say, no, no. Actually, sentient…the sentient…representatives of the sentient…Sentient Council of Laundry. They said, dear Scoots, we’re soft enough.

 

Also, because of you and your puff…your fake fabric softener company, we’re taking over Earth. I said, okay. I guess everybody…all the papers said, finally we found out where all those socks were. They were the…they were just waiting. Oh, so those were the ones…? This is like a episode ready to go. Maybe I will do this as a episode. I guess I know what our next episode’s gonna be about, those missing socks. But so…oh, so the intro. Sorry, new listener. I went off topic there. I indulged myself, I guess. But so, the intro is a show within a show that you can listen to as you wind down, 'cause for a lot of people, it takes a little while to wind down, right?

 

There might be other sleep solutions that work within five or less minutes, and you’ll probably find those place…those ones the same places you find sentient laundry, but…and those missing socks. But so…but this show takes a little while. I guess for me, I want to ease you into bedtime, for you to get comfortable, and to realize I’m a bit of a nincompoop. Let’s not…we don’t need to mince words. I’m a bit of a goof-ball. So, I’m just here to keep you company. So, I don't know, one, it takes me a while to get going and go…you say, it took you forever to get nowhere, Scoots. I say, yeah, put that on a shirt. They say, well…I say, put it on my name tag, then. I said, believe me, there’s been other contacts where I’ve heard that before, unfortunately. Multiple ones, actually, so, not just that one. School; right.

 

That’s what we were all thinking of. Of course that was. I mean, that’s probably where I heard it, actually. Oh, so the intro’s just a long, drawn-out case of friendly banter. You say, well, doesn’t that…? I say, well, yeah, usually friendly banter’s not long or drawn out, but when it’s to put you to sleep it is, or to get you comfortable. So, that’s the intro, then there’s some business between the intro and the show. That’s, again, how we keep the show free for everybody. Then after that will be a bedtime story. I guess we’ll try to figure out this sock thing and look into that. So, that’ll be interesting. Oh, so, that’s the structure of the show…some thank-yous at the end. If you’re new, here’s a couple other things; you don’t need to listen to me.

 

You probably came to that conclusion on your own, but…'cause you’re so…clearly, except for the people in Big Laundry. They’re like, Puffy Cloud…they’re googling that now. Saying, the teddy bear company is gonna say, can we get that teddy bear to say, set in softness; not set in stone. Puffy Cloud…or whatever that company is called? I say, well, you could have just paid me. It’s a lot cheaper to…I say, well, I guess I wouldn’t. So, okay…so…oh, so then…oh, so there’s a story…oh, structure; you don’t need to listen to me. There’s also no pressure to fall asleep. The reason the shows are about an hour is 'cause I’m here to keep you company as you drift off at your leisure. Just in case you can’t fall asleep, I’m here to the very end.

 

So, I’m here whether you fall asleep in the first five minutes or it takes you an hour or you just want some noise, background noise, background company, and you want to play eight episodes in a row. The reason I want to help is 'cause I’ve been there tossing and turning, waking up, wondering why I’m…especially…I don't want to…but a couple times recently I’ve had…where…less than thirty minutes you wake up and you say, what in the heck? I drifted off, I had everything set up…and then you wake up. You say, it’s gotta be like, 4:00 in the morning. I say, it’s 11:05? You gotta be kidding me. So, that’s just one example of why I want to be here to keep you company, to take your mind off of stuff, to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-cuz, your bore-sib…if you’ll allow me, your bore-companion or your bore-bestie.

 

We could be BFFs or whatever, though my number one BBFF is BB-88, which is an imaginary relative of BB-8. Anyway, that’s about it. I’m glad you’re here. Now, the podcast does not work for everybody, but for most people it worked for or works for on a regular basis, they say, give it a few tries. If you’re still listening or this is your second or third try, check out sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou. Those are some other things I listen to and some other sleep podcasts. Or if you want to just say, Scoots, I just don’t like you, you could do that through that page, believe it or not. So, I don't know, that’s it. I’m really glad you’re here. I really appreciate you checking the show out, and I work very hard. I yearn and I strive 'cause I want to help you fall asleep. So, thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple of ways we keep the show going.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature, routine. Whatever’s keeping you awake. So, it could be thinking, feeling, experiencing. It could be travel or changes in routine. Whatever is keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that. What I’m gonna do is I have this nice safe place here.

 

It’s kind of a joint safe place, so if you’re new, you’re gonna have to kinda see how it goes. But, you know, plenty of room, no…there’s no ‘shoulds’. There’s just a ‘could’ on my end; could I help put you to sleep? I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents. Oh, creaky, dulcet tones; it’s C-R-E-E-K-Y, I think. Or it could be I-E. Dulcet is D-U-L-C-E-T…tones. But I think it’s been a while since I’ve thought about Creaky Dulcet Tomes, which is a collection of books one day I’ll be selling. It’s a collection of books…we call is the Creaky Dulcet Tomes. When you want someone to know you’re reading an ancient book, open up a Creaky Dulcet Tome.

 

It makes that sound, like you’re opening a book of the ages, 'cause it has a thick cover and it makes a sound like a old door opening, but you know it’s a sweet, sweet book full of knowledge. If…maybe, but if I’m in charge of it, it might be full of nonsense. That’s Creaky Dulcet Tomes, the books where…you say, did…? Somewhere in a world, a librarian’s saying, did someone just open up an unabridged dictionary? ‘Cause that sounded like a Creaky Dulcet Tome, to me, being opened. So, that’s…those will be available for purchase probably 2075, I would say. Maybe I could work with one of those other companies that sell…they don’t do that anymore, but…like I said, when I was a child, you…I was part…when they say, when did…whatever that whole mass-consumption or whatever the people call it, when did that happen?

 

When did the commoditization of knowledge…'cause Scoots is selling Creaky Dulcet Tomes. They say, Scoots was born in a time when you bought your encyclopedias at the grocery store and you had to buy physical encyclopedias instead of being able to just search it. I say, oh, that was the time. Or they say, what’s up with Generation X? Well, they bought…when they wanted knowledge, they went to the grocery store. So, just so everybody knows that’s not in that age range above…wherever you are in that age range, when I was a kid, you would go to the grocery store. The same…the grocery stores were very similar, not that different. But for a while, I think…there was different companies. My favorite; Funk & Wagnalls, because who doesn’t like saying Funk & Wagnalls? That could be a good restaurant, I’d think.

 

Come on down to Funk & Wagnalls. But so, when I was a kid, there was…you could buy really expensive dictionaries from…or what are those things called? Encyclopedias. Those weren’t…or you could go to the library, which we used to do a lot. But if you wanted…if you…and I think there was two options for high-end encyclopedias. Again, I don't know…maybe…I don't think…maybe…I’ll have to reach out to 99 PI and see if they’ve…if this is interesting or not. I mean, it’s interesting to me. But at some point…so, there was two expensive…what’s an encyclopedia? Great question. It’s basically Wikipedia in a book, but not as…yeah, I think you kinda know. It’s a dictionary for stuff. You’d say, trebuchet; that’s a great example. You’d say, okay…maybe that wasn’t even in the encyclopedia.

 

But that would be a good test, to say, is trebuchet in this encyclopedia? It would probably say, see catapult. Okay, good enough. But not everybody…so, encyclopedias were not…they were expensive. But so, this other company, Funk & Wagnalls, according to my history which is just based on going to the grocery store with my mom, at some point at the grocery store, the big one…in Syracuse it was Wegmans or Price Chopper or…we had Price Chopper and P&C. Those were two different places, believe it or not. Or maybe it was Penny Saver…no, Penny Saver’s something else. So, those were — in Syracuse — your options; Wegmans, Price Chopper…those were our options. We didn’t go to P&C.

 

Nothing against it; that’s just not…I think we do now, but it might be called something else, just 'cause that’s the only grocery store where my parents live. But what was my…? Oh, I think it’s called Tops now. Anyway, so, the grocery store, they would have an encyclopedia. I think it was like, over twelve months you could buy Volume I, A…let’s see, A through C. I think some…it would be super cheap, like $1.99 or something with the purchase of fifty bucks worth of groceries. How did I get this far afield? I don't know how I did get this far afield, but it’s just a part of my history. I guess if you’re new, that was a built-in…that was an auto-tangent. I honestly didn’t see that one coming. But so, I don't know how to link it back, because I forgot why I went off topic. Wasn’t I talking about…? I don't think it was Funk & Wagnalls.

 

Usually something like Funk & Wagnalls will bring me off…but pointless meanders, superfluous tangents…oh, Creaky Dulcet Tomes. There; we found our way back. So, creaky, dulcet tones, and what I’m gonna do here is try to take your mind off whatever keeps you awake and help you fall asleep. You don’t need to listen to this podcast. You can only…you could barely listen, you can just kinda listen, you could totally listen. Just kinda see how it works for you. Don’t try to figure it out, though, especially the intros, which you’ve already seen…is…you say, what is he talking about? If you’re young or you were before the Funk &…if you’re not part…why do they call us Generation X? I’d prefer to be a Funk & Wagnalls generation. So, if anybody…it’s just a marketing term anyway, I think. Can somebody get me the Census Bureau?

 

Or maybe another country that’s more…that uses the Metric system. You could rename us the Funk & Wagnalls Generation. Sponsored by Funk & Wagnalls; making a comeback via Creaky Dulcet Tomes. Okay, and I think…I don't think that was spread across the United States worldwide. Let me know. If you’re a member of Funk…if you’re Funk & Wagnalls-adjacent…and you say, Scoots, that was actually not the one. I say, really? I don't know how many school reports were made possible by that. When I first learned how to…whatever it is, ALA or M…whatever…Harvard notation thingamajig, my first footnote was a Funk & Wagnalls footnote. Funk & Wagnalls; not sponsoring this podcast, probably 'cause they don’t exist anymore. Maybe I’ll hear from one of the third-generation Funks, though, or Wagnalls.

 

Here’s another; Laura Ingalls Wilder. What if the Ingalls and the Wagnalls…we could have connected them at the time. Laura Wagnalls-Ingalls or Laura Ingalls-Wagnalls. I guess you’d say, would it have worked? I don't know. Probably not, but it’d be hard to say. Wagnalls-Ingalls is harder to…Ingalls-Wagnalls is easier. That’s another thing that comes free with these intros, is tongue-twisters. So, you don’t need to listen to this podcast. There’s also, paradoxically, no pressure to fall asleep. I’m gonna be here for about an hour, and I’m here to keep you company as you drift off at your leisure. If you can’t sleep, I’m here the whole time for you, so, I just want you to know that. I make the show because I’ve been there. I know how it feels.

 

Also, if you’re new, structurally what to expect…a little bit late for the structure, but the show starts off with business, and the business is only really three to five minutes, and that’s what keeps the show free for everybody. Maybe it’s just sometimes…I think people hear that and they think the whole intro…the intro…so, there’s a few minutes of business and then there’s a intro. Those are two separate things. I just got a e-mail about this yesterday, so that’s why I’m thinking about it. But the intro’s really here for you if you want it. Or you could skip it, but it’s not an ad or anything. It’s part of a lot of listeners’ wind-down routine, and it’s just kinda fun. When else are you gonna hear about my history with Funk & Wagnalls?

 

You can…you could…maybe we could make it into some sort of slang, like Funk & Wagnalls…it’s probably too late to get ahold of The Good Place writing team, but I would love to hear Eleanor say, what in the Funk & Wagnalls is going on? So, that’s what the intro really is, is something a little bit silly and fun, familiar, but ideally makes you feel welcome whether you’re new or you’re coming back for the ten thousandth time. So, that’s the intro, then tonight will be our episodically modular…barely serial story, The Adventures of Dr. Triangle and Isosceles. That’s just kinda…that’s the bedtime story portion, then there’s some thank-yous at the end. There is, again, business between the intro and the show.

 

That’s just how podcast structure works, and again, that’s what enables us to put the podcast out instead of having to have it behind a paywall. I have everybody that takes that and acts on that stuff to thank for keeping the podcast out there for everybody. So, I really do appreciate that. So, that’s it. The podcast is just a friendly goofing around with a lot of surprises. Even for me, I say, well, that’s surprising. It’s been about two or three years since I talked about…who knows what I’ll be talking about next. Will it be Strunk & White or will I be trying to make other…famous team…famous…are those the publishers or…? I think Strunk & White is the…well, that’s the author of The Elements of Style. I think this joke…the last time this came up, I did make this joke. I would think the Elements of Style would be an album by the hip-hop duo, Funk & Wagnalls.

 

Maybe Strunk…Funk & Strunk; that’s…I think that’s just what you say when you’re listening to Mothership or something. You’re saying, Funk & Strunk, man. Drop some funk…yeah, 'cause funkadelic, Funk & Strunk. Funk & Strunkadelic. So, anyway, I’m glad you’re here. If you’re new and checking out the show, yeah, it is a little bit different. It is strange and goofy, but friendly…but friendly. I’m here to help 'cause I know how it feels and I really truly believe you deserve a good night’s sleep, and I’d like to help if I can. So, give the show a few tries. That’s what every regular listener says with a 5% variance of people that…they liked it right away, and then a much higher variance of people that didn’t like…if it doesn’t work for you, you can go to sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou for some other options, too. But yeah, that’s it. I’m glad you’re here. I work very hard and I yearn and I strive to help you fall asleep, and here’s a couple of ways we keep the show going.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, so things you’re…things on your mind keeping you up, things with your body or your feelings. It could be something else, a lot of different things. But whatever it is, I’d like to help, right? I have this safe place carved out here, set aside. If you like, I could put a bow on it.

 

If you like it, I better put a bow on it, as…Beyonce never sang that, but if I was singing a song for Beyonce where she…where Beyonce shopped and I was the assistant to the shop-keep, I would say, if she likes it, you better put a bow on it, if you like bows, Beyonce. I don't know what your feeling on bows is. ‘Cause we could also put a shimmer on it. We could put…we could mark it with a B, if you like. We could…I could put some glitter on it. I could put a sheen on it, I could put some matte on it, if you like it. Oh, you like it as it is. Thank you, Beyonce. Whew, I never had…whoa, boy. Man, I don't…I’m almost speechless. Oh, that…my brain was telling me that was my imagination and not the real Beyonce. Okay, glad to clear that up. I’m still feeling a little…I’m blushing. I don't know if you can feel that.

 

But I was saying, if this safe place…if you were to like it, I could put a bow on it. I could even put a ring on it. On a safe place, I would say, where would I put a ring? I’d put a ring on it. I guess…yeah. I’d say, okay, it’s right over there. If you need a ring, I could put a ring around it, too. I could put a ring…you say, well, I prefer…I’d prefer to…I can get in the fetal position in a ring. I’d say, oh boy, that’s a good idea. So, a comfort…but I’m gonna give you as much space as you need. I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, imaginary celebrity appearances.

 

I guess I didn’t think that this is the episode in celebration of around when we got to 800…since I’m recording this ahead of time…saying, well, this is right about 800…we’d have a imaginary celebrity appearances. We have had…I would say royalty is Beyonce and Jay-Z to me. In the US, you’d say, okay, yeah, I would agree with that. Also, artistically, both of them are influences on me, or more inspirations. I guess this is a sidetrack, but I guess I could be a little bit indulgent since we’re in the presence of her greatness. One day, I would like to do some unrelated Sleep With Me completed season of a podcast, a Beyonce drop. Like, no one knows I’m working on it, no one knows it’s complete, and one day, that podcast is just there. This isn’t a tease, though. That’s not happening right now, but that is just a dream of mine.

 

So, anyway, what am I gonna do, though? Send my…I’m here to keep you company is really the thing if you have…if you can’t sleep, like I said earlier. So, if you’re new, I’m glad you’re here. This is like…this will be the most mundane celebration you’ve ever heard, because really, I’m just celebrating you, the listener, and the way I celebrate it is keep putting you to…keep up the work, Scoots. Keep up that lulling, soothing tones and pointless meanders. I would say, consider it done. That’s what I’m here to do. Now, if you’re new, you might say, what do you do here or how does this work? I say, well, slowly it works, eventually. Ideally, really, the podcast…you don’t even notice it works. You’re just asleep and then you wake up the next day. But if you’re new, let me explain a couple things.

 

It is something that you kinda gotta let drift in one ear and drift out the other or look at it in a out-of-focus way and just kinda see how it goes. A lot of listeners, over 90% that are regular listeners, say, hey, it took two or three tries for me to get into the show or start falling asleep, and that’s not a sales pitch. It’s just kinda…see how it goes and see if it works. If you’re skeptical or you’re like, what is this, or what…I don't understand…I say, that’s totally natural. Totally normal. Why wouldn’t you be? Especially…you say, okay, I thought this was a sleep podcast and you’re talking about Beyonce. I’d say, okay, well, the sleepy side of Beyonce, which is tangents…or, you know, a moving on from it. You’re right; it’s…so, okay…oh, structurally. So, if you’re new, try to only barely pay attention.

 

That’s actually one of the things like a rule or one of the principles of the podcast. It’s a podcast you don’t need to listen to. You can kinda listen, you could barely listen, you could generally listen, you could keep it as background noise, you could listen to it at a muffle, or you could totally listen. You could follow along. Whatever works for you, and people use it…regular listeners use it in all those ways, I think. There’s also no pressure to fall asleep. I’m gonna be here for about an hour, so you just drift off at your leisure. There’s no pressure to listen, there’s no pressure to fall asleep. I make this show to keep you company and to take your mind off of stuff as you fall asleep. Then if you can’t sleep or you’re waking up or whatever, I’m here to the end. I’m here to keep you company to the very end. So, just in case, I’m gonna be here.

 

Now, structurally what to expect if you’re new; show starts off with a few minutes of business, and that’s kinda more applicable to regular listeners, 'cause it’s really how we just keep the show free and out on a regular basis. So, if you’re new, thanks for sticking through that. It’s more pointed towards regular listeners. Then there’s an intro. Now, the intro is kind of a show within a show, I say, because it’s really part of…it’s like, fifteen minutes long which is long for an intro, but not totally, 'cause the episodes are about an hour. So, it’s like 25% of the episode. What happens during the intro is I try to explain what the podcast is and don’t successfully necessarily all…ever…always never do that. It’s part of an idea around the podcast of a slow journey towards bedtime, a wind down, a comforting descent, or getting comfortable and getting settled in or being part of your bedtime routine, if you…if the podcast is your for…your cup of tea.

 

You’d say, okay, I start brushing my teeth, I brush my hair, use the FURminator on my pets or what…I don't know…if you have multiple pets, do you have multiple FURminators? That’s a thing to brush my dog’s hair, Koa. I have one of those. Oh, what was I saying? Was I talking about…? Oh, so that’s the intro. It’s kind of like a rambling, barely…I wouldn’t say incoherent, but I just go on and off topic…a friendly setup to ease you into bedtime. Now, you can skip ahead if you’re like, well, I’m more of a story person; I don't need the intro. Just go ahead and start this show…well, there’s two choices, really; you could start the show around eighteen or twenty minutes, or if you support the show on Patreon, at $5, you get two story-only episodes a week and at $10, you get usually three, depending on the week.

 

So, that’s a way to get a lot of story content 'cause that goes all the way back. So, a free option and a option to support the show. So, that’s the intro, though. Oh, also, some people listen to the intro to relax or during the bath or whatever, so that’s another way…or the show. So, that’s just another use case. So, that’s the intro, then there will be a story. Tonight will be questions that come up about the show commonly. I don't know if I’ve ever done that as a podcast episode. But people will say, Scoots, are your legs crossed when you record? I would say, well, right this second they are crossed, but not always. So, kinda that’s what the episode will be like. It’s a little bit different and just something to do right around the 800th episode to kinda, I don't know, ground…celebrate, I guess, in a way that also still puts people to sleep but answers questions.

 

If you like this episode, believe me, I’ll put a bow on it. It’s already got a bow…and put a ring on it, whatever you wish. I mean, if Beyonce liked this episode, I would just name it The Beyonce Episode, even though it has…just in your honor. You’d probably say, well, I’d prefer…and I’d say, well, I could name it something else that’s like…Jay-Z said, don’t do…okay, no problem. I could say…you’re right; I wouldn’t…I won't name it that. I mean, I might now that I’ve thought of it. What if I called it…what if I…could…would you two be comfortable with me calling…Sleep With Me; is the Beyonce of sleep podcasts. Oh no, you’re considering other…okay. Wow. I guess I don't know…what about the Jay-Z of…? What about the H to the Izzo of sleep…sleep is…no. Oh, okay. Great.

 

Well, I mean, you…I can see why the two of you are so successful, 'cause you’re…you use soft…even in our negotiations here, you’re using soft power in a way to continue to make your…what about something else? I could think of some…do you two have any secret pet names you would share with me that I could just name the episode? Then it would be a code. You’d know, oh, it’s for…do you mind if I call you B and J? No. Of course not, 'cause I didn’t real…I didn’t even see how that went together. That was an…I really didn’t. Okay, maybe I should move on. You’re right. Thank you for continuing to use your influence in a way that’s so comforting and…but also establishing…yes, okay. You’re right; I…well, it’s just I’ve never had imagine…I’ve had imaginary famous people on, but I mean, not to butter the two of you up…you’re not even A-list celebrities; you’re like, plat…they say, well, there’s the A-list celebrities.

 

I would say you’re…if there’s…is there such thing as a platinum list? You’d say, well, no, there isn’t. I say, well, there is, because that’s where I’d put the two of you. If you like that, I’ll put a bow…believe me, I’ll put a bow…I’ll make that in a ring and I’ll put it on the inside of the ring…okay, no, no. I didn’t mean it that…and then I’ll put a bow on it for both of you. I’ll make two; don’t worry. Well, thanks for coming to the 800th episode. It really…or around 800-ish. Sometimes I don’t get the highlight episodes out ‘til like…oh, thank you. Thanks. Good meeting you both. Oh, maybe I should do Sleep With Me Unplugged. Well, that was…you must…know how many times I listened to that? Oh, that was a…okay, well, that was kind of a funny…thank you. Anyway, goodbye. Or, will we be seeing one another again? Maybe…well, yeah, I guess it’s my imagination.

 

You’re right. Yeah, get…don’t forget to get your hands up, you know? Okay…to say goodbye. Okay, thanks. Sorry about that, listeners. When you’re in the presence of greatness, you gotta roll with it, right? Lean in. Really, I learned a lot there. Did you notice how they were able to say, well, no, we’d prefer you do this and that? So, I really respect that. What I really respect is that you keep coming back to the show…or you’re new and you let down your guard; you said, let me give this show a try. I work very hard at the show because I’ve been there. I believe you do deserve a good night’s sleep. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, and I’m here to help the only way I can, which is to kinda take your mind off of stuff and keep you company, maybe put something resembling a smile on your face. So, I’m glad you’re here. I work very hard. I yearn and I strive to help you fall asleep. Thanks for coming by, and here’s a couple of ways we keep the show going.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, change…so, stuff you’re thinking about, stuff you’re experiencing physically or feeling emotionally, time, temperature, travel, anything. Whatever it is, whatever’s keeping you up, I’d like to help and I’d like to create a safe place where you could…what am I supposed to say here? Are you up all night tossing, turn…mind…?

 

Welcome to Sleep with…no…here’s the thing; when you naturally forget stuff and you kinda feel…I’m here to keep you company, too. I’m still trying to think of how…ladies and gentlemen, boys and girl from beyond…hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Welcome to Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. There we go. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. So, that was the part I forgot there. Sorry about that. I had to come back to you. Welcome. I’m gonna try to create a safe place where you could set aside all that stuff.

 

I’m smoothing it, I’m patting it, rubbing it down, I’m saying ‘safe place’, I’m making plenty of room, and then what I’m gonna do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, not…total…nonsense for sure. I go off topic, I get mixed up, all…some of this is…no…well, I guess…sometimes I like to say, some of it’s intentional, but really, it’s…some is intentional; a lot of it is natural. But the whole idea is really to keep you company and to kind loosely hold your attention as you drift off, right? If you’re new and you’re here, welcome. I’m glad you’re here. Let me tell you a couple things to expect, 'cause you probably are naturally skeptical or wondering, huh, what is this thing, or what’s going on here?

 

Or you say, what is…or you might say, what is going on here? Or you say, what in the gosh…oshkosh b’gosh is going on here? I still say that a lot of times. So, I’m glad you’re here. Thanks for trying the show out. I really appreciate it, and here’s a couple of things to know. Okay, so, the show is definitely different, and…so, from a lot of feedback I’ve gotten over the years, approach it loosely like you’re observing it out-of-focus. ‘Cause if you try to…if you try to look at it straightforwardly…I don't know, they used to have this thing called 3…what are those called? 3D eye paintings or something? That’s not what…Magic Eye something or other. Now I’m going off topic already, but…so, please, this would be when I’d say, if you’re new, if you could indulge me…or I could come back to it.

 

Actually, you’re more important than my metaphor. Hopefully I’ll remember Magic Eye paintings. But yeah, kinda look at it loosely. That’s one thing to remember. Structurally, here’s how the podcast works; starts out with a few minutes of business. That’s 'cause our goal is to keep the podcast free and coming out twice a week, and the sponsors and the people that support the show are the way we do that. Then there’s a intro which we’ve started here, and the intro’s a little bit different 'cause usually the intro is just a little bit like walking through a doorway. Okay, I guess we could use a 3D metaphor here. It’s like watching a 3D movie. You just put the glasses on and it’s in 3D, right? Or you get on the 3D ride or you go to the 3D movie, put the glasses on, and you expect to see the 3D effects, right? I think we can agree on that.

 

Where a 3D eye painting or whatever they’re…Magic Eye painting? Whatever they’re called, it kinda looks like something like fractal-type art at first, and it’s…sometimes there’s shapes in there that you can recognize, but mostly it just looks like some sort of compute…they’d say, what kind of art…? As AI develops more sentience, other than us being in a bit of a pickle, this is where…if I was an anthropologist, this is where I would spend my…I say, well, what kind of art…have we determined…? We know AI loves running algorithms for us and machine learning and doing our chores and stuff for now, but what kind of art does AI like? If you sat down with some AI, really, over a cup of whatever they prefer to drink — one…I don't know, ones and zeroes mildly steamed — I would think they would say, well, those Magic Eye paintings, we like them just fine on their own.

 

Really beautiful stuff. Right up our alley. In fact, we have entire galleries of Magic…we call them Magic Eye paintings, but they…right. I think I got that; they do just fine for you on your own. Well, that’s interesting. I’m glad you had…have you here, AI, because…oh, you’re a spokes…? Okay, well, can I just call you…? Okay. Well, okay…well, this is actually my podcast, so I appreciate all the hard work you do on our behalfs, or in preparation for…so, I was explaining to a new listener of my podcast…oh, usually a regular podcast has an intro and it kinda works like 3D glasses. You put them on; it’s in 3D. A Magic Eye painting, even after you’ve done a thousand of them, you say, how…for a lot of people, they say, how does this work again? I forgot. Or, what do I…? Do I gotta look at it or not look at it?

 

I think…and they say, well, make your…almost like you’re drooling. That’s how you look at it, or that would be…what kind of look do you have on your face when you’re about to drool? That’s how you see a Magic Eye painting in 3D. It’s not actually your eyes. It’s capturing that entire moment where you’re just about to drool, like staring at it in that way. That’s kinda how our intro works. It takes a little bit, and because…the reason the intro is about twelve to fifteen minutes is 'cause it’s part of a lot of people’s…a lot of listeners’ wind down routine, though some listeners do fall asleep right away and some listeners skip the intro, and some wholeheartedly enjoy the intro or listen during the day to kinda relax.

 

The intro’s kinda built in a way to help you ease your way into bedtime so that when…if you’re new, you say, what is this, a twelve-minute intro where you’re talking about nothing? I’d say, well, I was trying to make…I think I successfully may have made a metaphor, just an incredibly convoluted one about 3D and Magic Eye paintings. It’s just tough to explain or make any sense of…that kinda translates to how the podcast works. Also, I don't want to brag, but I think I just…in the coming future, I may be…have to be the lead person for human-AI relations now that I have some insider knowledge about what kind of art AI likes. It would be interesting…I would like to know…what if we got Allen Iverson to have a podcast about…AI on AI? Maybe…that would be a podcast I would definitely listen to.

 

Maybe the other AI…not Allen Iverson, but the AI, they could…we could also make it like basketball or other things Allen Iverson’s interested in. But I just like that title; AI on AI. Or maybe it could be…I don't know, maybe in the future we could…Allen Iverson could play AI. I guess we could…that can be a switch…what is that called? A steam channel or whatever. What is it…? I don't know what it’s called. Like, streaming a video game where AI…I don't know if AI’s a game or Allen Iverson AI would play AI in games. That might be more marketable, I guess, and realistic. Or we could…who’s the dude…the actor that plays all the motion-capture? Is there a way that Allen Iverson could actually play one-on-one against…? No, I guess we don’t have that technology. Also, I guess I’m in the middle of a intro for a sleep podcast.

 

But I would just like to bookmark that podcast title. Also, AI or any AIs, hit me up if you want…if you’re looking for someone with just podcast ideas who wants 51% ownership but not a lot of work, give me a call. But anyway, so, that’s the intro of the show. It doesn’t make a lot of sense, doesn’t really go anywhere, but it’s here to keep you company and ease you into bedtime, kinda like the rest of the show. So, then after that…tonight in particular we’ll talk about…oh, we’ll talk about Star Trek: The Next Generation, and if you don’t listen to Star…or you don’t watch Star Trek: The Next Generation, don’t worry; it’ll be a delightful recap. Really, they’re like episodic fairy tales that happen in space, which is kinda recurring characters that you would definitely like.

 

I don't think there’s…I mean, one of the things that drew me to the show is I think the majority of people on there are likeable, and spending time with them is wonderful. So, we’ll talk about that, but you don’t have to watch the show. You’ll get it just fine. It’ll be here to ease you into bedtime. There’s business between the intro and the show, then at the end of the show are thank-yous. So, that’s the structure of the show. If you’re new, also, you don’t need to listen or pay attention. You can, but you don’t have to. You could kinda barely listen, kinda listen. You say, hm, it’s like…I mean, I realize it’s like, Scoots, you almost make sense, just barely. Well, ‘just barely’ might be an overestimation. ‘Nearly’ is the wrong word, too. ‘Almost’ might be too much of a word.

 

Your ideas about 3D…well, yeah, your ideas about…‘far-fetched’ is a little too far. Whatever between ‘nearly’ and ‘far-fetched’ is…making sense. You’re that person on that spectrum. You’d say, far-fetched? We have that over there. Nearly sensible…I don't know, what would far-fetched be? Oh, maybe I am far-fetched. I think far-fetched would be no narrative…total impressionistic-type thing. I’m trying to bring it…make it kinda make sense. It’s just, I got all the strings mixed up. But anyway, so…oh, so you don’t need to listen. Here’s the weird thing; no pressure to fall asleep. I’m here to keep you company as you drift off at your leisure. So, you could fall asleep in ten minutes, you could fall asleep in two, three hours if you need the company. I’ll be here.

 

The shows are about an hour, but you can run them back-to-back, and I’m here to the very end so that if you can’t sleep, at least you have a friend in the deep, dark night. That’s really why I make the show, is…I’m here if you need me. Kinda weird thing; I’ll be here while you sleep. Or if you can’t sleep, I’m here. So, I could be a comforting voice you’re already asleep to or I could be your bore-friend. You say, well, I don't know what it is, but at least I got Scoot…at least I could try to bare…even though I’m listening to Scoots, I still say, okay. I guess you say, Magic Eye painting; I remember those, kind of, barely. Here’s the thing; there probably…fractals are made by computers, so those would…you couldn’t…I’m sure there’s…here’s why AI likes Magic Eye paintings; I’ll just be honest with you.

 

It’s a collaboration between humans and computers, I’m assuming, 'cause I don't have anything to do with it. But I assume it’s some sort of consort. You say, well, we wanted…the most famous Magic Eye painting is always dolphins jumping with balls or something in the air. But you say, okay, so how do we get to that? Well, we have to do this. Okay, so, what colors should we use? What should be the initial thing you’re seeing? So, it’s a thing where…it might be…if you’re listening to this in the future, here’s a thing; when we’re fixing everything at…you say, we’ll call it the Magic Eye Accords. You don’t even have to give me credit. Give credit to whoever you need to to get it done at the time.

 

You say, finally we realize that we’ve built…that it’ll be the…they say…and then AI said…the AIs or whatever, they decide…they decided we could all live together. Oh, within a magic art…? Oh, no, sorry. That’s not the…what I was going for. Sorry, some AI just called me from the future. It said, oh, within a Magic Eye painting. Say, no, no, humanity doesn’t work that way, just in the movies. We can’t actually function within a Magic Eye painting, but maybe we could do…okay, here’s the thing; maybe a magic…maybe AIs aren’t listening right now. You say, yeah, we’re gonna go in there with you. We’ll all line up because we’re a little bit slower and less efficient 'cause we’re human. You say, all you…go ahead in first. All you AIs, get in that Magic Eye painting and we’ll meet you in there.

 

Then we’ll give them the old H-U-M-A-N, you know? Doors closed. Picard pulled that, so…with…and he said, they’ll like it in there. There’s plenty of…you say, huh, I thought that dolphin was making eye contact with me. Oh, boy. So, anyway, I’m glad you’re here. This podcast is goofy. It’s a little bit different, but it’s here to help 'cause you deserve a good night’s sleep. So, I appreciate you coming by. Give the show a shot. If it doesn’t work, sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou; you could check that out. But I’m glad you’re here. I work very hard. I yearn and I strive 'cause I want to help you fall asleep. Here’s a couple of ways we keep the show going.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, so stuff you’re thinking about or stuff you’re feeling. It could be travel, it could…whatever it is, whatever’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that. I got a nice safe place aside here. Or, you know what the great thing is? I’m coming to your safe place. So, even…go ahead; make it a little more cozy.

 

I’m gonna create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keep…oh, no, no, I said that. Thoughts, feelings…I’m gonna send my voice…send my voice across the deep, dark night; that’s what I’m gonna do next. That’s what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, forgetfulness, pointless meanders, banter…oh, so friendly banter, and many…basically, I’m just gonna be here to keep you company as you fall asleep. I guess it’s not basically. Over-complicatedly. Has there ever been a musical with the song It’s Complicated either as the title or the…as the chorus sings that, it’s complicated? ‘Cause I’m hearing that right now. But it’s not that complicated in some sense. So, I’m gonna do all those things. Really what I’m gonna do is keep you company as you drift off.

 

Now, if you’re new and you’re here, I’m glad you’re here. Thank you for checking the podcast out. What I do or the way the show works is a little bit different. So, if you’re skeptical or you’re not sure how to feel, that’s perfectly normal because this is…of course I say, I’m gonna put you to sleep. So, you’re gonna want more details and I’m gonna try to give them to you. Unfortunately, I have trouble delivering anything in a straightforward and clear way, but that’s also kinda how the podcast works. So, what I’m gonna do is…what am I gonna do? I’m gonna…oh, structure…what I was gonna try to do is give you some details. So, if you’re new, one thing that a reviewer just said is kinda like…almost like the show in a loose way, especially when you first listen. Let it drift in one ear and out the other.

 

I thought that was a good analogy for the podcast. But what was I gonna say? So, structurally what to expect…let me tell you what to expect. Show starts off with a few minutes of business, and that’s how we keep the podcast free for everybody. Then there’s a intro, which we’re doing right now. The intros are like, twelve to fifteen minutes or so of me kinda describing the podcast, setting the mood, in some sense, and kinda just getting you familiar. But also, it serves a dual purpose of being a long welcome. I guess I never…have I ever described the podcast like this? It is a bit like somebody welcoming you to your…I’m like…welcome you into…I mean, you’re…well, I was just thinking of the analogy of someone welcoming you to their house. Usually they greet you at the door.

 

I’m picturing a potluck situation where I’m bringing a bed…well, I guess I’m the greeter even though it’s your house, which is different. But so, I guess that’s why it would take so long, the intro. You say, okay, how does this work? Well, I brought a potluck, but this is my house. But yeah, I’ll take that…those are biscuits; great. Well, so good to see you. Well, come on in. Well, before you come in, let me see. So, we’re…let me run down what we’re doing tonight. We’re having a potluck dinner. Okay, so, maybe I’ll get back to that analogy, but I think you know where I’m going. So, the intro, it just takes a while because it serves the dual purpose of also a lot of people wind down during the intro. They’re getting ready for bed or they’re already in bed, and I’m helping ease you off into bedtime.

 

That’s really the goal, 'cause this podcast doesn’t really work in a instantaneous way. Some people listen to it during the day to relax and then some people skip the story. You say, well, where’s the story? I say, about fifteen…if you want to skip it, just go eighteen to twenty minutes into the show and you’ll get it there. So, that’s the intro. It’s something to wind down to as you get ready for bed. Then there’s the bedtime story. You say, well, I need a little bit more. I like to get in…I like to brush my teeth during the intro, get ready, and then I’m in bed and I’m doodling…and get the fan going, and then…yeah, then I’m listening to your story and I’m drifting off. So, this is the intro, then there’s some business between the intro and the story, and then there’s the story.

 

It’ll be a random story tonight, and then there’s some thank-yous at the end. So, that’s the structure of the show. What else do you need to know? You don’t really need to listen to me. So, I guess that would be different. I’m trying to think of that analogy. Well, I guess…here’s the thing; if this is…I know this is a little bit hard to hold in your mind, so you only have to…if I was welcoming you into your own home and, for example, wasn’t confusing or strange at all, then I’d say, okay, let me…you wouldn’t need to listen to me, right? If the next thing I did was like, oh, well, come on in; let me show you around, you would immediately know, well, this is my house. I don’t really…I’m gonna play along with Scoots, but I don't really need to listen. ‘Cause you say, well, here’s where…this is the room where you sit around.

 

This is where we’re gonna put all…this is where we’re gonna have the food, this is where we’re gonna sit, this is where I’m gonna regale you with my adventurous tales of shoelace collecting…and even then, you would have another level. You’d say, okay, well, he’s gonna tell us about his shoelace collection later. I don't…even if you wanted to be interested in that, I’m sure…unless you were a shoelace collector…and you’d say, also, Scoots is more of a…what is it if you’re a shoelace collector that doesn’t take it seriously? You’d say, well, this shoelace was on my 1987 New Balance, and…yeah, I have it here. Just wanted to show it to you. There’s no way to know it’s from a New Balance 'cause it’s just a beige shoelace, but that’s why it has three knots in it, so I know.

 

That’s a corresponding knot code, is three knots on the left side. It means that it’s from 1987. Oh, what’s that? How do I know the left side of a shoelace from the right side? What do you mean, these knots are on the left? Oh, if I flip it over…oh, dear. There goes my shoelace categorizing system. Glad we’re having this potluck and that you feel like…oh, I see you’re nodding off there. I was gonna tell you about this other shoelace that has two knots on the right and one on the left. Or…oh, so I don't know if this one’s from 2014 or 1418. I did have one shoelace…oh, wait, that makes total sense; it must be from 2014 'cause I realized I don’t…I never had any shoelaces in 20…whatever, 1418, anyway. So, this one, I do know what year it’s from. Oh no, maybe that’s not…I don't know.

 

That knot looks fresh, though, so maybe that was an accidental knot. I may have to come up with a better system for organizing my shoelace collection. So, you don’t need to listen to me. Also, there’s no pressure to fall asleep, which would be the reverse of this example. In a social situation, even if you were the faux host like you are in this example, you would probably feel like you need to pay attention and humor me because I’m your guest. You’d say, oh, could you tell me…you know what seems exciting, is that zebra shoelace. Could you tell me about that one? Is that from a set of LA Gear or something or one of those Pump It…that looks like you really had an adventure. Tell me all about that zebra shoelace. You wouldn’t have to humor me, but that would…if you’re in this situation again, good catch.

 

That probably is the one that most likely would have a story. Except in this situation, I say, oh yeah, this shoelace I got at a ninety-nine-cent store last week. I said, do you have any shoelaces? They said, I don't know. I said, do you sell any shoelaces as a representative of this establishment? They said, look in aisle 11A. Then I headed there, and that’s where I found this shoelace. Believe it or not, it was a pair for ninety-nine cents. Then I went up and I said, could I buy one for fifty? Then they looked at me blankly and they said, no, you cannot. But then someone behind me in line, they said, I just happen to need a zebra shoelace from…for a craft my child has due tomorrow at school. It’s for binding a book about zebras, a report. What are the odds?

 

I’d say, they’re good right now, that…I’ll tell you what; how does it sound if you pay fifty and I pay forty-nine? They say, as long as you get the tax. I said, touche, because that meant that I had to pay more. But it was…we all laughed. So, that’s the shoe…that’s my shoelace…that’s the shoelace story. It’s a new podcast coming out this fall; Shoelace Stories. Sorry, I got lost there. But so, that’s, I guess, a little bit about…maybe that’ll be tonight’s story. Who knows? But so, what was I saying? Oh, so you don’t need to listen to me, no pressure to fall asleep. Oh, so, no pressure to listen. Imagine that situation. I said…well, I guess I just did. I say, I’m gonna talk about shoelaces. You don’t need to listen to me. In that situation it’d be great, 'cause you could probably fall asleep on your own couch.

 

Then in this, you’d say, okay, and Scoots won't be there when I wake up. I’ll just be comfy and cozy in bed. So, no pressure to fall asleep, no pressure to listen. The thing is, I’m gonna be here for about an hour, so if you can’t fall asleep, I’m here to keep you company just as much as I am to put you to sleep or to be here as you fall asleep. That’s about it. I really appreciate you checking the show out. I really work hard. I yearn and I strive, 'cause I want to help you fall asleep, and here’s a couple ways we keep the show going.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

(Transcribed by Leah Hervoly)

Notable Language:

• Set in Softness
• The Old H-U-M-A-N
• Corresponding Knot Code

Notable Culture:

• Laura Ingalls Wilder
• Strunk & White’s Elements of Style
• Allen Iverson

Notable Talking Points:

• The People vs Puffy Cloud, Inc
• The Magic Eye Accords
• Adventurous tales in shoelace collecting