1170 – Breezy Ticket | Make Great Pets E10

Notable Language:

• Pseudo-Smell
• Bearer Bonds
• The Summer of my Good Choices

Notable Culture:

• “You Can Call Me Al” – Paul Simon
• The Challenge (MTV)
• Bruce Willis

Notable Talking Points:

• Wait, you’re not gonna pretend to make Tinker Toys?
• Debriefing with the Benefactor
• Cindy is for the Here and the Now

Episode 1170 – Breezy Ticket | Make Great Pets E10

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for the podcaster that’s here to remind you to pet your pets, but not…you don’t necessarily have to pet them…certain pets, they say, hey, yeah, get over…you know what I could use? A few more pets. I don't know if I talked about this — I probably have recently — but that’s a new part of my bedtime routine in-between meditating and foam-rolling, is pet…or sometimes, to be honest, during meditating, petting Koa and just taking some more time to pet her. I usually do. But you could also emotionally pet your pets that…non-petting pets. Just say something sweet to them or…I don't know if pets are into…what is that called? Ooh, goo-goo…baby talk. I don't know. Some pets, especially cats — I’m just guessing — may not like that.

 

But you might be thinking, what is this person talk…? I thought I was listening to a sleep podcast. Well, I’m so glad you’re here. Yep, this is a very different show. Welcome to Sleep With Me, the podcast that’s here to put you to sleep. But really, it’s here to keep you company while you fall asleep. It does take some getting used to. But this podcast is here because you deserve a friend in the deep, dark night. I’m here to keep you company while you fall asleep. So, I’m so glad you’re here. Just give the podcast a few tries. Like I said, that’s what most regular listeners say.

 

But what we got coming up here is…there will be some support; that’s how we get to put this podcast out twice a week for free, then there will be a long, meandering intro meant to ease you into bedtime, and after that intro will be a bedtime story from our episodically modular series you can listen to in any order, Make Great Pets, about how great…it’s about pets…it’s not about making pets, by the way. Huh. But it is about making pets help…no, it’s not about making pets do anything. Interesting…just reminded me of the song…and it also reminds me of something you’d say if you worked somewhere.

 

You say, what’s our mission? Make great pets. Excuse me, point of inquiry; we don’t make pets here and we don’t…we barely can influence pets, so…and they say, okay, take…we’re gonna…we’ll give you a reassignment. It sounds like this program’s not for you. That may be the case with this podcast, 'cause…but give it a few tries. See how it goes. I’m so glad you’re here. Yeah, I got lost in the beginning of the show. What do you say…welcome to Sleep With Me, the podcast that’s here to put you to sleep. Thanks for making it possible, my patron peeps.

 

INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts, things on your mind, thoughts, thinking stuff. So, thoughts, it could be feelings, anything you’re feeling coming up for you emotionally related to those thoughts, past, present, future, feelings that are just there, it could be physical sensations, it could be changes in time, temperature, routine, you could have something coming up, you could be going through something.

 

Whatever it is, I’m here to help, and I’m here to help by taking your mind off of stuff and keeping you company so that you could fall asleep, because you deserve a good night’s sleep. You deserve a bedtime you could look forward to that you don’t dread, at least that you could feel neutral about, where it’s not like, oh my gosh, I got that rigmarole again with bedtime. I used to start dreading Sunday nights on Saturday morning — as soon as the cartoons were over — when I was a kid, and that’s really no…that’s not…it’s not a great feeling. So, there’s…those are the two reasons I make the show, because I can relate to a lot of those feelings you might have, whatever’s keeping you up. I might not have gone through whatever it is you’re going through.

 

Now, there’s a chance someone out there listening has, but a lot of us can relate to the feelings, or if not, relate to the fact, yeah, it’s not easy and you deserve a good night’s sleep. So, there’s a lot of other people listening that are nodding along with me, saying hey, we’d like you to have a good night’s sleep, and you deserve that. If you get the sleep you need, your life’s gonna be more manageable, you’ll be in a better place, you could maybe be out there flourishing and living your life. That means the world’s a better place, the world you’re in is a better place; it’s more manageable. So, that’s important and that’s why I make the show. What I’ll do is I’ll send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, and superfluous tangents.

 

So, I’m gonna go off topic, I’m gonna get mixed up, I’m gonna forget what I was saying, all to keep you company and to take your mind off of stuff so that you could drift off, which is a little bit…you say, I don't understand, and that makes sense. When most people get to this show, you might be either…there’s usually two main ways people get to the show. One is by accident, kind of, but not by accident. Like, you’re looking for something to help you fall asleep, right? You’re searching and you stumble upon this podcast and now you’re listening, and you’ve probably tried tons of other stuff to fall asleep, or maybe this is the first thing you’re trying. Oh, boy. By the way, this is a lot different than the other stuff. But you really just want to get some sleep, right? So, why wouldn’t you be a little bit skeptical or a little bit on edge?

 

That makes sense. Or someone told you about the show and you had a expectation, oh, this is a sleep podcast? It’s probably like that other stuff. Are you gonna…are we gonna…are you gonna pretend that you’re a…making tinker toys, or are you gonna…is it gonna be a countdown or a journey? I say, no, it’s just a person that’s a little bit strange rambling on and on and on and telling you a story. Like a friend, like calling a friend. So, it…and even then, it takes some getting used to. That’s what…I’m not kidding when I say this; probably a million people have told me, it took two or three tries to get used to your show. At first it wasn’t for me, and then I realized, oh, it’s not really for every…it’s not for everybody, but it’s not really for anyone. But the people it’s for, it works for.

 

Most people that support the show and have been listening for a long time, they say, I didn't even know I was looking for this ‘til I found it. But then they have a story, like, oh, I remember listening to people talking in another room or a TV in another room, or a radio, or just calling someone and saying, hey, just talk to me while I fall asleep. Tell me a story. So, give it a few tries and just see how it goes. Now, if you already loathe me, you’re not alone, either. So, I have a website set up; sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou, and that’s got other sleep podcasts and sleepy stuff on there that you could check out. So, what else? Oh, so, definitely…oh, so the other things…a couple of things that take some getting used to; one is this is a podcast you don’t really listen to.

 

As I kinda said, it’s kinda like background noise you could listen to. I’m here to the very end if you can’t sleep. That’s what’s…I think that’s what really ends up working about the show. I’m here to keep you company whether you’re listening or not, whether you’re awake or not. There are people that can’t sleep that are listening, so I’m there with them. Maybe we’re all keeping you company while you rest, and then we’re keeping each other company. I know it’s some strange, digital way. You say, well, it’s pseudo-company. Okay. I live most of my…I live a pseudo-life a lot of times, so call me…you could call me Pseudo. I’ll call you Al. But maybe…so, you say, that doesn’t make any sense at all. I’d say, the pseudo-humor…I almost mispronounced ‘humor’. Yeah, this podcast is full of pseudo-humor.

 

You say, is it anything like alt-comedy? I say, well, that’s funnier, I think. Pseudo-comedy; it’s like alt-comedy, but I’d have to look up to make sure I have the right definition of ‘pseudo’ to actually make a joke about it and then actually learn how to write a joke. But yeah, it’s pseudo-humorous as well as…maybe it’s just pseudo-humorous. Or, I have my own humor…you say, the pseudo that Scoots do…and that was…so, anyway…oh, was…you might not like me…oh, it goes on and…so, just listen to me kinda like I’m background noise. Also — I mean, this is gonna be strange, 'cause this was kinda the first sleep podcast way back in 2013 — this is a podcast that actually isn’t here to put you to sleep. I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff while you fall asleep. So, there’s no pressure to fall asleep.

 

I’m gonna be here for over an hour to keep you company. There’s also over 500 free episodes if you need them. There’s people listening who can’t fall asleep, like I said. So, I’m here to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-bud, your bore-bestie, your neigh-bore, your bore-bor, your friend in the deep, dark night to keep you company while you drift off, not really to put you to sleep. But eventually…you say, wait a second, I woke up and alls I could think about is pseudo. I don't even…honestly, I don't even know how to sell…sell pseudo…spell…smell…pseudo-smell. I’m gonna look it up here, but let me see what else I have to tell you first. Let’s see, so…oh, structure of the show is the other thing that can throw people off.

 

So, the structure of the show is…it starts off with a greeting that you heard; hey, friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and then I say…oh boy, I guess it’s not pseudo. Well, no. Well, hm. Tough one. It uses the word ‘spurious’ in this definition. Talk about…but so, let me get to this other stuff. So, the show starts off with a greeting so you feel seen and welcome and you say, I might check that out. Then there’s support, which is op…you could pay to listen to the podcast without support, but that’s what enables us to put it out for free. Then there’s a intro, which is separate from the support, and that’s kind of a long, meandering show within a show to ease you into bedtime. So, the intros…I don't know, when some people don’t like the support, they lump the intro in with it.

 

But the intro’s about ten to twenty minutes long — we’re in the middle of it — where I kinda introduce the podcast to new listeners. But regular listeners, they kinda get to go on a journey with me, 'cause I’ve never successfully come up with one intro for the show, which is good because in my opinion, whatever keeps me awake at night is more adaptable than I am during the day. Those parts of me that keep me awake at night, they’re constantly adapting to the strategies I use and trying to keep me up to think about thoughts, feelings, or physical sensations. So, continually try…so, if I put out the same intro every time, I feel like your brain would be like, oh, there he goes again. I mean, it’s more like, well, there he goes again not making sense, but in what particular flavor of not making sense…which word will he fail to define and then repeat over and over again?

 

Will he look a word up? Then you fall asleep. But the intro is really meant to ease you into bedtime while you’re getting ready for bed, while you’re in…get…bed getting comfortable or while you’re doing some sort of other wind-down activity. There are a percentage of listeners that skip the intro, 2%, I think, and then a percentage of listeners that fall asleep right away. We’re happy for them, mostly, and…no, totally; we’re so happy for you and all those partners out there that are sound asleep, snoring. Super happy for them. But so, what was I saying? Oh, that’s the intro, then there’s support between the intro and the show. Again, you could pay to skip that stuff, but again, that’s what…you say, well, paying for it’s optional. That’s cool. I get to listen for free.

 

Then there’s our story, and tonight will be our episodically modular series, Make Great Pets, that I talked about at the beginning of the show, and then that’s the end. So, pseudo, though, turns out it’s spelled P-S-E-U-D-O. So, how the heck is pseudoephedrine…like, pseudophed…pseudo says…oh, apparently similar or false, deceptive, sham. I’ll keep looking here. False, pretending…okay, so, I guess pretending…pseudo-intellectual, it says…oh no, here, number two, as I come…pseudo; before a vowel, having close resemblance to. So, that’s pseudo-humor. I say, it’s like…that’s exactly what this podcast has, pseudo-jokes and pseudo-humor. So, that’s actually accurate. It’s not false or spurious. Holy cow, word of the week. But it is…it’s not the same, either.

 

You say, it’s like humor, but it’s not quite humorous. It gives me similar reactions. Pseudo-humor. Am I the first pseudo-comedian? I mean, I’m not the first…I’m not even a pseudo-comedian on purpose. Pseudo-comedy, man. Somebody remind me of this, 'cause even I don't remember this stuff. What are some pseudo…thesaurus…this is from freedictionary.com. False, pretended, artificial, fake, phony, bogus. Man, bogus; they used to say that in the eighties. Quasi; there you go. Okay, so, there you go, quasi…so, anyway, that’s it. I’m glad you’re here. I really hope I can help you get some sleep. I yearn and I strive. I work really hard. So do a bunch of other people; a lot of people work really hard on this show and we take pride in it, 'cause we really hope it can help you fall asleep. So, thanks again for coming by, and here’s a way I’m able to do it for you for free twice a week.

 

Alright everybody, this is our episodically modular series, Make Great Pets. Welcome. If you never heard another…an episode of this before, don't worry, it’s episodically modular, meaning everything you need to know, I’ll either fill you in on or the characters…character…you’ll be filled in. You could listen to it in any order, and…that’s what episodically modular means. If you’re a completist, you could just listen to this episode, then listen to all the other episodes, then listen to this one again. Then that’ll be cool because then you’ll say, oh, wow…just…you could just give it a shot like that. Or if you need to, you could…that’s why I keep all the…500 episodes free, so…but it’ll be okay. Hopefully you’re getting comfortable and resting. This is a really nice tale and it’s about…it’s called Make Great Pets.

 

Originally that was our working title and then I said, well, I think that fits, which happens sometimes with the show, though other times it doesn’t, though I don't have an example. I know with Spice Friends it was called other things, but I couldn’t think of…I can’t remember. So, Make Great Pets is the tale of Ren, who will explain a lot of stuff, but Ren is a being in a post-Earthly existence, former human or…I don't know. I guess I don't know the tech…the term. My vocabulary…whatever stage of existence I’m in, my vocabulary is one stage behind. So, you say, Scooter was previously a tortoise, so his vocabulary is at a…also, he’s immature, so he’s…the vocabulary of a immature tortoise.

 

I’d say, that’s great, because I know tortoises and trees are typically…and owls are typically portrayed as the wisest of the anthropomorphized beings. So, I do have that going for me, but not…oh, so Ren is in a post-Earthly existence working with a training program helping people through their pets. What could be better, right? So, this is exciting, exciting stuff. Really meandering, really good for bedtime. Speaking of wise as an owl or a tree or a tortoise, sometimes…I’m not sure which of those which would be quietest. A tree could be creaky, an owl’s got feathers and also goes who-who-who, and a tortoise, I would imagine, would have occasional leathery sounds.

 

But for the most part, it’s our Hollywood announcer who now I’ve been seeing…I still haven’t seen the movie because it was…somehow…I don't know if animated movies have a red carpet and I wasn’t really expecting an invite to the red carpet because I would be like, I’m sorry…but so, the box office and the reviews are stellar. I don't know if it was his appearance on MTV’s The Challenge that pushed the box office so much, but holy cow. I’m so happy to introduce our Hollywood announcer, Mr. Antonio Banderas. The friends beyond the binary, the ladies, the gentlemen, the boys and girls, wisdom comes from so many places. Tonight it comes via Make Great Pets. Meow. Yeah. Thanks. That’s Mr. Antonio Banderas. This is Make Great Pets.

 

Well, hey, everybody that’s listening. My name is Ren and if you’re hearing this recording, you’re either…you’re hearing…if you’re hearing this recording, you’re hearing it, but the purpose of this recording, which you may not be listening according to the purposes, but I’m supposed to assume you are…but just in case…I mean, either way, I’m supposed to…we’re creating…I’m part of a training program, and like a lot of things, it’s learning by doing. So, I’m recording my efforts to help human beings on Earth via their pets, which may sound more direct and awesome…it’s still great. I’m so grateful to be here and doing this, but we don’t have total control over the pets, which if you’re a part of the training program, hopefully you already know that. But maybe not.

 

But so, every night in the pet’s subconscious or whatever, I’m able to record these training modules on my day within the pet, trying to help someone. Thus far, most of the time that I can remember, it has been the pet’s owner. It has been the pet’s human companion, but I don't think that’s necessarily true 100% of the time. So, what else am I…? Oh, so, you may want a little bit of history. I like to start off with that. It also helps me. This is a program started after the Besos/Penny incident, or Besos/Sears/Penny incident. You may not know this, so, this is my version of the history that I know about. You probably already know that there’s either…it’s beyond…still beyond my understanding — even though I’m beyond the Earthly realm — how Earths work and parallel Earths or whatever, or duplicate Earths.

 

But there was a version of this Earth that we know so well that had guardian angels, they called them, and that was a program to help humans do…being human. Not easy. The Besos…the first…what set off the Besos/Penny/Sears incident was that that program was fairly successful. Well, let’s not put an opinion out there. That program was in existence, then Richard Warren Sears, James Cash Penny and Jiff Besos, they went into…first they went into the world…there used to be…you could go to two places, apparently, after your existence, which holy cow, no thank you, right? I’d prefer a endless…but so, there’s a place where you didn’t do so well and a place where you did great. But I guess to our benefit right now, Besos/Penny/Sears, they eliminated that second option.

 

If you didn’t do great…I don't know, there was eight versions down there or something, but they got rid of all of it. Unintentionally, apparently, but still. But that left a dearth where they said, well, what are we gonna do now? Because we already have this old system in place. Turns out, it’s the old system not in place anymore. They said, well, what if we take the people that would have gone to this place for not-great choices, send them back to Earth…? That didn’t…I don't know if they ran that idea by everybody. People…okay, all these people that didn’t make great choices or a surplus of poor choices while they were on Earth, let’s send them back to Earth to help people make better choices. That didn’t work out.

 

That Earth ended up being not a…whatever, unsustain…it was…luckily there was backup Earths or parallel Earths. Then they went back to the original version with the guardian angels. The Besos, Penny, and Sears also disrupted that because while some…a supervisor was on sabbatical, it didn’t…that didn’t work out. This is a longer history [inaudible] than I expected. Besos…I guess it was Richard Warren Sears…or was it James Cash Penny…? But anyway, they ended up de-existing the entire positive post-existence place and a lot of the guardian angels. The ones that remained, they weren’t doing the best job, anyway. Now, don't worry, if you had somebody there, there was back…two…whatever, three, two, one rule for backups. This includes…I don't know. Again, beyond my understanding.

 

So, this is a new attempt to help humans. It sounds…by giving us very limited powers, almost none, we’re supposed to help people at a turning point in their lives. Took me a long time to say that. So, basically, thus far, from…I don't know what your training’s been, but I find myself…there’s no prep. I don't have…this is my chance to de…whatever, decommission myself or debrief, but there’s no pre-brief. I just find myself within a pet, and I can generally influence some of the pet’s decisions. I’ve found that it’s best through art or something like that, but not…oh, look at…my gerbil’s painting with its tail. You wouldn’t be able to do that anyway, because I tried. Not with a…was it with a gerbil? I can’t remember. So, let’s see here. So, that’s basically why I’m here today, or to…this evening. Today was my first day with Cindy.

 

You could call me Feather, 'cause sometimes Cindy wears me like a feather boa around her shoulders and neck, which is really nice for me, 'cause I got that cool circulatory system. So, being a feather boa around Cindy is really nice for me, and my name is Feather. That’s kinda my shape, though I don't have feathers, though I’ve seen movies about dinosaurs that say the dinosaurs had feathers…but I thought I was related to them, but I don't know. So, I’m working with Cindy and thus far today, I…let’s see. So, Cindy has someone…Cindy’s working for someone called the Benefactor…because there was a conference call with the Benefactor, and Cindy’s designing…so, Cindy’s a test designer, one of the best, and Cindy’s supposed to be designing a test.

 

Now, I wasn’t hear for all the specifications of the test, but today was the review of making sure Cindy had everything ready, 'cause the testing’s about to begin. There was a couple basic elements of the test they wanted to make sure Cindy had in place, but they said, don’t tell us about it ‘til we see the test in action. So, let’s see, the basics of these tests…it’s in these…or this test or challenge, I don't know, is that partial…they have to…there has to be a chase after something. There also has to be people, a place, a thing, an animal, a mineral, and a vegetable. Cindy’s designed the test to meet those specific things. But that’s the only thing I heard today. Then Cindy was doing a lot of work on a keyboard, and my…I wasn’t able to read…some of it I could…yeah, I couldn’t read everything, so I could only listen.

 

So, I guess I’ll be back when I learn more. But I guess I’m wondering…'cause normally I do these who, what, where, why, how…so, who; so far we just have Cindy and the Benefactor that Cindy’s working for, and sometimes they say ‘they’, but I don't know if that’s plural, too. But it’s the Benefactor. ‘Cause Cindy will mutter, the Benefactor’s gotta have this. So, that’s who, what…designing a challenge or test for them, and who; Cindy the test-designer. We’re in some sort of…what I would say is a high-tech facility, but Cindy’s the only one there. When I’m not around her as a feather boa, I’m in my cage, I guess they…it’s got a heating pad in there, though. So, yeah. Who, what, where? Where, super…some sort of super facility. What? This challenge. But what am I here for, to help Cindy and help her with the test?

 

She seems pretty confident and driven, so I’m not sure what I need to help with yet, to be honest. Who, what, where, when, what, so I’m not sure. When; well, this test is built…we’re building towards something, so when is coming…of the test…the challenge is coming soon. Who, what, where, when, why…why; that’s another question we’ll have to keep hoping…who, what, where, when, why, how…and how; I don't know. So, I don't know the answers to everything. Okay, so day two…sorry, I didn’t introduce…hopefully you’re listening to this as one file. I went to sleep and rested, got up, and we had a full day. We have some of the specifics for the test and the challenge, including what the challenge is for day one, and who or whom is going to be completing this or taking this test.

 

But at the…some of it I’m still confused about. So, they’re gonna be chasing some sort of slip of paper, right, that’s blowing away…that they somehow know it can be cashed in for a lot of money. It’s someone else’s slip, but the holder, the bear…and I know I saw that movie with Bruce Willis where I thought it was beara bonds, but it turns out it’s bearer bonds. Now, when I…for so long, I said, oh, I gotta get my…one day I’ll be in the position where I have beara bonds. But I think a bearer bond just entitles the holder…the bearer of the bond. I don't think these are actual bearer bonds, 'cause it seems smaller. But the bearer of whatever this piece of paper is. So, they’re gonna see someone I’m guessing at a bank or something, I don't know, some sort of financial thing, and they’re gonna chase after this piece of paper, a receipt or whatever it is, or a slip as it blows away.

 

So, that’s interesting. Is that part of the test? It is. I mean, that it’s blown away from someone else. But if you hold it, you will control it. So, then the…so, that’s part one of the test. I say, okay, well, I could see what…so, that’s the person, I guess. People, places, and things. But then…oh, and I’ll explain more…that I’m learning about the test and the technology in this facility in a little while. So, then you’re gonna be chasing…they’re gonna be chasing that thing, and then they’ll come upon…and this is happening in a city, but I guess you go into some sort of…maybe it’s a park? I don't know if it’s the cloisters, but a stone tower. The thing’s gonna rest on the stone tower for a minute for them to see that the stone tower is about to topple over because a stone has fallen out of it. I guess this is the mineral, right?

 

Alls they need to do…it’s like a tri…a wedge-shaped stone or whatever…I think that was one of the first inventions, right, a wedge or whatever? I think that’s what it’s called. Alls they have to do…it’s pretty clear 'cause of the moss and stuff that’s on there where it fell out of and that it just fell out, or maybe it will fall out while they’re there. But if they put that back in, the tower won't topple. But also, adding to the decision, will be that the nice…you might be already asking, how is any of this possible? Which I’ll explain; don't worry. ‘Cause it was one of my ‘whats’. Then the slip of paper will blow further, but they will have time to decide, do I just keep chasing this or do I do the stone tower or not?

 

Then they’ll go a while longer chasing it and going through obstacles, but nothing major until they come across…then they’ll go through some backyards. This is where there’s multiple things, but spread out. One of the backyards is gonna have a kitty cat who…on the other side of the…is on one side of a low fence but too high for the cat to jump over, 'cause it’s a older, bigger cat. On the other side is a bowl of milk, and the cat is saying meow, meow, meow, looking at the milk. I guess the choice there would be…or the…I don't know. I say, well…I mean, even that one, I say, wait a second, does this cat need this milk? Is it the cat’s milk? Which side of the fence is the cat supposed to be on? Okay, but then the receipt still blows away.

 

Then later on but not that far down, you come across someone else’s garden and they have these beautiful…this beautiful trellis with tomatoes and…I don't know if those are runner beans or whatever, but beans and tomatoes. This trellis actually does fall as you’re approaching it following the receipt, and it falls into a place where it…it just had one rope that broke, and it falls into some muck, and…it just falls down. I don't know. I think it falls into the shade from the sun, but this is…I’m putting it together. Then the receipt goes on. Then the next thing it does is the receipt gets stuck on a street sign, but the street sign happens to be…again, we’re in a city center or something, like at a taxi stand. So, there long enough that most people should be able to catch up to it.

 

I guess the…I don't know what the next…and that’s actually, as far as I know, the test. I guess people will be taking it tomorrow. There’s three candidates. Candidate 1; exciting stuff. Candidate 2 and Candidate 3…and they’ll be taking the test tomorrow. They also were referring to them as Subject 1, 2, and 3, but I prefer when Cindy calls them Candidate 1, 2, and 3, 'cause…have you ever seen…there’s movies where people that work in grocery stores and other things have a microphone you pull down…it’s on a flexible arm and it has a button, and then you talk into it and at the grocery store, it would make an announcement? But Cindy uses that sometimes to talk to people that aren’t the Benefactor. But this is being conducted…and this is kind of a what-the-heck for me.

 

I’m pretty sure this is either in the present or future I didn’t…can’t…didn’t know was possible or post…no one said it would all take place on Earth, so I’m like, is this some sort of post-Earthly existence? But for the time being, I’m gonna assume we’re on Earth and it’s just technology. But they’re gonna be taking this test more than once, apparently. To them, the test will seem real, but it’s being conducted at this facility. But they won’t know it’s being conducted at a facility. They will think it’s real in order to test them for what…I said, what are they testing them for? Their choices. So, I don't know. I’m starting to get a little wiggly-wiggly inside me, which isn’t surprising because I’m a feather boa that she’s wearing around her neck as a feather boa. I’m a…Feather. Call me Feather. But so, yeah. So, oh, Candidate 1, 2, and 3 are taking it.

 

Yeah, they won't remember anything. So, I feel like I’m in some sort of…part of me is in some sort of espionage film or superhero backstory, but then the test part is…it doesn’t fit that narrative. The facility fits that narrative. So, I don't know. That’s why my brain is like, is this post-Earthly or have I stumbled upon something? Again, Cindy does not seem to need my help at this time, so I kinda feel like…also a little listless. So, I’ll be back after the first round of testing, I guess. Okay, it’s me. I’m back. The tests went…the three candidates or subjects went through the test, and it ended up there was some parts of the test that I didn’t quite grasp at the time. So, the one thing is it was a lottery ticket, and the person was outside of the lottery headquarters.

 

They lose the lottery ticket, and you’re in casual conversation with the person. When the test starts, they’re walking down the street and they see somebody. They’re standing there and they say, hey, I just got this…I got this winning lottery ticket. They’re laughing hysterically 'cause they say, would you believe it? I just found it. No one even knows I have it. I didn’t buy it; I just happened uponed it. They’re laughing and it’s like, that’s the winning numbers…the date…I’m gonna go in and make sure it’s a winner. But I can’t believe my luck. That’s when this wind comes in and blows it out of their hand. So, Candidate 1 says, my goodness, let’s go get it. But the person doesn’t react. They’re not…is…they’re at a different age range and just not as swift as Candidate 1 was.

 

We were watching all this with some sort of…through…like a POV style. So, Candidate 1 is already a little bit…going back…well, should I chase it? You want me to chase it? The person…and then Candidate 1 just goes…starts chasing the lottery ticket. I say, remember, Bette Midler did this in Disney’s Hollywood Studios. There was a film with Bette Midler where she’s chasing a lottery ticket. But this is different than that because this isn’t a actual…the candidate doesn’t know that it’s not a real…I’m assuming. Okay, so then they come…so, they say, okay, let me go get it. Then they come across this…what was…the stone tower was first? They do fix…Candidate 1, they’re a little bit…remember Chidi from The Good Place? I guess all my references feel like…but so, they’re kinda indecisive.

 

So then they’re like, should I fix the tower? Should I chase the ticket? Fix the tower, chase the ticket? They say, such a beautiful tower. Then they stop and they put the stone in, and then they chase after the ticket, but they do catch up to the ticket eventually. Spoiler; you already know the ticket was waiting for them. Then they help the cat, but they actually help the cat in a way I didn’t expect, 'cause the end, they’re like, which…should I lift the cat over? Is this your milk? They yell, hello, hello! Is this somebody’s cat? ‘Cause they’re in-between two backyards facing one another. The first person says, what in the…are you doing to my yard? They say, sorry, I just saw this cat here. They say, oh, that’s my neighbor’s cat. I don't know how it got over the fence. It’s trying to get to its milk. They say, no problem.

 

Then they put the cat back and the cat starts drinking the milk. Then they head off after the ticket. Again, they catch up to the ticket at the trellis, and they kinda do the same thing at the trellis. But they yell, nobody comes, and they’re going back and forth; should I fix the trellis, should…well, geez, if this was my trellis, I’d be worried…and they actually thought it out. Well…they found some twine that was just sitting there and they said well, if it was my trellis, I’d want it to be fixed, because they knew that other non-pet ground-dwellers were gonna come eat all the vegetables and they were in the shade. So, they put the trellis back up, they head back. They do find…they catch up with the ticket at the taxi cab stand.

 

They get the ticket, then they get a cab and they take the cab back to the person who just happens to still be there in front of the lottery office. They say, I found your lottery ticket that you found. The person says, thanks. They said, I took a cab here to give it to you. I bet you’re so happy. They say, thanks, and then they just go into the lottery ticket office. Candidate 1 just shrugged their shoulders and then went off wherever they were…thought they were going. Now, Candidate 2 was very…swift test. They started the test the same way, and they had the discussion about the lottery ticket. The lottery ticket blows off. They say, are you gonna chase after that? The person says, I don't think I can. I don't think I’ll ever catch that ticket. They say, easy…the…Candidate 2 goes, easy come, easy go.

 

I guess you found it, so there’s nothing lost anyway. How much was the winnings, anyway? They said, $35 million or…I don't know. They said, well, maybe…they said, oh well. Then they went back. They head off. I said, that’s an interesting way to take a test you don’t know you’re…that’s unexpected. Actually, I’ve followed some…a unexpected reaction from Cindy, too. Now, Candidate 3, they start out the same way and the person tells them that…they say, I won…I got this ticket; I found it. Then the ticket blows away and they say, did you just lose…did you lose a ticket? They say, what, what? Then they run off after the ticket. They were…the ticket, again, I guess is gauged to their speed because they couldn’t catch up with it, so they still…they were very fast. They went to the stone tower and they kept going after the ticket.

 

The stone tower falls. They almost had caught the ticket, though, and I thought the test was gonna end. Then they just go to pass the cat. They jumped over the cat. I think there was…did…am I missing something? But I don't know. The stone tower falls, the cat keeps meowing, trellis falls, they run past the trellis. They get to the taxi stand; they get the ticket. They say…they take the cab for like, two blocks away from where the lottery office is, then they walk. They’re across the street and they watch, and they see the person waiting there, waiting there, and they wait for them to leave. Eventually they head off in the direction of the ticket, but they kinda look like they’ve already given up. Then they go into the lottery office and they win the lottery. It ends up, it’s being…it’s nine numbers, right?

 

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine numbers. So, in some sense, they…I say, wait a second, who, what, where, when, how, why. Did they win? So, then the tests are completed, right? Or the candidates are completed. Then there’s a debrief call with the Benefactor. At first it was kind of like, going over what happened and oh, what are your thoughts? Okay. What are your thoughts? They say, okay, we want to make some adjustments for tomorrow. They say, for Candidate 1, we want to see if you can adjust anything that makes them skip one of the steps, anything to change their behavior to not make as many stops. Cindy says, okay, okay. Then they say, for Candidate 2, could you make any changes to try to get them to take the test? ‘Cause obviously they took it, but in their own way. They also refused.

 

Cindy said, okay, yeah, I think I can make an adjustment. They say, with Candidate 3, is there anything you can do to slow them down and maybe make them slow down? To maybe take…see if they’ll take any of those other side things? Cindy says, okay, interesting. So, Cindy was there trying to make adjustments. I say, I guess this is where I’m supposed to help, because Cindy was kinda brainstorming. Particularly on one, she was like, okay, this is kinda easy. I don't know what we’ll do, but…she says, I could change the neighbor, make them more adamant, maybe make the cat…change the milk, maybe change the cat a little bit, maybe change some of the script at the beginning. So, she’s…okay, I think I got that.

 

Then for Candidate 3…okay, well, yeah, I can…she goes, oh, wait a second, that’s…I can’t go too far in changing things that I’m actually…'cause at first she was like, I’ll just put…I’ll have a fly under the wedge. Then they’ll have to pick up the wedge. Maybe they’ll shove it in. She said, wait a second, that’s not changing it too much. Okay…and she said, I could use the same…she goes, I could change the script slightly again, maybe use this…okay, and then I’ll change it for the first person, but that’s okay. She goes, and actually, that would…she goes, maybe…she goes, but…no. She goes, how is that gonna…? If I have to change it for everybody…how is that gonna change the second person? So, for me, that’s…I was eating while she was doing this.

 

I was having some vegetables and I made a motion for her to split my vegetables in half, 'cause I said, well, maybe…but if they were gonna split it, would that change? She goes, oh, yeah, yeah. So, let me split…let me cut these up for you. It took a while, a couple hours. Oh, split the winnings. So, she changed the script. So, I don't know. I’ll let you know tomorrow a little bit more how it goes. Okay, so, it’s me again. Yeah, the testing went through again today. So, Candidate…so, at the beginning, the person just says…instead of like, oh no…says, if you can get that, I’ll split the money with you. Then they pause and they say, and I didn’t tell you how much it is; you wouldn’t believe it if I did. So, go get it. That kinda did cause Candidate 1 to go a little bit faster. They still did get caught up at the stone tower and fix it.

 

Then they did…with the cat, the person did do that, but they were like…but the cat, it’s cry…and they said…they were like, get out of my yard. I don't care about that cat. But they said…then they still said, but who’s…is this your cat or not? Then they still lifted the cat over and they still helped the trellis. Then they did the rest and then they went back, and I guess it did change because then they went in with them and they said, yeah…whatever. They said, well, I’ll just take the cab fee. But I think they were kinda joking. The person said, okay. Bye. Then they walked off in disbelief. So, then with Candidate 2, the person said I’ll split it with you or whatever. They said, oh, okay. Yeah, you split it with me.

 

This is…they still…they didn’t…I don't know if…it was tough to tell if they didn’t believe the person or they thought it was some sort of hidden camera thing, but they didn’t…they still said no. They said, why would I chase your lottery ticket around that you just…? Then they just walked off. They were a little bit more irritable. Then Candidate 3, they went to the wedge, they threw the wedge and the tower still fell over. The cats…and they still went and they still cashed in the ticket, waited for the person to walk off, and then went in. So, that was…I don't know. That was a lot of unexpected stuff. Cindy seemed perplexed by it. But then the post thing…the Benefactor was like, that was excellent. That was a excellent, excellent job.

 

They said, for the next round of tests, why don’t we make it slightly more obvious that they’re being tested and kinda see how they react? But not make it so obvious that they 100% know. I want you to really get to the bottom of this. This is…show us something more about these candidates. Cindy kinda asked qualifying questions that the Benefactor refused to answer, like, what am I scoring for? What am I…? They said, you know that’s not why you’re here. Said, okay, well…and Cindy was really flummoxed 'cause…okay, the first part’s kinda easy, but…and I said, well, the thing…same thing I’m confused about, Cindy’s confused about in a different way. I knew because I was something like a feather or a feather boa, you know.

 

I said, well, I can shape…can I shape my…if I get down onto this work surface and I shape myself like a Y, I’m not spelling out the word ‘why’, and I’ll just lay around for a while in the shape of a Y. It wasn’t a very good Y, but I did it. Eventually Cindy said, you look just like a Y. She was trying to rewrite the script at the beginning to basically have a little bit more casual conversation before the thing that went by, but she couldn’t quite get it. She said, oh, why? Why…and she was…that was…my qualifying questions here. So, then the person will say…with the lottery ticket before it blows away, like, huh, what would you do? I don't even know how much this ticket’s worth. I know it’s a full boat, though. Full power ball. What would you do with the money? Asking the candidates.

 

Then say, well…or why would…what would be your ‘why’ of what you would do with it? Then that…so, that’s what eventually Cindy settled on. I guess I was confused of how that would make the test more obvious. So, then I kinda redid my Y, but I moved it a little bit. She said, okay, so make it even more obvious. She worked on the script, so we’ll see how it goes tomorrow. So, okay, so it’s me the next day. So, this round went interesting. So, it was even more front-loaded, right? Candidate 1 and the other candidates heard the same thing from the person with the ticket, which was basically found the ticket, how lucky am I, gonna go cash it in, it’s worth a bunch of money…why would you do it…not what would you do with the money but why would you do it, I guess is what I’m asking you.

 

The person with the ticket’s asking the candidate that. It got a blank look from all three people, basically. Like, well, I…why? What would I do…? Why would I do…? What would I do? Kinda like that, every person. Well, Candidate 3 got to their answer, but we’ll get to that later. So, then they said, well, yeah, the Y is 'cause it’s like the summer…why did I find this? I just happened to be out walking. It’s not even my ticket, but I don't know whose it is. But all my…it was a summary of my choices and it seems like, in this case, my choices got rewarded and that I’m the summary of my good choices. Almost like I was being tested or something.

 

I guess that’s a little obvious, but not so obvious 'cause I don't think they got it, 'cause Person 1 still did the…Candidate 1 still did the same thing, except at the end, they held the ticket and when they got back to the person, they said, shouldn’t we find out whose ticket this really is? I think that’s what I want to do with this ticket. The other person just takes it out of their hand and goes in and cashes it in. Then the second person, Candidate 2…I’m getting Candidate 2 and Candidate 3 mixed up. But Candidate…the other candidate just said, basically…once it blew away, they said, well, maybe the person that lost it will find it. They said, well, why would you let a ticket…? So, I guess there’s optional post based on their reaction dialogue. Then that person just walked off. Then Candidate 3 said, I got my Y because I want it.

 

That’s what they answered. Then they ran off after the ticket. They still did the same…all the same things. Then there was the debrief and the Benefactor said, very good, very good, Cindy. Very good. Very happy with how everything’s going there. Do you understand now? Cindy said, I think I do. The Benefactor said, very good, very good, Cindy. You’re doing good. I think you’re our perfect candidate. Then they kinda logged off. I’ve been waiting to tell you this, but it’s…kinda seems strange for me to be recording it. Then Cindy told me to get into my crate, my crate-cage, with my warming pad. She said, do you understand? She made eye contact with me. I must have looked back at her, but she already knew. She said, that’s right; I know. I know you’re in there. As a matter of fact, I know your name is Ren.

 

She said, do you understand what’s happening? I thought…I was like, does she know I can’t respond? She says, were you following along with everything? I guess I wasn’t totally following along. Then she said, you and I…she went on a long speech, but the gist of her speech was that her and I are similar, but also like an antithesis of one another, and that I’m…my benefactor, which I don't even know I have a benefactor…is part of the old way of doing things, and this is the way it’s gonna work. She goes, do you know which candidate…? She goes, don’t you understand? I said, I don't think I do. Then she made it a little more obvious, like, even more obvious than…she goes, it’s the here and the now that’s important.

 

The candidates that can understand that and they don’t reject the here and the now…and they don’t walk away from it, but they don’t also blather about with nonsense and get distracted. They’re the candidates that go after it and take what they want. Those are the ones we’re here to help, and that’s what’s gonna work. She goes, your Benefactor and your way is not gonna work out. She said, we’re gonna still have to share some space in this chase for now, but…she goes, after…she goes, soon…she goes, it’ll be clear that…and I said, wait a second, so, are there…? Again, I’m just…hopefully you already know the answers to these questions, 'cause I don’t.

 

Are there competing programs to help people on Earth through pets and in this case through Cinda and Lucinda who’s been appearing, or through another…through a human emissary? But there’s also…seems to be two competing ideas of how to help people at turning points in their lives, whether it’s an unfolding, process-based, or a action control-based thing. But now I’m seeing it’s maybe the benefit for me here, and if it is meta…'cause maybe this is just part of my training and if it is, I hope it’s not pass/fail. But I guess that’s okay if it is. There was three candidates, right, we’re supposed to help, and I can’t manage to encapsulate all of humanity in three candidates. But if Cindy is trying to help the Candidate 2s or…I mean, I guess in some sense, they didn’t change. I don't know.

 

But it’s like, do I have these…am I here to help those people that are kinda stuck in rejecting the test or apathetic about the test and the people that are saying, hey, I’d rather choose these additive choices outside of me? I don't know, but I’m thinking that that’s an advantage I have over Cinda, and maybe it’s not even a competition. But it’s like, oh…if I find myself in a pet tomorrow, could I help someone that’s kinda stuck, like 1, 2, or 3, where maybe it’s not about the candidates but the approach? But I don't know the test…so, I don't know. But so, I don't know what my purpose here was today other than to try to learn and say, okay, well, I can only try to keep helping be the best pet I can. I helped Cinda or Cindy in this case, and it wasn’t like this was just a test with candidates or…so, yeah. I guess I’ll be back soon after my next journey into my next pet. I’m gonna rest and get some sleep now. Goodnight, everybody.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

(Transcribed by Leah Hervoly)