1,150. Geordi Love Story | Sleep With TNG S3 E6

Like a bedtime bird surprise this title change will take you back to the holodeck where the engines of the Enterprise will rev you right off to sleep.

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    Episode 1150 – Geordi Love Story | Sleep With TNG S3 E6

     

    [START OF RECORDING]

     

    SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, these are the voyages of a podcaster that can never get to the point. He may talk about the starship Enterprise, but the real enterprise I embark on is keeping you company and taking your mind off of stuff so I could put you to sleep. The show is very silly. If you’re new, so glad you’re here. Regular listeners, welcome back. But for the new listener, this show, it takes a few tries to get used to. I’m here to keep you company because you deserve a good night’s sleep. You deserve a friend in the deep, dark night that’s gonna talk to you, but you don’t need to listen to me, a friendly voice that’s a little bit strange and goofy but well-intentioned. That’s what this show is.

     

    So, give it a few tries if you’re new. Structurally what to expect; we’re gonna have some support here — that’s what helps keep the podcast free for everybody — then there will be a long, meandering intro which is meant to help ease you into bedtime and give you an idea what the…about…what the show’s about. Then we’ll talk about Star Trek TNG, but it’ll just be like a bedtime story. You don’t need to have watched the show. Could be about anything. Yeah, that’s it. I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff. So glad you’re here. Appreciate you coming by, and here’s a couple ways we’re able to do it…oh, and it’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. Thanks for making it possible, my patron peeps.



    INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. We’re gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, things on your mind that you’re thinking about about the past, the present, the future. You know, thinking things. It could be emotions about the past, the present, or the future related to those thoughts or that are just there left over from the day. But what…it could be feelings about…that are…could be…whatever. You could have feelings, you know.

     

    That’s a very normal human thing. Physical sensations, changes in time, temperature, routine. You could be waking up over and over again even though you’re comfortable and sound asleep because your dreams are rep…that’s my…this is me getting in the way, but that was the last couple nights. Dreams that aren’t bad dreams but they’re full of rote tasks. Say, what? Can I get some rest in my dreams, please? Then I…what I do is I just take a break, but that’s…but this could be…this podcast could be your break. You’re listening to me. So, whatever’s keeping you awake; it could be one of those things, it could be something else. I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff so you could fall asleep because you deserve a good nights sleep, because myself and a lot of other people listening right now can relate to how it feels in the deep, dark night.

     

    Those are reasons I make the show. You really do deserve a bedtime you could look forward to or feel neutral about, a bedtime you don’t have to dread, and I really hope this podcast can provide it for you so you get the rest you need so your life is more manageable, and then eventually you can start getting the rest you need on a regular basis and you could be out there flourishing. That means our world is gonna be a better place. Your world will be a better place. So, I hope the show can help, and like I said, I might not know exactly what you’re going through, what you’re dealing with, what is keeping you up, but I can probably relate to how it feels. If not, there’s someone else out there listening right now who can. I can tell you that it’s true. So, you’re not alone in the deep, dark night.

     

    That’s what it comes down to, basically, for this show; just a friendly voice or a reminder that there’s other people out there kinda going through the same thing. We know how it feels. So, what I’ll do is I’ll send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’ll use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones. Oh, so creaky are my tones. That just means my voice is not traditionally soothing or what you would associate…I’m not a sleep expert. I’m not a…I’m def…I’m not…I’ve…we haven’t talked about this in a while; I’m not a guru, but I’m more of a goo-brain or a…I’d say, are you a goo-goo? I’d say, I could probably be…you say, what are you going for Halloween? Oh, well, I’m gonna be a goo-goo dancer. Oh, they’re pronounce…it’s pronounced go-go…no, no, I’m a goo-goo dancer. Like the band The Goo Goo Dolls?

     

    No, though I guess they’re…if they had dancers, they would be called…they’d be Goo Goo Dancers, but then…Goo Goo Doll Dancers. So, that confused me. But no, I’m more of a goo-brain. I’m more of a goo-goo. I’m just a goo-goo. I don’t even need to describe it more than that. No guru. He’s a goo-goo. The goo-goo, the goo-goo. I don't know. You say, what do you…what’s goo? I say well, it’s kinda like goop. You know, once upon a time, one of the…there was a…there was a couple popular children’s toys. Goo was…they called it Slime or Goo. There was also Goop and there was even floam. I’ll tell you what; I wish I could get my hands literally on some floam. That was when the…wasn’t that a thing that people were into, is making their own slime? I think my daughter was into that for a while. That wasn’t that long ago.

     

    But I don't know when the last time I saw floam was, which was a combination of round foam balls and goo…slime together. I believe it was branded for Nickelodeon, and I know I bought it once. It was really comforting stuff. I’m surprised it’s not around anymore. It probably is. I don't even know if it was called floam, but I mean, that’s what I think…that’s pretty…I would call it gloam, but that doesn’t sound as good as floam. They could sell it at IKEA, I guess. You say, what’s that chair called? Flong. It’s full of floam, but we…it’s more…isn’t it glop…flop? No, flong. Yeah, I don't know if I want to sit in anything called a flong. Floam, flom. I guess they’d just call it flom, F-L-O-M, with some sort of markings around it.

     

    Anyway, that’s why I’m not a guru. I don't even know…I mean, if…that’s…oh, so this…I send my voice across the deep, dark night, use creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, and superfluous tangents, which…we’ve just seen a few of them, right? I go off topic, I get mixed up. Turns out…I just googled it, sorry. I just wanted to…if someone actually googled for me a long…is floam still a thing? So, turns out it is. But so…okay, so, I send my voice…lulling, soothing tones, pointless meanders. This is not a podcast that puts you to sleep. It keeps you company while you fall asleep, and it’s not a podcast you listen to, either. You can and you can listen…if you can’t sleep, there’s a percentage of people that listen because they can’t sleep. So, I’m here to keep you company to the very end, but there’s no pressure to fall asleep at all.

     

    There’s no pressure to listen to me. You could be sleeping and barely listening, you could be awake and barely listening, or you could be listening along. You say yeah, I remember that flom stuff. I think it…I actually…I make IKEA Notes, the podcast about IKEA and things interesting to IKEANS. Those are super IKEA fans, and they already sell flom, which is a…I don't know, what would a flom be? What would a flom say? That’s not a song, but maybe one day we could do a podcast about that. I don't know, ‘cause my…first thing that always pops in my…I mean, I’m picturing some sort of bean bag chair, but that would only be if it contained floam. Flom, floam. Holy moly. If you’re new, this is like a regular…this is…I had no idea I’d be going on…that’s what…this is why…’cause a lot of people say, why is there a twenty-minute intro in a sleep podcast?

     

    Usually I talk about the structure in a different way. Or, why would someone listen to this? I say well, the intro is twenty minutes long ‘cause it’s meant to ease you into bedtime or to be listened to while you’re getting ready for bed or unwinding or in bed getting comfortable. But it’s also where random stuff comes up out of my brain, and then we could go on a pointless meander about it. Then you realize oh, okay, he is a goo-brain. He is a goo-goo, and that’s okay. Maybe you’re…maybe you’ve got a little goo-goo in you, ‘cause I do. There we go; there’s another musical, The Goo…that would be a song in a musical, The Goo-Goo In You. ‘Cause I’m hearing someone say ‘I do’ with a long, forlorn thing at the end. I don't know what musical that’s from.

     

    So…oh, so this is a podcast you don’t listen to, doesn’t really put you to sleep. I’m here to be…keep you company throughout the night, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-bud, your bore-friend, your bore-bestie, your bore-bor, your neigh-bore, your bore-bruh. I’m here to be your friend in the deep, dark night, take your mind off stuff whether you’re listening or awake, whether you listen all night long or you listen in…on a fifteen-minute timer, a thirty-minute timer, forty-five minute timer, sixty-minute timer, one-twenty. Whatever it is, I’m here to keep you company so that you could fall asleep. So, structurally…I kinda said it; the show starts off with a greeting. That’s so you feel seen and welcome. You say, I might check this podcast out.

     

    Then there’s support so the show can be free, and then there’s a intro which is meant to ease you into bedtime, to be a transitions…phase, though some people do fall asleep during it. Then there will be some more support for the show, then we’ll talk about Star Trek: The Next Generation, but you don’t really have to have any prep for it. Don’t worry, I’ll mostly explain — poorly and vaguely — what’s happening. It’s…happens in…on a spaceship, but it’s kinda like a cruise ship or a big ship. There will be locations, there will be some…yeah, I don't know. There will be…it’ll be nice. Don’t worry. What else do you need to know? Oh, this show is not for everybody. A little late for this, but some people…here’s the thing…here’s…it is a catch-22; people…some people absolutely loathe this podcast and they can’t stand me.

     

    But there’s a lot of people that’s…that at first they find me not comforting or soothing ‘cause I’m not really comforting or soothing until you get to know me. Oh, that rhymes with floamy. Get to know me; I’m Floamy. Goo Goo Floamy’s the name. If I went to clown school, that’s what I’d go by; Goo Goo Floamy. You say, I’m sorry, what? Yeah, no, no…Goo Goo Floamy’s the name; poorly-designed balloons that are not animals is the game. Trying to make balloon animals and watching them pop is my game. They call me Goo Goo Floamy. I guess I would be a clown in a lab coat, maybe. Anyway, holy moly. Talk about archetypal…I mean, just ‘cause…you’d say, this is the one…that’s the one clown I trust; Goo Goo Floamy. Why?

     

    Well, I mean, with a name like Goo Goo Floamy, how could you do anything but say huh, interesting? That’s…it wouldn’t…Goo Floamy would not…Goo Floamy…if I was going in for a business deal at the closing…at a real estate closing, I’d be Goo Floamy. But Goo Goo Floamy is really what I go by. I’ll tell you what; call a…if there’s ever an IKEA hotel, call up and say, is Goo Goo Floamy in? Is Goo Goo…please connect me with Goo Goo Floamy, the inventor of the flom. Of course he should be staying at the IKEA hotel. Okay, where were we? Structure of the show…okay, so then…yeah, support, then TNG talk, then thank-yous. Oh, most…some people don’t like the show. That’s what I was talking about.

     

    That’s normal, but you do get to this podcast with some natural skepticism and doubt if you’ve been having trouble sleeping for a long time like myself and a lot of listeners. The number one thing other than I strongly loathe you in the reviews of the show and the feedback I get is hey, it took me two or three tries and it maybe took me two or three tries over a few years before I realized oh, you were being honest when you said don’t listen to me, I’m not gonna put you to sleep, I don't make any sense. They said my brain’s 42% floam, but then they…then Nickelodeon called and said actually, that’s copyrighted. Then IKEA called, so they said we’re…and I said, what, do you have…intimin domain over my brain? Then they laughed and they said we gotta let you go.

     

    According to Nickelodeon’s bylaws, that’s a technicality, calling yourself an intimin brain instead of intimin domain. I say, great. I say, could you slime me then or let me on Double Dare or something? Okay, where were we? Holy cow. Oh, so if some people…give it a few tries. That’s what people say. They say, I really didn’t like you and the podcast, and then I realized oh, it’s kind of a harmless jibber-jabbering. Now I pay for the podcast. So, give it a few tries. See how it goes. You got nothing to lose. If you already know that…you say, what in the name of floam? I make the Floam Cast, a podcast about floam and things interesting to floamers. Those are people…that was a professional sport for a brief period of time. It’s kinda like Ultimate Frisbee and dodgeball combined.

     

    It was on the imaginary Nickelodeon World Tour and the Nick Show Channel. I don't even know. So, yeah, just give it a few tries. See how it goes. I’m glad you’re here. I work really hard at this podcast — so do a bunch of other people — so it could come out twice a week, so it could be of service to those that need it, because we’ve been there. So, I really hope I can help you. Thanks again for checking the podcast out and coming by, and here’s a couple ways we’re able to do it for you for free twice a week.

     

    Hey everybody, it’s Scoots here. Time to talk about another episode of TNG. What is this called? It reminds me of something they said in…what do you call that? That movie, Goonies. Not everybody’s seen that movie, but there was a…I don't know where the term…actually, maybe I could look that up. But it’s…there’s…they use the term ‘booby prize’ and ‘booby surprise’. Let me just make sure…let me see here as we’re doing this…booby…what does it even mean? It’s a setup to surprise someone, but where does the etymology come from? It used to be a wooden board game, too. Well, I don't know. Let me see, if I just put in…is that what it is, etymology? E-T…yeah, there we go. Starting off early, here. Oh, it was a sea bird known as the booby that would surprise sailors with lunch. So, interesting.

     

    The legend of the booby…since the 17th century. Booby surprise…remember, named after a bird. Okay, so we’re talking about that episode. I gotta find it, though. Gotta turn down the volume. Oh, it’s already down. It’s Season 3, Episode 6. A couple things; how did we get here, why this episode, right? We were doing the other episode where Geordie had told…who was that person even though I just covered the episode? I can’t remember the guy’s name even though it’s my job to. But he was in Trivial Pursuit or whatever…was the name of the episode. It wasn’t…Hollow Pursuits; Barclay. But so, Geordie had said to Barclay…I don't know. One of the goals with the season…original…I’m trying to see any episodes with Guinan’s wisdom or Cardassians just ‘cause that’s where the road has led us, here.

     

    But then this one…in the last episode, Geordie said…it had come up in a list of episodes Guinan was in. Then Geordie said hey…and some listeners also mentioned it, or patrons mentioned it. So, I have these multiple lists. Then Geordie said hey, I fell in love with someone on the holodeck once. It’s totally normal. Then the ship’s computer groaned, which was inaudible except to me. So, I did some research and it’s a little bit — again, just like Barclay would say — is this…how come you just don’t have a protocol…? I mean, I guess…I don't know. I don’t understand every…the rules or the unwritten rules. I’m starting to understand more of the rules around the holodeck, which I guess is shore…when you can’t get shore leave, you need some holodeck leave.

     

    Then the…I don't know, it’s interesting ‘cause I read this other book a long…I don't know. I won't even…let’s not go down that road…but of…that dating’s allowed onboard the Enterprise. Which, I guess if you look at humanism…I don't know. This seems complicated. So anyway, this led me to this episode ‘cause I thought this was the episode where Geordie…this is where Geordie starts to fall in love, I guess, or maybe he does. I guess Geordie may define falling in love differently than I do. So, one of the plot…and this actually has a nice little plot to it in addition to Geordie’s dating life, which I would say I guess is the…what do we got? The B plot…I don't know. They’re intertwined. Or, it starts off…I don't know. There’s some nice stuff in here, some nice Picard moments, too.

     

    But anyway, so, it’s called the Booby Surprise, and let’s see. My notes says it starts off with Geordie on the beach by moon. It’s sunset. Oh, another thing that stuck out to me about this episode…and there were other episodes like this where the sound is a little bit different, the background music and stuff, and…or it’s a little bit more noticeable. This is one of those ones. It’s very eighties. I enjoyed it, but it’s not always that on-the-nose like it is…also, there’s a lot of sound effects. Okay, with all that being said, let’s get this episode started here. There’s a moon or a planet in the sky, and a sunset, a beach. Geordie’s on the beach with someone. They’re dressed in beach formal-casual wear and Geordie’s…they’re tipping back cocktails. I assume they’re mocktails, though; Coco No-Nos.

     

    I guess that’s funny; there’s no alcohol in them. But she says I’ve had enough, Geordie. Geordie’s saying oh, I almost forgot. This is so bizarre and I guess what I love about the characters is that Geordie thinks this is a good idea. He calls in a violinist who has no sense of personal space, also of sonic space. I guess the song is Hungarian Rhapsody, which is a familiar tune. You’ve heard it before. The violinist, who also has a neon-orange vest on…so maybe he was playing…the last Geordie had him was playing…I don't know where else. But so, we figure out that Geordie and this woman are on a date, though it’s not going very well. Geordie just tried to move over a little bit. Oh, now he moved over again. Interesting. I didn’t notice that before. Oh, he just tried to put his arm around her.

     

    Okay, so he tries to move over, he tries to put his arm around the date while this person is playing the violin in her face, like literally some sort of heavy metal…like aggressive rock concert style, and he’s creeping around them. I said, you programmed this, Geordie? Then she says by the way, this isn’t gonna work, dude. You’re nice, but I don't like you that way. Geordie sighs. He goes, yeah. He’s let down. Then he says stop violin program. He doesn’t actually tell the computer, though. Then, let’s see, very weird. Don’t…feeling that way. Terrific person. Then we cut to Data and Wes playing 3D chess with this asteroid field behind them, where I guess there was some sort of big event.

     

    Orelious IX was decisive between two people that weren’t…decisive dance-off where the whole dance floor…I mean, I guess it was giants or something ‘cause it’s not a astroid field; it’s the leftovers of the dance floor. Geordie goes into the Ten Forward, down…Wes says uh-oh. Data says, what? He goes, he had a big date with Christy tonight. Tried to put together the perfect program, but it ended early. I say, Wes is…how much did Wes know? Then Data says uh-oh. Then they call Data to the Bridge. If you’re playing 3D chess, you should just play that on hologram so you could save the program. 211 mark 61. Data goes right to the controls, kicks somebody else out. Some sort of ancient interplanetary code. Data says yep, ancient it is. Is this from Orelious IX? Not possible. Hardly possible, though, Picard says.

     

    Let’s go look at it. So, they start to head into the asteroid giant dance floor field. This was the sub-floor, though. It’s concrete or cement or some sort of hard matter. Not the wood; that probably deteriorated in space, if they use wood. Then they get something, they put it on the viewer. Oh boy, it’s a ship. Holy cow. It was the ship that had maybe one of the dance crews, Promellian…Promellian dance crew cruiser. Lang cycle fusion engines. Scott Lang, they say? Sensors says nobody’s on there, though. Hope not, Mr. Data. That belongs in a museum. We’re a little late for this dance-off. It was a thousand years ago that they called…’cause they were…they have a call for more of their dance crews to come. Zooms on Picard, who is very struck, and the episode opens.

     

    We get another shot…43205.6 of the ship during the Captain’s Log. Menthars and Promellians danced off. The end of all their dance crews. This is a Promellian dance crew deliverer. Picard wants to go. Indulge me, Number One. I want to go there. Captain’s prerogative. It’s my prerogative, he says. Riker says it’s not a good idea, boss. He goes, what are you worried about, old dancers? Number One, this is…haven’t you dreamed about climbing inside the bottle? Riker has no idea what he’s talking about. What? The ship in a bottle, man. Riker still doesn’t know. Model airships in bottles? I used to build them when I was a child. So, he built airships in bottles, a Promellian battle cruiser. They say Data, are you sure it’s…so, it’s Data, Worf, and Picard going. Adequate oxygen.

     

    It’s gonna be so cool, Picard…we’re going in the bottle, man. He goes, the ship in a bottle; no one built…this is one of the best comedy sequences. Let me just set it up. It’s at 7:08 on…what is this? Paramount Plus. Okay, so he says, you can’t believe…Picard’s flummoxed. No one’s ever played with ships in a…? First of all, you don’t play with ships in a bottle. That’s part of the problem. But he explains it more later, I think. A thousand years…captain’s prerogative…no one’s played with ships in a…no one built ships in a bottle? Then Worf goes, I did not play with toys…when they were children. Data says, I was never a boy. When you were a little boy…and O’Brien totally looks like he’s kissing butt. He goes yeah, I did, sir. He goes, great, O’Brien. Consider all your other demerits erased from all your other…I did not play with toys.

     

    I love Worf. I was never a boy, Data says. Picard sighs. I did, sir. Thank you, Mr. O’Brien. Then he says, proceed. Then Riker stares O’Brien down, like what a behind-kisser you are. There’s also this echo music that starts or has already been playing throughout the episode, which you’d be familiar with. Maybe this was something where the orchestra was on strike or something, or the music designers. I’m not…I’m not kidding either, ‘cause it does sound a lot like stock music. Or maybe their budget…finals…seamen char from…chair…oh, so then they get on the ship. The lights are out. They got flashlights, though; three-beamers, or two-beamers. They find a old ship with a old member of the dance crew, like a model for their clothes. Admirable. They were at their dance…their posts.

     

    This is just the delivery of the dance crew, though. Clumsy Bridge…Picard talks about the Bridge layout. I think he says you’d expect it to be clumsy, but it’s so…it’s such simplicity. Clumsy and awkward? So, Picard’s impressed. Then we go back to the ship in a minute. We’re still on the Bridge of this dance crew vessel. Admirable. But Guinan and Geordie are gonna talk. Geordie asks for something stronger. But Geordie…another scene where you kinda get some of Geordie’s issues because he doesn’t even listen to anything’s Guinan’s saying, even the hints she lays very clearly for him. She says I’m not…she basically says dude, I’m not a human mammal. I’m just…or whatever we are. I don't know, human…homo-sapien. She doesn’t say that, but she says can you read…do you even know…am I just…?

     

    I mean, I don't know anything about Guinan, so I’m probably wrong, too. Say, Scooter, actually she is. Oh, okay. She’s in human form. You have anything stronger than this, Guinan? Geordie’s on his second drink. Yeah, she says. Would it help? Nope. He says tell me something, Guinan. You’re a woman, right? She says yes, I can tell you I’m a woman. He goes…he starts saying well, what…what’s the first thing you look at? She goes, head, the person’s head. Oh, his mind. No, she says; his head. I’m attracted to bald men. What? Maybe ‘cause a bald man was nice to me or kind to me once when I was hurting. Took care of me. Geordie says, I’d like to take care…and she goes, I take care of myself. He goes no, no, I was meaning generally. I want to take care of somebody. I don’t get it, Guinan.

     

    I can field strip a fusion reactor, realign a power transfer tunnel, but I can’t make anything work. He goes, I don't know what to do, don’t know what to say. She goes, you’re doing fine talking to me. He goes, you’re different. She goes no, you’re different. He goes, I’m not trying now. She goes, that’s my point. Geordie kinda gets it. He laughs, raises his eyebrows. Wes and Riker are on the Bridge. Something weird with the power…acting weird. Define weird, he says. Getting fluctuating wave guide readings. Define weird. Scooter. Okay, but what about with the ship? Data turns the power on on the ship they’re on, and…say okay, let’s get some images of this display, take some pictures, basically. Source of the signal, Data says, is coming from over on this desk. Everything’s covered in dust. There is one red, blinking light.

     

    Say, let’s deactivate that, Worf. Okay. Data finds basically their version of a SD card, which is a circular information storage device. Crude analog of our own isolinear chip. Crude by our standards, but this was built when people on Earth were just figuring out mechanical clocks and cross things. Goes, I don't know if I can get it to work. I can try, but it’s pretty old. Data plugs it into the reader. It turns purple. Data does some scanning. Galek Sar appears on the screen, from the Promellian dance crew Cleponi or something. Want to let everybody know we danced and we danced and we danced. We danced alone, ironically enough, and it was…I alone am responsible that we danced off. I failed as captain of this dance crew and everybody…all my crew. Let them down. Out. Picard calls the Enterprise.

     

    He goes yeah, we can come back at your leisure, O’Brien. We’ve seen everything we need to. They’re all thinking about it. Like, what if we had to do…what if we were only…I mean, they do more than just dance-offs. Then they go to the Bridge. Picard is pumped. Thrilling, absolutely thrilling. Troi’s looking at him; big smiles. I was right; we did find some old stuff on there. Talk to the captain. Friendly. My own counterpart. Final message…Troi’s laughing. Then her and Riker share a look and they get caught. We gotta put this ship in a museum, man. Aye, sir. So, he catches him laughing at him and he stares them down. They still smile, and then she goes I’m sorry, captain. It’s just a rare pleasure to see you so happy. He kinda goes, yeah. Goes, let’s get back on track, Crusher.

     

    Then Data says yo, it’s a 2% drop in energy here. Okay, let’s…then an alarm goes off. Got some sort of high-intensity music coming up, a volume…ear-hurting level. Energy’s down to 5%. Yellow Alert. They say put up the sonic shields, ‘cause we don’t want to hear that music. We don’t know what it is. Reverse course. Full impulse power. No response, Wesley says. Picard and Riker look at each other. Okay, go to Warp 1. Nothing’s happening. They call Geordie. He goes, everything’s working. As a matter of fact, it’s even firing…the engines are firing. We’re just stuck here. So, we should be flying, but it’s like somebody has the brakes on. 12% power loss now. Red Alert. Picard stands. Music volume is intense and getting more intense. Gotta shut the engines off. Alright. Says, is this possible?

     

    Then Picard says it must have been the same thing that happened to the other dance crew. They zoom on him. A thousand year-old booby surprise. So, the surprise was in the dance floor wreckage is hidden speakers that use the power from your ship. I’ll just tell you because…so, it goes to a…kinda stuff. Okay, engines are idling. Energy loss, but we’re losing…we got three hours of energy. We won't be able to hold those sonic shields after that. Can’t figure out where it’s coming from. The music’s so strong, we can’t find the speakers. Why are we losing the energy? I don't know. Check the history books, Data. Oh, so I guess I spoiled it. Data says yeah, there’s plenty of things; Menthars, and they…they were the first to use the Kasiv Teke, a passive lure stratagem.

     

    Comparable to…Riker goes, comparable to this situation, Data. They go, we should go back to that ship and see if there’s any answers over there and get to the bottom of it. Picard goes, agreed. Mr. Worf, can we put the shields down and let music in? Yeah, that’d be fine. Two seconds, or whatever. He goes Geordie, you gotta figure a way to get the Enterprise running. Data, you join Riker. Find out what happened on that other ship. Get moving. Let’s go. So, then we see the ships again. Geordie’s pressing buttons, thinking. Why can’t we move, he says? Computer, we gotta…as our power went up, was there a counter-reaction? Affirmative. Opposing force grew in direct proportion to the power input. Okay. So, that kept us from moving; a counter-force. Correct.

     

    Geordie looks around, stands up, hits some other buttons, looks up something on the computer. I don't know what; a bunch of readouts. He goes, who’s L. Brahms? Oh, he’s…must be…Leah Brahms, Dr. Leah Brahms, engineer…graduate Daystrom Institute. Theoretical propulsion group, galaxy-class starships. Team Seven, junior member. Junior member? She wrote the book on propulsion. Okay, call up the design logs, check the menus. We got records and we got L. Brahms' voice entries. Geordie says, voice entries, eh? So, then Brahms starts talking about her logs about working on the engines. Heading, subspace Leah Brahms. It’s like a audiobook…than a podcast, but Geordie says, how you doing, Doc? She goes, specify program. He goes oh yeah, let’s get to work. It’s my style, too. So, I guess Geordie’s being himself.

     

    Then Picard meets with Dr. Crusher who says okay, well, this is…if the music’s gonna be as loud as we expect, we got about…after the shields go down, we’ll have thirty minutes and that’ll be it. We’ll never dance again. Riker…then they call from the ship; they go, we found a bunch of other memory chips here…Data says. Maybe the captain’s logs? That’s what Picard says. Are they gonna work, Data? Maybe. We can enhance them on-ship. He goes okay, get back here, quick. Aye, sir. Then Geordie does…starts looking at the dilithium crystal chamber. He’s trying to figure…he’s just blue-sky brainstorming again. What if we move the crystal, reorient it? Dr. Brahms says it’s possible. Gotta adjust the lattice structure. Reintegrate it in the next class of war…starships. Geordie goes, I can’t wait for that.

     

    Leah, we got two hours ‘til our shields go down, or an hour and a half. I don't know. Geordie goes, you know what I need to do? I need to be inside of this…I need to turn this thing inside-out. Then he goes, computer, can you make a cross…can you do this on the holodeck? Prototype schematic or…? Goes, what’s a prototype? Development-stage prototype, a Utopia Planitia drafting room five. Mars Station, stardate 40174. Geordie goes, perfect. Put it on Holodeck 3. He goes, Doc, I’ll meet you there. He runs, then he walks to the holodeck. Then he does have to punch a code in. He goes alright, ready? They say alright, Holodeck 3 program is ready. Geordie walks in and kinda…there’s a recreation of a lab, I guess, or the construction. There’s a version of the Enterprise being worked on. Right back where it all started.

     

    I guess the prototype on Mars Station? There’s crystals, there’s models of ships. It’s not in a bottle, but…Geordie’s looking around. There’s all the notes on the…they have clear boards instead of white boards. Geordie goes Leah, did you design this? Dilithium crystal chamber was designed at outpost Seran T One, 40052. He goes, what’s real…what really happened? He goes, that…off the record? They say, access denied. Personal logs restricted. Geordie goes, okay. Another person who won’t be personal with me on the holodeck. He says, I need to supplement the energy supply to the ship and the engines. Can we alter…? He’s just trying to…theoretically, she says, yeah, we could. Maybe faster injection? He goes well, this is your thing. He goes, show me how to do it. Then there’s a hand on his shoulder.

     

    He turns and there’s a woman there in kind of a…I don't know, green…? She has a turtleneck and a kinda blank look on her face. Then we cut to the stars…the two ships. He goes, computer, did I ask for a simulation? Affirmative. You asked Dr. Brahms to show you. Geordie looks at Dr. Brahms. Yeah, I created…the computer’s like, I created a facsimile. Geordie goes, I guess so. Good to see you, Leah. She just stares at him, breathing through her nose. Continue with your analysis. Leah says, L52…452, L57, reactants…calibrate other systems…equal factors…multiple injector streams, Geordie says. Yeah, we could do it. We could hold our own. He turns. He goes, Leah, you’re beautiful. Calls the captain. I think we found a way to do it, maybe. Good job, Geordie. Can you get us outta here? Not sure about that yet.

     

    I just want to maintain the shields. Oh, okay. Says, we’ll get right on it. Picard goes, past your…pass it onto your team. We’re all smiles down here. Leah’s not smiling, though. Then Data’s…they’re back on the Bridge. Data says yeah, these are the captain’s log…these SD cards. A lot of them can’t…aren’t working, though. Then they say, scrub through everything. See what we can listen to, what we can glean, Data. So, basically Leah is AI, just as a heads-up, and it gets interesting. They say okay, what is the captain talking about? They’re at the Science 1 station. Then back with Geordie. 452 vs. L575. Got the energy up 14%. Geordie smiles. Leah’s very…she’s not even moving and she does…she’s looking off into space. Geordie says okay, this is weird. Computer, do you have any personality on file for Dr. Brahms?

     

    They go yeah, we got the Starfleet profile from 456. Geordie goes, that’ll be boring. What about a debate at the intergalactic Caucuses? Chaya VII? Oh yeah, went to Chaya VII more than one time. Alright, put the data from all those sources and create a true representation of Dr. Brahms. The computer says there will be a 9.37 margin of error in the interactive responses from the facsimile. Geordie goes, I can live with that. Which I say wow, that’s pretty good; 91%. Then Leah breathes through her mouth like she’s been given life or something. Blinks, turns to Geordie, studies him, kinda smiles, then really smiles…[inaudible] smile. Dr. Brahms? Geordie, call me Leah. Don’t call me Dr. Brahms; I’ll call you Commander LaForge. She goes, let’s get to work here. Can’t leave this in realignment. We’re gonna burn out components.

     

    We gotta get moving, Geordie. Are you with me? Geordie’s just kinda staring at her. Uh, yeah. He goes up, takes a side next to her at one of the stations. He looks at her again, though. Then we go back to the Bridge…go back to Galek Sar. He says yeah, everything…our engines stopped working. We can’t move so we have to…and we can’t stop dancing ‘cause of this music. It’s Assatan simulators or something in the rubble…the speakers. They’re the loudest speakers ever made. Aceton; Aceton assimilator speakers. They drain power from distant sources. That’s what powers them. We could modify them…oh no, they convert energy into…they take the energy from your ship, and they just hid them in this field. Instant booby surprise.

     

    You’re just gonna dance until you’re…you can’t dance anymore. Then Geordie and Leah have their first disagreement about power boosting and parallel subspace. Geordie says it’s gonna…she goes, this is my design. She goes, I know what I’m doing. Geordie goes, I’ve been in the real world. This isn’t…he goes, it won't work out. They go…they say no, no, no. He goes, I’m…she goes, I’m not used to being questioned. Geordie goes well, I’m responsible for everybody on this ship. You worked in a lab with a static model. This is a working machine. Ten thousand light years on it. She says, true. Geordie goes, darn tooting. She turns away from him. Geordie goes, listen…he goes, it’s just the circuit paths. Don’t you understand? She looks back at him over her shoulder. He looks back at her. She smiles, shakes her head.

     

    She goes, okay. You’re good, Geordie, very good. He goes, I know my ship inside and out, baby. So weird. She goes well, you must know me, ‘cause a lot of me is on this ship. I mean, I guess not any worse than Barclay. Then she goes, that’s what’s…we never…us designers, we never got out into space. He goes well, you’re here now with me. I don't think he says with me, but she smiles. They say…Riker calls. Geordie, what’s going on up there? Get down here. On my way. He goes, don’t go away. Then he goes, I mean…she smiles again. Computer, save program. You would think it would auto-save when you step…when you move. They go Data, how many speakers are we talking about? At least several hundred thousand. Any deterioration? No way to know that. Likely, but…is there a weakness, Worf, in any part?

     

    Nothing substantial of any kind. 0.1% dip in the speaker power in this one area. 21 mark 8 by 42 by 0. They say well, we could fire phasers at those speakers. They say yeah, but could it…it could just make it more powerful. Or, that’s what Data says. If you fire the phasers, the speakers could get louder. That’s what they need most; energy. Picard goes, I’m sure they were trying to figure this out on that other ship a thousand years ago. Well, let’s try it. He goes Geordie, get back to Engineering and continue your efforts. Worf, prepare phasers. There’s one dude in blue at one of the…at the…he’s working at two stations at once; Science 1 and something else. They fire the phasers and of course on speak…it increases the speaker power. We zoom on Picard, though. 8%, 10%. They’re draining our energy reserves.

     

    Picard says darn you. Then Geordie and Leah are working on one of these clear boards, talking process. There’s reconfiguring. Energy reserves are low. We gotta…oh, they say we gotta cut all simulations. Geordie says, override. Override restricted. Geordie says, what? Computer…then Leah vanishes, then the…his lab vanishes. Then we just have the two ships again in space. Probably the music…the echo music. Let’s see…oh yeah, there was other stuff about the music. Synthesize…oh, there’s a lot of romantic music with Geordie and Leah. That reminded me of the movie…and I guess the plot is kinda like the movie…there was a movie, believe it or not, in the eighties…I mean, I guess it’s a somewhat standard plot, but a man who fell in love with a mannequin.

     

    Then the mannequin…I don't know if the mannequin came to life and then became a mannequin again and then became a human again, but he was in love with…it was called Mannequin. I saw it, by the way, as a child. No wonder…I’m not kidding, as a child; not in high school, probably. I saw that in the movie theatre. It was the same star…same kinda…Andrew McCartney, I think, was the star of it, who was also in Weekend at Bernie’s. If you wonder what’s going on with Generation X, if you ever wonder…say, how’d you get like this? I say well, those are two…I mean, those are just…all the cereal commercials, all the cereal, and then when we started reaching our formative years, we were…this is what we were shown. But yeah, so there’s music like that. There’s romantic music and then there’s suspense music.

     

    Okay, then they’re on the conference room trying to figure out what we’re gonna do. Say okay, we’ll just get the ship repaired once we get outta this. They say oh, well, there’s somebody that’s a optimist. They go well, how long do we got, Worf, with the sonic shields? Two hours, and the music’s up to 17% in volume. What impact will that have? It went from thirty minutes to twenty-six minutes. Can’t resist, we can’t not resist. Geordie, what do we got? We shut everything else off including strange simulations? Yeah, but I gotta get a holodeck thing running again. For what purpose? Well, I went back to the beginning of the construction of the Enterprise and I’ve created a propulsion design model. We’re making progress. So, Picard says reinstate that program. You got one hour, Geordie, to give me a suggestion.

     

    Geordie says…runs back, punches his code in. It’s only three or four digits. Enter when ready. Geordie rushes in. Not much time left, Leah says. Alright, we gotta figure this out. It’s a booby surprise…eats energy for breakfast. How do we fool it, block it? What do we do? Every move we make, there’s a countermove, just like in…actually dancing in a dance crew, maybe. But there’s gotta be a time differential or something, Leah says, between the…we gotta react before they re-react. We gotta make our move before…and then make another move before they make their countermove. Goes Leah, do you like Italian food? Do I like it? Wait ‘til I make you my fungilli. Fusion reactor uplink…so, Geordie’s trying stuff, then we see…so, this is a very contained episode. I didn’t realize it.

     

    Maybe that’s…maybe that was the budget, was like, let’s just do…but they’re all contained. I mean…and this has a lot of sets on the ship. Now, this is really weird; Leah starts giving Geordie a shoulder massage. He goes, don’t do that. She goes, I’m sorry. Thought it would feel good. He goes, I don’t want to feel good right now. She also has shoulder pads in her…they got 1600 hours. What am I supposed to tell the captain? Goes, not…I’m not even talking about what I’m pushing in the back of my subconscious. She goes, I could do it. He goes, no one’s fast enough. Not even Data. How are…? She goes, I could do it. He goes, it’s not humanly possible. She goes, I’m not human, by the way. He goes, you mean a computer could do it. Then Picard walks on the holodeck and he’s like, what the heck?

     

    Geordie goes, captain, this is a holographic simulation of a propulsion expert named Leah Brahms. Picard looks and he says, we…I’ve been examining force/counter-force response times to see what we could do. Picard goes, and? He goes, there’s a chance we could maneuver out of this if we turn the ship over to the computer. Picard looks at Dr. Brahms and he goes, what kind of chance? Geordie goes, I don't know. He goes, we could run some simulations. Picard goes, this is the only way? Geordie goes, I think so. Picard walks off. Geordie watches him go, then we have the ships again, probably the echo music. Picard’s sitting alone, staring out a window in the dark ‘cause there’s low power. Doorbell still works though, ‘cause Rider rings the doorbell. Any word from LaForge? Yeah, he’s working on it…if we agree to stay out of it.

     

    He goes, he wants us to turn the ship over to a computer. Now we see this different bias here. Could make quicker adjustments than any human. Riker says computers have always impressed me in their ability to take orders, but I’m not convinced of their ability to creatively give them. Picard thinks. Goes yeah, Number One. He goes, you missed something not playing with model ships. They were the source of imaginary voyages, holding…each holding a treasure of adventures. The earliest spacecraft…flying an aeroplane with one propeller to keep it in the sky. Riker’s laughing again. One propeller? Then Picard says now the machines are gonna fly us. Then we go to Geordie and Dr. Brahms. They’re running basically a video game simulation. The first try fails. They adjust things. They adjust some levels and stuff.

     

    This is pretty standard…in old video games where you just keep having to do something over and over again ‘til you got it. Then she escapes, but Geordie says hold on. Then they repeat it again. She doesn’t escape. Basically trying to dodge all these little speakers. Doesn’t work again; same variables. Then the alarm calls ‘cause the sonic shields are out. Lethal music exposure in twenty-six minutes. They zoom on Geordie’s face. He breathes through his nose. We see the ships again facing off. Leah’s trying to do it one more time. He goes, Picard…Picard calls. He goes, give me two more minutes. I just need two more minutes. I think there’s another way. Two minutes, please. Picard goes, you got two minutes, dude. It’s like…we can barely hear anything. She goes, Geordie, there’s no other way. He goes no, no, no, wait.

     

    What if you completely turn it around, come at it from the opposite direction? So simple it might work. New simulation. Then Picard’s facing everything, and they go, okay, Geordie’s explaining it. We tried to overpower it but we can’t do that. That’s not…that’s what we’re supposed to do. That’s the booby surprise. He goes, the computer’s the best piece of engineering we’ll ever need. He goes, isn’t it a thousand adjustments per second? Geordie goes, not if we shut everything off and we just do a microsecond to beat the inertia…except for life support and two thrusters. No impulse, no computer. One propeller. They got twelve minutes ‘til the music gets untolerable and they start dancing. They say, what’s the chance? Even money. No better than turning it over to the computer and no worse.

     

    Geordie says there’s no way a computer can compensate for the human factor, the intuition, the experience, and instinct to get by, you know. Picard, he has a look on his face. True leadership, though he hasn’t been…and he says Data, I’ll take it from here. Make it so. Geordie says, I can fly it. He goes, nope, you’ve done your job. Now I must do mine. Oh, I relieve you, Mr. Crusher. Everybody’s surprised. This is the man who built ships in bottles, man. Don’t be surprised. The whistle blows. All hands get ready. It could be rocky. Picard’s driving. We’re shutting off everything. Don’t know what’s gonna happen. Brace yourselves. Music’s getting louder but we can’t hear it, obviously, ‘cause you just…shut it all down. Data looks…probably should have shut Data off, but I don't…I mean, maybe not. I guess you need it.

     

    Picard just does one little tap, starts the ship moving, and then they shut everything off. Troi has her arms crossed. She’s breathing through her mouth. Wes is looking around. A lot of music and faces. 135 meters per second. Okay, we’re gonna be in the debris field in eight seconds. Picard looks…he goes with another tap in three, two, one. Taps again, looks down, makes one adjustment. Starboard thruster fires and the ship turns. 340 mark 10. He hits another button. Thrusters off. They go, large mass to port. May contain an assimilator. Picard hits the port thruster. So, this is very video-game-esque, a slow video game. No reaction; it doesn’t detect us. Made it past the first hurdle. Stuff’s still beeping. Object to port. Port thruster firing. Data says this thing is…all these gravitational masses are reducing our velocity.

     

    We don’t have momentum to clear it. Picard says thank you, Data. He goes, this asteroid’s gravitation is drawing us closer. Velocity increasing. So, they head straight for this asteroid, which, spoiler, is where Picard’s brilliance is shown. Velocity increasing. 219…everybody’s…a series of shots. There’s music playing. Then starboard aft thruster. Picard spins the ship around the asteroid, like actually in Mario Kart. What does he do that…? Drift. They say brilliant, man. You drifted around a asteroid using its gravity, and we’re out. We got through it. Picard goes, you got the con, Crusher. Thank you, sir. Restart the computers. Get everything back up and mark this thing to be avoided or dealt with. Oh no, they shoot the photon torpedoes in there. They have to blow up the other ship, which I guess deactivates everything? I don't know.

     

    Then we have Geordie and Leah. Technology can solve any problem, enhance the quality of our lives…travel across the galaxy. Gave me vision. Sometimes you gotta turn it all off, even the violins. She goes, violins? He goes oh, a different program. She laughs. She goes, we made a good team. Geordie goes, oh yeah. Oh yeah. Maybe we could do it again sometime. She goes, I’m with you every day, Geordie. Every time you look at that engine, you’re looking at me. This isn’t a Tingler; every time you touch the engine, it’s me. So, I guess in some sense this is really…Geordie should just read Tinglers. Then they kiss. It’s a two-phase kiss, closed mouth, though. Geordie says computer, exit holodeck. End program. Then that’s it. Oh, interesting. So, that’s the end of the episode. It was a good one. Goodnight, everybody. Another episode of TNG, sleep with TNG. Goodnight.

     

    [END OF RECORDING]

    (Transcribed by Leah Hervoly

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