1,145. Don’t Fall In Love In Biology Lab

Episode 1145 – Don't Fall In Love In Biology Lab

[START OF RECORDING]

SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for the podcaster who’s here…I’m trying to think of something witty. I’m here to put you to sleep, I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff with some senseless banter. Not witty banter; oh, boy. I don’t know if it’s witless banter. Clueless banter, probably. Clueless banter; it’s banter about clueless…and things interesting to people who love Clueless, the movie. Clueless had a re-front as a TV show. Clueless the…there’s a musical, right? Is there a musical, Clueless? Honestly, I have no idea ‘cause I say okay, we’ve got Mean Girls, right? What’s the Elle Woods one? I’m A Lawyer…I can’t remember that one. Oh, Legally Blonde.

Why do I feel like there should be Clueless the Musical and there also should be…? I was thinking of it and then I for…oh, Election the Musical. But you know, I’ve been wrong before, and oh boy…you say, those are all musicals, Scoots. I’d say, that’s music to my ears, then. But you know what? You might not want music at bedtime. You might want some senseless, slightly clueless bantering not exactly about Clueless. If you want a good discussion about Clueless, Scriptnotes…and I think they reran it recently. My daughter and I listened to it. They run through Clueless the movie, the motion picture. Clueless, the motion picture. I don’t know if they…it was a movie. It was a motion picture.

Like, I just…I think I guess…what has been a motion picture? Star Trek the Motion Picture; that was the one that pops in my head. Holy cow, talk about slow motion getting to the point. This is a podcast to put you to sleep because you deserve a good night’s sleep. So, coming up here there’s gonna be some support — that’s how the show comes out free twice a week — then there will be a long, meandering intro to ease you into bedtime, and then a nice, little bedtime story to tuck you in. So, it’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. Thanks for making it possible, my patron peeps. 

INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts on your mind, like things…thoughts…the word ‘clueless’…you could have some thoughts or some feelings about that. It’s a tough word, or it’s been used in ways…in my way, I say the state of lacking a clue. That would be…and then you see…maybe you see my picture there. Pointless…pointless meanders, right? Superfluous tangents. That’s what I use.

What the heck was…? Where was I? Whatever’s keeping you awake…oh, thoughts, feelings, anything coming up for you emotionally, anything physically you’re experiencing, it could be changes in time, temperature, routine. It could be something else. The reason I run through that brief list isn’t to remind you of anything other than the fact that you’re not alone, and you’re not alone in some weird, digital way. Yeah, I acknowledge that, but someone that’s listening right now can probably relate to what you’re going through. Maybe no one listening has experienced it, but I’m guessing someone has. I might not have been through what you’re going through, but I know how it feels in the deep, dark night.

I know what it feels like…trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep, trouble waking up too early, trouble…I just had something within the last day and a half that I had to get up really early for where I had to kinda do…whatever, present something, and it was…I found out about it somewhat last-minute but not so last-minute that I couldn’t go…try to go to bed early. It was just one of those nights where I said, this isn’t that big a deal, but my mind was running the whole night in-between try…please, I just want to get some sleep here to be ready for tomorrow ‘cause I gotta get up early and be on. So, I know how it feels. Maybe that’s not exactly what you’re dealing with, but maybe someone else out there can relate to that. That’s one of the things I want you to know.

Even if you never listen to this show again, your feelings in the deep, dark night are still valid and it doesn’t change the fact it’s not easy. But this doesn’t change; you deserve a good night’s sleep. You deserve a place you could get some rest, a bedtime you don’t dread that you could feel neutral about or look forward to. I hope I can provide that for you. I can’t provide it for everybody, so that’s why I have sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou for people that are like, no thank you. Most people don’t say it that way when they message me or they post a review, but that’s okay. But if you do…if you in…are in a place where you’re like well, no thank you; I’ll check that out, though…because you deserve a good night’s sleep. You deserve the rest you need so your life is more manageable.

If you get that rest, whether it’s through Sleep With Me or something else, great news is our world’s a better place to be in for everybody and our world will be even better if you’re out there flourishing, living a full life. That’s…means it’s a great world to be in. So, those are the two reasons…I’m here to help and a lot of other people are kinda like pulling for you in the deep, dark night, because we know how it feels and we know you deserve some rest and a bedtime routine and a bedtime you could say well, at least I got that boring, rambling guy who’s kinda clueless, kinda not. He clued me into his cluelessness. Here’s a thing; did…is it…now, I’d like to just reserve all rights, but somebody else probably thought of this…but is any person solving mysteries or they’re…you got Holmes and Watson, right?

I don’t know if Thea Stilton and Geronimo Stilton ever did anything together. Again, people say by the way, they just drove around in cheese cars or…I say, wouldn’t they eat the car if it was made of cheese? But has anybody ever said you’ve been clued? Like, the state of being…I guess…what would happen…if you were a character in the game Clue, you’d say you’ve been clued, but I don’t know. That just popped in my head. It’d be a cool thing to say; you’ve been clued. Clued in like I’ve discovered a clue or I’ve been…? Well, I don’t know. I just think it’s a good tagline. I don’t know the best use of it. I’m just saying one day…one day, I hope I develop a character…I mean, I probably could. I have a couple characters that do investigate mysteries.

They’re not currently running a series on the show, but they…someone in that could say you’ve been clued. The other person could say I’ve already…it’s already been brought…it’s already been clued in. It’s already been broughten. I say, I don’t know what this has to do with…well…oh, it’s part of a podcast to put you to sleep and keep you company. What I do is I send my voice across the deep, dark night. I think I didn’t…I forgot this part; I use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, all to keep you company so you could fall asleep. The show does take some getting used to if you’re new because one, I have creaky, dulcet tones, I have pointless meanders and superfluous tangents, which you’ve already seen quite a few of…pointless meanders; I have quite a few.

But so, all that…oh, it takes some getting used to because it just does. Most people come to this show either skeptical ‘cause you tried a ton of stuff to put you to sleep, or you’re…you’ve tried a bunch of…you’re like, what is this person talking about? I just really want to fall asleep. I thought this was more of a guru-style show where you’d be counting down and there’d be calm music and bells and stuff. You say no, no, no, there’s none of that here. It’s just me rambling. I’m here to keep you company. So, it just takes a little bit of getting used to, and that’s not me. I don’t benefit by…I only benefit if you get good rest. So, giving it a few tries is just what most regular listeners say that support the show. When they message me they say hey, I loathed you.

That’s one of my favorite…my favorite e-mail is when someone tells me their story and they say this is what happened and now I’m sleeping better either with or without the podcast. There’s some people that graduate from the show, there’s some people that listen to the show…they’re students, then they listen in grad school, then their first job, then their first child. They listen to me through those ups and downs, on and off. So…oh, but it does take some getting used to. I’m not an…I’m an acquired taste. So yeah, I’m not like a mainstream music…successful musical where you say, of course there’s a Clueless musical. What, are you clueless? I’d say, is there? I mean, it just probably comes down to the rights and the right product…having the right people on the thing.

I’d say…yeah, no, I was just trying to think of…I don’t know. Now my musical production brain is going. Okay, so, takes some getting used to, this is a podcast…a couple things that take some getting used to is one, this is a podcast you don’t really listen to but you can listen to it. So, I’m here to the very end to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff whether you’re awake or asleep or whether you’re listening or not. There’s no pressure to listen but if you can’t sleep for some reason or you need a break during the day, I’m here to keep you company and talk to you. I’m not a legal eagle like Elle Woods, but I’m…I’ll be lost in the woods or talking about legal pads or steno pads, so…and you say, Elle Woods was not in any of those…and I’d say well, she was in the movie Totally Law Boss or whatever it was called.

Again, it’s called Legally…okay, thank you. Thank you, brain. I was so…this is a podcast you don’t really listen to. It does…also doesn’t put you to sleep, so there’s no pressure for you to fall asleep. There’s people that are listening that can’t sleep and they listen to the very end, and I’m just here to make the deep, dark night less lonely. Now, that doesn’t mean you have to listen, but it doesn’t mean…it just means I’m gonna be here for over an hour to keep you company so you could fall asleep. I’m here to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-bud, your bore-bestie, your bore-bor, your neigh-bore, your bore-friend, your bore-bruh to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff, a friend you don’t need to listen to.

That’s not a musical ‘cause you’d say, yeah…you say, maybe at Fringe Fest it could be a musical, but…I’d say okay, Challenge 2029: Look Out, a Friend…that wouldn’t be the title ‘cause…but that could be the working title that I’ll…for an imaginary…the imaginary Fringe Fest within me. Okay, so…oh, a podcast you don’t really need to listen to, doesn’t put you to sleep. Tell me some more good news. Oh, structurally this can throw people off, so I’ll tell you about the structure of the show. It is very intentional, the structure of the podcast, to be able to benefit the most people it can but also so that as you become a regular listener, you can kind of adjust. So, the show starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. That way you could feel seen and welcome.

You say, I could check this podcast out. You get a idea of the tone. Then there’s support for the show. That’s how the show is free, so you could pay for the show if you don’t want to listen to the support, but you could also just have the support keep the show free for you. Then there’s an intro which is separate from the support. I don’t want you to miss out on this part ‘cause initially some people object to the sup…or sponsors and stuff and then they say oh, the intro’s just part of the sponsors. There’s a intro for the podcast that’s ten to twenty minutes long — just checking; I think right now we’re around eleven minutes — but where I go on and on and on to ease you into bedtime. But it’s a show within a show. It’s not really meant to put you to sleep.

It’s more to ease you into bedtime, explain what the podcast is…I go off on some tangents, I get mixed up, but it’s really…so, for some listeners, they’re getting ready for bed, for some listeners they’re in bed getting comfortable, there’s listeners that are asleep, there’s some listeners that started the show at twenty minutes, but there’s a lot of people that are doing some sort of bedtime activity or getting comfortable or getting ready for bed…to ease you into bedtime, to have a transition from being awake to going to sleep, and that transition time, it really is something that’s been shown to work. Not 100% of the time…like I said, it doesn’t work for me 100% of the time, but it makes me look forward to bedtime. Especially for me, part of it is having a good book, and right now I’m having a book I’m not enjoying but I’m trying to see it through.

I just finished a book I really did enjoy and I can see the contrast, you know? So, the intro is meant to be a part of that and ease you into bedtime. You could skip it. Some people listen to story-only episodes. But at least at first, see how it goes. Then after the intro, again, is support for the show. That’s how it’s free, but you could also pay on Apple Podcasts or Patreon and then you could skip over that part. Then there will be our bedtime story. I’m pretty sure this is our Valentine’s Day bedtime story or Valentine’s season show, but it’ll be fun and meandering and should be kinda nice. Then there will be some thank-yous at the end. So, that’s the structure of the show, that’s why I make the show. I’m really glad you’re here. I really appreciate you coming by and checking the podcast out. I really hope I can help you fall asleep. I yearn and I strive to do that. So, thanks again for coming by and here’s a couple ways we’re able to do it for you for free twice a week.

Alright everybody, hey, it’s Scoots here and this is a special episode for V-day, I think. I’m recording this early, but I actually…so, okay, so this is…I think it’s gonna be a Valentine’s Day episode. This episode came about kind of in a…I don’t…did I talk about this in the intro? I don’t remember. But I was working with this photographer, Jeremy Cohen, Jerm…no, Jerm; yeah, Jerm Cohen, and I’ll link to Jeremy’s Instagram. Let me see…oh yeah, and they have a bio site in their…on Jeremy’s Instagram. But we’re having a fun time and I was trying to give…any time I, in a professional sense, work with somebody that has checked out the podcast but they haven’t listened to it because they couldn’t sleep, it can be an opportunity — ‘cause Jeremy was really chill — to kinda introduce them to the podcast and be myself.

So, I was like okay, let’s see how it goes. Then we were kinda talking about photography and cameras and different types of cameras and the camera that Jeremy was using and that they used to use, and it wasn’t even a matter of judgment or quality or anything…and different camera groups and then mirrorless versus DSLR. I kinda was like well, this could be a rom-com, almost. Like, oh, this one person uses this camera and one person uses that other camera. So, I just wanted to give a shout-out to Jerm. I think I’m saying Jerm correctly, ‘cause Jeremy to short…to Jerm is Jerm, which I didn’t even think of ‘til now was a…was the name of a Season 1 Lady Witchbeard sidekick. But this is with a J, by the way. So, J-E-R-M, short for Jeremy. So, we’re gonna go with this, and…so, this part you would hear as a listener.

The rest of this will be my pitch for the VC…once again…or whatever, private investment or equity something or other. So, from here, I’ll go into my same voice presenting mode. Yeah, so this is another…this is my…not…what is it if you forget to do it one year? Semi-annual pitch to Venmo…or I guess they’re owned by another company now. Now, here’s the thing; if you’re listening and you own another…whatever you call it, a monetary exchange platform, that is not in…it’s not involved with anything I don’t understand…I mean, I’m sure the technology that makes it work I don’t understand, but I’m saying the…whatever…wherever you are in the world, equivalent of dollar bills…not money forms that I’m like, I still don’t…I can’t grasp that. Not trying to say anything.

I’m just trying to say if you own a platform like a Venmo…but I can figure…I can rename things for your platform. I don’t know…no offense to any other platforms, but they’re not as successful. I know Venmo doesn’t own…so, this is not a sponsored thing, by the way. But also, please…this is fanfiction. This is satire and parody, by the way, just in case you’re listening, but done in such…in a positive way because of my love of ease of use. So, every few years or whenever I remember that Valentine’s Day exists and is coming up, I think…though a couple times we did it around Halloween. So, I don’t know how often it’s been, but I try to pitch you and…on this unique opportunity.

Once again, we are at the place where it’s a unique opportunity to take your platform…now, to be honest, I haven’t used it like this in a while, so my usage, just so you kmow…’cause you say let me just stop you there, Scoots. This is not gonna work. Okay, well, let me tell you; I mean, while I’ve been using your platform more, it’s mostly been private. So, I haven’t been scrolling through and seeing like, oh, is that tiny four-bit by four-bit picture of someone that is paying someone else for shrimp and tacos or…what is that? Ice and whatever? Or a dog I’m walking…do I…is…does my heart flutter? I haven’t been doing that at all lately, so I don’t know. I’m just putting that out there. But you know who would be doing it a lot late…also, I haven’t used any of these other apps…long time.

But so, I mean, once again, you say well, we’re new representatives of our platform, so tell us again, because we didn’t listen to any other episodes where you offered this idea. Not for free, by the way, but I’m freely offering the idea for you to eventually pay me a buttload of money…is to take your platform and offer a…now, it would be a speak…maybe I didn’t use this term in the past; a speak…you know, speakeasies are still popular. I was just listening to a podcast where they went to a secret tiki bar. Now, they called it a secret tiki bar, not that I listened…it was not a tiki bar podcast, but…and actually, one of the people that went to the tiki bar didn’t drink like me. I mean, not…I don’t know, they didn’t drink. I don’t know if they didn’t drink like me, ‘cause there’s a lot of normal people that don’t drink.

But so…and they said it was hidden behind a storefront, and…but you could offer…so, you have your platform, right? You already have all the people using it…and this is a opt-in secret feature, exclusive, you could say, even; a speakeasy level called Datemoi. It’s already there, the title…again, if you own another platform…it would have to be pre-paid ‘cause this time I did it for free, and you can see, oh…you say, Venmoi, Datemoi. It says what it is; it says well, I’m looking for a date for moi, or to date…would you like to date moi? I think that’s what M-O-I in French stands for, but I don’t know. When you think of the…France typically is associated with romance. I don’t think it’s just me.

But so, this is a new…so, this is the setup again for what I’m about to explain, because I’ve learned over the years you’re not take…I haven’t called you. But so, okay, so you’re gonna take your monetary platform, you’re gonna take everything it’s built on, you’re gonna create a separate layer that’s opt-in, invite only. Also, I don’t think I qualify for that one invite-only plat…I mean, maybe I do, though, ‘cause I can’t use other dating apps because of work, so it’d be nice if somebody hit me up with that one…but that doesn’t offer any privacy, either…or whatever. But if you’re listening and you could get me in on that…not that I…but yeah, I can’t…so, it’s like…so, okay, so, where was I? But you know, we could be…I could be…so, Datemoi…so, you’ve taken your app — it already works — you have a level for dating.

Again, it doesn’t have to be all fully-integrated. It could just seem like it’s integrated. Again, you could have the surface level where you say holy cow…now, this isn’t what I…I mean, well, I might be interested in someone, again, that says I like waves…I’m paying this person for a margarita and waves and a jet-ski emoji. I’d say, are you sure that isn’t Owen Wilson’s character in that TV show…in Loki? They would just have waves and jet-skis, maybe. They’d be looking at it and be like, why do I…why did I pay someone…? There’s one margarita, three jet-skis, and three waves. A margarita before and after…probably not a good idea, to be honest, Owen Wilson’s character whose name I can’t think of in Loki. But what is it? Was it just a general name? When is that Season 2 coming out?

Maybe we…I don’t…no offense, Datemoi, but probably not the best partnership. But you could have fictional characters on there. Here’s another idea I just thought of; what about dating…imagine…well, let’s not go there. Probably not the best for this pitch ‘cause I already had a pitch going. So, basically, I think that’s the simple thing; you just take your app…and again, it could be…I don’t know anything about infrastructure or coding or whatever, ruby train rails or whatever. I just know a lot of people — I’m sure I’m not the only one — look at that…and you say, oh boy, jet-skis and waves with…maybe it’s an NA margarita, too. I’d say holy cow, my heart is pitter-pattering right now. If I could just tap on that and maybe learn a little bit more…to know, oh, is it only because it’s a four-by-four pixel?

It is usually of someone’s…but, whatever…forearm? But you know, there’s science behind that that says, whatever, my heart follows where it…I follow where my heart goes sometimes, and I would follow it one more click. Maybe it’s a press-and-hold. You say, would you like to date…? They say, this person’s not on Datemoi. Alls you could do…this is another thing; you could add a mystery invite. So again, people have to opt in for all this. Don’t go doing it any other way. But that person could get a mystery invite and I say hey, you’ve been in…you’ve been invited. Again, it would never be linked back to you, only to take the pressure off of everybody. But then they’d be like holy cow, I didn’t even know about this. Again, you put…maybe build out a profile anyway, and maybe your…I’m sure your…I mean, come on, I’m sure you’ll say no, but you’ll laugh.

I’ll say, I’m sure your algorithms know people’s relationship status anyway. So, only initially you could try to do that and you say oh, the person’s not eligible for an invite to Datemoi. But otherwise you could invite people. That’d be…that’d boost my…you say oh boy, just like that other exclusive app that I would love a invite to. But you say oh boy, go for it. I don’t know. So, just another thing I was thinking. But if you do click on it and there are…and they say, this person is on Datemoi and here’s their profile. So, it’s just that simple. Again, you could monetize it, I’m sure. Or you say, would…okay, yeah, no, we can’t get into that. Say, would you like to buy this person some virtual waves and jet-skis? That’s probably not the best…again, I haven’t figured it all out. So, that’s the basic idea.

But again…and I know one of the things is usage, so we would have to find ways that I’ve discussed on past episodes to bring up the awareness. But I do think I’m onto something with that secret invite. Again, as soon as you say something’s exclusive, as long as you say it enough times and you get some people on there, then may…you know, there’s a chance some…that I would want to use it, at least. So, okay, so those are the basics. But you say well, we gotta get attention for our platform. So, in the past I’ve come up with some other ideas that I don’t really remember now. One was activities at bars, like doing crafts, and there was probably…then…oh, you could have sponsored Rom-Com Con. I think that was my last offer, right, was that there…the romance convention about rom-cons and a rom-con happening at a romance convention.

Those are ideas I’m still holding onto. Also, there is Rom Com or Rom Con. I haven’t looked on their website in a while ‘cause the last time I looked was during the time when there wasn’t really conventions. I know there’s rom-writers on here, rom…writers of romance and romantic-related and adjacent fiction. So, let me know. One day I’d like to have the courage to go back to conventions which has nothing to do with anything other than internal…so, being social. But that would be…’cause then I could…oh, romamphlets; that’s another thing I tried that I never followed through on. But this one, maybe…and maybe it goes into the Rom-Com Con…Rom Con…Rom-Com Con. I mean, should…don’t you think…it could be a sub-convention in Rom Con? The Rom-Com Con…Rom-Com Con. Rom Con…Rom-Com Con.

You say, what’s that? Well, it’s a rom…it’s…there’s a convention called Rom Con and within it is a sub-convention, Rom-Con Con, which is a romance rom…romantic comedy convention. So, it’s Rom-Con Rom-Com Con. You say, you lost me at…I say, aren’t you supposed to say you had me at Rom-Com Com Com…Rom…whatever you tried to say? No, you didn’t have me…you lost me at that. Oh. Well, that’s not a good start for…that’s not…I guess that is a good start for a rom-com. That brings me to this story, which is a famous story yet untold or heard about…and I wish I had seen any of these films, but it’s about two photographers both hired to take photos at a rom-com…rom…a rom…a convention. One was shooting with a camera, and they were a member of a group called the A7s.

They told their friends at the A7…we’ll just call them A7…Ace…we’ll call them Ace ‘cause ‘A7’ and ‘Ace’ kinda sound similar. Ace was…had been a member of A7s for a while. They had been a member of another camera group, but the A7s, they were known to share things among one another, help each other find freelance jobs, give feedback, a professional and social group of photographers, and they called themselves the A7s. They had a secret…by the way, this is imaginary, but they…you say, if…to identify yourself, you say hey, and they say hey, A7. That’s the code. Or you knock and they say hey, and you say hey, A7. So, if there was ever a A7 speakeasy, that’s how you could get in there. But that’s what Ace…Ace was a member of the A7s.

They were there shooting…taking photos for a company that specialized in space…hopefully this isn’t a real company, but the imaginary name is…well, it’s just…combined two things; Saturn, Neptune, publications, or Neptune Saturn Publications. Sept…Septune…Septune Publications, yeah. They were known for having space-based romantic fiction, particularly, and within a pretty broad spectrum, hard sci-fi romance, and then stuff that’s more speculative and fantastical, even. So, not always just a strict science-based…though you’d think if you did that, you could even make some text…some of them were…people would even confuse for textbooks and there was even a punchline that they would use; that’s the hardest sci-fi I’ve ever read. But that’s for a whole ‘nother podcast.

I’m sorry, it just had to be said. But so, Ace was there shooting Ace…as a member of the A7s, but they said this new romantic convention — just like a lot of other ones — was coming into this new era and they really wanted to promote it. So, they had a great idea, which was they told Ace…they said they knew about the A7s — which was a invite-only thing, by the way — and they said hey, why don’t you…you can have your own booth and you could do whatever you want. You gotta run it by us, but…to add some fun, invite some of your friends. We could get free convention passes and a free booth, and maybe you could recoup your cost, like do some…for the hotel and travel. Ace was being paid because they were there already working for, whatever, Septune. So, the A7s had a booth and they were trying to think of cool ideas.

Again, all this would be possible, even these sub…even the…just think about it; if you had a dating platform that was also, whatever…you could say hey, we could even have something there like the Datemoi…A7s and Datemoi. It would be a…people have a lot of experience with photo booths, so I’m sure the A7s are thinking of something cool. I don’t know if they have…at least in this fiction, I’m not sure yet, this rom-com pitch that’s barely a pitch, they would have…I don’t know if they’d have…I mean, should this be a musical or just…? Are there any popular films promoting a monetary exchange app that’s becoming…that’s not becoming a dating app; that’s offering a secret dating app level, like films based on that that are based on imaginary conventions within an imaginary…a real convention that I thought was imaginary that I’ve re-imagined with an imaginary convention within it that are not musicals but have dancing.

So, I don’t know. So, we’ll come back to the A7s and Ace. So, that was Ace; there for work and for fun, there with a professional and a social organization. The other things…let’s see, so the other things there…oh, so the other group is…this group — and this is perfect for our situation — they called themselves the Can-Cans. So, this was another photography group that used a particular camera. Again, they were a social and professional organization. They had been around a little bit longer and had a little bit different style and image. The A7s were a little bit more…now, within…just had different…the Can-Cans were a little bit more of…not traditionalist in the sense we’re used to, but just a slightly different style.

Again, invite-only, a little bit longer around, though people would…though people had used the different cameras before and joined A7s or joined the Can-Cans, it was rare for someone to have been a member of both of these groups. But again, another group; Can-Cans. They used one particular camera model and worked together. A beautiful thing…to support one another and to enjoy one another’s company and to help develop skills and professional…and mentorship and all that cool stuff, and have fun. So, that was the Can-Cans. Now, we’ll just say Canny was the member of the Can-Cans there at Rom Con…Rom Con…Rom-Com Con.

It would be Rom-Com Com Rom…but Canny was there to also take photography or to take pictures and was there taking pictures for historical…it’s historical fiction, so there’s all kinds of historical fiction, and there’s historical romantic fiction. Not that different than space-based or sci-fi…again, different levels of that. This company that Canny was working for was called Historicalilove…it’s like one long thing. There’s no Y in there, though. So, that’s who Canny was working for. Sorry, I just…you may not have heard it, but I was slightly interrupted by my…by remembering to…that maybe one or…maybe the Can-Cans or the A7s may have contacted me and said none of them exist, by the way. There is no Can-Can…there is no organizations like this. This is totally imaginary or…groups.

They’re not…they…if there were, they’re not exclusive in the way…they’re…if they were…in my imagination, other than this story, they’re there for totally positive support. Speaking of positivity, the Can-Cans, they also got a booth, right? They were a little bit more prepared, I guess. I don’t know if they had been…someone had been to a convention, but they partnered with a couple in-prints and publishers that specialized in themes around magic, like performance…magic that’s performed.

So, they had a booth where the authors could come and talk about their works, the representatives from the publishers could come, fans could come, and they had some different ways set up of…the power of magic for…magical photography, so were there explaining…I didn’t pay attention to this part, but at different things, they had different setups where they could show old film techniques you could use to create something seemingly magical and digital techniques you could use, but all practical ones. Even the digital ones were mostly practical techniques and ones…now, particularly, the digital ones…was cool is that people could do…and then do them at home, like making yourself stand next to yourself in two different outfits or whatever, but without…like using an app but not using an app to do that for you.

But also because a lot of the in-prints and publishers…there was also a lot of close-up magic and magicians there to perform that had either been hired or were just fans. So, there was also a lot of photography…so, there was a lot of positive hubbub because also people tend…when you have a top hat and a tuxedo — not that every magician does — that’s popular. Then also, sometimes people do…were even doing Houdini-esque tricks. That’s another area that also has a lot of fanfic…so, it’s just a cool, I don’t know, vibrant scene within a scene within a scene, man. This is where the first connection was made because Ace had taken a break from the booth and wasn’t doing any work. It’s a pretty big floor. Like, not the biggest convention you’ve been to, but not the smallest one.

You gotta…when you’re at one of these conventions, if you’re like me, you got…you’re better off getting outside of your comfort zone, right? Ace was similar, just kinda strolling and not paying attention, but then there’s the ends of the rows and then there’s ends of the convention floor. I think those are…the corners are the most popular spots, but even at the end, that’s where the bigger booths are. Ace just happened to stop and see two rows down a magician performing but also some old-school cool equipment behind them. There was just hubbub, so Ace wasn’t fully paying attention. There was a magician and they asked for help from the audience. It wasn’t a plant, and they happened to get Canny as their…they said, I’m gonna need some help with this next trick or this next thing. I don’t think they say ‘trick’.

Maybe they do. They probably shouldn’t because…then you say, what…so, you’re gonna trick me? That’s what Canny said to the magician. He said no, no…well…but it was actually…the magician was so good…this was part of their bit, in case they could improvise, and there was just something about it where at first it was…Ace’s feet were moving even though Ace didn’t realize it, because at first it was just the body language. Ace wasn’t close enough to pick up on the banter, the improvised banter, because then it was going back and forth. It’s like no, no, I’m not gonna trick you. I’m gonna trick the…no, I’m not gonna trick the audience or you. I’m gonna present…and that’s my favorite thing, when the magician…it really helps build tension. The magician’s kind of, I don’t know, kinda playing along and letting Canny play it out.

It’s also…when the heart goes pitter-patter, these are the kind of tensions that are similar. That’s what…I don’t know, and that’s what drew Ace closer and closer. Pretty soon it was something with hula hoops and a shower curtain and water, and even a illusion where it looked like Canny got all wet but then…and then there was water everywhere but then there wasn’t, and everybody’s like, I thought there was water everywhere. It revealed just one of those fake…and somebody that’s…there’s a popular Halloween costume once upon a time that I think you could design where it’s like you’re in the shower and part of it is like…you use tinsel icicles…silver tinsel fake icicles that looks like fake water. Doesn’t actually look like fake water at all. It just simulates…so, that’s the final reveal.

So, there was…anyway, and Ace clapped and actually made eye contact with Canny and then went into the…wandered into the booth not knowing…so under multiple levels of illusion, including the illusions of the heart — also maybe the title of a book — and the second one was allusions of the heart, and then the behind-the-scenes book, Alluding to the Heart. Then also the attempted musical book, A Lute from the Heart. All those…Gingerbread Press…you know. I’m trying to think of any Knocks After Dark books. But A Lute of the Heart was my favorite one that I didn’t write. Oh, so anyway…but so, Ace wandered in, had made eye contact with Canny, but Ace still didn’t know Ace was being guided by biomechanical forces, we’ll just say, within. Ace started looking at the old equipment.

There was even this beautiful old tripod, wooden, like that kinda shiny, well-worn wood, not just polished but sanded down by time and hand oil. Well use…probably kept up…and Ace was actually touching the tripod, totally looking at the grain. A old-style camera was on top of it with one of those thingamajigs. Ace was caught up in it and Canny was actually supposed to be working the booth. That was why…anyway, it kinda came up behind Ace and was watching him and was watching them totally be caught up in the illusion, or what…not the illusion, but they were caught up in something with this wood. Canny said please keep your hands off the tripod. Ace went whoa, whoa, whoa, sorry, sorry, sorry, it’s just a beautiful, beautiful tripod here. Canny said yeah, it’s part of our booth. Welcome. Ace said, thanks.

It’s very romantic in here. Very romantic tripod. It was one of those ones that…it fell flat, but in a way Canny could appreciate. Canny even said he never associated tripods with romance, you sicko. Ace said that, like well…no, I mean, I’m…and Canny said why don’t you…we’re doing…we’re showing how we do some photographic illusions. Would you like to see how one of them is performed? Ace said oh, yeah. Again, not yet; the tension had not been established other then the…this already existing hubba-hubba tension. Canny said okay, you’ll…why don’t you start…you’ll take my picture. I’m gonna stand over here. Take my picture with this camera on the very hot tripod that you’re all over. Ace went towards the camera and then realized that it was a Can-Can camera, even though it was old, like a vintage camera.

Ace was, again, really into the A7s. Ace said oh no, I don’t shoot with Can…I don’t shoot with Can-Cans. There could have been other jokes, but again, in this particular version that had a different meaning…not like can-can dancers. But Canny knew exactly…I mean, didn’t know exactly what it meant but knew exactly what it meant to Canny and said oh, you a photographer? Ace said yeah, I’m a photographer. I’m here working. Canny said, so am I. They had a brief thing where they were talking about the clients they were working for, and they got kinda caught up in that conversation and some shared things of…trying to establish billing and all that, just basic stuff. Then Ace said wait a second, is this…? Then Ace kinda looked…recognized a couple people and said wait a second, is this the…?

Is this a…is this your…are you in the…is this the Can-Can booth? I gotta get outta here. In some sense, I think that really what was happening with Ace was that the feelings…the things were going so well with Canny that that added something, where Ace didn’t even think anymore and just bolted outta there, went back to the A7s to see if Ace was seen at the Can-Can booth, and Ace was, because they said oh, there he is. They said sorry, you know…they were giving Ace a hard time. They said oh boy…no, no, no, leaking our secrets over there, huh? What are you, a magic fan? Ace said, I am a magic fan. They said well, make yourself disappear, man. You can…I thought you were one of us. Ace said well, I didn’t know…I didn’t…I was…and they said, we know what you were paying attention to and it wasn’t the magician or the illusion.

Ace said yeah, I know. Well, at first I was like wow, they’re doing magic there. Then I found myself in the booth. It was not…and they said we’re just kidding you, Ace, but we are gonna have a dance-off with the Can-Cans in a little while, without singing, but with music performed by somebody else. Ace said well, I don’t really like to dance. They said well, you don’t have a choice. Ace said well, what dance are we doing? They said well, we’ve gotta get dressed, too, so we’re closing the booth. They put a curtain across the front of the booth so they’d have privacy. They were dressing up as…from the movie, but also now the streaming show, but also the pinball game and originally a TV show, I…right? They were dressing as…they were all putting on cloaks and bald caps, and they were dressing as Uncle Fester from the Addams Family.

They were gonna do this dance…so, then they got dressed and they started rehearsing. It was kind of like a combination dance from the movies and the show, but mostly using the different versions of Uncle Fester that we’ve seen. All some great performances in there, right? Particularly in the last twenty years, some phenomenal performances. Also, there was a musical which I haven’t seen, but people have seen it. I guess they…Andrew Lippa does make a lot of danceable songs, so I think they probably picked out a Andrew Lippa song from the musical to dance to, because when…just when I listen to Big Fish or Addams Family, there…I find myself dancing, even if it’s just in my seat. So, they were getting ready for their dance-off.

Now, meanwhile, already at the dance floor…now, this isn’t the only thing; this is one of these things, like a participatory event at the rom-com…at Rom Con, the imaginary version, and at Rom-Com…Rom-Com at…Rom-Com Con at Rom Con. There’s just dance-offs. It’s another thing. So, you…sometimes you say well, we publish pirate fiction and you publish pirate fiction; let’s have a dance-off. Or, you publish pirate fiction and we publish, whatever, fish fiction; we’ll have a dance-off. It’s all for fun and it’s mostly just…it doesn’t even have to be that rehearsed. You don’t have to show up, but a lot of people like to dress up. This is towards the end of the day when people…people that do imbibe start imbibing. People that just chill naturally do that.

But the day was winding down, and this is just socialize…it’s one of the few conventions that mostly stays on the convention floor. Again, a brilliant thing they learned was that if we already have this rented out and…why move it to…have the after-party here? Let’s just keep it here. Then afterwords…and I’ve just found that successful. If you go off-site, a lot of times it kills the momentum or splits everybody up. But so, what was interesting was the Can-Cans, instead of their…they were dressed up as different scientific instruments you would find in a laboratory, some with cardboard, some with inflate…so, a beaker, Bunsen burner, other stuff like a magnifying glass…oh, or what is that called? A microscope, too. Thermometer…so, all different stuff like that.

I’m not exactly sure ‘cause I didn’t catch exactly what…the song…I don’t think it was a Andrew Lippa song. I think it was…they did a throwback to a old eighties or seventies…a video they found on YouTube that was a film…educational film strip with a song…these…that was…originally existed in my imagination but then became a film they would pass out when they had to show film in schools. It was about practicing…they just thought it was ironic in a good way ‘cause it was called Don’t Fall in Love in Biology Lab. Even though it never really existed in the real world, it was a song about being responsible in your Biology lab. I mean, this should be made, by the way, just so you know — holy birds and bees — because it’s kids…by the way, Datemoi, I forgot that we were even doing this for you, but this is what the film’s gonna be like, films within films.

Think about it. We could just put this up on YouTube. People could discover it by accident and then they see it’s a part of the movie. I don’t know. But so, it was called Don’t Fall in Love in the Biology Lab. But really, because kids in Biology in high school are going through changes and…or they’re…some of them have already gone through them, some of them…but you’re adjusting and you’re learning about the world, about biology, but you’re also in Biology Lab where you have beakers and stuff like that. You gotta be careful. So, it was both levels of that, and it was also kind of a short film with music, a musical film; Don’t Fall in Love in the Biology Lab. Blab, blab, blab, in the lab. It’s just this tale of two people that fall in…across the room…but mishap after mishap after mishap.

I think it’s…maybe it’s different pairs and that’s…so that…it was very comedic and no one knew…even though it only existed in my mind…like, was this on purpose that it was so strangely comedic or not? So, that was a classic. So, that’s why they were dressed up as Biology lab instruments or whatever you want to call them. Accessories…accessory to a Biology lab. At the end, there was a dancing frog. I mean, a person dressed as a dancing frog that got out of the lab when the two people that were the most…the two students that were paying attention to the whole musical they were in, they learned they both…their hands touched over a frog, and then much like Elliott in ET, they let the frog go. Canny was the frog, so Canny had the big number.

I think…I don’t know if that was WB or UPN that had the dancing frog, but oh boy, was that…it brought the house down. They had a projector screen playing the original, so it was actually kind of like a jukebox perform…I mean, I guess everything is, right? Well, it’s different because then the Aces…A7s had to follow that, and they were like, we gotta follow this? Alls they had was light bulbs that light up in their mouths, and they’re…somebody had headsets and one person had a…was gonna put them in their armpits and their feet in other things. But…between their toes in the middle of their dancing. So, they kinda felt down about it and a little bit irritated ‘cause they said wow, we just got upstaged by something that’s never…that only exists in the imagination of a sleep podcaster.

Couldn’t he have done something better for us? Now, they didn’t have to worry because every once in a while during the dance-offs…even in the middle of a song, you have to be prepared and on your feet. So, there’s times where the dance-offs…randomly interrupted by the AV crew and you have to be able to improvise for it. What happened was they started their song and believe it or not, I think it was someone that…I think it was actually Andrew Lippa singing who showed up there, ‘cause Andrew Lippa had heard about it. So, he started singing…they didn’t know it because it was like, they had different effects on the mic, right, and even a couple bloopers. So, they started doing their Uncle Fester dance as a group, but they weren’t really feeling it.

Then somehow it was a slow fade-in and it was this mix of It Must Have Been Love and Get On Your Feet, two songs that you wouldn’t think go together, especially with a song from Addams Family, but it did. But when it went into Get On Your Feet, then at least the A7s knew to kinda say hey, get on your feet, and started…again, sometimes our bodies and our spirits are wiser than our brains. Ace just happened to ask Canny to dance, so he had a Fester and a frog dancing together to those two things, and it was like the rest of the world obviously faded into the background. Ace said sorry, I ran out of the thing. Canny said, bet you caught a lot of trouble when you went back to your booth. You’re in the A…I didn’t realize you were in the A7s.

It’s like, I can’t believe I had a dance-off, but it was a friendly dance-off and now we’re dancing together. Canny said yeah, it’s like we’re missing most of the main areas of development of a rom-con. We’re just at the beginning and the end. That’s when I would…then they’d have to slow-dance together. But it was better than that ‘cause I said whoa, whoa, whoa, not only is this the end, we’ll also have the post-script here because the post-script is that this was one of these great romances that happens, and eventually they fall in…they start seeing one another, they realize they live…both lived in…they lived in different boroughs at first, then they lived in the same borough.

They both moved to the Boogie Down Bronx and they found they liked…that their photography styles and their cameras and their lenses weren’t interchangeable, but in a good way. They were…they could complement each other, and eventually they had a big wedding with the Aces and the Can-Cans. Now, where do you think they got married? You’d say, a Rom-Com Com…Rom…and I say, you’re…that one didn’t even need a red herring there, though that was what was funny, was that the person performing it, they were part of another dance-off and they were dance…dressed as a red herring officiating their wedding, even though it wasn’t a red herring at the time, ‘cause they would…the story would have been more con…you know, it would have followed a different structure if it had that.

So, never what you expect here, and you may be…if you’re a corporate executive, you say…and I’d say, it must have been…get on your feet. I say, can you imagine if the only place you could see that…what if…how about free tickets…what…here’s an idea; you sponsor Rom Con…also Rom-Com Con in Rom Con, or at Rom Con. Rom-Com Com…Rom Con, and you say, sponsored by Datemoi and the official…and you also have your main company, official payment partner of Rom-Com…you know. These are ideas you could actually use that would actually…you say, this is a slow thing. ‘Cause I mean, the real influencers…there’s…you say…I can guarantee that members of the A7s and the Can-Cans, as well as writers of romantic fiction, are the real people you want because they’re really connecting on a deep level, a visual level or an emotional…I don’t know.

What do you call it? A level that’s right in your brain; literature level. All those go right up against your spirit and then you kinda have…the only place you could…you could get free tickets to Rom-Com Con…you say, but where does it exist? Oh, well, it’s an imaginary conference that doesn’t exist, but you get a ticket to it. You could go any…that’s the best part about Rom-Com Con at Rom Con; you could go any time and you could also watch that biology video any time you want. You just go in the app, open it up. It says watch…what is it called? Don’t Fall in Love in Biology Class. D…don’t fall…DF…in love…DFILIBC. That’s what it’s known by when people don’t want to say all those words instead of just saying…and having it run together, like Rom-Com Con at Rom Con. Yeah. I said it correctly that time.

You say, you could watch the film right now. Then it says, within your mind. Within your…it all…already there within your imagination. But a nice love story, but it could…the only way this love story could be improved is if there was some giant mega platform that said hey, let’s…say well, yeah, we could have a dating level. I don’t think…I mean, I realize I’m a realist, so…but I’ll be satisfied with someone dressed like Uncle Fester dancing with a dancing frog in love, or being wed with…by a red herring to a medley any time of the week. Goodnight, everybody.

[END OF RECORDING]

(Transcribed by Leah Hervoly)

Notable Language:

• Clued into my Cluelessness
• RomComCon
• Space-Based Romantic Fiction (SBRF)

Notable Culture:

• Legally Blonde
• Edinburgh Fringe Festival
• Andrew Lippa

Notable Talking Points:

• The Imaginary Fringe Fest Within Me
• Historical Fiction vs Historical Romantic Fiction
• Danceoffs are not uncommon at the RomCon