1121 – Hope That Gets You | Lulling With Lasso S1 E10

Notable Language:

• Lassies
• Vintage Ketchup
• I believe in belief

Notable Culture:

• Roy Rogers
• The Sandman
• “Unskinny Bop” – Poison

Notable Talking Points:

• I bet I could do cupping with a vacuum cleaner
• If there’s a Lasso musical, “Two Coffees for Keeley” is a good song
• Being alone and sad is worse than being sad

Episode 1121 – Hope That Gets You | Lulling With Lasso S1 E10

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER:    Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for the podcaster who’s got a…was is it called when you use…improperly use an iron setting? It’s been a while since I’ve ironed, but when I did…the most recent time I ironed, I ironed incorrectly because it was…it was before a flight, it was a…I thought it was gonna be a quick iron. Like, this is supposed to be a quick start of a sleep podcast. You know what? Turns out iron settings matter sometimes. Not a total…not really that big of a situation; just means that one of the sleeves on the shirt I’m wearing at this moment has a little…has some small holes in it to let the air in. So, that’s a bonus. Now, if you’re wondering…there’s probably…there’s a lot of air come…hot air coming from somewhere right now, and if you’re wondering about that, you’re in the right place.

 

It’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that’s here to keep you company, take your mind off stuff, to be your friend in the deep, dark night, because you deserve a good night’s sleep. You deserve a bedtime you could look forward to. Now, this podcast might not be the one that provides it, but I hope it does. I am so glad you’re here, so glad you…if you’re new or you’re a regular listener or you’re giving it a couple tries to see how it goes, thanks for checking this show out. What we’re gonna do is have some support, then we’ll have a long, meandering intro that goes nowhere, kinda like this, and then we’ll have our story. It’s ‘cause it’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. Thanks for making it possible, patrons.

 

INTRO:    [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts, things on your mind that you’re thinking about, maybe about the past, maybe about the present, maybe about the future. Maybe all those things at the same time. I mean, that’s normally what happens. I say oh boy, I got thoughts. I got plenty.

 

I guess people probably…has anyone…I don’t know if anyone’s ever said this but I’m sure a lot of people have thought it; I got thoughts to spare. Holy cow. Spare thoughts, I’ve…I guess you…I wish I’ve…I mean, I guess I’ve had a few, ‘cause my brain does it my way. So thoughts, it could be feelings, anything emotionally coming up for you related to those thoughts or leftover from the day. You could be dealing with physical sensations. A lot of listeners are. Changes in time, temperature, routine, something unexpected or something you’re anticipating, you’re working towards, or that’s coming up. Or it could be something else. Whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, I’m here to take your mind off of that and keep you company so that you could fall asleep, because you’re the most important part of this podcast, because you deserve a good night’s sleep.

 

Really, you do. You deserve a place you could rest where you could feel comfortable and safe, a bedtime you could feel neutral about or look forward to, a bedtime you don’t have to dread. Particularly like me, when it was the worst when I was a kid, I would start dreading bedtime, Sunday night bedtime on Sunday around 12:00 or 1:00 in the afternoon. I know a lot of you are nodding your heads because you’ve been there. Even now it comes up, you know, when I’m going through it. If I can help keep you company through that or help alleviate some of that, be a part of a bedtime routine and some structure that you look forward to, that would be my honor because not only do you deserve a good night’s sleep, if you get a good night’s sleep, your life is gonna be more manageable and our world will be a better place to be in because your life’s better.

 

That is true. I don’t care what your critic says or what scoffers say, internal or external. It’s true; you deserve a good night’s sleep, and the other thing is while I might not know exactly what you’re going through, I know how it feels in the deep, dark night, and there’s hundreds of thousands of other people listening right now that know what it feels like in the deep, dark night that can at least relate to what you’re dealing with, while we might not know exactly what it is. That’s important, too. We are connected in this strange, digital way. The other thing is this podcast doesn’t work for everybody. Give it a few tries. That’s what those hundreds of thousands of people that regularly listen say. They say hey, it took two or three tries to get used to the show ‘cause it’s very different.

 

But you don’t have to like the pod…this podcast, there’s no pressure to fall asleep and no pressure to listen. I’ll talk about that coming up, but you don’t even have to like the show. There’s other sleep podcasts out there. I’ve got a list of sleepy stuff at sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou. ‘Cause whether you like me or the podcast, it doesn’t change the fact you deserve a good night’s sleep and a place you can get some rest. So what am I gonna do? How does this work? Oh boy, talk about…get ready, ‘cause it’ll take…it takes…talk about…get ready for a…spare thoughts and…long-winded spare thoughts, I’ve got a few. What I’ll do is I’ll send my voice across the deep, dark night. Then I’m gonna use lulling, soothing tones…lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, which means my voice is not traditionally soothing.

 

Pointless meanders and superfluous tangents…so I’ll go off topic, I’ll get mixed up, then I’ll backtrack, then I’ll forget what I was talking about. But I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off stuff, and yeah, help you fall asleep. I got mixed up there. Oh, so what do you need to know if you’re new? Or you’re a regular listener; maybe you want a little reminder. So, this is a podcast you don’t really listen to, that…it’s a podcast you just kinda barely list…you say okay, well, I’m just gonna kinda barely listen to you and just…I’ll pay a little bit of attention. So, almost like a out-of-focus thing. Some people are listening for comfort and distraction, but some people are just kinda…they’re like uh-huh, yeah, go ahead. No, no, yeah…oh yeah, total…what were you saying? Okay. Uh-huh, uh-huh.

 

Or some people are bare…they have me lowered to a mumble or they got a pillow over their head. That’s cool. So, this is a podcast you just kinda…you can kinda just barely listen to. You know, we’ve all done it before. I don’t know, particularly if you’re playing a game on your phone, sometimes you don’t even know…this is the only place where it’s okay to do it. You say uh-huh, uh-huh, oh yeah, tell me about your day. Uh-huh. Okay, let me move that over there. Okay, I don’t play any games with purple…I say, purple gem there…what is that, a ruby? Okay, let me move that. A moonstone? Okay…okay, let me get that moonstone. Okay, what is that? Is that an emerald? Okay, let me get that emerald…oh yeah, yeah, no, no; no, I’m listening. Oh, I was talking out loud? No, sorry, I was…this podcast, that’s totally fine behavior.

 

It just happens. We’re just human. Having these phones in our hands during the day, especially after school or work, you know, we’re learning. So this is a opportunity to behave that…you say uh-huh, uh-huh. Some listeners are doing that; they’re playing a chill phone game or drawing or whatever. So, yeah, just…you just kinda barely listen, and see how it goes. So, that’s…oh yeah, you just kinda barely…also it doesn’t put you to sleep. You say wait a second, this is the original sleep podcast? It doesn’t put me to sleep? No, I’m here to keep you company while you fall…no pressure to fall asleep. I’m here to keep you company while you drift off, to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-bud, your bore-bor, your neigh-bore, yeah, your friend in the deep, dark night.

 

I’m here to keep you company, not to put you to sleep. If you can’t sleep, there’s listeners that aren’t gonna be able to fall asleep. That’s okay. I’m gonna be here to the very end. Or if you wake up, I’ll be here. You need a break during the day, a little distraction, I’m here to keep you company whether you’re awake or asleep, whether you’re listening or not. So just kick back and listen, ‘cause I’m gonna barely make sense the whole time. But I’ll active…I’m actively not making sense. Sometimes I guess…I wouldn’t say I’m passively ever not making sense, but there probably is a passive part of me that’s passive then active. I don’t know. I don’t know, it went…that’s a pointless meander that I don’t have an answer to.

 

But those are two things that are hard to get used to at first, ‘cause you probably came here with some expectations; when’s this show gonna…when’s the boring, soothing part gonna get started? When do you start rubbing bowls or whatever it is, or chant…? I say oh, well, this show’s a little bit different than that. It’s just like a friend talking to you and telling a…eventually I’ll tell a…well, eventually I’ll talk about a episode of Ted Lasso, and…but it’ll take me a while to get there. What else? I forget. Oh, it’s a podcast you don’t listen to, doesn’t put you to sleep…a couple other things that throw people off other than my…oh, that…yeah, you say wait a second, this is a podcast…when’s it get soothing? I say well, you got me. I don’t know if it…it’s soothing once you get used to it. It’s just a different kind of soothing.

 

Like, you see all those things people get done at spas. You say, that does not look soothing to me, but then they say what, you gotta try it. You say, with those cups that give you hickeys all over? I could do that with the vacuum cleaner. They say, it’s…trust me, it’s so relaxing. I say okay, maybe…one day. I say one day I’ll be in a position to relax and try those relaxing things. Okay, so what else do you need to know? The structure of the show is very intentional, but it can throw people off, so I just want to tell you about it, and regular listeners, no, but I can always use the…what up, my regular listeners? What up pets and fishes? Warm-blooded, cool-blooded pets? Pets…I don’t know. Are there pets without a circulatory system? I don’t have enough knowledge of biology to answer that.

 

You know, if your pet’s got exoskeletons, whatever it is, robot…robots? Pet rocks, all of you, what up? I’m here to keep your human asleep, or keep them company. Oh, but the structure of the show. So, the reason the show is structured this way, one, it’s…I’ll…I guess I’ll explain it. It starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, so you feel seen and welcome in. You say well, I might check this show out. I could…eh, so far. Or, believe it or not, some people…even at the greeting, they say oh, this is clearly not for me. I say okay, that’s…if they figure it out that fast and move on, that’s a win for all of us.

 

But I mean, I guess it’s not a win because you say well, this show does take a while to get used to, so it does reward…I don’t know, it has one of those things, like a high clearance or something, just ‘cause it’s so hard to get into Sleep With Me, but once you get into it, if it works for you, it works great. There’s really no way for me to lower that…whatever, I don’t know what you call it. There’s a term for it, but just because you gotta get through it…you say wait a second, this dude has creaky, dulcet tones and makes no sense. He’s not…whoa, on Episode 3 you go oh, that makes him totally qualified for this podcast. But that takes a while. But the greeting’s the first part. It welcomes you in to say well, I’ll check this out. Then we do our best to make sure the show comes out free twice a week.

 

So, then you say…that’s the sponsors and the listener support, because it just takes so much work to put the podcast out, but then you don’t have to worry about it. It’s like an exchange. You say okay, it’s free; cool. So, the sponsors and the support enable us to do that. Then there’s support for listeners and people having a tough time right now, and support for the communities around the show. Then there’s the intro, which is separate from the support part, and we’re like ten minutes into, but the intro is meant to ease you into bedtime as I explain what the podcast is, to give you a transition or a twilight period. Or for a lot of regular listeners, they’re not even in bed, or they are; they’re getting comfortable but they’re doing some sort of wind-down activity or getting ready for bed.

 

The intro, ideally, is part of that process because that’s what’s been shown to work over and over again, is having some sort of wind down or ramping down or lowering of the volume. So, the intro is a reflect of that. It’s just a part of that process. Now, there is a small percentage of people that are asleep. Oh, we’re so happy for you. Oh boy, are we. Or that skip the intro; that’s cool. There are more people that are fans of only intros than there are people that skip the intro, but it’s not a…it’s just…as you become a regular listener, you kind of adjust how you listen. So, that’s the intro, then there’s support again between the intro and the story so the show can be free. Then there’s a story. Tonight we’ll be talking about the last episode, I think, of Season 1 of Ted Lasso.

 

I only say that ‘cause I don’t have any notes in front of me, but…and you say, I don’t watch that show. Don’t worry. Oh boy, will it be relaxing. Or you say, I’m a Lasso superfan. I say well, what’s a Lasso superfan call themselves? A Lasso superfan. Well then it could be a Ted…I’d say you should be a Ted Lasso superfan, ‘cause otherwise you say, is that what Roy Rogers was? You say, I don’t know. I think you’re mix…and I say okay, or…I don’t know, I’m picturing somebody with…you say, you could be a fan of lassoing. But yeah, I’d say lassoing…it’s hard because a lasso, lasso…I mean, what are other superfans called? Trekkies, Lassies…yeah, there you go. Boom. I didn’t mean to say boom; I’m sorry. But holy cow, if that isn’t a thing, let’s make it a thing. I’m a Lassie. Me, Drew and Scooter, I’m a Lassie, man. What’s that?

 

It’s like a Trekkie, but for Ted Lasso. The show; I mean, I’m a Ted Lasso fan, but I’m a fan of the streaming program, Ted Lasso. I’m a Lassie. Wouldn’t that be a fan of Lassies? No, because that’d be confusing, ‘cause you say no, you’re not Lassie. That’s the dog on the show I’m a fan of. I’m a Lassie fan. See, Lassie fan’s easier because most people…there was a show with a dog who was a hero called Lassie, I think. Maybe I’m getting mixed up. You say well, how do…is Lassie as a fan of…and I say oh yeah, it’s spelled like the drink, not like…well, that wouldn’t make sense either, ‘cause there should be an ‘o’ in there. But yeah, we’ll figure it out. I just invented it. But it probably is a other thing…you say yeah, Trekkie, Lassie. Is there a…?

 

I mean, it…usually it takes shows being on the air for longer, but Ted…I guess you’d called it Ted…no, no, there’s Ted, that thing, and Lasso Con would be confusing. Again, you could have these two level of conventions; you could have…a Ted Lasso Convention would be like the speakeasy of a Ted convention, or Lasso Con. The great…that could be a new podcast; Lasso Con, the biggest lasso heist in history. Or I guess you’d say well, if it’s a con, it’s not a…I say well, you’ll have to listen to the podcast. It was solved by Lassie, ‘cause Lassie…if there was problems that Lassie would solve, they’d probably be rope-based problems, ideally, right? I mean, that’s just accident I fell upon. But you say huh, yeah. ‘Cause there was another version of Lassie called Flipper, which was a dolphin.

 

Believe it or not, this was a TV show on mainstream…this was when there was no streaming. They had shows…’cause you used to be able to watch them at like, Nick at Nite and stuff. There was a show with a talking horse. I don’t even know…I think the talking…I don’t know if that was a com…I mean, I think it was a sitcom. Then there was…Lassie and Flipper were action shows, and there was other ones I don’t even remember. But I’m not kidding…and I used to watch it as a kid, the reruns, ‘cause there wasn’t anything else…I mean, I think it might have been a decent show. But so, there was…I think it was a family, and it would be a procedural, and the dolphin would be a key part of solving the procedural, or the dog, Lassie. What does that have to do with anything? Well, I was just saying as Ted…I’m now a Lassie.

 

So, yeah. Oh, I also…I make a sleep podcast. So that’s…we’ll talk about Ted Lasso, then there will be some thank-yous at the end of the show. That was a giant pointless meander. Holy moly. I could go on and on and on, though. I’m gonna have to rewatch those shows. I already have another procedural I have to rewatch for a future series, but I will go into Pluto and see if they have either Lassie or Flipper on there. That’s like the…whatever. So, I guess that’s it. I’m glad you’re here. That’s the structure of the show, that’s why I make the show. I really hope I can help. I really yearn and I strive and I really hope I can help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple ways we’re able to do this for free twice a week.

 

Alright everybody, Scoots here. We’re talking Lasso, the last episode of Season 1. This won't be the last you hear of Lasso, though. Now, all you Lassies out there, or…would it be Lassies or Lassais? I guess you’d say well, I’d probably go with Lassais. What’s a fan of…what’s a fan…what kind of dogs are those? I forgot. But what’s a fan of those kind of dogs and Richard Blais called? Lassais, man. I’m a fan of…that’s…my two favorite things in the world; I’m a fan of the TV show Lassie and Richard Blais. I’m a Lassais, and it’s spelled not like it sounds, but like you would spell Lassie combined with Blais, B…with a…I don’t know how to spell it, but I know what…it’s a sight word for me. Now I’m saying…there hasn’t been a lot of reboots of animal-based films, understandably. I’m not saying to do it.

 

Well, I’m saying…I mean, if you were to take…I’m way off topic, but if you were to take my favorite…one of my fortes, Will Forte…I think a Flipper reboot in the hands…like, with Will Forte…or a Lassie reboot, that could be something I could…you know what I’m saying. I know some people are nodding along with me. But we’re talking about fans of the show Ted Lasso, superfans of this podcast, which you said…earlier you may have said to yourself, I’m a Lassie. Now I’m saying I’m a Lassais, man. A Lassoais…Lassoais…but we don’t say it that slow; we just say Lassais. It’s kinda like you’re mispronouncing…no, it’s not like I’m mispronouncing Lassie. I’m thinking Richard Blais; I’m saying Lassie in order to proclaim my fandom of Ted Lasso.

 

Oh, but what I was saying is we will be covering an episode for the holiday season, so this won't be the last you hear. Don’t worry, Lassais, or Lassies, where we spell it like the drink for our own…I don’t know why. But you’ll hear more soon. But this is Episode 10, and oh boy, if a sleep podcast audience could relate to one quote, I’m sure…I mean, I know…I wasn’t raised with this exact quote, but I was raised, honestly, with a philosophy similar to this quote; the hope that kills you. It’s the hope that kills you. According to my notes, it opens with music that goes into light con? Whistle. I thought that said…W-H-S-L-E is what it says. Nate…light con. But I think it says whistling Nate turning the lights on. Sees some clean boots…in the inbox…there’s a inbox and a outbox. In fact, everything’s clean. Followed…wolf…new clothes.

 

Followed…wolf…new clothes…attendant. There’s a new locker room…or new…some kind of attendant. Nate is hostile. You can…my name…Nate Dogg. Promoted…everyone’s happy. So, I’ll explain it later, but it’s a bit like Toy Story. But I’m not sure what that means. Nate…his…oh, he even takes a second to burn Colin. Coach Nate…loud whistle. Oh, I said is that reference…a Toy Story reference about the claw? Don’t worry, we’ll look into it. Don’t call it jock…like, the itch of…so, we’ll look that up. Mr. Muscle…we’ll look those up at the end of the page, or maybe we’ll come back and then we’ll go…Caplin face-off. Beard loves it. Captain face-off. So what happens is…if you haven’t followed me so far, Nate comes to work.

 

There’s a new kid doing Nate’s job. Nate’s not happy about it, very hostile to…first Ted plays him a little bit. Whoa, what’s going on? I’m looking into it. Rebecca comes, he gets mad at Rebecca…find out there’s a promo…he gets promoted. Everybody is happy. He gets a whistle. Oh, that’s the part like Toy Story. Then he blows the whistle very loudly, and then the episode begins. Then Ted and Beard in the office…Roy comes in…he…I forgot Roy’s name, how to do that. He says we gotta pick…you gotta pick a new captain. Ted says no, you do, but it’s funnier than that. Trust me. Ted also does sleight of hand, and then we reveal that Roy does…has developed love for Ted, and he says he loves you. Unskinny bop…that’s a great line, and we’ll just go on the tangent about it now.

 

Ted says…I mean, I love…that’s like, the kinda stuff I love. He says here’s the unskinny bop or something, which I talk about. It’s been a while since I talked about it. If you take that song…is that the same song? Skinny Bop, right? But if you…I think it’s the same song. It’s by a band called Hanson, which is three brothers with long, sandy-blonde hair, I think you’d say? Seems like they were around in the aughts, but I think it was probably a nineties band. They had a song…well, I call it Tube Top, because that’s all I can think of, and if you listen to it and you want to sing along for fun, you just say tube top, top, top. Tube top. Tibby, top, top, tube top, top, top, tube. Timmy top, top, tube top. You go…it goes on and on like that. But I don’t know if that’s the same song, but I love how Ted says that.

 

Talking relationships or something…Colin’s nana…no…oh, talking relegation. Colin’s nana…no relegation in the US. Yeah, everyone pretty much is fine with it. Nate whistles…not inside. Jamie…this was a wonderful choice by the stylist or whoever. Jamie has a haircut that looks good on Jamie because he’s Jamie, but it’s what I would qualify as a young boy’s haircut on picture day. He says…Ted’s like a rodeo clown. Final nail into the ashes. Is that really what it says? Dialogue, we’ll check it. Premier League Championship irony. Pub’s crew says thanks. Have a little hope, Mae. It’s the hope that kills you. Tax…Nate…Ted…dislikes ties. Hopeless…Ted puts his hands on his knees. Beard; one piece of popcorn. I just like that choice, too; he just takes one piece of popcorn and eats it.

 

Quick question…are those the only clothes you have? Believe in floss…or can’t…soccer goals. Negative Nellies…Ted and Rebecca…good eye, small fry. You are not a proper football manager. Every…this something…wow, D-I-S-L-U-C-K. Every something has its ad…cause confidence. Create chaos. Ted…tall grass…dough. Trick plays. Ted goes…something…or [inaudible] set pieces. Oh, they say…Sam says oh, elaborate set pieces, you mean. Chaos…stun. The Sandman, which is a trending show right now…Los Tigres. Positive, punitive…chilly…chitty-chitty, bang, bang. Some of them I’m like wait a second, these are gags. The Harlem Globe Trotter smiley face there and the Harlem Globe Trotter music is playing in the background. No way. Pomade…wise guy callback…no, there’s some callback.

 

You sigh…callback…Lasso likes your texts, Keeley. Rings bell…Roy…egg…sucks…shall I make scones? Two coffees for Keeley. Oh, this was a music…this is, as I said, if there’s a Lasso musical…not that I should be getting into that because of all the stuff going on with other shows, but I say that would be a good song for it; Two Coffees for Keeley. I mean, go ahead and take it, like official Lassos. Take it from me and the Lassais. Two Coffees for Keeley; that’s a song for a music…I guess you’re not…I’m freely giving this to only the people that own the show, but it just makes sense; Two Coffees for Keeley. That would be showing Keeley’s dilemma earlier this season. Roy locks it up and throws away the key. Jamie…mushy peas…Ted FaceTime…Coach does not do anything during the game. You gotta hope, kinda like being a dad.

 

Prequay…the hope that kills you. Keeley does not care…turnip. That doesn’t make any sense. Today I care very much…a lot…oh, Arlo and Chris. Looks like Arlot crow Chris. To rip…Keeley’s…not care…to rip…turnip. Bex and Rupert…Higgins…whole family. Cool parent…cool present? Cool parents. Higgins…oh, cool priest. Higgins has a noisemaker. Roy makes eyes at Captain. Never stop breathing? Branding? Never stop something. TG’s…Ted…bands…brings in pocket speech? No. I disagree; I believe in hope. Belief…do you believe in miracles? Sam smile…do you? Circle up. Richmond on twelve, Isaac says. Skip to eight? From movie or real life? Both. Jamie stares at Roy. Jamie does not score. Takes selfie…Zoreaux…oh, takes it himself. Zoreaux stops it. Zoreaux…offside jokes…vintage ketchup? I don’t know what that’s…catchy?

 

Corner…Sandman…almost half. Coach is detante? Delante? Al dente? Do not check the score. Not playing for a tie. Win and in. Do you hear me? Roy warm up…follow me. Roy, sixty-one minutes. Patey…penalty not shown. Why? Oh, there was a penalty against Richmond. They score. They don’t show the penalty; they show the goal. One mil to go? Richmond…Jamie…Roy catches him. Not getting up. Physics…knee…Sam makes him listen to the…Roy cheering. More…man, more than decades, gals? Explain back to Isaac. Roy nods at Ted. Captain back to Isaac. Roy nods at Ted. More than a decade…gales…I don’t know. Jamie’s stunned. Farewell…there’s off, jersey…that can’t be correct. Teach your wants…inquiries. That’s…that looks like a Miss. Agnocio? I games? Book your worth.

 

Takes off…farewell; takes off jersey. Okay, that makes sense. I didn’t…I was like, why would the state of New Jersey be involved in this? Teach your worth? I don’t know. Roy, get out. So, Roy…Keeley comes into the locker room; Roy’s down. He says stay away. She takes him in her arms. Then there’s lots of phones and ringing, and Nate can interpret it. What the heck? Nate can tell. The Palace won 6-nil. Just a tie. Three months…Richmond sells it. Lasso…spread…holy smokes. Feel…foothold. Sam in motion. Zoreaux…fourth and something. Sam to Dani…Rojas cheers. Even robid…everyone something happy. Everyone hugs, but Jamie breaks…makes extra pass. Hendrick stunned. Sad music…is quiet stunned. Ted; tough loss. Rupert left alone by Bex. Text from son…Jamie and Jamie’s dad…he’s a jerk.

 

Locker room kid…offers Ted water. Zoreaux…Roy…grand to even look…and going through something worse than being sad. Being alone…oh, so Ted makes another great speech. Being…so, there’s something worse than being sad; that’s being alone and sad. Sam, what’s the…what is that metaphor I told you at the beginning of the season? Well, be like a goldfish. Then they say contextually, could you explain that to me? He says well, while Dory is not a goldfish, Dory’s condition in both those movies…better…like, Dory 2…Dory’s Story and…what was the other first one? Finding Nemo, that’s a great way to describe it if you’ve seen those films. So, be like a goldfish. Even though Dory’s not a goldfish, you could say be like Dory.

 

But that might…and then after we’re done being sad or angry or sad together, these gosh…let’s be like a gosh darn goldfish. Beard brings Jamie a note from Ted. Great job on that extra pass. For your awards night, Jamie, a love letter. Basically Jamie has something snarky to say. Way to make a extra pass. Ted. There’s a army person in there. Nana walk phone…never walk alone. Knock…beneath your…Leslie…knock, knock. That you, Leslie? Oh, thank you, Leslie. Oh, this is…oh, it’s my mom’s name. I’m a feminine junior. Then Ted…so Ted goes off as…Leslie Higgins is there. Oh, let me talk to Rebecca alone. Basically, have a seat. They talk…we’ll do the dialogue, but…and then it closes with Ted spitting water in her face. Okay, so let’s just look up a couple of these things real quick before we get to the episode run-through.

 

Okay, so we’ll start with Nate Dogg, ‘cause I thought that would be something everybody would recognize, but maybe not. Nate Dogg was an American singer/rapper. The nickname King of Hooks. Career started in the nineties as a member of 213, a trio in the nineties with his friend Snoop Dogg and Warren G. Then he sang Warren G’s hit, Regulate. Then Nate would become a fixture in West Coast hip-hop. Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, Xzibit in the nineties, and then start working with more and more artists; Eminem, 50 Cent, Fabulous, Mos Def, Ludacris. Has charted sixteen times on the billboard Hot 100. Number 1 on 50 Cent’s 21 Questions. Was on the next episode and…of Dr. Dre’s…and then Eminem’s Till I Collapse. Also Nate Dogg released three of Nate Dogg’s own studio albums.

 

So that’s just a little bit about Nate Dogg. Okay, I’m just looking up Mr. Muscle. This is in the…let me see what comes up. No, it doesn’t come up there. This is just something they were talking about. Anyway, I couldn’t find anything, so…but that was Mr. Muscle, so…and then Skinny Bop. Let’s see if that’s the song I was thinking of. Skinny…Skinny Bop…wait a second. Huh, I guess I was wrong. Unskinny Bop is a Poison song. Huh. So, I guess I’ll have to look up Hanson after this. But Unskinny Bop is a Poison song, so that’s a eighties hair band or a glam band. It was…came out in 1990. It was the first single on their third album, peaked at Number 3, and it was shrouded in obscurity. So here’s the Unskinny Bop, but they said they liked the phrase ‘cause it was phonetically suited to their music.

 

Okay, well, turns out I didn’t get that. I don’t…oh, Hanson’s with an ‘o’, I think. I was spelling it with an…Hanson band…yeah. American pop-rock band from Tulsa, Oklahoma. Taylor, Zac, and Isaac Hanson. Oh, they had MMM Bop. That was not Skinny Bop, which makes sense. That sounds more like Tube Top, a 1997 hit. Yeah, so they were popular from ‘97 to the beginning of the aughts, I mean, their peak of their popularity. But they’re still…it’s the tenth anniversary in 2008. I mean, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen them play in places. Oh, they had a holiday album in some point in the…whatever you call that, the tens, or…I don’t know. Yeah, new albums in 2021 and 2022. But that’s…so, that’s who sang…not Unskinny Bop…yeah, we’re learning stuff, here. Let’s just see what happens when we look up rodeo clown on Wikipedia.

 

If I can spell rodeo…no? Rodeo clown. C-L-O-W-N. Rodeo clown is a rodeo performer who works in competitions and is a distraction. Now, I guess that’s probably…we…never mind. But it is kinda like…their job is to distract the bull. That’s kinda like my job, is…yeah. So, a lot of you are familiar with the Sandman, Neil Gaiman’s graphic novel, a comic book from DC, now a show. I haven’t started watching it yet…with Morpheus and Dream. But yeah, I’ll definitely watch it. Yeah, it’d be interesting. I’m always happy for success…stuff, Neil Gaiman stuff, so…it was one of the first graphic novels ever to be on the New York Times best-seller list, and also it…be on EW’s 100 Best Reads. Oh, here’s…various television and film adaptations have been developed.

 

There was gonna be a film with Joseph Gordon Levitt. Wow. There have been full cast audio dramas, and there’s a television adaptation that’s now on the air. Scones is another thing. I don’t know if scones would be on…oh, a scone is a baked good. I think we’ve covered this in Great British Bake Off; a scone in the US and England is a little bit different, but it looks good here. Yeah, a scone is more like a biscuit. Wheat or oatmeal baking powder is a leavening agent, baked on sheet pans, slightly sweetened, could be glazed with egg wash or a glaze. It’s a component of cream tea. Differs from teacakes, which are made with yeast. But yeah, pomade; that’s…pomade. Pomade is a hair styling product, or French pomade, a greasy, waxy, or water-based substance. Gives a shiny, slick appearance. That’s Jamie’s.

 

Lasts longer than most hair care products, but could be multiple washes to get it out. Could be made from bear fat, lard, lanolin, beeswax, petromium jelly…used in things like the pompadour. Goes back a long time. Modern resurgence…the popularity of the disconnected, undercut hairstyle, buzzed or faded sides, longer top which is disconnected from the side hair. It was affordable in the 20th century with a hair clipper. Cheaply and quickly shave the sides of head, leaving the long top hair to be styled with pomade. In the 2010s it was popular from WWII films and people like David Beckham and Brad Pitt having that style of hair. Pomade community and its use…it does not dry, so it keeps the hair flexible and lasts…I’ve never…I don’t think I’ve ever used pomade.

 

Because of its greasy, waxy nature, you might need a high-detergent shampoo or dishwashing liquid or something for oily hair. Okay, the Harlem Globetrotters…I just want to look up their theme here. Let’s see if I can find it. Had ninety-seven championships, been around since 1926, not too long from their hundredth anniversary. Current roster draft…trying to find the song here. A lot of uses in popular culture…honorary members…it’s gotta be in here somewhere. Okay, I can’t believe I didn’t realize this. The name of that song is Sweet Georgia Brown. It’s a standard composed by Ben Bernie and Maceo Pinkard, with lyrics by Kenneth Casey. 1911…published 1925. When did it become…? Oh, there’s different renditions.

 

It was adopted as the theme song of the Harlem Globetrotters in 1952, because one of the most popular versions of Sweet Georgia Brown was recorded in 1949 by Brother Bones and His Shadows. So there you go. Okay, now let’s…what do you say we watch the episode, you know what I’m saying? Okay, so, got it rolling here, and it starts off the thing…yeah, I need to turn down the lights. Looks like there’s acoustic panels, washing machine, dirty…no dirty boots; only clean boots. Towels folded, jerseys ready. Who are you? Will, clubhouse attendant. No, you’re not. Ted’s playing him, having him sacked. Higgins doesn’t know. He insults Rebecca…why do you need my name? For your contract. It’s worse; you’ve been promoted. The whole team’s there in casual things to cheer him on.

 

There’s confetti, and then he gets…Nathan Shelley, I present you this whistle, but it’s never been blown. I promote you Coach Nate. Everybody cheers. He blows the whistle, episode opens. Yeah, they’re talking about Mr. Muscle. Roy comes in…don’t want to be…I can’t be captain ‘cause I’m not starting. You pick. No, I pick. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine…nine exchanges about, and then Ted makes it disappear in his hand. Puts it on Roy’s head. Beard’s reaction makes it. Then he says, he does love you. Here’s the Unskinny Pop…Manchester City. Well, we can’t get relegated. It’s not good for the team. Basically get demoted to another league.

 

Like, the closest thing would be…in the US would be…like, at baseball you’d…because that’s…NBA’s becoming like that, where…I mean, not with relegation, but at least with different leagues, you know? There’s Jamie…no barbers? ‘Cause he’s got his little boy haircut. He says yeah, they’re…he says some not nice things about everybody, including Ted, Roy, and the team. Nate gets…no, Isaac gets very irritated. Championship is below the Premier League, so if you get relegated, then you’re in the Championship. The fellows of the pub come. Hey, you did your best. It wasn’t good, Bath says, but why don’t you have some hope? Haven’t you learned it’s the hope that kills you? Let’s text Nate. We got work to do. Then they’re in Ted’s apartment, working. Can’t just tie. If they win by six, we can tie.

 

Okay, let’s…don’t blow the whistle; my neighbors won't like it. Nate says it’s hopeless. Ted puts his hands on his knees. I’m sorry, it’s hopeless. Then he runs out of the room. Beard’s like oh, boy. Takes his one piece of popcorn. Are those the only clothes you own? No, I have a bunch of sets of them. Ted has a believe thing. Yeah, this is in the bathroom mirror…when I don’t want to floss, I look at believe. Believe can’t score goals. A couple of Nelsons. Pessimistic, sorry, Shipley. Ah, Negative Nellies. Ted brings biscuits to the boss. What’s going on, Ted? You alright? Maybe you should have had a soccer coach for your football club. But do what you need to do if we don’t lose. I mean, if we don’t, you know, whatever. So, you’re not a proper football manager.

 

There’s a saying in Dutch football which I’m gonna say in English; every disadvantage has its advantage. Basically says the same thing about different or weird; you have an advantage because you don’t think like everybody else. Who would have thought to make a podcast to put people to sleep? Except for a odd…and to listen. So, thank you. Okay, trick plays, AKA, elaborate set pieces. Chaos…stun…and confuse everybody. So let’s go through some. Dani…the [inaudible], pepper shakers, Beckham something…midnight poutine…chitty-chitty, bang, bang…broken tap…that’ll make them leak. Then other ones…I don’t know if I can say, ‘cause the guys are even…put Lasso Special up there, and we’re gonna bring some chaos. Let’s go. Oh yeah, and then that’s when Jamie’s like no, no, no, wax; I need pomade.

 

Then he gets a selfie with the selfie kid. Wicked. Can’t believe you got dumped by Richmond. It was Lasso. Lasso loves you, man. So, he shows a thing where Ted’s saying nice things about Jamie. Jamie, of course, thinks it’s a game. He texts Keeley, shows up. Roy answers the door. Roy’s got…oh, egg socks on. That’s when it must have been…scones? I’m not making scones, dude. I made you coffee. Jamie brought two coffees for Keeley. This wouldn’t be the time in the musical…I mean, where she would be singing it. I guess…yeah, ‘cause you’d change the time of events, probably, so it would be…I guess it would be. No, she would have already decided. But anyway, not everybody’s trying to mess with you, Jamie. Roy doesn’t like you, but other people do. See you tomorrow.

 

Enjoy the view from the bench and your mushy peas, Roy. Then FaceTiming, but when you FaceTime with kids from a distance, anybody…but Roy’s talk…I mean, again, Ted talks about how hope, you have to…it’s kinda like being a parent. I drew a robot; great. Then they get…the night of the…it’s a night match. Richmond fans are hyped. Keeley used to just go to these games. She never cared about football, but I could just perform at a match. Oh, she does say turnip. So, it wasn’t my handwriting. Now she cares ‘cause she cares about Roy. Arlo and Powell…then we got Bex and Rupert, the pub…Mae gives out free shots. Then the Higgins is a little kid, another kid, another kid, another kid, and a priest. Don’t worry, he’s a cool priest. Okay, what’s it like to be on the brink of relegation?

 

This is when Roy makes eyes like a captain…on the down low…don’t stop losing your temper on behalf of the team. Pats his knee. Ted comes in. They actually had all the trick plays on the board. That’s probably a cool screen cap. I disagree about that phrase. It’s the lack of hope that gets you. I believe in hope. I believe in belief. Where I’m from, we got a saying…actually a question; do you believe in miracles? I don’t need y’all to answer that; just answer it for yourself right now. Do you believe…? Oh, I almost cried when Sam smiled. Do you believe in miracles? Well, if you do, get over here. Captain, let them know. Alright. Richmond on twelve…one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, nine, ten, eleven, twelve. Go, Richmond. I’m sure there’s a reason he skipped eight. I was like, wasn’t a accident. I don’t know who Number 8 is.

 

Roy’s on the bench. Ted says hi, Jamie. Match begins. Here we go. Hendrick, Tartt…takes it himself, but Zoreaux is there. Zoreaux…thirty minutes gone. Off-sides…Ted says can you explain to me what off-sides is? Really? Oh, wait a second; okay, this is the one. What are they talking about? Heineken vinegar ketchup. Vinegar to Heineken ketchup to ketchup to pass the ball. Okay, I understand or something. Come on, Richmond, corner kick. Let’s do the Sandman. Here we go. Dani flubs it and then a bunch of people pass over…almost rocked him to sleep. That’s halftime, nil-nil, thanks to the stellar play of Zoreaux. Zoreaux. No, no, no, we don’t care about Crystal Palace. We’re not playing for a tie. He says okay, adrenaline…he goes, we’re playing for a win. Win and in, you hear?

 

Alright. Roy, you’re starting the second-half. Roy is captain again. People are cheering. Surprising move, because they needed speed. Octanegarian, or something. Penalty against Richmond…they don’t show what happens. Oh, Hendrick. Hendrick gets it. They’re up one-nil. There’s a long shot of Ted staring. Rebecca’s…people are cheering. Rebecca and Higgins’ wife…Roy catches up with Jamie, and clean tackle…slide tackle. Attaboy, Roy. That’s when Roy goes out of the game to stop a goal. Somebody says tortoise takes down the hare. I say Roy’s knees…they say get up. Roy…and everybody’s saying Roy, Roy Kent, he’s here, he’s there, every frown will…with a frown, he’s everywhere, Roy Kent. Roy Kent, he’s here, he’s there, he’s every…frowning everywhere, Roy Kent, and everybody’s cheering for him.

 

Nods at Ted…Ted’s…claps to the crowd. Jamie’s stunned. He goes into the locker room. You have to wonder, Arlo, what’s the future for Roy Kent? Sorry to say, it might be his last boot. He looks at his locker, throws his jersey down, sits down, puts his head down. That’s when Keeley comes in. You’re not allowed back here. This is how I behave all the time. I want to be alone. Please don’t come within my…takes his hand first, looks at him, puts her arm…puts his…and just holds him. Actually, he takes her hand. That’s when everybody checks their phones. Crystal Palace game must be over. Nate’s…26,000 people are checking their phones. Crystal Palace won six-nil. All we need is a tie, boys. Come on, Richmond, there’s hope.

 

Ricard goes down…very…sells the injury…sells the injury, and they’re gonna do the Lasso Special, Isaac calls it. It’s kind of like American football, which is very confusing. Everybody’s like, what are they doing? Never seen anything like this. Then even somebody…emotion…Zoreaux is yelling number…hut, hut, hut, hike. Richmond players fan out, total chaos. Sam takes it, passes it to Dani, and he does a full volley or something. I don’t know if that was a butterfly kick…windmill, I don’t know. Everybody’s cheering. We got a tie, but nobody’s paying attention, right? They let their guard down and Jamie takes it by himself, but then does the extra pass, and scores, and that’s it. Air’s out of the room. People fall to their knees, heads go down. Looks of dismay, hands in heads. Who won?

 

Woulda, coulda, shoulda, Ted says after the game. Tough loss. Congratulate Pep and Jamie. Henry’s proud of you, and made this robot. That’s what Ted’s text says, more or less. Jamie’s dad wanted him to score. Then there’s the locker room. There’s a couple people in suits I don’t recognize. Ted doesn’t need water. He says what’s up with that kid? Give me water. You didn’t win but you succeeded. You did great. Let’s clap for everybody who did really good. There’s nothing I can say to take away things, but do me this favor; lift your heads up and look around. Look at everybody else. I want you to be grateful that we’re together going through this moment. He really delivers this speech. Holy cow, ‘cause yeah, it’s…being alone is hard, and who’s…shortest memory goldfish.

 

So when we’re done being sad or angry, let’s be like a goldfish. Gosh darn goldfish. Onward, forward. Ted walks into his office. Manchester City bus…what do you want, Jamie says. Night, Jamie, Beard says. A love letter? Jamie makes a face. I got a…I mean, I have the bad attitude that Jamie has sometimes about stuff. Way to make the extra pass. Jamie almost smiles, does contemplate it. Then Higgins and Rebecca…okay, I’ll leave you, Leslie. Leslie, that’s your…? That’s my mother’s name. Yeah, that’s my name, too. Shakes Ted’s hand. Take a seat, Ted. Tea? Nope, still not drinking tea. I’ll take a water, though. Yeah, it’s kinda unfair you have to fire me, so let me just quit. Here’s my resignation letter. Put it on a takeout menu, but I signed it. Listen up, Ted, we got work to do next season. Okay, alright, then.

 

Wait, tell me this; we can get unrelegated? Yeah, promoted, they call it. Promotion…well, let’s…then maybe we can win the whole thing. Then Ted takes bubbly water, spits it in Rebecca’s face. Did I get you? The last image is her face soaking wet with bubble water. What do they call it? Spit-take, right? That’s what it’s called. Then yeah, that’s the end of the episode and the end of the season. But yeah, what we’ll do is we’ll do the second season at some point in the future, but we will do one episode from the second season that’s coming up here. Then yeah, we’ll do some other stuff and then we’ll come back to Ted Lasso around the…whenever we started this last year. Thanks, thanks, and goodnight, everybody.

 

[END OF RECORDING]