1117 – Gerbils and Trains | Nuns in Space S3 E8
- Bad Vibe Rock
- USPs (Unexpected Space Problems)
- TBBs (Transit Based Beings)
- Andor TV Show
- Thomas the Tank Engine
- Fudgie the Whale
Notable Talking Points:
- Am I getting into a romantic Huck Finn reboot?
- Gerbils Were Required
- Dilute the Delusion
Episode 1117 – Gerbils and Trains | Nuns in Space S3 E8
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for the pod…this is a rare thing; I’m recording with my hair damp or wet, post-shower, shower clean. When I’m shower clean, the meanders are…they roll off me. Yeah, came…come clean, Scooter. Well, I’m…I came clean, just mostly keep my passageways open, ‘cause I’m recovering from a C-O-L-D. But I’m here to keep you warm and take your mind off of stuff, ‘cause it’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that’s here to put you to sleep. The way we do it though, it’s a little bit different. This podcast does take some getting used to. I’ll just tell you upfront; most people, it takes two or three tries to get used to. It is very different. It is here to keep you company like a friend in the deep, dark night, and to take your mind off whatever’s keeping you awake. I make this show and a lot of people listen to the show because we know what it’s like.
Maybe we don’t know exactly what you’re going through, but a lot of us know how it feels in the deep, dark night. Tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep. But the other side of the show is that you deserve a good night’s sleep. Whether it’s through this podcast or something else, I really hope you could get the sleep you need and you deserve. So, I’m so glad you’re here. If you’re new, I appreciate you coming by. Regular listeners, what up? What up to you, to your pets, to the fishes, and all the other pets out there? What else do I gotta say? Oh yeah, the structure of the show. So, we’ll have some support for the show so it can be free, then a long, meandering intro, and then we’ll go on from there, ‘cause it’s time for Sleep With Me, once again, the podcast that puts you to sleep. Thanks for making it possible, my patron peeps.
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? It’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. Then I’ll do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is to create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, things on your mind, thoughts; thoughts about the past, the present, the future. I don’t know, pondering thoughts…but here’s a thing…this is a early one. I say, pondering thoughts…I say okay, that’s like looking at clouds. Pondering thoughts are fine up to…probably not at bedtime, though, even, ‘cause here’s the thing; I can’t control my pondering thoughts.
I take my…they say man, watch out for that guy if he’s pon…he doesn’t know how to keep his pondering under control, and it quickly….so maybe a lot of people…this is just a theory, probably incorrect; I’d say a lot of people…there’s another term totally unrelated to everything I’m talking about called a level playing field, and I would posit that most people or a large number of people, they do their…they have a level pondering field, right? That’s where…I mean, that’s where all that Hollywood pondering goes on, right? You’re with Ryan Gosling or somebody like that and you’re under a tree and there’s clouds, maybe period dress, maybe he’s…I don’t know, is that…is this…I’m getting into a Huck Finn reboot, Romance with Huck Finn.
But wheat in his mouth, and you’re there and you’re looking at the…you’re just pondering things. That’s pondering on probably a level…maybe you’re on a slight rise, but for me at bedtime…as soon…for me, bedtime…for me, pondering any time of the day, to be honest…I ponder at the…at a…the top of a great summit, the old…what do they call that? Snowball Hill or rolling snow…rolling snowball gathers moss and becomes a giant thingamajig. So for me, I think for some people it’s like whatever that potential…I don’t know, I’m getting into physics now. But once I start pondering, it goes downhill fast. There you go. That’s another idiom or whatever. So, some people have a laying…pondering…level laying pondering field. Me, I’m at the…and I think this…I’m at Old Ponders…Don’t Ponder Here Summit, where I ponder.
It goes downhill fast. So, that’s thoughts. Feelings, it could be related to those thoughts or my metaphors, feelings that are from earlier in the day or that are just there that are just coming up, it could be physical sensations, it could be changes in time or temperature or routine, it could be…you could be…you have something coming up, you have visitors, you’re going to visit someone. Whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of it, to be your friend in the deep, dark night, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-cuz, your bore-bestie, your neigh-bore, your friend. I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff so you can fall asleep, because you deserve a good night’s sleep, is the main thing.
You deserve a place you can rest, a bedtime you don’t dread, that you could feel neutral about or look forward to, but that you’re not like holy cow, I can’t believe I got…you know what I mean. So, you deserve a bedtime you feel good about and a place you can rest where you can get the rest you need so your life is manageable or more manageable, or you could be out there flourishing. That means you’re gonna be in a better place and that means our world’s gonna be in a better place. But the other side of the show is…as I described, I know how it feels in the deep, dark night, tossing, turning, all that stuff, and so do a lot of other people.
While I might not know exactly what you’re going through, I’ve heard a lot of stories from listeners and I know that I haven’t experienced everything every listener has gone through, but a lot of us can relate to how it feels when we can’t sleep or we’re waking up too early or all of that stuff, or dreading bedtime. That’s what keeps us kinda connected in the deep, dark night in the strange digital way, and that’s why I’m here to help. Now, this show does not work for everybody, so if you’re new, most listeners recommend give it a few tries and just see how it goes. You got nothing to lose. But if you already don’t like the show or something, there’s a lot of other sleep podcasts, and I have a bunch of them listed and other sleepy stuff at sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou. So, you could check those out.
So, those are a couple things. What I’ll do is…did I already say this? I’ll send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones and pointless meanders and superfluous tangents, which you’ve kinda already seen. I go off topic, I get mixed up, I forget what I was talking about, I double back, then I reverse, then I ponder. Usually in…usually I keep it to pondering, but then I’ll ponder something else and then I’ll wonder, and then I’ll pon…and I’ll say well, I wonder about that. I ponder if I know what that means. Is that a wonder or a ponder? Wonder; W-O-N-D-E-R. Ponder; W…onder. I wonder if there’s…is that a root? -onder? There’s a show about to come out when I’m recording this called Andor. Onder? Andor. Andor? Onder. Andor Onder here to service your Rebellion needs.
Okay, great. Anyway, so I send my voice across…lulling, soothing tones. What else do you need to know if you’re new? You know why I make the show, to keep you company and take your mind off stuff, so that kinda means that this is a podcast you don’t really listen to. Now, you can listen, but there’s no pressure to listen, no pressure to fall asleep. What that means is you could kinda barely pay attention to what I’m saying or you could just follow it or you could turn me down to a mumble. There’s a lot of different ways people listen, but most people…it’s just barely humoring me. Uh-huh, uh-huh, okay. Yep, keep going, Scoots. Uh-huh. Keep up the good work. Andor, Ondor. Yeah. Onder. Onder? Under, over, onder. Onder is be…I’m beyonder. That’s what…that’s…yeah.
So, it’s a punchline to one of my jokes that I don’t have right now about romance. Onder…is beyonder. So, okay, so…oh, so this is a show you just barely listen to. Also doesn’t put you to sleep. Now if you can’t sleep, I’m gonna be here to the very end ‘cause I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff, not to put you to sleep. You just kinda fall asleep whenever it works, and if you can’t sleep, I’m gonna be here to the very end to keep you company, and that’s kinda what works both ways, ‘cause there’s people that listen all night long and there’s people that set sleep timers, and then there’s people that can’t fall asleep that are listening or need a break during the day.
So, I’m here to keep you company, to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-cuz, your bore-bestie, your neigh-bore, your bore-bor, your bore-friend, to keep you company in the deep, dark night and just take your mind off whatever’s keeping you awake. That’s really why I’m here. The other things, if you’re new to know, other than not everybody likes me, it takes a few tries to get used to the show, this is a podcast you don’t listen to, also doesn’t put you to sleep; other things that take some getting used to is the structure of the show, and the show is designed in a very specific way, though you can repurpose it as you become a regular listener. I mean, you could repurpose it right away, but I’ve heard from people that repurposed it right away and then they came back and they said oh, you know what I didn’t realize?
The intros were…are a show within a show, so now I listen to the intros or now I even pay to get access to just intros. So, see how it goes at first, but you don’t have to. You could always come back. But the reason the show is structured in a way for a few reasons; the show starts off with a greeting. The purpose of that is so you feel seen and welcomed in, and you could tentatively say I might check this podcast out. Then there’s sponsor support and listener support. That’s so the show can be free or optional to pay for. You say, optional to pay for? ‘Cause a lot of sleep…how much money have I spent on sleep stuff, right? So you could just see how it goes or just listen. You don’t have to do anything. All that’s optional. The show comes out twice a week.
That’s another goal for free, and then there’s support for listeners, support for communities around the show, then there’s the intro, which is separate from the support. That gets lumped in a lot of times with the support when people have a strong feeling about that. But the intro is a show within a show where I try to explain what the podcast is. I follow a similar structure every time, but every intro is different because I get mixed up or distracted in a different way, like we said, with ponder and onder and Andor. Old Auntie An…On…I guess Andy. They used to call me Andy. Undy…Undy. They wouldn’t call me that in…Undy…what…Undy, Undy. What do you…? What does Undy wear? Undies. Anyway, meanderwear; I haven’t said that in a while. That’s what I wear. It helps my meanders.
Double the meanders when I’m wearing meanderwear. Or if I…I haven’t been to any pirate festivals or anything. I hear Tampa’s got a big one, but I’d say meanderwear; that’s what I have under my…me clothes, meanderwear. Okay, so, what was I talk…? Oh, the intro goes on and on and on. Why does it do that? Why is it…? It’s different every time so whatever that part of you that keeps you awake…it keeps you up, it can’t adjust. It says oh, I don’t know…I know he’s following the same structure, but he’s talking about something new. Also gives you something to kinda look forward to or barely…I really bare…just barely look forward to just barely listening to you, Scoots, talk about whatever new thing you’re gonna talk about. That’s really a lot of the feedback I get with hardcore listeners, and that’s what works about the show.
But the intro really serves a purpose, which is to give you a break or…between being awake and asleep. The intro is the twilight period of the show, the wind down. That’s what’s been shown to work with a lot of different sleep-related stuff that’s science-based, is having a wind down routine to ease you into bedtime really does work. It works for me and it works for a lot of listeners. So, some listeners are getting ready for bed…now, there’s a percentage of listeners that are asleep, there’s a percentage of listeners that skip the intro. Maybe they have their own bedtime routine. But for most listeners it’s like, whether you’re in bed getting comfortable, you’re doing something else relaxing or you’re preparing to get ready for bed, the intro is a slow wind down from the day.
So, that’s why the intro’s between ten and twenty minutes long, not just because it takes me that long to remember the stuff I forgot that I still have to get to, but…and because I have a tendency to go off topic. I mean, those are part of the whole. So, that’s why the intro goes on and on and on. Then again there’s support between the intro and the story so the show could be free, optional to pay for. Then there’s the story. Tonight it’ll be a episodically modular story, Nuns in Space, meaning you could listen to it in any order. I think this episode is gonna be a seasonal one, but not very seasonal. Like, about dressing up and going out and stuff like that, and saying hey, how about a treat for me?
But you could listen to it any time of the year and in any order. You’ll get all the information. So no matter what the episode number is, don’t worry, I’ll catch you up. Then at the end of the show are some thank-yous and goodnights, and that’s the structure of the show, that’s why I make the show, that’s what to expect. Give it a few tries, see how it goes. I’m really glad you’re here. I work really hard, I yearn and I strive, and I really hope I can help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple ways I’m able to do it for you for free twice a week.
Alright everybody, it is time for our episodically modular series, Nuns in Space, which is the…it’s a tale…it’s a…episodically modular, so you could listen to it in any order, and it’s about nuns in space, kind of. There’s these nuns from my childhood that are in space. They’re not the main characters though, but I’m gonna fill you in on everything you need to know. So you say, why is it named Nuns in Space? Well, there’s some nuns in space. Scooter is on a spaceship with the nuns. He’s their only crew member and his job is to help them, obviously as their only crew member, with whatever they need help with. Also in space somewhere is our hero figure, heroic figure, Stan, a freestyle sentient soda machine and so much more. Stan…now, one of the…what is that called?
Conceit of this series that makes it so episodically modular is that at the start of each episode, the majority of the characters don’t remember what happened in the episode before them. So kinda they do a reset except for Scooter, but he doesn’t remember anything very well. That’s not a part of the series, just a general critique. But so, Stan, or our heroic figure, freestyle soda machine, Stan usually resets and says…in…Stan finds Stan…finds themselves on a planet that has something going on that Stan’s supposed to help with. Now, what Stan doesn’t know is it’s usually based in some sort of delusion, physical delusion, along with a…well, a delusion that’s manifesting itself, but has a physical form.
Not a sentient…not a…kinda like if a…I don’t know if you’ve ever heard this; like, you were…but imagine you were at Woodstock and there was a rock somewhere, and someone said that rock is giving me a bad vibe, man. Then you said…you leaned into it and you said well, let’s call that Bad Vibe Rock. Let’s…and they say, did…I thought we were listening to freedom rock. You say no, no, no, we’re trying to make an analogy about something not related to the music, but I chose the wrong thing to make an analogy about at Woodstock. But that rock, the geological mineral thingamajig that was giving you bad vibes, remem…? Oh yeah, man, that’s the rock that’s giving me bad vibes. You know what? That’s why I invented Bad Vibe Rock.
Whoa, whoa, whoa; no, I invented accidentally Bad Vibe Rock, which I don’t think is a good thing, so let’s not lean into the fact that we invented Bad Vibe Rock. Let’s just say that…let’s just say you were at a picnic and you saw a rock and you said the rock is giving you bad vibes, and you said that is Bad Vibe Rock. The rock’s not really doing anything other than exuding bad vibes. In this case, delusion is something kinda similar to that but not really, ‘cause I went off…so off topic, and Stan has to deal with it. In this case it was a picnic. Maybe Stan would say well, I have a lead picnic blanket; let’s just put it over the rock. Then maybe the person they were with would say no more…I’m not feeling those bad vibes from the rock anymore. Let’s enjoy our picnic. Stan would say problem solved.
Let’s go on to another episodically modular event. So, that would be the shortest episode of Nuns in Space, except that one took place at a picnic ground after they left…’cause of the…yeah, the music metaphor didn’t work ‘cause it wasn’t…I was just trying to think of a place where someone would say that rock’s giving me bad vibes. So I shouldn’t have played to the lowest common denominator in my mind, so I kinda got what I deserved. But hopefully you’ll get the sleep you need and the distractions you deserve to carry you off into dreamland. I know I don’t…what I don’t deserve is the endless loyalty and goodwill of our Hollywood announcer, Mr. Antonio Banderas. The friends beyond the binary, the ladies, the gentlemen, the boys, the girls, it’s time for Nuns in Space. Whoosh. Yeah. Nuns in Space. That’s Mr. Antonio Banderas; always here, always bringing the cheer. That’s Nuns in Space, everybody. I’m gonna turn it over to Stan.
Hey pen pal, it’s me, Stan, your friend, freestyle soda machine, and trying to get a message to you, pen pal, and maybe to Scooter, because I feel like Scooter…I wish Scooter was here or someone else was here with me, pen pal. But I know you are, but that’s only ‘cause I record messages for you. But I don’t know, pen pal. Dealing with Scooter…I don’t know where he is. But I’m here on a planet, pen pal. I don’t know when I…how long I’ve been here or when I got here. Alls I know is when I got here, somehow I’m playing the intermediary or negotiator now, pen pal…or I was negotiating between this planet and the rest of this area of the universe, maybe the whole universe, whole galaxies…I don’t know, pen pal. A lot of people wanted to get…need this planet and the beings on this planet.
What Scooter would say are…would be RBBs or TBBs, rail-based beings or transit-based beings, even though that would be inaccurate, pen pal, for Scooter to try to get some…to try to miscorrectly label something but successfully catch the essence of it, he would be right. This is a planet with rail-based beings or transit-based beings. I didn’t know all this when I found myself here, but I was a negotiator and intermediary between…let’s just say the universe, to use another Scooter thing, and rail-based…yeah, the RBBs. Wow, sometimes it works, Scooter. So, I’m here negotiating between the two, and when I say rail-based beings…did I…was there one more B in there, pen pal?
So, the universe use…this, for a long time, has been the top transit planet, transit creator for the universe, because in most parts of the universe, pen pal, obviously mass transit traveling together is pretty important. You know, no offense to Antonio, but just because in movies people are traveling in spaceships with rockets or they discover magical portals that they just jump through, that’s not the case, and because the history of the universe is older than people like Scooter would remember…and also they…Scooter would say we didn’t learn any of this, Stan. You know, small-based travel is only good for short distances in the universe. Usually you’re looking at mass transits so that you can make the most of it, and it’s good use of resources.
I guess this is a fill-in part, pen pal, and what they discovered was this planet naturally, organically could design solutions for most obstacles. But beyond that they say what made their solutions better than other transit-based planets or transit-based beings? One, are there other rail-based beings or transit-based beings? Yes there are, of course. Why were theirs the best? Well, you know, they would…now, they’re not the only one. That’s the moral of the story before the story, but they were the most popular. They were very good at it. Their solutions would be in balance with the resource balance. They were long-term based solutions, but they were also very popular because as we…Scoot…people that are similar to Scooter would say well, I don’t want to do that.
Why can’t I just…why can’t I have my own rocketship, Stan? I’d say Scooter, for short-based travel, you can. But I’m trying to make it…you’re not here anyway, Scooter. So, they were successful ‘cause they were popular. People never said that; they said oh boy, it’s…I’ll do that. Now, you might say why were they popular, Stan? I would say well, they were exciting…’cause you say well, were they…did they have nice seats? Yes, but most did. Did they have good airflow or temperature control? Yeah, but these ones were enjoyable, and part of it was that these beings, as opposed to other transit-based beings, it was part of their mythology. Oh, like for example, let’s build this bridge. It’s gotta go over that, then it’s gotta go around that, or oh, should we go over this mountain, under it, through it?
But that was a chance to teach myths in a slight way, but also…it’s really hard to explain, pen pal. I don’t know, I don’t want to take all day because I’m trying to get some answers here, and it’s not going good. But so, they would do the best stuff in the universe, I guess was the thing. There was other people that did transit; there were other beings, there were other planets or systems and means of doing so, but this was the best and one of the most balanced, though there were other ones. You say well, why…and this is what happened, is large portions of the universe said why your solutions? But at the same time, they stopped…it’s hard to say what happened first, pen pal.
That’s one of the things everybody’s disagreeing about, ‘cause what’s happened is the universe has come back and said to this planet, we need some transit-based solutions now, and they are occupied with a large job they’ve been doing for a long time, before I got here, apparently, and they say they’re occupied and they don’t want to do any other jobs. Now, I don’t know if that’s what caused the universes to take on other transit. You know what I’m saying, pen pal? But here’s the thing you should know, is not only is it hard to travel through space; that’s obvious. It takes a lot of resources. That probably is somewhat obvious, but obviously people said well, what if we did this and try…fuse that and separate that? You’d say well, why is this planet successful because it’s part of its organic evolution or whatever?
Why is space…long-term space travel successful because it’s natural…somewhat natural and organic and a part of a growth process? But then there was people…and they said well, if we just do this and this, we can make a shortcut. They said but two things would come of that that the universe didn’t like. Again, maybe say Stan, this isn’t how a sentient soda machine would talk. I say well, I’m trying to get to the point and trying to play as Scooter, because I need Scooter’s help. But if you were creating wasteful space travel, you would either run out of resources, not be able to get there; it would take too long, or as some of these universes and planets discovered, you could bend the resources. But those were two things that would result in that. Basically pollution, but not a sort of passive pollution.
Chaos streams, which this one system would leave in its wake…we’ll call that chaos stream-based…I don’t know. This one form of travel would leave streams of chaos in the universe. If you encountered that stream of chaos, it would cause chaos. If it drifted into your system, it would cause chaos. Like, kind of like a concentrated stream of chaos. But also, and lo and behold, if it came into contact, there was also USPs, they’re called; unexpected space problems. That was more common, where you’d go oh, well, we’ll just bend the lightspeed…times space, universe multiverse thing. You’d say yeah, when you do that, every time you shoot off, you leave…the USP appears, unexpected space problem.
I don’t know if that’s where…I don’t want to get into the history of the universe, pen pal, but let’s just say…oh, remember we had that space whale? Now, I’m not saying that’s how a space whale appeared that ate metal or whatever it did, or salvaged metal, maybe, but you could say that something like that, very large and not friendly, even though that whale was friendly, that could be considered a US…unexpected space problem. I think I’m making sense, pen pal. I don’t feel like it, though. So, I try…so, I was here and then the universe said we need your help. I said why are you…what? I don’t even know what you’re…and then they filled me in and they said you’re a spokesperson; please get ahold…I said well, I’m not their spokesperson. They said well, you’re our intermediary.
So, I tried talking nice, then I thought I was negotiating, so I was trying to get more…you know, be like okay, well, they’re offering a very fair price. I got them to raise their thing. Then I tried…they said no, we’re working on this problem. I said well, tell me about the problem, the project. They said well, we’re just testing the systems now. I said well, how long have you been testing it? They said we’re testing the systems now. From everything the universe told me, this one is nothing like it. It’s just this large plane. It’s very smooth, and they have transit going over this plane. It’s kinda glassy, very…not a lot of friction, not a lot of obstacles. Kinda boring, but very large on a universe scale; not on a planetary scale. This planet is bigger than probably people like Scooter’s brains could process, but large.
So, all the beings of this planet, all their resources are being poured into basically going around this planet on these vehicles, trains, rails; we’ll just say rail-based beings. I guess if Scooter was saying it, he’d say Tommy the Train Car or whatever. But what if they were just running…well, okay. It’s almost like they…they’re watching…they are model trains watching themselves as model trains, but thinking they’re trains in transit, or saying okay, let’s just watch this train go again. It doesn’t seem…I don’t know, pen pal. So, then I tried to help; I said well, what else do you have to do to test it? I seem to have some very strong nano-powers and other powers. At first they had me, pen pal. I was a little naive. They said well, how about a nice tunnel here? Oh, how about…? And I said, is this a model train?
This is not a model train. They said, what’s a model train? I said okay…that’s when I realized they were asking me for endless stuff, but it wasn’t to finish the job. ‘Cause they said okay, well, now we need to do, whatever, one billion hours of testing with this new tunnel you helped us build. So, then I was converting…communicating with the rest of the universe and trying to get more information, and I’m frustrated ‘cause Scooter’s not here, so I don’t have anyone to talk to other than the teams I’m dealing with, so I’m not at my best, pen pal. So, then I told the rail-based beings, this is your purpose. Don’t you know that in the history of the world you…and then they said yeah, it’s…we were, and then we got replaced by cheap and easy and…fast, cheap, and easy.
But it worked out because we got this job, and this job seems…may go on forever, like you said, Stan, but that’s a good thing. Maybe this job won't be complete while we’re…maybe it’s for the next generation of rail-based beings. I said, it seems like this job is complete, and the job doesn’t even make any sense and you don’t even have a client you could put me in contact with that…and they said yeah, we know that this job…when it’s done, the client will come and implement it. They said you’re not a rail…they don’t use this language, but they said you’re not a rail-based being, so you don’t get what it’s like to be a rail-based being and you don’t know anything about our clients. I said well, you’re…you got me there.
Alls I know is in the history of the world, you’re pretty important and you had an important purpose, to solve problems, to subtley in a subtextual way teach myth and to do something that everyone enjoyed. I was thinking about that; you’re going across space and you get to enjoy the journey, and on some lower level, you’re learning something about overcoming obstacles. I said, that’s a pretty great purpose to serve. Now you’re just puttering around and not doing anything. They started to ignore me, pen pal, so then I made a list of all the pros and cons. I said wow, there’s a lot of pros here; helping the uni…and I said there’s a lot of cons; you’re not doing anything. Maybe you’re be…and then, pen pal, I started to get more and more irritable and unhappy and raising my voice.
I said you…I told them they should or must, ‘cause also, by the way, the other…the universe got…most of the universe said we can’t keep dealing with these USPs and chaos streams. We need a sustainable way to make interstellar travel. Sorry, pen pal, I’m trying to put a lot of this in terms Scooter will understand in case Scooter’s listening to this and he hurries up and gets here, because now everyone is ignoring me because I said this is what you should and must do at this planet. Then the outside planets said if you can’t handle this, Stan, maybe they’ll understand better if we send some USPs your way. ‘Cause they said if we don’t get this under control, we need help. Maybe some uni…unexpected space problems will open their eyes.
So, I don’t even know what to expect, pen pal, other than…’cause I don’t think it’ll be a nice whale like Spudgy the Whale was. So, they’re sending unexpected space problems and maybe even a chaos stream here to show the people here that they should be making transit out there and not making it here. So, I don’t know, Scooter. I don’t want to deal with any USPs, is what I’m saying. So, if you could wake up, Scooter…I don’t want to deal with any USPs. No…yeah, Stan. No, no, I know…I…Stan, I totally relate. There’s no reason for you to have a USB port though, because as long…for charging, for charging stuff; you’re right. What a dream. Because then what it would…what if they change it again? It would just have a plug, yeah. Oh, sorry. Sorry, Sisters; I’ll be right there. I was just having a dream about Stan.
Well, hey, Sisters. Hey, what’s that smell? It smells like…wait a second, are those aquariums with gerbils in there? Oh, sorry, Sister. Yeah, I’m trying to focus. I was just distracted by the cuteness of all these gerbils. Oh, those are not pets. Okay. Those are working…how long have you had gerbils onboard? Always? Oh boy. I don’t think…okay, so these are working gerbils. They’re not pets; okay, don’t worry. I know from my childhood not to handle any of them, and…’cause then they’ll run around. So, I would just enjoy them by looking at them, and I really…but oh, I’m not supposed to enjoy looking at them. Okay, Sister. They don’t look like…oh, ‘cause they’re not working. Okay, so these are gerbil…working gerbils that are not working. Okay. So that’s the problem, is…? Okay.
Oh, they’re supposed to be…during a portion of their day, they’re supposed to run on those things? Okay, and that runs some sort of essential operation? Oh, for the ship’s navigation. Okay, interesting. Woo boy, I didn’t know…no wonder I…no wonder I’m not a swash-buckling space adventurer. Didn’t know gerbils were required. I had trouble saying that, Sisters; gerbils are require…gerbils were required. Gerbils not required; that would not be the story here. Gerbils are required to work a reasonable workday. That’s what you’re saying, right? Oh, what am I doing? Well, you know, when I had gerbils as a kid, one thing we would do is give them toilet paper and paper towel tubes, and I know we have some great storage here, so I’m just giving them some tubes, paper tubes. How will that make them work?
Well, I just thought it’d be…see, they like…they chew on them and then sometime…some go through the tubes. So, I don’t know, I thought maybe that would keep them entertained. But yeah, they don’t seem like they’re interested in going on the treadmills or whatever they’re called, the hamster wheels. Are you sure these are…are these gerbil wheels or hamster wheels, Sister? Small pet wheels. Oh boy, they got me, ‘cause I said if they’re gerbil wheels, then we got a problem. If they’re hamster wheels, we know what the problem is. I know they’re probably the same wheel, Sister. It would just be a matter of changing the label on the wheel, but that’s not the case, ‘cause these are space-based wheels or something, huh?
Okay, so the toilet paper rolls did not work, paper towel rolls did not work, and the idea that the…you preempted my idea that the wheels were mislabeled or misidentified. I’m just speaking on behalf of the gerbils. They said, I thought you hired me to run on a gerbil wheel, not in a hamster wheel. That’s…might be…or one of those balls from the…those are only in the movies, though. I know, Sister. But yeah, I mean in the movies, you see them running around in those balls. But yeah, this is a wheel…I mean, I know from my childhood they do like these wheels, so it’s not hopeless. What I’m thinking as I’m looking here, Sisters, is…so, you have a couple different homes for the gerbils, right, and you have a few different gerbils you’ve hired, I guess? Or whatever. Do you do…?
Oh, you get it through…okay, well…are these temp gerbils or are these…? They’re always gerbils. Always…but they’re not always working, right? So, here’s the idea, Sister…Sisters, sorry. I didn’t realize you were all invested in this gerbil thing. No, I’m trying to help you. I’m your crew member. Sister, you’re right. I was just proposing an idea. So, do you have any other…? Oh, here’s an idea; what if I…do you have a…? I could run on a treadmill next to it. Okay. Yeah, that’s not working. You always have stuff right when I need it, but yeah, they don’t seem to be following me on this treadmill. Hold on, Sisters; let me look like I’m having fun. Oh boy, am I. If this had a TV…yeah. Oh boy, this is great, huh, Sisters? Look at me go. Maybe if you were cheering for me, that would…no, you’re not gonna…? Okay.
So, treadmill didn’t work either, huh, Sisters? Okay, my other idea…but that treadmill was a good one. I know that I didn’t think of it on my own, ‘cause I saw you moving it in here. That’s why I brought it up. But so, I was thinking…is the other thing we could do, Sisters, is if we…I was gonna say if you have one more gerbil home or aquarium…that isn’t an aquarium; I know, I know. Do you have any of those gerbil tubes? You know what I’m saying? I never owned any of them. You do; okay. So, what I could do is what if we set up a…this one…this aquarium’s bigger than the other ones. Now, all the gerbils live in the…’cause they have their beds and their food and their water. What if we have a workplace that they commute to, right? Maybe you…I don’t know, maybe you use some rewards, tricks, or treats, type thing.
I guess no tricks. But different gerbils commute at different times, ‘cause I know we gotta keep them…some of them separate. See? So yeah, we’ll just connect these tubes here, get it set up. I think this is gonna work, Sisters. You seem like you think so, too. Yeah, see? Oh, but they don’t want to go in the tubes, huh? Yeah, ‘cause they’ve never been in them before. Maybe they don’t…I always wondered how they would know to go in them, because I never had…I had gerbils but no gerbil tubes. Or whatever they’re called, Gerbil Playland? So, okay. Let me think on this, Sisters. Well, you know what I could do, is…yeah, I know…I noticed you had some…from those large rolls of paper, like a giant paper…so, I could climb through this paper towel, this giant…it’s not a paper towel tube, but for a giant roll of paper, it is.
So, I’ll show them by climbing through this tube. Also, I’m hoping when I climb through this tube, I’ll come out…oh, hey Stan, it’s me. Scooter, where you been? Well, it’s good to be here, Stan. I heard…I kinda was listening…as I was climbing through a tube, I heard you’re having some trouble here? Scooter, I’m having more than trouble. There’s USBs on their way. Unexpected space problems, right, Stan? Correct, Scooter, and we have this planet full of transit-based beings, and they don’t want to do anything other than just build these models, Scooter. They just drive…basically they’re just watching a train go around the track and they are the train at the same time. Okay, Stan.
So, they’re just watching the…they’re just making the trains…so, the universal space problem…unexpected space problems are coming here. We don’t know what they are ‘cause they’re unexpected. The universe obviously needs us to help…to get them, to help them. Scooter, right. I already knew all that. Okay, I’m just thinking. So, you were trying to help them, and then they just kept asking you for stuff, almost like you had…they had a model train set and you had an unlimited budget. Scooter, that’s kinda what it was. They were looking to add on, but then they…every time we added something on, they would be like okay, we gotta keep testing now. Okay, so, I don’t know if you…you won't remember this, Stan, but we…you were trying to do trick-or-treat before. Scooter, I don’t know what you’re talking about.
I’ve been waiting for you to get here to help me. No, but you…so, I was thinking if trick-or-treating…Scooter…oh, Scooter, are you thinking that we should add challenges…instead of just giving them what you…what they want, we should start doing unexpected rail-based…RS…we should create problems on their train tracks, like tricks. The problem is, Scooter, that they don’t seem to be engaged at all. Okay Stan, so here’s the thing; so, this…they’re doing it out on that big, glassy plane, right? Scooter, correct. And that’s not really working. There’s something about the glassy plane, I think. Scooter, that’s…their client is the glassy plane, or from a glassy plane-based universe. I don’t know, Stan. I don’t know if you’ve ever…remember…I can remember this analogy about something giving me bad vibes or something.
Scooter, you’re giving me bad vibes because I can see on my…Scooter, I actually have…the USBs are coming. Okay, but…okay, so, can you…Stan, I guess I’m stuck with ideas. I’m having trouble coming up with an idea, because it seems like they’re just cruising around on this plane of delusion. So, even if we put a obstacle on the tracks or whatever, or proverbial tracks, they would still be going around it on the delusion. Okay, Scooter. Oh, Scooter, I see what you’re saying, is…or maybe you’re not saying it, is we have to get…do a way to get them…some of the…isolated from the delusion without them knowing it, or the delusion knowing it. So, it’s almost like we have to build a level of train above or below the delusion, which is…Scooter, that’s easy.
I didn’t even think of it, and actually, Scooter, did you know you’re in a giant paper tube with your arms just…and your head and your legs sticking out? It looks like you’re wearing a tube as an outfit. Well, I was, Stan, but…kind of like a costume, I guess. Okay, Scooter, well, now is not the time to be dressing up in a costume. Really, it’s not good for problem-solving. But it is, actually. So, I can do a…I can do…I can use my nanos and some of my powers…Scooter, I have these weird powers. I know, Stan. But I could create stuff over and away from the delusion and under and through it. Okay Stan, and I think as you trail away from it…oh, Scooter, great idea, because I can take the delusion, we can tunnel through it, and we can slowly dilute the delusion so the delusion and the rail-based beings don’t catch onto what we’re doing.
Okay, Stan. Then I think what you need to do is prepare…is there a part of the planet that isn’t covered in this? Oh, Scooter, the planet’s huge. Okay, and how are the unexpected space problems? Are they being launched here? Scooter, they are. It’s not really…I think…honestly, now that I’m thinking about it, I don’t think they’re gonna send the worst…they still want us to help them, right? Right, so I think in some sense we can use those unexpected space problems, so if we can guide it towards a landing zone…oh, Scooter, you’re right. I see what you’re saying. This is like a slow awakening of this planet. Sure, yeah, that’s totally what I meant, Stan. Okay, Scooter, so I’m slowly creating tunnel…and I don’t even think they’re gonna notice it’s part of…they’re saying oh, there’s a new layout.
Okay, I’m watching them, Scooter. Luckily, Scooter, this is happening on a different time…this is easy for us to watch even though it’s not happening on the same timeframe as us. Stan, I wouldn’t understand. Oh, don’t worry, Scooter. Okay, and now they’re headed out towards the…so, the delusion is lowering and lowering and lowering, but I’m gonna keep it going until we get to the landing zone. The first unexpected space…oh, Scooter, it’s a seemingly bottomless pit. Okay, so this…that’s a good one. I’m gonna put it right where the train…where the tracks would go. Don’t you think they would just…oh, they’re not building a bridge over it. No, Scooter, they’re gonna use the seemingly bottomless pit for energy…oh, wow, I didn’t even think about that.
If it’s seemingly bottomless…Scooter, it’s gonna generate…they’re gonna use it to generate power. I don’t even know how…if…Scooter, don’t worry about it. They’re working on it, so…and they work very fast, to us. Scooter, are you sensing…do you feel metaphors about bottomless pits now? I’m feeling like if I was riding that train, I would have a better sense of comfort around the idea of bottomless pits. Right, Scooter, because they’re working a problem where the bottomless pit is part of the solution and the obstacle at the same time. Okay Stan, here comes the next unexpected space problem. What is it? Scooter, this one…huh, interesting. What’s interesting about it? Scooter, it’s just a area where things don’t smell good. What do you mean? It’s just…it’s a large area. It’s a unexpected space problem.
You don’t want to be there ‘cause it doesn’t smell good. Is it like, not good for you? No, it just doesn’t smell good. You get the sense you don’t want to be there. Okay, and it’s in the way of…Scooter, yeah, it’s in the way of the…it’s in the path of the train, so they’re gonna have to probably problem-solve it in some way. Stan, what are they doing? Well Scooter, it looks like they’re using different techniques. One is encouraging people to get up and move around, which creates its own energy, like the passengers on the transits. Oh, and then another thing they’re doing, Scooter, is using it as a opportunity…again, they come up with all these ideas, Scooter.
I didn’t even know…so, another way they’re gonna generate energy is by using people…because the…this area’s so large of this intense smell, it also means that people’s sensitivity to other smells is increased, and they can use that to somehow…they can use that to influence people’s behavior, which influences org…it’s complicated, Scooter. So, they’re gonna use the bad smells to help people organize the good smells? Close enough, Scooter, yeah. Okay Stan, which one’s next? Oh, Scooter, this one…oh boy, this is…I don’t know what this…this is a big mirror. Okay, it’s not a mirror, though. Okay, it’s something…seems to be some sort of…what is that, a giant walking mirror-based…that’s a mirror-based being, Scooter. Okay, that’s a unexpected space problem. Yeah, Scooter.
It’s like a…I guess you’d describe it as a demi-god, probably, you would. What is the giant mirror…so, it’s a…it’s a mirrory, giant being, Scooter. Very large. I guess you could see it; you could see a reflect…you can’t…we’re not close enough to see our reflections. Oh boy, Scooter, this is not going well. They’ve stopped and I’m communicating with them, and they’re realizing that all the time they spent on that plane…they can see the plane now, and it’s behind them. They said oh, well, we forgot the thrill of this…overcoming obstacles and the challenges and that the world needed us. Oh, and they’re apologizing, Scooter. They said they got caught up in this long-term…they thought it was a job, but it was really an escape.
They’re saying that they don’t want it to happen again and that they love making…they’re rail…they said, did you call us rail-based beings? And they’re giggling, Scooter. Why are they giggling, Stan? Oh, because they know that you would have…I came up with it. But they’ve been listening to you, too, so they said he would have come up with that and called us that. But they’re rail…they’re not rail…Scooter, they’re not rail-based beings. It’s impossible to explain, I think, to you. It’s beyond my understanding, Stan. Scooter, you got that one right for sure, but you could call them rail-based beings. They’re fine with that. So, it was…it wasn’t really like a…Scooter…it’s okay, Scooter. We’ll just talk about in in terms we can communicate about.
So, there’s the…they’ve seen themselves in the face of the giant mirror-based being, and that’s a unexpected…now, but in some sense, seeing their reflection and the past reflected in the reflection has made them more invested in the project, which is lessening the power of the unexpected space problem. Oh, even so, Stan, what is a unexpected space problem made out of? Well Scooter, chaos…kind of like a chaos stream. Okay, well, can we…could you…can it communicate with you? Scooter, I think…yeah, I can communicate with our friends here and they can communicate with the giant mirror being. Okay, can you have the mirror being go back towards the plane and reflect the plane towards itself? Scooter, what do you think that’ll do?
I think that’ll cause…if the mirror can reflect the entire plane…have the plane see its reflection…like the shiny mirror plane? But Scooter, it’s a mirrory plane. Right; I think that that’ll cause the plane…oh Scooter, the plane’s breaking…it’s dematerializing, Scooter. Yeah, it’s…that was pure delusion, Stan. Oh wow, Scooter. So, that was a whole plane of delusion? That was what had booked that job of these…planet for the past long time? Yeah. Now it’s slowly and fastly dissipating before our eyes in the reflection of a giant mirror-based being that’s also dissipating. Scooter, that’s exciting. I don’t know…I did get a call though from your rail-based being friends, and they said they’ve invited us…’cause they said they’re getting jobs in now, and one of them is to go over this giant…they’re…it’s not here, but they’re gonna replicate it; a giant mountain.
They said that we can go in the sleeping car, and…do you want to go there? Sure. That’d be a little weird, though. We’re gonna be inside of a rail-based…? Scooter, it’s not like that. So yeah, we’ll get in…see, here’s the sleeping car pulling up for us. Wow, so this is a giant sleeping car. Yeah, and Scooter, it’s gonna show basically that yeah, it’s kinda thrilling to find a way where we could all travel together and overcome obstacles. Stan, I think you’re putting me to…Scooter, I am putting you to sleep, and we’ll just ride here on the rails on these rail-based beings together. We found a way, Scooter, for you to kinda trick-or-treat, and we’ll go off into dreamland. Goodnight. Goodnight, Stan.
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