1107 – Gold Stars and Bugles | Nuns in Space S3E5

Episode 1107 – Gold Stars and Bugles | Nuns in Space S3 E5

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER:    Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for me to think…try to think of something on the fly, and that’s why this podcast exists, is to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff so you could fall asleep.  Normally it’s by silly stuff if I could think of something other than Silly String, but as soon as that pops in my head, you know…so yeah, this podcast exists because you deserve a good night’s sleep, your sleep is important, it’s a little bit different…no, it’s a lot different than most other sleep solutions and anything out there, but give it a few tries, see how it goes, ‘cause it’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that may or may not be able to say the word…starts may or may not with a B, and maybe the podcast that puts you to sleep.

 

INTRO:    [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is turn out the…alls you…do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play, if that’s possible.  Not every room has that flexibility, though I do have…I do have night lights.  Not the kind of night lights little kids have, judgemental, over-masculine brain.  No, I have night lights so I can see…on the floor that turn on so I can find my way to the WC once a night.  But what was I saying?  Turn out the lights and press Play.  I’m gonna do the rest, and what I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could fall asleep, where you could get some rest.

 

Try to create a safe place…oh no, no, and…well, ideally, you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether that’s thoughts on your mind, thing…thoughts about the past, the present, the future.  So thoughts you’re thinking of, thoughts, feelings, anything you’re feeling physically that’s coming up for you, or feelings that are coming up; emotions.  Maybe they’re about the thoughts, maybe they’re about your physical sensations.  Maybe they’re about the past, the present, the future.  Could be changes in time, temperature, routine.  You could be anticipating something or having something coming up.  You could be traveling or visit…whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff so you could fall asleep.

 

What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place so you could do that, and the way I do it is I try to…first I say…you know when someone does the thing with their hands and they say go ahead, check it out on your own, but they actually mean it instead of saying I’ll be…I’ll just be standing over here.  I mean, I will be standing over here talking nonsense, but you could check it out.  I’ve smoothed, I’ve patted, and I’ve rubbed down the safe place.  I’m imagining…what if there was a Picnic Park where…now, this is just an idea.  Again, this might be one of my better ideas.  I just came up with it and it’s barely formed, but what…’cause I’ve come up with Tube Town.  That was a…not a theme park, but something like one of those bouncy house places, but with just inner tubes.  Takin’ on down to Tube Town.

 

I know I came up with a couple other ones like Tube Town, but I can’t remember what they were.  Something with…I don’t know, wasn’t there one where…I don’t know, you crumble up paper or something?  I don’t think I came up with that one, but something like it where you say okay, well, that’s just crumbling paper.  This one would be the picnic…not a park…picnic in a park; this is Picnic Park.  Picnic Park, is that where the people lived in that…was that where…?  I don’t know what that show was with…it was on PBS.  Oh no, that’s…that was a movie, and now I’m thinking of the show that’s similar; Godsford…no, this is Picnic Park.  It’s a park you go for picnics.

 

The best part is…I guess if…especially if you’re the first people there, you get your choice of picnic places, and that’s what I do when I show…I say okay, maybe you…maybe we eliminate…you give us a list of your requests and I say okay, well, we have four picnic areas to choose from that may fit your desire; already set up ready to go.  Then I do that thing with my hands.  Seems like it wouldn’t be a…I’m just being honest; I say well, this kinda feels a little classy because it wouldn’t be…I don’t know if I could be a patron of this invention I just came up with.  So maybe instead, here’s something…well, probably not appropriate for all of us to do except if you’re meeting friends for a picnic.  There you go.  So, let’s put a positive spin on it that’s…costs us nothing.

 

Here’s a thing…and this…talk about a great second or third date, not that I have a lot of…but so, you could do that.  This is the exact example of what I was trying to explain in a concise way that I have unable…been unable to do.  But okay, let’s say you’re either meeting a romantic partner, a third or a fourth date, or a group of friends or family for a picnic in a park.  Now in your head, you say oh, we’re going to Picnic Park.  You say…then you could…if you get there first, you say welcome to Picnic Park; I’ve scouted out a few locations for our picnic and I’d like to present them to you.  You could present them.  You just do that with your hands; you say this is a…what are those things called?  A picnic table here.  It’s got this walnut tree, but this is option one, Walnut Grove, even though there’s only one tree.

 

Then you go over here; this is…this I call patchy grass.  It’s a patchy area with some grass and some patches.  This is over…it’s a distance away from that kid’s playground, but it’s…has an overlook of a…a noisy playground overlook, I call this area.  But the key is, each time you do that thing with your hands where you’re presenting it in a non-threatening way where you say check it out and let me know…oh, let’s go to option four…I haven’t thought…I never thought of any of them.  Option four is super shady, but I’m not 100…so, tough to tell the temperature between the…but you could…we could easily scoot the…Shady or not Shady Grove; it’s…this is our most flexible area because it’s…we can put it in the shade or we can move it.

 

Also, it’s…I’m told the sun moves during…throughout the day, and so we’ll have to be aware of that, the sun moving, Shady Grove.  Or not Shady Grove…you…choose your own adventure of shady groves.  That’s our fourth spot.  What do you all think?  But you just do that thing with your hands every time.  That’s what I do with my safe place after I smooth it, I pat it, I rub it down.  I do that, then I send it across the deep, dark night.  I use these lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, and superfluous tangents.  Just went on a few.  That’s where I get mixed up, I go off-topic, I talk about something when I’m supposed to be talking about something else, and then I say wait, what…when was…what was that?  I can’t remember.  Oh anyway, I thought of this.

 

Those are pointless meanders and superfluous tangents, and they’re all here to keep you company while you fall asleep.  That’s a couple…a couple things you need to know about this podcast, or more than a couple, ‘cause I guess a couple symbolizes…a picnic-worth of things you need to know about this podcast; one, this podcast doesn’t really put you to sleep.  I’m here to keep you company while you fall asleep.  I’m here to be your picnic ground presenter, your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-bud, your bore-bestie, your bore-bor, your friend in the deep, dark night, and to talk while you optionally listen.  That’s the other thing.  This is a podcast you don’t need to listen to.  There’s no pressure to fall asleep and no pressure to listen or to pay attention.

 

You could pay attention; I’ll be here to the very end if you can’t sleep or you need a break during the day, but if you don’t feel like listening, you could turn me down or you could just not really listen to me.  You say uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.  Though if you kinda barely listen, that’s when it works best, ‘cause you’re just kinda picturing me walking around picnic grounds.  You say okay, that’s barely engaging.  That’s a barely engaging thought you’re presenting to me, and I could kinda be barely engaged with it, and that’s the idea.  Then I keep you distracted and you drift off to sleep.  I keep you company, it feels less alone in the deep, dark night.  The reason I make the show is twofold; one, I think I said it earlier — you deserve a good night’s sleep.

 

You deserve a place you could rest, you deserve a bedtime you don’t dread, that you could look forward to or feel at least neutral about, and if I could provide that for you, that’s important to me because you deserve a good night’s sleep and your life will be better.  If you start getting the sleep you need, your life will be more manageable and the world you live in will be a better place.  That makes our whole world a better place.  That’s a pretty nice thing.  But I also make the show because I can relate…tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep.  Still dealing with that trouble staying asleep.  This week it’s dream related, and not always bad dreams.  Two nights ago it was one of those dreams, you know what I’m saying, that starts with an N and ends with a…name of a young horse.

 

No, sorry to confuse you.  Mare was the…I don’t know.  Maybe it’s the female horse?  I don’t know anything about horse definitions.  But last night it was more…it was weird.  I was trying to find somebody in a New England vacation area, but there was like four different nearly-identical hotels, and I didn’t know…I was under the impression…someone said hey, can you drop these kids off at this room?  It was…had a C at the end, so it was like 44C, but it had four numbers.  There was bunk beds, and I didn’t know who I was dropping these kids off to.  They weren’t babies; they were like, I don’t know, a pre-teen and a…whatever, elementary-type age kid.  The first place…and it was like…it wasn’t early in the morning, but we woke some people up and I said, these are your kids.  Go ahead.

 

They said…the person was like, what?  Why are you waking us up?  You open the door and it was…so, it wasn’t a…it was a hotel but it wasn’t, and it was fancy, but there was bunk beds, and that was the only thing in the rooms.  Anyway, enough about me.  But yeah, then I said well, this is…isn’t this room 4414C?  They said yeah, in this…but these hotels were all interrelated.  Confusing stuff.  But it wasn’t one of those dreams that resolved as soon as I went back…I woke up; I said well, that’s frustrating.  My dream state said well, I think you could go…we could go for a little more frustration once you fall back asleep.  One of those repetitive cycling dreams.  A dream come true.

 

But whatever’s…oh, ‘cause…so, I can relate to not being able to sleep or not being able to fall asleep or not being able to stay asleep, and I know how it feels.  So, that’s why I make the show.  Now, a couple things to know in addition to those two things; this podcast does not work for everybody, but it almost works for no one on the first try.  I mean, I do hear from people it works for on the first try and that’s great, but I think the people that are the most dedicated, involved listeners and that do the most for the show, they found the show hard to get into at first ‘cause it’s so different.  It took a few tries ‘til they realized oh, he’s serious when he says just kinda barely listen, but he’ll talk the whole time and he’s barely trying to engage us.  It’s just not something that comes natural to anyone but me.

 

So, putting the car in neutral, but no one is gonna go somewhere without you driving; that’s tough to get used to.  So, it does take some…a couple times.  I’m also not everybody’s cup of tea, so if you already loathe me, that’s understandable.  If you could give it a few tries, just give it a few tries, ‘cause I’m not kidding when I say hundreds and hundreds of thousands of people have said I didn’t like the show and then oh, I listened two more times or I came back after a year.  They support the show.  So give it a few tries and see how it goes for your benefit, but if you already beyond loathe me…you’re probably already not listening, but just in case you are, sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou has other sleepy audio on there and sleep podcasts you could check out, because you still deserve a good night’s sleep whether you like me or not.  That’s totally okay.

 

I’m not everybody’s…that’s just…not everybody is…wants to barely listen to a man ramble about imaginary picnic grounds, believe it or not.  The fans of the show are like, what?  Really?  There’s people out there that don’t want to listen to you imaginarily present one idea, then try to remember another idea, then go to a new idea where you’re walking around, opening your hands, and showing off picnic grounds that are…that you’re making…you’re imagining that you’re imagining making up names for on those imaginary dates I go on.  That’s not a…believe it or not, not everybody’s into that, and that’s okay.  Most people, the first time, they say this is supposed to put me to sleep?  Really?  I’d say, kind…well, this is a podcast that doesn’t put you to sleep; it keeps you company while you drift off.

 

I’m more here to be your friend, like I said.  So, those are a few things.  The other thing that really throws people off, understandably, but it’s based around the goals around the show, is the structure of the podcast.  The goal of the show is to help as many people as it can that it’s gonna work for, and to be as flexible as it can be.  So, the show starts off with a greeting.  The purpose of that is so you feel seen and welcome.  You say oh, just like I said, I might check this out.  Just like that picnic ground, you say oh, well, I could see that.  I think I will check out this patchy grass, ‘cause we got blankets.  I’m feeling it.  I mean, I’m feeling…not feeling the patchy grass, but being in the patchy grass…but having something between my A double-S and the patchy grass…so yeah, let’s check it out.

 

So, that’s kinda this…I don’t know, what was…oh, so the structure of the show.  So, that’s the greeting.  Then there’s support, and that’s because the podcast comes out for free twice a week versus only being subscription only or whatever.  The sponsors and the listeners who support us enable us to do that for anybody that…so paying for it’s optional.  That’s really…gives us great flexibility, and that there can be tons of variety of styles of episodes in our podcast feeds, whatever podcast app you’re using.  So as you become a regular listener, you say well, I prefer this style episode or I prefer to set a sleep timer, whatever it is.  So, that’s the sponsor support and the listener support, then there’s support for listeners like you and for communities around the show.

 

Then there’s the intro, and for some people…for some reason, people that really loathe the podcast or the concept that it takes a lot of hard work to make the show, and that has…in order for it to be free, that stuff has to happen, they lump the support in with the intro, which goes from about…I don’t know, minute six or minute eight to minute twenty, and it’s where I try to introduce the podcast, but it takes me forever.  You’ve been here the whole time, right?  A lot of people will wonder, is that self-congratulatory or what, but it’s really meant to introduce the new person to the podcast but also to give you some space to fall asleep in, to ease you into bedtime, ‘cause that’s what everything shows, is having a bedtime routine, having a wind-down really does work.

 

So for most listeners, they’re either getting ready for bed or they’re in bed getting comfortable or doing some other activity, and that’s what the…I don’t know, that’s what the intro’s…the purpose the intro serves.  There’s a small percentage of people that skip the intro, there’s a percentage of people that fall asleep during the intro, there’s people that listen to only intros and only stories on Patreon or via subscription.  So just kinda see how it goes at first, but the intro is really kinda the twilight period, and you could fall asleep during it, but for most people it’s like a lowering of the volume of the day, some distance.  Then there’s more support for the show so, again, it can be free…a couple hundred episodes or more than a couple hundred episodes in the archives for free.  Then there’s our story.

 

Tonight will be a episodically modular story, Nuns in Space, and then there’s some thank-yous at the end.  So, that’s the structure of the show, that’s why I make the show.  I’m really glad you’re here.  I work really hard, I yearn and I strive.  I really hope I can help you fall asleep.  Thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple of ways I’m able to do it for you for free twice a week.

 

Alright everybody, it is time for our episodically modular series, Nuns in Space.  It’s a new series…it’s not a new series.  That’s what my brain just said.  I just didn’t know what to say there.  I apologize.  My brain went blank on me.  Nuns in Space is a episodically modular series with just a hint of seriality.  It takes place in space.  There’s actually…the nuns are tertiary characters.  No, not to…they do play a role, or they are…they do exist in the series, but that’s more of the title.  The main characters are Stan, a freestyle soda machine and so much more, a being whose physical form just happens to be a freestyle soda machine.  Not from one of those switcheroo movies like Big or whatever, or a soda machine.  Oh yeah, that one we’ve…I Was A Teenage Soda Machine.

 

That was one of the spec scripts I never wrote, but I would if I lived in the 1950s and they had free…if they had freestyle soda machines…you say, you took a time machine and you went back to the 1950s and you set up a freestyle soda machine and it still didn’t work out for you, huh?  My therapist would probably say that, ‘cause I say yeah, it turns out a soda fountain…you can’t customize it as much, but people didn’t even know…they said, I don’t want to drink Powerade.  That sounds like battery juice or something.  I said but yeah, you can put cherry vanilla into blueberry Powerade.  They said, that doesn’t make any sense.  Then also, I didn’t have any of the…I didn’t bring any extracts with me.  They said, why are you dressed like someone…?

 

They still had…it turns out, they said you’re dressed too casual to be in this soda shop.  Oh, I was trying to introduce a sleep…the Sleep With Me series here.  Oh, a freestyle soda machine; that’s Stan.  Stan’s sidekick and best friend is Scooter, and the basic thing of the series is Stan…takes place in outer space.  Stan is…at some point…the procedural, we’ll say, Stan is…Stan’s mind or memory gets wiped every episode, but Stan wakens on a planet or comes to realization on a planet where there’s something going on that Stan has to fix.  That’s the procedure.  Oh, I don’t…how’d I get here?  Oh, there’s something going on on this planet that’s not right.  Let me try to fix it.  But Stan’s used to having his sidekick Scooter with him and Scooter’s not there, so that kinda makes it harder.

 

Even though a sidekick isn’t a primary problem solver, a PP…primary problem…PPS, as we say in the problem solving business that I’m not in, but…Problem Solvers United banned me from using their name.  Problem…the Society of Problem Solvers.  They said we’ve solved our problem of…we’ve banned you from our meetings.  I say, but they’re imaginary and they only take place in my mind.  They say no, they only take place in your imagination.  Yes, we’ve asked you not to come to our meetings.  Then I said wait a second, there’s a Society of Problem Solvers problem solving in my imagination and I’m not invited?  I gotta go now.  Then they said we’ve canceled all meetings and all problem solving.  They said we’re in…we’ll…they leaned into it; they said by…we’re solving things by helping you and your problem creation business.

 

I said terrific, that’s just what I need.  So…oh, so Stan could use Stan’s sidekick Scooter to solve the problem, but Scooter’s not there because Scooter’s on the…a spaceship with the nuns from his childhood.  Those are the nuns in space.  They’re flying through space.  They’re in command of a spaceship on a mission.  None of that we know; where they’re going or why, but Scooter is their only crew member and he has to help the nuns, not because he wants to or he feels obligated to or because he says you know what?  I’m here to be of service.  No, Scooter’s memory has not been wiped, so Scooter knows that he has to do whatever the nuns say to help them in order to get to Stan to help Stan.  A lot of this is beyond our…some of this…Stan has powers that may be cosmic, may be demigod-like.  We don’t know.

 

It doesn’t really make sense why Scooter would solve one of the nuns’ problems and then somehow portal and end up with Stan, but sensibility is not…that’s for a Jane Austen book, not for a Sleep With Me podcast.  Sensibility is not my specialty.  In fact, the Society of Sensibility also…they said let’s just…they gave up years ago.  The problem solvers, they stuck around.  They said we thought we’d be able to solve some of your problems.  I said no, the sense…Society of Sensibility?  I think that was six months old, they said.  Oh boy, we could see what’s coming.  So, that’s how I make a senseless show.  They say how’s…how do you get Sleep With Me so nonsensical?  I say there’s not a bone of…there’s not a bone in my body that has a touch of sensibility to it.

 

Then the person said actually, I’d just like you to know that bones don’t actually have anything to do with sensibility.  I said thanks, point-of-order brain.  I’m trying to introduce a sleep podcast, also trying to buy time for our Hollywood announcer who’s here; drives all the way from Los Angeles in one trip, because I say don’t…except for stopping for a restroom and doing whatever stuff…so maybe not one trip, but I like to say it that way.  Mr. Antonio Banderas.  Thank you.  The ladies, the gentlemen, the boys, the girls, the friends beyond the binary, it’s time to get spacey with Nuns in Space.  Space swoosh.  Thank you.  Today was one trip, Scooter, so I could be here on time to help everyone to sleep.  Thanks, Antonio.  That’s Mr…that’s a volunteer role that Antonio fills.

 

I don’t want to speak for Antonio except to say something similar where he said of all the people in Hollywood I’ve worked with over the years, you offer the most challenges.  Then he laughed in that…with his way of…where his laugh makes you feel good.  He patted me on the back and he said my problems…what did he say?  My personal growth opportunities are in abundance here.  Then he hugged me.  That’s what’s so wild about him; he was great…he’s grateful.  So, ‘cause I get a lot of e-mails, like how can you put Antonio Banderas through this?  Oh, this is a testament to Antonio’s character, but it’s also besmirching your own.  I say oh no, no, no, you have it all wrong.  Antonio’s graciousness comes from my ability to create situations where he has to be gracious.  He stays…I keep him in practice.  It’s natural.

 

It’s unplanned, but it all worked out cosmic…you talk about comic things.  I would…I expect letters from all of…anyone that…they say wow, I wondered why…it was a total accident why I spilled that coffee on his shoes.  It was cold coffee…it was cold brew; don’t worry.  He just…it was like…it was the greatest moment of my life.  I never felt more seen, just having a accident with Antonio Banderas, and I wondered how he got that way.  It should be reassuring to all of us that that’s possible, right?  It’s not just natural.  I’m sure there’s some naturalness to it, but really, he was willing to grow.  One of the growth opportunities he has every single week is when he drives up here to help record the show.  So I just wanted to point…Antonio…Scooter, thank you for…I’m grateful for our friendship and the challenges it brings me.  Friendship; yeah.  Thanks.  That’s Antonio Banderas, this is Nuns in Space, everybody.

 

Oh, hey pen pal, it’s me, Stan, and I’m here in darkness, pen pal, but I’ve been in total darkness, so that’s why you didn’t hear from me.  It reminds me…Scooter used to say that he would…when he stays at a hotel…now he said now that he doesn’t drink anymore, pen pal, it still happens, but not as often.  But he used to tell me this; he would…when he stayed at a hotel, he liked everything to be dark, including the bathroom, and that he wouldn’t turn on the bathroom light in the hotel, but sometimes he would be…he would close the door behind him and then he would do his business.  Pen pal, I’m assuming you don’t want to share…you wouldn’t want to share your hotel room with him back then.

 

But then he would forget…he may have…he may…he would lose himself and then he wouldn’t know where…he would be in total darkness in a bathroom, not knowing he was in a bathroom in total darkness.  Then he wouldn’t be able to find his way out always.  He says it still happens occasionally, but…well not anymore, pen pal, ‘cause he brings a motion-activated nightlight with him so that he can…doesn’t have to turn on the bathroom light.  But some hotels have that figured out as well, pen pal.  So, that’s…my situation was similar to that.  So what happened, pen pal, is that I became aware that I was in total darkness, and also I was like, how long have I been…?  Just like Scooter; I said, how long have I been here in total darkness?  Was I resting?  I don’t remember how I got…where am I?  I didn’t even know I was in total darkness.

 

I thought I had to do…run some…run to make sure.  Okay, pen pal, so then I realized oh no, I’m in total darkness.  At first I said where am I, right?  I tried to scan the area, and that took a while ‘cause I didn’t know where…I knew I was on a planet with gravity ‘cause I was…but it was not…those details aren’t important, pen pal.  Eventually I scanned this planet I was on and pen pal, you wouldn’t believe this; I don’t know if I’ve seen this in a movie before, but the planet is like…is it a horn of plenty or a cornucopia where you say I don’t know what those are?  I say well, it’s similar to an organic funnel, is this planet, and I was on the inside…the deep inside of the funnel, or a cone would be another example.  A funnel’s like a cone.  But if you look at it from the outside, as eventually I did, it looks more like a horn of plenty.

 

I don’t know what…I think those are called cornucopias, but just the wicker part.  The sun…so, we were facing away from the sun that this planet orbits.  Now, eventually the planet…you say…again, a lot of people assume all planets are round.  Incorrect, at least in this situation.  Does this planet have an axis it rotates on?  It does, but it rotates…but so, eventually the cornucopia…so, I was on the inside of the corn…I was one of the plenty, you know?  I was in the horn of plenty.  I’ll tell you, there was only one thing and there was plenty of it in here, pen pal; in the darkness was noise.  There was so much noise.  Eventually we turned towards the sun enough that the day started.  Now, I was deep down there, but it still lit up a little bit.  It was still dark, but I eventually made my way towards the outer edges of the planet.

 

You could think of it on a micro scale, pen pal.  It might be easier, even though it’s a pretty big planet.  If you just think of it as a small horn of plenty…whatever, not to scale.  It might be easier to…so, I got there, saw the sun.  The good thing is it rotates slower, so the days are about…’cause the opening’s not the same as being on a spherical planet.  So, but the other thing was, you know what didn’t change?  The noise.  There was so much noise.  Just noises, noises, noises.  Not just one noise; that’s why I’m saying noises.  Not just like a space echo or some sort of wind.  Oh, and there was…oh, sometimes Scooter asked me stuff that doesn’t seem to relate to anything.  There was bioluminescence, and that’s actually one of the things…luckily I have some ability to be bio-luminescent.

 

Anyway, I was able to get energy…I’m able to get energy, pen pal.  I don’t remember ever this happening, but via…I can get energy from darkness.  I don’t know if that’s what bioluminescence is.  I should know the definition of that, but…okay, so, planet’s really noisy.  Then I realize that not only am I on a planet that’s a funnel or a horn…one of those…a cone-shaped…funnel-shaped, cone-shaped planet, though an organic shape.  So, more like I think a horn in the traditional sense.  But anyway, so then I realize on all…inside the horn…we’re in the horn, though you can go to the edge of the horn.  I have gone to the edge of the horn.  I’ve sent out drones.  The outside of the horn is kinda barren and it does get a lot of asteroid activity, another source of noise, but not the only source.

 

But inside, not only is this planet a cone or a funnel, there’s ones everywhere on the ground.  Very volcanic looking, most of the geography here.  Okay, so there’s a lot of noise, and then I said oh, wait a second, these noises, they’re…it’s be…part of it is that they’re trapped in the cone, maybe, and that’s why it’s so noisy, because there is no hole at the other end.  I went and looked and it’s not…it’s…so, it’s not…saying it’s a funnel is actually inaccurate ‘cause it doesn’t have a funnel hole.  So, it is more of a cone or a horn of plenty.  I don’t think those ones necessarily always have a hole at the end, a cornucopia.  So anyway, I said okay, and then I realized…eventually I said okay, well, what if I could get all the noises into these smaller cones, start separating them?

 

I did that, and…but I don’t know what to do, pen pal, because now all the sounds…I could still hear them.  I got…now it’s…not only is there…right now when I’m recording this, it’s total darkness again, and it’s silent because all the noises…I mean, I can hear the noises kind of, but it’s not so noisy anymore because I got all the noises into these cones across the planet.  Those are also plugged, so the noises are just kinda in there.  If you go up to one…now, if you unplug it, the noise just kinda comes out, right?  But you could go to the larger hole and then kinda listen in like listening to a shell.  But if you open up the more…tighter hole, then the sounds just spill out and they start running around inside of the planet again.

 

But I do have a plan now, because the…when I get close to any of them, they seem to…the noises don’t like being stuck in the cones.  But I said okay, I gotta separate you.  But the thing is, I’m lonely, pen pal.  As always, I don’t know where my best friend and sidekick Scooter is.  I’m stuck on a planet that went from too loud to too…now it’s too quiet, and also…a underlying sense that the noises are unhappy with me.  The planet does suck in new sounds all the time, so then I have to catch those noises, which that passes some time, but then…now there’s darkness.  I say okay Stan, just wait ‘til the next day starts and we’ll rest.  But I do have a plan; I just wanted to tell you my feelings, or if…in case Scooter’s listening to this, that you come and…hurry up, Scooter, and get over here…would be nice, and offer some help, you know?

 

But okay, so the noises are unpleasant…are unhappy, but I figure okay, they want to be sounds.  They’re just noises now.  So, my plan…and I kind of already started doing it, is…’cause pen pal, my…so, I have my nanobots that I use for my arms and my legs, but I seem to have more resources like the bio-luminescent power, and I can think of stuff and then it starts to happen.  So, what I’m going to do is…or it’s already in the process of happening, is going to each cone that contains its own sound…noises…oh, because what I did was I would chase around a sound.  Like, let’s say there was a sound that sounded like aroo, like roo, so then I would chase that sound ‘til I caught it.  But you already know, pen pal, ‘cause you’re smart, that there’s some component…that’s a noise, but there’s component sounds.

 

Now, the other…I learned this…even though Scooter’s not here, I remember him telling me how much trouble he had with phonics.  I don’t…I can only tell you what his experience was; he didn’t…he’s dyslexic, so he had trouble with phonics, and I guess that was another chapter in his imaginary auto…The Trouble With Phonics.  But phonics was break…I think it was either…I don’t know if it was breaking words into their component sounds or taking the component sounds that make up words or the component letters or whatever.  But change…ch- C-H-ange.  Change.  I don’t know…that’s what I…that’s the way I’m looking at it.  I don’t know if I’m…I don’t think we’re doing phonics, because these aren’t words.  They’re noises that we’re making into sounds.  But right now it’s too quiet.

 

It’s too quiet, Scooter, so if you could get here, I could use some…that’s the thing; I could use some friendly noise, Scooter.  Scooter, hey Scooter, I could use some…okay, Stan, friendly noise.  I’m having a dream Stan needs some friendly noise.  Oh yeah…no, sorry Sisters, that…I was sleeping.  I’ll be right…oh, hi, Sisters.  Okay, yeah, sorry, I was sleeping, but thank you for waking me.  Okay, slow down, Sisters.  I’m getting confused.  You’re saying about gold stars…you seem very intense about this gold star shortage.  Okay, okay, so there’s a gold star shortage.  Now, I’ve heard of…I know from Superman there’s red suns and yellow suns and maybe a orange sun?  But not sure which one would be a gold sun.  Oh no, gold stars.  The sun is a star.  No, no; gold stars on the ship?  Okay, let’s slow down.

 

So, can you give me an…can you show me or tell me an example of…oh, okay.  You’re talking about the gold stars you use to grade papers.  Sisters, did you see School of Rock, the movie or the musical?  Summer…you’re talking about Summer’s gold stars, ‘cause I don’t have a lot of familiarity with gold stars, Sister.  I do remember getting a couple silver stars, which really feels like…unless you only give out silver stars, that’s kinda the most passive-aggressive thing I’ve ever heard in my life other than those bronze stars I got.  Yeah, Sister, you’re right about that.  It’d be great if you just said the stars…oh, they do have meaning.  Okay, to you, gold…the gold stars have meaning.  Okay.  I did get my hands on some gold stars once, though I think I just made myself into a constellation.  Maybe that’s what I could be…I don’t know.

 

That’s not a very witty costume, but you’d say…a crab…what if a…here’s an…this is…this might actually work if you’re…if you get a crab costume and cover it with gold stars.  Or stars; you could say you’re a crab nebula.  I just thought of that.  That might be one of my better ideas I’ve ever had in my entire life.  Could I get a gold star for…?  Oh, but you’re short of gold stars and you don’t have any others…you just…you’re short of…okay.  Yeah, focus on the problem.  Sisters are short on gold stars.  Can I just ask, since we’re on a spaceship and not in a class…oh, for navigation and feedback; okay.  That’s all I need to know.  You’re right, Sisters.  Alls I need to know is you’re short of gold stars.  I just want to make sure it wasn’t a…’cause that’s the thing, Sisters; your hobbies…you have that craft station, right?

 

Okay, let’s go over to the craft station and get some construction paper out.  Now, this is marigold.  Would this be…could you consider this gold, or this…this is goldenrod, this construction paper, or I could get some crayons and…it might work.  Okay.  Okay, so…yeah, let me just try to cut…how big a star is this…?  That’s way too big?  Okay, so smaller.  Oh, that’s…how many points is in a normal gold…?  ‘Cause again, how many points on the star?  Okay.  Okay, okay, that’s gonna be…Sisters, I know this is…I know the answer to this question but I’ll ask just ‘cause I know it’s good for me to…do you have any left-handed scissors?  Okay, I heard you gasp.  That’s a answer.  I mean, it’d just be…’cause I don’t know if I can cut stars that…okay, what if…oh wait a second, you do have some…oh, you have a star stamp right here, Sisters.

 

So, I’ll start stamping out these stars and…I’m stamping out stars.  I’m stamping these stars right out of my…there are stars in my hair, Sisters.  Okay, just focus on the stars?  It’s just hard for me to…I’m…Sisters, I’m really getting a lot of stars here, so I probably have a couple hundred already.  I can keep producing the…oh, okay, the stars don’t stick.  Yes, I know that, Sister.  That’s because they’re on construction paper.  Oh, well, couldn’t you…no, you need to stick them on things?  Couldn’t you use some glue or some tape?  Here’s the glue and oh boy, you know…Sisters, remember all the times I had with glue?  I used to like to have a couple sips of glue because it’s 100% good for you, according to the label.  No, it’s not…?  I mean, it’s not bad for you.  So then I’d say I could drink this.

 

The other thing I liked to do, Sister, was pretend I had a extra layer of skin.  I loved doing that.  That was one of the ways I would get through math when you weren’t looking, which was rare.  Normally I’d get caught, but I would spread a second layer of glue skin, and I called it my new skin.  Then I could peel my skin off.  It was…but it wasn’t real.  But oh boy, Sisters, I recommend…if you’re stressed out, I would recommend doing it.  See if you could create a second palm, especially when you get a nice coverage and you can peel a good amount.  There’s something about peeling it right by your wrists and then…yeah, do that while I figure out how I’m gonna make sticky gold stars.  Okay, we have glue sticks here.  Okay, but you’re saying the glue stick…that’s too much glue.

 

Oh, ‘cause you can’t get glue on the chart, except where the star is going?  Oh boy.  Sisters, this feels like busy work.  Do you…okay, you’re right; I’m not here to question…I’m only here to get…okay.  So, glue…they didn’t…I didn’t really have a lot of access to paste, but I see some paste here.  Kind of a…Sisters, did you ever think about this, that a glue stick is just like a tube of paste?  You know what I’m saying?  So, what if I take…here’s a great idea, Sister.  I think this will work; I’m gonna take the paste…also, I never have had…been able to play with paste.  My whole life, I dreamed of having unlimited access to paste just to do this, but now I’m actually doing it to help.

 

What if I take the paste and I roll it into tiny balls that are smaller than the star, and then we put it on the star and then you push the star onto the charts?  I could put them in a…one of these baggies, maybe.  Or here’s what I’ll do; I can put a…I don’t know if they’ll retain their shape.  I could do them on demand, but for the time being, yeah, why don’t…okay, I’ll do eighty of them.  That’s a very specific number, Sister.  So yeah, I’ll get eighty of these stars ready.  Oh, you’re right; it’s not gonna keep.  Okay, Sister.  Well, two out of three were pleased.  This’ll work for right now, your immediate needs, but they won't store.  Okay, so at least we’ll get through the next few moments together.  Okay, Sisters, you just exchanged a look.  What was it?  There are some gold stars from the sixties?  Okay.  I don’t understand.

 

In storage somewhere you have gold stars from the sixties, though…that you were handing out at Woodstock?  Oh no, that you confiscated.  Someone else was handing them out at Woodstock and you confiscated them.  I’m not following you.  At Woodstock…why are you doing quotes?  Are you saying figuratively at Woodstock or you actually confiscated these gold stars at Woodstock?  Okay.  Oh, so…but they have…oh.  Okay, I’m not…okay, Sisters, you’re…so, I’m not following you.  You don’t like the shape of the stars I cut anyway, or that I stamped.  Okay, so you want actual gold stars, but with my…so, it was more my…okay, so you want me to go get those stars out of storage and then put my paste balls on the back of them on demand.  That I can do.  That’s what being a crew member is.  I’ll just go find those gold stars.

 

Let’s see if I could find them in the filing…confiscated at Woodstock.  Oh boy, there’s a lot in there.  Okay, a lot of clothing.  There’s the gold stars and oh, they’re in a…they’re in plastic…at Woodstock.  Okay, now I get it, and they can’t…so, what if I take the back of these stars…I gotta get to Stan.  That’s the thing; I was trying to figure out…I did try to sip some glue and eat paste, and none of that got me to Stan, but I’m betting if I lick the back of these stars, either I’ll find myself with Stan or I’ll be on some other legendary journey in my mind to Stan.  So yeah, let me just…whoa boy, wow, that was fast.  I’m feeling groovy, as no one…oh, Stan, man, there’s spacey noises.  Scooter, Scooter, where you been?

 

I’m here, Stan, and I think I’m…other than…this is what happens normally first for me anyway, is the auditory thing.  Scooter, that’s not your imagination.  That’s real.  Yeah, there’s sounds and noises everywhere, like we’re in some sort of quadrophonic…Scooter, it’s much more than quadrophonic.  Where are we?  Are we inside of a bugle?  Scooter, not…what’s…what do you mean?  Like, well, I can see that your display…you got…you’re monitoring the planet, right?  Scooter, yeah, that’s the planet we’re on, but it’s more of a cornucopia.  Well, it looks exact…it’s a different color, but it looks exactly like a bugle.  Scooter, a bugle is like a trumpet.  No, no, no, a corn Bugle, a Bugle that’s a snack, Stan.  Scooter, I’m not…I don’t snack.  I’m a soda machine.

 

Wow, another part of your development I failed to provide for you.  I’m sorry, Stan.  Scooter, it’s okay.  Can you tell me what a Bugle is, though?  It’s like a corn…it’s like a chip that’s shaped in this shape.  You’re correct; it’s a chip-like thing that’s shaped…it’s like a…I don’t know, that’s shaped like…I just want to call it a Bugle, but it’s shaped like a cornucopia, an organic one like this planet.  There seems to be kind of Bugles all over this planet, and we’re inside of the Bugle, huh?  Scooter, we are inside the Bugle.  Actually, that’s a easy way to say it, Scooter.  Yeah, it…sorry I never gave you…I haven’t had Bugles in a while, but the…I got Bugles on my mind now.  Anyway, Stan, sorry I’m late.  Well Scooter, you’re here now.  I’m glad you’re here.  Okay, so you’re on a strange planet full of Bugles and noise.

 

Scooter, sounds, actually.  Scooter, very upset sounds, by the way.  That’s why you’re hearing them; they’re…sounds are…I’m having some trouble, Scooter.  I need your help.  Okay, I’m here to help, Stan, so walk me through things and tell…okay, Scooter.  Did you listen to my message?  Oh yeah, I did, or now it’s popping in my brain like I just listened to it.  So you were a…oh boy, that’s a flashback to phonics.  The only thing that gave me more was penmanship and cleaning my desk.  But okay, so the last I heard was…as your pen pal…the last you told the pen pal was that you were breaking…you were taking noises and separating them into their component sounds.  Yeah, Scooter.

 

We did that successfully, and there’s so many of these Bugles on this planet that I was able…now, sounds keep coming in from outer space, Scooter, and so, I’m capturing all of them, then I’m separating them into their component sounds and putting them into their own individual Bugles.  So…but none of the sounds liked that.  What don’t you think they liked?  Scooter, I’m pretty sure that the sounds want to be understood, so they went from a noise to a sound, and so what I haven’t been able to do, which I was about to do — now you’re here, it’s great timing ‘cause you can help — is as I…so, some of the sounds are agitated.  Some of them are colliding with one another or trying to get out of their cones.  Some are basically drifting into nothingness, Scooter, so that’s why I wanted to act hastily.

 

So, I’m creating a virtual world so that then the sounds can be…that I can then understand the sounds, whether they want to be noises or sounds, because it’s…just because there’s no physical manifestation of them…but now that we’ve broken them into their component parts…and then they could…Scooter, like me, I want the sounds to have the chance to have some self-actualization.  Okay, Stan.  So, you’ve been wrangling sounds and now you’re processing them in a virtual world inside of you or some…Scooter, yes, in a virtual world inside me that we’re gonna go into ‘cause I’ve been doing analysis.  So actually, the thing is, Scooter, the sounds don’t realize it; I’ve been using a lot of processing.  I’ve already understood all the sounds, Scooter.

 

The virtual world…oh, okay, now I’m starting to pop…it’ll just give them a chance to understand themselves.  They’re already…Scooter, I already understand them because they’re just sounds.  They’re just noises, sounds, component sounds.  Okay, so you’re taking analog sounds and digitizing them?  Scooter, don’t worry; there’s…this is lossless analysis.  Okay, and how are you finding the sounds are reacting to this?  Scooter, the sounds…they still seem ornery.  Okay, well, I don’t want to go…I don’t think I need to go into a virtual world of ornery sounds.  Scooter, you’re supposed to help me, though.  Okay, Stan, let me think, here.  So basically you got to this planet and it was…you just heard a lot of noise, you didn’t like the noise.

 

This planet seems to be the perfect shape to collect space noise, so it’s collecting noise from outer space, and it also is…it’s kinda being in a ear or something.  So, you were hearing all the noise.  Also the…you didn’t…day and night…I liked your hotel analogy, Stan.  Oh boy, were those the days.  It still happens sometimes though, yeah.  Pitch dark in the bathroom; don’t do it.  But so…’cause I would drift…I think I would fall asleep standing up or something, Stan, and then I would wake up and I would have no idea…but so…okay, so it was noisy, then you caught all the sound…collected the sounds or gave them a place to live.  I think that’s how you pitched it.  Then you said don’t worry, I’m gonna understand you, then you broke them into smaller pieces like a lot of people do with goals.

 

If your goal is to understand the sounds, break them into your comp…okay, that makes sense, too.  Then you used some of your assets to analyze the sounds so they would be understood on all of their attributes.  Scooter, you’re…Scooter, I think…are you sure you’re Scooter?  You’re really…you’ve been listening.  Yeah, I think you’re rubbing off on me, Stan.  Then…okay, but you shouldn’t have complimented me, ‘cause now I forgot everything we were talking about.  Scooter, they’re in…all the sounds are inside me, digital versions.  I did not…they still exist in their cones.  Okay, and the sounds are fully understood, and you’re hoping by giving them access to you, then they’ll un…they’ll self-actualize and then they’ll relax.  But they haven’t relaxed yet.  They really don’t like something about this.

 

Scooter, correct, and I just don’t understand that.  Say, I’m trying to keep explaining it to them.  We’re just trying…I’m…you’re fully…I understand you 100%.  You know, Stan, this reminds me of this story I heard once, once upon a time.  It was a story I heard about a herd.  Scooter, is this one of those stories you make up on the spot and then try to figure out…using to figure out the…because you’re confused and buying time?  So, once upon a time, Stan, there was three shepherds, right, and they each had their own individual flock of sheep.  Okay, Scooter.  They all had their flocks in the same generalized area.  I don’t understand flock behavior, Stan, and this story isn’t about flock behavior, but just to make it efficient, their flocks, for the most part, stuck together, and that was not a issue at the time of the beginning of this story.

 

They were all able to live in harmony, but kinda separate.  They would have shepherd…they would meet up or something, but they each had their own flocks and there was enough grass for everybody.  Okay, Scooter, is that…that’s just the setup for the story.  Correct.  Now, the important part of the story is so, there was one shepherd named Loni.  Scooter, is the name important?  No.  Loni the shepherd.  Loni had a very quiet flock of sheep, quietest…known as the quietest flock of sheep in the world, but that wasn’t by accident; Loni had trained her flock to be quiet…only make a lot of noise when there was a reason to, like if something…if there was a reason that Loni needed to wake up, particularly, and take care of stuff.  Like, something was…the flock needed some attention.

 

Okay, Scooter, and is there…so, that’s Loni’s flock.  Worked pretty good, seems like it.  Loni would hear something, Loni would get up.  Okay.  Then there was another shepherd…Scooter, it seems like you’re making…there was another shepherd once upon a time named Franny.  Again, just…Franny was the shepherd’s name, and Franny’s flock…and this is…makes the story easier, in contrast to Loni’s flock, Flan…Franny’s flock…Franny had kinda plussed what Loni had done in a different way and kinda taught Franny’s sheep to make certain sounds when they wanted certain things.  Now, not a lot, but if they were hungry, they would baa one way.  If they were thirsty, they would baa another way.  If one of them was tired, they would baa another way, and then if one of them stubbed their toe, they would baa or make another sound.

 

So, a basic way of communicating was what Franny had, and then there was a third shepherd named Toni, with an I.  Yeah, a shepherd named Toni with an I.  Toni didn’t seem to really care to train Toni’s sheep to make any sounds.  Toni’s sheep just made whatever sounds they wanted to make.  Toni kinda found it amusing that the other shepherd’s worked so hard at it.  Toni had other things Toni was working on.  But the one thing was, Toni actually liked the noises that their sheep made.  Now, that’s not to say that Loni and Franny disliked sheep noises.  But Toni would lie there and listen to their sheep not as a pastime, but I guess maybe as a pastime.  So, Toni knew…wasn’t really worried about what kinda the…the purpose of the sounds was, but could get a general sense not just with the sounds; body language and all that.

 

But Toni just really listened to the sheep, but not listening for meaning, but just listening to the noise.  So, Toni’s sheep were noisier, Scooter?  No; I think if Toni…no, Toni…I mean, I guess…yeah.  I mean in this…it’s not a part…yes, but that’s…yes, Toni’s sheep were noisier, and Toni would listen to that noise.  I don’t know; how would Toni…?  That would be…okay, Stan.  So, then one day, a great…Scooter, is this…you’re just coming up with this.  Then one day, a great storm came.  Actually, the only way they knew about it was because Loni’s sheep started making noise even though the storm hadn’t gotten there, and then Toni’s sheep started making noise like come…like we’re moving over this way.  So, Loni’s sheep kinda gave a early warning, and then Toni’s sheep kinda said let’s go this way.

 

Now, they all worked together, so they…the three shepherds and their flocks said something’s happening.  I mean, they could tell there was a slight change, but they didn’t know…this was before the storm had arrived.  Eventually they all went to this really big cave, all three shepherds and all three of the flocks, and a really bad storm came, so it was really dark and it was really stormy, but the cave was dry.  They were in the cave for a while, and eventually the time came for them to kinda head out, right?  It was still dark; the storm had died down, but it was night, but they had had enough, right?  Because they weren’t in conflict, but they just said okay, let’s get our sheep out.  They gotta get fed.  We’re sick of this cave.  But then they were in this cave with all these sheep, right?

 

For Toni it wasn’t a problem; Toni said this is Babs, this is Frenchy.  Let’s go.  But as much as you think shepherds would visually know their sheep, when you’re in a dark cave, it’s hard, but for Toni it wasn’t because Toni knew all the sounds.  Okay Scooter, so that’s more…okay, then Toni left, and then the other two, they couldn’t tell the sheep apart.  So, first it was a little bit of a disagreement, then they had a new idea of oh, let’s just stay together.  They actually said you know, I’m scenting this will be a partnership.  We’ll have a even bigger flock.  But they were never able to tell their thing…their sheep apart, and they went out and then…they did say to each other like maybe we could ask…next time we’re hanging out with Toni…and they did, and Toni said I don’t know.  It’s just sheep.

 

That was Toni’s answer for a lot of this stuff; why don’t you…’cause they’re…it’s…they’re just sheep.  They said you mean, like they follow…?  They said no, no, they’re just sheep.  It’s not a metaphor.  It’s just a fact.  Scooter, I don’t understand at all.  You’re saying these are just noises and just forget the whole thing?  No, Stan.  I’m saying…oh Scooter, I think I figured it out.  Okay, Stan.  Why don’t you tell me?  I mean, I’m…your story didn’t help…your story kind of helped me.  No offence.  No, no, no, it’s fine.  If I got…helped to get…oh Scooter, I think what you’re saying…or maybe you’re not saying it, but I just realized I’ve been trying to understand the sounds, but the sounds don’t feel understood, and they don’t care if I understand them or…they just want to be understood.

 

Like, they only…they don’t exist for me to tell them I understand them.  It’s not their job for me to understand them; it’s their job to feel understood, which sounds like the same thing, but it’s…Scooter, it’s something totally different.  Okay.  So, I just have to…oh, Scooter…okay Stan, wow, something happened even more than I…Scooter, by giving up on understanding them and making them feel understood…and I was kind of petting them.  Like, the cheap thing actually helped ‘cause I said oh, okay, they were animals.  Not actually, Scooter.  I actually understand them now.  Okay, so they feel understood, but not because you understand them, but also you understand them, which is independent from them feeling understood.

 

But most importantly, they feel understood, but also you understand them.  Right, Scooter.  Those are two things that are independent.  Not important.  Well, act…Scooter, the irony is they didn’t realize it, but it was important for me to understand them.  Not for them to feel understood, but to help them.  Okay, that’s even…that’s some…so, okay, Stan.  So, they feel understood, Scooter, and I understand.  Okay.  So Scooter, we’re…we got a bit of a problem, though.  Okay, Stan.  Tell me more.  Scooter, the…all the sounds are trapped here.  They’re stuck, and then I stuck them in a smaller thing, but they were already feeling…and they wanted to be understood that they were frustrated that they were stuck, but they didn’t care about me understanding they were stuck; they just want to be understood that they were stuck.

 

Okay, let’s pass over the understanding stuff ‘cause I under…oh Scooter, I feel…okay, yeah, let’s…’cause I want to solve the problem.  Yeah, that was an accident, Stan, I’ll be honest.  But yeah, let’s solve the problem.  Oh yeah, I feel…that’s how I feel.  I want to solve the problem.  I understand.  But Scooter, you…oh Scooter, you’re…Scooter, you’re really growing up, too.  Okay, so anyway…oh Scooter, that didn’t make me feel understood.  I understand you want to bask in the glory of our shared moment there, but we probably…let’s probably solve this.  Okay Scooter, yeah, you’re right.  Thanks, Stan.  I see what you did there.  Scooter, you…thanks for teaching me by mistakes.  Okay, so, all the sounds are stuck on this planet.  Now…okay, Stan, can you analyze the makeup of the planet?

 

I know you all…maybe you already did some of that, but is there any part of the planet…?  Scooter, you’re right; this planet is supposed to be a funnel.  Okay, I didn’t mean to do that, but I was just buying time.  Oh Scooter, so that’s it; there’s a giant chunk at the…an asteroid.  It’s made up of some strange particles that stuck in…that jammed…Scooter, are Bugles closed?  Scooter…sorry, Stan.  Yeah, they are closed, but that’s usually one of the things you do…especially with your first Bugle.  Stan, if you could imagine what a Bugle is, maybe you could virtually have one.  You bite it off and then you make a bugling sound, and then you eat the Bugle.  But usually you make the Bugle into a cone, an open-ended cone or a funnel.  But it is closed at first, and you could eat it whether it’s open or closed.

 

The other thing, Stan, not to totally go…take us off-topic that you might want to do is you take each Bugle…you take your fingers and you put a Bugle on each of your fingers and then you pretend you’re some sort of character with Bugle fingers or cone fingers or, you know, you could pretend you’re someone that travels on a broom with cats with a cauldron.  Oh, Scooter, I didn’t real…okay, that’s fun.  Okay, so we just have to unclog the funnel and then the…these sounds are supposed to be traveling through space, Scooter.  They’re not supposed to be stuck here.  Great, Stan.  So, what if you push out that clog and push it into the sun, though?  Because I know we’ve gotta get rid of this…there’s too much…I just have a sense we have to get rid of it.

 

Scooter, won’t I…technically, Scooter, I don’t think you realize…like, if we push it into the sun, it’ll just be converted into smaller pieces and then…matter can never be done or undone; it can only change.  Stan, I kind of understand you, but for the time being, I think that’s the best, ‘cause we don’t want to unclog the…’cause the clog could come back.  Okay, Scooter, that I…okay.  Okay Scooter, I’ve done it and I’m saying goodbye to the sounds, and they’re kinda leaving at their own pace.  Yeah, wow, this is…it’s nice, too, the breeze coming through now.  Nothing like a space breeze, Stan.  Kinda makes me tired.  It makes me want to rest with you, my friend.  I’ll see you again soon, huh?  I don’t know, Scooter.  What do you mean?  Let’s just rest here together, Stan, and get some sleep as these sounds travel across the galaxy once again.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

(Transcribed by Leah Hervoly)

Notable Language:

• Elementary-Type-Age Kid (ETAK)
• Cone-Shaped Planet (CSP)
• Dreams of Unlimited Paste

Notable Culture:

• Gosford Park
• Sense & Sensibility – Jane Austen
• South Pacific

Notable Talking Points:

• Presenting Picnic Options
• The pleasure of peeling glue skin
• Understanding someone is different from making someone feel understood