1095 – Biscuits | Lulling With Lasso S1 E2

Notable Language:

• Auto-Kissed Forehead
• Sweet Treats to Soothe Defeat
• Relegation

Notable Culture:

• The Forehead Cast (podcast)
• “The Gambler”
• HORDE Tour

Notable Talking Points:

• Forehead Related Conventions
• Trent Crimm is kind of dressed like Keith Richards
• Ted Lasso’s accent is not totally authentic to Kansas

Episode 1095 – Biscuits | Lulling With Lasso S1 E2

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER:    Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for the podcaster who’s still in his PJs so you can be in yours.  It’s time for the podcast that’s a little bit different.  I’m here to take your mind off of stuff and help keep you company so that you could fall asleep, because you deserve a good night’s sleep.  Now, this podcast doesn’t work for everybody, but give it a try, see how it goes.  I really hope we can help.  It’s very different, very strange, and very deliberate, and I’ll explain all that in a few minutes.  So glad you’re here.  If you’re confused and you say wait a second, Scoots, you’re…this one’s longer than normal.  I say yeah, yeah; I’m trying to get more information right upfront, ‘cause I’m glad you’re here.  The best news is, Sleep With Me is free, so you get to try it out.  Because of these sponsors, the show is here twice a week.  You could listen all night long if you need to.  There’s over 400 episodes for free in the archives.  Thanks everybody who supports the show or supports these sponsors; thanks.

 

INTRO:    [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake.  It could be thoughts you’re thinking about, things on your mind, so thoughts about the past, the present, the future.  I have all those at all times.  It’s not simultaneous thoughts; it’s like they’re all competing for my attention at a time when I say well, I prefer…I’d prefer…this is probably not the best time.

 

I wish I was…they’d say oh no, no, I gotta tell you about this thing you did, or I gotta tell you about something I’m sure is gonna happen tomorrow.  They never say it in that cheery voice.  I’m just trying to give you the cheeriest…oh boy, can’t wait ‘til tomorrow.  That’s not what it sounds like in my head, but you could read between the old lines, the old lines in my forehead that they cause.  There’s another t-shirt idea; The Lines Between My Forehead…Read the Lines Between My Fore…on My Fore…Read Between the Lines on My Forehead.  Blah, blah, blah, something…very similar to the furrow-based t-shirt idea I think I may have had.  That one’s pretty good, though.  I guess you say what happened to Sleep With Me podcast?  Did he go through different phases like a cubist and a blue…oh, he’s gone through a blue phase.

 

He was…he also went through a green-with-envy phase.  But yeah, then he went through his forehead phase, we called it.  It’s actually two distinct phases in his podcast career.  Didn’t last very long, but yeah, one was his forehead, one he kept repeating…he kept using his forehead as a metaphor.  Turns out, it was one of the most relatable metaphor…I don’t know if that’s ironic, but it was some of the most relatable work he ever did, way more relatable than his blue period or his green-with-envy period or his pink…pinkish, reddish with…he had a couple different pink and reddish phases, you know.  But the blush…we call it the blush years.  That’s every year he’s been in existence.  But oh, so back to his forehead; yeah, so he did…he had a t-shirt.

 

Didn’t sell very many, but it said Read Between the Lines on My Forehead.  First he marketed it towards parents, and parents loved the idea conceptually.  Kids did not get it, and that made parents love it more, but not enough to purchase the shirt, ‘cause they said well, that’s a very niche shirt idea and I’m not sure I’m…I’m comfortable enjoying it and smirking about the shirt from afar, but I don’t know about wearing it around the house and actually expressing that message to my children.  Then he also tried to pitch it to bosses and employees.  Of course, he even…he said okay, if you’re an employee or a boss or a middle manager or an upper…or a self-manager, if you’re a solo…maybe…and then that’s who…his only market for a brief time, was solopreneurs, ‘cause he said you could wear it in the mirror.

 

He said, that’s not the kind of behavior I want to encourage.  But he said…and then he start…then he tried to add another…then he said I’d be more comfortable with…if then you kissed your forehead in the mirror.  Turns out that’s not possible.  Would you believe that?  That’s not possible.  He actually…there was…that was the one gap in Sleep With Me, because he missed a few weeks of…he spent a few weeks trying to kiss his own forehead.  The old gods and the new, bless him, but he was not able to do it.  He thought it’d be so simple.  Really, he did, especially when he first start…I said, that’ll fix it.  Read between the lines on my forehead, then I’ll kiss them in the mirror.  Turns out…that was the kind of thoughts that keep me up at night.  I say wait a second, so I can’t kiss my own forehead.

 

There’s another thing; my…I’ll…my forehead will never be self-kissed.  As all my auto-behaviors may demonstrate, I can never auto-kiss my forehead.  A forehead kiss is a very distinct kiss if it’s coming from someone…if it’s coming from yourself, turns out it’s not possible.  Cosmically impossible, probably.  You can’t do it in the mirror.  I guess you could do it to yourself on…but in non-real time; in some sort…you could kiss your digital forehead.  Oh boy, or even an analog…I don’t know if a picture’s an analog version, but does…it’s not the same effect I guess, ‘cause it’s not possible that…if you’re new to this podcast, this is an early…we’re…this is something…we’ve talked about foreheads before, even recently, in a recording cycle, but I think I was saying to my thoughts, if they’re keeping you up all night, read between the lines on my forehead, because you got a little bit to do with it.

 

So it could be thoughts, it could be feelings, anything you’re feeling physically or emotionally coming up for you related to the thoughts or that are just there.  It could be changes in your time, your temperature, your routine.  Whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of it.  The reason I make the show, just to stop for a second, other than the fact that you already heard, I can relate.  If you’re up all night tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep, I’ve been there.  Waking up early, not being…you know.  I’ve dreaded bedtime many a year of my life.  So, if that’s what’s going on with you, that’s one of the reasons I want to help.  But the more important reason is you.  You deserve a good night’s sleep.

 

You deserve a bedtime you could look forward to or at least anticipate without dread, and you deserve the rest that getting a good night’s sleep will provide you so your life is more manageable, you could be out there living your life, maybe flourishing after a time, getting rest you need.  That means when your life is better, all our lives are better.  People pish-posh that or whatever.  They say that makes my forehead…and I say okay, well, it’s true though.  If someone out…is out there feeling a little bit better, their life is gonna probably be better and they’re gonna probably be a little bit better to be around, and that means the world we live in is better to be around.  I’m unfurrowing brows and foreheads just slightly every once in a while.

 

Oh boy, is that my…that’s the goal I strive for, to make…now, I can’t take away the wrinkles in your forehead, believe me, but I’m trying to metaphorically let you kiss your own forehead, ‘cause I feel like kiss…’cause when you kiss someone’s forehead…in the movies, it’s normally some sort of nobility or demi-goddess or some sort of thing that’s…I picture…for some reason, Frodo…how many times did Frodo get Frodo’s forehead kissed in the Lord of the Rings films?  Many times or…?  How many elves…here’s a question, honest question; how many elves have kissed Frodo’s forehead?  Frodo’s forehead could definitely make up some tongue-twisters.  Forty forest friends fondly…I guess…is there a word…French-kiss, but not…don’t ever French-kiss anyone’s forehead, believe…don’t, please.

 

It’s not a French-kiss, it turns out.  Okay, so I probably should move on, but I’m just trying to think…I don’t…that’s why I say kiss…meta…cosmic…the cosmic kiss of the forehead.  I’m trying to think…I said, I didn’t…I hadn’t…when I started talking about it, I had no idea it was impossible, so that’s why I’m caught up in it.  ‘Cause I was literally…I said okay, well, how am I gonna bring this metaphor to a comfortable conclusion about my forehead being launched off by my thoughts?  I said, a nice forehead kiss, a auto-forehead kiss will fix it all.  I said well, how would that happen?  This is the part of my brain that’s thinking before I talk, that’s trying to make the pod…and it said in the mirror, of course.  That would be nice.  I said, great idea.  I went along with it; I said okay, that’ll solve it.  You’re right.

 

So, I’ll talk about it for another thirty seconds, then we’ll kiss ourselves in the mirror on the forehead.  Then I got there in the mirror in my mind, and I said wait a second, but it…my forehead keeps moving every time I try to kiss it.  Then the part of my brain said sorry about that.  I just realized it was a reflection, so it’s not possible.  I said well, let me try a few more times.  This really was happening.  Okay, so whatever’s keeping you awake, I’m here to keep you company, because you deserve a good night’s sleep.  I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.  I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, which means my voice is not tradutionally or traditionally soothing, but it’s here more to be distracting and keep you company than to put you to sleep.  This is a podcast you just barely listen to.

 

You kinda listen, and it doesn’t really put you to sleep.  I’m here to keep you company whether you’re awake or asleep.  If you can’t sleep, I’m gonna be here to the very end, believe me.  I’ll be here for you.  But if you want to fall asleep and not pay attention to me, I’m…you can do that whenever you want, or you could just bare…you know, you say wait a second, this is the longest discussion…other than foreheaded…forehead-related conventions.  The Forehead Cast, a podcast talking about people’s…turns out, not a niche, except where it is a niche.  I mean, there is one, but I don’t…I say, kissing of foreheads; it’s a difficult thing.

 

Probably very rarely…keep it for nanas and grandmothers, grandparents, and elven goddesses or elves, elvish royalty, or bestowing orders of…you know, or the right occasion, but really, if you’re gonna kiss someone’s forehead, one, ask, or have it be part of a predetermined process so the person knows okay, at this point, Arwen’s gonna kiss you on the forehead.  I always wake up before that point.  I’m not Frodo, either.  I say okay, how about a kiss on the old shoulder?  Is that Arwen or is that…am I picturing someone else?  Where was I?  Trying to put you to sleep.  Oh, so if you can’t sleep, I’ll be here to the very end.  I’m really here to be your company in the deep, dark night and to take your mind off whatever’s keeping you awake so that you drift off as you wish.

 

I’m here to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-cuz, your bore-bestie, your bore-bruh, your neigh-bore, and yeah, I’m just here to be your friend in the deep, dark night.  Now, a couple things that throw people off other than the last ten minutes of whatever this has been — that throws a lot of people off; just me and my personality — this podcast is not for everyone, but for the people that enjoy it, it does take two or three tries to get into it.  So, just kinda see how it goes and take it from there.  But yeah, most regular listeners said hey, it took two or three tries ‘til I realized oh, this is…it’s kind of nonsense and it’s kinda not nonsense.  I haven’t encountered that before.  Oh wait a second, I never thought about that.

 

It should be…this is what regular listeners…it should be obvious to most people during the day that you can’t kiss yourself on the forehead in the mirror or ever, but to Scoots it isn’t, and that’s okay.  That’s what makes Sleep With Me work.  So, give the show a few tries.  If you already know you dislike me and the show, that’s totally cool, too.  I have a list of other sleep podcasts and stuff at sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou that you could check out.  What else?  Oh, structure of the show; that definitely throws people off.  Our show is structured in a very specific way, so let me just tell you.

 

It starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, so that you feel welcome and seen, then I probably say something not exactly funny, but almost funny, or silly so that you say okay, this is a place I could feel welcome or try out and check out, and maybe it’s a little bit goofy and funny about something serious.  So, that’s the greeting, then there’s support for the show, because my goal is for the podcast to come out twice a week, wherever you listen to podcasts for free, so paying for it is optional, or supporting it is optional.  So if you’re not in a position to support it, you don’t have to, which is cool.  What enables us to do that is the listeners who support the show and the listeners who support the sponsors who support the show.

 

So, that’s that, then there’s support for listeners who are having a tough time, then there’s support for communities around the show, then there’s the intro, which we’re already almost done with, but the intro goes on and on and on.  A lot of people that strongly dislike the podcast feel like the intro is self-congratulations or looking for support or part of the Supporter Zone, and it’s not.  It’s a show within a show to ease you into bedtime.  It’s an opportunity for you to get to know someone that’s so imperfect…he had no idea…I mean, I would have…if I tried…here’s the thing; I never tried it before, that I know of.  Here’s one thing I know you can do — and again, make sure the mirror is structurally sound — you can put your forehead against the mirror.  That feels pretty good.  You know, sometimes, or cheek-to-cheek.

 

I’ve never…I can’t lie to you.  I’ve kissed my…we’ve all kissed our own reflection, not that it’s a great idea.  But you could do it.  There’s gotta be a healthy way to kiss your own reflection, but probably not, because mirror…even your own…never mind.  Let’s move on.  But so, the intro is meant to ease you into bedtime.  It’s different every time for the regular listener.  For the new listener, it kinda introduces the podcast and introduces the style of the show, which is strange and different, but good-hearted.  I wouldn’t say pure-hearted; oh no.  I mean, obviously.  But somebody just like you doing not the best…doing as good as a job as they can.  Here I am.  I’m being human 100% of the time that I know of.  So, yeah.  So, that’s the intro, but for a lot of listeners, it becomes part of their wind-down routine.

 

That’s why it’s like ten or fifteen minutes long, because for most of us and for most of the sleep advice out there, it’s like having a bedtime routine that eases you into bedtime is what works.  So, that’s the intro and why it goes on for fifteen or twenty minutes.  Then there’s support again between the intro and the story so again, the podcast could be free and it’s optional for you to support it.  Or if you’re not in a position to support it, it’s there for you and there’s almost 500 free episodes whenever you want to listen to it.  It’s pretty cool deal.

 

Then there…we’ll be talking tonight about Ted Lasso.  Oh boy, learning from Lasso, lulling with Lasso.  I think we’ll be talking about Biscuits, the episode, and that’ll be nice.  I mean holy cow, I’m already soothed.  As soon as I say Lasso, I feel…I mean, Ted Lasso, I feel soothed.  So, we’ll do that, and then there’s some thank-yous at the end.  So, that’s the structure of the show, that’s why I make the show.  I’m glad you’re here.  I work really hard on this show.  I yearn and I strive.  I really hope I can help you fall asleep.  I appreciate you coming by, and here’s a couple ways we get to do this for you for free twice a week.

 

Alright everybody, it’s time to learn from Lasso.  Oh boy, learning and lulling with Lasso, Season 1, Episode 2.  According to my notes, this opens with Ted in bed.  Ted in bed; didn’t realize that rhymed.  Ted lays his head as he lays in bed.  Something in his mind has gone left unsaid.  It has to…never mind, ‘cause I was gonna say W-E…anyway, Ted’s on his back, staring up at the ceiling, I believe.  He rolls over, reaches for his swan?  Reaches for his swoon?  Reaches for something.  Oh, he reaches for someone; exactly.  He rolls over like he’s in bed with his loved one.  He reaches for someone that’s not there.  He pours himself some Shredded Wheat, and I guess this will be a early tangent.  It’s been a long time since…now, Shredded Wheat, the joke is that it’s…I guess it’s different in the UK than it is in the US.

 

One, great writing and ideas, ‘cause you say well, what kind of cereal would Ted Lasso have?  I say well, I’m not exactly sure, but I did see him have Shredded Wheat.  So, Shredded Wheat is the only cereal I could confirm.  All the rest would be speculation.  But I am…I have been, in different phases in my life, a big fan…I wouldn’t say a big fan.  Well, maybe…yeah.  One of the cereals I prefer in my lifetime has been Frosted Mini-Wheats.  There you go; the difference between Shredded Wheats and…are the other ones called just Mini Shredded Wheat?  Shredded Mini-Wheat?  I don’t know.  I’d have to look at the box, you know, to see.  But I do need them frosted, and I like the frosting on Frosted Mini-Wheats, which is a miniature version of this one giant Shredded Wheat that Ted has for breakfast.

 

I don’t know if it’s a cookie or whatever the…a cupcake or whatever’s…it’s a cookie, right?  But Ted’s apartment is 9 1/2.  I said that’s probably a reference, or it’s just…it’s a number, but that’s his flat.  Is it a flat…if it’s more than one floor, is it a flat?  I don’t know.  Then he’s walking in a alley, which I was saying…he meets up with Coach Beard.  Where’s the alley?  What neighborhood are they in?  Those are other questions that remain to be…I think they can walk to work.  So…but they talk about there’s no last-day jitters.  Look right, Coach.  They’re in a park.  They see a young student; she nutmegs another student and Coach Lasso’s taking it in, but then Beard says we gotta go, Coach.  Then Rebecca’s Googling something; I think herself or stuff about Rupert.  Then we have…Ted comes in.  Cookie biscuits.

 

Pink box…very good biscuits.  Biscuits with the boss; why don’t we call it that?  Also, I liked that Jason Sudeikis has this thing with…where Ted combs his hair and fixes his hair.  First concert, best concert.  Rebecca, the answer is Spice Girls for both.  Ted only gets to answer his first concert, which is Kenny Rogers, The Gambler, which he starts singing.  Rebecca says stop.  We don’t get his best concert…also, I like that Ted wears a backpack.  Him and the Beard have different backpacks.  High-five, tree.  Walk…watching Ted’s hands…nervous.  Oh, this is at the start of practice.  What do they call it, training?  Nervous…what did I tell you…what did you tell…something…they talk about lose the ponytail.  Relax, they’re just kids.  Rodin sculpture, boots…seven on seven.  Exon at…wha?  Yanio…Jamie; goal?

 

Razza, Sam…by does not like it…oh, Roy does not like it.  That’s a R-O, not a B-Y.  R-O-Y, Scoots.  Sticks up for Sam.  Coach calls Sam…okay, Coach.  Be a goldfish.  You know what the happiest animal is, or fish in the sea?  I don’t…never…here’s a question; anybody…where do…here’s a real question, I didn’t even realize it; I don’t think I’ve seen a goldfish in the sea.  Where do goldfish naturally occur, you know?  Really, I’m not even kidding.  They wouldn’t…if you ask them, apparently, they wouldn’t remember ‘cause they have a ten-second memory.  Be a goldfish.  It sounds to me like some sort of invented cognitive dissonance, though.  Say goldfish, that’s…or I mean…’cause I mean really, is there a scientific lab where they’re doing testing on goldfish memory?  A goldfish memory test?  Goldfish memory…GMT, right?

 

Is that what…that’s not…goldfish memory test.  Note…Nate…who, me?  No…yeah.  Why don’t you just assume you’re my default Nate?  Sam’s down.  It’s his first time away from home.  Nate still laughs at stuff the coach says, even when it’s not…you’re not sure if it’s funny.  We see Rebecca watching the Ted video.  Higgins’ first concert was Boy George.  No fives for Higgins from the team.  Who’s got the most sway in the locker room?  Find out where these biscuits are from.  Higgins is on the case.  Locker room…lots of spread on outside…oh, lots of speed on the outside.  Crystal Palace…I love glimpses into your personal life.  Roy is bent about the snacks, over the discussion about the snacks being not good.  Jamie says yeah, the snacks are not good in the vending machines.  Ted does a extended door-hold for Rebecca.

 

Keeley pulls up.  I’m me…oh, so then they talk about…are you a panda or a lion?  Ted says a panda.  Keeley wonders, then Rebecca says of course it’s a lion.  She’s listening into their conversation.  Jamie, are you a panda or a lion?  I’m a me.  But Rebecca’s watching; she gets an idea.  Then we go to the pub, talking about Sam’s birthday and the suggestion box.  Then AM next day…Tasmanian Devil…blast…biscuits wrong.  Oh yeah, so we see Coach…the coaches are walking, I think.  We see another…the young lady that’s really good at soccer goes…or football, excuse me, goes by them.  I don’t want to speculate ‘cause I know nothing about the next season of Ted Lasso, but I say is this some sort of foreshadowing?  I don’t know.  Biscuits are wrong that Higgins has.  What time is it?  Biscuits with the boss time.

 

My best concert was the Beastie Boys at the H.O.R.D.E. Tour during the OJ trial.  Team has to bond.  Shower pressure…Sam, go upstairs.  You got a meeting.  Then they say okay, let’s all chip in for a gift.  There’s another box, but with a face.  Put the money in its mouth.  Jamie puts gum in there, spearmint.  Jamie, did you put gum in the box?  I think Jamie gives the Scout's honor, so I said did they have Scout's honor in the UK?  Then there’s a press conference.  One of the reporters is a J-E-R-K.  Rebecca’s in her office with biscuits.  Ted checks in with her.  He has a box.  She says, I hope you’re not coming here to ship that.  He goes no, no, this is from…a care package.  He goes through that.  Don’t worry, we’ll go through it.  But at some point, Rebecca…he says oh, this BBQ sauce reminds me of home.

 

Anything remind you of nostalgic…?  She looks at the biscuits.  Ted talks about Jamie, and then Rebecca’s eyes light up.  She has an idea.  You have an idea, don’t you?  She says yeah, talk to Keeley.  He leaves her an army person…the focus is on that.  Best BBQ sauce in Kansas City.  He does his hair comb a couple times, or his hair brushing.  Keeley’s with a green screen.  I thought Keeley was with a green screen tiger or lion, but I think she’s the tiger or lion.  We see a sad panda model.  So then I put she is a lion??  Double question mark.  She’s famished.  Food is free.  I get to keep the paws.  I want to ask about Jamie.  What motivates him?  Positive reinforcement.  Ted cracks Keeley up.  They share a burger or something.  Then we go to the [inaudible] Crystal Palace.  The locker room…speed on the outside.

 

Happy birthday, Sam.  Love chin chin.  Sam and coach…army man.  They talk son and father and dad relationships…earlobes…I’m not comfortable…Jamie doesn’t like this.  I don’t have a fondness for Imperialism.  We go to the game.  The nickname of the stadium is the Dog Track.  Ted’s fly is down, but Beard gets him before he goes out.  Rebecca moving her herd to the crowd.  Bar…give him a chance.  Oh, the crowd’s chanting negatively about Ted, and Rebecca’s head’s bouncing.  The bar is chanting, but then the owners…she says to give him a chance.  Give it a shot.  1 – 4; they lose.  Office, locker room…bright spot with Sam.  The announcers say Jamie got a…whatever, a consolation goal.  Jamie’s in Ted’s office.  You’re one of eleven.  Change me to us.

 

Like, you’re a great athlete, but sky’s the limit if you become a teammate.  Head of jaw long stream?  Head of gall long stream?  Thirteenth place.  Ray and Nate…Ray…Roy and Nate are equally livid, or Nate tries to show that he’s as equally livid as Roy.  Roy showers.  He loves the shower pressure.  Shower flows are off…shake this one off.  Have some cake.  Listen to DJ Beardo, Little Phife Dawg, and Q-Tip.  Cake, office…Coach brings cake.  Sweet treats to numb defeats.  Come on down to the locker room.  It would mean a lot.  Then Jamie runs into Trent Crimm.  Tries to be one of eleven, but can’t do it.  Eating cake…new gaffer.  Music…Higgins…then we go to…into the locker room.  Higgins is doing a cake dance.  Even Nate’s kind of dancing along.  Shower blast…we see the shower pressure again.

 

The gaffer’s fixed the shower pressure.  Careful, mate.  Goodnight, congrin…you were rubbish.  Soccer fun…oh, goodnight, coach.  The coaches say goodnight to each other.  Then we get the same soccer player or football player.  Ted says how did we do?  She goes, you were rubbish.  Then they have a little fun.  Then we see Rebecca with the army man.  She’s having a glass of wine.  She’s looking thoughtful.  Higgins calls about these pictures I sent you.  He’s on a dog walk.  Are you sure you want to do this?  We see Ted making biscuits.  We see Rebecca looking at the latest Rupert girl, or the previous one.  She goes, do it.  She throws the army person down.  So, okay, now we’ll run through the episode here.  I’ll just get this volume under control, hit Play, get some subtitles going so I can read the dialogue.

 

Alright, we got birds chirping and music.  Ted’s lying in bed, looking for somebody.  Opens his eyes.  Yeah, he’s alone in London.  Pours out his one Shredded Wheat.  He’s got OJ.  Morning, coach.  You want to get some breakfast?  Had a pretty…one piece…could get some coffee.  So, they go get coffee.  Today feels like the first day of school.  A little nervous, but yeah, there’s no such thing as last day jitters.  Watch the street; look right.  There’s somebody singing, busking, kids playing…schoolchildren in their uniforms playing soccer.  Ted watches that…a lot of good extras.  Sometimes the best way to stick it to the man is nutmeg.  We have Rebecca…oh, she’s searching Rupert Mannion, yeah.  Morning.  A couple worm-addled early birds.  Cookies; you call them biscuits though, right?  Don’t put them in gravy.  No, Ted.

 

Come on, take a look.  They do look good.  Take a nibble.  Away you go.  Rebecca’s impressed.  Where’d you get them?  Glad you like them.  I’ll bring them every morning.  Biscuits with the boss…no…okay, this is a…this is the second time we’ll disagree other than tea.  We gotta get to know each other to work together.  Okay, and then Ted starts off with his icebreaker.  First concert, best concert.  Same answer; Spice Girls.  Then he starts singing The Gambler.  She says Coach Lasso, Ted, I’m sorry.  Biscuits of the boss is not something I’m into, ever.  He goes, I hear you.  She goes, are you gonna come back tomorrow?  He goes oh, yeah.  I mean, I wouldn’t bet on it unless you want to win money.  High-fives the tree…the episode part starts.  We go to training.  They both have whistles on.

 

Ted’s hands are a little nervous; puts them in his pocket.  Remember our first day, what you told me, to lose the ponytail?  No.  Relax; they’re just kids.  These aren’t kids.  Isaac looks like a Rodin sculpture.  Boots…cleats or boots.  So is the trunk of a car.  So I could get a boot wearing my boots in my boot or whatever?  ‘Cause you see that Ted loves puns.  Seven on seven…then he makes a pun about that.  Then we see Jamie go by Sam, and then kind of score, and then kinda give it to Sam.  Roy does not like that.  Then he says…he insults Roy.  He says…Sam says…he says Sam, don’t have a goldfish memory, kinda thing.  Sam’s not…doesn’t get it, right?  Ten-second memory.

 

Kinda see the…I mean, I already get teared up because of this…I mean, there’s just a specialness of their relation…I mean, just, Sam’s journey’s one of the most…I mean, over the season…so anyway, I don’t want to…then Nate, he kinda talks.  Stan’s next to coach.  They talk about being away from home.  He laughs; he doesn’t get it.  Not sure what’s a joke.  What isn’t?  Rebecca in her office looking at the things, trying to figure out the biscuits.  She’s not too nice to Higgins.  She goes jeez, he’s relentless.  People love him.  This is not good.  Players walk by Rebecca and Higgins.  They don’t respect Higgins at this point.  Who has the most sway in the locker room?  I don’t know.  I could find out, though.  She goes, find out who got…where he got these biscuits.  Higgins is on the case.

 

But Higgins wants to be a part of; who doesn’t, right?  Okay, then they talk about Crystal Palace, speed on the outside…lots of speed.  Then they say okay, we’re gonna deal with things in the locker room, speak our minds anonymously with this box Nate made.  His niece, she helped craft it.  People laugh at that.  Drop a note in there if you like the towels, the food in the vending machine.  See you tomorrow.  Roy is still not happy.  Snacks…and coach says yeah, and Jamie says yeah, actually, the snacks aren’t good.  Ted’s…was actually going back into the locker…or into the facility when he opens the door for Rebecca.  She goes, how was your first day?  He goes, I don’t know.  What’s the smallest…he goes not good, but you’re undeterred.  Keeley shows up…music’s rocking.  Lion or panda?  I don’t have time for this.  Ted will be a panda.

 

That’s when Rebecca says pandas are gross.  Lions are majestic.  Can I be a elephant?  No; it’s gotta be a lion or panda.  Lion, Rebecca says.  The lion gets what it takes.  Keeley says she’s into…oh, there’s some great lines in there about Rebecca and Keeley.  Jamie would rather be a me.  That’s very healthy.  They say cheers.  He’s a lion, though.  Rebecca watches; she starts to get her idea.  She sees Keeley and Ted’s friendship.  What’s going on with Sam?  He’s down.  His birthday’s coming up.  It may be a birthday party.  Nudge things in the right direction.  They were excited to open up the thing.  Some insults…one, two, three…one was from Roy, signed.  There’s one real one, another insult…four, five, six.

 

Can’t let them call you that…seven…and then they go into more puns about Puss in Boots, which is…and then they get a pun with…in just playing stuff.  More soccer or football…spun you around like the Tasmanian Devil, except without those noises.  Rebecca’s enjoying…well, no; she’s not enjoying a biscuit.  It looks like it, but she’s tasting it.  Biscuits with the boss time, and Higgins.  Three’s a crowd.  There’s some biscuits…Beastie Boys…1995.  He starts to tell a story and she goes, I don’t have time.  He goes, what if I soft shoe-in?  Or I could moonwalk in.  He goes, everybody’s a part of this team.  Team’s gotta bond.  I’m having lunch with Higgins — salads — in my office.  Caesar you later.  Ted loves that.  Wow, that is pretty good punning.  They check the shower thing…yeah.  Shower pressure stinks.  Sam, go upstairs.

 

Higgins needs to talk to you.  Okay, Sam’s gone.  Alright, we’re collecting money for his birthday, so let’s get a gift.  We’ll send around this box.  Put money in its mouth.  Okay, good.  Go get ‘em, Nate.  Most people are contributing freely.  Jamie is not.  Not only does he not contribute money…I would assume Jamie’s the highest-paid player on the team, too.  Spearmint…but other people put money in.  Did you put gum in there?  Why’d you do that?  Nate’s just trying to help out, be a part of the team.  Jamie says yeah, I’m like the lead singer though, ‘cause I got the moves and a tiny waist.  Roy would be Keith Richards.  Jamie has a laugh.  He goes oh, I promise, then he does the three fingers up.  Also does something behind Ted’s back that Ted sees.  Press conference…palace made of crystal.  It’s fragile.

 

Do you know about the offsides rule?  Oh, you’ll know it when you see it.  Thanks, Trent Crimm.  But he may…gives a thoughtful answer that kinda stuns Trent.  Then this other person…I don’t even know his name.  He’s dressed a bit like Keith Richards anyway.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but he’s trying to really…he shuts Rebecca down.  They end the press conference, but Ted takes it seriously.  He doesn’t like it.  He says thank you so much.  Rebecca eats a biscuit and reads more about it.  Coach has got his box…fragile, tape on it.  Hope you’re not shipping that out here.  You need somebody to post that?  ‘Cause that person’s not me.  Care package…maybe something to cheer you up.  Battalion of army men to keep me safe, handmade kazoo; excellent.  Only got one of those.

 

Bryant BBQ Sauce, it looks like, and something that can teleport you home, warm and fuzzy.  Rebecca looks at biscuits.  Okay, will that be all, Ted?  No, I’m here to…I’m trying to figure out Jamie Tartt.  That’s when Rebecca gets the idea.  Her eyes light up.  You got an idea?  Well, you two have rapport; that’s good.  Tell you what I’ll do; I’ll give you one of these, and it’ll be your first line of defense against reporters like that Ernie.  Alright, appreciate you.  Then we cut to Keeley’s photo shoot.  She’s a lion in a glitter dress…a glitter fur dress, I guess.  There is a green screen person; I don’t know if…what…maybe they’re a lioness?  I don’t know.  She goes oh, glad I’m not the panda.  We cut to the panda model who’s still in a robe.

 

Then they go to the craft…is that craft services, caffeinated…I get to keep my paws, but you gotta help me eat my sandwich.  I know you’re not here just to feed me.  Oh, I want to talk about Jamie and motivating him.  Ted has on a nice, wool jacket that is not…and a striped Oxford shirt.  Team-building…his hair is perfect, by the way.  He takes a bite of her burger and then he gives her…oh no, they each have their own.  I’m sorry; I was wrong.  Sam said he’s…I definitely was like, I don’t know if he should be eating.  Then we see the photographer taking pictures that could be interpreted as one thing.  Then the official program for a game is three pounds.  Any last words?  Speed on the outside, speed on the outside.  One more thing; happy birthday, Sam.  They wheel in a cake, balloons.  A lot of happy players.

 

They have a poster…here you go…chin chin.  This is all you see growing up.  I know you haven’t had…been home in a while, so we thought we’d bring it to you.  Everybody claps.  Thank you, Coach.  Got a few things in here, no thanks from the Imperialist thing, but thanks for talking about sons and fathers.  My father used to pinch my earlobes.  Jamie heads off.  So, why don’t you keep that, Coach, and I’ll see you later?  Thanks.  Alright, whose house is it if we were playing Crystal Palace?  Derby day…atmosphere’s electric.  New manager, new dawn for perennial underdog here at the Dog Track, Nelson Road Stadium.  Arlo White, Chris Powell…fly’s down; zip it up.  Thank you.  The announcers are joking, the crowd’s cheering not fondly for Coach.  That includes the pub owner’s box.  Give him a chance.

 

But they don’t really want to.  Ninety minutes to prove them wrong.  Give it a shot.  1 – 4…we see Roy frustrated.  Disjointed, uninspired, joyless.  The Palace wins 4 – 1.  Defensive play…Sam was good.  Only bright spot, Jamie says.  Jamie Tartt did add a meaningless goal.  Thank you.  Oh, he’s a lonie?  I don’t know; I can’t…that’s when Coach says hey, by the way, you’re the best athlete I’ve ever coached.  Oh yeah, of course I am.  I work hard, eh?  Yeah, you’re great, everything you do, except for one thing.  You might think you’re one in a million, but you forget you’re one in eleven.  Me into us.  The sky’s the limit.  Heck of a goal, by the way.  Thanks.  Jamie is thrown off, but his ego’s just too strong, I think, or…and what drives his…his ego is driven by something else.  There’s even more jokes.  Roy’s not happy.

 

That means Nate tries to not be happy.  Nate’s stressed, but then Roy goes to take a shower.  He’s like wait a second, the shower pressure…so Roy takes a long shower.  Let’s shake it off.  DJ Beardo, pick up the mood.  A Little Phife Dawg.  Everybody get some cake.  Sam’s birthday…Jamie doesn’t want cake.  Rebecca’s on Twitter, laughing at the defeat.  Ted comes in.  Sweet treats to numb the sting of defeats…defeat, he says.  We could play better than today, but it’d mean a lot if you came down and let them know you’re still in their corner, the team.  Rebecca says Ted, why don’t you tell me where you get these biscuits?  That would get me downstairs.  He goes no, biscuits with the boss.  See you downstairs.  Higgins is impressed with the cake.  Trent Crimm’s waiting for Jamie.

 

He says jeez, we’re just a team, one of eleven.  Never mind.  Oh, I think it was Crystal Palace people…walking by, making fun of them.  But then Jamie says they’re having cake and listening to music with the gaffer like it’s a party, which it is.  Higgins is dancing, the players are dancing, Nate’s kinda dancing.  Roy’s taking a shower…he gets blasted.  The gaffer’s fixed the water pressure.  Bird by bird, Coach.  Goodnight.  You were rubbish.  Yeah, maybe so.  I want to get your advice on one thing, and then he steals the ball.  He tries to get by her, but she takes it right from him.  I’m gonna take my backpack off and stretch.  We get some physical comedy.  I think they’re in front of a ice cream shop.  Camera pans up; it’s Rebecca.  She’s kinda sad, but thoughtful.  She’s always got a journal nearby, too, or maybe that’s her planner.

 

She sees pictures of Keeley and Ted.  Exactly what I wanted.  She has a wireless charger, I think, or is that a…?  Ted’s making biscuits, which I’m gonna make in the next week or two.  I found the recipe.  He makes three boxes.  Rebecca says do it when she sees something else about it.  She throws the army person on the floor, and the episode comes to a close.  We got time to go through some facts from this episode, so this is cool.  So, chin chin, that’s spelled C-H-I-N C-H-I-N, is a fried snack in West Africa.  It is…this is from Wikipedia; it is similar to Scandinavian scat…klenata, a crunchy doughnut-like baked or fried dough of wheat flour and other customary baking items.  Chin chin may contain cowpeas.  Many people bake it with ground nutmeg for flavor.

 

Dough is usually kneaded and then caught in…cut into small, one-inch or so squares about a quarter-of-a-inch-thick before frying.  Usually made up of a dough, flour, sugar, butter, and milk.  Could have eggs, nutmeg, baking powder depending on preference.  It’s cut into different sizes.  That’s Wikipedia.  Let me look up the brand, though, that…it was Love Chin Chin.  I don’t know if it’s real or not.  We’ll find out.  Yeah, let’s see; we got it here.  Oh, and they have different flavors, too, so let’s take a look.  This is on realafricanfood.com.  There’s the vanilla one.  It’s a sweet snack, crunches like a biscuit, tastes like a cake.  100% natural ingredients.  This is vanilla; crunchy, tasty bite.  According to the description, it’s a traditional West African sweet biscuit snack, famous party food treat, popular at celebrations, weddings, birthdays, christenings.

 

Ours has become famous among the West African community.  Now we’re on a mission to let the whole world know about it, the chin chin revolution.  They have five amazing flavors; vanilla, coconut, cinnamon, lemon, and chili.  Yeah, and I think this is a UK company, so let me see if I can buy it anywhere here.  Oh, that’s in Amazon UK.  They don’t have the Love…here’s another one; Triple A.  So, I’ll have to look into it, but definitely something I want to try.  But yeah, so that’s chin chin.  Okay, what about relegation?  ‘Cause they’re in thirteenth…relegation…I think I spelled it wrong.  Premier…P-R-E-M…okay, premier relegation.  Okay, Premier League…that’s also…so, this will be a little bit…this is from the first episode.  It was founded in only 1992.

 

Premier League, also known as the English Premier League or the Football Association Premier League Ltd is a top-level of English football league system.  Twenty clubs…a system of promotion regulation within the English Football League.  Seasons run typically from August to May.  Thirty-eight matches.  Most games are played on Saturday and Sunday afternoons.  The composition was founded as the FA Premier League, 20…February, 1992 following the vision of clubs and the first division to break away from the Football League founded in 1888 because of lucrative television rights.  It’s a corporation with a chief executive…so, there’s a lot more.  We can cover it on and off.  I wanted to talk about relegation, though.

 

Top four, big six…criticism of government corporate structure…promotion regulation…relegation.  The system of promotion relegation exists between the Premier League and the EFL Championship.  The three lowest-placed teams in the Premier League are relegated to the Championship, and the two teams from…so that’d be…twentieth, nineteenth, and eighteenth team.  Right now, after that loss, the…Richmond is in thirteenth place.  Two teams from the Championship…the top two teams from the Championship are promoted to the Premier League, and an additional team is promoted after a series of playoffs involving the third, fourth, fifth, and sixth-placed clubs.  Number of clubs was reduced from twenty-two to twenty in 1995 when four teams were relegated and only two teams promoted.

 

The top flight has only been expanded to twenty-two teams in 1999, before the Premier League.  Yeah.  In 2006, FIFA requested that all major European leagues be reduced to eighteen teams, but the Premier League refused.  So yeah, there’s a little bit about relegation.  Okay, next thing is the best BBQ sauces in Kansas City, and which one does Ted…where is Ted’s land?  Okay, we got two…oh no; that one’s the nine best from Kansas City-style.  Okay, well, there’s only one that came up with the five best, so let’s see that one.  This is on pockpocksom.com; P-O-C-K-P-O-C-K-S-O-M.com.  This is actually from January 26, 2022.  It’s updated.  Don’t see…I mean, I don’t know if the one…I can look it up after this, but according to this, the best one’s…99% is Gates Original, then Jack’s Stack, then Joe’s, then Cowtown, and then Guy Fieri.

 

So, then the…and then another one…this is a Salon article from…oh, April 2022.  But this is best BBQ sauces…brands over the world, but let’s just take a look.  Okay, the first one’s Carolina Tangy Gold.  That’s Cattlemen’s.  Then Stubb’s Mesquite BBQ Sauce, then an Alabama Dreamland BBQ, then the…a white sauce also from Alabama; Big Bob’s Gibson White Sauce.  Then Bachan’s Japanese BBQ Sauce, Jones BBQ Sweet and Tangy, Bone Suckin’ Sauce, Richard’s Vermont Made We Rub You.  So, that didn’t really answer anything, so let’s just go straight to Google for…Lasso BBQ sauce.  It’s the second search anyway.  They say why does Ted say BBQ sauce…something about Season 2.  There’s an article about editing the show.  A lot on why does he say BBQ sauce.

 

Twenty Lasso Easter Eggs that Even the Biggest Fans May Miss; we’ll check that one out.  Okay, let’s see, Kansas; this is on the Ted Lasso Wiki.  Tedlassofandom.com; ted-lasso.  Let’s load this one first.  Yeah, let’s get to the bottom of it.  Kansas is where Ted and Coach Beard are from, Wichita and Kansas City.  The Beard often wears ball caps and shirts with various places, and Ted had BBQ sauce shipped to him.  It doesn’t say the brand here.  Jason Sudeikis is from Kansas, and that even though it was in the show, that Ted Lasso grew up in a unnamed suburb of Kansas City.  Joe’s KC, Arthur Bryant’s BBQ, Gates BBQ, and Jack Stack BBQ are real places in Kansas City.

 

Then others are grounded in reality like KC Signs, Bass Baseball, and another…one…unambiguously inauthentic is Jason Sudeikis’ accent for Lasso, which is a mixture of Southern and Midwestern not common to Kansas City.  Okay, let’s hop over and see if…what are…these Easter eggs are from Season 1.  We’ll use them.  Okay, that one; no.  All the Kansas City love…yeah, we already covered that.  There’s a nod to SNL and the dance…locker room dance.  Let’s see, Cheers references…Ted’s a big fan of Cheers.  Sudeikis is also a big fan.  He’s the nephew of actor and comedian George Wendt.  I don’t know…a lot of this stuff might be in Season 2, so it’s like…don’t love the players, love the name.  If you look around the locker room at lesser-known players, you’ll find a few other Easter eggs, including something for Toni Kukoc from…when he played for the Bills.

 

Let’s see what else.  There’s more real-life inspiration.  I think I just got…oh yeah, more…a lot of this is from Season 2…Season 1, Episode 7; we can’t do that.  Some characters are referenced but never seen, like Richmond’s former head coach.  His name comes up at different times.  Oh no, maybe he’s on a show…is he on that show?  Different signs…I guess these are things to just pay attention to.  So yeah, ‘cause I don’t want to jump ahead.  Okay, Scout's honor is an oath that one is being honest or will uphold a promise.  It is three fingers.  Looks like it’s with your right hand.  I’m trying to find it…Scout's honor, Scout's law…let me see if I put Scout's honor, Jamie Tartt.  T-A…I don’t know how you spell it; I…I don’t know how to spell Jamie Tartt, unfortunately.  Let’s put Scout's honor, Lasso.

 

Problem is, there’s…I think there was a movie called Scout’s Honor.  Yeah; 2009.  Ted Lasso quotes…but I don’t know.  So, Scout’s honor UK, maybe?  This is live research, folks.  You don’t get duller than this.  Scout’s honor UK; okay, this does have something.  The Scout promise…okay, so Jamie could have been doing it for real.  Let’s see here, this is scouts.org.uk.  Then he talks about the Scout’s promise, the different variations of it, why a promise is important, but it’s…I’m having trouble with the cookies.  I don’t see any pictures, but yeah, so Jamie could have been a Scout in the UK.  That answers that question.  Okay, H.O.R.D.E. Tour; that was H-O-R-D-E.  It’s horizons of rock developing everywhere.  It was a touring summer music festival organized by musical group Blues Traveler in 1992, but it also gave exposure to bands, charities, and organizations.

 

It began as a solution to solve the dilemma; five East Coast bands that didn’t want to be in the club circuit in the summertime when other bands were playing sold on amphitheater ‘cause they wouldn’t get…there was no outdoor places that were small enough, so then they’d have to play indoors ‘cause they were playing to crowds like one or two thousand people.  They said jeez, if we each got two thousand people, then we’d be able to fill an amphitheater.  It was inspired by Lollapalooza.  So, let’s see, they had Widespread Panic, Samples, Spin Doctors, An Aquarium Rescue Unit, and Fish on the inaugural tour.  Let’s see, all the bands…there’s quite a long list here.  This is probably a good way to go out.  Some of the bands…Beastie Boy…Beastie Boys is not listed though, but I mean, it doesn’t mean they didn’t or it doesn’t mean Ted doesn’t remember it that way.

 

Seven years, and then the final one took place in 1998.  So, 311, Agents of Good Roots, Lana Davis, All Good, Allman Brothers Band, Aquarium Rescue Unit, Bare Naked Ladies, Beck, Bailiff Fleck and the Flecktones, Ben Folds Five, Ben Harper, Big Head Todd, the Black Crows, Blues Traveler, Cake Like, Chief Broom, Chris Stills, Chrysaldis, Cowboy Mouth, Saikomoto Goat, Dan Dyer, Dave Matthews, David Garza, Dear Liza, Decadent Royals, Dionne Farris, Emmet Swimming, Elderberry Jam, Fastball, Fathead, Food Stamp, Freddy Jones, Galactic, G. Love, God Street Wine, Gov’t Mule, Hatters, Joan Osborne, King Crimson, Kula Shaker, Leftover Salmon, Lenny Kravitz, Marcy Playground, Medeski Martin & Wood, Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Morphine, Mr. Reality, Natalie Merchant, Neil Young and Crazy Horse, Atumba Whitebread Rhythm Ensemble, Paula Cole, Pete Droge, Fish, Primus, Rickie Lee Jones, Robert Bradley, Rudi, Rusted Root, Screamin’ Cheetah Wheelies, Sheryl Crow, Sister 7, Sky Cries Mary, Smashing Pumpkins, Son Volt, Soul Coughing, Soulhat, Spin Doctors, Spiritualized, Squirrel Nut Zippers, Super 8, Taj Mahal, The Authority 2019, the Samples, the Thunder Crowd Singers, the Tragically Hip, Toad the Wet Sprocket, Ugly Americans, Ween, Widespread Panic, Wilco, Ziggy Marley, and the Mother Hips.

 

There were also rumors over the years that they would revive the H.O.R.D.E. Tour, which didn’t happen.  So, that’s cool.  That’s a cool list.  Yeah, another fun episode of Ted Lasso.  Let me just check if there was any other…oh, Spice Girls and Kenny Rogers we can cover at some point.  I think we’ve covered those Boy George…but yeah, that’s a little bit about lulling with Lasso.  I hope you’re resting, and goodnight, everybody.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

(Transcribed by Leah Hervoly)