1094 – Sashes for Wheel Based Beings | Nuns in Space | Season 3 E1
Stan and Scooter are back and those wonderful Nuns are too. Along with some towering delusions to help you sleep.
- Cosmic Demigod Powers
- Sash Shortage
- Little Shop of Horrors
- Meow Wolf
- Black Panther
Notable Talking Points:
- The kind of word that could defend a junkyard
- Swabbing the deck is my middle name
- Sashes for Peace
Episode 1094 -Sashes for Wheel Based Beings | Nuns in Space | Season 3 E1
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and fans of mystery everywhere…because it’s a mystery to me what I’m doing here every time. It’s a mystery what I’m gonna say next, but it’ll be confusing and meandering, ‘cause it’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. Thanks for making it possible, my patron peeps…patron peeps. These sponsors are the way I’m able to do this for you for free twice a week. When your hand hits that fridge tomorrow, sleepwithmepodcast.com/sponsors; look it up. Thanks.
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts on your mind, thoughts, things you’re thinking about, so thoughts about the past, the present, the future. I got all those thoughts. Could be vice…voice…voiced thoughts. There’s a word like vociferous, and I’m pretty sure a lot of my thoughts or parts of my personality…I don’t know what that means exactly, but it sounds…when I see that word as a sight word, could never spell it.
Can barely pronounce it. But doesn’t that look like a…somewhat like a word you’d say…you’d cross the street; you’d say oh, no, you look like…I’m not saying like you’re a junk word, like you’re a junkyard word. Like, if words could defend a junkyard…you know what I’m saying? I’m not trying to demean you, vociferous, if that’s what you mean. I’m just saying I would keep my eye on you. Well, I wouldn’t; I’d say I’d…I would lower my eyes. I guess I’m saying there’s…most of the time, I’m not a super…yeah, but…’cause I think my thoughts…so, if it’s thoughts keeping you awake…it could be thoughts about my grammar. Could be thoughts about Kelsey Grammer, but it could also be thoughts about the stuff…louder thoughts or quiet thoughts.
I have quiet thoughts that can be just…they say oh boy, tomorrow…there’s those ones, too. They say oh boy, you did it now. That’s my voice off of the look on my…my internal nana’s…oh boy, you did it now. Nana’s gonna give it to you now. She’s one of my vociferous thoughts, if I knew how to use that word. So, it could be thoughts, could be feelings related to those thoughts or just something else; something going on or feelings that are just there. It could be physical sensations, changes in your time, your temperature, your routine. You could have something coming up, you could have someone coming to visit, you could have something going on. Whatever it is, I’m here to help and to keep you company and to take your mind off of stuff. So, whatever’s keeping you awake, that’s what I’m here to do.
I’m here to be your friend in the deep, dark night, your bore-friend, if you will, if you’ll have me. The way I do it is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones. Oh, so creaky are my dulcet tones. That means my voice is not perfect, not traditionally soothing. It’s not beloved; it’s…you say, that’s a voice I could tolerate. That’s a voice I could get used to not listen to. That’s a voice that’s better than tolerable, but I wouldn’t call it melodious. It does have some melody, but it’s not melodious. I’d say wow, yeah, that’s my voice. Oh, so creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, and superfluous tangents.
What’s that…what that means is I’m gonna go off-topic, I’m gonna get mixed up, then I’m gonna circle back and forget what I said, then I’ll try to get back to what I said, then I’ll remember something else, kinda like you’ve seen so far. I’ll try…I’ll look at a word…I do have dyslexia, so that makes…I’m better with sight words. Vociferous looks like it has…it has -ciferous, which usually…I’m trying to think of good things that have -ciferous in there. Then vociferous or something; that looks like it’s related to voice. I’m not even sure other words…oh, Cruciferous vegetables are good for you, so I guess…there you go; I’m already wrong. There’s a pointless meander. I think probably every…holy Michael…somebody call Michael Palin.
Finally, Michael Palin has a chance to…another chance to roll their eyes at us, because I said what good could come of -ciferous? They say well, vociferous, ‘cause you don’t know how…the actual definition. But Cruciferous vegetables, it may be a different thing. Would you believe I took four semesters of Latin? I never scored higher than a D. Maybe a C, but…Cruciferous vegetables are well-known to have great properties for you. You know who loves Cruciferous vegetables? My dog, Koa. Make sure to cook them though, ‘cause the gas comes when they’re not properly cooked. You give them a little steam, a little boil, a little bake. Koa prefers her vegetables boiled or steamed. She will eat them raw, but then that…so, what was I…? Oh, a pointless meander.
I didn’t even plan on giving you an example of that, but I did. So, I’m gonna go off-topic, I’m gonna get mixed up. It’s all to keep you company so that you could fall asleep. Welcome, if you’re new, and if you’re a regular listener, I’m so glad you’re here. I’m glad because I appreciate your time. Now if you’re new or if you’re a regular listener and you need a reminder, I’m here to help you or to help you in the deep, dark night, because one, I know how it feels; tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep. I’ve dealt with all of that stuff, and it’s not easy getting to bed for me and I think a lot of other listeners. So if I can help, I’m really honored to do so.
The other reason I want to help is because if you get the rest you need, your life will be more manageable, and that is important to me because if your life is more manageable, you could be out there…it’s not…it’s tough. I know what it’s like to dread bedtime and to be tired during the day. So if I can help with that, it’s important because it means your life’s gonna be better, it’s gonna improve, you’ll be in a position to flourish, and our world will be a better place ‘cause your world’s a better place. That is important. As much as people want to brush it off or whatever vociferous parts of us…are there vociferous plants? I don’t think so, but there…I mean, if there are…they had a musical. Yeah, there was, because there was a musical about them; Plant Shop That Didn’t…Things…That Didn’t Go Well at the Plant Shop, it was called.
But not for plants. Things…the little plant shop where things went well. They didn’t go well, but they didn’t not go well for the plants; they didn’t go well for…I don’t…’cause I don’t know, ‘cause I don’t know if I paid attention or got the whole concept of the musical when I saw it when I was a lad. The Little Pet…it’s not a pet shop, either; it’s a plant shop. Oh, yeah; Audrey 2 or something. I don’t know what happened to Audrey 1. I don’t know. I also don’t know what the definition of vociferous is. Oh, I’m doing a sleep podcast intro. Oh, I’m in the middle of it. So…oh, so I’m glad…I’m here to take…I’m here to help, but this podcast is not for everybody because it’s just diff…it’s very different.
But for the people that listens to…and I’m not kidding, I’m not exaggerating…I think I’ve heard this a million times; it took two or three times for me to get used to the podcast. Those are only the people that stuck around for two or three times. So, see how it goes for you. If it doesn’t work, sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou has other sleep podcasts and sleepy audio, so give it a try and just see how it goes. I really hope it can help you, but it is an acquired taste. I’m just very different and this show is different than most expectations because one, it’s a podcast you don’t really listen to. You just kinda barely listen. You just kinda barely pay attention. Or you listen in the background and you go uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. So, it’s more of a background podcast thing, but you can listen.
I don’t also put you to sleep; I’m here to keep you company is my…while you fall asleep, or if you’re awake and you can’t sleep, I’m here to fill the same role. I’m here to be a barely entertaining person to keep you company in the deep, dark night. Your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-cuz, your bore-sib, your bore-bestie, your neigh-bore, your bore-bor, your bore-bud, your bore-bruh. Whatever it is, I’m here to keep you company so that you could fall asleep or just relax. There’s a percentage of people that can’t sleep. I’m here to the very end if you can’t sleep or if you need a break during the day, you need to take a nap, or you just need some downtime or you need to watch paint dry or do some coating or put a coat of paint…how come people don’t say I’m doing some coating with paint?
I’m not painting; I’m coating the wall with paint and I’m being vociferous vociferously. Oh, I mean, maybe Audrey 2 could have done that. I don’t know. It was a puppet anyway, I think. Spoiler; it wasn’t a real…spoiler; it wasn’t a real plant. It was image…that was an imaginary story ‘cause the plant all…you know how I knew that? Plant had lipstick, I think. That was the first giveaway, ‘cause I said why would a plant have lipstick on it? I mean, dramatically, it’d make me giggle and make me think about kissing it, which wasn’t a good idea. I’ve kissed plants before; I’ve talked about it. It’s probably been 500 episodes since, but I have kissed a plant before, more than once. On the leaf; not on the roots or anything weird, and it wasn’t poison ivy or poison oak because I just kiss house plants, lightly. Just a peck.
I’m not making out with plants. Holy mackerel. I thought this was a intro to a sleep podcast, not one of those…one of my trips…many trips to Northern Europe to be studied. They say, tell us more about this plant-kissing. It’s okay, I understand. I say, how come there’s a team of forty scientists taking notes if you understand? They make faces like they’ve never heard this before. Then they confer among one another like they haven’t heard it before, and they ask questions. They say wait a second, point of inquiry; was it a closed-mouth kiss? Point of…another point of inquiry; what was in your mind while you were kissing the plant? So, yeah. I’ll be back. Don’t worry, Northern Europe. I’ll be back one day, when you pay me.
Like, when it’s all…yeah, when you send…I’d prefer…can I get a…can I take a G6 or something over there? I tell you what; you can…I’ll do some tests on the plane, too. Okay, where was I? Oh, this podcast is not for everybody. Also, so it’s a podcast that doesn’t put you to sleep, doesn’t really…it takes your mind off of stuff, you don’t really…you barely listen to it. What else? Give us more good news. Oh, it’s different structurally than most podcasts. Starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and I say something silly after that so you feel welcome and seen, and you say this might be a place I could check out. I may feel comfortable here. I’m willing to see.
So, that’s the greeting, then there’s support so the show can come out twice a week for free, and that’s from our sponsors and the people that support the show, then there’s support for the listeners of the show, supports for the community around the show, and that ends, and then there’s an intro which I think we’re probably like, twelve minutes into. Some people that don’t like the podcast or the fact that it has to have support don’t…lump the intro in with the support, but really, the intro is a show within a show where I try to describe what the podcast is unsuccessfully, because I’ve never been successful. But the intro also is a way to ease you into bedtime. A lot of listeners are getting ready for bed or getting comfortable or doing other…some other wind-down activity. So, that’s what the intro does.
It eases you into bedtime, because having a wind-down routine is one thing I’ve discovered that works. There is a small percentage of people that are asleep; we’re happy for them. There’s a small percentage of people that skip the intro, and there’s people that listen in different ways on Patreon, like all night or story-only or intro-only. But for the most part, the intro is your chance to get ready for bed and to unwind, and that’s what the intro does, and that’s how I do my bedtime for the most part. Then there’s support again between the intro and the story, again ‘cause the goal of the podcast is to be free on any podcast app you want and come out twice a week, and paying for it is optional in that case. Then there’s a story. Tonight we’ll be returning to our…a series, Season 3…I guess it’s kinda Season 3.
A return to Nuns in Space and Stan and Scooter. So, that’s something anticipated by some and slept through by many. Anticipated by few. Boldly go where few people listen and fall…most people are asleep, and that’s great. Boldly…vociferously mired in misunderstanding; Nuns in Space, maybe. I don’t know. I’ll let Antonio Banderas handle that. But that’s it, and then the show ends with some thank-yous because we really exist because of the support of the listeners. Yeah, that’s the structure of the show, the reason I make the show. I’m glad you’re here. I work really hard, I yearn and I strive, and I really hope I can help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple of ways I’m able to be here for you free twice a week.
Alright everybody, it’s time for a return to our episodically modular series. Somewhere out in space are the nuns of my childhood, and somewhere out there is a man named Scooter and his best friend and sidekick, a sentient soda machine…freestyle soda machine, free and stylin’ that soda machine, named Stan. It’s been a while since we’ve seen them, so I really don’t know what other information…once upon a time…I don’t know, this one’s kind of a…it…I don’t think I need a ton of setup right now. But somewhere in time and space, outer space…well, huh, interesting; somewhere in time and space, there’s those characters, the nuns from my childhood, a sentient soda machine…not even sentient.
That doesn’t…a wonderful, amazing freestyle soda machine, but so much more than that, a being who’s being…whose construction…whose physical form is a freestyle soda machine named Stan, and his sidekick, Scooter, and this is another episode of…our Hollywood announcer here to set it up, all the way…you know, Antonio’s also helping out with those hygiene kits now. If you want to join us, sleepwithmepodcast.com/midnightmission, but yeah, he brings the hi…I tell him not to say hi when he gets here because I say I might be recording. I say, could you just greet…other than when I get on the mic, ‘cause I want that to be fresh, could you just greet me when you…later or something? So, without further ado, our Hollywood announcer, Mr. Antonio Banderas. Thank you.
The friends beyond the binary, the ladies, the gentlemen, the boys and girls, it’s time for Nuns in Space. Whoosh. Spacey. That was spacey and spicy. I feel a little spacey after that, especially when you kicked your hair back, or whatever you did. It made me feel like I was flying through space. I wish I could do that. That’s Mr. Antonio Banderas, and this is Nuns in Space.
Scooter, Scooter, where are you? Or dear pen pal, Scooter, I’m in a tower. I’m wondering where you are. I’m recording this, pen pal, for Scooter, for but I’m also broadcasting it because I’m not with Scooter or anyone. I’m at the top of a tower like you would see in many movies, though it has other…it doesn’t have just one way to look out of the tower. It’s a castle; it’s a tower…it’s more…well, I’m just missing Scooter. I actually need some help. I’m in a situation. I don’t need immediate help, but I could use your help, Scooter, if you’re hearing this. I am living in a tower. I can’t leave the tower, though I can go on different levels and look out. Then there’s also one of those big rooms like you see…even…no one seems…these aren’t…this isn’t on Earth; that’s one thing you should know, but I’ll use Earth-like terms since I know you’re a Earthling.
But you know, castles from movies, they have the greeting hall. This tower has a greeting hall downstairs which I guess is probably not part of the tower, but I can’t go outside of the greeting…I can’t leave the tower facility, the castle, but I don’t have free range of the castle. But I can also go out on different levels of the tower, and there’s a kingdom here within the castle grounds with people. They’re not Earthlings, but you could just assume that they’re Earthlings. They’re…I think they call themselves Branians, like bran. Not Bran from that Medieval show. Branians. I’m here and I have to…something’s not right, and I can’t remember how I got here. Scooter’s not here, but I remember Scooter…I remember everything…a lot of stuff, but I don’t remember what happened before I got here.
But I know my memory’s been wiped or something, and I know something here is not right where I am. So, there’s all these people…I’ll explain it. I don’t know how to explain it; that’s why I wish Scooter was here to misexplain it so then I could correct him. It would be much easier. Oh, pen pal, what if you don’t remember…I’m Stan. I’m a boy, but I’m…I feel like a teen or maybe even a little bit older. But if you saw me and you’re somebody else’s pen pal, you’re get…or you’re somewhere in the universe…if you know who Scooter is, he may be also referred to as a bumbler. He probably has some sort of drink or toothpaste on his clothing. You’ve probably heard of him. I don’t know if you’ve heard of me; I’m Stan, a freestyle soda machine. That’s what they call me.
Scooter’s my best friend, though I don’t know where he is, but I could use him, like I said, ‘cause there’s stuff going on here and I have to give out all these sashes. So, these people wear sashes. This you might understand on Earth, and the sash says Most…I don’t know, Most Improved Smile. That was one I gave out earlier. But they have to be legitimately given out. So they have smiling. One thing you should know; all over the universe, there’s smiling or some form of it, because it doesn’t just represent your mouth and your teeth like a human would think, but you know what I mean. There’s a song about it, a song…there’s…When You’re Smiling or whatever. So, that’s where I’m at, and it doesn’t seem to be helping the…I don’t know. I can’t explain it.
I gotta go, pen pal, ‘cause they need me…I got another…these have to be real sashes. I can’t just make something up and say Most Interesting Question. Then something else happens. So, there’s something else at work on this planet, and things don’t seem to be going well in the sense that…I know I’m not just here to give out sashes, but I’ve been giving out sashes as long as I can remember. I don’t know…not everything’s…my systems are…I’ve been doing diagnostics; nothing seems to be wrong with me, but we know that’s not true. I don’t think I’m in a cloud of…I feel…there’s something delusional here, but I don’t think we’re in the cloud of delusion, which you probably don’t even know what I’m talking about, pen pal. But I’m Stan; I could be your friend.
Couldn’t be your best friend, I mean, though Scooter may not be my best friend if he doesn’t get over here and help me. You may detect it in my voice; I’m not smiling and my smile is not improving. I think things are gonna be okay. I trust my best friend will be here to help me, but I…so, maybe I’ll just say Scooter five times and then I’ll take…then I’m gonna take a rest, and then I’ll go deal with these other sashes. Scooter…Scooter…Scooter. Stan, can’t you…well, he’s just having…Stan, why…why are you trying to wake me up, Stan? Because I was just having a dream and it was going really good. Had someone in my arms; it wasn’t…wait, is this…Sister Maryellen, what are you doing? Why are you waking me up? Hi, sister…oh, yes…oh, yes, forgot; sorry. Ma’am, yes, ma’am. Thank you for waking me.
What is…oh, that…there’s…yeah, there seems to be…that seems to be some sort of alert going off, I would say like the sweet sounds of a siren singing. Yeah, I can understand, Sister; so, you’re all upset. Okay…yeah, no, I’m…I know I’m the enlisted person on this ship. I realize that. Thank you, Sister. None of the readouts…? Okay, I’m going to the Bridge with you. Yes, Sister. Oh yes, I’ll clean up…I’ll make my bed after since this is very import…important enough for me to wake up from my one rest. Okay Sister, so…oh, hello. Reporting for duty here. Scooter…so enlisted, I don’t even…I don’t even know what…yes, yes, okay, I’m listening. Okay, so there’s an alert or a siren singing somewhere on the ship. Oh, it’s going through all the speakers, but it’s not showing up in any of the computers.
I used to have…oh, don’t you think…do we have a ship’s computer we could talk to or interface with or some other digital-based being? Oh, you don’t believe in those things. Okay. Okay, well, I’m gonna head down to the place on the ship with all the wires and the steam and stuff, and I’ll get to the bottom of it. I’ll shut this siren…oh, you know what I could do? There’s no…okay, so there’s no…it’s actually…I like this, so I’m gonna go in the next…so, those are all in the storage closets, which you can also access from the storage utility corridors. Thank you, Sister. You’re right, I didn’t know what I was talking about. Utility corridors; thank you, Sister. Thank you for letting me know. I will go in the utility corridor since that’s where the speakers that seem to be generating the sound is, maybe, and look at it.
I’m gonna…oh, I still have my comforter around me. What I’ll try to do is muffle the sounds initially, and then I’ll try to get to the bottom of it, ‘cause I can tell by the furrows in your brow that you’re not happy about this noise. So, I’ll get right to it. Luckily…yeah, no. Okay, thank you. Okay, going in the utility corridor here, shutting the door. Hey, pen pal, I have this thing on…recording most of the time now, ‘cause I was trying to record my dreams. I think I was having a dream. I don’t think…I was having a good dream and…but then I was having a dream that Stan was trying to wake me up, but…or calling to me over and over again. This looks like it’s recording. I’ve been trying to get it to work. There must have been something…I don’t know if it was something about the sirens.
Before that, I couldn’t get the mic to pick anything up. But yeah, according to this, we’re recording, so I hope I’m…I can listen back to this, pen pal, and then send it out to you. But so, I’m on…I’m trying to find out…so, I’m on a ship. We’ll get to that stuff, but there’s…so, there’s these…they don’t have speakers; interesting. They use the mechanisms of the ship, so I’m trying to muffle where it’s sending out the vibrations. I can’t shove anything…this ship is really well-made. So, the sisters…so, the sisters I refer to, pen pal, just in case you’re not…’cause we’re in a bit of a loop-de-loop here. I’m the only one that’s aware of it, and you know how I remember stuff. But we’re in a loop-de-loop that I’ll try to fill you in on step-by-step. It’s still making noise. Hold on, pen pal; let me go out of these…hello, Sisters.
Reporting for duty. Scooter on the Bridge. Sorry, I’m supposed to say that before…I’m still learning. It doesn’t…by the way, pen pal, it doesn’t matter if I learn. It’s the…it’s always the first time when we go through one of these loop-de-loops, which we seem to be at the beginning of. I don’t remember the last loop-de-loop, but I know we’re…oh, sorry, Sister. I was just muttering to myself how grateful I am. So, I did try to muffle this…so they remember this part, pen pal. Oh, nothing; I was saying I wanted to make sure I phrased my words correctly, Sister. Sisters, yes. So, I tried to muffle those…there’s not speakers on this ship; it is…I’m still familiarizing…yes, I am…I realize my competency…I have been trying to study the schematics, Sister.
Yes, and…but I’m not…I’m the only person on this ship and I’m not…I’m still learning. Okay, yes…well, I can hear your voice…I can hear you loud and clear right over those sirens. Believe it or not, your projection is excellent. So, I…whoever built this ship was very good, Sisters, so you really got yourself a winner here. So, there aren’t speakers on this ship. There’s some sort of device that causes different girders and…not girdles; no, Sister, I did not say anything about a girdle. It causes a vibe…it uses the ship itself as a speaker, so that’s why the siren…but I tried to muffle the vibrate…the thing that’s vibrating. There’s three of them that I found, and I don’t know how many more there are, but I should probably figure…I’m gonna try to figure out…I’ve never…I don’t know…it would be great if you had a ship’s computer.
I realize you’re using computer systems, but something that could…there should be some sort of alert even without a main, sentient computer or android or whatever it is you’re against, but nothing’s coming up, you’re saying. So, as far as you could tell…oh, it’s my…okay. So, I’m gonna…I guess I’m gonna go down to the…take the utility corridors down to the engine room…engineering area, and try to get to the bottom of this. I’m on top…I mean, I’m not on top of it, but I’ll be back. I’ll be…so, if you need me…so, oh, one question, I guess, a point of clarification; how’s everything on the ship handling? Good. Okay. So, everything’s proceeding as normal. There’s just an alert. Okay, I’ll see you all in a bit.
Yeah, no, I realize that even muffled, it’s quite…do you want to try to…you could put in some…maybe…here’s an idea; here, let’s see, there’s a…is there a…there’s a linen closet right down this hall. I’m gonna grab some linens. I think if you take these washcloths and put them under your habits, it’ll also help your ears. I’m not even kidding. Yeah. Oh, you know what, though? We still have…okay, here’s some ear-muffs. They won’t block out the sound, but it’ll muffle them. Good thing we had these ear-muffs in the…you know, it gets cold in space. Sister, did you ever hear Mars isn’t a place to raise…to maybe…I don’t know if they teach kids on Mars, ‘cause…but it’s so cold. Okay, I’ll get back to work right away. Thank you. Reporting…Scooter leaving Bridge.
Okay, so pen pal, I’m back in the utility corridor. I’m headed down to the engineering area which is connected to the engine room. I don’t know…I barely know what I’m doing. Also, it’s really hard to read the ship’s schematics and stuff. But you may detect I’m not really worried about it because of the loop-de-loop. So, I don’t know where to start, pen pal. So, I’m the only…I’m on a ship with the nuns from my childhood, a spaceship. Okay? I don’t know…as far as I could tell, these are the real nuns from my childhood, which some would say is impossible, but this situation is very dreamlike and impossible, but I’m pretty sure real. So, if you take this as real, pen pal, everything I say, and then you say it’s not real…so then, you could explain it yourself.
But I’m gonna explain it just like it’s real even though it’s very out there. All this is true, as far as I know. You know, I have a sensitivity to delusion, so don’t worry; there’s some delusion I have. Am I gonna get…how am I gonna get through this every time? I have a lot of delusion, but those are my own…I don’t have any externally-generated delusions. All my delusions right now are internally-generated. So yes, this could all be one grand delusion, but I don’t…I believe this is real. So, I’m gonna lay out what I think is real, because some of it, I don’t even…oh, I don’t understand it all, either. So, that’s what makes me think…if I was delusional, I would think I knew what I was doing and it’d be okay, but I would also probably be more worried and somewhat calm, and I’m doing my best. So, maybe…I don’t know.
Maybe I’m in the right delusion. Okay, so I’m on a spaceship with the nuns from my childhood. We’ve been there before. I’m Scooter. I’m the only enlisted person on this ship. I work for the nuns. This is their spaceship, and it is the one they were searching for, and I…so, there is some missing pieces. I don’t remember helping them find the ship or enlisting to become their sole crew member, but that’s where things get more and more interesting, ‘cause you may be pen…if you’re my original pen pal, you might be wondering where’s my best friend Stan? First in command or my commanding…who I wish was my commanding officer, a freestyle soda machine, best friend, child who became a teen who’s really kind of a maturing adult, I’d say. Where’s Stan? Where’s the ship? Where are we going?
All that stuff, so I’m gonna set it up for you all, pen pal, but I’m trying to figure out where these…what this alarm is going for, this alert. I’m following the wire, so I guess I’ll keep talking ‘cause they’re going around and doing wiry stuff. But they’re like speaker wires, so I can…don’t worry; I put on gloves too, pen pal. Okay, so like I said, we’re in a loop-de-loop, which means at some point I become aware. Like, I wake up like I did from the dream, and I’m at the beginning of the loop. I’m aware of that, but I’m not aware of what the last loop…how the last loop ended. But I do know we’ve been in other loops before. This is not actually a loop because I’m pretty sure every time, it’s different. Some of that means I just have a sense of that. Now, this is where things get weird.
So, the nuns have no memory of the loop, but they’re not in a static place. They believe we’re on the ship, we’re looking for…we’re headed somewhere to deal with whoever took their ship initially. So, they’re very focused on flying the ship, and the ship does seem to be in outer space or space…traveling through space. I was never one for navigation, but looking at the navigation and stuff on the ship, it does seem to be that they’re going…I don’t know, that that all seems real to them, and in some sense, it seems real to me. But I also know…what I do remember…and you got…you might want to sit down for this one, pen pal; I believe we’re inside of Stan and we’re in some sort of cosmic area. I would say we’re probably in some sort of magical gemstone inside of Stan that has…that’s…and you might say I’m sorry, what?
I’d say yeah, no, it’s a reach, but it could be…it could…this could all be a simulation. If it is, I don’t know what to tell you, pen pal. Hopefully you’re getting these messages and it means something to you. That means that’s good, even though it’s probably not great for me, but you could just think of me fondly and maybe get me back to that dream, ‘cause I had a connection in the dream to somebody. So, okay, so…so, the nuns…I’m on a spaceship with the nuns, traveling through space, what seems to be cosmic outer space but was…is really a space within Stan, which would be impossible except for the fact that what is ever happening with this loop, Stan has cosmic powers or super powers or a div…what are those things called? Demi-god-like powers.
Stan is unaware of those powers even though we’re within Stan somewhere or on him. I don’t know, ‘cause I don’t really remember. Stan does not know we’re inside him. Even if he’s also caught in the loop in the same way the nuns are, it restarts from…I’m pretty sure he remembers vaguely…I know he has a sense of unease, which…and maybe he inherited from me. But he doesn’t have any…he doesn’t retain…you know, Stan will catch up, I think. But so, Stan…this is somewhere…basically, I have to get from the ship to Stan. I don’t remember how I did that last time. I just know I have to do it. Then Stan is somewhere in a real place and he’s grappling with delusion. Stan’s on a mission; his…I don’t know what his godlike powers are. They seem like they’re different every time.
At least, that’s my general sense. But he’s supposed to use his godlike powers to help the people deal with the delusion wherever he is, or help the planet or help the universe. I think I wrote some of this down; let me see. I’m enlisted…oh, it’s kinda like being stuck in a dream. I can’t leave the ship. Stan needs my help. I have to find out how to get to him. So, it’s a little bit like…I don’t know if you know what Meow Wolf is, pen pal, if they still have that, if that’s still a thing, or their installation stayed up. I mean, they lasted for thousands of years in my history. But it’s kinda like that, like how I get to Stan, is I gotta find it…but it’s a little bit more surreal. Well, you say that’s not possible.
But it’s like if you went to…if they said hey, do whatever you want; the Meow Wolf just said you and your…the person you’re with, you got free reign at this installation for the next ten hours, but only one thing in this whole installation leads you to where you want to go. By the way, you have to go there and then you have to help your best friend solve a bigger problem, which is…also, all this is probably beyond your understanding. I’d say well, what’s my motivation, then, Meow Wolf, or whoever’s presenting this? They say well, you…yeah, your motivation’s easy; you’re also stuck on a ship with the nuns from your childhood. You’re vaguely aware that the ship is going nowhere, probably, and you work for them and you’re an enlisted person.
Also, did I mention they’re the nuns from your childhood and there’s really…oh, okay, no problem. I’ll deal with it, then. Say no more. Also, it seems to be a perpetual loop, but it probably isn’t, so eventually you’ll be able to go; you just gotta get to the bottom of that one, too. I say okay, so that’s it, pen pal. Stan has…and you might say well, okay, probably a simulation or a delusion. Stan’s powers could just be nanobots, right? I say, they could be. If you had…yeah, a power of a nanobot swarm that uses your arms and your legs…but at this point it’s fully integrated in Stan, so he doesn’t even…he doesn’t look like it, but he does have it. He doesn’t even know that anymore, and a lot of times he’s not really mobile.
Okay, these wires and…I guess this is the thing; it’s like…it must be the siren is calling me, ‘cause these wires are not going anywhere, because I’m back…man. So, I don’t know. But yeah, so…okay, so basically that’s what’s happening; we keep appearing in worlds that needs Stan’s help. Stan needs my help. Again, you said there’s your first pure delusion. I say well, Stan could use some help. How about that? I’m pretty sure…I mean, I have a theory. It’s pretty straightforward; the delusion is spread throughout the universe, lands on a planet or in a galaxy and causes a bunch of havoc. We gotta get the delusion…the chunk of delusion outta there. I can’t tell if…why we have to do it in this particular manner, but that’s…I’m finally living a process-based existence, pen pal, not voluntarily, and mostly alone in the sense that I only briefly get to see my best friend.
He doesn’t…he knows who I am, but he doesn’t know everything that’s going on. Normally I’m late to help him, and then I get to come back…so yeah, it’s…I’m living a process-based…not a dream, but I wish it was a…I wish…yeah, I wish it was a dream. I’m trying to think of what else…okay, so these things…you know what I’m thinking, pen pal, is…so, the ship is vibrating from this alert, and maybe instead of muffling it…like, so, there’s these girders back here. I think I just…I’m gonna hold onto this thing and press my face against…it’s not the super…it’s like a humming vibration, more powerful than that. If I just get…if I let the vibe…if I let myself be vibrated…is this what vibranium is? Wasn’t that one of the things on one of those movies? But I think that’s everything you need to know, pen pal.
Probably…hopefully the next time…I’m gonna keep recording, but I’m gonna hold onto this. Hopefully Stan’s recording, too. Oh wait, I gotta check in with the nuns. But let me see if I do it just for a second. But I’m pretty sure…huh, wait a second. What if I…you know what I need to do to help the sisters, because I think that’s another part of this that I just remembered, is I have to actually increase the…so, I’m de-muffling the vibration. Let me follow those back, ‘cause there was a couple switches. Oh, wait a second, so if I turn this on, the whole ship is gonna vibrate, and I think that’ll be something…’cause before…and oh yeah, look at this; steady pulse. It was set to alert. I didn’t even know…I should have read…read the instructions, you know?
So right now…whatever this is, it’s just…it was sending out an alert that was using some of the loose bolts on the ship to make that siren sound. But if I set it to steady pulse, then the whole ship will vibrate. I think once it’s vibrating, the sisters won’t even know. So, I’m gonna check that, and then I’ll lie to…then I can just lie down on the floor. I didn’t…wasn’t looking forward to holding my head against the girder. Well, no; I’ll hug a girder. You know, pen pal, you would like that. Oh, so…okay, hey Sisters, how’s…I dealt with that siren. Oh, Scooter on…Scooter on…Scooter on deck, on Bridge. Yeah, Sisters. So, the siren…the alert is dealt with. Oh, you know what it was, Sister? Oh yeah, I’ll get the cap, the D-U-N-C-E cap. Yeah, Sister, it was. I did not read the switches, so…a switch was mal…I was malfunctioning using a switch.
User error. Okay, yeah, now I’ll go swab…of course, swabbing the deck is my middle name. Which particular…? Oh, you like to say that ‘cause there’s no deck outside, ‘cause space is a vacuum. But yeah, no, I’ll go swab the bathroom decks. I get it. I’ll see you soon, Sisters. Scooter leaving with his cap, leaving…no, don’t worry; I got a chalkboard in my room. My whole room is a chalkboard, remember? All the walls and the ceiling the floor? Luckily I have a ventilation system. But yeah, don’t worry; I’ll write that…user error. Read the switch; that’s what it was, Sister. You’re right.
You know what I learned from all of you sisters is to take a pause, a pause when my strong feelings…and I’m so grateful for that. I know this is another chance for me to remember to just pause when…because if I didn’t learn that from you, I don’t even remember pausing; that’s how good you are, Sisters. That’s how this…integrated learning where I just keep writing it over and over. User error? Okay, I’ll do that later. Hopefully I’ll dream about…thank you, Sisters. Leaving the Bridge. Scooter leaving the Bridge. Thank you. Okay, so now I’ve…I guess I’m gonna lie down here…oh no, I’ll hug a girder. I’m hug…I’m gonna fully embrace it like I’m with a tree. My legs are wrapped around it, my arms are wrapped around it. Oh yeah, and I can hear…you know what? It sounds like Stan is calling me.
Scooter, Scooter, you’re here hugging me. Oh, I say Stan, sorry. Scooter, where you been? Stan, I’ve been trying to get here to help, and I just…I got sidetracked. Sorry about…I’m so sorry I’m late, Stan. Scooter, I’ve been…well, I’ve been concerned that you weren’t gonna come, so let’s…Scooter, can I tell you what’s going on? Sure, Stan. Go ahead. Scooter, we’re short on…we’re having a sash shortage and we’re short on sashes. So, we’re in a castle, Scooter. Look out over there; that’s the…this is the…everybody lives here within the castle…within the kingdom, I guess. Within the castle walls, Stan? So, is this…but it’s…oh, what are…those are the people, Scooter. I know they’re different. Yeah, they have wheels. I know, but they don’t really use their wheels other than to wheel around.
I mean, they look like wheels, Scooter, but those are their…it’s part of their bodies. They’re not machines. Okay, let me just focus. What are these people called? They’re Branians, Scooter. Okay. You have a sash shortage, a shortage of sashes. Scooter, we do. I’m proud of you for being able to…so, Scooter, I should back up. I’m a little confused, but I know that I got…at some point there was a lot of trouble here. That’s why there’s a castle and everybody lives in the castle walls. But there used to be other castles, and these people were all…like Brutus; you know, remember Brutus? That’s a nickname, right? Or Bluto? Okay, I got you, even though these are different than humans, they behaved in a human…Scooter, yeah, they’re sentient beings. Okay. They have consciousness and all that.
Scooter, just like me now, right? Right, Stan. You’re doing…by the way, you’re doing great. I’m sorry I’m late, but it seems like you’ve been doing the best job you could, which is pretty darn good. Oh Scooter, you’ll be proud of me, then. So Scooter, when I found out was that…yeah, there was a bunch of groups; they didn’t all get along because they all wanted…I guess deep down, kinda like I learned from you, they wanted to be seen for something special. They wanted to be seen and say hey, you’re doing a good job. But they couldn’t see that; alls they could see is that it made them grouchy, or they say I’m gonna go do this thing and it’ll get me…it’ll help me feel that way. They were very focused on…parts of you, Scooter, sometimes that are like, now; me feel now and do this.
Okay, so that caused a lot of chaos in this world? Sure, Scooter. Strong disagreement; dance-offs, big farm visits. Okay, that doesn’t sound great. It wasn’t, Scooter. When I got here, it was not great. It was bleak. Okay, and then what happened? Well Scooter, I tried to talk to them and reason with them and all…it didn’t work. Okay, and then what happened? Scooter, eventually I stumbled upon this idea. I don’t remember when, because some of it, again, is not clear. I think it was…you remember that ticker…magical ticker tape machine you were telling me about? Yeah, I do, Stan. Well, I got so mad, but I didn’t want to…with…I was frustrated, Scooter. I was having strong, strong feelings. Also, by the way, Scooter, I found some of the wheel-based beings attractive.
Well that’s good, Stan, that’s good. It was distracting. But then they behaved in a way…okay, so your feelings got hurt at some point. Scooter, they did. My feelings were not returned, but I was also mostly…I was just processing my feelings, not sharing them. Stan, you really…I’m so proud of you. Scooter, so, I started ticker taping when I…my feelings. You know, the other stuff we did with…when my first crush and my second crush. Yeah, so you were writing love poetry or something? Well no, I was more…yeah, I was processing. Then somebody said…I was trying to meet…again, have these councils of peace or whatever, and one time I just started shooting out ticker tape. Someone was like, what is…they were all mesmerized by it, ‘cause the wind was blowing, I was very…it was shooting out like an out-of-control receipt printer.
I saw they were…like that, and someone said, the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I thought, that’s what I was thinking about this wheel-based being that I was attracted to. So, I printed that out and I gave it to them. Everyone was stunned. Their face, Scooter; they were like…even though it was like…again, I wasn’t meaning those exact words, right? I was saying, I see something special in you, and that’s the words I could put to it when I was just expressing myself via ticker tape. Okay, so you’re…it didn’t advance your…you don’t have a relationship with them, but it made them feel special and good to be…to…experiencing…you’re seeing them as something special. Scooter, yeah, and they were the leader of one of the other groups. Then everyone started clamoring.
Now luckily, my processors were all firing and I realized well…oh, also, it started raining. So, it didn’t all happen at once, Scooter, but I realized oh, that deteriorated; the ticker tape doesn’t last in the rain. Eventually, I stumbled upon this idea, Sashes for Peace. I had started giving out sashes to everyone. I learned that it only works if it’s real. Then I started having to work so I could process enough raw materials to keep printing sashes. Then I had to manufacture a sash with sash printers and then sash raw material creators. Also, I can’t leave this tower or anything, Scooter, so I can’t…so, I had to…anyway, it hasn’t been great. Eventually if I was…as long as I keep printing out the sashes and seeing people…I have to interview them. Well, now I have them fill out stuff and then…so I can just process it and be ready for them.
Stan, your processing power is always impressive. Thanks, Scooter. But so…but we’re almost out of raw materials for sashes. I feel like something about this area…like, the people, they just don’t seem to be doing good even with their sashes and feeling seen. It only lasts a while, then I have to give them a new sash. It just seems like this is some sort of…Scooter, go ahead. It’s like a stopgap measure or something. Correct, Scooter, so I don’t know what to do next. Okay, so maybe we have to…did you…what happened next for you, because even though you’re making these sashes, what else have you tried? Because I know you, Stan. Scooter, you’re right. So, I tried to come up with something better than sashes, but everything was resource intensive, so we tried trophies. They didn’t work.
Small awards, I tried digital rewards, I tried sky-writing with lasers at night, I tried giving out speeches, I tried not giving out…but they were very short…they don’t have a lot of patience on this planet, Scooter. Okay. Do you think anybody knows that things aren’t…that this isn’t a sustainable way of life? Scooter, no, and I don’t think this is a…there’s something about this area. I’m stuck in this tower, so of course now everybody on the whole planet, I think, lives nearby, which is making it harder. Well, wouldn’t…come up here; look at…this is the top of the tower, Scooter. Look, there’s…not that far in the distance, see all that? There’s those mountains and…oh yeah, that’s…I don’t know if that’s riparian area.
That seems to be a watershed…yeah, and this area is kinda dried out and…and Scooter, they won't go there. Okay, so…huh, so, have you tried telling them they’re not allowed to go there or that they are, or challenging them? Scooter, I did. We’re right in sync, Scooter. At first, I said if anybody wants a bigger sash, they could go explore that area. They said oh no, no, no, we don’t go there. So, then I started giving out sashes for…I said no one can go there if you want a sash, but that actually…they said okay, I want my sash now. Okay, so they don’t want to wait, they don’t want to go into the area that seems to be where they would flourish. They have wheels; I think that’s more of a distraction for me. You know what, Stan?
The one thing I real…listened to…one of the things I heard in your story other than it sounds like you kinda had…you asked someone out and they didn’t reciprocate and it sounded like you were dealing with it pretty good. Scooter, it didn’t go. It didn’t…I just had to process all my feelings. I cried. Okay. Did you make that face you make where your face…like we feel like your face says everything and you hope that the other person can’t see it? Scooter, I did, I think. It’s like blushing if you were injected with something you don’t like to eat. That’s it, Stan. So, Scooter, yeah. Okay, well, the one thing other than that that stuck out to me was that when the wind…there was something else about the sash, right, that initially…and the sashes…I’m looking around.
That’s part of their wheeling, is the billowing of the sashes? Okay, Scooter. What are you getting at? I’m just thinking if they’re impatient, we have…maybe we need to be patient and just accept…so, what if we start putting up…not…’cause you’re gonna run out of sash material, so this is…we do have to do something. So, put some giant sashes in the forest where they’re gonna blow, and maybe they accentuate…I’m gonna have to trust you on this, your power and processing power. I’m pretty sure you’ll be able to do it faster than you even think, and maybe entice it more. Like, maybe put some sounds. I don’t know what other natural beings there are or scents. Scooter, I’m doing it. Yeah, I see those…see? Your power…something’s going on with you, Stan. Scooter, I’m trying to fix things, here.
So yeah, put some deeper, deeper in the forest, kinda like a weenie for a ride at a theme park. Okay, and now start to put out the message when you meet with your people, and let’s see what we’re gonna do. I don’t know…so, nobody’s moving towards those. Okay, so then…yeah, when you have your meetings with…maybe start to…you have a way to communicate with everybody? Scooter, I do, because that’s how I get everything ready. There’s gonna be another…I’m supposed to do another sash presentation. Everybody watches at everybody, too. Okay, so…huh. I think what we gotta do is we gotta get you out of this tower, Stan. Scooter, I can’t leave. Okay, you can’t leave, but we gotta get you out of the tower and we gotta get the people out of the town. I think you can…you can’t physically leave, huh?
Okay, so here’s the thing, Stan; I’m gonna leave. I’m gonna go deep the in the forest and follow the sashes. Scooter, don’t, ‘cause I need your help. You’ll have to figure out a way to get out of the tower yourself. Then we also probably have to…if you get out of the tower, we have to launch the tower, so if you could try to figure out a way to launch the tower, but not with you in it…Scooter, you…Scooter, I start…okay, and then start a countdown. Scooter, why am I listening to you? I don’t know. I’m not…I think because you know it’s part of the plan. Scooter, I don’t want…so, I’m gonna…Scooter, I don’t…Scooter, the tower’s gonna launch. Okay, well, how…you got a little bit of time though, right? ‘Cause I gotta leave and…you’ll join me. Scooter, I will. Okay.
Yeah, ‘cause I don’t want to be…I want to hang out with you, Scooter. I want to hang out with you, Stan. I’m sure you’ll figure it out. I know you can’t leave the tower, and we also have to get this tower off the planet without you in it or any of the Branians. So, I’ll see you later. I love these floating sashes. Scooter, you could stay, though. You’re not gonna really leave; you’re just using this as a technique. Kind of. I think you have to leave too, ‘cause Stan, I think the only thing holding you back is…Scooter, you’re right. Okay, so, that’ll get us to leave. Yeah, you’re right, Scooter. Okay. So, maybe…so, am I supposed to just say well, that…yeah, you’re just supposed to let go, Stan. We can always come back to this planet, especially after we get the tower back on.
So, this isn’t like you’re never to return; you probably won't. It’s probably a no. Scooter, that’s…yeah. But let’s just see what’s out there. Then you also…we have to get everybody else out of the tower and into the woods. But I think getting the tower…yeah. Okay Scooter, so let’s go down…why hey, everybody, it’s Stan here. This is Scooter. He’s from Earth. Say hi to everybody, Scooter. Hey everybody. Hey, yeah, I’m Scooter. Scooter…everybody, I banned…you know, I’ve banned everybody from going deep into the woods and I’ve been thinking a lot about that, and all of the sashes everybody needs. I banned Scooter from wearing sashes because I started to look at all the algorithms and I thought…I don’t know if anybody else notices these things about Scooter, but there was just not enough to…there was…he was too much for one sash.
He’s one person…I mean, I think a lot of people are like that, maybe. I don’t know if anybody else feels that way. He can’t be summed up in one sash. Best Friend Ever, Most-Likely to…Most…he’s got so many things that couldn’t go on one sash. So, I told him he would have no sashes. He’s beyond the sash. I banned him from ever wearing a sash, ever. I don’t know, does anybody else feel like that, that it’s like well, I feel this; I’d like to…Stan, excuse me. As someone who’s…I think I’m beyond this, too. I heard about this place deep in this woods there. Those sashes are calling me. I know you’ve banned me not to go, Stan, but once upon a time, I heard that you could go…there was reflective water deep in that woods, and you could look in the water and see yourself as you really are.
I want to see if I could see what I…what you say you see in me. I don’t know if I can. I may have to ban myself from seeing what I…but I see a lot of these sashes around, and I wonder what it would be…look like…look…feel like if you really feel like you’re not just the greatest smiler in the land. But you are the greatest smiler in the land, and you’re pretty excellent at tying your pants or whatever those are, above your wheels. Oh, that is a girdle. It might…and maybe looking at the…I don’t know, but we’re banned from going there. But I’m going because I want to feel…I don’t know. There’s something in me. I don’t know if anybody else can relate that says if I see that…and I really see it…you know what? I see it in all of you, is weird too. I feel something in me stirring when I see the…how great all of you are.
You’d probably be faster than me with your wheels anyway, ‘cause I can’t imagine what it’d be like to be there and be the first person there, but then be able to share it with everybody else. Oh, Stan. Scooter, it worked; they’re all gone. It did work, Stan. It worked by us working together. Scooter, so the tower’s gonna launch in a few minutes, so we should go. Yeah, we should walk together, Stan. Scooter, I could just walk right out of the tower. Yeah, I think you just had to…well, that wheel-based being left, too. Yeah, Scooter, could we go and look in the water? I don’t think we’re gonna be able to, Stan. Something is happening, but it’s not happening to our friendship or to our ability to be friends and work together. So, we’ll be back together soon. Scooter, there goes the tower, launching.
Yeah, pretty sure that tower is…as soon as it leaves the atmosphere, we’ll both be deep asleep again. Scooter, what do you mean? I’ll see you again soon, Stan. Scooter, are you saying…? No, no, I’m not saying anything like that. This isn’t metaphorical. I’ll literally see you again and it’ll feel like we never left. Well, you’ll be waiting for…keep waiting for me, Stan. But remember, we can always come back here and see. It’s like letting go and seeing. No, maybe you should go in the woods and see your reflection as you walk off. Hey, pen pal. Stan’s…don’t worry, Stan, I’m right behind you.
So, I think we got this planet. I think we got the delusion off this planet, and more than that, met wheel-based beings, pen pal. I think that’s the first time I’ve met a organic, wheel-based being. I was afraid to look because I was afraid I was stare, so I’m…now my brain is like, why didn’t you look more? What is the…what is it…I said sorry, brain. So, things are fading, pen pal. I think I’m gonna be back inside Stan inside a ship inside my bunk soon, but I’ll keep messaging you. I know between Stan and I, we’ll figure this out. There can only be so much delusion in the universe, pen pal. We’ll get to the end of it soon, and then I’ll come see you. Goodnight.
[END OF RECORDING]
(Transcribed by Leah Hervoly)