1061 – New Furry Toys | Spice Friends 7

Notable Language:

• Swirly Straw
• BeakFurFish
• Sonic Grind

Notable Culture:

• Digimon
• Cerberus
• The Hobbit

Notable Talking Points:

• But if a multi-tool was combined with a swirly straw
• We have to practice consensus to build consensus
• You’re still President of the World to me

Episode 1061 – New Furry Toys | Spice Friends 7

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER:    Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls…I forgot I was gonna prepare something, but I didn’t want to sacrifice to bring the lulls on time.  But I did…I do…I did want to…I do…I’m here to…sorry; ‘cause I thought I would…my goal…one of my goals — now, you’re gonna be hearing this in the future, out of order — was to do one of these little teasers, welcomes, to every song on the new Weeknd album.  I guess part of me did not want to sacrifice and sit down and do it.  Part of me forgot to sacrifice.  But you could sacrifice your thoughts to my lulls.  I’m going off…you don’t even have to, actively, because I’m gonna be here with lulls that are twice as nice and that are not cold as ice, but they’re somewhat…I’ll try to rhyme just thrice.  Now I’ll move on.  If you’re confused or slightly…what?  You’re in the right place.  It’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  I couldn’t do it without all you patron peeps.

 

INTRO:    [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna try to do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake.  It could be thoughts on your mind, thoughts that you’re thinking about about about the past, the present, or the future.  So thoughts, feelings, anything coming up for you emotionally related to those thoughts or that are just there, or, you know, feelings.  We got them.  We’re humans; we got them.

 

I think probably…feelings; they’re around, especially at bed…they like…feelings; they like coming up at bedtime.  Something else that comes up at bedtime; physical sensations, changes in routine, time, temperature, things coming up, things that just happened, things going on.  Whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, I can promise you there’s probably someone out there that’s gone through something similar, but I can guarantee you all…as well that there’s hundreds of thousands of people that know how it feels, including me.  Even if I don’t know exactly how you’re feeling right now, I could probably relate, or someone else out there can relate.  That’s kinda weird in a one-way podcast to try to bridge that, but that’s just the truth.  There’s other people out there.  That’s why I make this show.

 

So, whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, I’m here to take your mind off of that, and the way I propose to do it is to create this safe place, to kinda earn…I say…it’s been a while, I think, since I’ve said it, but maybe I said it yesterday; it’s…I’m here to earn your trust by losing it, or earn your trust so I can lose it, to build rapport so you…this is the only thing where I’m gonna build rapport, ideally.  So, then I can see rapport written and say rappeois?  Is that rappoi?  Rappois?  Rappoise?  Then you say, you just lost all the rapport you built.  I say, great.  That means you hopefully are falling asleep.  But ways I propose to do that, I smooth and I pat and I rub down this safe place, and I send my voice across the deep, dark night.  I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones.

 

Creaky, dulcet tones kinda mean my voice is not perfect, it’s not traditionally soothing or comforting.  It may become that for you, but it’s a little bit different.  Also, I utilize point…I mis-utilize…it was…it would be like…here’s what Sleep With Me would be if it was a physical item, may…one of the many.  It would be if you took one of those Swiss Army knives that has…or a…one of those tools, leather tools or whatever they’re called.  Multi-tool; that’s what they call it.  Let’s just call it a multi-tool so we’re not…if those companies want to send me some dough, that’s great.  So, if you took a multi-tool and you combined it with a swirl…what do they call them?  Can’t even…swirly straw?  Those have kind of…I don’t know.  They’re not as popular anymore.

 

I think when…kid…80’s kids, you can…they say holy cow, this is groundbreaking; it’s a straw where the liquid goes in loops and circles if you really suck hard.  I said boy oh boy, I’ve sucked hard my whole life.  I can relate to that.  But I think about it.  Somewhere, someone invented that, and it was successful.  I would guess it would probably one of those things that was invented by multiple people at the same time or within a same time-span.  I don’t know.  I guess I know a future podcast topic.  Are those called…?  That’s not a bendy straw.  A bendy straw is the one that goes…makes a noise, like rrump-ba-rrumppa.  A curly straw is not what they’re…I want to call it a swirly straw, but I bet somewhere in the world, that’s some sort of term that makes people giggle.

 

They say, swirly straw, that’s…so…or like a…some…you say, where am I?  I thought I was listening to a sleep podcast and you were explaining how to do it.  I say oh yeah, well, if you took a multi-tool and you combined it with a swirly straw…you didn’t put a swirly straw in a multi-tool because that…well, that’s brilliant.  Probably not a good idea with…the multi-tool stuff tends to be hard and metally, or metallic.  No, not metallic; made of metal or iron or whatever.  I don’t know, some sort of hard alloy.  Oh boy, my brain’s really busting out some vocab; rapport and alloy in the same episode.  But it’s more if…you say, is that…?  It’s hard to put into words what Sleep With Me is.  You say it’s like a bendy straw and a multi-tool fell in love, held hands for a very long time, maybe kissed, and then one day there was another exist…thing in existence.

 

You say, what?  Oh, that’s wonderful.  It has all of the qualities of both of you.  That’s, I think, how people would say…and anyway, I got…here’s my…here’s the card and some balloons; gotta run.  Congratulations.  So, okay.  So…oh, so if you’re confused, that’s…that sums it up.  I’m gonna send…oh, lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders.  It means I go off-topic, I get mixed up, I talk about seemingly almost nothing, which we just did.  So, you got an example there.  That’s a…that was a pointless meander and then a superfluous tangent.  I think…you say, what’s the difference between those two things?  Pointless meander’s usually about other stuff, and then a superfluous tangent’s when I have to make it about me.  I think I successfully did both of things.  I’m not positive about that, so don’t hold me to it.

 

But if you…in this moment, that’s what I believe the difference between the pointless meander and a superfluous tangent is.  Okay, so if you’re new, I’m glad you’re here.  Let me give you some info so that maybe you feel more comfortable.  I can earn that rapport, and then you could…you don’t even have to take it away; you just let it fall out of your hands.  You sign the rapport and then you say, where was it?  So, the reason I make the show — I kind of alluded to earlier — is so you feel less alone in the deep, dark night when you’re struggling to fall asleep.  I know how that feels; tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting asleep, trouble staying asleep.  I’ve been through it.  I know how it feels.  I know how it feels the next day and the day after that and the day after that, so I’d like to help for that reason.

 

But more important than that is the fact that you deserve a good night’s sleep.  You deserve a place you can rest.  You deserve a wind-down routine that eases you into bedtime, a bedtime you don’t dread that maybe you look forward to or at least feel ambivalent about that feels safe.  I would like to be a part of that, but even if I can’t be, it doesn’t change the fact you deserve it, and if you have a place you can rest most of the time and that feels good to you, the world will be a better place because your life will be more manageable and you could be out there flourishing and growing.  That means the world we lives in is a better place.  Even if you’re just rested an hour more of rest or feeling less alone, I know that’s when I’m a little bit better, a tiny bit better.

 

That’s very important to me because it is important and you’re important.  So, even if this show doesn’t work for you or even if you’re already like, I loathe you and your voice, you’re not alone.  Pretty common response.  You could all…just remember; sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou, just like if you were to say huh, I hear what you’re proposing.  No thank you.  I hear your creaky, dulcet tones.  Sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou.  I see your pointless meanders; no thank you.  You could check that out.  It has other sleep podcasts and sleepy stuff on there.  That being said, the majority of the listeners who listen on a regular basis…some people listen to ten episodes every single night.  Some people listen to ten episodes a month, and everything in between.

 

Some people listen to one episode over and over and over again.  But all of them…not all of them, excuse me; a lot of people say…have said a, it took me two or three tries to get used to your show because I…you talked about…I don’t even know what you were talking about, but it didn’t make any sense.  Wasn’t what I expected, didn’t sound like what I thought…it took me a little while to realize oh, okay…and that’s like most people that listen to the show on a regular basis.  Some people…I talk about this a lot and it’s true and it’s okay; they say, I really disliked you or the style of your show, the tone of your voice, or the way I carry myself.  Then I tried the show again a year or two later and I realized oh, okay, that’s part of the process.  Being barely likeable, it’s a…I’m just being me, but I’m an acquired taste.

 

It’s not…this is somewhat of a no-judgement zone, ‘cause it’s…I’m trying to build a safe place.  Not a perfect safe place, but you know, so, some judgments, keep…just have them and then let them float away.  That also goes into the first thing about the show that’s hard if you’re new; it is the kinda podcast…you just let it float away.  It’s not a podcast you focus on or you listen to or even where I tell you a bedtime story and it slowly leads you on a journey to sleep.  It’s kinda like a puffy cloud that’s floating away that you’re barely aware of.  So, it’s…another thing; just see how it goes.  Listen just like I was playing in another room, and you’ll kinda develop over two or three tries how you like to listen to the show.

 

That even may change over the years, because I know listeners…some people by their first names that have listened to the show since I started it, or that have come and gone as their lives have changed.  So, just barely listen to me.  I guess…I think I’ve established my at least qualifications for not being listened to thus far.  We could all agree on that.  You say okay, you are qualified to be barely listened to.  The other thing that’s strange about this being a sleep podcast and kinda…I started it in 2013; there wasn’t a lot of stuff like this.  Now there’s more options, but this is a sleep podcast you don’t really listen to anyway.  I’m more here to keep you company than to tell you a story that puts you to sleep.

 

I’m here to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-cuz, your bore-bestie, your bore-bor, your neigh-bore, your bore-bruh, your bore…did I say bore-bestie?  Your bore-friend.  I’m here to be your friend in the deep, dark night to talk, and you don’t have to listen to me.  But if you wake up or even if you’re sleeping and I’m playing, that’s part of it.  I’m here for you, and if you can’t sleep — there’s a small percentage of listeners who can’t sleep at all — I’m here.  They know it.  I’m here to the very end.  Or if you’re having something going on during the day, that’s what I’m here for, to keep you company.  So, those two things can really throw people off, obviously, ‘cause there’s not a lot of shows that say don’t listen to me, and this is a sleep podcast, but I’m not gonna put you to sleep.

 

I’m gonna keep you company while you fall asleep.  So, those are two things.  What else can we go for?  Oh, the structure of the show; that can also, understandably, throw people off.  Our show starts off high-energy, with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, something, something…I don’t want to skate on ice or whatever I said.  If I do, I…if I do a spin, it won’t be thrice.  But hopefully our skate will be nice.  Whatever I said at the beginning of the show, those…I’ve said, those are probably better rhymes…is…the show starts off with a greeting so you feel seen and welcome in, and you kinda get the idea oh, the show’s a little bit silly.  Then we have support for the show.  Again, high-energy.

 

It’s the start of the show and it’s what keeps the show free for everybody whenever they want it on whatever podcast they want it, unless it’s like a closed ecosystem, but…because that’s important.  That’s my goal.  That’s what I’m trying to achieve on a regular basis, is hey, if somebody wants the show, they can just listen to it.  It’s sponsor-supported, partially.  So, that…the show starts off with support for the show, then support for the listeners and the communities around the show, support for something I might support, a non-profit or something, and then there’s the intro.  For some, under…I guess understandably, some people, they hear the support and they say…they feel strongly or the high energy to support the show, and they feel strongly.  But then after that, between minute six or eight to minute twenty or so is the intro, which we’re in the middle of, here.

 

It’s a show within a show, and sometimes people think it’s part of the business or housekeeping.  It’s really a show…and someone just wrote a review about it, that ideally, it echoes a wind-down, a mental wind-down.  The intro all…it follows a similar structure, but it’s different every time, and it’s meant to give you some wind-down time, a transition from being awake to asleep, maybe kind of reflective of how my mind works and how this listener that reviewed the show’s works, where maybe you’re thinking about something and then you don’t even realize it.  If you’re thinking about something nice, counting sheep is an example, and then all of a sudden it doesn’t make any sense, it stops…it slowly leads you off into the twilight and you’re like oh, maybe I’m asleep, or then the next thing you know, you’re waking up.

 

So, the intro is meant to ease you into bedtime, and it’s just a transition.  Now, some people skip it; totally cool.  Some people listen to story-only episodes; totally cool, and some people fall asleep.  That’s awesome.  Looking good.  Sleeping…oh boy, I love watching your breath.  You look so amazing.  I wish I was a crooner instead of a creaky, dulceter so I could sing you a tune about how your breathing relaxes me while you sleep.  But for most listeners, it just helps ease you into bedtime.  It’s part of their wind-down routine, which is something that really works, is having that wind-down time, maybe doing something else chill or maybe just listen to the show while you’re getting ready for bed and getting in bed and getting comfortable.  So, that’s the intro.

 

Then there’s more support between the intro and the show, again because of the goal; free twice a week, a bunch of episodes in the archives.  The sponsors and the support make that possible.  Then there’ll be a story.  Tonight will be our ongoing, episodically modular story, Spice Friends, so you can listen to it in any order, and it’s really nice.  Talk about what our world would be like with giant Spice Friends, right?  Totally, totally sleepy.  But you know, can’t be just Spice Friends walking around, ‘cause I guess the reason you say Scoots, why do you put work into the show?  ‘Cause our brains put work into keeping us awake, I guess is my simple theory today.  So, I gotta make a story that’s just barely interesting to keep your brain engaged, ‘cause your brain’s pretty smart.  It’s got grey matter and all that stuff.

 

I don’t know if it’s…it’s important, so it’s important for me to engage your brain barely.  But some people say well, you could read the…I say, I don’t think…I don’t know if that would work.  There’s other stuff that does that for other people, but this show…just barely engaging and different every time.  That’s why I tell a story.  I also tell it, like I said, for people that are lonely in the deep, dark night.  Whether it’s your limbic system or you can’t sleep and you’re lonely or you want a distraction.  Might not even be lonely; you just say, I just want somebody to listen to…talk about bare…you know, Spice Friends.  Well, that’s what I’m here for.  I’m here to keep you company, hopefully help you fall asleep or get through the deep, dark night.  I’m glad you’re here.  I really, really appreciate your time, and I really hope I can help you fall asleep.  Thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple ways I’m able to do it for you for free twice a week.

 

Alright everybody, Scoots here, and this is our episodically modular series, Spice Friends.  This is Episode 7, I believe, and I just listened to Episode 6 this morning.  So, I’m gonna catch you up.  If you say this is my first episode of Spice Friends; I thought it was called Big Ones or Big Emojis.  I listened to Episode…I say, don’t worry.  Those episodes are prequels.  I’m gonna give you everything you need to know right now about the show so that it’ll keep you company and take your mind off of stuff.  So, Spice Friends is a…oh, what’s…episodically modular means you can listen to it in any order, though it does have a touch of seriality.  Okay, so, Spice Friends is a tale about…in a world like ours.

 

You’ve seen it on TV; it doesn’t…right now it’s not a issue for humanity, but in the past, as you’ve seen on TV, movies, and series and stuff like that, comics, other art, every once in a while there’d be a big, cold-blooded or warm-blooded forest friend walking around, as big as a skyscraper.  They got big names.  They step on buildings, cars, they knock stuff over.  Sometimes they dance with one another.  It makes a big mess.  In this world, that’s been happening on and off.  Somehow, our world, they…what they did was they took them and put them in celluloid film.  They did…and maybe now they digitized them.  Maybe that’s what Digimon was all along, was a solution, but not the solution for this one, so let’s not get distracted, writing brain.  So, this world like ours, it has Big Ones walking around.

 

They can be grouchy, and over the history of the last forty years, which is pretty close to our history, they tried different things.  At one point, we got help from another planet, Planet Zipper.  They said, send us some astronauts.  We’ll help you fix this ‘cause we’ve been through it, but first we’re gonna put a hibernation ray or something like that, and that put…hibernated the whole planet, but the Big Ones, since they were so much bigger, they woke up from the hibernation last.  Now meanwhile, here, the US…well, there was other stuff we went through, and political stuff changed.  Currently, the big powers in the world are the CN, which is the Collective Nations.  It’s run by President Smith.

 

She’s kind of President of the World, or the Collective Nations, but there’s also the…currently in our story, also the BONs, the Big One Nations.  These are nations that eventually…over the story we’ve told so far, have invited Big Ones to be in there under some controlled chaos.  Now meanwhile, one of the astronauts returned from Planet Zipper, and they proposed…they said at Planet Zipper, they had sent preparations to be made ahead of time.  It was basically not that different than if a children’s cereal came out, and then the TV show, and then the toys, but it resonated.  It had emotional resonance.  So, that was the plan.

 

Then the astronaut said, and now we’ll launch the TV show or the program, the streaming show, and it’s gonna teach children how to express their emotions through song and dance and empower them, and that’s how we’ll fix things.  President Smith said well, what about the Big Ones?  The astronaut said no, no, no, we fix the Big Ones, not just help the kids…give them tools in their toolbox.  By doing that, there was this manifestation theory.  I realize I didn’t…it’s not me; it’s the astronaut from another planet.  Obviously that’s the only place this idea could come from, but that that would manifest Spice Friends, right?  Maybe it was…maybe the astronaut didn’t know it was gonna happen.  But anyway, it manifested giant spice beings just like you’d see on the cereal boxes or whatever, and those kind of have dealt with some of the Big Ones.

 

Then what happened was…with the Big One Nations, they were kinda feed…the Big Ones kept growing.  But eventually on our last episode, they had this idea okay, what if we have something that’s more like a talisman; we actually start putting out Big Ones toys or Spice Friends toys?  What if we get everybody in the world involved in it?  So, participatory activity and we have the song and dance.  It actually worked; they sent one to a Big One…one of the BONs, which happened to be in the kinda center of the US, or former US, just so you have a familiarity with it, and there was a Big Hairy Ape or something.  This Spice Friend and the ape, they kinda went back and forth, but eventually the ape, I think, was like, oh, I could play with one of these toys, and it went off.

 

So, that’s kinda where we’re at, is like, maybe we’re on the verge of something.  It’s Episode 7, so maybe this is…I don’t know.  Let’s just see how it goes.  It’s not the last episode, just so you know, but it could…it could be…every episode after this could just be them playing with toys and happy, maybe.  Oh boy, but remember, as Emma Otter always says, and President Smith is a big Emma Otter fan; all will be well.  I’m not even kidding.  If you ever need to feel like that in your day-to-day life, just type in Antonio Banderas gif, G-I-F, and one of the top ones that’ll come up…and you’ll say oh wow, when I look at Antonio Banderas, whether it’s in person or in some sort of looping video where I just imagine what he’s like, I feel like all will be well.

 

Also, he happens to be our Hollywood announcer; drives up here from LA, sits in his car ‘til I allow him to come inside, respects every wish I have, which is pretty extensive.  He even joked one time; he said…I don’t know what they call him.  I forgot; green sheet or a rider or something.  You say, usually it works the other way, ‘cause you said, could I have a sparkling water?  I said, after we’re done recording, but bubbles turn out on the mic and they also cause mouth noises.  I said, so…then I said, why don’t you set…we’ll set a auto-text three hours before you get here to stop somewhere and have a sparkling water?  He laughed and he said sounds good, and he patted me on the back.  Then I said, all will be well.  Even when my expectations are extreme, somebody’s extremely professional and loving, and that’s Mister Antonio Banderas.

 

Thank you, Scooter.  Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for another episode, and soon it’ll be time for me to have my sparkling water on my drive home.  It’s time for another episode of Spice Friends.  Spicy.  Yeah.  Oh, boy.  I feel like that could be…even though it doesn’t fit, I could…I feel myself getting into a bath or something.  You know what I’m saying?  Not even in a way that’s hot; I mean, a hot bath, but…like, I don’t know.  Maybe we could put together…do you know what private equity is?  I don’t totally understand it, but we could get…we could bring Calgon back and then you could say that.  But they’d probably say well, there’s nothing…you say, this is vanilla sunshine or whatever.  How’s it spicy and hot?  I’d say, trust me.  If people hear Antonio saying that, maybe they’ll…anyway, it’s…thanks, Ant…that was Antonio Banderas, and this is Spice Friends.  Thanks, everybody.

 

This is the president here, and I wanted to keep our recordings going.  I’m concerned about recording this, but I know it needs to be recorded and we need to list…it’s our way of communicating with one another.  It’s helping…as a part of our process, as you’ve pointed out, and also, I don’t want to record this because I feel like we do seem to have a path now.  Well, I want to say we have a clear path to victory, but I say, what would victory…that is an old term, archaic even, ‘cause what would that even look like?  But then saying well, I don’t know what it would look like, but we have a path to what I believe is better things, to a path…for a path to a solution, which feels like a clear path to victory because it’s unclear.

 

I feel like I’m now talking like you do, someone that’s been…well, it’s been a while since you came back from space at this point, but it seems that this formula that we accidentally discovered will…it worked, and it’s…it is…we’ve started…I’m having trouble talking about this because it’s so…it feels like not a great idea.  But I don’t feel like I have doubt about the plan.  I feel like I just have doubt that I’m afraid that the plan…that by talking about our plan, it won’t…it’s a natural fear, and I think I learned a little bit of that.  I don’t have a song and I don’t have a dance for it.  I don’t have a toy that I can play with with this fear of something good is about to happen.

 

We’ve witnessed it with the Big Hairy Ape that…this idea of tangible toys, participatory action, and the show, and the song and dance of the show works with the Cumin Cuties, which is so hard to say.  We learned from that, that the Cumin Cuties and the Big Hairy Ape still…the Big Hairy Ape still exists, but that it’s been taken off the board, seemingly, or they’re just doing some sort of parallel play and living off on their own, the Cumin Cuties and the Big Hairy Ape.  So, I don’t…I mean, we have a clear path and a plan that we’re building towards, and looking at what could be considered the greatest…there I go again, but I mean, everyone is behind us.  This is like…just like in the other times…in some sense, the times that caused this problem, the idea of a W-A-R-level effort.

 

Everyone, all our industries, as many people as we can get, and businesses, and CN nations and independent nations to work together, and people in the Big Ones’ Nations, to start producing these toys, to participate in the process of building the toys, to get emotionally involved in the success, is…it’s unprecedented for something that’s not offensive, as simple as well, I’m gonna push that out of my way; I’m gonna push that door open and if it’s locked, I will break the door.  If I can’t break the door, I will use this tool that our efforts combined to get that door open.  The door stands in my way to victory, or whatever.  It’s not like that.  It’s not that clear, but it’s also not that brutish.  It does not seem that any of our actions have resulted in direct destruction, but change or flight or dissipation or…being occupied; not occupation in that sense of the word.

 

So, I don’t know if…I’ve seen this, where…but it’s worked in those circumstances, in some sense.  You’d look back on it, you’d say well, that’s a whole…that’s how we got the Big Ones in the first place, is this machine, building towards aggression together.  Now we’re building a machine made up of people wanting to help and wanting to encourage…wanting…I don’t know.  I mean, are the Big Ones our common enemy?  They’re more of our common problem, or a source of antagonism.  I don’t know.  But I’m excited and I wanted to record this because I didn’t want to record it.  I didn’t want to talk about this.  I felt like it’s wrong to be…I’m not satisfied.  There’s so much work to be done, but I’m excited to do the work, and that brings me a sense of unease, but I’ve learned that I’ll talk to other people about it, that I’ll try to find a way to let it out and to get help and to make it playful.

 

It’s not always playful, but I don’t feel playful, but I do feel excited, and I think that talking about it’s helped me.  So, I’m gonna take a break.  I know that we’re gonna…you’re excited about this meeting, about the ramp-up and the lineup that…and you have this other idea you’re excited about.  So, I’ll see you in a little bit.  Well, Madam President, I know you don’t like being called Madam President.  I’m here recording, and lots been…a lot of work’s been done.  You really are a leader that…you have the ability…I know I talk about it, but it always impresses me; your ability to lead and collaborate and get the most out of people…not over-inspire, but inspire.  This one does feel like your leadership did help it build its own momentum now, and that the excitement is really spreading fast.

 

We have our lineup of Spice Friends that…some of which existed and some of which we’ve been working on; Pepper, Mustard, Chili, Nutmeg, Cilantro, Paprika, and maybe Salt.  We still haven’t decided on Salt.  That’s always been a…then it’s like well, it’s not a spice.  I say okay, well, let’s hold off, then.  Can we make it about…can we…do we…if we need salt, then we can have the conversation about the difficulty to have a…maybe we could make the show, those episodes.  But those are the…that’s the lineup.  Then also, putting names to the Big Ones that are still around.  I mean, it’s been amazing that a few of them have de-manifested or vanished.  I’ll be honest; there still is one unidentified Big One out there that we just haven’t seen but that is showing up as a blorp and a bleep.

 

But of course, the Big One; Quad One Bod, four heads, one body, like something out of a D&D campaign.  Beak Fur Fish is kinda self-explanatory.  You’ve probably…if you’re hearing this, maybe if…even if…you’ve probably seen a picture of Beak Fur Fish.  It’s a furry, beaked thing with…say, doesn’t…all the Big Ones seem to be able to swim.  But it’s fish…parts of it are fish-like.  Beak Fur Fish.  These are mostly collected from what people were already using, and then Dino Dirt Double Dog.  Oh boy, do I love saying Dino Dirt Double Dog.  I say, that’s kinda what it’s like, too; dino, dirt…it’s covered in dirt or seems to…has a propensity to be muddy and dirty and double dog.  But it’s like, it’s part dino but it’s got that Cerebus thing or whatever going.  Then the Mean Messy Moose.

 

Who would have thought one of the last Big…that was one of the Big Ones I didn’t expect.  Mean Messy Moose.  Who would have thought a…?  But those horns, oh boy, have they done a lot of damage.  That moose is mean and messy as well.  So, Mean Messy Moose, and then whichever the other Big One…those are what we’re gonna deal with now, or what we’ve been dealing with with these toy launches and the shows and translating them and making it something that anyone can make.  Then the idea and the reason we gave each of them…a clear name we could at least all agree on, though…you say okay, that’s a nickname for it.  Beak Face.  Yeah, okay.  When you say Beak Face, are you refer…which one are you referring to, though?  Beak Fur Fish or somebody else?

 

Because of the idea…now, this was the biggest disagreement we all had, was as we started to…well, there was a bunch of areas we couldn’t agree on, right?  The idea of scarcity and holding a large number of toys in this reserve.  Who would have imagined that our building — I didn’t even realize it — was deep below where other reserves were held.  Now, it’s also a toy reserve.  But it was a good idea.  It did seem to spur excitement, you know, that people are really excited as we release these toys in limited editions; will they be re-released?  But also knowing that we have a lot of each toy in reserve or each character in reserve to distribute where the need might be, the argument also came up; well, what if we made toys of the Big Ones?  It was me; I did have to say no, I don’t think that’ll work.

 

From what we’ve tried, that won’t work.  People said, why not?  I said well, there’s just…I don’t think it’s gonna work.  What I think would work is the sense of play as a Big One. So, that’s why we have all the dress-ups or the ways you can make your own costumes, to be a Big One playing with a Spice Friend, and that we’ve been working on that through the show, and working with the team in putting out amazing, amazing entertainment, responding to feelings.  So, we have a plan.  We have so many resources, so many people excited about it.  Also, the idea of…that you get…that if you work for the effort, you get…you have the opportunity to get a Spice Friend I think is important.  It’s giving people a goal to work for, and…oh, there’s reports coming in.  We’ve been waiting for them to appear.

 

We’ve done the Pepper, Mustard, and Chili launches.  So, I’m gonna go and see what’s come up.  Well, it’s the president here.  So, there’s been a lot of activity, and I know my last recording, I was concerned with my excitement.  We’ve seen Pepper, Mustard, and Chili going to different BONs and…Pepper and Quad One Bod kinda going back and forth.  This is eerie how it played out in a similar way to where the Spice Friend again was trying to pull Quad One…Pepper or Mustard and Beak Fur Fish, Chili, and Dino Dirt Double Dog, to kinda take them away from the populated areas and to lure them away, and having just small skirmishes, I would say.  Dance-offs, as we like to call them, but staying just far enough away…and that those BONs were still much larger.

 

The Spice Friends, thus far…that’s why I said okay, we can’t go one-to-one, but that they’re luring them away, and as we’re filling that country with…not everyone can get a Spice Friend.  I don’t know.  I guess it was a argument that we both lost against…we said well, we’re trying to build consensus, so we have to practice consensus, then.  The consensus was that it’d be more successful if there wasn’t an abundance of toys, if there was that scarcity, and we did have the option…I mean, ‘cause the effort to produce these toys has been unprecedented.  I know that Nutmeg, Cilantro, and Paprika are each going out, and hopefully…what is it?  Paprika and Nutmeg with Mean…the Mean…what’s the mean moose…?  Mean the Messy…Messy Mean Moose or whatever.

 

But I guess I don’t know…I mean, we’re gonna do the next toy launches.  As we launch those toys, we still have Cilantro and Salt, which were the two that people were most torn about for different reasons.  You know, that whole cilantro thing that some people…it tastes oily.  I said well, it’s coriander.  I don’t know.  So, I still don’t know the…anyway, that…again, so, the Big Ones are being led away.  There’s been some small things.  Again, we know that there is no un…non-populated area in the world.  Every place is somebody’s home or some being’s home that we have some sort of responsibility if we…you know, if there’s a choice there for us to make.  But we think that…I don’t know, the Big Ones’ behavior already seems less aggro, just like the Big Hairy Ape, who seems to just live a structured life with his…playing with the Cumin Cuties and…so, I don’t know.

 

This is…I don’t know where things are going, but they’re going in the right direction, and we’re finally…have the numbers of everything both ready to go…this droid distribution thing, which had been something people had talked about when my father was young.  Then when my father was my age…oh, we’d be…self-driving, self-distributing flying thingamajigs, and that that is here as well and that that’s how we can get the toys wherever they need to go.  Now, there is the issue of the BONs’ reaction thus far.  But you know, I…let’s just wait and see how this next…this is the big stage, the big…this is the big one, the big distribution, because of the season.  So, I guess I’ll check in and we’re gonna see how it goes.

 

Okay, President Smith, I’m not gonna call you Madam President.  I remember reading and people bringing it up as we were getting ready talking about the Cabbage Patch Kids and the hype around the Cabbage Patch Kids.  We read the Night Water newsletter and we watched some films and we watched the musical from StarKid and other things, and thinking about…and we heard reports on it, right?  It wasn’t just one thing; it had happened again and again and again.  But we…guess we have a Cabbage Patch situation on our hands.  The hype has kind of become something that’s become its own thing.  Huh.  I didn’t even think about it ‘til this moment, that…as little as I know about isotopes and splitting atoms…I’ll be honest; I don’t even know the difference between fission and fusion.

 

At one point, I probably did, when they would…before we went into space, but…that fission and…but that it’s become its own thing, like a giant…I don’t know.  It’s like, keep throwing rocks in the water or something like that, and the waves keep going out.  Not everybody’s happy about this.  The BON nations are very upset and you’re trying to deal with that, and we’re trying to make programming based on people’s strong feelings about possessing the toys, but it has to be good.  I know it’s a little chaotic, but we’re human beings, right?  There’s gonna be chaos.  There’s gonna be strong feelings that impact others in a non-positive way.  I think that’s what we’ve always stood for.

 

We haven’t had this much strong feeling to try to help people balance out that we were the cause of, and we’re trying to regulate with all of the toys we’ve held in reserve, how we can teach that, but also say okay, well, yeah, what does fairness mean?  Making these teachable moments, leaning into the chaos, because the chaos seems to be good, because now, as the chaos has increased, the Big Ones’ behavior has changed, right?  They’ve mirrored it, in some sense, with a…and converted it, just like the Big Hairy Ape sat down to play, and play with their Spice Friends.  So, we have the four Spice…or the four Big Ones we know about, or five counting the Big Hairy Ape, all occupied, or occupying themselves.

 

Instead of dancing off or wrestling with the Spice Friends, they’re playing together and learning together, and there’s…we haven’t been able to totally understand how they communicate or what they’re saying to one another, ‘cause it’s all in that sonic grind, but that they are communicating, and people posit that the Big…you know, I guess it is…I do agree; the Spice Friends are trying to teach these healthy lessons to the Big Ones.  Observers had said that it’s more parallel play that’s happening, and communication and sharing of resources, finding somewhere where there’s water.  But so, yeah.  So, I think we’re in good shape.  It is very high on the charts.  If there was a bleep, there’d be…it’s…the noise is loud around this, but I don’t think it’s gotten carried away.

 

I think it’s going to level off, and that…I mean, what’s a little chaos and strong feelings?  We know how to deal with those things where the Big Ones are occupied and the Spice Friends are occupying them.  So, I don’t know.  So, I guess…I don’t know; I want to hear…I’m looking forward to hearing you report on your negotiations and how things are going with the Big One Nations.  Okay, well, this is the president here, and some unexpected things have happened.  I don’t want to say I told myself so, but I guess I should have been…at least there’s a term for it; NFTs is what they’re calling the Spice Friend toys now, and the first word is new, and the last word is toy, and the middle word starts with an f and ends in -ing, because those are worth the most.

 

How quickly…oof, that that’s become the currency of the world, and how…I mean, it’s not been that long.  I know I haven’t recorded because I’ve been occupied.  We had that cabbage patch effect, and people had expected it to happen, and I didn’t expect it to be so progressive.  I don’t think you expected it either, that the momentum and the progression was…whatever the math term is; exponential.  That quickly became chaos, and when there’s chaos and when currencies just change, I guess the most…thing is, I don’t understand us, right?  Because even though the value of currency…that people everywhere, almost, have valued these…that the toys have become the trade and the new toys are worth the most, but the other toys are still worth things, but that money’s worthless.

 

Bartering without toys is…you don’t get the same exchange rate.  If you have a NFT, you’re…and that people are selling these…I’ll hold your NFT here in our bank and then you could sell off a division of one toy, 1/1000th of a new toy.  But you know, that would be fine because our method of distribution was pretty well-planned to make sure that those that didn’t have the means to obtain a toy wherever they were, that there was a sense of fairness.  You would think that if the dollar…the CN dollar, for example, which took over for the US dollar, that people that had the most dollars or the most precious metals, that when those…at least temporarily, which is what a lot of us believe, became worthless compared to the NF…the toys, that those richest people that had gathered those things and sat on them like a Big One in a…in the Lord of the Rings or The Hobbit or whatever, sitting on their hoard.

 

Those people running some of the big, big nations, that those people would…that it would equalize things.  But no; they were the ones…they’re now sitting on hoards of the toys.  So, that’s frustrating to me, besides the entire…emotionally that’s frustrating to me.  As a leader, that’s frustrating to me, and it’s baffling.  How did that happen?  It happened right in front of our eyes.  Happened right where…even in the CN, and that everyone knows about it and is still kinda stuck and that…but we’re stuck with the chaos, right?  People’s feelings are very strong.  The blame is falling squarely here on me, on our team, on our initiative, on the creation of the toys, on the idea, at least, they don’t know that about this facility, but that there’s a facility full of toys, or the toys were…the Big Ones nations…the BONs are saying that this was all an act of aggression.

 

We also didn’t realize that they…while we were putting all of our industrial efforts and human work efforts into the toys and solving this Big Ones problem, that they were working on their conventional…the old ways or the ways that never left us.  So, that’s…as a leader, not exactly a positive development that I was unaware of.  I should have been aware of it.  I should have predicted it, and I did not do any of those things.  It’s a failure on my part.  So, I think we find ourselves heading towards an all-or-nothing situation where…without the big…I don’t know.  I mean, negotiations are ongoing and…to try to make sure the resources that people actually need…but it’s also, like, people don’t know if we stop…the toys stop circulating or staying important is what would happen with the Big Ones, right?

 

But the toys were becoming rarer and rarer, so there is an ongoing thread that says should we release the toys?  But they wouldn’t get to the people.  It’s like, flood the market with the toys.  Do we need a…?  I mean, the belief here has been that there needs to be a steady stream of toys, that that’s whats working.  We have to keep doing what’s working.  Now we have to come up with counter measures or a counter plan to keep the toys getting released on a regular basis, ‘cause if we flood the market, then the toy…we can’t produce enough toys to meet demand, that…I don’t know.  There was the theory; give everyone one toy, and that’s what we based it on, and the numbers lined up.  But that’s not what happened.

 

So, it’s like oh, we could flood the market again, then the toys will again roll uphill somehow like the way other resources seem to have done.  I don’t know.  I’ve been watching the cameras on the Spice Friends and the Big Ones, and it seems…I’m not sure, you know?  I came into this whole journey to fix things with a sense of uncertainty and unease, and not believing in the theories.  They seem to be in a fugue state.  I say okay, that is what it’s like when we play.  But they’ve been playing for months now.  Part of me doesn’t buy it and maybe as other people have pointed out to me, well, maybe you’re putting your feelings in the wrong place.  Maybe you’re just upset with your leadership and your choices, and why would you have chosen consensus?  I say okay, okay, that’s fair.  It’s fair.

 

So, I guess…yeah, I’ll take a break and we’ll figure out what to do next; how best to use the resources we have.  We’re still producing things, but we are at a turning point because…see, well, if they’re turning towards aggression in the Big Ones nations and this chaos and blame is directed here…and somehow they’re misdirecting, saying I guess we do…I mean, we do have a trove of NFTs, a huge supply of it, a hoard that we’re…we were planning on sending out piecemeal or whatever you want to call it.  But the people saying that are the ones that are sitting on a hoard of toys they didn’t even produce or weren’t even a part of.  I don’t know.  So, I didn’t think it would become about this.  I thought it was about…so, I guess I’ll have a break.  I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts on how to fix this.

 

Well, Madam President, it’s me.  Hopefully you’re not far from me, and I…but I still feel the need to record this and keep recording it.  We’ve worked on a new system for communicating, because essentially, now…well, we’ve lost a lot now.  We don’t have the ability to broadcast, we don’t have the ability to communicate with the outside world, so we could…we don’t have the ability to…I mean, we have the ability to make our show, but not to distribute the show.  We don’t have the ability to leave here, and you’re here with us.  We’ve essentially…well, you’re no longer…I guess I called you Madam President, but according to what they’re saying on the broadcasts we’re allowed to watch, that they let us watch, that’s the only…it’s one-way communication on the…what they’re allowing us to access, that you’re no longer president, that there is no more CN, that there’s some sort of new BON, and that eventually…I mean, that they’re going to be able to access the toys.

 

They’ll be able to get here.  I guess it was quick that it was before the Big Ones even made their move.  Some of the other leaders of the CN changed their minds and said, you know, that they yielded the power to the possessors of the NFTs and the power and…not just the symbols of the power, I guess; what they used to take power, and they didn’t even have to make a move.  I guess they didn’t realize that it wouldn’t be easy to access where we are.  Since I had no idea…you know, I just ended up here.  I didn’t realize how remote and secure we were, but that’s a relative term at this point.  We’re stuck here and at some point, they will presumably gain access to at least the toy reserves and us, and I guess you’re sitting probably trying to discern how to deal with it.

 

What is the best course of action, and should…what should we do?  I understand that and I do feel some responsibility, and I also still believe in our mission, which is maybe part of the problem, is that something about this is keeping the Big Ones and the Spice Friends and the…even though not many people are playing with the toys anymore now that they’re…they say well, it’s gonna be worth less if I played with it.  We’re still making the show and children are still making their own Spice Friends, or pretending their other toys are Spice Friends, and I believe that’s why the Big Ones are still occupied, because we’re still working.  The broadcast is still going out, even though it’s not going out.  But maybe not.  Like we said, we set up those operations.

 

Now, a lot of it has been banned and made…broadcast of the show has been made illegal, or versions of the show that we set up.  We’re stuck here waiting ‘til they gain access or what we’re gonna do before they get access.  You’re still President of the World to me, because I know alls gonna be well under your leadership.  We will find a way.  We’ll work together and we’ll collaborate our way out of this.  So, don’t worry, Madam President.  You taught me what Emma Otter taught you; all will be well.  It just doesn’t mean that all will be clear or all will be easy or all will be as I expect it to be, and all won’t be really hard.  Not that I’m gonna…ever gonna have strong feelings.  I’m having a lot of strong feelings, Madam President, like I let you down, particularly.

 

But all will be well, and I’m gonna…I know we can all rest our heads on that, and that mumbling broadcast we listened to to put us to sleep that doesn’t make any sense.  We listen to that together, and we’re gonna solve this together, or…yeah, we’re gonna solve this together.  So, until then, Madam President, let’s rest with the idea that somehow, all will be well.  Thank you.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

(Transcription by Leah Hervoly)