1059 – Room Full of Blankets | All Intros 761-765
For all you lovers of sleepy intros here’s a polygon’s worth of Scooter set ups.
- Intermittent Interview with a Hermit Crab
- The Runarium
- Amuse Bouche
- Strawberry Shortcake
- Herman’s Hermits
- Alton Brown
Notable Talking Points:
- Less Famous Muppets may have to take side jobs
- What if Worf hung out with Statler and Waldorf?
- Conduit or condiment?
Episode 1059 – Room Full of Blankets | All Intros 761-765
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary, and my patrons, thanks for keeping the show going, patrons. Couldn’t do it without you, and let’s get on with the show.
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, mispronunciations, which also is a bonus; I didn’t realize sensations and mispronunciations rhyme. I mean, kind of. It would take some work to get it in a…couplet. Hey, would you two like to be a couplet, sensations, and…what was the other word? Oh, mispronunciations. Maybe we’ll come back to that.
What I’m gonna do…I forgot what I was talking about. If you’re up all night tossing, turning, mind racing, I’m here to take your mind off of that. I’m gonna create a safe place where you could set all that aside, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations. I may have repeated this, but it’s important to repeat. I’m here to help you. I’m here to keep you company. I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous dialogue, repetition. I get lost in my own thoughts. Holy cow. I mean, it’s not a bad place. Sleepy thoughts are a good…it’s a good thing to get lost in. It’s not really lost; it’s more misdirected.
I say, I know where I am; I’m in a safe place, a room full of blankets on the walls above me, a nice quilt, and alls I’m here to do is help you fall asleep. Welcome. If you’re new, a few things to know about the show. One, structurally…that’s one thing the new listeners…it sometimes is a little bit confusing ‘cause the show is structured as a sleep podcast. What it means is the show starts off with a few minutes of business. That’s how the podcast stays free. Then around minute four or five, an intro starts. The intro’s about twelve to fourteen minutes of actual content. The content is me introducing the podcast, kinda setting up how it works in a familiar way, but different every time. A lot of listeners listen to the intro as a part of their wind-down routine.
Some people listen to it and fall asleep, a few people skip it, and people listen during the day. But if you’re new, yeah, this is a bedtime story with a long lead-up or wind-down so you can wind down. So, it does take me a while to get to the story. If you want to skip ahead, it is about eighteen minutes, but this is…regular listeners…most regular listeners’ favorite part of the show, I think mostly ‘cause it’s the only part of the show…a lot of people don’t…only hear this part of the show. But I’m gonna be here ‘til the bear…very end, or the berry end, which I keep saying over and over again because Strawberry Shortcake, she appears and she says I’ll give you five bucks if you say berry. Then I say, this is how tricky she is. She’s a trickster goddess, by the way, I’m pretty sure.
‘Cause I say no, I’m not gonna…I don’t…you know, I don’t take money to mispronounce words. She laughs at that. I say it directly. But then she’s planted the seed, the berry seed, in my brain, so then I still say…I go, very good, then I say berry good. But where was I? Oh, the intro. Yeah, you can skip ahead or you can listen. Then after the intro, there’s a little business tucked in between the intro and the show, or the bedtime story. Tonight’s story will be a recap of…what’s that show called? Oh, Doctor Who; a Doctor Who episode. It’ll be a lulling re…indirect recap…pretty hazy recap, and then some facts maybe I looked up if I was curious on the show, then some thank-yous at the end. All told, I’ll be here for an hour.
So, if you’re new, there’s no pressure to listen to me or to make sense of what I’m saying, ‘cause it’s pretty…it’s a little bit nonsensical and it doesn’t make…you say, well, why does the podcast take fourteen minutes to get started? I’d say well, it kinda already started. It’s just a slow start; gotta build up…gotta build up momentum to slow it down. You say wait a second, did that make any sense? I say, it could; it could make sense. Then…okay, so there’s a long intro, then the show. No pressure to listen, also no pressure to fall asleep. That’s why I’m here for an hour, so I can keep you company while you drift off. So, no pressure to listen, no pressure to fall asleep, but if you can’t sleep, I’m gonna be here, and you can queue up episode after episode if you need it. I don’t know, ‘cause I really want to help you fall asleep.
It’s really important to me ‘cause I’ve been there, or to keep you company if you can’t sleep. Either way, you deserve something to kinda look forward to, your bore-friend, your bore-bud, your bore-bae, bore-sib, your bore-bestie, if you’re a regular listener. If you’re new, I…those are things I’m applying to be. But yeah, no pressure. I’m here to help and here to…what words was I trying to rhyme? Mispronounce? Mispronunce? No. I had two words; it was like bountiful and mispronounce, but those weren’t the words. I already forgot the words I was trying to remember. I do…you know what word is nice, is…and I don’t know if I’m pronouncing…correctly, is iambic petambeter. How come more words don’t end in -ambeter? I’m not even kidding. What are…camber…cambeter…petambeter.
I’m trying…but that would be a tough word to rhyme. Iambic petambeter. Some witty person probably already did it. Oh, I was trying to put words in couplets. Say well, hi, how you doing? Then…I know the poets out there are saying Scoots, you’re…and I say yeah, I probably should move on. My poetry vocabulary is limited and this podcast is not sublimited. Did you get that? I rhymed those things. I was just try…I was just pandering to the lowest common denominator in my brain, who finds that whole…found that hilarious. But yeah, I’m here to help, I’m here to take your mind off of stuff. I was here to try to rhyme those things, but I couldn’t figure out what I was trying to rhyme. But yeah, I make the show because I really, truly believe you deserve a good night’s sleep.
You deserve to take some of the seriousness out of bedtime, for me to puff up your covers, loosen them, shake them out, to do the Hokey Pokey. What if people started doing the Hokey Pokey at bedtime? Maybe I…maybe that’s a…have I ever done that on the intro? I mean, I’ve done it in some live shows, but as part of a…maybe that could be a bed…is the Hokey Pokey in the public domain? Does anyone know? Because that could be a part of a nice bedtime routine with a podcast. You start the intro and you start listening to it, and then you kinda shake your…you know. Like I said, I don’t tuck my sheets in, so I can shake my sheets very easily, my blanket. Yeah, so you could do something like that or shake it all about when you’re shaking your bed loose, or you could puff it all about.
You do the Sleepy Pokey, turn yourself around; bedtime’s what it’s all about. Right pillow…I guess for someone like me that’s single, this seems perfectly sensible. If your partner’s asleep, they’d be asleep anyway. If they’re awake, they’d probably be amused. You know, we just do three rounds of it; one right turn, one left turn in a soothing, slow way, with a little bit of dancing, though. I don’t know. I think that does activate the ‘chill out’ receptors in our brain and maybe even in our spirit. The Hokey Pokey is good for that. You say okay, ‘cause I can see…can you see my…? You know, I’ve talked about it on the podcast; I’m not sure I have the ability to move my hips. Whatever…the mind-body connection between my mind and my hips is not active. But I can move my legs and my arms.
So, I’m pretty good at doing the Hokey Pokey part of the Hokey Pokey, but right…and put your left leg in and snuggle it right under the blanket, or toss it all about, if you like your blankets tossed off of your feet. Believe it or not, last night…so, I had been testing…I’ve been testing this new thing with a weighted blanket just over my feet and my legs. It was a accidental experiment one time, but then I found it comforting. I can pull my feet out or tuck them back under it and I say oh, they feel…there’s something about it, and I’m not kidding; it feels reassuring to me to just have a little weight on my ankles and my lower legs. I don’t know if it keeps my legs from tossing and turning or not, but I had also noticed my temperature at night…I was having trouble regulating it, where I was getting too warm, but I had the room too cold. So, I’ve been having trouble with the balancing of the room temperature and my temperature.
So, last night I said well, maybe it’s ‘cause my feet are always under the blanket. So I said okay, let’s try…and then I…so, then I think I tried a night or two without the weighted blanket and I said well, I kinda miss that thing. The moving blanket said excuse me, moving blankets have feelings, too. I said, I kinda miss that wonderful blanket on my legs that I love so much. I said thank you, but I’m just wondering about my temp…so, then I tried having the blanket over my legs but then my feet out from the bottom of my covers. You know what? I slept great. I don’t know. It could be a placebo or it just could be whatever. But I don’t know why I shared that. But if you have a weighted blanket, give it a test. Let me know how it is. I love it. I highly recommend it. You could also do it with…you know what you could do it with, is one of those things…in the winter you use to keep the draft out.
Maybe you don’t need a weighted blanket…one of those draft things. It’s usually full of…you know what I mean. It’s like a round, long thing and you stick it under your door…on the bottom of your door so a draft doesn’t come through. Usually is round with material, like…maybe you could try that. Maybe not, though. Maybe just try the weighted blanket. But that’s one way I soothe myself. I don’t normally share these type of tips, especially when they’re in the beta phase. But I just thought of it. So, anyway, I’m here to help. I’m here to take your mind off of stuff. I’m here to keep you company, and…’cause I’ve been there, just like…even these temperature things sometimes. It’s important. Your good sleep is important to me ‘cause I want you to be out there in the world flourishing. That’s why I work very hard and I strive and I yearn, and I really appreciate your time. Thank you for coming by, and here’s a couple of ways we keep the show going.
Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature, changes in routine, whatever it is that’s keeping you up. So, stuff you’re thinking about, anything you’re experiencing physically or that’s coming up for you emotionally, those are three of the zones. But it could be something…travel. Whatever’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that.
What I’m gonna do is I got this nice, safe place here set aside, reserved. It’s the only…it’s one of the first…you are a VIP and that means you, like where you say hey, come on in. This safe place is welcoming, opening. It’s not exclusive but it has that feeling…what…of…believe it or not, we do have…I don’t know if you’ve…you’re familiar with the Muppets, but…and you might not believe this because it’s probably not exactly true, but it’s imaginarily true, is…you know the Muppets; they had a Muppet Show. So, that was a regular gig. Then the Muppets…I gotta get back to the intro, but then the Muppets had…now they’re in movies, right, from time to time. Not every Muppet is…Kermit, Miss…the big draws, you know. There’s Muppets that are on the…lower on the marquis or the posters, right?
Those Muppets may or may not take side jobs or freelance gigs. I’m just saying if any Muppets did…Bunsen…Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker would probably be running a Sleep With Me Labs somewhere. They would be the ones working on that. What did I say? Where it feels exclusive. You say well, I’ve…here’s the things with me; I’ve never been on a cruise. I’ve never been to Sandals or Club Med or the one with the romance where everybody’s…you know, where the couple looks like they’re…I don’t know. Is that Sandals or is this…is…was that in the eighties? I know I’ve seen an ad where they…this couple looks like…they say whoa, that looks exclusive. You know, or Club Level. I haven’t stayed at…I don’t spend a lot of time on Club Levels or private clubs, but…or clubs in general.
What was my point, though? Oh, so…but when you think about those things, you think about whoa, it it feels exclusive. That’s what this safe place feels like. You’re important because your sleep’s important, and it’s important to me. Also, it’s important to me to go off-topic early. So, I’m gonna create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings…oh, I said that. Oh, what I’m gonna do is send my voice across the deep, dark night, get mixed up, go off-topic. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, other…stuff…stuffing. A lot of stuffing. Filler, fluff, all that stuff. You say, whence…I wonder if a Muppet has ever written one…an ode. An Ode To My Stuffing. Who would do the odes?
I’m sure the…actually, they’re…maybe Sam the Eagle, but that would be a little bit more of a patriotic ode. I don’t think…I mean, Fozzy would do a joke ode. Gonzo, possibly. Miss Piggy would do one, probably, but that would go…so…oh, who are the Muppets? Oh boy, you missed out. But never too late to discover them. In fact, I think the Mystery Bard watches the Muppet Show and has encouraged me to rewatch the Muppet Show with my daughter, and I take that advice…I’m taking that advice to heart. Okay, but where was I? I’m gonna send my…oh, lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders. If you’re new, yeah, welcome. Sorry about that. I’ve gone off…I guess I’ve got…I just…I don’t know. Maybe it’s…I’ve had a rainbow connection recently with the Muppets or something. Hardy-har-har.
Okay. Oh, if you’re new, though, welcome. I’m glad you’re here. This podcast is a bit different, so I want to set up a couple things for you. One, I’m glad you’re here. Your sleep or taking your mind off of stuff, keeping you company, that’s important to me. So, I’m gonna be here just to take your mind off of stuff, so here’s the thing; no pressure to listen to me. You can fall asleep whenever you want. You could listen however you want. Some listeners listen close, some listeners listen kind of amused or bemused, some listeners imagine me with a Muppet on…no one’s…I don’t know if anyone’s ever imagined me sitting with a Muppet on my knee. They say, Muppet on your knee? $1,000 fee. I say, great way to…I say well, that’s just how my brain works. It goes from one thing to another. Oh, that was water on the knee.
Thank you. But here’s the thing; I’m…oh, you don’t need to listen to me. Okay, that’s one thing if you’re new. Second thing is there’s no pressure to fall asleep. These shows are an hour plus ‘cause I’m here to keep you company as you drift off. I’m more here as your companion walking at your side, providing you with some friendly banter and distraction as you drift off, because I really truly believe you do deserve a good night’s sleep, but I feel like there’s too much pressure around that, right? You deserve it and I just want to ease you into it. So, no need to listen, no pressure to fall asleep. Structurally what to expect, the show starts off with a few minutes of business. That’s how we keep the podcast free and coming to everybody. Then we have an intro. The intro’s kind of like a bedtime wind-down.
It’s like a twelve-minute show within a show where I slowly guide you towards bedtime. Some listeners listen to the intro while they get ready for bed, some listeners listen to the intro while they’re in bed drifting off, some listeners fall asleep to the intro, a few percentage of listeners skip the intro, and a lot of people…or more and more people listen during the day, I guess particularly the intros, but sometimes the stories, too, for a little break during the day, too. But the intro’s where I try to explain what the podcast is to a new listener every time, and this is where it is a bit like a Muppet Show or a Muppet movie, or just the word Muppet, if you didn’t…you say, what…well, I don’t know what a Muppet is, but I know what that word sounds like.
You’d say Scoots, it sounds like when you’re trying to explain what the podcast is for the 775th time. You try, so it’s like the -uppet part, but you never get there, which is like the Mu- part. I say, exactly. It’s a part of my…it’s actually part of my method, actually. That’s why it’s a real…totally intentional that I say one day, I’m gonna find the perfect metaphor for a podcast. It turns out that whatever this Muppet-based metaphor isn’t the perfect one, especially since I don’t even remember what my original point about the Muppets was. It was something…oh, Bunsen…oh, because I have Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker. I’m imagining if they worked for me on the side…like, they would be designing new meanders for me, creaky, dulcet tones, making a safe, comfortable place.
Of course, then you’d say well, Scoots, I’ve watched those Muppet movies. What about all the unintended consequences? I’d say well, doesn’t that usually just happen to Beaker? Beaker’s the…Beaker’s…talk about…here’s another totally unrelated thing but in some sense connected, and I don’t know if there was…so, there was an app a while back; SuperBetter. I’m not sure if that’s out there. It was trying to teach people resiliency and the importance of resiliency. That’s considered the support and part of…I guess integrated with self-care and mindfulness and flourishing is resiliency, right? How come…here’s a thing; this is a free idea that you will…that…well, a free trial offer with…if you use it, please give me and the giant corporation that owns the rights full, equal financial stakes.
But how come Beaker’s not used in every resiliency metaphor or…you’d say, is there a Resiliency Institute? Well, one, does Bunsen Honeydew run it? Probably. But if there was the Resilient…Resiliency…like the…a model of resiliency…like, you got the modern major general…modern mater…you know, that one. You’d say, who…what’s a model…and you say well, that’s…Beaker’s a puppet, Scooter. I’d say, a representative model of resiliency. The Beaker Story. How about that? Beaker: A Model of Resiliency. Okay, may…possibly, right? So, Beaker is a character in the Muppets that was the foil to Dr. Bunsen Honeydew’s grand plans to help the human condition through science, emotionally through…actually through mechanics and science, usually. Okay, so…and I’m here to just help you with meanders.
So…oh, structurally what to expect; so, the intro goes on and on and on. Eventually it peters out not that long from now. Then believe it or not, we’ll go from talking about Muppets to me trying to remember all the plot lines…in forty-five minutes, I’ll try to remember everything that happened on Game of Thrones in the…all the seasons. That should be pretty sleepy ‘cause my recall is not excellent. But really, this podcast…and then…so there’s the intro, some business, then the story, or a Game of Thrones discussion. It’ll be very vanilla; don’t worry. Then some thank-yous at the end. If you want to skip the ads, you just become a patron at sleepwithmepodcast.com/patron. What else? I think that’s it…a structure of the show.
I thought there was something else I was gonna remember that was Muppet-related, but I don’t know. So, yeah, the podcast is here to keep you company and to take your mind off of stuff, and…oh, because I really do believe…I want you to be resilient. I want you to be rested and be able to go out there tomorrow and flourish, to be in a place where…as you’re drifting off or as you’re getting ready…bed, you can say, you know, it’s not easy being you, but you do deserve a nice resting, a safe place, a nice place to relax into, and a nice night of solitude or whatever you call it. Yeah. I’m sorry, I’ve got…my vocabulary’s limited ‘cause I said, what’s…I mean, maybe part of me is like, we gotta get ahold of the big resiliency…the Resiliency Council; get up to tell them about Beaker.
But the thing is, as I said, I believe you deserve a good night’s sleep. I believe you deserve a life where you can get out there and flourish, where you feel treated with dignity and respect and you can do the same, and create…water some flowers out there in the world, you know? So, I hope I can help and I really appreciate you coming by and checking out the show. It is a bit different, so give it a few tries. Almost every regular listener says it took a few tries ‘til it worked. But I really appreciate that you came by. I yearn and I strive and I really hope I can help you fall asleep, so thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple ways we keep this show going.
Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether those are thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time, temperature, just stuff. You’re…everybody’s got stuff going on. Sometimes the stuff keeps us awake, right? Now, don’t have any…here’s something; I’ve talked about stuffed before, but no stuffed…stuff in bed, especially…here’s one thing you should not have in bed with you; stuffed shells. Holy moly.
That could mean…I mean, originally I was thinking of the pasta shells that are stuffed. But also if you got stuffed shells, like sand…what else would you stuff shells with? Well, sand, most likely. Some shells come stuffed with their own…or crustaceans, of course; excuse me, all the hermits of the world, though you…are you stuffed in there? You’re more…are you wedged in there? No; you just live there. Okay, great. I’m here with a hermit crab. Actually, could I get back to you? ‘Cause this…I think we could probably create a metaphor for the podcast, but I gotta get to the intro. Maybe later, dude. Okay. Well, here’s what I’m gonna do; I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.
I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, senseless dialogue, possibly, with a hermit crab, and all of it’s to take your mind off of stuff and help you fall asleep. If you’re new, I’m glad you’re here, and let me try to give you a couple heads up, here. This is a podcast that’s really silly, so that’s one thing. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. So, if you’re…if this is your first listen, see if you could just passively kinda watch it go by, almost a bit like…well, I guess sometimes I’ve seen hermit crab races, but this would more be like if you’re…let’s just say you’re totally relaxed, chilling on the beach, and a hermit crab…it’s at a safe distance ‘cause I know that might not be everybody’s thing. It’s just crawling…moving around. You’d say huh, that…oh, moved a little bit to the left.
Then it went back down its…well, is that a shell or was that…? Oh, there it goes; it moved two inches and then sat back down. Oh, the hermit crab’s interrupting me. Oh, that’s not what you…okay, well, it’s a metaphor. Thanks. But just kinda consume this podcast…see if you could consume it passively. No pressure. Here’s structurally what to expect; the show starts off…this is the first divergent path of the podcast, is that the show starts off with a few minutes of business, and then it has a intro. Intros are around twelve minutes…anywhere from twelve to fourteen to sixteen to eighteen to seventeen to fifteen to thirteen, sometimes eleven minutes of me explaining what the podcast is. But it really is, for most listeners, a part of the show.
So if you’re new, kinda give…here’s the thing; you can give the intro a few times, too. But eventually if…once you find how you like to listen…some listeners skip ahead to the story about eighteen minutes, some listeners start the show as they’re getting ready for bed, and then a lot of people, they just listen to the intro as they wind down. Some listeners fall asleep within the first few minutes. But there’s no pressure. But the intro is kind of a show within a show. I guess that’s my thing, or that’s what I was trying to explain. Then there’s some business between the intro and the show, or the…yeah, the story portion. Then tonight, yeah, it’ll be a bedtime story and at the end of the show are some thank-yous. That’s structurally what to expect. This is one of the few podcasts…you don’t need to listen to it.
You could kinda listen to it, and generally, the reaction I’m shooting for is huh, hermit crab, eh? They say Scoots, tell us about…a lot of podcasts have exciting guests on; founders, explorers in space, leaders of great movements, and artists, ground…visionaries. Oh, well, I had a hermit crab on. Well, kind of. The hermit crab was intermittent…I had a intermittent interview with a hermit crab. So…oh, but this is the only podcast you don’t need to listen to; that’s what I was saying. Where you go hm, hermit crab, eh? That’s what I was saying. That should be…could be your reaction to the whole podcast. You say huh, Sleep With Me, eh? Yeah, I think I fell asleep to it. Yeah, other than that, I don’t recall. So, that’s…oh yeah, so that’s the structure of the show, don’t need to listen, but here’s the other thing; you don’t need to…there’s no pressure to fall asleep.
You don’t need to. You can when you do. What I mean by that is the shows are about an hour, ‘cause I’ll be here so you drift off at your leisure. I’m here to keep you company as you drift off, to escort you, to walk at your side, to take your mind off of stuff with my silly banter, and just in case you can’t sleep, I want you to know I’m gonna be here ‘til the very end, putting in my time. Oh wait, the hermit crab’s interrupting me. Oh, you didn’t have anything to add? Okay. If you have any comments, just interrupt me. Okay. I’m doing great, wow. This is the last thing I expected a hermit crab to say to me. Oh, go ahead; great job. Okay, wow. There’s nothing crabby or hermity about this hermit crab. It’s funny.
Oh, I mean, I’m serious; usually…I mean, honestly, I didn’t…even when I thought I would interview a hermit crab, I thought it would be more interesting…I was thinking more about that you live in a shell. Maybe the hermits…I didn’t even think about the crabby stuff ‘til you were just so nice to me. Yeah. But I can imagine you’re probably used to sand. Oh, no; sand still can bug you. Yeah, ‘cause what I was telling the listeners was no stuffed shells in bed. Yeah, exactly, right? You wouldn’t want…whatever; is that ricotta cheese in there? You don’t know ‘cause you’re a crab. Of course not. But you wouldn’t want any shells…oh, they’d be more filled with sand than stuffed with sand. You’re probably right about that. You’re a really observant hermit crab. Comes with the territory.
Yeah, I bet you have a good view ‘cause you’re really…you really have your…whatever they…did they…is there a term like nose to the ground? Eye on the floor, or something? ‘Cause that really makes me think of you. Well, anyway, I gotta…I don’t even know what I was telling the listeners, though. Okay; that I could…they could…oh yeah, I’m gonna be here ‘til the end if you can…if you can’t fall asleep. The reason I make the show is ‘cause I’ve been there, tossing and turning, and I know how it feels. For me, I just want something to take my…a little bit of company and a little bit of redirection. They say hey, Scoots, seems really frustrating you can’t sleep there. Don’t even know why, huh? Wow, that’s irritating.
Anyway, I…believe it or not, I could tell you a story…I’ve been talking to this hermit crab and I would…I could tell you about it instead of…oh, wow, really? You talked to a hermit crab? Yeah. Well, it came on the podcast that we make, but…or will…oh wait, I was supposed…I’m here for you. Yeah…yeah, just a really…believe it or not, the crab was neither crabby nor hermity. Yeah, it was actually cool. Oh, thank you. You’re welcome. You are a cool crab, though. One cool crab; the hermit crab. Do people still get hermit crabs? Yeah, they do. Do you need…’cause I was just thinking if I had a store, I’d say that’s one cool crab, the hermit crab. Come on in, Saturdays only. It’s Crab Day. Oh, every day is Crab Day? Yeah. Well, but you’d probably rather be on the beach, huh? Yeah. So, I guess I won’t have a store.
Okay, well, I guess that’s it. So, I guess we shared the same advice. I guess it’s harder to work with a friendly character, believe it or not. You’re too kind. No, you are, crab. You know what would be funny, is…here’s an idea; this is a thought experiment, just me and you, hermit crab. Are you familiar with the Muppets? You are. This is great news, great news then. I don’t know if this has ever happened on the Muppet Show, so I guess this would be fanfiction. But what if there was a episode where you came…well, okay; I had one idea but it already changed. What if there was an episode…this probably did happen. You’re familiar with Miss Piggy and Kermit, right? Okay, great. You know…you think you know where I’m going? Wow.
I guess originally I was thinking what if there was an episode where you and Miss Piggy started seeing one another. Romantically? Yeah, but then I was thinking it’d be more likely that Miss Piggy would kinda hire you to kinda make Kermit feel jealous, which I think has probably happened before. I just can’t picture it. Then she could say…she could call you her Hermy. Hermy, like Kermy. Yeah, it’s just…they have…it has a ring to it. You’re right, especially in Miss Piggy’s voice. That’s the only…that’s one of the only celebrities I do, which I can’t do on the podcast, is Miss Piggy. But I could only do a hi-yah when she karate chops. That’s the only Miss Piggy I can do. You can imagine I sound just like her? Yeah, just like that. Then I can say something, something frog, but I can’t actually say any words.
But I can kinda almost get it when she says frog. That’s my bedtime Miss Piggy voice. But that’s just an idea. Anyway, I gotta get…I gotta get back to the listeners. It’s been great, Hermy. It’s just weird that I was calling you Hermy, and then there’s the band Herman and…Herman and Hermits or something. That has nothing to do with hermit crabs. Okay. Well, that’s great to know, too. I can move on, then. So anyway, I’m glad you’re here if you’re a new listener. This podcast is a bit different, but it’s really here to just keep you company and take your mind off of stuff. A bit goofy. If you don’t like it, if you’ve listened this long…I mean, almost every listener…and we’ve got a decent amount of listeners, including a decent amount of people I hear from that have been listening since the show…for six years.
But every listener…what I mean is like, every listener that’s a regular listener says you gotta listen to it two or three times before you decide…make a judgement on the podcast, I guess. That’s not really for my benefit; it’s just for your benefit, if it…’cause if it can help you, that’s great. You get put to sleep and you get some comfort. But if you’ve…this is your two or three tries, or right away. There are some people that right away, they say this podcast isn’t for me. I have some…sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou, and that’ll have some other resources. There you go, to try to help you fall asleep. So, that’s…I guess that’s why I’m here, is to take your mind off of stuff, keep you company, and help you fall asleep. I really appreciate you coming by and checking out the show. I work very hard, I yearn and I strive, and what do you say we keep the show going? These are a couple ways we do that.
Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I’ll do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. You know, if it’s things you’re thinking about from the past, present, or future, things on your…rumination-type stuff. Hopefully not any runes that you’re trans…no rune…here’s…this is the newest rule for the podcast; no runes in bed. Also, I’ll try to decipher what that is. Hardy…that was an accidental pun, too. You know what can go in your bed? Accidental puns.
I mean, you’re like, that’s a great…especially…whether you’re alone or with somebody. Nothing says fun like an accidental pun. Now available for free. Accidental puns; they’re always free. Accidental pun shop, everywhere where people are accidentally funny by just being themselves, like Scoots. Oh, what was I saying, though? Oh, create a safe place where you could set aside whatever you’re thinking about, especially if you’re trying to come up with puns on purpose. That takes a lot of work. I think I already proposed this as a book title, but The Accidental Punnist. If that’s not a book title, I just legally reserved it for all…hopefully. The Accidental…I had…this is not a joke and I’ve already gone way off-topic early, but the other day I was writing out ideas for the podcast and I thought of a idea for the Accidental Tourist, too.
I don’t think it was The Accidental Punnist; it was something else, and I don’t know if I…actually, I don’t know if I wrote it down or I said, hm. Then I said probably not, Scoots. You didn’t write Accidental Tourist, so…and I said, you’re right. Moving on. Okay, so stuff you’re thinking about, stuff you’re feeling. It could be emotions coming up related to your thoughts or just in general. We just have feelings. Or physical sensations; that could…any of those things, anything else that could be affecting your sleep in the present, past, or future. Whatever it is, I’d like to take your mind off of it, and what I’m gonna do is I’m gonna be here for over an hour and if you need me back-to-back episodes all night long, and I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.
I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders. I think you just glimpsed two or three pointless meanders really early in the show. So, if you’re new, you’re…you were in for…you’re…depending on your definition of a treat, which would probably be a wide definition in this case…except…you know, in some countries, they say it’s a treat. It means different things. Oh no, my translation brain said it means kinda the same thing. Okay, well, it works a treat. That’s what some people say in the UK about this podcast. My critical brain’s disagreeing with me even though it’s a fact. Okay, but I understand that I went off-topic. Okay, what was I saying? Oh, send my voice across the deep, dark…oh, pointless meanders. That was weird; I said pointless meander, then I went on a pointless meander.
Superfluous tangents, a whole lot of other stuff. What I’m gonna really do is keep you company as you drift off into sleep, take your mind off of stuff, and…as you drift into the arms of Morpheus. Maybe some…also, I’ll use the words…more than one…the same context more than one time or slightly different contexts. If you’re new, I’m glad you’re here. A couple of things to get you…this podcast’s a little bit different, or a lot bit different, even than other sleep solutions, because this is more of like friendly banter, where I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff. I think I covered that. So, structurally what to expect; the show starts off with a few minutes of business. Thanks for listening to that. That’s how we keep the show free. Then there’s the intro, which we’re in.
The intro kinda doesn’t make a lot of sense, and it’s hard to make sense of. But for a lot of listeners, it’s a wind down. For a small percentage of listeners, they skip it. Then for a small percentage of listeners, they fall asleep during it, and then another percentage of listeners listen during the day to calm down. But the intro’s about twelve minutes of me I guess rambling just like I am now, where I’m trying to…I think this is oblique. I’m also accidentally oblique. They’d say, what are the opening lines of The Accidental Punnist, Scoots? Something, something, accidentally oblique. I don’t have the…those are two of the opening words, but not the most opening words. They’re part of the opening sentence, because when I try…when I’m doing the intro, I try to explain what the podcast is right upfront like I am now, but then I just naturally go off-topic, and that’s what puts people to sleep or helps you wind down.
So, the intro’s a show with…it’s a part of the podcast. It’s a intro; it’s just long and meandering. But it is full of…it’s chock full of con…it’s chock full of meanders. The Accidental Meanderist? That’s…would be my…one of my many autobiographies. Maybe somebody else could write that; you’re right. Or maybe one of the imaginary beings within my brain could get to work and actually do something. Hint, hint, hint. No, you’re just…okay, now you’re pulling a Waldler and Stadorf, or whatever their names are. Stadler and Wardarf? What if Worf hung out with Stadler and Waldorf? Those are the critics on the Muppet Show. I think it could go either way; Worf could sit with them and get along and be laughing or it could be…they could meet the wrong side of a Klingon.
That’s also…that was actually…that was a tingler I wrote, The Wrong Side of the…The Wrong Side of A Klingon. Okay, enough about me. So, that’s the intro of the show, I guess was the last thing. Then there will be a little business between the intro and the story, then tonight will be our episodically modular series, Big Farm in the PI…Big Farm in the PI…Big Farm in the Sky PI, Season 2, The Phantom Minnow season. Then we have some thank-yous and goodnights at the end. If you ever want to skip the ads and the thank-yous and stuff, you just become a $5 and up patron. So, that’s the structure of the show. Then a couple of rules around the show, including that new rule that we just came up with, but the…you don’t need to listen to this podcast. You can just kinda barely pay attention. Or you can listen.
There’s a lot of people that listen. I mean, collectively. Percentage-wise, yeah, most people fall asleep, but I’m here to the end to keep you company, because there is no pressure to fall asleep. I’m here. You could run episode after episode. If you can’t sleep, I’ll be here to…really, to barely entertain you, but to be here. I got a whole story coming up about pop-up shops in a retirement community. Ooh, boy, talk about action. It’ll be kind of…won’t be action-packed. Like I said, whatever other joke I made about…chock full of meander-packed. That’ll be the commitment. If I become…if we ever form a group, you’ll have to sign the meander pact. Well, I’ve joined Scoots’ club where everybody goes out, tells bedtime stories, and helps one another, treats people with dignity and respect and kindness.
Had to sign the Meander Pact. What’s the Meander Pact? Well, let me tell you about it, actually. Have a seat. First off, before we get to the Meander Pact, did you know that Sleep With Me podcast, there’s no pressure to fall asleep and no pressure to listen? He’s there around an hour. Well, I thought you were gonna tell me about the Meander Pact. Oh yeah. So, another thing I was thinking of was Scoots’ famous rule that he came up with in 20-aught…2019, that…no runes in bed. Of course, Scoots always was someone that mixed up R-U-N-E-Ss and R-U-I-Ns. Even when he said it, it always kinda ran together, but we all knew what he meant, kind of. You shouldn’t…keep…take that Rosetta Stone, put it in the frickin’ other room. We don’t need it in the bedroom.
No rune-covered sarcophagi or tablets or even…you say, who gave you a rune…? I say well, my dear, this is a…this pillow is rune-covered. I have a rune-based pillowcase. Okay, sorry. I don’t want any runes in my bedroom, period. Pillowcase, even bedding-based runes or rune-based bedding. It hasn’t been deciphered. I’ll be thinking about…just keep the runes in other…why don’t you keep it in that room we use for all that stuff? The solarium? No, no. That’s a room for the plants. The observatory? No, that’s the room for the telescopes. It’s the other one that has those in there. Oh, the room with…oh, the…all the other stuff in there. Right, all the other rune…the rune…runarium. Oh, I thought that was the rune where…the room where Scoots pretended he was any of the famous Rooneys. Well, that too.
That’s why it’s called the runarium. It’s for runes and…you know. Yeah, that’s the same room. Okay, I’ll take all my runes out and put them in there. Okay, great. Then you can come back to bed after that. But yeah, I’m sorry. I don’t have a lot of rules here. No listening needed, no need to pay attention, no pressure to fall asleep, and keep runes and other things, like we’ve said, those compasses or whatever the heck you had when you were in middle school…even protractors. Sorry, I don’t know what a protractor and a compass have to do with runes. Oh no, I’m just on the middle of a tangent because I signed the Meander Pact. I was just try…oh, sorry. I was just trying to tell you what a Meander Pact was. Are you sure it was a Meander Pact or in the middle of that meander, did you forget what it was? I gotta go.
Scoots…I’m gonna turn it back over. Thanks. That was a great meander, by the way. Classic. Also, you’re right; no runes in bed. I can hear the few people in the world that have rune-based professions, and I’d say it’s bedtime. Time to take a breaky-poo. You say well, no, I’m a amateur runist. I’d say, okay. Yeah, I’ll make an exception for you if I could come observe you doing your amateur runing. Are you writing runes or are you reading runes? Someone just in my brain is an…they said I’m sculpting runes. I’d say, that’s awesome, but do your sculpting as part of your wind-down. But you probably shouldn’t be sculpting in bed. Well, okay. I’m not one to…you’re right, you may be able to sculpt in bed. Maybe just sculpt in your room. You really sculpt runes, eh?
I think if I was a hip-hopper, I would work that into one of my…I sculpt rhymes like I sculpt runes, and I really do. When I do, the something, something swoons when I’m sculpting runes. That was from my…that was a B-side. Sculpting Runes, it was called. Then in parentheses, they put ruins because it was part of my…it was one of my ones for when I was doing, you know, freestyle stuff. Also, that was all imaginary. Anyway, I gotta get back to you here. So, if you’re new, oof, that…this is a pretty good intro because this is what the rest of the show’s gonna be like, just more story-based, teetering on thousands of meanders. But really, it’s a friendly show to take your mind off of stuff and to keep you company either while you fall asleep or while you’re in bed.
If you can’t sleep, I’m your bore-friend, I’m your bore-bae, I’m your bore-cuz, I’m your bore-sib, your bore-bestie if I could apply to be that. If we’re in the San Diego region, your bore-bruh. I’m here to help. That’s the main thing, ‘cause I’ve been there. Now, if you’re listening, give it a few tries. There’s a lot of people that listen to this podcast and almost all of them say hey, it took two or three tries before it worked for me or before I realized there’s no figuring this thing out. Because when he sculpt runes, it more looks like someone just made a oblong clay…it’s not a ball, but…so, that’s what his runes look like. He’s the one that ruined runes for me. I was an amateur runist until I heard his tangents about runes, and then it was ruined. I do delight in words, by the way. Sorry, not runes, but words I do.
Is any restaurants based…? Runes Restaurant. No, yeah, you’re right; it won’t work. That’s a easy one. Restaurant of Rune; yeah, you wouldn’t want to eat there. You’ll say, that’s the last place I ate. What makes me laugh? I don’t know. So, I’m glad you’re here. I hope you can pick that up in the tone of my voice. I’d really like to help. If the podcast, you gave it two or three tries and it doesn’t work for you or you’re listening right now and you’re like…you’re using other words about rune or ruin about me, that’s okay. It’s not for everybody. Check out sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou for some other options. But I really do hope this podcast helps, that it can take some of the seriousness out of bedtime, bring you some levity. Oh, some part of my brain just said I’m sculpting a levity-based rune. I say, terrific. Put it in the runarium. So, I’m glad you’re here. I really work hard. I strive and I yearn to help you fall asleep, and thanks so much for coming by. Here’s a couple of ways we keep this show going.
Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, feelings like emotions, physical sensations, if you’ve had a change in schedule or time or temperature. Whatever’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off that. I’d like to acknowledge it could be anything, but it’s legitimate. There’s a lot of people that listen to the show, and I don’t know what everybody’s going through, but I can relate.
I know how it feels there in the deep, dark night. I like to keep you company; that’s basically the gist of the show. What I’m gonna do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, extra stuff, ex…so many extra words. This is the one podcast where you’d say, it could be five minutes, but there’s so many bonus words that…and extra words. It’s kinda…oh, you know what? Maybe we could…this could be a metaphor, is when you go to that…the big chain sandwich shop, though there’s other chain sandwich shops now and other things built on that model. Maybe we’ll talk about that as a metaphor for the podcast. If you’re new though, welcome. Here’s a couple things; this show’s different.
Give it a few tries, see if it works for you. Structurally, the show starts off with business. That’s how we keep it free, then there’s an intro. Intro’s about twelve minutes. As you get through listening your first, second, third time, you’ll see the intro’s a big part of the show and kind of…everybody uses the show and the intro in a different way. But the majority of listens…listeners, they kinda wind down as the intro’s going, get ready for bed. It kinda gets…just gives you…I guess…maybe I’ve never explained this; people always say the intro kinda developed into a twelve to sixteen-minute thing over time based on listener feedback. Part of me, when I first started the show or at times, it was like oh, it would be cool if it went straight into the story.
But then if you go straight into the story, then you’re expected to kinda…I don’t know. It kinda doesn’t help with the easing into bedtime, which is what kinda seems like it actually works, the drifting off to sleep, where I don’t want anything to feel rushed. I want to give you room, and there is the fact that you could skip ahead. Normally it’s around eighteen minutes or so, and get close to the beginning of the story and start listening there. But there’s also this idea that it’s like, I’m glad you’re here. One thing I’ve been learning as I’m becoming more of an adult and trying to live more fully in this world is it’s really important how you greet people.
I don’t tend to be the most enthusiastic person, but I’m tending to notice the importance of…if you’re glad to see someone, letting that out and expressing it is a powerful thing and it’s a powerful thing to feel that in the other direction and be like, I’m really so glad to see you. Sometimes there’s unintentional meta communication going on there. So, greeting people in a way that is equal to your feelings…I mean, sometime you might be like hey, how you doing? ‘Cause you mean it. I don’t know, but with me, I tend to do…if I’m distracted and thinking about something else, worrying about filing papers or whatever and then I’m greeting someone, I might dampen down my natural enthusiasm for seeing them. That’s kinda what the intro is.
In some paradoxical way, it is a dampened-down…I have such enthusiasm that you’re here and that I get to try to put you to sleep, but at the same time, the paradoxical arc is that it…realistically, I want to give you plenty of room to fall asleep. But at the same time, I want you to note that I really, truly am glad you’re here and that I’m trying to establish this as the safe place, where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. So, I think that’s kinda the…oh, so if you’re new, yeah, the show starts off with a intro. Really, twelve minutes to fourteen minutes. Part of the show. Then we’ll be talking about…welcome back to GoT. We’ll be talking about Season 1 of GoT, or Episode 1, Season…I don’t know; is this Season 7? I’m not sure, ‘cause I’m recording this before the episode comes out, to be ready.
But so, I’m glad you’re here. I’m glad GoT’s back. You might say well, I don’t watch that show. Yeah, no problem. It’ll be pretty…it’ll be a pretty tangential recap of the episode and things that came up during the episode. It’ll also be through the lens of Sleep With Me, so it’ll be very calming and soothing and meandering. For the most part, the feedback I get is that wait a second, you were talking about…that’s what you were talking about? I thought you were talking about the difference between gravies. Huh. Really? That was about Season 6, Episode 8? Actually, I don’t think there were…maybe there were eight episodes in Season 6. I don’t think so, though. So, possibly. I could have been talking about an episode that doesn’t exist. That is possible. So, oh, so we’ll talk about Game of Thrones.
These episodes are supersized. They just happen to be, again, something that grew out of listener feedback and just making the show. So, the Game of Thrones episodes, we’ll talk about the episode, if we have time we’ll talk about things that came up in the episode, like if…let’s just say for example, yeah, there was something about gravy; I’d say well, according to this, gravy must contain these things, or if…Alton Brown’s philosophy of gravy. This is imaginary, though I’m sure Alton Brown has…is it Elton Brown or Alton Brown? What about…I wonder if Alton Brown likes Elton John. Also, they could be…they could open up any kind of business where you have people’s names or like a publisher. Alton Elton John Brown, or Alton John Elton Brown, maybe. So, where was I?
Oh, so…oh, I was talking about…so, we’ll talk about the episode, then things that came up during the episode, then we’ll check in with Tommen and Pounce. They have a fictional series they’re gonna introduce, a short fictional series influenced by old-time radio. Then we’ll check in with prayers to the old gods and the new. I think that’ll be it. That’ll be…yeah, that’ll be how we do it. I don’t have a release schedule yet ‘cause I’m still…as I’m preparing for the season to start, trying to decide if we’re gonna go every week or we’re gonna spread it out. So, we have that going. I think…so, that’s the structure of the show. Also, if you’re new, here’s a couple little things; you don’t need to listen to this podcast. You may have figured that out already.
You can listen, but you could also turn it down low, you could put it on the other side of the room. Just kinda see what works for you as you start to use the show. This show is also…no pressure to fall asleep. I’m gonna be here over an hour for these Game of Thrones episodes, and the whole idea of the show is I’m here to keep you company as you drift off, to walk at your side as you fall asleep. Not so much to put you to sleep, but to be your bore-friend, your bore-companion, your bore-bae, your bore-cuz, your bore-sib. If you’re from San Diego, your bore-bruh to keep you…to be here as you drift off, to take your mind off of stuff and, yeah, use a bunch of different things, kinda like if you’re going to that sub shop and you say okay…you know, if we’re viewing it through a neutral lens, you’d say okay, well, I want some of those…that.
They say okay, what about the squirty stuff? Oh yeah, use the one…oh, that purple squirty stuff; yeah, I’d like some of that. You could choose your type of…what do they call it? What do they call that? A conduit? I’m trying to not…to talk about F-O-O-D directly even though I am. Yeah, the delivery system for it, a structural…the thing that offers it the structural integrity, squirty stuff. You got your building block or whatever, your construction material. I don’t know what you call that; exterior…no, I guess that’s more the…I don’t know. Your found…oh, no. So, see? Even that, I say well, Scoots was gonna describe it to us, but then he kinda got distracted, went off-topic ‘cause he was trying to…that’s how I kinda talk about Game of Thrones, too.
So, you got the…you know, the feature material, we’ll call it, and then you have the stuff that goes on it; you got your stuccos, your paints, your accoutrements, I think they say. They don’t…believe me, they don’t say it there. They say, you want these with that? You want to make it a value pack or whatever? You say well, I’m here…what are…can you go through the accoutrements again? They even…they’d say sir, there’s a long line here. You say, what…do you call that a conduit or is that the delivery vessel? You want that warm or cold? Then I usually…any time someone says that, I say, as cold as…warm hands, cold…warm heart, cold hands, they say. It’s strange that I can hear artists…but you’re an artiste; you don’t have accoutrements? Well, this is only entertaining in a sleep podcast, but you say buddy, give me a break.
I say, you’re right, you’re right. I apologize, I apologize. But then you also…once you go through that part, then you still have lots of other…you say well, I want some of that stuff, I want some of…yeah, put some of that on there. Oh yeah, dust it up. I want some of that dust. So, you…it gives you a lot of choices. This show, it…you can kinda listen any way you want. Sometimes my words feel, to a lot of people that listen, unrelated to anything I’m saying or any points I’m making. To someone that specializes in amuse bouche and accoutrements, you might say, you can’t have that with that. It’s just not…I say, well…anyway, who are…whom are we to judge? They’re artistes. So, I don’t know if I had a point in there other than I’m here to take your mind off of stuff and I’m here to keep you company.
I want you to get a chance to get a good night’s sleep so you can be out there in the world, flourishing. I truly believe you deserve a good night’s sleep. I want you to believe that too, even if it’s a little bit out of our grasp at times. Just take a breath with me. I’m here to help. Now, this show doesn’t work for everybody, as I kinda said, so give it a few tries. If it doesn’t work for you or you feel your lizard brain saying stuff, sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou has links to other sleep stuff, a couple other options, so check that out. I think that’s it. I just want to help you fall asleep. I’ve been there. That’s the main thing, out there in the deep, dark night, and I want to keep you company, take your mind off it, less…make it less of a rigmarole. Most of all, I really appreciate you checking the show out and I appreciate your time. Just so you know, I do strive and yearn and I really want to help you fall asleep. Here’s a couple of ways we keep the show going.
[END OF RECORDING]