1043 – Baking Bread Week | Great British Bake You Off to Sleep C5/S8 – E3

Episode 1043 – Baking Bread Week | Great British Bake You Off to Sleep C5/S8 – E3

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER:    Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, bakers, and my patron peeps, it’s time to proof some bread…proof some bread for bed; not in bed.  A proof drawer is like a…is a proof drawer a bed for bread?  Well, maybe we’ll talk about that during the intro.  Thanks for the support, patrons.

 

INTRO:    [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  We’re gonna do the rest.  What we’re going to attempt to do is create a…or I…what I’m going to attempt to do for you is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake.  It could be thoughts, things on your mind that you’re thinking about, feelings, anything coming up for you; emotions from the past, the present, and the future related to those thoughts or to something else.  Could be physical sensations, changes in time or temperature or routine.

 

Whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, I’d like to keep you company and take your mind off of that.  The way I’m gonna do it is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night here.  I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents.  So, I’m gonna go off-topic, I’m gonna get mixed up, I’m gonna misspeak like that, I’m gonna stumble on my words.  I’m gonna try to smooth and pat this safe place, then I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night, use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents…I may have already repeated myself; repetitive words.  Are all words repetitive?  ‘Cause we always use words.  You say, you know what’s not repetitive?  Silence, unless it’s the sound of silence repeating itself.

 

You know what’s repetitive; one-hand clapping, because it may not make a sound, but you’re…if it’s…it’s a verb.  It’s a hand…is the hand the object of the verb or the subject?  What is the subject of that verb or the object?  You say, there is no object.  I say, tell that to the hand that’s clapping.  The object…well, it’s a metaphor, I guess.  Are we objectifying that?  But I would say there is…it is a repetitive sound even though there’s not a sound being made.  Like, the hand, in order to be one-hand clapping, it does have to be multiple claps.  It can’t be just one hand clapped.  What about one-hand clomping or one…yeah, one horse could clomp.  I guess you say well, that would make a sound.  Is it a clomp or a clomp…a clop?  I guess it’s one horse…does any animal clomp?  I guess it’s clopping.  Cloppity-clop, right?

 

How did we get from…how did we get here?  That’s what I ask myself every day, and then I remind myself wherever we are, we’re here together, and it’s important that I go off-topic and get mixed up, because I’m here for you to keep you company and put you to sleep.  That’s the main message I try to get across in the…this intro, or one of the main messages.  You’re important and your sleep is important.  That’s why I want to help with it.  Now, this podcast is very different.  It’s not for everybody.  Rarely works on the first try because it’s so different.  It is an acquired taste.  You say well, I…I’m…Scoots, sometimes I prefer one-hand clapping to you talking.  I’d say, we must…you must know me in my personal life then, because I’ve heard that before, and in my story…even in the stories, the characters talk to me that way.

 

Totally understandable.  You should see the e-mails I get.  But you say but, sometimes I prefer a clop; sometimes a clomp.  You say, what’s the difference between a clop and a clomp, Scoots?  In my mind?  Well, a clop is much more…not a harsh sound.  I would say it…idealize and objectify clopping.  I hope to goodness that’s the actual word of a horse hoof.  I’d say okay, no shoe.  Whatever’s best for the horse, but I’m saying this is an objectifying, idealized situation.  I don’t know if one of those Greek-Roman philosophers…I remember I had…took…tried to…I took a philosophy class way…’cause I said…they were talking about the idea of forms or perfection or something, and I started banging on my desk.  This was sophomore philosophy, and I said this is a desk; how can there be an idealized version of a desk?

 

Everybody was laugh…I was dead serious.  I was…actually a question that I was confused about, but after class, everybody’s like, I can’t believe you did that.  I said, but I don’t…I still don’t understand.  That’s when I…one of the times I realized I’m not an intellectual, and that’s fine.  But an idealized clopping would be cobblestone at night with a certain level of mist.  Clomping is a much softer sound.  Maybe there’s…clomping around; you could be on a rug or some sort of bog or…not quite mud.  Mud would be more of a sloppity-slop.  But a clop is softer, where a clop is much…I don’t want to say harsher ‘cause it’s not harsher.  But you know, it’s a clearer…clop; clomp.  The m does…says it all.  I don’t have to say it, I guess, ‘cause the m says it for me.  Anyway, where were we?

 

Oh, I was saying…anyway, where were we?  I was saying your sleep is important and that’s why I make the show, because you deserve a good night’s sleep or a bedtime you don’t have to dread or…you know what I mean, because if you get the rest you need, that you deserve, your life’s gonna be a little bit better and a little bit more manageable, and that’s the most important thing.  Period, end of story.  You deserve a good night’s sleep.  If I can help you with that…or sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou has other sleep podcasts and stuff.  If you find something that helps you get the rest you need and says oh, I can look forward to bedtime or at least I don’t dread bedtime ‘cause I got that sleep podcast to listen to, that’s why I’m here.

 

That’s why I make the show, because our…just makes the world a better place to live in with more rested, flourishing people.  The other side of it is I know how it feels, tossing, turning…I’ve had all of those things.  I mean, I’m a person who spends their time still wondering why…what was I think…how come I don’t understand?  I don’t know if that was…which of those philosophers that was, but it still never made any sense to me.  Then there’s…I guess a layer of me now I’m grown up; I don’t mind that I was unintentionally hilarious.  I guess I’ve learned the power of just being myself, but in class, I would have…I was a little bit like wait, did I embarrass myself?  I was just…I didn’t understand what the teacher was trying to explain and I felt strongly about my misunderstanding, so I was pounding on a desk, asking if the desk serves a function, how can there be a perfect form or whatever?

 

I don’t even know.   I may not even be portraying my own ignorance in the correct way.  So anyway, what was my point?  Oh, I’m here to put you to sleep.  Now, a few other things if you’re new to know; this podcast doesn’t really put you to sleep.  It’s here to keep you company whether you’re awake or asleep.  I’m here to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-cuz, your bore-bestie, your bore-bud, and keep you company, and then you could fall asleep whenever you want.  You don’t have to listen to me.  So, that’s the other thing; this is a podcast that doesn’t put you to sleep and you don’t really listen to it.  You can.  I’m here to keep you company all the way to the end, or back-to-back-to-back-to-back episodes.  That’s my job.

 

But I keep you company in a way that paying attention or listening is optional.  Obviously, you say these aren’t great questions, the difference between a clop and a clomp and one-hand clapping.  I think you’re…someone’s…someone would say I think you’re missing the point with that one-hand clapping, Scoots.  I’d say, that’s what I do best.  I miss the point…I go right around that point and go…eventually I get back to it, but by the time I got back there, I was like, is this the point I was trying to meander around?  So, a podcast that you don’t listen to and don’t fall asleep to.  So, those are very different.  Again, takes some getting used to.  Hundreds of thousands of people have said took me two or three tries before I became a superfan of this pod…first loathed it.

 

This is even…I’d say I’ve probably gotten over a thousand people…maybe even in the ten thousands that said first I loathed you and the podcast, then a year or two later gave it another shot; now been listening four or five years and I’m a patron.  Now, there’s people that loathe and never come back.  Totally understand that.  That’s what sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou is for.  What else do you need to know?  Structure of the podcast is very intentional and very different, but you can adjust as you become a regular listener.  So, the structure of the show is built around the goals of the show, but it can be repurposed and used in your own special way.  But here’s how the show is structured and why; starts off with a greeting.

 

Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, so you get greeted and you get welcomed in.  You feel seen, I hope.  Then there’s support for the show and support for the listeners because you might need some extra support right now, and the show needs support so it can come out twice a week for free, so anybody can listen whenever they need it.  Sponsors and the patrons enable us to do that.  Then there’s an intro, so the intro’s from around, I don’t know, six or eight minutes into the show ‘til twenty, twenty-five minutes into the show.  It’s just me ineffectively explaining what the podcast is and going off-topic for a little while while I do that, kinda naturally, or being…playing with what comes up in my mind; clopping, clapping…what was the other one?  Clomping.

 

Here’s the thing with a clop…a clomp would be…a clump would cause a clomp…would cause a clop to become a clomp.  Clump, clop, and then you step on a clump; it makes a…clump, clop, clomp.  A clomp.  That makes me think of Esor…clump, clomp, clomp.  I said, are you congregating something?  I say, just madness.  Yeah.  I’m the first person to con…they say actually, no.  None of those words…I say okay, thank you.  So, oh, structure of the show; that’s what I was trying to explain, right?  Oh, the intro…so, for a lot of new listeners or people that don’t like the podcast, they say what is this nonsense?  First you have support for the show, then you talk about nothing for twenty minutes?  Is it self-indulgent?

 

I say no, it’s a show within a show, kind of like a intermediary part of the bedtime show where you could either get ready for bed or start to wind down.  Maybe do some other activity before you get in bed or while you’re in bed.  The intro is the ease into bedtime because for me, I can’t just go to sleep.  It’s just a fact.  I need an hour…I definitely need an hour to an hour and a half in order to get to sleep.  It’s just what I’ve gotten used to and if I build it into my schedule, yeah, it’s not fair, yeah, it’s not convenient, exactly, but that’s what works for me.  So, having an intro that’s a part of that…maybe a little bit shorter routine for you.  Hopefully the podcast, as a intermediary part, it helps with that.  But it’s like, so, some people are asleep and that’s great for them.  They look so cute.

 

But a lot of other people are getting ready for bed or doing something chill or just sitting around listening.  So, the intro is just a part of that.  You could fall asleep during it, but the show’s designed a little bit more intentionally.  But you could repurpose the podcast however you want.  There’s thousands of patrons that listen to story-only episodes.  There’s 2% or 3% of people that skip ahead and start the show at twenty or thirty minutes.  So, those are all options as you become a regular listener, but that’s why the intro goes on and on and on and seems so sense…it is…it’s senselessness that serves a purpose.  Then there’s more support for the show.  Again, the show takes a lot of work to sound this dull, believe it or not, and so, to keep it free and coming out twice a week, that’s the sponsors and the patrons.

 

Then there’s the story.  Tonight we’ll be covering Bread Week at Great British Bake Off and talking about that.  If you’ve never seen it or you’re a superfan, either way, it’ll be a bit like a bedtime story with too many details and not enough sense.  So, you could kinda sleep to it or it can keep you company.  These are very popular episodes though, but I think that’s just because of the nature of the show and how soothing it is in and of itself.  Then there’s thank-yous at the end of the podcast.  So, that’s the structure of the show.  That’s why I make it, and I’m really glad you’re here.  Like I said, I really hope this podcast can help you out and help you fall asleep, or if you need a break during the day, the podcast can be there for you.

 

But the only way to do that is to try and give it a try, and even on the first try, I don’t expect you not to have skepticism or doubt or even mild irritation, because this is very different.  It’s not a normal show, and I’m very different.  I’m an acquired taste.  But just give yourself a chance and then yeah, give the show two or three tries.  After three tries, if it doesn’t work, try another one of the sleep podcasts on the website I said, or just search in your podcast app, or try another type of audio.  But I’m glad you’re here.  I work really hard, I yearn and I strive, and here’s a couple of ways I’m able to do this for you for free twice a week.

 

Alright bakers, Bread Week’s back like Backstreet was, and it starts with a sepia film.  Noel’s pushing a bike.  Sandi’s doing some voiceover.  Noel’s not riding the bike, then he is, a bike full of bread.  Bread falls out.  Then Sandi says, why am I doing the voice in your head?  He says, it’s a little…he goes, you’re doing it good.  To set up Bread Week, then they do the teaser where things don’t go well, so you…be ready.  Some subtle giggles.  Never baked a dragon before.  Of course, fumbling hands.  They love featuring that.  Then the theme music plays, and we’re talking about…what are we talking about?  Oh, that’s Biscuit Week.  That was my other notes.  Let’s get to this one, Bread Week.  Collection 5, Episode 3.  I think it was Season 9.  This is the first season on Channel 4, I think.

 

Noel and Sandi are sharing some bread on a wall, talking bread.  Noel says he used…he’s pretending to be a street urchin.  Toodle-pip, everyone.  We get a drone shot, then everybody’s walking down the stairs, across the grass, into the tent…winter coats on.  Talking heads…Sophie; bread, not my forte.  Julia loves bread.  Flo has been making bread for forty years.  Stacy says, I don’t make bread for Mr. Paul Hollywood.  Steven says, I wouldn’t mind being Star Baker three weeks in a row.  The team comes out.  Morning, bakers.  Twelve teacakes which may be our first piece of alliteration that I remember…noticed.  Enriched dough.  Let’s see…sir…oh, everybody’s walking…and talking heads; don’t make it for Paul Hollywood.  Twelve teacakes.  Jazz sugar?  Oh, jazz singer.  On your marks, get set, bake.

 

Nervous…everybody’s not…something for teacakes.  Fingers crossed.  Enriched dough…extra…enriched dough means it has extra butter, which inhibits the yeast rise or something.  Inhibits the yeast.  Sugars and fruit can do that.  So, you gotta prove it wrong…longer, according to Prue.  I also drew a picture of her necklace which has three circles, a black ball, a larger yellow ball, then a circle.  It matches her dress that she’s wearing.  It actually gives it some pop.  I wouldn’t even think of…I don’t…I never am aware of accessorizing or whatever, but…I don’t know, it does make it visually more interesting.  Actually, to talk to Paul…about Paul, he has a shirt on and it has a little stripe on his pocket which also adds something, so whoever’s doing this, whether they’re dressing themselves or there’s someone on set, well done.

 

Blueberry, cinnamon, cardamom sticky buns or something.  This is what Kate’s working on; blueberry buns, blueberry compote.  I made some of that.  Cinnamon butter…she has to restart though, so…her hob turned off.  I said, hob?  Liam, tell us about your teacake.  That’s alliteration, too?  Why?  Tell us about your teacake, maybe?  Oh, with the…even though it’s spread out, yeah, still I like it.  He’s never had a teacake, but something that is remotely similar is his Nan’s Jamaican Easter bun.  Something raisins and stout.  Is it curry?  Jamaican roots…cherries and raisins and stout that he’s just old enough to drink, they say.  What kind of texture?  teacake texture.  That was good alliteration.  He did it on himself without…that was without a writer.

 

I just like that…I like…I feel like…I understand; he and Stacy both have different interactions with Paul that are not easy, but Liam…Stacy reminds me more of me, where Liam reminds me of what I would aspire to be, which is more playful and confident and carefree and having fun with it.  Very nice, yes.  Is this Yan?  Nice, nice…?  No, this is…teacake texture.  Dutch, Nordic teacake…James, that’s who that is.  They show his to-do list.  I said to pause on his to-do list.  Now I gotta go back.  I’m talking so slow that the thing’s in front of me…but he makes a list of everything he ever wants to bake.  Looks like he’s in his office.  I say, wait a second, bakes that I want…maybe he’s just starting his to-do list and they made it look like it was…I mean, that’s the kinda thing that happens behind-the-scenes.

 

He winked at the camera, too.  Okay, I’m doing the old play, pause, play, pause.  Yeah, no, the other stuff was act…no, no; fennel cake, courgette something.  Botanicals to work with…tray bake.  Okay, so that maybe is the bakes this week…something rhubarb cake.  If this is his house, he’s got quite the board going.  So, maybe in the future?  Was that…did they already do a tray bake?  Was that last week?  No, that was Biscuit Week last week.  So, soon will be Cake Week, maybe.  Poor cousin of a hot-cross bun.  Oh yeah, he doesn’t like…James does not like teacakes.  Him and Paul have a disagreement.  Sandi says stop with your anti-Scandinavian nonsense.  Then we talk about kneading time; it creates the gluten which gives the bread its strength and structure.  Anger in the dough.

 

Julia’s talking about that; put your anger into the dough.  But she doesn’t do that.  She puts her love into the dough.  I love my dough.  She’s doing Earl Grey teacakes.  Don’t rush.  Who needs panic?  Nobody.  I think I just saw something that said toasted teacakes, but I didn’t write that down.  Sophie; she got her own kitchen after, ‘cause she was in the military and then…now she’s a stuntwoman or stuntwoman trainee.  She’s making it based on leftovers; tajine.  She started baking six years ago when she left the army mess behind and got her own kitchen.  Tajine teacakes is actually kind of alliteration.  Sumac…Noel has this playful interaction about stunt falls and rolls, and how do you learn that at stunt school.  He loves it.  She goes well, you learn it in the military, too.  Or, no…judo or taekwondo?  Let me see.  Oh, judo.

 

Break fall.  Usually at comedy school, the first day you learn banana skin.  I don’t know if he writes that stuff or how he…he’s so natural.  But he is very inquisitive, playful on the show.  I can see…and him and…I think him and…I haven’t watched the new season, so this isn’t…without Sandi, so…but I don’t know.  I think they have a good balance.  Gloppy mess…silky ball…prove…Steven; holiday in Greece.  He’s proving…oh, he calls his proving drawer a holiday in Greece.  Then he goes…he’s going through recipe books with his family.  He’s making madras cocktail teacakes.  Vodka butter…then we have Yan on a scooter and she bumped her chin.  Then her and Noel have a interaction about that.  He says, were you on a moped?  She goes no, a scooter.  He says, a children’s scooter?

 

I would love to see these production writing meetings.  Stewart falls…tuck and…oh, then he says you should have learned some stunt falls from Sophie.  She says oh, like tuck and roll?  He goes, you’re edgy, Yan.  Edgy Yan.  So edgy.  Everything makes Flo nervous.  She also shows…she’s doing something at home; she says there it is, the Elvis Presley quiff.  It looked like it was in whipped cream.  It’s time for the first prove.  Then you put the fruit in and you shape your bun.  Some people are rolling it up and then kneading it again.  This kinda gets repeated, but you want to keep the fruit in the middle, or that was the strategy offered by the judges and some of the bakers, ‘cause if the fruit’s on the outside, it could go beyond brown and get a little bit too cooked.  Teacake; not the same in Scotland.  This is Tom talking about that.

 

They show him swimming…there’s plenty of lochs to…for Tom to swim in in Scotland, though.  It looked cold; he was in a wetsuit and he came out cold of his lochs.  I said, I’d love to live there and swim in the lochs until I saw how cold it was, and I said okay, maybe not.  I love swimming and I don’t mind cold water with hot air or hot water with cooler air or warm water, but not…then fruit something.  Fruit hiddler…handling.  Stacy; Xmas cranberry…milk on top.  Her and Paul…Paul gives her shade; says, you’re putting milk on the top and not an egg wash?  Then, what does this say?  Oh, sixty teacake minutes.  Oh, sixty tea-caking minutes left.  I just saw Kate say, what could go wrong?  Second prove.  How to starch or how to stach…oh, how to stack everything.  Steven is proving in an oven.  More waiting and pacing and music.

 

So, with Bread Week, there’s a lot more sitting around ‘cause you have to wait for the bread to prove.  Also, the timing on all these is very critical because if you under-prove it or under-bake it, then you’re toast.  A cake, a sense, appeal, a torch; thirty minutes.  I don’t know what that is.  That was probably Sandi.  Right ment…right moment, going in.  Not long enough.  Crack on.  Egg wash or milk wash.  Steven is sunk; his…’cause his, I think, over-proved and then collapsed which is another thing they warned about.  Sixty good tea-caking minutes left, Sandi just said on my tape that’s running.  Fifteen minutes.  160 degrees.  Coming out.  Waiting…it’s raining multiple times this episode outside.  Liam’s worried.  A minute.  Big music.  Last minute.  So yeah, everybody’s trying to figure out how to stack.

 

I guess putting it in the oven over-proved it, though.  I saw Tom help Stacy.  Step away from your teacakes.  Then we have Kate go, then the…this is the judging.  Small, more buns.  E3?  Oh, take…taste terrific.  Good fruit, but over-baked, but taste terrific.  That may have been our third or fourth or fifth alliteration.  I put the third, but I don’t think it was.  James…I have trouble remembering James’ name for some reason.  Great texture.  Baking…something.  Taste fantastic.  Liam…so, James did really well on this one, but I don’t think he gets any credit later on.  Liam; no fruit outside, not baked, not good.  Flo; any salt in there?  No.  Not enough.  Bland.  More fruit…too low.  I don’t know what that means, either.  Sophie; melts good?  No.  Maybe the malt is good.  Quite like it.  More spice; lacks flavor.

 

Smells good, that’s what that says.  Tom; clever.  No fruit.  Dough excellent.  Closest to a teacake.  Stacy; bake okay.  Good teacake.  Milk’s a problem, but decent.  Because Paul does…I have to be right.  Except, unless he’s making a joke that makes him look better.  I like Paul but I can see…I guess I don’t like that the…I guess you need some conflict, though.  Even sleep podcasts and baking shows need some sort of conflict.  Julia; filly of fruit…plenty of fruit.  Spices; yes.  Flavor good.  Water prove?  More…under-proved.  Under-proved, though.  Yan; a little dodgy.  Flavor nice.  Beautiful chutney.  Steven; not your favorite hour.  Not your finest hour, but Prue loved his cocktail, or the vodka butter.  Was that this one, vodka butter?  Then we go to the talking heads.  Let’s see what they say after this one.  James’ Nordic teacakes.

 

He breathes a sigh of relief.  A lot of bread-pressing.  I guess the teacake would probably be good if it’s an enriched dough.  I don’t know, can you have a whole…or a partially-wholegrain teacake?  ‘Cause I guess if I’m having something on a regular basis, it’s…okay, so Steven says negative feedback, finally.  He’s got his jacket and a flannel on outside, and a apron.  Liam’s got his apron on.  By far my worst bake.  Gotta get top three in technical.  Julia; relieved.  Definitely looking forward to the technical.  Tom; for someone who never had a teacake, I’m pretty happy.  Closest thing so far.  Pretty good.  Stacy, I would like them to say you nailed it.  That’s really what I’m looking for, someone to say you nailed it.  Hasn’t happened yet.  See a fish in the pond, and we go to the next one.

 

The Great British Bake…or Great British Bread…what do they say here?  Great…another classic in the Great British Bread World.  Technical challenge, Sandi says.  She’s got a butterfly shirt on.  Paul, any words of wisdom?  Make it perfect, basically.  Alright lovelies, off you go.  They’re gonna go drag racing.  Prue, Paul drag rice.  The pun to end all puns.  Everybody cracks up at that.  Technical challenge is a cottage loaf.  I would like to make this for Thanksgiving or Christmas, but I guess you’d have to make it twice in case the first one doesn’t come out good.  PM…per maxar.  Two and a half hours.  Lovely jubbly.  Daunting.  Flavor’s outside.  Then we go to Paul and Prue.  There’s a lot of…there’s two…there’s more…there’s a lot of subtext or stuff in this episode.

 

I watched…yeah, it’s…some moments are interesting when you’re watching it with your daughter.  Nail-biting rant?  Is that what that says?  Paul nail-biting?  No, that can’t be right.  Make the dough.  Good…even color Paul wants.  Slashes all around.  Key point is bonding the top with the bottom so the top doesn’t fall off or blow off when it’s baking.  Rubbing in the lard; that’s what James says.  Talking dough.  Kneading…knackered muscles, time management, window pane test.  A lot more rain.  Make dough is all we get.  First prove; do it.  Forty minutes.  Let’s see, sloppy dough.  Never made one before.  Rubbing in the lard.  I said that.  Forty-five…double in size.  Waking…waiting sucks.  Stacy and Noel prove it.  Let’s see what that is.  Flo says she’s made one before, but the top came off when she made it.

 

You get some kneading going.  I guess that people are knackered.  Meanwhile, outside…take out the wheel.  Take out we?  Don’t know.  Wonky ball…don’t want wonky balls of dough.  Then there’s a loaf assembly scene with stress.  Looks like two snowball people.  Cutting the dough…culling the dough.  Outside…Noel plays…he plays…on one time check, he plays teacups, breaks a teacup, which is pretty funny.  Right now everybody’s proving for forty minutes.  Oh, that was at forty minutes.  Some people are an hour; Steven.  Liam; forty-five.  Everybody’s explaining; oh, you want it to double in size.  Now waiting.  No one’s relaxed while they’re waiting.  Stacy and Noel; how’s Bread Week going?  You like bread.  I love bread.  Do know what a cottage loaf is.

 

But Noel says you said…yeah, you said it like you weren’t telling the truth.  Oh, I’ve made it before.  I’ve made one.  He says, prove it.  I don’t even know if he was doing a pun about the proving drawers.  Then they moonwalk out.  Let’s see, so he broke the teacups.  Yan says mine…starting to look like BB-8.  Not BB-88, though.  Guy…oh, that’s the guy…is James.  I put Guy ‘cause I didn’t know.  Look ball…look back.  Stemage…Stacy says I like that.  In the oven; 170.  Hug the door?  Thirty-five minutes.  Fingers crossed.  There’s like, yeah, everybody…a lot of people are watching their ovens while it bakes.  It’s really only making…this is like a single thing.  The complexity’s in its simplicity, almost.

 

I guess these ones have been a little bit more crafty ‘cause then they had the fortune cookie, again, which is simple but for me, I would have never…I would have been toast ‘cause I wouldn’t have been able to ever figure out the geometric part of it even if I got the dough right.  I think James’ bottom…or Steven’s…somebody’s bottom bread…eating the top of my bread.  Oh no, it was James, ‘cause then he says inside I’m crying.  Rain; not a good sign.  All about not being the worst is what Stacy says.  Five minutes left.  Stress and music.  High temperatures.  People are kicking their oven up ‘cause they only have a few minutes left.  Blossoms not cooked…tick, tock, or tick, tick, tick.  Click, click…oh yeah, everybody does different things.

 

One person says tick, tick, tick, and then I’m not sure if it was Flo or Julia…does a click, click, click with their tongue.  Time is up.  Classic cottage loaf.  Is that E3, E4?  Did I already say that?  Then we go to the judging.  Let’s see…I don’t know, the…I think…I thought Julia was first, but I put numbers instead.  Let’s see, but…good…something bottom…rounded.  Under-baked, but good flavors.  Rounded bottom?  That’s somebody.  Whoever’s…turns out is really good.  Yeah, but Julia was first.  Hers is shaped perfectly.  A little bit of decoration, which is good.  Number two is Stacy.  Nice shape.  I like the cuts.  Baked crispy.  Something…something good.  Salisbury loaf…that’s not it.  Properly pushed together.  She knew Paul’s technique to keep it stuck together.  Let’s have a look inside.  It’s baked, it’s crispy.

 

Big loaf…you’re gonna have a nice crust.  Satisfactory; that was the word I couldn’t read.  Flo; not risen at all.  Soft, needs more time in the oven.  Tom; something crisp.  Ten more minutes in the oven, probably, or rising.  Liam; proportion’s right.  Flavor’s good.  Kate; she didn’t balance hers out, so it kinda fell off there.  Sophie; shape good.  Under-baked.  It’s a wet loaf.  James…I put Guy again.  Too wet.  His loaf was not baked enough, or too much water.  Steven; proven right, quite light, flavor good.  Don’t…something this one.  Taught, flat.  Let’s see here.  Right now they’re on the wet loaf from Sophie.  James’ thing…whole thing merged together, they say.  You’ve lost the top.  Big cob.  Doesn’t look like a cottage loaf at all.  Steven’s very neat.  Oh, they liked the flower in his, too.  Oh yeah, who’s next?  Oh no, that’s the rankings.

 

So, did I miss people?  Oh no, Steven…oh, Tom, maybe that’s who I missed?  I don’t know.  There’s Yan; color’s good.  Oh, she was the last.  Pancake sitting on top of a cob.  A bit tough, a bit flat, and…she nods, then they scan everybody.  Now they rank.  Kate is the last, James, Yan, Flo, Sophie, Liam, Tom, Steven, Julia, and Stacy comes in first.  So, she’s happy ‘cause they do a talking heads.  She puts her hands above her head, big smile and laughter.  So, her spirit’s high.  Very strong shaping, very good.  She says first technical, massive.  Clap; so excited.  James; wasn’t a good look.  Wasn’t surprised I wasn’t…I was surprised I wasn’t last.  Kate says what a disaster.  Steven says redemption.  Flo says I’m confident.  I don’t know what way the dough’s gonna go.  Liam says, I gotta smash it tomorrow.

 

That’s what I gotta do, and I’ll be fine.  Confident, know your bake.  Smash it.  It’s all I gotta do.  Then they walk back in down the stairs.  Coats are on.  They do another table talk.  It’s kinda wide open.  There’s two people for Star Bakers on the bounce.  Flo, Liam in trouble.  Julia, Tom, and Stacy doing well.  Stacy’s the Bread Queen; maybe she can prove herself here.  For this one, they say okay, for the showstopper, it’s a color bread…colored bread sculpture.  Natural…three different naturally-occurring colorings.  They do a nice focus pull back outside.  Is that what…big challenge?  Oh, Noel says channel your inner Jackson Pollock.  Three naturally-occurring colorings.  You could just…somebody’s using spinach, parsley, squid ink.  You gotta make sure you balance them, though.  Beet root, turmeric, chocolate.

 

Look…something.  Vibrant color and taste good; that’s Paul and Prue’s discussion, I think.  Look stunning, look interesting.  Half…Flo concoction?  Davy Jones’ locker?  So, Flo is making…I don’t even…my handwriting…this is big.  Everybody’s doing their prep, kinda talking.  They’re kicking it off, stay calm, starting to mix different things, naturally-occurring colorings, talking about that idea.  Beet root is one to give it a flavor.  Spinach and parsley to give it some green, hopefully.  Squid ink is another one.  All about introducing the balance, Paul says.  Beet root, turmeric, chocolate.  Gotta add it in proportions that doesn’t inhibit the yeast too much.  Impress us, Prue says.  Look amazing, vibrant color.  But it’s gotta taste good, of course.  Then we…oh, drone shot.  Flo’s working on her squid ink.  They say hello.

 

Says, is that activated charcoal?  That’s what I was…trying to figure out what I wrote.  She’s making a Davy Jones’ locker bread sculpture with a squid, a pirate hat, and some gold.  She says I hope it turns out well.  They say okay, well done, Flo.  Good luck.  Flo’s isn’t the only one nautical-themed.  Kate is also doing a kraken, sea weed, spirulina, smoked garlic, and kale.  Red dolce or something…flavors of the sea tied together.  Liam’s doing a ice cream sculpture.  One of his is apricot, one of the colorings.  Beet root and cocoa.  He has one of the better titles which I forgot here, but I’ll…oh, Nedapolitan, like ice cream, so he’s having strawberry, chocolate.  It’s got cones.  Nedapolitan.  There was one other one that was almost…oh, a bag I need; that’s Steven’s.

 

Sophie is doing a picnic basket in Italian colorings; apple, beet root, and some other word I can’t read…for grapes.  Tea towel, apples, picnic basket.  Let’s see, here.  Oh, pandan powder, cinnamon and walnuts, red beet root, grapes.  She’s trying to knead and sort and prepare the doughs, so that’s my priority.  Julia’s doing four breads instead of three; grass, snail, mushroom…they say, how many times did you practice?  She’s like, six or seven times.  They say oh, that’s not very much.  They’re joking, I think.  Spinach paste or something, red pepper, paprika, and then she’s doing this Russian black bread with treacle and malt.  That sounds amazing.  Like, dark ryes and stuff like that is my thing, so holy cow.  Spinach, cheddar, and bacon, goat’s cheese, and onion fillings.  Russian black rye bread stock.  James; raisin, walnut, saffron.

 

He’s doing a tawny owl and hedgehogs.  Hot chocolate chilli bread.  Then Stacy, she’s doing a challah bread, but it’s usually overnight bread, so she’s like, this will be faster, but it should have good taste.  I was trying to balance the idea of the colors versus the flavors and feature colors.  They say well, the flavor’s important, too.  There’s something else about…I put swimple?  Swimple?  So, we’ll see what that is.  Tom is doing a burger timer?  No.  Beet root…first prove and shaping time.  Yeah, Stacy’s saying challah bread I like to prove overnight.  It’s a ascot hat bread sculpture; poppy, sesame seeds, pesto, and tomato.  Let’s see, who else?  Yan; she’s doing this dragon.  Basil, spinach, focaccia floor.  That was another great piece of alliteration.  Oh yeah, so Tom’s having trouble making his flowers.  He tries to restart.

 

He’s doing a rose centerpiece with yellow and red roses.  Turmeric, cumin, beet root.  I think his beet root color looks good, and he starts proving it, but he’s like, I’m gonna try to do it again.  So, everybody’s trying to prove stuff.  Then we go to the first prove.  Yan is doing some sort of…some dough.  Let’s see…oh, she was using modeling clay or modeling dough.  Vegetarian…Basil the vegetarian dragon and his pumpkin hoard.  Gluten-intolerant unicorn, Noel says.  That would be funny, too.  So, very creative.  Tomato-colored pumpkins, sweet and savory toadstools, white chocolate raspberry focaccia floor, Parmesan mushrooms.  Yan’s good at…she’s got her time management down.  She’s got a extra fifteen minutes built in.  Then they say okay, before you shape your dough, you gotta put the ingredients in.

 

Four hours and fifteen minutes left, or four hours, fifteen.  I don’t know.  Everybody’s putting their ingredients and making their doughs.  Steven’s saying I hope I don’t disappoint.  I got a lot of flavors going on.  They go to see him.  He’s doing a handbag.  Again, a Handbag I Knead.  It’s gonna be a lot extra stuff.  Bag I Knead bread sculpture.  Really ambitious, a lot of flavors.  Chocolate and peppermint handle.  They say well, the flavors better be good.  He goes well, yesterday was tough, so, I want it to work as bread and as flavors.  Flo breathes out from stress.  Julia starts working on her snail, which I guess already…I didn’t notice it the first time that it’s like, has a certain look to it that they laugh about a lot later.  Yan’s working on her dragon.  Tom’s shaping his flowers.  Fiddly dough.  Paul watches him.

 

He’s like, are you trying to mess with me, man?  Staring at me while I’m making my flowers?  Outside…half-yummy?  Half-penny?  I don’t know what that is.  Halfway through; oh.  Liam breathes.  They’re like, Sandi makes a bunch of jokes about his hair roots.  Bread holds…everybody puts their bread…starts putting their bread sculptures in the oven, so I hope these structures don’t collapse, ‘cause that’ll make it tough.  Never baked a dragon before.  Flo’s working on the hat.  She says it’s like a Noddy’s hat, not like a pirate’s hat.  Like a brick’s hat.  What’s his name is making hedgehogs.  Trying to do a pirate’s hat; looks more like a Noddy’s hat.  Everybody’s looking at their shapes.  Oh yeah, and I see James kinda covers up…he doesn’t want his…he wants his doughs to brown differently.  Flo; something down and something.

 

One hour left.  Liam’s…one of his sculptures falls over.  He’s stressed.  Paul Hollywood taps…somebody taps their bread.  Twenty robes?  Twenty roses left for Tom.  Yan’s on her fourth dough.  There’s different timelines; up and down, you got…everything’s baking at different things.  Time management is key.  Mushroom, focaccia forest floor…forest floor is good alliteration.  Focaccia forest floor.  That’s a triple alliteration word score, you know?  Noel and Liam…finally…ten minutes left.  This is the build phase.  So, let’s see.  Yeah, everybody’s putting stuff in the oven, but you only have one oven, so, everybody’s trying to get stuff in and out.  You still gotta put everything together.  Julia’s got her mushroom.  That looks like a nice piece of bread.  She exhales.  Focaccia forest floor…it’s nice.  Challah’s going in.  See you soon.

 

Liam stretches.  He’s emotional.  Noel says, you’re gonna be alright?  He goes, I don’t know.  I mean, I just have to have self-belief.  Liam says…or Noel says I couldn’t boil an egg at your age.  He’s like, I’m not sure I could do that.  He laughs.  We see a ladybug outside.  Ten minutes left.  Trouble starts.  Now the assembly’s going on and everybody’s trying to be very delicate and hope it doesn’t collapse.  A lot of focus right now, a lot of different…what do you call those things?  Like, bamboo skewers to keep everything together and make it work.  Three, two, one, go.  Five minutes left.  Everybody’s like, holy cow.  Final touches are going down.  Final shaping.  The state of me pirate’s hat.  Flo’s not happy, but yeah, everybody else is really focused.  A lot of closeups, which has got to make it even harder.  Then the time’s up.

 

Everybody throws their hands up.  Flo’s arms are crossed.  Place the bakes at the end of the station.  We have a outside focus pull from flowers and grass to the tent, and then it’s judgement time.  Yan has to go first.  They say it’s a pity your dragon wasn’t bigger.  It’s a little small.  It’s like a baby dragon.  But strong flavors, very good.  Love the color, but the garlic was too strong.  But hers looked like actually something more realistic that you would actually see at a bakery, ‘cause it’s…even though its colors weren’t as strong either, it looks very natural and not…and real.  But yeah, some stuff’s not flavored enough, but others is not as…I don’t know.  They’re tough on her, but not low…like, not bottom-three tough.  Liam goes; a Nedapolitan.  It even has icing.  Paul bites in.  It’s not evenly distributed, the apricots.

 

The chocolate date…flavors are fantastic.  More alliteration.  Proving was a bit under.  Then James; like the owls, but the hedgehog’s not good.  Smells good.  Walnut and raisin…yeah.  Okay, yeah.  Saffron’s strong and overpowers the raisin and the other stuff.  Matcha green tea is too strong as well.  Really don’t like your flavors, Prue says.  Design’s good, baking’s good.  So, proving’s right.  You got everything right, but it doesn’t taste good.  Then Stacy goes.  Ascot hat.  Elegantly done, exquisite.  She says thank you.  They cut it up.  We get some reaction shots of Tom.  They start pulling it apart.  Challah’s lovely, Prue says.  Taste is alright.  Proving’s wrong; needed longer.  Strength of the turmeric’s overwhelming the lemon.  The design’s good.  Well-executed, but flavors are wrong.  She’s sad.  Steven; bag I need.

 

Paul says wow, that’s amazing.  Impressive, but we’re gonna have to rip it apart.  He goes, that’s fine.  They get a couple reaction shots from Stacy and Julia.  They eat the first thing.  Steven reaction…and he breathes out.  Then Paul says, this is unbelievable.  Delicacy of the crumb, it’s focaccia-like.  Manchego, chorizo, that’s a big tick.  Then they go to the links of the handbag.  Prue says, it’s delicious.  It’s the perfect breadstick; just curly instead of straight.  Then they go for the handle; chocolate peppermint.  Paul takes a bite of that.  Prue says it’s lovely.  Paul says wow, wow, wow, wow.  Then he says come here for a sec, and he pretends that Steven’s gonna be the host and he’s gonna be a contestant.  I’ll just sit down.  Then he says, it’s…you’re ridiculous in a good way.  Then we go to Flo.

 

She says…they say, what is this?  She goes, Tom Jones’ locker.  That, everybody has a laugh, a lot of laughs at Tom Jones’ locker.  She goes, no, no; Davy Jones’ locker.  Flo says, it’s ingenious but clumsy, too clumsy to come off perfectly.  They say okay, you got the colors right, though.  Baked well, kinda like a ciabatta.  Is that what you set out to do?  She goes, no.  Then Paul says, Flo, you shouldn’t have…you should have said yes.  She laughs.  Then he says the paprika’s a little bit strong, too overpowering.  Overpowers even the rest of the bread.  It’s like, burning my mouth.  That’s what Prue says.  Then we go to Kate.  Prue says, I expect…I love squid ink, so I hope I can taste some.  Like the octopus look, Paul says.  They cut it up.  They start tearing it apart.  I mean, physically tearing it apart.  Squid ink comes through which is suitable.

 

Paul says, this is very good.  Then we see a focus pull to Flo.  Heavy crust, beautiful structure.  Well done.  Then we go to Sophie.  Your colors are a little light.  The plating’s good.  I like the basket, but not seeing too much color.  The apples aren’t green.  Then they say okay, dough is underdone.  Actually, Prue says only marginally.  She goes, it’s more the apple inside made it wet.  Pleasant to eat.  We go to Tom.  His pink and yellow roses look good.  Prue says, you got…or yeah, she says you got great colors.  Paul says, the rose…the red roses aren’t defined enough for me.  Yellow roses are better.  Quite exquisite.  They go to the red one.  Pink hue; is that what you were going for?  He says yeah, so he is smart enough to kinda say oh, of course.  But not much flavor; bland.  Then we go to to Julia’s mushroom and snail.

 

There’s about a…the whole set must have been cracking up with the snail.  It just…they zoom in on it.  They can’t stop laughing.  I mean, there must have been a lot of outtakes ‘cause they keep cutting.  Even with the cuts, Paul can’t put it together.  Prue says, are you gonna pull it together, Paul, or not?  Julia’s trying to pull it together from laughing.  Then they say okay, this beet root and potato one feels lovely.  Colors’ amazing.  Texture’s good.  Nice flavor.  Then they open the rye.  Paul smells it.  It’s packing a punch to smell.  This is gonna be fascinating.  Good crust; malty.  Great texture, great flavor.  Really good bread.  Then the top of the mush…or no, then the snail.  They like the goat cheese and the onion.  Great taste.  Fantastic in there.  Design is good.  Well thought-through, Julia.  Very well done.

 

Then we see Liam and Kate and Flo, stressed.  Cut outside; we go to the table talk.  They say okay, Stacy kinda got herself out of the bottom there.  Julia did lovely.  Snail was humorous, they say.  Goat cheese was…and the onion was delicious, so she did a huge job.  She pulled it off.  Steven was exceptional, but Prue says yeah, he didn’t do good at the beginning though, so can’t…we can’t…I don’t think we can give him Star Baker, ‘cause he couldn’t make a teacake.  Paul says, huh.  Then they say okay, what about Tom Jones’ locker?  Too much paprika.  Overpowered everything.  Liam struggled.  Prue says, you know, Liam, he’s so brave with his flavor.  I just want him to get a little bit over this hump.  Then Sandi says, are you gonna be in agreement?  They say, eventually.  But they kinda laugh; two power personalities, you know.

 

See the outside; everybody’s lined up.  They come out, they say okay, everybody, this is the best Bread Week we’ve ever seen.  Well done.  That’s what Paul says.  Sandi’s like, I get to announce the Star Baker, so that’s good for me.  The person who put the tea in the teacake, and their showstopper was from Russia with love, is Julia.  She’s kinda in disbelief.  Steven’s a little bit FOMO, but he’s happy for her.  Tom’s happy for her.  Noel has to reveal who’s gonna leave us.  Sad to say that we have to say goodbye to Flo.  It takes a little while, but they don’t stretch it out too long.  Sandi says have a hug.  Flo says, I’m fine with it.  But she’s down.  We love Flo.  So, yeah.  She does a lot of exhaling.  It’s tough.  They say yeah, we’re gonna miss Flo.  Paul says he’s gonna miss her.  I think the world of her.

 

She says, I’ve joy…enjoyed the ride, met some lovely people, and I’ll remember that for the rest of my life.  I’ll get back to normal.  Sandi goes yeah, you must be exhausted.  Liam goes, I gotta level up.  Paul says, Julia was Star Baker.  Prue says she was ambitious.  Julia breathes a bit.  She says, I didn’t expect that, and shakes her head, but she’s happy.  Then they say, for Steven, it’s good for him to realize he can’t dominate all the time.  There’s other bakers coming up behind him, and Julia is one of those.  He says yeah, I had to come off my cloud.  I gotta practice.  I’m headed back home tonight and the oven’s going back on.  With that, the episode comes to a close, so sleep well, my bakers, and hope this proves to provide you with a good night’s sleep.  Goodnight.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

(www.leahtranscribes.com)

Notable Language:

• Clomping / Clopping
• Jazz Sugar
• Prue Praul Drag Race

Notable Culture:

• Backstreet Boys
• Tom Jones
• Davy Jones' Locker

Notable Talking Points:

• Sentence Diagramming Zen Koans
• Tom swims in Scottish lochs
• Scooter loves dark rye bread