1008 – The Octopus Wore Gloves

Episode 1008 – The Octopus Wore Gloves

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER:    Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for the podcaster you make possible, patrons.  It’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast to put you to sleep.

 

INTRO:    [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature, routine.  So, anything on your mind keeping you awake, any feelings about what’s on your mind or just in general; remnants from the day or the distant past.  I mean, oh boy, my feelings are still strong from times…anyway, it could be physical sensations, work stuff, life stuff, weather stuff.

 

Whatever it is, I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of things.  What I’m gonna do or what I propose to do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.  I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones.  Oh, so creaky are my dulcet tones, a bit like a…you know, like a floorboard in a home…a well-worn home or whatever they call it; well lived-in.  Pointless meanders; those are well-worn, too.  Superfluous tangents; like a glove.  They fit me like a glove, superfluous tangents.  Kinda like a glove you would give…for an octopus.  If an octopus wore gloves…yeah, elbow gloves or whatever they’re called, that may or may not resemble a superfluous tangent.  But that would probably be a superfluous tangent; the octopus that wore gloves.  Well, why would a octopus wear gloves?  I don’t know.

 

I mean, there’s a lot of possibilities.  I guess this is our episode.  I thought we were gonna talk about something else, but I gotta write this down ‘cause I gotta stick…hey, new listener.  Sorry.  I mean, that was a lot of reasons, so I guess we’ll…that’s…tonight’s episode will be about the octopus that wore gloves.  Oh, so if you’re new, that’s a couple of things I wanted to check in with all of you about.  I just went on a superfluous tangent there.  Creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders; that’s all the stuff that helps create a safe place to take your mind off of stuff while you fall asleep.  So if you’re new and if you’re skeptical or doubtful or unsure, that’s totally normal.  That’s how most people feel when they first start listening to the show, so I want to just acknowledge that and say it totally makes sense.

 

Let me tell you, I got more stuff to make you doubtful about.  This is a podcast, believe it or not, that you don’t really listen to.  You just kinda barely pay attention.  Your job…you don’t have a job.  My job is to talk about stuff in a way that’s barely appealing to your ears.  You say well, it’s creaky, it’s senseless, maybe a bit self-indulgent.  I say yeah, you’re on the right…so, just barely listen to me just like I was…if I was some distant relative holding court at a dinner party or something, but you were in a comfortable place.  You say well, you could just sit in this…we got a booth for you so you don’t have to…or if…you know, if you’re an extrovert, we got a booth full of people.  If you’re a introvert, we got a booth designed for you to relax in.  Everybody says let them chill in the booth.

 

It’s a place for chilling and being quiet and people-watching, and you’re just barely listening there in that booth.  Or you say, it doesn’t have to be a booth, either.  It could be a table or chairs or something else.  You could be floating above or…I don’t know.  We’ll listen across the room with super-hearing.  So, just barely listen to me.  Another analogy is…why’d I say analogy so strange?  I don’t know, but is like watching the clouds go by.  So, that’s one; this is a podcast you barely listen to.  It’s also a podcast that you…it doesn’t really put you to sleep, even though Sleep With Me is a kinda…the podcast that puts you to sleep, it doesn’t…it’s really here to take your mind off of stuff and keep you company while you drift off.

 

That’s why the episodes are about an hour, is to give you plenty of time so you don’t have to…you say oh boy, I got plenty of time to fall asleep.  I’m just gonna hang with Scoots here and barely listen to him.  He’s gonna go on a tangent about parabolas, maybe, even though they’re called para…he doesn’t know if they’re parabolas or para…he doesn’t know his parabola from his parabola.  I’m…say correct; you’re correct about that.  You wouldn’t know a parabola if it…if he was swinging on one.  I’d say, isn’t it the shape that it goes in?  Parabolic; I can say that, so then…but I can’t…so, I can say parabolic but I can’t say parabola.  Parabola; that’s why.  Holy cow, we got somebody that took a physics class in high school that just popped in my brain.  What did you say?  Parabola.  Man.  Wow.

 

That, I think, is the correct pronunciation.  I’m not kidding…so, this is probably pretty close to 1,000 episodes.  I don’t know if that’s ever happened, where some part of my brain…that was kinda hopeless.  I mean, I was rolling with it.  I said I know…how do I…how was I…?  Parabolic.  Para…parabola.  Now I can’t say it incorrectly.  But I knew I was saying it incorrectly, but I said I don’t know what the correct…this feels wrong, just like when I was swinging on a parabola.  Parabola?  Para…?  How is it?  Parabola, right?  Parabola sounds like a form of communication.  He was speaking in a parabola.  You say, well, that’s how you describe Sleep With Me, exactly.  So, oh…oh, this show doesn’t really put you to sleep.  It keeps you company while you drift off.

 

If you can’t sleep, I’ll be here to the very end though, so I’m here to keep you company whether you’re awake or asleep.  I’m here to be your bore-friend, your bore-bud, your bore-bruh, your bore-friend…did I say that?  Your bore-bud, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-bor.  Not your barb…not your bore-barber but your neigh…somebody said oh, it’s like a neighbor; your bore-bor.  So, whatever…so, yeah.  So, those are two things to know if you’re new.  The other thing…and what up, my regular listeners?  Did you just see that?  Parabola.  Parabola.  That’s what I was calling it before; parabola.  That’s what I called it first, and that’s…I want to give a shout-out to my Ronkonkomans out there.

 

Everybody from Ronkonkoma, Lake Ronkonkoma, whatever other train stations are near there that I’d be saying right now.  In Ronkonkoma, what do they call a pair of bowlers?  Parabolas.  It’s funny ‘cause it’s true.  Oh, Ronkonkoma; I…oh, Long Island, how I love thee.  Say Scoots, how many different…?  I say, that’s it.  That’s as much Long Island as I can give you.  Parabolas.  That’s not even an…that’s just the essence of Ronkonkoma.  I’m not actually doing it in a Long Island accent.  So, okay, where was I?  You might not like this podcast, you might…don’t need to listen to it, might not put you to sleep.  It’s just here to keep you company.  Oh, structure of the show.  So, if you’re new, structure of the show is different too, so I just want to give you all the information.

 

This is like the normal way regular listeners get into the podcast if it works for them; at first they say the structure of the show or the idea of not listening is not easy, so you listen a couple times and then you get used to it, then all the stuff I’m telling you makes…the fact that none of it makes sense starts to make some semblance of sense later on.  Okay, so what do you call it?  Where were we?  Oh, the structure of the show.  The show starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, then there’s listener support stuff, then there’s sponsors.  That’s really how we’re able to be here free not behind a paywall twice a week.  Then there’s the intro. The intro goes from like, minute six or minute eight to minute twenty-something.

 

The intro’s where I kinda go on and on and on in pointless meanders and superfluous tangents to introduce the show, but it also — for regular listeners — gives you a chance to ease into bedtime or get ready for bed or do your wind-down routine.  So, that’s why the intro goes on and on and on, ‘cause I found I need…it’s…to be eased into bed and to let the day drift away, to let the sun set, and to slowly [00:10:00] stop thinking about the stuff that’s on my mind and say okay, I’m just gonna barely listen to Scoots, here.  So, that’s the intro.

 

3% of listeners do start the show at like, twenty minutes or so, and then a few thousand people who support the show on Patreon listen to story-only episodes, so that’s a option if the intro isn’t for you, but just kinda wait and see after a couple episodes, because there’s people that listen all night, there’s people that turn…start the episodes in the middle of the night, there’s people that listen to just intros, not even stories; patrons that do that.  Then there’s people that listen during the day when they need some calming or some distraction or they’re doing some sort of rote task and they want something to barely listen to.  So, those are all things…I guess I was…those are all things you should know as a new listener.  So, that’s the intro.  Then there’s business between the intro and the show, the story.

 

It’s just a part of podcast structure, is where they like…that’s the place they like the business, the companies that are gracious and support the show and the listeners that support them so we could be here for you.  Then there’s the story.  Apparently tonight it’ll be about a octopus…I was just listening to see if my brain said no, squid…a octopus that wears gloves.  Hopefully…I mean, that sounds interesting to me.  I mean, it’s curious, especially elbow gloves or whatever they’re called.  So, we’ll talk about…we’ll tell that story, then there’s some thank-yous at the end of the show.  So, that’s the structure of the show.  The show ends up usually running around sixty, sixty-two, sixty-four minutes.  Sometimes longer, sometimes not as long.  So, that’s the structure of the show.

 

The reason I make the show, besides my parabola…wait, it’s parabolic, but parabola.  Anybody else wonder…?  Are those the same things?  ‘Cause, well, actually not because parabolic means…that’s like a saucer, right?  Like a parabolic dish is…I think that’s what they say; that thing’s…have you gotten parabolic, man?  Oh, boy.  Do I have a parabolics.  That’s like what’d you say if someone in…can someone in Ronkonkoma use some UK slang in an inappropriate way?  That’s how that would be…that’s the…that would be the answer to the…or the…and the other one would be the punchline, I guess, but I can’t go back to it because then it would ruin the fact that it’s barely a joke anyway.  So, what was…oh, para…but I was just wondering about that, like many things I wonder about here.

 

I wa-wa-wonder if parabola…parabola…parabola…parabolic, para…para…I don’t know.  But those are words that are in my brain right now, so that’s what I could tell you.  Parabola remind…is that thing…it’s kinda like an arch.  I don’t know, my daughter was studying it in school, so I said oh, that’s a interesting word.  I like saying that.  Maybe I’ll forget how to pronounce it and then try to pronounce it for fifteen minutes and then eventually get it right, then analyze the word without results.  You say, no…I’m like a computer with a spinning wheel.  Okay, so that’s the structure of the show.  The reason I make the show…oh, one, I have parabolic…parabolic and parabolic thinking.  I’ve got an internal parabola.  I speak Parabolean.  You say yeah, you do; Parabolean.  So, that’s one reason.

 

The other reason I make the show is twofold; one, because I’ve been there in the deep, dark night, tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep, and if I can help, that would be my honor to help you.  That’s one, and then two is you deserve a good night’s sleep.  You deserve a place you could rest and that you feel like you could relax and get the sleep you need to live a more fuller life and that your life feels manageable, right?  That to me is very important because you deserve it and our world deserves it, the people around you, and that makes our world a better place to live in.  It does have a impact on everybody if you feel a little bit better and you’re a little bit more rested.  No pressure, though.  I mean, that doesn’t have an impact the other way.

 

I’m just saying it makes our world a little bit better.  So, that’s my role here, is to try to help you by being goofy, talking in circles or other shapes, and going off-topic to be your bore-friend and to keep you company while you fall asleep.  So, I’m glad you’re here.  I really appreciate you coming by, and I work very hard, I yearn and I strive, and I just want to help you fall asleep.  Thanks again, and here’s a couple of ways we’re able to be here for you for free twice a week.

 

Alright everybody, it’s Scoots here and I’m here with…oh, this story you’ve all heard, a tale as old as time, the tale of the octopus who wore gloves.  You might be saying to yourself Scoots, is this a…is this one of those prequels or is it one of those…more of the Marvel movies that starts in the middle of something, or is it different?  I’d say well, this is an octopus, one.  So, this takes place…you’ll remember this as you listen, that it takes place in a world that we only know about through myth and underwater cameras and people who scuba.  Rovers, I think they call them, because this octopus lived under the sea, as has been sung before.  But this was the octopus that wore gloves, what you…we would consider gloves that go just past the elbow, which you don’t see a lot anymore.  Sometimes you see some forearm gloves.

 

I guess I would want gloves that go past the elbow.  If I was going for long gloves, you’d say wow, these ones…talk about layering.  Then you say well, are you gonna be warm enough?  Well, no, I’ve got my gloves on.  Also, it would help…I mean, this is not undersea, but it would help with the tucking of gloves, right?  Because that’s a big thing.  Now, I don’t live in an environment that could be frigid anymore, but that’s I think one of the most underrated things, at least for me, one of my top strategies that I had as a kid and that I carried over into an adult in adulthood, which did add one layer of difficulty, was you put on your gloves first and then your jacket.  I don’t know how many people out there do that, but let me know about it.  But that you put your gloves on…also, I wear mittens.  We could talk about that.

 

I don’t wear gloves.  But you put your gloves on, especially if this is…we’re talking winter gloves or winter mittens, and then you slide your arms into your jacket.  You do have to do a little pushing, but then…in an ideal situation, for example, if you’re going sledding — this is the example this is most fitting for — or I guess a general snow frolic, so this wouldn’t be for people that are more into structured activities like snowshoeing, cross-country skiing, downhill snowboarding, skiing, though it could apply.  But what you do is you put your gloves in through your jacket.  I think I told you that.  Then you zip up your jacket.  That’s gonna be the hardest part when you have your gloves on.

 

Then, of course, something inevitably comes up within ten minutes of you getting outside that calls for you to remove one glove, but it does create…it is a treat.  Holy cow.  If you need to treat yourself and you’re in a winter environment anytime in the next…anytime after this point and you say wow, I really could go for a treat, I say okay, go ahead; put some gloves on, then put a jacket on.  First put on everything else, maybe even your hat because getting a hat on with gloves or mittens is not exactly easy.  Then slide your gloves through your jacket and zip your jacket up.  Maybe have someone there to assist you.  This would be one of those occasions where a squire…here’s a potential niche business, just an idea that came up in my head, is a squire; winter squire.  You say, wintersquire.com.

 

Maybe…I don’t think I’ll be purchasing that ‘cause I don’t think I could spell squire.  Was there a rocker named Billy Squier?  Is that somebody that was really…is that some…was that really a thing?  [00:20:00] But you could be a winter squire.  That’s pretty nice to say; winter squire.  Well, what do I do?  Will I come by, make sure it’s easy to get…?  I mean, you…I guess it would be better…it wouldn’t probably be very profitable ‘cause you say, what’s the market for that?  You’d say well, I don’t know, because you’re right; the people that we…the ideal market probably already has some sort of robot or something like Rosie the robot that does it for them.  So, I don’t know.  You could do it for a gift.  There you go; what’d you get me for the holiday season?  Coupons again.  Oh, coupons.  Did you clean out my fireplace?

 

‘Cause remember, that was your coupons from last year.  You lost the coupons, so I can’t…they were non-transferable coupons, so I was unable…yeah, I was unable to clean your fireplace.  You gotta present me with a coupon, then we schedule it, then you present it to me again and that…so, that’s…just so you know, that’s how it’s…works with my coupons, gift coupons.  But this season, yeah, I’m gonna give you…I’m gonna be your winter squire which is only avail…it’s available in…yeah, in…what does a winter squire do?  Well, I help you get on your winter clothes before you go outside.  I don’t go outside; that’s not included in these coupons.

 

Then when you come home, I don’t help you with any defrocking or the mess that most people leave behind, and I’ve never…I don’t own a mud room, so I don’t know what it’s like for people that have that mud room or a garage, but I will have hot cocoa prepared for you.  So, those are the roles of your winter squire.  Oh, really?  Yeah, and the key thing is that I make sure you put your gloves or your mittens on before your jacket.  That’s what I’m really here for, make sure your hat’s adjusted and then if you have one of those jackets that zips and buttons, no one ever…that’s underrated.  You don’t know how much…that zipper is literally…that’s why we want to button that flap, is to have full…cover your zipper.

 

But so, that’s what a winter squire does, is…so anyway, that’s just something I thought about when I think about gloves.  I think about that feeling.  Talk about security.  You say, there’s no wind getting in on my wristy-poos because I’ve got a jacket over the cuffs of my mittens or my gloves.  You may say Scoots, is that why the octopus wore gloves?  I say no, actually, it’s not.  It is actually…in octopus lore, if you really…and some people may say they’re…they have an…until you’ve really been with…like, you’ve talked about myths…or you say well, is this similar to the mono myth?  They say no, this is the octo-myths.  I say oh yeah, you’re right.  Sorry about that.  Then they say please don’t kiss…don’t…mono myth; no kissing of octopuses.  You’re just…I thought you were just here to learn from us.

 

I say oh, no, no; I was just trying to use big words that I knew, like mono myth.  I don’t know, that makes me feel like I’m in Campbell…like I’m Joseph Campbell or something.  But so, in the world of…the octopus who wore gloves is really a legendary…I don’t know if it’s a folktale or…I mean, or a myth or a fairy tale.  But so, once upon a time there was a octopus, right?  Lived in the octopus world under the sea.  This octopus lived at home with its family, and this octopus’ name was Nazzy.  Nazzy; not Nancy.  Nazzy.  You say it like Nancy but it’s not Nancy.  It’s Nazzy, Nazzy the octopus.  Nazzy reached that special age that many characters reach in a sleep podcast where they said why don’t you go out and swim around a little bit?  Nazzy said, like just go out and swim around?

 

Don’t I have to ask or have a destination or have a time to be back?  Or is one of you gonna come with me, or should I call a friend?  They said no, no, no, Nazzy.  Just go out and go around and see how it goes.  Nazzy said, you want me to just go out and see how it goes?  They said yeah, go ahead.  Go out there and…go out there in the sea and see how it goes.  Nazzy said, okay.  So, Nazzy went out and Nazzy first went along the reef and kinda was enjoying…and if you’ve ever seen a octopus swimming or moving…I don’t know if they call it swimming with that jet…they…I think they travel by water jet or something.

 

But you know, Nazzy was there among the coral and the great thing about…for Nazzy was that when you’re moving there, while you can sense other things, and I don’t…again, I don’t know…I’m only studying octopus myths, so I don’t know if there’s echolocation happening or hearing, but Nazzy was really in the zone, hearing everything at once and hearing nothing at all at the same time, and just swimming.  The colors were bright and the sunlight was breaking through.  The reef that Nazzy was on was kinda gaining elevation towards the water’s surface, so the water temperature was changing and slowly getting warmer and warmer.  But then off to the right of the reef, Nazzy noted that down in a bit…what we would call a gully, so I’ll use these kinda earth…land-walking terms for all of us.

 

Just off to the right, down a gully, in-between the reef which would look like a valley a little bit; not that high up…saw something down there, moving.  But I don’t know, something about it just in the periphrial…peripheral of Nazzy’s vision said huh, something down there going on.  So, Nazzy took a long turn.  Now, this may have been instinct; it may have just been style, but if we were watching from above, we’d say it was with a flourish, like an ovular circling looking down.  Nazzy saw what could be…only could be called some sort of sea mammal, and some of you may be seeing a manatee.  Some of you may be seeing a sea lion or a seal, maybe even an otter.  Not anything whale-based; something that is comfortable on land and the sea, maybe.  At least in your imagination ‘cause you’d say manatees don’t go on the land, Scoots.

 

I’d say yeah, I’m just trying to anthropomorphize this just a bit.  Nazzy spun around and it was in a bed of what from our view would look like green grass.  I don’t know, kelp or something on the ground with flowers in there.  Again, I…to us it would…you’d say those are like…are those flowers purple or hot…somewhere in-between a hot pink and a purple those flowers are.  I say yeah, it looks like that to me, too.  Nazzy said looks like that sea lion — we’ll use in this case — is just crawling around in there.  So, Nazzy went around and Nazzy headed down and the sea lion looked up at Nazzy and said, hey.  Nazzy said, what are you doing?  The sea lion said, I dropped something.  I was up there swimming on the surface on my back and I had something and I dropped it.  Nazzy says, what are you…what did you drop?

 

The sea lion said well, is…it was a shell.  I saw this film about otters and I saw that sometimes they go on their backs and they eat right off their stomach.  Nazzy said, they showed it to us at school; same thing.  I know exactly what you’re talking about.  The sea lion said yeah, so I said to myself, I gotta try that.  But I just had happened to be collecting [00:30:00] some bivalves that had given themselves up to the circle of life for my benefit, which I have great gratitude for.  As you said, great gratitude for the circle of life.  Then the sea lion said by the way, what’s your name?  Nazzy said, Nazzy.  The sea lion said, cool.  I’m Ally.  So, our names kinda almost rhyme.  Nazzy said, Ally…Nazzy…yeah, kind of.  So, anyway, you had me at eating like an otter, because I can eat…I can’t technically eat like an otter, Nazzy said.

 

I tried it one time after we saw the movie at school, and because that…because I’m not shaped in the otter way, it was hard.  I tried put…so, the sea lion said don’t worry; I would like to hear your take on my story before I complete my story.  It doesn’t bother me one bit.  Nazzy said good, ‘cause I have a tendency to do that.  The sea lion said, don’t we all?  Nazzy said, I guess we do.  So, Nazzy said yeah, I was trying to eat off of my body.  It’s just what I call it.  Some people would say, isn’t that your head?  I say, no.  Is it your torso?  I’d say it’s my head and my torso.  But the food would either slide off or then I’d have to pick…then I’d have to get…it just didn’t work, so then I tried putting four of my arms together, or you could call them legs; either way.  We don’t really care.  I don’t know if you know that.

 

The sea lion said…Ally said I did not know that.  That’s interesting.  But then I was trying to eat out of my things, then it was like, some of the food was getting in my suckers and then some of it was between there and then…it just didn’t work, either.  So, I think it would be cool to eat like an otter, maybe even moreso for me because I hadn’t found a way to do it.  Then Ally laughed and said there’s probably a good reason neither one of us is otters.  But oh boy, does it…it looks like that…do you think the otters are really enjoying their-selves as much as it looks like?  Nazzy said, I hope so.  I really do hope so.  I think that we both are…I don’t think it’s projection if we’re both doing it separately.

 

We came to the conclusion…and Ally said yeah, I wonder.  I’ve never met an otter, but…so anyway, I was there; I was trying to eat like an otter.  I guess I have some advantages that you don’t have, Nazzy, but I don’t have all the…I have a big, wide area to eat off of, but it was very awkward for me.  I’m not used to…I do some floating on my back, so that part wasn’t…but the eating part, I’m not really…I don’t have the adept…whatever you call those things.  What do the otters have?  Do they have hands?  Or, whatever they use.  So, I was trying to eat and I was kind of somewhat successful ‘cause I had prepared everything ahead of time.  When I prepared everything, I noticed that one of the shells I had looked just like my Uncle Clooge.  Nazzy said, you got an Uncle Clooge?

 

The sea lion said yeah, I got an Uncle Clooge, and one of the shells, it was like a shiny, beautiful profile of my Uncle Clooge.  Nazzy said wow, that’s interesting.  So, a shell looked like a side-view of your uncle’s head.  Ally said yeah, I mean, not exactly.  Different because it was shiny.  You know, like the shinier side of those shells.  Then Nazzy said well, what did the other side look like?  He said well, it was this…one of those cool shells, not one of the boring ones.  So, even though the outside wasn’t shiny, it had those scalloped edges and not a scalloped shell, but it was beautiful, the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.  Nazzy said, it sounds like it.  So, I set it aside because I said this looks just like my Uncle Clooge.

 

Now, just like we had gratitude for the circle of life, my Uncle Clooge had…is on my Uncle Clooge’s own journey beyond the sea, into the sea where the famous Lady Witchbeard…the land of eleven seas or whatever, not just this spaceship earth sea.  Nazzy did not know what…but Nazzy just nodded politely ‘cause Nazzy had never heard of any of that stuff.  But Ally could tell and said okay, maybe you should ask your parents about some of this stuff.  But I was gonna give the shell to my aunt because I said, well…or keep it for myself, give it to my parents, give it to somebody, ‘cause I said this just looks…it was important.  You know what it made me feel?  It made me feel good.  It made me feel good to give it to somebody.  Its beauty and its shine made me feel good.  Nazzy said, I can hear that in your voice.

 

So, where were we?  Ally said, good point.  So, there…so, I had had it set aside and I had everything else on my belt along with that shell, and then I started eating.  It was going not…it wasn’t going good, and then a wave came and splashed me in my nose, and then I kinda got…and then the shell fell somewhere in this grass around here.  I can’t find it, and I’ve been looking forever.  That’s why I’m crawling around down here, is I’m trying to find this shell.  Nazzy said well, maybe I could help you.  Ally said well, that’d be great.  If you see a shell that looks like the profile of a…if it looks…my profile…but it’s caught in the grass.  I don’t know what we’re gonna do.  Then Ally…or then Nazzy kinda realized well, kinda the way my body’s designed makes it hard for me to do a close-up search in-between the blades of grass.

 

But then Nazzy said well, I have all these arms; let me try to just pick up a bunch of stuff.  But what Nazzy found was that it wasn’t very efficient because there was…end up just picking up a bunch of pebbles and a bunch of other stuff and even saying well, I don’t know if these flowers or these…grass wants to be disturbed.  Politely, Nazzy did spend some more time working with Ally, and then Ally said why don’t you run along?  You were in the middle of something.  To be honest, I think this…I know my Uncle Clooge knows I was looking, so I appreciate your help.  But you run along, okay?  Nazzy said, fair enough.  So, Nazzy went off again.  He even went to the surface and instead of having anything to eat, kinda tried to pretend like Nazzy was an otter and wondered what an otter was like.

 

Nazzy was kinda daydreaming and didn’t really realize that Nazzy had gone in…they lived close to a couple bays and some inlets and those kind of things, and Nazzy had kinda gone into a shallow bay, an offshoot of the sea or wherever they lived.  I don’t want…probably…this is…Nazzy does not need us coming and swimming in Nazzy’s area.  Nazzy had noticed the water temperature had picked up quite a bit, and then…that the ground was kinda close and that the water was a little more murky and that there was lily pads and those kinda things.  Nazzy said huh, interesting.  I’m out of the depths of the water, but this isn’t the beach.  This must be one of those…whatever, saltwater swamp-type thingamajigs, brackish…something.  Nazzy was kind of looking around saying huh, this is cool.

 

I’ve heard of lily pads before and we went on a tour of this area for school, but I’ve never seen this.  Then Nazzy heard something that said hey, hey you.  Nazzy kinda said, what…is somebody talking to me?  Say, hey you, you, you.  Yeah, you.  Nazzy said, me?  They said, yeah.  Who else am I talking to?  [00:40:00] Nazzy looked up and there was a dragonfly who just landed right by Nazzy.  Nazzy said wow, you are beautiful.  You’re a dragonfly.  The dragonfly said, I’m not just any dragonfly; I’m Danny the dragonfly.  How you doing?  Nazzy said well, pretty good.  Just…I was daydreaming.  I got in this area.  The dragonfly said, you’re lost?  Nazzy said, I don’t think so because I can hear the…those things that make the ringing sound that are on the surface of the water that the humans use, and I use those to find…I always use those to kinda figure out where I am.

 

So, I guess I’m not technically lost, but I’m kinda lost in a good way.  I’m on a bit of an adventure, just cruising around.  The dragonfly said, just cruising around; that’s cool.  I was just flying around.  I landed on this thing and I saw you there.  I said, is that an octopus just cruising around?  I said, what’s an octopus doing here so close to shore?  Nazzy said nothing, I guess.  What’s a dragonfly doing on a lily pad?  I thought just frogs were on lily pads in the movies.  The dragonfly said no, pretty popular with dragonflies.  Probably more dragonflies on lily pads than frogs.  The dragonfly said, you mind if I ask you a question?  Nazzy said, other than that question.  The dragonfly laughed, Danny, and Danny said it looks like you got something on your mind.

 

Nazzy said well, I just was with this sea lion who lost a shell and I was thinking about that.  It said the shell looked like a profile of the sea lion’s uncle who had moved…changed seas in the journey of life.  The dragonfly said well, that’s some serious thinking for a kid.  You probably have some feelings about that, huh?  Nazzy said well, I guess.  Well, I was feeling warm but it turns out that was more the…I guess I was feeling more warm thinking about…well, that’s nice, because the sea lion wanted to give the shell to someone else and the sea lion was telling me how good it felt to think about that and how beautiful the shell was.  The dragonfly said well, those are strong feelings.  They don’t have to be strong in any direction.  Those sound pretty nice.

 

Yeah, pretty nice, but again, I can’t tell if it’s the water temperature or my feelings.  The dragonfly said, you try…you wishing you could help the sea lion find the shell?  Nazzy said yeah, I got my…my suckers got in the way and I just wasn’t able to do it.  I wish I was an otter.  Then the dragonfly said, everybody wishes they were an otter.  It’s pretty common.  The only people that don’t wish they were otters are…I don’t even know, people that…probably better off saying well, have a good day.  Nazzy said yeah, yeah.  So, Nazzy said, you got any ideas of how to help that sea lion get its shell?  The dragonfly said well, I got an idea; not…how’s your manipulation of your arms or your legs?  Nazzy said, pretty good.  The dragonfly said well, why don’t you hold out one and I’ll try to land on the tip of your finger?

 

We’ll just…can we agree to call it your finger even though it’s your arm or your leg?  Nazzy said, yeah.  The dragonfly said okay, well, now lift me up.  Then they agreed to do this on a regular basis.  They became fast friends and they started…the dragonfly started to fly and dance on Nazzy’s fingers.  This is, again, over months and months and months.  Soon, Nazzy was really able, just from practice, to become very adept at using Nazzy’s arms.  Not in an otter-like way, but in a very skillful octo-way.  Nazzy quickly developed a reputation across this area of the sea to say well, you could have Nazzy do it if it came for this particular specialty, but it was only with the very tips of Nazzy’s fingers.  A lot of people didn’t understand that, so they’d say hey, did you know…can you do this for me?  Nazzy said well, no, because I still have my suckers.

 

While I have some control over them…again, you know, I worked with those as well.  It does add some difficulty.  They said understood, understood.  Then one day they had had Nazzy…’cause they said somebody needed to sign…long story; not related, but somebody needed somebody to sign something.  They said well, you could call Nazzy.  Maybe Nazzy could sign it for you.  Nazzy came and they had a pencil that worked underwater.  I think one of those grease pencils, probably…and it was a book.  It was dictated, of course.  Long story, but by Professor Huff-Huff-Huffer which…who was a whale known…it was…anyway, not important.  It was a book and it was a book signing, and then the whale realized I can’t sign my own book.

 

This was a prep…this was like a soft book signing which luckily they had the foresight…they said, let’s do one for friends and family.  Then the whale did a reading of it.  Oh boy, was it…it wasn’t super interesting ‘cause it was a book…Plankton Across the Ages, I think it was called.  So, it was very, very, very scientific, very in-depth stuff; phyto…said, you know, you don’t…anyway, I don’t know my phyto from my plankton or my zooplankton from my phytoplankton.  So, Huff-Huff-Huff said…they called Nazzy and Nazzy came.  It didn’t…Nazzy could technically sign the books but it just didn’t work with…between the suckers and the thing, and just…Nazzy could make a general signature but the Huff-Huff-Huff was not…said well, I prefer to just not sign the books at all ‘cause it just doesn’t feel…you know what I mean?

 

No harm; we tried.  We’re not human, so I don’t know why…they said, we tried to get an otter to come sign the book, but the otter just was too…said, I got frolicking to do.  Nazzy said, huh.  The Huff-Huff-Huffer said you know, I know this bird; some sort of a bird.  It’s out on this rare island, not that far.  I could give you a ride.  Well, I can’t, but I have somebody here that could give you a ride out there.  According to this bird, this bird makes clothes; lives on an island where a bunch of stuff washes up that falls off of container ships.  This bird wears a coat and an ascot which is a bit like…it goes around your…the bird’s neck.  Which, you say well, that doesn’t seem like a good idea.  Even has a hat.  Nazzy said, interesting.  What…and they said it’s a dodo bird.  According to humans, this is…a very few of these in existence.

 

Huff-Huff-Huff said yeah, it makes sense.  But I’ll set it up if you’re down for it.  Nazzy said, why not?  Oh, well, why would you want me to meet this bird?  Huff-Huff-Huff said I don’t know.  I just get the sense that…[00:50:00] I don’t know.  Something reminded me of it.  I’m not sure of the exact association.  So, Nazzy said, okay.  So, this other whale…Nazzy got with the whale and attached itself to its back, and the whale started swimming.  Nazzy started to enjoy the ride, met some cool barnacles, and pretended Nazzy was a barnacle for a while, and listened to the whale…sound of the whale’s breathing.  You ever want to relax, listen to a whale breathe, man.  Eventually Nazzy got to this island and there on the island was a bird.  Nazzy said well, how do I get ahold of the bird?  The whale said, I don’t know.

 

You gotta swim in ‘cause I can’t get that close to the island.  So, Nazzy went around and swam around the island and obviously didn’t want to get too close.  Then one day a storm came in and it kinda…the way the currents were, Nazzy kinda noticed that there was some swirling, there was these kinda…these weird eddy-type currents around the island where stuff would go towards the island and then it gets swept…and kinda float around, maybe due to the undersea landscape.  At first, Nazzy didn’t like it ‘cause Nazzy thought…gonna get washed up, and then it would turn back around.  Then after the storm, Nazzy noticed there was this one big metal container floating, and Nazzy said oh, okay.  Didn’t the whale say the bird gets stuff out of these containers?  Maybe I’ll just stick to the side of this and wait around.

 

Nazzy eventually…this bird lands on there and the bird’s wearing a coat and a…not a cummerbund but the kind of…the thing you would put…a bit like a cummerbund but it’s like the…like a frilly thing that goes on your chest that you put on like a vest, and a hat, and landed on there.  The bird pecked the thing and then listened to the sound of…the sound of the inside of the container when it was pecking.  Then the bird was kinda talk…okay, saying…then it was reading the sides of the container.  It looked over the side and as he was on it, said whoa, hey; you’re an octopus.  Nazzy said yeah, are you the bird that…you’re the bird that wears clothes, I guess.  The bird said, wears clothes, makes clothes.  My name’s Bitrah.  Nazzy said, I’m Nazzy.  Nice to meet you, Bitrah.

 

Bitrah said well, what are you doing here on the side of a container?  Nazzy said, waiting for you.  Bitrah said, really?  What are you waiting for me for?  Nazzy said, I’m not really sure, but I met a whale and the whale said I should meet you.  Bitrah said interesting, interesting.  Nazzy said, what are you doing, exactly?  Are you checking to see what’s inside of here?  Bitrah said yeah, I mean, I’m pretty sure I know what’s in here ‘cause I’ve been doing this awhile, but this is a container.  This is what humans use to ship stuff.  Somewhere on the shipping lanes that are near here is…one of the things they ship is clothing.  For some reason, this…that’s the closest shipping lanes to here, is clothing.

 

A storm will come and it’ll knock some of these containers off, and some of them get caught in the currents and stuff and eventually…they don’t ever wash up on shore; they just kinda sit here, floating.  Nazzy said yeah, I noticed that.  That’s why I was here waiting for you.  Bitrah said yeah, you’re smart.  You’re a smart squid, I wanted to say, but I know you’re not no squid.  Bitrah said, strangest thing is I need some help.  I used to have…never had an octopus help me.  I did have a squid that used to help me get this thing.  We do want to ground this.  Then Nazzy said, what do you mean ground it?  Bitrah said well, we get it into shore on high tide, as close as we can get it, and we just try to get…the squid could…because of the eddies…I use this one particular eddy that you just happen to be in now.

 

We would get it on shore, then if we just get it a little bit stuck in the sand, that’s all we need to do, and then the tide goes out.  Then I open the container, and then I take whatever’s out of there, the clothes outta there.  Then Nazzy said, then what’s after that?  Then Bitrah said well, then the…usually the container, since it’s empty, will wash out in the next thing, or we’ll push it over a little bit.  Then the squid would carry it out during…again, based on the tides to get it out of the eddies so it’d float away a little bit, and then it would sink.  We’ve got a nice reef going here.  Actually even have some cool octopuses down there, but none of them want to work for me.  Nazzy said, why?  Bitrah said well, I just pay in trade, so the only thing I could give you is clothing.  Most sea creatures say no, I’m fine.  I don’t need any clothes.

 

It’s more of…I don’t know.  They say I’m not a dodo bird, and I don’t know what they mean other than that they don’t like to express themselves through clothing or they don’t see the utility in it because the circle of life has given them all they need.  Nazzy said, that gives me an idea.  I’d love to help you.  You have other help?  The dodo bird said oh yeah, yeah, ‘cause I can’t always get the container open, so I got some crabs that work for me, a couple other birds.  I got a whole team that work for me and trade.  We call ourselves the Clothing Crew.  Everybody likes to wear clothes.  But you’d have to think about; do you want to wear some clothes?  Then yeah, you could work for me for a little while.  Never…I’ve never had a octopus take me up on it, though.  Octopuses seem as happy as the otters, almost.

 

Nazzy said well, you’ve given me an idea of a problem I’ve been trying to solve.  Bitrah said, tell me more.  So, Nazzy…I’ll give you the short version because…so, Nazzy explained to Bitrah everything we’ve talked about; the dream of eating like an otter, the lost shell, the meeting of the dragonfly, and the ability to become the most…at this point, the most dexteritous octopus in the history of the world.  But then the fact that yeah, there were some times where there was utilities that Nazzy couldn’t help with, and the difficulties that ensued.  Nazzy said, I could really help people, other sea creatures.  Bitrah just watched knowingly and said this is fascinating.  Nazzy said, why?  Bitrah said well, I’ve always wanted to make…we have gloves.  Then…said, what’s a glove?  Then Bitrah explained what a glove was.

 

It said, happens to be what’s on this container, are these long gloves that humans would wear for formal functions, I think, even though there’d be other occasions where they could wear them.  They’re traditionally kind of given this idea that you’d wear it at a formal function, but…and I think they’d be perfect for you.  We could use gloves that cover all of your suckers.  We might have to go through a few iterations until we get the right idea, and maybe even some…what’s gonna work best for you.  Maybe even situational gloves, depending on the situation.  But I also think that you might be good working on clothes for a little while.  Maybe you’ll enjoy it.  Nazzy said well, I’m willing to try.  So then, they did everything; they got the container, they unloaded the container.  It was full of elbow-length gloves.

 

It was bound for a store for billionaires only and it had different types of material.  Even had some neoprene…I said, what…even [01:00:00] billionaires, they wear elbow gloves.  They may have an occasion where they wear neoprene elbow gloves.  Then once they got that unloaded, Bitrah took…it was difficult because again, this is…you’re talking about a land creature and a sea creature, but they actually…when the container sunk, Bitrah said why don’t you make the inside of the container your home and workshop?  Nazzy said well, I could make it my office too if I become a…get into my business.  Bitrah said, okay.  Then over the years, they…at first Nazzy became really good at helping with clothes, but Nazzy said this isn’t really my thing.  So, it was more of a hobby.  Bitrah said, that’s fine.

 

Maybe it’s time for you to go out in the world.  What is it you really want to do?  Nazzy said, I really want to find that shell.  So, Nazzy eventually went…got a bunch of different kind of gloves, had this business, became known for helping people, but at the same time was trying to find that spot with the green grass.  Nazzy was checking spot after spot after spot near where…near Nazzy’s home reef, looking for the place that the sea lion lost that shell.  Then when Nazzy wasn’t working trying to find the shell and doing favors for people and saying hey, could you pick that up for me?  Could you sign this for me?  Could you wave and…like this, or could you hold…?  We want to hold this thing up so it can be kissed by everyone, this young platypus.  Nazzy said, no problem; not a problem.  Can you juggle at a birthday party?

 

Nazzy never…wasn’t anti-octopi.  Nazzy loved being a octopus and was a big part of the octopus community.  It was just something that Nazzy did.  But again, at night, Nazzy would look for the sea lion.  But I don’t know, the sea lion…no one had ever heard of the sea lion.  Then one day, after years and years and years of looking, Nazzy was just out for a swim and Nazzy had no gloves…happened to have no gloves on; just out swimming out in the old reef, visiting from afar…had taken a whale all the way across wherever to wherever.  Again, it was one of those days.  Nazzy was just enjoying it.  This was, you know, late in Nazzy’s existence in this particular ocean.  Again, Nazzy saw something out of the corner of Nazzy’s eye.  It was a sea lion.  It was looking around in some grass at the bottom of a gully.

 

Nazzy said, you gotta be kidding me.  Nazzy went down there and there was a sea lion crawling around, digging, digging, and digging.  Nazzy said, what are you doing?  The sea lion said, you know, told this tale of my father and the uncle and my sister and my aunt and my cousin and this shell they’d always been looking for.  This particular sea lion said you know, I’m a expert and I know this is where it is.  Unfortunately, the amount of material that has been accumulated over the twenty-six years or whatever since it was lost…I don’t know, it’s been my quest.  Nazzy said, it’s been my quest, too.  Let me help you.  They dug and they dug and they dug and they spent…and then Nazzy even went and said well, I could go get my gloves.

 

The sea lion said no, I think it’s…this is one of those quests that just doesn’t have a solution, ‘cause again, I figured it was a statistical impossibility, because the basic shifting…every calculation I did…but I just had to try.  Thank you for helping me try.  Nazzy said, I got this crazy idea that reminds me of…maybe we’re on the wrong kind of quest.  The sea lion said, what do you mean?  They said well, what if we try to do…how it all started?  Let’s go get some bivalves that are prepared to make their journey through the circle of life and have gratitude for that.  The sea lion said yeah, and have gratitude for that.  We just keep doing that and we meet on a regular basis.  We do that, and I have a couple great spots to eat around here.  The sea lion said well, let’s go.

 

They just happened to be eating and Nazzy said this is…this particular brackish area is where I met this…talking about their lives, the both of them equally.  While they were eating, they heard this splashing, splashing, splashing going on, the splash that could only be associated with pure, unadulterated joy.  A couple of otters come by and they say, what are you two doing?  You trying to eat like otters?  They said, kind of.  We’re kind of…we always think it looks so fun eating like otters.  I guess we never really talk to a lot of otters, but it makes sense.  The otter said oh yeah, it’s pretty fun, but not as fun as being a otter in general.  They said well, what’s the funnest part about being an…?  They said, frolicking.  Frolicking and then…you know, we all have our own pastimes that bring us joy.

 

They said, what do…what kind of pastimes do otters have?  There was one otter named Ginange, and another otter named Butinhol, and Butinhol said oh, well, I like to make…the humans have this thing where they cut someone’s profile out of paper.  I like to do that with shells.  You could have heard a pin drop in the ocean when the otter said that.  They said, you make people’s profiles out of shells?  The otter said yeah, that’s what I like to do for otters, but I could do it for octopuses or sea lions.  The sea lion said well, could you do that for us?  Then they became fast friends and everybody kinda didn’t get exactly what they wanted, but they found what they needed there in a sea where the octopus wore gloves.  Goodnight, everybody.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

(www.leahtranscribes.com)

Notable Language:

• Pair a Balla
• Brackish
• Dexteritous

Notable Culture:

• Ronkonkoma
• The Jetsons
• Earthsea – Ursula K Le Guin

Notable Talking Points:

• Winter Squire
• Eating like an otter
• A splash that could only be associated with pure unadulterated joy