Valentine’s Day Fav – Datemo or Datemoi from Episode 427

Notable Language:

• Misspake
• Datemo
• Current Pizza Emoji Levels (CPELs)

Notable Culture:

• Venmo
• “These Boots are Made for Walking” – Nancy Sinatra
• Zak Gallifanakis

Notable Talking Points:

• Don’t let the Therapeutic Coloring Barons get ahold of this
• Should we gamify?
• Are you the new version of corporate raiders?

Valentine's Day Fav – Datemo or Datemoi from Episode 427

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER:    Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, it’s time for me to cast out the pod that reels in your dreams.  It’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  Let’s get on with the show, and thank you all for your kindness.

 

Alright everybody, coming up here is a fan-favorite episode for Valentine’s Day.  I think I actually…it came out in August or something, or April, one of those months that starts with an A.  I still don’t know if Valentine’s Day is in the 12th or the 14th.  I never know that.  I don’t think I talked about that, but I’ve talked about it before.  Not a problem for me right now, but I don’t know, this episode is…came out in 2016, I think, and I don’t know, I re-listened to it a couple times before I decided on it, and it’s still…this is one of those ones where it’s like, this actually is one of Scoots’ ideas that I say, how did this not happen?  Because we still use Venmo, and a lot of the points I made in the show make perfect sense.  I’m still waiting for the platform so I can get Datemo going, or Datemoi.

 

But I don’t know, this is one of those ones I get a lot of feedback about.  It’s a little bit seasonal, and I’m trying to hit some seasonal points with a little bit better planning.  Also, this…next weekend will be a long weekend, so I thought it was perfect timing.  So yeah, enjoy this one.  It’s a blast from the past.  If you really enjoy old episodes in this style, or even the earlier kind of iterations of Sleep With Me, you want the whole catalog as it…the show’s always evolving and devolving.  $10 and $20-patrons do get access all the way back to Episode 2, but because of the people that support the sponsors as well, we’ve been able to add all that…I think we got, what, 450 or something, and that goes pretty far back.  So, yeah, enjoy.  I forgot what this one was called.  I guess I probably will change the title, ‘cause it’s like, Datemo, Datemoi, and something else.  So, here’s Scoots with an intro, right?  Then, yeah, and then we’ll have the episode.  Thanks, everybody.

 

INTRO:    [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that’s here to put you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest, and what I’m gonna do is create a safe place, or sometimes if I misspeak…miss…that was unintentional.  When I misspake, sometimes I call it a safe place.  I guess that sounds a little bit corporate, though; come on down to Save Place where you save every…well, I guess it would have to be a change in our cultural acceptance of what’s marketable.  What happened to Scoots?  He went into business?  Yeah, he went into business.

 

He said he was gonna put those dollar…he…well, he started…it was misguided; he started a business because he was going up against the…he called it the dollar store monopoly.  We tried to explain it to him, but then he bended the ears of a couple sleepless angel investors.  That was the end of the…and then, yeah, he started Save Place.  Was he charging $0.98?  No, no.  Yeah, he just wanted to do the commercials, like video…you know, video-style…come on down to Save Place where you save and you save.  If you need to shave, and…it didn’t work out.  Anyway, sorry.  Just in case anybody’s new here, be forewarned, I do go on sudden tangents, but I create a safe place.

 

That’s the whole idea of this podcast, where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you up at night, whether it’s thinking, feeling, physical feelings or emotions, something’s stirred up, you’re going through a tough time, there’s a change in your schedule, it’s just a habitual thing.  A lot of people just integrate this podcast as a part of their nighttime routine.  Sometime…people use it to take their mind off of stuff during the day.  Some people just use it once or twice, when they get on a plane or something like that, or when they travel.  Whatever it is, whatever the circumstances, could be something totally different than what I listed, I’m gonna try to distract you from whatever it is that’s keeping you up.

 

What I’m gonna do is send my voice here, and my intention to put you asleep, across the night, the deep, dark night, as I call it; he DDN, deep, dark night, as some listeners have started to shorthand it, and use lulling, soothing tones, pointless meanders…meanders, word-smushing, that’s the thing I’ve…I’m…I’ve smushed that into its own word, word-smushing.  It’s a bit like mumbling, but almost like…I guess, you know, this is a visual thing, but sometimes that’s what comes out of my mouth, is overlap…words with overlapping letters.  I mean, that pretty much…describe how I speak, mostly.  You see, he’s a mumbler.  No, no, no; my letters, sometimes they overlap.  If you could see me speaking visually…and I don’t know if it would…I don’t know if it would necessarily make any more sense, but you’d say oh, no, the letters are just overlapped.

 

He’s not mumbling.  Then you say well, also, how are you misspelling words you’re speaking, Scooters?  I say, [MUMBLING] I say, what?  You know, so, I do word-smushing, overlapping…I guess that’s what word-smushing is, ‘cause you can’t really say overlapping letters.  That’s just a mouthful, you know.  Word-smushing.  Are you with me?  This is a little bit of a…you don’t have to interact with this podcast, but just go ahead, take some words, smush them a little bit…you know, nicely, ‘cause these words, they’re…they…because words are born out of the mind, I believe, as the…as someone that has no background in anything, they retain the plasticity of the brain.  So, you can smush them a little bit.  Go ahead.  It actually feels pretty good with your hands there.  You know, go.  We’re just doing a little word-smushing.

 

Now, don’t let these fricking therapeutic cartoon…coloring barons get ahold of this, because this is…if anybody’s gonna make money on word-smushing, it’ll be me…therapeutic word-smushing.  We could just do that together on this pod…you know, that’s what this podcast is anyway.  But let’s do it a little more.  It feels…I don’t know why this feels good to me.  I hope it’s good for you, ‘cause this is about as good as…say, a little word-smush, yeah.  I don’t know, what do you got?  What is everyone smushing?  A six or seven-letter word?  That’s what I got.  It looks…I’m actually smushing mumbles together, believe it or not.  I think there’s a couple extra Ms in there, so it must…it definitely came out of my brain, stumbled outta my brain, mumbles.

 

But those are…that’s one of the techniques I use to take your mind off of stuff, ‘cause the theory goes that you can’t think about two things at once, and I’m always willing to…I’m willing to test that out and say hey, well, what if I do a little talking like this?  This nice, little voice, I’ll keep it slow.  I try to keep it…then you say, it’s a decent rhythm for some people.  I try to make this feel like a friendly, welcoming place, ‘cause I’m glad you’re here.  I usually say that towards the end, but I’ll tell you right now, towards the middle, ‘cause I think I’ve already been rambling for six or seven…I’m glad you’re here.  I hope I can help you fall asleep.  That’s how I close out the intro.  The reason I’m glad you’re here and the biggest reason I do the podcast is because I can relate.

 

I don’t know exactly what’s keeping you awake at night, and I don’t have all the answers.  As I said, I have no expertise.  Now, I’m accumulating some experience in using lulling, soothing tones, or creaky, dulcet tones, if you want to be accurate, and I don’t know if you could call anything in this podcast cutting edge.  There you go.  This is…holy…accidental irony; that’s another thing this podcast contains.  But I would dare to say that word-smushing…word-mushing, word…I don’t know if mashing’s a little too far, but that could be cutting edge, in my opinion, since I’m the one doing it.  But you say well, okay, cutting edge how?  Well, okay, you’re right, you’re right.  It’s the edge of the bed; we’re not cutting edge, but we’re cutting to…I don’t know.

 

Why’d you have…why do some brain…I just had a fricking press conference part of my brain that turned on, and it said specifically how is the topic of…how is word-smushing cutting edge?  This all happened in a microsecond.  Now I’m just breaking it down for you, but that was what…I said…say, cutting edge.  Then I said…another part of my brain, the one that’s good on the podcast, said think of something witty.  Then another part of my brain, the helpful…said just keep talking; maybe something witty will come out.  Then another part of me was like, and if something witty doesn’t come out, at least you say…just keep going and use…try to use your creaky dulcets.  Oh, I think I was saying I can relate, before I got…oh, also I guess maybe this could be a side-effect.

 

Again, I’m not saying…not of the podcast, but of creating the podcast.  I may have over-smush…but it could be brain effects from all the word-smushing I’m doing.  You say, yeah…you say, is…grey matter’s a little bit…this looks more like mashed potatoes than fett spaghetti or whatever the heck…that your brain’s supposed to look like.  Anyway, I was saying I can relate ‘cause I’ve been there in the deep, dark night.  I’ve been there tossing, I’ve been there turning, and I don’t want to start down the road, but I’ve dealt with that agony, and if I can take your mind off of it, if I can distract you, and ideally if I could put you to sleep at some point…you drift off to…actually, I’m not putting you to sleep.  I’m just kinda…I’m just like the…if…again, this is a good metaphor for the podcast.

 

It comes up a lot in different ways, but the Sunday drive or a drive…I’m just the stuff going by in the…outside the window of the car.  If there was some sort of…if in a Disney-esque fashion, there was also a bird…you know, that could somehow stay on the roof of your car and narrate in a way that you say well, you say, you’re kinda look…when you’re kinda looking out the window, you’re like, well, it’s not bad.  That’s when you’re drifting off.  You say…say, there’s a barn.  Oh boy, that’s a barn.  Once was a red barn.  Now what would you call it?  It’s got those boards and it’s got that cross thing where it’s a square with a cross, and it’s got that…it’s like a dome, but I don’t…never heard a dome and a barn and…barn dome.  Barn dome.

 

That’s the pod…I mean, the podcast is slightly more entertaining that…that didn’t really sound like a bird, either.  But the whole idea is it…let me posit this question as I like to do every once…were you thinking about any of that stuff for the last three or four or five minutes, or were you smushing some words, or mush…?  Well, mush them, mash them, hash them, mush them, mash them, pash them around.  Word-smush.  I’m a little bit…I’m mildly amusing.  That’s the whole idea.  You say well, I kinda giggle a little bit, or something.  It’s like a light giggling, like a spritzer.  I think I used spritzer…a spritz of giggles.  That’s what I’ll do; I’ll just do a little giggle-spritz.

 

Maybe I’ll put that one…I don’t have a notebook on me at this second, so someone can remind me to say…could I figure out if I could put a giggle-spritz in my sleep…sleepy-time toolbox and get a little…like a little container of giggle-spritz, less than an ounce or whatever, so I can take it on a plane.  Talk about a place that could use a little giggle-spritz, is the fricking plane.  Holy moly.  But anyway, whatever it is that’s keeping you up at night, I want to take your mind off it.  I’m gonna use these lulling, soothing tones, these pointless meanders, I’ll tell you a bedtime story here coming up in a few minutes, but it’ll be like this.  I’ll take a couple tangents, a couple bends, and the whole idea is…you say jeez, you can listen, but you don’t need to listen.  You won’t be riveted, but maybe part of you will be partially engaged.  I guess I can’t…I’ve…I was…have been unable to learn how to use a manual transmission.

 

But something like when the…the clutch thing, but it’s when you’re not…it’s not engaged or something.  I don’t know if this podcast is like riding the clutch.  Riding the clatch; that’s what it’s…that’s what this podcast is.  You say, it’s riding the clatch.  Why do you call it a clatch?  Well, he’s over-word-smushed, for sure.  However, is this podcast is a lighthearted thing and you’re under no pressure to listen.  You’re also under no pressure to fall asleep.  There’s not a should here, like oh, you should have been asleep by now, or this should work for you.  It’s kind of like, this is a companion in the deep, dark night that you don’t have to listen to, like…I don’t know, I guess like a stuffed…I’m like a stuffed animal, a chattering stuffed animal.

 

I never thought about myself like that, but I say jeez, you know, I guess I could be a stuffed…I mean, a plush animal or a stuffed animal.  I’m filling that role in the auditory sense, but you don’t have…also, you don’t need to snuggle me or any of that stuff.  You say, just let me hit your tympanium or whatever, and…you listen; I’ll be here for about an hour.  Drift off when you feel like it.  Now, if you’re new here, takes a few times to get used to this podcast ‘cause you say jeez, this is strange.  It’s not…it’s abnormal.  But it’s based on the theory a lot of people like to listen to something nice, or someone like a friend tell them a bedtime story.

 

But you also don’t want to be under an obligation that you should listen or that you’re gonna miss out on something, or if you’re listening to an awesome podcast like 99% Invisible, you don’t want to let Roman Mars down.  Who does?  So, you don’t let me down.  That’s the deal; you fall asleep whenever you want.  I’ll be here the whole time.  If you can’t fall asleep, I’ll be giving it my all.  So, I’m glad you’re here.  I appreciate you stopping by, and I really yearn and I really hope to help you fall asleep.

 

Okay, so, hey everybody.  It’s Trending Twitter Tuesday here, as I test, test, test.  That’s a live test.  My headphones are sounding a little strange, but I think everything’s okay.  I gotta make sure to use my lulling, soothing tones here.  You know, the Olympics are coming up, and then…I’ll be honest; I just looked on Twitter and Reddit and I couldn’t find…they were just a little too…it wasn’t…neither of what was coming up was working.  I was saying, oh boy.  So, I sat for a minute and I was thinking, what should I use?  I said, oh boy, and I also was feeling a little procrastinatey.  Procrast…procrastiny?  Part of me was like well, let me put this off, here.  I don’t know if I feel like recording, or maybe…I think I just didn’t feel like do…I don’t know.

 

But so…and then I said okay, but I was thinking…now, I’m not gonna be able to share this because there’s a privacy issue here, but I was thinking of…Venmo has this…it has the global feed.  So, I was like oh, wait…and I had been thinking about Venmo for a while, and I don’t know if there’s any angel investors that would cut me in on this, and I don’t want to ruin a good thing, but I can’t keep these ideas in.  I might as well…and I can’t…I don’t…but I think Ven…they should turn Venmo into…they should have Venmo dating.  Maybe I’m the only one that thinks that, ‘cause…but I think man, I’d like to…I don’t know.  I guess maybe people get that, and for people that don’t use Venmo, it’s kinda like…it’s just a way to give money to people, kinda like PayPal, but a little bit more seamless and easy.

 

Not to criticize anything else; it’s just a real easy way if you’re eating with people and you say well jeez, let me just…or I sold something on Craigslist, or people support the show that way.  But anyway, it’s…so, I was thinking…but that was my opinion; I said jeez, maybe it could be…and I said well, maybe…I said, is that…but is there a podcast story in there or is that just an idea?  Venmo dating.  You say okay, that sounds boring.  I say listen, I can almost bet you there’s tons of people getting dates on Venmo.  I guess I would be…I’ll put that out there.  Usually we don’t have a interactive show ‘cause people might be asleep, but if anybody’s been asked on a date via Venmo…I’m sure that’s happened; gone on a date or met someone.  Let’s share that.  Let’s get that go…let’s give them something to talk about.

 

Also, if anyone wants to test this Venmo dating idea out for sure, let me know, because…or if anyone wants to run with it and then pay me, I don’t want to be any…I don’t need to be a CCO or CFO or whatever.  You could just…I could just be one of the people that gets it on the sly, you know.  33% would be perfect, or more, or more of the…not of the liability; just the profits.  But I guess if it was a dating app, it would start…you say well, where would you start, Scoots?  How would you make Venmo…?  You say, is this a sponsor?  I say no, no, no, so please…I say, can’t I say a business name?  It’s very good to say, too, ‘cause it’s…[MUMBLING], you know.  Or maybe I shouldn’t say it too much ‘cause it’ll get me…I don’t want to get in any trouble.  This is just fun.  But I was thinking that where I would start is art supplies.

 

Maybe we’d do real life…so you say well, what would you…should we re-title?  I’d say no, because then it’s like…it’s the dating app that’s not a dating app.  Venmo; there you go, boom.  I said your name again ‘cause I just gave you…that’s a billion dollars right there.  Then you say okay, well, we gotta rebrand it, because they said we had to, the consultants.  I said well, didn’t you…didn’t we get this far without any consultants?  I have art supplies and I’m gonna do a real-world…this could actually work, to be honest, at least for a sleep podcast.  The Bay Area would be the place to do it.  We’ll set up and maybe we could get…we could get a sponsor, like one of the ride-sharing places or something, or some sort of…where we’re contacting people immediately in a part of San Francisco as son as they’re posting.

 

They say well, thanks for the…they do a party hat emoji, blank paid blank, party hat emoji.  You’d say, we could…say hey, come down to Club Nouveau.  That’s probably where I’d do it.  I don’t know if that exists, but it would give me context to check out a place, especially if…I guess they don’t call them that, but I’d check out a place like that.  If I have context, then I feel way more comfortable than if I just go into a place without any context, you know?  I gotta be myself and deal with people.  This gives me a way to interact with other humans without being…without having to be a human myself, I guess.  So, I’d have my art supplies.  You’d say okay, the consultant wants to change the name.  We could say Valmo.  No, ‘cause you say, luckily Valentine’s Day starts with a V.  Venmo…Datemo; how about that?  There you go.

 

It’s over; Datemo.  You say, that’s so lame, it might be good.  I said yeah, Ven…I’d say if it was me, I’d just keep it Venmo dating, or Venmo Dates.  But I say, you know, Datemo, there you go.  Okay, there’s…okay, two…we’re up to two billion.  Did we have a billion-dollar idea, or was that the billion-dollar idea?  I forgot already.  Hopefully my future attorneys are listening to this that will defend us against this [inaudible].  But anyway, Datemo we’ll call it.  There you go.  That way we can use the rhythm of the title for the rest of the episode without overusing the company’s name.  So, I’d used my art supplies, I’d put it up, and I’m sure someone would come in.  They’d say, what are you doing?  Are you collecting campaign donations?  Good luck out there, buddy.

 

I’d say no, no, no, this is Datemo, the financial dating application.  Then the person might be nice and they’d sit down, and they’d say well, why are you doing this?  I’d say, for mo money, mo money, and mo…you know, I’d like to date…you want to date mo?  You want to date…and then you say mo.  I’d say come on, you know what it means, date mo; date more.  That doesn’t work.  You’d say, it’s owned by a company that also ends in -mo.  Actually, it’s just a secret add-on, like In-N-Out Burger, within the app; it’s not a…the infrastructure was already there.  It’s just an opt-in.  They’d say, really?  You’re blowing my mind.  I’d say well, that’s what I do.  Rarely, actually.

 

This is probably…other than the Goonies Musical that my brother shared at a conference so everyone stole it, and it was also common sense to make a Goonies musical, this I think is my second…I think this…my idea might be better than the Goonies Musical, as far as me getting mo money out of Datemo.  You say okay, well, tell me more about how it works.  I say well, okay, so you have a thing that’s for financial transactions, so I can see a look on your face; yes, there is a danger of…so, I don’t know what we’d do about that.  We would have to figure out how to not make it for paid dates, because we don’t want a exploitative…we’re not here for exploitation.  We’re here for Datemo, so we would have to figure that out, ‘cause that is the issue with any dating platform.

 

Depending on your dateability; the reason I need Datemo was because well, I have Shymo; I’m too shy…I guess I need Shyless ‘cause I’m…that doesn’t…I need to be less shy.  I tend to psych…I have a psychic power where I get…I was born with it, turns out.  But yeah, so I’m just shy.  So, I need…but I figured…and I also want to be mega…you know.  I don’t think this would be the kinda thing Musky would be involved in, but then again, who knows?  ‘Cause we could…I could…I guess I could expand the empire after Datemo.  But yeah, so I do see…I do see the fact.  Then people started to gather around and get in line.  They said, is this where I sign up for Datemo?  I said, this is where you sign up for the Datemo beta program.  Yeah, for sure.

 

Actually, if we were launching, we would already…had them bringing people that were sharing it, so actually, we could just start it like that, where it’s just  a giant party of people using it.  But then I guess that would just…the people that already had mo dates, they would keep getting more dates if it was just like a regular…so, we’d have to level the playing field.  Then some of them said well, why would you want to level the playing field?  I said, isn’t that the purpose of dating apps?  I guess…or is it not?  I don’t know.  I don’t know the proper usage of them.  I guess it would be like, Datemo would also be Datenow.  I guess that maybe that was it, like…I guess you gotta get rid of the crassness though, so you have to have a full-on crass ban.  But that would be like hey, I just saw you bought a cookie.

 

Would you like to date mo?  Datemoi; there you go.  This could be a play on words.  You could…that could be the question you pop instead of sliding to the…you say, date moi?  Then that person left.  I said well, that…you won’t be invest…I said, this is…two billion dollars split 100% of the way is two billion dollars.  Goodbye.  I said you’re right, we could almost hire a mod…I said well, there’s no money; we don’t have a financial…but we could have…we could call them clean-up or something.  I guess you could do it like you just buy people drinks, but then, that again gets into this money thing and that reeks of exploitation, which I don’t want.  I want this to be fun.  I guess, yeah, we couldn’t get Airbnb involved for the same reason ‘cause you say, okay…Datemoi, Airbnbmoi.  No.  Okay.  Wait, yeah?

 

I think maybe that could be hidden…buried even deeper in the app, you know?  It has to be a lock-in; you both say Airbnbmoi.  Then, you know…okay.  This is good that I’m having this beta test here and testing ideas.  Thank you, everybody.  Thanks for being here.  But yeah, we do have a lot of hurdles to overcome.  Okay, first…so, we’ll put the worry about the monetization to the side and say well, let’s use…we could…maybe we’ll do the old…what do they call that when you buy a company for their talent?  Okay, we don’t have any money to purchase any companies; I realize that, but intellectual acquirement or whatever…we say well, what ideas did they use that…?  ‘Cause I think all…aren’t all these companies owned by one company anyway?

 

Isn’t it an illusion of…it’s not even a illusion of choice; it’s just, they’re segmenting the industry, I believe.  But I don’t know.  I think we would be rebellious in this.  We’d be blowing the doors off of it, and it’d be a secret buried feature here, Datemo.  But yeah, we’d look…like, we’d be the great…we’d be like…I don’t know.  Maybe we need to do it everywhere…yeah, have free food and drinks like a BBQ.  We could do a BBQ pit day.  Again, everyone that’s in the region that’s…it could almost be…I guess this has been tried too, but it’s like, Datemo…could be Datemoi?  Question mark.  That’s their first reach out.  Then you go okay, well, their BBQ party’s here today.  Maybe we gamma…should we gammify it?  We’re losing focus already.  This could just be…that could be the button.

 

Once you activate it, you say well, that person likes a…that person bought foot balm, too.  They paid another person to buy foot balm.  That’s…Datemoi?  You don’t think that would work?  I think it’s funny.  I think it would be like, oh.  You don’t think it would work.  Okay, well, this isn’t a…thank you for your opinion, and I think that’s great.  It’s like rainbow and…praying for rainbow and stars.  Could we give awards like that?  We could gammify people, like rainbow stars.  You could get…how would you win that?  What about…what’s you?  So, moi is me.  What is them?  So, you could also drag and drop.  You say oh, that person likes foot balm, and I know a person that likes foot dom.  You say, date thoi?

 

Date…it should be…it has to go with the…Datemo, Datemoi, Date…and this would make…I mean, this is gonna make date…paying for…I mean, it already…you know.  You say oh no, no, no; I’ll Venmo you, you know.  Go out for pizza, you can split the…you should pay, you know.  You can split the price of the pizza.  I mean, this is a whale of an idea, I think, with car-sharing and late nights.  But yeah, you’re right; we don’t have much.  We have Datemoi and Datemo.  We have the existing infrastructure which I think already is perfect.  We could have the secret lairs, but yeah, we don’t have much else, you’re right.  That’s why it’s a bit…maybe it’s a before beta test egg with…whatever that is, an Omega test, is it?  Or is it a Alpha?  It’s blue sky.  Blue Sky Datemo.  Blue Sky, Blue Sky Edition.

 

We need visions of everything that would work with this.  I think we pretty much have it.  If it’s location-aware, that’s gonna be helpful.  Then you say Datemoi, I’ll be over here.  But I guess if we don’t have any funding, we really can’t throw free parties for people unless we have partners.  So, there you go; we could have partners, so we could say well, Club Nouveau.  If you want to take the shine off of your newness, you’ll give us three hours…no; they might say, well…you say well, you’re not so hot anymore, you know?  They say well, get out of my club.  I say, it’s…sorry, it’s just not…I brought my own art supplies.  Look at how many people are coloring.  I brought the relaxation coloring books.  Actually, they’re just…I took them from a restaurant next door, but don’t tell them, please.

 

You could have sunglasses, you could have num-nums, a little…we could partner, yeah, with different bakeries to do their wares.  But maybe we could gammify that.  This is one thing I’ve always wanted to do before the podcast.  I said, if I ever do anything live, we will have…I’d love to do some sort of live show where at some point we have pizza-offs where you get two companies’ pizza and then you eat them.  Everybody gets a vote and say that…and then you get the free pizzas, ‘cause it’d be advertising for the companies.  So, we could do that for little bakeries, and then maybe people could…we could encourage people to share about…if it was really fun and not cool, it would be cool, you know?  If it was fun and…people wouldn’t have to.  They’d be getting free…what are those calls?  Madamless ells?

 

What are those things you eat called?  I was thinking madeleines, but I was picturing the other ones, the ones that are puffy with a thing in the middle.  I can’t remember what those are called, but they have a name.  Like, those…what does this have to do with dating?  Good question.  What are you…are you on my board of directors?  Well, you might be, if you’re willing to do it pro bono.  I’m looking for pro bono directors…have a majority stake in the original company that I want to take over.  Yeah, I would need groceries, you’re right.  I would have to get some groceries for this.  So, maybe I should go and get some groceries now?  Oh, I could just order…let’s just order some of those…let’s get some madeleines and some frosting.  Okay, I ordered those.  Those should be…money owed; yes.

 

What do you think about getting a Datemo ice sculpture that says Datemo?  Do you think that would be a good investment?  No.  Okay, well, that’s it.  The best part about doing it at these clubs…the club owner can’t hear me right now; is that we don’t pay any rent.  We could just be roving Datemoi.  Okay, again, we should reassess.  You’re right, you’re right, internal CEO.  I didn’t realize I had one.  Okay, so, what are our assets so far?  The same as ten minutes ago; Datemoi, Datemo, the list of people shared…people are already joking on there, but then there’s the other stuff.  But then you have all the hassles of a social network, so it has to be a secret opt-in.  A privacy issue?  Well, it’s opt-in.  You have no privacy, I’d say.  It’d be a secret feature, so it wouldn’t even be…we’d just keep the original name, Datemo.

 

Datemo; one word.  Datemo, not Date Mo.  Datemo.  Datemoi?  Datemoi on Datemo.  There you go, that’s the billboard.  Oh, it’s secret though, you’re right.  That’d be pretty good though.  It’s Datemoi on Datemo.  I mean, I think we could do something like dancing post cards.  What do you think about that?  You don’t think dancing post cards is a good marketing thing.  We could see if Frank will carry a sign around.  Instead of a billboard, we could just have Frank C. carry a sign.  I almost…I saw him the other day; I was gonna ask him for his quote for a Sleep With Me sign, but then I was like, I can’t handle trying to get a sign made.  That’s too emotionally taxing.  But for this business, you could just have Datemoi pointing to Frank on Datemo.  I wonder if…he probably takes that.  He probably takes payment that way.

 

We could do some painting next instead of coloring here with my art supplies.  Yeah, let’s try to paint up some signs.  Let’s work on some marketing for this idea that I have.  Oh, you think we should do bourbon tasting?  I think…is that still in?  I mean, I couldn’t do it, but I could run it.  I could definitely do the announcing.  You don’t think I should be involved in the  public face of Datemo?  What about Date…could I just…could I be…could I still use Datemoi?  But you…bourbon tasting; you think that would get people out.  That would be a good…I think that’s a great idea.  What’s your name?  Oh, you’re a part of me.  Oh, okay, you’re the art supply part of me.  Well, that’s a great idea, art supply part of me.  Yeah, we could get…’cause we could get free sponsors to do that.  I think you’re onto something there.

 

Air conditioning; we would…do you think we should have the…’cause it’s a little bit warm in here; should we relocate to somewhere else?  I don’t know.  Well, is…what about…I don’t know if we should get into that.  Like, if people are gonna be…you’re talking about a dispensary tasting for pot.  I mean, we could.  That could be…if we’re…once we get…once we hit it really big and we segment the audience, I think that would be…is that what it’s called?  Segmenting the audience?  Userbase; they’re called a userbase?  Hm, userbase.  I think that’s gonna backfire.  To be honest, this is my baby, you know.  They’re the Mois; they’re not a userbase.  Oh, they’re a potential userbase.  Well, no, no, in my opinion, they’re the Mois, the Datemois.  That would be a small userbase.  Okay, you’re not on the…you’re in my brain, too?

 

Well, you’re no longer in my board of directors.  I’m sorry.  Another great asset and [inaudible] is Korean BBQ.  That could be another witty way to just have a special pop-up, like a BBQmoi, BBQ with moi?  So you could say KBBQ with moi?  That’s a little long; you’re right.  But that would be a good…if you’re apping and you say…you…like, if you go into the party, you’d just get a sign to see at one of the BBQs, you know.  Then we have…we could pair people up that way, and then they’re BBQing together.  Oh yeah, and we’d have meet…it would be friendly for all, a Datemoi for a…all, however you say all in French, or in just short, Datemo…Datemo…Datemo.

 

But yeah, you could have beer party…party horns; that would be Datemo on a party horn for sure, as long as the party horn is…and yeah, this would be I guess symbolic, but it has streamers that come out of it or something, or those exploding party thing…but not exploding, but the party poppers…and drinks, you’re right.  I think we could give…what if we gave people discounts?  Like, we hooked up with…they get a discount on their rent for dating?  You’re gonna offer discounts…no, no, no, not for dating moi; for using Datemo.  Datemoi…you’re not buying it.  Yeah, we could…different brew houses, those places we could host at.  Again, maybe we just do it in a…I guess you’re right, it wouldn’t be…we want to do it the prime hours, not the off-hours, so I don’t know how we figure out…’cause I’m not good with people.

 

That’s why this whole idea came about.  Oh, so maybe I should discover that…what do you call that?  Assets and liabilities?  So maybe my liability is an asset, so I should still focus on…what about that can I use to make Datemo better?  I guess…yeah, you’re right, ‘cause…I mean, you also have the limit of emoticons.  What does one person dancing mean versus three people dancing?  If they’re in a flamingo dancing thing, does that mean salsa dance lessons or does that mean we were at a party or what?  I’m losing focus.  Of course I’m losing focus.  I’m like a storm cloud blowing through the air.  This will be my…this will be a legacy project for the good of all people.  Datemo will be the app that broke dating wide open.  There’s the headline with the clickbait.  The date app that broke online dating wide open, or something.

 

You say, it sounds like it’s gonna break the parent company.  Well, jeez, I…I’m just…this is a revenue stream without…with potential revenue userbase.  Didn’t you use that word?  I said, moi…moibase.  What did I call the users?  Datemois.  If we could get the…if we could get as many people onboard…start with a hundred people.  Then they say, have you tested this Datemo out?  Just word of mouth.  I think we just do it by word of mouth and billboards and Frank carrying around a sign.  We could do…we could…you could also earn…if we gammify it, you could use free spa services, free…what do you call that when you get your hair cut?  What do you call that?  Salon.  You’d say oh, maybe…I don’t know how’d we’d do that, but maybe we could use it to drive business to businesses.  What about that?

 

What about a salon dating app?  Waiting in salon dating?  What do you think about that?  No.  Okay, well yeah, you have people that are getting their hair done.  You’re right.  I don’t think…I don’t like…I don’t even like the person that’s cutting my hair talking to me; you’re correct, I guess so.  It just makes me…I just…I mean, we could…what do you think about maybe this won’t work in the US?  There are other countries across the world; France, Spain, Brazil, Eastern Europe, Italy, any countries you think this would work in better?  Not France.  Okay, well, that’s probably…I don’t know, don’t you think it would be fun?  Datemoi?  Why do I say it so sadly?  I’m thinking there’s a button.  That’s the sound it would make in my head when you press the button.  Datemoi?  I don’t know.

 

I think it would be cool if it was…encourage local eating and local drinking, local dating, clearly.  I don’t know, it’s a blue sky…so, where would we go next?  Well, I guess maybe we rent out a building, you know.  Datemoi HQ.  Maybe we do that on…maybe…what about a kissing booth?  That’s offensive.  Oh, what’s offensive about a kissing booth?  Everything.  What about if it’s some sort of…a Hershey kissing booth?  Like, we give out Hershey Kisses and then they pay us millions of dollars to do that?  Why would they?  Well, because they like…they think it’s funny.  A kissing booth; here’s your Hershey…that would get old fast?  Well, not if people like eating those.  Hey everybody, I was…I might sound a little bit different ‘cause I was asked to leave after that kissing booth idea.

 

A couple things happened; I stopped recording.  Well, that’s not true; the batteries flew out of my recorder as I was…but yeah, I was asked to leave the club, and I’m…I have people in pursuit of my…they said we’re gonna get you and your IP.  They said well, it’s not technically my IP.  I’m doing a piggy…this is a piggy-back…I’m a piggy-back investor.  I think this was where I shouldn’t have stopped; I should have kept going, ‘cause they said you’re a piggy-bank investor.  I said no, I’m a piggy-bank investor, Datemo.  I said, have you heard about Date…were you at the meetup, the Datemoi meetup?  I said it was…well, it was more of a art…we were doing art.  They said well, come with us.  Let us buy you dinner.  So, they bought me…that was so boring.  I had to skip it.

 

I think they thought I was somebody else, to be honest, or else they thought I was a…I think…or they thought I was the dinner theatre.  Maybe that was it.  There was a dinner theatre going on nearby, and I think it was one of those ones where you get to…well, yeah, okay; I’ll be honest, I knew…I didn’t know this, but they thought…like, somebody had got sick and gone home.  At this dinner theatre, you get two sets of cards, like a descriptive card.  Sad and Desperate; that was what my character was, and then someone famous.  Mine was Sad and Desperate Elon Musk.  They said you’re nothing like Elon Musk except for you have…you’re…you have…if eccentricity is sad and desperate.  But I said thanks for dinner.  I said, do you want…do you think you want to do any piggyback investing on me with Datemo?

 

I said, if money has wings, you could give it to me.  I said well, we paid for your dinner.  I said well, okay, shalom.  Thank you very much.  Then of course, we circled back.  They said well, what would Datemo be good for?  I said well one, it would quell my curiosity.  I said, ‘cause I think it’s the perfect…then I said, and you would get mo.  I said, correct.  But this isn’t about me; it’s about opportunity, walking out the door when I walk out the door, ladies and gentlemen.  I’ll walk right out the door, walk, walk, walk right out the…these boots are made for walking, and that’s what…just what they’ll do, is walk right out on you with this opportunity.  I said, it is a…and they said, I don’t know.  I said, by the way, what was that…was that snails or gnocchi I was eating for dinner?  ‘Cause I was curious about that.

 

Then they…I heard they were going to this new place called Coookie, with an extra o.  I said oh, that sounds delicious; there’s…it’s a cookie shop with an extra o.  I said actually, I’ve been looking for boutique bakeries to pair with for Datemoi, money to build the infrastructure, like I said, for rent.  So I said, I’d love to go there.  They said well, we’re…unfortunately, we’re…they said you could go to the corner store there and get a Popsicle and you’ll be just fine.  I said, nothing like a sunny day and a Popsicle.  I can’t have other things on a sunny day, so…like wine or beer, so I just had a…and I shouldn’t have Popsicles either, as a matter of fact, gentlemen.  I think I spent the first third of my life with either a Kool-Aid or a Popsicle stain on me in the summertime, with no shirt on, with…it was un…I said, is that a Popsicle stain or a Kool-Aid stain on your chest there?

 

Then the priest…please, can you…if you come to this church, could you please wear a shirt?  I say well, this is…this…I said, it’s summertime.  They said, and you are gonna be the brains…and I said no, no, no, I’m not the brains, but believe me, I know my organizational dysfunction.  Climbing’s not my thing, organizing’s…team-building, team-leading, team…if you want to test a team, put me on it and then…team-fracturing, I’ve got that down; fracturing teams, avoiding team mates.  If there’s any team-based, non-eye contact…conflict avoidance; if you want to team up on that, I’ll be…I got that down, holy moly.  But this isn’t about me.  It’s about the burn of not having enough dates, of competition and existing infrastructure we can piggyback on.

 

Last chance, ‘cause these boots are walking out the door to…I guess to go get a Popsicle, not a cookie with an extra o.  Then someone from across the room said tell me more.  I say, oh boy.  I said, is that active listening I hear?  They said, it is.  Come on over.  Were you just talking about a dating app?  A piggyback?  I said, are you restating what the…are you rephrasing what I was stating?  Then the person clapped their hands and then they said well, for…in your case, I’m probably phrasing it.  I said, were…I said, if we were on a team, you could pre-phrase for me.  Then we had a laugh about that, and I said, this person is probably full of madness because I said…so, I said I better get outta here.  But they said so, this is the kinda thing you…and you want to enjoy…avoid on your dating thing.  I said, Datemoi.

 

Or I said, Datemo.  I said, but we’ll call it Datemoi…will be…or both.  They say, do you want to avoid the for-a-good-time vibe, though.  Yeah, the vibe, vibe, right?  Did you say vibe or did I re…pre…post-phrase you?  I said, yeah.  I said, that’s the problem with these apps.  I said no sleaze, no exploitation.  It doesn’t have to be a sprint, but obviously dates for moi; that would be what everybody says.  Well, why do you use it?  Well, it’s convenient and I’m already using it to split stuff with people.  I say holy cow, that person’s a great friend, and they split…they had to split a ride-sharing thing.  Then the person said, so it gives you a context for communication.  I said yeah, like a real context, a real-world context.  You got it, RWCT, real-world context.  This person said, context is one word.  I said, you’re not Chris Sacca are you?

 

The guy that’s always on podcasts?  Is that an angel investor?  Then the person just looked at me and then they laughed.  Then three people walked in with mono…top hats, and I said, that’s strange.  They said no, it’s not; there’s a magic show later.  I said, really?  I love magic.  Let me shoot you five bucks.  Did you know about any magic emojis?  I said, there’s a revenue…a second revenue source, Chris; emoji packs.  Is that what you call them?  Emoji packs?  Do you listen to my podcast?  ‘Cause about a hundred episodes or so ago, I pitched some…I was…I think I’m good in emoji speculation.  I speculate what…the next phase of emojis.  I said, stick with me here.  What happens once people get tired of foxes with hearts in their eyes and other cute creatures?  What’ll be next?  Will it be on Datemoi?  It will be; I’ll tell you that much.

 

I’ll tell you that for sure.  We could have people giving us donations.  We’ll need someone for a logo design, and we’ll need plenty of pizza.  Plenty of pizza emojis; regular pizza and pizza emojis.  I’d say, what do you think about dedicating a whole team to pizza emojis?  The person, they were considering it.  Then he said, this is a person…the brains behind my operation, and this woman stepped forward.  She set a whole team on pizza emojis for a dating app.  I said, it’s just crazy enough to work, I think, or to try, isn’t it?  Don’t you think?  They said well, what level of pizza…?  I said well, you can’t tell me you’re satisfied with the level of pizza…current pizza…CP…current pizza emoji levels.  It’s a deficit of pizza emojis levels and dates…people for…getting dates for moi, not just the greater moi.

 

This isn’t a…I mean, this is…could be the next Chipotle.  Is that up an hour or is it by…they knew they were having…they had a little patch there.  But we could…’cause I think burrito…pizza’s much different than a burrito emoji.  I mean, come on now.  This is like people…people have to pay their…do you pay your water bill?  ‘Cause I do.  Once you pay your water bill, I think…I think it changes your mindset.  I would see that right there; that would give me…that’s more than I’ve ever said on a online dating app that might be…and they said, you would say that in a dating…and I said well, it would be better than what I normally say, which is I think with that, I don’t quite know what to say here.  I haven’t filled out my profile, though…well, I have, fifty times, and then deleted it.

 

I said, I’ve probably wrote enough…but the…none of them were good, the jokes, the dating profile jokes.  Also, my situation, I don’t have…that’s why I’d need…that’s why I’m thinking of integrating these platforms, ‘cause it would be…for me, it would save a lot of time, ‘cause I just don’t have any time anyway.  They said, now you’re talking sense.  I said, so the pizza emojis and the integration of platforms, you liked that efficiency.  I said, you investors, you like efficiency.  I said, efficiency is like your micro…microwaves are efficient, kind of.  I said, what about…I said, is…pizza emoji already have some sort of secret subtextual message to it or not?  ‘Cause we could come up with different pizza emojis.  Or you could rate people with slices of pizza.

 

I’d prefer not to be rated or to do any rating myself though, so I don’t know if I want to be associated with the app that rates people.  I’m just trying to go with…since I had you both at pizza emoji…it sounds good, too.  There’s other emojis; peace sign, but then you say well, where are you gonna go with that?  They said, they were make…they were working a lot on their phones, so they said, okay, so, am I in for…I would prefer to have enough shares that I have control.  I don’t need any awards or trophies or anything.  I don’t need to be in the front and I don’t need tickets to wherever city we’re gonna…I say, could we have our headquarters in Chicago?  I’d like to…and then I would probably need a G6 or a G5 to commute.  I say, we could call it the Emoji1.  They laughed at that.

 

I said, that was…that wasn’t…I said, the Emoji1, and I could call you from there.  This is Datemo.  You could…that could be the…I could be co…could I be code-named Datemo?  They say, code name?  Yeah, code-named Datemo?  Then I knew…they said…they cracked up.  Dateless?  I said, yeah.  They say, this is hilarious.  I don’t even know either one of you and you’re making jokes at my expense.  They said…and I said okay, let me give you one more piece of sane…while I’m somewhat lucid.  I said, so we already…I said…’cause I had your attention there.  I said, these micro-payments…I said, is there some way to use that to monetize the platform?  They said, do you know what you’re talking about?  I said well, I do.

 

I guess I always wonder about these tiny…I said, if we could get enough users, you gotta get it below…can you get it to micro-cents?  Is that a thing yet?  They said, why?  I said, well, we could figure out some way to make some…this might be the wrong word but it’s the only one I could think of; like a date kitty, like a jar.  We could take different…this week, the…we could randomize it, so we take a micro-payment of 0.1 cent, five cents, or 0.1 cent off of everybody’s transaction if they’re into the Datemoi.  Then everybody that one month uses the pizza emoji from the pizza emoji Double Deluxe pack that we’ve sold, and uses the word ‘water’ and ‘bill’, or next week it could be ‘racquet ball’ and something from pizza…or the next pack I’m still developing, the pack…the post-modern…I don’t think this is post-modern, but whatever, post foxes with hearts in its eyes emoji pack that I have yet to invent.

 

Also, we could probably use more turtle emojis.  Is anybody taking notes at this?  No.  Okay.  I said so, can I expect you to contact…?  They said, we’ve already contacted the parties involved.  I said, am I gonna get froze out of this?  They said no, no, no, we’ve contacted the parties involved with you.  I said, what do you mean?  Then they said no, no, we’re just kidding.  They said, it’s a pretty good…they said, are you okay?  Let us walk you.  Then they said, let’s go for a walk.  You might need some fresh air.  I said, do you know a place where we could get a Popsicle?  They said, are you sure this…are you sure you’re not just…?  Then we got out, away from the restaurant, the three of us as gentlemen, then this young woman, and me.  They said, are you sure you’re not just acting out with this idea?

 

I said no, no, I think this is a decent idea.  I said, maybe we could sell it to one of the competitors.  I said, I could be…they said, wait a second, what did you say?  I said, you could…I said, what about that?  I said, ‘cause are you two some sort of…are you corporate raiders or the new version of corporate raiders?  Then they laughed.  I said, you…I said well, I’m not very good at evil plans.  I guess I’m good at coming up with them.  I said, so maybe this could just be a fantasy.  They said, I think it is a…then they said okay, but go ahead and tell us more.  Then I was like, are these…and then I said alright, maybe someone’s hired these people to help.  They said, okay.  They said, so, you’re not desperate.  I said no, no, no, I think this is…but I said…they said, tell us more about your idea.

 

I said well, the competitor could hire me to pitch this idea, and then I think maybe I would unfortunately collapse their platform.  You know, either it would be successful but it wouldn’t make any money.  Like, tons of users, but everybody just uses the platform; there’s no way to monetize it.  I said otherwise, or I could be embarrassing once people found out that I was Datemoi, if I was the spokesperson.  They said, that would be embarrassing.  I said, even though you’re trying to be nice to me, are…don’t…you don’t think this is…have you used that app before?  I say, ‘cause as soon as you use it, that’s…I said, are you two in a relationship?  They said, we’re in a marriage, a loving marriage.  I said, with one another?  They said, yes.  I said oh, and you work together.  They said, tonight we do.

 

We’re here to help you, to make sure you…and I said oh, okay, so you’re working.  This is your hobby.  I said, who do you know…whom sent you?  Then they said, don’t…and I said oh, the listeners probably sent you.  I said, or is this a dream?  I said, do…did you hear the episode where Zack…I had a dream with Zack Galifianakis and I ate a muffin?  I took a bite out of his chocolate chip muffin and left it in his office for a year.  That’s the kind of person I am, just so you know, the kind of person that leaves muffins in offices, so…I say, I don’t think this is a terrible idea; I just don’t see how to tie it up in a little bow, B-O-W.  But I said, if I was a B-E-A-U using this app…and I said, what about…I said, what if I could get together with Tinder Live and do…I…could we start there?  I said, this could be a decent podcast, Datemo, Datemoi.

 

They said, you should start there.  I said well, I don’t…to be honest, I don’t know if I have the wherewithal.  I have three podcasts and a full-time job right now.  They said well, you should think about it.  I said, I wouldn’t even know who to e-mail over there at Venmo, but I said I think I would rather just…I think I would just…it would give me the giggles if it was…if I went on the…online and I saw the Datemoi, Datemo.  They said, you’re gonna start a whole startup.  No, I said; piggyback startup, first off.  Or, that was second off.  Piggyback startup.  Yeah, wouldn’t you get the giggles if you saw that?  Latest in dating; Datemoi.  Then you’re right that six months later it’d be okay, and their fortunes have turned.  But anyway, yeah, thank you for taking care of me.  Thank you for sending those two strangers.  Don’t worry.  This isn’t me act…only acting out on my curiosity.  Thanks for stopping by.  I don’t know, I guess sometimes I get intrigued with stuff and I can’t stop thinking about it or talking about it.  Alright, goodnight.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

(www.leahtranscribes.com)