Bedtime stories to help grown ups fall asleep in the deep, dark night.

Trending Tuesday

 

Duolingo Lore

https://blog.duolingo.com/duolingo-female-character-origin-stories/

https://www.deviantart.com/cbcaexceptnot/art/the-entire-lore-of-duolingo-explained-by-me-905475816

https://blog.duolingo.com/building-character/

 

Glasgow Willy Wonka

https://www.jezebel.com/every-actor-whos-spoken-up-about-the-glasgow-willy-wonka-fiasco-so-far

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2024/feb/27/glasgow-willy-wonka-experience-slammed-as-farce-as-tickets-refunded

https://www.vox.com/technology/2024/2/28/24086217/willy-wonka-glasgow-scotland

 

Zoom Theater

https://www.vox.com/22417585/plymouth-point-zoom-theater-pandemic

https://www.americantheatre.org/2021/01/21/zoom-theatre-at-an-hbcu-doing-the-pandemic-pivot/

https://datebook.sfchronicle.com/theater/beyond-zoom-plays-the-future-of-theater-in-the-age-of-coronavirus

 

Knockoff Halloween Costumes

https://www.buzzfeed.com/hannahdobro/hilarious-knock-off-halloween-costumes

https://www.demilked.com/weird-halloween-costume-knock-offs/

https://www.buzzfeed.com/hannahmarder/hilarious-off-brand-costumes

 

DOWN TO BUSINESS

Why is this guy saying Dundee so much?

I’m done, Dee

I used to kind of work with someone named Dee

Am I pithy or just inane?

An exciting interactive adventure

I know this isn’t binaural, but nevertheless…

 

Deep Dark Night United

Susie (Zocdoc)

 

PLUGS

Hand in Hand; The Midnigh Mission; Trevor Project; Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Rusty Biscuit Links; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline

 

SPONSORS

Helix Sleep; Polysleep; Odoo; Air Doctor Pro; Zocdoc; Progressive

 

INTRO

Thinking: Holy Moly

What’s the etymology of “Holy Moly”?

I just heard from some people who graduated from listening to the podcast

Some people just listen around certain events

And some listen non-stop

Scoots, you’ve never seen this kind of thing before

I promise someone listening right now can relate to what you’re going through

At least someone else has looked up the etymology of Holy Moly before…

Kids are always trying to figure out their bedtime stories

Once upon a time there was a Holy Moly

Wow, Captain Marvel may have introduced the phrase 

Holy Moses

Are you the same Junior from Duolingo? Welcome!

I am about to hit a 1300 Day Streak on Duolingo, nbd

I’ll be your… Bory?

Bory, that’s a new one

The intro is when we hang out

 

STORY

A new genre of show

Imagine you’re watching Scooter record

Okay, this is Scooter, I’m going to do my best with this

You’re going to virtually take me there now

I’ll do a virtual tour

I kind of understand the character I’m supposed to play

Take 1 of 1

Welcome to the Wildee Wonga Experience

Just say it fast and don’t pay attention to how it’s spelled

Welcome to our first experience in Scotland

A new type of theatre

This is a different kind of immersive theater

The marketing materials are but an entryway to this theater

You may feel like you’re in a queue line, but …

And this may just look like cement, but it’s actually cobblestone

I promise you that you are already holding a golden ticket

Your experience has already begun

This experience is mostly imagination

This theatre has all depth and no depth at all

I promise I’m not just buying time

You need to prepare people for this type of theater

You can call me an usher if you like

You can take this theatre with you when you leave

This will be your grab bag, in fact!

Oh boy, does Wildee Wonga love sporting

The experience will begin shortly

International Fung Immersive Experiences

I am your friend, despite my contractual obligations

Even waiting in line is yet another opportunity for me to keep an eye on the line

Hello again, if you’re repeating this track in the line

You’re already an Expert Imaginator

This isn’t the Imagination Station

Oh, right, I was supposed to talk about sports

The Lollipop Lickoff

Sticky Stickdown

The Dew Drop Danceoff

The Theatre of Mind

Use your imagination with your golden ticket

What is your golden ticket like? How does it feel?

There’s many shades of gold

Does this ticket smell like chocolate?

This will be a chocolate experience, definitely

You can take the whole theatre home with you

The theatre in your mind could be the grab bag you were promised

Don’t fall for the offers of Slug Slug

Now those images were just for marketing, designed by Artificial Intelligence

Feel sorry for AI, who cannot come with us on this particular journey

Of course, you heard about our Garden of Enchantment

Mushrooms made of curd

Lots of rainbows

Wow, you’re already in the entrance to the theatre

Yes, this sky is maybe more modern and industrial than you expected

Yes, you might hear that one song looping on that Bluetooth speaker over there

Oh, is that Wildee Wonga coming near you now?

Oh my goodness, is this experience not worth every penny

Every time I mispronounce the name, I’m contractually obligated to say it correctly

Things become everlasting through the theater of the mind

I promise those aren’t just jelly beans scattered on the floor

Oh, those are special beans

Don’t eat those beans

Wildee Wonga is helped by the Oomba Zoombas

Wow, it’s your favorite flavor of lolly!

Savory Stalks of gravy and mash

Special beans of many flavors

The oomba zoombas have to carry these beans around

Isn’t this garden enchanting?

Please pick up the beans

Is the Fung Corporation not just melting chocolate down?

There’s no heat in this warehouse, but that’s just to keep you ready

These beans were left behind in the silly sack races

The Oomba Zoombas love sack races!

Let’s start hopping

If I’d been at the one in Scotland, everything would’ve been fine

Cleaning up these beans will definitely take up some time

Is that a chocolate waterfall up there beyond the ceiling?

You won Sack Racer of the Year!

Onto the Laboratory

Where labor takes place

I promise this is a legit laboratory

Swirly Straws help us to imagine better

These special beakers are not red Solo cups, I promise

Everything here is secret, btw

Dish Sopuh, as the “French say

You blow into the straw and make…bubbles!

How many turns does your swirly straw have?

You’re contributing your own magic here

A Laboratory of Imaginations

Technically the chocolate here is under production

You know you can’t eat dinner while it’s being prepared

This area is very special to me

The Tunnel Into the Twilight

It’s just a brick wall, or is it??

Now lift your feet one at a time

You’re so surprising

What do you hear through your hands touching the wall?

Tell me what you hear because I can’t hear it

Can you feel the warmth of this entire factory breathing?

Can you feel that steady beat?

I’m contractually obligated to keep talking

The heartbeat of all of us here

Hasn’t this experience been captivating?

You don’t take things at face value, you expect more!

We know what you saw in your heart

Imagine you’re connected to Timmy’s heart even

Imagine how good that wall feels with your touch

If walls had a show, it could be called Touched by a Child

I think we’ve even give you more time than you were promised

Why isn’t there chocolate here? Don’t worry about it

There will be more events soon

And those events will, of course, be ticketed

Goodnight to you, but not goodbye

That “g” in “Fung” is really small, huh

You’re the greatest Sack Racer in the World, goodnight

 

PATREON THANKS

Nancy, Eric, Evan, John, Jean, Adam, Christy, Leanne, Zany, Adam, Andrew, Richard, Sasha, Raphael, Louis, David, Katherine, James, Sarah, Celeste, Kevin, Kathleen, Jess, Vivianna, James, Sarah, Laurie, Jamie, Sean, Kathy

 

SUMMARY:

Episode: 1250

Title: Wildee Wonga Tour

Deep Dark Night United: Susie (Zocdoc)

Plugs: Hand in Hand; The Midnigh Mission; Trevor Project; Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Rusty Biscuit Links; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline

Sponsors: Helix Sleep; Polysleep; Odoo; Air Doctor Pro; Zocdoc; Progressive

Patreon Thanks: Nancy, Eric, Evan, John, Jean, Adam, Christy, Leanne, Zany, Adam, Andrew, Richard, Sasha, Raphael, Louis, David, Katherine, James, Sarah, Celeste, Kevin, Kathleen, Jess, Vivianna, James, Sarah, Laurie, Jamie, Sean, Kathy

Notable Language:

• Dundee
• Thinking: Holy Moly
• Dissertation
• Holy Moses
• Bory
• The Wildee Wonga Experience
• Fung
• Expert Imaginator
• Lollipop Lickoff
• The Great Sticky Stickdown
• The Dew Drop Danceoff
• Slug Slug
• Oomba Zoomba
• A Laboratory of Imaginations
• The Tunnel Into the Twilight

 

Notable Culture:

• • Willy Wonka
  • Glasgow Willy Wonka
  • Duolingo
  • Usher
  • Super Bowl
  • International Fung Immersive Experiences

• Imagination Station

• Reading Rainbow

• • Solo cup
  • Timothee Chalamet

• Touched by a Child, a TV show for walls

• Touched By an Angel

 

Notable Talking Points:

• Thinking: Holy Moly
• What’s the etymology of “Holy Moly”?
• I just heard from some people who graduated from listening to the podcast
• Some people just listen around certain events
• And some listen non-stop
• Scoots, you’ve never seen this kind of thing before
• I promise someone listening right now can relate to what you’re going through
• At least someone else has looked up the etymology of Holy Moly before…
• Kids are always trying to figure out their bedtime stories
• Once upon a time there was a Holy Moly
• Wow, Captain Marvel may have introduced the phrase 
• Holy Moses
• Are you the same Junior from Duolingo? Welcome!
• I am about to hit a 1300 Day Streak on Duolingo, nbd
• I’ll be your… Bory?
• Bory, that’s a new one
• The intro is when we hang out
• A new genre of show
• Imagine you’re watching Scooter record
• Okay, this is Scooter, I’m going to do my best with this
• You’re going to virtually take me there now
• I’ll do a virtual tour
• I kind of understand the character I’m supposed to play
• Take 1 of 1
• Welcome to the Wildee Wonga Experience
• Just say it fast and don’t pay attention to how it’s spelled
• Welcome to our first experience in Scotland
• A new type of theatre
• This is a different kind of immersive theater
• The marketing materials are but an entryway to this theater
• You may feel like you’re in a queue line, but …
• And this may just look like cement, but it’s actually cobblestone
• I promise you that you are already holding a golden ticket
• Your experience has already begun
• This experience is mostly imagination
• This theatre has all depth and no depth at all
• I promise I’m not just buying time
• You need to prepare people for this type of theater
• You can call me an usher if you like
• You can take this theatre with you when you leave
• This will be your grab bag, in fact!
• Oh boy, does Wildee Wonga love sporting
• The experience will begin shortly
• International Fung Immersive Experiences
• I am your friend, despite my contractual obligations
• Even waiting in line is yet another opportunity for me to keep an eye on the line
• Hello again, if you’re repeating this track in the line
• You’re already an Expert Imaginator
• This isn’t the Imagination Station
• Oh, right, I was supposed to talk about sports
• The Lollipop Lickoff
• Sticky Stickdown
• The Dew Drop Danceoff
• The Theatre of Mind
• Use your imagination with your golden ticket
• What is your golden ticket like? How does it feel?
• There’s many shades of gold
• Does this ticket smell like chocolate?
• This will be a chocolate experience, definitely
• You can take the whole theatre home with you
• The theatre in your mind could be the grab bag you were promised
• Don’t fall for the offers of Slug Slug
• Now those images were just for marketing, designed by Artificial Intelligence
• Feel sorry for AI, who cannot come with us on this particular journey
• Of course, you heard about our Garden of Enchantment
• Mushrooms made of curd
• Lots of rainbows
• Wow, you’re already in the entrance to the theatre
• Yes, this sky is maybe more modern and industrial than you expected
• Yes, you might hear that one song looping on that Bluetooth speaker over there
• Oh, is that Wildee Wonga coming near you now?
• Oh my goodness, is this experience not worth every penny
• Every time I mispronounce the name, I’m contractually obligated to say it correctly
• Things become everlasting through the theater of the mind
• I promise those aren’t just jelly beans scattered on the floor
• Oh, those are special beans
• Don’t eat those beans
• Wildee Wonga is helped by the Oomba Zoombas
• Wow, it’s your favorite flavor of lolly!
• Savory Stalks of gravy and mash
• Special beans of many flavors
• The oomba zoombas have to carry these beans around
• Isn’t this garden enchanting?
• Please pick up the beans
• Is the Fung Corporation not just melting chocolate down?
• There’s no heat in this warehouse, but that’s just to keep you ready
• These beans were left behind in the silly sack races
• The Oomba Zoombas love sack races!
• Let’s start hopping
• If I’d been at the one in Scotland, everything would’ve been fine
• Cleaning up these beans will definitely take up some time
• Is that a chocolate waterfall up there beyond the ceiling?
• You won Sack Racer of the Year!
• Onto the Laboratory
• Where labor takes place
• I promise this is a legit laboratory
• Swirly Straws help us to imagine better
• These special beakers are not red Solo cups, I promise
• Everything here is secret, btw
• Dish Sopuh, as the “French say
• You blow into the straw and make…bubbles!
• How many turns does your swirly straw have?
• You’re contributing your own magic here
• A Laboratory of Imaginations
• Technically the chocolate here is under production
• You know you can’t eat dinner while it’s being prepared
• This area is very special to me
• The Tunnel Into the Twilight
• It’s just a brick wall, or is it??
• Now lift your feet one at a time
• You’re so surprising
• What do you hear through your hands touching the wall?
• Tell me what you hear because I can’t hear it
• Can you feel the warmth of this entire factory breathing?
• Can you feel that steady beat?
• I’m contractually obligated to keep talking
• The heartbeat of all of us here
• Hasn’t this experience been captivating?
• You don’t take things at face value, you expect more!
• We know what you saw in your heart
• Imagine you’re connected to Timmy’s heart even
• Imagine how good that wall feels with your touch
• If walls had a show, it could be called Touched by a Child
• I think we’ve even give you more time than you were promised
• Why isn’t there chocolate here? Don’t worry about it
• There will be more events soon
• And those events will, of course, be ticketed
• Goodnight to you, but not goodbye
• That “g” in “Fung” is really small, huh
• You’re the greatest Sack Racer in the World, goodnight

Episode 1250 – Wildee Wonga Tour

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for the podcaster who…while I haven’t been…I haven’t been to Dundee…I just wanted to say…I like saying ‘Dundee’, and it feels nice. It’s a nice word; Dundee. So, I don't know. I could say it more than once, and I already did. Now, if you’re new, if you’re confused about…why is this guy saying ‘Dundee’? You might think…you may think of somebody named Dundee, the place Dundee, or when you’re done with…when someone in your life is named Dee and you’re done doing something, you say, done, Dee. I’m done, Dee. So, that’s handy. You could just say it fast. But this…you may be confused 'cause you say, I thought this was a sleep podcast. I’d say, it is, it is, it is.

 

Well, it’s more of a friendly voice in the deep, dark night here to keep you company. Welcome to Sleep With Me. It is called ‘the podcast that puts you to sleep’ and we have been doing it for a while, and I’m so glad you’re here. I really hope this show can help. What I could tell you is most people when they got here, they had a similar…they said, what is this thing? I’m not sure I like it. So, that’s a pretty…what is this dude talking about? Most of the time, I don't even know. But I’m really here to take your mind off of stuff and keep you company so that you could fall asleep, to cut through the deep, dark night and just be your friend, or pseudo-friend if you want to be…whatever.

 

But I mean, you know, probably if you had a friend and you were joking…and you had another friend named Dee, this Dun…this could be something we joke around about, Dundee. Believe it or not, I did work with someone named Dee, but it was a long time ago. Or, I worked in the same work area and I would talk to Dee, but we actually didn’t…I didn’t work in the same depart…the same work area; different departments. Isn’t that the story of all our lives? That’s just so funny 'cause…but I don't know why I’m laughing at that, 'cause it was just so inane. Talk about…is that what ‘pithy’ is? You say, that’s not even pithy. So, okay…so, I’m glad you’re here. That’s me…that’s the truth, and I really hope this show can help. Give it a few tries if you’ve never been here before.

 

What to expect coming up; we got the support…that’s how you get to listen for free to this ad-supported version of the show, then there’s a long, meandering intro separate from the support. The intro is meant to ease you into bedtime. If you discover as a long-term listener or even after listening a few times you want to listen in different ways, I’ll explain that later on. But for most people, the intro is part of their wind-down. Then there’s support, then there will be a bedtime story. Tonight will be a exciting, interactive adventure. I don't think it’s binaural. I know it’s not binaural, but it could have been. So, if you’ve ever wanted to go on an interactive experience…or, no, immersive; it’s like an immersive adventure to…it’s fun, so…and maybe it’ll put you to sleep, too.

 

There will be even touching a brick wall involved, so that’s the kinda stuff you put on a sleep podcast. So, I’m glad you’re here. Yeah, see how it goes, and…but that’s…yeah, that’s what we got coming up, and it’s good to see you. If you’re a regular listener, what’s up? Welcome back, right? Dundee; am I right or what? I’m wrong? Oh, okay. I could be wrong about Dundee. Almost finished, Dee. Not done. It’s a process, Dee. I’ll never be done, Dee, 'cause it’s a process. There you go. That’s the truth about it all. So, thanks again for coming by, and thanks for making this possible, my bore-friends.

 

INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. Did I say that twice in a row? My brain may have skipped there. I’m gonna do the rest…what I’m gonna attempt to do is try to create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts, things you’re thinking about on your mind, thoughts about the past, the present, the future, thinking thoughts, preparing thoughts…yeah, thoughts, thinking…holy moly…thinking; holy moly, right?

 

I’ve never looked up the definition or the etymology of ‘holy moly’ before. It’s spelled with an E, though, which is interesting. I think it’s just a saying. I guess maybe I’ll have to look it up now, but…it could be thoughts, it could be feelings, physical sensations…physical sensations, changes in time, temperature, routine, you could be going through something, you could have something coming up, you could be traveling or visiting, you could work a different shift, whatever it is. The reason I kinda run through a few different things is 'cause…well, one, I’ve heard from so many different people going through so many different things. Or, recently I’ve heard from a few different people who graduated from listening to the podcast, which some people do. Some people never listen again.

 

They just are dealing with something and…but some people, they listen as they’re getting ready for their SAT, then they listen as they’re going through their…whatever that thing is where you write up a bunch of stuff to get your degree. I don't know why…dissertation. Then maybe your first job, your…so, what…but…and then people listen for a long time. I got a large portion of people that have been listening since nearly the start of the show and the start of the show. So, you could just kinda see how it goes. Why…? Oh, but the reason I run through that stuff is…what I’ve discovered over the years is that it’s not…for me, it’s not easy not being able to sleep, and it comes with a lot of feelings and physical sensations, and not just thoughts…you know what I mean?

 

It’s lonely or frustrating…are two of the strong feelings, and we could leave it at that, but you may be feeling something different. Maybe you’re going through something I’ve never been through before, but I can at least probably relate to how it feels. But here’s the best thing; even if I can’t relate to how it feels…you say, Scoots, you never…you’ve never seen anything like this. I’ve been through something like this…and I had a friend on the phone the other day unrelated to the podcast that was telling me, hey, I don't know if you can relate to this, how it feels. I said, okay, well, just tell me about it. Maybe I can’t relate to it, but I can listen. But here’s the nice thing about the podcast, is that there’s somebody out there who probably has been through something similar, and they’re listening right now and sitting up.

 

Just like my friend, even if they can't, there’s enough people listening right now that care because they’ve been through their own journey with sleep, that…they’re saying the same thing I got to say to them; you know, it doesn't make it any less hard. It maybe makes it harder that I can’t…people can’t relate to that, and I’m sorry. I’m here for you, and I’m here for you in the best way I can be, which is just rambling and going on and on and on and trying to be silly and somewhat fun, and we’re gonna have some nice, fun silliness coming up. But that’s why I make the show, 'cause I know how it feels and I truly believe you deserve a bedtime where you could get some rest, the sleep you need so that your life is more manageable, and that you could be out there flourishing. It gives me purpose.

 

So, that’s why I make the show and that’s the most important thing I’ll say tonight, or for a long time; you deserve a good night's sleep. Now, this show is very different, so what happens is I send my voice across the deep, dark night. I use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, and superfluous tangents, which means I go off-topic, I get mixed up, then I forget what I was talking about, and then I say, what was I talking about? That’s all part of the method of the show. It’s always never getting started, and…yeah, so that’s…I’m trying to think. I got mixed up. I ran out of gas there 'cause part of me is like, don’t forget to talk about holy moly. I say, okay, but I gotta explain what the podcast is first. Let me type it in. Holy moly etymology? Oh, there we go. Okay, at least someone else has searched for it before in history.

 

So…okay, so, here’s a couple things to know if you’re new; one, as I said earlier, most people don’t like this show at all when they first get here. They’re confused, they’re frustrated, they came…you came doubtful and having trouble getting to sleep, so why wouldn’t you be skeptical? So, alls I can tell you is give it a few tries and just see how it goes. This podcast kinda works when you didn’t even realize it was working. But if you’re waiting for it to get started and get relaxing and stuff, it could be frustrating. So, kinda just kick back and barely listen to me. Most people…it takes two or three tries, though. Part of it is that this is a podcast you don’t really listen to. You just kind of listen.

 

You could listen and you can listen, but it’s like a nice soothing noise in the other room or talk…having a friend talk to you but you’re not paying attention to them, but they’re there to tell you a story that you don’t…you know, just like…kinda like a kid’s bedtime story, but I guess the difference between kids and adults is like…the adult thing is like, you just talk. With a kid, it’s like…it’s a different journey. The adult bedtime story, I believe, is supposed to be…it’s supposed to kinda follow…you’re not trying to figure it out. Kids are always trying to figure…maybe they are smarter than us, I guess. They’re always like, why was it ‘once upon a time’? It never happened twice? I say, can…Junior, can you just settle down? I’m here to tell you a story.

 

Once upon a time…well, does this mean you’re not gonna tell the story again? How do…if it only happened once, why did everybody remember it? I say, okay, can…do you need me to look up and read you the holy moly Wikipedia entry, Junior? Sounds boring. No. Can you get back to the story? That’s what I was trying…once upon a time, there was a word named holy moly. It was, according to this, an exclamation of surprise. Probably dates back to 1892. A minced oath…oh, it used to be holy Moses, which you couldn’t say, apparently. Wow, Captain Marvel may have been the one…that’s it, that’s the entry. That’s it. It was a short one. Captain Marvel may have said it. Yeah, a alteration of holy Moses, by Captain Marvel. So, that’s interesting. Also very…you say, who’s Captain Marvel?

 

Well, there’s a bunch of movies about that. I can’t…it’s a bedtime…so, okay, how’d I get sidetracked by Junior? Are you the same Junior from Duolingo? ‘Cause you look a lot…oh, you are. Well, how’d I get you in here? I mean, I spend a lot of time…I do feel like you’re part of my family, but am I your favorite? I have to move on, actually, Junior. I can’t answer those kind of questions right now, because I don't want…I got…I’m responsible to all the members of the Duolingo family. Not sponsored with…this is not a sponsored mention, either. But I am about to hit a 1,300 day streak. So, that’s a lot of time with you, Junior. Okay, so, anyway…what was I talking…? Don’t really listen to me. Oh, this is also a podcast that doesn't put you to sleep. You probably already figured that out.

 

I’m just here to keep you company while you fall asleep. There’s no pressure to fall asleep, and that means a lot to people. That’s why I point it out every time, because I’m here whether you could fall…awake or asleep, or fall awake. I’m here to the very end, is what I’m trying to say, and there’s episode after episode after episode if you need them so that you don’t have to worry. If you can’t sleep, I’m gonna be here telling you a story. If you fall asleep, I’m gonna be here telling you a story. If you use a sleep timer, then I’ll stop talking. If you don’t, I’ll be here talking on and on and on and on. If you pay for the show, I’ll be talking. If you listen to the ad-supported version of the show, I’ll be talking. I’m here to the very end. But it means you can listen, but you don’t have to listen.

 

You could fall asleep but you don’t…there’s no pressure to fall asleep. I’m here to keep you company and distract you, to be your bore-friend, your bore-bud, your bore-bae, your bore-bestie, your neigh-bore, your Borbie, your neigh-bore, your bore-bor, your bores, your borey…your borey? That’s a new one. It just popped in my head. I mispronounced something. Bore-bor, bore-cuz, bore-sib, bore-bruh. So, whatever…I’m here to be your bore-friend and keep you company and take your mind off of stuff. So, those are a couple things. The other thing you need to know is about the structure of the show. The structure of the podcast is very intentional so it can benefit the most amount of people it can.

 

It already starts out…it doesn't benefit everybody 'cause some people stop…if you already loathe the show, we have a website — I forgot to mention that — sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou. So, if you can't stand the show, there’s other sleep podcasts and sleepy stuff on there. Then you just find something else that maybe will help fall…help you fall asleep. You still deserve a good night's sleep, even if you don’t like me. That’s what the majority of people do. So, there. But so, check that out, I mean. But structure of the show…the show starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, so you feel seen and welcomed in, and you say, I might listen to that podcast. Then there’s support from sponsors so that the show…paying for the show is optional. So if you don’t like the support, then you can do that through subscription or through our referral program, but for most people, that’s worth it for them.

 

They just listen to the sponsors and some people support the sponsors. Then there’s an intro which is separate from the support, and it is like a fifteen to twenty-five-minute show within a show meant to ease you into bedtime. That’s one of the strongest e-mails I get, is that the intro isn’t that. But the intro is a show within a show. It has nothing to do with the support…recorded separately. But the intro is — for regular listeners — their favorite part of the show, except for the people that skip the intro, which is cool, right? ‘Cause the intro’s the kinda time we hang out as we’re easing into bedtime, just like a call with a friend and you’re doing some chill activity or you’re getting ready for bed or you’re in bed getting comfortable.

 

If you so choose, you could start the show at twenty, thirty minutes, you could subscribe to the podcast and get story-only versions, but for most people…and this is just what I’ve seen through all the writing around sleep and my own personal experience, is having a wind-down time really works for me most of the time, and it’s something I enjoy unrelated to sleep. So, it’s something I enjoy in the evening at bedtime, is winding down. Okay, then after that…yeah, after the intro is support, then there’s a bedtime story. Tonight will be our dull, interactive…or immersive experience, and then there’s thank-yous at the end. So, that’s the structure of the show. That’s why I make the show. I’m really glad you’re here. I work really hard. I yearn and I strive. So, thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple of ways we’re able to do this for you for free twice a week.

 

Alright everybody, this is Scoots. This is kind of…every once in a while I get…it’s happened a few times lately, though I forgot what the other one was, where I get this…a new genre of show. Well, or a twist on an old genre. But oh boy, is this an exciting imaginary opportunity, and I know…I already have three ideas for this style of episode, so you’ll be hearing a few more, and even trading ideas back and forth with somebody. So, yeah, without further ado, you’ll hear Scoots trying to parse out some stuff, so just imagine you’re in the…you’re there watching Scoots record in the climb-in closet, shortly in a parallel world. But I just want to set it up 'cause…hey, goodnight. Thanks for listening to the show.

 

Okay, so…alright, I’m recording and now I’m having trouble finding the notes. So, whoever’s gonna be listening to this, this is Scooter, and I…this seems very…I’m just gonna do my best with all these recordings. I have everything I need and I know you’re virtually gonna take me there now to…'cause I thought that would be the best arrangement. So, right now I’m trying to log in using this login you’ve got. So, soon I’ll be virtually there, then I’ll start recording. I kind of understand the character I’m playing, I guess. So, yeah, and…yeah, I guess I’m looking forward to it. Okay, so I have everything pulled up now. Okay, so, I’ll take it away and if you need anything else from me…okay, I’m…okay, ready, and this is Take 1 of 1.

 

Ah, yes, hello, hello. Welcome to the Willy…Willdee Wonga Experience. Now, remember; you say that very fast and spelling is not important, but I am here and I am your host. I am…I’m not famous, but I am here guiding you through the Willy Wonka Experience. It’s…it is…well…oh, yes, I do have to disclose it is spelled W-I-L-L-D-E-E W-O-N-G-A Experience. But around these parts, we say Willy Wonga. Willy Wonga. So, welcome to the Willy Wonga Experience. You’ve purchased your tickets and soon you will be transported to a world beyond imagination. You could take wishes or take a step, whatever you wish.

 

Now, we do want to remind you here at…beyond that it’s actually called the Willdee Wonka Experience…that this experience that you’ll be experiencing is…mostly takes place in a very special theatre, though you’re physically here with us at our first event here in Scotland, and we know some of you have travelled with your families and you’re very excited. We’re also excited to introduce you to a new type of theatre you may have never experienced, and this is a type of theatre anyone could experience from anywhere in the world.

 

I’ll tell you a secret as the caretaker and guide-point, but not responsible at all other than for telling you this, of the Willdee…of…oh, the new type of theatre you’ll be experiencing today, and it’s a special kind of theatre because it’s called…now…oh, I was saying it’s the kind of theater you could experience whether you’re young or old, whether you’re here with us in this treasured place in Scotland and you have a ticket for admittance here or in one of our future locations. Not only is this theatre something special; it’s something magical, and it’s…now, it is different than what you expected. I will say you may have come here expecting a more traditional kind of immersive theatre, the kind that’s drawn for you.

 

Maybe you saw it…now, those posters that you saw, the marketing materials as they’re known, those aren’t part of the theatre. Those are but an entryway to this theatre. What else is special about this theatre? None of it is in the notes here, but other than to take some time…because you may feel like you’re in a queue line, a very traditional queue line like you might find in a bank, that…oh, those are just queue stands with the material that separates the queue and guides you through. You may hear just a cement…you may just see a cement floor and you wonder, where is the cobblestone? Well, I can tell you that this cobblestone is right beneath your feet. Oh, we’re so excited, and your host, the great Willdee Wonka, is very happy to have you here today, for you hold in your hands a special golden ticket.

 

You might say, what? Who are you? What is your name? But, two, I don't hold in my hand any ticket at all. I or someone else has a digital ticket on their digital device, and I did read somewhere…and I say, you already have a golden ticket in your hand. Can't you see it there? Just pause and slow down. Now, there’s a thing about this theatre. At first you may…if you’re holding hands with someone…or you could even touch a finger out to the queue line or just make sure both your feet are on the ground. You could close your eyes for a moment, and some would say that this type of theatre is only consumed with your eyes closed, but that is just not accurate. That is just not part of the magic that you’re about to join us in.

 

In some sense, you could say that your forty-five to sixty-five-minute experience has already begun even before your ticket has been checked. Ha, ha, ha. That laughter was optional, it says here. But oh boy, are we excited to have you as part of this theatre. So, again, close your eyes if you wish. Part of this theatre is your…is based on…well, not pure imagination. I don't even know what that even means. This experience is mostly imagination. I mean, in the spirit of Willdee Wonka, of course. It has been translated in other forms of art and theatre, including marketing materials which are themselves an art form or usage of art in a form. You might even say, your voice changes, your intonations. I say, oh yes, for I am going deeper into this theatre which has all the depth and no depth at all.

 

You might even say, it sounds like you’re just making this stuff up to buy time. I’d say, no, no, no, I’m leading you gently as you go through the queue. Your queue time is estimated to be a proportion of this experience, somewhere between fourteen and twenty minutes, and I will be sure the time is filled with a preparation and an understanding…because…well, here’s the thing; they did this once not too long ago and it didn’t go well because they hadn’t prepared…when people experience this type of theatre without being prepared for it, without the ground being set, without you being led by your hand like an usher…you could call me an usher. Now, not the Usher from the Superbowl. Oh, no, no. I am but a guide.

 

But here’s the best part and this is the truth, whatever this is…Unlimited Experience Marketing LLC Incorporated had me state…by the way, I’m just doing this work for hire. They had tried this before, not…oh, the best news is that you can take this theatre with you when you leave. In fact, this will be a grab bag and your takeaway gift that was promised. It will be something that…while I laugh because of the irony, they don’t know that you will take this gift with you in your heart, and for some of you, it will be there forever. Then maybe you could take people on their own interactive, immersive experience, but…and here’s another…even another layer; whether…grandmama or the children or whoever you are that are listening to me now, you’ve already been to this theatre many, many times before.

 

Now, let’s just take an example here. In Scotland you have sporting things, right? Oh boy, does Willdee Wonka love sporting. Not just the sporting of creating…the greatest chocolatier…being the greatest chocolatier in the world or of creating an immersive experience that will begin as I check my time…somewhere between three to seven minutes, though these time is…again, this time is part of your experience. We are experiencing something together, you and I. Oh yes, we are. But I want you to be able to have another experience and remember this experience, but remember you’ve been there many times before. This theatre has a special name, but I wonder why they never called it…they didn’t use imagination.

 

But here’s the thing; I was thinking of…oh, yes, you sporting around…the sports you do and the sports Willdee Wonga loves…Willdee Wonka, sorry. My producer here from…whatever this is called, International Fung…Fun…oh, they said their company is not called International Fun Immersive Experiences. It’s spelled F-U-N-G, Fung. No fun is…yes, don't worry, the two of us…whoever’s…you that’s listening to me and I who’s talking in your ear, I am your friend, despite my contractual obligations. I’m going to guide you in the use of the special theatre, and you could take it with you. Now, maybe you purchased the ticket yourself. Maybe someone in your family did. Maybe they’ll have expectations that aren’t quite met today or in the future, if past experience tells us anything, but I don't know.

 

I think that honestly today you could have a very special experience, because it’s been my experience that this type of theatre is a shelter, is a world, is an opportunity, is a land, is a universe. It has feelings. It has emotions which may be the same thing as feelings. It has the future. It has the past. It has the present. It has unknowns, and it does truly have magic, and that’s why we are so happy to be almost in a chance where we could take your ticket for today for your experience which has already yet begun, and unleash you to whichever parts of the opportunities don’t have lines that will use up all of your time at the experience. But even waiting in line is yet another opportunity for me to keep an eye on the time. They said, keep an eye on the time. This has to use up all the time in line, though you may repeat this track.

 

I think they may have it so that it will auto-repeat if you’re in line for long. So, hello again, if you’ve been repeating this track. You’re really learning a lot about this theatre. Soon…well, here’s the thing; you were already an expert imaginator. They have the…it’s not the Imagination Station. Oh boy, was that something, the Imagination Station. That was something…well, anyway, I can't take time, but I think there was recently a documentary about it. You could find out more. Now, when you were coming here by train or car or bus…do you take lorries? Oh, I was supposed to be talking about sports, the producer is saying. What was I going to…? Oh, so that’s one place.

 

You may have seen sporting on the television or your big-screen TVs, but you may have also heard it on the radio, where people are talking but yet somehow you are seeing sports. You know, like the Lollipop Lick-Off or the Great Sticky Stick-Up…Stick-Down. You know, the Dewdrop Dance-Off. All these are the Willy Wonka’s favorite…some of their favorite things. But…oh, but so, you may have seen people in your family…maybe someone in the family who’s listened to those sporting things. You’ve been there. Maybe they’ve even referred to it. It is called the Theatre of the Mind. But I’ll be honest with you, as someone who loves to go to this theatre, who loves to be taken to the theatre, too, by others, others’ voices, others’ written tales…did you know, when you’re reading something, too…is that…?

 

I don't know. Technically this is not just the…this is…the Theatre of the Mind is a immersive experience and we are here to capture enchanting moments in this immersive experience with Willdee. So, here’s the opportunity for your first experience as we get closer in this queue…to your time to enter some of the magical realms that I will introduce you to before so you have a context to draw from. But you have your own well, and the water in your well, while similar to mine, is much, much different. So, let’s use that with your golden ticket. The first thing to do is not even look at the ticket but feel it in your fingers. What is the ticket? Is it paper? Is it foil? Does it crinkle? It is stiff? What happens when you run it between your fingers? The ticket…what shape is your ticket? Oh, what a shape to have a ticket in.

 

How wonderful in your hands. Oh yes, and what color gold is it? Golden tickets come in many…gold…there’s many shades of gold, so they say, and there’s not just one gold ticket, but you have the only gold ticket that’s important to us right now. How does it feel? Here’s a question I’d ask you right this moment as I’m asking you this question; does this ticket smell like chocolate to you, or is it the chocolate of the factory, Willdee Wonga’s factory, in the air you’re smelling? As you’re getting closer and closer to your interactive experience here with Willdee Wonga, a chocolate experience, we say…oh yes, what…is there writing on your gold ticket? Does it have your name on it? Oh, that’s…oh, what’s your name? Oh, yes, yes, yes. Ah, I do see that. Yes. Do you want to show it to me?

 

Yeah, the lights that are lighting somewhere where you are, how do they affect your ticket? Are they reflected in your ticket? Do they make it…what happens if you bend your ticket? Now, you may have the experience even though this ticket is only a part of our theatre and you get to take it home with you, the entire theatre…have you ever been to a theatre before where you take the whole theatre home with you? So, when you think about it, when you leave today, you say, I was promised a very special gift, a grab bag from Willy Wonga’s chocolates. Remember; you’re taking an entire theatre home with you. It could be full of Willy Wonga’s chocolates. They’re letting me know I’m not pronouncing the name correctly every third time, but you and I know this is only part of the theatre.

 

Sometimes there’s…yes, there’s a fool at the theatre and maybe it’s me, but I’m here and, yes, it’s time to take your golden ticket and make sure it’s verified, that it’s not all part of old Slug-Slug, the comp…Slug-Slug? That doesn't sound…Slug-Slug, the competitor chocolatier, who would have all of Willy Wonga’s chocolates taken. Now, you may have heard when you were preparing for your trip here about many special things you’ll be seeing today, and you may have even heard…you’ve seen images showing you what to expect. Now, those images were just for marketing. They were designed by artificial intelligence. Here’s the thing…well, I don't know the answers. I don't believe artificial intelligence, at this point, could take part in this theatre.

 

So, we could feel sad for artificial intelligence, that it cannot come with us, and that is why you won't see those images here today or anything resembling those images at all, for they never…oh, what a question to ask, though. What would a Theatre of the Mind be…? Well, we won't…so, I wanted to just touch on some of the things you may have thought you were going to see, but the wonders you’ll see will be much, much different, of course. Now, of course you heard about our Garden of Enchantment, and maybe in different productions of things where you heard about Willdee Wonga, that you heard about it…that it starts in a garden, a Garden of Enchantment, with giant lollies and mushrooms made of curd, maybe even talking edible things, teacups filled with sweet, sweet nectar that you could eat, magical things.

 

You say, whoa, that’s surprising in a magical way…things that…you take a look in a book or whatever. Not Reading Rainbow things, but a lot of rainbows. These things will make you establish wonder as a part of your tour of this chocolatey experience. Now, here’s the thing; there is something tangible to this, and this is where you’re entering now. See the rainbow above us? It may seem just like a rainbow of balloons that were purchased recently at a grocer, at Aldi…or, what is it called? Tesco. But no, no, no, these are not Tesco rainbow balloons. I was told I couldn’t say that, but I did. They aren’t. This is the entrance to the theatre that you are already in. Oh boy, how could that be, you ask? I tell you, because it’s magic. In there, beyond the archway, at first it looks like an open floor and an open sky above you.

 

Yes, an industrial sky, maybe more modern and warehousey than you would expect for Willy…Willdee Wonka’s factory. But no, no, no, if you listen, you may hear one Bluetooth speaker in the real world playing a song on loop over and over again. Wait; do you not hear somewhere, somewhere out there, the song of…? Oh, wait a second, who is that coming towards us? Is that Willdee Wonka? Oh yeah, no, how you said it; yes, yes, how you said it. Is that whom you are…? Oh, did they just take a tumble and tip their cap to you? Oh yes, yes, yes. Are they smiling at you? So welcoming, so happy to see you. Oh, is this experience not worth every penny? Oh, my goodness, is that the Willy Wonka? It may be. What an…oh, my goodness. Holy…did Willdee Wonka just whisper to you? My word.

 

You don’t have to tell me, but did you hear the words? Or maybe it was magic. Maybe you’ll hear them later. Ah, yes, we could cross through now that we’ve met the greatest chocolatier in the world. Excuse me while I brush these tears from my eyes. A sense of wonder has stirred my heart. This may be the…that may be the most poetic thing I’ll say all day, but it’s true. Watching you and Willy Wonka…see, there, that…I think I only have to say the name correctly twenty-six times as a part…to fulfill my contractual obligations. So, if I say it seventy-eight times, that will probably have me covered. I’ve already covered the takeaways which…because, you know, they say that in certain parts of Willy Wonka lore, there are everlasting things. But, you know, the Everlasting Gobstopper, how it lasted so long? It was the Theatre of the Mind.

 

It was the imagination of children or children at heart like you, yes, yes, yes. So, I want to welcome you to the Garden of Enchantment. Now, you’ll see with your non-theatre eyes, scattered around on what seems like a dusty floor something very special. Now, those may just look like jellybeans scattered on the floor, but oh no, I can tell you they are not. Oh, those are special beans. Now, those are delicious beans. We don’t suggest eating them because they have been on the floor, but we do suggest collecting them. Now…and then returning them before you proceed to the next part of the experience. For here’s the thing…you say, why can't I eat these beans other than they’ve been on the floor and maybe some people have stepped on them? They may have bought them in bulk from who knows where.

 

Oh, these…are these magic beans? No, no, no, but there’s a magic that’s needed for these beans, for this one was of those silly, silly moments…now, we all know that Willy Wonka is helped by the Oomba-Zoombas, right? They didn’t…I don't have to say that one correctly. The Oomba-Zoombas are the real brains in the…they’re the ones that really make the chocolate happen. But sometimes silliness abounds, and this is where these beans are from. This is why we need your help so much right now. As you go through…oh, what is that you see in the Enchanted Garden? Is that…what is that made of? Oh, yes…oh, what do you think it tastes like if you could lick that? Don’t lick it for real, though. But in your mind, is that a lolly? Is that your favorite flavor lolly? Wow. Oh yes, what would be the…? You see that one over there?

 

No, no, no, over there in…yeah, it’s just growing up. It looks like some sort of tall grass. Those are the savory stalks of…what do you think a savory stalk would taste like if you pulled one off and ate it? Oh, what does ‘savory’ mean? Well…oh, boy. Like a savory pie? What is a savory pie? A pie that is not sweet. Like a gravy. Gravy and mash? I don't know. They wouldn’t…believe it or not, I’m here with you, but they wouldn’t pay for me to come there. They would only virtually carry around a camera so I could be there with you. So, I even have ventured where you are now, only in the special Theatre of the Mind. Oh, it is good to be here with you. So, so, so good to be here. Oh, so, the funny story I was telling you about the Oonga…the Zoomba-Loombas is…so, they…sometimes they have to carry sacks of beans.

 

These are special flavor beans, the beans of many flavors…to flavor things elsewhere. Not chocolates but candies, of course, and also to feed to the many bean-eaters deep within some place where we won't be visiting today. Their body heat…they don’t talk about this, but their body heat is what melts the chocolate, because it’s slow-melted by the many-flavored-bean-eaters. They’re special. They weren’t even written about. So secretive. If old Slug-Slugger knew about those…it wouldn’t matter because where would you acquire them? They’re giant, like friends in many…yeah, what would a giant being whose body is warm like ours…have you ever held chocolate in your hand too long? Yes, of course you have, just like I have. Isn’t this garden enchanting, us here talking about this?

 

You know, just the two of us side-by-side as you pick up beans…that deep somewhere in this magical factory, just like chocolate has melted in your hands, they are warming things; sugars and creams and things so that it can become chocolate. I don't understand. I’m not a chocolatier. You might say, that doesn't make any sense. Are you sure that Playtime Fung Interactive Experience isn’t just melting chocolate they purchased from five Halloweens ago? I’d say, I don't know what you’re saying at all. But I would say, what do you think…what color; purple, gold, green, pink, any color at all, what colors do you think they would be? Would they have spots or not? Yes, I…that’s funny. Yes, what do they look like when they’re smiling at you and saying, hello, my friend?

 

I’m just here being myself and my body is warming the…it even keeps the factory warm. Now, some might say that it’s not very warm in here because there’s no heat at all, but that’s just to keep you ready to…so, go ahead and collect those beans, because they were left behind when the silliness of sack races was…have you ever been in a sack race before? Well, get ready, because you can go in one right now. Do you wish to collect more beans or do you wish to join me in a sack race against an Oonga…Zoomba-Zoomba? Oh yes, they all lined up. They love sack races, the Zoomba-Zoombas. Okay, here’s your sack. I’m handing it to you now. Oh yes, it is a burly, burly sack. Now, the thing is that…okay, get in your sack, yes, and we will start hopping. I will…we’re just warming up right now. Good job warming up in that sack.

 

Now, if only they had hired me for the first round, I think this would have been a resounding success. Maybe they should even give me a bonus even though this is an imaginary transaction. To think, doing this theater within the theatre, my friends, is amazing. Okay, so, get your sack ready. Okay, now, do you have two hands on your sack? Now you are able to hop and pull your sack at the same time. Oh, you seem to be a sack-racing expert, if you don’t mind me saying. Could you give me some tips? Oh, that is a good tip. We may beat the Zoomba-Zoombas yet. Now, on your mark, get set, let’s go. Oh, and the Zoomba-Zoombas are going…now, if you’ll notice, the Zoomba-Zoombas always forget to fully empty the beans out of their sacks. Oh, you’re so far ahead it doesn't matter.

 

But if you look behind you, they never…but they…also when they’re scraping, they’re not as good as you at hopping. It’s just something about their nature. They’re always thinking about, how can we improve the efficiency of making chocolate, but they’re also very forgetful when they’re having fun. So, they’re both distracted about how to be the best Zoomba-Zoomba they can, and having fun. So, they scrape up their sacks and the beans spill out everywhere. Willy Wonka said, can we get these beans cleaned up, please? This should take up some time in this experience. So it has, and you’ve gotten the beans. You’ve won the…did you know…? Oh, there’s…look at…up there on that balcony up high. No…yeah, okay, where do you see the balcony? Yes, and…yes, up there above the…is that our chocolate waterfall I’m seeing?

 

No, it’s beyond the ceiling up there in the…yes, yes. That’s Willdee Wonka waving at you. Sack-racer of the year. Sack-racer of the world. Okay, now it is time for us to go to the next place on our tour. Now, this is a special place. This is a laboratory, a laboratory where labor takes place. You could even see the signpost here written in…could be…easily erasable because…just because of the silliness that could take place. The Laboratory of Imaginings. Oh, this is very exciting here. You know, some may say, this doesn't look like a laboratory at all. They may say, that just looks like a table. Is that a Zoomba-Zoomba up there behind the table with beakers and…what are those things called? Tubes and vials and swirly…those are swirly straws. Of course you and I know.

 

The adults at heart, they may have not taken a second to realize the power of swirly straws. They may not know that each swirly straw, for each turn, is a turn deeper into the realm of imagination, and this is where we get to participate in the Laboratory of Imaginations, for in front of you at this next table is an opportunity to help increase the level of imagination here in the thing. Now, this…in each of these…these are special beakers. Some may say these are just red cups from America, and I would say that they don’t know…they’ve never met…they…you know what I know, right? Don’t judge a cup…beaker by its…that it’s cloaked in…a red plastic cup. Now, this is the largest investment made here for this experience.

 

Now, you don’t get to take any of this with you physically, but of course, as I’ve told you, forever it will be with you. But this is an exciting one. For this…so, you get a swirly straw. Now, remember; now, in a traditional…everything’s different here at Willdee Wonka’s factory. I forgot to tell you that. But you already knew it, right? Expect the unexpected here at Willdee Wonka’s factory…and the greatest chocolatier in the world. So, don’t…now, these straws are for blowing, not sucking, even though a straw’s traditionally for sucking. This is a special bubble-creating deswappe. It’s french, deswappe, and each one has a different color. Can you see…? Within the theatre…I don't know how they didn’t come up with…what is that called? [MUMBLING FRENCH] But this is desappe, and it’s a special thing.

 

Each bubble…so, here’s the…here’s where the magic takes place; you blow into the straw. You might want to wash…wipe the straw off with those wipes there. That’s good they have those at least, you know. Now, you’ll blow. Now, each turn…now, you may want to take some time here and look at your straw and imagine the color of your straw. Is your liquid different than the color of your straw or the same? Oh, okay. That makes a lot of sense to me. Now, remember, each turn of the straw is a different layer and depth of imagination. So, how many turns does your swirly straw have? Could you even count? Then each…okay, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven…okay, you’re counting that one? Seven…okay, nine, ten, eleven, twelve…I would say, I agree with you. Top and…would top and bottom inside…?

 

Does each straw…because it’s a circle…? Interesting. Okay, can we just agree on…? Okay, eighty-two; I agree with you. So, each bubble that you blow will have imagination to the eighty-twoth power when used in the production of chocolate or other…you know what I mean? No, no, no, Willdee Wonka’s not taking your imagination; you’re supplementing the factory’s imagination with your bubble-blowing through the special straw. So, you’re not actually doing any work for…you’re contributing your own magic here as a part of the experience. Oh boy, isn’t this laboratory a Laboratory of Imaginations? Because that’s exactly what we’re doing. So, they can't even say technically there was no Laboratory of Imaginations, because within this laboratory we are amplifying imaginations for the use of making the greatest chocolate in the world.

 

Oh, what a moment. Now, that was quite an experience. Now, I don't want to say that the next thing is my favorite, favorite thing. Oh, I know you may be wondering, where’s the chocolate? I’d say, technically the chocolate in this factory is under production. So, this is…with…this is a working chocolate factory. Willy Wonka’s not…this is an operation. Just like if your family…someone in your family is preparing dinner, you can't eat dinner while they’re preparing it, obviously. You know that as well as I do, right? So, of course you’re in agreement with me that it wouldn’t make any sense to have chocolate at a chocolate factory while the chocolate is being made, just like you wouldn’t have dinner while your dinner is being made in your kitchen, right?

 

You wouldn’t just…I mean, maybe you would, but you would say, who is that person? You’re eating dinner but the dinner’s not finished in the kitchen while it’s being made. No, no, no. So, that’s why there’s no chocolate here. I just wanted to point that out because this is my favorite…because I don't want that sense of waiting to get in the way of this, because this is the moment I have been waiting to share with you. This is where the Theatre of the Mind, this theatre has become…this is my…I don't know why it’s so special to me. I don't think I’ll cry again like I did when I saw you with Willy Wonka, but there, again…there’s some of the Zoomba-Zoombas waving at you, too. Now, you may have seen this referred to in the marketing materials as the Tunnel into the Twilight. Oh, was that the Tunnel into the Twilight.

 

Oh, boy. At the end of the tunnel; twilight and such things, or whatever they say. Some of you may even be saying, this is perfectly normal before…if you’re not fully…this is just a brick wall. Oh yes, yes, yes, it is. Yes, it is. Oh, it’s just a brick wall. Of course. Of course it is. Of course it is to most, but no, no, no, I want you to reach your hand out. Put both your feet on the ground. Okay, now lift up one of your feet. Oh, I thought you were gonna lift the other foot up. That is wild. That really says something about you. Okay, now both feet back on the ground again. Okay, pick up another foot. We’re having fun now, aren’t we? Not thinking about that Tunnel of Twilight, because this wall is so much more than just a tunnel, because…it’s so much more. So, put both your hands on the ground. I mean, your feet; I’m sorry.

 

Oh, you put both your hands on the ground. You showed me. Now I want you to reach one of both hands out to the brick wall and put them against the wall and start to feel it beneath your hands. Do you want to lean in or just rest your hands against the wall? Wait a second, are you hearing something from your hands? What are you hearing? Can you hear through your hands? Wait a second, what does it feel like under your hands? Really, tell me, because I’m not there. I can't do this. You get to do such an exclusive experience. Here I am, watching you touching the wall, but I can't touch it at all. So, I need to tell…I need you to tell me. Those things in-between the bricks, what do they feel like? Oh, and the bricks themselves, are they soft? Not soft? There’s no such thing as soft bricks, are there?

 

Ah, yes, yes, okay…okay, can you hear the factory? Can you feel…? This is why, really, because this is where the true tunnel takes place. For the tunnel, something they like to say; oh, there’s underground rivers of chocolate here at the factory that aren’t a part of the tour. There’s giant, friendly creatures whose body heat warms the factory. There’s also giant ones whose exhales clean out the air. Now, if you put your hand against this wall, I think you could feel some of that. Go ahead and slow down. Start to quiet and slow things down and really get sensitive. Can you sense that underneath your hands that somewhere this entire factory is breathing itself? Can you feel that beat? There should be a steady beat if you really pay attention.

 

I’m contractually obligated to keep talking, but if I had stopped talking at any point…or if you really feel it, if you really let your hands feel the brick wall, you’ll feel something. You’ll sense something. You may even feel it within you. That is the power of your connection to…and that’s why this is a tunnel to the twilight, the area of the twilight, because you’re feeling the soft breath and heartbeat of the entire enterprise of Willdee Wonga. Oh, that heartbeat of all our friends, of all the Zoomba-Zoombas, of everyone here…and can you feel that? What is it saying? It’s like saying, glad you’re here. It’s great to see you. You’re the greatest sack-racer I’ve ever seen. That’s why I gave you the golden ticket. It was a pleasure to see you. It was a pleasure to have you here today.

 

I know maybe the…now, there was…this is the captivating entertainment you were promised, and maybe things were misspelled with the intentions of misspelling them, but you got a captivating friend to entertain you, to teach you how…that now, if you really feel it, if your hands are really in touch with the wall, you are connected to Willdee Wonga. The smile, the joy, the silliness of the lost…they lost those beans during the sack race. It was a good thing you were here. It really was today, the fact that you came all this way and you weren’t one of those people just…that take things at face value based on what is marketed to you and what the website said…you to expect. You knew to expect more. You knew you would get…truly you’re getting much more.

 

I mean, I think that even what the creators intended, but…and you may say, I didn’t see any chocolate. I didn’t actually…well, we know you saw Willdee Wonga. We know you saw those Zoomba-Zoombas. We know that because there’s a special tunnel…it’s a tunnel from your heart to the factory’s heart, to the heart of Willdee, to the heart of every Zoomba-Zoomba, to every heart of every chocolate lover anywhere in the world, to even Timmy. Can you imagine you’re connected to Timmy’s heart, even? Who’s Timmy? You’re funny…and everyone else, of course, of course, everyone else in all the realms…feel it in that wall. You’re touching the wall and the wall is touched by you. Do you know that?

 

Can you imagine how that wall feels right now, that your touch is making it feel good, that it’s feeling your heartbeat and it’s feeling yours? It’s saying, happy, happy, happy…you came today to experience our…to be immersed and interacting with the wall, with the beans, with the sack race, with Willdee, and all those things. What a day we’ve had, the two of us. Or if there’s other members in your party, they may have had an experience, too. What a joy to have you here. I mean, the fact that we could come together and touch this wall…and you could touch the wall for me. Maybe there should be a show; Touched By A Wall…if walls had a show, they would say, Touched By A Child instead of…but…'cause there was a show, Touched By An Angel, I think. That’s why I was…what I was getting at.

 

But I can't say…I can say that another tear is rolling down my cheek. Our time has come to a close. I think we’re even giving you a little bit of extra time than was promised in the brochure, which was…it had to be at least forty-five minutes, counting when you first entered the first doorway or the parking area. But we’ve given you so much more, but you’ve given me so much more and everyone here so much more. Here’s the thing; this experience or any other experience, you can always find this hand on a wall, hand in some mud, hand in a rock, eyes closed, eyes open, reading a book, listening…do you ever think the birds are out there telling each other tales? Have you ever thought about listening to the birds telling each other tales? Did you ever think…wonder if water was talking?

 

Did you ever take the time to listen? I have not, I’ll admit it to you, but now seeing you and your heartbeat and the heartbeat of this factory united as one, I am transformed and I think that we all are, and we should remember that, that yeah, maybe this seemed like it wasn’t what we expected when we looked at everything and got our tickets to come here and what was told would be here. But when…but you’ve even been explained…why isn’t there chocolate at a…at Willdee Wonka’s Chocolate Factory? But it makes perfect sense, does it not? So, once again, I hope…here’s the thing; we’ll be offering other experiences soon.

 

I know soon we’ll be going to many…I don't know if you’re a fan of any particular offices or even a special island, but if you’re a fan of either one of those, we’ll be…those are our next stops, ticketed…of course ticketed, but I’m so glad to have had you along today and to teach me what this theatre’s really all about. It has been my honor. Twice tears have rolled down my cheeks because of your listening and your ability to join me on this journey. So, at the end of this twilight tunnel, I say goodnight to you but not goodbye, for soon I hope to see you again soon. Thank you on behalf of Fung…what is it called? Amusement Fung…it looks like fun. That G is smaller than the F-U-N. Okay. Well, goodnight anyway from Willdee Wonka and the Zoomba-Zoombas and all the friends here at the factory. You are the greatest sack-racer in the world. Goodnight.

[END OF RECORDING]

(Transcription performed by LeahTranscribes)