Bedtime stories to help grown ups fall asleep in the deep, dark night.
1155 – Bosun Castle Mysteries | Make Great Pets E6
A trip to Eye island, has Rin sleeping on a train, in a boat and at a summer camp, I’ll say aye to that.
Episode 1155 – Bosun Castle Mysteries | Make Great Pets E6
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s the podcaster who’s gonna say something about award winners, then I realized there’s a hot dog place at Disney’s California Adventure called Award Wieners. Then I was thinking, is that called an…are there…is there still a dog called…is that a dachshund that’s a wiener dog? So, do they have the…are the wiener dog…are they…do they have…? I’m sure they have a ceremony called Award Wieners for them. Here’s a thing; the one in Disneyland, it’s not award-winning wieners or hot dogs. It’s a part of Disney’s Hollywoodland or Hollywood Row or something. I don't know what they call it. But if you say, you know what? I’m looking for a podcaster where that’s a common thing; a whatchamacallit? I don't know.
Good ques…where a good question…I don't know, are…if you’re not looking for the answers…if you’re looking for a podcast that keeps you company while you fall asleep, a friend in the deep, dark night, a friendly voice that could just go on and on and on and soothe you into bedtime, maybe make you barely giggle…some people were, even though I wasn’t say…a podcaster that would have to…could not spell ‘innuendo’ and then would have to look it up, and then would try to think about eighties bands…I mean, they used innuendo, but doesn’t that sound like a eighties band? Innuendo. It would be…I guess you could do it like INXS, INNUENDO. Innuendo. When you break it down, it sounds even stranger. It’s like some sort of code as part of a escape room.
Now, if you’re wondering…sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou; if you’re already hitting Eject on this podcast. But this show is very different. I make it ‘cause you deserve a good night’s sleep. It does take a couple tries to get used to because it’s…this show is just very different. I’m more your friend in the deep, dark night than some guru putting you to sleep. So, see how it goes. What we got coming up here; this is the beginning of the show, then we have support — that’s how the show comes out free twice a week — then there will be a long, meandering intro that’s meant to ease you into bedtime, create a transition, or to listen to while you get ready for bed or you start to chill out. You could fall asleep during the intro.
Then there will be our episodically modular series bedtime story that you could listen to in any order about great pets. What could be better? That’s something that needs no innuendo. Now playing: Innuendo. IN…so, INXS is…what is it, I-N? INXS…Innuendo…I-N-U…innu-endo. I guess you’d still need the -endo. Endo. What if it was…? I guess if you…if I had some sort of bakery…I guess there’s probably a bakery called that. They say, yeah, we sell those cakes that make you sweat. That was on…that was a unreleased C+C Music Factory…talk about deep jokes. Cakes That Make You Sweat; that was on the…that was a song that didn’t make it into a Disney animatronic show called Food Rocks, but it should have. So anyway, it’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that’s here…a strange little show that’s here to put you to sleep. Thanks for making it possible, my patron peeps.
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts about the past, the present, the future, thinking stuff. So, anything on your mind, thoughts; oh boy, were those there last night. Thoughts, feelings, anything emotionally coming up for you, feelings about the thoughts or other stuff, physical sensations, changes in time, temperature, routine.
Whatever it is that’s keeping you awake; it could be…you could have something coming up, you could be going through something, there could be other things going on. Whatever it is, I’m here to help, and the reason I bring up all that stuff is so you know you’re not alone in the deep, dark night. I don’t mean just because you’re listening to this show, ‘cause a lot of other people are listening right now. Myself and a lot of other listeners, we know how it feels. We might not know exactly what you’re going through, but maybe we could relate to it, to how it feels, or just relate to the fact that hey, it must be tough, and to the fact that you deserve a good night’s sleep. That’s the most important thing. If you never listen to this podcast again, I hope you take that away; you deserve a good night’s sleep.
You deserve a bedtime you could look forward to, or at the very least feel neutral about. Last night — I’m not kidding — I had to come up with a five-part plan for bedtime because I have this cold and it was causing me bedtime issues, which I’ll try to go over in an indirect way in a second. So, I can relate, but you might not be going through the same thing I’m going through, but maybe we say, okay, there’s some things we share. Maybe there’s somewhere…someone out there going through something similar. So, I’m glad you’re here. The way I help is I send my voice across the deep, dark night. I use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, and superfluous tangents, all to go off topic, get mixed up, get confused, and stuff like that. All to keep you company while you fall asleep, which is different.
This show…well, a few things to know; this is a podcast that takes getting used to. For most people on the first try, it’s just more…you’re more skeptical or doubtful or this show is almost irritating because you’re wondering, when are you gonna get to the sleepy stuff, dude? Dude, Where’s the Sleepy Stuff? That was a movie that wasn’t made. I don't know if that was the nineties when those movies were popular. Dude, Where’s the Sleepy…Where’s My Sleepy Stuff? I’ve got…I think I’ve gotten that e-mail before. I say, I don't know, because mine’s more of a gooey…mine’s gooey stuff; pointless meanders. But the reason people say that…I mean, if you’re like a lot of…myself and a lot of other listeners, you’ve tried a lot of different stuff to fall asleep, and it can be frustrating because none of it works on a regular basis, at least for me.
You try different stuff and then somebody tells you about this weird sleep podcast and you’re listening…and one, this is a show you don’t really listen to. You can listen. I’m here for over an hour to the very end to keep you company, but you don’t have to listen. You can kinda just barely listen to me. But whether you’re listening or not, I’m not even here to put you to sleep; I’m here to keep you company while you fall asleep or if you fall asleep. It’s no big deal if you don’t, ‘cause I’m here to the very end, and you could listen to episode after episode. There’s people that just can’t sleep that listen to the show or that need a break during the day. So, I’m here. There’s no pressure to fall asleep at all.
I’ll be here keeping you company. I’m here to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-bud, your bore-bestie, your bore-bor, your neigh-bore, your bore-friend, your bore-bud, your bore…your dude with the sleepy stuff, dude. I don't know, I guess I use that too often. But that’s the thing; the sleepy…your sleepy dude. I think more than one partner has called me that before, sometimes with additives that are derogatory, but that’s fine, ‘cause I mean, I’m not here to…I’m not everybody’s cup of tea. So, it’s a podcast you don’t really listen to, it doesn’t really put you to sleep, does take some getting used to. Also, the structure of the show throws people off, but the show is structured in a very deliberate way to help as many people as it can. So, the show starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, et cetera, et cetera.
I say something silly so you feel seen and welcome. You say, hey, I might be able to check that podcast out. Then there’s support so the podcast could be free or you could pay to not get ads, but that way you don’t have to pay for it if you don’t want to or if you can’t. The podcast is there, over 500 episodes, when you need them. Then there’s an intro which is separate from the support, and I want to say it’s separate from the support so you don’t miss out. ‘Cause, I don't know, when…sometimes when people object to the support, then they object to the intro, which is a show within a show and it’s really…I’m not trying to brag because I don't even…I never thought it was possible, but it’s not a majority of listeners’ favorite part of the show, but a large number of listeners’ favorite part of the show because it’s meant to ease you into bedtime, not so much to put you to sleep.
It could put you to sleep or you could skip it. 2% or 3% of people start the show at twenty or thirty minutes. But the intro is meant to help you wind down and get some distance from the day and to ease you into bedtime whether you’re getting ready for bed, you’re doing some other unwinding, chill activity, or you’re in bed getting comfortable, or you’re contemplating how happy you are for your partner who’s sound asleep. Like, all of us are so happy as we cross our fingers and our toes for them. Oh, so happy for them. Or, maybe you fall asleep. That’s cool too, but that’s what the intro does. It’s a buffer zone, kind of. For some reason, Michael Buffer just popped in my head. Not a bedtime…not…a good voice, but not one for bedtime.
Then I don't even…I can’t even do a Michael Buffer, but he’d say, the luller from…I’m not…well, yeah, the luller who can’t come up with more because he’s got too many…the pointless…the most pointless of the pointless meanderer…the pointless meanderer hailing from…so, what was my point there? Oh, whatever it is, that’s the intro, then there will be our bedtime story, then there’s some thank-yous at the end. So, that’s the structure of the show. Like I said, the other night I couldn’t…I had this cold. I couldn’t sleep…I couldn’t sleep. I talked about it in another intro, but these…I record them out of order. But so, tonight…before I went to bed last night, I said, let me come up with a plan during the day because I gotta at least feel like…’cause I was already feeling not…looking forward to bedtime and going through that again.
So, I came up with a plan, some of which…I won't fill in the details just ‘cause…of what was keeping me awake. I couldn’t quite nail it down. It was like…I don't think I had any caffeine after 2:00 PM, but…I make sure I don’t have any after noon…12:00 PM yesterday. Then I decided to switch up my…the book I was reading, ‘cause I was reading a more in-depth book. I don't think the content was keeping me awake, but it took more focus than I normally have available at bedtime. Too many brain cells or whatever. I said, well, maybe I got one too many…I don't have a lot of those, so when more than one’s firing…so, I said, let me find a book that’s a little bit more chill, a little bit easier for me to read. Then I had to do it twice; once after I cleaned myself up and then once before bed, I did some balming.
Full balm, just ‘cause I had some…that was…I don't want to put ideas in your head, but I had to do a full balm so that my skin felt oh-so soothed. Or, at least I said okay, I got that…if I…if it comes up, it’s in…my thinking’s gonna cause it. But I said, I’m fully balmed. I’m moisturized, with a underline. Double-underline it. Moisturize; double-underline it. Never been said before on…maybe on Planet Earth, but now…that’s really what happened. Now I’ll say that to myself; moisturized, double underlined. Sounds like I’m a bad boy, but it’s…you say, except for the content of your message. So, I had that…I did take…’cause I gotta take a NA medicine, so I took some NA cough medicine and I said, okay, I got that covered.
New book, balming…I can’t…oh, no beverages…’cause you’re supposed to drink a lot when you don’t feel good, but then I said, well, that can interrupt things. I think there was one or two other things in there. Oh, I think I raised the volume on my noise machine because…I have a water spout…it’s been raining, too. This sounds like a little bit of a…no complaints here. These are just things I’m trying. I don't know if any of this is relatable, but I have this rain spout. So usually…if I lived anywhere else, the rain would be great, but it’s…for me, it’s inconsistent water coming out of this spout, hitting the ground. So, that was another thing I did. I made the adjustments; guess what? Mostly it was about having more of…and then I started winding down. I did my pretty normal wind-down routine, like last…where I pet my dog, do some meditation, write down some stuff about my day.
I did not foam-roll, but I guess I could do that tonight. Then, yeah, it worked. It worked ‘cause I was like…when I got to bed I said, okay, I feel a little bit better. I feel soothed. So, anyway, I’ve been there, I guess is what I’m saying. More having a wind-down routine and trying what you can and then say…and then adjusting. So, I’m glad you’re here. I guess that’s in the end…I’m…I know…the most important thing is having a bedtime you don’t have to dread so you can get the rest you need so your life is more manageable. Whether this podcast can provide it or not, you could check out the shows at sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou. But I’m so glad you’re here. I’m so glad you took the time to check this podcast out. I really appreciate it. I work really hard and so do a bunch of people on this show. We all yearn and strive. We really hope we can help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple ways I’m able to do it for you for free twice a week.
Alright everybody, it’s time for our episodically modular series, Make Great Pets. It’s a tale about pets trying to help people. It’s more convoluted than that and full of lulling meanders and those kind of things, but the great part is it’s training…it’s also a training module. So, the main character will introduce more of the concepts, but imagine…we all know pets make life better, but what if there was a program kinda like a guardian angel where your pet sometimes would be there when you’re at a turning point and help support you as you made a turning point decision? I don't know. That’s what it’s about. Oh, it’s a episodically modular series, meaning you can listen to it in any order. Particularly this series; I don't want to say it’s the most episodically modular, but oh boy, does it have a touch of seriality.
But mostly it’s episodically modular. You know who moves like a module is our Hollywood announcer who comes all…this is his hobby. He comes from Los…it’s a time-consuming hobby. He drives from Los Angeles to my place, waits for me to be prepared for him, comes in in relative silence, announces the show, and we’re gonna…we’ve been playing a different game lately, and…you know what I’ve never played before is ColorKu, so maybe we’ll play a little ColorKu together. I don't think we have. Then he returns to LA. It’s our Hollywood announcer, Mr. Antonio Banderas.
The ladies, the gentlemen, the boys, the girls, the friends beyond the binary, it's time to make great pets. Meow. I’m looking forward to playing ColorKu with you. Thanks, everybody. Goodnight. Yeah, don’t forget to catch Antonio’s movie or one…I guess when this comes out, maybe he’ll have something else out there. I prefer you not to be animated in your behavior when you’re here when I’m recording the show, but oh boy, do you make for a delightful animation. Yeah, that’s it. It’s time for Make Great Pets. Thanks, everybody.
Hello, hello, this is Ren. This is a recording…a training recording. I’m both a trainee and I guess a trainer of this new program where, as a part of my post-Earthly existence, I volunteered to be a part of this program and record my experiences. I was prepared for this. As far as I know, this is a new program. Now, there is a new thing that’s come to my awareness since the last training program I recorded, but I don't know if you’ll be listening to these in any order, so I’m gonna treat it just like this is the first time you’re listening to me, like a training module that you could listen to in any order. So, I’m part of the program…I guess I’m calling it the Make Great Pets Program now, which really is not a apt description, but…let’s see, so, I’ll introduce yourself…or introduce myself to you.
I’m Ren and after my post-Earthly existence, I was offered this opportunity to be a part of a program where pets would help people during a turning point in their lives. We go into…we’re a part of the pet, or…yeah, we go into the pet and we’re able to subtly help the pet, or as the pet, be there to help this person during their turning point and maybe guide them. We don’t have a lot of influence, and the values I was under the impression we were supposed to help the person with is to make choices that are additive to their lives and other people’s lives and that probably offer some…this turning point has long-term benefits for them. The most important things I’ve learned so far is that you could do your best. Usually influencing them through some sort of artistic expression within the limits of your pet helps.
Listening seems to be the most important thing, though I’m having trouble right now. Let me get through everything else you need to know. Oh, where’d this program start? Well, as far as I know…you’ve probably heard, once upon a time, the myths of guardian angels, and maybe you’re even already…maybe you’re…as part of your post-Earthly training, you said, oh, okay, so, I heard how there was guardian angels, then there was the Besos/Penny incident where…or Cash/Besos/Penny…Besos/Penny/Sears incident — I get it all mixed up — where there was no more guardian angels, and then they tried guardian…people…the guardian influencers from…that had taken a post-Earthly existence in another place from their bad choices. I think it was Besos/Penny/Sears, some sort of coalition. They decided, hey, maybe having these people that made bad choices in their lives…giving them an opportunity to help people make good choices on Earth would work.
That didn’t work out for anybody, but this opportunity has come up after other tries where they said, what if it was just pets? Pets are already helpful. What if pets had a limited opportunity to help people during a turning point in their lives? Would that make…? Maybe we don’t need something so obvious. Now, I thought this was the only initiative underway, but there seems to be some other initiative, which I’ll call the Cinda Initiative, because I’ve been come…now, this one, they do have more…this is some sort of person…their name’s…seem to rhyme with ‘Cinda’, and each of the people I’ve been there to help…and they’re trying to help the same person I’m trying to help, but help them make more decisions…I guess I would say they have a short-term benefit or just benefit for them, and…you know, more efficient decisions…I don't know, decisions I don't see as the best, so maybe I’m wrong.
I don't know. But that’s a little bit in my head today because I just think…I’m just saying, well, when are we gonna encounter this person whose name rhymes with Cinda? Now I’m sure…now I’m aware of them; I know they’re aware of me. So, I don't know. That’s just…I guess…oh, so, how’s this helping a trainee? So, you may encounter someone like…but…huh, so, I don't know. I guess part of today’s training, I’m gonna be looking out for this person, but maybe you shouldn’t be looking out for them? But I don't know, maybe they’re just a person…maybe it’s just a person in people’s lives. It’s just a coincidence or something and they’re trying to help them make short…what I would call short-term gains at the expense of their long-term…but I mean, if you’re in a post-Earthly existence, you might say, what…how do you…tell me about…so, it’s a little bit confusing, as this process is, and why it’s a learning process.
But let me get to where I am, because I am here to help someone named Tarin. What kind of pet am I? So, this is a who, what, where, when, why, how that I try to start off with, and that usually helps me, and going through it with you helps me as well. So, who is Tarin? Who am I? I’m a pet; I’m a small dog, but I kinda…medium-length hair, a furry tail, lots of energy, the most energy I’ve felt as a pet so far. Well, we’ll get to my name and stuff. That’s a part of the ‘what’. Who, what…we’re getting ready to leave on a journey tomorrow. The most important part of the journey…I don't know if this is…I mean, this is what seems to be…there’s a lot of alarms set for tomorrow because Tarin is very concerned with being on time for where we’re…or where we’re journeying to.
We’re leaving early; we’re leaving actually a full day and then some. We have a day buffer, so it’s a day journey. We should be getting to our destination a day early. So, we have plenty of time…so, we are on time. Tarin is both excited and nervous, and great things are expected to unfold. We are headed to Bosoon Castle on Eye Island. That Eye is E-Y-E Island, which is surprising, ‘cause you’d think Eye Island would be Aye. So, it’s Eye Island. I thought it would be A-Y-E-I or I…I guess I Island. I didn’t even think about that; island starts with an…this is E-Y-E Island. But if the island was talking about itself, it’d say I, island. I wonder if there was three…if there was the…if there was…if it was the Eye, Aye Islands. Like, if there was three islands; one was Eye Island, one was I Island, and one was Aye Island.
Like, one could be…say, I’m Eye Island of the Isle Islands. The ultimate irony is that my name is Island, and I think…well, related to all this, which is…all this is related because Tarin has won a opportunity for a meet-and-greet pitch to meet the author of the Bosoon Castle Mysteries. So, that’s why we’re going, is Eye Island…Bosoon Castle is on Eye Island. It’s E-Y-E Island and it’s famous, and…but it’s been…it was originally a place…well, it’s got a long history. But then it has a fictional history which is what we’re more…it’s…became a part of this. So, the author had visited…there was a castle built on Eye Island that was never completed. Then it became a place where…it became a park, a national park or a state park or something, where people would visit and see this half…nearly-completed castle. Pretty grand, you know.
Trying to think of an…a Winchester Mystery House-type thing, but without the mystery. But then the author took the mystery and created the mystery. Now, I don't know how you get more than one…this is a series of books. I’d think you’d probably…I would max out at three. I’d say, okay, one mystery of this, then a mystery of that, then…okay, I could probably come up with the third mystery of Bosoon Castle, but this author’s been prolific. So, tomorrow we’re catching a train to go to Eye Island and meet with this author and get a tour of Eye…of Bosoon Castle and Eye Island from the author of the Bosoon Castle Mysteries.
But Tarin also has expectations that this is a professional opportunity to pitch the author…I’m not totally clear on everything ‘cause I can…I’ve only been here not even twenty-four hours, but my understanding is that it was some sort of…like a competition but not a contest. So, we’re gonna rest and catch a train tomorrow to head towards where we would catch the ferry to go to Eye Island and Bosoon Castle. So, I guess I’ll talk to you immediately, but for me it’ll be until…oh, ‘cause part of my training…when the pet’s asleep at night, normally I record these within the pet’s dreams or something. I don't know how…technology…spiritual technology is beyond me. I’m just sitting here talking inside of a pet’s subconscious or something. But I also need to rest, which is…so, it’s like I have to make sure I get my sleep, too.
Tough…usually I’m in…just in the pet’s space, but right now I’m just imagining I’m sitting in a chair, talking to you. Anyway, so, I’m gonna get some rest and I’ll talk to you soon. Okay, hey, it’s Ren here. So, a couple things; the train was late. It was very late, and I think this is a common thing with trains here where we are. Anyway, this was supposed to be the easiest or most direct way to get there. We could have gone by other means, but this was supposed to be the way…also, it’s part of the…it’s part of the story and we were instructed to take the train. So, the train was very late, but we’re a day ahead of time, so the fact that it’s late is…we’re on the train still. So, Tarin is sleeping and I’m sleeping on the train. It was so late that by the time it came and we started the journey, it became time to sleep on the train.
So we’re…but there’s not that many people on the train and the seats are very big. But definitely the intensity as time ticked by…when you have a time buffer but you also have a ticking clock…Tarin started really saying, it’s okay, okay, the train’s gonna come; we got plenty of time, and then trying to even think of a backup plan or whatever. But I’ve been concerned. Then I keep wondering, is the author gonna be this Cinda person that’s in competition with us? Is it gonna be…’cause usually it’s someone with a personal relationship to the person I’m helping that seems to be my competition. So, then I’m like…I’m trying to be on my A-game, but right now alls I could do is lick Tarin’s hand and stuff ‘cause there hasn’t been any choices other than trying to stay calm while waiting for the train and now just being a part of the train.
So, not a lot of updates. We’re on a train, we’re headed towards the destination where we’ll catch the ferry. The ferry also has a set schedule, but that one just goes to Bosoon Island and comes back, so I can’t imagine it’s like the train where it could be delayed by over twelve hours. So, okay, so I guess I’ll…I’m gonna get some rest. Not a lot happened. A lot of hand-licking, being petted, and snuggling and trying to make cute…actually, making cute faces and just wagging my tail kinda comes natural. So, I’ll be back when I have…in about twenty-four hours or so. Okay, hey, it’s me, Ren. I’m back and it is not night time right now. It is…well, I’m asleep, but I figured…I fell asleep, Tarin fell asleep.
We were very tired ‘cause sleeping on a train, especially for Tarin…well, so, the train stopped moving and we all woke up, or Tarin and I woke up…because the rocking of the train is nice. That helps with sleep, you know? Did I mention right now I’m on a boat, sleeping? But I’ll get there. Now, we still have time. So, it’s daytime now and we don’t have to actually catch the ferry ‘til tomorrow morning. So, we should be okay, though it just doesn’t…I’m feeling like I’m doing a lot of fretting, but I’m not sure what I’m fretting about. Oh, okay, so the train stopped, right, and we woke up. At first we just waited and Tarin looked at me and petted me. Oh, there’s no cell phone service here. So, checked the phone; not working. No Wi-fi. Saw the time…it was early in the morning, pre…but it interrupted our sleep.
That’s why we’re sleeping now on this boat. We fell…or, we both fell asleep, I guess. ‘Cause usually when Tarin wakes up, it wakes me up, or Tarin wakes me up. Okay, but eventually…we didn’t start moving for a certain number of time. So, Tarin said, okay…it was…looking around; nothing. Okay, let’s go use the restroom. Oh, can I…my…luckily thinking of me. So, oh, can my dog use the restroom? Yeah. What’s happening? Well, why don’t you use your dog…let your dog use the restroom? But be careful, ‘cause we’re on…and they had a flashlight, the conductor person. We’re on…I don't know what they call this thing. On one side is a river and on the other side is a swamp and we’re on dirt running through that. I don't know if they call that…if that’s what a causeway is.
But there’s room on the side for me to use the bathroom. Then we got back on and Tarin said, so what’s going on? They said well, there’s a tree…fell on the tracks, so we’re waiting. Waiting for what? What’s gonna happen? They said, well, we’re waiting for our instructions on what to do about the tree. What do you mean, instruct…can’t you just push the tree? Can we back up? Is somebody gonna come move the tree? Well, we don’t know. We’re waiting for instructions. They said, well, what…they said, well, the person gets in at 7:00 that can give us instructions on the…what do you mean, you don’t have somebody…? They said, okay, we’re doing our best here.
So, then we waited, and again, this was…I started to feel…because I had so much energy as a dog, I was like…I felt like I was…with Tarin’s energy…but then having my own energy…you’d think for something small, you’d have less energy. But is it like we have the same batteries as a big dog? I don't know. You never hear that said. It’s not easy being a small dog. Eventually they said…we waited ‘til 7:00, then they said okay, we haven’t heard back. It’s 7:05; that’s when Tarin and I went…and they said, we haven’t heard back yet. 7:30…okay…okay, they’re sending somebody out. Sending somebody out on a…? I don't know, they’re sending somebody out. Then trying to…we did stuff like breathing, reading, and that kinda stuff. So, then…to try to distract ourselves, right? Then Tarin said…again, the sun came up.
Very beautiful here, by the way. Then Tarin said, well, can…I gotta take my dog back out. But I said, well, I didn’t make any of my motions that I had to go, but I guess I could go. Again, the train was very…they were try…they were serving food and…there’s not that many people on the train. Everybody’s kinda of feeling the same way, but I don't know if anybody else has the same time crunch as Tarin. But the other thing I noticed is that Tarin started walking towards the front of the train, and other people got out to kinda stretch their legs and stuff. We could see the tree, right? It was in the tracks and I guess it was on a long straightaway, so the engineer or the train…locomotive driver? I don't know. They were able to see it from far away and just slowly slow the train down. They said because it was a full moon.
There’s a very big tree and it’s over the tracks. It’s not…the tracks look fine, though, ‘cause we walked up to it. They said, ma’am, please give the tree some space. Then we went back and sat for a while. Again, I said, what is my job here? Also, I’m just thinking about this Cinda person, right? I’m trying to sit patiently and…I actually…I thought of, okay, let’s play ‘cause I have energy anyway and I want to play. So, then we played fetch, and actually other people on the train got a kick out of that. There was a couple kids; they were throwing me a ball. So, that was fun, but then we started playing with my pull toy, just a rope, you know? Tarin said, wait a second. Then we went back and I went…fake went to the bathroom again. Tarin started asking if there was any rope on the train. They said well, why?
Then Tarin said, well, what if we put…couldn’t you just back the train up? We’ll put a rope around the tree and you could just back up the tree and pull it off the tracks. They said, well, we gotta wait for the person to come and they’ll tell us what to do. Tarin said, but we could just try this while we’re waiting. They said, well, that’s not the procedure. Tarin said, well, there’s…we could try while we wait, you know? Let’s at least get…do we have any rope on the train? For a little while it seemed like they were kinda go along with it, but I honestly think in the end they were just humoring Tarin and buying time because they said, okay, yeah, let’s look for some rope. Then they said, okay, yeah…well, we have this rope and the…we get to go…oh, by the way, we got…this train does have a caboose, so we got to go in the caboose.
That’s a storage place for shovels and other train stuff. I’ve not felt very useful though, because then…oh, by…oh, so the river…there’s boats that came right up and they…so, it’s been getting busier and busier on the river, too, and boats are going by, like pleasure crafts and stuff like that, people going out and coming back. So, whatever; we were working on rope and then standing and talking to people on the boats. They said, there’s a tree. Oh yeah, we could see the tree and all that stuff. Then we were kinda…and then they said, listen, weren’t you…then Tarin said, well, where’s the person? [Inaudible] and we can’t attached anything to the train and start pulling on a tree. So, even with the rope you found, it’s not a good idea.
Then Tarin kinda tried to do…she pretended I was a tree and she was a train and tried to…said, look, it’s gonna work. They said…the locomotive’s different than a dog. She said, I’m the locomotive; my dog is the tree. But she said it in a very…way that was not endearing to anyone. So, they said, ma’am, please return to your seat, after that. But we didn’t; we sat and we were talking to the people on the boat. Then the people on the boat…I guess ‘cause you’re…if you’re headed on a pleasure cruise…I don't know, people are just making talk. Finally, this one boat was like, what’s with the glum face? To Tarin. Well, I gotta be somewhere and we don’t know when someone’s gonna come, and…where you going? Oh, I got…Bosoon…or Eye Island to Bosoon Castle. I gotta…I actually have to be…I have to make the ferry.
The last ferry’s at whatever time, and I’m having dinner and getting a tour of Bosoon Island. They said, okay, the ferry’s in, whatever…blah, blah. They said, we’re headed in that general direction. We could give you a ride. I guess…I don't know if they were paying full attention, though, but they…Tarin said, alright, and they…and then grabbed our stuff. We got in this boat. Everybody…a friendly boat, by the way. We just…and then the people on the train started raising their voices at Tarin, but the boat took off. Then we started going for a while and then Tarin said, how long will it take? They said, well, we gotta see. There’s a couple…we’re gonna go down this…and then they were look on the charts. They said, okay, we gotta take a couple canals to get there. It’s gonna take a while.
But then…kinda like…then…but they said, just rest. We were kinda tired; we got up early, didn’t sleep so great. Again, another motion to sleep to. So, we’re on the boat, we’re fall…we’ve fallen asleep. So, I’m asleep, but it’s not night time. I guess…so, we’re on a boat. We still have, I guess, what, nine hours to get there. From what I could see on the…it seems like it’s gonna be okay. Again, I’m…right now I’m snuggled…sharing warmth with Tarin, so I think I’m doing my job. I don't know, but I guess the turning point for me is trying to…I don't know. So, I don't know what I’m doing, either, I guess, and I have this back-of-my-mind…I mean, am I in a competition? Is someone else gonna sweep in? Is somebody on this boat named Cinda? I didn’t catch everybody’s names on this boat.
But I guess I’m gonna rest now and I’ll be back in a second. Okay, it’s me, Ren. I’m back. A lot to fill you in on. Okay, and I guess I should start where I left off, because a part…I’m not here to tell you a story; I’m here to tell you a story of me learning how to do my job, or what my…I was a trainee in learning. I guess one thing I learned; this is a process. Holy cow. But I have learned a powerful new thing, and I’m really…I really need this sleep. So, we’re on the boat and eventually we woke up again when the boat started going slow. It was going really slow and the time was…the time had gone by. So, now we’re in this three or four hour-zone ‘til the last ferry to Bosoon Island for the dinner tour or we wouldn’t be on time, and…’cause we’re sleeping at Bosoon Castle…Eye Island, sorry, and…so Tarin says, why are you going so slow?
‘Cause the boat was going really slow. Oh, this is a no-wake zone. Okay, well, how long is this no-wake zone gonna be? But Tarin went already from a similar…picked up where we left off on the train. There was some pleasantries when they offered to help us, right? But now there was not. Tarin said, can’t you go any faster? They said, no. See five…I don't know, whatever…whatever the speed…there’s a speed limit, basically, for boats. They explain this; they said, see all these other boats that are parked and there’s people in tubes enjoying themselves, people swimming, people with dockside thing…whatever. If you create a wake, it creates bumps and scratches boats. Might tip over that inner tube, knock over that…whatever, bird sculpture. This is a no-wake zone. Tarin said, yeah, but we’re in a hurry.
They said, don't worry, don't worry. But I am in a…they said, well, there’s nothing we can do. Tarin said, you could go faster. They said, we can’t go faster. Tarin said, you can go faster; you’re refusing to. They said, no, no, it’d be wrong and we could get a ticket. But we have a boat and we wouldn’t want…you understand this is kind of like a boating…if our boat got scratched, we wouldn’t be happy about it because someone was…but this is special. They weren’t…obviously this is…this…in this sense it was a all-or-nothing situation, like a no-wake zone, unless you’re gonna disregard the rules. For these boaters, it was…they weren’t gonna disregard the rules. Tarin said, well, how much longer? They said, actually, this one’s about to end but there is a couple more, just so you know.
At first, Tarin said…just walked away, and they were kind of like…they seemed to be losing their patience with Tarin. Then we got to another no-wake zone in more of a remoter area, which is important because it’s like…was a…we…there’s another no-wake zone, less stuff…we came across this summer camp and there was a no-wake zone ‘cause of all these old rowboats. Tarin said, what’s going on? They said, well, this is…these are these old summer camps. They’re not in use anymore but they…there’s a goal to restore them. But Tarin said, so you’re not going fast because of these rowboats? How many rowboats are there? Something happened where they said, you know, we could just let you out here at the summer camp, and maybe…’cause they said, actually, you’re probably right.
They actually didn’t become confrontational from their perspective, but they said, you’re right, you’re in a hurry. We have to follow these no-wake zones and…so, maybe we’ll just let you out at this camp, this summer camp. There should be someone there. There should be a phone. At least you could call a cab or use your cell. Tarin said, there’s no service, but thanks a lot. I found myself starting to bark. Now, they thought I was barking at them, but I was kinda barking out of frustrated feelings, but also frustrated a little bit with Tarin. So, yeah, that was a situation, right? So, we got off the boat at this summer camp and we started to look around. There was a pay phone but it was not in service. Then there was no cell service, so then we started walking up, looking for buildings.
We went in…a couple of the dorm buildings were open, but they were just bunk beds and stuff, like wooden bunk beds. No mattresses in them anymore. A little bit musty. Then we got to something…then we got to the administration building. It was locked up. We found a map of another camp, the next camp over, and we tried to get into the…Tarin tried to get into this camp, the administration building, but it was locked really well and it had wooden shutters so you couldn’t get in any of the windows. Tarin even tried to break…but we saw this map that this was part of, I don't know, a different…I don't know. I don't understand summer camps. So, we walked to the next summer camp. Similar situation; no pay phone at all, but Tarin ended up being able to get into the administration building, which was in use.
Again, I was barking and Tarin thought I was barking as a lookout. I was saying, no, no, no, don’t do this. So, this is where I kinda have an aside, that I be…I feel like…trying to remember…Jiminy Cricket, right, was doing the same job we were. Now, I think Jiminy Cricket was not a pet. So, I was trying to recap…’cause I started to feel like Jiminy Cricket was always what you would call a worry wart, right, and that Jiminy Cricket, at least in my memory, was not super effective. So, I was like…when Pinocchio became a…sentient or whatever, gained consciousness, is that when Jiminy Cricket appeared as Jim…Pinocchio’s consciousness, right? But let’s pretend Jiminy Cricket was part of another program; instead of being inside a pet during a turning point, a sentient pet assigned…or a sentient…what if they just used grasshoppers to help people…?
I said, okay, so…but Jiminy Cricket was…’cause I feel like there was a part where Pinocchio said, oh, okay, I’ll go do this stuff with you guys, Fox and…whatever. Forgot what their…Rutherford or whoever it was. Oh, Honest John. Part of it was that Pinocchio seemed a little bit naive, but Pinocchio was also making choices, right, and said, okay, well, I’ll make this choice, then I’ll make this choice. But they…I was like, did Jiminy Cricket ever help Pinocchio or not? Or just…and this is just, again, my remembering of it as part of my training. I said, here I am pulling a Jiminy Cricket, at least in my own terminology. Maybe your training will tell you different. Maybe Jiminy Cricket’s some sort of idealized…but I was saying, okay, I’m pulling a Jiminy Cricket and…oh, because the next thing that happened is…this is the turning point.
I mean, I’m sure of it because the time was…it was late in the day. We got into this place and made some call…there was a phone; it worked, so we…I tried to say, is this the turning point? But it was more of a Jiminy Cricket turning point; don’t break into the administration building. But in some sense, Tarin would have had an explanation. Well, a boat…it would be a convoluted explanation, but at least it would say, hey, I try…I got dropped off here. Here’s what happened; I needed to use the phone and no one was here. I called around for help. Pay phone’s…there’s no pay phone. The pay phone at the other camp is disconnected. I’ll pay for the window. So, I did say this to myself as…’cause…as Tarin was trying to call, but they said, oh, there’s no cabs around here.
We got a friendly person on the phone who said, oh, okay…and Tarin said, well, how far am I from the ferry to Bosoon Island? Or Eye Island? Bosoon Castle. I don't know…I think it’s just my name is I. So, that makes me…the person on the phone said, oh yeah, about a thirty-minute drive. Now, okay, a thirty-minute drive; that gives…we’ve got about an hour and a half to…and then Tarin said, well, any way you could pick me up? They said, actually, we’re not in the same state. This is…that’s not how the information works. Then Tarin said, well, what’s the nearest…? They said, actually, the nearest town is…the nearest cab company I could find is this number. Then we called that number and they said, yeah, we’re like…we could be there but it’d be like, two hours. We could have somebody pick you up. You’re out there, huh?
Then Tarin said, what should I do? They said, start walking. They actually said maybe you could go to one…maybe somebody that lives near there? One of the summer camps or something? Tarin said, my phone doesn’t even…so then it was more frustration, right? So, again, this is where I’m the Jiminy Cricket; worrying, barking, doing a lot of running around, licking. But again, I was trying to be available for Tarin, but Tarin was almost already making these Cinda-level decisions. Thus far I was fine with it, but then Tarin started going through the drawers in the office, right, and found a key to a box on the wall that we opened that was full of keys. There was keys to vehicles, and Tarin took the keys to the vehicle in the garage and then opened the garage, and in the garage were two trucks.
Now I feel like Jiminy Cricket; I’m saying…I’m watching my Pinocchio making poor choices and I’m…and I said, well, maybe I could relate to Jiminy Cricket here. I said, well, what am I gonna do here? Holy cow. Tarin’s…was…now, Tarin does a lot of talking, so Tarin said, okay, well, let’s just see. If it starts, it starts, and then we’ll go from there. So, it’s little decisions. Of course, one of the trucks started; the other one didn’t. Okay, if it has…oh, it has gas in it. Tarin thought about it and said, why…I mean, I can be…I’ll bring it back. I’ll leave a note, even. Tarin started to write a note. Then the note was so long…and then Tarin’s watching the time, then said, well, maybe I’ll write a shorter note explaining the longer note. But we’ll probably be back in…we can have this thing back in…I said, holy mackerel.
Then the only thing I thought to do…I mean, I knew what I thought; I said…’cause again, from Tarin’s perspective, what I think was happening was that Tarin had so much invested in being on time and getting to this thing to connect with this author…oh, because the thing that…again, this is something I picked up from Tarin’s talking during all this while…they said, you’re late. That’s unacceptable. I don't know, this is just some of the stuff when Tarin was talking to their…selves. So, I said, holy cow. But I pulled out one of the Bosoon Island Mysteries with my teeth…out of Tarin’s bag. It was the Mystery Underneath the Aye Well, which was A-Y-E, Aye Well. Like, it was a well…I don't know. But that’s Tarin’s favorite book that…I guess Tarin had made a pitch about a show, that the pilot would be about that book.
I pulled it out and…now, I did not realize this, so…but I guess these mysteries tend to be wrapped up with a learning lesson. Whatever the mystery of that book…now, this was just luck or, I don't know, coincidence, but I did not…I couldn’t just worry. So, I started taking this book and ruining it because this is how I felt, but I also felt like this is what Tarin’s…I said, these are not good choices you’re making and I can’t seem to get in the way of it, so I’m gonna express my frustration. But also, is it…but I knew…I was like, well, this is worth it to Tarin. But also, I say, have I been so caught up in this Cinda stuff that I didn’t…lost of the long-term perspective? What is…and maybe I shouldn’t be making these choices, but it seems like facing the reality…because it seems like these choices are based on not reality, right, and a little bit of assumption.
I have to get there. If I get there, good things are gonna happen, but I have to be there on time. The rest of these cons…’cause Tarin said, well, what’s the worst that could happen? I get caught. I get…what if I get caught on the way there? Then…but if I get caught afterwards, I will explain myself. Better to ask forgiveness than permission. But so…oh, so the…the thing with the mystery of the…underneath the well or whatever is that…something about…sometimes when you tell…solving the mystery and telling the truth ends up backfiring but in a way that you have to accept or something like that. So, that happened to be the right book to start ruining. Tarin said, okay, I get…and then looked up the number of the author and called the author. Their assistant answered, but they said, hey, I’m calling…this is Tarin. Oh, Tarin.
You gonna be on the last ferry? Tarin said, no, as a matter of fact, I’m not. They said, oh boy, there’s nothing worse than being late. Actually, the author’s gonna be on the last ferry. We’re waiting. I’m here on the island. Everything’s ready. But they’re gonna be on…they were gonna take the last ferry with you. As a matter of fact, I haven’t heard from them. Tarin said, isn’t this their cell phone? They said, well, this is their cell phone, really, for me to answer. Tarin said, well, I want to explain what happened ‘cause it’s really convoluted. A train, a boat…I went through a lot and I just didn’t make it. The assistant said, normally I wouldn’t, but their…one of their favorite movies is Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, and this sounds like…not like the movie, but like the movie in some way. Tarin said, what’s that?
Then the assistant said, the movie with John Candy? The beloved…then said, one of the people from the TV show with Selena Gomez. She said, oh, okay, Steve Martin or Martin Short? They said, Steve Martin’s in the…oh, okay. I didn’t know they…that Steve Martin was a movie actor. The assistant kinda said, okay, here, just call this number. So, Tarin called their number and told the author what happened. They said, well, it’s too bad. Then they started laughing. They said, you were on that train? You were the one that left on the boat? Tarin said, yeah. They were…I was on the train behind that train and actually ended up using your idea to get the tree off of there once the supervisor came. We were right behind that train. Eventually we caught up with it. I left…you left a day early?
Tarin said, yeah, my train…and there was a lot of emotions, and the author said, well, I’m not even there. I’m not even gonna make the ferry, either. Said, I guess it’s fate. As a matter of fact, I have to…I can’t even go to the island now because I’m not gonna make it for the last ferry. We could probably pay them or whatever, but I have something…said, I’m really sorry, too. It looks like we just both missed out on this. Tarin said, your assistant’s on the island. Said, yeah, they’ll have a party without us. It’s fine. But let’s set a time to have lunch. We’ll just have lunch and we’ll start from there. But I’m glad you called me because if you just…you would have never known if you just didn’t show up. But if…even if you went there and made it, I wouldn’t have made it there, either. So, you would have just hung with my assistant.
So, I guess it all worked out the way it was supposed to, even though it didn’t really work out. So, then we slept here at the summer camp. Tarin actually just called…anyway, we’re getting picked up tomorrow and we’re getting the window fixed tomorrow. We left a voicemail for the superintendent of this…these summer camps. We don’t know if we’ll hear from them. But I guess it worked out, and…so, I think about that Jiminy Cricket thing, if…one other way things can go when you’re trying to help that maybe they shouldn’t go? So, I don't know. I’m still learning. This is Ren. I think we’re done here and this should be my last report about this one, but I’ll be back in another pet soon.
[END OF RECORDING]
(Transcribed by Leah Hervoly)
- Moisturized, Double Underlined
- Pulling a Jiminy Cricket
- Planes, Trains, & Automobiles
- Dude, Where’s My Car?
Notable Talking Points:
- I’m your dude with the sleepy stuff, dude
- Eye Island of the Aye Islands
- The No-Wake Zone
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Hi, you can call me Scooter.
Drew Ackerman is the creator and host of Sleep With Me, the one-of-a-kind bedtime story podcast featured in The New York Times, The New Yorker, Buzzfeed, Mental Floss, and NOVA. Created in 2013, Sleep With Me combines the pain of insomnia with the relief of laughing and turns it into a unique storytelling podcast. Through Sleep With Me, Drew has dedicated himself to help those who feel alone in the deep dark night and just need someone to tell them a bedtime story.