992 – I Borg | Snore Trek TNG

Notable Language:

• Synthesize Bio-Energy
• Very Balletic
• Not you, Hugh

Notable Culture:

• The Music Man
• The Simpsons – “Baby on Board”
• The Munsters

Notable Talking Points:

• Subconsciously Being Passive-Agressive
• Is Guinan a Timelord?
• A Borg with a barbell mustache

Episode 992 – I Borg | Snore Trek TNG

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER:    Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and my patron peeps, it’s Scoots and his monorail conductor voice for no reason but it’s fun.  What do you say we get on with the show?  Thanks, patrons.

 

INTRO:    [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, things on your mind you’re thinking about, so thoughts, feelings, anything you’re feeling emotionally.  Maybe they’re about thoughts, the past, present, or future.  Maybe they’re just there.  It could be physical sensations, it could be changes in time or temperature or schedule.

 

Whatever’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that and keep you company while you fall asleep.  That’s really why I’m here.  So, what I’m going to attempt to do, my friends…I’m so glad you’re here, by the way.  New listeners, regular listeners; holy cow, thank you for being here.  If I could tuck you in or un-tuck you, here’s…oh, I have a observation about getting comfortable in bed that I’ll…I said, what am I gonna talk about this intro?  Now I know.  But what I’m gonna…oh, similarities between dogs…my dog and me.  But what first I’ll do is send my voice across the deep, dark night.  I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, oh-so creaky are my dulcet tones…superfluous meanders, pointless tangents, mix-ups, confusion, senseless banter.

 

You say, you’ve brought bantering to a whole new level and I’m not talking about high in the sky, though sometimes I wonder about you, Scoots.  I’m like, you mean something like…I don’t know what sub-banter would be, but are you talking about sub-bantering?  ‘Cause oh, boy.  What do you call me when I’m talking on a submarine?  I’m sub…I got some sub-banter going.  Or conversations I have at the bottom of a pool when I’m having a pretend tea party, which we’ve talked about.  That’s one of my…you say Scoots, can you go back to some of your hobby…?  Oh, having a tea party at the bottom of a pool.  That’s one of my…and I was so surprised when I shared how many listeners can relate.

 

Now, it’s not for everybody but it is for people that like sitting on the bottom of the pool for a time, and then you sit down and you pretend to have tea.  You don’t actually have tea.  I’m sure you could, but it would…you’d probably need a…that would take too much work.  This is more of a fantasy tea party you’re having at the bottom of a pool, particularly public pools because…as long as I’m not thinking about what else is in the pool, the other teas that are in there that don’t start with tea but start with P, and that stands for what’s in the pool.  Okay, but I gotta get back to the…’cause that’s a new tangent I just went on, I thought.  But oh, so if you’re new, I’m so glad you’re here as well as my regular listeners.  Whether you take your tea on an airplane, on the earth, or below the sea, I’m here for you.

 

What I’m gonna do…really, this is strange ‘cause if you’re new, there’s a couple things that are gonna really throw you off, but the good news is this podcast doesn’t work for everybody, but hopefully it works for you.  It just fits a few puzzle pieces, but I hope I can fix the puzzle between you and sleep.  I hope this is the one for you.  But it does take some getting used to.  So, most regular listeners say give it two or three tries.  One of the reasons is, this is a podcast you don’t really listen to, and that can be hard to get used to at first.  It’s a podcast…you say well, it’s not quite barely funny, but the stuff he said about submarining and…he’s partially punny.  So, it’s a podcast you just kinda…it’s like, almost like background noise or a friend that calls you on the phone and you listen to them talking, but you’re not paying attention.

 

Just like this; uh-huh, uh-huh.  Oh boy, tea…just like if I was…if you met me in person and you weren’t…you say uh-huh, a tea party at the bottom of the pool, eh?  Oh, tell me more.  Uh-huh.  Oh, mm-hm.  Uh-huh.  Meanwhile, you might be using your phone or whatever, watching a windmill in your brain or break-dancing or thinking about what you’re gonna…uh-huh, oh boy.  So, you just pretend…oh, so do…you do cross your legs.  Wow.  I didn’t realize that was essential to pretend tea parties.  Uh-huh.  Tell me more.  Oh boy, wow.  So, this…that’s what this podcast listening experience is like.  It also doesn’t really put you to sleep.  It’s just here to keep you company while you fall asleep.  That’s why the shows are over an hour.

 

But also, I’m here to the very end, so if you can’t sleep, I’m also here to keep you company as much as I am here to put you to sleep.  So, I’m here for that small sliver of listeners; if that’s you, you’re waking up later or you just can’t sleep right now, I’m gonna be here to the very end ‘cause you’re important.  So, those are a couple things if you’re new.  The other things that throw new listeners off; a lot of things throw new listeners off, and those are the listeners that become regular listeners.  Just think of all the other people it throws off.  We’re one of those stores…you say well, I only went into that store once because it smelled like some sort of citrus melon.  It wasn’t for me and I never went back.  That’s kinda Sleep With Me.  You say, this pool did not…it only allowed play, not swimming.  Only play.

 

I said well, how do you…then…so, I never went back to that pool again.  So, just see how it goes.  It’s just very different.  Oh, the structure’s also very different because our show’s different, but also serves a purpose, or multiple purposes.  The show starts off with a greeting so you feel welcome ideally, and you feel seen and you feel like your sleep is important and that you’re important.  Then there’s support for you, the listener, and support for the show to be free.  So, those are the next few minutes of the show.  Even that part I tend to ramble, so it’s not…at this…there’s nothing efficient about this podcast.  So, that’s the sponsors and then there’s the intro.  The intro starts, I don’t know, six, eight minutes into the show, runs ‘til like somewhere between twelve and twenty minutes or so.

 

The intro, the idea is for the regular listener, it’s something new every time but it’s also familiar.  They say yeah, we’re familiar that Scoots likes to have tea parties at the bottom of the pool, but he said something about…something his dog.  I don’t know if he’s ever talked about that before.  I say well, I just really realized it last night, so maybe not.  Or then you say well, he thought it was new, but he’s talked about it ten times.  That’s what normally happens.  Then I’ll listen to an episode next week and I’ll say, I just talked about that a month ago?  Oh, boy.  Like, how many times can I talk about Oscar the Grouch’s legs?  I say oh boy, except if it was Grouchy After Dark.  Okay, so then…what was…oh, the intro goes on and on and on.

 

So, for the new listener it serves to introduce you to the show but for the regular listener, it eases them into bedtime.  So, as a regular listener and a new listener, you kinda…it takes some getting used to and then you kinda say oh, okay, I’m gonna draw before bed or I’m gonna start playing the podcast in the bathtub or as I’m brushing my teeth and washing my face, or I’m gonna get in bed and look at a comic book while I listen.  The whole idea of the intro is, at least for all of us, is that going to sleep isn’t efficient.  That’s just a reality of the show, but it’s also the reality of bedtime.  I would…I just don’t know of anybody that could say whoa boy, I’m gonna put you right to sleep.  I feel like at least with Sleep With Me listeners, that would just be not true.

 

I’d say, this podcast is not gonna really put you to sleep fast; it’ll eventually…eventually you’ll stop listening to me and fall asleep, ‘cause I’m here to keep you company while you drift off, which is about getting some distance and easing into bedtime.  That’s what the intro does.  Now, a few percentage of people skip it.  There’s no perfect way to skip it, but some people recommend around twenty minutes, or that’s what I see in the statistics, is two or three people.  Sure, you could also listen on Patreon to story-only episodes or stuff like that.  So, just kinda…but at first, just listen a few times and say oh, okay, no, I like the intro ‘cause…yeah, it lets me know it’s almost ready for bed.  That’s the intro, then there’s business between the intro and the story, then we’ll talk about Star Trek: The Next Generation.

 

What a…oh, such a…an episode that was both heartwarming and challenging, [00:10:00] a really good episode.  But I’m gonna talk about it in a meandering way.  So, whether you’ve seen it or you don’t even know what I’m talking about, you won’t…you’ll say huh, that’s interesting that Scoots…he really thought about that eyepiece a lot.  So, it’ll be a bit like a bedtime story with mundane details.  Then there’s thank-yous, so that’s the structure of the show.  The other important things for you to know if you’re new or if you’re a regular listener is I’ve been there as soon as last night, tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep.  So, I know how it feels and I know the strong feelings that can be there.  If I can help with that, it’d be my honor.

 

But it even gives me deeper purpose because if I can help you fall asleep, I really believe you deserve a good night’s sleep as a person and as a human being, especially if you’ve struggled with it, that you deserve some rest and that you deserve the rest you need to live your life and in…for it not to be a hassle at bedtime and then feel like that the next day.  That really gives me purpose, making the show and all that, so that’s important to me.  I think that’s it.  I’ll just wrap up with so…so, I just got home from going somewhere for a week and sleeping in one of the most uncomfortable beds I’ve ever slept in, and it was at a house that wasn’t mine where nobody…somebody used to live there but they hadn’t sold the house or…whatever.

 

So, I was sleeping in a bed and the pillows weren’t…didn’t work for me and the mattress didn’t work for me.  Even though it was somewhat new and stuff, it just wasn’t what I’m used to and that I like.  I couldn’t get the temperature right and any of that, so, whatever.  Then also, my dog sleep…slept…sleeps next to me, Koa.  She was sleeping on her bed.  Those of you that have a cat will identify with this; a lot of times Koa will go around and she’ll rub her head and then she’ll do some back rolls on a bed or on the rug whenever she gets someplace.  I always assume it’s to either…it has something to do with smells or something.  I say, what…you gotta rub your smell around everything?  Even if she’s clean, but she does all this stuff to her bed.

 

It’s like she’s…if you were massaging your bed with your head and your shoulders and your back.  I’ve always observed it with a bit of amusement and bemusement.  I say, well…I say…then I…I never Google it ‘cause I say I don’t want to know if that’s normal or abnormal.  I don’t need to know.  Me and Koa, we got enough to deal with.  I don’t have to say, why do you gotta be doing that?  I mean, it’s more fun to just be like, what are you doing?  Hopefully that’s normal dog behavior, healthy dog behavior.  Let’s just say it is; don’t need to e-mail me either way.  I don’t want to find out.  But that’s always been my thing, and then I realized last night…I knew I did some of this behavior but so, last night was my first night back in my bed.

 

I wasn’t exactly expecting a great night’s sleep just ‘cause I had driven for a long time and then I was trying to wind…shorten the wind-down, all that.  But so…but I did…was happy to be back in my sweet, sweet Helix.  So, but then I noticed I was doing the exact same thing Koa did for about eight minutes.  But this time, instead of being like, I can’t get comfortable, I was like oh, this is some sort of genetic thing or whatever.  I don’t know if I inherited it from her or she inherited it from me.  But, you know, I’d put a pillow on my head, do…lay there for four seconds, then I’d grind my shoulder, then I’d throw the pillow, then I’d grab another pillow and I was…a tight hold in my elbow and pull it towards me, and then I’d hit my head on another pillow, then I’d roll over, make a lot of noises.

 

I just was so amused; I said this is…no wonder your dog does this and you do it.  I said, you’re right.  How interesting.  But it also was normally…this is where Sleep With Me I think really works, and it’s just a little bit of something you don’t notice, but sometimes you do.  That time I happened to notice…normally I would be getting really irritable because I’d be like, I can’t get comfortable; let me try this position.  Instead, I just went full Koa.  I let my limbic system take over and I just went…and every time my body said shift in a wild way, I just did it.  I’m…never looked back.  No, but I really did.  I tossed and turned not with purpose but without purpose.  Tossed and turned for its own…I don’t even know.

 

I don’t know what was going on, but I said okay, instead of analyzing and being like okay, if I could just get this right position next, then I don’t have to do any more of this friggen tossing and turning.  I just said, do you want to toss some more?  Go for it.  What do you want to do, body?  Okay, stick your elbow deep in the mattress, then…I don’t know, then fling your knee around.  Now slam your tailbone into the mattress.  It’s a bit like a game of that Spin the Wheel, Put Your Sock Down or whatever it’s called.  Twisted Fun or something.  So, that is why I make a sleep podcast, if you’re new or you’re a regular listener, and I’m glad you’re here.  I work really hard.  I yearn and I strive.  I really do want to help you fall asleep.

 

I think you can relate now.  Now, this podcast doesn’t work for everybody, so give it a few tries.  If you loathe it already, sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou has lots of other sleep podcasts and stuff you could check out, but I’m glad you’re here.  I really appreciate you coming by.  I yearn and I strive, so I hope I can help you fall asleep.  Here’s a couple of ways I’m able to do that for you for free twice a week.  Thanks so much.

 

Alright everybody, this is Scoots.  We’re back here with Season 5, Episode 23; I, Borg.  This was a treat because I had never seen this episode.  I didn’t really know very much about it, but as we’re doing this Borg content, I said oh boy, was this a classic episode.  So, I mean, wow.  It starts off with the Captain’s Log.  The Enterprise goes from left to right, it looks like.  I’ll go through my…a few pages of my notes, then we’ll watch.  Big sun, Data, Picard’s hand on face, self-repeating.  Small moon, nod to Riker.  Riker look to Worf.  Rocky winter planet.  Something…med bag.  A ship that’s…leftover parts from a ship.  Move, WTF Borg, then the episode opens.  Riker to Enterprise.  Borg.  Dot, dot, dog, Borg.  Zoom on Picard, dot, dot, dot.  Any time…something.  I don’t know.

 

Daytime…basically Picard says get outta there.  Dr. Crusher is kinda the voice of reason.  Leave no evidence.  But I had already seen the show Clues, or the episode Clues before this, even though I think the episode recording will come out later or something.  Enterprise is not very good at picking up all their clues, or not leaving clues behind.  Beam it on board, Picard says.  Geordi’s gonna do a subspace damping field.  Worf walks…other big farm Borg.  Snow crunch.  Foley…oh yes, the foley was so good when…especially when Worf was walking around; the snow crunch.  The foley is where…I don’t know if you’ve ever been to one of the theme…they don’t do them anymore, those theme park tours.  I’m trying to think if any…of the Universal, if they have it, where you pretend you’re…you create the footsteps.

 

Four more…Sick Bay versus a private room.  Very well, or something.  Picard to Troi; his voice is very deep.  Residual linger…misphase of Borg.  Misphase…my face of Borg?  I see.  Quail…myself of you…oh, avail myself of your help.  Picard staring at a screen…oh yeah, so, the whole time…there…so, there’s a scene with Troi to Picard; we’ll cover it in a minute, but Picard was so passive-aggressive.  He was like when people use their phones on purpose when you’re talking to them, not when they’re absentmindedly…I mean, I think he was subconsciously being passive-aggressive, but he was looking at this readout of schematics of the Enterprise, which I said, he’s probably got that memorized.  Or if it’s a update, it’s not a update he needs this moment.  Like, he just couldn’t look at Troi in the eye.

 

[00:20:00] I mean, he did a couple times.  Lower force field, maybe?  Picard arrives.  Damaged implant; dependent on biochips.  Geordi…interface protocols.  I spelled it out like that, but it looks like protocells.  But, protocols; this Borg has unique something.  All to alter the park.  Root something for the collective…root command.  Terminal 1.  Oh, there’s a…they say Terminal 1 in a different way.  I said, that’s kind of a binary joke ‘cause they weren’t saying it like, Terminal 1.  So, I don’t know.  So, let’s see; Captain’s Log 4854.2.  Six star systems the Enterprise is charting.  It’s really coming from the back of the left screen into the right screen.  We got this sun they’re looking at.  Impressive.  Picard’s kinda got his new outfit some of this episode.  Then Data detects a transmission.  It’s emanating.

 

So many SAT words in this; emanating.  A small moon orbiting the planet.  Any life signs?  Indeterminate.  Sensor interference.  Readings inconclusive.  Moon’s atmosphere…could be a distress call.  Okay, take us into transport range.  Dr. Crusher, meet me at Transporter Room 2 with a medical away team.  Acknowledged.  Picard crosses his legs.  Troi looks at him.  Then we have the planet.  It seems like it’s in a sound stage, but it still looks cool.  We got a ship with steam coming out.  The away team energizes in.  They’re ready.  Crusher’s doing readouts, what looks like nowadays would be like, for taking credit cards at a…like when you buy something.  They go in, they check the ship, say ship’s landed without planning and there’s someone taking a nap under here.  It’s a Borg.  Oh, boy.

 

Riker’s hair is perfect in this episode right now.  Borg’s sleeping and we go to the open.  Then after the open, Riker reports back.  Small craft.  One person’s sleeping; it’s a Borg.  Zoom, and Picard leans forward.  No indication of any Borg activity.  He goes, get back here now.  Dr. Crusher says we can’t; we gotta do some work.  Then there’s a debate between Crusher and Riker and Worf and Picard, actually.  She’s kinda saying no, this is our…you know, whatever.  I got a duty to this…I gotta put a blanket on him.  If he’s sleeping out here, it’s kinda cold.  Picard says no intervention.  The Borg would know.  Too late…Worf wants to do a cover-up, leave no evidence.  Well, yeah, if you watched the episode Clues, you wouldn’t do that.  Picard takes a deep breath.  Okay, Geordi, get a substace…whatever.  Get a room ready.

 

What, are we gonna…Borg coming on…Borg onboard.  I don’t know what you’d have…I guess you’d have a cube instead of a triangle, and I wonder if The Simpson’s episode…instead of singing baby…Borg onboard.  It’s a collective something…I don’t know.  It’d take a while to think a song…it wouldn’t take a while, actually, but it wouldn’t be good for a sleep podcast.  Can’t listen to the foley when it’s on mute, but I’m watching the…Worf walk on mute.  Ronald Moore is the co-producer of the episode.  Four more big farm Borg.  Okay, we’re gonna transport it to the private room?  No.  Med bay?  No.  You could bring…you can get your equipment to the private room.  Picard puts his arm on Data’s seat.  Data kinda gives him a sigh.  He turns and then he looks at Troi.  Oh, I never noticed that.  This is like, my fourth time.

 

Wow, that was powerful.  Great piece of directing and acting at six minutes of Data’s concern and Troi’s concern shared.  I guess I gotta…I don’t need to pause it, but it basically…I don’t know, it also validates that both of them are concerned.  Then she says, any…you having any feelings about Borg on board?  Picard goes no, I’m…we gotta get work done.  Don’t you want to talk about it?  Nope.  She goes, didn’t you have to let it linger?  He said, residual lingering?  No.  I don’t have to let it linger like the…I don’t even know what the…I don’t even know what that song’s about.  It’s just…and she goes well, I really…and he goes, I’ve thought about it now.  I don’t…I’m convinced…I have to do what I have to do.  I’m comfortable with my choices.  Troi says, I see.  Well, if you want to talk to me any more about it.

 

He goes, I’ll avail myself of your help.  He just goes back to pretending to look at something.  Goes, let me see that model of the Enterprise turned on its side.  Then we go to the private room.  Beverly and another…one of her staff is working.  Everybody’s looking on.  Know who else’s hair looks good?  Worf’s.  Yeah, we’ve got this…he’s got this…his robotic implants aren’t working.  Picard goes well, you can’t take those out.  They’re dependent on biochips.  Maybe Geordi could make some new ones.  Geordi’s like yeah, it’s just interface protocol.  I downloaded the files.  We see the Borg has a pretty cool eye…cyber-eye.  You Can’t Hide That Cyber-Eye.  That’s another song that could have been made about this episode.  Yeah, I’m not sure.  Could you put extra programming in there?  Picard wants to know.

 

I don’t know, maybe I could trace him.  Let’s get to the root commands here.  Maybe we could make all…put a sleep mode for every Borg.  Geordi says well, that might work.  He goes, a sleep mode where only we have the password.  Beverly says wait a second, where we would only have the password?  What if some Borg needed to use the restroom?  They don’t use the restroom, Beverly.  Well, what if they did and they wanted to wake up and go to the restroom?  So, then we go to an ad because Picard’s glaring.  Then we have a meeting about it.  Geordi says yeah, I can do it.  They’ll all be asleep in their ship, sound asleep, totally comfortable.  Beverly says, I don’t know.  Data…she goes, I think we should be clear about this.  This is not some rich person paying 20,000 big ones for cryo.

 

This is…or somebody putting their own computer on sleep mode.  When you’re putting somebody else’s computer on sleep mode when you have the password, you’re going into an admin situation where you’re not an admin.  They say yeah, but this is a situation where we’re comfortable being the admin.  She goes, how convenient.  She goes, you know what?  Well, I don’t see some sort of server that you have a disagreement with.  I see a boy who likes to play computer games named Will.  She goes, or like Will.  But they…Picard goes, you know what?  If we can put it…put the whole Borg mainframe on sleep mode, we have to.  Then they call and they say, Borg’s woken up.  Better check on him.  Picard goes, proceed with the plan.  Then the Borg is doing this actual…this…you should check it out.

 

It’s ten minutes in, doing a miming routine.  Great acting.  Trying to find an access terminal.  Picard has this jacket outfit on.  Doesn’t understand he’s cut off.  Geordi’s like, he’s trying to send a subspace beacon and a homing beacon, but my…totally my dampening fields are working.  Geordi has a globe-type sensor.  Picard’s like, he’s working without the collective.  Beverly…Dr. Crusher says he must be hungry.  They say well, they don’t eat.  She goes yeah, they synthesize organic molecules.  A bit of…like a plant that consumes electricity, energy.  Picard goes Geordi, arrange to feed it.  He’s still calling it it.  We get another [00:30:00] zoom on Geordi.  I’ll have to adapt a power conduit, put it in there.  Beverly says you know, I think this thing’s nervous.  It can’t log on.  It’s trying to log-on, basically, to the WiFi, its own WiFi.

 

Okay, then we have some fencing going on.  It’s Guinan and Picard.  Picard’s aggro takes off.  He says…but Guinan says I don’t even think I like playing this game.  He goes, last week you liked it when you won.  She goes, today you’re dropping the foil, letting me inside.  She goes well, if I lift it up, you go underneath.  You’re better at it than I am.  A lot of subtext here.  She goes yeah, do we got a guest onboard?  Borg on board, eh?  Yep.  She goes well, what?  He goes, I don’t know.  She goes well, I thought I understood you but I don’t understand this.  He goes well, Dr. Crusher is a humanitarian.  I thought we all were but right now I’m not feeling that way.  She goes, don’t you know the Borg are not…he goes, let’s play again.  There’s a zoom on Guinan while Guinan thinks about things.

 

She sighs and stands, and then they go back into the arena.  I don’t know if they get replaced with stunt people, because if they do, this is really seamless.  They go back and forth and then Guinan fakes a hamstring pull or is that what that is?  Yeah, a hamstring, and uses it to get the advantage on Picard.  You felt sorry for me.  Look what it got you.  Dun, dun, dun.  Picard glares.  Then Geordi and Worf go to visit I, Borg.  They gotta…Geordi’s gotta install the feeding conduit.  Worf goes, I’ll follow the commander, reactivate the field once we’re through.  It’s kinda like what you’d hook an electric car up to.  I guess that’s how the Borg would synthesize bio-energy.  They have a bit of a stare-down and Geordi goes okay, stay that way.  Geordi’s got some attitude at first.  It looks like it’s a pretty straightforward install.

 

They do have some modularity to their ship.  The Borg kinda walks through towards Geordi but in a curious way, and great facial acting.  Who performs…they go…I’m sorry, it’s by Jonathan Del Arco.  Let’s just take a look here.  Third of Five.  Really amazing.  Let’s see, looks like…was in The Closer in 2005.  Tea with Alice, but really, wow, just a great performance, the amount of work facially.  Says, we are Borg, to Geordi.  You will be assimilated, while Geordi’s working.  Resistance is futile.  Geordi goes look around, pal.  You can’t make any demands.  You’re not in a position to do so.  It says, we must return to the collective.  Geordi gets irritated.  Who’s we?  We are Borg, it answers.  Worf looks at Geordi and Geordi goes yeah, there’s only one of you, though.  There’s no we in one.  He goes, do you have a name?

 

Means of identification.  It says, Third of Five.  Geordi goes okay, there’s five on your ship.  You were third.  Is that it?  Just a number?  Third of Five.  Geordi goes yeah, it kinda suits you.  Then he finishes up.  You could see the zipper on Geordi’s shirt.  I wonder how they get zipped in when he’s solo.  Geordi goes yeah, you should be able to connect to this and get some energy to synthesize.  Cool hologram look to Geordi’s…or to the cyber-eye of the Borg.  Geordi and Worf step out.  Geordi goes forwards; Worf goes backwards, very balletic, like a ballet artist is Worf stepping out backwards.  He has to step over something.  I wouldn’t have done that.  But the Borg is definitely concerned.  It slowly makes its way to the electricity and gets some.  Everybody watches it.

 

Let me see my notes; conference room, total systems failure, Troi looks on but she takes their side.  Oh, it comes down to this, is…that reminds me of a song.  Anything we can to keep the…we’re humans and known entities…something to the captain.  Borg mime action.  He must be hungry.  She gets a look…energy.  Arrange to feed it.  Something…second…something.  Picard v Guinan, humanitarian reasons…go again.  Guinan thinks, sighs, fakes him out to make a point.  Picard mask off.  Geordi and Worf go in.  Geordi goes to work.  Borg moves.  Worf worries.  Who’s we?  One of you?  Your name?  Third of Five.  It does suit you.  This is your…you’re welcome.  Let’s get outta here.  Worf backs out.  Drama music with a bit of Epcot Center.  Borg feeds; he’s…something hungry.  Alright.  Maybe somebody says that.

 

Geordi and Crusher are running tests.  A bit of a disagreement.  Energize.  Borg to that circle elevator treatment thing that Data and Lal have been on, maybe others.  Intros; Three of…Third of Five.  Dr. Crusher.  I save you?  Why my duty?  You give us food your duty?  Test.  He looks back out.  Garth…names…demonstrations.  Do I have a name?  A name?  You…your…that’s it; Hugh.  Not you; Hugh, like Hugh Grant.  I something…I, Geordi; you’re Hugh…we’re Hugh.  Some tests, spiral activity, complex visceral information…visual information here.  Like when you are assimilated, you will have a similar device.  What will be done with us?  Send you home, rejoin the collective?  Oh, boy.  Geordi talking to Guinan.  You named the Borg?  A Borg Named Hugh.  That’s another song that could be…a lost child.

 

Second thoughts…when big brother comes…no soul searching.  What did you talk to him…?  She turns.  Why don’t you just listen?  Oh, boy.  Bridge, visual, hard this way.  Oh, visual craft, cubicle, 7.6 to the Borg scout ship.  Thirty-one hours, seven minutes.  Dun, dun, dun.  Then Guinan and Hugh.  Is she a time lord?  The answer is no because there was only the last of the time lords, but pretty close.  You’re lonely.  We are also lonely.  Then we see the ship go left to right up.  Geordi’s scanning Hugh with a plane-looking device or something…well, one of those ones you use to guide a plane in to park.  Why, why, why?  Tell him that’s human nature, that’s why.  Geordi has to show patience.  Then he gets hot about the details.  I am Geordi.  When you sleep, no other voices?  Are you even lonely?  Geordi’s friends, friends.

 

The slow…something.  Hugh…oh, boy.  Parody sharpie…some of this I can’t quite read, but…paradox shape.  Oh, yeah.  Try to analyze anomalies, unsolvable puzzle.  Twenty hours.  Very well.  Data leaves Geordi, stays behind.  Getting to know him, know all about him.  Unattach yourself.  Aye, sir.  Picard enrobed…Guinan.  My fail was…my foil was dipping.  Strong forearm.  About the Borg…she sits.  His name is Hugh and he’s lonely.  You sure you’re [00:40:00] doing the right thing?  Picard blows up but Guinan does not back down.  Picard is very logical and annoyed…intractable.  Says fine, but…then the Enterprise moves from left to right in the middle of the screen, maybe.  Picard paces in his office.  We’re ready.  He takes a breath.  Proceed, Worf and Hugh, like a comedy…it literally is because the difference in sizes.

 

Like, a ventriloquist…Worf looks like a ventriloquist.  He looks like Chester Drawers.  Locutus, what’s up?  Picard’s stunned.  Yes.  We are Hugh.  I love how his eyes move as he’s processing things.  He does not wish it.  Borg paces.  No, not Geordi.  Geordi’s a friend.  You will…this part I really got choked up on, like the second or third watch, even.  You will assist us.  I will not.  What did you say?  I will not assist you.  I, I…you’re a Borg, not…I am Hugh.  Then there’s a commercial.  Picard stares out the window.  Something talk.  Individualism is a singularity, pernicious program of all, knowledge of self.  Oh, individualism is a singularity, a pernicious program.  Knowledge of self…what if he doesn’t want to go back?  Hugh and the fish, Picard and Geordi…I wish…what I wish is irrelevant.  What I wish is not important.

 

Choice, choice…then this part; I could stay with you, like roomies?  I would choose to stay with Geordi.  This could be amazing.  Geordi…it could have been a Star Trek sitcom, Geordi and Hugh.  It could even take from the Incredibly Shrinking Woman, that song Galaxy Glue if you rewrote it with Geordi and Hugh, that would be the opening.  So, Ronald Moore, I know you’re…got way more successful stuff going, but if you’re interested and you’re listening, whatever, forty-five minutes in the show, give me a ring.  I don’t know what…you know, it’d be easy to set up.  I guess if it’s a situation comedy, they could run a fix-it station on the edge of the universe or something.  Sound effects are great.  Geordi…something cable sit…easy way.  Sound effects so subtle.

 

The Enterprise does a…kind of a smiley face motion across the screen.  Transporter goodbyes.  Geordi would like to go.  Geordi and Hugh head out.  Everyone…long shot.  Picard, Geordi, and Hugh.  This is where I will wait.  Then the Enterprise moves again from the lower-left past the planet or the sun to the upper-right.  In position.  Hold us here three minutes.  This is it.  So long.  Goodbye, Geordi.  I’ll try to remember you.  Their song…Geordi walks off.  Borg show up.  They tap under Hugh or something and then they all walk off.  First they collect some stuff from the big farm Borg.  But yeah, they get equipment from the other Borg, they go bye, and…or…has…oh, one of them had a barbell moustache.  They engine out and I guess the episode…they energize out.  I guess the episode ends there.

 

We’ll find out though, ‘cause we’re only at sixteen minutes above me.  Let’s see, so, yeah.  Hugh’s feeling up…why do you do this?  Geordi says I’m a nice guy at heart.  Feeling better?  You’re not Borg.  That’s right.  I hope we stay that way.  You will be assimilated.  Resistance is futile.  Geordi looks at Worf.  Worf grimaces and almost growls a little bit.  Nice bed though, in the room.  Like, a combination day…twin…extra-long twin and…so, then Geordi’s talk…Geordi and Dr. Crusher or Commander LaForge and Dr. Crusher, they’re kinda having a disagreement.  Geordi’s like well, I gotta learn this sleep program.  Only way I could know how to do that is to give him some perceptual tests, and I need his cooperation.  Beverly says, so you can lock them out of their server in sleep mode.

 

Well, it’s just what we gotta do, Geordi says.  Dr. Crusher goes well, I don’t like it.  Okay, transport him in.  If there’s any trouble, we’ll…you could use the force field over there.  Ready.  Then they send Hugh in.  Energize.  Hugh and…oh, another…oh, some sort of guard.  Hugh looks around.  Geordi steps up; he’s got a red pad thing, does some things on the round…but Crusher, she’s up against the handrail, watching.  Hugh does a mime thing there too, I just noticed.  Third of Five, Dr. Crusher.  Dr. Crusher, Third of Five.  Hello.  Who’s this guy in the back?  Never mind.  What’s a doctor?  Helps out, repairs.  Says well, in the Borg, we just take over for somebody like that.  She goes well, that’s not what happened to you.  We repaired you back to operating mode.  Why?  It’s my duty to help those.  Why does Geordi give us food?

 

Yep, I do.  Is that your duty?  He goes, my duty’s…don’t worry about where my duty is, Third of Five.  Dr. Crusher helped your biochips and now we want to make sure we’re working, run some tests, show you some diagrams, and ask you some questions.  Simple stuff.  He goes yeah, but you’re gonna be assimilated.  Geordi goes yeah, but before your assimilation, can we ask…sure, we’ll answer them.  Terrific, Geordi says.  Alright, hang on.  Third of Five; what’s your designation?  My designation?  Third of Five.  Oh, our names?  We don’t have designations.  We have names, Beverly says.  I’m Beverly.  This is Geordi.  Do I have a name?  What, do you want a name?  A name.  I’m Beverly, he’s Geordi, and you…you, they keep saying you.  That’s…gives Geordi a brainstorm.

 

That’s it; we’ll call him Hugh, like Hugh Grant.  They say okay, Hugh.  He goes okay, I guess I’m Hugh, then.  Beverly’s happy about that, and even Geordi’s amused.  We are Hugh.  They all get a kick out of it.  They start giggling.  Then we see the Enterprise pretty much center screen with the planet behind it.  Then they’re showing him these shapes and turning them inside out.  I don’t think I would be able to pass any of these, some sort of spatial relations-type thing.  Say, what would it be like…and he got eight outta eight.  I would have…let’s see, he got zero out of zero.  Spatial acuity percentiles…it’s the prosthetic eye, Geordi says.  He gets complex visual information, holographic, even.  Geordi says, can I check out your eyepiece, Hugh?  Hugh says sure, it’s just like a camera a little bit.  Check it out, man.

 

It’s magneticked on there.  Geordi at first is like, what?  He goes, one day you’ll get a similar advice when you’re…device, then…when you’re assimilated.  Beverly goes, we don’t want to be assimilated.  He goes, why?  She goes, we don’t want to live in a collective like you do.  Hugh goes well, it’s quiet here.  There’s no other voices.  He says, on the Borg ship you got all the other people thinking in your mind at the same time.  I said, that’s what my mind is like.  It’s not quiet like Hugh’s thinking.  But Beverly says oh, are you lonely ‘cause there’s not as much action?  Geordi gives Hugh his eyepiece back.  He goes, when you’ve completed these tests, what will be done with us?  Geordi goes oh, boy.  Awkward.  Well, we’re gonna install a program to lock you out of your mainframe.  No; he goes, we’ll send you home.

 

Will we rejoin the collective?  Beverly says huh, uncomfortable.  Geordi pretends to go back to work.  Then he’s talking to Guinan.  He’s saying yeah, I didn’t have a problem with it at first but now I’m working with Hugh.  That’s where she says, you named it Hugh?  [00:50:00] You named the Borg?  He goes yeah, it’s easier to, you know.  She goes okay, so, you have a Borg named Hugh.  He says, I don’t know.  That’s when he’s like…they get into…she goes, it’s not a child.  He says well, maybe you should go talk to it.  I don’t got anything to say to it.  He goes well, why don’t you just go and listen?  He goes, that’s what you do best, isn’t it?  A little bit harsh.  Then there’s a long profile shot of Guinan.  Then we have a meeting on the bridge.  Vessels coming in…not that long out.  Gotta get the cubicle.  We gotta get to work.

 

Then Guinan goes to visit Hugh.  You don’t look so tough.  Hugh comes to the thing.  What is tough?  Alls I am is leather and rubber.  We’re Borg.  She goes, aren’t you gonna tell me you’re gonna assimilate me?  Assimilate us?  He goes, you want to be assimilated?  She goes, no.  But she goes, resistance is futile, huh?  He goes, yeah.  Such great acting.  I mean, really nails the subtext to all this, which is a little bit of…I don’t know.  I say wait a second, isn’t this the easy way out for everybody?  But she goes yeah, well, we had to get scattered across the universe because of you, or the galaxy.  We don’t even have a home anymore.  But Hugh looks down, very boy-like, and says oh, you’re lonely?  Hugh’s lonely, too.  She goes, what?  He goes, you have no others around.  You have no home.  He goes, we are also lonely.

 

Guinan’s kind of speechless.  She just stares.  It’s like, again, all in the face; so much depth.  Then we got Hugh getting another scan from Geordi.  What is Geordi doing?  A lot of whys.  Studying you.  Why?  We’re gonna do this.  Why?  Trying to learn more about you.  Why?  But actually, it’s interesting ‘cause it’s childlike but it’s also…like, Geordi doesn’t want to admit why.  We’re different than you.  Part of what we do is learn more about other species.  He goes, we assimilate a species, then we know everything.  Geordi goes yeah, I got it, man.  He goes, isn’t that easier?  Geordi goes, this isn’t what we do, okay?  Why?  Geordi gets exasperated.  He goes alright, think of it this way; every time you talk about yourself, you use the word we.  We want this, we want that.  You don’t even think of yourself as a individual.

 

You don’t say I want this or I am Hugh.  He goes, we’re all separate individuals.  I am Geordi.  I choose what I want.  I make my decisions.  He goes, I don’t want to lose that individuality.  It’d be worse than anything, worse than sleeping.  Then that’s when they say when you sleep, there’s no other voices?  Then he goes, who will be with you when you’re lonely?  Geordi goes well, friends.  Then they do this thing where Geordi and Data show how they’re gonna use this paradoxical geometric form, a really brilliant short sequence, this paradoxical shape that doesn’t exist but that the Borg will try to figure out anyway.  This happens at my computer every time I boot up two programs at once and it has to go into sleep mode.  The Borg will do the same thing.

 

It’s like okay, we’re gonna put Chrome on your computer and a backup program Scooter uses at the same time.  Even though you got plenty of resources, you won’t have any after that.  That’s the same thing for the Borg.  You say well, why don’t you just use a different browser?  You say well, it’s still my preferred browser even though it doesn’t…and I say well, okay.  When can you get started?  Twenty hours.  We just gotta make sure with…double-check with Dr. Crusher.  Very well.  Get to work.  But Geordi stays behind.  He goes yeah, I’m not comfortable with this anymore.  I’m having second thoughts.  Getting to know him, know all about him.  Picard says, the Borg?  He goes, he’s not what I expected, captain.  He’s got feelings and he’s homesick.  Geordi goes, I don’t know.  I can’t think…I don’t think this is right.

 

Picard goes, you know what?  Something…he goes, you’re having reverse…you’re getting too…you’re too close for comfort.  Unattach yourself from the Borg, Mr. LaForge.  Said, this isn’t the Jean-Luc we know and love.  Then we see him in his robe when Guinan shows up and says strong forearm or not, this Borg’s got a name and maybe before you program him, you should go talk to him first.  He’s lonely.  I didn’t want to see him.  I didn’t think it was a good idea, but now I can’t un-see his individuality.  So, maybe you need to go and talk to him.  They go back and forth.  She goes, fine.  He goes, fine.  Then they stare each other down.  Then we see Picard in his office, pacing.  Worf to Picard; ready to energize.  Ready to transport.  They proceed.  They send in Worf and Hugh.  That’s where they look like a team.

 

Picard sends Worf out, says let me talk to him one-on-one here.  Wait outside.  Hugh goes Locutus, what the heck?  You’re not even…Picard is…plays it to his advantage.  He goes yeah, totally, I’m Locutus undercover.  He goes, you ready to shake stuff up?  I’m Locutus of Borg.  He goes, why are you here?  Totally undercover.  A primitive culture that needs assimilating.  Are you ready to do some A-double-S-I-imilation?  He goes, who are you?  Hugh.  No, no, no.  Who are you really?  The Borg…Hugh.  No.  That’s not a Borg word.  He goes oh, I guess I’m Third of Five if you want to get technical.  He goes yeah, we’re gonna do some assimilation.  The Borg looks down.  No, they don’t want to be assimilated.  Irrelevant, Picard says.  Yeah, but they’re gonna resist.  It’s futile.  Hugh says no, it’s not.  It’s not.  Guinan told me about it.

 

I know it’s not pleasant, but yeah.  Picard goes, it’s inevitability.  He goes, even Geordi?  No.  Must Geordi be assimilated?  He goes no, Geordi does not wish it.  He said it would be worse…and that’s when he starts pacing, which I guess…wow, what a choice.  Yeah, no, Geordi would rather not be assimilated.  He goes well, then I’ll have to big farm it.  Hugh says, no.  Just in a childlike way, he says no big farm ever for Geordi.  He’s my friend.  Picard goes, you’re gonna assist us or I’m gonna…look at how strong my jaw is.  You’re a Borg.  You will assist.  Hugh says, I will not.  He says, what?  He goes yeah, I will not assist you.  He says, I…he goes, Geordi will not be assimilated.  Picard goes, you’re Borg.  He goes, no.  I’m Hugh.  I am Hugh.  Picard goes oh, boy.  We’re through the looking-glass, people.  We go to a ad.

 

He comes back; he’s staring out the window.  Yeah, maybe I…this was all…I didn’t want to think about it but now that I have, we’re in a pickle here.  He’s a fully-realized individual.  We all know what that means.  Even accepted me as Picard, captain of the ship, and not Locutus.  They go yeah, well, what about our plan?  Well, can’t use it ‘cause it’d be worse.  He goes, what are our other options?  Riker goes, put him on the crash site and remove his memory of having been on the Enterprise.  Beverly goes, but then you can’t…then he won’t remember being Hugh.  Isn’t that the point?  He’d be…go back in the hive.  Geordi goes no, he’s an individual.  We can’t take that away from…Beverly says, what are the Borg gonna do?  Picard goes, I doubt it.  They could wipe it out.

 

[01:00:00] Then Riker goes well, either way, his memory be erased.  Picard goes, but wait, what about before they get rid of his memory they get the sense of individuality he’s gained with us transmitted through the Borg collective?  What if they had the opportunity to be…a singularity of individuality, the pernicious program, as I said?  Great alliteration.  Picard’s very pleased with this.  That would be cool.  Knowledge of self being spread throughout the collective in that brief moment…alter them forever.  He goes huh, I think this is a brilliant idea.  Leave his memory intact.  Then Beverly says, I got a question; what if he doesn’t want to go back?  Riker goes, huh.  Picard goes, huh.  Then they go to talk to Hugh.  Picard and Geordi; hello, Hugh.  Hello, Geordi.  The Borg rescue vessel’s coming, buddy.

 

It’ll be here in three hours and we can send you back.  They could take you home or you could stay with us.  You could live with Geordi now.  He goes, what I wish is irrelevant.  Geordi goes no, it’s not.  It matters to us.  He goes yeah, I can’t leave the collective.  They’re gonna keep looking.  We’ll deal with the repercussions later.  We must know what you want.  He goes, you’re many; I’m one.  Why would you give up for just little old Hugh?  What I want’s not important.  He goes yeah, that’s what choice is, though.  Choice…he goes, do you want to go back with the Borg or stay with us?  He goes, stay with you, Geordi.  Be my roommate?  He thinks about this and again, then he paces, looks out the window.  Choose what I want…but then he says okay, well, I gotta do what’s best for Geordi.

 

I would choose to stay with Geordi, but it won’t work.  So, gotta choose to go back, I guess, which is a frowny-face moment.  But it’s what I gotta do.  It’s the only way.  Geordi says, think about it.  He goes, I can…Geordi, I can think a billion times more per second.  Are you sure?  No, I’m not sure, but for a second I thought I was Data.  But yeah, I’m sure about going back.  Then we get another space shot and they say okay, let’s get everything parked.  We’ll go to the transporter room.  We’ll say our goodbyes.  We got about an hour.  We’ll head home, take up a position in the chromosphere so we can watch.  Beverly goes great, goodbye Hugh.  It was great getting to know you.  He goes, goodbye, Beverly.  You did great.  Thanks for fixing me up.  Geordi goes Hugh, it’s not too late to change your mind and be my roommate.

 

He goes well, I think I’d rather return and be…have my memory erased, Geordi.  No offense.  Geordi goes well, I’d like to say goodbye with him, try to talk him back into being my roommate.  You’ll be safe because they assimilate civilizations, not individuals.  Well, how come…this is all the writing; well, how come you were Locutus?  Oh, ‘cause I was a spokesperson.  So, let’s send Hugh and Geordi down.  Picard says goodbye.  Hugh says captain, I do not want to forget that I am Hugh.  Picard takes a big breath, says…that just energized me, but energize the transporter.  Goes back to his face again.  He lowers his head slowly in thought.  They go back to the icy planet.  We get some foley action.  Hugh…I mean, ‘cause of the Borg outfits, Hugh walks pretty…snow’s not the best place for Borg to be walking.

 

They walk a bit like Herman Munster.  It’s like, I say what are they…then I say, that’s how Herman Munster walks.  We’re on the bridge; everybody’s in position.  It’s kinda like a reverse surprise party.  Surprise, there’s Hugh just where you thought you’d find him.  It’s…yeah, they’re de-surprising something.  Borg vessel’s in zone.  Geordi says well, I guess this is it, Hugh.  You don’t want to be my roommate, huh?  So long.  Goodbye, Geordi.  I’ll try to remember you.  I’ll probably…no, I love Geordi, but says I’ll try to remember you, but maybe I’ll remember other people.  Geordi walks off and says man, I’m just being myself.  I like…Scoots likes me.  Then one…two come in.  One of them looks like he has a barbell moustache.  I think it’s just the way it’s shot, the film.  They lock into Hugh.

 

They do a…I don’t know, some sort of bio-check.  They say okay, you’re Hugh for sure.  Then they kinda march off, the three of them.  Barbell moustache and the other…and Hugh, they take the leftover equipment from the big farm Borg which makes them go back…go to the…downloaded to the mainframe in the sky.  Then the Borg…they stand together.  Hugh’s definitely very stiff, even for a Borg.  Geordi watches.  Hugh blinks once and as he de-energizes, he looks over at Geordi and says we could have been neighbors.  It ends and then the Enterprise crosses the screen on our top-left over us, and the episode ends.  So, thanks for this journey with me through The Next Generation.  Goodnight.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

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