987 – Blankets, Cloaks and Sloaks | All Intros 739-743

Episode 987 – Blankets, Cloaks, and Sloaks | All Intros 739 – 743

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER:    Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, and all my patron peeps, my rebels with a cause, thanks for keeping the show going.  Thanks for empowering a good sleep for you and thousands of other people.  Thanks for being…you’re there for me and I can be there for you.  That’s how it works.  Thank you so much patrons, and let’s get on with the show.

 

Hey everybody, this is Scoots here and coming up is a special all-intro episode which is intro after intro after intro.  I think these episodes are from 700s, so about 300 episodes ago.  We do this over the long weekends in the US.  It’s one of the fan favorites, is all-intros, except for people that don’t like all intros; they like story-only episodes.  Both those things are available on Patreon.  At $5 a month, you get story-only episodes twice a week, and then at $10 and up a month, you get two extra all-intro episodes every single month in addition to the back catalogue and tons of amazing stuff.  But yeah, here’s…I hope you’re having a good long weekend if you’re in the US or wherever you are in the world.  I’m here instead of skipping a episode; I’m here with something a little bit different to keep you company while you fall asleep.  Thanks, and here’s Scoots over and over again with his creaky, dulcet tones.  Thanks, everybody.

 

INTRO:    [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble staying asleep?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Or the other way around; trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, so, stuff that comes up that you’re thinking about or feelings you’re experiencing emotionally or physically.  Whatever it is, I’d like to take your mind off of that.  What I’m gonna do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.

 

I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones…those are creaky, dulcet tones, just in case…sometimes newer listeners say…’cause I don’t…I’m not the best at pronunciation.  So, it’s creaky like a door, dulcet like a sweet…like, some people say…I’m trying to think of someone that…oh, like Bublé.  I would believe someone like Bublé has dulcet tones, or our own jazz singer on the show, the Silvertone.  Oh, so, I’m…creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders.  You just witnessed one when I was trying to…I went from creaky, dulcet tones to a pointless meander, just saying pointless meander, superfluous tangents, unresolved metaphors; holy cow.  Someone said misusing metaphors…actually, that was the letter I got from the Greater Metaphorical Council.  Then I said okay, how do I read this letter, right?

 

Say, am I reading too much into this letter or not?  So, that was…that took me a…that took a few weeks of re-reading and re-reading.  Here’s an idea; don’t send…just…I guess this is a quibble.  Here’s a piece of advice; metaphor…well, there’s…yeah, councils of metaphors.  I’ve gotten letters from them.  Metaphorical councils; check.  Other…you know, anything…if you’re sending…if you are a council of metaphors, either way, or a metaphorical council, or associate…metaphor associations, believe me, I’m lumping you all together for this thing.  When you contact me officially, send it through a third party.  First of all, it’ll definitely get my attention, but then I won’t have to worry about…unless you’re sending it…you know what I mean?  I think you know what I mean.

 

I’m sure for the new listeners, they’re like, what is this person talking about?  But it’s just really hard, especially with the amount of letters I get on be…that would be on behalf of the Metaphor Council…the Greater Omaha Metaphor Council.  No, it was the Greater…oh no, that was the Boysie Association of Metaphor Enthusiasts.  I said, appreciate the letter but holy cow, it’s just really…’cause I figure…it’s like if someone…here’s…well, here’s a question totally unrelated to this; don’t…new listeners, stick with me, please.  Sorry.  Here’s a question for crossword fans; not…this is a straightforward question.  How many…do you…if you’re…I’m talking crossword-creation fans, so those of you that create crosswords.  Also, if you’re a fan of crosswords, I think it came out about eighteen months ago.

 

There was an Illusionist episode about crosswords; wonderful.  I’m excited to see Helen very soon live, hopefully twice in a row.  Okay, but…well, what was my point?  Oh, I was wondering if you send…so, if you write crosswords, do you send a lot of people letter…have you composed letters made of crosswords?  You know, love letters, letters of love, the different…agape love letters, Moore love letters, some phileo.  I guess it would be prayers if you’re…isn’t agape the one…that would…I bet you if whatever higher power you’re sending a crossword-based love letter to, if I was a higher power, I wouldn’t…well, if I was a higher power, I probably would be able to solve it.  Normally I have dyslexia, so those are tough.  But can you…seriously; if you’re looking for some bonus points, just switch it up.

 

Say well, what are you doing over there, Janine?  Well, I’m writing my prayers.  Writing your prayers?  We don’t write prayers in this home.  Well, we do now.  Well, that’s not a prayer; that looks like you’re doing a crossword.  It is; it’s a…I’m putting my prayer within a crossword.  I’m sorry, what?  That could only be a bonding moment.  Even in a movie like Footloose, I think they’d say wow, that’s really a creative way to…really…you really get it.  Anyway, oh, so my…I guess my main question was if you write cross…in four minutes…if you write crosswords, do you send letters in crossword form?  ‘Cause that’s…I guess alls I wanted to say is if you do that, that is unbelievably cool.  Like, that’s so cool.  I just can’t stop thinking about it now.

 

Anyway, if you’re a new listener, I went off…that was my second or fourth or fifth tangent in there.  So, let me just get back to you.  I’m glad you’re here.  I’m trying to create a safe place to take your mind off of what’s ever keeping you awake.  This show is more than a bit different.  It’s goofy.  You might already notice I don’t make a whole lot of sense, and then I check out.  I say well, let me think…I was just…I can’t stop thinking about that.  Well, would you do it…’cause, right, I know you’re thinking the same thing.  First of all, you probably need some sort…do you do it on…do they do it on graph paper freehand or on a computer program?  Or, yeah, with a rule…a straight line…or one of those square rules or whatever they’re called?  Yeah.  Compass; I wonder if…I think there are circular crosswords.  That’s a thing.

 

I’m glad we’re having this little talk, new listener, but there’s…let me just check in with these other new listeners, too.  So, if you’re new, I’m glad you’re here.  Let me just give you a little orientation for the show.  Structurally, the podcast starts off with a few minutes of business.  That’s how we keep the show free, and it’s not super important if you’re new, but that’s why it’s at the top of the show.  Then we have an intro, which we’re about…I think we’re about eight minutes into it already, which is pretty good.  Maybe nine.  The intros are normally around twelve to fourteen to sixteen minutes.  It’s really a part of the show…I call it the intro.  It might be a slow warm-up or whatever…like a monologue, like if there was a way to say a super-slow monologue that never takes off, really.  I could just say it like that, a monologue.

 

So, but here’s the way listeners use the intro; some listeners fall asleep during the intro.  A lot of listeners use it as they’re starting to wind down.  Either they’re prepping for bed or they’re in bed and they’re just getting…you know, you got your temperature…you want a nice, long runway.  Or, some listeners do.  Now, there’s some listeners…you could skip ahead to sixteen, eighteen minutes and you just get the intros, [00:10:00] and there’s some people that support the show on Patreon ‘cause they get story-only episodes.  So, there’s…you don’t have to consume the intro but ideally it becomes something familiar for the regular listener, but it’s different every time.  ‘Cause whatever I was just talking about before, I never talk…I’m pretty sure I just got a letter from a higher power that said hey, great idea.

 

Can’t believe no one’s…they said, you know, there are instances…this particular higher power said they were aware of other higher powers getting crossword-based prayers or communiques.  You know, some of you might say well, I just communicate with it or…but this particular higher power said never got a crossword-based communique.  I said well, we’ll change that together.  Also, what kind of powers do you have that you could bestow on me?  Just let me get…can I get a no smoting memo from you?  Guaranteed, 100% no smote?  Oh, they hung up the phone.  So, okay, oh, ‘cause I was talking to new listeners.  So, there’s some new stuff in the intro every time, but it’s also familiar so you can say ah, Scoots is here.

 

It’s like, the show is kind of a bit like — for a lot of listeners — a bedtime story that’s…never gets started.  But the bedtime story’s still here if you can’t fall asleep.  Tonight we’ll be talking about The Good Place.  That’s our second segment.  We do the intro, a little bit of business, again, tucked in there to keep the show going, then I’ll talk about The Good Place, and you say…mostly I’ll be trying to decipher my notes from watching it, then I’ll look up some stuff.  I say well, Diane von Fostenberg…first, I’ll try to go on YouTube and figure out how to properly pronounce that.  Then I’ll say okay, let’s do some research.  So, that’ll be what The Good Place stuff is like.  Also, it’ll be here for about an hour.  A couple other things if you’re new, especially if this is your first time listening; no pressure to like the show or to have it work for you.

 

Of course you’re skeptical or maybe even a little bit perturbed, because this podcast is way…it’s hard to prepare for it, right?  Especially if you’re new, you’re saying yeah, what in the heck?  I’d say yeah, that’s why almost every regular listener says it takes two or three tries to get used to the show, or for it to put you to sleep.  I mean, there are some people…you know, the people that we talked about that did send…the people that do send letters by crossword, they say finally, we’re getting our due here.  They’re gonna go into work tomorrow — believe me — with a…whatever, unless they slept through it, which is a pretty high probability, but they’ll have a spring in their step.  They’ll say hey Jerome, what are you…what’s with that big smile?  They say, I told you I was cool.  Let me get…give me that spreadsheet; I’m ready.

 

By the way, you look great.  Or maybe they would send the person a crossword.  They say keep that…actually, they probably give encouragement instead of praise.  They’d say how’d you change your hair up?  I just can’t…it really looks like you put a lot of decision-making into that, and great decision-making.  I’m not sure if that’s encouragement.  That’s my attempt at this…layers of imaginary characters in my brain.  So, oh, what was my point for the new listeners?  Sorry about that.  Give it a few tries.  Also, there’s no pressure to fall asleep.  I’m gonna be here for an hour.  The reason the shows are an hour and it has this drawn-out, super-fun intro to sleep to but that’s also drawn-out and then me kinda talking about a twenty-two minute episode of The Good Place for about forty-five minutes, it’s so you have plenty of time to fall asleep.

 

So, there’s no pressure on you so I can be here to keep you company, and because there are some listeners that for whatever reason can’t fall asleep, and those are…you sleeping is really important but anybody that can’t sleep is super-important to me ‘cause I want you to know I’m here to keep you company.  That’s really what my commitment is, is to keep you company whether you’re awake or asleep.  Since I can’t…I have to express that to you directly ‘cause I couldn’t put it in a crossword…say, four…Scoots, four down, there’s no word that has a Q and a Z in it in that…oh, really?  Shoot.  Oh, okay, so, no pressure to fall asleep and no pressure to listen.  I think that part made itself apparent during this intro.  You don’t need to listen to me.  You could lower the volume to whatever temp…volume works for you.

 

Again, this doesn’t work for everybody.  The podcast just naturally…there’s different things for different people.  So, if you don’t like the show or you don’t think you’re gonna like it or you don’t even want to give it another listen, that’s cool, too.  But I’m here to help.  That’s my main thing.  The main reason I want to help is ‘cause I’ve been there.  I know how it is, tossing and turning.  I mean, clearly.  You got a good idea what’s going on with me.  But also if you’re new, I want to thank you for checking the show out and giving it a try, and to let you know that I work very hard and I strive and I yearn ‘cause I really want to help you fall asleep.  Thanks again and here’s a couple ways we keep the show going.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you can set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time, temperature, routine, travel.  So, whatever’s keeping you up.  It could be things you’re thinking about, could be feelings you’re feeling, physical sensations you’re experiencing.  It could be something in the past, the present, or the future.  Whatever it is, I want to be here to take your mind off of it.

 

This is a safe place where you can ideally get comfortable, get cozied in.  Your shoulders could…whatever they call it.  Is there a…here’s…this is interesting, where your shoulders can relax instead of droop.  It’s a subtle difference but I think you might know what I’m talking about.  But what I’m gonna do…ideally I’ll return to that, is send my voice across the deep, dark night.  I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents.  Sometimes like right now, a heart overflowing with gratitude that I could be here to keep you company and that…I don’t know.  Sometimes I really feel lucky to make this podcast.  But yeah, I’m gonna send my voice across the deep…keep you company and take your mind off stuff.

 

Now, if you’re new…notice how I had to change…I got a little too vulnerable there.  But really, I’m glad you’re here.  I mean that.  I hope you can feel that.  Now I’ll change…do a quick subject change, but not a sub…change.  If you’re new, usually vulnerability comes in subtler cloaks, normally.  But, you know, sometimes I gotta put the old heart on the sleeve, even though cloaks don’t have sleeves.  That’s another thing I’m working on; the sleeve…you’ve heard of the sleeveless cloak.  They said to me sir, that’s just a cloak.  I said right, a sleeveless cloak.  Those days are finally behind you.  You’ve always wanted a cloak, you’ve wanted it with sleeves, and nothing else.  Actually, that might not be bad.

 

Would you say a spring…I was just thinking of a cloak with only sleeves, and then for me…’cause I don’t like to wear a shirt.  I’ll be honest with you.  Not to paint an unnecessary picture, but I would have a cloak…I would have sleeves.  It would kind of be like a reverse vest.  You’d say those vests are popular.  This is the idea of…you say well, why aren’t you trying to keep your core warm, Scoots?  No, no, this is just for extremities.  Yeah, it has a hood if I need to keep…you know, then it keeps the hot air from flowing out of my head and keeps it coming out my mouth.  It’s got a…keeps your arms warm but then your…yeah, your core gets plenty of breeze.  You can always wrap yourself in your cloak.  That’s one thing no one ever tells you, is a cloak is also a wrap.

 

Also, when I’m…maybe I’ll come up with a rap about the cloak as a wrap one day.  But what can I say?  A cloak, I don’t want to just give it away.  You could wrap it around.  Like, you’ve seen those baby carriers that are wraps.  Maybe you have, maybe you haven’t.  You could…actually, maybe we’ll come out…up with that.  The Family Edition; it’s a cloak, it’s got sleeves, and it’s a baby…it’s all of them.  Four season…four seasonal cloak.  Maybe not; maybe we’ll have a winter edition.  Something like…you say, who was that in that episode of Game of Thrones with that weird cloak?  He was just in the background.  It was like he was wearing a cloak [00:20:00] and sleeves without a shirt.  I barely saw it.  Say well, that was Scoots.  He was advertising his new Winter’s Here Edition.

 

It didn’t work in the north, so he…and it has a pull-down.  It comes from the…comes out of the sleeves.  Yeah, it’s a whole new thing.  Core-Dex, whatever that other stuff…Gore-Tex, all of it in there.  I’m sorry, if you’re a new listener…I was trying to get to the point, then I got distracted by that sleeveless cloak and my lifetime frustration with it finally solved.  But if you’re new, here’s a couple things; don’t need to make a ton of sense, this podcast.  It doesn’t really…initially it won’t make any sense and then ideally on the second or third listen, you won’t care.  At first you might say when is this gonna be clear?  When is the story gonna start?  What is this intro?  So, let me try to answer a couple of those questions in the spirit of getting your trust, winning your trust, or your neutrality.

 

I guess maybe that’s the thing with this…just your neutrality.  ‘Cause I can understand why you’d be skeptical if this is your first few times listening.  But so, oh, what was I gonna say?  So, there’s a intro where I really don’t get to the point.  The intros are about twelve minutes.  But it’s usually me trying to spin a metaphor about the podcast, where…something ideally about sleeveless cloaks.  There was something else I was talking about earlier that I already forgot about that I was hoping to make a metaphor for the podcast of.  So, it’s a show within a show.  It’s ideally…gives you an idea of what to expect with the rest of the podcast which is tangents, thoughts within thoughts that…and then you say what about that thought over there?

 

Maybe ideally in the background, I’m…I don’t want to use…sashay is a sleepy kind of word and a way to move, so yeah, maybe I’m in the background sashaying in a sleeved cloak.  A cloak with sleeves; a sloak.  That doesn’t sound like a sellable word but, yeah.  I mean, maybe that’s just what we’ll call it in the Blue Sky Edition, beta…alpha-beta’d, yep.  Is he Voguing in that sloak?  Yeah, it is.  Then you could say it sounds like…that sounds like a removal of a garment.  Like, I sloaked…I sloaked my cloak.  Oh, he’s wrapping himself.  He’s carrying a watermelon and now he’s running his hands…okay, but let’s get back to the intro, Scoots.  You’re right.  I thought that was…I thought that could have been a Rolling Stone cover for a minute.  Sure, an imaginary one.  Okay, so, if you’re new, the intro’s full of me going off on tangents.

 

There’s a couple options of how to use the intro, but just like as…the podcast as a whole, there’s no right or wrong way.  A lot of people use it as part of their wind-down routine.  Maybe they start playing it as they’re getting into bed or as they’re getting ready for bed, and it’s like a fifteen-minute wind-down and then we go into the story.  The show starts off with a few minutes of business, then there’s a intro around twelve minutes, and then there’s some business between the intro and the show.  Tonight, ideally, we’ll have a guest in to talk.  So, that’s the intro.  Other people fall asleep during the intro.  A few people skip the intro.  Literally, about 2% I think of people skip the intro.  I think some of those people, they want to just get to the story and some people think the intro’s a big, long ad.

 

It’s really just a show within a show, though this one is an ad for a sloak, the cloak that’s more than a cloak.  It’s got sleeves and it’s…maybe pockets.  I don’t know, a zippered…it’s a carry-all; cloak and a carry-all.  Okay, my…even my…I was trying to say does it have backpack straps?  Not that I know of.  Is it made of Cordura?  Maybe we’ll have a Cordura invention.  Yeah.  Headphones?  No, but it could have those headphone slots.  Pocket for your device?  Of course.  Who’s asking these questions?  I don’t know.  So, that’s the intro.  Then there’s a story.  Oh, so there’s a couple different ways…some people listen to the intro during the day when the day feels intense and they need a little break.  So, those are some examples but here’s the good news; you don’t need to listen.

 

You can partially listen, you could barely listen, or you could actively listen.  Whatever it is, the intro and the show, I’ll be here.  There’s also…there’s no pressure to listen, no pressure to fall asleep.  This is the first podcast that truly believes you deserve a good night’s sleep.  You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.  But I’m not here…I’m here to keep you company while you fall asleep, not to say you should fall asleep doing this or you should listen to the podcast in this way and it’ll work.  I’m just here to be your bore-friend and keep you company as you drift off.  So, that’s the structure of the show.  I guess the show kind of is like this sloak idea.  I’m not kidding, ‘cause I hear of a lot of different…now, I make the show in a…’cause I can only make one podcast at a time.

 

So, I try to make it with the beginning and the story so that people can kinda repurpose it in their own way, but where it works for the majority of people.  It’s a little bit of a balance, and that’s kinda like the sloak.  You say well, ideally it’s just a cape with sleeves so that for those of us that are too…and you could wear a shirt with it.  It could be an accessory.  Even…you could wear a tank-top with it, right?  Or a sweater.  There’s…but it gives you…or a sleeveless dress.  You say, holy cow, what could be more bewitching this season than the sloak?  But then you say okay, that’s great.  My back has always been chilled, Scoots.  Sashaying…it took my sashaying from a six to a fourteen out of ten.  Then they said take that back to an eleven.

 

I sashayed right out of there to someplace that rated sashaying on a more…you know, more granular…or, less granular or more granular way?  Whatever; I sashayed out of those places, too.  Then I sashayed all the way home and did something with…then I made up a sashay thing about a child’s toes.  This little toe sashayed…but, where was I?  I literally just sashayed out of my own thoughts.  Oh, but so…but then the sloak could do other things, or you could repurpose it, like I said, carry-all.  However you wish.  But the main reason is ‘cause it’s here for comfort.  You say well, the sleeves, they give me some security.  Having this thing over my shoulders and my back, it lets my shoulders relax like we said instead of perking up.  I could put the hood on.  I could lie back.

 

I could actually use it as a blanket, a reversible…yeah, it’s reversible, totally.  So, if you’re on a plane…yeah, you just put it on in reverse and then you have a blanket and something to cover your head so you can sleep.  It’s exactly like…that’s what I planned out, totally, right on the drawing board, that I just…but repurposed it.  So, the podcast is here to help, to bring you some comfort because I’ve been there in the deep dark night.  Or the plane example; friggin trying to sleep on a plane, even with the sloak, in a…well, I’ve only tried with imaginary ones.  It’s not easy.  So, I guess that’s what I’m saying, is I’m here to help you.  Give it a few tries.  I hear from a lot, a lot of people that have tried the show, and it doesn’t usually click until the second or third time.  But I hope it helps.

 

If not, there’s a lot of other podcasts out there.  There’s a lot of other audio.  There’s sleep audio like Sleep Whispers and Sleepy, and the S-Pillows podcast.  There’s a lot of stuff out there; LibriVox, audio books, but this works for the people it works for, and I hope it helps you.  I hope I can be your friend in the deep, dark night, to take your mind off of stuff as you drift off, to get your pre-purchase for the sloak that comes out in like, 2085, if all of my production schedules fall in place.  That’s it.  I’m glad you’re here and I work very hard and I strive ‘cause I really want to help you fall asleep.  Thanks again for coming by, and here’s a few ways we keep the show going.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature, changes in routine.  [00:30:00] You got stuff on…maybe you got stuff on your mind.  Maybe you have stuff on your plate.  Maybe you got…you’re thinking…whatever it is.  Maybe you don’t…I hope you don’t have any plates in bed.  Just ‘cause I say well, it’s gonna…this one went off the rails fast.

 

I’m trying to figure out a way to quickly pull it around.  But I say okay, I was trying to think of a situation where I’d say well, that’s a good idea to have a plate in your bed.  I guess I would say on a tray; that’s always a good time, especially with someone’s…like, breakfast in bread…bakefast…those are hard words for me to say.  Breakfast in bed on a tray brought by someone else; that’s a good time to have it, though usually it would be tough.  That would be pretty sweet.  We could set that up maybe one day, to have breakfast in bed and then a nap afterwards instead of saying well, you gotta have this breakfast in bed so you can get up and get moving, or do some relaxing.

 

A lot of times I say okay, now I want to prep…poof up your pillows and make you comfortable, put on whatever you want on the TV, maybe give you a foot rub, hint, hint, hint, imaginary person in my life rubbing my feet.  I say well, though, I don’t want to have to…or maybe you have a dog that’s licking your feet.  You say well, that’s not so bad.  Actually, I don’t want to humble-brag here, but…and I think this is pretty universal, and I’m already off-topic for the new listeners.  So, new listeners, I’ll get right back to you.  One of the nice things about my dog Koa is — and I think a lot of dogs are like this — is she’s always happy to see you, even in the morning.  It’s like, I haven’t seen you…and I guess it’s the truth.  Maybe we could carry this forward to our relationships.  It’s like, I haven’t seen you in eight to ten hours.

 

For a dog, it’s like we’ve gone into some other realm.  But, so she…where I live now, I have my bed, and this is actually a new thing for us since we moved, is…so, she has her bed.  She sleeps on…in my room on a Casper, a dog bed with a couple comfort blankets she likes to have.  I’ll look over to her.  Sometimes she’s sleeping.  She’s lately been a deeper sleeper, so sometimes if…she can sense if I’m getting up or sometimes she’ll just look at me, but once she knows I’m committed to getting up or she needs something or she decides she wants to get up, she’ll get very excited.  There’d be a lot of tail-wagging.  She does a lot of head shakes with a smile, what it looks like.  They wrote that song Shake It Like a Red Nose; that’s what Koa is.  They aren’t kidding; she shakes…her whole body shakes side to side.

 

She’s wagging her tail and her butt and her upper body.  It really is a buoying of spirits for me.  I say well, jeez, let me get down there and give you some pets and hugs.  Wow, you already…my day hasn’t even started and you’ve made my day.  Now, sometimes I might go upstairs while she’s still resting or she doesn’t think I’m actually getting up and then I could be…I’ll just start drinking my coffee with a regular start to my day.  That’s a pretty nice way to start your day.  I don’t know what I was talking about though that led me to that, but shout out to Koa.  If you can hear me, Koa, I know you’re upstairs waiting for me to finish recording, but just giving you a little shout-out.  Shout out to all the other animals out there, friends…forest friends, all of those that give us morning greetings.  Thank you.

 

Oh, if…so, if you’re new, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me.  I went off…I think…I don’t even think I…did I start the show?  I said okay, we’re gonna…things on your mind, I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.  I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, go off-topic, some…usually I wait a while to go off-topic.  What I do…so, if you’re new, here’s a couple things; the structure of the show starts off with a few minutes of business at the top of the show.  That’s how we keep the show going.  Then there’s a intro.  The intro that you’re listening to now, it’s not a ad or a promotion.  It’s a show within a show.  Some listeners fall asleep during it, some listeners find it soothing and familiar, some listeners…a few listeners skip ahead.

 

But a lot of people, it’s part of their bread…bedtime or breadtime wind-down routine.  More and more people I hear from listen to the intros or the whole episode during the day when they’re feeling a little bit…they need a little break.  But so, oh, so that’s the intro of the show.  It’s about twelve minutes of me trying to explain what the show is.  But it’s a thing…it’s not for everybody, so that’s why you could skip ahead, but a lot of people like it.  It’s where I talk about my dog or something like that.  I try to get to the point but I give myself plenty of permission not to.  So, if it’s the first time you’re listening to the show, you might be trying to make a little sense of it or expect it to follow a sensible structure.  It’s a little bit different than that.

 

It does follow a sensible structure; usually a few minutes of business, twelve to sixteen to eighteen-minute intro, a few minutes of business, then a forty-five-minute story, and then some thank-yous and goodnights.  Here’s the great thing; don’t try to make too much sense of it, but you also don’t need to listen.  You can listen if you need it.  As long as you need to listen to me, I’ll be here to keep you company.  But you’re not under any pressure to absorb any of it.  You could appreciate it.  You could say well, I could see Koa’s tail.  What was Scoots’ dog’s name, hun?  He was talking about her last night.  I think his dog’s name was Toto, right?  He has the dogs Toto…he has a lot of pets; Jiff and Giff, Toto, Pitter and Patter, maybe one named Jiffy.

 

I think he has a couple other ones too, but…oh, Gona I think was one of them, or Kona.  You say I don’t know, I fell asleep fast.  I’m pretty sure he was talking about…maybe he was talking about the strategies of petting roosters, imaginary ones.  That’s what I think he was talking about the last intro.  Oh, I…you slept so good, I slept so good; it’s wonderful.  So, that would be…oh, so that’s…you don’t need to listen to me.  That’s what I meant.  There’s also no pressure to fall asleep.  I’m gonna be here for about an hour.  You drift off as you need to.  I’m here to keep you company.  There’s no right or wrong way to do this.  I’ll be here ‘til the very end if you need me, and then you could listen to 299 other episodes in a row.  So, that’s the structure of the show.

 

The reason I make the show is ‘cause I’ve been there in the deep, dark night, unable to fall asleep, waking up and not able to…whatever it is.  I know it can kinda feel lonely and frustrating, and I want to help.   I want to…with a little bit of silliness, a little bit of kindness, and a little bit of company.  Speaking of which, tonight’s company will be a second season of a series we did a while back with some familiar characters; Simon, G, and DK.  So, that’ll be the story after this intro.  Yeah, I mean, I think this…so, let’s take…let’s try to find a metaphor here for the podcast.  So, I was talking about my dog Koa and how most of the time she gives me a nice morning greeting.  Now, she doesn’t sleep in my room all the time.  Just on the nights Sophia’s here, she sleeps in Sophia’s bed.

 

Koa doesn’t sleep in my bed; she sleeps next to it which is a luxury ‘cause I used to have a bed in my living room…was my bedroom and so, that was a tough situation ‘cause I just had a curtain up that was the width of the bed, and then Koa would sleep in the living room in front of the couch on her dog bed.  So, we had a little more…so, this is a new stage in our relationship because I couldn’t see…I could be aware of her through the curtain and then pass the couch to the living room floor which was also my bedroom except for the illusion of the curtain room.  But now I have a room, and then I can look over and see her on the floor next to me.  Then she can make eye contact with me which maybe…not all…she’d say what were you saying in your sleep last night?

 

What were you…were you pretending you were…were you dreaming you were Bette Midler again?  I’d say Koa, when did you learn to talk?  Then she would…she starts singing like Bette Midler.  You said okay, this is a dream.  So, that was a bad example.  But sometimes I’ll wake up actually, and I’ll make eye contact with her and she’ll greet…help me greet the day.  I guess that was my point.  Sometimes you say well, we just saw each other when I went to the bathroom at three in the morning, right?  Or you say, are you…you’re greeting me out of the joy of seeing me or because you want to go out…O-U-T?  But usually it’s…a lot of times it’s just…you say well, just appreciate me; give me some pets.  How’s that?  Okay, that’s soothing.  Petting you is soothing me.  But my point I guess is that it’s a nice way to start the day.

 

[00:40:00] I guess it could be a little bit stimulating ‘cause you say okay, you’re getting the dog’s energy, sympathetic vibration, then you’re doing some tactile dog-petting and soothing.  Maybe there’s a layer of self-soothing in there.  Maybe there’s some inner child, inner animal connection.  A nice little way to kick the day off.  But so, this podcast is like a lower level version of that where you say okay, that’s a good way to…we don’t need to kick bedtime off, for sure.  I don’t…there doesn’t need to be any wagging or panting or whatever.  At least in my bed, there’s not.  But to gently go into bedtime, but with a little bit of a smile on your face or a smirk where you say well, Scoots is here.  Not sure exactly what he’s talking about.  Not sure if he’s got exactly a point, but he’s here to keep me company.

 

He’s here to take my mind off of stuff.  He’s here to be my bore-bud, my bore-bae, my bore-friend, my bore-sib, my bore-cuz, my bore-bestie, and to be my companion in the deep, dark night.  He’s been there.  He knows how it feels.  Mostly a counter thing to that is just to be a little bit silly, a little bit goofy, to be myself.  I don’t know if something about this environment and sitting here talking to you…that both puts me at ease and helps me to put you at ease, maybe.  You say, I could let my guard down; Scoots is gonna keep me company.  So, that’s why I’m here.  If it’s your first few times here, give it a few tries.  That’s what most listeners and reviewers say.  You don’t have to like it.  It doesn’t work for everybody.  Lifehacker’s got plenty of good sleep podcasts listed on there.

 

There’s…I heard from the guy who makes Sleepy; he seems real nice.  Harris makes Sleep Whispers.  LibriVox has got some stuff, so there’s plenty of other stuff out there, but give this show a try.  Give it a try, see if it helps.  I hope it does.  I hope it does.  I work very hard.  I strive and I yearn and I’d really like to help you fall asleep.  So, thank you so much for coming by, and here’s a few ways we keep the show going.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, travel if you’re traveling around or you got travelers here, or work schedule, you know, life stuff.  Whatever is keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that.  What I’m going to do…first off, I got this safe place and if you’re new or even if you’re a regular listener and you say well, let me just…this is…I guess probe is the wrong word, but it’s kind of like a pokable safe place, ‘cause it’s a place; it doesn’t mind being poked.

 

Oh, boy.  I actually didn’t check in with the safe place.  Maybe we’ll call the safe place in a little later.  But it’s…you can kinda say…you know, say…every once in a while you gotta double-check, right?  You’re a human; you say okay, is there room for me to breathe here?  I think so.  Does it feel comfortable?  Yeah.  Or well, I don’t know.  Let me see.  If you’re new you say well, I’m skeptical about this safe place.  I say well, come on in.  Have a look around.  See what you think.  No pressure because here’s what I’m gonna do it…within this safe place, is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.  I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, a vocabulary book…deficient book…vocabulary deficiencies; there you go.  I finally…quick, add a -y onto that and we’ll fix it.

 

Thanks, vocabulary brain.  You know, not that you need a…you’re doing a great job.  It’s intentional.  You work extra-hard at making things a little bit harder to follow.  That’s part of the show.  Lulling…pointless meanders, super…all to take your mind off…so if you’re new, I’m glad you’re here.  Welcome.  The main thing is that I hope I can help you fall asleep or help take your mind off of stuff as you fall asleep.  So, we could see how it goes.  If you’re…the kinda curiosity if you’re new to kinda take in the show is a curiosity…a low-stakes curiosity, a curiosity where you really don’t care.  I do have, of course, a metaphor for that.  Kinda like if you’re watching a bird, and this is the curiosity part; you say, hm.  You’re in that totally chill zone.

 

Maybe you’re on vacay…vacation, vacay, or you’re just sitting somewhere relaxing, or you’re just being mindful in the moment, and you’re watching a bird.  You’re not a birder; you’re just like me, an amateur occasional bird…you may be a bird-viewer, you may be a bird-watcher, you might be a whale-watcher that likes birds.  You’re watching the bird go across the sky.  Maybe you’re curious what kind of bird it is.  This happens to me; I get curious.  Wonder where that bird’s going?  The sky’s pretty big and birds can fly pretty high, so at some point you might kinda be like, huh; well, anyway, I got other stuff…you…you’re curious, and this isn’t to offend any birds out there.  You wonder oh, maybe it’s just…you say huh, well, I’ve moved on.

 

My attention’s moved on because I was curious but not super…not so curious I had to find out where…I wondered where’s that bird going?  Birdhouse?  Bird nest?  Catching up with the flock?  Gonna go to a tree and just look around?  Ideally, it stays wherever it is in the distance if it’s gonna do its own sky business.  But I think I…I’m…then you say huh, oh yeah, I forgot; I was looking at that bird.  Well, it’s gone now.  Those are the kind of things you could forget about and usually you don’t even feel bad.  You say oh yeah, oh well, anyway, back to my…oh, I gotta tie my shoe.  So, if you’re new, kinda be curious and kinda watch this podcast, but you don’t have to concentrate too much.  I guess that was what I was actually trying to say, is if you try to force yourself to watch a bird in the sky, you might start to resent that bird.

 

You say well, can you get…are you go…first off, can you hear me?  No.  Do you happen to be the one kind of bird that lives…can read my thoughts?  Let me see if I could get ahold of…yep, okay, you are there.  Hey, I’m just try…thanks for letting me dial you in.  Hope any of the other stuff I said…oh, you weren’t listening; you’re flying around.  Oh good, ‘cause that’s kinda the…what I was trying to explain to the listeners, is if you focus too much on a…where a bird’s going, you might start to…you say okay, how long are you gonna fly across the sky for?  I know it’s great.  I can’t fly.  Oh really, flying is as great as it seems?  What do you prefer; soaring or flying?  They’re both amazing.  Oh, really?

 

Okay, well, I guess that’s…makes…do you ever feel a sense of performance when you’re flying and humans are watching you…kind of watching you?  Sometimes.  Okay, well, that’s a good…that’s more good information.  So, I was just telling people sometimes it’s just better to watch a bird when you’re watching it but not to have the pressure to watch it get all the way to its destination.  Oh, right; sometimes you’re just flying around.  Okay, well, that…okay.  I’ll try to get back to you.  Thank you.  Oh, what podcast?  Oh, it’s called Sleep With Me.  Oh, yeah, you’re chuckling.  No, no, no, it’s like, let’s say you got to your nest and you’re kicking off your family thing.  You’re there and you’re tending to your future flock, keeping those eggs warm, and you…but then you say well, I gotta think about these eggs and everything.

 

You start to think either about when you were just hatched or when they’re gonna hatch.  You say wow, there’s a lot to think about.  Oh, when you…when that happens you just remember flying and that…of course; that’s a coping mechanism I think, or just healthy bird behavior.  But if you did have a bigger brain…I mean, I don’t know; I’m not…this isn’t a judgement.  I’m pretty sure — no offense — your brain’s smaller than a pea.  That’s just what I imagine, but it does…yeah, but you can fly.  Of course.  Yeah, sorry about that.  I just was…I guess I just harbor a little bit of jealousy ‘cause you can fly, and the soaring part more gets me on the thermals.  I wouldn’t believe how it feels?  I guess I wouldn’t, ‘cause it sounds like it feels great.

 

[00:50:00] Though, oh, so I guess if you had something on your mind and you couldn’t imagine flying…well, I guess you wouldn’t be imagining it; you’d be recalling it or anticipating future flights.  I would tell you a story to take your mind off of that.  Maybe in your case it’d be a story about flying.  I did actually do a episode called Cloud Tower.  Oh, you’ll check it out?  Great.  Oh, could I give you a phone?  Possibly.  I’ll think about that.  Let me think about it, actually.  Oh, that’s how the podcast works.  Here’s the other thing, just while I have you here.  You might like this; no pressure to listen.  I always tell the new listeners that; they don’t need to listen to me.  I’m here to keep them company and take their mind off of stuff but not over-engage them, though they could kinda turn the…yeah, adjust how they want it.

 

Exactly my point.  Yeah, sometimes you feel like flapping your wings, sometimes you feel like flapping your gums if you’re a human.  Well, we don’t have wings, unfortunately, so gum-flapping…oh, that was a joke.  Oh, okay.  Yeah.  Though, could you just…no offense, bird, could you just accept my information?  I’m really not looking for a two-part…go on.  Maybe I should…if I only I had that in my toolbox.  I’m picturing myself soaring.  Okay, I can kinda feel that, yeah.  Yeah, the podcast is a little bit like that, soaring up above things.  Thank you.  Alright, I guess I was judging you before…you are a good partner.  Yeah, and you see…you’re either seeing the big picture or you’re just up there relaxed and on the thermals and you don’t really…there is no picture at all.  It just is.  Wow.  Yeah, you’re just there soaring.

 

Wow, okay.  Yeah, so, that’s kinda the thing; you might not even be looking.  So, the podcast is kinda like that.  You don’t need to listen to it, just like a bird up on the thermals, soaring.  Okay, kind of almost like a bird up on the thermals soaring.  Thanks for that correction.  Here’s the other thing; no pressure to fall asleep.  That’s kinda weird that it’s a sleep podcast, but this podcast is more here to keep you company as you drift off and be here in case you can’t sleep or you wake up.  That’s why the shows are an hour.  Plenty of time to fall asleep whenever you want, but also it’s why I make this show all the way to the very end.  Tonight we’ll be talking about The Good Place once I get through the intro.

 

So, the show structurally goes business, that’s how we keep the show free, then a intro which is a part of the show about twelve or fourteen minutes where we kinda find some fun friend to talk to and attempt to explain what the podcast is, and a lot of listeners fall asleep during that.  A lot of other listeners use it as part of their wind-down.  Kinda like their soar-up; exactly.  I prefer another word other than soar-up ‘cause it kinda sound like syrup, but we’ll work on it.  You’re right; if I had a more extensive vocabulary, it would have been…okay.  Whoa, boy.  You must listen to the podcast.  You’re just playing with me.  Oh, you’re soaring around in my brain; that’s why.  So, you’re a subconscious bird.  Well, now you’ve been brought into my consciousness.

 

Can you get…could you fly…could I send a message to you like a pigeon to Dr. Freud to see what Dr. Freud has to say about all this?  I wouldn’t want to know the answer?  Okay, that’s all I needed to know.  Thank you.  Though, could you go back to soaring while I finish this?  So, and even this could be…oh, so there’s a long intro that is part of the show, helps you wind down.  A few…2% or 3% of listeners skip ahead to the story or the discussion of The Good Place tonight, though that’s…oh, so that’s the structure of the show.  You don’t need to listen, no pressure to fall asleep, I’ll be here for about an hour.  I think I covered everything.  Oh, that’s another thing you like to do, is cover things.  Yeah, I’m aware of it.  I see my car; I say, what do these birds…?  So, yeah, so if you’re new or you’re a regular listener, I’m glad you’re here.  I hope the podcast can keep you company if you can’t sleep, but ideally you just drift off.

 

You listen for a little while, maybe get to the talk coming up about the Soul Squad and what happened in the episode, or maybe you don’t.  Maybe you’re just picturing that bird soaring.  I guess…bore-bird.  I think we did…we have used that before, bore-bird, but I’ll be like your bore-bird where you’re watching it; the thermals, the flapping, the drifting, maybe a feather fluttering to the ground.  There’s some vocabulary.  Yes, thank you, bird; it’s at eighth-grade level.  Terrific.  Well, and, you know, you relax and you can drift away whether it’s on eagle’s wings or the breath of dawn, or just like a cloud or something…floating sponge of relaxation.  Oh yeah, I should have stuck to the sky metaphors.  You know, there’s just things that come up sometimes that keep us awake that go from our subconscious where they could have just been flying around, minding their own business, and staying…I don’t know if birds have heard this term, but staying in their lane.

 

Then they fly and then they say hey, they got a lot to add to this conversation.  I appreciate it ‘cause it is about sometimes seeing the big picture and sometimes saying I don’t need to see any picture at all.  I’m just here in the moment fully.  I guess Sleep With Me is neither of those.  It’s like hey, I’m kinda in the moment of the podcast listening, but I’m not invested in that moment.  As you listen to it go on and, again, the episode discussion coming up here, you can drift off and get some rest ‘cause you really, truly do deserve a good night’s sleep.  That’s what I believe.  That’s why I’m glad you’re here and that’s why I work hard on this show.  Thanks for coming by and here’s a couple of ways we keep the show going.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We…you do it with a bedtime…we do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is to create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, maybe there’s something physically keeping you up, maybe there’s something you’re experiencing emotionally that’s keeping you up.  Maybe you’re on the road.  Maybe you’re just…two nights ago you know you have to get up early.  That happened for me.  Or you were in a social situation and you said well, it went…trying to wind-down.

 

Maybe you got a change in work schedule.  Maybe you just can’t sleep and you want a friend there to keep you company while you drift off.  Well, that’s what I’m here to do.  The way I’m gonna do it is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.  I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, dis…I don’t know if I…I think I probably used this; disconnected dialogue.  I’ve been disconnected a few times.  I’ve dis…you know.  The multitude of ways I could use the word disconnection…if I could say a multitude in disconnection.  But I’m here to help you kinda un…what is that?  Is it disconnect?  What is it called when you go to bed and you chill out and you say well…I guess it’s unplug, they say.

 

But really, you want to…I call it moon mode or something ‘cause you say well, I want to know it’s charged.  I’m not gonna unplug it.  I’m not gonna bring it in bed with me, devices.  But you say yeah, you want it charged.  Disengaged; I guess that was the word I was looking for, is…yeah.  I think that’s it.  I’m here to help you disengage.  If you’re new…I said I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night, lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, right?  I’m here to help.  So, what I’m gonna do if you’re new, is…this is a podcast that you don’t need to listen to or try to make sense of.  It’s a bit like a passing cloud where you say well, it kinda looks like this.  Oh, now it’s gone or it’s changing.  It’s wispy.  I mean, my voice is crisp…it’s not crispy.  It’s creaky.

 

It’s not…I guess maybe some people would say it sounds a little bit crispy, but it’s not wispy.  But my thoughts are wispy; holy cow.  I said, I didn’t even know what…I did know what wispy was ‘cause I say when I look at a cloud, I say well, that’s kinda how I feel sometimes.  I guess because of the power of clouds, you could kinda do that no matter what, anyways.  Well, that one looks a little frowny.  That one looks like I want to curl up, get a little bit more comfortable here.  This one looks like I’m in the middle of a podcast intro where I was trying to explain something to a new listener and then I got off track.  [01:00:00] Now I want to curl up a little bit more and come back and say oh yeah, you don’t need to listen to me.  That was thing one.  Did I mention I’m glad you’re here?  I hope I can help?  So, the podcast you don’t need to listen to.

 

There’s also no pressure to fall asleep.  We’re gonna be here about an hour, or I’ll be here.  You drift off when you want but if you need me, I’m here to the very end.  If you can’t sleep or you woke up or you were like me the other night where you say what in the heck?  I just want to go to…I gotta get up in like, three hours or four hours; why can’t I just get to sleep, here?  I’ll be here with some goofy stuff or goofing around, or a story in this case to keep you company, to try to distract you, at least take your mind off things.  But ideally, as I take your mind off things and you realize…I’m a little bit disconnected or, whatever, dis…whatever, un-engaged…it’s weird kind of semi-engagement I’m trying to do, almost like…it’s not sitting in silence obviously, but when you have a relationship with someone that…where you can disengage side-by-side in silence, it’s very picturesque.

 

You know, sitting there in rocking chairs, I would presume — at least in this image in my mind — rocking in rocking chairs separately, and you’re just chilling.  You’re not talking, you’re not really doing anything.  Maybe the other person…maybe one of you is listening to birds.  Maybe the other person’s watching birds.  Maybe one of you…someone might be working with yarn or knitting.  But whatever it is…what was my point?  Oh, you don’t need to listen to me, no pressure to fall asleep.  I’m gonna be here to keep you company, to be at your side as you drift off, as your thoughts get wispy and maybe ideally float away or dissipate.  So, that’s a couple things.  Structure of the show; show starts off with a few minutes of business which you may have heard.

 

That’s how we keep the show going and 300 episodes out there free.  Then there’s some…also some business sometimes between the intro and the episode.  If you’re a regular listener, it’s important.  If you’re new, not super important.  So, okay, so…oh, then there’s a intro, which usually the intros are around twelve minutes.  I think we’re probably already six minutes into it.  It’s kind of a show within a show where I try to give an example.  Like I said, where you can’t sleep and then try to explain how the podcast works.  I’m never…I’ve never been so successful that I’m like, that’s the intro; I’m gonna use that for every episode henceforth, or hereto-forth, or going forward.  I’m always like huh, almost caught what the podcast was there, but not quite.  So, there’s a intro around twelve minutes.

 

Some listeners fall asleep during the intro.  A lot of listeners use it as part of their wind-down routine where they say oh, this is my bore-buddy here to help me fall asleep, here to help me drift off.  I’m gonna get my teeth brushed, I’m gonna get my bed set, get all my bedding arranged how I like it, do some initial tossing and turning while Scoots is talking, do some cat…a cat does to its bed or a dog does, maybe do some dog…where you push your pillow with your head a little bit.  Pillow nudging; I think that’s what dogs call it.  Or at least when I say is…what are you doing, nudging your pillow?  Then they just look at me.  I would assume that’s a yes.  Or…what…actually, I assume it’s…what do you think I’m doing?  Well, it looks like you’re nudging your pillow with your head.

 

Then they say…they give me another look.  What do you think?  I say okay, so, I don’t understand.  Are you not nudging your pillow with your head or are you?  My dog does actually sigh, so I have that advantage.  Then I have to…and I don’t know if this happens in interpersonal relationships — for me it does — you say okay, what did that sigh mean?  Oh, boy.  Maybe I won’t think of it ‘til I get into bed, pull the covers up, and I say remember when Koa sighed earlier when you asked her five times in a row if she was nudging her pillow?  Did I mean nooging her pillow?  Oh, man.  Maybe that made her think of the nooge which was a fail Halloween costume when we were going to go together.  Oh, no.  Then you say, no wonder she sighed at me.

 

What kind of dog owner am I, asking my dog about nudging instead of just letting her nudge her pillow in silence?  So, I don’t know if that keeps anybody up.  Probably it…I say maybe she’s sighing about something else.  I mean, usually dogs…at least with dogs, they say…hey…I mean, they have a way of getting us a message, like hey, I gotta go to the friggin’ bathroom.  It’s kinda like when you’re on a plane and you…for me, it’s always a debate.  Hopefully I don’t get the middle seat.  Then it’s like well, if I get a aisle seat I can go to the bathroom whenever I want.  If I get a window seat, I get to look out the window which I really enjoy.  Also, if it’s a day flight, the only time I could sleep on flights is if it’s a day flight and I’m trying to get work done, and then I can sleep like a baby.  Then of course, I could sleep against the wall…the body.

 

But otherwise it’s like, for me, I’m…I try to say…the perfect situation is everybody in the whole row goes to the bathroom at the same time.  I mean, gets up and goes.  The first part of that would not be…would be…I guess it would never be the perfect situation.  It would be some sort of…talk about sympathetic vibrations.  But otherwise I spend my time kinda trying to…I say okay, that person’s taking their headphones out.  Maybe I should make my move now.  I just had a flight where I did it twice; the woman sitting in the aisle got up and I said to the young man between us…I said well, I better go now.  But that was pretty early on and it was a long flight, and I had drank the drink the plane provided me, two cups of coffee before the flight left, and a Mountain Dew that I had bought at the airport.

 

Then as the flight started to go on, I said to myself do I need…I had that internal debate.  These are the kind of things that keep me up at night, too.  You say, do I need to go, do I not need to go?  Should I…in reality you say well, it’s not that big of a inconvenience to ask two people to stand up, for an adjusted person.  But for me, I say oh, boy.  Then I saw…then I was reading…I said I wonder if either one of these two is thinking about this.  Then I can’t remember which one of the people in my row got up, but I said…maybe that was the first time all three of us got up and went.  The second time I said…no, I think…well, I don’t know.  But I was debating it and then I was saying well, I don’t really…this is…would be a preemptive strike ‘cause I think there was an hour…they said about an hour and fifteen minutes ‘til we got on the ground.

 

I said well, this…you never know how long you’ll be sitting there after you get on the ground.  So, instead of…this is what bedtime could be like for me.  I don’t know if…like I said, but then finally, by some…then the woman in the aisle got up and maybe the young man got up, too.  I think that’s what happened the first time though, ‘cause I think he was still in his seat.  But that time, I didn’t think it was a situation.  I said well, now I’ll go because she got up, so it’s less of a inconvenience.  Then when I…I said holy cow, I did…I was like whoa, I…good thing I did, because I guess…sorry, this might be TMI but I said…well, then I ran through my drinks like I just did and I said, huh.  That would have been just uncomfortable, I guess, waiting.  So, and even that, a lot of people would say who does that?

 

I know some of you can relate.  You say yeah, I do; I proactively have…going to the bathroom pre…pro…I call it being proactive.  Other people call it worrying.  I said well, what do you want me to think about on the plane, the movie or the work I’m doing or…?  I say well, I got extra brain space to say well, what should…when should we go to the bathroom?  Well, when you have to go.  Okay, well, but which point?  ‘Cause…doesn’t…we always have to go, kind of?  Well, how much did we…?  Well, now that you mention it, now that’s all I can think about.  Well, we just went ten minutes…oh, we did.  Oh, boy.

 

So, I don’t know if bedtime gets like that for any of you, but what I found, even in that situation, is if you get distracted, if your mind gets carried away by the beauty of the passing plane…P-L-A-I-N-E…you see Des Moines or you might say we’re flying over Sioux Falls, or you say what is that circle there?  Suddenly it’s a different situation when you’re removed from those thoughts, when you’re taken away, or you get it taken care of.  Then you get back to your seat, say phew, let me get back to playing [01:10:00] Roller Coaster Tycoon Classic, which I just allow myself…when we’re in the take-off and landing.  Pro tip; if that kinda stuff…it’s not a cheap game.  I think it’s like, $5.99, but if you’re…if those two things stress you out and you pick your…and you’re like a little simulation, a near 8-bit-style Roller Coaster Tycoon Classic, pick it up.

 

Holy…you won’t even notice.  You’ll be like, wait a second…is your seat tray down?  Okay, that means I gotta get to work.  But I didn’t even notice it was seat tray time.  Anyway, the podcast is kinda here to fill a role like that, a little bit more personal, a little bit more friendly.  I’m here to help because I’ve been there, whether it’s just the thoughts or at night.  I’m here to help.  Now, this podcast doesn’t work for everybody, especially the first time, so give it a few tries, see if it works for you.  See how it goes.  Most listeners say it took two or three times.  But I’m here to help.  I wish it worked for everybody.  If it doesn’t, I’m sorry.  You could try letting me know.  I could say well, these are some other things I tried.  But I hope it works for you.  I work very hard and I yearn and I strive to help you fall asleep.  Thank you again for coming by and here’s a few ways we keep the show going.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

(www.leahtranscribes.com)

Notable Language:

• Crossword-Based Communiqué (CBC)
• Gore Tex
• Moon Mode

Notable Culture:

• Michael Bublé
• Footloose
• Sigmund Freud

Notable Talking Points:

• The Boise Association of Metaphor Enthusiasts
• A Cloak with Only Sleeves
• Soaring on Thermals