986 – Bernie, BTS, Stridey, and Lily
Episode 986 – Bernie, BTS, Stridey, and Lily
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time, patron peeps, for me to say that and for me to briefly sing to my patron peeps. Thanks, patrons. What do you say we get on with the show?
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. Could be thoughts, things on your mind, could be feelings, some…so, things about the past, present, or future, or emotions related to thoughts, emotions that are just there, emotions…feelings, physical sensations, or it could be something else.
It could be changes in time, temperature, schedule, someone else’s schedule, whatever; you got changing…it could be humid…I mean, it definitely…there’s a high percentage of chance sometimes parts of the year, it could be humidity-related. Maybe sometimes you…that would be something you say well, I didn’t even realize that. Gives me another something else to think about, of what percentage of humidity is in my place when it’s not humid but to check that…what is…but is it always humid? Most places…depends on how you define humid. Well, that’s a great thing to wonder about later. Hopefully I’ll come back to that ‘cause I’m sure there is a standard. Of course, probably they say well, in the US you picked your own standard. Everywhere else in the world, yes, it’s base one.
We measure it with the metric system, just so you know, except where…in the empire. You have the imperial system, the colonialist system, and the rest of the world uses metric system. I’m just being lighthearted but I bet…and they say yeah, everywhere else, this is how we measure humidity. That’s not a barometer, right? Barometer measures barometric pressure. Holy cow, my brain just remembered something on the first try. Oh, sorry though, I’m here doing a intro for a sleep podcast. So, let me refocus. So, whatever’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that. Barometric pressure, that could be something that you say well, yeah, I feel…I’m feeling that barometric pressure. I’m sure some people are sensitive to that. I’m not even kidding, either.
I mean, you hear those things about people saying…that their body parts are…they say well, wind’s coming soon. I can feel it in my elbow. Is that why you’re dipping your elbow in milk? No, that’s ‘cause that person on the sleep podcast invented that as a way of self-soothing. Then he even said yeah, don’t throw out your cereal milk. Well, one, most people drink it but two, I’ll dip my elbow in it later. You say pop, no. If you want to live with us, you can’t do that because then you just leave…there’s bowls of uncovered milk in the…cereal milk in the refrigerator. No, that’s elbow milk for dipping elbows. It’s so good. You could…everybody can feel good about it when you dip your elbows in…and they say, is that why you started doing yoga, pop? Because you’re…?
Yep, I wanted to be able to do a Downward Dog into dipping my kneecaps into milk. Yeah, you could use a milk alternative, of course. But why, pop? Because, well, ‘cause it feels nice. But it got on my…okay, well, you’re right. We do have to work towards a solution. I understand that I got some milk on your rug and I apologize. Wow, we just had a breakthrough here live on what was supposed to be the…oh, so, what I’m gonna try to do…how did…I mean, elbow milk has come up on this podcast before. Was that a solution that came up for barometric…if you’re feeling pressured by the barometrics? What if that’s…well, that could be someone…you say well, that…yeah, that was my life with a third-rate glam-rock band, Pressured by the…it was all about peer pressure from the barometrics. So, okay, so where am I here?
Oh, whatever’s keeping you awake, I’m gonna take your mind off of that. I’m gonna try to create a safe place. Yo, did you see that? That was a kind of safe place. There was a…I guess that somewhere in my mind there is a…it sounds like a daughter and a father thing. Maybe my mind working out future…my subconscious trying to work out future problems, then ten years from now they’ll tell me those things at night and I won’t…I’ll say I don’t need this for another twenty years or thirty years. They say well, I’d start thinking about it right now ‘cause we’ve been processing it for ten years. But whatever’s keeping you awake, I’m…what I’m gonna do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones. Oh, these tones are…oh, so creaky are these tones.
Some people say why are they creaky? Or, a lot of reviews lately have said yeah, I didn’t really think…I don’t know why the creaky, dulcet…and neither do I. That’s what I would say. They work because…I don’t know. There is something…here’s…whoa boy, we’re gonna go way far field. So, if you’re new…if you’re a regular listener, you’re in for a real factoid ‘cause listeners love when I reveal stuff and this is something I haven’t talked about. So, if you’re a regular listener, I’m gonna go on a tangent and then I’ll try to introduce the podcast. But this is what happens anyway every single episode. This is not backed up by science but so, I used to have this way I would self-soothe.
So, regular listeners or new listeners…and it’s indirectly related to creaky, dulcet tones but it comes from the same vibration that I can feel and hopefully you could feel in your ears right now where I’m trying to comfort you. It’s almost like trying to create a audio safe place that has this physical aspect. I mean, that’s one of my goals, right? I did have this way of self-soothing and my poor roommate…’cause it was particularly if I had…back in my day when I was out there, as they say, and I was imbibing too much, particularly, though I would do it even when I wasn’t imbibing too much, but only if I did not feel good. I would do the same vibration right now that I’m using the creaky, dulcet tones. You could feel that, right? That vibration right there? But I would just make noises which…I can’t do it now.
You could e-mail me and I’ll try to record something. Just, ‘cause if I do it right now and then someone’s listening to episode after episode and they hear me kinda groaning, it’s a bit like that, though. That would be the closest I could do without it being…waking somebody up and they say what is that? Why is Scooter groaning? I used to do that in bed. My roommate Chris, he was my roommate for three different years, this poor, poor young man, a great person. He was the one that had to deal with it the most. I would lie there and I would sometime…and it would just soothe me, particularly if I had too much to drink and then I started not feeling good, or if I had so much that I was like, full limbic, like, I was…I don’t know what the full limbic means but I was so relaxed I would just make this noise.
Or if times…other times I did not feel good, and it wasn’t just a groaning. It was something much more subconscious even though I was aware of it. Not like a groan; a groan comes from more of your upper palate. This comes from the creaky, dulcet zone which is in the back of the throat in the…you can feel it, right? It’s comforting. So, that’s kinda where…the counterintuitiveness of the creaky, dulcet tones is…the creaky, dulcet tones you could feel. That’s the main thing. I want you to feel something like comfort or distraction. So, I don’t know, I could talk about it more at some point. But anyway, new listeners, sorry, that was a little behind the…BTS, as they say. But not BTS the supergroup or the group that’s super.
Okay, so, if you’re new, a couple things to know; one — you’ve already figured this out, though — this podcast is very different and it is not for everybody. But please give it a few tries for your sake, not for mine. I only want you to listen if the podcast is gonna work for you, but the majority of people’s experiences, it takes two or three tries. Then you say oh, okay, I get the creaky…I get that I don’t [00:10:00] listen to him. So, see how it goes but if you’re skeptical or doubtful, that makes total sense, or even if you’re like, I don’t think I like this but I’m not sure yet, just see how it goes. So, that’s that. What else? Oh, so give it a few tries, it doesn’t work for everybody, I hope it works for you, it’s a podcast you don’t really listen to. You just kinda barely pay attention.
So you say hm, okay…just like that, you…just like other times where you could get called out for pretending to listen. Here you just kinda actively do it. You say holy cow, I just went full creaky. I think I over-creaked my creaky dulcets. So, you could just…you say uh-huh, okay, mm-hm, yeah. So, you groaned in bed, eh? Mm-hm. Wow. So, just kinda pretend to listen. Also, this podcast does not really put you to sleep. It’s more here to keep you company as you fall asleep versus putting you to sleep which is why the shows are over an hour, so you don’t have any tension. You say oh, they’re over an hour; I got plenty of time to fall asleep. Oh, I don’t have to worry about it and if I can’t sleep, Scoots is gonna be there to keep me company.
That’s really my job, to keep you company as you fall asleep or if you can’t sleep or if you wake up, I’m here. There’s plenty of people that listen that aren’t asleep right now and they’re here with us kinda sitting around, feeling those creaky dulcets. So, they’re keeping us company too which is pretty nice, or we’re keeping one another company across the deep, dark night, across the globe. There is this strange solidarity. That’s why I call it the deep, dark night. So, whether you’re awake or asleep, that’s the other important thing, is yeah, if you can’t sleep, I’m here. If you can and you’re not listening, I’m here for you to not listen to. Great little deal. So, it’s a podcast that doesn’t put you to sleep, you don’t really listen to it, so tell us the good parts.
Well, let me tell you more of the stuff that’s harder to get used to other than that…we’re already ten minutes into the show, which goes into the structure of the show, which also can evoke really strong feelings, particularly with regular podcast listeners because it doesn’t follow a normal structure. The show starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, so everybody’s welcome, kinda like a greeter that says hey, come on in. We’re glad you’re here. Then there’s…oh, then there’s stuff to support listeners, then there’s business, so that’s kinda interdependent of stuff. I want to support you and the show needs support to stay free. So, there’s the business; that takes about six minutes or so, maybe eight or whatever.
Then there’s somewhere around fourteen to twenty-four minutes of me introducing the podcast and the introduction as you hear here where I go off-topic and go on tangents or think about humidity and never go back to it, and then explain what creaky, dulcet tones are and then try to explain what the podcast is. So, for a new person or some person that doesn’t like the intro, the good thing is you could just skip the intro or most of it. If you start the show at twenty minutes, you might have to listen to a few minutes of intro and business, but you get to do that for free, or you…patrons, a couple thousand patrons listen to all-in…or all…story-only episodes. Believe it or not though, there’s even more patrons that listen to intro-only episodes.
So, if you’re new, just kinda…the main reason is to try it out, is to kinda see how it goes. But oh, the reason the intro goes on and on and on is ‘cause I don’t know if you’re like a lot of listeners. Like, 2% skip the intro but for most people, we need a way to ease into bedtime and get some distance and quiet things down so that we can get to sleep. If it was as simple as closing a door or turning a switch, you might not be listening to this podcast anyway. So, the intro serves as a…to be a part of your bed town…bed town routine. Your bed…your wind-down routine or your bed-down routine. So, if you’re getting ready for bed or you’re in bed or you’re doing something calming and comforting, it could be a part of that routine. Part of that routine is you’re drifting away slowly.
Yeah, it’s to get some distance from whatever keeps you awake and kinda almost to sneak into bedtime in some sense, to sneak past those threshold guardians that — at least for me — that get in the way. So, that’s why the intro really goes on and on and on, is it’s just what we’ve seen work over time, is this little method. Then it really becomes something…a lot of people grow out of listening to the podcast in this beautiful way because they built a bedtime routine with Sleep With Me and then they realize oh, the other parts of my bedtime routine work just fine. Now I know Sleep With Me will be there if I have something going on, but otherwise I don’t need it anymore. I mean that for me, listeners graduating from the show, that’s awesome. I know that just like everybody, there’s seasons of life.
So, maybe they’ll come back, maybe they won’t. Maybe they’ll just tell somebody else about it. It’s not a big deal. I’m here to help you and keep you company when you…while you need it, so that’s why the intro goes on and on and on, but yeah, if you have strong feelings about it, again, just see how it goes because it really serves a purpose and the purpose is to give you some distance from daytime and bedtime, and then the business is to keep it free. So, yeah, then after the intro is more business. That’s just how podcast structure works, then there will be a story. Tonight will be a real treat; we got Bernie the butterfly coming by to tell us a story with a pretty long setup.
A little bit of story, a whole lot of setup about a water strider and a lily pad which seems to be Bernie’s favorite subject matter as of late, so that’ll be nice. Then there’s thank-yous at the end, so that’s the structure of the show. The other thing to know that’s important is that you are important. The reason I make the show is because you deserve a good night’s sleep. You deserve a place of respite where you could get a little space and a little break, and that’s why I make the show, is because our world will be a better place if your world’s a better place, even if…ideally you get into a place where you’re flourishing but if you just get a little rest, it’s gonna be a little bit nicer.
The other reason is because I know how it feels on the other side when it’s not so nice and it’s tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep; I got all those. Thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, so…for me to help you when I know how it feels in the deep, dark night, the feelings and all that, it’s my honor. I think that’s it. I’m glad you’re here. I really hope I can help you. I really work hard, I yearn and I strive. Again, I hope I can help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by, and when your hand hits the fridge tomorrow, remember, here’s a couple of ways I’m able to bring this podcast to you twice a week.
Alright everybody, Scoots here. Now, tonight we have a guest coming on the podcast, and it’s been a little while since he was on the podcast. The last time, he kinda snuck on the podcast. He went undercover and started to tell a story, and then it ended up it wasn’t what we thought. It ended up being a beautiful story, so I said Bernie, why don’t you come back? Why don’t you do another story? But it does need some setup, especially for new listeners or for people that haven’t listened in a while, or maybe just missed all the other Bernie the butterfly episodes. So, Bernie the butterfly is a frequent guest on the…well, yeah, as frequent as we have guests which is once or twice a year. I know Bernie…actually, Bernie doesn’t want to be on the podcast any more than that. He’s one of the few guests that says no thanks.
So, Bernie the butterfly is a butterfly, a…I mean, I guess technically you’d say more…much more than a butter…the most…the only butterfly that I know of that’s achieved full sentience, lived…been around since 2013, can speak, and so much more. So, probably some sort of…I don’t want to say a spiritual butterfly but he’s a butterfly with spirit. A couple other things to know; Bernie, he’s a bit like a cab driver. He sounds like a cab driver that you would see in an old New York movie in the 1960s or 70s. He does not…he’s not a super fan of humans, though he does like some humans. Humans overall, Bernie is fed up…and what triggered it was…so, Bernie’s always lived near me. Well, now lives with…has lived with me…I mean, on me in the sense of a house guest that never leaves.
But when I first met Bernie, [00:20:00] Bernie was a butterfly out flying around and somehow we got into a discussion about LeVar Burton and mostly Reading Rainbow, and butterfly can fly…I could fly twice as high. When Bernie heard about that, that’s how our friendship started because Bernie wasn’t happy about that. He said he doesn’t…he didn’t like that concept. He thought we were talking bad about butterflies. In some sense, Bernie…I mean, indirectly is calling us to a greater awareness and involvement in certain positive causes, to take care of our wonderful planet, Mother Earth. But he does it in a different way. Also, at some point…this is the only thing I gotta explain through…just…and I think I explained it one other time just to help Bernie.
Bernie became a fan of boy…Bernie loves a few things; boy bands and Gatorade or sport drinks. Now, some people might think this is a joke but when you say well, if those are your two loves, which is the most…which of those two loves is most healthy for a butterfly to consume in copious amounts on a regular, daily basis? Even when you live with Scooter…and I’d say…even I would say boy bands because you can’t have…butterflies can’t…Gatorade and sport drink in moderation. So, but Bernie…so, Bernie, he’s a big fan of boy bands; not that there’s anything wrong with US-based boy bands, but no…so far Bernie’s love has…I forget. Oh, but 1 Second of Summer? It’s 5 Seconds of Summer. This is not meant as a joke or a dig on any 5…I get…I do get all that mixed up.
So, I don’t know if Harry…I don’t think…I think Harry Styles is not in any of those bands. Oh, I just thought of their names; there’s Green Hair. I know that’s the drummer of 5 Seconds of Summer, and Calum, he’s like the bad boy, and then there’s the two dreamy ones, Ashton, maybe, Luke…Luke Hemmings. Is Luke Hemmings…is that somebody in a boy band? It sounds like it. I think Luke Hemmings might be in…but Harry Styles is not in 5 Seconds of Summer. Maybe I’ll…I guess I should look that up. But Bernie’s current love, just like the world’s current love in 20…late 2020 is BTS. That’s capital B, capital T, capital S. Even I can’t resist it. So, that’s…so, BTS is a seven-member South Korean boy band that formed in 2010, debuted in 2013. I guess that means they’re a septet.
They went from hip-hop to kind of a wider range of genres. I don’t know if they’ll have a holiday album out in 2020 or they already did, but they also have personal and social commentary. They touch on themes of mental health. This is from Wikipedia. They are, I mean, they really are great. Let’s see, they debuted in 2013, 2 Cool 4 Skool, then Dark & Wild, then Wake Up, then Wings. Let’s see, this…oh, that’s why…the main reason was today they were nominated for a Grammy, so congratulations BTS. I mean, that’s news. Today’s the day; that’s why Bernie’s…that’s really why I said today’s a great day for Bernie to record. Love Yourself World Tour. They sold out Wembley Stadium, highest-grossing engagement in Rose Bowl Stadium history.
They’ve partnered with UNICEF on the Love Myself campaign. They addressed the United Nations, the 73rd and the 75th General Assemblies. I think that’s…let’s see…let’s see what impact and influence other than…I’m sure that Bernie doesn’t get any credit but I mean, they’re big-time. So, impact and influence; easily the biggest and most successful name in K-pop. Oh, one of the reasons is they were on the 2019 Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. That is when Bernie became a BTS superfan. Yeah, they’re only second on streaming to Drake, biggest boy band in the world, the most influential people. So, just…I mean, really, they are inspirational. I’m not…I’m serious. I think it’s great. You know, Bernie has headphones now, so…or I wear headphones, so I…it’s not like I get overexposed to it. So, that was BTS.
I guess I could look up 5 Seconds of Summer just for…just to…oh, let’s look up Harry Styles first. Is Harry Style…? Yeah, Watermelon Sugar. Harry Styles, S-T…oh, no, it’s…yeah, S-T, not S-Y. Harry Styles; English singer and songwriter. So, he was a solo contestant on the X Factor. Oh, he was in One Direction. See? That’s what I thought but then I said no, One Direction’s from the 90s, Scoots. But yeah, no, Harry’s from One Direction. Let me just see who else is in One Direction so I don’t get that mixed up. Oh, Liam, Niall…Liam…okay, so…oh, Zayn was in One Direction? Wow. Learning a lot today. I think 5 Seconds of Summer is with the number 5. 5 Seconds…yep. They’re Australian. Oh, it is…Luke Hemmings is the rhythm guitarist and lead vocalist. Michael Clifford; he’s who Bernie calls Green Hair. No, no the drummer.
Calum…yeah, bass is Calum. Oh, Michael Clifford it says is the lead guitarist, and then Ashton Irwin. I think Bernie has a…wow, I’m looking at a picture of them from 2019; they don’t look the same as I remember them. They got a new look going, at least in…so, they’re now men. I mean, they’re not a boy band. But anyway, so, 5 Seconds of Summer…oh, but Bernie…I think Ashton’s the one…I don’t know, there’s some tension in Bernie’s mind between Luke and Ashton of who’s the real lead of the band and who’s gonna have the solo career. I think Bernie falls on Ashton’s side because Ashton’s like, less…maybe it’s Luke, though. I don’t know. But this is gonna be a story, so I’m gonna try to keep Bernie…so, without further ado, I guess, I’d like to present our tonight’s storyteller telling a fictional story and not just going through a list of merch of BTS or anything, Bernie the butterfly.
Hello, everybody. This here is Bernie the butterfly, and good to be in your ears here. No, I’m here to tells yous a story because I know that 2020…your Bernie…this is when we’re recording it, just a little behind-the-scenes, BTS Bernie style. Behind-the-scenes, yeah, BBTS; that’s Bernie behind-the-scenes. We’re recording this in late 2020 but you’ll be hearing this in 2021, so I hope you’re having a great year. I’m really appreciative of alls of yous listening to me. I haven’t been on the show in quite a while but when we did that, I had a nice little…we had a nice little time, so I thought I’d tell you — thanks to Scooter; he kinda set me up here — is this story of…well, it’s a story about a lily pad.
I like telling stories about lily pads because here’s the thing; butterflies…there’s dragonflies, and even though dragonflies really aren’t…well, here’s another…I don’t want to get my wings wet. That’s one, because it’s not a thing. I mean, we can get our wings wet. Believe me. Don’t tell scientists. Keep it to yourselves. Deal with your own stuff. I don’t need to hear about you correcting me from your bio-lab saying oh, Bernie, by the way, wing rigidity of…I realize the facts. I’m talking about my experience as a butterfly, not…I don’t…I do speak for all butterflies and mother nature, but that was a series I used to do, Mother Nature Talks Back. Boom; I used to do those episodes when I was much more agitated.
But now I’ve learned the healing power of music and dreamy eyes, and it really has changed me and made me more thoughtful in how I get what I want. I mean, you say oh, Bernie, you sound like…[00:30:00] no, no, no, I’m just more deliberate and more measured because I’d rather…I’m neither burning out nor fading away, just in case you had that on your calendar, especially those of you that say Bernie, actually, there’s butterflies…species of butterfly that loves lily pads. Also, they’re technically no…I say okay, thank you, thank you. Why don’t you bring your mother her breakfast already? So, I forgot what I was talking about. I guess I did get a little off-topic there because I got a little growly. I’ve been on the podcast now since the ‘14…2014, I think. Maybe even 2013. I was here before Ray, just so you know.
Scooter actually had Ray on the podcast to balance out my attitude. But yeah, I’m here to tell you a story, a story about a lily pad and a water strider. You could either go by The Lily Pad and the Water Strider or The Lily Pad and the…The Water Strider Who Needed a Break Over Here, or just I Needed a Break, because this is a famous tale. I wanted to start it somewhere where you wouldn’t expect it, in a world where dreams come true. I want you to picture the…kinda the picturesque end of the story or a part of the story where you’re gonna feel really good about it. But you’ll also wonder how in the heck? So, I want you to picture a vase or a vase over there sitting on a table, right? A beautiful vase. Now, this vase, you say whoa, is it a speckly? Is it…no, no, no, it’s a clear vase. It’s beautiful because of what’s inside of it.
The vase could be whatever shape you want. Go ahead, what shape did you pick? Oh boy, typical human, picking that kind of shape. You gotta…oh boy. But no, good job. I’m just kidding you. I’m just joshing you, whatever that means. But so, there’s a beautiful vase, a clear vase on the table. Let’s start with the table first. Tablecloth; a simple red and white checkered pattern like you’d see at a restaurant. Then you have your vase. The vase has water in it but the water is a healthy color; not perfectly clear because there’s roots in there and there’s green stuff, and there’s a little bit of mossy algaeic action in a good way, though. You say well, that looks like healthy water to me.
It’s clear but it’s not clear at the same time and it’s clear there’s something living in there, and there’s probably some good nutrients in that water. Maybe in the future, there’d even be a…what do you call it over there? What is that thing called? A fish or something. I don’t know about that. A little vase that’s a…the vase that’s a biome; coming to Bernie’s stories in the future. 2022; look out. But as the vase rises and you see…you’re following its roots and then you’re saying whoa, is that a stem? What is that beautiful thing attached to the roots? There’s roots coming out of it but then it becomes much more efficient as it rises up through the water and heads to the surface where it meets…what do you say? Oh, my goodness, a lily pad there.
You may say Bernie, at the bottom of the…what’s at the bottom of the vase or the vase? I’d say, whatever you wish. Maybe there’s some muck down there. I don’t know. Because then you say wow, there’s a lily pad in the vase. Not just any lily pad; the lily pad from this story. For convenience, just happens to be named Lily the lily pad. It’s in that vase or that vase and it’s…but it calls it its house, currently. It’s sitting on a table there. Also, then you move your…you say whoa boy, who would have thought that? Usually people put flowers in a vase. You say, is that a self-sustained lily pad environment? I’d say well, no, no, we’re…good care. It has to be taken care of.
You gotta watch the friggen sun, you gotta watch the temperature over there, you gotta talk to…now, this lily pad, I don’t gotta talk to it because you look to your right over there and you see not far…well, first off you say whoa boy, I want to move to the right, to the next thing you’re trying to expose me to, Bernie, but what I’m noticing…is that a flicker of candlelight? What is it? I say well, it’s one of those…now, this was a great…you humans, sometimes you can’t do much right. I mean, I don’t want to point any fingers ‘cause I don’t have any, but you’re always up to stuff. But this thing and…finally, now, you humans aren’t aware of it because you haven’t quite got there yet but scientists with LEDs and the solid state and the randomization…let Scooter know about this when you see this product because only I know about it, because I’m more advanced than a lot of yous.
But finally, the scientists in…some point in 2020202021 unveiled the…finally a LED candle that doesn’t…isn’t just okay. That’s been the pinnacle of LED candles and I know this because Scooter was big into them for his daughter’s night lights. I just want to review a quick…oh, by the way, BTS, congratulations on your Grammy which you’ll be getting. If you don’t get it, believe me, Bernie will not be happy, Grammy, whatever, board. Thank you for keeping…making 2020 something for me. It was very…I was able to listen to you and feel connected to the world and also K-pop stands, as they call you. Thanks for being active in the world. You’ve done a lot of good. You have…you remind me a bit of Chuck Tingle in the sense of you being fun and disruptive at the same time in a good way, subversive, I guess I would say.
So, thank you, K-pop and BTS fans, and K-pop everywhere. Anyway, sorry about that. So, finally these…so, the…okay, so, let me talk about great advancements in these LED candles. First you had your ones that were votives or whatever. Those have probably gone through a few things, but that’s pretty good. You say well, we’re doing pretty good. It looks like a little votive. You say okay, well, fix the warmth so it feels warm. You did that, and then you said make it look like a candle. You did that. Then some people said well, make something that flickers like a…so, some people put those pieces of plastic in there. Then you surrounded it in wax like a pillar candle. I said whoa boy, you humans, you’re doing good. Then you got kinda off track.
No offense, but you said well, let’s add a remote control in multi colors and all this kinda stuff so we could get the highest rating on the website. We’ll add programmable…we could…I said, what do you think I’m buying a friggen pillar candle for, to be purple or green? I mean, Scooter likes that stuff but he says hm, are we really…I’m looking for a candle-like experience over here. So, I said what the heck, humans? You’re getting distracted by multi-color LEDs. Then they said well, we put in a program here to simulate a candle. I said well, hello, I’m a butterfly; I can notice…the thing loops after fifteen seconds. It goes flicker, flicker, flicker, flicker, flicker, flicker, flicker. Then it repeats. I said that’s not randomization like a candle.
You need billions of possibilities if you’re gonna be a candle alternative in my book over here. But at some point they got it right and that’s what I was here to tell you, is that sitting on this table, that’s what you’re seeing ‘cause you can’t…you could say don’t put a candle on a table with a lily pad and a vase. You know, it’s just not gonna…too many possibilities over there. I mean, we already had to figure out gluing…well, we didn’t glue it. We used…oh, boy. This is another advancement because the…well, that’s part of the story but this candle’s not part of the story because they said…oh, so, finally they got a candle that looks like a real candle. So, that’s what you’re seeing flickering over theres on the glass of the vase of our friend Lily the lily pad. So, I just wanted to let you know.
I was just thinking, I wonder if there’s any [00:40:00] BTS-themed pillar candles. I don’t know if I’d want that ‘cause then I’d need one of each of them. I guess I wouldn’t be…I’d be…well, maybe not though, ‘cause I’d say oh boy, your eyes are even more dreamy. So, okay, no BTS. Oh, by the way, what is playing in the background but BTS music, though, that the lily pad seems to be enjoying by candlelight? But what makes candlelight more enjoyable but someone to enjoy it with? Who is there but in another vase? Now, this one is…I guess you’d say it’s more like a glass cylinder. It’s at the exact same height as the vase that…so, it could be…you could consider it a giant vase but it’s a circle which…a cylinder, which, it has a circle at the end. The bottom end is sealed because it’s full of water.
This water’s also murky. Like, it could hold a lily pad but oh boy, on the water is a water strider named…we’ll call this water strider Stridey because that’s my favorite name for water striders and friends of mind that are water striders, which these two happen to be my close friends. Stridey’s striding around. So, that’s where…that’s kinda where the story comes to a close. I wanted to tell you that up front. They’re enjoying each other’s company. Now, okay, so there’s a little bit more to it than that, but I guess I…maybe I’ll tell you that how we got there is the important part and that’s really the ending you should be focused on, not anything else related to it. So, just so you know in your head, that’s a happy moment, a lily pad and a strider together by candlelight.
Now, you say Bernie, as I start to bring it more in focus, I notice that’s an alley. It looks like it’s an alley out the back of a theatre or a restaurant or something. I’d say okay, let’s start off with how would we get here? Well, once upon a time there was a lily pad named Lily and a water strider named Stridey. There was a lot of lily pads and a lot of water striders in this here tributary of a river which you could…would mistakenly be called a swamp by somebody like Scooter. I’d say no, no, no, this is a tributary of a river, okay? It may be a little swampy, but get…don’t get it twisted. So, oh boy, was this…now, this was picturesque. But there was a couple things that you should know, is that…now, this one lily pad, Lily…happy enough lily pad, interacting with the other lily pads, producing chlorophyll, the whole nine yards.
But there was also something about being a lily pad that…your life is kinda planned out. You say well, I’m anchored here and I’m supposed to grow a flower and a stamen and a pistil and all that, and that’s what they tell me at school. They say don’t ask too many question ‘cause adults will blush. But that’s your destiny as a lily pad, so just keep it up. Hopefully you’re…you’ve grown into soil and you’ll get the right nutrients and no friggen boat run by a human will come by and muck it all up. But Lily, she always said sigh, that’s…you know, is this all there is to it, is just being a lily pad? Now, at the same time, there was a water strider named Stridey.
Stridey was one of many water striders out there, striding around, striding Stridey’s stuff, but again locked in this dance that Stridey didn’t necessarily feel Stridey had full control over called the circle of biology, you know, the intrinsic whatever, Darwin-type stuff. But you know, Stridey…and this wasn’t something…this was something that Stridey kinda felt a yearning inside to say well, I don’t know about…I like striding around. One time, Stridey started going down the same tributary that Lily was on, and striding around there and saying oh boy, at some point my system’s gonna go and then I’m gonna have to find another strider to stride-create or whatever. Is that all there just is, is just striding around until I get to be able to stride my stuff?
Stridey really liked…Stridey found Stridey’s self distracted by looking at lily pads just floating there on the water, the way the sun hit them, the way the water at different…when it was moving, the way the wind would ripple across them in the water. Even when Stridey was out when Stridey wasn’t supposed to be at night, the way the moon and the rippling and the reflecting, and even the temperature would affect these lily pads. Stridey said oh boy, I like striding around lily pads and looking at them. You know, Stridey would get a ear-full from the other…the lily pads…or the stride…the other water striders. They said that’s…what are you doing over there? You’re supposed to be over here with the available mates. You gotta protect your…perfect your striding technique, Stridey. You know, Stridey was over that.
Now, one thing…well, I’ll tell it…let me tell you about Lily. Now, Lily was the same. Lily said well, oh boy, you know what things make being a lily pad pretty good? The feeling of the wind, the feeling of the sun, the feeling of the water on me, but also all these different things I get to look at. Holy cow, biologists, save it; I don’t need to hear…one, water striders can’t hear. B) Lily pads can’t see. I’d say well, you spend your lifetime in a swamp and then after thirty years, send me the same message, please. So, Lily also started to notice the dragonflies and even the people. Of course, also on a subconscious level, being like, are these friggen humans gonna…what are they doing in the party boat? Can you keep your cans of sparkling water on your boat and your…oh boy, Gatorade. They say it’s the thirst aid but it’s so much more.
They once said that you have a deep, down body thirst. I have that all the time but Scooter says butterflies can’t drink Gatorade. Anyway, I’m back. So, then…sorry, I was just think…I just…a little Gatorade in…you know, sports aid…I know, I do have a taste for Kirkland Signature. It’s pretty darn…I’d sign it with my signature, I’ll tell you that much. They said Bernie, what’d you want to do before yous go? I’d say well, I’d like to go to Kirk…which state is Kirkland in? ‘Cause I’d like to go there and enjoy all of the things. Okay, so, Lily was there and then Lily’s eye got caught by Stridey, watching Stridey glide across the water, run across the water. Not even just that; the tension of the water in each of Stridey’s legs, the subtle motion, the…it just enchanted…it enchanted Lily so much.
But there was…you would say well, what is it about Lily or what is it about Stridey that was different? Because there was lots of other lily pads and water striders in this tributary of a river and not a swamp over here. I would say…just to point it out in an obvious way because I…get to the point, is there’s two things. One is maybe they sense something similar and different in one another. Maybe there’s something forlorn in each of their hearts that sang to one another. Also, the…now, it just happened to be…because I was there…the reason I’m telling you the story is ‘cause I was friggen there. But also because every time that happened, it just happened to be that every time they saw one another on a Bluetooth speaker not that far away, it happened to be BTS was playing.
Music has a power and it affects us and maybe it affects us on a subconscious level, but water striders and…if definitely [00:50:00] does, the water striders and lily pads. So, because…that might have been just one of the things they couldn’t identify that I’m just telling you straight up front sos yous know that could have been happening over there. So, okay, so they started to get to know one another and then one time, Stridey was circling…I don’t know, started to get feelings. You know when you have feelings but you don’t know…you just know the feelings part. You have no…kinda like a crush, more of an interest than a crush, I’d say.
So, Stridey would spend more time swimming around Lily, and Lily would spend more time enjoying Stridey’s movements but also something about Lily…Lily became more aware of being Lily and enjoying…now, I’d say I don’t know about John Berger over there, but Lily was…felt the sun more and all of that kinda stuff. So, alls that to say is that they started spending more and more time around one another. Also, you know, there was something growing and it was a…we don’t…you’ve seen these movies before. Stridey goes home, they say what are you doing, blah, blah, blah; you got…that’s not the way we told you to go. This isn’t how water striders do it. That’s not your territory.
Lily, this…lily pads are still a community but the messages are exchanged in a different way, but the same message; when are you gonna grow that flower? You’ve got plenty of nutrients. Look at all the other lily pads that get swept away. What are you doing just lying there all day looking at water striders? Don’t you think we notice? That kind of stuff. When that’s going on, sometimes you just need a friggen break. You say holy cow, I need a friggen break. Now, these are not as advanced as a butterfly. Also, it just happened to be…now, maybe it was some mentor-type figure over there that would play that sweet, sweet sounds of BTS, sometimes on…most of the time on shuffle. One day, Stridey said to Stridey’s self you know what? I need a break over here. I do. So, I’m gonna take a little break.
Stridey took a break and Stridey got off and said hey, do you mind if I sit down on your…over here? I need a little break from being…striding. Again, these are conversations we’ve all heard. Lily said oh, why, of course. Then they said, how are you doing? I’m Stridey; I’m friggen Lily, nice to meet you. I noticed you striding, I noticed you chlorophylling. Pretty nice. Yeah, I like the looks of your leaf or…well, it’s who I am, not a leaf. Well, I like your striding. Well, it’s just what I was born…striding? That’s what I was born to do. I’m about to later after I get a little rest over heres. So, yeah, so, Lily said yeah, this is pretty nice. I kinda feel like I’m having a rest by you resting on me. Stridey said wow, and then this…said what you think this becomes a regular thing, I come over here, maybe I’ll even take a nap.
They didn’t…still didn’t notice it at the time that the music was playing. You say wow, this…now, okay, you say well, Bernie, maybe you watched too many movies. Now you’re trying to make a movie in real life with a real-life water strider and a…and I’d say oh, I guess apparently I was. Apparently I was. Caught me bringing love to water striders and lilies at breaks. Excuse me, and the love of music. So, eventually it became a regular thing. Then, you know, yadda-ying, yadda-yo. You know how it goes. Then all the patriarchs and know-it-alls and Darwinists and all those things, Mother…not Mother Nature; Mother Nature’s cool over there. That’s why I say Mother…but there’s the people that think they speak for Mother Nature. What are you doing? You’re not striding…well, how are you gonna find a mate?
Where’s your flower? How come you haven’t flown…you know, you don’t got a pistil or a stamen. You’ve got a…because you’re not…you’re thinking about a water strider and the beauty of the world and listening to music. Then one day, they said…that just encouraged them, just so you know parents and Scooter, ‘cause I know you got a teen now, so you better be on the lookout. The more you try to stop this stuff…cut it out, I’d say. Maybe be supportive and listen. If you would have listened, maybe you would have learned something over there. But so, you know, I was listening. I was listening with them, I was watching them. So, one day I took a little trip over there in a little row…it was so cute. You’d say Bernie, what’s the cutest thing you ever did? Well, I made Scooter buy me a rowboat.
It was a Barbie rowboat. Then I made him reinforce it with Styrofoam. It was pink, it was gorgeous, and I could row it. It worked. Actually, it was big enough that I…he said you don’t want a Barbie yacht? I found one in a dumpster. I said no, no, the rowboat’s fine. Just put that little shower speaker in there. For a while, I would go around them. They got to know me, I got to know them. I said hey kids, how you doing? They said what’s that giant, round thing? I said, a shower speaker. What’s a…? Oh, boy. So, we got to know one another; we talked a lot. But you know, just about stuff, not about stuff. Then one day I said huh, did you both sigh in a way that sounds like your hearts are heavy or something over heres? They said, we did. I said wow, I couldn’t help but notice it. They said notice what?
I said well, just like BTS sings about; all the things they talk about. They said what’s…? I said whatever, self-discovery, love, confusion, being young and not being easy, true parental…whatever, all that stuff. Striding; that’s what you were born to do. Maybe more, though. Maybe more than just being a lily pad, eh? They said yeah, but that’s all it is, so we’re just trying to make the most of the time we have together. Bernie’s…I said wow, sounds like you got a problem you gave up on solving. That doesn’t sound like something BTS would do. They said what’s BTS again? I said anyway, it sounds like you got a problem. They said, well…they didn’t realize, so then that took a week or two. I said well, here’s the thing; I don’t like friggen getting my wings wet.
You think I just never…I got this…I forced Scooter to get me this…and they said what’s Scooter? So, that was…another week went by. I said listen, anyway, once I laid the groundwork which was exhausting…I didn’t realize it at the time. I thought I had…I said listen, sounds like you got a problem. I got a problem too; we could solve them together. Isn’t that how nature works, interdependent systems or some such thing? They said well, what’s the problem? I said well, you know, as much as I know about BTS, I’d like to go backstage to a show, but that’s not gonna happen. So, I want to go back…I want to get into the hearts of BTS, not just…originally I just wanted to go backstage to the concert but that never worked out because 20…friggen 2020, you know? So, now I want to be in the hearts of BTS.
They said, we don’t understand. I said, don’t worry about that. I said I want the two of…I’m gonna get to the heart of BTS by giving you two what yous want. They said, what’s that? I said well, here’s the thing; I’m gonna…I said it’s gonna take a little while, but one day…I said what if we took a little trip, all of us together, we relocated? They said, we don’t…and I said okay, another week gone by. Stridey, you really don’t need much. Again, I’ll make Scooter figure out what you eat. We won’t ever give you any Gatorade; don’t worry. There’s this thing called…and I didn’t even…I said don’t worry about it, but Scooter will figure all out the hard parts. I’m gonna do the bossing around and the…I’m the idea man. [01:00:00] But basically what we’re gonna do is we’ll relocate you from this tributary of a river and not a swamp, Scooter, and we’re gonna take you out and we’re gonna give you a new home where you’re together.
It won’t be easy. That’ll even make you identify with BTS ‘cause you’re gonna be homesick. I’ll just be honest with you. It’ll be new and it’ll be different, and all of that. It’ll be an experience though you have together, and you’ll have me, of course, which will be nice. We’ll have music…no, not just BTS. I’ll mix it up, don’t worry. Again, we’ll make sure the biology is figured out to the best of our ability, hopefully, because if it doesn’t get…if we don’t get it right, I gotta find another water strider and lily pad that are kind of in…having feelings for one another, or something else that symbolizes what’s good in the world, which the two of you do, no offense.
I mean, not to be too serious, but really, you’re both beautiful beings and I just want to solve your problems so I could get in the good graces of BTS. So, that’s where the mechanics of it would happen, was that Scooter went and got…Scooter had to do all the work; figure out is there a responsible way to relocate a lily pad. Then he said Bernie, you know how much money…? He goes, I don’t have…and I said Scooter, I don’t want to hear about it. Also, I didn’t tell him the truth. Also, I said Scooter, you realize Bernie has reached the stage in life where it’s time…and he said, what? I said yeah, it’s…I said, I have…’cause he said that river’s gonna…he said Bernie, that swamp freezes over. I said, it’s a tributary of a river. I said, have you met my son Stridey? This is how Scooter is. He’s my early…my first son.
Well, he’s not my child, Stridey. Have you met Stridey? Scooter said he looks like a button off your eye or whatever. I said by the way, this lily pad’s…holds the rest of my youth, the future youth, so I wasn’t totally honest. He said well, just…what should I…? I said, the lily pad and the youth are fused as one. Then he said when I see that on Google, I don’t see anything about that. I said, just figure out how to get the…and he said, this looks like a water strider. I said Scooter, it is, okay? It’s just my comfort strider for birthing. So, that’s really…’cause you say, that’s how I got Scooter motivated to do it all and to spend the money, ‘cause he said I can’t just…I don’t know anything about this. So, we got the…so, then we put…we put them in various things, mostly buckets are good.
Again, you gotta keep the temp…you gotta keep an eye on all this. For a while, we had them in a bucket together and they were happy. They got to see things that water striders and lily pads don’t necessarily see, like Scooter driving all the way back across the country with them, and then they got…and then they said…but meanwhile, my brain was thinking. I said, what is the symbol of goodness in the world? I said well, it’s just simple. I said then…so, basically once we got them, then we…then…now, we had to figure out a couple other important things. One, the friggen candle thing, but I…Scooter can’t make a candle, so we figured that out. Then we said okay, when you’re dealing with Scooter, you always gotta plan around this stuff, so we also had to figure out…so, we…so, basically, the…well, I’ll tell you the idea at the end, I guess.
This is the end, but Scooter’s very clumsy, so we also had to use magnets at the bottom of each vase and the tabletop so that if the table…and also a heavy table so you couldn’t be knocked over by Scooter, with very dense wood, but like a bistro table, and then magnets on the tabletop and then magnets on the opposite poles so that when you put the vases on the tabletop in-between the…you know, the tablecloth was in-between it…they would stick there. Also, it was kind of acrylic glass or something that’s not breakable. Also, they had temporary tops we could put on them so that…and normally we wouldn’t transport them. Well, actually, that became their homes. So then what I said to them is…now I’m gonna…now it’s time for date night.
I put up a movie for them, so every night what I’ve been trying to do…now, I don’t have this…no one could see this but BTS, so don’t ask me for this. BTS can’t see that Stridey…now, Stridey will move around ‘cause it’s music time. Then the…so, Stridey…Lily likes to watch Stridey stride. Also, I feed them or distribute the nutrients over there. Then alls I do is…I do a live stream that hopefully BTS will watch at some point, and I say…I keep changing the title. I keep thinking if I get the title right…but now I call it the Water Strider that Needed a Break, and it’s just those two, very…I don’t feel like it’s zen but it’s really good to look at for them, I hope. Then I say by Bernie the butterfly. To find out more, contact me…the artist known as Bernie the butterfly over here.
Then I…yeah, so then…and also I thought well, should I play BTS music? But then YouTube will friggen take me down, so…and I tried humming BTS music. But yeah, so that’s the story of the water strider that needed a break and Lily the lily pad. When you hear me…when you hear them thanking me during their Grammy speech which will be in the past now, probably, over here, you’ll be like, that’s how Bernie did it. He brought peace and beauty, and that’s why they came out with that concept album called The Water Strider that Needed a Break or the…it could be…I feel like that’s more open than something less obvious over there. Alright, thanks everybody. This is Bernie the butterfly saying goodnight.
[END OF RECORDING]
- Barometric Pressure
- Full Limbic
- Reading Rainbow
- 5 Seconds of Summer
- Chuck Tingle
Notable Talking Points:
- Email Scoots for some Vibrational Groaning
- Finally an LED candle that’s just okay
- Is there a responsible way to relocate a lilypad?