977 – Bustafiller | All Intros 734-738

Notable Language:

• Chuggle
• Gourd
• The Noodge

Notable Culture:

• Alfonso Ribeiro's Carlton Dance
• Swoosie Kurtz
• Everything Is Alive Podcast

Notable Talking Points:

• The Treasure Chest in the Fishtank
• A Filler Buster
• Communicating with Gourds
•  

Episode 977 – Bustafiller | All Intros 734-738

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER:    Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, it’s time for the podcaster that hopes to put the chuggle in your snuggle, if by chuggle it means a nonsense word meaning something like a giggle but not as…more like a chuggle.  You know what I’m saying?  If you do or you don’t, maybe you will soon ‘cause it’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcaster that’s here to juggle, chuggle, and snuggle.  Don’t buggle out; it’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  If you’re a regular listener, if I could have your attention for a few minutes, just ‘til the end of the credits, ‘cause these are the ways we keep the show going.

 

Hey everybody, this is Scoots.  This is a all-intro episode coming up here, so it’s intro after intro after intro.  It’s a very, very popular thing.  We do it for long weekends here on the US.  If you really love all-intros, get all-intro episodes twice a month as a part of our Patreon at $10 a month, or you could save $10 by becoming a annual patron.  You’ll also get all-night episodes and then $20 patrons are getting a special Ray episode.  You get access all the way back to Episode 2, but you know, not…all-intros aren’t for everybody.  That’s why we put them out just a couple times a year, so you could take a journey.  This is a bit of a jump back almost 200 episodes, so look at the podcast in an earlier era as I ramble on and on and on.  Thanks so much for listening.

 

INTRO:    [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, whether you’re traveling, there’s changes in time or temperature or routine.  Whatever’s keeping you up, I’d like to create a safe place.  I’d like to smooth it and pat it and rub it down for you, puff it up a little, puff it and pat it and, you know, mark it with, as I say, SP for safe place or Y-O-U for you.  This is your spot right over here.

 

Or oh, you prefer that spot over there?  That’s just fine.  You could move around if you wish.  But what I’m gonna try to do is take your mind off whatever’s keeping you awake.  I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.  I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, rustified tangents, extra words.  I’m gonna get mixed up.  I’m gonna say uh and ah.  What I’m gonna do is try to keep you company while you fall asleep.  If you’re new, welcome.  Let me give you a couple of things to know upfront.  One; it takes usually a couple times to get used to this podcast.  Not for everybody.  It turns out the first few times is almost not for anybody ‘cause you say what is this the first time, and then you fall asleep.  Then the second time, you say what was that that I was listening to?

 

Then you fall asleep.  Then the third time you say oh, okay, I get it.  I don’t really get it.  Or some people have a pre-time.  We won’t even say it’s the first time they encounter the podcast, and they say are those creaky…what are those called?  Are those aching, mulchy tones?  Then they say, that…probably not for me.  Then maybe they try again; they say oh no, those are creaky, dulcet tones.  If they weren’t so creaky, they’d be…I think dulcet kinda means sweet.  You say okay, yeah, I thought they were leachy, mulching tones but I guess they’re more creaky, dulcet the second time I’m listening.  The other thing is don’t try to figure out the podcast too much or concentrate or focus [00:30:00] ‘cause I do a lot of meandering.  I do a lot of…what’s that called when you…filibustering.  Holy moly.

 

I mean, I bust a filler like you’ve never…you want to see somebody bust a filler and a fillerbust…if it wasn’t for the patented name Dustbuster, I would sell something.  I guess this podcast…I’d say this podcast is like the filibust…Dustbust…the filibuster of Dustbusters or something or if I was good, I’d say well, I’m gonna bust some fills like a Dustbuster busts dust.  I guess I just did that but it wasn’t as…’cause I’ve been using these lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones.  Don’t try to figure out the show too much ‘cause of my filibustering.  Maybe I’ll come back to that.  But what else?  Oh, structurally what to expect; the show starts off with a few minutes of business.  That’s really how we keep the show going and free.  Then we have an intro.  The intros are about twelve minutes of me filibustering, trying to explain the podcast but also trying to earn your trust, to keep you company.

 

Some listeners fall asleep during the intro.  A lot of listeners use it as part of their wind-down routine.  They’re calling their pets in, they’re getting ready, they’re getting snuggled in, maybe they’re brushing their hair or their teeth.  Maybe they’re filibustering bedtime.  That would be more procrastinating.  I’d like to filibuster…well, let’s see, I’ll try to think of something.  But some people skip the intro, some people listen to intros all night long.  Whatever works for you, but it’s just the beginning of the show, a twelve-minute show within a show that where nothing…they say well, tonight’s show, nothing will happen but we’ll talk about it for twelve minutes.  You say okay, that must be Sleep With Me.

 

There’s a intro, then there’s a little business between the intro and the story, and then for the story tonight, I think this will be our big return to Doctor Who where we’ll be talking about Episode 2 from Doctor Number…whichever; I don’t know, from the new series too, which…so, you’ll figure it out.  It’ll be in the labels.  But we’ll be talking about Doctor Who and I’ll be doing plenty of meandering and prowling around like a house cat where you say…when a house cat’s not chasing stuff; it’s just walking around.  Maybe I’ll be sitting on a still, looking out a window.  That’s kinda how I observe Doctor Who when I’m watching it over and over again.  I say okay, well, that happened there and then Rose said this.  Also Mickey handed the back…what brand of backpack was that?

 

Noticed Mickey was wearing a Puma warm-up suit but the Puma was covered because of some brand issue, just like if I ever got a Dustbuster warm-up suit, they’d probably say okay, we…I’d say don’t worry, I’m gonna change the D to an F.  They’d say well, it’s still our brand.  I’d say well, my brand is filibustering.  Let me talk to you about it for a few minutes, about…and they’d say no, no, no, we just don’t want…I say well, I was in the middle of talking about my…the reason I have this warm-up suit is ‘cause I’m…but I can’t filibuster right now ‘cause I’m trying to explain the structure of the show to new listeners.  How about I meet you at Dustbuster Corporate?  Oh, B&D Corporate.  That sounds very clinical.

 

Okay, well, so, there will be the…talking about Doctor Who, sleeping with Doctor Who if you wish, or sleeping to.  Then there’s some thank-yous at the end.  That’s the structure of the show.  A few other things; you don’t really need to listen to me or you don’t need to listen closely.  A normal podcast, you miss out on something.  This, you could miss out on something but you could always replay it.  But most of the stuff you missed out on won’t be super-impactful.  It’ll just be friendly banter.  You’re also under no pressure to fall asleep.  I’m gonna be here for about an hour.  The reason I make these shows about an hour is like, in case you have trouble falling asleep, I’m gonna be here ‘til the very end.  If you can’t fall asleep, you could play episodes back-to-back-to-back.

 

But I’ll be giving it my all all the way through to keep you company so you could fall asleep as you wish.  If you fall asleep during the intro really fast, that’s great.  If it takes you ‘til the very end or you need me just to keep you company or you got something stressful at work and you need me to take your mind off of stuff, that’s what I’m here for.  I’m your bore-friend, I’m your bore-bud, I’m your bore-bae, your bore-bestie, your bore-bruh, your bore-sib, whatever it is you like.  I’m here to help.  I’ve been there in the deep, dark night, tossing and turning.  Like last night, I woke up a couple times but then I woke up at this one time and I said okay, hopefully it’s in the 5:00 AM range so then if I need…if I…then I could just get up if need be.  It wouldn’t be ideal, but I’ll do it.  I said, okay.

 

I asked my smart speaker what time it is so then I don’t have to turn on any lights or look at anything.  I said hey smart speaker, what time is it?  She said 1:10 AM.  If you’ve been there, you’d know what that…I said, 1…I thought it was like, 5:20.  Now, that’s what I was hoping for.  Then I got up and read a little bit because I said okay, that’s not gonna work.  [00:10:00] I don’t know what my point was there.  I think I was trying to make a point.  Structure of the show…oh, I’ve been there.  Yeah, last night I was there.  Then I got back in bed and actually once I interrupted the cycle for about twenty minutes, I actually fell right back asleep and slept ‘til my alarm, so it worked out.  But there is that time when you…when it feels like the H-O-P-E has the L-E-S-S with it.  That’s why I’m here to help and one way I do it is to bust a filler.

 

What if your job was…’cause they have the…I know there’s a lot of comedy about these tags that say Do Not Remove This Tag on pillows and mattresses.  I think that’s the Bureau of Installation that does that or something.  But what if that was your job?  You were…they say well, what do you do?  I’m a fillerbuster.  I mean really, I work for the…I’m a bureau investigator.  But what I do is I bust filler.  I go in there, I say let me see your filler.  Then I say, busted; that filler is not up to snuff.  I guess I thought that would be better material, but the cats in my brain said meow.  I guess fillerbustering is better if I could break-dance.  I mean, I do have a couple break-dance moves, none of which are that good, but if I did break-dance it would be much better.

 

I think there is a band, Filibuster, but I don’t think they do…they bust fills.  Also, busting a fill kinda sounds…or filler…I don’t know.  Maybe…I guess it was just a one-note joke.  I was hoping there would be more material but it turns out it’s not.  But that’s okay; I’m here to keep you company.  I’m here to be your friend.  I’m here to puff…let me just puff your pillows instead of busting them.  You wouldn’t mind me to bust a move on your pillows, but have there been any bed…there weren’t like…there was some themed break-dancing.  There’s robot break-dancers.  I don’t know if there was ever any…when Cats was big, the musical — we’ll be talking about that briefly tonight — was there anybody doing break-dancing and dressed as cats?

 

‘Cause I could do break-dance…a bed theme…I mean, I’d have to, again, go find my Alfonzo Ribeiro tapes or whatever.  But if I could…I don’t think that’s a good idea for me to do this break-dancing but you know, do some bed-themed break-dancing.  I’d be in pajamas.  I would have my cardboard look like a bed.  I’d also have pillows and blankets and instead of doing a headstand or a handstand, I’d do a pillow-stand.  There could be a lot of good swirling with the blankets and stuff and the pillows.  Then you could always finish…a lot of people finish with their head on their elbow anyway.  I could bust out and then just go to sleep.  Yeah, I think that’s something that’s possible.

 

We could get some binaural beats in there and that could…yeah, then I could be the Filibuster, bedtime…and maybe the whole time I could be talking and telling a bedtime…maybe I’m…maybe you don’t know this but maybe I’m busting some moves right now, but I’m not.  I’m not locking or popping.  But anyway, I’m here to help.  That’s the main message.  If you’re new, give it a few tries.  See how it goes.  There’s no pressure so just see how it goes.  I’m here to help.  I appreciate you trying this show out.  I work very hard and I strive and I yearn not to pronounce things correctly but to be here while you fall asleep.  Thank you for coming by and here’s a couple ways we keep the show going.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, things on your mind, things you’re feeling, things coming up.  Could be on the road, someone else is on the road, temperature.  Whatever it is, whatever’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that and what I’m going to do is I’m going to send my voice across the deep, dark night.

 

I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, rustified tangents, friendly banter, extra words.  If you’re new, let me give you a…usually I go off-topic for a few more minutes, but let me give you a couple things right up front.  I’m glad you’re here; welcome, and I appreciate your time.  That’s why I wanted to tell you these things.  One, give this podcast a few tries.  But when you do, you can consume it however you wish but don’t try to figure it out too much.  ‘Cause you say…just kick back and passively observe it, kind of like watching a fish in a fish tank…it would be the best way to describe it.  You don’t really…I mean, there’s not too many times you’re…they don’t say hold on, I’m focused on the fish tank.  They say we got…the lottery’s on the other line, Bob.

 

Well, hold on; I’m focused on the fish tank right now.  I can’t…I’m paying strict attention to these fish in this fish tank.  They say well, it’s about the lottery.  They need to hear from you in the next four sec…sorry, I’m focused on the fish tank.  Didn’t you hear me the first time I said it?  Then they say okay, we got the, whatever, National Greatest Award Winners Award Ever for Award-Giving on the line.  Well, no, I’m still watching the fish, here.  I’m focused on the fish tank.  There’s a…whatever you call that, a treasure chest that opens every once in a while with bubbles.  They say Bob, that fish tank’s been in our home for eight years.  Okay, let me get…I gotta get back to the treasure chest ‘cause when it opens, then it closes again and I’m trying to figure out what’s in there.

 

So, you can’t…I guess that would be an interesting way to consume podcasts or fish tanks.  There is something soothing sometimes about fish tanks.  You know, everybody has…might have a different…where you just kinda…you notice; every once in a while you’ll look at the fish.  You’ll say…I mean, one, you say is the fish going to the…you know, are you going to the bathroom?  Then you say okay, I’m not gonna look at the fish tank ever again.  Inevitably you do.  When you’re feeding the fish, you usually give it attention.  When you’re in a certain age range, I’d say second grade to fifth or sixth grade and you go over to somebody’s house and they have a fish tank, you usually look in.  Some people are tappers, some people are not tappers.  Maybe I’ll come back to this fish tank metaphor.

 

But so, don’t try…just kick back and watch me like I’m a fish wandering around, ‘cause it’s pretty much what I am.  They say, just like in the…those Pixar movies; they say ooh, going around again.  So, okay, so that’s one thing.  Just don’t focus too much.  I’m here to help.  It’s a bit different.  It’s pretty goofy, and it doesn’t have to work.  There’s no pressure.  There’s no pressure on you to fall asleep; that’s one thing.  You can just kinda kick back.  I’m gonna keep you company and we’ll see how it goes.  But give it a few tries.  It doesn’t work for everybody, but really, in all honesty, I’m here to help if I can.  Okay, so, that’s one thing.  Okay, here’s another thing; you don’t need to listen to me.  Like most podcasts…I guess I kinda said that.  You say okay, a lot of other pets…they say, well, are you gonna pet that pet?

 

Or even say well, are you gonna watch…?  Or the pets says hey, give me some attention over here.  Or a cat, it’s more different.  You say…a cat says well, I don’t want your attention but now I do if you’re not gonna…you know, it’s more complicated.  But a fish, I don’t even know…the fish kinda says is that person gonna give me some food or what?  No?  I’ll just keep wandering around, then.  Some fish…every fish is different.  Again, I don’t want to throw all the fish in one tank.  So, no pressure to listen, no pressure to fall asleep.  Structure of the show; the show starts off with a few minutes of business.  That’s how we keep the podcast free and going twice a week.  New shows come out Sunday and Wednesday nights, so it’s…and the show starts off with a few minutes of business, then a intro.

 

The intros are around twelve minutes or so of me using a metaphor like a fish tank to describe how the podcast works for twelve minutes.  Also puts some people to sleep during the intro.  Some people get ready for bed, some people use it as part of their wind-down routine, brushing their teeth and such.  Some people listen during the day when they need a little break or a breather.  Whatever it is, but the intro, it’s not efficient, I guess.  I would say some podcast intros are very efficient.  You know, welcome to the Newsie News Cast, where we talk about the latest news related to the musical Newsie and the Newsie fan community.  Let’s get started.  Breaking news about Newsies…Scoots doesn’t know [00:20:00] very much about it other than I like it when they sing on the trolley in California Adventure.

 

Also not even sure if that’s related to Newsies.  Here’s an idea; what if you…if you have two…if you’re getting a fish tank, name your fish Nosey and Newsie.  But, you know, not in a ironic way.  But you say…they say oh, is that about the current…?  No, no, it’s about Newsies, the musical.  It’s just, I like how it’s Newsie.  Nothing about news or anything other than the Newsies musical.  That’s why my fish is named Newsie.  Oh, I didn’t know you were a fan of Newsie the musical.  No, I’m working on my own musical called Snoozy.  It actually doesn’t have any music in it.  It’s a sleep podcast.  That’s just an accidental pun I came across when I said Newsies fifty-five times in a row, that I should have a musical called Snoozy.  I’d definitely ask Swoosie Kurtz to appear in it.  Anyway, what was I…?

 

I don’t know what I was…oh, the intros can be long and rambling, and they don’t make a lot of sense.  But they’re here to help.  They’re here to take your mind off stuff, to take the stress off of bedtime and to keep you company.  That’s what the show does, so there’s the intro, then there’s a story.  Tonight it’ll be a little bit of a personal connection.  It’ll…a little bit…it’s gonna be mostly about the 1950s revival that happened in the 70s into…on the cusp of the 80s, and some of my personal relationships with some of the pop culture of that time, particularly Sha Na Na.  To be honest, it’ll be a little bit of a healing journey.  I think I’ll bring my friend…my imaginary friend Bill along with me.  So, that’ll be tonight’s bedtime story, and it’ll be lulling and soothing.

 

You say, who’s…and for some of you, you could sleep through it ‘cause you say, I’m not familiar with any of those things.  I say well, you could look in the show notes or listen during the day, or just Google it.  So, that’ll be what we’ll talk about, then we’ll have…in-between the intro and the show, we have some business and at the end of the show we have some thank-yous.  So, what was I saying, though?  I guess the whole idea of the show is that it’s a little bit of a fish tank.  I think a fish…the podcast is supposed to take your mind off whatever’s keeping you awake.  It’s supposed to be a distraction and a friendly presence to keep you company, to make…to be honest, to make things less lonely and less serious at bedtime.

 

I could see this as a parental strategy and it’s pure projection ‘cause my parents did not use this strategy, but you say okay, well, oh, you want a puppy?  Well, how about a fish?  Like, a little…you want a cat?  Hm, seems like a big commitment.  How about a fish?  In the hopes, I would imagine, that the fish would distract you from the…they say okay, well, you’re getting a pet, and maybe it’s a good testing ground to say well, can you care for this pet that kinda comes in a self-contained own environment that does involve some maintenance?  So I’ve heard.  I don’t think I’ve owned any…as an adult.  As kids, we had fish on and off.  But so, what was my point?  I remember setting a few fish free, but…goldfish free.  But so, yeah, they say well, let’s get the kid a fish.  Get Junior a fish and maybe that’ll take their mind off of stuff.

 

I don’t know…I mean, I’m sure there is a percentage of people — and that’s a wonderful thing — that are fish enthusiasts, ‘cause you hear about salt water tanks and all that kinda stuff.  Maybe as a child you develop…you inherit your parents’ or relatives’ passion for fish…I don’t know what you call it.  I know a fishmonger is someone that sells fish, and a fisher person is someone that fishes for fish.  So, I don’t know what a fish enthusiast is called.  A fish fan.  I guess it would be a fish fan.  I like the band Phish but that’s a different thing.  But so, you’d say okay, well, I…or maybe just as a kid you say well, what do you want for Christmas?  Well, you say well, I’d like a…I’d like this or I’d like that, like some games or something I could use my imagination with, or maybe an art pad.

 

Maybe I want something that makes bells…that has bells and whistles on it, and some tins…not tinsel, but I always wanted something with those ribbons.  I don’t know what they’re call…tassels.  I’d like something with tassels.  They’d say, tassels?  I’d say yeah, that’s what I’d like.  Tassels and ribbons, please.  But maybe some children say you know what I’ve always wanted, is a fish, a fish of my own.  Okay, that’ll be in the musical.  That’s definitely a easy number in the Snooze…what did I say it was gonna be called?  The Snoozical, starring Swoosie Kurtz?  A Fish of My Own.  That’ll start when she plays Little Andy in her room.  Yeah, I think this…talk about a change in subjects, but I could see it; Swoosie Kurtz, she’s playing the great sleep podcaster Swoozina and she’s talking about the days when she was Little Andy in her room.

 

That would be her first…I mean, there would be a number first because I think usually there’s two songs.  Then she would say…that would be what she needed…it would…this would also set up a metaphor for the rest of the musical, and it would be…the song would be A Fish of My Own.  Maybe it’s already in one of the musicals.  It could be.  So, it’ll be maybe that she’s gone somewhere and seen someone else that has fish and she just wants a fish of her own.  It could also…then it would also…we could use it for exposition for the parents, ‘cause one of the parents would be like, don’t you want some sea monkeys?  Don’t you want some sea monkeys?  Or maybe a sibling says that and then they say those are just fake.  So, anyway, back to the podcast.  The whole idea of the podcast is to keep you company.

 

I say well, yeah, you got that fish in your room, Swoosie.  She says actually, I’m the actress.  I’m playing a role; I’m not…don’t get super meta where you’re talking to me.  Talk to Andy.  I say okay, well, we know you wanted a puppy and a cat, but we got you this fish.  She’s also…say this is the wrong musical because this one, I’m asking for a fish.  I say you know what?  Believe it or not, Swoosie, you’re gonna have to excuse me.  I’m in the middle of a sleep podcast introduction, not the imaginary musical I never wrote about…that you’re starring in within my imagination.  Also, how come I can’t get tickets to a…like, it’s easier to get tickets to Hamilton than to get tickets to this musical…Swoozical.  A Snoozical, Swoozical…that’s the industry name for it, Swoosie, ‘cause you’re so great in it.

 

That was what the…that was what a review I was gonna write, was ‘you’ll swoon for Swoosie and the Swoozical that’s not a snoozical.  Soon you’ll be asking who’s the whosical when you get served from the sous-estate, you know, the sous-estate.’  They say, we can’t do any…use any of those.  Anyway, if you’re a new listener…sorry, Swoosie; let me get you coffee.  Also, do you…are…would you like a fish?  Oh, that’s why you’re sing…okay, here you go.  There you go, a fish of your own.  Okay.  I think I got outta that one.  So, if you’re new, the podcast is a little bit different, a little bit goofy, a little bit silly.  Here to keep you company, here to be your friend.  I’ve been there in the deep, dark night, tossing and turning.

 

If I can, I’d like to distract you, to make bedtime feel a little bit less serious, and I’ll be here for an hour, so you drift off when you do.  If you don’t, I’ll be here ‘til the very end.  You can queue up another episode, too.  I’ll be your companion here.  I say this every time ‘cause I mean it.  I appreciate your time and I work very hard.  I yearn and I strive.  I would really love it if I could help you fall asleep, and here’s a couple ways we keep the show going.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in your schedule, time, temperature, noise.  Whatever it is, I’d like to take your mind off that.  I’d like to keep you company and create a safe place where you could get away from it a little bit, get some distance.  What I’m gonna do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.

 

I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, rustified tangents, I’m gonna go off-topic, circular and [00:30:00] ovular logic, and a bunch of other stuff.  But mostly I’m gonna try to use friendly banter to keep you company.  If you’re new, let me tell you a couple things about the structure of the show and what to expect.  Structurally, the show starts off with a couple of minutes of business.  That’s how we keep it going and free.  Then there’s an intro which we just started.  The intros are around twelve minutes and they’re a bit longer than a concise intro.  I guess they’d be the opposite of concise, but they are a beloved part of regular Sleep With Me listener experiences.  So if you’re new, kinda give it a chance and see what you think.

 

Some listeners use it as they’re getting ready for bed as part of their wind-down because it kinda…the intro is also a show within a show.  They fall asleep during…they listen for five or ten minutes as they drift off and actually fall asleep.  Some listeners skip the intro to get straight to the story, so there’s no wrong way to listen to it.  Just kinda…just passively consume it and see how it goes.  That’s the intro.  Content-wise in the intro, it’s me trying to explain what the podcast is, trying to create a safe place that’s a little bit familiar but different every time, and try to make you feel welcome and know what to expect, but it just takes me…I say well, what…which part should I explain to them?  Then I say what was I talking about?

 

Then I said well, let me think about this, and then I say oh, wait; I’m trying to explain the structure of the show.  Then twelve minutes have gone by and maybe 30% of the audience is asleep.  So, that’s the intro.  Then there’s the story, which tonight you’re in for a treat because it’s a Real Time Recipe where it’s a bit like a cooking show, but at the end of it you say I’m not sure…was there any food prepared?  Did I learn…?  No, it’s…you were either comforted or put to sleep by it.  But we’ll take a trip to a grocery store and we’ll prepare a meal for some friends.  So, just more of a friendly dinner atmosphere, the best kind of dinners, and it’ll be…not one pot; a few pots but not too many.  I’ll do the dishes, I’ll do the prep work, and I’ll do the cooking.  Don’t worry.

 

Between the intro and the story we have a little bit more business, and then at the end of the show we have some thank-yous.  So, that’s the structure of the show.  As far as what else to expect, even though this is a podcast, you don’t really need to listen.  You can listen and I do make this show with the percentage of listeners in mind that are really having trouble sleeping and that are gonna be here ‘til the end, so I do make it a whole show.  I’ll be here ‘til the end, but because I’m here to the end, I think in some paradoxical way that means you can fall asleep whenever you want and that you don’t need to listen to me.  You can, but I don’t make a whole lot of sense and I take forever to get there.  It can be a bit jumbled and a bit confusing, but it’s friendly.  I’m here to help.  So, kinda listen loosely, if you can.

 

Maybe the first few tries, the first two…few listens you might try to understand the show or make some sense of it, but after a while most regular listeners say I figured out that it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, and then I started falling asleep right away.  So, that’s the goal; you can listen but you don’t need to.  Some listeners turn the volume almost all the way down to just have some friendly noise going on.  Even though this is a sleep podcast, you’re also under no pressure to fall asleep.  I’m gonna be here for about an hour to keep you company as you fall asleep.  So, like I said, some people fall asleep during the intro, some people are here to the very end, some people listen to nine episodes every single night, some people turn the show on…they don’t listen to go to bed; they listen when they get up in the…to go to the restroom or whatever it is in the middle of the night.

 

So, there’s no wrong way to listen, but there’s no pressure to fall asleep.  That’s why I make the show so long.  When I first started making the podcast, the episodes were only like, fifteen, twenty, thirty minutes.  I kept thinking about it; I’m like well, if I listen to the show, I’d want plenty of time to fall asleep.  I wouldn’t want to have to be asleep in fifteen or twenty minutes.  I’d want a long runway.  That way I do have this safe, relaxing place to be in, and plenty of room to drift off.  Now there’s plenty of other episodes, so you can line them up back-to-back if you need.  What that means is, just fall asleep as is convenient.  Just rest and kinda listen to me.  The reason I make the show is because I still find sleep baffling.  I had a lot of trouble falling asleep as a kid and that’s when my issues with sleep began.

 

A lot of it is, for me, is due to overthinking, though I’ve heard from so many listeners and there’s so many different reasons why you can’t sleep.  But it comes down to my belief; you do deserve a good night’s sleep.  Even when I think about myself as a kid in fifth and sixth grade not being able to sleep…I don’t know if an adult could have fixed things.  There were adults that wanted to, like my parents, but the fact that I kinda longed…I didn’t realize at the time this is what I longed for, but just someone to be like hey, let me tell you a story and be here while you can’t sleep, and maybe that comfort will let you drift off.  Still now, this week it’s been…when I…sometimes I have stuff on my mind I can’t sleep, and then other times I have stuff on my mind I fall asleep.

 

But then it’s like, I’m half-asleep and half-dreaming and running through stuff.  So, I know how it feels and I’d like to interrupt that and take your mind off of stuff, keep you company, be your bore-friend, be your bore-bud, be your bore-bae, be your bore-bestie.  Just like when I was a kid, I listened to the radio, to the Doctor Demento show.  If you’re a regular listener you probably heard me talk about it before, but it was this radio show.  It was on Sunday nights I think from 9:00 to 11:00 PM.  When I was in fifth and sixth grade, I was doing a lot of thinking about school, especially Sunday nights ‘cause I hadn’t been there in a couple days.  So, by listening to Doctor Demento…and it was a radio show where Doctor Demento was the host and there was all these…they would play parody songs, they would usually do a Top 5 parody songs, kind of like Weird Al.

 

Weird Al was really popular on Doctor Demento.  There’d just be themes or bits and it was just funny.  It made me laugh.  It made me feel like I was a part of something, and it drew my attention away from the other stuff.  That’s what I hope I can do for you, is I could be your friend here in the night.  That’s what I’m applying for and tonight, like I said, we’ll take a little trip to a grocery store.  We’ll look on the shelves, we’ll think about the ingredients, and it’ll be calm ‘cause you say that’s the best time to visit a grocery store, is when somebody else is doing the shopping; Scoots.  We’re more floating through the aisles and it’s kinda like you can just barely read the labels.  Everything’s a little bit out of focus and I’m trying to make quips and keep you in mind, talk to you.  You say okay, what is that ingredient over there?

 

Is that some sort of gourd?  Then what if I talk to a gourd?  This doesn’t happen in the episode but I was just thinking is there any…did gourds have nicknames?  Is there a gourd nicknamed Gordo or Gordy?  What if it…my…well, I’m Gordy the gourd.  I’d say, pleased to meet you, Gordy.  I’m Scoots Magoots.  I’m here doing a podcast episode.  Well, I was doing a podcast intro and then I was trying to wrap it up, and then suddenly I met you, Gordy.  Gordy the gourd, do you go by Gordo, Gordy?  You can.  I always get mixed up with gourds; did…Gordy, when people say a hollowed-out gourd, how does that make you feel?  It’s a stage of…circle of life.  You’re right, gourd…Gordy.  Does anybody call you Gord?  What about Gordon?  Oh, Gordon’s your father.  How does that work, the whole gourd thing?

 

‘Cause you are…some gourds do…okay, let’s not go there.  You’re right, Gord.  You’re right, Gordy.  Gordy, have you…do you listen to Everything is Alive, the podcast?  Have you listened to that one?  No.  Well yeah, they actually get on the mic.  Maybe you could think about going on there.  Oh no, it’s a great podcast but yeah, you should check it out.  Oh, you don’t have ears.  Well, then how is this working?  Is it mind-to-mind, spirit-to-spirit?  Oh, it’s in my imagination.  Thanks.  Well, it was great meeting you [00:40:00] Gordy, Gordon, Gordo.  Enjoy your time at the supermarket and I’ll check in with you later.  Alright, hey everybody, I’m back.  Sorry, a little side trip there.  But like I was saying, one, I really appreciate you checking the show out.

 

As a lot of regular listeners say, it does take a few episodes to…for it to work, so give it a few tries.  But there’s no pressure.  I’m just here to help the people that I can, to keep you company if I can, to make things feel a little bit less serious if I can, and to ideally help you get the sleep you deserve.  I really do believe that, and that is why I work so hard and I strive, ‘cause I really want to help you fall asleep.  Thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple of ways we keep the show going.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome to Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, anything keeping you up; changes in work schedule, routine, travel, new family members…no offense, adult parents, older family members, any family members, soundly sleeping bed mates.  What I’m gonna try to do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.  I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders.

 

There’s a first time for everything in this podcast.  For the first time, and this…I don’t know if this is gonna work and I don’t even know really why…you know when you catch yourself doing something physically and you say well, that’s interesting, Drew.  Scoots, what are you up to, there?  I have my…what is that?  So, this is my right hand and I have my right index finger…the rest of my hand is kinda closed but my right index finger is out in a kind of hook pointing position to the left part of my forehead…no, the right part of my…you’re right, right…you’re right, left brain; it is on the right side of my forehead.  It’s just perched there, kinda like I was pointing to something or if I was touching something but I don’t have anything that says hm, I wanna touch that.  Say, is that…am I getting my hormones going?

 

It wasn’t that, saying oh boy, I’m pre-pubescent.  Got some acne.  It wasn’t a little scratchy-poo.  I just put…I just found my finger there.  Now, I actually…I do…you know what a phlebotomist is someone that can read the folds…anyway, they want to get…I’m supposed to be setting this up and also, my arm’s getting tired.  But yeah, my finger is just up there, kinda like I was saying hm, I’m thinking.  But what made me say hm, I’m thinking, is hey, body, what are you doing?  So, maybe in a…maybe somewhere in another universe I’m thinking about something.  Here, I’m just talking without thinking.  If you’re new, welcome.  I’m glad you’re here.  I really hope I can help you fall asleep.

 

Now, this podcast does not work for everyone, but here’s a proposal and you’re free to accept it or go about your business; give it a few tries, see it helps, see if it puts you to sleep, see if it relaxes you, makes you more comfortable.  See how it goes.  The podcast is free to consume, particularly for new listeners.  You could come in and browse.  You say well, let me…what do you mean, I can come in this restaurant and taste the food and see what I think?  I say oh yeah, ‘cause all of it’s imaginary here.  You know, I do have a business I’m working on; Sippin’ Broth, so we could pretend it’s that.  You come in and you say mm, it’s Sippin’ Broth.  The first sip is free.  That’s not gonna be our catchphrase but that would be one of our tenants.  You say well, how do you run things?  Well, the first sip is free.

 

It’s a very small sip though, and it’s a regulated sip.  Believe me, I’m behind the counter and I say whoa, whoa, whoa, you’ve had…sorry.  Comes in those ketchup…the paper things you could put just a dollop of ketchup in.  Yeah, that’s what we serve…our first sip is free.  Okay, sorry.  Oh, new listeners; oh, new listeners, I may have lost a few of you there.  Maybe you fell asleep.  Maybe you said oh, right, maybe this isn’t for me.  But if you’re in the neutral zone which is a pretty wide range of the spectrum, you might say oh, I don’t understand…and I say yeah, kick back, see if this podcast can help.  Don’t try to overthink it because I’m not running…I don’t know how many cylinders the average brain has, and some part of my brain just said there’s no cylinders.  Then another part said we’re not cylindrical.

 

I said great, some of you were paying attention in the part of the C alphabet vocabulary.  Cynical, somebody…another part of my brain just yelled out cynical.  Why would you do that?  We were having fun with cylinder and cylindrical.  Now I’m wanting to sing a song about…it’s like, I’d sing it’s not unusual to be cylindrical.  Maybe a car could sing…maybe a car’s already sang that, a AA MCO.  Maybe it sang that song.  No.  Okay, well, I gotta get back to the new listeners.  Nice to meet you.  Whom are you?  Really?  I’m talking to a part of my brain that refuses to answer it’s…that question.  Okay, anyway, if you’re a new listener, don’t try to make too much sense of things ‘cause it’s a bit of nonsense around here.

 

The whole idea of the nonsense-type stuff and the going off…I mean, I’m good at going off-topic naturally and I’m good at nonsense, actually, naturally.  But I believe it takes…it brings some levity to bedtime.  Soon you’ll realize yeah, okay, I can try to follow Scoots.  I can follow him.  But he goes, you know, pointless meanders, send my voice across the deep, dark night, lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, go off-topic, all that stuff, so yeah, just give it a few tries.  See if it works.  Structurally what to expect, the show starts off with a few minutes of business.  That’s how we keep it free, is the people that support the show and the sponsors, then there’s the intro.  We’re about seven minutes into the intro.  Intro’s around twelve minutes.  They are not anything other than a show…a fun show within a show.

 

Well, I say fun but part of my brain just put quotes around it already.  But it’s a part of the show where you can get familiar or there will be some familiarity, some levity.  There will be some cylindrical thinking for sure.  You know what’s strange, I don’t always observe everything that’s going…some part of my brain just yelled out stupendous, but just as a word; not saying what I said was stupendous.  What does that…?  That’s called free association, right?  When I said cylindrical, another part of my brain said stupendous.  Oh, and then…okay, we don’t need you chiming in with other STU words unless it’s sturgeon.  Thank you, I’ll take over from here.  At least I’m in charge of the consciousness today.  So, oh, so the intro is kind of like a show within a show.

 

Sometimes new people or people say oh, it’s a bit of…it’s just a show within a show.  Some people listen to it to fall asleep, some people listen to it…more and more people I’m hearing from listen to it during the day to say whoa, that was…had some intensity to it.  Let me listen to little Scoots.  Or oh, I gotta make that phone call later.  Let me listen to some Scoots.  So, you could do that.  A few people skip the intro; they go right to the story or the discussion of Doctor Who which will be tonight.  So, however you do it, or…a lot of people also send me pictures.  When they play the intro, their cats or their dogs or, you know, I’d like to see some turtles coming.  That would take…they say Scoots, your intros are just the same length it takes my turtle to come get in bed with me.  I said whoa, whoa, whoa, hold the phone, here.

 

You’re in bed with a turtle?  It kinda makes sense ‘cause you couldn’t roll over on a turtle ‘cause…if it would be in its shell.  Do turtles always sleep in their shells?  That would be another thing…and I’m not talking about in cartoons.  I’m talking about in reality.  Here’s another thing; what if a turtle oversleeps and then they…do they do the same thing as humans do?  When they stick their head out of the shell they say oi, oh, the sun, what…how…what time is it?  Holy mackerel.  Now I’m gonna be really late ‘cause it takes me forever to get…no offense; I’m not trying to make jokes at your expense, turtles.  I’m just saying if you’re listening and you have a turtle as a bed mate, a real turtle, not a turtle-like being…well, if you have a turtle-like being as a bed mate…also…but not someone in a turtleneck.

 

You say oh, yeah, Randy wears a turtleneck to bed.  Also, if…yeah, if they do, get in touch with me about that too, [00:50:00] and I’ll…that’d be interesting.  I say of course, when I started sleeping in turtlenecks, I never went back.  I said, really?  Tell me more.  I’m deep in this intro but…I was trying to tell the new listeners but tell me more about wearing turtlenecks to bed.  Well, which type?  No, not a mock turtleneck, first off.  I don’t know why they don’t call those quarter-turtlenecks or half-turtlenecks.  A double one, where you fold it over, where you could go all…if you wanted to, you could unroll it up to your nose, but you get a nice fold in there.  It’s just like a comforter for my neck.  What can I say?  I say, you’re brilliant.  You may have changed pyjamas forever.

 

Today on Sleep With Me…can we get…does anybody have the number for Pajamas Today?  That doesn’t exist.  What about Pajamas Weekly?  Internet took them.  What about Pajamas Monthly?  Okay, they were purchased by Vanity Fair.  Really?  Hm, that’s good…that’s interesting.  That’s Pajamas Monthly?  What about PJ’s…PJ…there you go, I gave back the…sorry, yeah, you’re right.  Do you edit for one of the PJ…PJ Monthly?  What about PJ Quarterly?  Oh, that was…that’s a quarterback, really?  PJ Quarterly?  I’d like to meet…I’d like to…they should run for office.  This podcast episode was brought to you by PJ Quarterly.  So anyway, if you’re new…so, structure of the show…the intro goes on for a while, then there’s…we’ll be talking…there’s some business, then we talk about a Doctor Who episode in a very meandering and indirect way.

 

Then we have some thank-yous and goodnights, so that’s the structure of the show.  You’re under no pressure to listen and no pressure to fall asleep.  I’m here to keep you company as you drift off, to take your mind off of stuff, to be your bore-friend, to be your bore-bud, to be your friend in the deep, dark night.  You know why?  Because I’ve been there tossing and turning.  I know how it feels and I believe you deserve a good night’s sleep, or if you’re having a rough day or you did something to say hey, let’s think about this; let’s think about whatever random stuff just…I just rattled off twelve minutes of randomness.

 

But seriously, those last couple ideas I think have some merit; PJ Quarterly…somebody think about naming…maybe you could…if you’re entering one of your…if you’re entering your turtle in a competition…if…I mean, I think that would be a good name for a turtle, especially one that you dress up as…like a professor at Halloween.  You say, I’d like to meet…naming my turtle PJ Quarterly.  PJ for short, or Peej.  Also, I sleep with my…I mean, I sleep in the same bed as my turtle, so I just want to get…I don’t know if that’s a deal-breaker.  Oh, it is?  Okay.  Wait, was it the fact that my turtle had a first name and a last name and possibly two first names ‘cause PJ could stand for something?  Or the fact…people’s dogs sleep in their beds.  Oh.  You say yeah, I got…maybe this could keep the conversation going.  How does the turtle get in bed?  Maybe it jumps.

 

You’d have to…okay, get back to the listeners.  Sorry about that.  Okay, hey, so I’m here to keep you company.  I’m here to put you in a good mood, ideally, or a neutral mood.  You’d say yeah, Scoots…hm, I don’t know what…he was messing around last night.  I don’t know, something about something.  Some…tortoise related, maybe.  Tortoiseshell glass…a tortoise in tortoiseshell glasses.  I can’t believe I thought of this at the end of the intro.  That’s not a good thing.  You’re right, PJ.  Maybe…PJ Quarterly, meet my new subconscious, PJ Quarterly.  My subconscious is very turtle-like.  It has…can you deal with my lizard brain, please?  Thank you.  Okay, so anyway, I’m here to help, I’m here to keep you company.  I appreciate you checking the show out.  Give it a few tries.  I want you to know I work very hard and I yearn and I strive to help you fall asleep, alright?  Here’s a couple ways we keep the show going.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We…you do it with a bedtime…we do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is to create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, maybe there’s something physically keeping you up, maybe there’s something you’re experiencing emotionally that’s keeping you up.  Maybe you’re on the road.  Maybe you’re just…two nights ago you know you have to get up early.  That happened for me.  Or you were in a social situation and you said well, it went…trying to wind-down.

 

Maybe you got a change in work schedule.  Maybe you just can’t sleep and you want a friend there to keep you company while you drift off.  Well, that’s what I’m here to do.  The way I’m gonna do it is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.  I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, dis…I don’t know if I…I think I probably used this; disconnected dialogue.  I’ve been disconnected a few times.  I’ve dis…you know.  The multitude of ways I could use the word disconnection…if I could say a multitude in disconnection.  But I’m here to help you kinda un…what is that?  Is it disconnect?  What is it called when you go to bed and you chill out and you say well…I guess it’s unplug, they say.

 

But really, you want to…I call it moon mode or something ‘cause you say well, I want to know it’s charged.  I’m not gonna unplug it.  I’m not gonna bring it in bed with me, devices.  But you say yeah, you want it charged.  Disengaged; I guess that was the word I was looking for, is…yeah.  I think that’s it.  I’m here to help you disengage.  If you’re new…I said I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night, lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, right?  I’m here to help.  So, what I’m gonna do if you’re new, is…this is a podcast that you don’t need to listen to or try to make sense of.  It’s a bit like a passing cloud where you say well, it kinda looks like this.  Oh, now it’s gone or it’s changing.  It’s wispy.  I mean, my voice is crisp…it’s not crispy.  It’s creaky.

 

It’s not…I guess maybe some people would say it sounds a little bit crispy, but it’s not wispy.  But my thoughts are wispy; holy cow.  I said, I didn’t even know what…I did know what wispy was ‘cause I say when I look at a cloud, I say well, that’s kinda how I feel sometimes.  I guess because of the power of clouds, you could kinda do that no matter what, anyways.  Well, that one looks a little frowny.  That one looks like I want to curl up, get a little bit more comfortable here.  This one looks like I’m in the middle of a podcast intro where I was trying to explain something to a new listener and then I got off track.  Now I want to curl up a little bit more and come back and say oh yeah, you don’t need to listen to me.  That was thing one.  Did I mention I’m glad you’re here?  I hope I can help?  So, the podcast you don’t need to listen to.

 

There’s also no pressure to fall asleep.  We’re gonna be here about an hour, or I’ll be here.  You drift off when you want but if you need me, I’m here to the very end.  If you can’t sleep or you woke up or you were like me the other night where you say what in the heck?  I just want to go to…I gotta get up in like, three hours or four hours; why can’t I just get to sleep, here?  I’ll be here with some goofy stuff or goofing around, or a story in this case to keep you company, to try to distract you, at least take your mind off things.  But ideally, as I take your mind off things and you realize…I’m a little bit disconnected or, whatever, dis…whatever, un-engaged…it’s weird kind of semi-engagement I’m trying to do, almost like…it’s not sitting in silence obviously, but when you have a relationship with someone that…where you can disengage side-by-side in silence, it’s very picturesque.

 

You know, sitting there in rocking chairs, I would presume — at least in this image in my mind — rocking in rocking chairs separately, and you’re just chilling.  You’re not talking, you’re not really doing anything.  Maybe the other person…maybe one of you is listening to birds.  Maybe the other person’s watching birds.  Maybe one of you…someone might be working with yarn or knitting.  But whatever it is…what was my point?  Oh, you don’t need to listen to me, no pressure to fall asleep.  I’m gonna be here to keep you company, to be at your side as you drift off, as your thoughts get wispy and maybe ideally float away or dissipate.  So, that’s a couple things.  [01:00:00] Structure of the show; show starts off with a few minutes of business which you may have heard.

 

That’s how we keep the show going and 300 episodes out there free.  Then there’s some…also some business sometimes between the intro and the episode.  If you’re a regular listener, it’s important.  If you’re new, not super important.  So, okay, so…oh, then there’s a intro, which usually the intros are around twelve minutes.  I think we’re probably already six minutes into it.  It’s kind of a show within a show where I try to give an example.  Like I said, where you can’t sleep and then try to explain how the podcast works.  I’m never…I’ve never been so successful that I’m like, that’s the intro; I’m gonna use that for every episode henceforth, or hereto-forth, or going forward.  I’m always like huh, almost caught what the podcast was there, but not quite.  So, there’s a intro around twelve minutes.

 

Some listeners fall asleep during the intro.  A lot of listeners use it as part of their wind-down routine where they say oh, this is my bore-buddy here to help me fall asleep, here to help me drift off.  I’m gonna get my teeth brushed, I’m gonna get my bed set, get all my bedding arranged how I like it, do some initial tossing and turning while Scoots is talking, do some cat…a cat does to its bed or a dog does, maybe do some dog…where you push your pillow with your head a little bit.  Pillow nudging; I think that’s what dogs call it.  Or at least when I say is…what are you doing, nudging your pillow?  Then they just look at me.  I would assume that’s a yes.  Or…what…actually, I assume it’s…what do you think I’m doing?  Well, it looks like you’re nudging your pillow with your head.

 

Then they say…they give me another look.  What do you think?  I say okay, so, I don’t understand.  Are you not nudging your pillow with your head or are you?  My dog does actually sigh, so I have that advantage.  Then I have to…and I don’t know if this happens in interpersonal relationships — for me it does — you say okay, what did that sigh mean?  Oh, boy.  Maybe I won’t think of it ‘til I get into bed, pull the covers up, and I say remember when Koa sighed earlier when you asked her five times in a row if she was nudging her pillow?  Did I mean nooging her pillow?  Oh, man.  Maybe that made her think of the nooge which was a fail Halloween costume when we were going to go together.  Oh, no.  Then you say, no wonder she sighed at me.

 

What kind of dog owner am I, asking my dog about nudging instead of just letting her nudge her pillow in silence?  So, I don’t know if that keeps anybody up.  Probably it…I say maybe she’s sighing about something else.  I mean, usually dogs…at least with dogs, they say…hey…I mean, they have a way of getting us a message, like hey, I gotta go to the friggin’ bathroom.  It’s kinda like when you’re on a plane and you…for me, it’s always a debate.  Hopefully I don’t get the middle seat.  Then it’s like well, if I get a aisle seat I can go to the bathroom whenever I want.  If I get a window seat, I get to look out the window which I really enjoy.  Also, if it’s a day flight, the only time I could sleep on flights is if it’s a day flight and I’m trying to get work done, and then I can sleep like a baby.  Then of course, I could sleep against the wall…the body.

 

But otherwise it’s like, for me, I’m…I try to say…the perfect situation is everybody in the whole row goes to the bathroom at the same time.  I mean, gets up and goes.  The first part of that would not be…would be…I guess it would never be the perfect situation.  It would be some sort of…talk about sympathetic vibrations.  But otherwise I spend my time kinda trying to…I say okay, that person’s taking their headphones out.  Maybe I should make my move now.  I just had a flight where I did it twice; the woman sitting in the aisle got up and I said to the young man between us…I said well, I better go now.  But that was pretty early on and it was a long flight, and I had drank the drink the plane provided me, two cups of coffee before the flight left, and a Mountain Dew that I had bought at the airport.

 

Then as the flight started to go on, I said to myself do I need…I had that internal debate.  These are the kind of things that keep me up at night, too.  You say, do I need to go, do I not need to go?  Should I…in reality you say well, it’s not that big of a inconvenience to ask two people to stand up, for an adjusted person.  But for me, I say oh, boy.  Then I saw…then I was reading…I said I wonder if either one of these two is thinking about this.  Then I can’t remember which one of the people in my row got up, but I said…maybe that was the first time all three of us got up and went.  The second time I said…no, I think…well, I don’t know.  But I was debating it and then I was saying well, I don’t really…this is…would be a preemptive strike ‘cause I think there was an hour…they said about an hour and fifteen minutes ‘til we got on the ground.

 

I said well, this…you never know how long you’ll be sitting there after you get on the ground.  So, instead of…this is what bedtime could be like for me.  I don’t know if…like I said, but then finally, by some…then the woman in the aisle got up and maybe the young man got up, too.  I think that’s what happened the first time though, ‘cause I think he was still in his seat.  But that time, I didn’t think it was a situation.  I said well, now I’ll go because she got up, so it’s less of a inconvenience.  Then when I…I said holy cow, I did…I was like whoa, I…good thing I did, because I guess…sorry, this might be TMI but I said…well, then I ran through my drinks like I just did and I said, huh.  That would have been just uncomfortable, I guess, waiting.  So, and even that, a lot of people would say who does that?

 

I know some of you can relate.  You say yeah, I do; I proactively have…going to the bathroom pre…pro…I call it being proactive.  Other people call it worrying.  I said well, what do you want me to think about on the plane, the movie or the work I’m doing or…?  I say well, I got extra brain space to say well, what should…when should we go to the bathroom?  Well, when you have to go.  Okay, well, but which point?  ‘Cause…doesn’t…we always have to go, kind of?  Well, how much did we…?  Well, now that you mention it, now that’s all I can think about.  Well, we just went ten minutes…oh, we did.  Oh, boy.

 

So, I don’t know if bedtime gets like that for any of you, but what I found, even in that situation, is if you get distracted, if your mind gets carried away by the beauty of the passing plane…P-L-A-I-N-E…you see Des Moines or you might say we’re flying over Sioux Falls, or you say what is that circle there?  Suddenly it’s a different situation when you’re removed from those thoughts, when you’re taken away, or you get it taken care of.  Then you get back to your seat, say phew, let me get back to playing Roller Coaster Tycoon Classic, which I just allow myself…when we’re in the take-off and landing.  Pro tip; if that kinda stuff…it’s not a cheap game.  I think it’s like, $5.99, but if you’re…if those two things stress you out and you pick your…and you’re like a little simulation, a near 8-bit-style Roller Coaster Tycoon Classic, pick it up.

 

Holy…you won’t even notice.  You’ll be like, wait a second…is your seat tray down?  Okay, that means I gotta get to work.  But I didn’t even notice it was seat tray time.  Anyway, the podcast is kinda here to fill a role like that, a little bit more personal, a little bit more friendly.  I’m here to help because I’ve been there, whether it’s just the thoughts or at night.  I’m here to help.  Now, this podcast doesn’t work for everybody, especially the first time, so give it a few tries, see if it works for you.  See how it goes.  Most listeners say it took two or three times.  But I’m here to help.  I wish it worked for everybody.  If it doesn’t, I’m sorry.  You could try letting me know.  I could say well, these are some other things I tried.  But I hope it works for you.  I work very hard and I yearn and I strive to help you fall asleep.  Thank you again for coming by and here’s a few ways we keep the show going.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

(www.leahtranscribes.com)