957 – Bread Week | Great British Baking Off to Sleep S9/C6 E3
Forget Backstreet, our bakers are back baking bodacious bundles of bread.
Episode 957 – Bread Week | Great British Baking Off to Sleep S9/C6 E3
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, and my patron peeps, let’s get baking. Who’s your favorite baking…baking or bacon, Beau Bacon? Oh, that’s my favorite thing to say; B-E…is it Beau or B-E-A…Beau Bacon, would you be my beau? What do you say we get on with the show?
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts you’re thinking about, like things on your mind, thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature or schedule, or, you know, just…you don’t know. You say, I don’t…I just…it could be something else. You say Scoots, you don’t know. I’d say you’re right about that.
I wish I could…in some sense I wish I could list it all but when I say all the basic stuff, I say I’m trying to address it all without saying it all. So…’cause I’m the kinda person who gets so say we all and so shall we all mixed up. Also…so, whatever’s keeping you awake; stuff you’re thinking about, anything you’re feeling physically or experiencing emotionally, or something else. I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of it. What I’m gonna do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, so I’m gonna go off-topic and…pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, so I’m gonna do those things, get mixed up, filler words. You know what we say around here; fill ‘er up with filler words.
You say could you put some extra filler words on that, Scooter? I’d say welcome to Scooter’s Diner, the filler…free refills on the…free refills and overfills. We’re the only…we’re one of the first diners to ever have…and this became revolutionary in, you know, in my mind, but we were the first diner to have grate-based counters. You say, these counters are great. I’d say, are you making a pun or do you like the fact that our counters are actually grates? Because one of the reasons is it makes cleanup easy and two, I tend to just…it became an international phenomenon; brought the diners back. Everyone said what happened to those diners? Did they only live in nostalgia?
Then a world came where one person invented a diner where they would…and they…who wasn’t good…who wanted to be…who wanted to have a paper hat and a apron and a little sass. But he was not good at filling up coffee mugs or cups; Taza De Cafe. So, he always overfilled them and…but he knew that about himself so he went to the greatest designer of diner counters, the diner-designer Gertrude, whose last name will remain anonymous. He said Gertrude, I need…I overfill drinks all the time. What solutions could you offer? She said well, we usually…we make our counters with little lips. I said oh, that’s so cute. Could I give a counter a kissy-poo? Gertrude rolled her eyes and said are you serious or…? A lip like…let me show you; a raised portion. I’d say oh, wow, I’ve seen those at work.
Those actually do work. How come they got rid of those? She said I’ll never know. She said, they called it progress. I said progress? I said I was so sorry, Gertrude, I may have paused there because I was trying to think of something to say; egress, ‘cause I don’t know if that’s what I’m looking for, something to egress my over-pours. I don’t think a lip’s gonna do it because then the customers are gonna end up…unless we sell that as a selling point. Come to Scooter’s Diner where there’s ponds of coffee. No, that doesn’t sound appealing. She said what about a micro-grate? I said great idea Gertrude, but I gotta run because I forgot I was in the middle of a podcast intro. I wasn’t even in the middle of it. Sorry new listeners in particular. Regular listeners, you’ve been there before. Not at my diner before; it’s new.
Yeah, it has grate…also, your, whatever, your crumbs, they go through the grate too and then I just wipe it down at night. We take the grates off and of course, that’s all compostable. It’s even better. So, okay, but so, if you’re new, you may be confused already. What I was gonna do…oh, I said create a safe place where you could set aside stuff, so if you’re new, a couple things to know. One, it’s okay not to like this podcast. That’s totally cool. I just want to say that right up front, or to not be sure because, I don’t know, I think sometimes people feel some pressure. I don’t want you to feel any pressure even to like this show if you’re new. So, that’s the other thing.
The other thing is I don’t want you to feel any pressure…and you may feel some internal pressure to follow along or make sense of what I’m saying but as you can see by what just transpired, this podcast just barely makes sense. You say if you don’t think it’s…this podcast makes sense if you don’t think about it too long, and that’s why you don’t need to think about it too long ‘cause I mean, the intro, you could think about it a little bit longer ‘cause it’s the beginning of the show, ‘cause you say okay, wait a second, have I been to any diners with grate counters? You say again, I’m tempted to make another…yet another pun, but I won’t.
But you say, I’ve seen grates in many other food service areas and when I am recording this, I’m forlorn for a trip to a diner, but maybe when you’re hearing this, we could visit diners more often again. There will be the great diner revival, but you’d say that almost makes sense. But then if you started to…if you were starting to think about it more, then you say oh, that’s why. I’m not there yet. That’ll take me another month or two and I’ll be like oh, that’s why diners don’t have grates for counters, because of that simple, clear idea. But this podcast is…you say that almost barely makes sense. It’s almost a good idea. So, just barely listen to me, I guess is what I’m saying, ‘cause I barely make any sense and that’s…but that can be hard at first when you come to the show.
So many regular listeners are just kinda nodding along or doing that…you heard me breathing and they say oh, that’s Scoots. Yep, he’s almost got a good…he’s got a good idea but it’s a grate; it’s got holes in it or it’s porous as good ideas…and I’d say yeah, they’re adaptable. My ideas are…what is that called when…? Resilient. You could take the idea and make it better. I’m sure of it Gertrude, as long as I get 80% of the income from that idea. So, okay, oh, where was I? Okay, so don’t bare…barely listen to me. The other thing is there’s really…this podcast doesn’t really put you to sleep. It keeps you company as you fall asleep and yeah, I don’t know. It’s just here to keep you company as you fall asleep, like a friend, so…but not really to put you to sleep. I don’t know; to take your mind off of stuff.
So, I don’t know, see how it goes. I guess I’m a little bit distracted both by the diner idea but I guess part of that…what led me to that was there was just this review of the podcast that someone wrote. They were very…I don’t know how you spell it; irate. I-R-A-T-E. They did not rate me well. I don’t need to really please…you say, okay, that person, they didn’t…they kind of…the podcast definitely did not work from them and they felt very strongly about all of the things that didn’t work for them. I want to point out to you that that’s totally cool, but just see how it goes. The one thing I say is most listeners say give it two or three tries. It took two or three tries to like the podcast.
That’s not for my benefit; it’s just to kinda…for you to see how it goes ‘cause it is different, the idea…okay, wait, this is a podcast I don’t…you’re not worried if I like it or not? I say, no. I’m not worried about it. Even the people that really enjoy the podcast, they say Scoots, I barely listen to you. I barely know you. I feel like you’re a good friend that I barely know. I say, perfect. I’m doing my job. So, kinda just see how it goes. I guess I got that point across. Okay, this…so, don’t need to like the show…oh, ‘cause if you’re skeptical; that was what I was gonna say. That’s how I would approach the podcast if I was a listener. I’d say hm, I’m doubtful about this idea. Okay, so no pressure, no need to listen, no pressure to fall asleep.
The structure of the show is another thing…really threw this particular person off, and the structure of the show is just based on one, how the show grew organically and how we keep it going so it can come out twice a week. So, the show starts off with a greeting; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, then there’s business, then there’s an intro. So, right around…the first part of the show’s probably thirty seconds to a minute, then the business is a few minutes, then…so maybe five, six minutes. I don’t know. Then the [00:10:00] intro’s like, twelve to twenty minutes, but it’s really a show within a show that some people fall asleep to and a lot of people use to unwind, to get twenty minutes or fifteen minutes away from the day and to get ready for bed or to just, you know, start to wind down and start to be distracted.
So, that’s kinda the intro. Then there’s business, just podcast structure, and then there’s the episode. Tonight we’ll be talking about the Great British Bake Off or the Great British Baking Show or whatever it’s properly called wherever you are in the world. I prefer when Raven-Symoné’s gonna take it over one day in my imagine…and she’ll call it That British Baking Show or That’s…I don’t know, I prefer…I think that just sounds better; That British Baking Show instead of That’s So British Baking…That’s So British Baking Show doesn’t work as well, or That’s So Raven’s British Baking Show. You’d say wait a second, where…I kinda get it but where’s the comma in all that? I’d say you’re right; do you put commas in titles of imaginary TV shows? So, oh, we’ll talk about that, then there’s some thank-yous.
So, that’s the structure of the show and I think that’s all you really need to know other than the fact give the show…and the reason I say give the show a few tries is just ‘cause it’s like…oh, wait a second, on the second or third try I realized you’re just like a friend I can call on the phone and…that talks about nothing in very close detail, but details that I’m not really interested in ‘cause you say you don’t even…you’re the…one of the people…you get…you constantly call Noel Julian and then you say…then you get mixed up, then you talk about Prue and then you’re fixated on alliterations but you actually…like, I did an alliteration count of the episode one time, Scoots, and you were way off. I’d say yeah, that’s…you’re right about those things ‘cause yeah.
So, you say then I realized oh, I didn’t really need to pay attention to you. The idea is I’m…this show is kinda harmless. I wouldn’t call myself harmless ‘cause that’s just my nana who says well, he’s not bad. I wouldn’t call him harmless because he can kinda get on the old…you don’t want to be around him in the daytime. That’s what the nana within me says, ‘cause he’s not a bad boy; he’s not bad. I say, thanks. Once again nana, I thought all the new listeners…that they may have forgotten and they said maybe Scoots is…but no, if they listen to this podcast, they know well, he’s not a bad boy. He’s kind of lukewarm. He’s no Luke from what…one of those famous Lukes. He’s more of lukewarm. I’d say thanks, thanks again. So, okay, so those are most of the things to know.
The other thing you need to know is the reason I make this show. You deserve a good night’s sleep. I hope this podcast can provide it for you. It doesn’t work for everybody so if it doesn’t, I hope you find something that does. But whatever you take away, know you deserve a good night’s sleep. You deserve a safe place where you could get some rest and ideally be in a position where you’re rested tomorrow and you feel like you could be like yeah, I could be more present in my life. That will make the world such a better place. Incremental improvement really is magical and if we could get that kinda incremental improvement going, it’s just great. You say well, I gave somebody a thumbs up when I was walking just to do it.
I didn’t realize that they were driving a dump truck, so then they dump…but that was…I felt good about it and they smiled, and then pulled the lever. Luckily it was beach sand and they were at the beach. It was just the wrong beach and no one was there, so it wasn’t a big deal; just inconvenient. So…and then in 2095 they’re gonna say wow, that’s how come we could spill whatever we want on our kitchen tables nowadays. You say, what do you have, a grated…your kitchen tables have grates or your dining tables with lasers or something, right? You’d say well, kind of, Scoots. Close enough. Not lasers but yeah, fission or fusion, microfusion. Micro-machines, actually. I’d say are those like nanobots?
Are those like those things that were popular like Christmas, like, eight years ago that you turn them on and they vibrate and they move around? You say of course, Scoots. We’re from the future. We just laugh at you in a good way, in a friendly way, because you were almost…you had one piece of the puzzle, a very tiny…I say, that’s all I need, a incremental piece. So, you deserve a good night’s sleep. The other thing is I’ve been there. I know how it feels tossing and turning in the deep, dark night. I just want to help. So, that’s it. I’m glad you’re here. I really appreciate you giving me your time and I really hope I can help you fall asleep. Thanks again for stopping by and here’s a couple ways we’re able to bring you this podcast twice a week.
Alright everybody, it’s Bread Week. I gotta get the captions turned on here so I can see what’s going on while I don’t have to turn the noise on. Terry’s talking. Manon is doing something; they’re doing a little preview. Now Noel’s talking. This is the teaser at the start of Bread Week, Episode…this says Episode 1. That’s not correct. Oh no, number one, tasty takeaway technical. There’s your first…that was a triple alliteration. What if they…was like, alliterative ice skating? I guess alliterative ice skating’s almost alliterative. Is it alliterative? I mean, I don’t know. Ill…no, ice and ill is not…you’re right. Is there any other Olympic events…? I don’t know. But so, this episode opens…oh, I think I wanted to do this dialogue here. It has the comedy sequence to start. P-A-I-N and Sandy’s in…standing in front of a sign and a easel.
Noel comes and says I’m here for you. Don’t say another word. I’m gonna get you a chair, make you a salad. Sandy says, it’s Bread Week. I was gonna talk about different kinds of European bread starting with pain, P-A-I…pain, the French word for bread. He brings a chair and he says, there. Don’t you feel better? She says yeah, kind of. He says, you know why? Because you and I communicate. Also, that’s a wide shot. He kicks his…kicks back on the chair in a way that’s cool. It’s a wide shot so I don’t have the best view. Noel’s wearing black shoes, black slacks, and then a yellow and black striped sweater with a furry friend on there. It says some stuff on there but it’s a wide shot right now. It’s like bumblebee-esque. Matches his hair which is very dark.
Sandy is wearing blue pants, white…much more comfortable shoes, and she has a denim jacket but the sleeves are decorative. It’s a little fuzzy. Then she also has a shirt on but I can’t tell the design of her shirt, so I’ll talk about it later. Then we see everybody marching in. They walk through the garden. There’s talking heads, some word I circled that looks like oatats. Jackets in the AM. I was wondering about the weather because yeah, everyone’s wearing a jacket or something, and I didn’t know if that’s the stylist talking or what. But yeah, the talking heads, Dan, Ruby. Poking and prodding; there’s another alliteration, almost. Briony says she’s…I want to have a better week this week. Briony’s pretty hip. Maybe she was punk at some point. Rahul’s talking, then Manon’s talking.
Manon has some amazing earrings; dangling like a…I don’t know what you call them, though I’m not good at naming earrings. I don’t know. Kim-Joy…it’s tough to say because their styles are different but a lot of them, the accessories…I don’t know. I’d say Prue versus Kim-Joy; probably Kim-Joy has a more joyful and…accessories, and then Prue has more formal or what you’d say is stylish. Paul is…he’s got a black shirt, black jeans on, hands in his pockets right now. Walk-through garden…let’s read through my notes like it’s poetry, though. Oh dear, Chelsea bun, sweet bun. Sides gotta be touching. Tear one off for the judges. You got three hours. Terry just said he likes a Chelsea bun. Dry ingredients…oh, and enriched dough. Milk, butter, and fats which slows down the yeast. Paul loves dough, he says.
Classic tear-and-share. Kim-Joy rises to the occasion so she’s the first one that they go through. Oh, she’s making a tarrong…tarron rove. Paul; let’s see what it says. Beautiful structure there. I’m ahead of Paul; he just said classic tear-and-share. Hoping for perfect buns. Kim-Joy has a extra step. They say morning, Kim-Joy. This is where the judges go and visit. Tell us about your Chelsea buns. Tangzhong technique. They say, what is that? Explain. She goes, it’s a bit like a rue. It retains moisture. Whenever I hear rue, I want to say rue-rue-rue, sing rue, sing, Sophie Dinkhams. That was the song I would sing to my…or Sophie’s diapers when my daughter was a kid. [00:20:00] Oh, then she brings some bread. Oh, some cool cat bread. So, her…Bill has a shop called The Traveling Man.
It’s a comic shop and it looks like a board game shop and maybe a RPG. I’d love to go there. She brought him bread. Let’s see, Paul waffles her in something. Okay, Manon; she’s got…oh, she…they show Manon in her regular life…oh, she’s making a chai milk, some chai tea bags to add flavor. Then they show her; she’s a software consultant. She also wears matching PJs with her roommate, Charlotte. They have tea and PJs. Apricot, marzipan, chai Chelsea buns. Chai Chelsea buns; there’s another one I didn’t catch. Then we kinda have Paul v Manon, I said. They go back and forth about where…which bread’s better; French bread or English bread. British bread; there’s another…and she goes oh, well, I love it when it comes out of the oven. Then we have Dan; spiced orange Chelsea bun.
Captain Bread…kneading…Dan’s walking with his kids, looking for his car. Just a bit further. Two harsh critics at home of his own. Dan’s hoping to impress the judges with his classically-styled one. I feel like my bread’s pretty average, but there’s Paul looking at it. They show Paul lurking around. He’s a bread specialist; Captain Bread. You can’t pull one over on him. He sleeps in a bap. I don’t know what that means. That’s what Noel said. Kim-Joy…something time. Oh, everybody’s kneading time. Everybody’s kneading; Anthony uses a mixer. Antony uses a mixer. Then we have…Anthony and his partner are on a balcony having breakfast, a decadent breakfast bun, he’s talking about, then they’re having breakfast…Gary. They have a really nice balcony.
There’s a train going by and I bet you it’s good people-watching from their balcony. Oh, and then he says yeah, he’s trying to do the math, and then Sandy says…oh, no, I guess it’s not Sandy; it’s Prue. She says you’re not good at…you don’t know the math? Aren’t you a banker? Oh yeah, Sandy does say that. She goes come on, no wonder we have a banking crisis. Then Paul stops by Terry. He says Terry, I really want you to flourish this round. Be good. Then we have dough proving, race against time. Ruby’s working with carrots and ghee. Oh, Terry’s going the extra mile, they say. Fitness fanatic; that was another…I thought it was only the second piece of alliteration. Boy, was I wrong when they describe Ruby. Thin mulch, they…that’s what someone says about hers.
Honeymoon in Florence; that’s where…Briony’s in Bristol but…with her mom Colleen, but she had her honeymoon in Florence. Sweater as they get…what does this say? I may have to see what it comes back as. It just says sweater as it gets older. Still don’t know what grade is. Oh, that’s a ganache. He says sweater as…oh, ‘cause everybody’s dressed…I said oh, it seems like a lot of people have layers but then it…during the episodes they talk about how hot it is in the tent. So, I don’t know how much is that…is due to the weather and how much is due to the baking. So, yeah, right now Ruby’s talking about her production and later Noel will say jeez, I don’t even…still don’t know what ganache is. Karen, her love of color, we…they show her working on a lamp shade with her family, or her friends.
Best-dressed, then Sandy does the time on a bread mic. That’s coming up. I want to see that. That’s pretty funny. Oh, they get sweeter as they get older. They’re talking…that’s when Sandy and Noel are talking about balsamic vinegar. She goes, it goes in one ear, it goes out the other. Oh, and then Karen’s color is the marzipan. She has on a beret that matches her glasses and her sweater and yeah, then they show her working on a lamp shade at her family home in Yorkshire. She’s making a Christmas Chelsea bun. At some point soon Sandy will be on this bread mic and I’ll see it. Rolling sequence; that’s when everybody’s rolling the dough. It’s a sequence of people rolling dough. Cardiff city versus Chelsea city. Jon’s talking about that. Oh, first there’s outside…there’s…it is. It’s Bread Week at…in the tent.
One hour gone, two hours left. Terrible tension. Wow, there’s so much…does everything have this much alliteration and I just…? I mean, I know Sleep With Me does. Let’s see, mascarpone or something. Prue says something’s disgusting. Don’t mind Paul and Prue. Jon spends his weekend cheering on his beloved blue birds, another alliteration. Holy moly. Salted caramel blue fondant ice cream. Marshmallow on the top. Oh, that’s what they say. Prue says that sounds disgusting. They said don’t hold back. Let’s see, more better, better…number three, Manon…11:20…oh, this is funny; at 11:20, so Dan’s rolling his…this is like, the rolling sequence right now. I think we’re about ten minutes in. But coming up here is some comedy, so Dan’s working.
This is at 11:20, and Ruby’s swinging…this is like, a bit…she reminded me of me. She’s swinging…it looks like a piece of dough and she loses it and then she looks around to see if anybody saw her, but the camera was on her. Then Rahul’s so stressed but he does bring a cake into his Leisure Center for the workers. I said man, what a great guy this is. He bakes to make friends. Leisure Complex, of course; not Leisure…no, I thought it was a Leisure Center. They talk about using a thread to cut buns. Rahul’s good at it. Briony has not…she was…her…this…then another prove…Terry forgot the fruit and the sugar. One hour left. Gabbing time, stress. Don’t prove too long. My head’s inside to prove right now…Anthony. Antony. My head’s inside the prover right now. Antony says that. One hour left, bakers.
That was, like…everybody manage your time carefully. What are you doing for the next twenty-five minutes? Stressing. Paul’s something…Paul’s proving Ruby…is he gonna prove? Under-prove? Let’s see what Paul says. He’s gonna mess with your head. I think Noel says that to Ruby; is Paul messing with your head? Paul is prowling. Oh, that’s what it is. That was my own…my word. Paul’s prowling around; messing with people’s heads. Let’s see, Anthony…open swirl, really be well. Oh no, it’s…Ruby says Paul’s prowling like a bear. Can mess with your head, Anthony says. Can never tell what he’s thinking. Oh, Manon says I think he wants to see my buns. Oh, boy. Yeah, then the buns start coming out…getting directed. Oh, Dan says Rahul, what if your buns explode in the middle? He says please don’t say that.
Let’s see, yeast passes away. Oh, this was Briony talking to Noel again about the yeast. Going away to the big yeaster in the sky. Waiting on the bake, nerves, watching…watching over their ovens and their cooking. Five minutes. Please…people are doing temperature checks and then they’re out of time. Oh no, it’s Kim-Joy. She says the yeast is going away for a good cause. Get to learn stuff constantly on here. Some people are happy with how it turns out, some people are stressed. Let’s see, Anthony’s on the floor, then Noel goes over and sits by him. Kim-Joy looks as Rahul stresses. Yeah, everybody’s trying to get their things. Final touches; 16:16, I guess I gotta wait to see what’s at 16:16. The only thing is that this is different. The iPad I’m watching on has a different timer than my…where I…my TV.
There’s Noel. Terry’s…good things take a long time, but his are already out. It’s a big waiting game but it’s worth it. Bakers, you got one minute, only one minute. Jon’s blue birds…out of the oven. Rahul’s waiting to the last minute. That’s when Kim-Joy makes this face like oh boy, is he stressed. Decorating, gonna be messy. I’d say one of these bakers, if they wanted to move in with me, I would definitely tell them a bedtime story…well, I mean, I guess I could only do it once a week ‘cause I couldn’t eat like this every day, but…time’s up. Place your Chelsea buns at the end of your benches. They have to say stop, Rahul. Don’t make us come over there. [00:30:00] Time to face judgment. Kim-Joy, even-colored, delicate dough — there’s another nice one — citrus, but could use something more.
Manon; oh, these are heart-shaped. Over-baked, tough, flavor’s fantastic. Another alliteration. Dan; even color, bread is really delicious, really stretchy, Dan. Oh, Dan gets a handshake. Everybody claps. Annoyingly perfect, Paul says. Well-made. We’re in love with you. Antony; over-baked, tough, dry. Pity, or pithy flavor. No, pity; flavor’s fantastic. Then he says stop saying it’s dry. Terry takes…tastes great, looks like it exploded a bit. Lovely and light. Oh no, this is Briony; sorry. Hers was pretty but it exploded a bit. Lovely and light. She thought it was done. Let’s see, Terry…spread the…oh, that was Terry’s. He didn’t spread the fruit evenly. If you had hit the filling, it would have been perfect, Terry. Briony’s balsamic Chelsea buns, strawberry…they say okay, it doesn’t look like it was folded properly but nice dough.
It’s delicious, Prue says. Paul says flavor’s very, very good. Shame it looks this way. Then Karen’s Chelsea buns; lovely look and flavor. Structure’s lovely. Well-baked. Ruby; did you have not enough time? Flavor lacks stickiness. Let’s see what they say. Did you have sugar in your dough? No, but there was sugar with the carrots. He go…oh, he said that’s not enough. It’s hard; crusty. It’s not how a Chelsea bun should be. Prue says the flavor’s interesting, fundamentally lacks stickiness. Then we have Jon. Impressive, nice, springy, over-baked though. Should have been proven more or something. I don’t know. But they say that’s…the decoration’s good but not for a Chelsea bun. Then Rahul; yeah, they say sorry…about too much fruit on top. Are you trying to match my jumper? That’s what Noel says. Looks delicious.
Pulls apart lovely. Soft and gooey, the way a Chelsea bun should be. Say it’s interesting; savory, spices, but with a sweet fruit contrast. Really like that, Prue says. Baked to perfection. That’s what Paul says. Chutney; very clever. That’s a good…and then afterwards Noel says you don’t have to apologize for doing great. Dan says what…Dan gives him a what the heck? Then we see pheasants outside. Rahul’s talking pheasants. Dan’s baffled. He goes, bread’s not my strong suit. Terry says I can’t believe it, I finally did good. My best challenge yet. So, that’s good. Anthony’s feeling a little bit low. He goes, I gotta get back with…the technical comes smashing back. Then we have a outdoor shot. Nothing could prepare them for the technical challenge. They got the practice for that one.
Hollywood…this is gonna be one of the shortest ones ever seen. Hollywood doesn’t want to give you much time. A batch of non-yeasted garlic naan with…or naan with garlic ghee or garlic naan. Hollywood hurdle, somebody just said. That’s alliteration. Uniform in size. Jon loves yeasted naan. They gotta grill it. I think it means broiled, though. Prue asks Paul…they talk. Paul has on a winter coat…they’re sitting outside. So is Prue. They sit outside; tea and naan. The sequence everybody getting ready, trying to read, mix the ingredients, but some people have never made naan and then some people have just never made non-yeasted naan, which I guess I made…I’ve never made naan before. Even Ruby says I just take it out of the freezer which is how I normally do it, too. Oh yeah, but she uses frozen naan, too.
So yeah, here’s Paul and Prue talking about it. Yeah, Paul’s got a…they both have jackets on so the temperature must widely range wherever they shoot this which I guess anyone in the UK would say yeah, of course, Scoots. Kneading the sticky dough, wet dough, not getting smooth. Terry’s going well, feeling good. Kim-Joy and Manon share a moment. Time to proof. Four minutes. I think Noel does something with a cat here, a Jurassic cat on Briony’s paper. Oh, he draws a cat on Briony’s paper saying the F-bomb. Then everybody has to make their garlic butter, separating the dough. Noel helps Ruby with the shape…the teardrop shape of naan. Takeaway; that’s a term that Americans don’t use. We say oh, well, yeah, I’m used to…in a takeaway.
Grill pan, hot…oh, Terry just said feeling quite relaxed at this moment. Puts you in a good steed. But this is…also, that might not be accurate. Broiler…I said are they broiling or baking? Then they say time. Some people are doing four, two, three, puffing up, some flipping. Fifteen minutes left. The butter goes on. Last touches. Then there’s one minute left. It’s total chaos with one minute left. Terry does a double thumbs-up, though. Time is up and you gotta bring your naan up and put it right by your photograph. So, first person up was Ruby. They say incremental shapes like Olaf brick house. I don’t think any of that is correct. Oh, they’re skimming the foam off their butter. Then Jon…roundish ones, breaks well, tastes good. Shape’s odd. Brick house. I’ll see what the judges say about it in a minute.
Manon; similar shape, more like a pita though. Antony; raw, out of time, a bit thick. Terry; looks fantastic, light, good color, good flavor. Terry’s two for two. Kane; there’s no one named Kane on this show. Karen, probably; a bit inconsistent. Okay. Dan; very thick, flavor good. One minute left, the judge…oh, Noel and Sandy are saying. I said Dan; very thick, flavor good, right? Rahul; nice, light, but under-cooked. Kim-Joy; inconsistency. Briony; a bit raw, wet. So, and something else…the flavor okay. So, let me just double-check, but I could tell you while they were walking up on the show. Kim-Joy came in tenth, Briony ninth, Anthony seventh, Ruby…Anthony eighth…Ruby seventh, Dan, Karen, Rahul, Manon, Jon, and Terry. I don’t know whose I was…forgot. Brick-hard. That was Ruby’s. Oh, so brick-hard.
I thought it said brick house. Brick-hard; I would have never thought…that’s harsh. Round ones, variety of shapes, breaks well. That’s Jon’s. Nice and flaky. Taste is good. A lot of garlic. So, he was second-place, right? Oh, Manon; they liked the flaking but a bit over-baked, some of them, like pitta. Anthony; his looked good. Oh no, some are raw and some are over-cooked. Looks like he ran out…they ran out of time. A bit thick but nice bread. They say Terry’s look fantastic; softer, light, but under…hasn’t been on the grill too long. Good color, good shape, consistency, good flavor. Karen; inconsistent in shape and size, a bit thick as well, taste is okay. Dan’s look thick and small but the flavor is good. Rahul; nice color, nice and light, but under-cooked on one side. It’s a pity ‘cause it’s nice bread but a thick pitta.
Kim-Joy; inconsistency in the baking, backs aren’t cooked, cold. Briony; they’re all the same size, a bit raw though, wet, not quite done. Flavor’s okay. Antony points out that roti’s a very different type of bread but Kim-Joy has hope for the next round. That’s when they do the talking heads. Then they walk backwards; I assume was on the [00:40:00] Sun…they record this on two days, so the second day. Maybe they do it three days. Terry has really nice pants. Oh, and there’s table talk, so I’ll let this play out. Anthony, Ruby, Briony, shots of stressed faces. Oh, there’s some interesting stuff. Oh, I was gonna do this ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary; ready, get set, bake. I can’t…I guess I can’t do it in a sleepy way. Get set, bake. Ready, get set, bake.
Eggs and milk and talk…this is a five-hour baking challenge. Big lumps of dough. Very quick hour. This is the talking heads. Eight naans out, Briony says. I still did it. This is when everybody’s walking out. Anthony says yeah, I’m from a region that makes rotis, not naans, so get off my back. Oh yeah, Kim-Joy’s inspired ‘cause she says Karen turned things around last week. It’s not an option for me. Then we see some nice flowers and then everybody walks back. Manon and Terry; Terry’s hands are behind his back. Anthony and Kim-Joy…then the table talk. Terry did well. He needed a good day. He was almost shocked. Sandy; who’s doing for Star Baker? Dan. I mean, he’s sixth in the technical but did well in the first one. Got a handshake. Rahul; he’s always saying he’s not good but he’s doing well.
Ruby, Antony are in trouble. Briony and Kim-Joy for the first time. They say Paul, are you under pressure when it’s Bread Week? Is that why you’re wearing black? The godfather of bread? Okay, so then they talk about batch baking when they’re doing all these big lumps of dough. Very symbolic. This has to mean something for you. They’re doing a giant bread, enriched, sweet bread. It’s something and something or other, mainly seen at Eastern European festivals and celebrations like weddings. Comes from a pagan belief in the magical properties of grain. Noel says thanks, Wikipedia. Everyone laughs. Korovai; three tiers, any shape, impressively decorated to reflect celebration. You have five hours. Expecting perfection, Paul says. Orange blossom, center stage, a wedding.
Ruby’s doing a mom…her mom and dad…a wedding cake for her mom and dad which is nice; four-tiered. Put me back in the running. Let’s see, somebody’s doing a crown. Noel makes a joke that I…about Brian May. I gotta figure that one out. Okay, so they’re talking. The bakers have to produce a great loaf that tastes good, looks amazing, any size or shape. Good morning, Ruby. Four-tiered korovai as we said. Oh yeah, shaped like a crown. She goes yeah, my mom is a queen, and that’s where the joke…Noel says oh, well, my mom is Brian May from Queen. So then he walks off; see you later. Ruby’s a little stressed but she says yeah, I’m gonna make it…this is gonna be my comeback. Anthony is talking wedding celebrations. He does want an adventure.
He paid for his brother’s honeymoon, a trip to the foothills of the Himalayas. I said holy cow, what a brother, or brother-in-law. Either way, man, what a gift. So, he’s…but he’s gonna do it in honor of them with a zip line. Kim-Joy is doing a cat wedding. Ruffles and Raffles are the names of the cats. I love that she named the cats. Ruffle…I mean, that’s like straight out of a episode of…maybe she listens…if you’d say who’s most likely to listen to Sleep With Me out of this cast, I would say well, Rahul’s probably…this show…he’s probably the most stressed but it might stress him out more. I might say Kim-Joy is definitely most likely to be a fan of Sleep With Me, like fits all the things; board games and sense…she just has that sense of humor.
Anyone else that we can think of that might listen to the show or would listen to it? I don’t know. I can’t think. I mean, maybe other people might like it or listen. Sorry if you do. I’m just saying, I’m just trying to guess. Okay, big ball of dough. Dan’s is ginormous. Go, go, go. Bread decoration sequence. More dough. Someone’s making duck dough and doves. Let’s see, latticework. Rahul’s talking to himself, self-soothing. Kim-Joy’s making cats. Briony’s doing a duck. Anthony’s doing designs. These don’t…you don’t want to rise. You want them to stay together. Ruby’s doing doves. They’re a bit fiddly. Two lovebirds, Briony, romantic doves…Noel…representing the couple. Oh, Dan’s doing him and his husband. Then Karen; they say what, are those frogs or sea turtles or seals?
I think they’re supposed to be birds, though. She’s doing a continental breakfast based on somebody she met at a…a couple she met at a hotel. Madeline tea…I don’t know what that means. Maybe I’ll see. Let’s see. Karen’s still talking. Castor sugar, roti dough that Rahul used to play with. His mom wouldn’t let him play with dough. Oh, he says I was never a kind of outdoor person so this helps me return to my childhood. Oh, he does one…the first British wedding he ever attended with a lot of flowers and garden…orange and lemon zest. In my ideal world I’d probably do a lot of idea…decorations. They say what’s your ideal world? He’d say like, two hundred decorations. They say two hundred? That’s wild. Dan…no, not Dan. Jon is making a Welsh Saints David Day celebration bread with a forest friend on top, Welsh tea.
He has pictures of his daughters to inspire him and never been out…summer British wedding. Oh yeah, he says one of his true loves is Saint David’s Day. Daughters to inspire…Manon has a Faberge egg on top of hers ‘cause her family has an egg farm. It looks like it has an L on it and some buzzing friends and flowers, orange blossoms. She says shaping an egg is difficult but you know, eggs is part of my family history, so I’ll figure it out. Briony pulls her first proven piece of dough out and it looks good. She’s gonna bake some turrets right into her cake not as fast as she can; ideally at a slow, unfolding place. She’s doing Rapunzel in a castle. Hair not too basic, they say. Oh, but it’s like a bird Rapunzel, maybe. I don’t know. Rapunzel thing is baked inside. Bakers must twist and shape their dough. They’re doing their tiers.
So, this is the sequence thing. Yeah, the assembly sequence, they called it. Don’t want to do it too complicated. Plate…plating, P-L-A-T-I or something. Hoping the dough retains its shape. Now, Terry uses this terracotta prover which, spoiler, does not work out. I think I know because baking collage. Then we’re…it doesn’t look like he soaked them. It looks like they were brand-new. I mean, I don’t know anything about anything but I said don’t you…aren’t you supposed to soak those in a tub of water first and then take them out and then let them dry out a little bit? Or like rub them in oil or flour? But I don’t know. I mean, I could be wrong but it stuck and it ended up not working out well for Terry. But he’s doing a garden korovai. Oh, he’s using scissors to bring the dough together.
Oh, this is a funny sequence; we just happen to be here right where we wanted to be. We’re right on time right now. So, there’s the timing thing. What is that thing called; a long piece of bread? Boulanger? No. Why can’t I think of simple words? But whatever. Noel’s holding a green stuffed owl on a long thing of bread and Sandy’s shooting Nerf balls at it. For some reason, I can’t think of that common vocabulary word…it’s like, a long thing of bread. You say oh, you’re gonna go get…can you get one of those? Not a loaf. I know that word. But the popular French word for it. Why can’t…man, I can’t believe it. I mean, this is how my brain works, though. That was at 42:27. Owl halfway…what…get cracking. Every second counts. So, this is the stress sequence. Pressure cooker. Dan knocks over something then says he’s sorry.
One dough out, one-dough juggling act. Crucial decision to stop proving and start baking. Then we see Kim-Joy nestling the cats in Venus space. [00:50:00] I don’t think that’s what it is; nestling the cats though somewhere. Oh, nestle cats in various places within them. Some of them are grumpy, she says. Oh, then Terry’s stuck. First time he says please bake well. I think Ruby says that, though. Not…oh, Rahul says not confident in anything in my life. Why would baking time be any different? I said I can so relate, man. Then the PA on IC hits. Time. Sandy does the time with a chalk drawing. One hour. What is the chalk drawing of, Scoots? I don’t know. I’ll tell you in a second when it comes up here. A bit tight like a breadstick. Oh, that’s what Noel says with Rahul’s. Says you’re a bit tight like a breadstick.
You’re gonna break. You’re gonna snap. Oh, it’s…what is that thing called? You…sands of time. Hourglass. Chalk drawing of hourglass. There’s some comedy there of Noel trying to move it. Get baking. Burnt wreath. Funeral wreath. You go out, I quit. That’s what Noel says to Ruby. Pinky promise. Then he’s doing…he says are the cats gonna stay together forever? Then Terry has another batch stuck. Anthony says I’m not gonna make it. My time is running out. Ten minutes. Then we have the assembly sequence. Somebody uses the term wonky. Karen says that her cake is better looking than her husband. Then the time is up. Dan is done. Five hours over. Kim-Joy says some…I think that Rahul’s looks lovely. Lovely, Rahul. Will it hold? Then it’s raining outside the tent really hard. Kim-Joy and Noel, trust me.
A shotgun wedding for these kittens. There’s already kittens there. Looks lovely, like a hot cross bun, but could have been…it would have been perfect if you had proved it for another hour, so they must have start…that’s I guess the judgment sequence. Rahul…Prue sighs. Highly decorative. Really is a showstopper. Oh, look at all that; fantastic. You’re a little genius. That’s what Paul says. Then Dan is up. He sighs. They say…but his, they say simple, effective, exquisite. Lovely texture. Beautiful bake. But the flavor’s not strong enough, Dan. Almost there. Then Ruby goes. They say jeez, your detail is spectacular. Lots of filling. Love the almond. Perfection. Stunning. Oh yeah, let’s see; the first…Kim-Joy goes first and Noel helps her. They say, you shouldn’t have trusted him. Just meowied…a KITovai.
I don’t know how many cat…let’s just check in ‘cause we got a couple minutes. Let’s see how many cats I can see. One, two…I paused it. They’re gonna do a overhead shot. Three…one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. I’m gonna see if that’s right. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. Now I see. I can’t even see the whole cake. That’s a zoom-in. Ten…at least ten kittens on the cake. Just meowied…M-E-O-W-I-E-D. Oh, that’s their friends ‘cause…oh, they say are those the kittens? She goes no, those are their friends. Great plate or whatever they say. Really charming. Let’s see, jump back to Jon. Colorful, clumsy. It’s sunk in. A bit heavy. Too much fruit. Bad luck, Jon. Yeah, Kim-Joy only needed a half-hour more proving. Karen; my goodness. Muted colors, lovely. Let’s see, let’s get to Karen.
Oh wait, what is this; Rahul’s? Wait, how did I miss that one? Did I fall…? Oh, I guess Rahul is after. Sorry, I guess I did do his. But yeah, Prue sighs. His was so good. Really is a showstopper. Oh yeah, that’s when they call him fantastic. I didn’t like that fantastic little genius…I mean, he’s a genius. He’s a lovely human being, too. Okay, let’s see, so back to Karen. They say my goodness, and there’s a couple things I need to like, get it clear on. Oh yeah, she reveals…they say my…like the muted colors, lovely. Decoration’s intricate. Wonder what it’s like inside, though. Then they cut it. She says oh, I’d like to know what’s inside, too. Everybody laughs at that. They say a bit doughy in the middle but it’s under-proved. Disappointing ‘cause it looked amazing. Oh, and she goes showstopper on the outside. Then Anthony goes.
He makes the birds fly down the zip line. Just to add to the drama, he says. Lovebirds go down the zip line, which was cute. He gets a big smile. Simple but effective, but they worry about the color. Could it be the chocolate? Decorations; a lot of them fell off. They cut in and Prue says it’s a bit heavy. Oh, not the word…not proved enough. Over-baked. Ended up with a stodge. Not your best, Antony. But he’s still smiling. A bit stodge. Then Jon; not baked. Flavor lovely. Should have proved it for two more hours except, that’s…is that Jon? How…? Oh, I guess Terry’s next. I don’t know what…well, maybe I watched it in a different order. Should have proved for two more hours. It’s very citrusy. Delicious. Oh yeah, I thought it was Terry. They go yeah, you shouldn’t have…fifteen minutes?
That’s where your problem is. That’s what Paul says. You should have proved it for two hours. Not well-executed. Then Manon goes. Her Faberge-inspired…love the Faberge egg on the top. Lattice is lovely. Hope it tastes as good as it looks. That’s when we really see her earrings shining. That’s another pop. They say it’s a bit too strong, the orange water; it’s like bath bubbles. Lacking salt. It might have affected the texture. Design’s impeccable but the inside is wrong. Then Briony’s up. Leaning Tower of Pisa; very basic. Wow. Prince falls off. They say bye, prince. Needs more flavor, more fruit. It’s under-proven. Briony’s definitely sad but they like…Prue liked the turrets. Quite a tricky showstopper. This is…oh, so then they go to the table. Quite a tricky showstopper. Dan was steady. Rahul; he’s an enigma.
Ruby definitely saved herself. Briony let herself down. Anthony; his zip line was good. Never met anybody like him, Rahul, they say. They go Jon had…Jon did okay. Bread-fueled weekend. So, who’s Star Baker? A lot of swagger. Rahul, I think. Then we have…they say jeez, we gotta say goodbye to Anthony. Too soon. Oh, so I guess that’s it. Yeah, once the judges’ table or whatever you want to call it is over, they make the announcement. Star Baker with swagger, I guess, is Rahul. Yeah, that…how they tease it out. Looked like they had something to grill some lunch outside or something, I just saw. But they say yeah, we gotta say goodbye to Anthony. Too soon. It really is. Oh, man. There’s tears and smiling and a lot of hugs. Then him, his exit interview or whatever is really hard.
He’s crying and smiling at the same time. It’s really genuine tears. Then they do the talking heads. I can’t have a bad week. Rahul uses surreal again but he says I think I can bake. Briony…let me see what this says ‘cause I can’t…Ruby says something but they say I’m so sorry. Big hugs for Anthony. Says I’m not gonna start smiling; you know what? Because this was a great opportunity. I met a lot of great people. Oof, really hits home, though. Really a great…even Terry’s face was red like he was gonna cry. Happy tears, real tears, though. Oh, boy. I think I’m getting teared-up with Anthony even though I’m…keep messing up his name. [01:00:00] Paul says I’m sure he’ll carry on. Karen gives him a hug but he had to go. Two weeks in a row, Rahul. So surreal. Can’t believe it. I keep pinching myself; is it real? Now I think I can bake.
So, look out. It was a real showstopper, Prue says. Took my breath away. It’s his birthday on Monday. Another birthday present. Getting stronger and stronger. Baked beautifully. One last piece of alliteration. You ticked every single box. Then Paul says jeez, Ruby, you saved yourself twice. She goes oh, I’m a cat with nine lives. I gotta get my act together next week. Can’t deal with that kind of stress. That’s the end of the episode and the end of Bread Week, so I hope I baked you some good sleepy dreams. Goodnight.
[END OF RECORDING]
- Ruffles and Raffles
- Raven-Symoné's That British Baking Show
- The Mighty Boosh
Notable Talking Points:
- Grate-Based Counters (GBCs)
- Does everything have this much alliteration?
- Paul's Prowling