954 – Cake Week | Great British Baking Off to Sleep S9/C6 E2

Episode 954 – Cake Week | Great British Baking Off to Sleep S9/C6 E2

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER:    Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, it’s time for the podcaster that’s bringing you some relaxation.  It’s almost time to slow it down, to take your mind off of stuff, and get goofy, get silly.  Come on, come on, let’s get silly and…sidetracked and silly.  It’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.

 

INTRO:    [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, things on your mind you’re thinking about, those are thoughts.  Thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, so anything in your body or your emotions coming up that’s getting in the way.  Well, I don’t want to say that; I don’t mean to say it that way.  I’m sorry thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations.  You don’t feel like you’re in the way.  I know that.  I know.

 

I’m sorry.  I apologize.  I was just using it in a figurative sense to say that currently, your needs for attention are outweighing the needs of this human here who needs their rest, too.  So, what I’m gonna do is I’m gonna come in, I’m gonna help.  That’s what I’m here for, help all of you.  Whatever is keeping you awake or if you’re awake and then you’re keeping that person awake, totally understandable.  What I’m gonna do…I’m gonna try to create a safe place and that’s why I apologized right up front, so you know I’m not perfect.  Holy moly, am I not perfect, and even…all the time, pretty much.  I guess if you’re not perfect, you’re not perfect all the time.  I never realized that…maybe that could be a source of relief suddenly.  Why can’t I have that on a t-shirt and a stitch pillow or whatever it’s called?

 

If You’re Not Perfect, You’re Not Perfect All the Time.  Also, maybe I could get it on a poster with a cat doing something instead of the cat one that they used to have that said Oh Dear, but used stronger language.  I’m so not perfect, I gotta get back to this podcast intro.  Hopefully I’ll come back to that ‘cause if I’m not perfect, I’m not perfect all the time.  I know we have the other side of that truism…brand-new…newisms and true…brand…newest truisms on…here on Sleep With Me, the podcast…this is the first…I think this is…no, it’s probably not the first new truism but…newism…I wish there was a way to rhyme that better.  You’re right.  If we can…another sign of my imperfections.  I’m embracing them and I’m embracing all of you and…oh, sorry, but…sorry, I gotta get to this listener here; excuse me thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, and et al.

 

Et al and VIPs; you’re not…and all or whatever they say.  You’re not just and all.  You’re and all the VIPs.  I call you brain bots usually even though you could be physical or emotional or thoughts.  I know it’s not easy.  That’s, again, why I…I don’t want…I guess I’m…now, just showing another side of that IP because I guess I’m overstating my apology.  Yeah, because I guess I wanted you to really accept it.  But what I’m gonna do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.  I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, I’m gonna go off-topic which you’ve already seen.  I went off-topic extra early just being myself; old IP.  That’s another one.  I can only be myself all of the time.

 

I mean, well, actually some of the times I say well, I’d rather be any…whatever I’m fantasizing; a character from a musical or a movie or a cartoon or a TV show or a comic book or a novel or a short story or an imagine…just imaginary event or an idealized version of someone else that could be me.  But I’m still myself.  Everywhere you go, there you are.  That one somebody else said.  That’s how I’d sum it up.  Or, you know, our ego said everywhere I go, here I am, yo.  That actually rhymes, too.  Haven’t heard it stated quite that way, but…so, anyway, I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.  I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, all to take your mind off of stuff, keep you company as you and your human fall asleep.

 

The way…oh, so a couple things to know whether…whoever you are.  I’m gonna have to go a little bit more general to all my…’cause I got my regular listeners, I got their brain bots, I got my new listeners.  Meet your brain bots, new listeners.  They’re the little things cruising around in your brain and your body and your feelings.  They’re semi-nocturnal though they also are dinural or whatever, and binaural, believe me, in both ears all the time.  I don’t know any other words with…rhyme with noural right now, other than noural.  Squirrel…squirnal.  Yeah, that doesn’t rhyme.  Squirrel does not rhyme with those words, unfortunately.  Squirtle does.  I think Squirtle’s a character in somewhere.  I’m not 100% sure.  But anyway, hi.  I’m here to take your mind off of stuff.  Now, if you’re new, this podcast is very different.

 

You’ve probably already learned that but let me just acknowledge that again and tell you this…strangest thing about this podcast is you kinda barely listen to it.  That’s the best way to consume it.  Just like…let’s say, you know, ‘cause the brain bots are a bit like droids and I do like to use BB-8 or in my case, BB-88.  That’s all I could afford, was BB-88, like a free-furbished…it was a BB-4 that got refurbished but they sold it to me.  They said, do you like BB-8?  I said, yeah.  I said, is that a joke?  Then they said no, no, no, we got BB-88 here.  But I want you to…oh, you don’t know who BB…well, let’s just imagine bird-watching.  Sometimes you just kick back and you’re watching the birds not as a hobby but just as something…you’re just barely paying attention to them.

 

That’s kinda…you say okay, I think…somebody comes; they say, are you watching the birds?  What bird…?  No, I mean, there’s some birds…I was looking at them, I guess, kind of.  What kinda birds did you see?  I don’t know; winged one or winged ones.  Ones with feathers.  I don’t know, gull, perch…is a perch a kind of bird?  No, that’s a common fish, though.  I don’t know.  Maybe it was on a perch.  I can’t…I was just…it was so relaxing.  I was barely paying attention to the birds but I was kinda paying attention to them at the same time.  I like it.  Well, that’s what this podcast is like.  You say huh, that’s an interesting way to describe it.  So, just kinda barely pay attention.  You might be tempted though to wonder when the sleepy stuff is gonna start or when the story’s gonna start or when’s my voice gonna get soothing.

 

Alls I can tell you is the experience of millions of people is that it takes two or three tries to get used to this podcast.  Millions of people have said at first Scooter gets on your nerves.  That’s my most common interaction, but then eventually you learn to ignore him.  Really, when I go to the big farm in the sky, I’m not being facetious.  Please print that on my thing…print that on the old marble thingamajig if I get to that point.  Whatever I said, or something like that.  First he gets on your nerves, then you ignore him.  It’s a dream.  This is serious though, so if you’re new, you might think I’m joking or being self-effacing.  No, that’s the truth.  That’s the pinnacle experience of this podcast.  First you kinda say I don’t think…I don’t know what this is.  I don’t know if I like it.  But give it a few tries.

 

Most listeners that it works for, they listen…I mean, I’ve been talking to people that have been listening to the show since 2013, so just see how it goes.  So, that’s the first thing to know; this is a podcast that takes a while to get used to, but you don’t even really listen to it.  It’s also a sleep podcast that doesn’t really put you to sleep; it keeps you company while you fall asleep.  That’s why I’m here for about an hour, to take your mind off of stuff and give you plenty of room and if you can’t sleep, I’ll be here the whole time to keep you company.  Or if you wake up and you can’t get back to sleep or you just wake up and you want to go back to sleep; whatever it is, or you need a distraction at work or you’re on a weird schedule, I’m here to help.  The other things that can throw you off if you’re new is the structure of the show.

 

So, let me tell you about that.  The show starts off with a few minutes of business.  That’s how we keep the podcast free for everybody and coming out on a regular basis.  Well, actually, the show starts off with a greeting; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, then business, then the intro.  The intro’s around twelve to twenty minutes, so around six minutes to twenty-two minutes of the show.  [00:10:00] It’s really an essential part of the podcast.  For new listeners, it’s where I introduce you to the show, introduce you to brain bots, show…be imperfect in the most showy way possible.  I mean, isn’t that what clowns do in some sense?  You say okay, I’m gonna be…what do you want to do when you grow up?  I want to be imperfect.

 

Well, you’re already done with that, so what else are you gonna do?  Well, I want to be imperfect and showy.  Oh, like, have giant shoes you trip over or spill buckets of water that are filled with confetti?  That is what I want to do.  Would you like cream pies thrown or…oh, boy.  That’s the most showy…you say, other than some other careers that are very showy and imperfect…I mean, I guess in every sense; sports, performances…but I was trying to just stick with…so, I also forgot what I was talking about.  Oh, so the intro’s kinda where I just…oh, so the intro is…for the new listener, it gives you an idea of what to expect but for the regular listener, it becomes part of their routine.

 

So, for the regular listener, it can be part of your wind-down routine where you start it as you’re getting ready for bed or as you get…yeah, you’re in bed or you’re doing your wind-down routine, you’re doing your skincare routine or your oral care, or maybe you’re just relaxing, or you’re falling asleep.  Whatever it is, you’ll kinda develop a thing or you’ll be like the 2% of some people that skip ahead to twenty minutes or twenty-two minutes or eighteen minutes, and they start the show there.  Or you be a patron and you’re like, super-involved.  So, kinda just see at first.  See how it goes.  But then as you become a regular listener, you kind of adjust.  But the nice thing about the intro is I’m your bore-friend.  I come with something new every time ‘cause I know you need it and I know…that’s really why I do these new intros every time, because…’cause I need something new.

 

I do, personally, because my brain bots adjust.  My brain bots want entertainment just like a mild…they want to be barely entertained.  That’s the best part.  I could just barely entertain those parts of you.  They don’t have to be…they’re…say wow, this is mildly amusing and entertaining.  I’ll actually listen to this creaky, dulcet, imperfect person, and I don’t have to tell you about that spelling test at fourth grade anymore that…when you spilled orange…why did you have orange juice at a spelling test anyway?  Okay, so, sorry about that.  But so, no, it was dried orange juice that was on the back of my hand, remember?  Until somebody pointed it out.  Yeah, so, okay, so anyway, so that’s the structure of the show.  Oh, so the intro goes on and on and on for new listeners, but regular listeners tend to work it in their routine.

 

Then there’s some business, then tonight will be our recap of the Great British Baking Show or the Great British Bake Off and it’ll be the second episode.  I don’t know.  It’ll be…it’s gonna be…we’re gonna be talking C-A-K-E-Ss, so we’ll talk about that and I’ll do it in a…and this is new; this is only the second episode I’ve covered, so it’s kind of experimental and I think I’ll do it like a reading of my notes, so it’ll be very…a bit jumbled and then we’ll talk about it a little bit more.  So, it won’t be interesting; it’ll be kind of interesting.  Then the show ends with some goodnights and thank-yous.  So, that’s the structure of the show.  That’s what to expect.  The reason I make the show is because you deserve a safe place where you could fall asleep.  You deserve that.  I want that for you.

 

I think our world and your world would be a better place if you’re rested and you can live your life, face the day, deal with stuff, or just have some relaxation and be able to breathe and not have to dread going to bedtime.  So, if I can help you on that journey, it’s my honor.  The other reason is I’ve been there.  Tossing, turning?  Yep.  Mind racing?  Yep.  Trouble getting to sleep?  Yep.  Trouble staying asleep?  Oh, boy.  So, I know how it feels and I’ve…at different stages, I deal with all those different stages and I got those brain bots.  They say hey, could we…can I…could we go through that in vivid detail, that spelling test thing again?  ‘Cause I wanted to talk about…I’ve been running some simulations.  You said simulations in a strange way.

 

I did, because I was thinking about all the simulations I ran of how our life would have been different if that whole incident didn’t happen.  Which incident?  ‘Cause I don’t even remember it.  Well, that’s why we gotta go through it.  Well, was it…it was just the…it wasn’t a spelling test; it was just that I had orange juice on the back of my hand and it had dried, and someone pointed it out.  Then I think maybe later I washed my hands.  Oh, you’re right.  Yeah, so I think we’re…I think that one’s covered.  It was during a spelling test that it was pointed out.  Maybe that’s why you associated…but I wouldn’t call it an incident.  Wow, you’re really grown up.  Well, I actually…technically, I…well, yeah.  You’re right.  Thanks for your help, though.

 

I got a podcast here for you to listen to that’ll barely entertain you as a reward for your help with that.  Great.  So, that’s why I make the show.  I’ve been there and I’m working on it and I want to help.  So, I’m glad you’re here.  I really appreciate you checking the podcast out and coming by, and I really hope and yearn I can help you fall asleep.  Here’s a couple ways we’re able to bring you this podcast twice a week.

 

Alright everybody, it’s Cake Week here.  It’s Scoots; we’re talking about Collection 6 on Netflix, Episode 2 of…what do we call this show?  The Great British Baking Show or Great British Bake Off?  It’s a different season and show wherever you are in the world.  But yeah, Cake Week.  It starts off with Sandy and Noel.  Cake Week; Sandy’s…’kay, it starts off with Sandy walking in the grass and she’s talking to Noel and talking about Cake Week.  She’s got a…she…now, this is…okay, I just froze it because behind Sandy is a lot of really good-looking trees and full leaves.  But one of the trees to her right is red…the leaves are red but they could be naturally red.  Sandy has on a grey sweater with very large polka dots; two pink polka dots, three orange, one green, and one white that I can see.

 

Underneath that, a pinkish-red dress shirt.  So, she’s walking and she’s talking about Cake Week and then she says oh, whoa, Noel; looking amazing.  We see Noel has…he’s dressed…well, he has a giant wig on.  I mean, we’re talking a wig two feet high and a dress on.  Sandy says, I love your commitment to the theme of the week.  You don’t have to explain it; I got it.  Marie Antoinette.  She goes, though, she didn’t really say let them eat cake.  But she goes, it’s Cake Week.  She goes, I love that you bothered but I’m not trying to nitpick things.  Just a misquote in history.  Let them eat brioche would be better.  But she said…you know, some people said about her ‘cause they didn’t like it.  But she goes, well done.  He goes, I don’t know what you’re talking about.  He also has a fan.

 

He goes, these are the only clothes I had that were clean.  She says, clean is good.  She sat under the tree.  He was sitting under a tree; she sat next to him.  Then we have the opening…the pre-sequence, the teaser sequence where they show some stuff going right and some stuff going wrong.  Apparently it’s very warm in the tent, the hottest day they’ve ever seen.  We see people emotional, comforting one another, then the opening.  So, I guess what I could do is read through my notes and then we’ll pop back onto the watch-through, ‘cause this week I’m gonna try to do a whole episode for an episode.  So, Cake Week; Sandy and Noel.  Marie Antoinette, let them eat cake, brioche.  Teaser, hottest days, hugs, open.  Nature, walk down stairs, best of luck.  Then there’s talking heads.

 

They’re supposed to make a traybake.  Someone says posh accent.  Sixteen identical slices.  Out first, sponge cake.  The judges lay out their expectations.  Let’s see…Antony is doing a pineapple coconut something.  Burfi, Bakewell tart, Briony’s spinach, half…her cockapoo…halfs…half turron?  Her cockapoo’s name is Archie.  Oh, then they talk in…Sandy and Briony have an interaction in Spanish, then Danish, which I’ll have to pause.  It’s something…I have to keep an eye on that.  Maybe we’ll come back to that.  Then there’s a 1970s…oh, black forest gateau with kirsch…oh, chocolate burfi.  Here’s where Antony’s talking about that, so I’ll just pop it up.  Tell us about your traybake, he says.  Fran Japan, pineapple jam, and a coconut burfi which is [00:20:00] coconut, sweet milk powder, desiccated coconut, and sugar.

 

Sounds delicious.  They show him on the FaceTime and his mom.  Oh, and he has a silver pig in his apartment.  He’s checking on the weather in Bangalore.  Yeah, then they show his Bakewell tart.  It’s a traybake.  Looks good, the drawing of it.  Oh, that’s…they say Bakewell tart.  I’ll have to look up what that is.  Probably some sort of thing.  Briony’s culture clash; there’s your first…what is that called?  Alliteration.  She’s doing some hand…what do you call that?  Knitting.  There’s…Archie and her are running for a half-marathon, cockapoo.  Orange pastry base, orange-infused almond sponge, almond turron, a nougat called a turron.  Okay, so Briony talks in Spanish, claro que si.  I studied it at university, Sandy says.  Don’t you speak Danish?  She goes okay, well, I’ll teach you.

 

So, she says I’m not gonna teach you; I’ll teach you…it could take the whole thing.  Jeg koniger, Denmark.  Let me see.  Jeg, J-E-G, jeg er konger…I don’t know.  Og jeg kan lide, jordbær.  I’m the king of Denmark and I like strawberries is what it was supposed to say.  So, that didn’t work out too well for me.  Then Dan is doing a European…oh, he’s doing the black forest gateau, then Ruby’s also doing a black forest cake which causes a slight bit of tension.  Oh, they show Dan in the 70s, his ninth birthday cake.  I don’t remember seeing that.  He was also in a Halloween outfit, I think, or playing dress-up as…what is that?  Captain Caveman.  There’s Ruby.  Oh, he says Ruby’s stealing my idea, but they’re kinda being passive aggressive.  They’re not that mad.  She says hold the phone, buddy.

 

Then we have Ruby with her mom.  She says this isn’t gonna be as good as my mom’s cooking, but she made this last Christmas.  Last Christmas, Ruby gave…cooked up some kirsch.  The very next day, her family ate it away.  Neat slices, Prue says.  Make sure neat slices; not a mess.  Then Manon…no raising agent.  Lots of eggs.  Family farm-fresh figs.  I thought that was our first alliteration but it’s our second.  A honey cake.  Then Terry…everybody’s…’cause my daughter and I love…we really practice a lot of empathy with Terry, and compassion.  Terry, the contestant that taught me empathy, ‘cause I can really put myself in his shoes.  He’s making a applesauce batter.  Paul is already doubtful.  Then they say oh yeah, by the way, Terry keeps bees.

 

Terry likes rum raisins and dates and some other word I couldn’t…something.  Prue likes rum.  They’re always joking about that.  I’m surprised with Terry’s luck that he keeps bees.  He makes beer out of the honey, I guess.  Yeah, he likes rum-soaked raisins, moist apple sponge.  It does sound good even though Paul doesn’t believe it.  Rum syrup into the oven.  Oh, then there’s the sequence where everything goes in the oven.  Warm cake can’t be sliced or decorated, they point out in the voice-over.  Ruby says bake well, my love.  They have a lot over the series I’ve been watching of Ruby commenting on stuff, like her food, like a loving mom.  Fillings and toppings sequence.  Temperature for a hard crack.  I think somebody says that.  Rosemary syrup…this is Jon.  Daughter’s dress…oh, they dress him for work, his daughters.

 

They pick out his Hawaiian shirts, so he’s kinda doing a Hawaiian shirt meringue traybake.  Pandan…Paul…revolting smell.  Oh, this…I didn’t like this ‘cause Paul’s not being nice to Kim-Joy.  He says…she’s using this stuff called pandan which he says it smells like I cut me lawn.  That’s what Paul Holly…I said excuse me, Paul Hollywood.  Also, this is interesting; I just noticed when…that it’s a little strange.  Jon keeps his Hawaiian shirts in his…what looked like his daughter’s bedroom.  Maybe it’s his room.  I don’t know.  Could be.  It just…but…and there’s…or it’s…maybe it’s a guest room.  So, his meringue traybake…but then, yeah, Paul’s gotta give Kim-Joy a hard time.  She loves playing board games with Bill, her boyfriend.  So, pandan is a long leaf; you get juice from it.  Gives it a nice, green color.  Does smell a little grassy…revolting.

 

So, yeah, this is when Paul says it smells like I cut me lawn.  He says it twice like it’s really funny.  I just want to see what game they’re playing.  Oh, wait a second, are they playing Takaido?  You gotta be kidding me.  I don’t know if they are.  Whatever game they’re playing starts with a T, though.  Oh, no.  Taken…Takenoko.  Takenoko?  T-A-K-E-N-O-K-O.  I mean, I’m pausing it, but that’s what it looks like.  So, not Takaido but Takenoko, maybe.  Takenoko.  Takenoko?  But she bakes a lot of stuff for their board game sessions and they looked like they’re having fun.  Pandan chiffon…oh, Noel says frogspawn; pond waste or frogspawn.  Lovely.  They say one hour left.  Smells like pond water.  Could be delicious.  He’s got a great shirt on.  Then…oh, now we have a outdoor…oh, Sandy offers to give Noel a bowl cut.

 

He’s kinda…already has one, though.  Karen’s watching her oven.  He really laughed at that so it must have been when she said I’ll give you a bowl cut.  It must have been improved, I hope.  Then we have a sequence of everybody worrying about their cooking.  Paul’s staring at everybody.  Done, not done, tough, crumbly slices if it’s not done the right way.  Luke waiting, walking.  Ruby…Oscar Daisy?  What does that mean, Drew?  Scoots, I’m Scoots on the show.  Oh, sorry.  Oh, Paul’s…those are his…Paul’s dogs, or Luke’s dogs.  Ruby, Oscar, and Daisy.  Well, at least I know your handwriting was right; just didn’t know what you were talking about.  Lemon and poppy seed traybake.  Rahul has a double-layered…five to six test bakes, I think he says.  We’ll see what he says up here.  He works out of a Leisure Center.

 

That’s a new…I’m not kidding; that’s a new vocabulary word for me.  Gym is a Leisure Center.  I prefer to call it a Leisure Center.  I mean, I haven’t been to one in a long time.  Let’s see, double-layered, he’s testing to see if it’s done.  I did a lot of experiments with this; five or six versions, so this is his seventh iteration.  Yeah, and then they show him working out at the Leisure Center, swimming.  It looks like a nice place and it’s in other episodes.  Dribble…drizzle, four layers, twenty-five cardamom pods, four lemons, sorry.  Sandy says the lemon sounds like dis…smells like disinfectant.  He’s always worried.  He’s really quite a wonderful character or person, I mean, but on the show, you know, they have to make everybody into a character.  He’s a character, though.  You’d say that.  He just is.  Warms your heart.

 

Okay, then they’re talking about the cake and the bake times during cake thickness.  Time’s running out.  Everybody’s trying to cool their sponge down so they can decorate it.  Need to be ready.  Cleaning my fridge.  Oh, Sandy said that about the lemon.  Dan and Ruby talking…ginormous.  I looked that…use of that word.  Time running out; be ready.  Anthony…he’s not wearing a watch.  Terry has rum for Prue.  Ganache…oh, something in Briony’s ganache.  Acetate; that’s what you…I guess you put stuff on so it stands up straight.  Karen’s doing some beautiful painting of her…also, something else about Karen that I liked.  She’s really…she’s got a really nice…oh, her shiny blue shoes.  They show her kicking it in her kitchen taking notes.  Oh, she’s drawn out a cake.  Almond and marzipan traybake with rhubarb jam.

 

She’s painting the marzipan with stripes; really nice in glitter.  Full disco, she says.  Sandy hops by like a rabbit.  Fifteen minutes [00:30:00] decorating, drizzling.  Ruby can’t cool her cake down.  Sandy, cool, crisp, clean slices.  There’s another quadruple alliteration or I guess double or triple.  Size and cuts, final touches, one minute, music.  Time is up.  Everybody hugs, looks around.  15:18, I want…a caterpillar and bird sings, everyone’s sitting.  Rahul…oh, then they have the tea…elegant five-star tea.  Maybe they were saying that about his thing.  Let me just see this…15:18.  Ruby and…oh yeah, this close-up on the caterpillar is really cool.  Prue likes wholemeal finger sandwich, Manon’s…they say has a tough sponge.  Antony’s is a good balance.  Decadent traybake.  Luke’s is tough as old boots.  Terry has his worried face.

 

Raisin rum pleasure, apple raisin rum pleasure.  Karen looks elegant.  Her cake looks elegant but too thick and dry.  Kim-Joy, they say, is elegant with a lovely color…lovely chiffon and texture but they don’t like the pandan taste.  Chiffon is perfect.  Briony, they say hers looks hideous but it tastes divine and delicious, so…and then she starts crying and she says, I can’t believe I’m crying over a traybake.  I said, that should be a song.  Jon’s, they say it looks elegant, like…but not…Prue is not sure about a whole rosemary leaf.  More wispy of a meringue.  Ruby’s cake, they said…Paul says it looks like a forest floor, or somebody does, but then he says fantastic.  Could even use more kirsch.  Then they get to Dan.  Decoration is excellent.  Impressive.  Really good, boozey.  So good that Paul gives him a handshake.  Also, Sandy likes his t-shirt.

 

Does that sound right?  Let me see.  There they are…Briony’s, she’s crying over a traybake.  Oh, there’s…Dan’s forest floor but very good.  Now we’re at Dan’s.  Dan’s cake does look delicious; decoration excellent here.  Everything is neat, piping good, not too thick.  Good interior.  Paul’s about to bite into it.  Dan’s watching, nodding.  Paul doesn’t say anything.  He says say something nice, Dan says.  Oh, Sandy says I like your t-shirt.  Then Paul just shakes his hand.  Everybody says oh, wow, holy cow, you got a handshake, so that’s a thing on the show which plays out.  If it’s a handshake, it’s five stars.  Blushing, maybe?  Something…mouth or reckons…talking heads…they have talking heads.  Dan says I can’t believe I got a handshake.  Briony says I said I wouldn’t cry.  Ruby says Paul is savage, man.

 

Then they say okay, next thing is shrouded in gingham, after a exterior shot.  No practice on this one.  It’s a mystery.  Prue picked it.  This is the technical challenge.  The bakers won’t have much…go like the clappers; you don’t have much time.  They say okay…okay, you two go off and do some extreme ironing, Sandy says, or whatever it is you do.  They say Prue wants you to make an impression of a cake, an impressionist painter’s…Claude Monet’s favorite treat, gateau vert, which is pistachio Genoise of sponge, crema ber, green fondant colored green with spinach.  Holy cow.  Two and a half…two and a quarter hours.  They have the ingredients.  Prue’s is pared-down, so there’s another Prue’s pared-down.  Claude Monet’s birthday cake.  Her and Paul talk cake, eat cake, have some tea.

 

They basically say…Prue says this is stressful, so it’s whoever keeps their head will win, and do the rest.  Genoise sponge.  I guess Monet had it every year on his birthday.  Whisking the eggs, whisk it good.  Do you fold it in or do you pre-mix?  Whatever Karen did, it didn’t work out ‘cause she says oh, dear.  So is Dan.  Softly, gently…Karen, resilient…restarts.  No, not…but Karen is resilient ‘cause she restarts it.  Everyone says it’s…it says bake, so some people are doing ten, fifteen, thirteen, twenty, eighteen.  Sandy rolls her eyes.  Making marzipan.  There’s some more alliteration.  Do you like Monet?  Water lilies, Van Gogh?  Yeah.  Oh, at some point Noel’s talking to Dan.  No, not Dan; Jon.  He says, you know who Monet is?  He goes, is he the guy who done his ear in?  He goes no, that’s Van Gogh.

 

Pretty poor…there’s more alliteration; pretty poor cake comes out.  Sandy…that does not…Sandy…sund…make it again.  Karen did not separate her eggs.  Dan’s used…or, what’s that guy’s name; Jon?  No, the other guy.  He didn’t use…he’s using the microwave in the background.  What’s his name?  Luke.  Sorry, Luke.  I’m sorry.  Buttercream, cake smells like hearth?  Squeeze it out.  ‘Cause they have to put the spinach right in there.  Dan and Terry are on round two of their cakes ‘cause the first ones didn’t come out good.  Three equal layers.  Then there’s a sequence; there’s a lot of problems with the cakes, people restarting…this…they’re doing the time sequence, starting again.  Karen says oh, boy.  Sandy…oh, Sandy rolls her eyes at Noel and they’re doing jokes back and forth.  Finally grind the pistachios.

 

Combine with icing sugar.  Making…no one makes marzipan, Ruby says, but then Jon says, I have.  I said, did you just marzisplain her, man?  Let’s see.  Manon says I know Monet but I’ve never seen his cake.  Yeah, everybody’s getting the…okay, so then best time…all of you…there’s stress putting on toppings, stress sequence.  Some people are like oh, my marzipan looks alright.  Then there’s five minutes left.  There’s icing; Luke has…Luke’s cakes are so off that he has to use a cake that didn’t work out.  Karen’s cake didn’t really rise so she got unlucky.  Even Dan says my cake sunk.  Terry…oh yeah, Terry’s trying to decide.  Oh, this is when Dan and Terry restart.  Let’s see, someone…dealing with pistachios.  Oh, flowers…so, this is the finest…final decoration sequence.  Then they say time is up.

 

Then they go through and I’ll say the numbers and then we’ll go back, I guess.  So, number one, they said the color…proper layers, a nice cake.  Two, cake wrong.  Color’s wrong.  Layers are good.  Flavor’s good.  Number three was like wet pudding, according to the judges.  Number four; color good, taste good.  Five; round, filling is good.  Let’s see, six; quite nice, alright.  Seven; lost a layer.  Eight; thin color, no layers, rubbery, wrong.  Color wrong.  Oh, this…funny rewards…awards sequence at…Noel gives Sandy an award after she says half hour remaining.  Goes, best call of the year.  Then he says oh, no, no, sorry, second…that was the second-best call of the year.  She goes well, I was gonna give an acceptance speech.  Then he gives her another award; most gracious defeat of the year.

 

Then he says no, never mind, second place, sorry.  Number nine they say is very pretty.  Ten; we like it a lot.  Lovely.  Eleven; they say bone dry mess and the sponge was right.  I think this was the order; Karen, Ruby, Anthony, Terry, Luke, Manon, Bunny.  There’s no one named Bunny, Scoots.  Ruby, Kim-Joy, Dan, Rahul, and Jon.  Is that right?  So, Jon came in first.  [00:40:00] He says…oh yeah, ‘cause they interview him.  He says well, there’s my kids, my wedding day, and then that as far as the great moments of my life.  I don’t know the ratings this show gets in England but I mean, it must be a very significant show because everyone kinda feels that way, like it’s a touchstone moment in their lives.  So, don’t discount it or don’t get it twisted.  So, they do talking heads.  We’re at thirty-one minutes.

 

They talk out, they do more hugs and stuff.  Then they say come on, it’s bounce-back time.  So, then it’s the next day, so I assume they film this on Friday and Saturday or Saturday and Sunday.  They do a walk-back.  Okay, so they walk back in.  Right now I’m…the show is just on the…they’re still tasting the cake.  Let me just see.  I think we…Briony, fifth, Kim-Joy, fourth.  Third place is Dan.  Lovely, tasted great.  Second spot; Rahul, but it’s like, they go back and forth.  Nice cake, well done.  Jon is very happy.  He says holy mackerel.  Everybody claps.  People hug each other.  They do the talking heads.  Karen says don’t worry, I’m coming back tomorrow.  So, just the showstopper remains.  They walk down the stairs.  Who will leave the tent?  Oh, this is like a tea where they discuss it.

 

They say Jon, Dan, and Rahul are the Star Bakers thus far.  Manon’s really gotta get it.  Terry, Karen…Karen’s gateau vert was a disaster, and then Luke, and Ruby, even.  Ruby’s wearing a sweater at this point, so I think it’s like, cooler in the mornings but it gets really hot out there wherever this is.  It’s gonna be a challenging last bake, they say.  Noel says it’s too hot for a goth.  Two tiers; a chocolate collar.  That’s kind of the delish.  On your mark, get set, bake.  So, they have to temper chocolate in acetate.  Up here, they do give a pretty good explanation, twice, I think, of what tempering chocolate is.  It’s a hot day.  Jon, pina colada cake, Hawaiian shirt-style pina colada cake.  I think I thought his last cake was that.  Antony’s…he’s gonna do his cake in the style of a sari.

 

Normally, only chocolatiers, Prue says, make a chocolate collar.  Tempering of the chocolate on…setting it on an acetate and then putting it around the cake.  Part architect, and because it’s so hot, nobody should be dealing with chocolate but no, they don’t have a choice.  Down to the T.  Mum’s favorite; that’s Anthony.  Antony.  Orange…Jackson Pollock.  This is Ruby’s cake.  Collar, two toes, three tries.  I don’t know what that means.  Let me see.  Let me see, Jon, wardrobe, Anthony, sponge more cream than chocolate.  This is Ruby.  Favorite orange liquor.  Sponge that her mom likes, Jackson Pollock, mask…I don’t know.  Let’s see, there might be a little bit of a mess but I’m strategically doing a messy collar, maybe?  Oh, judges say that…two tiers of sponge with a collar.  Oh, Briony; caramel cake, chocolate cake.

 

She’s doing three tiers.  Some are going above and beyond two tiers.  Terry’s humming away.  He’s doing a…what’s that thing called?  Eiffel Tower chocolate cake.  Let’s see, I lost my practice in heat.  Quite brave.  Terry said well, oh yeah, I put my oven…my heater on eighty degrees or something.  Noel does…what is that?  He creeps up on Terry.  Let’s see.  Oh, he dresses…he comes in and does comedy.  He must have been shooting the Marie Antoinette scene.  He comes up on Terry dressed as Marie Antoinette.  Everybody’s cracking up and having a good time because I guess probably he’s a big celebrity so it’s like, you’re gonna hang out with him and Sandy and Paul and Prue, but at least Noel and Sandy, you don’t have any antagonism with them.  So, that must be fun.

 

He said it was too hot for a goth and then he had to dress up like that.  Multi-tasking, cakes going in, different sized sponges, so you have to keep an eye on different bake times.  Fillings, chocolate sail.  Some people are doing two as backup.  Show-stopping fillings.  White chocolate Swiss meringue buttercream.  You could…pretty much you telling me that; they say Scoots, we have that waiting for you.  Like I said, I’ll be there.  Holy mackerel.  I don’t even know what Swiss meringue is, but buttercream with white chocolate, it all sounds good.  But yeah, scantily put.  Very succinctly put.  Kim-Joy, she’s doing these cool cat silhouettes chasing a ribbon.  Yuzu curd, and she has a nice…almost alliteration, cats wear collars.

 

Manon’s doing a…when she was an au pair, she…in honor of that, she’s doing a princess cake but it’s kind of a pouting princess.  Noel later joke…out of order sequence.  Let me see what that is.  I got the raspberry cat cake right now.  Kim-Joy’s working on Italian meringue buttercream.  She is very skilled with the art side of stuff.  Holy cow.  Oh, hope it’s not a catastrophe.  That’s funny.  Manon’s working on her showstopper.  Yeah, so she’s doing a kid made out of whatever that stuff’s called.  Not meringue; marzipan.  The kid that she used to dress up as a princess…fondant.  Oh, sorry, not marzipan.  Almond cake, chocolate…white chocolate ramparts.  Oh, Noel pretends it’s Sandy, the doll, and him and Sandy.  One’s asleep and one’s pouting.  They make a joke about him being late, so I don’t know if he’s late in reality.

 

Bad boys, Briony…I don’t know who said bad boys but that was alliteration.  She has to remake her cake and take a breath.  Terry; very dubious.  I liked that.  Collar…that he’s gonna be able to get a collar around his cake.  Stomach growls…this…yeah, oh this had my stomach growling, just the way they were talking about this stuff at the time I was watching it.  I was like, man.  Liquid sea foam?  I don’t know what that is.  Luke; luxurious approach.  Whipped double cream with an art deco collar.  Yeah, oh…yeah, Briony’s cakes weren’t totally done.  She says take a breath, take a breath.  Terry’s saying his cake looks dubious.  Oh, before they wrap around, it has to feel nice and bouncy.  The bakers will need to cover their rough edges of their cool sponges.  Creme de brer, whatever, I don’t know what that is.

 

Saffron into Antony’s smells good.  While most players are making a flavored buttercream, Luke’s…luxurious Luke is whipping a double cream, the last bit by hand so I don’t over-whip it.  Chocolate crumb coat.  Art deco collar.  Folded in white chocolate.  Whoa, boy.  But he says it’s a little hot for this plan.  Then we get a exterior shot, one hour.  People are still trying to put stuff in, cool stuff down.  Still warm.  Oh, no.  You know, he…oh boy, there’s all the layers, biggies.  Buttercream isn’t melt…you don’t want it to melt when it goes on the cake.  Quite runny.  Oh dear.  My buttercream is wilting.  Terry’s trying to get his neater.  Luke’s ice…his whipped cream is melting.  Time’s running down.  Molten crumb coats, like that fragile batter and…battle…fragile something and the war against the heat.

 

Okay, here’s…the tempering chocolate is the most difficult bit in the conditions, Dan says.  So basically, you heat it up then cool it back down, Briony says.  Then Anthony says yeah, thirty-eight degrees, then bring it to forty-three degrees, then bring it down maybe to thirty.  Basically, the chocolate, Rahul says…’cause he says…okay, you want to heat the…chocolate’s got crystals in it and you basically want to heat it up.  Let me see; you heat it up, so when you heat the chocolate, [00:50:00] it breaks down the crystals.  Then when you cool it quickly, the crystals form again.  Karen says the gloss…that’s tempered chocolate; when you buy something, it’s glossy.  So, it’s kind of an explanation of what tempered chocolate was.  Anthony spends a lot of time on the floor.

 

41:30; that’s when Rahul explains…lovely glass, strawberry fair…oh, here is Karen singing.  I want to quote Karen singing Strawberry Fair.  She’s hand-piping her lyrics on there from a…I was going through a strawberry fair, singing…setting buttercups and daisies.  I met a maiden selling her wares, do-do-do.  Noel’s making jokes about a lovely lady and a young suitor and her wares on the way to the strawberry fair.  Dan’s collar is…he’s done it before.  It’s very striped.  I don’t even know how you do stuff like this.  He’s like, measuring it very precise, these stripes he’s making.  I don’t…for his dark…his raspberry collar, Italian meringue buttercream.  Then they say bakers, you got a half hour.  Jon’s singing but most people are stressed out, kinda trying to get stuff together.  Antony talks about the beauty of the sari.

 

Let’s see, something on its own…Ruby wrapping the cakes.  Yeah, that’s kind of alliteration, too.  Anthony’s painting.  Terry’s trying to get his thing…his tower done.  Jackson Pollock and Ruby…then a external sequence; ten minutes.  Noel’s counting on his fingers.  Is that right?  Then everybody’s trying to cool their chocolate down and get it set, and now it’s high intensity.  Oh no, it’s melting, kinda stuff.  Let’s see here, wrapping the cakes.  Just count…setting a spray, five minutes left.  Time to panic.  Dan’s trying to wrap his very…oh, is that…?  No, that was already…very dubious, he said.  There’s an assembly montage, everybody’s trying to put their collars on.  Did not set.  Terry’s tower collapses.  Let’s see, are we there yet?  Poor Terry.  Let’s see, there’s Rahul, there’s Manon; she’s putting…setting spray on.

 

Ruby’s telling herself to breathe.  Terry’s trying to get his on but…Rahul’s already putting his in the fridge.  So is Karen; say a little prayer for me.  Luke’s is literally…five minutes left.  They say if you’re worried, now’s the time to worry.  Under pressure, Antony…now people are peeling the acetate off.  Terry’s not happy.  Luke is like, he’s in trouble.  Manon can’t get hers to set ‘cause it’s so warm.  Karen’s already doing her song on there.  Rahul’s putting his fan…it looks like feathers.  I think it’s…what do you call those?  Sails.  Luke says yeah, I’m toast, but Terry’s…his leaning tower collapse…it becomes a leaning tower, then it falls apart.  Poor guy.  Then they say step away from your chocolate collar cakes.  There’s music…Rahul comforts Manon who’s a little bit upset.  Gives her a hug.  Art nightmare.

 

He walks right up to her; he says you okay?  Here, let me give you a hug.  He goes all the way around.  I mean, what a sweetheart.  She says, I couldn’t get the acetate off.  It won’t set.  He says here, let me give you a hug with my chocolate-covered hands on your beautiful pink blouse.  But then they show the…stream, some fish in the stream.  Now it’s time for the judgment.  Let’s see; impressed…Dan, they say impressive color.  Stripes; beautiful.  Most…something, delicious, impressive.  They really…it’s solid.  His is really solid when they cut it; four or…four layers with a giant middle.  Rich and moist, yeah, delicious raspberries, tartness.  Nice collar.  Mighty impressive; well done, Dan.  Then Kim-Joy.  Her cake looks great, too.  I’m impressed with the cats.  They make you smile.  Better taste as good as it looks, though.

 

They say sponge is firm, a little dry, though.  She nods her head.  Antony’s; his is a little off.  But they say looks fantastic.  Color inside is amazing.  Not getting the pistachio balls…says no pistachio with the saffron…too much saffron.  It’s almost a savory cake.  Antony says oh, boy.  Then Karen’s cake; she…hers has a strawberry top.  The collar’s neat.  Everybody’s watching.  Really lovely.  It melts in my mouth, Paul says.  Perfect.  Fair play to you…that’s great to hear.  Thank you so much.  Prue can’t fault it.  Jon has a hula skirt on his cake.  Highly effective.  Great sheen on the chocolate.  Looks amazing.  They start eating it.  They go, tender; pineapple is moist.  Sponge is fantastically baked.  Coconut works well.  Love the design.  Very good job.  He says thank you.  He takes his cake away.  They go Luke, can you bring yours up?

 

Luke’s laughing and shaking his head.  He’s kinda down.  He says sorry about that.  They go, cream in this heat?  Yeah.  White chocolate…so, don’t go together with this warmth.  Luke takes a breath.  They say the flavor’s good.  Cake is tough, though.  Paul says raspberry, white chocolate, and cream though is good, but the sponge is no good; sorry.  Then Manon goes.  She’s definitely stressed.  They cut her cake.  They go, nice looking sponge but the acetate’s still on there.  They go, well, how come this wasn’t off?  She goes well, it wasn’t set yet, so…and Paul goes well, it’s set now.  They go, tempered beautifully now.  Paul goes okay, let’s taste this thing.  Nice sponge.  Nice cake.  Very smart.  Shame you couldn’t get that acetate off.  Then Terry’s…he has no tower, so they say…the ironwork looked brilliant.

 

It’s too bad you didn’t get it done.  Half the Eiffel Tower, but everybody knows what you were trying to go for.  Paul takes a bite.  He says…Prue says well, I’m getting sweetness, but…of the butter king, but the…buttercream, but the cake is boring.  Paul says bad luck, Terry.  Briony’s cake is up there.  They look at it.  They say okay, too…she goes…they go, you got a collar around two of them.  Let’s take a look at your sponge.  Very beautiful sponge.  Paul tastes it.  Over-baked.  You can see by the color on the outside.  A bit like rubber.  Texture’s not right, Prue says, but flavors are lovely.  Then Rahul, his cake looks gorgeous.  Wonderful construction.  Impressed he kept it together.  Hasn’t fallen down somehow, even with the heat.  Unbelievable.  Not just two collars but pipework.  You really are a superstar.  Impressed.

 

Then they cut into it.  They say beautiful crack, even.  Bold, strong colors.  They take a bite of it.  He cringes and they say, fantastic.  Paul doesn’t say anything.  He’s still thinking about it.  Then he goes, can you come here a minute?  Then Rahul’s like, oh no, but we know what’s gonna happen; he shakes his hand and he says I’ve never given a handshake for a showstopper before.  Fantastic.  Well done.  Everybody else is clapping and happy ‘cause…so, he must be really nice when the camera’s off, too.  Then Ruby has her Jackson Pollock collar cake.  She swallows.  They say elegant, restrained, classy.  Four-layer cake.  Prue says sponge looks beautifully cooked.  Paul pushes it around, pops it in his mouth.  Ruby’s…or Prue says I could eat this all day.  She says phew.  Then Paul calls Ruby up and shakes her hand.

 

She does a yeah, yeah kinda thing; can’t believe it.  She does a woo.  He says, that sponge flavor, hazelnut and chocolate; every element comes through perfectly.  So elegant.  Then brittle on top.  She’s relieved and happy.  She says well, I was [01:00:00] more interested in Prue saying she could eat it all day.  Paul’s cool but Prue is what I’m more into.  She goes yeah, I’m really happy ‘cause I wanted to really impress Prue.  Rahul says yay.  Then he said I can’t believe Paul called me up there.  I thought I…maybe I did some…made a mistake.  He actually had me.  Then they have Briony kinda saying okay…let’s see, everybody’s trying to be nice.  Luke says don’t worry, it didn’t go well for me.  Then we see birds and sheep.  Everyone’s lined up.  Paul and Prue must decide.  Second Star Baker.  What has changed?

 

Extraordinary clear, because we went in very clear.  But the people that were in trouble, all that’s changed.  That’s what…they say Ruby and Karen did good, and Manon.  So, Luke and Terry down at the bottom, they didn’t do good.  Briony’s showstopper wasn’t good.  She let herself down but she’s better than that.  Cake was dodgy.  Then they say Star Baker; you got Jon, Rahul, and Dan.  They say okay, absolutely steady, man.  Quite amazing with those double handshakes.  Paul says, I’ve never done it before.  I can’t believe I gave out two.  I’m getting soft.  They say yeah, we’re disappointed in you.  Okay, then they step up.  Tremendous cake-fueled weekend.  Sandy gets to say that Rahul’s Star Baker.  She gets the pleasure of that.

 

Giant of a traybake, technically consistent, and got a hand…Paul’s first showstopper handshake.  Everybody seems happy, though, not jealous.  Kinda very…seems like a healthy atmosphere.  Then Noel says I gotta do the bad news.  The person that’s leaving us this week is Luke.  I mean, they try to build it up a little bit, but they say Luke.  He’s like, yeah.  Disappointed.  But he’s a kid, so he shrugs, gives…hugs Sandy first, then Noel.  He says yeah, I’m gonna miss everybody here.  Then Kim-Joy, then Jon.  They don’t show all the hugs.  He goes, it’s just little old me.  I started with my nan.  Taught myself.  Hugs Paul.  I still had Paul and Prue try my food.  This is a dream of mine.  He’s hugging Jon again.  Prue tells Briony next week; you’re gonna be able to do it next week.

 

So, Prue’s really, really…it seems like she’s invested in supporting…Terry gets a hug.  Sandy says you’re still in it.  He says, it’s kinda surreal.  He says I gotta practice, practice, practice.  Paul tells Rahul cheer up, man; try to relax.  He goes yeah, yeah, my emotions…I’m an emotional dude, Paul.  I’m sorry.  He goes yeah, it’s surreal; Paul’s handshakes, Star Baker.  It’s really…it got used twice in two minutes there.  Hope I didn’t peak too early, he says.  That’s a great way…and then it ends.  So you could dream of Star Baker ‘cause you’re the Star Baker right now.  Goodnight.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

(www.leahtranscribes.com)

Notable Language:

• New Truism
• Binaural Diurnal
• Marz-Splaining

Notable Culture:

• Pokemon
• Star Wars
• Marie Antoinette

Notable Talking Points:

• Practicing Empathy and Compassion with Terry
• The Hollywood Handshake
• Some New Lyrics to “Last Christmas”