918 – Great British Baking Off to Sleep | Biscuits Week C6/S9 E1 Part 1

EPISODE 918 – Great British Baking Off to Sleep | Biscuits Week C6/S9 E1 Part 1

 

[START OF RECORDING]

SCOOTER:        Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, it's time for the podcaster, patrons, that you support.  Holy cow, my full gratitude.  How come no one ever says that in jest?  I mean, in a serious way.  Like, instead of full of bologna you say man, you're full of gratitude.  I guess I would be envious if I ever said that to someone, secretly envious.  I'm secretly envious of myself 'cause I'm so grateful for your support.  Thanks, patrons.  Let's get on with the show.

 

INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?   Trouble getting to sleep?   Trouble staying asleep?   Well, welcome.   This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.   We do it with a bedtime story.   Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.   I'm gonna do the rest.  What I'm going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever's keeping you awake.  It could be thoughts, things on your mind you're thinking about, feelings, anything coming up for you feeling-wise emotionally, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature or routine.  Could be something else.  Whatever it is; could be any number of things.  Whatever it is, I'm here to help and what I'm gonna do is try to create a safe place.  I've probably said this.  I guess I'm trying to speak, but I'm trying to establish a safe place.  I know I've said pop-up before.

 

I guess this would be a bit like a pop-up safe place where you'd say I'm establishing it here but I can transfer it or send it to you no problem.  No assembly required.  The way I do it, the way I send it is I send my voice across the deep, dark night.  I use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents.  You say, creaky, dulcet tones; what is that?  I say well, it's how my voice sounds; a bit like something you don't normally hear.  You say well, it's like a…it's kinda good and it's kind of…it's kinda creaky.  I say, okay.  For a sleep podcast, you say okay, yeah, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders; what are those?  Well, he never gets to the point, the person that makes the podcast.  Or as he's trying to make a point, he goes off on a pointless meander or a superfluous tangent.  Those are some of the techniques I use as I try to establish this safe place.  Now if you're new, a few things you should know.  Did I forget?

 

What I'm gonna try to do is create a safe place where you could set aside…send my voice…no, I think I got everything of the regular intro.  Regular listeners, welcome back.  As usual, I'm mixed up.  But what I'm…oh, so what I'm gonna do if you're new…let me tell you a couple things because one, and I've heard this hundreds and hundreds of thousands of times; this podcast does not work for everybody but also, for the people it works for, it takes two or three tries.  I just want you to know that up front.  The reason I explain it…is so many…every episode is to one, meet your doubt or your skepticism or your uncomfortableness where you are and say well, that's legitimate to be doubtful or skeptical or…say I don't know about this sleep podcast and your creaky, dulcet tones.  That's a totally legitimate way to feel.  The only thing I can tell you is just see how it goes, but see how it goes a few tries 'cause usually on the first try, this podcast makes…somehow it has to make even less sense before it makes no sense at all.

 

I'll explain that more, but give it a few tries if you can.  But also know it just doesn't work for everybody, but that's why it's free, too.  You say okay, I tried it a few times; it didn't work.  But in the end, the people I work for, they say around two or three tries…I say holy moly, I just woke up.  Give it a few tries.  That's one thing to know.  The second thing…know is if you…as you try it out, kinda try it loosely like a robe.  There are robes that are tight-fitting and form-fitting robes, and I've talked about robes on the show before.  I think one time, I…this has been a while, but I imagined that Obi-Wan Kenobi and maybe Jean-Luc Picard went to a colony where you…where clothing's optional.  Oh no, it was Doc Brown, I guess, from…what's that?  Back to the Future.  He said well, wear robes?  Where we're going, we don't need any robes.  Those, you wouldn't have any.  But so, you wear a robe or loosely wear a garment.

 

I think that's in a parable.  This podcast is best barely worn.  You say well, it's more draped over my shoulder like when I'm cooking or something and I need a extra cooking thingamajig; a towel.  I say okay, so most podcasts are like an outfit, you're saying, Scoots.  Well, some podcasts are, or a…some podcasts you wear for pleasure, some podcasts you wear for laughs, some podcasts are functional.  I mean, it's definitely podcasts that are super-stylish, so yeah, and this podcast is more like…yeah, like something over the shoulder.  Yeah, like a kitchen towel or a rag you throw over your shoulder.  That's what Sleep With Me is.  I say, could you complete that metaphor?  I say, I don't know.  I might try later but I was trying to explain to the new listener to just kinda do that.  Like, say okay, I'm barely listening.  This is the one podcast…as compared to the outfit-based podcasts or the outfit analogy, you barely listen to this podcast.  You only kinda listen.  You say uh-huh, uh-huh.

 

Oh, I forgot I had a kitchen towel over my shoulder.  How did I end up at a…what is this, a Michelin 5-star restaurant?  Oh, there's only four stars?  Oh.  I don't know.  Oh, it's a dream.  Great.  That's one thing; barely listen to this show.  The other thing is this podcast really isn't here to put you to sleep.  It's here to keep you company as you fall asleep or to keep you company if you can't sleep.  I'm here.  I'm your bore-friend, I'm your bore-bud, I'm your bore-bae, I'm your…ideally one day I'll be your bore-bestie.  I'm here to take your mind off of stuff as you drift off and just be at your bedside telling you a story you don't need to listen to.  Now, if you can't sleep, I'll be here to the end or if you wake up.  It's kinda like I'm telling you the story whether you're awake or asleep, but I make this show just as much for the people that can't sleep as the people that are sound asleep already right now.

 

The nice thing is, the episodes are an hour so you have plenty of time to get comfortable and drift off.  That leads into the kinda next thing that can throw new listeners off which is the structure of the show.  The show starts off with a greeting because I want everybody to know they're welcome and they're important here; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary.  Then there's business.  That's how we bring you the podcast twice a week.  There's a few minutes of business there, then there's an intro.  The intro is pretty long; twelve to eighteen minutes or so, and it's me introducing the podcast as I'm doing right now.  For the new listener, you could say you're gonna introduce the podcast for twelve to eighteen minutes?  I say yeah, it takes me a while to get going and then I don't go anywhere.  For the new listener, it's also an example of the podcast.

 

I mean, that's a bit meta, but for a regular listener, there's a lot of options.  As you become a regular listener, some listeners fall asleep during the intro, some listeners start the intro while they're getting ready for bed or doing their brushing and their skincare or stretching or foam rolling or they're using one of those Therabody devices.  Whatever it is.  Some listeners start the intro before they get into bed.  That's what I'm saying.  Then other listeners start the podcast while they're in bed, unwinding and getting comfortable.  The intro serves as a buffer between waking life and sleep so that you can wind down and I can buff, buff, buff that day right out of your hair or right out…I can help you drift away.  It just gives us some space, so that's a part of the intro, is just to ease you into bedtime.  Then after the intro is some sponsors ads.  That's part of the podcast structure.  Then there will be a story.

 

Tonight will be our…a new series we're covering; GBB, Great British Bake-off.  I'll be excited to talk about that.  Then there will be some thank-yous and goodnights at the end.  That's the structure of the show.  What else do you need to know?  You probably need to know some more stuff that I forgot.  Structure of the show…hm.  Oh boy, I already got mixed up.  Oh, that's the structure…oh, why do I make the show?  Well, I make the show because you deserve a good night's sleep.  That's reason one.  I truly believe you deserve a safe place where you can get some rest so that your life is a little bit better, [00:10:00] more manageable, and ideally, you can flourish.  That's one thing.  The other thing is because I've been there.  I know how it feels tossing and turning, waking up, all that stuff.  I've been there, needing to buffer my day away.  I've been buffering about my day, you know?

 

That's the whole thing, is…I guess what it was…I don't know if I had another point in there, but you deserve a good night's sleep.  I've been there and I think that's it.  I mean, I said it at the beginning of the show; I'm really grateful that I get to make this podcast 'cause yeah, 'cause I can relate and because I think it's important.  I think you getting the rest you need is important and in a broader sense, you having the options to see what's gonna work for you to fall asleep and establish a healthy bedtime routine is important whether it's this podcast or a fan or another piece of sleep audio or just doing something else, some other routine.  That is very important to me because…and I'm very grateful that I can provide this or be a stepping stone.  Like, what is…has that ever…I've probably talked about that; the grateful stepping stone.  So many people stepped on me on their way to good sleep, and I had so much joy.

 

Some people stuck around and danced on me in the middle of the stream that I was in, and that really felt nice, too.  That's really what it feels like to make this show.  I don't know if you get the…it's cool.  You say, who was the first person to glamorize stepping stones?  They say well, there's a few architects and landscape…no, no, no, I mean in a Hollywood sense.  Oh, that really glamorized…yeah, no, no, the life of a stepping stone.  They kind of anthropomorphized it or whatever; personified it.  Oh, it really gave that Hollywood glamour to stepping stones but not the actual physical stepping stones?  Yeah, it glamorized life as a stepping stone.  I don't think there was anybody that would do that.  That just doesn't seem…well actually, there was someone.  He tried.  Scooter was his name.  He wrote the imaginary book in his mind, The Grateful Stepping Stone.

 

On one podcast episode out of like, 8,000, he tried to glamorize stepping stones, then he forgot about it for twelve years 'til he tried to write the book.  That's why I do what I do and why I'm full of gratitude though I forget it a lot of times.  You fill me up with gratitude, believe it or not, and hopefully I fill up your ears with nonsense and pointless meanders.  What a deal, right?  So, I'm here to help.  If you're new, just give the show a few tries.  I hope I can help you.  I'm really glad you're here.  I really appreciate your time.  I work very hard.  I yearn and I strive and I want to help you fall asleep.  Thanks again and here's a couple of ways we're able to bring this podcast twice a week.

 

Hey everybody, this is Scoots.  Before we get going here, I just wanted…this…so, this will be our first episode covering the Great British Baking Bake-off show, and I'll be talking more about it.  I wanted to give a shout-out to Chloe and Adam for giving me the idea to do this.  It really got…I got swept up in it.  I do want to say that this is whatever, October 2020.  I'm not exactly sure of our scheduling.  We may do a pilot where we do…the first episode I'm covering is a two-parter, and then we might cover Mandalorian and then go back to Great…alternate between the two series during…you know what I mean?  Kinda like we did last year, but I'm not 100% on that.  Again, that'll just be alternating; every third episode would be a TV episode while the other two episodes in between those are fictional.  If you don't watch the TV or listen to the TV episodes, remember that they're every third episode.

 

You get two episodes out of three that don't cover a TV show.  You could always send me feedback.  You say Scoots, I want more Mandalorian or more Great British Bake-off.  I could try to process that.  You could get me at a…either through Patreon messaging or through our website contact page.  Thanks and let's get it…let's keep…let's get this show on the road.  I don't ever say that, but get on with the show.  Let's keep this show going.

 

Alright everybody, this is Scoots and this is interesting because this is a new show we've never done before, so I don't know how this is gonna go.  I guess I'll do…I'll try to remind myself to do just a five-minute setup, is what I'll do.  You're hearing me after I do the five-minute setup 'cause now future me knew how this is structured where current me does not.  I'm not sure what I said there, but great job, Scoots.  We're covering a show that has two names depending on where you are in the world.  The Great British Bake-off is one…what it's called, but that's the easiest thing to say.  I like saying Great British Bake-off.  But here in the US it's known as the Great British Baking Show.  I'm gonna be covering Series 3 or Series 9, though on…let's see, on Netflix it says…this is again confusing 'cause where…it's just where you live in the world.  Let me see here; how it is listed on…Collection 6.

 

If you're watching in the US on Netflix, it's Collection 6, though I think in the UK, Great British Bake-off, it's Series 9.  If you're confused, that's because of…because we live in a world where some rules…you say well, that's how we do it here.  I guess this part of the show which I don't know who's gonna be hearing this…probably, this is gonna be so long that I'll break it up on Patreon and I think…but the recap part will probably be on the public feed.  So hey, what's up?  Thanks for listening to the show.  I guess I'll hit Play.  This is biscuits week, and it starts off with…for me, 'cause…okay, so I don't know if I said this in the thing, but I never have watched or sat down and watched.  I probably had…I've probably been…times I've watched the show, well, I've been in the same room as the show's been on but I've never sat down and watched this show and oh boy, do I love it.

 

This may be the most Sleep With Me…the greatest confluence of Sleep With Me and television ever.  This is such a…there's so many…I guess I could go off on so many tangents about…I've only watched one episode like, five times, but so, my biggest question is how am I gonna fit all this into one fifty-minute…forty-five-minute portion?  Really good pacing, really well-shot, really great…just well done all around.  I guess what I'll do is I'll try to read through here but because…the reason I said I've never watched an episode before and I started with Collection 6 or Series 9 is that I was already totally confused because I said wait a second, it starts off with a WTF moment.  Okay, so it starts off with a WTF moment.  Now, I knew that Noel and Sandy were the comedian hosts of the show, kind of.  But for some reason, they're dressed up as…I must have missed something from…obviously, I missed something, clearly.

 

I don't know all the relationships.  But so, they're dressed as…Noel is dressed as Doc Brown and Sandy's dressed as Marty McFly.  He's saying we gotta get back, and that Prue tweeted the winner.  They're going from August 28th which I'm presuming is the beginning of when they filmed the ninth series back to October 30th when they revealed the winner.  Prue's about to tweet the name of last year's winner or this year's winner?  I guess…so, she tweeted the winner by accident 'cause then Paul is sitting next to Prue on a couch as she's tweeting something out.  Well, let's see what time it is.  I don't know why it was with the Back to the Future thing.  I don't know if that's a theme.  Twenty…oh boy, twenty hours which is twelve…it's ten…no, no, 10:00 AM.  It's 8:00 PM, I guess.  Oh, but that's 10:00 AM.  Prue tweeted it out at 10:00 PM but they're heading out at 10:00 AM.  They're going back in time and back in time.

 

Then we start to see the beautiful mood setting that they do on this show with lambs and ducklings, Kim-Joy…holy…okay, let's just go right into the people's outfits because I'm not sure if…I don't know any of the behind-the-scenes of this show, but the outfits on the…that people are wearing is just amazing.  Usually, I don't know, in my opinion…I guess I was just so surprised and I don't even have one of those 4K ultra-HD TVs.  I just have a [00:20:00] regular…I got my TV in 20…I don't know, '14, I think, maybe.  I don't know, I probably talked about it on the podcast.  Last of the plasma TVs when they stopped making them.  I got one on discount.  It was also…I got…paid off my student loans, I think, or maybe I paid off my credit card, so it was like a celebratory thing.  I'd been not drinking for a year.  But okay, so back to it.  First up is Kim-Joy.  She has on…she has a lovely…this yellow headband and then her shirt or her blouse has summer treats on it.

 

But really, in these pastels; it's a cream-colored shirt with pastel-colored Popsicles and ice cream cones.  They're all talking about how intense it is, how beautiful it is there.  Then there's Briony…sorry, I'm falling behind already, but Briony…everybody's talking.  Also, they're talking about how being in the tent is…there's been more people in space.  It's like being a pro football player.  Can't believe it.  See it on TV…it can't be real.  Then we have the…oh, stressful is the thesis.  We're getting a series of shots of the characters, some decorations.  We see Prue; Prue is…and we'll cover the facts.  Maybe we'll cover it on Patreon.  I'm not sure.  Let's see, nerves, thesis, real…yeah, less people have been in that tent than in space…twelve new bakers, thirty challenges.  Great, good…oh, someone wants to be Star Baker once.  I think that was Manon but I'm not sure.  I would like to see…oh, Prue says I'd like to see more imagination, more color, and above all…I'm reading the…more delicious things.

 

Prue's outfit is beautiful.  Then Paul Hollywood…we're gonna have some new challenges; some they've heard of, some they have not.  Oh, I just saw Manon.  She has watermelons on her shirt.  Then Terry looks like he has…is that his name?  He has a shirt with…and then Dan has a big blue flower print shirt.  Oh, Dan's…wants Star Baker once.  That's a great goal, Dan.  Okay, so then we have the intro which we'll skip.  Then we show…this place…if you've never watched the show, the opening shot at 54…with 54 minutes left and 55 seconds, it's on some estate somewhere.  There's this manor-type house and then green grass, trees, farmland, and then the tent which I guess is where they do everything.  Man, you can have a tent look like a white plastic thing on the outside but look great on the inside.  But having this manor…I don't know if this is a drone shot I'm looking at, but it's pretty…I'd say…there's a creek.

 

Again, there's wildlife, there's wild flowers.  Oh, and then this goes right into it.  Let me read my notes for a second.  Well, I guess I'll do it…let's see, British bake shows…oh, that's the sky shot.  Fields of flowers, music, then there's a voice-over from Sandy; bakers will face three challenges, then we'll get the Star Baker, then someone will have to unfortunately go home.  Then Noel says hey bakers, this is the first signature challenge.  Twenty-four regional biscuits, Sandy says.  Sandy has a blue star shirt on with different blues.  Oh yeah, let's go through the…everybody's outfits 'cause this, I mean, really is important…left an impression on me.  Okay, so now we have the judges and the hosts, I would say.  Sandy has on a navy blue or…well, yeah, navy blue shirt with stars printed on it, different stars; turquoise, light blue, royal blue.  Then Noel has on a three-tiered shirt.  It's pink on the top.  It's a long shirt; very his style.  His sideburns are rocking.

 

The top of the shirt is pink with just kind of a leopardish print, but not really a leopard print.  Then it's a white brick wall and then a light blue at the bottom, just a light blue color.  Prue has on a dress that I can't quite grasp the color 'cause it's so wonderful.  It's somewhere in between orange and red.  I don't know, in a way that just…I mean, perfect for television; holy mackerel.  Then she has on this necklace that is multicolored like…almost like sticks or something, or looks like…it doesn't look like coral but coral-type fingers, but it's made of probably plastic or some other thing.  But it's so colorful and again, the colors just pop.  Then she has on these glass…her glasses or frames are barely-translucent popping blue that highlights the blue in her necklace and perfectly contrasts with her dress.  Then Paul Hollywood, he has on jeans and then a denim shirt, but he pulls it off.

 

I don't think I…I've tried to…I've thought about it, and he looks good in it.  His jeans fit him in a way that he doesn't look…he doesn't have…he looks stylish and not like a dad.  Maybe a tiny bit dad-like just because of…I don't know, but his shirt…and his shirt is pressed.  That's the other thing with denim shirts; I can't get them…so that's our coverage of the Great British Bake-off.  Thanks, everybody.  I'm kidding.  Twenty-four regional biscuits.  They have to be traditional from a village or region in Britain, sweet or savory depending on their history, and the British's…British might…it must mean something to the baker.  Then Noel has a joke at Sandy's expense…identical across each thing.  On your mark, get set, bake.  Then everybody goes into action.  They're kinda saying oh, boy.  Most people are starting with their butter.  Difficult to make rules…oh, they repeat the rules twice in voice-over.

 

Oh yeah, with the voice-over a couple times.  They gotta be unique, they have to have their own stamp on them, but recognizable.  If it's a shortbread, it better melt in the mouth, Prue says.  If it's the ginger snap, it should snap.  Regional perfection, Paul says.  First baker, Briony, she's nervous.  She has on this mustard-colored shirt with kind of a nice print on the sides of it, a little bit like stained glass.  Then they have these family sequences.  Again, this is a really well-made and produced show.  They have Briony and her daughter.  She's making apple cider empire briskets with caramelized apples and vanilla shortbread.  She's boiling eggs for her biscuits and she's gonna sieve the yolks.  Paul's like, what are you talking about?  A short structure, Briony says.  He says he's never heard of it.  Prue says it sounds lovely.  Sandy says don't let him get to you; he's a splainer.  Then we have everybody…lemon Shrewsbury.

 

This is Dan; a rich, crumbly biscuit.  Works at home, he says, but he's stressed.  I like Dan a lot.  Then they show Dan at the duck pond with his kids, Barnaby and Constance.  Makes this whole fish dinner for them.  Lemon and strawberry Shrewsburys.  We'll cover this.  Now, Noel goes up to him.  What's up?  Alright?  You don't sound like you're alright.  He goes yeah, I'm a little…goes, do you usually chill and bake?  Dan says, yeah.  He says well, it looks like you turned that around.  I had a laugh at that, obviously.  Let's see, stained glass…clotted cream.  I think I gotta look that up at some point.  Manon's talking about her clotted cream.  She's gonna spread some on the top.  Oh, she says oh, when she discovered it in England…she's from France.  Worked on a egg farm, baking with her family, eating apples, and making apple pie.  But she's making hazelnut Cornish shortbread.  She's from Brittany.

 

She said Cornwall kind of reminds her of home, so she wanted to do it.  Clotted cream…oh, Ruby's making clotted cream masala chai flats.  We'll get back to it.  I don't know if she's really using a real clotted cream.  Project manager Ruby's…they show her working out, doing some [00:30:00] boxing.  She's making masala chai Devon flats with dark chocolate.  Now they're asking hey, what do you think the texture's gonna be?  Is it soft, medium, or hard?  She goes well, I've practiced.  I'm not winging it.  Then they kind of…again, they do these different sequences of shots of everybody prepping.  Then forewarning voice-over or descriptive voice-over…coconut and fennel.  Okay, let me get back to my notes 'cause I got away.  Sandy gives love, British twist…Bristol twist on regional biscuits.  Okay, Briony and her daughter are making Play-Doh, lots of laughs, artwork, apple cider, vanilla shortbread.  There I put Paul's a J-E-R-K.

 

Noel rolls up…oh, that's funny when he jokes.  Manon, clotted cream, cottage cream.  Oh, I don't know if cottage cream is a thing either.  Gaelic flair, Brittany and France…oh, clotted cream and Ruby.  Oh, in Ruby's pot is some nice dried herbs that she's using.  Oh yeah, clotted cream substitute.  She works in the train business, too.  Oh, and this is my first…we get a…there's a lot of alliteration here and again, if you…here's the thing; if you have a child or a young…like a teen or a tween, this is a show in the podcast not only for them to sleep to but to watch because holy moly, is there a lot of…learning good words even though I don't know if the SAT's gonna be around anymore.  I guess they could just use…if they're in a spelling bee or something.  But again, if you love alliteration…I don't even…I guess I gotta get a pen for alliteration watch.

 

I started counting later, but this one has a killer combination of cardamon, clove, and cinnamon.  That's a masala.  That's what's in her bowl.  A soft medium is what she says.  Oh, I put Julian sometimes instead of Noel…Boosh.  I always thought those two were…he looks more like a Julian and Julian looks more like a Noel to me.  When I'd read about them, the creators of Mighty Boosh, I said oh, okay, that's who's who.  But I made a rear end of…out of all of us.  Then we have Rahul.  He's doing coconut and fennel and then Paul gives him a hard time about how he talks too much, a bit like he could be on this podcast, but I don't find him boring.  He says oh yeah, I do talk a lot.  Also, oh boy, his shirt…I gotta get to his shirt.  Let me hit Play up here.  He has this great shirt on, too.  They also show him Skyping with his parents and his dad says you gotta shave and cut your hair.  He's actually a nuclear scientist.

 

Fennel and coconut, pithakily bannock or bannock.  He has on a lighter-colored denim shirt, so a lot of layers.  I could learn a lot about styling from this show.  But underneath his denim shirt, he has on a white shirt with blue stripes, but they're a light blue…I don't know what you call it when it looks like it's painted on.  It's not painted on, but so…I don't know.  It looks really cool.  Oh yeah, denim shirt, nuclear scientist, dad wants him to get a haircut.  Then we have…oh, whole fennel.  Even Sandy gives him a hard time at the end about talking.  Then we have Imelda.  She's from the Northern…she's doing a hearty oats, cherry, and white chocolate oatmeal biscuit which I'm a big fan…those flavors are flavors I'm a fan of.  Wholemeal flour, she says, which I marked.  Sandy and Paul start talking about BMs, so that…I said wait a second, come on, you two.  Then we have Luke.  Luke's pretty hip.  He's the charmer on this one.

 

He's making lime…I guess…oh, ginger nuts.  I said, who're you calling a ginger nut, son?  He's a DJ and a civil servant.  Yorkshire ginger nut.  He's representing Yorkshire.  He's really charming, though.  I'm not making fun of him.  He's layered, too.  He has on a white V-neck and then a semi…not a Hawaiian print shirt, but something.  Then they show him Sheffield DJing.  Ginger nuts do look delicious; lime buttercream in the middle.  My stomach just growled.  Paul says, make sure you get the balance right, dude…ginger and the lime, but he seems pretty confident.  Oh, his shirt's like clouds and birds, I think, then more…you have these little comedy breaks.  Then we have a comedy break with Sandy and Noel, and she flashes a flashlight and she says…he says, what's my line?  One hour.  What's my motivation?  She hands him some cash and he says, one hour.  I don't know, just a funny little sequence.

 

Kim-Joy's making…rolling out her shortbread.  Each and every biscuit must be uniform in shape, they say.  They're even weighing them out, each biscuit ball or flat, depending…some people are making sandwich ones, so they say oh boy, that's twice the work.  Antony is…he's a banker.  He loves Bollywood, they say.  They show him cooking at home.  His looked really delicious; turmeric and caraway Goosnargh cakes with mango chili jam.  I'm a big turmeric fan.  Then he and Sandy dance.  He shows Sandy a little dance move, a really easy one with the legs and the hands going up and down.  Then they dance together.  Kim-Joy laughs; she goes, you're definitely the most fun person.  That's what Sandy says to him.  Also, he has on a white paisley print shirt that's really nice.  Then I guess gray jeans that match the print of his paisley.  Then again, they do a series of shots with everybody working.

 

Now we got some strawberry jam Dan's working on.  Chili mango, Antony's working on with spiced butterscotch cream sauce and my Swiss meringue buttercream.  That's Jon.  He's making an Aberffraw biscuit; shell-shaped on a real shell.  He loves sailing.  They show his wife Debbie and his kid sailing.  Aberffraw creams with a butterscotch filling…butterscotch buttercream; there's alliteration number two if you're keeping track.  I probably won't, but…then we have Kim-Joy, she's working on an orange blossom glaze.  She's got orange blossom water.  I didn't even know…where do you buy this stuff?  This was kind of a little different, but it made me relate to Kim-Joy.  She says she discovered the flavor for the biscuit in the bath.  She had this new conditioner and she smelled it and I said wait a second, I taste conditioner, too.

 

I mean, she said she just looked at it, but I'll taste…don't…if you're listening, kids, don't ever do that, but I do taste that stuff.  They show her doing some sort…she's making an orange blossom York biscuit with orange blossom water, edible flower.  Noel's up; he's like…oh, he makes a joke about an antiques dealer which I…he goes, can I call you Lovejoy?  I didn't get the joke, either.  He goes, that's an antiques dealer.  You're too young.  He can't believe it.  He's like, man, forget it.  He's a little bit flummoxed.  Then we have somebody making roses; Karen.  Karen's got a nice red…we'll talk about…everybody else…everybody has on grayish-brown…she's a food product promoter and she's making Yorkshire parkins.  Everybody has on a brownish-gray…what are those things called?  Apron.  Oh, she goes yo, you're looking Elvis…Shakin' Stevens or Katie…Sandy says…Noel says Sandy says I look like K.D.  Lang, but Karen says he looks like Shakin' Stevens or Elvis.

 

Then we have Terry.  He's making…I don't know what he's making, but he's trying to do these chocolate prints.  Oh, there's…this is a good moment to pause it at; 44 minutes left in the show.  Terry's trying…he's on a horse and he's trying to make it go and the horse won't listen, which kind of is a metaphor for Terry's day.  Terry's the likable person we kind of feel bad for.  He's making a Lake District ginger shortbread; crystallized ginger [00:40:00] and chocolate lambs, but Paul says those are lambs?  Terry says, hopefully I'll get them in the oven and tidy them up.  Then everybody starts…they do a sequence where everybody's putting their stuff in the oven and navigating temperature…not easy.  People are setting their timers; eight minutes, ten minutes.  Don't misjudge it, Noel says.  23 minutes at 165 for Manon.  If you mess it up, kiss the color and the texture goodbye.  Six minutes on the clock for Dan, I think 40 minutes for Rahul.

 

Let's see, Dan goes in.  Now everything…coming in and out of the oven, saying is it done?  You can see…you start to see the stress wearing on certain people, then they…Sandy makes an announcement; half an hour through an old-fashioned radio and she says, I used to be on radio.  Everybody's like…yeah, everybody's like, holy cow, how are we gonna do this?  Some people are happy and some people aren't.  So, you see kinda how people react to the stress and then how that impacts their cooks.  Ruby drops one of her cookies.  I didn't realize…I didn't tie that 'til later.  Somebody says, fudge.  They said, fudge.  I guess it's warm; Ruby says…warm, and then Terry says, this chocolate won't set inside the tent.  He fans his face.  Everybody starts their piping and their assembly.  Again, a lot of shots.  I don't know how many camera people they have.  Then we see the interactions.  This one is nice; it's Dan and Kim-Joy.

 

Well, I didn't know if it was nice or passive aggressive.  He says oh, I'd hate to see one of your cookies fall on the floor.  Then she says, very funny, Dan.  But I don't know if that was a way of Dan saying they look good enough to eat.  Then they do five minutes left.  Everybody's starting to be like oh, no, that's where you run short on time sequence.  My daughter got very bent about this.  It didn't bother me as much as the first time, but now it does; so, Karen gets done early.  There's 41 minutes left and she starts snacking.  We'll go into her snacks, but my daughter was like that's…oh yeah, so she has a snack pack.  Now, I don't know if they provide it or she brought it.  Hopefully there's a zoom.  But first she has crisps or chips.  Yeah, crisps.  She offers them.  She's sitting there with snacks in her lap while everybody else is struggling which you would think would be a precursor, but it…I'll just tell you, it isn't a precursor, I don't think.

 

Now, Terry is really under the…he's the most stressed.  Some people are very chill; Manon, Briony.  Ruby's making tea that she thinks will pair well, but Terry's just like…he's not in good shape and Karen's eating more biscuits.  Let's see, 24:00, Ruby does…let's see.  It's going so fast.  Let me run through my notes, here.  I'll pause it.  Dances with Sandy…resting the dough, there's clips of people talking…Jon and his wife and kids.  Yeah, there's the buttercream.  That was number two that we even caught of the alliteration.  Oh yeah, Kim-Joy's shirt.  Oh, also Kim-Joy has the tips of her hair a purplish-blue…York biscuits…she's actually stamping that on there.  Antiques dealer Lovejoy; I did have that in my notes to look it up.  The patrons will get all the research.  Yorkshire parkins…oh, with mace and corn something.  That's what Karen was working on…Wakefield.  Maybe that's a grocery store?  I don't know.

 

Terry's little lambs…his horse won't go.  Terry is making Lake District ginger shortbread, then there's a VO about the risk people are taking, kiss goodbye.  Oh yeah, eyes and talk…these people start to try to stay calm.  Then there's an exterior shot before Sandy does the radio thing…five minutes left.  There's a lot of…oh, with blue…the radio's like a blue, old-fashioned radio, like a prop.  That's when the out-of-the-oven sequence comes.  Is it hot in here or is it me?  I say oh boy, I don't know.  Five minutes left, behind on time.  16:18 was when I was supposed to pause it, but I think that was just Karen's snacking.  I tried to…I wanted to see what else she had in her snack thing but I couldn't see it when I paused it.  Chocolate lamb troubles…but then you see people are helping one another.  Amazing, at the end.  People are going…as time's up, everybody's helping.  Put your biscuits at the end of your benches.

 

There's even different themed ways to serve it.  Now, I don't know…again, I don't know the production of this show 'cause again…and then they…Briony tells Terry don't worry, it's only one out of three.  Karen's still snacking.  Everything…a lot of stuff…a lot of pastels.  I don't know if this is every season or just this one; blue pastel, blue in particular; baby blue, eggshell blue, some green, turquoise.  Antony's up first.  His biscuits are popping, man.  There were this orange color.  Psychedelic, Noel says.  They say Prue, you like them 'cause they match your biscuit.  They do look really delicious and they do deliver.  The judges are impressed.  Beautiful texture, fantastic chili jam.  Great biscuit, Paul says.  Then Antony says, boom.  But Prue and Noel take an…take 'em to go.  They love them so much they're still eating.  Then Karen's up.  They say, great piping work.  Looks amazing.

 

Spicy, chewy, nice, but more like a cookie and not a biscuit.  Didn't blow Paul away.  Then Kim-Joy's up; absolutely exquisite, they said…Prue says.  I love them.  Paul takes a bite.  He says balanced, melts in your mouth.  Break it apart…flavors…got the orange.  Prue says, well done.  Kim-Joy's happy.  Then they get to Jon.  His are undercooked.  They say quite pale, dude.  Under-baked, bland.  Should have been in four or five more minutes.  Then Manon's up.  Hazelnut Cornish shortbread.  Extremely neat, that's what Paul likes the best…has a good snap.  Prue's impressed with that.  Beautifully baked, buttery.  That wasn't on purpose though, that's alliteration.  Hazelnut chocolate, fantastic.  Prue says, I'd like some milk.  Manon says, it's right here in front of you.  Then Dan cheers her on.  Rahul, they say oh, well, it's like owl feathers.  He uses this beautiful white chocolate and dark chocolate on there.

 

They say, fennel's not quite the punch we were expecting.  Then Ruby's up.  They say, how come you got twenty-five and not twenty-four?  She goes, I'm bad at math, which cracked me up and everybody else.  A bit dry.  She has on a red dress with some flower…I don't know if flower print is what you'd call it, and a nice red…then Dan's up.  They say, yours are pale too, Dan.  Tough biscuit.  He goes, is it?  Not in a passive aggressive way.  I think that is an English thing.  They say Dan, these are quite…he just says, is it?  Like it's a different way of reacting.  You'd say, is it?  Really?  But he says is it?  Like…I don't know.  You'd have to see it, I guess.  Then they say, not good, basically.  Terry only decorated one of his cookies, his ginger shortbread.  Oh no, two of them.  Not my finest hour.  Lamb's not good.  Looks like a Warhol print.  Don't like the color.  Not neat enough for Paul, of course.  Paul breaks it.

 

They don't like it at all.  Too hard.  Good flavor, maybe, but execution not good.  He says, it's a rough old biscuit, that one.  The judges leave but Noel stays behind to say don't worry, man.  You can do it; you can be the comeback kid.  He says, let's hope so.  Then Luke's ginger nuts, they look really good.  They say, ginger's lovely.  [00:50:00] Not enough lime pop, though.  Noel says, you can breathe.  Then Manon gives Dan the thumbs up.  He smiles.  Imelda…cherry and white chocolate oatmeal.  She's nervous.  They break well, Paul says.  He says okay, that's a delicious biscuit.  She's like oh, good.  Very oaty.  Feels healthy but it's not; it's a cookie.  Well worth it, though.  Then Briony's up.  She's got this caramelized apple; looks amazing.  Uniform in color and size, they say.  Very neat.  Of course, Paul's worried about that…scalloped edges.  Takes some bites.  They break it up.  Very crumbly, melts in your mouth.

 

They say, that egg yolk worked.  This is the best shortbread today.  Crumbly, soft, and buttery.  With the apple caramelization, mm, good.  She says, thank you.  Then Noel gives her a thumbs up and she's very relieved.  She says jeez, I was overwhelmed.  She goes yeah, for Prudy's technique…I say holy cow.  Terry looks down, not in the place…wrong biscuit, wrong day.  Manon says, beautifully baked.  There's alliteration.  The sailing guy, Jon, says oh, boy.  That's like what it was like for me at school.  Jon says, my whole school life could have been better.  Then Ruby says wait a second, I thought biscuits were supposed to be dry.  Then we see more lambs in the countryside going through.  Let me check the time, here.  There's 34 minutes so I guess what I'll do is we'll break this into two episodes.  We'll break it up like a biscuit, you know what I'm saying?

 

I'll run through for about five…I'll run through to the end of this episode…I mean, to the…a few…we'll set up the next competition and then we'll…yeah, 'cause it's kind of a bit of an experiment.  Then we'll have another full episode about biscuit week.  They say the bakers were able to finish their first…oh, they were about to practice their first challenge, but the second one will be a mystery shrouded in gingham.  They do like a front-of-the-room thing of everybody exhaling, looking a little intense.  This is still the first day.  I guess they do these over two days.  The second day though, everybody has the same outfits on.  Then again, we have a sequence where the judges are at the front and the hosts.  They say, your first technical challenge…Paul set it up.  Paul says, this is a favorite of mine when I was a kid, so don't mess it up.  Sandy says this is gonna be judged blind.

 

This is gonna be judged without us knowing who made each dish, so Prue and Paul are not gonna be lingering in the tent, so off you go.  Thank you very much.  Then there's a funny joke where they say jeez, I don't even know what's improved and what's written 'cause I say, where are they going?  Noel says, the bouncy castle.  Cracks up the whole thing, the whole tent.  I just wondered with the tent, like, also, how much are they in…do they feel like they're around four famous people, you know?  That can't make it easy, either.  Everybody laughs and they say okay, Paul wants you to make an iconic version of his iconic wagon wheel.  You have to make eight in two-and-a-quarter hours.  Is that what it is?  A moon pie in the US is what a wagon wheel's similar to.  I'm gonna track them down.  They're a little expensive online but I'm sure I could find it at a local shop.

 

Yeah, two-and-a-quarter hours to make it, so get your wagons rolling.  On your marks, get set, bake.  They have some sort of instructions and all the ingredients.  Again, a lot of people are reading through it.  The iconic, wheel-shaped…okay, let me read that part from the thing…the iconic, wheel-shaped biscuits, seventy years ago, launched in Britain.  Some people know what a wagon wheel is; some people have never had them or never heard of them, so that makes it hard if you're not…if you weren't raised in the UK.  Paul has a paired-down recipe and not many people have made a wagon wheel 'cause it is more of a…normally, I think a mass-produced confectionery.  Then we go outside to Prue and Paul.  They're sitting kinda…I don't know if they're having tea.  I'll pause it.  We get a garden shot.  Yeah, they have…Paul has tea in front of him like he's drinking it.  Prue's tea is like she pushed it away.

 

They're sitting; Paul's chair is a light green and then Prue's chair is white.  They're like a older, more classic outdoor wooden chair.  Then they're sitting at a table with a tablecloth that's a really nice blue with a print on it in white.  Their table is set and then they have a plate of wagon wheels.  Then behind them is some…I don't know if it's called bunting, but British flags hanging…like, triangle ones.  Then a lot of different flowers and plants, kind of like…I guess a bit like you'd get at an antiques place or yeah, like a really…like someone says oh yeah, I bought all these antiques shops and I use them to store the plants.  It just looks good.  Prue says to Paul, why is this the first technical challenge; wagon wheels?  He says 'cause I got a cookbook about it, one.  But he goes, there's many different elements to a wagon wheel; tricky.  You got biscuit, crunchy, marshmallow, something that doesn't pour out but is right, chocolate coating, and jam.  Chocolate's gotta hold the thing in.

 

Prue says, it's beautiful; difficulty is to put all that together without panicking.  Paul says, that's right, you gotta test these characters out.  Then they go and they do…outside thing of the tent, and then everybody's starting to sort their flour and say okay, I'm…Manon's like, I'm cool as a cucumber.  Rub the butter into the flour.  People start making their dough and they're looking back.  Ruby's like okay, I made a mistake in the first one.  They have some sort of recipe.  Antony's like, I did something wrong.  Oh, I didn't rub the butter in, but I gotta go with it anyway.  Then Sandy goes to Luke; she says, have you made this before?  He goes…oh, this is interesting.  I don't know if Luke's made it before, but yeah, I've eaten lots.  I've never made them.  Sandy says there's some people here that have never even heard of them, so you're ahead of the game.  She goes, I've never had one.  He goes, you never had a wagon wheel?  No.

 

He goes, have you even lived?  She goes, I'll be honest, I didn't have a pot noodle – which I think is like ramen – until I was fifty-five.  That's also a interesting thing, you know?  He says, what, are you kidding me, Sandy?  You're giving me a hard time.  He goes, I can't even come back from that.  Then everybody's starting to knead and they don't want to mess…you don't want to overdo your dough, they say.  Ruby says, I gotta get my jam on.  Then everybody starts making their jam, sugar boil.  You got the jam sequence.  Antony's like, a little watery; my jam's watery.  Oh wait, we do have a close-up there.  Let's see.  I'm gonna read through this close-up.  To close out, I'm gonna read Paul's words…off the screen if I can pause it.  Oh boy, I missed it.  Yeah, I'll try again.  Don't worry, I'm here.  I'm gonna read you Paul's words if I can pause it in time.  Jam-making's going on.  Dan's reading it.

 

Okay, so this is what we have just on the screen, and so I'll say goodnight and we'll pick up the second half of this in a little while.  Method…oven…seriotherm 160 degrees C…step one; for the biscuits, tip the flour, salt, and butter into a bowl.  Rub the butter into the flour, stir in the sugar and vanilla paste, then add the egg yolk.  Bring the dough together.  Chill, man.  They still have to chill it at some point.  For the jam…oh, then you make the jam, I guess.  Place the raspberries in a deep-sided pan and crush them.  Add the sugar, bring to a boil.  Increase the heat and boil for four minutes.  Remove from heat and sieve.  Let cool and set.  For the marshmallow, pour 100ml cold water into a small bowl…smarmalade bowl, then sprinkle the gelatin over the top.  [01:00:00] That's it, huh?  I guess…oh, then four; tip the sugar into a medium pan.  Add glucose and 100ml water and cook over low heat.

 

Increase the heat, bring to a boil.  While the sugar syrup is cooking, whisk the egg white into the bowl…stand mixer.  As soon as the sugar syrup reaches 120 C, remove the heat and stir in the gelatin.  With the mixer on, pour the sugar syrup over the egg white and…oh, this is the marshmallow.  Then we lose it…you gotta put it in a piping bag, I guess.  We don't have the…we have some of the milliliters and stuff.  This is interesting.  I guess it is a technical challenge.  Technically, it's challenging and technically, I'll talk to you soon.  Goodnight.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

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