906 – Recycled Silly String | All Intros 711-715
This collection of intros will lay like loam so you have a place for your dreams to roam. This is a special treat for the long weekend (here in the states) so if you are a regular listener or new, welcome home…and enjoy the drone..I’ll leave the rhymes alone as the door I’m shown.
Black Lives Matter. I cannot create a safe place for everyone without stopping to pause and look at what changes I need to make to support that fact. When I say “you deserve a good night’s sleep” it means black lives matter. I have a lot more work to do to back up my words with my body, mind, heart, and spirit. I am trying to gather more resources here- https://linktr.ee/dearestscooter
Here is a list of Anti-racism resources- http://bit.ly/ANTIRACISMRESOURCE
Here is one place you can find support during this or any crisis. If you have more please share them! https://www.crisistextline.org/
There are more global helplines and rescues here https://linktr.ee/creatorselfcare
Support the Ruth King- check out her book Mindful of Race
Support Jacob Blake’s family here- https://www.gofundme.com/f/justiceforjacobblake?utm_source=customer&utm_campaign=m_pd+share-sheet&utm_medium=copy_link_all
Support the Milwaukee Freedom Fund here- https://supportwomenshealth.salsalabs.org/mkefreedomfund/index.html
Support the Bail Project here- https://bailproject.org/
(Become a patron https://www.patreon.com/sleepwithme – the story starts at about 20:00)
Commission a song from the Mystery Bard or check out his podcast “As It Happens: A Song a Day” over at http://www.jonathanmann.net
EPISODE 906 – All Intros 711 – 715
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, and my patron peeps, this is an all-intro episode for the long weekend coming up in the US here. I want you to know, patrons, that this podcast is here when you need a break during the day because I know that…yeah, we’re all trying to navigate this together and there’s always resources out there. I’ll put resources in this show notes if you need some extra help right now or you’re looking to be a part of change and support the black members of our community ‘cause black lives matter. Those are important things to take an active step on but if you need a passive break during the day, just a little mini-break during the day, this podcast is here for you just for a little breath. Because zooming around or helping support young people in your home zooming around…oof, it’s not easy. It’s just a thing, just like not being able to sleep. You say oof, I wish I could fix it, I wish I could change it but I could be here for you for a little while. I just wanted to let you know that option’s out here.
This is a all-intro episode from a collection of intros. If you love all-intro episodes, you could think about becoming a $10 patron. They get ‘em twice a month from earlier seasons. Those are older ones so they have the music on every intro where this one, I strip it out because I know a lot of the musicians…I don’t want to wake them up every sixteen minutes where the older episodes, it’s just because it’s imprinted in such a way ‘cause it’s older episodes; I can’t do that. But yeah, that’s it. Thanks so much for the support patrons, and what do you say we get on with the show?
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. All you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I’m gonna do the rest.
What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature, routine. Whatever’s keeping you awake, I’m gonna try to distract you from that. The way I’m gonna do it is I got this nice, safe place set up for you. I’ve set the place. The place is set, and I’m setting the place. Yeah, I’m smoothing it, I’m patting it, I’m rubbing it down, I’m saying ‘safe place’. What I propose to do is send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, silly behavior. Yeah, I’ll be behaving sillily. When was the last time we talked about Silly String? I’m not sure. I don’t know if I have talk…maybe we’ll talk about that. But this show, there’s no strings attached except for when I say…pretend I’m our friend with the…Pinocchio. Then I say I got no strings to hold me down.
I don’t know in the context of a sleep podcast…I was hoping a metaphor would make itself apparent, but whether you’re made of wood or you’re organic…you say Scoots, what is organic? Well, would you like to get a good night’s sleep? ‘Cause I believe you deserve a good night’s sleep. That’s why I make this show. Now if you’re new, a couple things to know; it doesn’t work for everybody and it rare…except for some people, it works on the first try. For the majority of listeners, it takes two or three tries ‘cause of course you’re skeptical. Then of course, you’re approaching it and you’re saying hm, what is this? What is this person talking about? They were trying to make a point about Pinocchio, they were talking about Silly String, they kind of change…they don’t make a lot of sense. There’s creaky dulcets and aforementioned pointless meanders. I think his vocabulary…it just needs some tuning.
He has a vocabulary but I don’t know if his usage of the vocabulary…and I say yes, correct, welcome. So, give it a few tries. See how it goes. Maybe if you’re comfortable, just kick back and observe the podcast like the sky or like a gently flowing river. I’d say oh, I see that leaf there, floating in the river. Oh, there was a bubble. Oh yeah, look at it flowing around that rock. Huh. If that’s a way to consume it, but you could consume it however you wish. Just, if you’re new, just see how it goes. I really do want to help, but…and I wish this podcast worked for everybody. I mean, as a matter of fact, I wish for me and everyone else in the world I could just do something to simply say hey, you really deserve a good night’s sleep. You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect all day long and at bedtime. You deserve some comfort. Now, through a magical process that is just…I’m gonna count down from ten and you’ll be asleep.
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, and then you’d be asleep. That would be excellent. It would be efficient for everyone involved. I guess I probably could…I guess it wouldn’t be super-efficient for me is the fact that I would only have to do it once, but then you’d say well, Scoots, we just…that’s it, we don’t need to listen. I’d say okay, well, then I don’t get to make my silly stories. But unfortunately, I found what I need at bedtime is a friend, is some comfort, and I also need…even if it’s not a bedtime routine, it’s something to make bedtime feel good or at least less of a rigamarole, less of a hassle, less serious. That’s my goal with this show, if you’re new. You say okay, oh, I get it now, or say well, I prefer something a little bit more…whatever. You could choose. That’s one thing. If you’re new, structurally what to expect, this show starts off with a few minutes of business. That’s how we keep the show free, over 300 old episodes free.
Then there’s the intro which we’re maybe halfway through. The intros are about twelve minutes of me trying to make a…explain what the podcast is, make a metaphor about the podcast, go off-topic, earn your trust, make you feel comfortable, maybe make you laugh or put a smile on your face. It’s a show within a show. Some people fall asleep during the intro, lots of people just use it as their wind-down or as they’re getting ready for bed, some people skip the intros. More and more people I hear listen to the intro during the day or the whole show because it’s just part of…they say well, I need a break during the day. However you use it, the intro is just a way…it’s just a familiar friend or a new friend, if you’d consider that, or a new associate. Let’s just start there. Maybe I could apply to be your bore associate, or your Assistant Borer. Assistant to the Borer; okay, what the boring part of my brain just said. Assistant Luller. Assistant to the Luller. Okay, okay, I’ll get those applications in.
You know how I am with getting paperwork done; right away. Yeah, but I could…how about I assist you via lulls and boredom? That’s the intro, then there’s some business tucked in between the intro and the show. Then tonight, we’ll be talking about The Good Place, What A Good Place to Sleep. We’ll be talking about Episode 4 of The Good Place, but mostly in a way of saying…yeah, what was written on that chalkboard? Hm. Who is that person or what was going on at that time? Or where do you purchase something like that? Kind of an indirect…here’s the thing; A Good Place episode’s what, twenty-three minutes long? I’ll be talking about the episode for about forty-four minutes. Now, some of that will be facts that came up in the episode. But you say, you’re talking about a episode of The Good Place in half-time? I’d say, about…sounds about right. In fact, it’s a little bit…’cause sometimes I’ll pause it and then spend thirty minutes saying, what does that say? Or what is that up there?
What books are on that bookshelf? That’s what we’ll do. It’ll be very lulling and soothing and ideally comforting. Then we have some thank yous at the end. So, that’s the structure of the show. This is a podcast you don’t need to listen to. You can; I’ll be here for an hour, giving it my all to keep you company, but you don’t have to listen. There’s no pressure. Ideally, it’s just distracting enough to take your mind off of stuff but not so interesting that you gotta say well, I really need to hear about Scoots’ thoughts about Chidi’s tie this week, especially considering Scoots’ fashion sense or tie…yeah, that’s not something I’ll probably be talking about this week, but at some point I may say well, what about the shapes…is that some sort of subtextual…no, no, no, they just got ahold of me from my [00:10:00] brain. They said, of course not. I’d say well, it is a layer of the show and the stories. It is important to me. Okay, well, we don’t need to argue about this in front of the new listener. Okay, you’re right.
Well, it’s not a argument; I was just discussing…I was saying I like looking at…you know, how the characters are dressed. Oh, so do I. Eleanor has a lot of different types of light on her shirts this season, or her outfits, like lightning bolts and suns and moons. But I don’t think it’s universal. It’s kind of a theme maybe, possibly. Okay, so that’ll be the discussion of The Good Place. Oh, where was I? I think I got lost in one of my own thoughts. Explain about the structure…oh, how you don’t need to listen to it. Okay, so yeah, clearly you can kind of listen to me but if you need to listen, if you need a friend in the deep, dark night, I’m here. I’m here for a full sixty minutes. You could queue up another episode if you need it, if you can’t sleep and you just need a companion, an Assistant to the Luller. I’ll be here assisting with the lulls and the pointless meanders. You don’t need to listen, but there’s also no pressure to fall asleep, kind of for the reasons I just said. I’m here to keep you company.
You fall asleep when you’re ready to or as you drift off just naturally, slowly drift away. I think that’s it. I guess I’ll have to talk about Silly String another time because it’s like a…I think it’s a seasonal thing, like around Halloween. I think parents just call it annoying unless you’re at a public park and then public park people…maintenance people say…they say Annoying String, you should call it. Maybe one day it’ll be biodegradable or something. You say well, it’s filled with organic ingredients; compost…how about that? Silly Compost String. You say, it’s pasteurized. It’s a spray foam that sprays out in a string. The silly thing about it is you…that it sprays…it’s in a aerosol-type can. It is pretty silly ‘cause most of the time, people are chasing each other around, spraying one another. I don’t know if it’s exactly…it is a little bit addictive. You say well, how much is a can? Well, you probably wait ‘til two weeks after Halloween to see if you could get it for $0.40 or something.
But yeah, it’s a product. For some reason, it’s neon and stuff, but…I think, normally. But people sell it around Halloween, or I’ve always associated it with Halloween. You’d think New Year’s Eve would be the best time. But maybe we could get it into the harvest or the…what about as part of the spring season and the harvest season? Silly Compost String; it’s Silly String but it’s also made from compost. We could say just general…it doesn’t have to be that kind of compost, newsprint and coffee grounds or something. You can go outside, spray it around. We could get into some druid-type action. You’d say, come to my fields and spray one another. Also, you gotta buy it from me. So, another revenue source for these farmers. You’d say, have you gone u-picking your blueberries or your apples? Now the u-picking season’s over. Now, it’s time for Silly…you know, the field spray. We’ll think of a marketing thing for it. You could charge one buck a can or whatever, $0.50 a can.
Also, you could do that seasonally. Start off five bucks a can at the height of the season, then as it winds down, keep lowering the price. Also, I would get all of it for free, just so you know. You could have people running around and you could have…yeah, spraying each other, one another, with Silly…you know, just an idea. But hopefully tonight it’s more of a mist, a mist of thoughts and friendly banter that you can drift into and slowly slip away. I’m here to help. I really appreciate you checking this show out and coming by, and I work very hard, and I strive and I yearn to help you fall asleep. Thanks so much, and here’s a few ways we keep the show going.
Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, time, temperature, travel. Whatever’s keeping you awake I’d like to take your mind off that. The way I’m gonna do it is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, tangents, superfluous tangents, extra words. I might go off-topic. But really what I’m trying to do is keep you company, to be your friend, and to say hey, listen to this story, listen to my rambles.
I want to give you something that’s kind of barely…nicer to listen to than whatever’s keeping you awake at night, kind of like the pattering of rain on the window. When the pattering of rain on the window is nice, it’s nice. But then when you’re…there’s other times where you say, what’s up with that rain? I got practice or I gotta go somewhere, or my socks are already wet. But there are times when that pattering’s just right, or maybe not. Have we romanticized pattering? Maybe I’ll come back to that. I know I like to talk about pattering every once in a while. But first, let me get to you, new listeners. If you’re new, I’m glad you’re here. Let me give you the structure and what to expect. This podcast is really different. It’s goofy, it’s counterintuitive, and it involves a lot of me talking, and circular logic, and overtalking. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, so if you kick back and you kind of listen loosely and you give it a few tries, that’s over the millions and millions and millions of listens and people I’ve heard from…is kind of seems like give it a few tries and see how it goes.
But I hope it helps you fall asleep. I make this show ‘cause I believe you deserve a good night’s sleep. Structurally what to expect, this show starts off with business. That’s how we keep this show free and going and cover some of our costs. Then there’s an intro which we’re kind of like, two minutes into. The intros are usually about twelve minutes or so, and they’re a show within a show. A lot of the long-term listeners fall asleep during the intro or get ready for bed during the intro, and they’re a big fan of it. It’s kind of a…yeah, a show within a show, a friendly monologue where I demonstrate my inability to get to the point. I say okay, the point of the intro is to introduce the podcast, and that takes me twelve minutes. I think maybe you’re catching on. But it’s really just to say hey, this is a safe place that’s here to help you. Hopefully, I become a familiar friend that’s sitting there across the room; your bore-friend, your bore-bud, your bore-bae, your bore-bestie, your bore-bud, your bore-bruh, your bore-sib. Whatever it is, I’m here to help.
That’s the intro. Then tonight, we’ll be talking about Star Trek: The Next Generation in a kind of indirect and meandering way. I’ll do a little bit of a recap, I’ll look up some stuff that came up in the episode and say huh, who was that actress, or what did that word mean? A lot of times I’ll be reading my notes ‘cause I watch the episode usually three or four or five times. Star Trek, I watch it a little bit more, then I’ll take a lot of notes and I’ll try to read off my notes. We’ll be talking about that. Ideally, it’s just interesting enough to, like I said, take your mind off of stuff, but not interesting enough to really grip or engage you. If you’re not familiar with Star Trek, it’ll barely resemble Star Trek, so that’s a positive. But if you love Star Trek, you’ll say oh, wait, I kind of remember that, but Scoots is still talking about Reg Barclay and he doesn’t know his Heisenberg compensator from his rear. Even I can drift off.
But I’m also here all the way to the end ‘cause there are listeners that can’t fall asleep, so I’m here to keep you company whether you’re awake or asleep, whether you fall asleep in the first few minutes or you’re here all the way to the very end, [00:20:00] or I’m here to help you…some people listen eight hours a night, every night, or they have it running. Some people wake up or some people are traveling. Whatever it is, I’m here to help. I think the other things are, you don’t really need to listen to me. You can just kind of barely pay attention. You can pay attention or you can lower the volume so I’m just a murmuring. Whatever works for you. But I also don’t want you to feel any pressure to fall asleep, because I want you to take your time. That’s why the shows are about an hour, is that so you can fall asleep whenever you wish or as you drift off, kind of like the pitter-pattering of rain, as I was saying. If you’re listening to it…I don’t know.
I guess maybe we have…have we idealized the patter of rain? Rain patters…rain matters. That’s just something my brain just said to me. I said, what are you…like a rain sloganeer? I do remember…I don’t know if this was years ago or in the last six to twelve months, and I do…but I will check in with listeners that have new pets or are thinking about getting a pet, is to encourage you…if you’re getting two pets at the same time, please consider calling them Pitter and Patter, especially if they’re…I mean, ‘cause me, I had gerbils. Me, I had gerbils as a young boy. Well, I had a gerbil, and my brother Carl had a gerbil. We did not name them Pitter and Patter. We named them Chitter and Squeaker. But I think Pitter and Patter…or two dogs…I don’t know. Like I said, with dogs, I think I’ve gone through this; maybe they would pitter and patter when you call them. That’s a recommendation. But I was thinking about the…I don’t know, can you romanticize rain?
Should that be a book I write in the next 180 years? Well, there could be different books; Romantic Rain. Oh boy, I just thought of one. Then we could do a romance…Romantic Reign; R-E-I-G-N. My Days with the Khaleesi would not be what it would be subtitled, but maybe we could…maybe Jon Snow…maybe. Tyrian would more…then there’s romanticized rain. There could be one with…’cause I know on a lot of…when I was a librarian, we would get a lot…romances were popular. There’s different harlequin series or styles of harlequin books, and somewhere outdoors. There could be Romantic Mane and romantic…you could have M-A-N-E, then you could have main, like, we met at a watermain break. Holy cow, that’s where it all started, Romantic Main. Then also, a…but that could be an ongoing series, maybe; Romantic Maine, M-A-I-N-E, the state of Maine. I don’t know, are any…is the Hallmark Channel taking submissions?
‘Cause I already submitted my idea for the Happy Christmas Shop, which I’ll be doing the holiday season serial series about that, but what about that? I could do a series called Romantic Maine and it could be episodic, very similar to those episodic shows of the 80s and the 90s where it’s a town in Maine and it’s only bed and breakfasts. Maybe that wouldn’t…you get into town and you say well, there’s nothing here but bed and breakfasts. Only romance in romantic…I mean, or it could be an ironic title, of course. I hear Frasier’s getting rebooted, so maybe I could write some fanfiction, Romantic Cane, and also maybe candy cane, maybe at a candy cane factory. I thought I was gonna talk about rain, but we’re thinking about using romantic and words that rhyme with ‘rain’. Romantic Crane; a story of two bird…the true story of two bird watchers who fell in love and solved the mystery of the Great Whooping Crane. I think that’s…could I do that as a fictionalized autobiography?
I think that’s probably the best one I’ve come up with so far. If it was true, we could probably submit it to Lauren and Phoebe on This Is Love. Romantic Crane. I mean, I like the idea of two bird watchers in love, but I would prefer if it was…there was a second subtitle where it linked to some sort of scientific breakthrough, ‘cause they’re just…I guess I’m big on double and triple subtitles to explain what I’m…so, Romantic Crane, Romantic Rain. Here’s another possible…if no one takes Romantic Maine, what about Romantic Rain? Like, the idea…what if I’m…what if there’s…maybe it could have some sort of supernatural element too, a positive kind where we bewitch a cloud and wherever it rains, romance follows. Okay, Cupid just called me right in those two seconds there and said no, that’s my job; don’t mess…and I’d say, what if we team up? What if I hire you, Cupid? You play yourself and you shoot one of your heart arrows into the cloud. That could be the whole story.
One day, you’re…say, I’m sick of flying around with these wings. Also, I’m like a baby in a diaper. Sometimes it gets cold up there. Maybe we’ll get you a nice, warm fleece parka or something. Maybe you take a vacation. We could put you in a bathtub. You don’t want a bath; you don’t need…okay. Don’t act like you’re in a diaper. It’s just a suggestion. You shoot the clouds and then it’s romantic rain. Think it’s been done before. I don’t think so. Romantic rain in Maine. No, too many…okay, well, I’ll get back to…do you…are you open to that idea, though? Romantic Jane. I don’t get it, Cupid. That’s about a character named Jane. Okay, well, you could write that. Is it from Jane’s perspective? You don’t know. Okay, well, that’s great. Romantic Shane? Okay, this is actually a sleep podcast, believe it or not, Cupid. Thank you for coming by. Let me know on Romantic Rain. Oh, Romantic Blaine, the many romances of David Blaine.
Okay, well, we’d need…that’s…I think that’s like, both a real person and a brand. We’d have trouble with that. You could write it ‘cause you’re…what are you, a demi-god? Okay, you gotta go. By the way, have…did I…have you ever gotten any orders for me? Because I’m never…okay, I’m out. Thanks, I’ll see you later. Thanks for your time, Cupid. Those are just a couple things that popped into my head. Anyway, sorry, I went off-topic there. But I hope this podcast is…maybe you just experienced it when I went off those tangents, is a bit like the pattering of rain. You’re kind of passively listening to it. Maybe it’s triggering a neutral or positive response where you say huh, that’s not so bad. Let me listen to that pattering, the pittering and the pattering. Now, if you have pets named Pitter and Patter, you don’t want them pittering and pattering when you’re trying to sleep.
Oh, I think that’s what I came up with on one intro, was the patter method, ‘cause there’s…which is to patter yourself a little bit. It’s kind of like patting yourself but you’re imagining…so just go ahead and touch one of your shoulders and do a little pattering. Two fingers, I think is what we decided with pattering. Just say hey, it’s a good job being human. That’s kind of the intro. I guess that’s a metaphor for the show. I’m not exactly sure how but I think I demonstrated, and maybe I distracted you. But I’m here to help. I’ve been there in the deep, dark night. That’s why I make this show. I appreciate you coming by. I work very hard and I yearn and I strive to help you fall asleep, so let’s see how it goes, and here’s a couple ways we keep this show going.
Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake whether it’s thoughts, things you’re thinking about that you’d…maybe you’d rather not be thinking about if you’re similar to me, feelings that could be associated to those thoughts, they could just be feelings…remnants of the day. Remnants is a good word. I don’t know if I’ve used that in the podcast before, but I’m crossing my fingers to see if I’ll remember…a remembrance of rem…it’s all so hard to say. But it could be feelings from today or from the past or the future. You say well, I got that thing tomorrow. Could be physical sensations.
Whatever’s keeping you awake, [00:30:00] I’d like to take your mind off of that, to distract you, to welcome you into this safe place. It’s where you are to make it a little more comfortable, a little bit more safe. Here you go, I’m gonna puff that and pat that and tuck that. I have the remnants of sleep dust here that I’m gonna…they’re kind of…it’s imaginary. That’s why it’s remnants. Sprinkle that around. Also, forget what I was gonna…oh, I’m gonna…well, yeah, I’m here to put you at ease, to take your mind off of stuff. What I’m gonna do is send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, uhs and ahs. You’re right, you’re right. Was that my Freudian brain that just…you say yes, when Scoots has a Freudian slip, it’s more like he’s already…a Freudian spill, I think they call it in my case. It’s like, what’s that on the floor? Well, Scooter had another Freudian spill there, right out his…drooled it right out of his mouth.
It was an ‘eh’ and ‘ah’. Well, what did Dr. Freud say about that Freudian spill of Scooter’s? He said, a cigar is not a cigar. That was when we realized he was a Freud impersonator ‘cause we said well, that’s a puddle of drool, Dr. Freud. Then Scooter said…something. We said Dr. Freud, what do you have to say about that? Then Scooter said, you know what? I’m pretty sure I used to pretend…he said, I gotta get back to a podcast intro, believe it or not, ‘cause I don’t even know what I was saying. I was saying I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark…lulling, soothing…oh, I’m gonna go off on tangents. That’s what I was saying. Pointless meanders…I’m gonna take your mind off of stuff. I’m gonna be here. Let me tell you structurally, if you’re new, what to expect – if I have any remnants of your attention – is the show starts off with a few minutes of business. That’s how we keep the show free, 300 episodes you could listen to in a row, free.
That’s only important for the regular listeners so if you’re new, don’t worry about it. Then there’s an intro which we’re maybe a few minutes into. Intros are around twelve minutes or so. It’s a show within a show, kind of like a monologue, kind of like a trust-building session that’s only remnants. If you were gonna buy…I don’t know if they…if that’s what remnants are. You say, I’m gonna buy some of those…that extra cloth you have that the kids were making cloth dolls out of. Then you hold it up; it’s got all these different shapes cut out of it. Honestly, that just popped into my brain. I’m holding it up…that’s kind of like what my thoughts are like. Oh, that’s what the intros are like too, right? I try to explain what the podcast is, but I’m not working with a full bolt of fabric. To be honest, I couldn’t string together a yard. It’s A Patchwork of Remnants: The Scooter Story, an Autobiography…his 54th autobiography, A Patchwork of Remnants: The Tale of the Podcaster Who Kept Making Up Titles for Autobiographies He Never Wrote to Try to Create A Metaphor About the Introduction to the Podcast.
But the intro is kind of like…different listeners use it different ways. The ideal way I guess, or the main way is as part of your wind-down routine. You say well, I’m starting to get ready for bed. I hear Scoots, I know there’s a bedtime story coming, I know this intro’s not gonna make a whole lot of sense, so I can brush my teeth, or maybe I just brushed my teeth. I’m getting comfortable, getting the airflow right, getting the balming done, puffing those pillows. A little bit part of a bedtime routine. I think I said that. But for some listeners, they skip the intro. Some listeners fall asleep during the intro and it’s not just the intro; more and more listeners I hear from…if you’re having a rough day, you could tune in. You say well, I was having a rough day. Let me see, Scoots makes this podcast almost every day and he’s made 700 of these intros. Let’s see if…and I say well, it’s not easy for Scoots, either. That’s the intro, a show within a show.
You could skip it or you could use it as part of your routine, or you could drift off. Then after that we’ll have a little bit of business, then we’re gonna talk about The Good Place. Oh boy, are we gonna talk about it. We’re gonna talk about the things I wrote…my handwriting when I was trying to take notes when I was watching it. We’re gonna talk about…believe it…don’t blush when I say this, but we’ll be talking about Chidi’s pecs, maybe. You say holy mackerel. But even with Chidi’s pecs, I’ll say well…I’ll try to not say that he was in a sprinkler and then a grocery store. I’ll more say what was on the shelves of the grocery store? What brand of chili? We’ll be talking about stuff like that. You say well, what is…here’s something I have never paid attention to and I apologize for this; what kind of footwear does Eleanor wear? Me, again, no idea. I would guess…I wouldn’t even…I wouldn’t want to guess. Oof, would it be Chuck Taylors? Maybe not. I think she’d want a more comfortable foot bed.
She’d wear what she’d say, this is what feels good. I don’t think…I don’t know, maybe Keds? I’m overthinking. This is more figuratively; what would be…if Eleanor Shellstrop was in existence and she said okay, let’s talk about what you want to wear. Oh, sorry, I’m trying to explain what the podcast intro is. Maybe she’d wear shoes made from remnants. Maybe that could be a new thing. Remnants of Sense: My Story…who’s the former treasurer of the United States or whatever? Sign me up. Or, My Journey to Eliminate the Penny: A Remnants of Cents, the Jean Clodocapa Story. Let’s just pretend that Jean Clodocapa is trying to get rid of pennies. I don’t know who’s in…who’s leading up that thing, but get in touch with me. I could write your title for your autobiography, ‘cause I already did. Or you could be Jean-Anthony Lebec…My Defense of the Penny in A World That No Longer Appreciated or Loved It.
That one would need a second subtitle because…or a extra twist because I think it would have to have a universal…What We Lost When We Lost the Penny and How I Saved It, the Jean-Claude Lebec story, A Remnants of Cents. Maybe we’ll just go straight to Masterpiece Theatre with that one. Has there ever been a Masterpiece Theatre series with…about currency? Irrelevant currency? Okay, all the pennies in my drawers are weeping now. Anyway, I gotta get through this intro. So, I’ll be talking about The Good Place at some point and it’ll be a meandering…it’s a twenty-two-minute show. I’ll be talking about it for about forty-five minutes. But also, I’ll look stuff up and try to read what’s on…try to read signs and stuff like that. I’ll be here. I’ll be here to keep you company. So, that’s the structure of the show. Ends with some thank yous and some goodnights. If you’re new, oh boy, thanks for sticking around. You got a sneak preview of what I’m gonna be working hard on one day.
I don’t know, out of all my wacky ideas, that…is somebody…could somebody…this is a serious thing; remind me of this. I think this penny thing has got legs at least for a Sleep With Me episode. Okay, so, that’s the structure of the show. Here’s a couple other things; you don’t need to listen to me. This is a podcast you could kind of passively listen to, or you could turn it even down to a mumble. You could listen to it how you want and you don’t need to make sense of it. Clearly, it’s 80% nonsense and the remnants of it is not…also, the…you know what I’m saying. Yeah, you don’t need to listen to me but there’s also no pressure to fall asleep. Here’s the other deal; I’m gonna be here ‘til the very end giving it my all, which in another circumstance would be grounds for no longer working there, but for making a sleep podcast, me being here to the very end or the berry end…that was back when I applied to work for Strawberry Shortcake.
They said, we don’t know what you were talking…you just went off on a tangent about…I know. I said, I went off on a tangent about crossovers with Scratch-N-Sniff stickers, Strawberry. No, you were talking about pennies. Oh, okay. Thanks, Professor Pepper, whoever…whatever…a bear and blueberry. I got one too many tangents in this intro. Otherwise this would be berry excellent, berry good. Okay, so, I’ll be here ‘til the very end. If you can’t sleep, I’m here to keep you company but [00:40:00] I’m also here to take your mind off of stuff so you can fall asleep whenever you like. I would posit that you say well, maybe I wasn’t following what Scoots was talking about, but I wasn’t listening to my other thoughts, either. That’s the goal of the show. I’m here to be your friend in the deep, dark night and to keep you company with some inane banter or slightly…you say well…you say actually, I’ve thought a lot about the penny in the past.
I say huh, most of the time I shrug my shoulders. I say well, penny; what are you gonna do? I think even pennies…they say penny, tell me about your fate. What do you think? It’s been a good run but you know, they’ll probably find us. I’ll probably outlast you, Scoots. I say oh boy, whoa, whoa, whoa, how’d I get the penny with an edge? There’s another story I could write. That could be the other person in the…maybe there’s a penny…like a Polly…maybe we could get a Polly Penny thing going. Maybe we could get a Polly Pocket Penny addition going. But anyway, no need to…no pressure to fall asleep. I’m gonna be here to keep you company. The reason I make the show is because I’ve been there in the deep, dark night tossing and turning, lonely, to be honest. The lonely penny. Does anybody know how to…what about books like Encyclopedia Brown? I could do The Lonely Penny series, the penny…you know, The Penny That Pouted.
Maybe that would just be basic learning; pout, penny, pout. Penny, penny, penny. Okay, so, that’s the structure of the show. That’s the rules around the show. I think the rest of the intro kind of demonstrated the sensibility of the show which is silly to kind of give you some…to make bedtime less serious and less like a rigamarole. Maybe to barely put a smile on your face, so you maybe giggle a little bit. Then you wake up; you say, I don’t know what Scoots was talking about. Maybe penny…I think penny loafers. He got a new set of penny loafers and then he had the great penny loafer sock debate. Then he had the idea of…the way he dresses in penny loafers, and then he tried to return the penny loafers. Something, I don’t know. It was great. I slept so good. If you’re new, and most listeners say this, give this show a few tries. See if it works for you. There’s no pressure for you to like it and it doesn’t work for everybody, though if I had a magic wand or if I had a magic penny…I did do an episode about a magic penny.
No idea what it was about at this point, but I would give it to you if it was gonna put you to sleep if the podcast didn’t work. But for all I can do, I can just be here and do this show and you could see if it works for you. If it doesn’t work for you, try some Liver of Ox. There’s great international fairy tales on there. That’s just one recommendation I have. But I hope it does because I work very hard. I strive and I yearn to help you fall asleep. I really appreciate your time. Thank you so much for coming by, and here’s a few ways we keep this show going.
Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, time, temperature, changes…you work the second shift, third shift, you’re on a work trip, someone else is on a work trip. You know, whatever is keeping you awake, I’d like to help with that. What I’m gonna do is I’m gonna take this…I’m trying to create a safe place. I’m trying to smooth it and pat it and rub it down and say ‘safe place’ just like I was in a Motown Philly harmony or something. I’m gonna pat this safe place. Look at how nice it is. I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.
I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, creaky, rustified tangents, superfluous words, unresolved metaphors, friendly banter. I’m gonna keep you company and the way I’m gonna do it…getting mixed up, that’s another one. If you’re new, this is your first couple times checking out the show, welcome. Here, have a seat in this nice, convenient safe place, or stand if you prefer. Cross your arms, uncross them, whatever it is. Roll your shoulders if you wish. I’m doing that. Probably not the best during a meet-and-greet like we’re having here, but this is more like a greet-and-greet. Greet-and-greet. I wish ‘great’ rhymed with ‘greet’ ‘cause it would be convenient right this second. But let me tell you, it’s great to greet you, new listener. That’s what I meant to say. Welcome to Sleep With Me. The podcast is a little bit different so if you’re new, I’m gonna try to set you up here. But when I try to do that, I usually get…I go off-topic. So, don’t try to pay too close attention.
Most regular listeners, which is probably like…150,000 people listen multiple times a week…say it took two or three tries. Then there’s other people that listen occasionally, so give it a few tries. See if it helps, but if you try to concentrate…you’re welcome to concentrate as much as you want. That’s why I’m saying it’s great to greet you. Have I ever told you about the story about the greatest greeter ever? Maybe I could tell you that at some point soon. That might even be tonight’s bedtime story. I am not the greatest greeter ever, but it’s great…what I was saying is, it’s so great to greet you. But don’t try…you can concentrate on this podcast but it’s more something you kind of consume loosely. Somewhere between background noise and a friend who you…you’re trying to follow their story, but only for the key points, but they add way more than the key points. You say, how’d it go with that meeting? They say oh, which…the meeting this morning?
Oh boy, well, let me tell you about breakfast first. You’re like well, I just wanted to know how it went in the meeting; good or bad? But you can’t really say that ‘cause you’re friends, so you say m’kay. Oh, wow, break…Frosted Flakes, eh? Oh, the frosting was off on your Frosted Flakes. Oh, you only have frosted…that was Frosted Full of Flake Day. Oh, and that reminds you of snow…okay, okay. Oh, and then maybe you try to interject; you say well, I was just…so…oh, the meeting, though. Oh yeah, I’m getting to the meeting, but…yeah, and then I was…so then I put them in a bowl. But then I went in another room ‘cause I heard the TV was on. I forgot to turn off the TV. Then I watched a report that said Smiling Increases Your Likelihood to Smile by 100%. I said, that’s good news, I guess. Is that good news or is that a joke? Then I shut it off. Oh, the meeting, though. Yeah, you were wondering about the meeting at work because then my…so then, I drove my car into work and parked, as I normally do.
Oh, but you know, I do the carpool with everybody in the carpool, except Jacob. That day, Jacob was working remotely. I said, you’re home…we live in a urban area. It’s not remote. You’re in a apartment building, Jacob. I’d say if you were on a tundra, that’s working remotely. I don’t know if you have any friends like that, but I…that’s what I tend to be like. I just gave you a little sampling. Oh, so I was gonna say, don’t try to pay too close attention. That’s one thing. I was trying to be concise right up front. Here’s the structure of the show; that’s one thing. It starts off with a few minutes of business. That’s how we keep the podcast free…make it twice a week, so there’s that. What else was I gonna say? I’m already mixed up. Oh, it starts off with business, then there’s the intro. Now, the intro’s a little bit different ‘cause usually, intros…you say well, what does it take, thirty minutes…thirty seconds, one minute to intro a podcast? Unless there’s a really high concept.
I say well, mine’s more of a concept where it seems like somebody’s high. Not me, and I don’t think I’m high-minded. I mean, my brain probably has gotten too much altitude. But so, what was I gonna say? The intros, they take around twelve minutes. But it’s a show within a show. Trust me, if you stick around and get to know it, you’ll know…hey, I love the intro, or I might want to skip the intro. Or like a lot of people, you’ll use the intro as the start to your wind-down routine. You’ll brush your teeth, maybe you’ll put your socks on, take your socks off, put on your PJs, whatever it is that works; bring your pets or like me, Koa, my dog. What she likes to do, she has her dog bed, and usually I let her go to [00:50:00] the restroom outside, and then…in the great natural restroom, and then she comes in and I say, ready for bed? Then she’ll get in bed and then I’ll put a blanket on her and tuck her in. It’s part of my wind-down…that’s her wind-down routine; real quick.
Oh, but so, the intro is a bit of meandering of me just trying to describe the podcast. It’s a microcosm, I think, of the podcast. It takes a while, but it’s part of the show and it’s part of the method. But you can skip it if you need to and skip right to the story. Maybe the Greatest Greeter. I don’t know if that’ll be the story we tell ‘cause I haven’t told it yet. But I’m glad you’re here. That’s one thing. So, that’s the structure of the show. So, there’s the intro, then a little business, then the bedtime story part which could be just about anything, and then the thank yous. There’s no pressure for you to listen or to fall asleep. You don’t have to pay attention to me. I hope I can be just interesting enough to take your mind off of stuff but a meandering and…hairbrained is a way I’ve been described. I say, hairbrained like H-A-I-R or H-A-R-E? Because I’ll agree with you; either way, I’m just wondering…just so I can wrap my brain around it, you know, if I’m hairbrained.
I gotta wrap my brain and my mind around this whole hairbrained thing. That’s two different things to wrap my mind around; being ‘hair’ or ‘hare’. If it’s H-A-R-E, I gotta probably run after…I gotta say well, I gotta go catch that harebrained harebrain of mine. That’s the structure of the show. No pressure to listen, no pressure to fall asleep. I’m gonna be here for an hour whether you’re awake or asleep. The thing is, I make this show all the way to the end ‘cause I know there’s a small portion of listeners that are here all the way to the end, or people that are temporarily really up. I’m here to keep you company. Whether you’re awake or asleep, I’m here to be at your bedside, trying to comfort you, trying to be your friend, your bore-friend, with friendly banter, as I said. I’m not here to be the greatest greeter of all time. I’m just here to be…you say well, that was a pretty good greeting you did, Scoots. It was twelve minutes. You could have said, welcome to the store. I said well, yeah.
They said, can you hand in your smock or whatever? I said well, I really like this smock. They said well, we don’t have…actually, our greeters are paid, anyway. You can’t be a voluntary greeter. I said well, this is a homemade smock, actually. I own it, so you can’t take it back. They said well actually, we own that branding, so technically…I said, oh boy. But that’s up for another…that’s a tale for another day, never to be told except to the superior whatever…when they call me up and…what was I saying? I’m here to keep you company, to be your friend. That’s the structure of the show. No pressure to fall asleep, no pressure to listen. I make this show ‘cause I’ve been there. This week, to be honest, I’ve really been baffled around my own sleeping, particularly last night. I had one of those moments…not a super-intense moment, but where I didn’t want to know…it was too dark, I was wide awake, I woke up. I wasn’t sleeping good.
Woke up, I didn’t even want to know what time it was unless I said well, I know it’s not raining. I said, maybe the sun’s behind fifty clouds. I said, it’s so dark that I really don’t want to know what time it is because now I’m debating should I just get up? I was just awake. I said, what in the heck? I mean, I knew why I was awake. I said well, I got a lot on my mind and stuff. That’s why I make this show, is because it’d be nice, I thought, when I first…I said, if there was someone there to say hey, looks like you can’t sleep. I’ll check what time it is and I won’t even tell you. I won’t even show you any body language so you could guess. But I’ll tell you about the tale of the time I went to buy a clock and I met the greatest greeter. ‘Cause I’ll be here, ‘cause I know you’re having trouble. It looks like the stuff you had at…I saw you tossing and turning there. Let me tuck you in just like you tuck in your puppy dog, Kovu. Let me say I’m here to help and I’m here to take your mind off of the fact that you don’t want to know what time it is, or you don’t want to think about that stuff.
I’m gonna be here to tell you, ‘cause I was going to get a clock. That person won’t be…that imaginary person within my brain won’t be telling you the story about the greatest greeter, but I will be. I make this show ‘cause I’ve been there and I know how it feels, and I really, truly believe you deserve a good night’s sleep. I work very, very hard on the show ‘cause I’d like to help you. I yearn and I strive to help you fall asleep. Thanks for giving me your time, and here’s a couple ways we keep this show going.
Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature. Whatever it is that’s keeping you awake. Yeah, stuff you’re thinking about, stuff you’re feeling, stuff you’re experiencing, or travel or whatever. Whatever’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that. Repetitive podcast introductions…I’d also like to keep you company. What I’m gonna do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous dialogue and talking, lots of talking.
Tangents upon tangents, so tangential you forget what I was…tangerine tangents. That’s a new thing I’m working on. Tangerine-infused tangents with that citrus flavor, sweet, sweet, sweet tangerine tangents. Maybe that could be another name if I get it…if I became…if I was in a showgirl outfit, I would like to be Tangerine Tangent. They could say, now…no, next up is…or maybe the people would meet me and they’d see me with my…with the whole…the legs and the things and the feathers, the thing behind you that fans or whatever. They said well, what kind of dancing do you do? I said well, I’m a…well, I’m Tangerine Tangent, by the way. Nice to meet you. I’d say well, by the way…but speaking of dancing, I don’t do exactly what you’d call a dance. It’s more of a routine. Then I would go off…just like this. Maybe I could eventually…I don’t know if I’m…be into the kicking, the high kicking, and that kind of thing.
I’ve talked about this before; the few dancing instructions I’ve found, or even…let’s see, dancing instruction…this is what I’ve heard from dancing instructors, Pilates instructor, yoga instructor. It’s been a while since I’ve done any of those but in all of those, they said well, you gotta move…okay, move…now, move your hips. I’d try and I’d say…they’d say no, no, no, roll your hips. Okay, shake your hips. In my mind-body connection with my hips, is…it’s not…at this point, I haven’t developed it. Every once in a while, I get one…they say well, pretend your spine’s like a string of pearls and lower your lower back. I could get that one down, but I think that’s my pelvis. As far as I know, my pelvis and my hips may be two different things. They may be connected or interconnected. Also, my hips is a place for me or my dancing partners. But I guess in that kind of situation, the instructor said well, let me show you. Can I touch your hip? I said no, no, no. I would get giggly. You can’t touch my hips.
I think in a dancing instruction, they usually just will…they say okay, what about this? This is your hip, here. Then I would go googly-googly-goo ‘cause my hips…I say well yeah, you can’t…then I guess that would contradict myself, though. Maybe that’s what they were doing; I just didn’t realize it. They say, see? You can feel your hips. I’d say, feeling them and jerking them ‘cause they’re ticklish and moving them with the instruction of my mind are much different things. That could be another…The Hip Conundrum. Did Agatha Christie already write that one? Is there anyone write…this is not a joke and also, if it’s not a joke, I’m calling dibs on this. What about The Retirement Home…Retirement Community Mysteries: The Hip Conundrum? Maybe that’ll be for our…my next series. Okay, I’m already gonna do it. I’m moving forward with that idea. But so yeah, I think that will…anyway, I’m in a bit of a tangerine tangent, so I need to pull myself back here and find her within me.
Yeah, get to the center of my [01:00:00] outfit here. But yeah, that’ll be for our next series. That’s the perfect setting. But so, where was I? Oh, if you’re a new listener, welcome. Sorry about that; went on some early tangents. What can you do? When your inner showgirl awakens, you must respond to her call. Okay, where was I? If you’re new, here’s a couple things to expect; tangents whether they’re tangerine tangents or superfluous ones, they’ll be there. Oh, structurally, the show starts off with a few minutes of business, then we have an intro. Intro’s around twelve minutes. I think we’re already seven minutes into this one. Then there’s a…oh, there’s a intro, then a little business, then we’ll be talking about The Good Place, season three, Episode 6, I believe; The Ballad of Donkey Doug. It may be the best title of The Good Place episode ever. Hopefully there’ll be a album release from…I don’t know who. Old 97’s? Is Willie Nelson…maybe? I don’t know.
Some part of my brain just yelled out in the background…some peanut gallery brain just said, Don Knotts. I said, no. I don’t know, one, if Don Knotts is still with us. Probably, I’m just guessing, maybe he’s in the big farm. But I don’t think Don Knotts is gonna be singing a country…The Ballad of Donkey Doug. Though he could be…a modern-day Don Knotts could…we could…I think Donkey Doug actually is a modern-day Don Knotts, or Jason and Donkey Doug are. Okay, where was I? Okay, I was trying to explain the structure of the show. We’ll be talking about The Good Place and we’ll be kind of analyzing it in a indirect way. There will be spoilers ‘cause I’ll be kind of barely talking about the plot and stuff. Then after that, I’ll talk about some specific subjects I came up…do some research. But it’ll be pretty indirect and calming and bedtime story-like. That’ll be that part. What else? Oh, then there’ll be some thank yous at the end. That’s the structure of the show.
Also, if you’re new, you don’t need to listen to this show; a podcast you don’t need to pay attention to. You can, but you don’t need to. I’ll be here just to take your mind off of stuff and keep you company. But there’s also no pressure to fall asleep. If you can’t fall asleep whenever you do, listen to me at whatever volume or paying-attention level you want but obviously if you were listening, you heard about those multiple…you say well, he says he’s a dancer named Tangerine Tangent. First question is, do I have a tangerine scent? Of course. I would say my outfit is…has hints of tangerine to be subtle, and also rindy rhinestones. I wonder if anybody ever said that; I’m the Rindstone Cowboy? Rhinestones? No, rindstones, actually. I dry out rinds of tangerines and other citruses, citruses, and then make those into a rindstone-like thing out of the rinds. They’re not shiny, obviously, and they’re pretty tough. That’s why I’m tough; I’m the Rindstone Cowboy.
This is also another part of my being, Tangerine…who was I? Tangerine Café? No, that’s a restaurant. Tangerine…The Adventures of Tangerine Tangent and the Rindstone Cowboy. Coming soon, coming soon nowhere. Okay, where was I? Oh, structure of the show. That’s the structure of the show. You don’t need to listen, no pressure to fall asleep. I’m gonna be here about an hour. If you can’t sleep, I’ll be here ‘til the very end to keep you company ‘cause that’s what I do. I’m here to help you fall asleep, to be your friend as you drift off. So, that’s the structure of the show. I think that’s kind of it. Give it a few tries. That’s what most listeners say. They say on the first, second, third, fourth, and fifth try, Scoots made less and less sense and I realized that that’s who Scoots is. He’s our bore-friend, our bore-bud, our bore-bae, our bore-cuz, our bore-sib, our bore-bruh. He’s Tangerine Tangent and the Rindstone Cowboy. He’s the…what did I say? The sentient hip? The hip that…what’d I say?
The hip that didn’t dance? Whatever it was, he’s also that, the hip that missed dancing. Maybe it could be a series. The Pelvic Floor That Was A Dance Floor. That sounds strange but it just popped in my brain, so what can I say? So, whether you know who Don Knotts is or you don’t know, or you say well, I don’t even watch The Good Place, it’ll still put you to sleep. It’ll still be here to keep you company with some friendly banter. Here’s a couple other things; I really appreciate you coming by and I really strive and I yearn to help you fall asleep. I’m gonna work very hard, I’m gonna be here, so thanks again for checking out the show. Here’s a couple ways we keep the show going.
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