902 – Gridlock | Sleeping With Doctor Who S3 E3

EPISODE 902 – Gridlock | Sleeping With Doctor Who S3 E3

 

[START OF RECORDING]

SCOOTER: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, it’s time for the podcaster…if I was a Spice Girl, I would like to be Cinnamon Spice.  I’m sure there’s probably jokes about that but I’d say seriously, I could wear all red colors and yellows and oranges.  We could even have one of the C-A-N-D-Y-I-E-S companies support us.  It’s just a thought, patrons.  Let me know what you…but Cinnamon Spice, bring you something sleepy and nice.  It’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast you support.  What do you say we get on with the show?

 

INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, things on your mind that you’re thinking about…so, thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, so anything coming up for you mentally or in your mind…coming up emotionally, feelings, or physical feelings.  It could be changes in time or temperature.  Whatever it is, I’d like to take your mind off of that and what I’m gonna do is I’m trying to create this safe place.  I’m trying to smooth it, I’m gonna pat it, I’m gonna rub it down.  It’s very roomy.  It’s a safe place I could send to you.

 

One of the ways I send it to you is by sending my voice across the deep, dark night.  I use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents.  I’m gonna go off-topic, I’m gonna have pauses that are not pregnant with meaning or…I guess they’re pregnant with meaning…say hey, I’m here to help.  Or is it more of like a hey, I’m trying to think of what I’m gonna say next and I have no idea?  That’s more like with a message.  But I’m gonna go off-topic, get mixed-up.  The whole idea of the show is I’m gonna take your mind off of stuff while you fall asleep.  Now, if you’re new, a couple things to know right up front; I want you to know that most people come to this show skeptical and doubtful.  They actually remain that way for one or two listens.  It takes two or three tries to get used to the show so if you were gonna make a free investment, it would be that investment of your time.

 

Literally, I do the thank yous that are at the end of the show before I start…record the intro ‘cause it always helps me…remind me who’s listening, that you’re listening and I need to respect that.  But I got a healthy reminder of six or seven reviews in a row of people that…five-star reviews that said hey, it took two or three tries.  The first time, I did not like this podcast.  If you’re feeling like that, that’s totally normal.  I would say hey, give it a try, but the podcast just might not work.  It doesn’t work for everybody.  But out of all those people that just took the time…and that’s a big lift to say well, I’m gonna go on a podcast app, I’m gonna write a review with my thumbs and figure out how to do that.  That means that their skepticism…that it’s kinda true.  It’s like, wow, I listened to this two or three tries.  I want people to know that.  I only say that to give it a chance but that also it’s okay if it doesn’t work.  I wish this podcast worked for everybody ‘cause if it was, I’d be podcasting from a yacht.

 

But it just doesn’t work for everybody, so I hope it can work for you.  See how it goes.  That’s probably the most important piece of information, is that if you’re skeptical or doubtful, it’s totally normal and the usual reaction to the show, and that two, kind of give it a try.  Three, going along those lines, is kind of listen to it loosely or out of focus, or barely pay any attention because yeah, I’m not gonna really get to anything sensible or it’s not gonna make a whole lot of sense.  This is not a cohesive podcast.  The main way to listen is just get comfortable and then say okay, let me see how this goes, here.  Let me see, I’m not so sure about…well, okay.  Well, I don’t know.  Let me get comfortable and just barely kind of listen to this person.  That’s one thing, is that this is the one podcast not meant to be totally listened to, but you could.  Because the other side of it, is it’s a podcast that’s really more here to keep you company while you fall asleep.

 

I’m not really a podcast that puts you to sleep even though I kind of say that just to try to make it make sense.  I’m more of a sleep offering.  I’m here around the campfire, talking as you get in your bedroll and get cozy and drift off.  The only difference is that there’s no social expectation that you pay any attention to me or give me any attention or pretend you’re listening.  You don’t even have to pretend you’re listening to me.  Though, as I do like to talk, I can be pretty fun to say uh-huh, Scoots, uh-huh.  Even if you’re interrupting me or gently talking over…uh-huh, oh yeah, totally.  Uh-huh.  Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh boy.  Okay, Scoots, uh-huh.  Totally could see how you’d feel that way.  Uh-huh.  Sometimes I fall asleep like that; mm-hm, oh yeah.  Well, no; okay, not that part.  Uh-huh, oh, yep, yep.  See how it goes.  Don’t really pay me any attention, no pressure to fall asleep.  The reason the shows are about an hour is to give you plenty of time to drift off.  You could drift off at your leisure.

 

Then if you can’t sleep, you know I’m gonna be here.  There’s some listeners and maybe you…maybe that’s you, that are listening to the podcast because they can’t sleep, or they’re up at night or they’re trying to get to bed during the day ‘cause they work second or third shift, or they’re on-call.  I’m here for you whether I can put you to sleep or just keep you company.  That’s really important to me, too.  In fact, I would say that’s the higher mission of the podcast.  To make a joke, then there’s people that are in a higher mission of listening to podcasts right now.  I’m here for you too, to make you giggle.  Those are a couple things, and I thought of something else I was gonna say in there and then I forgot it.  But what else?  Oh, structure of the show.  That’s the next thing that can throw new people off, so let me explain that to you.  The show starts out with a greeting; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary.

 

Then I try to say something funny but that is…also shows that I have a confused sense of humor.  I confuse what’s humorous and what’s ridiculous.  I was talking about Cinnamon Spice.  Then there’s business.  That’s how we bring the podcast out twice a week.  Not super important for new people, and that’s a few minutes.  Then there’s an intro.  Now, the intro is the big bulk, the first third of the show.  The intro’s around twelve to twenty minutes of the podcast and it’s just me doing this, what we’ve been doing for the past ten minutes or so, which is kind of explaining what the podcast is, going off-topic, being a little bit silly.  It introduces the show to a new listener like you but then a regular listener like you…and if you become a regular listener or you already are one, even if you want to test out something new, the idea of the intro is it’s part of your bedtime wind-down routine and that you get ready for bed and you’re listening or you’re in bed getting comfortable and you’re listening, or you’re doing some other wind-down activity.

 

Maybe you’re sipping at a bedtime tea, maybe you’re looking at the sky.  I don’t know, maybe you’re quiet sitting, maybe you’re…I don’t know if journaling would be the best, but maybe you’re drawing or doodling or knitting or hooking.  I mean, maybe you’re painting; that’s great.  Whatever it is, the intro is kind of meant to be…to wind-down with you, if you’re a regular listener.  If you’re a new listener, it just gives you a lay of the land which is kinda meandering.  You say wait a second, are those undulating hills?  I say, maybe.  They could be.  I like the way you think about hills.  I love undulating hills.  That’s the intro.  Then there’s business between the intro and the episode.  Then there’s an episode.  Tonight, we’ll be talking about Dr. Who, of all things.  Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary, trees and Multi-forms…but I can guarantee by the end of the episode, you might be saying Doctor…was that episode about Dr. Who or whom?

 

Because I don’t really remember that one.  Or you might say, I don’t watch Dr. Who or I watched it back in the…twenty years ago.  I said, don’t worry, this is gonna be sleepy and you don’t need to know the show at all.  You’ll get a pretty good idea as I tell it to you in a nice, calming, meandering fashion.  Then there’ll be some thank yous at the end.  That’s the structure of the show and the rules of what to expect.  The other things is…or the other things are that the reason I make the show is for you, because you deserve some rest if you’re on-call or you’re working second or third shift or you’re…you [00:10:00] got stuff on your mind or feelings or physical sensations.  You deserve some respite from that and a place where you could at least get some relaxation if not some sleep.  If I can’t give you a little break, maybe I could take your mind off of stuff as you drift off.  You do deserve a good night’s sleep.  That’s one thing I want you to know.

 

The other thing I want you to know is that I’ve been there.  I know how it feels tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep.  I have all of those in varying degrees.  I’m happy to help because I know how it feels and I want to make bedtime less of a chore, less of something you dread and more of something you could look forward to.  That’s everything.  The other thing is, and this could be surprising to a lot of people, but a lot of work and thought goes into these shows because it’s really important to me.  But a lot of the work is nonsensical ‘cause I was thinking of the Cinnamon Spice at the beginning, and then the Spice Girls.  Then I was thinking well, at some point, they became the Spice Women.  Then I said well, are they getting pitched all the time to do a reboot of the Spice Girls at all?  I mean, I know they’ve…I think they did a reunion tour or a reunion special.  I was thinking that; I said, that’s probably coming.

 

But then I said what about…remember the Care Bears, right?  You say, what do the Care Bears and the Spice Girls have to do with one another?  I’d say whoa, whoa, whoa, it’s a pretty easy connection to make.  The Care Bears were back in the 90s and the 80s, maybe.  They were different teddy-bear-type characters.  I don’t know if they were from the land of Honalee or something, but they all had different powers based on what was on their belly.  Someone would say, Rainbow Unicorn, I’m Rainbow Unicorn.  What…were they the Care Bears?  They cared about different things.  I think one of them cared about a pot of gold over the rainbow, another one about hugs, sleep.  They all had different things, very much like these other themed characters and beings.  Then I said to myself okay, I guess that’ll be a series we’ll do one day.  Not in the near future, but maybe in the long future if I remember.  We couldn’t use the Spice Girls ‘cause obviously that’s a brand and Care Bears are a brand.

 

But I was thinking Cinnamon Spice; I say okay, well, you should go over and see Rosemary after that because…you know what I mean?  How come there hasn’t been any…when did herbal-based and spice-based characters…how come they haven’t got their day?  I say well, what would you rather do, have rainbow…I said well, Rainbow Peppercorn.  You’re down?  Go see Rainbow Peppercorn.  She’ll pep you right up.  Also, just so you know that I’ve shared this information, so it is…this is my idea.  I don’t know, I’ll think of it.  But so, that’s something to look forward to one day.  That’s just how my brain works, and then I slowly tease those thoughts out over a year or two and eventually make it into a bedtime story you don’t need to listen to.  I do the work that you don’t need to listen to.  It’s a great deal and this really is my honor.  Making the show is my dream come true.

 

I get to work really hard at something that’s helpful to you, and that I feel is important that the work that goes into it really builds what you don’t have to pay attention to in some paradoxical way.  But in the end, it’s really about you getting a good night’s sleep, you deserving a good night’s sleep, and me knowing what it feels like on the other side of that.  Also, being reassured that when you’re rested, your world’s a better place and our world’s a better place.  I think that’s it.  I’m really glad you’re here.  I appreciate you checking the show out and giving me your time.  Like I said, I work hard, I yearn and I strive to help you fall asleep, and here’s a couple ways we’re able to do it for you twice a week.

 

Alright everybody, we’re talking about season three, Episode 3, or series three, Episode 3 of Dr. Who, Gridlock.  It opens with a news report.  It’s a little bit…I don’t know, it’s in blue and white.  It’s Sally Calypso.  We’ll cover her dialogue.  She has over her left shoulder a Statue of Liberty.  She’s on a screen.  The camera pulls out and we see a couple kind of dressed in some old school 1800s-style clothes, including…what is that thing called that you wear…?  Cameo.  But they have a…CB.  They’re in some sort of ship and it’s turbulence, they say.  They say, why is it so bumpy here?  We’re just supposed to be going to the HOV lane.  Let me see what other notes…family of two, 10:15…car 1015, I think…or car…then I thought of Car 54.  Oh, and they were in a HOV lane without permission ‘cause they only had two passengers and you need three.  They say, not only is there turbulence, we’re gonna get a ticket for this, honey.

 

Yeah, we see…we’ll go through Sally Calypso, Statue of Liberty watermark…signs off…open.  Let’s see, Sally Calypso says hey, salutations.  Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary, trees and Multi-forms, this is Sally Calypso, 10:15 traffic.  We got traffic at Junction 509, New Fifth Avenue.  Go around there.  Take care now, I’ll see you later.  Then the two characters go back and forth.  They even call and they say hey, can you not give us a ticket?  We have passengers.  Come check car 10H5.  Let’s see, where’s my thing…1015.  Please don’t give us a ticket.  Oh, then they get their…while they’re getting their tickets, Sally comes down with the weather.  Thirty-six degrees, blue skies all the way home.  Sally Calypso signing off.  Missing you already.  Then we get an open…and against [inaudible] open…then I think…thirty seconds, Russell T. Davies…then the Doctor and Martha are going back and forth.  We get a wide shot of the TARDIS working.

 

Martha’s on a bench that looks like it could sit three people but primarily in the middle.  Doctor’s there and they’re going back and forth.  High up…she’s swinging her legs.  It’s a high bench.  The Doctor’s kind of distant.  I mean, physically and emotionally, but he’s also working the TARDIS as they’re talking.  A lot of subtext and really good…this is great dialogue.  Then they make their arrival.  The Doctor says yeah, we were just supposed to do one trip and then go home, but we could stretch one trip out; one past, one in the future.  What about that?  Martha says, cool, coolio.  The Doctor says, you want to go into the past to meet Coolio?  He goes, what about a different place?  She goes, a planet?  What about your planet, your home planet?  He goes eh, plenty of other places.  Then it’s just a beautiful performance; she says, planet of the Time Lords?  It’s gotta be cool.  He goes well, it’s beautiful.  She goes, space…outer space city spires?  He goes yeah, temples and cathedrals, yeah.

 

Planets in the sky.  Then the Doctor gets all dreamy.  He says, burnt orange sky, citadel enclosed in a mighty glass dome.  Twin suns, mountains, red grass, snow.  Martha, of course, says let’s go there.  She goes, no…or, the Doctor says, no.  I don’t want to go home.  That would be boring.  It’s interesting that we have information…or if you’re a regular…like, either you’re getting exposition which is cool, or you’re…I just love the layers of creation.  Some of us know something Martha doesn’t.  Some of the viewers are learning this stuff for the first time and won’t learn it ‘til later, along with Martha.  It’s also kind of a lesson in how do you do something episodically modular with some seriality that’s…for the regular viewer?  But she says, nah, nah.  He goes, year 5,000,000,053, planet New Earth, second hope of humans.  Pretty sweet place 5,000 lightyears from your old world, and we’re in the middle of New New York.  Technically, it’s the 15th New New York, so it’s New New New New New New New New New New New New New New York, I think, a dazzling city.

 

Probably the city that him…I think him and…I don’t know if it was Episode 1 or…I guess it wasn’t.  But him and Rose went there.  I guess it was in the middle of last season or maybe not.  It was when they were first together.  I don’t remember.  I don’t know if that’s…and then Martha does bring that up.  Then they get to New New York.  It’s raining as they open the TARDIS doors.  Let’s see, [00:20:00] it’s raining…into rain…it’s okay.  Let’s see.  She goes yeah, it’s dazzling, this rain.  The Doctor goes, rain’s great.  Let’s go somewhere.  Then we go to see the Face of Boe with a cat-nun who’s also an action figure.  She goes, I’m going into action figure mode.  The Face of Boe goes, find him.  All of New Earth needs his help.  She gets up and she goes off.  Then we see they’re in…the Doctor and Martha leave an alley.  There’s a lot of green with crescent moons.  She says, where are we?  When are we?  He goes, well, let me check one of these TV ATMs that’s off.  So, he does that.

 

It’s Sally Calypso talking about the New New Jersey Expressway, fifteen lanes.  But there’s also a view of New New York, the good-looking part of it.  He says oh, okay.  He goes, that looks pretty good.  He goes, we must be on the lower levels, some on undercity.  Martha goes, are you kidding me?  You took me to the undercity?  The Doctor goes, don’t worry, we’ll get up there.  It’s glitz and glamor up there, the real city.  Or, this is the real city.  Martha appreciates him ‘cause she says well jeez, you’d enjoy anything.  What about me, though?  What about me?  This is maybe not…you enjoy everything.  He goes, that’s me.  He goes, the rain…he goes, keeps getting better and better.  She goes, did you say you were here last time with Rose?  The Doctor goes uh, yeah.  She goes, are you taking me to the same planets you took her?  He goes, what’s wrong with that?  She goes dude, what are you…dude, what are you thinking, rebound or what?

 

Then we get this Terry Gilliam-esque scene, in my opinion, of all these stalls opening up and just the way the camera’s slightly off-tilt.  It’s shot for…below and even the performances, they’re kind of a little bit fun and over the top.  There are three stalls, I think, total.  They’re like, holy cow, customers, customers.  They’re competing but they’re also competing to have any customers.  They say oh boy, so good to see you.  We got happy here, mellow, reed…what are you looking for?  Grumpy grumps?  Mellow kind of makes you chill.  You want to chill?  The first person says come on, happy, it’s gonna be great, come on.  It’s just a great little scene.  They say come on, shop with me.  Martha’s like, what are they…are they selling…what are they selling?  Is this big…Little Pharma?  The Doctor goes well, it’s moods.  She goes well, is that the same thing?  Then another person comes into the area.  She’s kind of dressed as a match girl in some sense.  She says hey, I need to forget some stuff.

 

I got a lot on my mind.  They’re competing for her but the one woman, she says oh, sweetheart, hey, let me get you.  She goes yeah, I need to forget some stuff.  She goes okay, I got this…she goes, what’s up?  She goes, a traffic jam.  My parents are in a traffic jam and on the motorway.  It’s taking forever.  She goes okay, Forget 43.  That’s what you want.  Two credits.  The Doctor goes, what do you mean your parents are in traffic?  She goes, well, they got into traffic.  The Doctor goes, well, what…how long do you be in traffic for?  She goes, everyone goes to the motorway in the end.  I didn’t necessarily like the Doctor’s move here ‘cause she had already paid to forget and then the Doctor kind of harshes her mellow ‘cause he says well, just wait for them.  They’ll be back, or send them a text or something.  She goes no, I want to forget it.  Then she’s like, I forgot what you were talking about.  Then he harshes her…he says well, your parents.  They’re stuck in traffic.  She goes oh, really?  Okay, I gotta go.

 

I said, can you give her at least two credits back, Doctor?  ‘Cause she just spent two credits.  Martha goes okay, moods and traffic.  Oh, humanity.  Let’s see what happens.  Oh, then these people are playing this tag game, like Nerf tag but with strangers.  They go to Martha, they go hey, you’re it now.  The rules are you gotta come with us and then the Doctor has to try to catch us, ‘cause you’re it.  The Doctor’s not it.  Or maybe…you probably would define it as we’re not it and the Doctor’s it, but let’s go.  Martha goes, I’m sorry.  They go, it’s planetary rules.  Let’s move it.  She’s like, what?  They run and they get in a van and Martha goes, what do you mean?  They go oh, there’s another layer of this.  You take a nap while we run.  The Doctor’s trying to catch them ‘cause he’s it.  They start their van which doesn’t really seem fair to use a motor vehicle in tag, but I guess…you know, this is New New York 15.  The Doctor doesn’t get there ‘til after the van pulls out.  He says, Martha.

 

There’s an ad in here somewhere.  I’m not sure where it is.  It doesn’t really matter.  Then we get in the ship and there’s a couple in the ship.  Holy cow, this couple’s gonna have pretty beautiful children because…I haven’t looked up these two performers but I presume they’re working because they’re…I said wow, and they were really good in this episode.  There’s a couple…can’t…let’s see if I…I don’t know if I wrote down their names or not.  They’re in ship 465 Diamond 6.  They say okay, Doctor might try to catch us but meanwhile…also, we had another thing which is…oh, she’s sleeping, actually.  Martha’s sleeping and they say this to each other; they say great, now we can go in the HOV lane.  That’s why they call in whatever, the car 565, Diamond 6.  They go yeah, we’ll get in the HOV lane now with her, while we’re playing tag.  Fun and saving time.  But they aren’t carrying people.  They’re just…they want to…I don’t know.  Then the Doctor’s…are back with the vendors.

 

He says where…what happened?  He goes by and they say, what do you want?  Do you want to buy some happy or something, or mellow?  He goes well, where did they go?  They go oh, they probably went to the motorway.  It’s motorway tag and probably, to be honest, they wanted the HOV lane.  The Doctor goes so, what do I do?  They go well, you’re not gonna find her, so…they go, it used to be nice around here.  Now it’s just…everyone goes to the motorway in the end.  The Doctor goes well, how do I get there?  They go well, you could go down to the alley at the end.  There’s an entrance, but don’t you want any happy or something?  This was a weird one, too; the Doctor goes, close all this up ‘cause when I get back, I’m closing this part of town down.  I said holy cow, you’re one of those…whatever, back in the day.  I say, no…a prohibitionist.  Let’s see, Doctor asked the vendors, the crescent moon, I’ll be back to close the street down.  Martha wakes up.  She plays like she’s asleep, though.

 

The couple’s talking and they kind of say okay, this is gonna be great.  We’re gonna get to the place where the skies are blue, houses are wood, and there’s jobs.  But then Martha says…she has one of the Nerf players so she says surprise, I’m gonna make one of you it.  They say well, we’re driving though, so you can’t really make one of us it, so there’s nothing you can do.  She goes, really?  She goes, you have to have the other person that’s it here to change it, and he’s not here.  Again, just the rules.  They go, what’s your name, anyway?  She goes, Martha, Martha Jones.  Chen and Milo.  They say, sorry about this.  We just thought it would be fun and I’ll be honest with you, we wanted to be in the HOV lane.  Chen says, I got an honesty patch.  Then Martha looks out the window.  She goes, this is the motorway?  What is it, fog?  They go no, exhaust.  Where are we going?  Brooklyn.  It’s way nicer out there.  Also, she’s gonna have a baby.  Martha goes okay, so what?

 

I was hanging out with my friend and now I’m stuck with you two?  Martha goes, you shouldn’t be taking a patch anyway, with the baby, about honesty or anything else.  The guy, Milo, says don’t worry; we’ll get you there.  We’ll be at Brooklyn…it’ll take a little while.  But he goes, then we’ll go in the fast lane [00:30:00] or something.  Then we’ll have just regular roads.  It’s only ten miles.  Martha goes well, how long is that gonna be?  They go, about six years.  She’s like yeah, what?  They go yeah, we’ll get to Brooklyn and he can start school, our baby.  She goes, ten miles in six years?  Then the Doctor steps out of…let’s see, six years…then, sorry…ten miles, six years.  Doctor opens his all-access door, closes behind him.  It’s full of exhaust and traffic.  Most of the vehicles are these space vans.  While he’s out there, this person in a pilot suit opens their van door and he says hey, what are you doing?  It’s exhaust, man.  Get in here.  They bring the Doctor in, and it’s a cat-man and human woman.

 

They say hey, come on, get us some fresh air, man, from our car; fresh, recycled air, at least.  He goes, I heard about this.  He goes, what are you doing out there, anyway?  He goes, what are you doing?  Then the woman says hey, the traffic’s moving.  He says okay, so he moves his…puts the car in drive or turns…starts it.  They move.  He goes, twenty yards.  We’re doing good.  Then he goes to the Doctor.  You’re looking good for a hitchhiker; well-dressed.  He goes yeah, sorry, I’m the Doctor.  He goes oh boy, a doctor, eh?  I’m Thomas Kincade Brannigan and this is the…he has a lot of fun…bane of my life, Valerie.  Yeah, so he’s dressed as a old school pilot.  Two months; what does that mean?  Let’s see, they go…he goes oh, they…he goes, meet my kitty…litter of kitties, our family.  The Doctor goes oh, so cute.  He even picks up a kitty.  It has a pink bow…kind…they go, how old is he?  Two months.  How much older are the babies?  There’s five kittens, I think.  He goes, two months.

 

He goes yeah, they’ve been…we’ve been on the road since they were…before they were born.  He goes, in a van?  He goes yeah, we couldn’t stop, you know.  We heard there’s jobs and the laundry’s on Fire Island, so we’re headed out there.  The Doctor goes, you’ve been driving for two months?  Brannigan goes what, are you kidding me?  Twelve years.  The Doctor goes, twelve years?  Then there’s some jokes.  They say, twelve years, how…where did you start driving?  He goes, five miles back, Battery Park.  Then they go back and forth, twelve years, five miles, the whole thing.  They go, what do you mean?  The Doctor goes, I gotta get out of the car.  One of my friends is in a car.  I gotta get back to my TARDIS.  They go sorry, we passed the get-off bus spot, Sonny Jim.  The Doctor goes well, where’s the next place I can get out?  They say okay, six months from now.  I don’t know what that Sonny Jim is, though.

 

Then we go back to Martha and they say hey, why don’t you eat something?  You hungry?  She says, yeah.  She goes, how long ‘til the fast lane?  Where is it?  They go, well, we gotta just go down below the traffic jam.  Not many people can get three passengers.  Yeah, it’s…but down there, traffic really moves.  Martha goes, you live in this van?  They go oh yeah, we got self-replicating fuel, everything.  We got everything figured out.  Then there’s a gap in traffic.  The Doctor says, 5 Diamond 6 or whatever, fast lane, thank you.  They say okay, 5 Diamond 6, keep going.  The Doctor’s in the other car.  He goes, I gotta…he goes okay, you got a cell-phone in here or something?  They go yeah, there’s robo…he goes, what about the traffic helpers?  They put the Doctor on hold.  It’s only a CB to call.  There might be a FaceTime thing, too.  The Doctor goes…she says, I know the Duke of Manhattan.  Any way for me to get ahold of him?  Brannigan goes wow, Mr. Fancy Pants.

 

The Doctor goes, I gotta get ahold of my friend.  They go, you can’t make outside calls.  The motorway’s enclosed.  The Doctor goes, problem solved.  What about other cars?  They say okay, yeah, we got friends.  Anybody on your friends list you could call?  They call up these two women who are…one is knitting and one is driving.  Brannigan calls them.  He says oh yeah, let’s…he goes, let’s see who we got here.  Oh, the Cassini sisters.  They’re really the Cassini family but Brannigan thinks it’s funny and he gives them a hard time.  They’re friends ‘cause they say but you’re best, Brannigan.  They say, by the way, we’re partners, not sisters.  Get it straight.  Don’t get it twisted.  Brannigan knows…he’s friends with them.  He’s not doing it on purpose.  He’s saying oh, stop that modern talk.  I’m an old-fashioned cat.  But he’s only rolling with it.  He goes, I got a hitchhiker named the Doctor who’s looking for Martha Jones.

 

Doctor hops on and he goes, she was in a vehicle but I don’t know which one.  One of the Brannigan sisters keeps a log of cars.  She goes okay, where did you get on?  The Doctor goes, where did we get on?  They say, Big Pharma Town.  Then they say Big Pharma Town, twenty minutes ago.  She goes, okay.  Then one of the Cassini sisters says oh, well, I’m married to a car-spotter, so it’s obviously the other Cassini sister…Cassini family’s…she just keeps a log like a birdwatcher, a birder.  Okay, they say okay, what about anything else?  They go well, there’s three on board.  She goes, okay.  I know only one car that was headed for the fast lane, 465 Diamond 6.  The Doctor goes okay, how do we find them?  They go well, we can’t help you do that.  The Doctor goes okay, can we call them?  Or, let’s go to the fast lane.  Brannigan goes, it’s a different class.  We can’t get there.  They go, why don’t you try to call the traffic…the Doctor goes, I already tried.  They put me on hold.

 

Alice, I believe, says yeah, there’s no one else.  You gotta keep trying.  The Doctor says well, that’s frustrating.  Then there’s an ad, and we’re back in the van with the three people.  They start going down.  Milo says, ten layers to go down, temperature’s going up.  Then they hear all this rumbling.  Martha goes, what the heck’s that noise?  They go oh, it’s the vents.  Chen says well, are you sure it’s not…there’s different stories little kids tell one another.  Milo goes no, no, no, it’s just the air vents with exhaust.  At first, she says no…but the stories make it cool, that there’s something down there.  All of the hermit crabs in the world, possibly, are down there and they’ve grown.  They go no, it’s just air vents.  Then Martha goes, if there’s air vents, how come it’s so smoggy?  Do they look like they’re working?  They go, well…they go, don’t worry about it ‘cause that other stuff is just kids’ stuff.

 

Then we go back to the Doctor.  He says, take me to the fast lane.  Brannigan goes no way, I got kitties and we’re not going.  He goes, what about my friend?  He goes yeah, no, I got kitties.  I got a litter of kittens.  The Doctor goes well, why wouldn’t you want…he goes, we’re not discussing it.  Valerie says that.  We keep on driving ‘til the journey’s end.  I really like that line, ‘til the journey’s end, which I think is twenty-three years.  Let me see, twenty-three years, I wrote, ‘til the journey’s years…oh, the Doctor calls the Cassinis and they say, we’ve been on the road for twenty-three years.  The Doctor says, have you seen an authority figure that whole time?  They say, no.  Anybody?  Check your notes.  They go no, not in the notes.  Any authority vehicle at all?  Even to change a spare tire?  No.  Doctor goes, are you sure?  She says, I can’t keep a note of every single thing even though I almost do.  We kind of see the layer of cognitive dissonance that we’re all familiar with, very familiar with.

 

The Doctor goes to Brannigan and Valerie; what if there’s…what if there are no authority figures?  Brannigan goes, don’t interrupt our cognitive dissonance.  We’re just coping with this situation and so are the Cassinis.  The Doctor goes well, it doesn’t make sense to keep doing the same thing you’re doing.  You’re stuck in traffic.  The Doctor goes, you have to…we’re still trusting in the authority figures.  The Doctor says, but…he goes, what do you…this is a whole thing.  They say, don’t [00:40:00] judge us for our…what you see as cognitive dissonance is our current belief system.  The Doctor goes, but you’re just stuck in traffic.  Then Sally Calypso comes on and this is another beautiful moment.  She says, it’s that time again, the sun…and this, again, is Gilliam-esque.  Sun’s high over the New Atlantic.  It’s the time for daily contemplation.  Brannigan says, this is our belief system.  It’s beautiful, Doctor.  We have one another.  Sally says, this is for all you on the roads.

 

We’re sorry.  Drive with one another.  Then every car, and they cut between everybody, and they’re teared up.  The Doctor and Martha are watching.  Eventually, Martha starts singing along.  They’re singing kind of a hymn; on a hill faraway stood an old rugged cross, a symbol.  I love that symbol, where the dearest and the best shall cherish that old rugged cross.  ‘til I lay down, I’ll cling to it and exchange it some day for a crown.  Everybody’s singing and they’re teared up and they’re really having this moment.  The Doctor’s kind of just observing it in a non-judgmental way.  Martha tears up and then they get fast lane access, Martha’s car, and Milo goes holy cow, we’re headed to the fast lane.  Then the Doctor is in Brannigan’s car.  He says, you know what?  I cannot wait, so I’m hopping out.  They go, what are you doing?  He goes, finding my own way.  I usually do.  He leaves his coat behind.  He goes, by the way, Janis Joplin gave me this coat.  He gets ready to go.

 

Brannigan says man, Martha must leave an…mean an awful lot to you if you’re gonna jump down to another car.  Doctor says, I hardly know her.  I was just too busy showing off and I didn’t…I wasn’t totally clear with her.  Valerie says, I can’t believe this dude.  Brannigan says he’s, yeah, he’s a bit magnificent, isn’t he?  Then we have a unbelievable sequence that was just so amazing.  It kept getting better and better, in my opinion.  Let’s see, green light, my own way, hardly know her.  The Doctor goes…the first…he lands in is…has bubble wrap in white and silver, all the style…the dress of the being, he has silverish-white face paint and all-white…everything in his ship seems to be white or bubble wrap.  I’m just gonna slowly roll through this, here.  Doctor gets ready.  He’s jumping down to this one right now.  Right now, he’s going back and forth saying hey, I’m too busy to show off.  I was just a little bit ahead of the episode because of the commercials.

 

Also, we can see the Brannigans’ laundry drying.  The Doctor goes down one level to his ship and oh, also, they have one of those fake tube aquariums.  I don’t know if the kittens like that.  Now, he’s on the bubble wrap…pale person thing.  He’s got bubble wrap on his steering wheel, a bunch of lab…white suits, all-white ties, everything.  Then the Doctor gets ready to go down to the next level.  Goes in the next car.  It speeds up a little bit.  I guess it doesn’t matter ‘cause it’s a sleep podcast.  I do have my favorite but I don’t…I’m not even sure why.  The next ship is kind of Tupac culture.  He borrows a thing that has some big…a lot of bright colors.  He borrows the thing, then a N-U-D-I-S-T car…which would make sense; I mean, you’re in your car, but they have even ferns and stuff.  Then the Doctor goes in a all-red car.  This is not my favorite but it’s pretty close.  Everything’s red, fuzzy, it looks like there’s a video game on the console.

 

It’s a little bit different than the all-white car, but a red…there’s a birdcage.  The Doctor salutes that guy.  Then he drops down again.  Oh, no, then there’s a commercial.  Yeah, he doesn’t drop down quite yet again.  I could look at my notes here, though.  Just going forward as well.  Usually, I watch these on streaming but these ones are recorded.  Bubble wrap, red car, there’s an ad.  Then Exit 123…oh, so we get back to the car with Martha and they try Exit 1, Brooklyn Turnoff 1 closed, Exit 2, Turnoff 2 closed.  They say, what do you do?  Milo says, we’ll just go around and come back.  Then there’s still more noise.  Martha goes, you still think that’s air vents?  Milo goes, it could be hydraulics.  Martha goes, I hear something else.  Milo goes, don’t worry about it.  It’s all exhaust.  Then someone says hey, 45 Diamond 6, 45 Diamond 6.  Milo says, go ahead, this is 45 Diamond 6.  They go to another car that has someone like…kind of…it’s not Eddie Munster.  It’s someone else.

 

But I said, it’s not Eddie Munster but it’s somebody else, but kind of like Eddie Munster in a leather jacket.  Maybe what Eddie Munster was for Halloween.  Then two women who are kind of all in white and they also have face paint on them…and they say, we’re right behind you.  You better go back up.  There seems to be something else in this fast lane.  Can you go back up?  Milo says, we’ve been told the…we believe in the bureaucracy.  We’re going down.  They go, where are you going?  He goes, the Brooklyn Fly-Over.  They go, it’s closed.  Go back up.  He goes no, we’ll just go around.  Then the Eddie Munster-type character says, don’t you understand?  It’s all closed all the time and S-T-U-C-K.  Milo says well, it’s just air vents.  Don’t worry about it.  Eddie Munster says Jehovah, where are you?  Then they say okay, our car is stuck.  We’re out of gas, the Eddie Munster car.  The Doctor got ahead of me somehow as I was describing that scene.

 

Martha goes dude, you gotta drive up or hit the gas or something.  They go, there’s definitely something going on.  Then we get to this guy’s car and I don’t know who this actor is but he must be…I don’t know, there’s just something delightful.  He’s in a bowler hat and a proper suit.  He was kind of chilling on his steering wheel and he’s just so surprised when the Doctor drops in, of course.  He says, what in the what?  The Doctor goes, how are you doing?  Foot patrol here.  He goes, you got any water?  The guy goes, of course.  I can’t say I’ve lost my manners.  He gives the Doctor water from a bubbler.  The Doctor goes, is this the last layer?  The guy’s both nonplussed and plussed, or whatever.  He goes yeah, we’re at the bottom but you can’t go down.  It’s the fast lane.  The Doctor goes, can’t you go anyway?  He goes no, no, it’s automatic.  We can’t.  Automated system will lock up the wheel.  The Doctor opens the bottom door and the Doctor goes well, I’m gonna go down.

 

He goes yeah, it’s too far down.  He goes well, let me take a look.  Then he says, what’s that noise down there?  The guy says, I don’t know.  A cognitive dissonance.  He goes, there’s lights down there or something.  He goes, I gotta turn on the ventilation, so he goes to the TV and he starts to work on that.  There was something about Rule 3644…missed lights…oh, yeah.  Then he goes…I’m gonna turn on the ventilation breeze and see what’s up.  So then, the ventilation starts to go.  Then the nun-cat drops into the Brannigan’s ship and Brannigans goes, who the heck is that?  She goes, where’s the Doctor?  I’m a nun-cat looking for the Doctor.  Then the Doctor and the bowler cap guy that I love, they say what are you…what’s down there?  It’s hermit crabs.  He goes, what are those?  The Doctor goes well, they’re Macra.  Is that what I…I wrote it out; Macra.  He goes yeah, a hermit crab that grew up really big that wants to hold onto vans.  Then we see that Martha’s ship, they’re trying to go fast.

 

The crabs, the hermit…they’re right by the hermit crabs so they’re trying to catch their ship.  They say oh wait, they see this as tag, too.  Martha says this.  You gotta turn the ship off [00:50:00] ‘cause they’re not sentient.  They’re playing tag but they don’t realize it.  She says, shut everything down.  Do it.  At first, Milo’s like no, no, no, it won’t work.  Martha goes, trust me, then they won’t be able to see us.  There’s fog all around us.  It’ll be quiet.  So, they stop and the crabs stop trying to catch them.  They go, how’d you think of that?  She goes, a submarine movie.  But I don’t know what they did next in the movie.  I can’t remember that part.  Milo says, we gotta figure it out fast.  We got about eight minutes.  Then the Doctor and the bowler cap guy are talking about the Macra.  They actually can hang out with gas.  They were from another…they used to be empire builders.  The dude goes, empire builders?  The Doctor goes well, that was billions of years ago.  Maybe they devolved.

 

He goes, then there’s…the ship starts rocking.  The cat-nun jumps in but it’s Novice Hame and the guy goes, I can’t believe you’re just jumping on my ship.  She goes well, it was just action figure mode in case of trouble.  Doctor, you gotta come with me.  He goes, who are you?  She goes, I can’t believe you look the same.  I know I don’t.  Time has been less kind.  The Doctor goes, holy cow, it’s Novice Hame.  He goes, the last time, you weren’t up to any good.  She goes yeah, but I’ve sought forgiveness under his guidance.  Come with me.  We’ll redeem me.  The Doctor goes, I can’t go anywhere.  You got Macra and my friends down there.  Hame goes no, you gotta come with me now.  The Doctor goes no, you’ll come with me.  He goes by the way, we got three passengers.  But she uses some sort of transporter to transport out to another thing.  But at first it was happy, like, a happy thing.  They teleport out.  Let’s see, then they land in a room.  Doctor goes oh, rough teleport.

 

He goes, teleport me back down.  She goes, I don’t have any more teleportation units left.  The Doctor goes, get some more.  Where are we?  She goes, Overcity.  The Doctor goes good, ‘cause I’m gonna call you in front of the senate.  He goes, all these people are in the motorway, stuck.  Novice Hame goes well, it’s a different…you’re in a different time.  Goddess Centauri…everybody moved away except for the people in traffic.  The Doctor goes, how long has it been like this?  Twenty-four years, she says.  He goes, everyone moved?  She goes, everyone but in traffic.  They thought they’d follow their bliss but it was really just a patch.  But it got them off the planet.  They all followed their bliss.  So yeah, it was just people on the motorway.  The Doctor says, everything’s running on automatic down there?  She goes yeah, there’s not enough power to open things back up.  The Doctor goes, who’s we?  She brings him to Face of Boe.  She goes, the Face of Boe has been waiting all these years, Doctor.

 

It’s so happy.  The Face of Boe is like…he says, Doctor, even in a better way than that.  I knew you would come.  Hame goes yeah, I’ve been working for the Face of Boe.  Face of Boe’s been keeping me from having to deal with wanting to follow my bliss and realize my bliss was in service.  He’s been keeping the power going at least to the…everybody stuck in traffic.  He’s wired into the mainframe keeping things running down there, but can’t open the doors.  Doctor goes, how come you didn’t call anybody?  They say well, the bureaucracy before everybody followed their bliss.  Then the Face of Boe says, you gotta go get…you gotta fix everything, Doctor.  That’s why you’re here.  The Doctor goes, you’ve been staying here, the two of you, for twenty-three years helping people?  The Face of Boe says Doctor, get to work.  Then there’s another ad, and then we end up back in the quiet car with Martha, Milo, and Chen.

 

They were quiet, they were a little bit sweaty ‘cause they were sitting in there so long.  They’re sweating it up.  They say, we’re toast.  We got two minutes.  Martha goes, don’t worry, the Doctor, the friend of mine, he’ll think of something.  They go, no.  They go well, he seemed nice.  She goes, he’s a bit more than nice.  Then Chen says, what about you and him?  Martha goes, I don’t know.  I think he likes me and then I think he just needs me and doesn’t like me.  She goes, where are you from?  Martha goes, a long way away.  I followed the Doctor.  I didn’t even know where…who he was and I don’t even know where I am, and I can’t tell my parents.  They go, who’s this Doctor?  She goes, I don’t even know.  There’s so much he doesn’t talk to me about.  Chen says well, that means he’s a…that’s not very good.  He’s a stranger.  Martha says, he is okay though, because you haven’t seen what he can do.  She goes honestly, trust me.

 

You have your faith and your hymns and I’ve got the Doctor.  Milo says, okay.  He turns the car back on and there’s action music.  Those three start holding hands and then they try to get away from the hermit crabs that wake back up.  Doctor’s working back up with Hame and Face of Boe.  He’s got his glasses on.  Now he’s in full action-mode.  He’s sonic screwdriving and plugging and turning knobs and switches.  He thinks he has it and then he goes no, no, no.  Some power goes down, transformers are blocked, can’t get a signal.  The Face of Boe goes, here you go; I’ll give you some power, my last battery backup.  He kind of does it.  Yeah, and the Doctor says okay, yeah, hold on now.  He starts doing stuff and then he says, you look after the Face of Boe.  I’ll be back.  He goes, ‘cause you want to see this.  He goes, open road, hah.  Or, road…you know how he says that sometimes at the end?  Opa!  Let’s see.  Then Brannigan is like, what in Jehovah is going on?

 

They start seeing stuff and then we start going…we go to the Cassini’s car.  We see them…reaction, we go back to the Brannigan’s car and we see that the roof is opening up.  He says, by all the cats in the kingdom.  Sunlight starts to…sun…come in.  Brannigan’s laughing.  Everybody starts laughing.  They start going to other shots; smiles, kitty cats.  Then the Doctor comes on the TV and he goes yeah, sorry, no Sally Calypso.  She was a recording but I’m the Doctor.  Brannigan goes, you’re a magician.  He goes, everyone drive up.  I got the roof open.  Throttle the engines and drive up from the undercity.  Do it now; we gotta clear out the fast lane.  Then Doctor calls oi, car 45 Diamond 6, drive up.  Martha goes, it’s the Doctor.  Milo goes, we can’t do it.  Martha goes, trust him.  The Doctor goes, you have access.  They see the daylight.  They go, that’s the real sky.  He really did it, holy moly.  Brannigan says Doctor, you’re alright in my book.  You’re not bad at all.  Yippee Ki Yay.

 

He goes, drive up.  Everybody starts hugging and kissing one another, there’s music, there’s sun, there’s more happiness.  Then we see the Doctor back in the other room.  He’s got a old school mic.  He takes a view of the city and it’s that old city from before.  He goes, the city’s back with you people, Brannigan.  Also, I want my coat back.  He goes yeah, sure.  Then he goes, 45 Diamond 6, get over here.  Martha goes, on my way.  Then the Doctor goes to meet Martha.  He says, it’s been a while, Miss Martha Jones, since I saw you.  Oh, that’s before she gets back.  Then the Face of Boe says you know what?  I’m not gonna use this gas tank anymore.  Then Martha runs in.  She goes, Doctor?  He goes, over here.  Come say hello to the Face of Boe.  This is Novice Hame; she’s a cat.  Face of Boe is the one that opened up that top with his last power.  The Face of Boe goes yeah, I gotta go.  It’s good to breathe the [01:00:00] air once more.  Martha goes, who’s the Face of Boe?

 

Which I didn’t know if it was appropriate but he goes well, Face of Boes live for billions of years and gonna keep on going.  Now, the Doctor’s the one with the cognitive dissonance ‘cause the Face of Boe says yeah, no, it’s time, Doctor.  You know that.  Hame says, he’s supposed to tell a secret to a traveler which he may have already done.  Doctor goes, we don’t need to tell final secrets.  The Face of Boe goes, I’ve seen a lot.  The last of my kind, just like you’re the last of your kind.  The Doctor goes, that’s right, we gotta keep going on.  Then Boe goes no, come on.  Then he goes, remember this, Time Lord, you are not alone.  That’s a powerful, powerful, powerful moment.  Holy cow.  You are not alone.  Just remember that, just like the song…rock and roll song by David Bowie; you’re not alone.  Then we have one last piece of exposition.  The lower city’s all closed down.  Doctor did close out Pharmacy Town, closed for…until further notice.  But the Doctor and Martha are down there, but it’s time to talk.

 

But the Doctor kinda tries to get out of talking which we’ll cover, and Martha sits down, crosses her arms.  She says, I’m not going ‘til you talk to me properly.  Right as they start to talk, the hymns are coming down from the city.  But yeah, they say…the Doctor says, alls good that ends well.  Novice Hame can lead the city.  Cat’s in charge.  We better get going.  But Martha’s thing is like, what did the Face of Boe mean, you’re not alone?  Doctor goes, I don’t know.  She goes, you got me.  He goes no, no, no, that’s not what he meant.  She goes, then what?  The Doctor says, we gotta go.  That’s when she says, talk to me properly.  Last of your kind, what does that mean?  The Doctor goes, it doesn’t matter.  Then Martha, really like a partner, she says you don’t…you need to talk to me.  Then the people are singing about the even tide and the things changing.  Just another hymn; when other helpers fail with me abide.  The Doctor goes, I wasn’t clear with you because I liked…he goes, I thought I could pretend just for a little while that I wasn’t the last Time Lord, that they were there underneath the burnt orange sky.

 

He goes, I’m not just a Time Lord.  I’m the last of the Time Lord.  The Face of Boe was wrong; there’s no one else.  Martha goes, what happened?  He goes, a time war.  A great time war, but not great for anybody; Daleks, us.  Wasn’t good for anybody.  W-A-R, what’s it good for?  Absolutely nothing.  He goes, it was beautiful; the second sun, the mountains, leaves on the trees were silver when they caught the light every morning.  It was like a shimmering forest in autumn, and the breeze would blow through the branches like a song.  The whole time, Martha’s looking on to him with empathy and compassion and love.  It doesn’t matter what type of love.  The Doctor’s eyes are big and sad and happy at the same time.  They’re singing and they say, lord with me abide, in the hymn.  Then the camera kind of goes up from the undercity while the song’s still going on.  It shows the sunset and the city and all the traffic moving, and the episode comes to a close just in time to get comfortable.  Goodnight.

[END OF RECORDING]

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