899 – The Shakespeare Code | Sleeping With Doctor Who S3 E2
If you are spinning like a globe, The Doctor will slow things down while a boring bard fills ye ears with nonsensical cheers.
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EPISODE 899 – The Shakespeare Code | Sleeping With Doctor Who S3 E2
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, it’s time for the podcaster who switched to Bengal Spice a while ago, but you’re hearing this in the…you’re in my future where I switched to Bengal Spice for my recording beverage, patrons. Oh boy, is it perfect for cutting down on those mouth noises. Thanks for supporting me. It’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you…where…to create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature. Sorry, I got distracted. I seriously apologize, listeners. I don’t know if you have this experience at bedtime or daytime, but you’re doing one thing and then your mind goes somewhere else. I’m leaning in right now. Another part of my brain said Scoots, what about that thing we had to get done? Part of me…and I’m not…I can be honest with you. You might be a new listener.
This might be new to you, a podcaster getting honest about his foibles. But yeah, one part of my brain just took off on me and said…it got…and it got my attention. It said Scoots, we gotta talk about this thing. It started telling me all this stuff, like while I was just talking there, for the past fourteen seconds or so. That’s not really fair because I’m really here to pay attention to you and try to be in the moment. I kind of got sucked out of the moment there. I’m gonna kind of reset and then maybe we’ll come back to this. So, we do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I’m gonna do the rest. That’s right around…I could even…I’ll go into what happened, too. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you…reestablish it, in this case, where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake.
It could be things you’re thinking about, past, present or future, right? We just got an example how that happens even during the day but for me, it’s…at night, it’s even more amplified. It could be feelings or emotions coming up for you but I’m trying to have a grounded thing for me and say hey, well, it’s realistic, Scoots. Everybody gets spun out and distracted, even sleep podcasters. You can’t be having feelings about anything, though. That might even be…they might just be coming up. You don’t even know where they came from. I’m here to keep you company through that. It could be physical sensations. Whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off that and keep you company as you drift off. That’s my job. Now if you’re new, before I get to the distractions…distracting you with my distractions, let me set up a couple things for you if you’re new ‘cause this podcast is very different and it can throw new listeners off.
Understandably, you might be coming to this show skeptical or doubtful or confused, and those are all legitimate ways to view this podcast at first because it is different. Of course, if you can’t sleep or you have trouble sleeping, you say what, is this person gonna put me to sleep? Doing what? Or what are they up to? That’s totally normal. Also, I have creaky, dulcet tones and pointless meanders. Did I say that? Am I so distracted…? That’s how I do this; I create a safe place by sending my voice across the deep, dark night using lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones and pointless meanders, superfluous tangents. That’s not everybody’s cup of tea at first. Now, most listeners say give it a few tries and see how it goes. The best way to listen to this podcast is to barely not listen or mostly not…mostly barely pay attention. Just imagine we’re out of focus a little bit. You’re saying hm, Scoots, you’re coming…I don’t really need to…yeah, you don’t have to hold my words in your ears.
You just let them bounce off. I call it reflective listening. You know, there’s active listening and all that stuff. Reflective listening, I think this is the only example other than when you’re not…other than…I’m sure there’s people that are intentionally reflective listening, but those are people on a mountaintop or under a bodhi tree. But this is for regular, everyday people. You just let my words bounce off your eardrums. You say okay brain, don’t worry about…turn the…you don’t have to turn the synapses off or whatever they’re called, the ganglias or whatever. You know, just turn it down. Let those words hit my eardrums that Scoots is saying. Turn your interpretation and your understanding…bring it down to, whatever. Put it on…we don’t necessarily have sleep mode, but passive mode. ‘Cause imagine if you told somebody oh, I want to try to listen to you passively. They’d say, what…? Especially if it was someone that you’re supposed to listen to. They’d say, what do you mean, passive listening?
This is a bit like that but it’s like…sounds better. You say well, it’s reflective listening. Oh, you’re gonna reflect back what I’m saying? Well actually, literally, I will be doing that but I’m not exactly sure where the soundwaves will go. I’ll be reflecting your soundwaves or my eardrums…my whole body actually reflects soundwaves. I learned this on YouTube or something. Yeah, we’ll be reflecting your soundwaves. What was the question? Oh, I was supposed to…new listeners. So, kind of give it a few tries. See how it goes but don’t…you don’t really need to listen to me. Sometimes this podcast really throws people off when they’re expecting it to get somewhere or for things to start happening, or for it to develop or go someplace. It will eventually barely go someplace, but we’re more like a floating leaf on a slow-moving stream than some sort of action where you say oh boy, wow, that’s some current really moving that leaf. I say well, no. I don’t know, the leaf’s going…is the leaf even…?
Kind of barely listen. Here’s the other paradoxical thing; I’m not really here to put you to sleep. I’m here to keep you company. There is no pressure to fall asleep. I’m here to serve you in a strange way by just talking and keeping you company. You can fall asleep whenever you want. Ideally, you don’t even notice. That’s the whole goal of the show. I take your mind off of stuff. At some point, you fall asleep. I’m walking at the…at your side. We’re up on the clouds or whatever. You say, uh-huh. You pretend…you’re reflectively listen…uh-huh, Scoots, uh-huh, uh-huh. Okay, yeah, uh-huh, podcast puts me to sleep. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Then you drift off. That’s the goal of the show. Now, here’s the other thing; if you can’t sleep, I’m gonna be here ‘til the end to keep you company. That’s the other side of it, is if you can’t sleep, I’m here ‘cause some listeners just can’t sleep or you’re waking up or you need a break during the day. I’m here for you. The show is complete.
It’s just the kind of complete that you don’t need to listen to really, unless you need to or want to. A podcast you don’t need to listen to, and it’s a podcast to put you to sleep that really more is here while you fall asleep. A sleep offering instead of a sleep solution, sometimes I say. So, that’s that. Oh, structurally, this can also throw new people off so I want to acknowledge it. Show starts off with a greeting; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary, and then these episodes, trees and Multi-forms. Then we have business and that’s how we keep the podcast coming to you twice a week. Then there’s an intro. Normally, it’s the intro that throws people off. Sometimes people think that the business lasts the whole intro, but the business is just a portion at the beginning of the show. Then there’s an intro which is really long. It’s about twelve to twenty minutes long. It’s me kind of keeping you company and just talking and introducing the podcast.
About 2% of regular listeners skip the intro. Everyone else, when you become a regular…at first, it’s to introduce you to the podcast and to kind of get an idea of what you’re in for, which is not much; a leaf floating on a barely-moving stream. But if you become a regular listener, what kind of happens is you say oh, okay, this is how I like to consume Sleep With Me. Some examples of that are starting the podcast as you’re getting ready for bed whether it’s brushing your teeth or changing your clothes or turning down your bed, or doing some other bedtime activities that are chill like sitting or laying or knitting or hooking. I’ve seen some people do something like knitting but it’s hooking. Maybe you’re playing hooky and you say well, I’m just gonna take the day off and take a nap. That’s awesome. Or maybe you’re doodling or I don’t know. Whatever it is. Maybe you’re petting your animal and they’re drooling ‘cause I almost said drooling. Or some people are in bed and they start the podcast as they’re getting [00:10:00] comfortable and getting settled.
The whole idea of the intro is to ease you into bedtime with something that’s kind of familiar and comforting but also different every time, because my brain constantly adapts to sleep stuff. It says okay, this is not…might work for me once but I guess my philosophy of Sleep With Me is that it’s different every time to get by those parts of you. I think the beginning of the show is a perfect example of that but I’ll come back to that. But so, that’s the intro. It can throw people off. Then there’s business between the intro and the show that’s just part of podcast structure. Then there…we’ll be talking about an episode of Dr. Who, series season three, Episode 2, Shakespeare Code. The Shakespeare Code. But it’ll be very…if you’ve seen the episode, you’ll say wow, that was not much…that had Shakespeare and the Doctor and Martha in it. Other than that, I don’t know how accurate it was. If you haven’t seen it, don’t worry. It’ll be like a bedtime story.
Actually, a really nice one. You got Martha, the Doctor, and Shakespeare in it. You say okay, I don’t know who two of those three people are, but sounds somewhat bedtime and story…I say, you got it. That’s what I’m here for. Then there’s some thank yous at the end of the show. So, that’s the structure of the show. The reason I make the show is twofold; one, you deserve a good night’s sleep. I want you to know that and I’m here to try to provide that if I can because you deserve it. Your world will be a better place, your life will be a little bit better, you’ll be rested. Our greater world will be a better place. You deserve a good night’s sleep. The other reason I make the show is because I’ve been there and I know how it feels. If I can relieve that for any of you or reduce it, that’s my honor. Oh, and then, yeah, and that kind of leads into…I have a…you know, I have one of those brains that’s going a mile a minute. It’s not always productive and also needs a little bit…it’s constantly adapting.
Even tonight, I said okay, well, I’m gonna start the podcast intro. I started doing it and I got to this familiar part, and then I remembered someone wrote something on Reddit that was funny in a positive way, and people were kind of going back, like, oh, good thing…I like it when Scoots says, press Play. Don’t forget to turn out the lights. I was thinking about that in a positive way. Then my brain said, what about that other stuff you gotta finish getting done later? I said oh, yeah. It said well, here’s what I think; this is, meanwhile, this is while I was talking. I mean, that was a part of the podcast that’s rote memory anyway, but that doesn’t excuse it. It’s just important. It doesn’t mean it’s wrong. It just means I fell out of focus there. Then it said…it was talking about this YouTube video I made to explain something about the Patreon feed to patrons. It said okay, this is what you gotta do to improve that. Then I started thinking okay, and then we’ll do this, and we’ll do this.
We gotta get it done. Then I realized that I was spun out editing a YouTube video while I was trying to talk to you. That’s why I acknowledged and apologized ‘cause I said wait a second, excuse me to-do brain, I gotta get back to the listener who’s trying to fall asleep. Sometimes I’m in a calm spot like I am today, an embracing and accepting spot, and I can say hey, I know you want to get that done and that’s a concern of ours for later. Let me focus on the moment right now and this person we’re trying to help fall asleep. I respect that you want to get that done later but I’m gonna return to this moment and I’m gonna let this person know what happened and just see how it goes. At nighttime, that does not…that conversation does not go that well. Also, there’s probably forty or fifty voices. Some of them are from the far past and the far future or fictional futures and pasts, saying oh boy, wait ‘til this. I know how it feels when you say well, I just want to go to sleep here. Could you give me a break? The idea of the podcast is it’s a tool in that to say hey, let me take…just listen to me and I’ll take up your brain space here.
But it has to be, in my opinion, a little bit different every time because there’s something about that…going through that, that I wasn’t in the moment and I knew what I was going to say for the next forty-five seconds, that my other part of my brain said, let’s run with this. I got a memo for you to read. I don’t know. The other thing is, if you’re regular listeners, you hear it. This podcast is always incrementally evolving. I’m growing as a person so it really is an honor for me to make this show, ‘cause not only do I know how it feels…I don’t know, and serving you in some small way gives me great meaning. But it also gives me a lot of growth opportunities that I might not necessarily have. I don’t know. I’m here to try to take your mind off stuff. If you’re new, yeah, the show’s very different. But give it a few tries. There’s nothing really to lose. It’s a free podcast, right? Just see how it goes. Maybe the podcast doesn’t work for you but you say well, I did like the doodling. Then maybe you’ll try out another sleep podcast or something else. Just see how it goes. I really do want to help. I really appreciate you coming by. I work hard. I yearn and I strive, and I really hope I can help you fall asleep. Thanks again, and here’s a couple ways we’re able to bring you this podcast for free.
Alright, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary, trees and Multi-forms, it’s time for season three…or, series three, Episode 2, The Shakespeare Code. It starts out in London, 1599. That always makes me think of 1989, the…something…the number…sound of the Funky Drummer. But this one is London, 1599. It starts with candlelight and a little hint of romance. Someone’s playing a lute or a lyre or something with a very short neck, whatever the instrument is. There’s flirty words; tonight is the night. Oh boy, and Lilith is the one…her smile like a summer bloom, as they say, as the caller…the gentleman caller says, or the singer. I say okay, let’s have a little kissy-poo and they go into…her house is a little bit different, the gentleman says. This is different than what I expected ‘cause there’s some toil, toil, boil, and bubble going. His kiss transforms him. There’s Mother Deerfinger and Bloomtide. They say wait a second, you have two mothers and you?
Then they say oh boy, trouble’s coming, before this…you know, this is what this episode’s gonna be about. We have the opening of the episode. This one is by Gareth Roberts. We open with TARDIS in action. Martha’s asking well, how does this travel in time, anyway? The Doctor says hey, don’t take any mystery out of it. He goes also, you don’t want to know. Just hold on. Martha says, blimey. She says, did you have to pass a test to drive this thing? He goes yeah, I didn’t pass, though. Goes, make the most of it. This is your only trip. Then they stop. He says, outside this door is a brave new world. Holy cow, get ready, Martha. It’s gonna be exciting. She bites her lower lip like with…she says okay, what am I in for? She goes out the door first and she says, what in the heck? Where are we? The Doctor says, look around. She goes, you gotta be kidding me. You gotta be kidding me. We traveled in time. Martha’s very inquisitive so she says wait a second, where are we?
No, no, let me get an idea of this. When are we? Then we see some chamber pots. The Doctor says okay, before WCs is when we are. She goes yeah, I’ve worked, you know. She goes, is this okay? Can we just walk around? He goes, yeah. She goes, what about if a butterfly isn’t changing the future? He goes okay, well, don’t bother any butterflies, particularly Bernie. She goes, what if I run into my great-grandfather or something? He goes, don’t…are you planning on that? He goes, okay. She says, no. She goes, when are we again? This is London. He goes yeah, 1599. They kind of talk about the cultural traditions there. She says jeez, this is a different world. The Doctor says, just walk around with confidence. Elizabethan England; it might be not as different as you think it is. They have recycling, water cooler moments, and then people…buskers saying oh boy, trouble coming. Then he says, and popular entertainment. [00:20:00] Doctor’s very happy about this. Right down Southwick?
Southwork? Then they go past the London Bridge, I think. He goes to The Globe Theatre, brand-new. But it’s not…it’s a tetradecagon, fourteen sides. Not a globe, actually, containing the legend…the man, the myth, the legend, Shakespeare. Let’s see, he’s really…Doctor’s really…she goes, Shakespeare’s in there. He goes, Miss Jones? She goes, Mr. Smith? Then they go in. We miss the whole performance but everybody’s clapping. Doctor and Martha have clearly watched the whole performance. She’s like, this…that was amazing even though it doesn’t smell great in here. Then she goes, where’s Shakespeare? She starts shouting author, author! Then everyone else takes up. She goes, is that normal? Then we have a Kenneth Branagh-esque Shakespeare as opposed to other Shakespeares. She goes whoa, boy, this guy’s Branagh-esque or however you say it. She goes, he’s no ginger. Scoots doesn’t…not positive that Kenneth Branagh is a ginger but she says, he’s striking.
A bit different than his portraits. Then we see Lilith from the opening and she has a Shakespeare…one of those Shakespeare action figures she’s playing with. The Doctor loves Shakespeare. He says genius, genius, genius. Most human human ever, and we get to speak…hear him speak. Then it turns out that Shakespeare’s a jerk. He’s yelling at the crowd. Overconfident I’d say, or brash. He says be quiet to the crowd. Martha says, maybe you shouldn’t have met your heroes. He goes yeah, that was great. He kind of just gives a hard time on his thing. But Lilith’s working his action figure. She seems to have some sort of power over his action figure. He goes, I know what you’re saying; Love’s Labour’s Lost just stopped at the end without the ending. He goes, don’t worry. All in good time. You can’t rush your genius. Then Lilith says something to his action figure and he says oh yeah, no, no, tomorrow night will be the premiere of the sequel, Love’s Labour’s Won. Don’t worry about it.
I think Lilith says something like timing’s right or something. Tonight, tomorrow night. Then the Doctor has a WTF face at that. He says wait a second, something strange happened there. Then after everybody’s leaving the play, the Doctor and Martha are talking. She goes, I never heard of that. The Doctor goes yeah, it was a lost play. Only rumored to exist. Never turned up. No one knows why. She goes, you got a MiniDisc? We could tape it and sell it or something. Doctor goes no, no, no. She goes yeah, you’re right. She goes well, how come the play disappeared if he’s talking about it? The Doctor goes well, maybe we should stick around and find out. I thought we were just gonna come and see a play. It’s our first date that’s not a date, or whatever the Doctor likes to call these little journeys that he goes on. Then they’re outside The Elephant Inn & Pub, I guess. Upstairs, Bill Shakespeare is drinking with some of the actors. Dolly, the proprietor, is kind of…Dolly Bailey. She’s flirting.
Lilith works there; she’s cleaning. The actors and performers are like dude, what do you mean? Are we gonna do a brand-new play tomorrow? We haven’t rehearsed it. We don’t even have the script. You’re not even done. He goes yeah, I’ll finish it tonight. I’ll get it to you in the morning. Then the Doctor rolls in like hello, hey Shakespeare. He goes no, no, no. What are you, a super-fan? No way, man. This is not the VIP hangout. Shove off. Then he sees Martha. You could see that he’s a bit of a problematic person. He sends actors to sew their costumes. He’s like, oh boy. Hello, my sweet lady, kind of thing. Sit right down. You’ll hear a tale. But all eyes…sweet lady, so fitted, he says. Such unusual clothes. Dolly goes oh, what do you got, a new lad? Then Martha has some comedy. She goes, verily, forsooth, egads. Doctor says okay, don’t talk like that. He goes, I’m the Doctor of TARDIS. This is my companion, Martha Jones.
He holds up the psychic paper which the…Shakespeare sees through. Martha does not, though. There’s a little comedy there. Then we kind of learn about the ignorance…more problematic talk from Shakespeare. But Martha says dude, this is not cool. Don’t talk to me like that. Then this dude shows up, the master of revels. Oh, the Doctor says, she’s from Fredonia. He says no, you’re not gonna put a play on tomorrow night. That’s against the rules. You gotta deal with the bureaucracy first and I’m the bureaucracy. I wield my power as I see fit. You’ll perform a play when I say you…performance. I’m gonna go get a banning order. Love Labour’s Lost may never be played because you didn’t ask my permission first. Lilith kind of bumps into him by accident but she clips some of his hair for her own action figure. We see that the power of her action figures is powered by…what do you call it? The power of the action figure is powered by real hair. Then there’s dramatic music.
She calls to her mothers. She says, this bureaucrat’s trying to cancel the play. They go no, no, no; it’s gotta be tomorrow. Oh, our mothers are toil, toil, boil, and bubblers, by the way. They’re around a cauldron most of the time. They say, water damps the fiercest flame, splashy-splash and all the same. Head to the big swimming hole in the sky, bureaucrat. Bye, bye. The bureaucrat just instantly kind of heads out to the big bureaucracy and swimming hole in the sky. But the Doctor…what is this? Doctor’s mind is…oh, okay, so they go out, yeah. Purple ring…you’re not…purple ring out to…mystery solved. Oh dear, all run out. Oh yeah, big farm…Lindley to the big farm. But the Doctor’s mind is blown by it ‘cause he says, this doesn’t make any sense. He goes, this is just…there’s something missing here. He says, something doesn’t add up. Then the Doctor plays dumb. He goes oh, looks like this guy had just decided to head to a different bureaucratic form of existence.
She goes, why are you doing that? He goes well, this is the dark ages. If I played to my gut instincts, people would think it was toil and boil bubblers. She goes well, what was it? He goes, boil…toil, toil, boil, and bubbling. Then we see that they’re making a potion and they’re using magic words around the potion, Little Finger, Bloomtide, and Lilith. Then we go back to Shakespeare’s office room and Dolly says hey, I got you a room, Sir Doctor and Miss Jones. Shakespeare is just trying to wrap his head around everything. He says, I can’t…Martha says listen man, you gotta respect people. They say yeah, yeah, yeah. Then he says, okay. Then he says jeez, Doctor, how can someone so young have eyes so old? The Doctor goes, I read a lot. He goes, oh yeah. He goes, that’s what I do. He goes, I’d make a smart reply. He goes, you, Martha, you look at the Doctor like you’re surprised he exists. He’s as much of a puzzle to you as he is to me. Martha goes, bedtime. Hit the road.
He goes well, I gotta finish this play but I’ll get my answers from you, Doctor, and why you got this constant performance going. Then there’s this ongoing joke; the Doctor goes, all the world’s a stage. He goes well, I might use that later. They go, nighty-night. This is the part of the episode where my heart beated the strongest. Let’s see, ‘cause him and…Martha goes well, this isn’t exactly a five-star room. She goes, I don’t have a toothbrush. The Doctor goes here you go, Venusian Spearmint. I got one for you. She goes well, what are we gonna do? She goes, there’s only one bed. The Doctor goes, we’ll make it work. [00:30:00] Then they get in bed, like, the Doctor’s…lie on his back, thinking, or they both are. She goes, so this is like magic. She goes, a little bit Harry Potter. The Doctor’s already read book seven before it came out. He goes oh, so good. So many tears. Martha goes, but is this real? There’s building interpersonal tension during this scene.
At least or I was projecting, thinking my own feelings. But Martha says okay, is it real? The Doctor goes, no. He goes, not Harry Potter. He goes, this isn’t what we think it is. She goes well, this is…I just…time travel’s new to me. He goes, it looks like it but it’s not. He goes, you gonna get in bed or what? Then they kind of try to…she goes jeez, with two of us in bed, tongues are gonna wag. I said holy cow, am I sweating or is this just a TV show? The Doctor goes, well…he goes, there’s no such thing as the energy that toil, toil, bubblers would use. Humans would. He goes so, there’s something I’m missing, something close. This is when the tension right…staring me in the face. Now they’re face to face. I think she’s ready to connect. The Doctor goes, I’m missing something. Rose would know. Oh, my friend Rose. She always knows what to say. He goes, but you’re a novice, never mind. I’ll bring you home tomorrow. Then Martha just goes, forget it. She blows out the candle.
You don’t get anything. I said Doctor, man, what the heck, man? Martha blows out the candle, then it goes to a commercial. Yeah, now this is old school ‘cause I…this isn’t on streaming. It’s on DVR here so I’m getting through it. Okay, so we come back and Shakespeare’s working. What is that…? Oh, marionette. Okay, so we have candles, we have the window, we have the Doctor. Shakespeare’s working with a feather pen. There’s a window behind him that Lilith opens up and she blows in this green fog, and says go to sleepy-poo, Shakespeare. Then she takes out not just an action figure of Shakespeare, but a marionette action figure. She makes him start writing. She’s writing; the action figure has its own feather pen. The action figure and that are writing. The Doctor’s kind of in bed lying awake, thinking. We see, again, the window outside. Then we see Shakespeare writing in a robo-Shakespeare mode. Then he falls asleep and Lilith kind of pats his head. Then Dolly comes in.
She goes, Will? What’s going on in here? She goes Lilith, what are you doing, playing with an action figure of Shakespeare next to Shakespeare? That’s weird. She goes no, I was just…Dolly was ready to hang with Shakespeare. Lilith goes, I’ll just take off. Dolly goes no, you won’t. Then Lilith goes, you know what? You should go visit that bureaucrat. Bye, bye. So, Dolly does that but first there’s a bump which wakes the Doctor and Shakespeare up. Doctor and Martha hop out of bed, run in. They say, was there a bump, Shakespeare? He goes well, Dolly went to go see that bureaucrat. They go, what did you see? Actually, I think they all saw it. Let me look at my notes again. Oh wait, actually, it’s playing live above me. Okay, there’s Dolly and Lilith. There’s the bumpy-poo. Then Lilith, I think, flies out the window. Shakespeare wakes up, the Doctor and Martha enter the room. Oh yeah, Martha sees her fly off into the moonlight on a broom. That’s interesting; full moon.
Then it’s the morning. A rooster crows. Shakespeare says old, sweet Dolly Bailey. Can’t believe she left to go hang out with that bureaucrat. She had an enormous spirit. Again, they have the repetitive…then…but Martha says, we got the bureaucrat and the innkeeper. They’re both connected to you, Shakespeare. Then a toil, toil, boil, bubbler on a broom. She goes, don’t you write about that? The Doctor goes, not yet. Shakespeare goes well, the architect of The Globe used to talk about this, old Petey Peters. Then they go to The Globe. Let’s see, Dolly Bailey, architect, The Globe, fourteen sides. Why fourteen sides? Doctor says, does that ring a bell? Why does it ring a bell? Martha says well, fourteen lines in a sonnet. Doctor goes yeah, words, shapes, tetradecagon. Shakespeare says, this is a theatre. The Doctor goes well, theatre is magic. Stand on the stage, say the words. He goes, if you empower that…Martha goes, your police box; a small, wooden box, power on the inside.
The Doctor goes, Martha Jones, you work like Jean-Luc Picard deducing things and working out ideas freely. They go, let’s go talk to Peter. Shakespeare goes well, he’s under the weather ‘cause he thought he saw all those boil and bubblers. They go well, we’re gonna go talk to him. Shakespeare goes well, I’ll come along. Then the actors come. Shakespeare goes, here’s the play, Ralph. Copy it, spread it around. Remember to project; eyes and teeth. The Queen could show up even though she never does. He even says as if. Then Martha and Shakespeare have a go-around ‘cause she says dude, get over it. He says well, I think you’re a royal beauty. She goes whoa, Nelly. You’ve got a wife in the country. He goes yes, but this is town. The Doctor says, we can flirt later. Shakespeare goes, really? Is that a promise? He goes, fifty-seven academics just punched the air. Now, move. Then the rehearsal’s going on. Love Labour’s Won, the actors…those sequels are not good.
They go, the last bit doesn’t even make any sense. They kind of start running lines. They say okay, Shadmoch’s hollow moon betwixt Dravidian shores. Then also, and this wind starts blowing. Dravidian shores, linear 593016. They say, what in the heck is that? How is that a play? Then these special effects that they…the actors weren’t aware of come up, like a crow. They call it a vile shade. They say, that doesn’t make any sense. Then the boil bubblers are watching. They go, that’s too soon. You gotta wait for the main play. Lilith says, don’t worry, it’s rehearsal, mom. Then we’re back. They go to visit Peter. It takes a while to get to Peter’s room. They kind of talk about a little bit of Shakespeare’s backstory, like how he’s been down before and he hasn’t had it always easy. Martha says oh, okay, so maybe that’s why you’re covering up with your brashness, huh? He says well, let’s…he goes yeah, it wasn’t easy for me.
Even though you think Shakespeare has it all…he goes, the futility of this fleeting existence. To be or not to be? Then he says well, maybe that’s a big pretentious. Then they go back and forth about Peter’s C-A-R-E where…in his room and his helper. Then they start talking to him. The Doctor kind of gets close in a caring way, but Lilith somehow sees this in the cauldron. She goes, that’s the dude that was in the…with Shakespeare. I thought there was something up. Then one of the moms…Bloom, she says, why is he visiting the Architect? The Doctor says Peter, I’m gonna do a little mind-meld with you. He goes, let me comfort you. Let’s go into the past. Remember, the past was just a winter’s tale, just a story, okay? He goes, tell me what happened. Then Lilith and…they go, mom, you gotta get over there and figure out what he’s doing…Little Finger him. Then they go, Peter…Peter says, well…he goes yeah, they told me fourteen walls, fourteen sides. Then they kissed me goodbye.
The Doctor goes well, where do they live? He goes, All Hallows Street. Then Little Finger – the mom; not the character from the show – shows up, and she says, too many words. Martha goes, what in the double hockey sticks? She goes Peter, let’s go. Peter goes with her through her cauldron to another…to a peaceful place. Shakespeare goes, I cannot believe what I’m [00:40:00] seeing. You’re a boil and bubbler. She goes, who’s next? Martha goes, we gotta get outta here. The Doctor goes yeah, no. She goes well, who’s first? Little Finger. Doctor goes, if you’re looking for volunteers, I’ll go. Martha goes, no. Shakespeare goes Doctor, what are you gonna do? She goes, no mortal has power over a boil bubbler. The Doctor goes, there’s power in words if I can find the right one. She goes, no one on Earth knows who we are. He goes then, well, it’s good I’m here. Fourteen, fourteen, fourteen stars of Rexel planet. He goes, you’re a Carriernite. She goes oh, no. She has to go home.
They go, how’d you do that? He goes old magic, like Earthsea, baby, like Earthsea. He goes, power of the name. Goes, didn’t you guys ever read that book, Legend of Earthsea? Ursula Le Guin? They go, that’s in the…oh, okay, sorry, Doctor says. Martha goes, but there’s no magic. The Doctor goes, science and magic aren’t that far apart. Science is magic and math. He goes, they just use words instead of math, Carriernites. Shakespeare says, for what? He says well, for getting Earth to go back in time, to back…all the way to the beginning. The boil bubblers are meeting. Little Finger says, he knows us by name. Lilith says, don’t worry, I’ll deal with it. You two go to The Globe. It’s almost time for the performance. Let’s see, fourteen, very Earthsea. Deal with the Doctor, Little Finger not happy, time approaches, then they’re back at Shakespeare’s room. The Doctor says okay, here’s the…the Carriernites, they’re not even supposed to be around. Nobody was sure if they were real or legend.
Shakespeare says well, that’s real. Martha says, what do they want? He says well, start Earth over. They’re just boil and bubblers, though. They go, how? Doctor goes, possibly through words. Shakespeare goes, my words? They go well, what were you doing with that Carriernite last night? Shakespeare goes, finishing the play. The Doctor goes well, how does the play end? He goes boys, girls, friends beyond the binary, dancing, trees, Multi-forms, funny and thought-producing, or funny and thought-provoking. He goes, there’s a couple weird lines I don’t even remember writing. Doctor goes well, that’s it; it’s a code. Love Labour’s Won. Combination of words, The Globe’s their energy converter. He says the play is the thing, Shakespeare, hinty-hinty-hoo. Then we go to the play. Let’s see, that’s the code…plays the thing. Oh, then we have the narrator getting the play ready to open. This is where we last left off. Love Labour’s Lost; will love labours be won?
The two moms are in the audience. Then the Doctor’s looking over a map with Martha saying okay, there’s All Hallows Street, I think. He goes, we’ll track ‘em down. Shakespeare, stop the play. He goes, all these years…he goes, I thought I was the cleverest man but you…Doctor, I know nothing next to you. Martha goes okay, don’t complain. He goes no, no, I love it, I love it, Shakespeare says. Good luck, Doctor. Then Shakespeare…Doctor can’t let go ‘cause…good luck, Shakespeare. Once more onto the breach. Wait a second; the Doctor goes, keep moving. Let’s see, Love Labour’s…play…okay, then we go to the play. The moms have a crystal ball and then they kind of say they’re doing the play. The eye should have contentment where rest is spun out. They’re saying patience, patience. Stretched sheets make the bed. Then Shakespeare comes in and says stop the play, stop the play. The actors are like, WTF? Little Finger and Bloomtide are like wait a second, this is…he’s trying to stop the play.
Shakespeare says don’t worry, everyone gets a refund, but you can’t perform this play. Then the actors are like, why is he acting like this? Get him off the stage. But Little Finger says don’t worry, I have an action figure with real hair. She makes the Doctor fall asleep and they carry him off the stage, the actors, and they say forgive our irksome Will. He’s been on the beer and feeling ill, whichever…cracks everybody up. Then the boil bubblers are happy again. Let’s see, we’re at once more…oh, right, that’s the other page. Okay, so then, the Doctor and Martha are on All Hallows Street. They say jeez, which house is it? Martha goes, this doesn’t make any sense. It’s 1599, but I’m from the future. She goes, so they couldn’t have succeeded. The Doctor goes well, how do I explain the infinite temporal flux? He goes oh, Back to the Future. It’s the same as Back to the Future. She goes, the movie? This might have been one of the funniest lines I’ve ever heard.
He goes no, the novelization. He goes yeah, the film. He goes, Marty McFly goes back in time, changes history. She goes oh, and then he fades away. She goes, am I gonna fade? He goes yeah, if we don’t get this right. We gotta figure out which house. Then a door just opens for them. He goes oh, which house? Hardy-har-har, which was funny. Then we see candles. They go upstairs and Lilith’s waiting for them. The Doctor goes oh, you’re expecting us, eh? She goes, yep. Martha goes, I’ll just name her; Carrionite. It doesn’t work. Lilith says, it only works once. She goes by the way, go to sleep, Martha Jones. Martha falls asleep. The Doctor goes, how could you do that? She goes weird, I could only put her to sleep. She goes, she’s somehow out of her time. You, you don’t have a name. Why would a man hide his title in such despair? But she goes, I do know one name that makes your heart ache. He goes, the names won’t work. She goes, yeah…she goes, Rose. The north wind blows.
He goes, Rose gives me energy. He goes, where did you Carrionites go, anyway? Backstory time. She goes okay, well, the Eternals got rid of us. Then Shakespeare brought us in through his imagination. When he was down, the combination…he goes, well how many? Just three, but tonight we’re gonna bring everyone else in and, you know, live on this planet. It’ll be ours. The Doctor goes well, it sounds like you’re busy, but you gotta get past me. Lilith goes no problem, but you’re very handsome. He goes, you’re not gonna be able to charm me. But she’s taken his hair for an action figure. He goes, what’s that? She goes, souvenir. He goes, give me back my hair. Then she starts to fly. Then she goes, go to sleep, Doctor. Doctor falls asleep. Martha wakes up. Oh, first the Doctor goes, I can’t believe this. He goes, that’s the DNA replicator. Then Martha grabs the Doctor. She goes oh, your two hearts beat as one. The Doctor goes yeah, but I’m not used to just having one heart beat as one.
Pat my back, pat my side. Lovely. Then he says…wait, let me see. He has two funny lines. Oh, Doctor looked at the cauldron, back to the old ways, busy schedule. I forgot; she wanted things…I don’t know. I liked it ‘cause the Doctor saw Shakespeare in the cauldron. But he goes, lovely. Then he goes, boom…oh, badda-boom-ba. Badda-boom-ba. I love that. He goes, let’s go to The Globe. Then she flies out…oh, wait. Yeah, two hearts now one, lovely. Badda-boom-ba…to the show, the play. Pish…who says pish? I don’t know. Let me look. Then we’re back at the theatre. Lilith shows up at the theatre. She says, Doctors…Doctor and Martha are dealt with. Let’s get this on. They’re getting ready for the end of the play. Then Martha and the Doctor are trying to run but they can’t find the right direction. Oh, one of the performers says pish. It’s out of season. Swannish sight of a woman’s love. Then they say okay, this is it. Then the performer says, betwixt Dravidian shores and linear 5930167 point…and I won’t say the last number just in case.
That’s a [00:50:00] grove of Rexel 4, co-rate and crystal activate form of swirling crows. Then a form of swirling crows, like a portal of swirling crows, opens. They start swirling around. Obviously, everybody’s like, that’s not good for any of us. We weren’t expecting a portal of swirling crows. That’s inconvenient. Meanwhile, the Doctor and Martha can kind of see it. They say, that’s a portal of swirling crows. That’s strange that some character named Little Finger…Martha says, don’t worry about it. He says to the stage door, maybe it’s just special effects. Is there clapping? I think everybody’s clapping at first ‘cause they say, what in the heck? Oh, yeah, no, everybody’s kind of running around. There’s a crystal ball. Oh, all the boil and bubblers are very happy. Will’s asleep. The Doctor goes, I thought you were gonna stop the play. He goes, I fell asleep backstage. Let’s see…yeah, crystal ball, crows, laughs, crow whirlwind, special effects. Shakespeare slowly is waking up.
They say, don’t rub your head too much. You’ll go bald, the Doctor says. That’s my cue. Then the boil and bubblers are like, this is it. This is our big moment. The Doctor runs out on stage. Martha and Shakespeare follow him. Lilith says, the Doctor? He goes well, you’re gonna have to watch this. All our crows are gonna take over. She quotes a play. Then the Doctor says Will, this is your moment. He goes, what do I do? He goes well, use your words. Shape of The Globe gives words power. You’re the wordsmith, the one true genius, only clever enough human to do it. He goes, what words? I got no words ready. He goes, you’re William Shakespeare. He goes yeah, but this is Carriernites. I don’t even speak their words. Then the Doctor goes, you gotta trust yourself. He goes, when you were writing, the words come like magic, words of right sound, shape, and rhythm, words that last forever. That’s what you do. You choose the perfect words to do an improvise.
This is like, a Shakespearean improve rap battle, I guess is the closest way I could describe it. Then Shakespeare says…there’s all these swirling crows and red lights, special effects, a fog machine. Shakespeare goes, close up this din of boil and bubble. We’ll close up your little toil and trouble…you steal my ideas, play with my action figure, but my doting Doctor tells me I’m more than a toy. Lilith goes, these are powerful words. He goes, Carriernites, cease your show. Between the points…then he says, I need that reverse number. Doctor says, 761390. Shakespeare says, 761390. They didn’t do the ping. Then he goes, back to a…go back to polishing things like a tinker. Then he goes, I sated the…then he says…Shakespeare goes, what’s my line? Martha goes, Expelliarmus. He says, what? Doctor says, Expelliarmus. Shakespeare says, Expelliarmus. The Doctor says, thanks, J.K. Then all the crows start going away. They say, we’re gonna fly back to the cauldron.
We liked it better there anyway. All the scripts kind of start to fly away, too. Then they realize oh, wait, the cauldron’s within the…what do you call that thing? The crystal ball. They say okay, let’s all fly into the crystal ball, all the crows, everybody. The audience is stunned because then everything goes off and vanishes. First, they’re all just sitting there like what just happened? Then Martha goes, I think they thought that that was special effects. The Doctor goes well, Love’s Labour Won is gone, all the copies. Oh, and Shakespeare goes, your effect is special indeed, Martha. She goes, that’s not a very good line. Then they all bow to the audience who’s clapping and amazed, minds blown. It’s not your best line, she says, I thought. I mean, the way she said it, but I thought that was appropriate. We see the crystal ball was left in their seat. All the Carriernites are now in the crystal ball. The Doctor goes and gets it which has to be some sort of thing of like, it’ll return.
Then the next day, Shakespeare and Martha are sitting on a bench with the crystal ball and they’re exchanging jokes. Let’s see how it was…and I say a heart for a heart and a dear for a dear. Martha says, I don’t get it. He goes, well, what’s a joke for you? She goes, Shakespeare walks into a pub and the landlord says oy, mate, you’re a bard. He goes, I don’t understand that one. He goes hey, anyway, what do you think about hanging? She goes, no. He goes well, I don’t think the Doctor knew. He goes, why not entertain a man that definitely likes you, like me? I think this was a…I had to look up this line. She goes, I don’t know to tell you this, oh great genius, but your breath doesn’t half-stink, which to me means it totally does. ‘Cause it wasn’t a compliment, or she said no thanks, no kissing. Then the Doctor comes back and he goes jeez, I got a Sycorax and this neck…frilly thing. The Doctor goes, I like the sound of Sycorax. He goes, how are you feeling? Then he goes well, I got a headache.
The Doctor goes, put this ruffle on you. He goes, wear it around for a few days. Maybe just keep it on forever. It looks good. Martha says, what’s up with the play? The Doctor says, it’s gone. The Doctor says, it’s gone; I looked everywhere. Every single copy of Love’s Labour’s Won went up in the sky. Shakespeare says well, it’s my lost masterpiece. Martha goes, why don’t you write it again? The Doctor goes no, no, no, please don’t. There’s still power in those words. Let’s forget them. Shakespeare goes oh, I got new ideas. I think about fathers and sons and my son Hamnet. Martha goes, Hamnet? He goes oh, yeah. That was my boy’s name, Hamnet. She goes, Hamnet. He goes, yep. Doctor goes okay, we gotta get going. I’m gonna put this crystal ball in the attic of the TARDIS. I very much like Superman 2 or 3 with the prism thingamajig. That’s the plan with it ‘cause it’s very similar to that. He goes, Martha’s gotta get back to Fredonia.
Then Shakespeare says, I can see through everything. He goes, you’re gonna go back and travel through time and space. Doctor goes, what do you mean? He goes, you’re from another world, like the Carriernites. Martha’s from the future. I figured it all out. The Doctor, again…he said, this is like Shakespeare love. He goes jeez, you’re incredible, incredible. Shakespeare goes, we’re alike in many ways, Doctor. He goes, let me give you a little verse, a little sonnet for my lady. Shall I compare these to a summer’s day? Thou art more lovely and more temperate. Then the actors come in. They go Will, you won’t believe it; she’s here. We’re the talk of the town and she heard about it last night. She wants us to perform the show again. Martha goes, who? They go, Her Majesty has arrived. Actually, it’s really nice. The Globe’s open to the sun or it just has really good lighting, so it looks really cool. Then there’s music and the Queen comes in in full garb like out of a movie.
The Doctor goes, Elizabeth I? She goes, Doctor? The Doctor goes, what? I don’t know if that was…which Elizabeth it was in the last season but she goes, you are…she goes, remember when you ruined my croquet game and my card game? The Doctor goes oh yeah, we gotta get outta…she goes yeah, you still owe me something. The Doctor says Martha, we gotta roll. The Queen says nope, place the Doctor…so, then he goes, never mind, we’ll see you. Thanks, Will. [01:00:00] The Queen says, stop that precocious Doctor, or whatever. I don’t know what she says. But they run after the Doctor and Martha. Shakespeare’s cracking up. He thinks it’s the funniest thing he’s ever seen. The Doctor is also having a lot of fun. He’s laughing. Martha goes, what did you do? He goes, I don’t know. I don’t even think I met her yet. He goes, that’s time travel for you, but can’t wait to find out. Then they get to the TARDIS. He opens the door and he goes, that’s something to look forward to. Then they go into the TARDIS and the episode comes to a close. Goodnight.
[END OF RECORDING]