896 – Smith and Jones | Sleeping With Doctor Who S3 E1

EPISODE 896 – Dr. Who S3 E1

 

[START OF RECORDING]

SCOOTER: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, trees and Multi-forms, it’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that’s here to put you to sleep, patrons.  You support it and you enable me…you make it possible.  Thanks so much.

 

INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature or schedule.  Anything on your mind that you’re thinking about, anything you’re feeling or coming up for you emotionally, or physical sensations.  But also, you might have worked a second or third shift.  You might be on call.  You might have a lot of other stuff going on.  Whatever it is, I’m here to take your mind off of that and help you fall asleep.  The way I’m gonna do it is I’m gonna create a safe place.  I’m gonna smooth it, this safe place, I’m gonna pat it, I’m gonna rub it down.  I’m gonna say ‘safe place’.

 

I’m making the motion with my hands of smoothing and patting.  You know, just like it was a cushiony safe place.  We have plenty of…you say well, I prefer a softer…I say oh boy, I got…you want soft, medium, firm?  Soft and firm?  I got it all.  You say, I don’t…whether you prefer soft serve, hard serve, gelato, yogurt, we got a safe place that metaphorically fits the bill.  If you have a bill, like, you’re a duck-based being related to Howard the Duck or something else, we have plenty of places that are comfortable, bills or no…you say okay, I got a bill.  I’m a platypus.  I say well, you’re in the right place ‘cause I got a…holy mackerel.  Whatever it is, I’m gonna…the way I establish it though, is…what I really do is I send my voice across the deep, dark night.  I use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, which you’ve already heard.  You might be not sure about the creaky, dulcet tones, so give it a try.  I’m gonna also use…I have pointless meanders, whatever those are called; pre-words…before words were formulated back in the…what are they…?

 

Most of my brain is primordial soup.  It’s been identified recently, so some of my words are primordial words.  I say, that’s not even…what kind of…that’s not a root, is it?  It’s more like a…I’d say no, it’s like clumps of dirt.  I don’t even…some of my words are not based on any roots.  They’re just stuff like that, primordial words, or word fragments, I guess in this case.  Pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, I go off-topic all the time.  But all that is to take your mind off stuff and help you fall asleep.  Now if you’re new, quite a few things I want to let you know about to establish some rapport if possible, and start the process of me earning your trust ‘cause that’s really what my job is as bedtime storyteller.  This is asking you to participate in something that’s a little bit different, so that’s a few things to know.  One, if you’re skeptical or doubtful or unsure about this podcast or my voice or my manner, that is totally normal.  I would say 95% of regular listeners had the same reaction you’re having now.  ‘Cause you might say, what’s a creaky, dulcet tone?

 

Or you might say, who…how are you gonna put me to sleep?  Or when are you gonna get to the point?  Or what are you up to?  Are you sure you know what primordial soup is, or fragments or…?  I say no, not really.  I’m not sure about really anything except for my intention, which I’ll kind of run through in a second, but first I gotta go off-topic.  Well, I gotta kinda stay on topic.  If you’re doubtful, give this show a few tries.  That’s what millions of listeners have said.  Well, it took two or three tries before I got used to the podcast.  You could just kind of see how it goes.  Also, the podcast is not best…it’s best consumed loosely or out-of-focus, or barely listening.  This is one of the few podcasts you don’t need to listen to.  They have this thing called active listening, then you can have pretend active listening where you’re kind of listening to something.  In Sleep With Me’s case, it’s almost like reflective listening.  You say well, my brain’s not necessarily calculating what you’re saying, but I know your words are reflecting off my eardrums.

 

Kind of just see how it goes but don’t…you don’t need to pay too much attention.  Or if you’re kind of waiting and wondering when things are gonna get started, they probably will get barely started at some point.  But it’s gonna take a while ‘cause this is just…that’s just part of the show, which I’ll explain in more detail in a second.  But the other thing is, now there’s…every day it feels like there’s more and more sleep podcasts or sleep solutions.  Believe it or not, I’ve been doing this show since 2013.  This podcast is not really meant to put you to sleep.  It’s more here to keep you company as you fall asleep.  My purpose is more to take your mind off of stuff so you can fall asleep, to kind of clear off the old whatever, clear off that thing and say hey, you pay attention to me instead of paying attention to your brain, the old…the more feisty parts of your brain that come up at bedtime, or feelings or physical sensations.  I’m here to distract you and keep you company, be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-cuz, your bore-sib, your bore-bestie.

 

If you’re in San Diego, bore-bruh.  If you’re out there on…somewhere else where…that’s my job, is to keep you company as you drift off.  Another thing that can throw new people off is the idea that the podcast is structured very differently.  So, our show starts off with a welcome; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary so that everybody knows they’re welcome, they’re seen, and my goal is to treat you all with dignity and respect.  Then we have business.  That’s how we’re just able…that’s just the reality to bring you the show for free.  There’s maybe, I don’t know, somewhere between two and eight minutes of business.  Then there’s an intro which is around twelve to twenty minutes long.  Sometimes people feel like that’s business too, but it’s really…there’s no business.  I guess I’m in no business of doing podcast intros because our intro…most intros, you’d say well, shouldn’t a intro be like, two minutes?  Shouldn’t you just get to the point?

 

I’d say well, not necessarily.  In a sleep podcast, what I’ve discovered is the intro gives you a chance to wind down.  Now, there is 2% of listeners that skip ahead straight to the story, and then there’s a couple thousand listeners that support the show on Patreon and listen to story-only episodes but other than that, whatever, the other couple hundred thousand people listen to the intro.  The way that works is that the idea of the intro is that as you become a regular listener, you see what works for you.  But the intro is kind of supposed to be part of your wind-down routine, or that’s what I discovered.  Some people start it as they’re getting ready for bed and they’re starting their wind-down routine or their bedtime routine, or their skincare routine, or stretching, or journaling, or knitting, petting animals, doodling, quiet sitting.  You could kind of see…or some people start it when they get into bed and they’re just getting comfortable and letting the day drift away.  The intro is your runway.

 

For regular listeners it’s new ‘cause every intro is different, but it’s also familiar because my attempt to make the intro make sense is…it happens…it’s happened, whatever, almost 900 times now.  Then, after the intro, there’ll be some business.  Then we’ll talk about an episode of Dr. Who, a David Tenant episode.  If you don’t watch Dr. Who or you’re a super-fan or you never even heard of it, or you’re worried about spoilers, don’t worry.  My recap will be very sleepy and it might not make any sense to anybody.  I mean, I’m sure…I don’t think I could confuse the Doctor.  I think the Doctor would be able to figure…the Doctor would probably just…I think me and the Doctor would get along pretty good.  You say, which [00:10:00] Doctor would you get along with best, Scoots?  I’d say well, I mean, they’re all pretty cool, but, well, I’m not covering Jodie Whittaker’s Doctor.  Maybe we could see…but so, what was I saying?  Sorry, I’m blushing now.  Oh, but so, what was I saying?

 

Oh, this podcast doesn’t make any sense.  Oh, so we’ll talk about Dr. Who but in a very indirect way.  Then there’s some thank yous at the end of the show.  That’s the structure of the show.  You don’t need to listen to it.  No pressure to fall asleep.  Now, the reason I make the show is because I’ve been there and I know how it feels in the deep, dark night tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep.  All those things happen for me, waking up super-early, waking up…all that stuff I’m familiar with and I know how it feels.  I don’t want that for you or in some sense, I just don’t want the dread that comes with that.  I want to be able to create a situation where Sleep With Me becomes part of a routine with other cool stuff that might…looking at flowers or looking…maybe you do some flower-pressing or leaf-pressing or something and you start listening to Sleep With Me.  You say okay, well now at bedtime, I know I’m gonna do some stretching, some quiet sitting.  I’m gonna get out my wax paper and look…press a leaf or press a flower or look at a pressed leaf from the autumn, and I’m gonna listen to Scoots.  That’s not half-bad.

 

It kind of interrupts that bedtime dread.  The other reason I make the show is because…not only do I know how it feels, but I believe you deserve a good night’s sleep.  It might be harder for you to believe that.  I mean, believe me, I know.  But I believe that.  I know that.  I don’t believe it; I know you deserve a good night’s sleep.  I also know our world will be a better place if you have a little bit of rest, if there’s a little bit more rest and rested people in there, people are gonna flourish.  That’s my goal.  I just do it a little bit differently.  The main advice regular listeners give is give it a few tries and just see how it goes.  There’s really nothing to lose except for a little bit of time.  Now, some of you might already know that you don’t like the show or you don’t enjoy me, and that’s cool too.  I do have a site, sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou you could check out as well.  But I’m glad you’re here.  I’m glad you found your way to the show.  I really hope…I work really hard ‘cause I really want to help you fall asleep.  Again, I appreciate you coming by and I hope I can help you fall asleep.  Here’s a couple ways we’re able to bring you this podcast for free.

 

Alright, everybody, we’re talking about the latest episode of Dr. Who, season three, the first episode even though there was a special.  This is the first episode of the season.  It’s called Smith and Jones.  It opens with the TARDIS and the visualizers.  Reminded me of the old iTunes visualizers back in the day, long ago or even before iTunes, I think.  We see a city.  We see a woman…there’s music playing.  A woman, a familiar woman…you say, I’ve seen her before.  I mean, at least I have.  I say, yeah.  I say, I’ve seen her before.  She’s very familiar.  She’s on the phone.  Martha’s her name.  She seems to be talking to her younger sister.  They’re planning a party.  The sound of her ringtone is like, the next…in the US, there was a thing called Nextel that had push-to-talk.  It kind of sounds like that.  The party-planning is not going well.  I think it’s her brother’s twenty-first birthday but I’m not 100% positive about that.  What’s…let me see, twenty-first birthday.  How do I do that?

 

Tell him he can’t bring her…oh, Annalise…there’s something else.  What’s wrong with Annalise?  Mom and Annalise don’t get along, is what’s wrong with her.  I just want to see what my thing…yeah, but the mom and Annalise aren’t gonna get along.  Annalise…she calls her dad.  At some point, the Doctor walks up to her.  Oh, and what does the Doctor say?  I couldn’t figure that out.  But she’s planning the party.  The Doctor walks up to her and says, you see or like so?  You see?  Let me see, let me see what the…so, yeah, like so, you see?  He takes off his tie, shows her, and then just walks off.  Of course, she’s very confused.  He takes off his tie.  Did I say that?  Also, there’s a storm brewing in the air, as usual.  As Martha’s going into a building, she gets bumped by a biker, a motorcyclist; a very modern leather…full-leather bodysuit and a helmet on.  Safety first.  She says, watch it.  We see Martha stands up for herself.  She goes to her locker.  She puts on a lab coat.  She notices some static in the air.

 

Then we have the scene, very reminiscent of the idea of the movie Paper Chase which I don’t think I’ve ever…I think it’s always been on my thing to see, and I’ve seen parts of it.  I also think it was a TV show, but the idea…or the Prada, The Diablo Wears Prada, or Whiplash.  But this is more of a buffoon, this mentor, rude mentor architype.  But this person’s just more of a man-splainer but he has that rude mentor architype-type thing going.  More rude, though.  Did I say that?  He talks about salt.  Hippocrates loves salt, he says.  Then we see there’s two leather bikers visiting this workplace in helmets.  Then they go in to check on Mr. Smith, John Smith, who’s the Doctor.  He’s all cheery.  Let’s see what they say.  They say, how are you doing?  He goes ah, I don’t know.  They say yeah, he’s got a tummy ache.  They say, check him out.  Martha tries to check him but she says she hears two heartbeats.  She also says, didn’t they just see you outside?  He goes no, no, no.  What did I do?

 

She goes, what do…what was that…he goes no, I’ve been in here the whole time.  She goes well, that’s weird.  It looked like…you got a brother?  He goes, not anymore; just me.  Then the mentor’s still going on and on and on.  More people are dealing with static.  He says, yeah.  Then the mentor-type says, his name is something Stern, of course.  He says, Stoker?  Stoker Stern?  Oh, Stoker.  Yeah.  He says yeah, a storm’s coming.  The Doctor talks about his time with Benjamin Franklin.  They say okay, maybe you should have somebody talk to you about that ‘cause that doesn’t seem possible.  The Doctor’s all smiles all the time.  You know how that is.  Then we have Martha in a break room.  Oh, he says, my mate Ben…yeah, I held that kite with…I flew that kite with Benjamin Franklin, my mate Ben.  But Martha’s in the break room.  Her sister calls her about lunch; she’s bringing lunch by.  Martha says, I think…Martha says, it’s raining.  The sister says, no rain where I am.  I’m just down the street, though.

 

That’s weird.  She goes oh, there’s a weird storm above your workplace.  Martha also sees the Doctor walking around in his robe, wandering the halls.  Martha goes to do more party-planning for this party tonight.  Then her coworker says, have you seen the rain?  The rain, it’s going up.  Martha says no, that’s not possible.  Then she says wait a second, it is possible because it is going up.  Then it gets a bit bumpy.  Spoiler alert, because their entire building has become a ship, I believe, or it’s just…it may be like, transporting or it’s a ship.  I’m not sure ‘cause they don’t show that part.  After the turbulence, they’re in the break room and they say…it’s night time?  Martha says.  They say no, it’s not possible.  It was lunchtime.  Her and her coworker…but it’s dark outside.  Martha goes, it’s not dark outside.  We’re on the moon.  We’re on the moon.  She says it twice and then she says, we’re on the B to the…she says, you know, a very…harvest moon.

 

We’re on the harvest moon, which is the actual moon.  Everybody in the whole building…oh, and they are, then it pulls back to see that they are on the moon.  Of course, then it goes to a commercial.  ‘Cause you say okay, they’re on the moon, [00:20:00] a work office building is on the moon.  They say well, that’s strange.  Not something I’d consider possible.  Then we come back from the ad and everyone is looking out the window.  They’re at the Royal Hope, is where they work, helping people hope for royal stuff.  Everyone’s looking out the windows.  A little stressful ‘cause they say we’re on the moon; unexpected.  Martha’s sister’s back at…on Earth.  She says, there’s a big hole…she calls Martha; there’s a big hole where your office was.  But of course, Martha’s not answering her phone.  We see the TARDIS in the background.  Everybody’s, again, a little bit running around, saying are we really on the moon or am I dreaming?  We see the Earth in the background.

 

Martha goes around and she takes control.  You see okay, this woman is very competent and self-aware.  She says, everybody get back to bed.  Very professional; she says, we’ll sort it out.  Don’t worry, I work here.  You’re all guests in the Hope Pavilion.  She looks out again.  She says, it’s real.  Let’s see, where does she say that?  I was just looking up the notes.  She goes back to bed.  She looks out the…she goes, it’s real.  It’s really real.  Hold on.  Then they look out the window.  It’s her and her coworker.  They say okay, well, how is this possible that we’re on the moon?  Because we’re not on a spaceship.  She goes, well…’cause Martha wants to open the windows.  The other woman says, don’t open the windows.  We’re in space.  Martha says yeah, but the windows aren’t airtight.  Then the Doctor says holy cow, that’s a great point.  He rolls up behind them.  He says Jone, was it?  Martha Jones?  He goes so, is this possible?  Then the other person says no, not possible.

 

The Doctor says okay, never mind.  Martha…he goes, any balcony or veranda?  She says yeah, out back.  He goes, you want to go outside?  She goes, okay.  He goes, might be strange.  She goes, might not be strange.  The Doctor says, leave your coworker behind ‘cause they’re not up to speed with us.  Then they go out on a balcony on the moon.  Martha goes holy cow, how does that work?  Doctor goes, just be glad it’s working.  She goes, I gotta go to a party tonight.  The Doctor goes, are you okay?  She goes, okay.  He goes, are you sure?  She goes, yeah.  He goes, you want to go back inside?  She goes well, I mean, it’s strange.  But she goes, it’s also beautiful.  The Doctor goes, yeah?  She goes, yeah.  I mean, how many people want to go to the moon and we’re here?  I say wow, this is an impressive person.  The Doctor has some great lines; standing in the Earthlight.  Then he pulls a Picard.  She goes, what do you think?  The Doctor goes, what do you think?

 

She says well, it’s gotta be extraterrestrial ‘cause everything else…she’s been aware of everything that’s been happening unlike in the last episode where people were…had too much cognitive dissonance.  Then she talks about her cousin Adeola who worked the Canary Wharf who we know from the cyber-people.  The Doctor says yeah, I was there.  She goes, listen Mr. Smith, if we can get to the moon, we can get home.  I’ll find a way.  He goes well, I’m not Mr. Smith.  She goes, who are you, then?  He goes, I’m the Doctor.  She goes well, I’m working on that, myself.  She goes, what is it, Dr. Smith?  He goes no, just the Doctor.  She goes, what do you mean, just the Doctor?  He goes, just the Doctor.  She goes, people call you the Doctor?  He goes, yeah.  She goes well, you’re gonna have to earn that.  The Doctor says okay, I’ll try to do that.  I could try to do that.  He throws a pebble off the balcony.  It hits a forcefield.  She goes okay, like a bubble.

 

She goes well, that means we have a ticking clock, then.  He goes, we certainly do have a ticking clock now, for this episode.  She goes, who’s…who would do something?  Then we see spaceships come in.  Heads up, the Doctor says.  They’re tube-like spaceships.  They fly in, vertical tubes, and then they come in and land.  Everyone’s looking out the window saying what in the heck?  Martha says, aliens.  They’re aliens; real, proper aliens.  The Doctor says they’re Judoon, is their name.  They do a lot of marching off their ship.  They’re wearing a lot of leather.  A lot of leather in this episode.  Then we have Mr. Stoker.  I think he’s in his office.  A woman comes in.  She goes, can you help me?  He goes yeah, well, I need help.  I want to retire.  I was gonna retire in Florida.  Now we’re on the moon.  She goes, I could use some hope, Mr. Stoker.  He goes no, I don’t think so.  She goes, well…he goes, is there anything else I could help you with?  She goes yeah, straws.  I need straws.

 

He goes well, straws are property of the hospital.  You get one straw per drink.  She goes no, I need more.  I like to have two straws.  He says, absolutely not.  But then we realize the biker is with…the bikers are with her so they say, we’ll take as many straws as we want.  She goes, by the way, you were right about Hippocrates and salt.  She has some good lines here.  She says jeez, Doctor, someone that’s hoarding straws is a little bit strange when you drink all these vintage wines and have Michelin-star sauces.  She goes, we’ll be taking as many straws as we like, by the way.  Then we go to another commercial on that ‘cause you say bum-bum-bum, total chaos now.  They’re on the moon and people are just taking as many straws as they want.  I think even Mr. Stoker’s like what, are you gonna use them at home?  People don’t really use straws at home except for people that do.  He goes, you could just buy…he goes, it’s more convenient…wouldn’t you want a higher-quality straw, anyway?

 

But that doesn’t take place.  Then we see marching leather, these beings are in marching…they’re marching in leather.  People are a little bit like, what’s going on?  ‘Cause there’s big boots and marching.  They’re in the waiting room.  Also, they have superhero abs, whoever these people are, which we find out immediately they’re rhinos, humanoid rhinos; Judoon, as we said.  There’s also a rhyme.  Or is it rhinos with abs?  That’s not the rhyme.  The Doctor says something.  They march in, people say…oh, let’s see.  Also, where is it?  They pass in…blos so folt do no cro blo cos so ro.  That’s what the first Judoon says.  Then they figure out how to talk English with their translator.  They say hey, we’re just here to catalogue.  We’re actually, we’re a catalogue…we’re doing a catalogue of everything that’s in here, every piece of…every…we’re just simply librarian inventory specialists.  They say, we’re gonna take status of everything.

 

Then there’s a callback to another episode ‘cause the Doctor and Martha are looking down at this.  The Doctor goes oh, you got a little shop there.  I like a little shop.  Which, in another episode, he said, there’s no shop in this place.  Martha says, who are the Judoon?  He says well, they’re kind of accountants, inventory specialists, librarians, but they’re very authoritative.  She goes, why the moon?  He goes, neutral territory.  They can’t do anything on Earth so they came here to run their whatever you call that, accounting.  She goes, accounting of…he goes no, no, no, everything…every person and thing here, they just want to get it under…catalogued.  He goes, but they’re looking for something out of order, probably someone that’s taking more than their allotted share, either someone that works here, Stoker, or this woman.  I’ll just tell you.  But the Doctor is…oh, he’s impressed with Martha so he keeps giving her these looks.  The Judoon keep looking around.

 

They say that’s it, we’re just here to catalogue, so no reason to be stressful.  Except for one guy; he says catalogue this, and he smashes a vase for some reason.  They say well, you’re gonna have to pay for that, man.  Then the Doctor and Martha are trying…let’s see, you…oh, these UV scanner…they have very nice teeth, these Judoons.  They use Sharpies.  When you’ve been catalogued or something’s been catalogued, you get an X on it which doesn’t seem like the most…I guess it seemed…like, on your hand.  Or I guess they use a smaller X on items.  Yeah, they say prepare to be catalogued.  Justice is swift, he says, for vase-breakers, full pay.  Doctor tries to scan a computer with the sonic screwdriver.  She goes, what?  He goes, a sonic screwdriver.  He goes, what?  He goes no, a screwdriver that’s sonic.  She goes, what do you got, a laser spanner?  He goes I did, but it was taken by Emily Pankhurst.  Anyway, Judoon locked down the computers.  He goes, this is so weird.

 

He goes, I knew there was something going on with this building, but I thought it was inside and not that the building was gonna get [00:30:00] transported.  She goes, what are they looking to catalogue?  He goes, probably someone taking more than their allotted thing.  I thought Scoots covered it.  He goes, wouldn’t be a human because humans…he goes, some other being that’s not supposed to be here and not supposed to be taking things.  He goes, the problem with that is the whole office could get blamed because…she goes well, we better figure something out, then.  She goes, let’s talk to…I’ll go talk to Mr. Stoker ‘cause he’s the boss; see if he knows what’s happening.  She goes into his office and the bikers are there, and the straw lady.  It turns out Stoker won…always had a lot of straws in his desk, so they were collecting his personal straw collection.  The bikers…she says, Martha’s caught me straw-handed.  The bikers run after Martha.  Martha bumps into the Doctor.

 

The Doctor and Martha hold hands, that old hold-hand running thing.  They run from the bikers.  Rhinos are on the stairs, grunting.  There’s run, run, run music.  Then the Doctor says okay, well, I think…he goes, I got an idea.  He goes well, he goes, I think because the way their bicycle helmets are, they’re polarized.  He goes, I have a special…he goes, there’s special flash cameras in this room and it’ll confuse the biker.  They do that.  It actually confuses the biker that comes in.  The Doctor says, 5,000% higher flash.  That biker just goes, I gotta go home.  But the Doctor goes, I also gotta get the…he shakes his shoe off ‘cause he says, I’m a Doctor.  I’m the Doctor, so I gotta get this flash energy out into my shoe.  He does this funny dance.  Martha says, you’re completely mad.  He goes, you’re right, I better take both my shoes off.  Then he says, barefoot on the moon.  I love that line.  Martha says, what’s up with these bikers?  He goes, they’re not human.  Slab; solid leather.

 

Martha goes well, it was Miss Finnigan, I think.  That was the one taking all the straws.  Doctor’s broken his sonic screwdriver.  Martha goes, one of the people taking the straws, what about my sonic screwdriver?  She goes, she was taking all the straws.  He goes, my sonic screwdriver.  He tosses it and he goes, you called me Doctor.  She goes anyway, Miss Finnigan, she’s the one taking the straws, not human.  The Doctor goes huh, so she’s trying to hide out and take the straws.  Interesting.  She’s probably gonna hide the straws but still get catalogued, and she does.  She gets human…marked as human, Miss Finnigan.  We go to another commercial after that.  This is a really enjoyable thing.  I’m watching this on BBC America so I do have to fast…jump through the commercials, here.  But I really like this.  Yeah, by the end of this episode there’s great, great chemistry.  Or maybe I just feel like I have chemistry with Martha and that I’m projecting it, which is possible.

 

We see one of…the other biker in the hall looking around, marching, arms out, really doing some stern walking.  Doctor and Martha are hanging out.  Doctor goes, that’s the thing about Slabs; they travel in pairs.  Martha goes, what about you?  He goes, what about me what?  She goes, don’t you have a partner or something?  Backup?  I love that little tease there.  He goes oh, humans.  We’re on the moon and you want to ask me personal questions.  She goes, I don’t believe that you’re not human, anyway.  Then they had been so distracted that one of the rhinos is there.  He busts them.  He scans the Doctor.  He goes, you’re not human and we’re looking for non-humans…looking for straws.  We’re gonna have to check you.  Then the Doctor and Martha, they take off running because they say well, we gotta solve this procedure because there’s a ticking clock.  The rhino goes, non-human.  They run in a door, lock the door.  There’s a lot of people getting tired because they said, looking at the moon took a lot out of me.  Everybody else is running out.

 

The Doctor says well, we’ve already been on the…the Judoon already checked this floor.  They’re logical and somewhat dense so I don’t know if they’re gonna come back here.  Hopefully.  They go, how much time is on the ticking clock?  The Doctor goes, not much.  He goes Martha, how are you feeling?  She goes, I’m running on adrenaline.  The Doctor goes, welcome to my world.  They go, let’s go to Stoker’s office, which they do next.  They see Stoker and they say okay, well…he goes, this is a straw collector clearly from the straw collection.  She’s been collecting straws from other places.  That’s why the Judoon are here, to put a stop to it.  But he goes, she’s clever.  She’s undercover.  Clever as me, almost.  Then they go out in the hall and the Doctor says…’cause the rhinos are still coming.  The rhinos are looking for him.  He goes Martha, I need you to buy me some time.  Hold them up.  She goes, how do I do this?  He goes, just give me…he goes, this is gonna be a big move.

 

He goes, but it means nothing, honestly, nothing.  He gives her a kiss that made my…it really curled my toes, and the look on Martha’s face.  She goes, that was nothing?  Oh, boy.  Holy moly.  There’s a make-out.  Then the Doctor does this fletch thing.  He goes into the room – some good comedy – he goes into the room that Miss Finnigan’s in ‘cause she’s trying to make a straw-transporter to transport all the straws off-world, off-moon.  But she doesn’t care.  She wants to get away from the Judoon, get away with the straws.  She doesn’t care about any consequences for humanity or whatever.  But the Doctor doesn’t…he plays dumb.  He goes hey, there’s these rhinos, ma’am…’cause she’s dressed as a human.  He goes, they’re from outer space.  He goes, do you know we’re on the moon with rhinos?  He goes, I was here for bunion repair.  He goes, really nice.  He goes, I love this place.  Royal Hope, they should say…that’s a perfect name for this.  He goes, and we’re on the moon with rhinos.

 

Florence says to the other biker, can you check him for straws?  Also, I might need his clothes to go undercover as him.  Then we see the rhinos looking.  Martha stands in their way and she goes, I know where the person that has the straws is.  They scan her.  They go, wait; human?  No, wait; non-human.  Non-human element.  Let’s do a full scan.  Who are you?  What are you?  Then they go back to the Doctor.  He’s still playing dumb.  He goes, what are you doing, transport…?  He goes, this is some sort of Tesla coil.  She goes yeah, kind of.  She goes, it’s strong, though.  I’m gonna send these straws off-world, 250,000 miles away.  But it will disrupt everything in that vicinity.  She goes but yeah, I gotta get off here.  I’m gonna get outta here really quick, but the rhinos will probably be mad.  The Doctor goes okay, I’m just a post person with bunions.  She goes, I don’t know…he goes, I don’t know what you’re talking about.  She goes well, I’m gonna fly one of the spaceships.  He goes well, that’s weird.

 

Are you some sort of alien?  She goes, yeah.  He goes no, you don’t look like that.  You’re Joshing me.  She goes, I’m not kidding.  He goes, I’m talking to an alien.  That’s the coolest thing.  She goes yeah, it’s the perfect way to hide straws; pretend you’re a human.  Humans have more straws, for some reason.  He goes, the rhinos are looking for you.  She goes yeah, but…and then he does a double dumb-dumb.  He goes oh, wow.  He goes oh, no wonder.  He goes, they said they’re going to Level 2 scanning.  She goes oh, boy.  Well, then I definitely better takes your clothes ‘cause I gotta pretend I’m human.  I better pretend I’m another human other than me.  The Doctor says well, would you like to have cake with my wife and I first?  She goes well, I have straws.  Why would I have cake?  He goes well, we got banana milkshakes.  She goes, you’re funny, and I think you’re laughing on purpose.  Why don’t you take a nappy-poo with my biker friend here while I check you for straws and take your clothes and go undercover?  Then they go to an ad.

 

Yeah, we’re like, about forty-four minutes into the show with the ads, of 106 minutes of my recording on BBC America.  [00:40:00] I think this…I guess this is gonna to HBO Max, all of these, but I don’t know what the dates of any of that are.  Let’s see, Martha gets confirmed as human, then they give her this readout that says, you’ll need this.  She says, what for?  They say, compensation.  But it’s written in alien readout.  She’s confirmed as human, then…oh, but she’s had facial contact with an alien.  Then the rhinos come into the room that…whatever, Miss Harrington’s in, or whatever.  Florence?  They say, what’s going on in here?  They say, case closed.  I think that was with Martha, though.  They say oh, this guy’s asleep.  Martha goes yeah, but he was…he’s not supposed to be asleep.  Martha goes, she’s the one that’s the straw…alien straw-thief.  The woman goes no, I’m not.  Look at…I’m in a suit.  Martha goes, then why do you have bare feet if you’re in a suit?

 

That’s the Doctor’s suit.  He goes, that’s why the Doctor’s on the floor in a robe and a pink gown, nightgown.  But the rhinos don’t realize that.  These aren’t the normal clothes of the tradition.  She goes, she’s not…she’s just taken his clothes.  She’s not human.  They go no, no, no.  She scans her with the scanner and it says not human, of course.  Then she says oh yeah, that’s…she goes, I’m not…they go no, no, you’re the straw person.  Actually, and we’re here because you took all the straws from the Child Princess of Padrivole Regency 9.  She says well, she had too many straws.  Pink cheeks, blonde curls, a simpering voice, and all the straws she could have wished.  I was jealous and I’m still jealous.  Then she says Slab, deal with this, biker Slab.  Biker Slab is out, quick justice style.  Then Florence says by the way, this thing that I’m using to transfer the straws is gonna mess everything else up, so you’re toast.  Then they send her off-world.  Case closed.  Overload…they say, case closed evac.

 

We’re getting out of here then, if you’re gonna…if your straw transfer is gonna mess everything up, of human straws.  We just wanted to take care of the princess’ straws, anyway.  But we followed a trail of straw-thieving here.  Martha says, you gotta help us.  They go no, no, we’re getting out of here.  Jurisdiction’s ended.  She goes, you can’t leave.  They say yeah, let’s withdraw.  Then everybody’s very, very tired.  Martha’s like, you can’t leave us here.  You gotta be kidding me.  Let’s see what else.  So tired, everybody’s so tired.  Oh, we see Martha; she kisses the Doctor back and we see a big X on her hand.  Once she kisses the Doctor – they both are very tired – but the Doctor still comes back.  He tries to shut down the straw transfer but he has no sonic screwdriver.  But because of constraints, he goes oh, I could just unplug it.  Then he carries Martha off as the tube ships take off.  Then he says, I hope they’re gonna reverse this thing because if they don’t, then…they should, which they do, and then it starts raining in reverse, or raining on the moon.

 

There’s a flash and they go back to normal Earth.  Everybody’s waiting there, so the building just reappears and everybody comes out and gets hugs.  Everybody’s happy.  Martha’s sister’s there, hugs her.  What does that say?  I think they go right back into party-planning or something.  I’ll have to read that.  But we see the Doctor waves goodbye to her.  There’s also other people bragging.  Yeah, and they say okay, everybody’s…oh, mom and dad, yeah, we wanted to know what’s going on.  What happened?  Yeah, I think that’s it.  Oh, Martha looks…yeah, the Doctor waves goodbye, Martha looks, and then Martha looks again, the TARDIS is gone.  Then we go to another commercial.  When we come back, Martha’s getting ready for the party and she’s getting in her party gear.  She’s listening to the radio where someone on the radio’s talking about how we’re not alone.  Reports coming in…we got one of the interns talking to this know-it-all, but they say, I think Mr. Saxon is right; we’re not alone.  There’s life out there, wild and extraordinary life.

 

Then we see the moon in a really cool shot ‘cause it looks like it’s a sky shot of the moon.  It’s really the moon reflected in a puddle.  Annalise steps in the puddle.  We see a lot of discord from the party.  No one’s happy.  Interpersonal drama between Annalise…everybody, except for Martha trying to make peace.  Her younger sister’s just trying to get…say jeez, the DJ’s gonna play some good songs.  Let’s get back to the party.  Quizmania…’cause oh, Annalise also doesn’t believe that Martha was on the moon.  Yeah, they also say jeez, what are you…?  Annalise can’t even handle Quizmania.  That’s what the sister says.  Everybody storms off and oh boy, is the next five minutes fun and wild.  We see the Doctor smiling.  He’s leaning up against a wall and Martha turns her head.  The Doctor makes…he does make this kind of seductive ‘come along’ look, more of a fun seduction, and he slinks into an alleyway.  She follows and then when she comes into the alley, he’s like, kicking back on the TARDIS; new shoes, white All-Stars on.

 

Let’s see, let me look at the thing.  She says, I went to the moon today.  He goes yeah, a bit more peaceful than that party.  She goes, who are you?  He goes, the Doctor.  She goes, what species?  I don’t get to ask a lot of that.  He goes, Time Lord.  She goes oh, that’s not pompous at all.  He goes well, I thought since you really helped me out and you got a sonic screwdriver which needed road-testing, you might want a trip.  She goes, into space?  He goes, well…she goes well, I can’t.  I got exams, rent, and my family.  The Doctor goes well, I can travel in time as well.  She goes nah, get outta here.  He goes well, I can.  She goes, come on.  He goes, I can prove it.  So, he goes back in the TARDIS.  It goes, and then Martha’s kind of like, what the heck?  Then it comes back.  The Doctor comes out.  He’s holding his tie from the morning.  He goes, told you so.  She goes, but that was the morning.  She goes oh wait, you did travel in time.  Why didn’t you tell me anything?

 

He says, crossing into established events is forbidden except for doing funny stuff, little stuff like this, flirty stuff.  She says well, that’s your spaceship?  He goes, TARDIS, time and relative dimension in space.  She’s like, on the outside of the TARDIS.  She goes, this is made of wood.  It’s a spaceship?  Then she goes well, there can’t be much room in there.  It’d be a little bit intimate.  The Doctor goes well, take a look.  He didn’t say take a look in a book, butterfly in the sky.  She looks in the TARDIS.  She goes no, no, no.  She goes, this is just a box, but how is it like that?  She goes, how does it do that?  It’s wood.  It’s just a box with a room…she goes, it’s bigger on the inside, which I think someone else has said.  Then the Doctor says is it?  I hadn’t even noticed.  Then he kind of closes the door behind her and he says okay, well, what do you say we get going?  She goes well, is there a crew, like a navigator?  Where is everybody?  The Doctor goes, just me.  She goes, all on your own, eh?

 

He goes well, sometimes I have guests, I mean, friends.  Totally friends, you know, friends like Rose.  He goes, we were together.  Anyway, Martha says, where is she now?  The Doctor goes, totally with her fam, kicking it.  Got back together with her ex, maybe.  I don’t know.  He goes, not that you’re replacing her.  Martha goes, never said I was.  The Doctor goes yeah, just one trip, [00:50:00] period.  Then I bring you back home.  I’m gonna be on my own.  It’s such good…I mean, the chemistry between the actors is…she goes well, you’re the one that kissed me.  The Doctor goes well, that was a genetic transfer.  She goes, if you wear a tight suit…and I said whoa, whoa, wait a second, am I reading this…?  I literally was sweating.  She goes, you travel across the universe to ask me on a date?  The Doctor goes, stop it.  She goes, for the record, not interested.  I only go for humans.  The Doctor goes, good; let’s get outta here.  He goes, gravic anomaliser, helmic regulator, hand brake.  You ready?

 

He gets that look on his face.  She goes, no.  Then they start to go but of course, it doesn’t go smooth, like everything.  Blimey, a bit bumpy, Martha says.  The Doctor says welcome aboard, Miss Jones.  She says, it’s my pleasure, Mr. Smith.  Okay, so a couple things I looked up; Quizmania is a British…according to Wikipedia, it’s a British interactive game show designed by Chuck Thomas, Debbie King, and Simone Thorogood.  It was on the air August 2005 to March 2006, December 2005, January 2007.  Similar to other premium line call-in shows, it used a premium number to provide a quiz question, or answer it.  Its last-ever broadcast was January 2007 with Greg Scott and Debbie King.  Let’s see, and background…in 2003, working for E4 as an anchor presenter, Debbie King on another German quiz show called 9Live.  Pitched it in the UK.  It was produced as Bowling for Bucks, then they were commissioned to create a show called Quizmania.

 

A five-hour slot on satellite channel, Information TV.  Then after nine months it was picked up by ITV for their nighttime slot.  Wow, that’s cool.  Original run was broadcast from 10:00 p.m. to 1:00 a.m.  In order to win money, it cost 75p to call in from a BT landline, up from 60p.  If you were successful, you were put on hold, transferred to the studio, and if selected you went on the show to deliver answers.  You could win fifty to twenty-five thousand pounds.  Once there was a hundred thousand pounds as a prize.  They gave away 1.2 million pounds in the first two weeks.  Ended in 2007, revived with a different format.  But in 2007, I think there’s shows about this, that these shows weren’t properly audited.  So, maybe, I don’t know, maybe there’s something [inaudible].  I don’t know if it’s about this show or something else.  I did know I saw a preview somewhere or something.  Okay, Sharpie is a permanent marker.  It has been widely-expanded and now is like a brand for non-permanent markers and other things.

 

But it was originally a name designating a permanent marker launched in 1964.  It also became the first pen-style permanent marker.  It also makes a popular highlighter brand, Accent, which was repositioned out of the Sharpie brand name.  There’s also Sharpie Minis.  They’ve sponsored racing…yeah, they’ve had many famous people.  It’s hard to get it off, but it’s ‘cause it’s supposed to be permanent marker.  Dry erase marker may be successful in removing Sharpie ink by covering it using three to four pen strokes, according to this.  Also, T.O. made it famous by…Sharpie by signing it, signing a football during a game.  Let’s see, I want to look up Joshing me.  Let’s see, what is…this is from True West Magazine.  I’m just Joshing you.  Truewestmagazine.com.  This is from October, 1927.  Marshall Trimble says that the origins go back to 1883 when the US Mint unwittingly introduced a new liberty in nickel.  The face on one side was Goddess of Liberty.

 

One the reverse, it had the Roman numeral V.  Instead of the usual five cents, this opportunity provided people to…oh, ‘cause a coin looked a little bit like a five-dollar gold piece.  If someone was caught, they’d say…alls you had to say was oh, I was just joking or pulling your leg.  I don’t know, I wonder if this is true.  Then, one of these famous people that was doing this was Josh Tatum who did this.  Huh, interesting.  I’m gonna have to reach out and see if there’s any podcast episodes about that.  That’s really, really interesting.  This episode took place on the moon which is thought to have been formed 4.51 billion years ago, according to Wikipedia.  Fifth-largest satellite in our solar system, second-densest satellite among satellites’ densities are known.  The moon might have been left over from a bump with…that Earth took with somebody else.  It’s in synchronous rotation with Earth, so we always see the same side of the moon because the libration.

 

Slightly more than half the lunar surface can be viewed from Earth, 59%.  The side we see is marked by a lot of stuff that went on on Earth…I mean, on the moon.  Second-brightest celestial object visible in Earth’s sky.  Its surface is actually dark but compared to the night sky it’s bright, and it has a reflectance.  Oh, its reflectance is just higher than worn asphalt and it has gravitational influence.  Its orbital distance is about 384,000 kilometers or 238,000 miles, 1.28 light seconds.  What do they say?  250,000 miles away, yeah, in the episode.  Trying to think of anything else interesting about the moon.  Luna was used in scientific writing to personify the Earth’s moon.  Cynthia is another poetic name for the moon.  Selene is the Greek goddess of the moon.  The English adjective pertaining to the moon is ‘lunar’, from the Latin word for moon, ‘luna’.  The adjective ‘selenian’ is derived from the Greek word of the moon ‘selene’, S-E-L-E-N-E, which describes the moon as a world rather than an object in the sky.  Now, ‘selenic’ used to be a synonym.

 

Now it refers to the chemical element selenium.  The Greek word for the moon does provide us with the prefix seleno, as in selenography, the study of the physical features of the moon, and selenium.  The Greek goddess of wilderness and hunt, Artemis, was equated with the moon.  Diana, who was one of the symbols…the moon was one of her symbols.  She was the goddess of the moon also called Cynthia, from her birthplace Mt. Cynthus.  Those also have something to do with the different types of lunar orbits.  Yeah, I’m trying to think anything else…this is all from Wikipedia.  I mean, the moon rules, definitely.  Let’s see, compounds in the moon; silica, alumina, lime, iron oxide, magnesia, titanium dioxide, and sodium oxide are what make up the surface of the moon.  There’s so much about the moon.  Obviously, we could talk more about it in another point but for this show, the moon is associated with bedtime.  Goodnight.

[END OF RECORDING]

[www.leahtranscribes.com]