878 – Medium Cool Tangential Water Menu | All Intros 701-705

Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls and friends beyond the binary, allow me to introduce myself by repeating myself and repeating the fact that you deserve a good night's sleep, and that's what I'm here for. Hey, patrons, this is Scoots. This is an all intro episode, so it'll be intro after intro after intro. These certain intro episodes come out on long weekends or typical long weekends here in the US and it just give me a little bit more margin to catch up on work or take some time off over the holiday season and stuff like that. So this is an all intro episode, it'll come out again as a story only episode, which I always find funny, in a couple months. That's when the story only episodes should come out, about a month or two after the full episodes, and then those of you that are channel patrons on top of these ones, and then you get the ones we put out every other week.

So thanks so much, patrons, and what do you say we get on with the show? “Hey.” It reads, “Scoots, a lot of these episodes were recorded a few months ago.” So before we get to the sleepy supporter zone I just wanted to check in with you and let you know the podcast is going to be here twice a week for you on a regular Sunday, Wednesday schedule. Day time or night time, you could call it up if you need a break or you need some rest, but you might be out there and you might need something more so I'm going to have links to support and I'm going to be collecting new links and stuff.

Right now I'm going to put them in the show notes. So if you find that you need to reach out somewhere for help, I'll have links to different places you could do that and as I hear about more and more resources I'll try to build a page or something for that. But for now they'll be in the show notes, because the podcast is here to support you and take your minds off of stuff, but if you need more support it's out there for you. So please reach out and use those links if you need them, and if you know of any other resources let me know. Thanks so much.

Hey, are you up all night, tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome, this is Sleep With Me, a podcast that's here to put you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. All's you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights and press play. I'm going to do the rest. What I'm going to attempt to do is create a safe place where can set aside whatever's keeping you awake, whether it's thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, stuff, tossing and turning. I think I said that. Whatever's keeping you awake, changes in schedule, travel, you're out of town, someone else is out of town. Whether you get something big coming up.

I know you got a lot going on and I'm here to help. What I'm going to try to do, as I said, is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever's keeping you awake and the way I'm going to do it is I'm going to try to keep you company, I'm going to smooth the safe place, I'm going to pad it, I'm going to rub it down, I'm going to say, “Safe place.” Then I'm going to pad it again with the universal sign. This is a double universal sign, so actually it's made with eye contact, in this case imaginary eye contact, where you pad a safe place and you say, “Come on over and sit down.” But also I'm going to move away from the safe place so you have space in your safe place.

There's another universal symbol where somebody says, “Pad, pad, pad.” The sponsor says, “Hey, come on down. Sit next to me.” So I just want to clarify that this is the other one, where you say, “Hey, come on and sit down. This safe place is for you as your space, place. Not in space, but it could be. You could imagine it, but you'll have plenty of space in your place.” You know what I mean, you know the difference. Then there's the third kind where they say like authority figures in my life, they had a thing and they say, “We're going to try to do this the easy way first.” They say, “Come on over here, sit down, Andrew, and have a seat next to us.” And that's when I say, “Oh, my phone. Oh, there's a phone ringing somewhere, excuse me one second.” And then I say, “Zoinks.”

But I don't say Zoinks, my shoes and my arms make that sound when I'm moving outside the panel. Har-dee-har-har. Anyway, if you're new, what I'm going to do is send my voice across the deep, dark night. I'm going to use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, rusty tangents, lots of extra words and stuff that could be a bit confusing and I'll say it right upfront, even though we're six or seven minutes into the show. This podcast isn't for everybody, the creaky dulcets aren't for everybody. But give it a few tries, there's no pressure on your end to like me or to trust me right upfront.

I'm here to earn your trust and see if it works for you, see if I could help. It's kind of like a free trial. You could give this a shot and most listeners, especially listeners I listen to them all the time say, “Hey, it took me two or three tries.” So I'm here to help and just see how it goes, that's all I ask, and you don't even have to do that. You could stop listening whenever you want, but I guess my main message is I'm here to help. Let's see how it goes. Even to try to earn your trust, just to barely attempt it. That's why I did that thing with the safe place too, I said, “Hey, you check the safe place out. I don't get to sit in here. That's optional.”

You say, “Hey, Scoots. Come over. Can you bring me a water?” I say, “Sure, it's a podcast, it doesn't exactly work. Oh yeah, here's your water. Oh, forgot to ask if you wanted it cold or warm or medium.” And then you might say, “Has anyone ever ordered a medium or a warm water?” I say, “Yeah, occasionally. Usually they'll just tell me they want tea or cocoa or something, but yeah, occasionally people like. I just want to make sure I have your water correct. Also, believe it or not, I have a cool water menu, I only bring that out for the most delicate or interested connoisseurs of water temperature, but you seem like you're really … your palate goes across the spectrum of cool to cold, to ice cold.” As we used to sing on the dance floor in the 90s or the early 00s. “Ice cold, how cold?”

So I do have a menu of degrees of coolness and it's not based on celsius or fahrenheit. We do call it the Outkast Water Coolness Scale, with Ice Cold in quotes, saying it as whichever member. I don't know if that was Andre2000 or not, but we do say that as, “Ice cold.” That's the coldest water we offer, other than slushy, but that's a special order. But you could have cool, you say, “Well, I'd like my water cool.” And I'd say, “Okay. Well, do you want it with a glass of sweating or unsweaty glass?” That's how safe this place is. Let me get back to you though because I do go … I do tend to go off topic if you're new. You may have observed that.

Like I said, just like your water, I could see, whatever, a discerning connoisseur. That was the word I was looking for four minutes ago, and that's why I'm here to earn your trust. What I was going to do before I went on that water tangent, we do have also a special brand of water called Tangential Water, it's actually just a marketing term but because the water's free I could bring you a glass of Tangential Water. Also, it gets confusing, lower on the menu you'll see Tangerine Water, and when I was pretending to be a customer of my own water service I did order mistakenly, I would constantly, I would say, “No, no I wanted the Tangential Water not the Tangerine Water.” And they says, “Well, this is the Tangential Water.” And I say, “Well, it tastes a little bit tangeriney.” And they say, “I don't know what to tell you, Scoots.”

They'd say, “Scoots, are you sure you didn't bring me the Tangerine Water?” Anyway. Structurally, what I was going to do, tell you, is what to expect for the show. So the show, here's the order of things that happen in the show. Very slowly, slow to develop, the show starts off with business, that's how we keep the show going. Then there's an intro, which intros are somewhere around 12 to 15 minutes, or probably like six or seven minutes into this one and this where I just introduce … that's where it's on me to earn your trust and to see how it goes.

Nothing really happens in the intros, so kind of everything … nothing happens so everything happens. It's the kind of thing you may miss and you may not miss. You say, “Whoa, wait a second.” Maybe you've been to fancy restaurants or spas or fancy places that I have not been to, but I like to imagine they'd bring me … I say, “Well, if I had a spa, I don't know, it wouldn't be open, it would just be my own personal one. But if I was a imaginary spa owner.” Also, that's a magazine I'm working on, Imaginary Spa Owner, let me know what you think, if you'd subscribe.

Think about the title, twofer, well, you say, “Well, is it fiction or non fiction?” And I'd say, “Exactly. Think about it and subscribe and you'll find out.” But in my imaginary spa I guess we'd have … it'd be a safe place, we'd do smoothing, patting, rubbing it down, safe placing. Like I said, when you order your water, if you just said, “Bring me a cool water.” Ideally, I would hire a concierge that would know just by they'd say, “Okay.” They could tell my the cut of their jib, as they say, that this is how cool they want their water. But for someone as discerning as you, I'd say, “When you say, ‘Bring me a cool glass of water.' Do you mean Andre2000 Ice Cold, Outkast water?” Not cast out water, like Outkast, like, “Ice cold, shaking it. Do you want me to shake your water? We can bring you shaken water, like a Polaroid picture too.”

Usually they call that Aerated because it sounds better, freshly aerate, just aerated water, and we could decide on the coolness of that. Sometimes I bring it in a metal tumbler as part of the presentation then I shake it in a tumbler. The tumbler's ice cold so it's sweating, little bit cold to the touch or cool to the touch depending on what degree you ordered your water in. But that's the intro, a show within a show where I attempt to explain what the podcast is.

The podcast is the kind of place where you may get a water menu or more likely you get someone over talking about a water menu. Ideally not over talking while you're perusing it though, and you'd say, “What is this one here? Streamy.” I'd say, “Well, that's a temperature water. We have creeky, we have streamy.” And I have creaky, dulcet tones. This is with a creek, like two E's and you say, “Well, which is cooler? Stream or creek?” And I'd say, “Well, if you're looking maybe you want to look over there. You see the mountain stream? I highly recommend mountain stream.” “Well, is the water from a mountain stream?” “No, no, no, it's just mountain stream temperature water. All our waters are artisanal. Artisanally sourced, it's from a good place. Limestone.” I don't know where the water's from actually, I'm just in charge of the temperatures of water.

If we get into that, that's a whole nother menu, which I'm happy to bring you. Actually, believe it or not, I thought I'm running an imaginary spa here. I'm also in the middle of the intro, of introing a podcast intro. So that's the intro of the show. If you're new, phew. But think about it, you have the right to wish your water would come whatever temperature you'd like. I don't know, I'd say, “Well, judge it more by feel.” Believe it or not, I've been running this imaginary spa my whole life and no one's ever ordered creek temperature water and they keep telling me, “Take it off the menu.” But they don't get it, I say, “Well, that's what makes the stream temperature water move.” You say, “Without the creek temperature water, no one would buy, no one would order stream temperature water.”

That's why I won the imaginary spa … oh no, that was the Imaginary Water Bar Awards. Okay, I got bogged down here. Don't worry, no mentions of bogs on these water menus. But so the intro's where I lose your … where I show I'm qualified to lose your attention just by being myself. Then we have a little business between the intro and the show, and then we'll have the show. Tonight will be our ongoing episodic modular serial series, the Stan Chronicles, Nuns In Space. But you can fall asleep whenever you wish, maybe if you're new you say, “Well, I don't know.” You say, “Okay. Well, just kick back and see how it goes.” As I said.

So that's the structure of the show. No pressure to fall asleep, I'll be here for about an hour to keep you company and, I don't know, I guess I'm a little distracted because I keep going back to that water menu, wondering what else I should put on there? Maybe I guess I kind of talked that one out. Do spas have those kind of things? I'm just trying to imagine. They have names like that. Usually it's like some sort of repurposed zen is mixed in with the names of spas, or I think a lot of spas have like Jade in them, or something, orchids seem popular and zens and waterfalls. Then other words that sound like expensive stuff like, I don't know, I just stick to the water menus. I guess that's where I should … do what you know they say, and dare to dream, follow your passion.

That's what JC, Joseph Campbell, used to always say, “Follow your bliss.” That might be the number one name for spas. Either bliss or zen. But you say, “Well, my bliss is to bring you, the world, the right temperature of cool or cold water.” And I said, “This is excellent, right?” I said, “Come on, what kind of … Big Sur, when I think of Big Sur I think of water. Hello?” And then they said, “Would you like to register for it?” And I said, “How much? What?” I said, “I thought we were just going to be sitting in a hot tub, talking about the bliss of cool, cool water.”

Okay, so those are the structures of the show. No pressure to fall asleep. Clearly no pressure to listen. Here's the thing, I'm here to keep you company. I've been there, sleepless in the deep, dark night. That's why I make this show. It's very silly and goofy, but I take it very seriously because I want to help. I think you deserve a good night's sleep and this show is supposed to just grasp just a bit of your attention to take your mind off of whatever you were thinking about. Maybe be just nonsensical enough that you say, “Okay, I could relax here and as a matter of fact, what other menus do you have, Scoots?” Well, we have our sources, our water sources.

Believe it or not, what I'm pitching the institute here, is on … I'll just let you a little more, one more peak behind the scenes. I pitched them bringing each temperature water gets it's own glass. But then they got me, they said, “Oh, is the glass specialized to enhance the temperature of the water?” I said, “No, just like a feel thing.” And they said, “Everything's a feel thing for you.” And I said, “Yeah, when you're in the cool water temperature business you learn that it's all about touch and feel. It's a tactile thing, it's not about the actual temperature of the water, though we can do that.” If you say, “No, no, I want my water 22 degrees fahrenheit or celsius.” We could bring that to you, but we'd be laughing about it.

Obviously if I knew what temperatures those were, I'd probably be laughing even harder. But you say you want it 22 degrees, you got it. How about Kelvin? We got space age stuff in the back, we could deliver it even on the Kelvin scale, though I'd have to ask what you're going to do with it. But yeah, I did pitch my supervisors, which believe it or not are imaginary beings that live in my brain too. I said, “Well, let's get different …” And they said, “Well, we don't have the budget for that.” And I said, “You don't have the budget?” They said, “Scoots, come on, just stick with …” I said, “What about a glass menu then?” That's what they said and with an upgrade where you'd say, “Well, the creek glass was stone.” Which we've learned even before we did this, you got to be able to see the water through the glass. You can't have opaque glasses at the water bar.

They said, “Then you could up charge them to take the glass home.” And I said, “Oof, you really know the business of water, but it's really not about that. It's about an appealing glass.” And then they said, “Well, who would be delivering these glasses? Because you're very clumsy, Scoots.” And I said, “You're right. It's only happening in our imagination so let's imagine that we have coordination.” And they said, “Well, why don't you coordinate the end of this podcast?” I said, “Right away.” And as fresh as a cool and summer breeze I changed the subject and said, hey, basically this podcast is here to help. See how it goes.

That's it. I mean I believe you deserve a good night's sleep. I'm here to help if I can. Give it a few tries. Really appreciate you coming by. I work very hard. I yearn and I strive to help you fall asleep. Thank you so much. And here's a couple of ways we keep this show a-going. Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome, this is Sleep With Me. The podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. All's you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights and press play. I'm going to do the rest.

What I'm going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever's keeping you awake, whether it's thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, time, temperature, scheduling. I mean anything having to do with scheduling, but if you're working a second or a third shift or your schedule's changed. You got schedule on the brain, that wasn't in that game. Here's the thing, I didn't think I would talk about this for the intro, but there used to be a board game. It actually wasn't a board game, it was called … I can't think of a way to describe it without … Opportunity, but it was a physical game, if you combine …

Anyway, let me get back. I'll try to get back to that because I was thinking … Well, we get to it in a second. If you're new here, welcome. This is a-

PART 1 OF 4 ENDS [00:21:04]

Well, we'll get to it in a second. If you're new here, welcome. This is a podcast that goes off topic really fast, but it's also a podcast to be here and to put you to sleep. What I'm going to try to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever's keeping you awake.

Also, I think I'll repeat myself accidentally when I get flustered or mixed up. In a way what I'm going to do ahead is, I'm going to send my voice across the deep dark night. And I'm going to use lulling, soothing, creaky dulcet tones, rustified meanders, tangents… I'd say maybe once in a while I'll use some greasy tangents or well greased tangents. Well-worn metaphors, so well-worn that people say those are a bit worn out scoots. A Bit like your shoes and your sneakers, and your…

I'd say, ‘Yeah, I like to be on the other side of well-worn because I don't know, actually I just find myself on the…' I think there could be an autobiography in there for gingerbread breasts, and the other side of well-worn. There you go. Rip Torn wrote a book about Rip Torn's life because I could sell that title to you. My life is Rip Torn. Or maybe it could be my life as a Rip Torn impersonator. I don't know if there is anybody out there, but that's an option.

The other side of well-worn. My life impersonating Rip Torn. Maybe I could do that, maybe that'll be my fourth or fifth act. Say, ‘What happened to that Sleep Podcast? Well, they call it niching down I believe. He became a Rip Torn impersonator and as beloved as Rip Torn is, I think his timing was a bit off. And so that's what happened so yeah, he's out. He may be out, he did write a book. It was an imaginary book. It was written and published within his imagination. And he was also trying to do a podcast intro by the way.' ‘Oh, thanks for bringing me back there.' By the way, don't mean to interrupt myself with myself, but I don't think we can do a Rip Torn personation right yet. That's why one day we will. ‘Oh, okay.'

Anyway, if you're new, welcome, this is Sleep With Me Podcast to put you asleep. If you're really new, just kind of sit back and see how it goes. This podcast doesn't work for everybody. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense. As you can maybe passively observe it like a rambling Rip Torn impersonator. I guess that is a metaphor for the podcast to say, ‘Well, you're not impersonating Rip Torn' or in a snack it's an impressionist, actually my life was Rip Torn impressionist and impersonator are two different things. And I say, ‘Just kick back and wonder about that. Why, why wonder why I became a Rip Torn, why I've got that caught up in my brain cycles.' So passively kind of observe, see how it goes. It doesn't work for everybody, for most people it works for it takes a few tries.

Here's the structure of the show. Starts off with some business. That's how we keep the show going. Then that's all, its sleepwithmepodcast.com. Then an intro, which is around 12 to 14 to 13 to 15 minutes where I try to explain what the podcast is in a verbose way I'd say with half the vocabulary, double the verbosity. This time sometimes occasionally extra Rip Torn references, just cause Rip Torn sounds good. Rip Torn's an actor by the way, but also just a great name. So Rip Torn is so Rip Torn, I don't even think about it. Like until I just say it 50 times, you say, wow, ‘Did you come up with that on the fly? Or did you brainstorm like 800 names and you said, that's the one?' I would say probably it was the first one, but it could have been the second one…

You see what really gives insight into the human condition which I'm trying to get at. And a love papyrus. Okay so there's an intro where I just talk a lot and I try to explain what the show is. And I kind of demonstrate what the show is, and you can skip over the intro, but the majority of listeners use it as they prepare for bed or as they're doing their wind down and their teeth brushing and their animal petting and the palm bombing, elbow bombing, their shoulder patting, patting not padding. Maybe there're no shoulder pads in bed. Although I'm thinking what if… Well you probably don't want to have pajamas with shoulder pads. What about shoulder pillow? Well, no we'll just go on shoulder pillows. Also, sometimes my brain interrupts me with ideas during the podcast. That's a part of the intro and the whole podcast as a whole. So this is the intro.

Then there's some business between the intro and the story. And then there's a bedtime story tonight. We'll be talking about Star Trek: The Next Generation in a way that mildly resembles the original TV show based in a loving appreciation of it. But mostly I say, ‘Well, why the data turned this way? Or what's up with Laura's outfits?' Things like that. And so that'll be, and then we'll have some thank yous at the end. So it's a structure show.

A couple of things to know if you're new, you don't need to listen to me. You may figure that out already, I may have demonstrated that. I'm just here to keep you company. And that goes with the second part, no pressure to listen, no pressure to fall asleep I'll be here for about an hour. I make the show one, because I've been there two, because like tossing and turning, overthinking all of that and not being able to fall asleep and wondering why, or trying everything and getting frustrated and feeling lonely sometimes. So that's why I want to keep you company, because I've been lonely in the deep dark night.

So this really has a lot of meaning for me, which just now this intimacy just brought me off of my second topic, which I forgot. Oh, cause I've been there. Hmm… Forgetfulness as another part of the show. I don't know what I was talking about. But that's really why I make the show because I've been there. Why don't you need to listen? Why would it help you fall asleep? I don't know. I guess I was trying to go through a list, but that's a real reason I make this a show is because I've been there and I want to help. I don't know, let me go onto the other metaphor because I was thinking about that game.

Did I give all the background? Yeah, basically you don't need to listen to me. I'll be here. Whether you can fall asleep or not. I'll be here to the very end because I make the show as much as for people to quickly fall asleep. If it works for them as I do for the people that can't sleep, I'll be here till the end keeping you company. I think that's what I was meaning with that is that I'll be here whether you fall asleep fast or not I'm here for you.

But I was thinking about that game, the operandi game. You take builtin set of tweezers and you'd take different things out. I never played the game by the rules. And they'd say ‘Water underneath, thousand dollar feet.' That's the way the ad went. And the person you take out of the funny elbow. And water underneath, thousand dollar feet. That was the only one. But it was like a game of a steady hand. What was I saying, what brought up that game?

I was thinking about people like your Grey matter. But what if there was another version that's like the physical health version an imaginary one. But what if there was one of your emotional and limbic, your lizard in mammalian, brains, brain stem, all that other stuff that I might know nothing about. You got your thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, sometimes related to your thoughts and feelings. What if there was like a mental health version. A fun, positive mental health version, like you say, ‘okay, can you get the malaise out for 500?' And they say, ‘well, I don't know what I can't identify malaise.'

I mean, I can identify what it feels like in my love of saying the word malaise, but I can't find it. And they say, ‘Well, that's part of the game.' It sounds like more like it needs to be better developed. Oh really? Tell me more. Wait tell me more. Is that what I'm supposed to get out next year? No, that's the card I have it says, ‘tell me more for 500.' Which one of us gets 500 points? ‘Oh, tell me more about how you're feeling about who gets the 500 points.' Well, I'm feeling like if I'm the one telling you more, I should get the 500 points. But if you tell me where malaise is and this game board, then I can get it out with these, I guess you wouldn't use tweezers cause I've never been anywhere.

What about a full phlebotomy version? That's where you used to study. That could be another version of the game or that could be the ad on, the phlebotomy. I think that's where you identify instead of reading, someone's palm, you say, ‘Well okay, this little notch on your skull here tells me you'll be so asleep in the night, sleeping so good.' But that could be a possible board game, a boring board game. I'm trying to think of what else. I guess that's malaise. I guess my game, I haven't written anything other than telling me more in malaise for my version, but I could kickstart that. Maybe we could get someone that actually knows how to do that. Like a Matthew from the oatmeal or something. I don't know.

So that's a good game pitch. I don't know how that's a metaphor for the podcast other than the fact that I want to be here to help you. That could be a game that teaches you some sort of coping strategies or learning. And I don't know if this podcast is really meant to teach you anything more to validate it, really I don't always say that word right upfront. I try to keep it subtextual but I believe you deserve a good night's sleep. I also believe that it sucks that you can't sleep and I'm sorry. And I'd like to help. As I said, the podcast does not work for everyone, but that's why I make the show. As I said, I've been there.

Sometimes it's like waking up, sometimes it's not being able to fall asleep. Sometimes it's like, what the heck? I haven't had caffeine and 18 hours. Why can't I just drift off into dreamland? So that's why I make the show. I've been doing it a while now. And if you're new, give it a few tries and see how it goes. It's no pressure for the podcast to work for you or not. I'd just like it to help if it can, or to keep you company if it can. I have a contingent of listeners that have very strong sleepless stuffs. So they listen all the way to the end and have a contingent of listeners that listen during the day that say, ‘Hey, I need a little soothing during the day, a little bit distraction. Or when I'm in traffic or whatever.' So I'm here, I'm here to try to help. And I guess that's it. I appreciate you coming by and checking the show out or being here night after night.

I'm glad I can help. And I said I work hard and I strive to help you fall asleep. Thank you so much. Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning mind, racing trouble with getting to sleep trouble, staying asleep? Welcome, this is Sleep With Me. It's a podcast that puts you to sleep. We do with a bedtime story. All that you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights and press play. I'm going to do the rest.

What I'm going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever's keeping you awake. Whether it's thoughts of feelings, physical sensations, changes in time, temperature, routine, travel. Whatever's keeping you awake. I'd like to take your mind off of that.

I'm going to take this safe place. I'm going to move my hand in a clockwise position, it's actually a motion. I'm smoothing this safe place down. And now I'm going to go counter clockwise, which I could see is counter clockwise… A de-ruffle. And now I'm going to do some smoothing, now I'm going to take my thumbs and my forefingers, and I'm going to pull this a safe place taught, and then I'm going to pat it and say, ‘Hey, welcome to the safe place. I want you to feel treated. I'm glad you're here. It's important you're here, but it's also not super important. I mean, I want you to feel treated with dignity and respect, but this place is not only is it safe I want it to be… I don't know if they can make it devoid of pleasure. Devoid's a nice word. Maybe we could come back to that, devoid.

It also rhymes with something from my childhood. So I crossed my fingers on that. But I want it to be a place with low pressure where you could say, ‘okay, I'm relaxing here.' And if you're new, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to send my voice across the deep dark night. I'm going to use lulling soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, and pointless meanders, extra tangents. I'm going to go off topic. I'm not going to make a lot of sense. There'll be a bit of sense in here, but it is a bit goofy and senseless. So just for examples structurally, if you're new, the show starts off with a few minutes of business. That's how we keep the show free and going then there's an intro, which is about 12 minutes of me explaining what the show is, which for some people they say, ‘well, that's easy.'

And I say, ‘Well, it's part of the method. It's part of the wind down. It's part of me reminding you that I'm glad you're here and that you deserve a good night's sleep.' And it's also attempted to be a little bit fun, like where I can try to take the seriousness out of your day and you could use it while you unwind at home while you brush your teeth, when you first get in bed or you could listen to after you're comfortable. Some people fall asleep during the intro and some people use it to unwind. Some people skip it, and some people listen to it during the day as well.

So whatever works for you, there's no pressure, but again, don't put any pressure on the podcast because it's mushy. So you say, ‘I want this thing to make sense. I want to understand it.' I say, ‘Well, I've been doing these, I've done whatever 700 something happened. And I still have not found a concise way to explain the podcast even to people I'm related to or know me. They say, ‘Well, it reminds me of you.' So give it a shot but it doesn't work for everybody. Creaky delta tones. They may grow on you or for a few people they say, ‘Well, those are more like creaky tones make me want to take some doans or have a little groan.' So I say, ‘Okay, well give it a few tries, there's no pressure for you to like this show or to like me. Just give it a shot. And I'm here to help. I'm here to be your friend, if I can be.' I guess I'm an application status to say, ‘Hey, could you trust me? Let's give it a shot.' I mean, the onus is on me to talk pointlessly and bore you to sleep.

The reason I make this show is because I've been there, unable to fall asleep, tossing and turning. Even last night after reading and not being able to keep my eyes open. And then I said, ‘What in the heck? Why am I sensing all these things that are… When I was reading, they weren't getting my attention and my eyes wouldn't stay open. But as soon as I closed that book up they say ‘hey, let's analyze this.' So I've been there and I believe you deserve a good night's sleep.

Oh, structure show tonight. So there'll be an intro, some business between the intro and the show. And tonight will be part of our retrospective, because we just crossed 700 episodes. So it'll just be a to look back at a little bit of the history of the show. And then the last 100 episodes. A bit and real slow meandering away. So that'll be this episode and some people will say, ‘Well, it's to celebrate everything the listeners have been along on this journey.' And its also good bedtime story material. When I say, ‘What did I remember? What was that episode about? Oh, I remember that Charles Dickens is the name. Scoots is telling walling antidote nine anecdotes about [inaudible 00:39:26] game. What I was saying earlier is, one of my goals is to make a bedtime, Oh, devoid of pressure.

So, that's another thing I want you to know. Is there's no pressure for you to fall asleep. I'm going to be here for an hour to keep you company and to kind of walk at your side, to talk to you across the bedroom, to be here while you fall asleep. This is more of the podcast that's here while you fall asleep, than so much it puts you to sleep. I'm trying to take your mind off of stuff. To keep you company, as you drift off, as you slip through my fingers. So, no pressure to fall asleep, no pressure to listen either. I shouldn't be talking about anything super interesting, especially I just recorded the episode. I say, ‘Well, if you're interested in the history of podcasts, you could listen during the day, or listen to one of the interviews I've done and other podcasts or radio shows.' But it's a pretty meandering journey. And I think it'll help you get off. So you don't need to listen to me, don't need to pay attention.

I think one of the things I strive for when I make this podcast is to try to at least evoke a spirit of not just sort of friendship or companionship or that I'm here to help and to take your mind off of stuff, but evoke a silly spirit. It could be a childlike spirit or it could be… You know adults goof around too… Like adults crack up and you start laughing uncontrollably sometimes. So I'm not trying to get that far. I'm just trying to say, ‘Hey, well, this is a little bit silly, this a little bit goofy.' And I was earlier talking about the word devoid.

And I said, well, devoid of pressure, devoid of seriousness and devoid of comprehensible points for some people. But then when I think about devoid and I think about when I was a kid, I already am wrong. I thought one of the pizza companies that delivered pizzas, I thought they had a character name Denoid, but I think it was Thenoid. But I guess you could say Denoid. That's what I was thinking is, Oh, that character was named Denoid. And I think it was The N-O-I-D if my memory serves me, Thenoid looked a bit like it-

PART 2 OF 4 ENDS [00:42:04]

As my memory serves me, the Noid looked a bit like a jester that you might see in more in maybe a renaissance style gesture. I may be reaching here. Or like a glorified maybe turn of the century asking pitchers of New Orleans and Mardi Gras jestures. I mean, I don't think an actual jesture would say what I don't look like that's not what I want to be portrayed as, but not like … not negative, but not like … so Noid was a bit like had to … I forget what the Noid. I don't know if the Noid, even before the Noid there was one with the golden arch as had a character, the Ham-bungler, but it was different where he went and took hamburgers. And I don't think then… but I think actually the Noid, if you took the real name of the Ham-bungler I think that's what the Noid was like, is it, what are those things called?

Like the Noid was a bit of a pizza glitter. Like I don't think he worked for the pizza company, but what they said, I think it was an attempt at mythologizing pizza delivery. Like I never … they should have come out. I mean, if I they had a time … if I had a time machine I'd go to their company and say, “Hey, have a seat, let me tell you how this is going to work. We're going to have a children's book and a podcast, the history, maybe this could be a podcast episode, the history of the Noid. But the short version is like once upon a time, there was like a great invention pizza. Then there was a greater invention delivering it to your homesteads and castles and such, but with all great things, with great power comes stuff.

And they said, and like out of the, whatever, out of the fricking miasma, whatever came the Noids. This was just one particular, it was at the Noid. So I don't know if it was the most famous Noid or representative Noid or there was only one. If there was only one, it was really busy, I guess he said, well, that's what you used to do now let's just put you on TV. And so I guess maybe they just said, maybe it was just one, like it was in Morton in the middle walkie Noid. And they said, well, you're the only one in existence. Well we're going to pretend you exist everywhere. Sorry, what off the mythology trend is part. But they said everyone in this kingdom was happy getting their pizzas delivered until the Noids came. And they would, at some point between when the pizza left a responsible corporate partner with only the customer's pleasure and enjoyment in mind and the responsible delivery driver, who wanted it to be fairly tipped to a further time.

At some point in there for most companies, there was a Noid, is this what the Noid's backstory was? And what the Noid like to do is mess up pizza before you ate it somewhere in that process. And then everyone was frowny faced and they said, what did I just spend 26 bucks? And then came a great and shining, couldn't go on, whatever mega court they said, like in shining armor and said, well, we were the same ones that had the insulated delivery bag and now we've taken it.

We're going to avoid … we avoid the Noids. We have boxes, we have things to avoid. That was their big catchphrase, avoid the Noid. And I guess, if there was a poetic version of this podcast, it's a devoid of, I don't know what it said. Devoid of noise. I don't know, a place devoid, I guess that would be it sleeping me podcast to place devoid, of sense and sensibility in, but a seriousness in there's probably is a lot more about the Noid.

I could go on about, but really what I wanted to summarize is that, this is a place where the Noid … if you were getting a pizza delivered or you lived in that kingdom, you wouldn't be happy about it. And I guess I would tickle the Noid if I said, well, here's the thing. Like, you're making a commercial about these Noids and you're taking all these precautions. You said like double check the pizza before he put it in the box. It confirming the order. And then walking slowly to your car, putting in a flat … what if I just tickle the Noid and they say, “wait a second, you mean we wouldn't have to double check our orders? Wouldn't have to drive and walk reasonably? Wouldn't have to make sure everything's on a flat surface? I said, “no, no problem.

I got, I'll save you tons of money. I'll come to your stores and I'll tickle all Noids in town. I'm like the Pied Piper of Noids. And then they'd say, do you have any referrals? And I'd say, oh yeah, remember the middle … if you ever heard of the Milwaukee Noid I tickled that in Milwaukee Noid pink and made it really good. Now lives with a Nana there and the waterfront just chilling and she tickles it and pets it, and were working on more. Anyway it's a big project, but I'll tickle your Noids. Boy, nevermind. So, but I'm here to do. Make something that you like that. It's a bit silly. Like that idea say, well, why, what if I just tickle the Noids this a little bit later version of that, where I just try to keep you company and barely make you smile.

And I would pause it if you're new, I mean, rethink where you picture and you say, what is this Noid? This is a jest pizza jester. We have those where I come from. We call them pizza jesters. And I say, yeah, this was like trademarkable name or something. I don't know. But yeah, maybe there could be actually, there could be a position. I would like to do that. Be a pizza jester. I think when I, so anyway, I'm here to be your sleepy pizza jester and do a little bit of jesting to try to … I can't, I don't think I have the power to make your evening devoid of seriousness, but maybe I could just lighten it a little bit. Maybe I could just make your shoulders unwind a little bit more. Make that bed just a little bit tucky in there.

Because as I said, I've been there. I appreciate you checking the show out. I appreciate you giving me your time. I work very hard on this show. It doesn't work for everybody, but give it a few tries. It's what everyone that listens says, but I really hope … and I really yearn that I can help you fall asleep. So thanks again for checking the show out. And here's a couple ways we keep the show going, Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing trouble, getting to sleep trouble, staying asleep. Well welcome. This is sleep with me. The podcast it's here to put you to sleep. We do with the bedtime story. Those you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights and press play. You go ahead and get comfy wherever you are. I'm here to help. I'm going to do the rest.

What I'm going to do is I'm going to send my voice across the deep dark night. No wait. Sorry. I tried a little new thing there. If you're a regular listener, if you're new, I wanted you to get comfortable. As soon as you get in bed, turn out the lights and press play, I'll do the rest. So what I'm going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside, whatever is keeping you awake. Whether it's thoughts, if feelings, physical sensations, time, temperature changes, changes in routine. If it's stuff you're thinking about, stuff you're feeling physically or stuff on your emotions, that's bubbling up or more than that. Whatever it is I'd like to take your mind off of that. And if you're new, it's the show's very different. And it's going to take like a … there's also … there's a long intro, but this is part of the show.

But what I'm going to do is I'm going to send my voice across the deep dark night. I'm going to use a lolling soothing creaky dulcet tones, pointless meanders, tangents, rustified tangents, creaky dulcet tones and other things. But mostly I'm going to be here for you. That's why I have the show come out twice a week. If we're at work hard, because right up front, I want to tell you, I believe you deserve a good night's sleep. And when I started making this show, I was searching for something a little bit different. So definitely if you tried other stuff, if you have something that works for you, that's great. This one's a little bit different. If you're looking for a silly story in a friend in the deep dark night, that's why I use the term because for me it can feel pretty like I just feel like I say, I wish there was someone here to keep me company to take my mind off of stuff, to tell me a silly story.

And that's where I'm going to do with your show. But it's also like having a friend over that does a lot of talking and it doesn't really get, it takes a while to get to the story and your friends. I am a little bit different. I don't know, like I'm open to that. And so my imaginary friend is a little bit different than I'm describing here. So it'll take a while to get anywhere. I'll go off topic. I'll get confused to have creaky dulcet tones, which you say, “I never heard of creaky dulcet tones.” It a little bit different too to say, okay, but main message is I'm here to help, but this doesn't work for everybody, but also doesn't make a lot of sense. So if you kick back and maybe you kind of say, okay, let me put on my passive viewfinder and I know what that is, but maybe I come back to that passive viewfinder.

It sounds like something that fits the podcast, but you … okay let me see because I was trying to set that up. So let me send my voice across the deep dark night we use low and soothing tones, creaky dulcet, it's pointless meanders, unfinished metaphors, strange subject changes, but here's the thing. Here's the structurally what to expect if your new show starts off with a few minutes of business, it's how we keep the show going. If you're new, it's not super important, but you try to put as much of it at the top of the show in between the intro in the story as it can.

So thank you for sitting through that. Then we have an intro. The intro is kind of part of the podcast. Now, some people will fall asleep during this. While I explain what the podcast is for 12 minutes. It also kind of, if you … after your first or second try, you might say, okay, maybe this isn't the podcast for me where some people will say, okay, this … I didn't realize that the intro kind of is his attempt to explain the podcast unsuccessfully 700 times for 12 minutes and now I get it.

I can totally relax, set the pressures off. Because I don't already really have a huge pressure on myself. I say, let's just do our best to explain what the podcast is, so far we haven't been … here even though we've made the show and we make the show, we haven't really been able to capture totally understand why it works. I mean, I know some of the pieces that work. Yeah but that's why I try to spend the intro exploring and saying, okay, maybe it's this. So that'll be an intro. Some listeners, get ready for bed, listening to it. There's a poll somewhere I saw recently. And it feels like maybe 60% of people fall asleep during the intro and maybe another 33% or 34% get ready for bed during the intro. So that's kind of, that's how people use it. Or some people listen to it during the day to cool down on wine to have a little day daytime break, but that's an intro.

Then we'll have a story, a bedtime story. We'll be doing our serial series, serial episodically modular series that you can listen to in nearly any order. The Stan Chronicles, Nuns In Space and mostly heavy on the stand, my best friend and a freestyle soda machine and an Android, or I don't know it's actually no Stans a binary being that's what I would say. I don't know if I'd say Stans a digital being or analog being, because that would have to define those words, but more than an Android, I don't know if to remember that there was a band in the 80s, 90s, I think it was and they sing a song more than words, more than drew … how about they has BB88, BB8 ever done any karaoke because they could, or what about C-3PO would. What if C-3PO has a secret hobby carrier. I can see that of all the characters you'd say who has a secret karaoke?

Like that's their hobby. That's how they unwind when no one else is around. Talk about Star Wars, FanFic. But seriously, if you're a Star Wars fan or even a casual consumer of Star Wars, you'd say, who would you see throwing back some tunes, maybe singing, some Barbra, then some Bets and maybe some Carole King, then maybe moving into some Barry Manilow or, doing some … then bounce around doing some Sia. I would say, well, Titanium, I could see the irony of C-3PO singing that song maybe in the middle, like maybe in like a heated Star Trek scene when they say, okay, well we're not going to have any news. We got eight hours off. Like maybe in the last one when they're just waiting to run out of gas, but they haven't run out of gas yet.

There was a lot of downtime. I'm pretty sure C-3PO was on that ship, but I'd have to check my records. But see they said, okay, 3PO we got whatever we got 48 hours till we run out of gas and we're still working on a plan. Why don't you take some downtime? Go into sleep mode. And I don't do a C-3PO what do you call it that, where you pretend you're C-3PO. But you say, because I'm no Anthony Daniel, so believe me have been told that too.

And I don't know if that's to place C-3P0, but so you as in C-3PO says, sure. No problem. Yeah. I got to go work on what is your protocol? I get … I'm going to check out the latest protocol releases in your through stamp through those, then put them in my … download those and go into sleep mode. And of course R2 knows all this because maybe R2 would shoot out a microphone for sure this would happen. I mean, come on you're listening to me. You can see it happening because it happens just not in the scenes. They filmed in the movie. Yeah. So then R2 shoots a microphone out, sees reveal, catches it. This is in like a broom closet or something. And he says … I think you probably would start with Sia.

Because that would be warm up as if he was going to go for anything higher. Like C is right in a good range to warm your voice up. If you have creaky dulcet tones, I can't sing on the podcast, especially copyrighted songs. I think I was saying though, has anyone sung a song? Or what was the song? It was Gary Sharone. So I already forgot the point that led me into this, which was trying to make a point about how long the intros are. And then that we were singing a … what is that song? What was that band called? This is really how my brain works. I'm drawing a total blank.

There was a band and they sang a song. And then I said, what if there was a droid version of it, but it left my brain. It was, as soon as you C-3PO got into my brain and started singing, Sia in an Eagle … it's not an Eagle swings, but that's, I think that's a church song, but maybe you could see C-3P0 would do that too. And then he would transition into a did you ever know you're my hero? And he would sing that to R2 and R2 … they, I don't know. They do it necessarily do … they probably do one duet too because this is C-3PO's thing R2's thing is being cute and adorable. So maybe I'll remember that song, but, so what was I? I was talking about Stan, my best friend.

Who's not an Android, droids. It was something droids, but it didn't rhyme. I don't know. I can't think of that song or I almost thought of the name of the band. I know Gary Strong was in it because he left and became like a singer Van Halen. And to be honest, I have no idea how that worked out. I could know, I could guess, but so what was it? I almost said it again. I think there are, maybe they were called extreme even though they weren't extreme. They were extremely an extreme more than words. That was it. Thank you brain. We eventually got there, but I think that may have been free association and the first reason has used free association or remember something they were talking about four minutes ago. But yeah. What if … well, I guess we had maybe if BB8 and R2 were the audience for 3PO he would sing more than droids.

Like he'd say … because he'd be out of character because he'd be in relax mode, chill mode, not 3PO mode. And he'd sing more than, he'd say we rewrote the song for the two of you and then maybe at some point I can see him performing at one point or another like Luke would probably be amused by it. Leah for sure. Maybe at her bedside when she wasn't feeling so hot, he's saying that to her, but droids really meant, that he was expressing that it was a BI, she's more than a droid to him, but that song is more than words. So I was thinking more than droids. It's all you ever beep and bloop to you. And I wouldn't whatever it would easily be done. So then there's a short bedtime story.

And then after that is some thank yous and stuff between the intro and the story are his business usually. And that's how he keeps the show going is so you can find all that or website. And so you don't need to listen to the show, I guess it was. So that was the structure show only took me about 14 minutes to describe the structure of the show. Because we had a little C-3PO karaoke. Well, here's another question. Now go off topic again. If you have a memory, is it karaoke or is it something else? Like if you don't have to read the words, like they're in your brain, you're in your system.

I mean, some people do karaoke and they have songs memorized, but they're human. I mean, I guess I'm not trying to draw a line here with 3PO like between humans in a solid state or plat or drive beings. I'm just saying if you have every lyric in your head, I guess it's still a karaoke, maybe I don't know. Or is it a tribute? We should get a tenacious D to weigh in on this and maybe sing that droid song with C-3PO because they have that kind of poll that maybe they could get in the next Star Wars movie or we could do the … if you want to do a short, like a way's droids chill, a Star Wars story.

PART 3 OF 4 ENDS [01:03:04]

… Ways Droids Chill: A Star Wars story. And a very short one because they don't all have to be an hour and a half plus feature films. You say, “Well, we're looking for something to take the heat off us.” Again, I've offered this service to other movie companies. I'll write that movie. I'll put my name on it. Right before a release you just say, “Ackerman, he just did what he wanted to. He had his own artistic auteur vision. Originally, it was supposed to be about Hoth or something. It's too late now, we've got to release it. It's called How Droids Chill.” And then you say, “Okay, it makes everything else look gold. As golden as a shined C3PO at a secret karaoke contest the droids have.” Other droids do have dance-offs, to answer that question that naturally came up. Of course, there's other things, we'll talk about that when that movie's released in 20-never.

This is structure show. No pressure to listen, no pressure to fall asleep. I appreciate you coming by. Here's the thing, I'm sure you've picked up on it. It's silly stuff, but it's friendly stuff. It doesn't work for everybody, but I will posit, maybe you either stopped listening. If you're still listening, did it take your mind off? Did C3PO singing Bette Midler, isn't that a little bit comforting, preferable to whatever else was on your mind? In the story coming up here we have a freestyle soda machine who is my version, he's not a protocol droid. Stan, he's my co-pilot and best … Oh, no, I'm Stan's co-pilot at this point. My commander and best friend.

Give this podcast a shot. See if it helps. I'm really appreciative that you came by and checked it out and I truly believe you deserve a good night's sleep. I work very hard on this show because I want to help. Thanks for coming by. Here's a couple of ways we keep the show going. Are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome, this is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. All's you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I'm going to do the rest. What I'm going to do is send my voice across the deep, dark night, and try to keep your mind off whatever's keeping you awake, whether it's thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, travel for you or someone else, changes in schedule, routine changes, or changes in routine.

You know what kind of change doesn't get any credit? Routine changes. Nobody gets to grandmother's and say, “Change your underwear.” It's kind of a routine change, I hope so. The routine change, other than grandmothers and nanas who really don't give credit, they just kind of remove credit, maybe we'll come back to that and give routine changes the credit they're finally due, if I remember. I'm crossing my fingers. This is for changes in your routine. Whatever's keeping you awake I'd like to distract you from that and to keep you company here tonight, to be your friend. The way I'm going to do it is a bit different than other sleep things. I'm just laughing because I'd say, “What else is there?” It's a bit different. If you're new don't try too hard to make sense of this podcast, or even to like it. If you can, view it as a neutral object to put you to sleep and see how it goes.

I'm going to use creaky dulcet tones, which takes some adjusting, pointless meanders, lots of those, going off topic, off tangent, not making sense, filler words. I have filler words full of filler. You say, [“Scoot 01:07:41], tell me the content of your filler words. Are they just letters?” And I say, “Well.” I try to push the sawdust with my feet. I say, “Well.” And they say, “Scoot, why do you have four pallettes of grade Z flour and nine pallettes of sawdust? Do you fill your filler words with filler?” And I say, “Fill her up with filler words.” It's the Sleep With Me podcast slogan.

Here's the thing, I'm your boar friend, your boar bey, your boar cuz, your boar sib, your boar bro, your boar bud, whatever you're comfortable with, boar cuz, boar bestie, maybe I'll earn that title for the few, the proud, the boar beys. Or, I could just be your boar-eh. Boar, eh. I'm fine with that. That's really a success for me.

You say, “Describe your relationship with the Scooter that you passively listen to at night. Would you consider them your boar friend?” “Eh, boar friend, boar bud. Boar bud, eh.” What words would you describe your relationship with? “It's like a boar-eh. Eh.” “Oh, okay. We've got it. We understand now.”

Now, if you're new you might not understand. I already forgot what I crossed my fingers for, by the way. Because I say, “Why are my fingers crossed?” I say, “I think I thought of something that I was going to talk about. It wasn't filler words though. Oh, routine changes. I remembered that.” I do go off topic a lot if you're new. Here's the structure show. The show starts off with a few minutes of business, that's how we keep the show going and free. If you're new, it's not super important, If you're a regular listener, pretty important, especially if you're a listener who falls asleep in the intro and listens five or six nights a week, but if you're new, no big deal. Then there's the intro.

The intro is not an advertisement, it's a show within a show if you're new. It's a show you may not want to stick around for or you may not want to pay attention to. That's the kind of thing, a large number of people listen to it as they're getting ready for bed and unwinding. Some listeners fall asleep during it, other people listen during the day, and other people skip over it. There's no wrong way to use the intro. I would say It's aptly described as a long drawn-out intro. Something I could say in two minutes I'm pointlessly meandering. I wouldn't say pointlessly meandering. I'm hear for a point, to put you to sleep, and not getting to the point is what I do. It's more like I'm demonstrating. We always talk about this, my incompetence. My competence by incompetence, or my incompetency for competency makes me competent. Here's another thing, it actually makes me confident.

I'm pretty sure for the people that it works for, if you give it two or three tries, I hope I can help you. The intro is where I try to describe what the show is and don't succeed. It either puts you to sleep or hopefully sets up the mood where you know what you're in for: goofing around and tangential thinking and filler words, stuff with filler. That's bonus filler, by the way, grade Z flour and sawdust. I was going to say they don't grow on trees, but realize that they both grow. That's the intro. Then there's a little bit of business between the intro and the show, then there's the show. Tonight it'll be an episode talking about an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation barely, in a way you say, “That was an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation where Wesley had a dorm room.” You say, “Is that all that happened?” “Well, there's a lot that took place in that dorm room.” “Are you sure it was a dorm room?” “Well, let me look that up and see.” That would be short for dormitory.

That will be what the coverage of The Next Generation will be like. It will be friendly. It will be to put you to sleep. Here's a strange quark of the show, you're under no pressure to fall asleep, because there are listeners that are here until the very end. Whether you're awake or asleep I'm going to be your companion in the deep dark night. I'm going to be here giving it my all. You can fall asleep whenever if you wish, but don't feel any pressure. I'll be here to keep you company for an hour plus. There's two episodes a week an hour plus, so you can string them back to back if you need to. I'm here to help.

I think I clearly demonstrated that you don't really have to listen to me or pay attention, or as the grandmothers would say, “Don't pay him any mind. He's not a bad boy, he's the not-bad boy.” You can use that to describe me. That was how I've always been described. Right when they wipe their thumb and they wipe something off my face, this has happened to me so many times, right when I say, “Hey, I just made you laugh. What do you think of you and I going out sometime?” Then a grandmother appears, licks her thumb, tries to put down my cowlicks on my head that don't go down, wipes off my face and says, “Oh, you're here with little Andrew. You look you're into bad boys. He's a not-bad boy. He's not a bad boy. He's not bad.” At least that's what happens to my brain.

Like I was saying, you don't have to listen to me. I'm here to keep you company. The structure of the show, I think that's everything you need to know. I'd also like to do some low power empowerment here like a trickled charge. I was thinking about what we said, routine changes, they could use an extra empowerment maybe. Because you have changes in a routine. You say, “Scoot, your starch, or a change in the weather.” Then there's changes in your routine. Then, if your routine changes, that's a little bit different.

I think if your routine changes, then I says, “Well, I'm going to switch it up here.” Change in a routine maybe as an external force. Routine changes is when you say, “I'm changing my routine.” A subtle difference, but then there's a third thing, routine changes which are changes. One, the routine changes may say, “Changes that are taken for granted.” And I would say, “Let me pat you on the back, routine changes.” And I could see the moon raising its hand if it had a hand to raise and then say, “Hey what about me?”

And I'd say, “You get a lot of credit.” Some may say, “You get too much credit, but at the same time we do kind of take you for granted, moon. You really are impressive, in my opinion. I believe that sometimes I see it as a routine change when it's really amazing. Also, no offense, moon, I don't mean to quibble, but you're not actually changing, it's really the sun and the earth. You're just kind of out there. Oh, sorry. I think the moon just shed a tear. Come here. Come on in, moon. Good night, moon.” Are there any other routine changes here to get credit? Changing underwear, we covered that, so you can move on. Socks changes, running out of cereal, I don't know if that is a routine change. Grocery shopping, I don't want to think about that.

I'll tell you, all the other changes we may make that I may forget about that I don't take for granted I'll just make a blanket apology in the form of an ode because I haven't done any odes. “Oh, routine changes. Oh, how we take them for granted. Lo are your feelings like the moon high in the night sky.” Which is the best example? “The moon may feel unappreciated. It's a brilliant night sky when we can see it and when we imagine that the moon is doing that itself of its own volition and not the sun and the earth and the shadow stuff is doing it. I'm just kidding, moon. When I give you a hard time, that means we're friends. Oh, moon, are you a planetary object? You know, moon, who would say, ‘Hold the phone.' It would be Pluto.”

I guess at this point in my life it's a routine change. Every few years they say, “Planetoid, planet.” Who would think that, that would become a routine change that you would even forget about? You'd say, “I've not bothered anymore. I'll wait until someone corrects me when I say, ‘Oh, there's nine planets.'” No, actually. It's not a planet. Some people would say, “Scootch, you imagined that whole thing. Pluto's been.” I say, “Well, that's great news for Pluto.”

Like I said, there's no routine change when it comes to you. Also, the moon is kind of saying it needs more. “Oh, moon, don't be sad. We really love your changes. They share so much in us, moon. Let us know the feeling in our hearts. The brilliance on your pale skin awakens in us something deeper, something that dances in the nightly splendor bathed in your light, oh moon. There is nothing mundane about you. Sorry we took you for granted, all the earthlings, people here.” Also with the asterisk, “And with the hard work of the sun and the earth and whatever other stuff, but all credit goes back to you, moon.”

Anyway, I've got to get back. Sorry, moon, I've got a podcast I'm in the middle of an intro for. Sorry, Pluto, I do not have time to make amends on behalf of earth or astronomy. We'll get back to you one day. Okay, everybody, I'm back. Don't engage personified planetoids. Just a slip of the tongue there. Sorry, Pluto. Heavenly objects, don't. Oh, heavenly objects, I'll be back to you soon. Right now I've got to go back to the sweet heavenly ears of this listener. I'm here to help.

This podcast is a little bit different, clearly. I think I just displayed that. Give it a few tries, see if it helps. I've been there, that's why I make this show, tossing and turning not able to sleep. And I believe you deserve a good night's sleep. You've earned it being out there in the world. I'm laughing because I could see the moon and Pluto peaking in. They say, “What about ours?” “You've earned your odes, moon and Pluto,” But this isn't the odecast, the big podcast of odes to objects. I'm glad you're here. I hope and I yearn and I strive and I really want to help you fall asleep. Thanks so much for coming by, and here's a couple ways we keep the show going.

PART 4 OF 4 ENDS [01:20:17]