863 – Bedtime Break for Besos
Sometimes ever characters get sleepy, so Scoots buys them a break and catches you up on a journey to dreamland.
EPISODE 862 – Sleep Speedy Cushion Cast
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, and all my patron peeps, it’s time for the podcast that’s here for you day or night, patrons, whenever you need it. If you need a little break, queue up Scoots. Call on me across the deep, dark day or the deep, dark night. But you know what enables me to be here for you and really, hundreds and hundreds of thousands of other people, is you. Thank you so much because the podcast is here on call whenever anybody across the entire globe needs it right now. Thanks so much patrons and let’s get on with the show.
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake.
It could be thoughts, things on your mind. It could be feelings or emotions coming up for you, physical sensations, changes in time, or unpredictable things. Or predictable things, or predictions. I guess I’m not 100% sure what a predilection is but is that a preference? I don’t know. I should probably Google it, huh? But whatever’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off that. What I’m going to do…I’m here to keep you company and distract you. I have a safe place set aside here, plenty of room for you. In fact, this safe place is returnable and transferable and portable, so you could have it where you are. I’m gonna send it via my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders…so, creaky, dulcet is the tone of my voice. You say it’s not sweet ‘cause something sweet might keep you awake but it’s not not sweet. It’s a bit creaky. Okay, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders; that’s where I go off-topic, superfluous tangents.
That’s where I expound once I’m off-topic. Superfluous tangents, a bunch of other stuff. Really, what I’m here to do is keep you company as you fall asleep. If you’re new, right away before I go off-topic, hopefully I can tell you a couple things that might be helpful. One, if you’re new and you’re doubtful or skeptical or unsure, that is a totally natural, normal reaction to the show, how most people approach it at first. I’m not trying to talk you out of it; if someone was gonna tell me they’re gonna put me to sleep, I’d say hm, really? Something like that, I’d say huh, you don’t say. That’s normal, totally legitimate. Oh also, not to make you skeptical, I forgot what I was gonna say after that. If you’re skeptical or deptical, no doubt about it. That makes sense. Oh, one thing is you kind of approach this podcast in a loose way if you’re new, almost like holding sand in your hand. I always forget if it’s sieve or sieve. Those are two twins in an alternative universe in my mind, good old Sieve and Sieve.
Sieve and Sieve…maybe would they be Stevenson, Samuelson? Sieve and Sieve though. I forgot their last name. Those two are always…they’re actually, they’re the most famous…they help conduct traffic. Oh, but I was using them as an example. If you’re new, kind of let the podcast flow. Don’t try to figure it out. If you do, or if you say well, I’m gonna pay attention here and wait for the sleepy stuff, it’s more like this is a cloud or sand going through your hands. It’s like sand in the hourglass, whatever they used to say on that show. Maybe that’s the sand’s part, whatever. Try to consume this podcast loosely or a little bit out of focus. Know this is one podcast you don’t really need to listen to. You may discover after you become a regular listener how you like to listen. Some people listen, some people don’t listen. Some people turn me down to a mumble, some people fall asleep in two minutes, some people fall asleep in twenty minutes.
Some people fall asleep after an hour, some people listen all night. You’ll kind of discover what works and it might be different every night. I mean, that’s how it is for me sometimes. I forgot what my point was. Oh, no pressure to fall asleep. Oh, no pressure to listen. Also, no pressure to fall asleep. The reason the podcast is about an hour is because I’m here to keep you company ‘til you drift off, or if you can’t drift off, I’m here to keep you company all night long if you need it. You say well, I can’t fall asleep, Scoots. I say don’t worry, I’m here for you. I’m your bore-bud. No pressure to fall asleep, no pressure to listen. Structurally, if you’re new, that can also throw new listeners off. I just wanted to give you…you say it’s a little late already, Scoots. I say okay, well, the show starts off with business. That’s how we keep the podcast free for everybody versus it being a paid service or an app you buy. I want it free for everybody as a podcast.
That’s just what I’ve found over the past…over six years, what works best. There’s business, then there’s an intro. The intro can also throw new people off ‘cause it’s like yeah, around…there’s like maybe two to four minutes of business, then there’s this wacky intro. I don’t know how wacky it is, but some people say that. The intro gives you a chance, for most listeners like I said, as you discover how you like to use this show, to wind down, to get in bed. Like, an old familiar friend shows up; old Scoots Magoots. But I’m not in cahoots. I say that all the time because I’m not…like you say, oh wait, that’s my friend that shows up that I don’t have to pay attention to, I don’t have to entertain, I don’t have to actively or even pretend I’m listening at all. Scoots will talk and the only sound effects I have to make are for my own comfort. You say uh-huh, uh-huh, but maybe sometimes that’s comforting for you. You say uh-huh Scoots, oh boy, did you say…did you not know what predilection was? Oh, okay.
You don’t have to listen to me or you don’t have to entertain me. No crumbs, no…you don’t have to worry if my shoes are on or off. They’re off, by the way. I have socks on. Or you know, anything else. I’m just here for you. What was my point about that? Oh, that’s what the intro…so, the intro is a familiar friend and it gives you a chance to unwind whether you’re getting ready for bed or you’re in bed because this is not really my theory. It’s something I strongly believe in, is that bedtime is a bit of a process and it could take a little while. My job is to be comforting and friendly and distracting during that wind-down process so you can drift off. There may be other things that say oh boy, I can get you to sleep in the count of thirty, or you know, I’m gonna do this and this and then you’ll be asleep. I can’t make that promise. Alls I can promise is that I’m here to keep you company as you fall asleep. That’s why the intro’s so long, ‘cause a lot of times new listeners, well, they don’t…actually, they’re not listeners.
They’re one-time or two-time listeners. They say well, I don’t like this intro. They’re not sure what it is because it’s different and that’s understandable. You could also skip ahead. There’s about 2% of listeners that skip to twenty minutes. They start the show around twenty minutes and they listen from there, or there’s patrons, people that support the show, and they listen to story-only episodes which is a similar process. That’s the intro. It’s just me talking a lot as your bore…just like I said, if you…just like I was on call, you’d say Scoots, could you come over and talk about nothing for about twenty minutes and then leave? I’d say no problem, just set your sleep timer for thirty or whatever. Consider it done. That’s the intro. Then tonight will be our story, our ongoing but episodically modular series Get Besos which you can listen to in any order anyway. Then there’s some thank yous. Also, there’s business between the intro and the story.
That’s just how podcasting works, that’s where it’s got to go. That’s the structure of the show and the reason I make this show is because I truly believe you deserve a good night’s sleep, one. Two, I also believe that if you get a good night’s sleep, you’ll be rested, you’ll be in a better place, your life will be a little bit better, and your world and the world at large will be a better place, so that’s a good thing. I guess in my opinion; some people might say well…I’d say well, they can…we don’t…I’m not gonna give them any more airtime, I guess. That’s what I would say. Usually, that’s just a part of our voices anyway. I don’t know, it’s been a long while since I talked about brain bots. [00:10:00] One of the reasons I make the podcast is because I’ve been there and one of the reasons I have trouble getting to sleep, falling asleep, staying asleep, all those things, is because my thought processes. Some of those thought processes, at least to me, feel like they run nearly independently of my center or whatever, my mainframe.
It’s like when you see in those old movies with the spinning tapes or whatever; you say what are the spinning…I don’t have…I don’t even have a password for that thing with the spinning tapes. I say oh, well, that’s your internal critic 001A. I’d say well, how many internal critic machines do we have? I’d say well, on this floor or in the entire building? I’d say what do you mean? He’d say never mind; you’re not supposed to think about this kind of stuff anyway. Those aren’t brain bots; I guess those were the old-fashioned kind. Those were…what are those called? Brainovacs which sounds like something different, so I’ll just move on. To me, brain bots are these little uni-function parts of ourselves or voices or personalities or aspects, or thought processes that scoot around and they say hey, what are you doing, going to sleep? You say you betcha; I’m comfortable, I’m snuggled, I’m going to sleep. I’m tired. Really, you’re tired? Because I wanted to talk to you.
Remember that time…and you say no, no, I don’t…oh, remember that time? Remember how good I am at telling you about that time and making it really…and you say yeah, I’d rather not think…oh, did you, did you…? Then another thing Scoots, and another little computer, a little droid. They say hey, you know what’s coming up? Do you have any idea what’s coming up? You’d say what do you mean? Oh boy, ‘cause I got this blinking red light here that says something’s…and you say okay. I’ll try and go to sleep, though. Could we talk about this later? Then maybe there’s one that’s a little bit more…comes over and says hey, did you ever wonder why waffles are…what’s the…you’d say no, I’ve never wondered why. I’d say wow, really? Then I’d say did you ever wonder why this? Those are some of my brain bots, just a few, not to mention the forty floors in the sub-basement. It’s full of critics that I have and the old regret annex. Holy cow, I don’t even visit there.
They just send me the memos. I’m here to take your mind off of that stuff. I just wanted to introduce you to my own…some of the stuff. That’s where Sieve and Sieve come in, ‘cause they’re also good at, like I said, they say hey, saw you scootin’ over there to talk to your human. Why don’t you…hi, I’m Sieve. I’m one of the brain bot…I’m new here. Oh really, you’re new here? Yeah, what are you…you some sort of brain bot? Oh yeah, I am. I’m super important. Well, it looks like you’re important. Looked like you were in a real hurry. Oh yeah, I was gonna go ask my human about that time when they were at work and you know, the work…oh, you were gonna ask him about that, huh? Sounds really important. Oh, it’s so important. You were just trying to go over there, let him know by asking him about that? You’re trying to help you’re human, right? Oh yeah, that’s my job. I just got this one job, remembering this one thing that happened. It’s really important, and it’s important.
You say wow, it sounds really important to you, too. Wow, that’s what I was gonna say. What did you say your name is? Oh, I’m Sieve. I’m part of the…I’m in the creaky, dulcet tones. Do you know what creaky, dulcet tones are? Yeah, I’m not sure about ‘em. Yeah, no one’s ever been sure about ‘em. That’s why they’re creaky and dulcet. You say well, it’s a little bit of both. Okay, so I’m Sieve. I’m just here, I’m just gonna be here to talk to you. Do you want to sit down? I’m gonna listen to this story. Oh, you’re gonna listen to a story? But I gotta go tell my human. Well, I’ll tell you what; you could let your human know about this. We could set up an appointment later but let’s listen to the story Get Besos. It’s barely interesting in creaky, dulcet tones. You say okay, do you happen to have a twin brother named Sieve? No, Sieve. I’m Sieve, I think. I forgot, but yeah, no, yeah, I do. I mean, I said no but I meant yes. You’re a bit like me.
Yeah, I’m just here to let your humans slip through our fingers and drift off. That’s kind of how the show works, ideally, and why I make it, because I’ve been there and I know how it feels, okay? I’m hoping to bring a little bit of levity and distraction to bedtime for you. Now, as multiple thousands and thousands of people have said, this podcast one, doesn’t work for everybody but for most people, it works where it takes two or three tries because it’s kind of different. If you’re in a place and you could give it a few tries, go ahead and do so ‘cause I really hope it helps you. See how it goes, yeah. It’s a bedtime story for grownups, a little bit different, and I’m here to help if I can. I want to tell you, I’m glad you’re here. I really appreciate you checking this show out, returning time after time. I really…yeah, I want to help and here’s a couple ways we’re able to keep this show free for everybody.
Alright everybody, it’s almost time for another episode of Get Besos, the oh…hold on, everybody. One second, Antonio Banderas, our celebrity intro…usually, Antonio…sorry, Antonio. Let me just set it up, here. Usually Antonio’s not early. I mean actually, he gets here normally early but then I’m already recording and I tell him not to knock on the door. A little behind-the-scenes. Antonio Banderas is a very timely person. He just doesn’t have all the workflow down because he gets here early but normally, I’m already recording and I have a few rules in place. I say don’t knock on the door, don’t pace outside the door, don’t stand too near the door. Don’t let my neighbors come up to you and say are you…holy cow, do you…are you handsome. Are you a movie star? And all that. Also, don’t come around where I’m recording; text me. That rule, I mean, I’ll be honest, I’m not perfect. I usually just say don’t text me and then Antonio would say well, how would you know I’m here?
I said well, when I’m ready for…I said I thought you were an actor. Aren’t you used to being on a call sheet or whatever? Then he explained to me about the nice trailer and production, this and that. I said okay, well, let me put that line item in my budget. When the budget’s filled, I’ll…the production assistant will be there to let you know about it. Then, we get a tech system down but then, you know, I have my phone on vibrate, and outside…so sometimes I miss his texts. Normally, he’s really here on time. It’s just, he’s not here in the studio on time because he gets here early but not so…I mean, this again is my fault; I say don’t get here too early because then I gotta…I don’t know how to deal with you other human beings when you’re on a professional context. I can deal with it or if it’s after our workflow, after we play a boardgame, also part of our workflow. Then anyway, I just didn’t want Antonio also…didn’t want to create a buzz around, because there’s so much buzz around him.
Holy moly. Without further ado, early on this part, ‘cause usually I talk about what’s coming up and then…sorry, I’m just flustered because we’re out of…but I can take a breath and slow down, too. Normally Antonio is here to introduce our series a little bit out of order. He normally is one who makes other people feel breathless. I can’t speak for everybody but I think I can in this case. You look slightly breathless, Antonio. You have some sort of news for me and that’s why you’re here early, not just ‘cause you’re here early always ‘cause you’re so professional, a pro. Whether you’re on a podcast or in a movie or anywhere, I’m sure that’s the case. Also, I’m not using irony here or sarcasm. This is the darn truth; Antonio is a pro, always here early even when he has to…he even, he says he uses apps to make sure he’s here early. I don’t know if you know…a little more behind-the-scenes. This is not…I guess it’s not pro-bono work because you can’t write it off your taxes, right, Antonio? No.
But it’s free work, kind of like an internship for podcasting. It’s a new industry. I don’t know if you…you probably could get into it without doing this. Okay, you’ll explain why you do it. Okay. I forgot what else I was gonna say. I was just saying you’re always on time. [00:20:00] It’s just I’m micro-managing, that I guess I assume directors would do. I mean, have you ever been on set and someone said is that your elbow creaking, Antonio? Like, the sound person. No, that never happened before. Well, okay, so normally Antonio would be here after I set up the new…our series but Antonio’s here early, so I’m gonna turn the mic over to Antonio Banderas here, everybody. Thanks, I am a little breathless, Scooter. I have some news but let me go first. So, ladies, gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, it’s time, almost time, for another episode of Get Besos. Yeah. Scooter, the reason I do this show is because it brings me joy, being in your ears, helping Scooter put you all to sleep.
It’s a pleasure for me. Also, while I’m on time, Scooter, James Cash Penney and Richard Warren Sears are running behind so they asked me to ask you to buy them some time, as they are on a break. I know you don’t want me on the mic too long because you say my voice is too handsome and distracting, so I’ll turn it over to you and I will lie…thank you also for clearing that up. I am a prompt person. Thanks and goodnight, everybody. Also, hello to Reddit. Okay, thanks, Antonio. Okay, well, that’s fine. You know, I’ll just set up the series. I’ll just set up the next episode. That’s no problem. What you’re listening to, what you’re falling asleep to, there’s no rush, right? We’re all here. There’s no buying time or spending time. As Antonio said, welcome to another episode of Get Besos. It’s our episodically modular series which has had some seriality in the past. You can’t avoid seriality but you could listen to these, this season, season three, in any order. It’s the tale of…it’s called Get Besos.
It’s the tale of Richard Warren Sears and James Cash Penney. It’s fiction, by the way. These are…whatever image…purely accidental, fictional characters. It’s the tale of Richard Warren Sears and James Cash Penney. They escaped from purgatory and returned to earth to get Jiff Besos, the founder of Imzon.com who they felt ruined their retail empire. But since we have the time, I might as well run through the first two seasons, if I can. The first season was…so, Richard Warren Sears and James Cash Penney were in purgatory, or a place similar to it but depending on your belief system, we may have covered it before. But they were there in purgatory. They were bored, more or less. It’s kind of like a middle place, at least in this one. I don’t know if you saw the wonderful TV show The Good Place which is now concluded by the time you’re hearing this, that had a Middle Place too, I guess I’m realizing.
It was a little bit different than the Middle Place on the Good Place and I haven’t seen how The Good Place concludes so I don’t know if they have any more Middle Places, but this one is like…what’s that called? Like sepia, where you say well, it’s not not bad but it’s not…it’s definitely…it’s just boring. They just kind of sit around, they don’t have a lot to do. It’s more like a waiting room but you have your own room and stuff. Now, Richard Warren Sears and James Cash Penney, Richard Warren Sears in particular used to live in a certain kind of lifestyle back on Earth. I guess purgatory or limbo or whatever you want to call it is also…a lot of times, these post-Earth worlds get portrayed like there’s no…we don’t bring our humanity with us. Not all of them; the Good Place has that. But sometimes they’re like, more painted in these…but this one has full humanity. Not full humanity, but basically, you could still say to someone whose job…who happens to be employed by purgatory…I know this is an imaginary conversation Richard Warren Sears had.
Well, I think I’m…listen buddy, buddy, I’m just gonna leave my twenty…he wouldn’t do 20$, I’ll be honest, or however the money works up there, or over there. Just gonna leave it on my nightstand and if there’s a newspaper there in the morning, that would be great. Every morning, you know what I’m saying? He does that kind of thing where he says well, if that money’s gone and a newspaper’s there, everybody would be happy. He’s been able to get certain things that he wanted and as he got access to the news…this was ten…I don’t know how many years ago this series was; six years ago, we started it. He was reading about this founder of an imaginary company Imzon. Jiff Besos, that’s J-I-F-S B-E-S-O-S, and he said wait a second…he started reading. He said wait a second, and then he started looking at his company, so Richard Warren Sears and JC Penney and saying they’re not doing so great. This was back in the other decade with 2014, 2013.
He kind of started to build up a resentment towards this Jiff, and he decided he wanted to go back to Earth to teach him hey, maybe…I don’t know, it wasn’t like he was like well, this is the meaning of life. I want to teach you that and not the pursuit of wealth or…efficiency of scale or whatever you want to call it. He was more like jealous, I would say, so that kind of going back to Earth in the context of a sleep podcast. Now, James Cash Penney, those two happen to become best friends or really good friends in purgatory, and James got to know Richard Warren Sears. He said well, and this is fiction, of course; he said well this guy, he’s got a big…he’s got a lot of confidence. I don’t know what his…sometimes he’s lacking. He doesn’t have best impulse-control and sometimes he just makes decisions and maybe I should keep an eye on him. Then he said are you sure you want to go to Earth? Richard Warren Sears was like, we’re going. We need to get Besos and teach him good.
James said teach him the goodness of heart? They said so…they both ended up going. This was season one. They went to Earth. Let’s see some of these episodes here; Vice Heaven, some other titles that we don’t use anymore. They went to Earth, they stared searching for Jiff. Also, they’d figure out how are we gonna meet him. I think at the time, Jiff was going through something, too. He wasn’t sure. They also made friends with somebody but this is interesting, that invented a company called CoffeQ which now just happens to be the biggest…if you use an app to get your coffee, by the way, I didn’t get any credit for that in 2013 or ’14, that you could just go on your phone and say this is my regular coffee, I’m coming to get it. That’s the idea that everybody thought of, of course. They went through that season. Let’s see, test…they found out that Jiff wasn’t their…what is that called? What is that called? What is the main character called? My brain’s blanking.
But the person that their nemesis wasn’t just Jiff, but there was another nemesis down there. I’m not exactly sure…it looks like they dealt with mother nature, garden gnomes, desert islands. I think at some place they split up, James fell in love at some point, Jiff was undercover. Then they went down…I’d have to re-listen to season one because it seems like a stretch. I don’t know how, if Jiff was down there…he was still running an Earthly existence but it ended up that James and Richard Warren Sears ended up down in H-E- double hockey sticks, and originally when they got down there, it was just like the historical record from Dante and all those…Milton, all them, whoever. Just like that kind of…who’s that painting person? It was pretty similar to that. It had the circles, it had a little bit of defending your life where it’s like, you could get a tour of it. They went down there and I’m pretty sure what happened was that RW, just like James had wondered, used his best judgement, and [00:30:00] it ended up his best judgement had a chain reaction and they were just able to get most of the residents of H-E- double hockey sticks out of there before it was gone forever which normally, humanity would have put up a cheer, you know?
Let’s see, Gorbelli, ‘cause I think they were dealing with this Hans Zimmer Gorbelli who was their antagonist. That was the word I was looking for. Yeah, there was wizards down there ‘cause I think at one time, wizards were not that good. Maybe they even dealt with Atlantis. It looks like there was an episode called Atlantis Thinks They’re So Great. But I remember they met everybody. I think this was the season they met one of the skiff…they became friends with the skiff person. The furies, I don’t know if they ever became friends with the furies. The furies were down there, right? Some of those people that…the titans were down there, maybe. This is all what this series coming up’s about, just to catch you…I’m just catching you up on what I’m catching you up about. This serial episodic episode and just buying time for our talent. They ended up down there, H-E- double hockey sticks, they dealt with Hans Zimmer Gorbelli who was…he actually had his reasons just like all antagonists.
He’d been through a lot. Can’t really remember what his motivations were but I remember at the time I was like well, probably not the best plan you’re putting in place, but I can see that you have those motivations. I think there was more. There may have been others, secondary characters whose feelings are not getting hurt that I don’t remember, ‘cause I think there were some so good that I put them…I said well, let me put you away so that when I really need an amazing character…but mother nature, maybe. Then they ended up down…here’s…this is…take a little bit of suspension-of-belief systems for a second. Just imagine metaphorically that the H-E- double hockey sticks, the post-not-great-life was actually down somewhere, right. It was a physical place. Maybe the time-space continuum rules were little bit bent there, but then some sort of reaction happened where it wasn’t working out but there was a hole in one wall, or somebody made a hole in one wall, got as many people through it as they could, or beings, I guess in this case, and then closed the hole.
Then they ended up…it was in another canyon down somewhere, but separated. Everything on the other side of the hole; gone. Bye-bye. Lava City, core-of-the-Earth type stuff, now part of the core of the Earth. I guess that’s exactly what happened, retroactively. Then, they had all the residents and the employees of H-E- double hockey sticks in a new place, I’m pretty sure. They said what are we gonna do? Also, they realized at the time, that…they said wait a second; Earth actually relies on this, maybe for motivation, balance, the whole nine yards. Then, they started…they said we got three great minds down here. Quotey quotes. Jiff, RW, Richard Warren Sears, James Cash Penney; what if we start this as a startup? H-Double Hockey Sticks 2.0. What happened with that, was they had…the idea they had wasn’t terrible. Well, I guess it was terrible, but the basic idea was you know, there’s the idea of guardian angels, right?
They said well, a guardian angel is supposed to be there and say hey, I’m keeping you safe, or hey, here’s…if I was making that choice, what would be…what I see as your advocate or your ally is…maybe these would be the options that might be best for you and other people in your life. That’s like a guardian angel to me. Then in cartoons, usually they have that other voice that’s tempting you. They said that’s not…you know what we do in startups? We throw away the paradigm, break the wheel. That was another startup that didn’t work out, the Khaleesi startup. I mean, it worked out for the Stark family. So, they said okay, well, what if we…we got all these employees, we got these residents, everybody’s kind of learned their…I mean, if you’re there, you say well, of course I’ve learned my lesson. They said wow, furies, fury-type…they said what if we get you back on Earth there and you could check stuff out, maybe help people like a guardian angel.
You’re not trying to get them here; you’re trying to keep them to make Earth the best place possible and help them make good choices, too. With this knowledge of oh, well, these are the mistakes I made and this is how it worked out for me. I guess as an initial thought it sounds good but what really happened was that they paired every person with a…they said okay, we actually got enough because of the time passing and everybody…they said we got enough people here in H- double hockey sticks to match up everybody on Earth with somebody. They said let’s do it. This is gonna be great. Then what happened was, ended up not everybody was…most of those people were…their fingers were crossed. They said oh yeah, I’m gonna go right to Earth, I’m gonna help it. But Janie Sue Jones, you got it. I’m gonna help her make the best choices possible. That worked out kind of like you would assume. It didn’t work out so great. Then basically, Earth…it didn’t work out.
Most of Earth, we needed some time. I forgot what they did to deal with that. I think they did a lot of…I think they had the horn of Jericho or Jethro or something, maybe even back then. I think this is a big-time assumption but I’m already…plenty of H-E- double…I think what they did is they de-existed most of Earth to solve it ‘cause they said oh boy, this is a pickle. That is something also kind of similar to the Good Place, that it’s neither nor. You’re not going to the Good Place or the Bad Place or the Middle Place. If you’re de-existed, that’s…you say what do you mean? I’ve never heard of that. I’d say okay, like that flashy flash around Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones movies. But so then, Earth…there’s still a small community of…’cause one thing is Earth evolves and stuff. Most of the other stuff on Earth was like, other than the extra lava that always comes with those type of situations, they said okay, well, let’s just evolve. There was one community. This is season two now and apparently this came out in 2016, so four years ago. Holy moly.
It was interesting ‘cause I remember it coming, not to break the wall or whatever, but that I went to a talk with Brad Bird. This was in 2016 or maybe it was even 2015 and Brad Bird was saying I’m a little bit over dystopia, and made a push of can anyone make anything interesting with utopias? Then I said to myself well, I could try. They never let Brad Bird know about this but so…maybe I did on Twitter. I don’t know. I said to myself, that’s interesting. I said well, it sounds like a utopia for a story would be very challenging because it’s…you’d say okay, well how are you gonna tell a story in a place where there’s no conflict? Then you could define utopia however you want, but that would be a jumping-off point. For a sleep podcast you’d be like wait a second; that’s almost perfect for a sleep podcast, a place with no conflict, a paradise. I said okay, I can work with that. But then I thought how am I gonna tell any stories without any conflict?
That’s what drives the story to go from the beginning to the end. I said well, if you put Richard Warren Sears and James Cash Penney anywhere, there’s gonna be some, even in a utopia. So, that was how that idea came about but what really happened was…I can barely remember but they basically, I think what happened was so they were back in…I think they were back in purgatory but now Jiff was with them. Or maybe they were in H-E- double hockey sticks but there wasn’t much left because they had sent everybody out. But at some point, they realized that Jiff had a son or maybe a…I guess maybe a grandson or a great-grandson, or something. A descendant on Earth in this utopian society. Jiff snuck out of…[00:40:00] just like RW and James Cash said, to go see his…like you say wow. Now, it ends up that at some point during everything that happened originally with our original Earth, and H-E- double hockey sticks 2.0, and then everything going and getting de-existed.
Jiff Besos became this mythological being. I think maybe he left instructions on building a utopia. Maybe that was his side project, so the last vestige of humanity on Earth was this utopia called Besos. I mean, I guess if it was in Spanish, it would be kisses which you’d say, well, that sounds like a utopia to me, or a pretty good name for a utopia. You’d say no, no, kisses on the cheek. That’s what it means, besos. Kisses and hugs. I don’t know, RW was a little bit worried about Jiff making Jiff’s best decisions even though he showed over season one that he had a little bit better decision-making ability than RW. Then James got sucked in. They headed down to this new utopia, Besos. At first, they were like is this actually a utopia or a prototype for a utopia? They went down there and then they tried to get into the utopia because it’s quarantined and they had to play…like, one episode I remember they played…they tried to figure out how to play Settlers of Catan.
Then they went to a water-treatment plant which you know, you need, utopia or not, for sure. Then they went through a cave which had cave paintings, I think about Jiff. They got caught up on the history. Then they ended up as part of a yearly celebration of the myths around Besos, then what happened next? Then they ended up in trouble and they had to make a case. I think RW was convinced that utopias weren’t good. Even though this utopia was almost perfect, near-perfect utopia or near-utopia it ended up being, ‘cause we’re human. You can’t have a perfect utopia on Earth…maybe. Or maybe there was perfect before they got there. Then I think RW at some point started to fall in love with someone. Also, he was trying to say well, don’t we need conflict and not-good…isn’t that what we’re…isn’t that part of a motivator? Is this gonna…are we gonna keep evolving? Stuff like that. Thought experiment city, I guess I’d say. Let’s see if I can remember any of it.
Night Walk, I think that was walking around at night. Doctoring Auditions…I don’t remember that one. Probably sounds like…I have no idea. Not Choosing a Choice; that was getting towards the theme of the season where it was like okay, why do you have to choose? Is it not choosing a choice? Do you have to choose the Good Place or the Bad Place? They were mostly exploring things at the time with the residents of this utopia. Now, here’s where things go off the rails in a most sleepy way possible. At the time, this utopia was going on at Earth. Now, the Good Place, heaven or whatever you want to call it, where the angels live and the Supreme Being or the Mother Creator, that still existed. But at the time this story was being told, the Supreme Being, the main…the lead singer of the Supremes, they were on sabbatical. This isn’t retroactive; this was happening at the time. The Supreme Being happened to be on sabbatical. You say, I mean, it’s gotta happen sooner or later.
There’s no…infinite light still needs to slow…probably. I don’t know. I’m just telling you what happened. But the Supreme Being said to the angels; you’re angels, you can be trusted. Keep an eye on…there’s only this last vestige of humanity and then some pockets of it. Keep an eye on things, keep doing good. Angels have a bit of humanity still within them, also RW. They also had Flagelas, plate glass, they call him. I don’t know if this is exactly how everything got started, the inciting incident within all these other things but Flagelas, plate-glass, was still in love with…was it one of the…was it a harpy or siren? I forget which…but they had been dating back in the original 1.0, H-E- double hockey sticks. You say that that’s how we get…that’s how it wasn’t terrible for us. But when all this happened, she or they stared dating an angel. Also, angel…believe that looked like a lumber jack, like a brawny angel. Of course, Flagelas, plate-glass was not…he was the original skiff.
He skiffed across one of the rivers and one of the circles, not the main one to get there; not Styx I don’t think, but one of the ones where it’s not so great. He went up there and then the angels were like, what is even going on on that Earth, in that utopia that you can come up to heaven? ‘Cause I think it was during a comedy show or something. It was definitely…that was like a defending-your-life moment from that movie, but he blew into this comedy club, said what about…how can you do this to me? Kind of thing. Then, the angels…I think this is what happened. The angels were like okay, you’re back on our radar. Sounds like we gotta get some judgments going here. I think; let’s see, Scrambled Metaphors. That could mean anything. That was one of the episode titles. Then Tricky Jiff, Like Water for Angels, Switcheroonie. Tell, Don’t Show…Opposite Council. Sounds like there was another trial; it sounds like maybe a multi-episode trial? I don’t know exactly what happened, ‘cause why…I guess you’re on this utopia.
You want humanity to keep flourishing and the question is do we need choices? ‘Cause I think in that utopia, you just weren’t allowed to make any bad choices and you’d say well, that’s not free choice. Do we need free will or not? James and RW and Jiff were trying to introduce that. Then some people were like well, it never sat right with me, not being able to make my own choices. I think maybe people just started…stopped choosing because that was the title of an episode. But it sounds like then they…there’s probably a bunch of antics. Tell, Don’t Show, Opposite Council, Plain Desolation. Then what happened was once the angels got wind of this, and then they realized wait a second; aren’t you the people that were involved in the…you closed out H-E- double hockey sticks one, created H-E- double hockey sticks two which we didn’t even get a chance to shut down, and before we got a chance to do that, you also mostly shut down Earth and that didn’t work out.
We’ve got our eyes on you, our angel eyes. Also, sometimes there’s tension between…you’d say who are you…your Supreme Being? I’m not saying that about the main one, okay? Holy, but these secondary Supreme Beings. Human reaction would be Supreme Being? Says who? Excuse me, I’m walking here, or whatever. The Supreme Beings say oh, how little do you know, you humans. I think there was a lot of debating, a lot of jockeying, maybe a case about it that ended up…they said well, here’s what we know so far. We have to make a choice here because we’re the Supreme Beings and big boss is on sabbatical. I guess let’s just…let’s de-exist this Earth because it’s mostly de-existed and now it looks like this is starting again. I wanted to save everybody a lot of time and headache. Just de-exist it. To them, that made the most sense. Now, they may know we don’t know and I think I can’t jump back that far in the season, but to say okay, well, there’s billions of stars and stuff.
We’re not just in charge of you, Earth, with your egos and your Supreme who questions. They said okay, we’re just gonna de-exist Earth. Then they [00:50:00] came to Earth, or a contingent did, and they were getting set up for it. Then they said well, this isn’t really…is this, one, is this angel-like behavior? This is James Cash Penney, Richard Warren Sears, and Jiff. They said one, is this…one, are you sure you don’t want to wait for the Supreme Being? I think enough stuff had already happened that we’re like let’s just get this over with so we don’t get in any trouble. They probably already violated some rule and they said well, we’re gonna get written up for this anyway; might as well clean it up first and say oh, we threw the glass out. It was broken. We cleaned it all up and threw it out. You spilled the milk, broke the glass, but now it’s all fixed. But that glass isn’t around anymore. We didn’t drop it actually, either. It fell or something.
Can’t speak for the angels, but that would just be what I might say. But James Cash Penney, Richard Warren Sears says one, this isn’t angel-like behavior. Two, are you sure? They said yeah, we're sure. Then one thing that titans of industry are good at is making moves, those kind of things. Don’t worry, don’t worry, if you’re worried right now. Hopefully you’re snuggled in bed. What they did was, Besos was on this plane, so they set up this big de-existence thing, like a horn. I think there’s a horn of Jericho or Jethro. This is like, a bigger version of that. They said we’re gonna de-exist everything. Then they said well, for some reason, this is all getting live-streamed. I think this was just one of the things with the utopia; they were into live streaming. James and everybody said well, this isn’t the most compassionate response, especially with the live stream and they said can’t you do anything to buff…help with that? The angels said actually, if you’ve never seen or heard an angel sing, it’s like, super comforting. Like, beyond super comforting.
It fills you with infinite light and joy and relaxation, and not thoughts about impending de-existence. James said okay, why don’t you sing? Then they said why don’t you sing a couple numbers? Meanwhile, this big de-existence horn or piece of equipment was there. RW had been making small talk for a while and again, the Supreme Being was on sabbatical. Don’t worry about that part, either. RW said okay, this is the thing you’re gonna use to de-exist all of us and all of humanity and the utopia called Besos, and your utopia? Angels naturally are a little gullible sometimes, especially ones that have been only working in heaven. RW said oh, what do you got that on a tripod or something? The angel said yeah. RW says that’s great angel singing, isn’t it? The angel said oh, yeah. Believe it or not, I can’t get enough of it. RW said yeah, let’s just sit here and enjoy it. Something like this, I wonder if everybody in heaven is enjoying it. I always wondered…people always point everywhere when they’re pointing to heaven.
Where would you point if it was accurate? The angel said right there, the edges of the…Uranus’ belt or whatever. RW said hardy-har-har. No, I said Ursa Minor. RW said oh, okay, so right over there, huh? The angel said yeah. Then RW said okay, so this is a floating head tripod. Wow, a smooth motion on this thing. The angel said yeah, and then RW said oh, okay. Wow, this is good angel singing. Let’s just watch and relax and watch it. The angel said okay, you’re right, then I’ll de-exist everything. Then RW kind of did the unthinkable but when you say well, what are the options? RW took the de-existence horn, pointed it towards heaven, and now the Supreme Being’s on sabbatical, you know? Poofity-poofity-poo, heaven was de-existed. This took a few minutes for…I mean, more than a few minutes for everybody to get adjusted to. There was, I think also, maybe RW de-existed the de-exister. I’m trying to think what I would do next in that situation because otherwise you’d probably be de-existed, you know?
It’d be trouble. Then everybody had very strong feelings about that. Even James and Jiff said well, you saved us but not even…he goes, even in human history, I don’t know if any other humans have…or post-humans have gotten rid of two H-E- double hockey sticks, most of humanity, and the Supreme Paradise and the homestead of the Ultimate…the Mother Creator or Supreme Being of your choice. RW said yep, somebody had to do it. It was a lot of like, wait a second, did you really de-exist heaven? Kind of thing. Then people walk around holding their heads, and RW’s saying yep. Then I guess everybody basically had to adjust because they said well, okay, well, what are our options now? That’s de-existed. Also, the de-existence horn’s de-existed so you can’t de-exist RW. Also, we have this near-utopia filled with wonderful human beings; that is sufficient. Why don’t we welcome everybody in and live together happily ever after? I think that’s kind of how it ended. It was like okay, well, that sounds pretty good.
Maybe we could all get along; angels, beings from H-E- double hockey sticks who one, relocated a few times but become friends with Jiff and James, and humans. Then they went into this utopia. Now, that was how season two ended but I mean, what I didn’t think about…it’s a good thing the season was over. Sooner or later the being is gonna get back from…or gonna be back from sabbatical and be like wait a second, isn’t that the…what the heck? I took a right at the Milky Way and I thought of my favorite sitting chair and now I’m just in a blank space. I mean, you’ve seen in movies, Star Wars type movies, where they jump somewhere and they say well, where is it? I don’t think there was any rubble left behind ‘cause it’s totally de-existed. The Supreme Being probably is just like let me check my spiritdar. Oh, it’s 0.0 unless I point it at myself. But it didn’t take…when they’re on sabbatical, they’re on sabbatical. If you’re going to do self-care, even if you’re Supreme self-care, you say no, I’m all out of…O-O-F or whatever.
Not checking that e-mail even if it’s some sort of internal sense that the balance…well, the balance was restored in this case. But once the Supreme Being got everything figured out, he probably did some rebuilding, reconstruction-type stuff. But that didn’t…we weren’t there for any of that. Meanwhile, everybody’s in the utopia. But then at some point, Richard Warren Sears, James Cash Penney, and Jiff did find themselves back in purgatory. They’re not Supreme Beings so they just got back there. Richard Warren Sears and Jiff Besos, they kind of got re-adjusted to life in purgatory. I don’t know what the timeline was, ‘cause this is not on Earth’s timeline. But they got re-adjusted, they started getting the internet news again, and found out that there was a planet very similar to Earth called Hearth. Now, James was down. James was sleeping but also would wake up and be like, we de-existed heaven and two, H-E- double hockey sticks. James was more…needed some time.
Jiff found out…I guess he had spent so much time with RW that he found out there was someone on Hearth, the redundant Earth, just in case. That’s what kind of stuff Supreme Beings think of. Back up. They say well, I got a back-up in the Cloud and one, an organic one, fully running, very similar, small differences. The metaphor RW or Jiff used was a Royale with cheese. Then Jiff was reading about this person on Hearth. We’ll just call it Earth though. Z-Biff, who was…[01:00:00] founded the social media shopping platform, became ubiquitous and in that timeline…not exactly hard to imagine, came with some other things. Jiff was like, this isn’t how you run a social media shopping platform that’s good for everybody. Maybe Jiff had learned some lessons and said well, maybe I’m gonna go back to Hearth and teach this Z-Biff some lessons about…I don’t know. That’s what Jiff…’cause that part was before the season started. Jiff was gone. RW said well, I think Jiff snuck out, but RW figured it out.
Now, RW’s not about to go anywhere alone so he woke up James eventually and said James, we gotta go get Besos because he went to go get Z-Biff back on Earth. He explained everything that I just explained to James. They realized that Jiff had been keeping notes of a lot of these pockets of not getting along that go on in this social media shopping platform. I don’t know, what have we covered so far this year? Pets going places and not getting cleaned up, parking. Oh, straws, you know. They said we gotta go down there and they said okay, well, our best plan is to try to go to all these…this list, just work through this list of all these communities that need a little bit of help with resolving these things. Either we’ll find Jiff or we’ll catch up with Jiff or we’ll get to Z-Biff first, or at the same time as Jiff, and we’ll help Jiff not get in trouble. That’s where we are. This is another episode of our serial modular series Get Besos.
James, buddy, buddy, buddy. I’m really enjoying this rest. We really needed this break. Richie, taking a break was the best idea. I’m gonna get back into bed here and get comfortable. Ah, buddy, tell me how comfortable you’re getting. I’m gonna get comfortable over here. Yeah, I’m pulling the blanket up and I’m just rolling over, moving my pillows around. I’m gonna move over an inch or two and I’m gonna pull that right up my chin and get back to sleep. Goodnight. Goodnight, buddy.
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