860 – Poetry of Straws | Get Besos S3 E5
Our heroes are still trying to help, tonight it will be the sleepy poetry of straws.
EPISODE 860 – Poetry of Straws: Get Besos S3 E5
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, it’s time for the podcast. I feel more like I’ve been sprung ahead. When people say spring ahead, I say give me a break but then I find myself sprung ahead even though the clocks don’t use springs anymore, and I don’t think that’s what it has to do with springing ahead. I say somebody spring me out of this thing where the time’s changing on me in a inconvenient way. The podcaster who’s wound because he’s been sprung but sprung ahead and you might wonder what is he…what in the spring-sprang-sprung is he talking about? I say I don’t really know but I know what I’m here for; it’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that goes off-topic and is here to help put you to sleep. Before we slow this show down, these are a couple ways we bring the show to you for free. Remember, when your hand hits that refrigerator tomorrow, you’ll think of the show, think of Sleep With Me, and here you go.
Hey, it’s Scoots, I wanted to check in with you about two things if you’re a regular listener. If you’re a patron, please go to sleepwithmepodcast.com/patreonfaq and make sure your Patreon feed, your bonus feed is set up in your podcast app of choice. If you don’t know how to do that, all the instructions are over at that page and there’s a link to our support team on that page. You say oh, I’m stuck, I can’t do it; just go to sleepwithmepodcast.com/patreonfaq and then if you’re not a patron an-d you listen to the podcast like, more than two or three times a week, more than the episodes normally come out, and either want more amazing content to sleep to; story-only episodes, episodes with fun messages, only patrons here, maybe all-intro episodes if you love all-intro episodes. $10 patrons get them every other week but it’s really a pride in membership, I guess, because the patrons that I hear from, not only do they love the podcast, they love the idea that they’re supporting the podcast that’s there for them, they see it as a two-way street.
I appreciate that. About one out of every fifty people that are regular listeners support the show. That’s an exclusive club, super-fans of the show. I couldn’t do without those people so I really, really appreciate it. Whether pride in membership appeals to you, we’re having…the real goal in the end is to have more sleepy stuff and I’m able to do that on the Patreon. If you listen to the podcast a lot or you listen all night long in particular, or five nights a week, check out our Patreon sleepwithmepodcast.com/patron. You'll get more out of it and so will all the other listeners, the other 98% of people listening to this show. Think about it; sleepwithmepodcast.com/patron and thanks. Alright everybody, we’re about to slow the podcast down in a few minutes but first, we gotta get the support out of the way, The Sleepy Supporter Zone. A lot goes into this podcast and a lot goes into keeping it free including the listeners, the heroines and heroes who support the sponsors, keep the podcast free for everybody.
Tonight, I wanted to thank Grace and Steph who supported Quip, got their-selves…get Quip, their got their toothbrushes over at Quip. Steph also supported Brooklyn and got some new Brooklyn Bedding and a set of sleep phones. Both of them shared with the companies and shared with me on Twitter which is a huge help, letting them know their partnership with Sleep With Me is valuable. The sponsor support is what keeps it free for everybody so thank you Grace and Steph. If you want to know more about the sponsors, sleepwithmepodcast.com/sponsors, you can find them there. To support a sponsor, let them know about it, let me know about it so I can thank you in the Sleepy Supporter Zone like Grace and Steph, which is now over. Oh, Mystery Bard, we're about to slow things down. Can you sing for us so that…let me know who helps out on this show? [MUSIC, SINGING] Thanks, Mystery Bard, and now we can slow it down. I'm @dearscooter on Twitter and Instagram. What do you say we get on with the show?
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I'm gonna do the rest. What I'm going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever's keeping you awake. Could be stuff you're thinking about; thoughts, past, present, future. Could be feelings, anything coming up for you emotionally or physical feelings or sensations. Could be changes; you could be sleeping somewhere different. That's been going on for me for a little while. Sleeping in an unfamiliar place, or you could have someone out of town. You could have a change in your routine. Maybe you work a second or third shift, or you work early in the morn…whatever it is.
Could be something different than that but I'm here to help and what I'm gonna do is I'm trying to create this safe place. I have space set aside for you; or transferable space. I love these words. I think about transferable safe place, 'cause sometimes you need a safe place that goes with you and I really believe that's important. It's more of creating a sense of that. I don't know, that's what I try to do. The way I do it is I send my voice across the deep, dark night. I use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, changes in…do I do any change…I don't know where that word came from; changes. I mean, I guess I change from one thought to another but I don't really change thoughts. I say well, look at that thought. I say, I change where my attention's pointing. I guess it's more like a pocket of change. Holy metaphor, that was an accidental one. That's another thing I use, is accidental metaphors.
Hopefully I'll come back to that but if you're new, I do want to spend a couple seconds here with you 'cause this isn't new to you and I want to check in and give you some information, and attempt to make you feel comfortable. Because if you're new to this show, you probably are skeptical or doubtful or just wondering what's going on. I'm glad you're here. I will give you a head's up right now; this podcast does not work for everybody. It's very different. It is friendly but most of the listeners, millions and millions of people, say it took two or three tries before I became a regular listener of this show which I guess is a little bit of a conundrum because once you listen two or three times…well, some people probably stop listening. You may stop listening right away. You may say this is not for me. You could go to sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou. There's other sleep and restful chill podcasts there. That's one thing. Oh boy, but now I forgot what I was…oh, so if you're new.
It doesn't work for everybody but give it a few tries. Normally it works best if you kind of loosely consume it. Some people that get frustrated with it; they're waiting for the show to start. It already started but it bare…it's like, is that moving or not? I don't know if you…there's a rare…the best one was that sloth in that movie from four or five years ago that worked at the DMV where you're like, is that sloth moving or not? That's what this pod…you say, is this…did this podcast get started? I'd say, kind of. Almost hold it like you would…I don't know, I don't think there's a lot of holding of sloths except by sloth professionals who…I don't know if it's…you know, I don't want to limit it to veterinarians 'cause I know there's other professionals…sloth moms that say well, I'm a professional and I'm a sloth mother, yes. ‘Cause I'm gathering things for…a sloth doesn't just grow itself. Maybe that's a gentle reminder to her offspring [00:10:00] but you know, hold it just like…I guess usually, is prototypical the actual right word here?
The archetypal image of a sloth is that it's hanging on its…that they hang on you or a tree. But that may only be…that may not be a real image but almost hold the podcast in that way, say. You say well, sloth seems like it has a decent amount of mass so I don't know if that is the right analogy. I'd say well, what if you were holding a baby sloth in the palm of your hand? You'd probably hold it pretty gently and loosely. That's the way this podcast is but you can drift off unlike if you have a baby sloth in your hand. Please do it when you're fully present. Don't even listen to this podcast or any other podcast. If you're holding a baby sloth, give it your full attention. But you probably are a professional in that case so where…I just niched down this show. You say what happened to Sleep With Me? I thought it was a pretty successful podcast. Well, he said this safe place is now just for sloth professionals and it turns out that's a very…it's just everyone knows one another in that industry.
Scooter's really…I mean, this is the truth if you're a new listener; you say well, he's about…10% of people enjoy his style, his creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, humor-like not getting to the point, word-smushing, extra words. 10% of the sloth professional community…actually, we don't even call ourselves that. He just did, so that also eliminated 50% of his 10%. He was down to 5%. Also, most of us work very hard so we sleep very…so, that's what happened. Also, he forgot he was talking to a new listener. Hi, sorry about that. That's one thing to know about the show; also, that I go off-topic a lot. Structurally, this can throw people off. You know, right now it might seem like I'm not getting to the point but this intro is kind of a big part of the show. The show starts off with business. That's how we keep it free for everybody. Then, there's business between about sixteen minutes and twenty minutes or somewhere in there.
But in-between minute four and minute sixteen to twenty is an intro. The intro is kind of just me rambling, setting the stage, giving you an idea what to expect in this safe place for a new listener. But for a regular listener, ideally either 2% to 4% of regular listeners skip the intro and listen to the story. But so, that's another 90+% that listen to the intro 'cause it's part of your wind-down routine. For some people, I don't want to tell you. You kind of listen as you're getting ready for bed or you're in bed as you start to get…descend into sleep and get comfortable. That's just what I've learned over six and a half years of making the show about, is that it takes a little while, right? Sleep is not instant, especially for those of us that it doesn't come easy all the time. That's the intro. So, the intro, I'll be here. I'll be talking maybe for a few more minutes, then there will be some business, then there will be a story.
Tonight, it'll be our episodically modular series which means it's a bedtime story with recurring characters and theme that you can listen to in any order. As a matter of fact, it'll take me a while just to set it up. We'll do that. Then, the end of the show has some thank you's. That's the structure of the show. I kind of covered this, is you can listen loosely. This is a podcast you, believe it or not, you don't need to listen to. You could listen but some people, you know, they don't understand what I'm saying or they lower me to a volume or they mix…they also have white noise. If you're new, just kind of see what works or if you're a regular listener, try it out. Some people slow the show down, some people wear sleep headphones, some people use smart speakers, some people put a pillow speaker or their phone under a pillow. See what works best for you but you don't need to listen to me unless you need to. Here's the other side, is if you do need to listen, or you want to listen or you want to kind of barely listen, I'm gonna be here.
The shows are about an hour and I'm here to the very end to keep you company as you drift off or if you're asleep listening all night, or if you're waking up, or if you can't sleep at all. There's a percentage of listeners that I'm here for if you can't sleep. That's very important to me and here's the thing; I don't try to get too real in this podcast ‘cause I realize it's bedtime so I'm not gonna get too real, but I always say I make this show one; because I have trouble sleeping and I've had it throughout my life, but I also make this show because I truly believe you deserve a good night's sleep. I've been…life stuff, and I've had really…I've seen a lot of just where it's not easy to sleep for some people; their routine or they're not at home sleeping. Making this show is very important to me, and spreading the word about this show because…or about sleep because I realize how hard it is. Situationally, or for some of us, just part of our lives.
When I can help or who I can help is very important to me, that you know I'm here to help. If the show doesn't work for you, it's important for me to tell you again that you do deserve a good night's sleep and that I hope you find something. Maybe it's pink noise, maybe it's another podcast like The Empty Bowl or Sleep Whispers, or Sleepy, or something like that. I hope you find something that helps, but give this show a few tries. I'm at a good spot right now but I just really have things that come up, life stuff, and it reminds me how important you getting rest is to me, and to you, and to the world. You getting a little bit more rest means you're in a little bit better spot, you're a little bit rested. That has echoes. I'm really glad you're here. When I say that, I really mean it and I really hope I can help you fall asleep, so give it a few tries. See how it goes. Usually, this podcast is very silly. I take this show very seriously. I think I was trying to create an analogy about change at the beginning of the show.
I was thinking oh, pocket full of spare change. Is that what I said? Pocket full of change. I think I talked about that maybe…these intros get recorded in different order than they're released, but you think about a pocket of change. I've never done that where…nowadays, I don't want to say it's…change is not my favorite thing. There's another one, holy accidental…but, having a pocket full…change is not a…very few peoples' favorite thing. But I've never thought about…maybe that could be an episode one day, of somebody just going through change. They say hm, here's a penny and you look at it. That would be, actually…might be too boring for the show, but maybe not. Actually, aligns with an idea I had; actually, I'll just write that down. That one would be a more researched one 'cause this is a little bit…I said well, what if we do these ones focused on pastimes like that; a train shop, a model shop?
That'll be when we can get a little bit more production help, I think, 'cause there would be a little bit more research. I guess that's it but yeah, you say what if you were going through that change in a calm way? Just here for you. It takes change, it gives it a new meaning. Don't worry, I'm gonna use so much soapy water…actually, this is change that I cleaned first. I went through it, put it in the old change bucket, scrubbed it down, patted it. I said spare change, but whatever, I forgot how the order of that song goes but yeah, I patted it, I rubbed it, I scrubbed it down. I said, spare change. I don’t know, I guess my message is I hope it’s clear and I hope you give this show a few tries. If you’re a regular listener, hey, what’s up? I’m so glad you’re back, I really am. I hope you can feel it tonight. I’m honored to help you. It’s very important. I have a deep connection to this show and on both sides of it. [00:20:00] Your rest has great meaning to me.
That’s strange ‘cause we don’t really know each other or if you’re new…you can sit with that. You don’t have to be comfortable with it. This safe place has plenty of room for that but it is because the world would be a better place, or your world will be. I don’t know, I guess that’s just where I’m at tonight, is that. Glad I get to make this podcast and I appreciate you listening. I really hope I can help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by. Here’s a couple ways we’re able to keep this podcast free for everybody. Hey, I don’t know if you’ve checked out our merch store lately but you better get over there. We got stickers, we got a bore-friend shirt, we got a lot more stuff in the works, plus all of the merch you’ve come to love; stars on the rear end of those sleepy pants, and plenty more. Go over to sleepwithmepodcast.com/store. That’s sleepwithmepodcast.com/store. Check out our merch and let me know when you get your swag on. Let me know about it. Thanks, everybody.
Alright, hey everybody. It’s time for our episodically modular series Get Besos, season three. It’s episodically modular so that means you can listen to it in any order. I’m gonna give you all the info you need right here up front. Even if you say well, I never listened to one of these before; I missed season one or season two. Don’t worry, I’m here to help. This is really just here to put you to sleep and keep you company. Or if you can’t sleep, it’s here for you. Get Besos is the tale of Richard Warren…a fictional, oh-so fictional story. Holy fiction. 100% fictionalized and unintentionally similar to anything. It’s the tale of Richard Warren Sears and James Cash Penney, two retail titans of industry, or titans of retail industry, or you know, industrialized retail titans, I’m not sure; who were in purgatory. They had been at Earth and then they were in purgatory when they learned about the founder of a giant company, Amazon.com. Jiff Besos, like kisses in Spanish, but they didn’t want to kiss him.
They felt like he ruined their retail empires. They went on a quest to Earth to say hey, if you ruined our retail empire, what’s up with that? That didn’t go well. Meanwhile, at some point over seasons of sleepy activity, they actually became friends, the three of them. Then they found themselves back in purgatory, the three of them. You know how life repeats itself. Then Jiff saw that back on a place very similar to Earth called Hearth, pretty much a redundant backup of Earth, there was someone called Z-Biff. That was their technical internet name and Z-Biff had created a social shopping platform, social shopping and sharing platform. I’m sorry, Z-Biff. Is Z-Biff Z-Biv…Bizz, they get called sometimes. Jiff saw it and said well, look at that; that’s, you know, pseudo-something or news…pseudo-news or whatever. Jiff said I’m gonna go to Earth, or Hearth, and teach Z-Biff…they said hey, let me help. Then, Jiff was in Earth, then Richard Warren Sears and James Cash Penney once again had to return to Hearth, or Earth to get Besos.
‘Cause they said well, Jiff’s gonna get in trouble. Didn’t we learn our lesson the first time? We’re back in purgatory. We’ve learned our lesson. Let’s go make sure…to help others. Now, maybe their motivations are different; Richard Warren Sears is a little bit more internally motivated under the ‘I’. I don’t think this is a spoiler and James Cash Penney maybe is more under the ‘we’ helping. They’ve returned to Hearth to try to get Jiff before Jiff gets Z-Biff. I say that like get…hey buddy, I don’t know if you should do this this way, in the sleepiest of terms. That’s what’s going on in this season. The way they…at some point…yeah, don’t worry, this is just the start of the…this is just the pre-story, new listeners. I’m here to escort you. Let’s see, let me just catch up. That was the catch-up to this point. Let’s just back up one step here. Jiff and RW were in purgatory…no. RW and James Cash Penney were in purgatory; Jiff was already gone.
They decided let’s go to Hearth and get Jiff back here and make sure our friend doesn’t get in a pickle. They actually found a list of places on…that were impacted by the social media and sharing platform, and shopping, and entertainment, probably, platform, where there’s different pockets of disagreements. They said well…I’ll just tell you. Tonight’s about straws. Who would have thought in million years that…you know, in our world, everybody’s reasonable about that, I think; maybe. I don’t know. I don’t follow that stuff. But in Hearth, not everybody is…there’s pockets of disagreements about straws. Understandably, when there’s that, there’s strong feelings about it. They’ve gone there tonight…they don’t even know it yet. I guess I’m one step ahead of them. That they’re there…they figure oh, if we solve these little pockets of disagreement, eventually we’ll catch up with Jiff, or we’ll run into Z-Biff and we’ll get everything fixed, or we’ll just fix these things one at a time in an episodically modular way.
That’s our next episode of Get Besos, and this is our Hollywood presenter; holy accolades. I don’t know if you’ll get the big accolades coming up, but you deserve every one. The wonderful, the charismatic, the bringer of sighs, Antonio Banderas. Thank you, thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, it’s time for another episode of Get Besos. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for the kind words, Scooter. Okay, yeah, you go lie down. You sound a little tired. Perfect timing, right? As long as you lie quietly. I did purchase a stage bed which is actually just my extra bed for guests, lying on the floor there right outside my studio. Now, you’ll be inches away from me where I can actually reach out with my right hand out of the closet that’s under the stairs where I record and pat you on the forehead, which I’m doing right now, gently. As you lie in full silence, and also realize that when I say you’re the bringer of sighs, I more mean you’re the causer of other people sighing when they see you.
I mean, I sigh, but that’s a different kind of sigh, when I say phew, Antonio, and it’s squeaky. Despite being one of the most talented people in the world, and kindest, he has the loudest…I’ve never heard anyone’s eyelids before Antonio Banderas’s. The unmistakable sound of your eyelids. As long as you keep them closed, then we won’t have that issue; as I gently pat you on the forehead. Thanks for being here. That’s Antonio Banderas and this is Get Besos. Buddy, buddy, buddy. That didn’t go well, huh, James? No, Richie. It’s not go…I mean, I don’t know what we’re doing and I feel like we keep having this conversation. Okay James, James, did you forget everything we learned when we were in the Besos…the world, the community Besos? It’s tough for me to say, but we were in that near-utopia, Besos. Also, we did a lot of other things, James. Didn’t we learn a…didn’t you learn a…I mean, maybe I just learned a lot. Maybe you could reflect on that for a minute.
I guess I’m stating…maybe I’m being rhetorical, James. Okay, Richie. I don’t know; I guess I kind of…I think…was any of that real? I know what’s real and I know I had a full…yeah, I don’t know. What do you remember? What big lessons did you take away from it? James, I’ll be honest with you; I barely remember all of it. It’s the past so maybe that’s one thing to remember. [00:30:00] That’s the past but James, I do agree with you that this isn’t working. We don’t have Jiff, Z-Biff is becoming more famous. Also, J-Jiffy seems to be a global phenomenon. Jiff is not helping people; Jiff is making Jiff more famous. Genius grant prizes…and no one knows who J-Jiffy is except for you and I, James. The times I try to tell people I know who J-Jiffy is and that he’s not that great and all that, and I said Z-Biff, whoever they are, is probably the same. What if Z-Biff is just a representation of a company? Z-Biff, J-Jiffy, Jiff, is more popular than Z-Biff but it’s just a myth, James.
Okay, I guess it’s more celebrity J-Jiffy or pseudo-celebrity. Isn’t that…does that matter? We’re on this path of following this list of things. I guess I was more saying that it’s not working, what we’re doing. Every time we go to help people, I feel like we’re just…I don’t know. I just have an internally…I don’t feel total dissatisfaction or satisfaction. I guess I’m feeling like, a longing or something. I don’t know. Yeah, I don’t know what you’re talking about, James. I think saying celebrity myths are made up, or celebrity’s actually a thing. I think Jiff, J-Jiffy’s a made-up thing, not a celebrity. But you’re right James, I’ve been saying this the whole time; we’re on the wrong path, we’re going in the wrong direction. Our efforts are being unappreciated and underestimated. I did think, and maybe this is what’s driving what you’re saying, James, there is the possibility that…I think that what you’re saying…but I probably disagree with it, but there is a possibility that this is our existence; this isn’t real.
But it is real and we’re here because we’re supposed to be here. Richie, I don’t know exactly what you’re getting at. Okay, well, just don’t think about it, then. That’s what I try to do. I say well, no, that’s not possible. Remember that show I was watching with Jiff? Oh no, you were in bed. The Good Place, that this is not the Medium Place or the Good Place. Anyway, James, it’s not…don’t think about it. Oh wait, so you’re saying we’re actually…I have thought about that but then why would we be…oh, you’re saying for you, the idea of trying to help people solve their problems and that could be…for you, that’s kind of like rolling a rock. Well, it’s a bigger thing. I mean, they wouldn’t just have me obviously roll a rock or swim in water. Well yeah, we just keep repeating; we’re not getting anywhere, James. Well, J-Jiffy’s getting everywhere but really, we know the real facts. Okay, well, it seems like we’re not getting where we’re going, almost like we’re…it’s not working out, right?
What we’re doing’s not working out. Is that what you’re saying? That’s exactly what I’m saying, James. You’ve been thinking about this in a way of like, why is J-Jiffy on J-Jiff’s…Jiff getting so far on Jiff’s own? James, brilliant idea. You’re right; you are holding me back but let’s not put it like that. That is probably why Jiff’s doing so well, is Jiff’s on…that Jiff is not in the thorns of friendship, we’ll say. Okay, so Richie, what you’re saying is if I wasn’t here holding you back, because of our friendship, because you’re so conscientious about helping me by letting me help you which isn’t really a help; it’s like a…’cause I’m like a governor slowing you down. If you weren’t doing that, or I guess like I was saying, opening your mind, because of what you’re saying; well, without me, you’d probably be done with all this, right? If the other possibility isn’t true. If you didn’t have me slowing down but you take that as something…you say well, I’m actually…let’s see if I…buddy, buddy, I’m bigger than…I’m so much brillianter than Jiff.
Even with you, James, I’ll make this work because I’m here to help you as well. What would you do, buddy? That doesn’t sound anything like me. You know, I’ve stopped using nincompoop. I don’t know if you know that, even though you didn’t use that term. I thought you were going to use nincompoop. I’m glad you’re working those words out of your vocabulary but what would you do? How would you deal with this? If you can’t…how would you use me if I’m not of use to you? Well, these are tough conversations, James, and you’re courageous for bringing it up. I respect what you’re saying but I don’t know necessarily that I don’t need you at all, but I was thinking if we…here’s an idea, James; what if we were on opposite sides or even if we compete, only pretend. We don’t have to try. I’m not gonna give my full effort, by the way, if we compete, in quotes. You could give your full effort but you know, I would think you would be…remember that I’m not giving my full effort.
If it seems like you have an advantage, it’s really a gift from me and plus, we don’t want to tire ourselves out by trying too hard. This is a long game, James. But what if we take sides and opposite sides? We’ve done that before. Maybe that’s some of the past. Also, then I get a chance to win. Maybe you get to learn from trying ‘cause that’ll be fun. Maybe it’ll start to…maybe you’ll win. I don’t know, maybe there’ll be a surprise. I mean, I can’t not try at all, James. Also, if I win, that would be proof that we’re in…that this is a free reality where we do have free choice and we’re not in that other place. If I win, that would be clear to me that we’re not in the Bad Place. Okay, so if people see your brilliance, yeah, I guess that would be reality. They would just say oh wow, there’s someone brilliant, Richard Warren Sears, a craftsman, a lifetime guarantee. Keep going, keep going, James. Someone I wish was my best friend because I can only imagine what it’s like being friends with someone like that.
You could only dream; you could wonder if you were friends with them, where you were. Were you in the Good Place or not? Or had you made a decision and did you start to wonder…James, that’s probably enough. You seem to have petered out of compliments. That’s fine. Here’s where we are with Jiffy’s thing; we’re about to go meet with this person. Now, we’re gonna take sides. James, let me tell you what’s happening. This is plastic, single-use straws and there’s pockets of disagreement around the social media shopping platforms about this. People are taking sides and we’re going to one of the people that’s really been…they’ve been stirring up the social shopping platform in this area about it. They had a big following, that’s what they call it James, and they’ve lost some of their following because of their strident straw-dom. I just thought of that, by the way. We’ll take sides on this straw issue and try to help this person from both sides. Okay Richie, that makes sense.
The idea is that people…the idea of a single-use plastic straw is something people are suddenly [00:40:00] realizing…they’re saying huh, this is something…this is a change. Right, James; it’s common sense. Believe it or not, you’ll take this…this is tough for me but I will take the opposing side, James. You’re gonna be…well, I’ll be the side of common sense. Okay, so you’ll be the side…on the idea of plastic, single-use straws, I’ll be the side of reason. Right, so you’ll be…okay. We have this person here that had a following and he says he’s very pro-straw. He says he’s trying to keep plastic single-use straws available for everyone. Yes, he calls them freedom straws or…yeah, I mean, that didn’t catch on. That was just in that one blog post. Yeah, no, I’ll be against that James, because common sense would say what’s the use? This doesn’t make any sense at all. You could work with them to see if there’s another way to reduce this whole thing.
You probably would have agreed with them anyway; that’s just the style you’ve lived your life, very gratuitously. Okay, so what about my choices? Let’s just practice this, okay? Okay. Well, what about my freedom? Well James, you’re free to bring a straw if you want, your own straw. Okay, what about if I’m eating in my vehicle and…you could use a paper straw, James, or buy a straw; have one in your vehicle. I don’t know. Okay, well, but it’s convenient. Why should I be inconvenienced? Okay Mr. Convenience, did you ever think about the actual costs from start to finish? The real costs of it? Well, why does this have to be a thing that people are making a deal out of? It’s such a small thing; it’s just a straw. Exactly, I don’t know why you would make a big deal about it. Why does everything have to have rules around it and regulations? I thought I was free. I thought I was a free person. Okay James, I’m not arguing with you about that. Well, I just don’t understand why I can’t get my way.
Okay, your way, James. What about everything else? What about everything beyond you? Have you ever thought about that once in your life at all, ever? All the organic beings; what about tor…whatever that word I was trying to use, James, was. Should the whole universe bend to you like a bendy straw? I like those bendy…accordion straw, I would call it. Right, James, okay. I won that debate. You’re no match for debating, James, but that’s not the mission at hand. Right now, we have to fix it. Here we are, Katarina Island. We’re getting off, we’ll go to the home of this person that Jiff has on the list and we’ll talk to them about straws. The founder of SURA, it says here. That’s their office. I think it’s also where they live. The Straw Users Rights Association. You could go first, James. You could go first working with him and helping him. If you find a solution or otherwise, then I can kind of…or we could just try two approaches and see which approach works best.
Okay Richie, I already did because while we were in…while we were journeying there even though we’ve been talking continually, we did take a break just…oh, that’s right. Forget James; we take these breaks even though we’re always talking. We’ll get to his house and he’s gonna read us…I’ve had him keeping…wait a second, James; did you pre-work this? ‘Cause we didn’t actually take a break. No, yeah, I did send him a diary and I asked him to keep two kinds of diaries to help us understand the perspective of the SURA, the straw-user. You’ve already…don’t worry, Richie. I don’t think I’m gonna…I just wanted to…I didn’t, for some reason…okay James, it’s fine. Let’s just see how we go. Here we are, SURA headquarters. Looks like…okay, let’s just…oh, hi. Yeah, we’re here…yeah, we’re the reporters for…yeah, we’re the ones that sent you the journal for…we’re ahead of this idea straw stories, was the idea we’ve been working on. This is Richie, my partner here. Hello, hello.
I’m gonna silently observe but you two get to it. I’m gonna sit here and maybe take some notes in my head. Yeah, so don’t mind Richie. How did it go? It’s good to see you, yeah. You’re very excited. Could you first read through me…oh, you want me to read? Okay. This is your…oh, you’ve entitled it A Week Without Straws. Okay. So, you did follow my instructions correct; you did this first and then the second activity second. Okay, great. Okay, let me just look through here. So, this is a week you spent without straws after the single-use straw, plastic straws…okay, lunch local cola…then the movies…paper straw overload, double underline. Halfway through the movie…what is this? Does that say Jumanji III? Okay. I didn’t know what that is…oh, that’s a movie. Okay. Straw fell apart, had to get up and get a new one. So sad. Okay, dinner; lemon-lime. So, you drink a lot of…oh, okay. Just going by your notes, here. Teeth so cold from the ice. NO STRAWS AT ALL. All caps.
Almost got a piece of ice…okay. We’ll have to go to the…okay, I understand that. Yeah, this one; before bed wondering about people…okay, I know, I understand that some people need straws. We’re not about…it’s good that you’re thinking of other people. Oh, you’re saying it’s not fair because you need straws, just because you like…okay, interesting. Yeah, I see here you had iced tea. Iced tea doesn’t taste the same when you drink it. Okay, so your taste is different in a straw, too. It’s interesting ‘cause then the straw…do you taste anything when you’re drinking out of a straw? It just goes straight to…where’s the sweet part of your tongue? Is it the back? Maybe that’s why. Yeah, really seems like…oh wow, okay…oh, taco truck. Can of soda; you didn’t put the flavor of the soda down, though. Oh, it’s a cola, oh, brand-name cola. Okay. Oh, you don’t want to get into which company…oh, you don’t…you prefer that third one.
Oh, so you have local soda coming here in Katarina Island. Oh, and then you like that third…oh, Queen’s Crown soda. Yeah, I hear that’s a good one. Maybe you should, instead of straws, you could get into soda blogging, too. I mean, straws are important; I’m here to support you and understand you. Okay, where…oh, so you had a soda from the taco truck; no straw. Are you kidding me? They should offer…oh yeah, alls they had was a napkin [00:50:00] which can’t…okay, so you’re using a straw because the soda was in the ice and it’d been touched by humans and you wanted to make sure if you sip out of a straw, your lips don’t touch the soda can. Yeah, I guess I did hear that, that those straw factories are like…did you ever see any videos of those semi-conductor factories? That’s probably what a straw factory’s like, too, huh? Everybody’s there in those suits, they go in, everything is vacuumed off them, right? Probably. No, I’m not being sarcastic. I’m helping you make your point.
I’m serious; that’s what you’re saying, right? Those straws come in a paper…it’s weird. The plastic straw comes in paper packaging. Oh, ‘cause it’s easy to open. Yeah, I guess I always associate paper with porous. They put all that money into having those ultra-clean straw factories. I’ve never even heard of a straw factory, to be honest. Have you been on a tour of one since you like straws so much? No? Yeah, I just wondered. I mean, okay, so anyway; of course, because all the…what do they call that when they put…oh, fail safes. They say oh boy, even if they keep it super…what do they call those places? Super-conductor factories, I guess. Maybe that’s where they make straws at the same time. Say oh boy, this straw’s as pure…’cause it’s single-use, you can’t put it in the autoclave. Have you ever thought about that, though? What if all the restaurants you went to had a metal straw autoclave or whatever? Okay, keep reading. What happened? Did you get through that?
Did you end up drinking your soda? Okay, what method…so, you took the napkin; they didn’t have any Purell. Okay. So, you just took the nap…oh, you built up friction by rubbing the napkin against the soda can. I’ve done that before, too. I wonder if that does anything or not. That’s interesting. Watching the sunset and wondering, looking at the children playing in the sand; will they ever even know what it’s like? Wow, yeah, I guess that’s another good way to think about it, is the children today, they might grow up in a world where the world changes from what it used to be like. That would be quite a thing. Okay, yeah. I think I’ve read enough. Oh, you have…the whole book is filled with stuff like that. Wow. Then, did you complete the second project which is memories of the good old days, you called it? Okay, and are you sure…how accurate do you think this is? Pretty accurate? Okay, so breakfast; OJ, ice, straw there waiting for me, bent at an angle, paper still on it. Life is good.
Really felt like the OJ…and of course, the cleanliness of the straw, huh. I didn’t even think about that other thing. Like, when you use a cup, you’re basically saying…similarly to the straw factory, in this case you’re saying I trust the straw factory because of course, all of that…yeah, all the history of everything we know about it. But that the cups at the restaurant that you go to on a regular basis, that probably gets checked at least…those cups could have touched anybody’s lips, right? You’re saying even…they were washed, or if you wore lipstick, for example, you’d have to deal with that, too. Oh, sometimes you have lip balm. Totally; you have to go through that. You say jeez, I just spent all this time…did you put that…was that in your journal somewhere? You spent all that time with the lip balm and you don’t have to worry about having to reapply all that lip balm. Holy moly, ‘cause a straw would only reduce…instead of having 100% lip balm recovery, with a straw, what do you have to do?
22% recovery. Okay, lunch; I had a perfect day. Okay, local cola again. Pizza grease on my straw. At least it’s not slipping on my cup. Okay, movies; getting my straw squeaking while waiting for the previews to start. It’s like a friendly sound in my ear. Soda lasted the whole movie; perfect!! Exclamation point, exclamation point. Walked out of the theatre with nothing in my hand. So glad they clean up after me. I work so hard and now they get to have a job and work hard too. I didn’t even think about all the jobs that would be lost in the straw…holy moly. Really opening my eyes to all the losses the straw…wow. Almost getting choked up at your vision. No, no, no, okay. Dinner; oh, D-A-T-E, so you had a D-A-T…oh, oh. Did not show up. Two straws for the price of two. Straw for two? Yes, I do, ‘cept I ordered a diet. That was kind of presumptuous, is you ordered a diet drink for your date before they came.
Interesting, that’s interesting to know. End of the day, and I think it’s good to be free. It’s good to be free. You said it twice, kind of like a poem, huh? Okay, that’s good. No, no, I don’t need to read any more. That’s good. I mean, I guess you’ve opened my eyes and Richard’s been…Richie’s been listening here about all the things that straws do for us that we don’t appreciate, and the good and the loss. Then even some unanticipated losses and maybe we hear straw stories, we could even think about…you know, we haven’t launched or anything. This is just something we’re working on but maybe we could go look into the manufacturing and all that stuff. Everything related to it, it is…yeah, Richie has a different side of straws Richie wants to talk to you about. I actually was doing some measuring. How’re you doing? I’m Richard Warren Sears. You could call me RW if you need to call me anything. I was listening and I was measuring your office and home here, or apartment.
This is an efficiency, they call it, or they used to. That’s what they called it in my day. I’ve been in one or two of these and I was gonna measure the square footage of this place but I didn’t have time. But I wanted to do an exercise with you, imagining you’re sitting there at your kitchen table and office table, sitting. You could close your eyes or you could listen to me and you know, maybe this is a hundred cubic feet in here; maybe it’s a thousand. Maybe it’s even ten thousand cubic feet. You might say to yourself well, how many straws take up a cubic foot? I did try to…I realize that because straws come in boxes, and I said what is that, of five hundred straws or a hundred straws? But I didn’t want to be too manipulative and calculate. I just want you to sit there and think about it as every time, as every second’s been passing that I’ve been talking to you, your breath is going in and out. I don’t know if you notice that but people have told me they notice it for myself.
Each time you breathe in a different straw from your life, or a straw from your future has begun to gather. [01:00:00] You’re singular-use but at first, they were just slowly appearing, you know, those straws from back when you were just a lad with all that freedom, learning about that freedom. I see a couple little tiny straws maybe from a Shirley Temple, I think, appearing there. Over there on the kitchen floor where your rest room area is, I see a couple…I see even a swirly Q straw. Single-use one though, just like you like. Maybe you’re thinking of your favorite straws. I don’t know if you prefer a striped straw, a clear straw, or you know, that milky white. I can see that you like the milky white, maybe with a light blue stripe. A very conservative straw. Even to point out your frustrations, some of those…almost decomposed paper straws, remnants are here but most of it’s gone or waterlogged and falling apart. I even notice…yeah, those are starting to pile up.
If I had the math on my side, I’d said well, this is how fast you would slowly be…you’d say wait a second, what’s that swishing around my ankles here? It’s a straw…wait a…holy…and then maybe you would make a case. This is a good thing. You might say this is comfortable to lie down in two to three feet of straws, until you realize you didn’t clean any of those straws after you used them. Maybe no one intended to because you said oh, they’re single-use. Now they’re piling up more and getting a little higher here. Now you might have your friends who have math know, say well, no, no, they would have only piled up to 2.5 feet, or maybe we’d find out that I’m a under-estimator and we’d be chin-deep in straws. Then we’d be in a pickle, right, if you open the door. You might have heard about the new rules that got passed; you’re free to keep all of your stuff, single-use that…even when your door opens and all those straws spill out, you say oh dear, and then you can’t get…then you find out you’re running late because you had to push them all back inside.
Then you see your neighbor, you know, that pesky neighbor James with the finger pointing and the winking. He’s able to subscribe to a single-use storage service because he’s so fancy. What you don’t know is that because that reflects the real cost of end-to-end and the carbon and all that, James is living a plastic life in more ways than one. He’s not as rich as he makes it seem. You say wait a second; how did we get in this pickle in the first place? That’s the end of my story. I could go on with thinking about is it that tough to buy a straw if you want to use it at the…do you have any idea what the real cost might be? Or you could rent a straw, or they could…that autoclave idea’s not too bad, James. You BYOS. But what really happened, and I’ll tell you what happened because you and I, you might hear about myths like J-Jiffy or Z-Biff. What Z-Biff did; how did you get all these straws into your apartment? They’re imaginary by the way, so you could quit making that frown.
Here’s what happened; after this big straw hubbub with SURA and everybody making a big deal, someone bright-minded, a business type, a brilliant, brilliant business mind caught the ear of Z-Biff. Maybe it was even a straw fan that caught the ear of Z-Biff and sold this idea. Because with the social media shopping platform, everything can stay connected to you. Everything can be…communicate devices of Earth everywhere, or whatever they called it, theory of all devices communicating. Even those straws are now connected to you and they say oh, okay, we found this straw here. We’re sending it back to you ‘cause it’s yours. Or did you want to send us 895 off-set? Maybe you’ll get $2 back when we convert it into a bio-fuel. You’d say huh, well, not so sure about…they’d say well, I got a house full of straws here. They say you could come here to get it or we’ll send it back to you COD. You realize with Z-Biff as the intermediary on it, it’s fixed all the…you could have as many straws as you wish.
You have the freedom to have all your straws but you don’t have to get too upset; I mean, I just wanted to tell you that I think this is a good idea you could tell Z-Biff about. I mean, I think a better idea…I’ll be honest with you, I’m…I can understand your case. I love my own freedom, my own convenience. Oh boy, but some people like myself are a little bit more capable of having the freedom. You, sir, you’re learning and I’m here…that’s why I’m here to help you. Maybe you could think about what if your restaurants of choice sold straws? They say well, we’ve got the polished straw, the silicone straw, the metal straw. You could take it with you or you could pay the straw deposit, or you could just drink out of a cup, or bring your own. All your choices, or single-use straw; just don’t forget to take it with you on the way out. Why don’t you see if you could take your journals there, pitch that idea to Z-Biff. James and I gotta go; we’re gonna go. We’ll see you later. Let’s go, James.
Richie, I think you did win that one. I’m really impressed that there was just something about that that got you…yeah, I don’t know what it was, James. No offence, it wasn’t you even though…it was interesting to see things from his perspective and even though James, no offence, but you were a little bit smarmy presenting his…reading his words. Something about that, I said well, this kind of makes sense from his perspective. He loves straws and freedom, the freedom he associates with straws which is a feeling. Also, James, here’s a thing that came to me; like I said, I didn’t deal with this though, so maybe this is where…James, I’ve seen where we’ve been missing things. Where’s that, Richie? Well, everything’s changing, right? Yeah. Like, he’s used to having straws his whole life and then it changes. Okay. He doesn’t like that at all. He put his foot down and said no change for me. Okay, Richie. Yeah, and then you leaned into that. I guess, no, you didn’t.
We didn’t help him with his feelings, you’re right. Yeah, we’re kind of being like Kleenexes, James. Tissues, you mean? Yeah, single-use tissues, James. Can you believe it? I guess that’s more reasonable than a straw. Well, what were you gonna say? I don’t know; I forgot. Were you gonna say that there’s change and…then there’s feelings about change and then there’s feelings about the changes and that those are two different things? That’s exactly what I was gonna say, James. Yeah, he was feeling strongly about the change and then I guess, yeah, in my brilliance, I made him feel strongly about the changes so maybe he’ll do something. Oh boy. Yeah, maybe we should just…let’s just go to the next thing on the list. Maybe we could keep learning, but I’m pretty worn out. Well, this is a beautiful island, James. Let’s go check into this inn and get some sleep. Goodnight.
Alright, I want to thank everybody [01:10:00] who reviewed the show recently. I want to say thanks and goodnight to GamesDeleter from Denmark who said I haven’t even listened to it. Five stars. No idea if the podcast is good. I fall asleep after five minutes of listening to it. Then IODR20 who is from Australia, who put Australian football, a bone, like a dog bone, a dog bone, Australian football. Yeah, five stars. They love the Mystery Bard song, keep up the good work. Thank you. This is a longer one; it’s from a younger person who says they’re from the US, an insomniac since birth. Read it, this is important. My two cents. I’ve used this podcast for three months, then I read some of the reviews but most of you listen really…I said jeez, this is free. Yeah, that’s what the ads keep it free. You know, if you don’t like the ads, you could skip ahead, but if you skip the first twenty minutes, they say ISB, I’ll call them. You miss out on the intro which is a part of the show and then they said well jeez, you’re talk…some people say jeez, this show goes off-topic.
That’s been…the beginning of the year, we get a lot of mixed reviews ‘cause people find the show and they say you’re not supposed to listen to it like a book report. It’s supposed to help you fall asleep. I’m a seventeen-year old young person and before this, I couldn’t fall asleep. I got a lot going on in my personal life and it’s not easy. Hey, find something else to do with your time. Thanks, ISB. Meredith R2021 says so helpful. I used to fall asleep with the TV on to drown out the tinnitus they experience but after talking to my doctor, I tried podcasts and helps…this one’s boring and the best way possible. Also cut out…highly recommend cutting out light which I do. This person does not like the ads or anything but we haven’t really changed anything in like, three years, so I don’t…I guess I don’t under…but, okay. Then someone else said keep it moving, too much meandering.
SmallTara said mad respect, found a lot of help with it, dealt with a breakup and couldn’t sleep, voice was comforting but I definitely revisit when it’s tough, kind of to drone out that harsher part of them; in their case, they say the mean fifteen-year old girl that lives in my head. Then WinnieSudu says lifelong insomniac, changed my life, weaves into a complex dream. Occasionally I’ll listen during the day. They really like it. Marmy Lady Barica says my friend has a cat named Marmalade that they call Marmy; five stars. This is another person; AnimeFanforLife. You’re from Australia, said they gave it…that it gave them a headache or made their headache worse, the rambling. That’s some of the reviews. Thanks everybody for reviewing the show, and yeah, just glad to help. Sleep With Me really does exist, even though I kind of feel torn about it when people react strongly, but it really could only exist because of listener action. I don’t know what…the listeners that support the show keep it free for like, 97% of other people. Thank you everybody for that and we grow as a podcast simply by people sharing the word, spreading the word, so I really appreciate that.
Couldn’t do it without any of you, and here’s another podcast I want to let you know about. Thanks so much and goodnight. Hey everybody, Sleep With Me is a proud member of Night Vale Presents. You can find out everything they’re doing over there at nightvalepresents.com. We’re also a proud member of PRX; you can see everything they’re doing at prx.org and maybe you know Welcome to Night Vale. That’s the namesake of our network but if you haven’t, get over there. Welcome to Night Vale is told via radio broadcast from a town where every conspiracy theory is true and if you like weird stories, I mean, you listen to Sleep With Me; you’ll love Welcome to Night Vale. It’s different and unique but it has a similar sensibility. There’s over 150 episodes waiting for you to discover them and listen and tune in. Get to know everybody over there. You’ll really enjoy it. I don’t even know who to start with, of the lovely residents. Are they citizens or denizens? What’s a denizen? Anyway, you can find it on your favorite podcast app; Welcome to Night Vale or welcometonightvale.com.
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