821 – Bearimy, Employee of Chip Driver | Good Place to Sleep S4 E5&6
The soul squad is here to take the time change off you mind with some really brilliant comedy I will dull down.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary. It's time for the podcaster. You know, patrons, I'm here for you, you're here for me. We're a great big, sleepy family. I think that's from a song, but … oh, I just realized that that's very similar to Barney. The song is by Barney. So, the podcast that's influenced by Barney, and you make that possible. It's big purple podcast and Barney's a big, purple, imaginary dinosaur. Thanks, everybody.
Hey, are you up all night, tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome, this is Sleep with Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do, or alls you could do if you choose to, is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. Or you could do that later, too. Or you probably already did press, but I guess that's more …
What is that called? It's not a truism because obviously you already pressed play. Silly me. That's the first time I actually remember in this moment the fact that you have already pressed play. Well, thanks for pressing play. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn off the lights. But that's the only way I remember what comes next, so press play. I'm going to do the rest.
What I'm going to attempt to do … the reason I can't remember is because it's a pathway in my mind. I got to go back … I turn somewhere else on the pathway in my mind. I got to go back to turn out the lights, press play. [inaudible 00:01:44] press play, took a road down, something about pressing play, but now I'm back. Turn out the lights and press play. I'm going to do the rest.
What I'm going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever's keeping you awake, whether it's thoughts, things you're thinking about on your mind, feelings, emotions coming up or just remnants of those, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature, things that are inconveniencing your bedtime. Am I right or am I right?
Whatever's getting in the way of you getting a good night's sleep or interrupting it, that's a pretty strong word, huh? But whatever's getting in the way, I'd like to help. What I'm going to do is I'm going to send my voice across the deep, dark night. I'm going to use a lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, oh so creaky and dulcet. The creaky is to set a dulcet tones that I happen to use. They don't say this, but it makes me think of a dulcimer or some other … what are … other things that might say … dulce de leche, that looks like it would be spelled like dulcimer. No idea. Dulcimer, hopefully, is like he puts the dull in dulcimer. If I've ever used that, because I guess I don't play the dulcimer, although here's another thing. I don't really find the dulcimer dull. I prefer my dulcimer in the background.
Oh, here's a question. Is a dulcimer the one with the wooden hammers that looks like … it looks like it's a stringed instrument or stringed, whatever, however you say that. It looks a bit like a harp, but you play it with the little hammers. I think that's what a dulcimer is. I certainly hope so, otherwise I'm incredibly embarrassed, but I do like it, particularly at the Daikens Fair, there's usually a dulcimer player or a player playing that thing with the hammers, which is … I don't even know what that's called, a mycroftian sloother, maybe then another universe to have that instrument. I think that was what, I don't know if the lorax, like in one of my books that I made up about the lorax, those with the lorax played whatever mycroftian sloother.
Oh, anyway, where was I? What am I going to do? I'm trying to create a safe place where you can set aside whatever's keeping you awake. Now, if you're new, this podcast is very different. So, hopefully, I've caught your attention, because I know the beginning of the show can throw new listeners off the whole thing, and so, if you're new, and I have your attention, I'm really glad you're here. I'll give you the structure of the show, and that kind of stuff, and what to expect, because it can throw people off, and that's perfectly normal. If you're new and skeptical, or you're having trouble sleeping, and this podcast diverges from most expectation. I'm sorry about that, but I'll try to, so here's what to expect structurally.
You're already into the structure, but the show starts off with a few minutes of business, and that's how we're able to keep the podcast free for everybody. And just so you're new, this is just because I got this really intense e-mail yesterday about this. I guess it takes about 100 plus hours of labor a week to put out, and it gets downloaded a lot, so those two things, it does take a good foundation to do that, to keep the podcast sustained, so I can keep it coming out and free. So, I'm saying that the person that e-mailed me, which isn't going to hurt … they're not going to listen again, but I just want to let you know that, so structurally, that's why the business is there. It's only important for regular listeners.
Then, there's an intro. Intros run about 12 to 15 minutes, and sometimes, particularly, that same kind of person can say, “Well, it's just a giant 25 minute ad for the podcast or something.” I say, “No.” But if you're new, it could totally sound that way. I understand, because a regular podcast wouldn't start with someone explaining a podcast for 20 minutes, obviously. I mean, come on, you're right. But Sleep with Me does, just because the whole idea is the show is part of your wind down routine, and so, whether you're listening as you're getting ready for bed, or you're in bed, I find, and I guess with all of the listeners, my experience over the past 6 years making the show, is that it takes a little bit of time to wind down.
Unfortunately, I wish I had a podcast that was like a five second countdown to sleep, but to be honest, I think those are mostly baloney. Usually, they don't weigh in on that kind of stuff, but I say, well, because if there was a way to just say, “Hey, I'm going to take 10 seconds, I'm going to put you to sleep.” One, I'd probably be a billionaire, and so I'd have someone that sounds like I'd need to do it, right? Yeah, I wish I could just do that, and put you to sleep totally, but my way is to, well, the intro slowly winds things down.
For a new listener, hopefully, it gives you the idea that this podcast is different, and silly, and goofy, and might not be for you, but hopefully, it is. For our regular listeners, say, “Oh, there's Scoots again, trying to spell dulce, getting his dulcimers and oboes mixed up!” And I say, “Oh, no, no, come on. I know the difference between … I know what an oboe is, and I think I might know what a dulcimer is. You know, the oboe is just is very easy … the oboe is the long one, so I do know what an oboe looks like, and I know what one sounds like, and I also know what a kettle drum is, so don't throw that one in.”
Here's an idea for anybody, just a free business idea. Anybody out there, I know this is not the perfect time for it. We've talked about kettle corn being … like when did kettle corn become popular, and when did it start springing up everywhere? Was it 10 years ago, was it 20 years ago, was it 15 years ago? The kettle corn business has been strong since then, it's particularly farmers markets and street fairs, those kind of things. How come there's not a kettle corn place called Kettle Drum Full of Kettle Corn? Something like that, where someone's playing the kettle drum separate. I'm sure you don't want to mix the two things, but here's just a free idea. You take your former kettle drum, make it into your kettle corn cauldron, and then, also, either have someone in your family that plays kettle drum, like when you're serving it, they could go, “Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum.” It could help people eat one kernel at a time. You could say, “Well, I eat my kernels of kettle corn in tune with the kettle drum.” I say, “Well, yeah. It's much more pleasurable to enjoy my kettle corn in sync with a kettle drum.”
Where was I, though? I tend to go off. The podcast isn't for everybody, but the new listeners, they like the intros, other than about two percent that skip ahead to like 20 minutes and start there. So, just kind of see how it goes, because it's free ideas tucked in there. You say, “What is this intro?” Usually, it's the mild version of the e-mails I get. They say who do they think I am, giving away free ideas like the Kettle Drum Full of Kettle Corn?
Here's another free idea to bring joy to orchestras, particularly if your kettle drummist … is it a kettle drummist or kettle drummer? The person who plays the kettle drum, or percussionist, in general, that also would have a kettle drum. If they're celebrating an anniversary, fill their kettle drum with kettle corn, if it's respectful. Use liner, of course. Of course. But say, “To Lisa, we've got you this. You've been with us for 30 years at the philharmonic here. Your kettle drums have brought so much joy to the children and the adults in this community, and we thought of a way to … then we let somebody listen to a sleep podcast, and they said, “Fill their kettle drum with kettle corn.” We know you love it, and we love you. Thank you.” Another free idea. So, there you go. Just in case you say, “What is this intro? Alls you do is talk about the podcast and stuff,” and I say, “There's free ideas in there. Couple of free ones.” I never said they were going to be good ideas. The kind of interest … barely interesting ideas. That's the intro.
Then tonight, we'll talk about The Good Place. A couple of episodes of The Good Place, in a very indirect and rambling way, that again you say, “Wait a second, are you sure you watched the episodes of The Good Place? Because you talked about a 22 minute episode for 31 minutes.” And I say, “Oh, I'm sure.” Holy cow. I watched it on mute one time, just in case. And there'll be some thank yous at the end. There's business between the intro and the TV show recap portion of tonight's episode. So, there's the structured show.
This is also a podcast you don't need to listen to. I think I've made that abundantly clear. Here's another thing, though, about that Kettle of Kettle Corn. They say, “Are you going to share with everybody or are you going to take it home?” And they say, “Well, it's a tough … of course, I'm going to share with my whole team at the philharmonic.” So, I just thought of that. I don't know. So, structurally, I guess you don't need to listen to it. There you go. I just showed you why. But it's here to keep you company while you fall asleep.
There's also no pressure to fall asleep. I'm going to be here for about an hour, so you can drift off at your leisure, but if you can't sleep, I'll be here until the very end, and you can cue up eight or 10 episodes in a row, if you need them. The reason I make the show is because I've been there in the deep, dark night, tossing and turning. I've had trouble getting to sleep before. I've had trouble staying asleep before, or getting back to sleep. Traveling. Waking up too early. All of those things. I've been through them all, and one thing I've found is that the thinking part, when it starts up for me about any of that stuff, can get in the way of me getting back to sleep, or it can just not feel good, and it can feel a little L-O-N-L-E-Y, or however you … L-O-N-E-L-Y, or however you spell that word, and so, I thought this podcast is for some people, but not for everybody. A nice way to keep you company while you drift off or while you're there. I'm your “borefriend”, your bore bud, your “borebay”, your bore buddy, your bore bestie, your BFF. Did I say “borebay”? Or your “bore bruh” if you're in San Diego, or another region. Bondi Beach, you know “bore bruh”.
I'm here to keep you company, and help you drift off. The podcast is definitely silly and way different, so see how it goes. Here's the good news, if you're new. We have millions of listeners that have been new before, and almost all of them say that it took two or three tries before they got used to the show, so give it a few tries, see how it goes. If the podcast doesn't work for you, or you don't enjoy it, go to sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou. There's some other stuff there, so that's a couple of things. I'm really glad you're here. I really appreciate your time. I really yearn and I strive, and I'd like to help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by, and here's a couple of ways we keep this podcast free for everybody.
All right everybody, we're talking about Season Four, Episode Five of The Good Place right now, in Employee of the Bearimy, and I'm just trying to free the thing on something, so in Employee of the Bearimy, whatever's in Michael's hand is in Michael's left pocket. He says, “Oh Janet.” She's behind the BA double Rs. She's a concerned look, but not a worried look on her face, kind of like a little bit disgusted. Michael says, “Measly magnet jail,” and then says, “Ha ha ha ha ha.” At 19 seconds around, Janet makes this face that I really … the acting is just really high level throughout this, particularly by D'Arcy Carden, because at 19 seconds, Janet has this okay, not bad face, so it's just gold to me. You're impressed with it, okay, not bad, that's not how Michael laughs. She says though, “He does more of a delighted giggle.” And we see John in the background, and he says, “She's right.” He's in front of a sign that I can't really make out. He's behind one sign that's in bad place writing, and the other sign is in good … in human writing, English, and I think it says, “When you have someone in this magnet jail, the five things you can try,” but I can't … “Frequently singing,” something … I tried freeze framing it, but I can't get it readable.
Shawn looks super funny, but I can't read it, that sort of says, “She's right.” Vicky comes out of Michael. Have not figured out Michael's motivation. She does the inside inside with acting hands. Janet has a great joke. She does a finger wag. No, Vicky does the finger wag. Motivation, and then, she says, “Michael's motivation is the same as everybody, like my human friends. Loyalty, empathy, and love.” They say, “Eww.” She goes, “That's why they'll prevail.” And then, “I'd hate to break it to you, but no one's coming to save you.” There's a big laugh, and she … something, I can't … “Getting color copier”? Let's see, he says, I think it's the last thing. He does this big laugh. I think Janet says something to him, “Michael, I … ” Where Shawn walks off, maybe getting closer.
Then we see the cactus, the desert, the push train. Jason is just suave. There is no other way to say it. He looks like he could be in a 1930s tap dancing movie, or like a Hitchcock-ian film as the lead, because his hair is combed, and he's in a suit. He looks suave. He says, “Michael, what's the plan?” Michael, “No idea if I have a plan, but I don't know if it'll work.” He says, “Glenn, what do you think?” I liked how Michael says, “Listen Jason, old friend. You know, everyone's had their memories restored of the time in the good place, except for you. So maybe I'll do it to yours.” He does a flick, and it's like it goes into Jason's mouth, because he goes, “Ohhh, dipa!” And he breathes it in, then Michael says, “Buddy, you know what not to do. Come on, we've got to fight the urge and pulse control.” Something very something. Then we see this red sign that says, “You're now entering the bad place, population-” and if you want to see the joke, it's at 2:33 around. See it for yourself, but you know what the population is? Then we see the mirror … there's kind of a depot tunnel that's also like a mirror world or something.
Then we have an opening of Chapter 44 in Town Square. “Welcome everyone!” Eleanor says. She's in a mustard sweater. At 2:44, we see a Ponzi scheme. At 2:44, we see the backs of everyone. I did a WTF for Brent, because his collar's up. He's got his jacket collar up, and what else? There's bikes, there's what is this, a retro system or Janet. Let's see. Backs are on, Brent's collar, what the heck? Janet's against a retro refrigerator, or no, this is … oh, Janet's being rebooted, she's getting a refurb. That's what Eleanor says. Her sweater. She has a mustard sweater with cool magenta stars. She says they're doing Earth Day, which Chidi loves. He got five exclamation points because he smiles so big. She says, “We're doing lo-fi activities: knitting, some people are going to do gardening.” Brent does not like gardening. Then she says, “You five are going to be at the lake house with the works: swimming, water skiing.” Brent says, “Suck a gardener.” Simone says, “That's probably not the first time he said that.”
Then we're at Mindy's. This is 3:36 about. Second WTF. Bad Janet's against the fridge. Eleanor opens the fridge. She takes out a glass bottle of Tab diet soda, which is what my dad used to drink, which I guess in Mindy's, who lives in the mediocre world, which is, I mean no offense, Tab, but that's what I've heard about you, say you're mediocre. Derek's there. He says, “Oh yeah.” She says, “I need some help.” He goes, “Oh, what about my sister aunt? But yeah, I'm here to help.” He has a champagne glass full of Scrabble pieces. Derek makes some good jokes, then she says, “Let me help lighten your load.” Then Tahani comes, and they say, “It's go time.” She goes, “My mentor's most problematic role. You're the man now, dog.” Derek is also watching all this from the background, which is another one I said, “What the heck?” This is a very funny episode. Tahani's like, “I just want to be more than a host.” That's another small theme in this episode. Derek gives himself a Scrabble shower in the background, and Tahani says, “What do we do something like, “Insert me, coach man!”” Eleanor says, “I don't know. We need something like finger sandwiches, something.” She goes, “You don't serve finger sandwiches at a lake house.”
Then we're back with Jason and Michael. The Trans Eternal Railway sign … there's lots of wood pallets in the depot, and I mean, lots of them. Then, this is 5:20, Jason and Michael share their fears. We're at the lake house, which is kind of super modern, but, just my opinion, it looks more like generated, more like a canal house than a lake house. I guess thinking it's like somewhere in Northern Europe where there's all houses on canals, like you see on a show like Amazing Race? That's just me with my water based houses. Tahani … did I jump ahead, like 30 minutes? Because it says, oh no, it says Tahani, she has the snacks. John says, “Anybody seen the lake house with Sandy B? He gives a shout out to that movie. I think Keanu was in it. I love the movies with gentle magic. John takes a breadstick. Brent, of course, calls dibs on the master bedroom. Where's Chidi? Simone says, “Well, he's sitting home reading. He's not into lake houses.” Tahani says, “Okay, you guys have some full sized sandwiches.” Which we see one on Brent's plate. Maybe even two. “I'll go get Chidi.” Tahani's on the job.
Then we see Jason making fun of the employee of the month photos, which is the, what do we call it, Employee of the Bearimy. There's also like a big B advertisement poster, and he says, “Is that you?” Employee, most recent, like front and center employee of the bearimy. Michael says, “Technically, yes.” He takes the picture down. He says very dramatically, “What echos of this former self await me here?” Then Jason makes some high school jokes, and jokes about teen years. A lot of good jokes this episode.
Then we see Eleanor at the train station. “Hurry back!” Then Wanda goes up to Eleanor, she says, “Hey Wanda, is-” Wendy or something, I don't know, and she says, “Barky, barky, barky.” Then we see Derek, whose tie is off. He's totally out of, but he's honest. He says, “Jeez, it's not going well!” We really get some good visual humor here worth rewatching a thousand times. There's someone playing with an umbrella. There's face painting. Someone says hi. There's someone doing a reverse move with basket walking upstairs. There's someone with a basket on their head walking. Those were wicker baskets. This one's a wire basket with fruit and cake in it, going up and down. There's a lot of flower baskets. There's someone opening and closing a flower basket. There's another person with a chair on their head. There's other people just walking with flowers. There's a dude with a cup in a couple of scenes. I wasn't sure if it was a finished cup of ice, like ice cream container, or a cup of coffee. At one point, there's a man walking, and his arms are frozen to his sides, like his arms don't move at all when he walks in this Derek situation. Also, Derek's champagne glass, which has switched from a martini glass recently, it's full of sprinkles for ice cream.
Tahani goes to find Chidi. “Oh, Chidi!” Chidi has a gramophone in his apartment there. Eleanor's with Derek, then Tahani comes. She says, “I got to find Chidi.” So they go to find Chidi. Said, “Oh, I just wanted to do some solo activities.” And they say, “We've got an activity for you, actually like with hidden clues to a puzzle.” Like a secret room. My daughter likes to do this, especially when we're not at home, like we're on vacation or visiting family. She'll make one of this secure … what are those called? Get out of the room puzzles. Anywhere where you search a house for puzzles, family houses. Don't worry. Not places where you actually guess. At 8:20, Chidi goes, “Oh, I love puzzles!” And there's more jokes built into that. They had a homemade escape room. Doozy. Tahani says, “Oh yeah, what's the secret?” “Well, you discover the truth of the universe.” Eleanor says, “It's a spoiler alert!” Then she tells Tahani, “Go on, get in!” Chidi says, “What about my first clue?” And she goes, “You've already gotten it.” And then he makes another “Ohh!” sound, it's so funny. He's really happy this episode.
Then we're at DemonCon. It's smoky, it's dark. There's lights. There's people with name tags, smoking cigarettes. There's the old eat candy, closed eyes, can't lose poster. Then there's one of these influencer style posters that says DemonCon, and C-O-N, in the middle of the O, is a thumb's down. A hundred straight days there's something. Shawn in the background, like he's some sort of, what are those people that speak at these things? Influencer, I guess that's what they're called. He goes, “We're in hour 52 of 4,000 hours.” There's a thumb's down on the lectern. It says dynamic demon, or something. I'm in the middle of it, it says it right there. They're talking about the future of the bad place. The demonic. Shawn says, “I got a plan. We're here to motivate you. I'm going to show you slide one of 7,000,” which says lecture 298Y2-C. A road map for modernizing our industry. Michael comes in. He does a slow clap. He acts goofy.
We go back to Derek. There's more kind of Cuckoo's Nest action. Tahani's kind of sad and frustrated. She goes, “Could you make me some lake related cocktail napkins with a lake related slogan like Better Lake than Never?” Derek says, “You know I'm overwhelmed.” She says, “Why don't you do a reboot, then maybe you'll be more helpful. Now is your choice.” Early Vicky … Justin 2.0 … then I think Michael says, “Surprise you.” He says surprise in an interesting way. He says, “Come on, Jason.” He says, “I have a Jason suit.” Jason has bad posture. Great acting, as he's acting like Glenn in a Jason suit. Shawn says, “That's amazing.” You know, overdone cheekbones. “Who's in there, Glenn?” He says, “Okay. Let's put this to work then.” Maybe Michael says that. “We'll go find the good Janet.” And then, Shawn says, “Let's do it live on stage. Rufus, go grab her.” Everyone's clapping. Then, we're back to Derek. He has to self plunge.
Oh, I saw this sign. Hawaii Five Dough, that was in the town square. Tahani just wants to be useful. “I don't want to just play at parties. Sorry if I made things more difficult.” Eleanor says, “You made them difficult in a new way.” Then Chidi comes out. He's got a soccer ball, tie, and a desk lamp. He's very, very happy. And then, Eleanor tries to be gentle with him. “We're going to skip to the end. You should try some new things.” And he goes, “Well, my comfort zone's about the size of that chair, and even its arms are a little bit-” And she goes, “Well, I just want you to know that you're safe here, and you can trust me. Do you trust me, Chidi?” He goes, “Yeah, I think I do.”
Then we go back, they're talking about the suits. Janet comes out. At first, she says, “Jeez, Michael, you-” or she says, “Oh Vicky, your acting stinks like that suit does.” And then at 14:10, I really got teary at this, it's just a small thing, I think because the acting's so good, and the writing and the direction. But here it is, I'm watching it live. When Jason appears, Janet immediately knows it's him, and he's really acting nervous and unsure. Really, the look on her face is so subtle but powerful. It makes me tear up, because you can see an expression of love and amazement that he had come to save her. He says, “Hi Janet. It's me.” She knows when he says that. She almost looks at Michael for a split second. He says, “Yeah, because I love you, girl.” She goes, “Not a girl.” Speaking in code. Then Michael says, “Well Janet, how does that make you feel?” She goes … you know, she's acting, as acting acting. “Oh terrible!” Then he goes, “Okay then, let's bring-” and then Vicky Michael shows up. It's like, oh dear.
Then we're getting Chidi led through the town square with them. Eleanor … everyone's asleep. At some point, Derek appears. He's in a gold suit now with a goblet. Everybody else, all the extras are sleeping, and then they start to wake up. Couple of other restaurants that couldn't … Cruller restaurant and Huggy Bear restaurant or something, I couldn't figure out the names of. Tahani tries to help. She's still stumbling.
Then we're back. Michael says, “Everybody's in trouble here.” Jason has that demon truth telling thing that it makes him go to goo, and he says, “Okay.” There's cloud claps. Let me see. This is the scene right here. Okay, so Jason gives it to him, says, “Dude. I can't believe you!” “Well, you know, I waited. I impulsively bought it, and then I waited.” Shawn confronts Michael. Vicky confronts … she says, “Jeez. You know what, Michael? You know we know you're no good.” He says, “Yeah. We know you basically-” They say Rufus … at first she says, “Rufus, take them away.” Michael says, “Rufus, we used to be roommates. Don't make me goo you!” And he does. Everybody's like, holy cow. Michael says, “It's like 10,000 DemonCons. I thought we were in charge of moral balance, but humans and us are capable of self improvement, and they want to open their eyes to truth. Shawn knows it's true.” Then Vicky slow claps. She goes, “No, Michael. You're no good.” Blah blah blah. He goos her, then they say, “Let's go.” And the whole audience starts cheering because they think it's a show.
Then we're at the lake house. Chidi's there. He's still saying, “Oh!” The puzzle continues. So Tahani and Eleanor are with him. You first see he's happy about the puzzles. He kisses Simone, which gets a little sad face from Eleanor. Then Eleanor and Tahani are alone. It's truth time, where Tahani talks about how she feels, and how she's been made to feel, even though … just how her experience during the episode, I guess, and how she wants more, there at the lakeside. She goes, “Why are you so capable? You know, Eleanor, you're so capable. It doesn't always-” and she goes, “Well, you grew up-” This will simplify things in the episode a little bit over Tahani's whole history, but she goes, “You had diamond laughs and gold pillowcases. You haven't had to learn how to scrape by on your own. But for me, I wouldn't know the difference between a salad fork and a whatever spoon. And in there, we have the four most important beings in the universe. So you helping in the ways you're good at is not pointless. At this point, it's critical. And then, after this, if we want to do something meaningful, like weld, I will support you.” So they have a nice closure.
Then we have Michael and them. Michael, Janet, and Jason leaving the bad place. Janet makes the depot go bye bye. They say, “Nice to have you back, Janet.” And then, she goes, “It must have been hard for you, Michael, going back there.” And this actually really subtly leads nicely into this thematically for the next episode, just really, so subtle. It'd be hard to miss. Jason says, “Jeez, Michael.” Michael talks about who he once was, and how painful that is, and Jason more or less says, “Well, there's no shame in that. I just think you're a nice, weird, old, happy dude.” Then Janet and Jason have a moment. She says, “Thanks for rescuing me. I really missed you. I missed you so much.” “Missed you, too!” And Jason then says, “Thanks. Bad Janet told me all these lies, like the Jags cut Blake Bortels.”
You should probably just watch this yourself to find … there's so many jokes, and they're all in a row. It's at 21:05. They do say, “Falls-uh!” And then, there's even more after that about a clavicle, really funny. It's so good. I think both episodes, the lake episode and the next episode also ends with like 30 seconds of really high quality jokes, so nice ending to this episode as those three head back to the good place together, and this whole squad will be back together very soon.
Okay, I'm still here with you, and I'm just getting the next episode started back to back. I'm here recording with you, right in real time nearly. So, this episode is called A Chip Driver Mystery, Season Four, Episode Six. It starts with the white background. Zoom in on Michael as he brushes off his hands. He's in a blue suit, brown shoes, light blue shirt. One of his really nice tie colors that really works and pops on him, which is like a navy with some floral or some dots, like pastels, and a pink pocket square. This is why these people get paid really good money to do this, because it really works. He's talking to bad Janet. She's in a holding room. She looks like she has an easel set up, like she's been painting. A dip shirt? Oh, she calls him a dip shirt. I was like, “Dip shirt? What does that mean?” She has a nice desk there. She's been there six months. Today's her last day. I'm going to tell you a story. Are you ready? And then first, she passes gas in a very comedic, bad Janet-y way.
Then we open, Chapter 45. Looks like a path, a river at sunset in the woods. It's the painting she's been working on, or they're showing her. Interesting fan fiction of what's been going on. Then we return. She's still passing gas. He's got a book. She goes, “What up with-” He goes, “That's part of the story.” It all started about a week ago. They both sit down. Michael sits in a chair. She sits on the bed. Michael has striped socks on. Things are going better than we could have possibly hoped.
Then we go into town. Everybody's in post skiwear, except Jason. He's in monk robes. [inaudible 00:40:23] They talk about how much fun they had skiing, except Chidi had fun even though he doesn't really ski because he doesn't like moving at angles, but there's plenty of reading books at the lodge. They did a meditation with John, Jason, Janyu, and John liked that a lot. She said, “My mantra is Kate Blanchett singing Rihanna. Not like that, but in a peaceful way.” Brent says, “Congratulations again, Simone, on winning at Parcheesi” or something, I can't even remember, but maybe it's gin rummy. And she goes, “Yeah, congratulations.” And then she makes a Rutgers joke to get on his case about Princeton.
Then we go back to the office, and everybody's happy. “Well team, well done,” Eleanor says. “Reaching progress, can't believe Brent is doing that,” like when he was upset, he stormed off instead of storming off and flipping the table. He has kind of changed. “We don't know if it's because of super heaven,” Tahani says. Michael says, “Well, it's a road map. Change your behavior, then the motivation.” Again, I was wondering this season if they would go there, and they have truly gone there in a way. Again, the show is just so mature, and I would hope it'd have the power to drive a conversation outside of the show, or to subtly influence it. But we'll see. But really, the ability to talk about these things … then they say, “Heavenly savior, the weak is Jason. How to save the weak?” And this one is worth exploring, worth rewatching, because I did watch it a bunch of times. Tahani goes to get up and fixes her hair, and then Eleanor says, “Where is Eleanor Shellstrop?” And then, Michael says, “I never win!”
Then we see the hottest savior of the week, and other people have won other than Eleanor, and here's a list of the winners. It goes Janet, Tahani, Eleanor, Jason, Eleanor, Tahani, Janet, Janet, Eleanor, Janet, Eleanor, Eleanor, Janet, Janet, Tahani, Tahani, Jason, Eleanor, Janet, Eleanor, Eleanor, Tahani, Janet, Eleanor, Jason, Eleanor, at least according to my notes. There's one that Eleanor's standing in front of, but I think that was a Tahani. They said, “She's really a high point.” Oh, Michael says that back with bad Janet. There's a couple of cool glass, like brass things on the desk, that are really nice. She says, “Best we've ever felt out here.” But then Brent, “Oh boy!” to Brent, you know.
So then, we have Brent who walks up to Chidi and Simone, who are at a café, having strawberry in champagnes, some sort of dessert. At first, I thought it was an ice cream sundae, but it looked more like some sort of, like it had pudding in it with chocolate syrup and whipped cream, and that it wasn't ice cream. It could have been though. There's a rose, two books on the table. “Hey ski buddies, I wrote a book.” Then he pulls this book out. It says at the top, “Would have been a New York Times bestseller, six feet under par, chip driver mystery.” The cover's amazing. You should check it out. Brent says, “Half surprise spy, half mystery, half sub-memoir, half after dark, half political thriller, half golf tutorial, and half commentary on society.” Simone says, “It's three and a half books in one.” He goes, “At least. Read it ASAP. Because in two days, you're going to be introducing me about how great my book is.”
Then Simone and Tahani … Simone says, “Hey Tahani, you want to drink some wine and read Brent's book?” And they talk about how Brent said that he invented s'mores. Simone makes a really funny face at that part.
Then we're at the office. Oh, because they start reading the book. Michael's sitting on the desk, him and Eleanor reading from the book. Eleanor says, “This is bad.” And Michael says, “Well, these are the two that have the hardest relationship.” Brent confirms the accuracy of people's judgements about him.
Then we're in the Janet room. Michael's kind of recapping the fallout from everything. Then read it, and Chidi and Jason, Jason goes, “Chidi, what's wrong, homey?” And Chidi's reading the book, he goes, “Well, there's this character named … a cowardly character named Four Eyed Igby,” and he goes, “What could be more spontaneous and cool? What could be cooler than teaching Brentathics?” And then, Jason talks about being spontaneous, and he goes, “Let's dance to defeat Igby.” Again, I didn't write down the timing, it's a little bit after six minutes, and Chidi says, “Look at old Igby move!” And he's dancing it up, man. Holy cow! Jason says, “Oh, it's my music.” And he tells a personal story about everything, and then they go, “Oh no!” John's standing there in the doorway. He sees it all.
Then we go back to bad Janet, who says, “Can we just skip to the end? You know, humans stink.” He says, “You're judging too quickly.” “People can't change.” And Michael says, “They can change.” And Janet says, “You can't.” And then she says, “People are buh buh bad to the bone.” Michael has a bunch of stuff. Then there's an ad.
Then we go to John and Jason. So Jason is John, John is Jason. “Can you keep a secret?” Chidi says. “I don't know. The gossip toilet's about to overflow.” He goes, “Is this an exclusive?” He holds a book over his face. I think at first, this is Michael setting it up, because the gossip toilet about to overflow is what he says to bad Janet, but yeah, he goes, “I can't-” “Can you keep this a secret?” He goes, “Is this an exclusive?” Holds a book over his face. He goes … things here are a little bit like Season Four in Downton Abbey, well designed but like the Sleep with Me podcast, and somehow I missed these jokes, their brilliance, because Chidi basically says, “Well, didn't you want to learn that Magic Mike body roll thing that Jason can do?” And Jason does it. It's just beautiful, and somehow, it's four seconds long and easy to miss. John goes, “Well, if only I learn the whole dance.”
Then we have Simone and Tahani reading Brent's book. Golf o'clock, solves the case, really not treating people with respect, even as characters. Eleanor comes, “What are you doing?” “Reading some great works of literature.” Eleanor tries to, “Can't you-” Simone's like, “This is really an insensitive book.” And Eleanor says, “Can you forgive him?” She goes, “No. Like why, if we're in the good place, why would I have to deal with insensitivity? Why is it my responsibility to deal with this?” This has been leading this way, this powerful and important discussion, and it's just interesting to see how it's going to play out over the season, but really important stuff. I love how Simone just says, “No.” And they're still able to fit in Top Gun jokes and stuff like that, and then Eleanor says, “I'll have to get back to you. I'll consult with some mortal beings.”
10:27, Michael's dressed like Payne Stewart or some … he's in a ridiculous golf outfit, and Brent says, “Then take you for linksman.” There's a red golf cart, and then Brent's acting like he's a great golfer, but he's playing with cheap mode on, so Michael says, “Turn that off. We'll go old school.” And then Brent his a bad shot, blames Michael for sneezing. Michael says, “I know you can't even sneeze, dude. It's okay to hit a bad shot. Not a sign of weakness to admit it.” He tries to plant a seed.
They go back to bad Janet. She goes, “You think one gentle metaphor is going to change somebody like that? It's not-” and then we go to John and Chidi. They're talking about secrets and Bethenny Frankel. John says, “I got to gos, man. Can I talk about dumb shorts Cathy?” Eleanor comes, and she says a just a bunch of scroll jokes. She goes, “I've consulted the scrolls. I think-” Oh, also, Simone's shirt has this cool cheetah print on there, not that that's important. Brent says, “Oh, there's our Charlie's Angels.” Michael goes, “Oof.” Like, dude. Then he goes, “How about … what are my accomplos?” Tahani goes, “So, there's some interesting word choices.” He wants to be glorified as a stable genius. Simone says, “Well, just writing a book is an accomplishment, I guess.” He says, “I want you to say “It's my favorite book.”” Everyone's trying to regulate him, and then Brent goes, “I was going to give you a discount on my books. Now I'm going to charge you a full 65 bucks.” Michael goes, “There's no money here.” Simone's like, “Dude, no way. This book is insulting. It's insulting to a lot of different people, and it's insensitive, and it doesn't treat people with dignity and respect.” Brent can't handle the truth. He storms off. There's more jokes about how he storms off later.
Back at the office. Tahani goes, “Can we just deal with this stiff upper lip British way?” Then Eleanor starts to shift. She says, “Eff that. Like Brent is the problem. We can't keep walking eggshells. We have to throw the egg.” Then Michael also says, “60 years he had to improve. Where is he?” Janet says, “Guess.” He goes to the golf course, he says, “Hey bud. What are you, gripping and ripping?” And he says, “Dog don't want to hunt.” Michael's straight with him. He says, “Your actions hurt people. It's time to apologize and heal the neighborhood.” Brent says, “Well fine, I'll be the bigger person, kind of like my dad.” There's a funny joke there.
Then Chidi and Simone are talking. Chidi says, “Maybe I should still help him with some social contract theory,” and she's like, “Why would you help him? He's like a grown adult. He should be responsible for his own behavior. It's not okay to treat people that way,” and all that.
Then Brent does the old, pretty familiar with this, at this point. He does the old un-apology. He goes, “I'm sorry, your feelings about my critically acclaimed novel are so sensitive. Sorry you're offended.” Then he says basically, “That's on you.” Then someone says, “Are you going to apologize for real or not?” The acting again, this was just from my perspective, the reason I'm talking about it in this way, is because this is so hard to pull off, and maintain humor and do like some semblance of the truth. I don't know how this will resonate with everyone else, it'd be interesting to see, but I don't know. He goes, “I'm not sorry at all, and I want some complos from all of you.”
Tahani says, “Your book's awful, offensive, poppycock.” And then she buttons it with, “Okay, he's either got to be a private eye, a quarterback for the Bears, or the world's strongest resident.” And then he says, and again, Brent's not exactly, it's a character that's tough to have empathy for, but he's like, “This is a disgrace, my integrity. I'm a good person. I earned this.” And for a split second there, there's a pause, but then he ends up undoing everything, because then he says, “I'm in the good place.” He's J to the J to the R to the K, and then Chidi won't take it, so Chidi again tries to help at first. Actually, it wasn't even Chidi's actions. He was trying to help the whole time and maintain some boundaries, but Brent can't handle it. He says, “Fork you.” Eleanor says, “How about a snack? How about some Bagel Bites?”
Then we go back to Janet, who has a good … she goes, “Oh, middle aged male fragility. Baby boomers.” Michael says, “Well, we were forked. Poof. All of our work half way through this, all toast.” Bad Janet says, “Yeah, humans suck.” Michael goes, “No. There's one more chapter.”
We go back to the office. There's a little bit of silence, and Eleanor says, “Today's bad. This isn't good.” Another pause, and she goes, “I don't have a solution.” Tahani after another pause says, “Okay. What if I let John help me by telling him I'm getting ombre highlights?” And then, there's jokes there I don't even understand. I have to Google, it's some sort of hair highlights, because Eleanor doesn't get them either. Jason comes up with, “Well, maybe I could trick Brent into doing some good, too.” Eleanor goes, “Oh, let's write these ideas down.” It kind of fades out.
Then it goes to Michael and bad Janet, and he goes, “That was an hour ago.” And Michael's got this pride face, and he goes, “For months, you and I have been debating when whether people are good or bad, and we've been asking the wrong question. The question is are they trying to be better today than they were yesterday? You asked me where my hope comes from. That's where it comes from. That's why I'm sending you home. I'm letting you go. This is my way of trying to be a little bit better today than yesterday.” Do yourself a favor. There's 30 seconds of the best jokes. There's just a ton of jokes right in a row, and then he gives her a book. He says, “This is a manifesto of everything that's happened with the humans. It's called The Book of Humans Manifesto by Janet and Michael.” She goes to leave, she does a long, “Byeeee!” She leaves, and then Michael sprays Lysol and the episode comes to a close. So, good night.