807 – Census Party | The Adventures of Dr. Triangle and Isosceles Ep5

Ladies sand gentleman, boys and girls and friends beyond the binary. It's time for the podcast. I don't have anything naturally hilarious to say like I usual totally … But I do want to say that I'm glad you're here and you're important to me. Your sleep, your rest, your ability to flourish and live your life. But mostly putting you at ease, that's important to me, you're important to me. And it's a different way because it's a digital sense, but I'm here to help, this is a way I can do it. So I'm glad you're here, or if you're new, I'm here to try. And what do I mean?

It's time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. Hey, are you up all night, tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome, this is Sleep With Me. The podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bed time story, alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights and press play, I'm going to do the rest. What I'm going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you can set aside whatever's keeping you awake. Whether it's thoughts you're thinking about about the past, present or the future or all of them, which is common for me. Past, present or future, whether you're having some physical things coming up, your feelings or emotions, changes, life, moving, any of … schedule. Whatever's keeping you up I'd like to take your mind off of that.

And so what I'm going to do is I got this nice safe place, plenty of room, it's a room set aside just for you and the reason I did that is because you do deserve a good nights sleep so have some space here. And you could just check it out and try it out. If you're new you're saying, “Huh, not sure about this.” I say, “Okay, give it a little more time.” There's a safe place, you could even be like a cat, walk by it maybe. I got a chair nearby, you could sit under and look into the safe place. Then you could walk over it, you could sniff it or proverbially and then do some … the cat, whatever the cat does when they massage the ground.

Because sometimes they're doing that to get it ready, but other times they're saying, “Let me just check this safe place out, I'm going to see what the …” Do cats ever use the word fungibility? First of all, is that a word? What does it mean? You say, “I hope it means something sleepy.” You see because I asked a cat once, in a dream of course, I said, “What are you doing there with the … Are you massaging the ground?” “No, I'm checking for fungibility, Scoots.” And I said, “Normally other personified beings I would ask for an explanation but not a cat because I don't want to get that cat look.” Well, what is fungibility?

I've heard the word fungible, but I'm not sure. If I had it in context, I'd need more context to figure out what fungible means or fungibility. Maybe this'll be the first time I ever look up something during an intro, usually I don't. But so let me, first, let me say, so I'm going to create a safe place. I'm going to send my voice across the deep, dark night. I'm going to use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents. Just like that fungibility one, we'll be going back to that one to go back and around again. 

Let's see, what else? So I'm going to send my voice across, pointless meanders, all to keep you company as you drift off. So if you're new I'm glad you're here. Right up front I'll say give this podcast a few tries, that's what everybody … that's what a regular listener says. And this podcast doesn't work for everybody but I hope it works for you and the easiest way to explain it is that it's going to take me a while to explain it. But to kind of passively consume this podcast, like either view it out of focus, listen to it in a way that's kind of letting it drift in and out of your ears and see how it goes.

It's almost like whatever, I would say try it on for size, but whatever's less than that. You're more window shopping with the safe place, you say, “Ah well, I'm not so sure about the look of that.” Like yeah, you're doing the testing for fungibility as a cat, which we'll get you in a sec and I'll look that up. But if you're also new I want to give you a couple things to know. 

So structurally what, how the show works. It starts off with business, that's how we're able to keep it free for you and all the 100,000s of other listeners and coming out twice on a regular basis. Which is important to me, is that the show is free for everybody. Then there's about … an intro, which we're probably like maybe 30% through and the intro is about 15 minutes long, maybe it's 12 minutes. You could skip it, I would say start skipping it once you become a regular listener. Because the reason the intro's about 15 minutes, it's not 15 minutes of me actually explaining anything or asking for anything or anything like that. It's just me, it's 15 minutes of me helping you wind down by misexplaining the podcast.

So ideally it feels familiar because every time I explain what the structure is it's a little bit different every time, I guess that's what I meant. I don't know what I was going to try to explain or misexplain. And so over time I've discovered that that 12 to 15 minute intro just works for most people. It's easy to skip ahead for the people that just want the story stuff. You just set your podcast to start at 20 minutes or skip ahead about that far. But for some people they start getting ready for bed through the intro. Other people are already in bed, getting comfortable and winding down. So kind of like a long runway. 

Or like a cat, to go back to that one, because we're talking about that. It's like the cat doesn't just pump the ground two or three times. They'll walk in a few counterclockwise four times, then clockwise four times, then they'll go in the other room, then they'll go sit under a chair and look at that. Then they'll pump the ground, then they might lie down or they might not. They might sit there for a minute. So kind of do that. Actually this, you can do that passively so you don't got to worry about, you say, “Man, that must be exhausting, being a cat.” You say, “Scoots, are you being ironic or not?” I say I'm not sure, maybe that's where cats … That's why we turn our noses up. No ones ever empathetic with us, how tiring it is to be cats.

I mean I know all the dogs are laughing along and all the other pets, right? Har-dee-har-har. But it could be tiring. You say the cat might be like, “This looks meditative and relaxing. Actually it is, I was kidding. Being a cat is great.” The cats like, “I'm already chilled out and then when I want to go to sleep I do the things. I have a bedtime routine too that's very meditative and it's not set. Like sometimes I walk counterclock, I just see how it feels, man. That's why people say it's cool as a cat.” Oh, I thought it was cool as a cucumber. 

“Scoots, you got to cool down, man. Try massaging your bed before you get in it tonight.” I might do that, I'd just be afraid somebody would look in the window and see me massaging my bed with my hands and my knees and then crawling around my bed clockwise and counterclockwise. And that would fit the narrative they've already established for me as a neighbor, which would be correct. So you're right, I may try doing that. Thanks, cat.

Hey cat, did you know what fungible meant? “Goods contracted for without an individual, able to replace or be replaced by another identical item. Mutually interchangeable.” So would testing for fungibility … Oh yeah, “In economics, fungibility …” So it is a real world, not a rear word, not a rear word, a real word. “Fungibility is the property of a good or a commodity, who's individual units are essentially interchangeable.” Didn't I write a musical called Essentially Interchangeable? It was before the Lego Movie came out, I tried to write a Lego musical and it was like I didn't know what fungibility meant. But Essentially Interchangeable, that was the name. That was one of the big numbers in the Lego Musical I wrote.

Right, oh, I didn't write it. I just thought about it. It's actually a great song because the original one is, not to go off topic again, but it was in the first act when the Lego … it's actually just two pips, Pip One and Pip Two. That was one that I thought was one of the more brilliant … People say, “Why isn't it Pip?” And I said, “Well, I don't want to do two numbers. Pip One and Pip Two are the stars of the Lego Musical.”

Again, just imaginary. Don't worry, Lego. Don't send me any letter from Denmark, wherever else. I get enough of them. Remember when you and Play Mobil where coming after me? Maybe that was during the musical. But what was I saying? Oh, during act one when they sing Essentially Interchangeable, it's like a glorified song fried. Oh, this is why you probably wouldn't want me to make the musical, because then in act two it's not a happy song. Suddenly they realize being essentially interchangeable isn't so great. That's the number that's almost in every musical, which kind of goes so much more than Pip One or Pip Two, so much more. And then in parentheses, then Pip One and Pip Two …

Oh, they're not called pips, maybe that's what some part of my brain just said. But so fungibility, I guess maybe that is why cat's pumping the ground, because they say, “Is this …” They are testing for fungibility, like they're saying, “Is this going to offer an interchangeable level of comfort where I slept yesterday?” You say, “Yeah, that is actually where you slept yesterday so it is essentially interchangeable. It's just like 0.3 centimeters difference on the carpet where you slept, or on the chair.”

So I guess that's good, I was actually may have been using accidentally fungibility correctly. I just had to shoehorn it in there. Okay, so if you're new, oh boy, that was a longer tangent. It was a good one though I think. You got a Lego Musical, cat interview and I would posit to say, were you thinking about anything else? Because the goal of the show is to take your mind off whatever's keeping you up and to keep you company as you drift off. So there's no pressure to listen, that's kind of rule one, or to make sense of stuff.

This isn't a rule, but I guess if it was rule two, actually it would be like … Because rule two is, you don't need to listen, no pressure, fall asleep. I'm going to be here for about an hour. You drift off when you're ready to or just when you do. Hopefully it's like you just drift off, you don't even know it, right? You wake up tomorrow. You say, “I'm pretty sure Scoots was writing a musical about dice. It was about the triangle one, whatever that was. Four sided. It was called Cry Of The Four Sided Die. Yeah, it was a great. He said it's going to be a great … I think that's what he was singing about. Oh, he wasn't singing. I don't know, I went to sleep during it I guess, sonny.”

So there's no pressure to fall asleep though because I'm going to be here till the end, so if you can't sleep I'm still here to keep your company. I'm your bore bud, right? And that's what I do, that's my job. You do deserve a good nights sleep and I'm hoping to help.

Oh, the other rule that I was thinking of is there's also no pressure to like me or this podcast. I mean it's a little late now to say this and I try to remember to say it earlier. But yeah, if you're skeptical, well one, yeah, if you're skeptical it's perfectly natural. If somebody says, “Hey, this podcast is going to put you to sleep.” And then you say, “But it's made up of creaky, dulcet tones and pointless meanders and whatever else he was talking about. I got no idea, I'm not so sure about this thing.” I'd say if you're saying, “I'm not so sure about this thing, or, “What in the what?” It may be the podcast for you.

But if you're already saying, “Good glory, Joseph or Josephine.” Or whatever, or something even more intense than that, go to SleepWithMePodcast.com/no thank you. If you're sure the podcast isn't for you, you don't have to give it a few more tries. But I'd say do it anyway because I hope it can help you fall asleep. I know what it's like to be tossing and turning and not be able to fall asleep, so that's why I made this show. It's just to help the listeners that I can, because I really want you to get a good nights sleep and get comfortable.

And ideally, if you do get here and you say, “Well, first time I was like … I had a kind of distaste for it.” This is a very common review. Second time I was like, “Oh, okay, I think I get that you're not supposed to get it.” Third time, “Oh boy, now I've been listening for four or five years.” I mean I really have the extreme honor of talking to people like that that have been listening, or their life changes, they come back, they listen for six months. So see how it goes. I guess that's my main message. I hope the podcast can help.

Or it can become something fungible for you. You say, “Well, sometimes I use Sleep With Me, sometimes I use Sleep Whispers with Scoots' buddy, Harris. Or the Empty Bowl or Sleepy or some other non-sleep podcast. Or I listen to choo-choo trains or I sing myself to sleep, or I listen to parakeets or ocean waves. Scoots is fungible for me.” I'd like to put the funge in fun. No, no the funge in fungible, nice try, brain. Just the fun. I have enough funge. I wonder if funge is part of … like fungible, so which … It doesn't sound like a Latin root to me, funge. Maybe it does those, unge, unge, inge, ornge, ornge, ornum. Funge. How would you even spell that? Is there an E in there? Fungible. Oh maybe it's fungible not fungible. Would Barry White sing a song about … I don't know, I'd have a tough time thinking of how it would fit in there. To be fungible. 

Anyway, so I'm glad your here. Sorry about that little lull there. I was just stuck to the Lego Musical, not the fungible musical. But here's the thing, I'm glad you found your way to this podcast. Or if you're a regular listener, I'm still glad you're here with me and that I can be a part of your bed time and take some of the seriousness out. Maybe soothe you, maybe distract you. To be your bore friend, your bore bud, your bore bae, your bore sib, your bore cuz, your bore bestie or your bore bruh. I'm just here to help the way I can, which is goofing around.

Oh, tonight after, so we'll have the intro. I think I was, like 10 minutes ago, I was explaining the structure of the show and then I got off topic, I think about something that I probably forgot about. But so yeah, there's the intro, then there's some business, then there's the story. Tonight it'll be an episodic story, so you could listen to this episode. It's a talk about lulling, it's about a world without mathematics because it's The Adventures of Dr Triangle and Isosceles. And then we have some thank yous at the end of the show. So that's the structure of the show. 

I really appreciate you coming by and checking it of if you're new, or if you're a regular listener. I really hope I can help. I work very hard, I yearn and I strive and I want to help you fall asleep. And here's a couple of ways we keep this show free for everybody. 

All right, everybody. Welcome to another episode of our ongoing, episodically modular series, The Adventures of Dr Triangle and Isosceles. The tale of two heroic figures. It's episodically modular so you can listen to it in any order, so don't worry, I'm going to catch you up on everything right now. Our tale follows Dr Triangle and Isosceles, two traveling performers who living in a post-math world, a world not without … I mean if we did a trailer it would say, “A world without math.” But that's not 100% true. A world where the basic underlying principles of math have eroded. Some have vanished and some are deteriorating and some are missing in one area and not another.

But a post-math world. The unity and some would say on the other side of this issue, the dominance of man has finally waned. Believe it or not it was the fourth generation of Wayne Enterprises that said that. And I said, “What would Bruce say that you said, “Here at Wayne Enterprises we believe math has waned.” Or whatever I said. Anyway, not important to anything. I said, “For the love of Alfred, can't you …” Actually I didn't say that because I wasn't there. 

So it's a world and a time. At one point it was just like ours and then a goddess came or a force or, not a superhero or heroine in this case, but a Thanos-like character came and removed … They were the one who came and took math away. And I don't talk about this in a lot of intros, but some of them may have been seductively, I mean I don't mean in the hubba-hubba, hoo-hoo seductively. I mean culturally, say, “Whoo, wouldn't you want to live in a world without math? Wouldn't that be great? Do you really need math?” That whole nine yards, we've been through it I think, but not with math. 

And so a world without math is really not a world you like. It becomes a bit like the Dark Ages, because suddenly without math you realize … I mean this is paid for by Math, this episode. In some sense it is paid for by Math. This episode of Dr Triangle and Isosceles, brought to you by the Principles Of Math. But it's a piece of fiction so we got to take our time to get there and also even introduce the episode.

So okay, so the main characters are Dr Triangle, Isosceles, and Ada The Mule or Donkey. I'm not sure. And they were tasked with the goddess of Sha-sha to return math to our world, one principle at a time. And so they go around, they're traveling around mostly I think the Midwest, what you would say is the middle of the United States. It's a post modern time, because it was modern and now they don't got any modern stuff. I think I filled that part in.

No more TV, you say, “Well, I'm so sick of math.” Are you sick of TV? Anyway, I don't know why I'm … I just want to explain it. I guess I'm pro-math, not a fan of math, but I like it. I use it, don't understand it. Just want to put that out there. So each episode is, what is that called? I always forget it, procedural type series where Dr Triangle and Isosceles head to somewhere, try to figure out what the math principle is that's missing and restore it. Usually veiled in some sort of mystery or lacking or need. Not really super mysterious, so I wouldn't say it's an actual mystery. But they're, procedurally, they're supposed to bring math back to the area and as traveling performers.

I don't know what else is … Dr Triangle is not necessarily a doctor but plays a doctor or a variety of doctors. Isosceles is more of the gravitas type actor. But I think that's it, I think I got it. It's a tale of a world without math and only two heroic figures can come and restore math to the world for some reason. Also, Ada The Mule who is our narrator from time to time. It's our new series and also we have a Hollywood … So I also was buying time. Because traffic can be unpredictable, especially at rush hour, which today I decided to record at rush hour. About eight hours ago when I texted Mr Antonio Banderas to get up here and spent four minutes introducing series, and in this case, you'd probably drive back immediately. Or you could stay here without me being here I guess, because I got to go do something.

You could stay here with Koa, and you could spent time with one another. You could even sleep over if you want because I have a bed on the floor right now because I had family here. But it's ladies and gentle … Oh, that's you're line, you're right. Mr Antonio Banderas, ladies and gentleman, boys and girls and friends beyond the binary. It's time for another episode of The Amazing Adventures of Dr Triangle and Isosceles. Oh yeah, I thought you had a tagline last time, but that's pretty good. I like how you called it The Amazing Adventures, reminds me of Cavalier and Clay. “Ah yes, my friend, that book got you a job I remember.” Yeah, it came up in my job interview, that was a long time ago I'm sure. You really remember things. So are you going to stay over? “I may. [inaudible 00:24:36] your dog sounds so fantastic.” Oh, thanks.

So that's Mr Antonio Banderas who's going to lie down quietly in my bed, on top of my comforter, which hopefully I've laid out already and listen to me record. And it's time for another episode of Dr Triangle and Isosceles. 

Hello everyone, this is Ada The Mule here and welcome. I know you know why you're here. And we're headed to the exact … Well, I guess Dr Triangle and Isosceles will talk too. We're headed to the center of things and we're supposed to partake and supervise and assist with the census. The accounting of the people that I guess is not going well. And I will tell you a couple of rule based things that I know because I'm a mule and maybe I'm more than a mule. And some may say, “Scent of a mule, you better watch out where you go.” But not everyone would say that.

Anyway, so the center most point of the United States is where math is strongest, so that's one of the reasons why we don't understand why, or I don't totally understand why, but it's one of the reasons the census is there. Makes it easier to count when you can use a little bit of math. And there's rival areas on the east and west coast, so those communities don't really open to the people in the … So we're here getting it, bringing … We're heading, we're almost there. Near the border of Kansas and Nebraska. I don't know if they call it the Heartland, I think they do because this is actually the Heartland. And we're headed there to figure things out and, yeah, and those two are going … Yeah, let me just turn it over to Isosceles and Dr Triangle.

“Ah yes, so as I was saying. I feel like I drifted off there, I could hear the mule talking or something. But I don't know, the census? Is it a censii or census? Censuses or censii? But it's a biblical thing, censuses. So I think there'll be probably plenty of things we could do a play about. I don't know what method, I don't really know a lot about censuses. What about you, triangle?”

“I mean we're close. It seems like they haven't … again, they're trading in canned goods, which is always would seem very appealing to people. And they're saying it's a years worth of canned goods, which I think technically means 24 cans per person and you get one can right upfront and then the rest on completion of partaking in the census. So I can't see why anyone would turn that down. But we really haven't seen a lot of people on the road. I'm not known for my powers of observation, but I notice the roads are not well worn. There's some traffic, but you'd think it'd be busier. Because look, there it is, that guy had the field. I think it's a more temperate area than it had been, but this is still … The winters here could be tricky.”

Yes, I mean I wasn't thinking of that because it's not winter, but I guess you were. I try to think everything out. Okay, well here, this is an … “We're looking for the head of the census. We're right here, Isosceles and Dr Triangle. We were booked as performers to entertain the census goers, the census takers and the participants in the … everyone involved. Okay, we'll set up here, is this the staging area for performing? Okay, thank you. I mean it doesn't look very busy, and what did our contact say?”

“This is supposed to be well underway. Yeah, my main concern is I feel like this shouldn't be too much of a mystery. I thought they would have a problem with counting or adding or subtracting, or sampling. Something with the numbers, because you see, well, even it's going to be tough to census without math. I mean I know we were trying some tests out and math is stronger here. But it's not full math. I mean I could pretty much count everybody here. I mean I could count the tents and just write it down, we wouldn't even have to do any math, it would just be continuous counting. It wouldn't take me a day to count everybody here.”

“Yeah, I mean what we would probably do is take … I guess you're right, we wouldn't even need to take a sampling, we would just each do our own count and then compare the numbers and then figure it out from there. Or you could just take my … I mean I would do a grid system. I think if I could remember what a grid … Well, you're right, it's difficult without math.”

“So what do you mean? We just figure out what's missing. Addition, subtraction, grids. What if it's multiple things? If we get one wrong, do you think we'll have consequences?” 

“I don't know. Hi, are you the one? You're the head of the census?”

“Yes, yes, ma'am. Thank you. Oh, your mother's a ma'am. That's funny, that's very funny. Mine is too I guess. Yeah. Well, yeah. I didn't mean to wander into that one. I thought you had been getting the census going for a while and you have that great offer of canned goods, where is everybody?” 

“No one's coming? That seems like an all or nothing statement. There are people here. Oh, so okay. Let's have a seat here. Yeah, so this is Isosceles, I'm Dr Triangle. Those are our working names. We're performing, we're working and we're here to help. Okay, so tell me about the census. Okay, so you've got the word out, people are aware of it. Okay, so you have been spreading the word? Oh, wide and far. Okay, followers of Sha-Sha were here and they helped. Oh wow, yeah because those were cool. They weren't posters, they were made of wood which makes sense. And paint, yeah, it seemed like it was a permanent one.”

“Yeah, come at whatever the phase is of the moon in the month. Yeah, I got all that off the poster. So people are aware of the census, but they're not … What you're saying is, more people are aware of it than have arrived here. Do you have any ability, do you have any idea about … Okay, okay, okay, so people started coming. Some people started coming and stopped on the way. They just stopped in another … other communities. Not one community, okay. Oh, so that's what's baffling. The word was out, people were excited, the people that were informed were excited, they said where they would come and then a much smaller percentage of people have shown up, okay.”

“Oh, but you don't know what … Okay, so if you knew, that would be useful. You're right. Okay, some people are making their way. And do you figure it was just too far? No. Okay, so that was all planned out. I mean from what I'm thinking, Isosceles, I'm seeing a twinkle in your eye and I think we're probably on the same page. What do you think of this?”

“I mean I'll be honest, I don't think … I think your census stinks. I mean I think initially what happened, because I've been doing theater for a long time, let me tell you, have a … Oh, you're already sitting down, thanks. So initially those were post … You posted posters about the show, right? The census, yeah, I know it's not a show. Thanks. And that's what I'm getting to actually, is what seems like a great deal, two canned goods per person, the more people you have, the more canned goods. Be great to stock up on those. On paper that looks good, if you tell somebody, “Hey, come here for …” Technically I don't think it's a years supply. Oh, you didn't write that, it was an unofficial poster. Okay, well, we won't quibble about those things.”

“But it's not enough to motivate, that's what it is. You lost the motivation and the good news is you got most of the people. It sounds like you got them on their way, you started and maybe you delivered. It's just your offer was not appealing enough and I could see, you're a census person. You're not a performer, you don't see the world as Isosceles see the world. And Dr Triangle sees it in a way similar to me, but different. Which is wonderful and you see it in yet a different way which wonderful. It's a beauteous census, and that's why we're here to help you, is … I don't even know if this is a math issue, I think this is a marketing issue and a content issue really. What we need to do is take the …”

“First of all, and census, you know what I'm saying? No, you don't know what I'm saying. I'm saying we could run this by the people that work with Sha-Sha to … Because I see you have a temple set up nearby. We'll get a budget, if not, we'll get creative. I'm saying once the first new world's fair, something, something sweepstakes, something and a census. Okay, you still don't get it. We're going to have a giant festival, we're going to have a fair. We'll call it a fair, we don't have to call it the World's Fair. Come the center of the Earth fair, center of the world's fair. We'll work on the marketing, but you want something that's going to, “Come one, come all.” So we'll have entertainment, we'll have things for the kids. We'll have a menagerie if we can track one down. We'll have professional performers and we'll have shows.”

“We could have maybe some … I don't know what other entertainments we could come up with. We'll put the word out to them. Also then they'll be participating in the census, all the people working. Also employment brings in more people. People brings in business people, vendors and those things. I think we have to look at this as little bit of long term project, Dr Triangle. And I think we can get this thing off the ground without even using … We don't even need to use math. We need to make this spectacular. Dr Triangle, what do you think about all this?”

“I think you're right on, Isosceles. And so I think we'll have some meetings, let's get this moving forward. I think we're going to have to think in three month chunks, this may take six to nine to 12 months. Or we might figure it out quicker, but I think if we talk to the stakeholders involved, I think we could …”

“The people involved, we'll get this census going. Yeah, but we're going to take a little break here, get a little … So why don't you go back and talk to the rest of your census team and start to think. Good news, we're just here to help you. We don't want to get in the way of your census. We're not judging your ideas. I mean Isosceles was, but we're really going to plus this census, I guess that's what I … We're going to take your census, we're going to take it up to 11. Oh, they used to say that in a … You did see that movie. So yeah, it's a funny movie. To 11, right. Oh, it's, “This one goes to 11.” Okay, well, yeah, I'm not an expert, I'm not Dr Movie.”

“Well, I don't know Dr Movie. I don't know if there is one, because there are ways to watch movies. I've learned it's very difficult. Okay, great. We'll see you. We're going to lie down and take nap.”

“Hey everybody, this is Ada, your narrator. By the power of the passing of time, when you're in the hands of a capable narrator, they started to enact a plan. They started to spread the word about an up and coming festival and fair. An opportunity to make, not money, but to exchange goods. For people to be paid in goods for their entertainments, for distractions, for fun. And soon, and when I say soon I mean in a two to three months timeframe, this area not far from the Kansas-Nebraska border started to have more and more performers and vendors coming. And more and more excitement building, and more and more things looking like …” 

“Even I, Ada, if I was just a mule out in the world I'd say, “Huh, that looks pretty cool.” The center of the world's fair, they did end up calling it that. Little bit braggadocios. Sweepstakes and census. So there was also signs of getting a chance, not just to get some goods, but to participate in a sweepstakes just by participating in the census. With grand prizes, there was also feats of intelligence, feats of strength. Many other competitive things. And some people did begin to trickle in, but again, because the machine of the census was already working with the vendors and the performers, they knew that the majority of the people were out there. Aware of the census, aware of the center of the world's fair and sweepstakes. But not making their way towards it and that's where we join our heroic figures.”

“Okay, so everybody I talked to, all along the way, people are just stopping or talking. I don't get it because it's like the behaviors not exactly the same. Some people are just not coming, some people are coming halfway and then saying, “Well, I think I'm going to stay in this town here.” And some people are just saying, “No, no, no I'm not interested in the sweepstakes and sounds too flashy, sounds like …” Is that what you're getting?”

“Yeah, it's confusing. It's almost like there's someone … We've got no reports of any activity running counter to us. But it's almost like there's a disinformation or something out there, that we're not aware of. But no one's talking about it so I can't … Even though I can believe and imagine it exists, we would have … We would've heard some sort of report about it.” 

“Oh, like people telling them not to go or it's not worth it?”

“Yeah, we've been building good word of mouth. I mean when a menagerie goes through your town, that's a very rare thing now. You see all the animals, the kids get a look, they say, “Where are you going?” “Oh, we're going to the center of the world's fair and sweepstakes and census.” Yeah, and all of Sha-Sha's followers have been spreading the word. I don't get it, I don't get why it's not working. It's just baffling to me.”

“Yeah, what I think we need to do, and again sometimes … This is the one time I really feel like we're in sync, the two of us.” 

“Well, I'm always in sync, but you mean we're synced up.”

“I mean I really like what I mean by that is that I think your idea of plussing the census was brilliant and I think maybe we just need to plus the message.”

“Okay, so you're saying the two of us go on a tour and just spread the word? I like how you're thinking in the long term. You're saying, “Okay, let's just keep at this.” Now we have, in some sense with all of the commerce going on here, it's a sustaining thing. It is like one of those long term world's fairs they used to have. I mean there's no more currency, it's just bartering, but … So we have the time to go out in the world and start spreading the word to the people. Or at least get to the bottom of this. Or our job is to help, so I think we just go out there, we help try to get …”

“I think the two of us working together. Maybe it's just that they don't know how to get people excited. They don't know how to … the je ne sais quois of a sweepstakes of a world's fair and a census, that it's an exciting thing to be a part of. And that we have set aside respectful place for people to say, “Well, I'd like a little bit more room.” Or, “I don't want all the hubbub.” Yeah, we have a hubbub free town, what else could you be? We have Dollsville, Hubbub Freetown, Isoville, those are the different areas we set aside. You forgot about Quiet … Well, that was Quiettown but we said, “Well, we already used town.” It's still Quiettown, to be named later I put on the sign.”

“Okay, so let's get out, let's go out. Ada, what do you think?”

“Well, this is Ada, I'm not talking to them. But what do I think is that we did head out and we set out across the middle of what once was the United States of America and we visited the towns in the Kansas and Nebraska area and beyond. And we saw that the reports were true, that in some towns the populations had grown as people had made their way to the census and decided not to come. And they started to interview those people, mostly in an acting type way to get to the bottom of why did you stop? And a lot was, “Just because.” Was a common answer, and as they started to dig deeper and interview more and more of these people in more and more of these towns. Month, week after week, day after day, month … only about a few months but month after month after month.”

“And even explain to people, “It's a sweepstakes, the entry is free just by going and participating in the census.” “Oh, do I have to participate in the census?” And then quibbling about it, they say, “Well, no. Wouldn't you go if you didn't have to participate in the census?” “No, because what do they want to keep track me for? Why do they need to know?” Or people saying, “I don't join things.” Or, “I don't want to be told what I …” A lot of objections, and, “What are they going to do with the information.” They say, “Well, we're just trying to help know what the population is here in the …” And they say, “Oh well, for who?” And so there is a lot of resistance and I guess that …” 

“Dr Triangle and Isosceles are kind of talking about, “I mean this is just ridiculous. I mean there stubborn as, no offense, Ada, stubborn as a mule. I don't get it, they refuse to. It's as if by trying to motivate them it demotivates them.” Yeah, I mean I just don't understand when there's not an agenda other than … I mean I guess there is. I mean it's like they're projecting something onto it, because they says, “Okay, well yes, there is a chance for people with expertise in things that are going to be there for the census. They could help you with stuff if you're not feeling great, those kind of things. There is the distribution of food, there was all those pamphlets the temple, Sha-Sha's temple is working on about cultivating your own food, about stuff with water. And then the other projects we've worked on.”

“Keeping It Warm In The Winter, that was my favorite pamphlet. Well, I didn't read any of the pamphlets. It's a problem with motivation is what it is, we can't motivate. I think this is when with the math what happened a little bit. So maybe we're reliving it or maybe this problem is coming up again in a different way. But they seem to be saying, “Don't tell me what to do.” Even though you're asking and offering some great stuff that makes me … I guess I still don't get it.” 

“Right in saying, “This is going to be tons of fun, look at your kids, they can't wait to see juggling. You've lived in a world where juggling was rare.” “I juggle at home.” Remember that guy? Yeah, I do. I forgot about that, “I juggle at home for my kids, they don't need to see anyone else juggle.” Yeah, I mean I'm trying to empathize with it and … but it's like empathizing with walls, it's a majority of people and maybe it's just that some of them were part of the transition and some of them have grown up past … in the post-math world. I mean here's the thing, we just have to motivate everybody and I think this particular town, the population's sizable and stubborn. I mean that's why we're both … and I think we need to lean into what we do best, the two of us, and perform. And what we could do is just use them as a test audience to see which performance will motivate them.”

“We can't give up now, I think that's one thing we've learned. And there doesn't seem to be a math solution to this. We don't seem to have a math problem. I mean except zero plus zero equals zero, I mean that's just me being a little grouchy I guess. But we'll do some plays and we'll get things going. I don't have any doubt about it.”

“Okay, so which … what would be the line up to the plays?”

“Well, I think maybe we'll take turns picking subjects. Why don't you go first?”

“I was thinking of remember the Green Goddess, they had? What was her name? The Green Goddess?”

“Oh, the moss based woman that they named a salad dressing after. I forgot her name but we could do a play about that. What's the subject of the play?”

“I think goodness in maybe seeing nature on your way, but appealing to their good nature. Community.”

“Okay, I think community would be something different, but their goodness. It's for the good of everyone, for the good of …”

“Okay, I got it. So I'll play the Green Goddess.”

“Yeah, the moss based woman and so what would you do next?”

“Well, I think if we're going to do that, maybe we work a theme. If that one doesn't work I think we do Mother Nature. Maybe you could play Mother Nature, if you do, do you think you could pull this off though? Mother Nature's going to be stern in this play. She's going to be unhappy and she's going to do a lot of tsk-tsk-tsking. You know plant the seed? Oh, the S-H-A to the M-E? Yeah, plant that seed, so when they get home and they say, “What is …” Yeah, so plant a little seed to motivate them that way. Say, “Why am I waiting?” 

“I can tsk-tsk-tsk with the best of them. Okay, what do you think? Which one's going to work?” 

“I don't know, my face in this, I'm really still baffled. I don't understand why everyone's just not going. The roads are clear, there's water stations now, there's free food on the way and we did those tests to say, “Was it too good to be true?” And they couldn't have it either way. Okay, let's get to the plays.”

“Hey, everyone. Ada here. So there was a lot of plays they went through over the next … This was one of the larger towns, not that far out of the states of Kansas and Nebraska. A crossroads where a lot of people had stopped, but still a ways away from where the census was in the heart of the country, or the former country. So they did a play about the goddess, so the goddess of goodness, the Green Goddess of goodness and her appealing and setting the example of how good it is, how good it feels, how goodness causes things to grow and that you could even get Green Goddess dressing at the … There was multiple vendors hired and paid by the worshipers of Sha-Sha to have the dressing there for free as a metaphorical confirmation of how good it is to be good and just do good by participating in something good for everyone.”

“And that play was actually … they started booing the Green Goddess, the moss based woman. And then they did the play with Mother Nature, stern Mother Nature. Not happy with the people of the Midwest and saying, speaking her mind. And, oh, the chief did a little bit of time from the stage, to the metaphorical people on stage, it was supposed to be a place where they could identify. And Isosceles played a standard traveler that said, “Oh no. I'm not Mother Nature.” And then they said, “What do you care, Mother Nature?” She said, “Well, you're a part of nature. I just want you to flourish and go there, where … To be a part of this new society.” “I'm not here for society.” And so that play, and again the people started to express their displeasure with the Mother Nature play.”

“So then there was a great … they did go to the next one, was a community play. And it was actually kind of set up like a fake historical play with Dr Triangle and Isosceles going through the great communities of the world. But for some reason Malibu was the first one and Isosceles said, “That was a great community to live in if you could.” But then they talked about many other great communities and societies. It was self supporting and caring. And again how good it felt to not be just a member but a participant in those communities and mostly the audience fell asleep to that one, because it was more of a seminar style, historical reenactments.” 

“And then they did a play that Isosceles starred in, where Isosceles represented the Eastern Federated States, I think they're called. And Isosceles started to go across into … Say, “Oh, you're all just what I want. All of you spread out from the center.” Kind of taking the … to plant the seed of like, “Oh, go where there's other people, where you could be with numbers of other people.” Secure, trying to get them to want to attain more security and that didn't really appeal to anybody.”

“So then they did a great love play and it was not just a love, it was like a talk show. It was a good one, it was a really good play. It was like Dr Triangle was playing a doctor, Dr Triangle but it was a Dr Ruth or a Emily or like one of these characters kind of like he was saying, “Okay, well here's …” It was answering questions, and even the questions … they took questions from the audience. The audience all seemed to be experts though or thought themselves experts. So then Isosceles again took over and they made it fictional again about reports of saying, “Hey, so what's going on? I hear it's, “Love is in the air there.” At that census and sweepstakes.” And they say, “Well, what could be more romantic than talking about all the romantic things? For couples, all of the wonderful places to spend time together.” And it didn't appeal to those people that aren't coupled, and saying, “Well, there's also …” And then Isosceles playing different characters, “Oh, well, is there anyone for me there?” And Dr Triangle kind of going through, “Well, oh, that's what appeals to you? Oh, so you're into biceps. Okay, well let me tell you, we actually have a … we're planning a bi … Oh, you're into eyelashes? Okay. Well, when you say you're into them? What do you mean? Okay, well that's a great.”

“And just checking the audience, and of course people in the audience were identifying with the different characters, Isosceles, what appealed to those characters. They were good at their jobs and a few people actually did get up and leave and Isosceles and Dr Triangle were like, “Are they going all the way?” So they kind of barely worked, maybe like a 0.1% where the other ones just totally flopped. And then they kind of compare notes, they say, “Geez, when you were doing the leader of the Federated States there were a couple of people that headed back.” And so then they said, “Okay.” Oh, I'll turn it over to them. They're talking now.”

“Okay, so here's the thing, so I mean those two almost worked better than anything else. Yeah. I mean I think those appealed to people's … those are some natural drives. To avoid any hordes from the Eastern Federated States would be terrific, even for us, and to find love or feelings of satisfaction, an attraction. So that did appeal, but a lot of people just seemed set in their ways still.”

“Right, I mean I'm exhausted. We've not been able to motivate the majority of these people. Yeah, so you seem to be getting going somewhere with your idea.”

“Yeah, I mean I think we just used the most powerful thing we have at our disposal.”

“Yeah, but I don't think that's a good idea.”

“It is, because we say, “We do one more play with Dr Triangle Love Letter, whatever thing and then we do it because we'll probably get more people motivated, maybe more people will go because of that. But if we stick with that play, like we really get people in this loving, stirred up feeling mood and then we go and get a big boss, we make a mistake, we see what big boss, anti-math throws at us. When people see that, they'll head to the place. And then the word will spread.”

“Yeah, but we don't have a math principle to get rid of it. We have no idea what math principle we could possibly be working with.”

“No, what we'll do is, Ada's in really good shape, right Ada? So we'll just stay one step ahead of it, we'll just run, we'll stay on the road. Having it chase us down the road, through town, through town.”

“Okay, so like a reverse … I mean I wish we would've gone with like a Pied Piper thing, but that's what they said, “You two are like the Pied Piper trying to lead us to this census and sweepstakes.” 

“I mean I say that's all we could do, we have to use the things at hand.”

“Yeah, but if we don't have a way to undo it.”

“Yeah, but by the time we get to the … if we take it all the way to the sweepstakes we'll have enough people we could …”

“Huh, I guess you're right about that though. I mean here's an idea though, we could plant that seed in a play because a lot of people already know about the experiences they've heard from the people passing through than have dealt with us and seen us stop some of those. And they think it's probably not true, so we do a play saying we're going to do what my idea is, but then we don't do it.”

“Yeah, I mean I guess so. I mean I don't know, I just don't know what else to do. I'm stumped, I'm as stumped as I ever have been. But I just have a feeling if we actually do a big boss battle without knowing how we're going to win. So let's do the play because I'm just starting to get close to thinking that there is a math principle. It's almost something about your idea put it at the tip of my tongue, so let's do the play and we'll see if then it motivates anybody and they adhere.”

So they did a play, they do a couple more, they do five more nights of Dr Triangle as the Dr Ruth, dating and loving expert and answering questions and a few more people trickled out to go to the world's fair and sweepstakes. But most people remained steadfast and they're not moving and not going thing, they'd settled kind of or had … they were empowered by their powerlessness, I think is a way to say it. As a mule, because they say their not stubborn, they're stubborn in a different way. And then what Dr Triangle and Isosceles did, which most brilliant performers may or may not do at times, is they pretended to break character and they had a onstage disagreement about things and said they were fed up.

Well, it's happening now, I mean I just … “I'm so tired of your performances, Dr Triangle. This is a different Dr Triangle. Nobody's listening anyway and I'm tired of performing and I just want to go back and enjoy the sweepstakes before it happens in 60 more days. And have myself counted in the census and relax.”

“But our job is to motivate these people to go and they don't seem interested, so we can't go until we convince them that it's a good idea to go and that there's really no loss in going, and only things to gain. And I'm baffled at what to do and I can see why you're fed up, but we can't leave until we find a solution.”

“Well, we're not going to find a solution.”

“Well, we have to. We have to work something out.”

“Well, I guess my solution would be that … Maybe the people here have heard about us and how we've had to one up different strange beings, giant, strange beings running through towns, windmills and big windbags. And hopefully we don't, maybe we just need to … Maybe what if one of those came running through here? What would people do?”

“Somebody just said, “I dare you.” Oh really, you dare me, huh?”

“Okay, well no, I don't know if that's the solution. I don't think it would motivate anyone, would it?”

“Okay, they're booing you, let's just … Yeah, I don't know if that's a good idea.”

“I think it's a great idea and as a matter of fact I'm going to do it.”

“No, don't do it. Are you kidding or are you really going to do it?”

“I'm going to do it because I think it'll get you to figure out the math principle and then we'll fix it too and it'll motivate. And if you don't them all of everybody should just start heading to the … What we'll do is just not go to the sweepstakes, we'll run through every town except for the sweepstakes and world's fairs. So if you're here you're going to have to deal with trying to outrun a giant, I don't know, whatever's popular in this area. They grow a lot of weed here so it'd be the things that make crows not land.”

“Oh, anti-crow buddies? Okay, I know what you're saying, but I don't … Okay, well, I think the principle-

“No, no, you're not really going to do it, are you?”

“I think the principle, math principle missing here is common sense.”

“Well, that's not a math principle. Oh boy.”

“Now, Ada here. They did, Dr or Isosceles, did a trick. What was the giant anti-crow buddy made of straw that you might see at the Halloween time or if you're at a cornfield or a wheat field keeping the crows away? Rumble into town and instead of running, the people just went home and closed their doors and gruffed at Dr Triangle and Isosceles, who hopped in their wagon. And luckily because it was made of straw and poles, it wasn't super agile and they did start to let this thing chase it. But it didn't motivate anyone to leave, so they had it chase them around time quite a few times. But then instead of heading to other towns, they realized that the plan wasn't going to work.”

“But where Isosceles was correct was that Dr Triangle started processing things, and as they were riding the thing and yelling at the people who were still in their path, Isosceles said something. He said, “Disperse, disperse. Head to the …” Still trying to get people to go to the census. But Dr Triangle turned around and said, “Did you say disperse?” And Isosceles said, “Yeah, because I was trying to get people out of the way, get moving.” And Dr Triangle said, “That's it, that's the exact … Dispersion. It is a missing mathematical principle.” And they were saying this while they were running from a giant anti-crow buddy.”

And Isosceles said, “What do you mean?” And Dr Triangle said, “Mean, median and mode. Central tendency in dispersion.” And, “You mean like mean is like the middle?” “No, no, mean is the sum of all datas and values divided by the number of data points or something, I don't know. But that's not the exact principle missing anyway.” “Okay, so the mean. The median's the middle, right?” “Yeah, the center, exactly the center.” “And mode is a-la-mode?” “No, no, mode is the most frequent value.” 

“So what does that have to do with anything?” 

“What's key to a census is variance, deviation, range. Is any of this ringing a bell?”

“No.” 

“Okay, so the people out of the way of the census are dispersed. We just need a way to measure that dispersion and the central tendency would be the starting point. So the center of the census is the starting point, but we could do the census. I guess that was the missing principle all along. It was just we were blind to it, we couldn't understand it because it wasn't there. Actually we did make the census possible by trying to pull in some of the people.”

“I mean I guess I still don't have a grasp of the math, the underlying math principle, because it's missing.”

“Right, I'm positive, so we could get deeper into it. But that's it, it's once we have that, we can figure out the estimate population of the area. We can do an actual census.”

“Okay, so what was it again? What charms should I hold?”

“I think that charm there, all those dots, those look like data points and I have this one and it's three M's, mean, median and mode I think that's what that stands for. So we're going to hold it up and, yeah, it's a central tendencies … central tendency in dispersion.”

“Okay, okay, okay. It's a good thing this was not that much of a boss, because it's just running after us.”

“Yeah, but Ada's getting tired so it's time to finish this up.”

“Okay, before we finish it up though, so we don't need to move anybody?”

“No, we needed to kind of … I guess we were stubborn too, we didn't accept that they didn't want to go to the census. And maybe the sooner we would've accepted it we would've realized maybe our refusal to accept it is what triggered me remembering. So I guess it all worked out. But yeah, we should … if we just accepted that not everybody's going to go, then we would've known that we would've been able to use the math I guess, okay? But okay, ready?”

“I'm ready.”

“Oh, Sha-Sha the missing, please restore the principle. Oh, knower of the balance of mathematics, keeper of the math. Please return to us the principle missing from this area. An essential principle we need right now here today. Oh, Sha-Sha, please return central tendency in dispersion so that we might use your principles, the principles of mathematics, for good today. On your honor, Sha-Sha, I agree.”

“It worked, so wow. Yeah, so we could go back. Yeah, I really all that talk, I'd like to get back to that … I want to actually just partake in the …”

“Well, we can't be in the sweepstakes because we're part of the …”

“Oh, okay, well then I'll just maybe … I enjoy the idea, the idea of people dating. I like it. It brings me happiness.”

“Okay, great let's go. Ada, you mind if you … Let's pull over because Ada's tired. We'll give Ada some water, we'll sleep and then we'll head into town.”

“Sounds good, head to the center, the center of the world's fair, sweepstakes and census. Goodnight, Ada.”

Goodnight Dr Triangle and Isosceles and good night everyone.