793 – Baked Beans | The Adventures of Dr. Triangle and Isosceles – Ep1

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary, and my patron peeps.

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble with getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. It's time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you needs to do is get in bed, turn out the lights and press play. I'm going to do the rest. 

What I'm going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever's keeping you awake, whether it's thoughts, feelings, the physical, something you're thinking about, something your experiencing physically, something that's coming up or that's going on emotionally, or travel, changes in routine, baffling stuff, whatever it is that's keeping you awake, I'd like to take your mind off of that. What I'm going to do is I'm going to send my voice, and I know I mentioned dew at the top of the show, I'm going to send my voice across the deep, dark night. I'm going to use a lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents. 

I just slowed down my superfluous. I said, “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow it down. What do you got there? Oh, is this one of those ones where I'm a boy with a wagon walking too fast, sir?” That doesn't look like a wagon to me, son. Oh, no, this is just a superfluous tangent. What in the haymaker are you talking about, lad? Sir, have you ever been a PE teacher? Because you just talk exactly like 90% of PE teachers I've come across. Son, I'm an authority figure and I'm here to figure out what you're … Why sir, maybe I'll probably forget to come back to you and hopefully I'll be sure to mention that movie, Neverending Story or something because but I got to get to my new listeners. 

What I'm going to do is I'm going to send my lulling, soothing tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents as you saw, what I'm going to do, I'm trying to create a safe place where you can set aside all the stuff that's keeping you awake. I said that I had that. It's ideally a safe place where I can just earn or create or foster a little bit of relaxation. A little bit of space for you wherever you are, to get a little bit more comfortable. To get a little bit more settled or just be where you are but to kind of listen to me. Because maybe something else is going on. You know what I mean? It's kind of this weird, this is a safe place besides what's keeping you awake. The reason it's a safe place is kind of counterintuitive because they send my voice across the deep, dark night and all that stuff.

And a couple things, if you're new, you don't really need to listen. This is one the few podcasts and few safe places once it's established, you don't got to pay attention to it. You say, “Okay, so I don't have to, this is a podcast. Aren't I supposed to listen so I can fall asleep?” Can kind of listen, you can listen or you could barely listen. You kind of see how it goes. You might want to move over to a side of the safe place where you say, “Well I can't quite, I can kind of hear you talking.” If you're new, see how it goes, I guess what I'm saying. But no pressure to listen. There's also no pressure to fall asleep. The weird thing is, this is a podcast that's kind of here as you fall asleep. I know I say the podcast to put you to sleep because it's so flashy but it's more the podcast to be here as you drift off that you barely kind of listen. Kind of listen to or listen to it if you need to.

The reason the shows are an hour is to give you plenty of time. If you can't sleep, here's the thing, I make the show just as much for the percentage of listeners that can't sleep as the listeners that fall asleep in five minutes. I guess, I don't know, I guess, I don't know what my point was. My point was, you don't need to listen to me and there's no pressure to fall asleep. 

Also if you're new, structurally what to expect. I'm sorry, you're the authority figure, wondering what that superfluous tangent is I'm walking around with. Okay, I just wanted to tell you about the structure of my podcast. What's a podcast? Oh boy. It's something you might enjoy. Audio. In this case, it starts off with an intro. Oh like WMAC radio? I'm not familiar with that but did they say, “WMAC, W-M-A-C, radio that put the mac in the whack?” Or something. They something. Oh that's how they start their shows. Oh you like Rudy Tootie, that's your favorite DJ. Oh that's interesting. Rudy Tootie, cool. Do they play, what songs of the circus? Or songs of carnival? Is that the happy, fun carnival hour? Oh no, it's serious talk. Okay, that's great to know.

Yeah, so this show starts off with an intro but it's a little bit different than that because the intros a part of the podcast. It's a show within a show. How can it be a show within a show? Well, it takes some imagination I guess. The intro, here's a question for you. You see how I guess because you're authority figure, you just kind of, okay, this is it. Yeah, if you weren't an authority figure, and you couldn't just walk up to people in their imagination and say, “What are you doing leading that thing around? Looks like a wagon til I stopped and looked at it.” 

If you weren't an authority figure, you'd probably have to kind of, if you were curious, and you saw a boy walking around with a superfluous tangent on a leash, not leash by the way, but I could see how you'd make that mistake. But you weren't an authority figure, you might say, some people might ease their way into the conversation, they might say, “Hey, is that a, what a?” Usually that's when I'm walking around, that's the usual attempt a rapport building when I'm walking around with a superfluous tangent they say, “Hey what's that?” Because they want to say, “Is that your pet?” But then they start to look at it and it takes them out. 

Anyway, the intro is to ease people into bedtime. It's part of people's wind down routine for most listeners. New listeners will just kind of kind of discover how it works for them. But a lot of people start the show as they're getting ready for bed. It's and then they wind down. Maybe they're brushing their teeth, maybe they're already in bed. Maybe get a lot of human animal interaction. They say, “Oh yeah, I'm just getting my pets ready for bed.” Maybe it's a family thing. Maybe you're listening, whatever it is, it's just part of easing you into bedtime because I guess that the thing, you can't really, I'm sure maybe for you and for some people, you could get in bed like an authority figure and you say, “Man I bed like a boss.” And I'd say, “What a way to saying I'm, what do you mean by that?”

Anyway, you say, “I bed like a boss.” I go to bed and I slam dunk it and I'd say, “Okay, we're different people probably because me, I need to wind down. I need to ease into bedtime. I need a long runway. I don't bed like a boss.” Unless your boss is riding around on a tricycle trying to catch up with the boy that's leading a superfluous meander around and he's got a headphones and he's listening to that station with the circus and carnival music. I'm sorry, that even confused me. I know. Those pointless meander, yeah, I don't even know what that was.

I guess that's the intro. It's something familiar. Ideally it's comforting or reassuring or you just say, “Okay, Scoots is here. He's going to try to make some sense. Probably won't get there.” It's just to establish a safe place. I don't know what to tell you. That's the intro.

Then there's some business between the intro and the show and then there's a what comes, oh tonight it's our premier pilot episode of our episodically modular serial new series, the Adventure of Dr. Triangle on Isosceles. It's the working title of it. What's a working title? Well when I think that's going to be the title but I'm not a 100% confident that's going to stay the title. I have a title at all. You really do. Gym teachers, what do you see? Do you see the world as never mind. I was a PE teacher so I'm just using you as a, I know, I'm sorry. I apologize. I was wrong. I was wrong. How is it again? I'm sorry. I was wrong. I'll try to find a new straw person for my authority. Trying to find a new figure for authority figures to represent them. 

Okay, I'll just keep referring you to you as the authority figure. Can I at least allude to the fact you have a flat top? Yeah, because I had flat top once too. 

That's the structure of the show. Ends with some thank yous and some good nights. Most new listeners find that the first time they listen, they kind of say, “What in the?” Because the podcast is different. Different than they expected. Doesn't necessarily, it's not necessarily apparent at first how it works or if it would even work and for some people it doesn't work. Give it a few tries. If it doesn't work for you, go to sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou and could find some other options there. 

That's the structure of the show and what you need to know. Yeah, I'm just walking around with my pointless meander. That's its holding hand. It's not a leash, it's one of its hands for holding. Yeah, it does look a bit like, yeah, it's tough to kind of see because it's almost like it changes when you look at it. I could see on first impression that you thought it was a wagon because I'm just leading it around town square here but you could kind of see it has a long tail. It does have influences of other forest friends. We could talk about our fantasy friends. But yeah, I guess for me, I'm the kind of kid walking around leading around a pointless meander and you're the kind of person that beds like a boss. I'm sorry, whenever I say beds like a boss, my brain goes somewhere else immediately. And then I say, “Am I comfortable with that or not comfortable with that? How am I feeling?” Because it complicated. 

But I am aware that there are people that fall asleep as soon their head hits the pillow. I would say that is, you say, “Man I donk on my pillow.” Your head. You just put it down, boom. That's great for you. You might not need the podcast but you might listen to it for relaxation purposes or for just say, “Well I need something that's a little bit different today.”

That's it. This was an interesting intro. I'm glad to meet you. I'm very clear that you're one of the authority figures that lives within me. One of the many thousands of beings that join me when I put my head down to rest. I could use somebody that beds like a boss. But anyway, I said, “Where's that person that says, ‘I bed like a boss?'” You say, “Oh nobody's interested.” Okay well thanks. 

Anyway, I'm glad you're here. I'm basically here to keep you company as you drift off because I want to help. I've been there. Not putting my head down and falling asleep right away. Though this morning, just to give a little bit of taste of hope, I was awake and I don't usually, I'm not usually a ton of covers person. It was raining and it was a little bit chilly and never noticed this but I had, some people say they have their covers pulled up to their chin. My chinny chin chin. I did. I had my covers pulled up to the hairs on my chinny chin chin. It really just felt good. I don't know if you want to do that now. You could shrink in or you can expand. Sometimes it's good in the breeze of the morning. Of course I said, “Oof.” I don't know, I really felt good. I guess that's rare for me to say, “Wow, this really feels good, I got my covers pulled up to my chin.” 

I had to laugh. I really did. I said, it was like I caught myself. I was already awake but I kind of naturally gone into that position. When you're in kind of morning cat mode and I knew I had to get up but I wasn't in a total rush. I just said, “Well I feel kind of cozy.” And then said, “My covers are pulled up to my chin.” No wonder. Usually I'd just be like, that's too warm for me. I'd say, “My shoulders need to breathe.” I always talk about kissing your own shoulders is a symbol and an act of self care. I like my shoulder available for kissing at all times. But this morning, my shoulders did not, they weren't demanding fresh air or anything. 

Anyway, I guess mostly what I'm trying to say is I'm glad you're here. I work very hard and I strive and really want to help you fall asleep and thank you so much for coming by. Oh and here's a couple ways we keep the show going. 

All right everybody, welcome to our new series. It will be episodic though this is a pilot episode. I don't know if I've done a pilot episode before. Just a first episode. I guess it is a pilot episode. It is also a first episode. It kind of is like a, I don't know, I don't know is it a pilot? Now that I'm talking it out, originally when I was halfway through writing this episode I said, “Oh okay, this is a pilot episode.” I'm going to explain to the listeners that fact when I do the recording and now I can't even remember what made it a pilot episode.

I'm not sure. It's the first episode. I guess it is a pilot because normally a pilot is something that you try to get, you make so that you can get permission to make the rest of the series but I have permission from me. But also I guess in some sense it did when I was formulating the first episode I said, “Okay, what's going to come up in this episode that will move the story forward to however many episodes we do?” 10 or 12 ideally. That's it. 

A couple things you need to know about the first episode. It'll be extra dreamy because it's a pilot or first episode, this time I want to try to leave it open instead of explaining everything. To leave you with a little bit of room for own, ideally you're asleep or you're snuggling in or getting comfy. But I do know there's those of you that listen because you can't sleep or you're listening for company or you're listening during the day or you're re-listening. I also make the show for all of you too. And also kind of what that type of listener does is I don't know, it's very similar to me when I'm making it I say, “Well, okay.” I don't want to give too much away right away. Just give you chance to have a relationship with it a little bit. 

I don't know what I would need to explain. I guess I don't need explain anything more. I didn't really explain anything. But this'll be a series. It has two characters and two main characters. Yeah, guess here we go. Maybe you were wondering too, is the world famous, the unbelievably kind, Antonio been getting a lot of listener email about how I treat you. Really when you talk about how the listeners feel, they definitely say, “Wow that Antonio Banderas is talented, generous and kind.” Your true personality really does come through. Unfortunately mine does come through too. My perfectionism or impatience so I apologize. I know that's part of our playful nature of our relationship. 

So glad to have Mr. Antonio Banderas here to introduce our new series. Also I wrote it out for you. Part of it. I know we talked about it, my friend. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls and friends beyond the binary, it's time to enter somewhere. My friend mind if I read it here? Listeners just come along. The first step is to enter. 

Somewhere in a world without math, math technically in a greatly reduced math, having trouble reading Scooter's handwriting. Some places where only specific math principles are missing. I see why it just said okay. 

Okay ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary, somewhere in world without math. Well Scooter, there's nothing after that. Because I can't just go to, I guess I'll work on that. That was perfect by the way. And actually added some extra padding to my room divider so you could actually, because the listener feedback, let's let Antonio drink water and maybe move around occasionally but not too much. Don't get carried away until we play munchkin. Just do, I guess maybe just do we join. Okay? Okay I'll pick it up from. 

Somewhere in a world without math, we join the adventures of Dr. Triangle in the Isosceles calculation. 

Okay, you just want to do some other. My friend I said, okay. Dr. Scooter, take it over. You're a bit like Tom in there. Thanks. That's Mr. Antonio Banderas. Everybody, this is the Adventures of Dr. Triangle in Isosceles. The name of the town is Danzig and I'm positive there's going to be baked beans here. I'm a 100% sure. All right. I guess I don't understand how you would know that there's going to be baked beans here in this town. Well because if you look at the map, if I showed you the map, just pay attention because I've never seen anyone, just because we're riding, just because the horse is drawing the carriage, doesn't mean you don't need to pay attention to the road police. I'm paying attention to the road and to you at the same time. 

If you would've looked at the maps I was trying to show you, before everything, there was the Grandma Ben's baked bean factory here. Grandma was named Ben. It was a merger. It was some corporate merger. Doesn't matter. There was a giant baked bean cannery here. My understanding is that some of the beans they even, yeah, they warehoused. It was their national headquarters for the bean. There's going to be tons of beans here and we're going to take payment in beans today. Or anything else people have to give. Still I don't, I understand you're saying, “Okay tell me because why don't we just get, I just don't want to end up stuck with a wagon load of beans because I calculated how many beans we could fit in the wagon and it just seems like this is going to backfire and I'm going to be existing in beans for years.” Well I understand that's the foundation. You know what I mean. I'm worried about your plan. 

It's simple. Danzig's here. Now before with the consolidation of the city states, there's a city state that's only a two day journey away. We're even before everything happened, there was a large number of former UK residents living in that area. The highest area in the states where people from the UK were living, other than the huge biggest cities. This city state considers itself, it's a UK friendly or former UK, they're going to want baked beans. It's just, it's a thing. But these aren't English baked beans, they're baked beans from the Midwest. Again, you're not thinking with big picture. They can take the baked beans and they don't have beans, they're going to want baked beans. It's the closest equivalent and alls they got to do is add a little sugar. It'll be close to a English. You're overthinking it. We're going to be able to trade it. I already have the majority of the beans presold. Yeah, but that's for something that you want. Yeah, but it's presold and with that again, it's an even more valuable item.

But that a tanker truck. We also still have to find a way to transport the tanker truck. Yeah, but don't worry about it. It's going to work great. We're going to trade. We're going to fill this wagon with, we'll perform. One show only because they do have another buyer not paying in beans but who will trade the beans for the tanker of wine and then we'll still have 25% of the beans to trade for other things. I would recommend holding 5%. 

Again, I've been doing, I've been working on this. Trust me, it's not a foolproof plan. Or else it wouldn't have human involved. That's just hilarious. We're going to through. Okay, just let me handle the driving of the wagon. You handle the bean planning. Good afternoon. Yes, we're here to perform tonight in your town square. I assume you have a city square or a town square. Yes, great job keeping the gates. Yes, my partner and I will be performing here and we have a spectacular show. You probably, oh you have heard of us. Yes, of course you have. Start spreading the word. Hello children, hello everyone. Okay, thanks for letting me say thank you.

Yes hello. What a wonderful town you have here. Good afternoon. Yeah, we'll be performing tonight at your town square. If you could reach your head city official, your mayor or whoever runs this city, bring your canned goods, is what our performance fee is or check with your city official. I don't know how your canned goods work in this area. I do know I have a hankering for beans though. Oh good, good you do have a lot of beans. Yeah, so we're going to be performing. We could only do one show because we're booked. We have a prior commitment. We stopped here because we heard how lovely the people were in Danzig, in Danzig. And we're going to have a great time tonight. If you could just show us, okay, just up around that bend. We go up the rise and go back down. Okay, thank you. Thanks children. Thank you everyone. Really looking forward to performing tonight. 

Oh what kind of show do we have? Well, well if you ever heard, do you like drama? Do you like action? Does anyone in your family like a little bit of romance? Well we have all of those things. Believe me, the show will have more, do you like to laugh? You do? Of course, your child. Do you like antics because I can leaping. Okay. Come to the show tonight. Bring your beans or have your city official bring the proper amount. Good day. Tell your parents, or whoever's in charge of you. Thank you.

Okay, look over the city here. Do you notice anything strange in this city line? This city's it's got nice air. I notice that. And it's in good shape because as you plotted out, you said this is one of the area's that's very low impact. Just the basics. We don't have to worry about anything wonky going on in this city. 

The city's in a stable zone. But are you saying, just you have to spell everything out for you. Just to look at this city skyline and tell me what you notice when you look across the city skyline? Well I notice buildings. I notice birds. Sky. Okay look at the building. What are the two biggest buildings in town? The temples. There's two temples. That's interesting. Right, it's two temples. You got any idea which one's larger than the other one? Huh, we haven't been to a town where, have we been to, the only town we had with two temples when that is interesting that that one's, I think it's but look at that, it's like older. It's a remnant temple. It's nothing to worry about.

No, I think it is. I think we need to go through with the show no matter what to get the beans with them. Maybe we should dial down the comedy a little because these, well I just don't like, I just have a feeling that the people, that it's going to be, maybe like that, okay, it's going to be fine. People that like, they'll come to the show, the people that want to come to the show. They know who we are. They know the kind of story we tell. If that's their goddess, they won't be coming to our show anyway. Again, I think more than likely, if you study the trends, people stopped caring about, once they started looking for someone to blame. That temple's probably built, now it's probably empty.

Okay, well it's just weird that. I guess it's going to be fine. Here's the town square. That must be the mayor. She's there waiting for us. Hello. Just pull up. Pay attention to where the horse is going. I've got it, thank you. Hello, we're here to do the show. Pleased to meet you. Looks like you have great populous. They seem very, very excited. We're excited to put on a great show tonight. We sent word ahead. Okay. Does that sound like a reasonable payment? I don't know how you do things here. If you have a central repository or if everybody has their own. How you distribute? Okay. 

That is an order you could fill because that is really a fair price for our show. It's very entertaining and we do have a couple giveaways we give to the kids. They like to do thing. It kind of carries on. We find that when we return, we've never been here before but we're excited to do a show for you. If it goes really well, like I said, we have to be somewhere in a few days but we could come back in few months and do another show if all goes well. Yes, because I have a big hankering for beans. Pleased to meet you. I'm looking forward. That's yeah, can you start setting up the stage? We'll be setting up the stage.

We usually take a deposit. Oh you have a horse coming with a deposit? 25 to 10% of our agreed fee. Just because we've been to these towns before, your town looks very, very well, your streets are clean. It seems like you're a faith based town or you have different I don't know. We're really looking forward to it but it's not anything personal against your town. It's just matter of that we got to take payment. We've been on the road since before we were performers and now ever since then. 

Okay, so thank you. Where should we go? How will we get the rest of our beans? Really can't believe you're going to pay us all in beans. Sometimes we get some people might tip us in non-canned beans. Well that's great. Okay, well, I'm looking forward to. Okay, so we'll go through this side of the square and down the alley. Oh because yeah, we were wondering if that was a functioning facility. You said to store the beans. That makes sense. We'll meet you there after the show. Terrific.

I we could just make sure that everything's ready because we really have to get back on the road. It's just, again, I'd love to spend a weekend here or whatever, a few days but we have, okay, thank you. And well see, are you going to be at the show? Looking forward to seeing you mayor, your mayorship at the show this evening. Thank you. 

Okay, how's the stage building going? The stage building is going excellent. Listen, I think during the third act, I have a new speech I've been working on I think it would fit perfectly there. Okay, well I'm just saying, maybe tone things down because this town might be a little bit more, again, just tone it down a little bit. Okay, well don't worry yourself. I'm a performer. I'm here to entertain not really here to give any messages. I'm just here to entertain and make people enjoy themselves and I thought, I was going to do it as a mayor. I guess what you're saying is that mayor probably wouldn't like it because they would identify with it. 

Yeah, let's just stick to the regular show, okay? Okay. I'm going to lie down for a minute and then when I wake up we'll be ready to go. Okay, you go lie down. I'm going to be building the stage here. Getting ready for my role and sitting here, hello, the show will be here in a little bit, a few hours. We're just getting things ready. Yes, this is my horse. It's a horse of course, of course.

Oh, well we do have giveaways for the children. Have you heard of a paper plate? No. Yes, well they used to. They were a craft item, very rare. We had, we did a show in exchange for a cartload of paper crate paper plates. Excuse me, we were supposed to trade for something else but we just did it. I'm sorry, I'm telling you things I shouldn't necessarily be telling you. You have an honest face. Oh, you're a fan of, you really like our show. Oh, you have a question about it. You've heard about our performance. Oh, is it, do we believe in, no, no, it's a show. Those are characters. I'm not the same as my characters though we're pretty similar. I inhabit the role, I'm an actor. 

I was telling you about the paper plates. Our opinion on things is have you heard of, it's a show. It'll be a great performance. You're going to have a great time. I'll tell you what, I'll even give you one of these paper plates. Oh, so the paper plates, we teach the children how to make a mask out of them and you put the eye holes in it. People used to eat off of these back in days of plenty. Would you believe that? People threw their plates away. Yes, think it was not that long ago. Yes, but they're really crafts. We call it a, it's a masquerade kit that we'll be providing the children which consists of a piece of charcoal and the mask and you kind of have to supply your own twine or children can hold it. We just teach them how to hold it up. It's great fun for children, for even me.

Okay, well it's been my pleasure. I'm going to actually take a break here and I'm going to lie down and we like to rest before our show. Thank you. Going to see you this evening. Okay, you're asleep too. Okay, it's time for the show. Okay. Well I think we should get to the show. Let's get to it. 

Well hello everyone, this is the narrator and as our two characters went to sleep some time passed and then they woke up. They got out of bed. One's sleeping on the side of the stage and the other is sleeping in the wagon. The horse is standing. I don't know if horses stand and sleep but then it was showtime. I have an active role in the show. For our two characters took the stage and they quickly introduced themselves. 

Good evening everyone, welcome to the show. My name is, you could me Isosceles and I want to introduce. Sorry, someone's walking on my stage. Excuse me, excuse me, whom are you walking on my stage? I'm Dr. Triangle walking on your stage. Well Dr. Triangle, you look familiar like we know each other. Dr. Triangle, that sounds very official. Are you a doctor of maths or something? Ah yes I'm a doctor of math, what can I help you with? There's not much math to be a doctor of anymore. Really you and your math fans really got to, what are booing for? Really got us in a pickle. Excuse me, excuse me, don't boo Dr. Triangle quite yet. Let us get to the show part. We're still, this is just the setup. 

Okay, don't interact the audience. What did I tell you? What was that Dr. Triangle? I should use an equation to figure this out? I don't even know what equation means anymore. Isosceles, you clearly are one of these anti-math people. No, no, I'm here, I just wanted to tell you some of the before you turn your back on math forever, I'd like to introduce to you to some of the wonders of math. Oh, so the wonders of math. Numbers and equations and those things. Well I don't have time for that, I'm a working person. I work for a living. Isosceles, I've been out winning bread and sweating on my brow and I come home today and I read the news and it no longer even works. And then I hear from neighbors that had everything with the numbers and the credits and the paper money, never made any sense in the first place.

Okay, you're going off script. This isn't it. The audience is really booing. I'll deal with this. It's very rude to boo us. We do have paper, we do have children. Children don't boo the show. We're just getting starting. I was testing out a new routine. Oh let me ask you a question, you all, you are so grouchy audience. Please no tossing of cans because we'll just keep them as payment. Well how many of you, are you all math lovers here? Oh dear. All of you. I've never been to a town of math lovers before. Most of the world out there doesn't believe in math anymore. Math has gone the way of, it's gone.

You still practice. You can't even have math. It's, oh you keep it in your hearts. Oh you're a very cute child. Oh your father's yelling at me. The audience is turning quite, let get on the horse and get out of here. Well we can't, we can't leave without getting the beans. I thought we got a deposit. Yeah, but the deposit won't cover anything and if we don't pay, actually entered into a contract for the, with the English holdfast so we have to deliver the beans. Okay, well let's go to the mayor. Let's just go, where are we supposed?

Okay, thank you everyone, that's the end of the show. There's paper plates for everybody over here at this table. Okay, let's go. Get on the wagon. Just leave the stage, we'll build another one.

Everyone, this is the narrator. They hopped in the wagon. Obviously they were presenting things in a much more delicate way. What had happened was they started their show and the audience was booing. The audience disagreed. The audience maybe thought that it was a bit of anti-math propaganda and they didn't like the show and also because of the new bit, that Dr. Isosceles was trying out, Dr. Triangle, the show never even got off the ground. And they hopped in their wagon. 

It was a math friendly audience and so they were booing and shouting but they weren't doing anything too egregious because they had their canned goods. They did lose two packets of paper plates which the children used as Frisbees because they never got to the part of the show where they used them as masks. We now know they headed off in the direction the mayor had pointed them in. We'll join them as they head towards that building. 

This is where the mayor said, “Well this is the temple of Seshat.” We can't go to this temple. Like you said, it's just a bean storage. It's not a … You're kidding me, those people were mad, this is a math city. Well just math, it's people looking for something to believe in. They're believing in math but math is gone. Let's just get, oh hello mayor. Hello, we're here to get our beans. Oh you're not, what do you mean you're not going to pay us? Excuse me. Excuse me your mayorship, we demand payment. We were here, we tried to perform your show and your town disagreed with our presentation. They were unpleased with our performance but that doesn't change the fact that we did perform and because you seem to fit to be fair, we would like to be paid, paid our beans please.

Oh no? Mayor please just we did our show we can't help that we didn't expect, we didn't realize you had such a engage, that you were so engaged in mathematics in principle. If we would've known that we probably, we'd, I sent word ahead of time. Okay, we need to, no, no. What are we going to do? Okay, your mayorship, it seems like we need to leave. You're saying you won't pay us and we need to leave and I see that it's fair. What are you saying? I see that it's fair your mayorship. 

In the interest fairness, I should say that as we're riding out of the town square I noticed there was things happening that probably need the attention of the mayor and your staff because I don't know if that was your water. Oh yeah, because it seemed to be like you better go check on that mayor. We'll head out of town. I just wanted to warn you because it seemed that I think people got carried away and they may have ruptured that water main and I'm assuming that's your only water main in town. Yes, hurry off mayor, thank you for your, we'll keep the 15%. Thank you, that's very fair. Thank you, goodbye. Wait, what are you doing? Why'd you? The mayor's gone. We'll just go in there and take our beans now. They have to have them in there. Oh, okay. Let's go.

And so, Isosceles and Dr. Triangle went into the temple, the temple of Seshat is the goddess of math. And they walked past, they kind of ignored everything but this temple, the lighting wasn't great. There was only a few torches lit but there was murals honoring mathematical principles and they headed into a room. A giant, giant chamber. Normally the kind of chamber you'd expect where people would congregate. These people might have congregated to celebrate the principles of math. To look to the goddess for guidance in math or waiting for her. It's an area, I think it's time to tell you that this the time where math is gone. It's tough to explain so maybe I won't try to explain it right now. 

They started to load their wagon with beans. Then they started to look around at some of the other things they had stored there. They started to load their wagon up with more than just beans. Just loaded up, they were rude to us, it's fine that we take. This is, I agree with you fully. About time. We need to take our fair share. This is interest because they didn't pay us immediately and I guess that's look at me, using math in a joking way. Let's just take those bottles of, those are going to be valuable for you of course. We could trade those between the two of us later.

Yeah, let's see. I'm trying to just think of what has the most value other than the beans. Wait, someone's coming. Let's, maybe we should just get the wagon and the horse. If we go behind that wall there and hide for now because at this point, we'll decide out here and then we can sneak out in the morning or something or wait until it's much later. Okay, let's go. Let's go.

And so they went behind a wall in the temple but it wasn't a wall. It opened into a hallway. They just had enough space in the hallway to park their horse and cart. Something about the hallway and the fact that they were trying to use up the time, kind of called to them and they headed down the hallway. Down, down, down the hallway, maybe searching for more whatever, larder type goods. I don't know. 

They passed through another large room full of stocked goods, canned goods, dried goods, shelf stable things, alcohol, water. They couldn't believe their eyes and lots and lots of baked beans. They're literally, this town is literally sitting on a hill of beans. There's even dried beans down here. Right. Okay, we should keep searching deeper because I don't know, this could be a big, even if we would find another way in and out of this temple, we could just constantly keep coming in and out of here. No one would know. They wouldn't even notice. We would be rich and they wouldn't even notice we were taking stuff. Let's just keep going because I can feel a breeze coming from that way.

Okay, okay. What's this shining. This is, this next room is like mirrors. It's a hall of mirrors. Yeah, it's not a maze of mirrors, it's just a hall. Do you see things in the mirrors? I'm looking in a mirror. Yes, I'm looking in them. What am I seeing? Holy cow. There we are riding off to that old English holdfast. There I am driving. Wow, I'm driving an entire, I can't believe we traded 40 cases of baked beans, or the equivalent of 40 cases of baked beans. A case being 12 cans for an entire tanker truck of wine. It's almost to the point. Oh and there I am driving the tanker truck in the mirror. I can't even believe this is possible. Driving it off. 

Wondering if Isosceles is seeing the same thing? But still dressed as Dr. Triangle and I'm headed off. I get my choice. I could trade the wine but I almost have both of my places fully stocked so I could just live a lifetime. I know the tanker of wine won't last me my entire, I'm expecting but then I can just go and drink my wine. I have all of the, everything downloaded. Years and years of the old content and I happen to have, I figured out, we found that spot where we could convert digital to analog and just going to sit there and drink and eat and watch things until, and no one can bug me. It's going to be great. This is exactly, wait maybe I should keep walking to the end of the hall, there's something else down there. 

Isosceles, what are seeing in the mirrors? I said, “Seeing this, is in the mirrors.” Yes it is. It's nice. Very nice. Isosceles, I see in the mirror Isosceles. Where are you going Dr. Triangle? Just follow me? We'll just see, let's go that way. We don't need to worry about what we saw in the mirror. This is some strange room. And they did enter a room, it was a strange room. As they said, much different than something normal. It was a well lit room where everything was cinematically a little bit darker. And as they entered the room, as you might expect there was this faint rumbling as the door closed behind them, a stone door.

They found themselves sealed in and the room a rise and at the top of room was a rune arched doorway emerged a figure. And out of a figure a person in a long gown. She looked down at them and spoke, “Who are you that intrude on this sacred ground and this place of sacred principles? And you dare to discuss taking our supplies that we have. And you dare to come to our town and make fun of our goddess and our principles that we plan to return. Do you know the cost of math leaving this world?” 

I'm a little, I'm sorry, I'm not a 100% because we just went through that hallway of mirrors. Dr. Triangle, could you, I can't believe I'm calling you Dr. Triangle either. Let's just go by these names because, we're just a little lost. We were here, we were picking up our payment. We had a little bit of disagreement with the mayor and Isosceles here managed to give your mayor a nice tip and then we were just exploring the temple. We didn't realize that it was occupied. This is honestly the first town we've been in where there's active, occasionally there's pockets of, I don't know what you call, math acolytes, I don't know, praisers of Seshat. That math believers. I guess that's what we call you in our play but I play Dr. Triangle. 

Silence the two of you. I don't know what you saw in the hall of mirrors but now you're in violation of our temple. You will face tests to see if you pay the ultimate price. Oh you're talking just like Dr. Triangle, I like that. What do you mean we're going to face a test for the ultimate price? You'll see. If you can use two easy math principles, you'll be able to escape. 

Okay, we're actually, we just do our play's parody. We really don't know very much about math. When the other goddess came to our world for real, it kind of boggled everybody's mind. I don't know if you've been in here just praising math but out there we were more worried about getting by. We were already actors and the aftermath of no math or less math or whatever you want to call it is Discordia came. We've seen all those Marvel movies so it was just weird to see someone come and declare themselves, that they were going to sweep math from the earth because we don't have actual superheroes. Everybody's got to make a living and living to eat and drink and maybe plan for the future, so that's what we've been doing is just traveling, just parody. 

We're not really, we don't really have an opinion on math, we're like most people, we're just trying to make do. I guess you're more, you're thinking we're anti-math. It's just a reality is math is gone. I know there's pockets of people but there is actually an anti-math goddess on earth. Discordia's real or some super being that's calling themselves Discordia. I don't know. You're lucky to live in a stable area where just the basics of math don't function or whatever. I don't know. We're not, I only play a doctor. I'm not an actual doctor so I don't understand the underlying things that are happening. Or even how some mystical power removes basic math but we've been to some places that have, if you've ever seen a Dali painting, some cities are like that because other math principles are not existent. You have a stable area.

I don't know what math principle you would get rid of if you put it on baked beans but that your city would, you know what I mean? Right. We're not against math, we're just doing a show and again, we had worked something out with your mayor. We apologize for, we didn't actually take anything. We're just in the temple, I guess we maybe you're sensitive. This is okay. You're raising your hand like you want me to, okay. 

I'll begin the test now to see if the two of you can. Okay, excuse me. Excuse me. What kind of, is this a written test. Oh those doors are raising. Are those, what are your, are those your minions. They're going to push baked beans down this rolling hill. Interesting. They're going to roll baked beans down, those baked beans will get down here and we'll be in trouble. You're going to roll, our test is, your test is to use basic math principles. If you can use them before the beans, do you understand? We're going to ask you some basic questions.

Okay, we don't, people kind of forgot math when we were, after math left. Again, I think you're too math familiar. Could you give us an idea of the basic principles we need to know to solve this? We have to do some kind of equation solving? Alls you'll need to know is the distributive principle and the rate of change in slope to solve this equation. Use them together and we will set you free with your original payment.

Okay. Could you give us a couple of examples first of the distributive principle? That's sounds like, I don't know if we could figure it out. Distribute, you distributed 15% of our beans to us. We do use math occasionally because you're in a math, but distributive principle, I don't know what that, do you know what that is? I don't know. It's a lot of pressure to be figuring this. Could you just give us a little bit more? Okay, so we have to do two equations or one equation using both principles. What's the rate of change of slope? 

I think we need graph paper for that one. We don't even have graph paper so I don't know, distributive principle and rate of change of slope. It just sounds like, that sounds very, you're really putting us in a pickle. Well they could just get rid of us so I don't know if we should argue or what. Could you just give us a few minutes to do some practice equations? You're in the honor, we call on the mercy of Seshat. Oh boy, that got her attention. Yes, I also call on the mercy of Seshat to familiarize myself with the distributive principle and rate of change in slope or whatever. Yes. 

Okay, so you're counting us down here. Thank you. Thank you in the honor of Seshat to give us some time. Okay, I don't even know, I hope I'm not offending the goddess. Okay, we got to figure out something. They're going roll distributed principle. The slope is the hill that they're rolling the beans down at us. Rate of change is probably going to be how fast the beans come down. I don't know how that's going to make any difference. Distributive principle, distributed principle. That's not even math. Distributing means just like we're distributing the beans for wine in some sense that's distribution. Yeah, your right. 

I think it reassigning, I don't know what the equation is though. They have three stacks of beans. They're different size of sacks. There's two of us so we must be part of the equation. The rate of slope. Okay, I don't know. Okay, let's just count them still. I don't know what down too. Well there's all these squares. There's the masonry blocks on the, so that's kind of like a grid. Okay, I don't think this is a solvable problem though. Okay, but what we, okay, I got an idea. 

Excuse me again, calling on the mercy of Seshat, we're both, we lost, we don't have the luxury of corrective lenses which we both use and so if we could just walk around while you give us this time, we're working on solving this equation and familiarizing ourself with these. Somehow we forgot the great old wisdom that you praise here called math. If you just give us a little bit of time, we're going to just walk around here and then work on just so we can get a little bit better. Okay, let's just walk up here. Okay, what are we doing here? We're walking. One, two, okay, pretend you're counting. Oh yeah, remember X, Y, that's what I remember. Oh yeah, it's like a rise versus rate or something like that. Oh yeah, we've definitely got to calculate. It's a little bit harder because, oh we could use the squares on the walls also. It's like we're in a 3D puzzle.

I don't know what you're talking about but I just wanted to say X, Y. Does that mean, oh yes, the axes, of course. Okay, keep walking towards to cans because the people, they're standing a little bit behind. Oh yes, so let's just take a look at these cans to familiarize ourselves with it. Hello god. Hello. Yes, you're very good at counting us down. I'm just checking here to see. I'm just going to do a little math to figure out if I count, circumference, area and angle. Just kidding. I'm just kidding. That's just Isosceles from the show. Let's count the beans. Let's count all the way around, you're right. 

We're just going to start with these two pallets of beans. Excuse us, one, two, three. Oh yes, four, five, six. Okay, now when you get on the other side, we'll just push them down the hill and then I think then we'll just, okay I got you. Let's oh, five, 10, I think I'll count by twos for a little while. Two, four, six, okay, let's go. One, two three, push. 

Okay, the narrator here. All the beans, two of the three pallets of beans went tumbling down, crashing where Dr. Triangle and Isosceles had been standing before. Cracking a hole in one of the walls and they looked in and they ran and then they got the priestess just stood in their way. And then they were again, trying to use social technique. They were dancing, trying to get by to push the last thing of beans. And then other people were streaming into the room. And then, as if we didn't notice before, overlooking the room was a giant statue of Seshat which suddenly became bathed in warm light and the face of the statue began to speak.

Oh stop everyone. Stop. Is that statue talking? I think the statue just started talking. We may be hallucinating now. Everyone stop. This is your goddess here. Oh boy. The two of you are here, here we've been waiting for you for a long time. Hello your statueship. We're just, we were just trying to solve your puzzle the best, the only way we could. Yes, we've been waiting for two heroes to come and you appear not to be the ones we expected. Oh well we play here. We don't play heroes, we play, in the play we're kind of buffoons. 

Okay, let me handle it. Your statueship, your god. Is this really the goddess? Okay, everyone else has fallen silent and they're prostrate. Your goddess we would love to go prostrate in your honor but yeah, we were just, we're just performers. Just doing our best to get through things. Ah yes I know and I've seen what you both desire most in the hallways of the mirrors. I saw and you saw what you wish for most. But in a world without math, none of that is possible. You see, the math isn't just stopped, it's slowly drifting away from the world as Discordia gains more and more power and lives in your world. More and more places will become like the places you talked about until math leaves your world forever and without math, I guess I will show you. Look into my eyes. 

I think this is a real goddess because I'm seeing things and I'm looking. I'm seeing them inside of my head but also in my eyes. I am too. I'm losing. Yes, you're seeing yourselves losing everything you desire. Not just, this isn't just someone else's problem. A world without math, with you anti-math or your math apathy, I cannot stand. This is what Discordia truly desires and she'll slowly gain her way. I need to two of you to become our heroes and that's we have all these canned goods. We've been stocking them in anticipation. I was expecting even as a goddess, I am not omnipotent so I was expecting something much different but we will make due with the two of you. You did manage, you were the only two so far that have not solved the equation. 

We're pretty good at that kind of stuff. We've been traveling for a long time so we've been in some pickles. You're saying you want to hire us in exchange for canned goods? To do what? I need you to start saving math with my help. You two will be my heroes on earth, my heralds. Discordia's managed to keep me from directly interfering in her plans. And since you don't have any heroes like you have in those form of movies you used to watch, I'll need to work through the two of you. And yes, you will receive proper payment to enable what you saw. If you save math, if you just start the journey back to standing up to Discordia and undoing the undoing of math you can have all that you desire. But without it, you'll have nothing. 

Okay, thank you, your goddess, we will, we accept your offer. Does that mean we can have the beans? It means you'll rest in the temple tonight and tomorrow you'll set forth and yes, we have some destinations where you are needed. We will also get you your tanker truck of wine, Dr. Triangle. But from this day forward you are your two characters you parodied so much and I want you to cloak yourself in those characters and be as those characters. And one day you could be heroes of math even though you spent your recent adult lives parodying and insulting math.

Goddess, you sound like you're saying that with your teeth grinding closed. Why don't you rest now. Tomorrow you'll start your long journey. I don't know about this. We don't have, I have to know about it. We just have to use it to our advantage. We know that. We're working with what we have. You're not the heroes we asked for but the heroes we've gotten. Great, because yeah, it sounds good. Thank you. We'll rest here in the temple. 

And so narrator here. Two heroes, Dr. Triangle and Isosceles headed off to bed and rested for the night. And that's where we'll stop our tale here. Where the adventures of Dr. Triangle and Isosceles began. Goodnight.