1368 – Root Beer Ball | All Intros 957 – 960

Episode 1368 – Root Beer Ball | All Intros 957 – 960

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this is a all-intro episode for the summer season of 2025 here in July. These are popular, these all-intro episodes, so if you enjoy them…if you're a bore-friend or bore-bestie on Sleep With Me+, you get two more every single month. But this will be intro after intro after intro all to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff so you could fall asleep. You may be hearing this same message in August. I think we’ll do one in August. What do we got? Whatever the long weekends are. But yeah, and if you want more Sleep With Me in the summertime, we got Subscriber Summer always going in the summertime, which means in addition to everything we're putting out here in the main feed, we got even more stuff coming out on Sleep With Me+. So, we're here for you night after night after night. Take it away, past Scoots, with your own friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Go ahead, Scoots, say the same thing I just said, but in your own special way.

 

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, it’s time to get baking. We’ll get to sleep, but I’ll be talking about the British Bake Off. But whenever I say baking, I think of Beau Bacon, the Bacon brother that never gets any credit and who I guess I wish was my beau, Beau Bacon. Not to take anything away from the other Bacons. But you say, which…? Do you have any Bacon Brothers that are your imaginary friends? I’d say, I have an imaginary Bacon brother that’s my friend, Beau Bacon. Now, if you're new, you may be saying, what in the name of the Bacon Brothers and the Fabulous Baker Boys is this person talking about? You could be in the right place, because this is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.

 

INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts you’re thinking about, like things on your mind, thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature or schedule, or, you know, just…you don’t know. You say, I don’t…I just…it could be something else. You say, Scoots, you don’t know. I’d say, you’re right about that.

 

I wish I could…in some sense, I wish I could list it all, but when I say, all the basic stuff, I say, I’m trying to address it all without saying it all. So…’cause I’m the kinda person who gets ‘so say we all’ and ‘so shall we all’ mixed up. Also…so, whatever’s keeping you awake; stuff you’re thinking about, anything you’re feeling physically or experiencing emotionally, or something else. I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of it. What I’m gonna do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, so, I’m gonna go off-topic and…pointless meanders, superfluous tangents…so, I’m gonna do those things, get mixed up…filler words. You know what we say around here; fill ‘er up with filler words.

 

You say, could you put some extra filler words on that, Scooter? I’d say, welcome to Scooter’s Diner, the filler…free refills on the…free refills and overfills. We’re the only…we’re one of the first diners to ever have…and this became revolutionary in, you know, in my mind, but we were the first diner to have grate-based counters. You say, these counters are great. I’d say, are you making a pun or do you like the fact that our counters are actually grates? Because one of the reasons is it makes cleanup easy, and two, I tend to just…it became an international phenomenon; brought the diners back. Everyone said, what happened to those diners? Did they only live in nostalgia?

 

Then a world came where one person invented a diner where they would…and they…who wasn’t good…who wanted to be…who wanted to have a paper hat and a apron and a little sass, and…but he was not good at filling up coffee mugs or cups. Taza De Cafe…and so, he always overfilled them and…but he knew that about himself, so he went to the greatest designer of diner counters, the diner-designer, Gertrude, whose last name will remain anonymous. He said, Gertrude, I need…I overfill drinks all the time. What solutions could you offer? She said, well, we usually…we make our counters with little lips. I said, oh, that’s so cute. Could I give a counter a kissy-poo? Gertrude rolled her eyes and said, are you serious or…? A lip like…let me show you; a raised portion. I’d say, oh, wow, I’ve seen those at work.

 

Those actually do work. How come they got rid of those? She said, I’ll never know. She said, they called it progress. I said, progress? I said, I was so sorry, Gertrude, I may have paused there because I was trying to think of something to say; egress, because I don’t know if that’s what I’m looking for, something to egress my over-pours. I don’t think a lip’s gonna do it, because then the customers are gonna end up…unless we sell that as a selling point. Come to Scooter’s Diner where there’s ponds of coffee. No, that doesn’t sound appealing. She said, what about a micro-grate? I said, great idea Gertrude, but I gotta run because I forgot I was in the middle of a podcast intro. I wasn’t even in the middle of it. Sorry, new listeners in particular. Regular listeners, you’ve been there before. Not at my diner before; it’s new.

 

Yeah, it has grate…also, your, whatever, your crumbs, they go through the grate, too, and then I just wipe it down at night. We take the grates off, and of course, that’s all compostable. It’s even better. So, okay, but so, if you’re new, you may be confused already. What I was gonna do…oh, I said create a safe place where you could set aside stuff. So if you’re new, a couple things to know. One, it’s okay not to like this podcast. That’s totally cool. I just want to say that right up front…or to not be sure because, I don’t know, I think sometimes people feel some pressure. I don’t want you to feel any pressure even to like this show if you’re new. So, that’s the other thing.

 

The other thing is I don’t want you to feel any pressure…and you may feel some internal pressure to follow along or make sense of what I’m saying, but as you can see by what just transpired, this podcast just barely makes sense. You say, if you don’t think it’s…this podcast makes sense if you don’t think about it too long, and that’s why you don’t need to think about it too long. ‘Cause I mean, the intro, you could think about it a little bit longer ‘cause it’s the beginning of the show. ‘Cause You say, okay, wait a second, have I been to any diners with grate counters? You say, again, I’m tempted to make another…yet another pun, but I won’t.

 

But You say, I’ve seen grates in many other food service areas, and when I am recording this, I’m forlorn for a trip to a diner, but maybe when you’re hearing this, we could visit diners more often again, and there will be the great diner revival. But you’d say, that almost makes sense. But then if you started to…if you were starting to think about it more, then You say, oh, that’s why. I’m not there yet. That’ll take me another month or two, and I’ll be like, oh, that’s why diners don’t have grates for counters, because of that simple, clear idea. But this podcast is…You say, that almost barely makes sense. It’s almost a good idea. So, just barely listen to me, I guess is what I’m saying, ‘cause I barely make any sense and that’s…but that can be hard at first when you come to the show.

 

So many regular listeners are just kinda nodding along or doing that…you heard me breathing and they say, oh, that’s Scoots. Yep, he’s almost got a good…he’s got a good idea, but it’s like a grate; it’s got holes in it or it’s porous, his good ideas. I’d say, yeah, they’re adaptable. My ideas are…what is that called when…? Resilient. You could take the idea and make it better. I’m sure of it, Gertrude, as long as I get 80% of the income from that idea. So, okay, oh, where was I? Okay, so don’t bare…barely listen to me. The other thing is there’s really…this podcast doesn’t really put you to sleep. It keeps you company as you fall asleep and, yeah, I don’t know. It’s just here to keep you company as you fall asleep, like a friend. So…but not really to put you to sleep. I don’t know, to take your mind off of stuff.

 

So, I don’t know, see how it goes. I guess I’m a little bit distracted both by the diner idea, but I guess part of that…what led me to that was there was just this review of the podcast that someone wrote. They were very…I don’t know how you spell it; irate. I-R-A-T-E. They did not rate me well. I don’t need to really please…You say, okay, that person, they didn’t…they kind of…the podcast definitely did not work from them and they felt very strongly about all of the things that didn’t work for them. I want to point out to you that that’s totally cool, but just see how it goes. The one thing I say, is most listeners say give it two or three tries. It took two or three tries to like the podcast.

 

That’s not for my benefit; it’s just to kinda…for you to see how it goes, ‘cause it is different, the idea…okay, wait, this is a podcast I don’t…you’re not worried if I like it or not? I say, no. I’m not worried about it. Even the people that really enjoy the podcast, they say, Scoots, I barely listen to you. I barely know you. I feel like you’re a good friend that I barely know. I say, perfect. I’m doing my job. So, kinda just see how it goes. I guess I got that point across. Okay, this…so, don’t need to like the show…oh, ‘cause if you’re skeptical; that was what I was gonna say. That’s how I would approach the podcast if I was a listener. I’d say, hm, I’m doubtful about this idea. Okay, so no pressure, no need to listen, no pressure to fall asleep.

 

The structure of the show is another thing…really threw this particular person off, and the structure of the show is just based on, one, how the show grew organically and how we keep it going so it can come out twice a week. So, the show starts off with a greeting; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, then there’s business, then there’s an intro. So, right around…the first part of the show’s probably thirty seconds to a minute, then the business is a few minutes, then…so, maybe five, six minutes. I don’t know. Then the intro’s like, twelve to twenty minutes, but it’s really a show within a show that some people fall asleep to and a lot of people use to unwind, to get twenty minutes or fifteen minutes away from the day and to get ready for bed or to just, you know, start to wind down and start to be distracted.

 

So, that’s kinda the intro. Then there’s business, just podcast structure, and then there’s the episode. Tonight we’ll be talking about the Great British Bake Off or the Great British Baking Show or whatever it’s properly called wherever you are in the world. I prefer when Raven-Symoné’s gonna take it over one day in my imagine…and she’ll call it That British Baking Show or That’s…I don’t know, I prefer…I think that just sounds better; That British Baking Show instead of That’s So British Baking…That’s So British Baking Show doesn’t work as well, or That’s So Raven’s British Baking Show. You’d say, wait a second, where…I kinda get it, but where’s the comma in all that? I’d say, you’re right; do you put commas in titles of imaginary TV shows? So, oh, we’ll talk about that, then there’s some thank-yous.

 

So, that’s the structure of the show, and I think that’s all you really need to know other than the fact give the show…and the reason I say, give the show a few tries is just ‘cause it’s like…oh, wait a second, on the second or third try I realized you’re just like a friend I can call on the phone and…that talks about nothing in very close detail, but details that I’m not really interested in. ‘Cause You say, you don’t even…you’re the…one of the people…you get…you constantly call Noel Julian and then You say,…then you get mixed up, then you talk about Prue, and then you’re fixated on alliterations but you actually…like, I did an alliteration count of the episode one time, Scoots, and you were way off. I’d say, yeah, that’s…you’re right about those things ‘cause…yeah.

 

So, You say, then I realized oh, I didn’t really need to pay attention to you. The idea is this show is kinda harmless. I wouldn’t call myself harmless ‘cause that’s just my nana who says, well, he’s not bad. I wouldn’t call him harmless because he can kinda get on the old…you don’t want to be around him in the daytime. That’s what the nana within me says. ‘Cause he’s not a bad boy; he’s not bad. I say, thanks. Once again, nana, I thought all the new listeners…that they may have forgotten and they said, maybe Scoots is…but no, if they listen to this podcast, they know…well, he’s not a bad boy. He’s kind of lukewarm. He’s no Luke from what…one of those famous Lukes. He’s more of lukewarm. I’d say, thanks, thanks again. So, okay, so those are most of the things to know.

 

The other thing you need to know is the reason I make the show. You deserve a good night’s sleep. I hope this podcast can provide it for you. It doesn’t work for everybody, so if it doesn’t, I hope you find something that does. But whatever you take away, know you deserve a good night’s sleep. You deserve a safe place where you could get some rest and ideally be in a position where you’re rested tomorrow and you feel like you could be like, yeah, I could be more present in my life. That will make the world such a better place. Incremental improvement really is magical, and if we could get that kinda incremental improvement going, it’s just great. You say, well, I gave somebody a thumbs-up when I was walking just to do it.

 

I didn’t realize that they were driving a dump truck, so then they dump…but that was…I felt good about it, and they smiled, and then pulled the lever. Luckily it was beach sand and they were at the beach. It was just the wrong beach and no one was there, so it wasn’t a big deal; just inconvenient. So…and then in 2095 they’re gonna say, wow, that’s how come we could spill whatever we want on our kitchen tables nowadays. You say, what do you have, a grated…your kitchen tables have grates or your dining tables with lasers or something, right? You’d say, well, kind of, Scoots. Close enough. Not lasers, but yeah, fission or fusion, microfusion. Micro-machines, actually. I’d say, are those like nanobots?

 

Are those like those things that were popular like at Christmas like, eight years ago that you turn them on and they vibrate and they move around? You say, of course, Scoots. We’re from the future. We just laugh at you in a good way, in a friendly way, because you were almost…you had one piece of the puzzle, a very tiny…I say, that’s all I need, a incremental piece. So, you deserve a good night’s sleep. The other thing is I’ve been there. I know how it feels tossing and turning in the deep, dark night. I just want to help. So, that’s it. I’m glad you’re here. I really appreciate you giving me your time, and I really hope I can help you fall asleep. Thanks again for stopping by, and here’s a couple ways we’re able to bring you this podcast twice a week.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do or alls you could do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going…when I say, I’m gonna do the rest, that means, hey, set your mind at ease; I’m here to help. But let me give you some more details. What I propose to do is create a safe place, a nice, smooth, patted-down safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, things on your mind that you’re thinking about, those pesky thoughts that get on your mind. You say, oh boy, past, present, or future.

 

Could be physical sensations that are coming up for you or it could be feelings about either one of those things or just feelings that are there on your own. Today I’ve got some feelings going and I really…they’re more of a weather pattern that’s come in. You’d say, Scoots, could you describe those? I say, eventually I’ll describe them. Let me get through this beginning. But I’d…you’d say, Scoots, give me the short version right now, though. I’d say, did you ever watch the show Sesame Street? If you had to name the feel…a feeling front that came in, this would be named Oscar, ‘cause that’s how I’m feeling all day long. I mean, not right now, because I get to set that aside and keep you company, which is nice. So, I get a little break right now, a break from myself.

 

That’s really what I’m looking to provide to you. So, that’s why I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, just like when Oscar would open…I don’t know, did Oscar’s garbage can have a sound effect that creaked when Oscar opened it? I mean, talk about a place I would want to go or see behind-the-scenes. How many episodes…were there any episodes behind-the-scenes…Oscar the Grouch’s home? Or like Lifestyles? There must have been a Lifestyles of the Grumpy and Filthy or something in the eighties…or what is it called? Check Out My Crib or whatever, what…in the…was that in the nineties or the aughts? But anyway, don’t worry, I’ll tell you who Oscar the Grouch is if you’re not familiar.

 

But that’s what I’m here to do, is to take your mind off of stuff so you can fall asleep. Now if you’re new — and this is totally understandable — you might be feeling a little bit of that grouch or a little bit of the doubt of saying, what is this thing that’s supposed to put me to sleep? Who is this person? I’m doubtful. I’m not sure how to feel about your creaky, dulcet tones or your mumbling or your pointless meanders. I’d say, that’s normal. That’s a very normal reaction to the show. Of course, you’re gonna be doubtful. I was gonna say scoutful, but of course you’ll be doubtful because you’ve been trying to fall asleep for a long time, and there’s been a lot of things that have said they would work.

 

Now, this podcast might not work, so that’s the good news, is that other stuff, they say oh, this definitely…work or this worked for my Aunt Mable every night. I say, what was it? Half butterscotch candy and a half root beer ball. Root beer barrel or root beer ball? Oh, I don’t know. I’ll have to check. Sorry, I guess this isn’t helpful then, because I don’t know which one it was. Do you think they’re made up of the same stuff? Yeah, prob…I mean, more than likely. It’s just one shaped like a ball and one shaped like a barrel. But I don’t know if…that’s probably not gonna work for me because, one, I don’t have…what…you can’t…how do you cut those into half…? ‘Cause that seemed like…I can’t imagine having to clean up after and how long it would take me, like how much I’d procrastinate after cutting a bunch of root beer barrels or balls in half, and butterscotch candies.

 

Also, I don’t know…I might have to train for that, because that seems like it would take a lot of strength. Oh, sorry, I went off-topic there again. So, that’s a pointless…not really a pointless meander, but if you’re doubtful or you’re not sure what you’re getting into, that’s totally normal. Actually, this podcast takes a few listens to get used to because of a couple reasons. One is this is a podcast you’re not really listening to. It never really gets started. I kinda putter around and kinda say, wow, are there root beer balls? There’s gotta be. But I can see why they would say…after You say, ‘root beer balls’ a few times, you start to giggle on the inside. So, You say, okay, root beer barrel does make more sense, plus it’s kind of…I don’t know what you call that; candy ononomapoeia or whatever?

 

You say, Scoots, what are you talking about? Let’s say it’s…kinda looks like it tastes. Is that what a…whatever that thing is? I know some of you are laughing, but I’m laughing ‘cause I say, well, I don’t know. But also, if a candy looks like what it tastes, is there a word for that? I mean, seriously. Get somebody from Lexicon Valley over here please, or Helen. Somebody…I need a phone where I can call Helen from The Allusionist and say…I’m gonna have to get ahold of her on this one. This is…this feels really important. So, anyway, what was I say,ing? I went off-topic there, and now I got mixed up. So…oh, so if you’re new, you might not like the show because it’s hard to adjust to a podcast you don’t really listen to and that never really starts. It just goes on and on and on. You say, well, I don’t know how to listen to it.

 

I say, well, barely…just pretend you’re listening to me, just like…kinda like I’m talking and you’re saying, this person’s making about 20% sense. Then just go with that. You say, uh-huh, uh-huh. Okay, root beer…I thought he was gonna talk about Oscar the Grouch or something else that he already forgot. Oh, he’s…something else, yeah. So, just see how it goes. So, that’s one thing; give it a few tries. That’s not for me. That’s for you, and I realize that’s a big ask, but it’s really just so that you could fall asleep and not listen to me. So, I’m just asking to listen a few times to see if the podcast works in the sense that you stop paying attention to me, but that’s just what thousands and thousands of people that have reviewed the show have said. The other thing that’s different is this podcast doesn’t really put you to sleep.

 

It keeps you company while you fall asleep. It takes your mind off of stuff. I’m your companion, your bore for hire. That’s a term I haven’t used. You know, just like You say, come on over. What were you talking about, that new sleep solution your…Mable had? Can you come over and just talk about that? Do not bring…by the way, don’t bring any root beer barrels or butterscotch candy and start cutting it up in my bedroom or my kitchen. Oh, no problem. I’ll just come over virtually. Wow, that’s great. Then, so you’ll come over and talk to me about stuff like that. I don’t have to pay attention to you. You’re not really there, so I don’t feel any kind of social commitment to even say…no, yeah, you don’t even…you could say hello. You say, hey Scoots, how you doing? But you don’t really have to mean it.

 

That’s the best part about the show. When you…in other situations you’d say, well, shouldn’t I feel a little bit of feelings about that? I’d say, on this show, you could feel joy when You say, hey Scoots, great to see you. Anyway, start…no problem. I’ll be talking again. I can feel all the regular listeners, even after they corrected me about onomonomopoeia or whatever, that they’re nodding their heads along with it. They say, that’s what’s great about having a bore for hire. So, that’s one thing. If you’re new, another thing that’s really…takes some getting used to for some people is the structure of the show. I really only have the ability to put this one podcast out, and then you kinda use it…like, people adjust how they use it from there.

 

But so, the show starts off with a greeting; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, and then some stuff about our community and stuff like that, because I want you to know you’re welcome and your experience as a human being is important to me, so I want you to feel seen as a person. Then there’s business. The business is what keeps the show there twice a week for free. There’s also business between the intro and the show just because of the design…because of the way podcast structure is and just the design of the show. That’s because then after the business…so, business is at minute six or something and ends…I don’t know. It depends on how good things are going, and then there’s a intro which goes from minute six to minute twenty-two or so.

 

That’s just a long explanation like we’re in the middle of…of the podcast for a new listener, but it’s different every single time. 900+ episodes…well, I don’t know if we had the long intro in the first couple hundred. Maybe the first 150 didn’t have a long intro. I don’t know. I’d have to look back. But so, the idea of the intro is it introduces a new person to the show, but for regular listeners, right, one; they get a chance to correct me or see that I’m not perfect. I mean, you already knew that, I mean, clearly. Come on, let’s be adults. I just called something a root beer ball and I can’t even pronounce onomonopoeia, maybe. It feels like I’m still short a syllable. I do not know what that word means. I’ll be straight honest with you.

 

I’m guessing that I think I know what it means, but I’m also honestly, genuinely curious if there’s a word for candies that look like they taste. You say, what else…? Scoots, give me some more examples. I say, okay, are you familiar with the candy Runts? R-U-N-T-S? By the way, Willy Wonka Corporation, probably about time to think of a new name for that. I’m just not…I don’t like it. But Runts…the banana looks like a banana, tastes like a banana. Okay Scoots, give me another example. Okay, I don’t know why I’m…I’m Wonka-centric here, but I’d say…well, I’d say, I could think of one, the old Philip Morris candies. They don’t taste like they look, thank goodness, but, no, Bottle Caps are another one.

 

I guess that’s more of a punny way. Looks like a bottle cap; tastes like the soda that ideally the bottle cap…kinda like a root beer, cola, I don’t know, cherry, lime, I don’t know what other flavors there are. So, I just wonder if there’s a word for that. Probably in industry parlance they’d say, oh yeah, that’s called a…we found…I mean, again, if Willy Wonka was…or Charlie…I guess Charlie runs things now, though they said…somebody sent me a YouTube video that said that Charlie was the one that started that train that went around the world in that movie that got made into a TV show. Anyway, I gotta get back to…oh, so yeah, so just…oh, so the intro; I went off-topic. The intro goes on and on and on because it slowly is supposed to ease you into bedtime, for a regular listener.

 

So, a lot of regular listeners are getting ready for bed while they’re listening to the show and…or they’re in bed getting comfortable or they’re in their bedroom as part of their wind-down routine. So, the intro for most listeners — not every listener; I understand you might use it a different way — is part of their wind-down routine as they’re easing into bedtime. That way, then you hear the business, and then you start to hear…listen to the story, and the story goes on and on and on. Tonight it’ll be a famous myth I’ve uncovered with the help of a team member. Then you fall asleep. Now, that’s just one way that the podcast can be used. Again, there’s people that listen all night, there’s people that start it at minute twenty and just listen to the story, there’s people that are listening.

 

I’m here to the very end if you can’t sleep, so that’s another way…or people that turn it on when they wake up. So, there’s a lot of different ways to listen, but I’m just kinda trying to talk about the…I don’t know, just when you’re starting out. I guess I’m trying to introduce the podcast in the introduction. So, that’s…oh, so then there’s the intro, then there’s business, then there’s a story. I kinda accidentally explained what I was explaining. That worked out. So, tonight will be kind of a bedtime story. Actually, it will be. I can’t remember what it’s about now ‘cause I recorded it yesterday. Oh, it’s about…oh, it’s about a marionette. She’s really cool, too, and she has a little bit of a, you know, bedtime-story-type adventure. She goes on quite a few meanders.

 

So, there’s that, then there’s thank-yous at the end of the show. So, that’s the structure of the show. The reason I make the show is because I’ve been there. Like I said, last night…I don’t want to get into the details to trip anybody else up, but it’s like, it took me a little…I had trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep, and trouble waking up early. I don’t even have that in the beginning, but it’s true. I even tried my famous just lay there, but then there’s a practice that goes on for some sort of individual sport where they use…anyway, it’s right where I live and it’s a little bit…so, then I say, oh, boy. I gotta listen to them. But I did try to just lay there, then I meditated. Even though all that occurred, I woke up on the wrong…I did get off…I only have…my bed’s only on one side ‘cause it’s against the wall, but as they say, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

 

I would have preferred not to. I would prefer not to have my brow double…the old double-furrow going in my brow today, but it just happens. So, tonight I’ll try to get…try to go to bed early or something. But so, if I can help you get a better night’s sleep or get to sleep or just not make it something you dread…because, I don’t know, for me, if this goes on, then I’ll start dreading bedtime and I’ll have to kinda switch something up. So, hopefully I can provide you something where you at least feel neutral about bedtime. If not, You say, well, I got Scoots there, my bore for hire, and I know he’s gonna be there to keep me company and take my mind off of stuff. So, that’s one reason. The other reason is you deserve a good night’s sleep. We all do.

 

If you get a good night’s sleep, you’ll be in a better position not to be grouchy like I am a little bit today, or I…you know, I kinda…it’s kinda passing now ‘cause it’s like 3:30. But yeah, if I can help, that would be my honor. Now, I promised I would explain who Grouch…Oscar the Grouch is, and I probably have talked about this. So, Oscar the Grouch…so, there’s a show Sesame Street here in the US. I don’t know if there’s global versions of it or if it’s rebroadcast in other countries. I don’t know the answer to that. Also don’t know how ubiquitous it is. When I was a kid, it was ubiquitous, like almost every kid watched Sesame Street. They’re still in the Thanksgiving Day Parade. They still have a float there, so that would say, okay, they’re still a cultural touchstone. Oh, what’s my point?

 

Oh, so who’s Oscar the Grouch? Thanks, thanks brain. So, Oscar the Grouch is one of the big characters on there. Now, I don’t really know…Oscar’s a being; not a human being. Probably a mammal, and Oscar is a grouch. I don’t know if…they call him Oscar the Grouch. Also, he’s grouchy, but that may be…I don’t know, is that…would be his phylum or his thingamajig, that…other than phylum; his stratum? But he’s Oscar the Grouch, and he also lives in a garbage can. Now, in the…there was a movie, and he was running around in the garbage can with his legs. I think that was in Let’s Find Big Bird: The Movie, or maybe I’m imagining that. But most of the time, Oscar’s can, garbage can that he lives in…they live in New York City, I believe.

 

At least as a kid, that’s why I always wanted to live in…one of the main…many reasons I wanted to live in New York, was because I said that’s like where…I didn’t…no, I did not think that Snuffleupagus and Big Bird and Oscar definitely lived there. They lived in a neighborhood in New York. But so…but Oscar’s garbage can was his home, and it was kinda like one of those cool things that…it was…that’s another word I don’t know; larger on the inside than the outside. So, he could go downstairs, it had multiple floors, and it always…oh, I loved that. Talk about fanfiction I’ve never written. Now, I wonder…’cause I was talking to my friend Ings, and she was talking about doing drawings of starships, Imperial starships, and then she was talking about people that do the blowups and the blueprints.

 

Then I was talking about the podcast Vast Horizon and being like, oh, I wonder if I could see the blueprints for that, for everything in that podcast. But then, what was my point? Oh, I would like to see…I wonder if there’s any blueprints of Oscar’s home. Anyway, that’s just something I’m interested in. But it’s the kinda stuff that puts people to sleep. I mean, let’s be honest. That’s why I do this. That’s why I’m fairly effective at it if it works for you. So, I’m glad you’re here. I really hope the podcast can help, but like a lot of listeners…regular listeners say, they get a lot out of the show. Give it a few tries and see how it goes. You got nothing to lose. If you’re grouchy or whatever, I’ve been there.

 

I’ve been there just moments ago, before I got to sit down and spend some time with you, and realize we all get grouchy sometimes, right? We all wake up on the…actually, I wake up and I change…I like to change my bed side each…every few hours, but whatever, it’s not easy being human or being a grouch. You’re right, Oscar. I said it. It’s not easy being Oscar the Grouch, either. I don’t know if that…wasn’t there a book…or was this a book I proposed on the podcast; I, Grouch: The Oscar the Grouch Story? Oh, so anyway…so anyway, I’m glad you’re here. I really hope I can help you fall asleep. I yearn and I strive. I work really hard. So, yeah, I’m glad you’re here. I really appreciate your time, and here’s a couple of ways I’m able to bring you this show twice a week.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossin’, turning…tossing or tossin’…tossin’, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. So, it could be thoughts, things on your mind that you’re thinking about from the past or the present or the future. So, those are thoughts. Thinking stuff, I guess. You say, Scoots, give it to me in an easier way to absorb. I’d say, thinking stuff? I don’t know if anything with stuff, though, is easier to absorb.

 

But thoughts, it could be feelings, it could be emotions coming up. Those would be easier to absorb if they were absorbent. Absorbent feelings; feelings you’ve absorbed. Sometimes I feel like I’m being absorbed. So, it could be feelings, it could be physical sensations, could be changes in schedule or time or temperature or routine. Whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that, and what I’m going to do is I have a safe place here set aside. I’ve smoothed it, I’ve patted it, I’ve rubbed it down, I’ve cleared out some space, I have different…it’s modular, and then I’ll send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders. So, creaky, dulcet tones is…my voice is a little bit different.

 

Pointless meanders, superfluous tangents; that means I’m gonna go off-topic, I’m gonna get mixed up, I’m gonna ramble nonsensically and use filler words, pauses, mispronounce things. Did I say get mixed up and be forgetful? What did I say at the beginning? I said something like thinking…no, it was something else. It was a word with -in instead of…I said, I should go back to that. Oh, tossin’; tossin’, turnin’. Tossing, turning…do I usually say tossin’? I don’t think I do. Tossin’ sounds like…I don’t know. Hopefully we’ll come back to that. But if you’re new, after I send my voice through the deep, dark night, I want to take a second for my new listeners. My regular listeners, what up? You would know if I say, tossing…tossing, turning, I guess. But we’ve all…we’ve tossed, we’ve been tossing, and we’ve been tossin’.

 

For some reason, tossin’ makes me think of Dawson, and that makes me think of that show, Dawson’s Creek. None of that has anything to do with one another except…they say, Scoots, tossin’ and Dawson…I guess…but Dawson’s does not sound like…Tossins, the store where you toss stuff. Come on down to Tossins and toss some stuff around. It’s a store but it’s an…really an experience. It’s Tossins, the store where you could toss stuff. You do have to buy everything you toss. It would be one of those touchless…Tossin’; it’s now a touchless store, but you could throw stuff ‘cause you already paid for it. Soon as you pick it up…you didn’t pay for it, but we do have a way to know you’ve picked it up, so if it’s tossed…you toss it, you boss it.

 

Toss it like a boss here at Tossins, the store…we already said…oh, we already said that, according to the script. The store where you can toss it. You could…yeah, oh, also, yeah, no, you wear a head…don’t worry, you put something on your head. Don’t worry, we have all that…we wouldn’t have people tossin’ stuff where it would bump you or anything. Don’t worry. We have it all set up. It’s a concept. It’s a concept store. What’s the concept? Well, I was trying to introduce a sleep podcast. I didn’t realize I got into another pitch meeting about my…in the retail space, but yeah, it’s a store where you toss stuff. I think that…oh, you don’t understand? Okay, ‘cause I gotta get back to the sleep podcast I do. Okay, so let’s say you’re familiar with the idea of a store, correct? Which type of store?

 

Well, that’s a great question. We’re gonna do some focus groups, but at first I was thinking of what I would call…not as small as a bodega or a corner store, but kinda like a store you’d see in the movies. You say, what’s…? It’s not a supermarket. It’s not quite a market either, but it’s bigger than a bodega or a corner store or…I know there’s kinda other terms for a small, local market. It’s bigger than that, but it’s not as big as a supermarket. Okay, I lost you. That’s good, ‘cause this is actually a sleep podcast and not a pitch meeting. But so, then you go into the store, and we have touchless technology. So, that basically means you’re usually a registered user of the store or of some service; I don’t know. Probably we’d have a subscription, maybe. I don’t know. Maybe there’s a membership. I don’t know. I’m not sure about that.

 

We say, okay, well, okay…we say, hey, welcome back, Jenina. Aisle 7’s open if you want to head down there. Toss away. Maybe the customer would say, well, I was kinda looking to do Aisle 2, Grains and Cereals. I say, okay, I got a opening on Aisle 2 in four minutes. Do you want to do some actual shopping? But then what you would do is you’d go down…that person would go down there and say, okay, hm, gonna toss some stuff now. As long as it’s within super…certain parameters that we’ll probably have to learn the hard way…say, okay, no throwing the rice over the aisle unless you’ve reserved two aisles. That would be some sort of other…you say, well, I need Aisle 2…1, 2, and 3, ‘cause I’m gonna be tossing rice and sacks of beans over the aisles. You say, okay, you could do that as long as we know ahead of time.

 

But then yeah, you could…you toss…I don’t know if you’ve tossed a bag of rice because you’ve got to pay for it even in this one, but you know you paid for it, so you…I mean, come on, who hasn’t held…especially not just a bag of rice, but like a small sack of rice that has…that’s not in plastic; it’s in the…whatever those rice bags are made of, and you feel…you can feel it in your fingers, right? This one’s not too heavy. I don’t know, it clocks in maybe…I don’t know, we got four pounds of rice here. You know, we would have all different things. Then another one would be pinto beans. You say, well, what would happen…? Say, I know Galileo did all this, and Newton or somebody, but I’m gonna throw both of these and see what happens. There’s not many places you could do that.

 

You say, okay, now the beans…now the rice is spilled everywhere. Now, everything also is very well…we keep our store in very clean shape, so we do…a lot of this we’ll use for specialized feed, ‘cause you say, well, what are you gonna do? You just wasting the food? Oh no, no, no, we don’t do that. No, don’t worry. We have all that figured out, too, but you have the…this is just providing an illusion for the customer. So, there’s a certain feeling of decadence but nothing decadent. Then you could throw molasses on the rice. You say, okay, wow. I don’t know, maybe it doesn’t work. You’re right, brain. My left brain just said, cannot compute. Anyway, so I’m back. Sorry I toss…I was tossing…I got too…so if…usually…sorry new listeners, I had a little tangent I went on for regular listeners and for new listeners.

 

So, if you’re new, a couple things to know. This is a podcast you just kinda barely listen to, and what I mean by that is…you’ve kinda seen; you say, what is he talking about? It doesn’t really make any…why is he talking about tossing things in a…? It’s not hermetically sealed, but it has the feeling of being in a hermetically-sealed environment so you feel comfortable. Why was he talk…? Was that what he was talking about? That’s a normal reaction. But the thing is, you don’t…you just barely listen to me or barely pay any attention. Now, that’s not for everybody. Some people like to pay attention or they’re waiting for me to get to the point, and I don’t think…eventually I’ll never get to the…eventually I’ll take forever and never get to the point, a bit like what that pitch meeting would end like.

 

They’d be like okay, we’ll get back to you. I say, okay, what was…? Can we just do a quick debrief? We still don’t understand what the purpose of a store where you toss things is. I’d say, well, okay, you’re right, ‘cause I would have said birthday parties, but you can’t really have…I’d say it’s a cathartic thing. Maybe we could make a…maybe…is there a Institute of Catharsis? International Institute of Catharsis; we could work with them. They say, okay, there’s no International Institute of Catharsis. If there is, they’re probably on a bootstrap budget, so they’re not looking to open store-like experiences. Okay, how about this then; what if we change it to…? We take the touchless store model and we design a shopping cart that you toss stuff into, but then nothing gets…the shopping cart, maybe it has anti-gravity, so then everything gets settled in. Maybe.

 

Okay, yeah, but actually…okay, so don’t really listen to me. Just kinda passively consume me. That’s the first piece of advice new listeners…that’s from all the regular listeners. That’s what they say over and over again. Yeah, if you’re doubtful or skeptical or you’re not sure about the show, that’s a normal, normal reaction. Now, for some people, they know right away this isn’t the podcast for me, and that’s…I guess…that’s fine, but for a lot of people, you’re just not sure, and what regular listeners say is give it a few tries, see how it goes, ‘cause for a lot of people, this podcast kind of eventually grows on them. Not actually, but you say, oh, okay, I get it now. I don’t really listen. Also, there’s no pressure to fall asleep. This is a sleep podcast that doesn’t put you to sleep. It just keeps you company.

 

So, I’m here just to keep you company while you drift off, not really to put you to sleep. I’m here to be at your bedside. That’s why the shows are over an hour, so you have plenty of time. You don’t ever have to say, oh, how am I gonna fall asleep by then? You got plenty of time to fall asleep. Also, the…oh, even if you can’t sleep, I make…I’m here. So, if you can’t sleep, I’m here to keep you company just as much as if you’re sleeping and not listening to me, because that’s my job. I’m here to talk and to be barely entertaining while you do whatever works for you. You can always listen to show after show after show, so that’s the first couple things to know. The other things that throw people off — understandably, too — is the structure of the show.

 

So, the structure of the show starts off with a greeting so you feel welcome; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Then there’s listener support, then there’s support for the show, sponsors and stuff like that. That’s how we’re here twice a week, free. Then there’s a intro. The intro goes from maybe minute six or minute eight to minute twenty to twenty-two. This really…some people have strong feelings about the business and the intro, kinda understandably, but kinda just see how it goes the first few times for you. But that’s why I want to give you a heads up that people have strong feelings about it. But the intro really…it doesn’t serve an essential part of the podcast, but it’s built into the podcast for a reason, so you could skip it.

 

Now, I think it’s 3% of listeners now skip ahead to start the show at around twenty or twenty-two minutes, and then a few thousand people that support the show on Patreon listen to story-only episodes but a lot, a lot…most listeners…but that doesn’t mean there’s a right or wrong way, but most listeners, they listen to the intro because it helps them wind-down and get relaxed and get ready for bed, or to kinda get comfortable and ease you into bedtime, because I’ve learned that there isn’t really a quick fix for bedtime or to instantly fall asleep that I’ve found that works for me. So, the intro…eventually if you become a regular listener…this is like me applying for you to be a regular listener; if you did become a regular listener, you could then see how the intro works.

 

Like, some people are doing some sort of wind-down routine, some people are getting ready for bed, and some people are in bed getting comfortable, and then some people skip it. Some people listen when they wake up, some people listen during the day for a little distraction, so just kinda see how it goes. Yeah, go from there. So, that’s…oh, so that’s the intro. Then after the intro is business. That’s how the podcast business works. That’s called the mid-roll even though it’s not in the middle of the show. Then after that, it’ll be our ongoing episodically modular series where we kinda listen in on a roleplaying game of a couple people playing a roleplaying game in a future world, in a…that takes place in a future world, but not futuristic. It’s called Journey Into the Land of Tomorrow, so very…bedtime story.

 

You can listen to it in any order. There’s…so, that’ll be the bedtime story, then the show ends with thanks and goodnights. So, that’s the structure of the show, and then the other things that are important to know is one; you deserve a good night’s sleep. I hope this…Sleep With Me can provide it, but it might not, so you could always check out sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou. That has other sleep podcasts I found and other stuff I’ve tried. But either way; the reason I make the show is because I want you to get the sleep you need. I don’t want bedtime to be something you have to dread, because I’ve been there dreading bedtime.

 

I’ve been there tossing or tossin’ and turnin’ or turning, mind racing…mind…it’s interesting; I say, tossing, turning, mind racing…oh no, I do say mind…or mind racin’, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep. I’ve had all those things. So, if I can help you, it would be my honor, and if you could get the sleep you need and you deserve, our world’s gonna be a better place. So, that’s why I make the show, and I think that’s everything. I’m really glad you’re here. I work really hard on the show. I yearn and I strive ‘cause I really want to help you fall asleep, so thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple of ways I’m able to be here for you twice a week.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts you’re thinking about or things on your mind, could be feelings or physical sensations, it could be changes in time or…so, things on your mind, obviously, things you’re feeling physically or emotionally or notice…that are impacting your sleep, I guess, or changes or just stuffing, stuff. You say, I don’t know what it is.

 

That’s what I…sometimes I say, well…temperature; oh, boy. So, whatever’s keeping you awake, I’m gonna try to be here to take your mind off of that. What I’m gonna do is I got a safe place here. It’s been a few intros for me where I’ve said a safe place; I’m gonna smooth it, I’m gonna pat it down, I’m gonna rub it, I’m gonna say safe place, and raise my hand. Like, when I say that…smooth it, pat it, rub it down. But yeah, I’m gonna say…I have a place set aside for you and prepared. Or you say, well, I…I’m a minimalist for my safe places. I say, wow, cool. Can we talk about that in a little bit? So, whatever’s keeping you awake…oh, what I’m gonna do, though, after I establish that safe place — and if you’re new, it’s really my job to earn the safe place — but what I’ll do is I’ll send my voice across the deep, dark night.

 

I’ll use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents. So, I’m gonna go off-topic and get mixed up, so that’s something…filler words just like that, I’ll slow down, I’ll get…like, I guess I…yeah, I get confused. I get mixed up. I can’t keep up with my thoughts and then…my thoughts go from not able to keep up with them to then bare…they go to a standstill. I don’t know what’s up with that. I say, you were just run…what, do you need a little break? Yeah. I don’t even know what I’m…yeah. Well, you were just running around. So, maybe my thoughts are like a little kid. You know when a kid does that and then they’re breathing heavy and they say yeah, yeah…yeah, what were you doing, just running around there? Yeah. I was running around. Now I’m standing here catching my breath.

 

You say, but the only difference is when a kid does it, it’s kinda cute most of the time, unless you’re trying to go somewhere or you say, well, I just put that suit on you and…but in this case it’s in my brain where I’m trying to…I say, well, I’m trying to go to sleep actually, so if you could not…or I’m trying to do a sleep podcast, so if you could…I don’t mind you moving, but if you could just move at a slower…not so erratically, I guess is what I’m saying, though I appreciate your…I appreciate…what was the…? We had a joke a long time…so, once upon a time…so, most of you have heard of the band U2, though for a lot of you, you say, well, that…is that a…that’s a classic rock band, right? I say, yeah, I guess apparently it is.

 

But what…then you say,…there’s a song, She Moves in Mysterious Ways, that U2 sings, and I can’t remember…this is at least four or five years ago. I used to say Scoots moves in superfluous ways. He had another one though, but what was the one I…what was that vocabulary word I was just using with that part of my brain? Erratic ways. Scoots moves in…that’s not as flowy or prosey. I mean, I guess erratic ways…I don’t think it was superfluous ways, but I guess I do. Can you move in a superfluous way? If anyone can, I can. I can try. Oh, goodness gracious though, new listener, I’m so sorry. I was just moving around in…I was moving around superfluously and erratically. So, if you’re new, let me give you some information. I’m glad you’re here. Clearly you’re…this is a different podcast.

 

You already realized that, so I want you to know a couple other things. This podcast is best if you just barely listen to it. Like, if you’re waiting for me to make sense or get…be charming or have a comforting voice…some people feel like that, but if you’re not sure yet, you may…it may…it’s better if you just kind of release your grip on normalcy. I guess that would be it, is expect some soft, erratic behavior from me. I’m much more of a soft erratic than a sharp-edged running around. Like that kid; you say, were you running in spirals? Yeah, I was running in spirals. It was nice, huh? Yeah, I really liked that as opposed to like…more like side-to-side. Yeah, it’s comforting. Did you notice I did it in a…for a little while in a counterclockwise and then clockwise?

 

They weren’t…I guess they were spirals, kind of; loops…ovular…I move in ovular ways and spherical ways. Can you move in a spherical way if you’re just on the ground? Yeah, when I was jumping up; that’s when I was…I was jumping up like I was running on a sphere. Technically, we’re on a sphere, so whenever I run, I’m running on a sphere in a spherical way. Well, you got me there. You totally do, kid running…running kid inside me. Yeah, you better get back to that intro. The new listeners are listening. I don’t know, there’s something about your breathless voice that really is innocent and comforting to me, so maybe you could take over. Yeah, but I don’t know if anybody’s gonna like it. But so, okay, so yeah, don’t really listen to this podcast.

 

Just barely listen to it, just like if you were out running with me and we were kinda listening to the noises the bugs are making in the trees far, far away, not anywhere near where you’re sleeping, or the wind is making up in those trees. You know, those kinds of sounds that just drift into the background. That’s what this podcast should do. Then that’s one thing, so it’s a podcast you don’t really need to listen to. Also, this is a podcast…what’s the other thing, Scoots? Thanks. You want me to take…? Yeah, I’m out of breath. Thanks for taking back over. I’m gonna go run around some more. Okay, I’ll see you. Do you want to take…? I have some orange Kool-Aid here, ‘cause I think I like it when I ran around and I had orange Kool-Aid on my face and my chest without a shirt on. Just reminds me of being a kid.

 

Okay, maybe later. I gotta run. Okay, I’ll see you. So, yeah, don’t…barely listen to me. This is a podcast you don’t really listen to. It also barely puts you to sleep. It’s kinda more here to keep you company as you drift off at your leisure. So, if you can’t sleep, I’m gonna be here for an hour to keep you company and whether you’re awake or asleep, or you wake back up. Then if you need me, you could play me for eight hours or ten hours, whatever you need to do. But you’ll kinda find your way. The other thing is…and this isn’t…really, there’s no gain for me by telling you this other than almost every listener tells me; it takes two or three tries to get used to the show. There is a percentage of people that immediately strongly dislike the show, and that’s just part of making stuff.

 

That’s a reality, and there’s some people that like it right away or fall asleep right away. But for the 90% of listeners, this is very different, so it takes two or three tries to get used to it. It may take two or three try…I guess if you give it two or three tries, you’re really trying, so if you don’t like it after two or three tries, I will give you applause. E-mail me or something so I can applaud you…versus the people that have strong…they listen to ten minutes and then they let me know strongly how they feel about me, which I say, great; I totally…I mean, I don’t respond to those because I say, well, okay, yeah. I realize this podcast does not work for everybody, so I’m here to help who I can. But for most people it ends up helping…I guess that was my point; give it two or three tries.

 

There was a recent review that…someone said they gave it a bunch of tries and then it worked, and then there’s a common thread among reviewers. Like, one out of every hundred says, I listened to the podcast two years ago, absolutely strongly felt I did not like it, and then two years later I said, well, let me give it one more try, and then I realized, oh, it’s…he really is that little kid running around, and there’s something there that’s not there to pay…there’s something there if I’m not looking. So, I guess my point is just see how it goes. Oh, structure of the show; okay, so that’s the next thing that throws new people off, so I want to tell you about that, and I want to remind all the regular listeners…what up, regular listeners? How’d you like that part where I was running around? Did you like that?

 

Let me know, ‘cause…yeah, hi, regular listeners. It’s me. I’m gonna run around some more, slowly. Don’t worry…in a slow motion way for the rest of the…okay, I’ll see you. Okay. Okay, so structurally what to expect; the show starts off with a greeting. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, and Star Bakers in this case. That’s so you know you’re welcome. Then there’s business. That’s how we’re able to bring you this podcast twice a week for free instead of part of a service. Then there’s the intro. So, the business throws some people off, but the intro can really throw a lot of people off. The intro’s around twelve to twenty minutes long, but it’s kind of its own sleep podcast, really, because I mean, where else are you gonna get a part of us that’s all…for a lot of us, very familiar, that running-around kid?

 

Breathless running around kid. You say, well, that is…there is something soothing in a…when a kid that’s just barely out of breath; not fully. You say, yeah, but you can’t really…that’s just the stuff that comes up in the intro. But the real purpose of the intro is to ease you into bedtime, just like this kid, and now that they’ve run around…now they’re sitting under a tree there and their breath has returned to normal and they’re look…they have a book in their lap and they’re kinda looking through the book at the pictures, and they’re not even reading it because they’re winding down. For Sleep With Me, the intro gives you a chance to get some separation from the day, whether it’s part of your wind-down routine, whether you’re listening before you get in bed, whether you’re listening during the day for a break.

 

Whatever it is, the intro just gives you a little buffer, and ideally is a nice landing strip for bedtime. But yeah, it does go on and on and on and on, so some people are like when does the show start? I say, well, technically it already started. It’s just slow-moving and pretty senseless. So, that’s the intro. Then there’s business. That’s part of the podcast structure. Then there’s the episode. Tonight we’ll be talking about The Great British Bake Off baking show, which is what I should have been calling it all along, and then there’s thank-yous at the end. So, that’s the structure of the show. The reason I make the show; one, you deserve a good night’s sleep. You deserve a place of respite, and if you get the sleep you need, the world’s gonna be a better place. It’s really that simple, right?

 

So, if I can help with that it would be my honor, because if you’re rested, my world’s a better place. You say, well, it’s incremental. I live in Shanghai and…or wherever you are in the world, and you say, how’s that…? I say, it does. A tiny bit of betterness in the world is better for everybody. We know that’s true. But also, the other reason is I’ve been there. I know how it feels tossing, turning, mind racing, so if I can help, I can relate to what it feels like when you’re not…when you’re tossing and turning. So, that’s important to me. I think that’s it. I mean, I’m glad you’re here. I work really hard. I yearn and I strive, and I really want to help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by and here’s a couple of ways we’re able to bring you this podcast twice a week.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

(Transcription performed by LeahTranscribes)

All Intros

 

Diners

https://www.americandreamdiner.com/diner-history

https://www.pastemagazine.com/food/the-history-of-the-american-diner

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-culture/a-life-devoted-to-the-american-diner-472278/

 

Taskrabbit / Gig Economy

https://slate.com/technology/2020/01/gig-economy-apps-are-changing-friendship.html

https://slate.com/podcasts/better-life-lab/2022/04/gig-economy-workers-cant-sleep-at-night

https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/22425152/future-of-gig-work-uber-lyft-driving-prop-22

 

Bodegas

https://queensofiaspanishinstitute.org/history/bodegas-an-icon-of-new-yorks-hispanic-culture/

https://untappedcities.com/2022/07/19/new-york-city-bodega-history/

https://gothamist.com/food/ask-a-native-new-yorker-whats-the-difference-between-a-bodega-a-deli-corner-grocer

 

Minimalism

https://www.bbc.com/culture/article/20230127-how-to-make-your-home-minimalist-but-also-comfortable

https://www.bbc.com/culture/article/20210330-is-a-simple-minimalist-life-the-key-to-happiness

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/jan/03/empty-promises-marie-kondo-craze-for-minimalism

 

DOWN TO BUSINESS

PLUGS

Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Story Only Feed; Rusty Biscuit Links; Emily Tat Artwork; Crisis Textline

 

SPONSORS

Helix Sleep; Zocdoc; Progressive; Quince; Odoo

 

INTRO

957

I certainly don’t know everything you’re going through

So Say We All vs So Shall We All

Fill ‘er up with filler words

Grate-Based Counters (GBCs)

Scooter’s diner

Gertrude, the greatest Diner Designer

I’m looking for something to egress my overpours

Coffee ponds don’t sound very appealing

I don’t want you to feel pressure to like this show

The Great Diner Revival

Some listeners are irate and don’t rate me well

GBBO Chat tonight

I look forward to Raven Symone taking over GBBO

My GBBO Alliteration counts aren’t accurate

My Inner Nana wouldn’t call me harmless

I’m the Not Bad Boy

I’m not a famous Luke, I’m just lukewarm

In 2095, people will thank me for Grate-Based Counters

Micro Machine Counters

I just had a tiny piece of the puzzle

 

STORY

958

Those pesky thoughts

Thoughts more like an incoming weather pattern

Getting a little break from myself

Did Oscar’s garbage can have an opening sound effect?

Are there any BTS episodes for Oscar’s home

Lifestyles of the Crummy and Filthy

Of course you’re doubtful

Aunt Mabel’s sleep solution

Half butterscotch, half root beer ball

Training to cut a root beer ball

Always never getting started

Candy Onomatopoeia 

Can candy taste like it looks?

Someone please get Helen Z on the phone?

Making about 20% sense

Bore for Hire

Please come over and just talk to me

Come on let’s be adults here

More candy onomatopoeia examples

It’s probably time to rename Runts

Someone sent me a video explaining that Charlie Bucket started the Snowpiercer train

A famous myth I’ve uncovered

A marionette’s bedtime story adventure

I’ve been there, believe me

Just Lay There

I’d prefer that I didn’t have the old Double Furrow on my brow today

Now it’s time for me to explain Oscar the Grouch

Is Oscar the Grouch ubiquitous in other countries?

Oscar is probably a mammal

Is Grouch his phylum or stratum?

I’ve only ever seen his legs in the Big Bird movie

Sesame Street was a big draw for me to move to NYC

Oscar’s trash can was TARDIS-like in dimensions

Can I please get some blueprints of Oscar’s home, please?

It’s not easy being a human (or a Grouch)

I, Grouch

959

Tossing and Tossin’

Absorbent Feelings

A Modular Safe Place

I don’t usually say Tossin’

Tossin’ and Dawson

Tossin’s, the Store

You toss it like a Boss, here at Tossin’s

I didn’t mean to get into a pitch meeting about a retail space

Bigger than a bodega, but smaller than a supermarket

Tossin’s is now Touchless

You must reserve two aisles to toss rice

What are rice bags made of?

This podcast feels hermetically sealed

Eventually, I’ll never get to the point

The International Institute of Catharsis

I’ve learned there isn’t a quick fix for bedtime

Listening in on an RPG

Journey Into the Land of Tomorrow

960

I prefer a minimalist safe place

I do get confused

My thoughts will go to a standstill

Like a little kid breathing heavy after running around

Apparently U2 is a classic rock band now

I move in superfluous ways

Soft Erratic Behavior

Running in spirals

This kid in my brain moves in ovular and spherical ways

You got me, Running Kid Inside Me

I do appreciate your breathless voice, RKIM

It takes 2 or 3 tries to get used to the show

If you get it on your first try, please email me so I can congratulate you

GBBO tonight

The intro is ideally a buffer

Slow Moving and Pretty Senseless

The Great British Bake Off Baking Show

I know how it feels

 

SUMMARY:

Episode: 1368

Title: Root Beer Ball | All Intros 957 – 960

Plugs: 

Sponsors: 

Notable Language:

• 957
• So Say We All vs So Shall We All
• Grate-Based Counters (GBCs)
• I-R-A-T-E
• The Not Bad Boy
• Lukewarm
• 958
• Lifestyles of the Crummy and Filthy
• Root Beer Ball
• Candy Onomatopoeia 
• Bore for Hire
• Wonka-centric
• Just Lay There
• The Old Double Furrow
• Ubiquitous
• 959
• Tossin’
• Absorbent Feelings
• 960
• I Move in a Superfluous Way
• Soft Erratic Behavior
• Running Kid Inside Me
• Slow Moving and Pretty Senseless

 

Notable Culture:

• 957

• • Scooter’s Diner – Free Overfills
  • Diners

• Great British Bake Off

• • Raven Symone

• That British Baking Show

• The Mighty Boosh

• • Micro Machines

• 958

• Sesame Street / Oscar the Grouch

• Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous

• Cribs

• The Allusionist / Helen Zaltzman

• • Runts candy
  • Willy Wonka

• Snowpiercer

• VAST Horizon Podcast

• I, Grouch

• I, Claudius

• • 959

• Dawson’s Creek

• • Galileo
  • Isaac Newton
  • The International Institute of Catharsis
  • Role-Playing Games

• Journey Into the Land of Tomorrow

• 960
• U2 – “She Moves in Mysterious Ways”
• Great British Bake Off
• Shanghai

 

Notable Talking Points:

• • 957
  • I certainly don’t know everything you’re going through
  • So Say We All vs So Shall We All
  • Fill ‘er up with filler words
  • Grate-Based Counters (GBCs)
  • Scooter’s diner
  • Gertrude, the greatest Diner Designer
  • I’m looking for something to egress my overpours
  • Coffee ponds don’t sound very appealing
  • I don’t want you to feel pressure to like this show
  • The Great Diner Revival
  • Some listeners are irate and don’t rate me well
  • GBBO Chat tonight
  • I look forward to Raven Symone taking over GBBO
  • My GBBO Alliteration counts aren’t accurate
  • My Inner Nana wouldn’t call me harmless
  • I’m the Not Bad Boy
  • I’m not a famous Luke, I’m just lukewarm
  • In 2095, people will thank me for Grate-Based Counters
  • Micro Machine Counters
  • I just had a tiny piece of the puzzle
  • 958
  • Those pesky thoughts
  • Thoughts more like an incoming weather pattern
  • Getting a little break from myself
  • Did Oscar’s garbage can have an opening sound effect?
  • Are there any BTS episodes for Oscar’s home
  • Lifestyles of the Crummy and Filthy
  • Of course you’re doubtful
  • Aunt Mabel’s sleep solution
  • Half butterscotch, half root beer ball
  • Training to cut a root beer ball
  • Always never getting started
  • Candy Onomatopoeia 
  • Can candy taste like it looks?
  • Someone please get Helen Z on the phone?
  • Making about 20% sense
  • Bore for Hire
  • Please come over and just talk to me
  • Come on let’s be adults here
  • More candy onomatopoeia examples
  • It’s probably time to rename Runts
  • Someone sent me a video explaining that Charlie Bucket started the Snowpiercer train
  • A famous myth I’ve uncovered
  • A marionette’s bedtime story adventure
  • I’ve been there, believe me
  • Just Lay There
  • I’d prefer that I didn’t have the old Double Furrow on my brow today
  • Now it’s time for me to explain Oscar the Grouch
  • Is Oscar the Grouch ubiquitous in other countries?
  • Oscar is probably a mammal
  • Is Grouch his phylum or stratum?
  • I’ve only ever seen his legs in the Big Bird movie
  • Sesame Street was a big draw for me to move to NYC
  • Oscar’s trash can was TARDIS-like in dimensions
  • Can I please get some blueprints of Oscar’s home, please?
  • It’s not easy being a human (or a Grouch)
  • I, Grouch
  • 959
  • Tossing and Tossin’
  • Absorbent Feelings
  • A Modular Safe Place
  • I don’t usually say Tossin’
  • Tossin’ and Dawson
  • Tossin’s, the Store
  • You toss it like a Boss, here at Tossin’s
  • I didn’t mean to get into a pitch meeting about a retail space
  • Bigger than a bodega, but smaller than a supermarket
  • Tossin’s is now Touchless
  • You must reserve two aisles to toss rice
  • What are rice bags made of?
  • This podcast feels hermetically sealed
  • Eventually, I’ll never get to the point
  • The International Institute of Catharsis
  • I’ve learned there isn’t a quick fix for bedtime
  • Listening in on an RPG

• Journey Into the Land of Tomorrow

• 960
• I prefer a minimalist safe place
• I do get confused
• My thoughts will go to a standstill
• Like a little kid breathing heavy after running around
• Apparently U2 is a classic rock band now
• I move in superfluous ways
• Soft Erratic Behavior
• Running in spirals
• This kid in my brain moves in ovular and spherical ways
• You got me, Running Kid Inside Me
• I do appreciate your breathless voice, RKIM
• It takes 2 or 3 tries to get used to the show
• If you get it on your first try, please email me so I can congratulate you
• GBBO tonight
• The intro is ideally a buffer
• Slow Moving and Pretty Senseless
• The Great British Bake Off Baking Show
• I know how it feels