1313 – I Tumble 4 U | All Intros 932 – 936

Episode 1313 – I Tumble 4 U | All Intros 932-936

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and residents of the North Pole, it’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcaster who’s using his…that was more of, I guess…I guess if it was…what’s that train that goes to the North Pole called? No, not the Polar Express. The other one, the one that…the more meandering one. The North Pole Local, not the North Pole Express. It’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep, making stops and ridiculous places and pauses…you say, wait a second, when are we getting to the North Pole? Well, this is about…as Santa would say, when you’re on the North Pole Local, it’s more about the journey than the destination, because…yeah. Anyway, it’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.

 

INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever is keeping you awake; thoughts, feelings, physical sensations…so, if it’s thoughts, like things you’re thinking about or…that just come up…it turns out, thoughts come up on their own, too, according to a lot of the work I’ve been doing on my own, where I try to be…I’m trying to work on my mindfulness, right?

 

No matter who you…I actually…when I say, this, I mean it, ‘cause I talk back…I’m one of those people that talks back to meditation teachers, but…or I talk with; I guess I don’t talk back. A lot of them, oh boy, whether it’s…whoever you’re listening to…wherever you listen, you say, oh, wait a second, so these thoughts are just…they can just come up on their own, eh? Oh, also, the thoughts…sometimes thoughts, for me, come up in the middle of a podcast intro. But so, thoughts about the past, present, or future, feelings could come up. They could be feelings, they could be emotions or physical sensations. They could be…any of those…they could be interconnected. A lot of times they are. Sometimes I don’t even know it. That is one of the benefits of being more mindful, is you get more connected to that stuff.

 

But you say, oh boy, no idea. I’m not kidding. I’m not making light of this at all. I say, wow, that is…wow. Okay. Or, yeah, I say, yeah, let’s feel that and let’s feel that, and let those thoughts…they…this would be…I’m not there, but I say, yeah, let those thoughts bubble up like soap bubbles. I say, well, most of my thoughts are more like various Jack-in-the-Boxes, which I’d have to explain. I’ll explain what…hopefully we’ll get back to that, and also, I’ll try to make it a calm…Friend-in-the-Box, a friend…pop-up friend, we’ll call it. Maybe we could talk about pop-up books, too. But whatever’s keeping you awake…so, thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, it could be other stuff. Whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of it and keep you company while you fall asleep.

 

So, that’s kind of what I view my job as here, is to distract you, to keep you company as you fall asleep. Repetitive stuff. So, what I’ll do is…I a got a safe place here set aside. In this case, on the North Pole Local, I have a cozy seat right next to me. Oh, is it so cozy. It’s a bench seat…one bench seat per person. I’ll be here right now to introduce you to the seat. I don’t know how they do this on the North Pole Local. I hear the North Pole Express doesn’t even have these features because everybody’s so distracted. The North Pole Express is about the destination, because you’re like, oh boy, I can’t wait to get there, so you don’t even think about the accommodations. Plus, it’s full of kids running around, where the North Pole Local, the seating…so, we have these bench seats. They’re reversible somehow, I think by holiday magic.

 

So, it’s fleece on one side and some sort of comforting waterproof material…I don’t know what it is. I think they said it’s made from coconut. So, the same thing…you ever have those spoons and stuff that are compostable? I think they’re made from coconut or something, or whatever those spoons are made of…totally breathable. You say, wow, let me try that fleece side out again. The thing is that it gets…there’s some sort of vacuum built in, so when you…so, it’s cool stuff, the tech they have here in the North Pole. You say, well, Scoots, why do they put so much work…? I say, well, the North Pole Local’s a longer journey. Some people are doing…taking a professional journey or they’re commuting to and from work. Oh, but we’ll get to that later.

 

I can’t…so, I’m gonna create a safe place that’s comfy like that, where you have space, and then I’ll send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’ll use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders…so, I’ll go off-topic, and…pointless meanders, superfluous tangents; they’ll be some of those…pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, what other things? I go off-topic, I get mixed up, I get distracted. This is a podcast…if you’re new, welcome. I’m glad…welcome. Let me show you to your seat, or you could walk around and take a tour, self-guided or not. I’m glad you’re here. This podcast is meant to kinda keep you company and take your mind off of stuff as you fall asleep, so this is…it’s different than a regular podcast.

 

One, I have creaky, dulcet tones that you have to kinda…have to let grow on you, get used to them. They’re a bit different, same with the style of the show and the slight humor. Also, the…what else of the content…? Oh, this is a podcast you don’t really listen to. That’s kind of the hardest thing for some people, is…wait a second, when is the podcast gonna work or get started? We say, well, it’s kinda like the train; it’s…especially the North Pole Local. You say, is this thing even moving? I say, yeah, well, we don’t want to build up too much speed between stops here, ‘cause then you gotta slow it back down. We’re very energy efficient on the North Pole Local. So, yeah, whatever…that’s part of it, is you say, oh, okay. You say, what kind of train has multiple…? The train can just…?

 

Yeah, oh yeah, well, we…because it’s the North Pole…oh, we’ll talk about this in the show, but yeah, we can choose multiple tracks and meander around…so that one track’s always open, they say. So, that’s…and also, we’re plowing the track, so sometimes when all the tracks are open or partially open…you say, okay, take Northern B, Sally, because we need to get that plowed…because all the trains…we have plows on there, too, to plow the snow for the trains coming behind us, another reason to go slow or at a steady pace. So, this podcast is like that. But you say, in that case…and then we say…the advice is ‘don’t pay attention to…if the train’s moving or not.’ Of course, in that case, I'd say, how am I supposed to do that? If I was on that train…I’m with you.

 

So, that’s your first journey, just like your first listen to the show. You say, how am I supposed to not pay attention? I say, well, it’s an eventual thing. Most regular listeners say ‘listen two or three tries before you even get used to it.’ So, give it a few tries of not listening and barely paying attention, and I know that’s counter-intuitive. I know the show is not easy…and of course you’re skeptical if you’ve been having trouble sleeping. I’m skeptical, and if I heard about a sleep podcast, I’d be skeptical, too. So, I understand that. So, that’s…those are a couple things. What else is…? Oh, don’t listen…no pressure to fall asleep, either; that’s the weird thing about this show. It’s a sleep podcast that doesn’t really put you to sleep. I just keep you company while you drift off.

 

That’s why I’m here for about an hour, to give you plenty of time. You could just fall asleep at your leisure when you do. The plus side of that is if you can’t sleep, if you’re…you got something going on, I’ll be here to the very end to keep you company whether you’re awake or asleep.  I don’t always point that out, but that’s one of the most important parts of the show for me, is that I’m here for you. You don’t have to be…you can be asleep or awake. I’m here for you. I don’t know, ‘cause I learned very early on from some wonderful listeners that let me know that some people aren’t asleep; they’re listening. So, I’m here for you if you’re listening. Or if you just woke up, hey, I’m here for you. But you could fall…you know, you could sit and listen or you could fall asleep. That’s the deal. So, those are two things.

 

The other thing that could throw new people off is the structure of the show. The structure of the show is a bit different. The show starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, in this case, North Pole residents, and that’s so everybody knows they’re welcome here. That’s important to me. So, there’s that, then there’s…oh, so, then there’s business. That’s how…the business is about four to six minutes or so, and that’s how we get the podcast free twice a week. Then there’s an intro, and the intro has the Supporter Zone, where we say, hey, this is important for you, these other resources. Then the intro just goes on and on and on from about minute six or eight to minute twenty to twenty-five.

 

The reason it does that is, one…’cause you say, wait a second, the intro of the podcast is one-third of the show. I'd say, yeah, approximately. That serves a purpose of introducing you if you’re new, so you kinda get a general idea of what to expect. But if you’re a regular listener, then you can kind of adjust as…after those first two or three tries, and you say, okay, this works if I don’t…it works effortlessly, which is not easy to…you say, it work…I figured it out by not figuring it out. That kinda stuff. Just like the mindfulness stuff…you say, oh, wait a second, I’m not supposed to…you know? It’s like loosening the knot, I guess is the easiest way to do it. I don’t even have any good analogies. But so…then as you become a regular listener…if you do. Again, this doesn’t work for everybody, but I hope it works for you.

 

If you become a regular listener, then the regular listeners use the intro in a variety of ways, all of which are okay. For example, I just heard from a listener that skips ahead to twenty minutes and starts listening there, and some listeners listen on Patreon to story-only episodes, so that’s one way to listen. Another way to listen is to start your wind-down or getting-ready-for-bed routine, whether it’s on your phone or your sleep phones or your smart speaker as you get ready for bed. Another way is as you’re doing a wind-down, whether it’s some sort of other chill-out activity, or maybe not. Maybe you’re arranging things or just doing some…I don’t know, some people I know pick up stuff at bedtime.

 

So, whatever it is, you’re listening to the podcast, and then other people are in bed getting comfortable, maybe just chilling, and other people are falling asleep. So, just kinda see how it goes. But that’s the purpose the intro serves as you become a regular…first it introduces you, then it becomes a familiar friend, ideally. Now, again, like I said, not everybody…and you say, oh, it’s a familiar friend I don’t have to pay attention to, but that’s there. Then you kinda say, oh, okay, it gives me some…in the end, it gives you some distance and some…a way to get some distance from the day, because if you get a good night’s sleep, your world’s gonna be a little bit better, right?

 

Then maybe you could build up some momentum, and…I don’t know, it’s just nice to know people out there are getting some rest and that their lives are a little bit better. Maybe if that becomes a regular thing, you just grow out of listening to podcasts, you’re out there in the world flourishing, that would be amazing. Or you could become a regular listener and you say, well, that’s my bore-friend. He’s there to keep me company. So, that’s the structure of the show. That’s why I make the show. The other things to know…well, I guess…oh, why do I make the show? I said…like I said, I got those pop-up friends in my brain. I call them brainbots sometimes. But they’re always popping up on me. They say, hey Scoots, what are you doing, resting? Oh, okay.

 

Well, I was thinking about this…that keeps happening to me even when I meditate, too, before I get in bed or try to be mindful or quiet. Actually, lately it has helped, because then it’s like, oh, when I’m trying to be quiet and meditate, that’s when a lot of my thoughts will pop up, before I get in bed. I’m only laughing ‘cause it just took me now to realize that. But they say, oh boy, remember this or remember that? Or oh…I say, oh boy, could you…? And it even has that music, ‘cause…oh, what’s the friend…? A pop-up Friend-in-a-Box. So, some of you…this was before…I’m sure they have it still, but it’s not a toy…this is what I never understood, is…I like the…it’s a toy you only play with two or three times. Maybe it’s more geared…I guess I would say…this is probably another episode.

 

Somebody remind me of this for the fall of 2021, ‘cause I’d like to know…who in the heck invented this thing? ‘Cause you say, who is this for? Oh, pre-toddlers. Okay, take that person…keep this invent…toy inventor…take away their toy-inventing license. Well, how does your toy work? Okay, so, it’s a box that looks like a present’s inside. Okay, I’m with you so far. For pre-toddlers, because they want…for toddlers, but more likely anybody that can’t…a toddler, we’ll say, almost a toddler. Is that a tiddler? No, but…I don’t know. But so…okay, so, you have a present box. Yeah, it’s a box that looks like a present. It has a mechanism on the side that…you wind it. Yeah, I know that has a vocabulary word, but I can’t think of it. Funniest thing; I invented the toy. I can’t think of it, either.

 

So, you crank it…a crank, and you crank it, and it makes fun music with a music box that’s inside the box. Okay, like, fun music like you’d hear at a carnival. Exactly, like you’d hear at a carnival. Okay, then what happens? Then at a random time while you’re cranking the box, a friend pops out, and a surprise. Okay. But you never know when the surprise is gonna come. Right. It’s a delight. Huh, interesting. I'd say it’s probably a delight for ten percent of kids, and maybe a delight for them three percent of the…how many…what’s the reuse factor on this? Have you done any market research? No, but I think it’s a great idea. Here’s my plan; let me just run it by you. Okay, ‘cause…yeah, you’re gonna need a plan for this idea.

 

I’m just gonna make it a traditional gift, and people won’t…I’m gonna…here’s what I did…also, I’m a time-traveler. Okay, so, this makes more sense. So, you invented this toy in the present and then you traveled back in time. Yes I did, ‘cause I thought it was a great idea. My whole life, people have said it was a terrible idea. So, then I invented a time machine. Okay, let’s just stick to the Friend-in-the-Box. Okay, so then I went back in time and arranged it so it was a traditional gift you always give. You don’t even know why. I went so back far in history that I confused nostalgia and tradition and myth. People said, well, I don’t know why we give kids these things. They only play with them twice, and most of the time, the experience is not ideal. Then as an adult, you might play with it twice. But yeah, it’s just tradition.

 

I don’t know. I don’t know what a kid wants. Get them that, the friend to pop out of a box. Okay, so you did that, and then what? Well, now it’s a present, so I’m able to afford to make my time machine. Oh, boy. Maybe you should…maybe…that’s interesting. I don’t know if that’s the best use of time travel, but I guess you created time travel…I can’t think about that too much. I gotta close this intro out. But those are the kinda things that pop up in my head at bedtime, along with the carnival music. So, this is the person you’re dealing with. I’m glad you’re here. I really appreciate your time. Where did that even come from? I can’t believe that person invented that thing.

 

Maybe if I get time travel, I’ll just go back and un-invent the Friend-in-the-Box. But, I don’t know, then if we didn’t have it, what…? They said, well, it’s to teach children resilience. I'd say, well, could you put a message in afterwards teaching resiliency, then? Well, that’s a great idea. Let me go get my time machine. Oh, you’re still listening? Okay, well, thanks for everybody for coming by. Like I said, if you’re new, give this show a few tries. I really appreciate you checking the podcast out. I really hope, and I yearn and I strive to help you fall asleep. Thanks.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, things you’re thinking about, feelings, anything emotionally coming up for you, where you say, okay, I’m feeling something about that. I don’t know…normally it’s not…it can be…sometimes good or excited feelings can keep us awake. They never get any glory. You say…‘cause usually if you’re excited about waking up, then later, your grouchiness is a little bit…I don’t know.

 

I don’t know what the…I don’t have the vocabulary to say it, but something eclipsed by your…whatever the joyous event is. But it could be feelings about the past, present, future, or just general…the old generalized feelings. Talk about a feeling that’s resentful. You say, who are you calling generalized? I say, well, I don’t know. That was just what it said in the DSVM-5…the IV, the 1VV1. Everybody laughs…everybody that knows what it is laughs, ‘cause they say, Scoots, it’s not the DSVM. I'd say, are you sure about…? It’s gray, right? I can see it. I pulled that thing…you know where it’s good to find those…? And this isn’t a joke about the content. It’s just that a lot of those end up in the bin because…I’m sure a lot of people set out on that path either to…who would say that?

 

Oh boy, I can’t wait to sit down and crack this manual…whatever it is. It’s got a lot of letters and some…I think Roman numerals in here. Not only is it a manual; it’s a diagnostic manual, and I think the S probably stands for Standardized or something. Even ‘generalized’ is saying, yeah, and I’m not even…I might be listed in there, but I’m not on the cover. I'd say, well, you’re on the cover of so many things for me. You’re on the top of my covers when I’m trying to go to sleep and when I get up, sitting there…old generalized, different things. Anyway, so, it could be feelings, it could be physical sensations, it could be interrelated stuff, it could be something else. Whatever is keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that and keep you company just like a friend would, chitter-chattering away while you fall asleep.

 

That’s it. I’m here to take your mind off of stuff while you fall asleep, and what I’m gonna do is I’m gonna create a safe place. I’m smoothing it, I’m patting it slowly. If it’s in the past, I’ll slowly…if you fell asleep and I was there, I would slow…well, this is why it’s a podcast; I would slowly back out of the room, then I would definitely tumble on some stuff, then I would probably sing the song I Tumble For You. I Tumble For You. Then…hopefully I’d sing that in a low tone. Then you say, oh boy, now everybody else is awake. Then you say, did you hire that story…? I thought it was a podcast. You said, well, it was an add-on. He’d come over. That’s how I make you appreciate the podcast. You say, Scoots, I don’t know about this Sleep With Me podcast anymore.

 

I'd say, well, invite me over to do the podcast in person, and you’ll…believe me, you say, what do those…what did you have, Ritz-covered saltine crackers? What are those crumbs? I’ve never seen all those crumbs together in one place. Is that birdseed? It could have been. I don’t know. Well, do…? That’s why…you say, what did you trip over? Oh, I brought…I bring my own things. I bring…I sprinkle Legos around the floor just to make you appreciate the podcast. That’s why I do it. It’s the only time I can imitate Homer Simpson, is when I’m…I have a handful of crackers and I’m putting crackers in my mouth and I’m backing out of your room quietly. That’s to keep my mouth from making any noises while I’m back…and then I step on those Legos.

 

I thought…what I thought was…you know, I try…they say don’t multitask, but I figured if I ever had to be a quiet mover in the movies, like if I was gonna be in one of those Mission Impossible movies, if they ever needed me…not that they would, but just in case they did, I want to be ready. So, I said, well, I’m gonna do this podcast over here. Just in case your mission, should you choose to accept it, this…the secrets, they’re gonna make…once again, they’re gonna make the Eiffel Tower into something. I’m not sure if it’s a super-conductor or a giant Tesla coil that will erase all known knowledge on the Earth and crash, whatever, all the databases. Don’t take that idea and run with it, by the way, super-geniuses.

 

But yeah, the plans are in a room that’s very dark and covered in Legos, and also, the only way…there’s also this other thing; the only thing that can confuse it is a sandwich of Ritz crackers and saltine crackers crunching and being dribbled along the room. Oh, sorry. I’m sorry, I’m here to do a sleep podcast. Sorry, I got…drifted off, there. So, that’s why you don’t invite me over. Just one of the reasons, one of the many reasons. That’s why I come in podcast form. So, what I’m gonna do…I got a safe place, and none of that stuff’s there. That’s what’s great. Just this podcast. It’s flexible. You could set a sleep timer, you could listen to episode after episode, you could start it at thirty minutes tomorrow, whatever works for you. But I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.

 

I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents…so, I’m gonna go off-topic, which we’ve seen already, and not really go anywhere. That would be if I was trying to back out of your room…but it’s not my room, so I might…if I’m backing out…you really should only back out of rooms you know the layout of. I'd say, well, how’d I get on this side of the bed? Now I got an entire…now I gotta recross an entire room of Legos. Maybe I should have worn shoes. I say, oh boy, not hard…anything but hardwood floors. They say, no, it’s laminate floors. I'd say, when it comes to Legos, it doesn’t make a difference. I’m barefooted. Also, they’re borrowed Legos, so I can’t…I couldn’t put shoes on any…even if I wanted to, because then how would I return them in their original…?

 

Also, here’s the thing; if I wanted to do any product placement…if any companies are listening that aren’t Lego like Playmobil…Playmobil would fit in this image perfectly. As a matter of fact, it would be even better, ‘cause you’d say, I’ve always wanted to play with those Playmobils. I mean, I did with my daughter. We got second…we got a…what do you call it? Not a hand-me-down. We were gifted pre-played-with Playmobil by my friend and sometimes-listener, Evelyn. Hopefully I don’t wake Evelyn up. But so, let’s see, where was I? Oh, so I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night, lulling, soothing tones, creaky, dulcet…pointless meanders, all to help you fall asleep, to take your mind off of stuff.

 

So, if you’re new, here’s a couple of things to know; one, a lot of people don’t like this show when they first listen — I would say most people — so, that’s a normal…or you’re just not sure about it. So, give it a few tries, and that’s only to benefit you, is because this podcast is very different. You don’t really listen to it, just like if I was there in person and we had a contingency where you said, don’t bring any Legos or crackers, or just don’t bring anything except for a bedtime story. Just sit there, and then also…nevermind. We’ll just listen…you say, well, I’ll just listen to the podcast. That’s easier. So, just barely listen, but just like you were calling a friend on the phone or chatting with them or whatever. You say, I’m not gonna listen, but you just tell me about your lunch and your nature walk.

 

So, it’s a podcast you don’t really listen to. It’s also a podcast that doesn’t put you to sleep. I just keep you company while you fall asleep. So, there’s no pressure. The shows are over an hour or around an hour, so you got plenty of time to drift off. If you can’t sleep, if you can’t fall asleep or you just can’t sleep at all, I’m here for you. I’ll be here to the very end to keep you company. So, that’s that, and this is gonna be a holiday…oh, so the structure of the show…yeah. So, the structure of the show…the show starts off with a greeting; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary, so you know you’re seen and welcome here.

 

Then it’s resources for the listener, then our Patreon and a sponsor usually, then more resources for the listeners, Supporter Zone, then an…that’s like, six minutes, then the intro, which goes from minute six to minute twenty-something. The intro is separate from the business where I just kinda try to explain what the podcast is and I get distracted. So, it’s like I’m trying to explain what the podcast is for you, the new listener, but you — yeah, you, yeah, the regular listener — I’m trying to take your mind off of stuff every single episode in a new way that’s familiar so that your brain or your feelings or your emotions or your physical sensations can’t adapt, so I can keep taking your mind off of stuff. The regular listener knows that this podcast, it just doesn’t work instantly. It slowly works. When it works, you don’t even notice.

 

So, the reason the intro in the beginning is twenty minutes is to ease you into bedtime. So, you can fold the podcast into your bedtime routine however you discover works for you. People use it in different ways. Like I said, there’s about two percent of people that skip ahead to twenty minutes and start the show there, but for ninety-eight percent of listeners, they’re using the intro as they’re getting ready for bed or as they’re in bed getting comfortable or as they’re drifting off. So, just see how it goes. So, that’s the intro. Then there’s business. That’s how we’re able to bring you the podcast free, then there’s our story. Tonight it’ll be our episodically modular, somewhat-serialized, holiday soap opera, As the North Pole Turns. We’ll be talking…it’ll just be…it’ll be very sleepy. You say, it’s a soap opera?

 

I'd say, well, it has soap-operatic elements. Heavy on the bubbles, I'd say. Then there will be thank-yous. So, that’s the structure of the show. What else do you need to know? Well, this is a podcast you don’t really…oh yeah, we said that; don’t really listen to it. I think that’s it. I mean, I make the podcast because I believe you deserve a good night’s sleep and that your world will be better if you get the rest you need, and that’ll make our world better. It’ll just be nice, right, for everybody involved. I also make it ‘cause I’ve been there on the other side, tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep, so I know how it feels and I’d love to help. I think that’s it. I’m really glad you’re here. I really work hard. I yearn and I strive. I really hope I can help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple ways I’m able to bring you this podcast twice a week.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. So, if it’s thoughts, things on your mind, physical sensations, so, thoughts…oh, thoughts, yeah, from the past, present, or future, physical sensations, anything in your body, or feelings. I got those…I put those out of order as…but just any feelings coming up for you. It could be changes in your schedule or your routine. It could be just the routine…I don’t know.

 

Last night I said, ‘what’s up with that?’ when I woke up, and then this morning when I woke up…extra, I said what’s…what in the hey, hey, hey? So, whatever’s keeping you awake or whatever has you in need to get back to sleep, I’m gonna try to help with that. What I’m going to do is…I got a safe place here laid out, spaced out. It’s a spacey safe place, man, as someone has not said yet, but I would like to bring someone into our safe place and have them say that, and then say, what…are…do you do a Cheech and Chong retrospective podcast? I say, yeah, man. This is a spacey-space safe place. I say, okay, well, that’s…okay, come on in. But could you leave that…? Though, this is a safe place for everybody, so you could have a private safe place if you’re gonna partake. That’s…we have safe places set aside for that.

 

Oh, okay. No, I was just gonna enjoy this…okay, cool. Yeah, I don’t want to do…I don’t want to over-trope it, so…so, whatever is keeping you awake, what I’m gonna do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, gonna go off-topic and get mixed up, all to take your mind off of stuff while you fall asleep. So, that’s a couple things you need to know right away. Not right away; no rush. I try to keep…no rush on a sleep podcast, Scoots. But what I would like to let you know about as soon as possible is a couple of things, if you’re new. One, this podcast really doesn’t put you to sleep. It’s here to keep you company while you drift off. That’s why the episodes are about an hour, is to just give you time to take your mind off of stuff so you could fall asleep at your leisure or you just fall asleep.

 

You know, you’re just listening to me and you drift off. Now, if you can’t sleep, that’s the other side of this podcast. I’m here for you. I’m here to keep you company whether you’re awake or asleep, and I’ll be here to the very end. Once again, I almost said ‘berry end’. So, that’s one thing. The other thing to know is you don’t really listen to me, or you don’t really pay attention to me. You could listen, but almost like…is there something called gentle listening? I mean, it sounds like something that they…maybe I’ll write a book about that. You know, I see all these books about…well, I guess it wouldn’t be good, because I say, well, Gentle Listening: Ways to Rekindle the…Gentle Listening…Rekindling the Fire Through Gentle Listening, a book that was never written, ‘cause Scoots didn’t know what he was talking about, but he came up with Gentle Listening.

 

But in some sense, that is what I’m talking about. Now, gentle listening in a interpersonal relationship would be different than with a sleep podcast, so let me also delineate that. Gentle listening might be…I would imagine, since this is an imaginary term already, if it was in a interpersonal relationship — whether romantic or just a friendship or some sort of family relationship — you would put aside…it would be a…kinda mindful listening, where you’re trying to be gentle with whatever comes up inside you to interrupt your listening, which is everything for me. Just like sleep, it says, what are you gonna do? What are we gonna say next?

 

I say, okay, let’s just gentle listen, here. It’s a safe place. I’m gonna listen to…you have…but I’m in the moment, I’m listening to this person, and I’m there for them. So, that would be gentle listening in a interpersonal relationship, but in a sleep podcast, it’s like you don’t have to…you’re just in the moment, but you’re not really paying attention to me, either. You’re like, well, that’s not bad, that…those creaky, dulcet tones are creaky and dulcet, and I don’t know what he’s talking about. He uses a lot of filler words and misspeaks words like, every fifth or six word, and I don’t know what else he’s gonna talk about, but I don’t really need to pay much attention, either. So, that would be, I guess, gentle listening. Gentle not…gentle…well, you’re listening, and I appreciate that, but really, just barely pay me any attention.

 

It takes some getting used to. So, if you’re new, that’s the other thing regular listeners want you to know — and you could just see it on our reviews and stuff — is that it takes a couple times to get used to this podcast. So, give it a few tries and see how it goes, and just see if it helps. Now, this podcast does not work for everybody, but for most people it worked for, they gave it two or three tries. Now, if you’re on your second or third try and you find out it doesn’t work…the day I was recording this, I was just on two…well, I was on one panel with the hosts of Sleep Cove, Nothing Much Happens, and Get Sleepy. So, those are three podcasts, and then I also helped answer some questions for my buddy Harris from Sleep Whispers.

 

So, those are all sleep podcasts you could check out as well if Sleep With Me doesn’t work for you. But I would say just see how it goes at first. So…okay, so, don’t listen to me, I’m not here to put you to sleep, I’m here to keep you company…oh, the other things for new listeners that throw people off is the structure of the show. The structure really hasn’t changed in a while. I mean, I’ll talk about the small changes we’ve made, but it definitely throws…even regular listeners, they say, well, I’m not sure about the structure anymore. It does serve a few purposes, and so, I’ll explain it, but it’s definitely different, and you could have strong feelings about it. That makes sense. When something’s different than you’re expecting, of course you’re gonna have strong feelings.

 

So, the show starts off with a greeting so that you know you’re welcome here; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, parade floats everywhere, so you’re welcome. Then there’s some supporter stuff and advertise…sponsorship ads, and then more Supporter Zone. That’s, one, so the podcast can be there free and benefit the most amount of people, and that’s just a reality of the podcast being there, and then also to support you and support the members of our community. So, that’s that. Then there’s the intro. So, that…but that kinda…some people, it melds into the intro, and what I mean by that is like…so, that’s six or eight minutes or something, then the intro is around fifteen to twenty-two minutes.

 

The intro is where I introduce the podcast, but it’s also a part of most people’s wide-down routine. I know there are people that fall asleep during the intro, and I kinda…or that…the whole idea of the intro is to give you some distance between the day and the night, because for most people, sleep does…just doesn’t happen instantly, and for the majority of listeners, it just gives you a nice place to get ready for bed, to start your wind-down, to get comfortable, maybe to do some other activity that you enjoy that’s kind of mellow or passive. So, that’s what the intro…but it can confuse new people or even regular listeners. They say, isn’t that just like an infomercial or something? I say, no.

 

It’s something that never gets started and never goes anywhere, but it gives you a chance to get ready for bed or to brush your teeth or to pet your cat or brush your hair. Or maybe people have those Zen gardens where you kind of put the rocks or move the sand or something. Maybe do some doodling. I don’t know. So, that’s what the purpose the intro serves, is to introduce new listeners and to help you wind down. Then there’s business between the intro and the episode. That’s just where the majority of pod…that’s just where the podcast…that’s just how podcast advertising works. It’s like, I gotta be around that time in the episode. So, I guess if you wanted to skip it altogether, you could start the show at like twenty, twenty-two minutes, but that’s kinda what keeps the show free anyway.

 

So, there’s business and then there’s the story.  Tonight we’ll be covering the Macy’s parade. So…and then there was thank-yous at the end. So, that’s the structure of the show, and it’s a structure that benefits the most amount of people and that people can kind of adapt and use it in their own ways. Like I said, about two percent of people skip the intro. A lot of people listen to story-only episodes on Patreon. But this way I get to put the podcast out to the most amount of people, and then people can adapt around it. This podcast isn’t necessarily meant for listening all night. Some people do, but that’s better served behind a pay wall so that we don’t have to worry about the bandwidth and stuff. So like, patrons and stuff…but anyway, so, that’s the structure of the show. What else do you need to know?

 

So…oh, why I make the show. I make the show because I’ve been there, tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep. So, I’ve been there, and then…even lately…and I mean, in 2020, I’ve been waking up early and then trouble getting back to sleep. I’ve been doing that #laying, which doesn’t always work, which is…just like all other sleep stuff. It’s where I say, well, I’m just gonna lay here calmly, because it’s whatever time it is that my body woke up. I’m just gonna try to lay here. No, not worry about falling back asleep, but not worry about starting the day, either; just calmly lay there. For a while, that was really working. It had a over 50% chance of success.

 

Now we’re probably under 50%, but I still lay there, and then I…hopefully my calculator brain doesn’t turn on and say, well, blah, blah, blah. I say, okay, let’s just lay here. We’re #laying. We’re feeling our comfy mattress or listening to the fan or trying to think about something nice. In your case, you could put the podcast on, which would be…that would be a good time to listen to it, when you’re #laying and listening and hopefully falling back asleep. So, sometimes I fall back asleep, but not always. Then I have…all that stuff…the reason I make the show is ‘cause I know it feels, the frustration, the loneliness, all the other feelings. So, if I can help with that, that would be great.

 

Then, I also believe deep in my heart that you deserve a good night’s sleep, that our world will be a better place because your world will be a better place. You deserve a place you can get some rest, and if I can provide that for you, it’s like a dream come true for me, because I know how it feels and I know you deserve it. You deserve some place that makes your life more manageable, where you don’t wake up and say, well…‘cause I know how that feels. So, that’s why I make the show, and I think that’s kinda it. Tonight we’ll be doing our yearly coverage of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, which…this year was a chance…I did not think we would do this episode, to be honest. So, long-term listeners, what’s up?

 

Like, I had not had a opening in the schedule, even, ‘cause I said, well, they’re probably not gonna do it, or they’ll just do it for an hour. I ended up having to sign up for a streaming service that you could record stuff on because I don’t have cable, so I did that, and…so I would have access to the parade in a flexible way. But I said…then I didn’t watch it live, and somebody said the parade was still three hours. I said, what…really? Holy mackerel. Then I said, I’m really interested to see it. In my opinion, they did a wonderful job. So, I was really impressed that they did their best, and, yeah, it wasn’t the same as every…but, you know, it was something we could really enjoy and something I’m gonna really enjoy recap…I mean, I won’t recap it.

 

We’ll have guest hosts on like Ray and Bernie, but it’ll be something interesting to talk about that you can just barely pay attention to and that’ll be here to keep you company, because you deserve a good night’s sleep. So, that’s why I’m here. I really appreciate all the support everyone gives me, all the support that people put behind the show so it can be here on a regular basis, and I’m glad you’re here. I work really hard. I yearn and I strive, I really want to help you fall asleep, and here’s a couple ways I’m able to do it for you twice a week.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, it’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. So, it could be thoughts that are keeping you awake, like things you’re thinking about; past, present, future, all of them. That’s usually…those are my thoughts. I think about how the future’s gonna go. I’ll try to put it in neutral terms; how the future’s gonna go because of the past.

 

Presently, I should probably think about it a lot more in the present so that…that’s a part…then I say, well, why are we doing…why…what are…? Oh, for your own good, Scoots. We gotta do it. So, thoughts, it could be feelings, ‘cause then feelings come up for me at the same time. I don’t know…both are there. I’m getting better at tuning into my feelings, to be honest with you, and then just maybe saying, hey, hey thoughts, I’ve given you many, many years of my life, billions of…talk about ten thousand hours. I mean, that’s another one I got locked down, Gladwell; ten thousand hours of overthinking, and not just any overthinking. Like I say, ten thousand hours of focused overthinking.

 

I probably…I don’t know how many hours are in a year or decade, but…or multiple decades, but hundreds…I'd say probably a hundred…if I’ve been around for 200,000 hours, I was overthinking for fifty percent of it. That’s actually not a joke, ‘cause you say, well, eight hours you were asleep…so, thirty-three percent of the time, I was either asleep or think…so you say, well, out of that thirty-three percent, let’s just say eight percent…I was overthinking then. Oh yeah, I gotta get to this podcast intro. So, whatever’s keeping you awake; thoughts, feelings, physical sensations…maybe some math is there, ‘cause I say, wait a second, I should probably work on this math while I do this intro. But thoughts, feelings, it could be schedule, work, you could work second, third, fourth shift.

 

I’m here to glamorize the fourth and the fifth shifts, because just…no one does it anymore. Because a lot of people say, Scoots, none of those exist. I say, once again, I have to explain this to you? Because…just because Hollywood only shows the first, second, and third shifts…just because those journalists out there focus their time, and all the scientists, and…that doesn’t mean there’s not a fourth and a fifth shift out there somewhere. Sometimes — and I think you could all agree with me on this — sometimes the first shift feels like the fifth shift, if you know what I’m saying. You say, oh, man. Just like Cathy, that comic book who disliked Mondays…Sundays…not only do Sundays feel like Mondays; Sundays feel like you’re on the fifth shift. You say, 9:00 a.m.?

 

So…oh, whatever’s keeping you awake, I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of it while you fall asleep. There’s someone…I’m not kidding; you know, Hollywood…this is…sometimes people say this smarmily, but really, Hollywood does use a lot…reuse a lot of IP. I don’t really know anything about Cathy or the creator of Cathy. So, then I’m trying to say, well, this could be problem…there’s probably something problematic. Mondays are like, yeah, Cathy had a problem with us, so…but has there been a Cathy…? Cathy was a comic back when there was newspapers, before the current times when we had…anyway, I can’t get into it, but Cathy…you could look it up.

 

Cathy was a comic strip, and Cathy disliked Mondays, among many other of Cathy’s wonderful qualities, in case…the Cathy’s…for the Cathy superfans that are listening. Where was I? So, whatever’s keeping you awake, I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of it. Oh yeah, what…it could be shifts, it could be work. What I propose to do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones…oh, so creaky are my dulcet tones that even Raven says…when she…and people said, that’s That’s So Raven, not Oh So Raven. I say, well, we’ll have to agree to disagree on…they say, it’s right here, in the Raven…That’s So Raven Wiki, not Oh So Raven. Also, the Yoda-like character on the Mandalorian is the Child, not baby Oso.

 

I say, wow, you’re really letting me have it. Whatever it is…oh, those…but what I said is that if Raven-Symoné was listening to my voice, she might say, was that a creaky door that just opened? Was that a full…is that a foley artist pretending to open a door on set? Maybe…I would imagine…and this is only…this is fanfiction, but that Raven-Symoné is great to work with. I think probably that’s true because of her long career. Usually that’s a good sign. So, Raven so would say, well, I want to check…I love checking in with the foley artist. Lerlene’s my favorite foley artist anyway. So, she’s opening a creaky, dulcet door somewhere? No, no, that’s somebody…that’s a sleep podcast. Oh, okay. Also, when…? Okay, let’s get back to shooting my brand-new show, the blockbuster show, It’s So Raven. So, that’s the future.

 

I don’t really predict the future very much. But they say, what…? I say, well, yeah, all the streaming companies got…they were pitching more and more…who’s gonna have this next phase in Raven-Symoné’s career? Unfortunately, she couldn’t get the rights to That’s So Raven. So, yeah, that’s how we ended up with It’s So Raven. Sorry, some people may be wondering where are you. Yeah, sorry, you’re at Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. So, a couple things to know if you’re new, ‘cause, yeah, I’m way…I’ve wandered far afield, as I normally do. So…okay, so if you’re new here, welcome. I’m glad you’re here. A couple things to know…you may have already figured this out. This podcast is pretty much nonsense, but it’s a fine nonsense. It’s very…I wouldn’t say it’s…it’s a fine-grain nonsense, yeah.

 

The reason it’s nonsensical is ‘cause you don’t have to listen to it. I’m kinda like a friend you call. I mean, can you imagine that? You say, okay, let’s stay…since we’re with this Raven-Symoné thing…you say, okay, okay, so, I accept that there was a show called That’s So Raven. Now, what if you had a friend that was a That’s So Raven…what if you had a friend…? Let’s get even more meta. What if you had a friend that wrote…rewrote That’s So Raven with Cathy from the comics? Let’s just say it was your grandmother or an aunt or some sort of other figure like that. You say, you know…we’ll just call her Abby. Abby?

 

Auntie Abby, I’m gonna call you, and I want you to tell me all about this thing you’re working on, this imaginary…you like to write and imagine that Cathy…well, it’s…yeah, it’s That’s So Raven (and Cathy), in parentheses after. It’s actually like…yeah, it’s actually…this would work. What if Raven-Symoné was a person that started rebooting Cathy, like writing it? I don’t know, does any of this…? You say, keep talking, Auntie. I’m gonna be lying here. You just tell me the whole…go through the pilot again. First, tell me the…can you go through a few episodes of That’s So Raven and then how you’re gonna link it back? I’ll be lying here not listening to you. So, that’s the part that usually trips you up. You couldn’t really say that, ‘cause you’d say, well, I’m really…your aunt would normally say, I put so much work into this.

 

This is my passion project. People say go with your passion or whatever it is, and those are the two things I love. I don’t like Mondays, because that just fits there. So, you say that…but Raven does love Mondays. That would be the best if…‘cause she…if she was making this…either a TV show based on…so, it’s like one of those Christopher Guest things. Raven-Symoné is making a TV show based on Cathy. She loves it, so she actually loves Mondays, because she loves getting back to work. She feels so fulfilled, ‘cause this is a hundred%…this would be her production company. So, we couldn’t…anyway…so, yeah, you couldn’t tell your aunt to just keep talking while you fall asleep. Obviously that stuff is a big deal to her. With this podcast, you don’t gotta listen. You don’t have that last part.

 

You say, okay Scoots, you’re gonna just talk about the exact thing…? Yeah, okay. So, that’s one thing, you don’t need to listen to me. It’s actually…can be hard at first to accept that or understand. You might be wondering, when does the sleepy stuff start, when do I get to the point, what did I even get myself into? I’m very skeptical. Those are all natural ways to approach the show, because this show’s very different and strange. The only thing I can say is give it a few tries. That’s what most listeners say, or just kind of have a loose grip or a loose focus. So, that’s that, and then what else? Oh, so, this is a podcast you don’t really listen to. It doesn’t really actually put you to sleep, either. Some of you might be like, yeah, no duh. No, it’s more here while you fall asleep, just like with our aunt example.

 

You say, okay, I’m kinda barely listening to you, but I like that because, yeah, you’re talking about these kinda sitcom setups and…okay, yeah, I can…oh, I’m wondering. Well, where does she work, in a low-rise or a high-rise? I picture her in a bungalow. I think it’d be best if this show was shot in a bungalow on the…behind the scenes of Universal Studios, also because that’s one of my life goals. Not to make it about me, but to just…to work in one of the bungalows on the Universal Studios lot where I could just sit in a lawn chair all day and wave at the…Raven would be like, Scooter, where is the scripts for this season? I'd say, sorry Raven, I was…my arm was tired from waving at the people on the tour. Sometimes I pretend I’m a animatronic, and I just pretend…and then I do the robot.

 

So, yeah, I didn’t get any of my…okay, well, how are we gonna keep…? You can’t keep sitting here entertaining…well, maybe I could. Maybe they could make that a job. So…okay, so that part of the fanfiction didn’t work out. I already lost my job on an imaginary show, and it just happened to be Monday, so that would be one more…I'd say, well, now I hate Mondays, because that was the day I lost my job where I made it my second job to sit and interact with the guests at Universal Studios. That would be…that’s quite an autobiography title. So, okay…oh, so, don’t listen to me. No pressure to fall asleep. I’m gonna be here for about an hour, so you could drift off at your leisure. Then if you can’t sleep or you wake up, I’m here for you.

 

These episodes are complete, so I’ll be here to the very end to keep you company. So, that’s that. The structure of the show can throw people off, obviously. I’ve been talking here for about fifteen minutes and I haven’t even got to the structure of the show. But that’s kinda part of how the show works, actually. So, it starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, North Pole residents, so you know you’re welcome. Then there’s business — that’s how we keep the show free — then there’s the intro. The intro goes from about minute six to minute twenty, and it’s where I kinda just go on and on and on about the podcast and slowly, barely get to the point. So, yeah, it’s a bit different.

 

Oh, so, yeah, the intro though, for new listeners, it introduces you to the show, and you see it’s a bit different. But for regular listeners, it kinda becomes part of your bedtime routine, unless you choose to skip it. You could always skip it and just set your thing for twenty minutes. Or, on Patreon, we put out story-only versions of the episodes, so…but for most listeners, as they became a regular listener, first they started off…what is this? What the heck? Or, not for me, and then they come back and then they become a regular listener. I guess that’s the only way you become a regular listener, is if you come back. Some people just keep going.

 

So…but then, it just gives…the whole idea of the show is to be part of your wind-down, whether you’re in bed or getting ready for bed, so you can have some distance from the day, so I can ease you into bedtime. So, that’s the intro, then there’s business, which is just structurally how podcast stuff works, then there will be our story. The story is gonna be the final episode of our holiday soap opera, so that’s exciting. Holy melodrama, heavy on the sleepy stuff. So, that’ll be that, then there’s some thank-yous at the end. So, that’s the structure of the show. The reason I make the show is because you deserve a good night’s sleep. That’s why I make the podcast. You deserve a good night’s sleep.

 

You deserve a place where you can rest and get some comfort, because if you get some sleep, your world will be a better place, our world will be a better place. That’s amazing, and then what’s the other last thing I was thinking of? Oh, the reason…the other reason I make the show is because I’ve been there, tossing and turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep. Like I said, I got that…I’ve got that ten thousand hours down. I don’t know, I was gonna try to do some math, but I don’t have any idea. I can’t do…I have dyslexia, so I really can’t do math in my head. So…‘cause I said, well, how many hours…? And I’ll just…you can let me know, but how long would…? I know I’ve done ten thousand hours of overthinking. I’m just wondering if I’ve done a hundred thousand.

 

But I don’t have…twenty-four hours in a day, right? So, ten days is 240 hours. A hundred days is…right? Is a hundred days 2,400 hours? 24-0-0 is 2,400. A thousand days; 24,000. Oh yeah, I got…I probably got a hundred thousand hours of overthinking in, no problem. Maybe that’s…they say, Scoots, your hair is just like Malcolm Gladwell’s, but straight and poofy. What happened? I say, a hundred thousand hours…that’s a hundred thousand hours of overthinking. How’d he get that Hi-Pro glow? Well, I eat dog food. That’s how I get it, because it’s…that’s where that ad’s from. I say, no, no, also from overthinking. I guess it stimulates some sort of…I don’t know.

 

I just…I had to…I have to bring up Gladwell’s hair and my hair, because I…that’s one place where it’s…there is an…not anti, but anti…whatever. My hair is poofy and straight, and his hair is beautifully lustrous, curly, and rich. Mine is more like corn, like something you find not a human, like you’d find on an animal. I’m not joking. That’s why I say I have Hi-Pro glow. So, anyway, I’m glad you’re here, is my main point. I’m sorry I’m laughing. It’s just, when things keep going far afield, I’m literally saying, okay, let’s bring it back here. Then my brain says, what about that? Then it says, oh, there’s…it shows me Malcolm Gladwell’s headshot.

 

I say, well, I gotta look at that. So, I’m glad you’re here. Like a lot of listeners say, give this show a few tries, but you could give up on it. It does not work for everybody, but I really hope it works for you. So, that’s why I say give it a few tries, ‘cause hopefully…like I say, you deserve a good night’s sleep. You deserve something that’s gonna barely put a smile on your face. I mean, if you’re looking for something more than that, then this might not…you say, this podcast is something I feel very ambivalent about, and that’s why I love it. So, I’m glad you’re here. I really appreciate you coming by. I work very hard, I yearn and I strive, and here’s a couple ways I’m able to bring you this show twice a week.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts, things on your mind you’re thinking about, feelings, anything coming up for you emotionally or physically, it could be changes in time, temperature, schedule…whatever it is. Have I ever talked about hooting before? I mean, I don’t know, hooting is something…I just…I’m reading a book with an owl in it, and I just thought of this terrible joke. What does an owl say…?

 

I just realized owls probably don’t have toes. But what would an owl say if it had toes and it stubbed its toe? Someone said, what letter does Linda start with…and they stubbed their toe as they were doing it? They’d say, owl. Probably a better setup for that one. There’s a free punchline for anybody that knows actually how to write jokes; owl. I just realized…I’m not even kidding. I’m not trying to be funny; my brain just said, Scoots, owls don’t say ‘owl’. I said, huh. It sounded funny when you thought of it and then gave me the joke, actually, two seconds ago. So, that’s a little bit about how my brain works, if you’re new. I was gonna say…hopefully I’ll remember to come back to that. What was I gonna say? Hooting and owls. But hopefully I’ll remember the name — not just hooting — of owls.

 

Well, there’s Hootie, but I was thinking of the name Hoot, H-O-O-T. When was that name at its most popular? But I’ll come back to all of that. So, whatever’s keeping you awake…it could be any…it could be bird noises. Holy moly. I don’t know why I almost said holy bowly. Well, a tweety bird makes a tweet, so it’s not that really far…I’m sure there’s owls that…you could say, well, that owl doesn’t hoot. It says ‘owl’, especially when it stubs its toe and it’s trying to say the first letter of something that starts with L. What’s the first letter of letter? Oh, I stubbed my…owl. Okay, but whatever’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that. What I’m gonna do is I’m gonna try to create a safe place, as I said. If you’re new, this place might not feel so safe, initially.

 

It might feel strange or you might say…or unsure, and that’s perfectly normal. I’m supposed to earn the safe place. You don’t even have to give me a chance to, but you could think about it, so let’s just see how it goes. So, what I’m gonna do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. That’s what I’m doing right now. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, creaky like an old…like a door, like a well-used door, a door that’s had a full life of love and…yeah, creaky, dulcet tones. So, that’s my…sound of my voice. Not for everybody, but for a lot of people, they get used to it. They say, oh, this is something sleepy about that. Creaky, dulcet tones…never heard them before. Because normally, if you have creaky, dulcet tones, you keep it to yourself.

 

Creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders…we’ve already had a few in there. Jokes, punchlines without jokes…punchlines without punch. You got that. You’d say, yeah, your punchlines are more like…they’re definitely lines or collections of words delivered to me. I say, well, yeah, it’s a punchline without a setup, I guess. So, then it’s just a line. Creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents…I’m here to take your mind off of stuff and keep you company, in reality, not so much to put you to sleep. I’m here as you drift off. So, if you’re new, a few things. This is a podcast, ideally, you consume in a loose, out-of-focus way at first.

 

‘Cause if you’re waiting for me to get started or get to the point or start making sense — the third one for sure — that’s not…that’ll be…you’re better off saying, huh, I fell asleep before he ever started making sense. That’s a common review of the show, and it can go both ways. Some people say that in a positive way. Other people say…they would say I stopped listening, probably. So, kinda try to hold the show loosely, just like you would hold…like you’d have a butterfly if it landed in your hands. Not to equate me with a butterfly, oh no, or a bird. I don’t think you’d want…if you were an owl…though, usually those people have those leather…gauntlet thing. But there’s still…I guess a owl probably weighs a bit, somewhere between five and forty pounds. I don’t know. But you still gotta hold it calmly.

 

An owl holds you calmly in its…it holds me in its gaze. I know our furry friends that might be listening from terrariums nearby, you might say, oh boy, please Scoots, don’t talk anymore about those O double Ls. I'd say, olls? No, O double Ls. Olls? No, O-W-Ls. Scoots, actually, the name of the letter’s W, not a double. Oh, okay. Got it. I thought…you know what? Here’s the funniest thing…nice to meet you, by the way. I used to have a fuzzy friend like you that lived in…it wasn’t a terrarium. It was an aquarium, but I guess if it doesn’t have water in it, can you call it a terrarium? I call it my home. Well, here’s the thing; earlier I made a joke about those O-W-Ls. Got it on that one. I was talking about hooting, ‘cause, you know, most of them…the stereotypical thing is, oh, they hoot.

 

Or some people might say ‘hoo, hoo, hoo’, or there’s…was commercials when I was a child about lollipops, and the owl…a symbol of wisdom, deservedly, though fuzzy terrarium friends can deserve that, too. Did you know I had a gerbil named Twitter… oh no, it was named Chitter. You do. Okay, you heard about it. Oh, cool. I didn’t know there was a whole community. Okay. That threw me off. I didn’t know you’d have knowledge of past events of my life. Oh, you’re in my imagination. No wonder. I’ll tell you what; instead of run…you know, a lot of times I feel like I’m running on that wheel. While you’re running on that wheel, could you think…? Other than just doing it when I’m trying to sleep, one, it’d be great if you don’t do that anymore. Now that I know you’re imaginary, could I express my preferences?

 

Okay, well, you’ll think about it. But could you come up with…do you do any jokes? Okay, I better get back to the intro. You’re right. Oh, but I didn’t finish telling you. I thought that…for some reason, I thought owls…then I said, huh, that’s funny. I like the…here’s the thing; I just like the way the word ‘owls’ sounds. I don’t mind O double L, either. I wish W was just that. Could you shorten W? Is that a…? No, ‘cause double…oh, ‘double’ means something different. You’re right. Then I thought owls made the sound ‘owl’. I mean, it might if, yeah, if it was…is that what self-actuating is? You don’t know. Okay, you get back to…you enjoy your terrarium, your home, your house. Is a house…? Oh, it’s a home. Also a house, kind of. I mean, you kinda just bury yourself in those chips, which I guess seems pretty comfortable.

 

Okay, I’ll talk to you later. You’re right, I gotta get…so, sorry, new listeners. Got drawn off, there. So, I think I was saying you don’t need to listen to me. Kinda consume me in a loose way, just like you were holding a gerbil named Chitter. You know, say, oh, do you mind if I give you a little pet? Oh, great. So then, where was I? Oh, you don’t need to listen to me. Also, no pressure to fall asleep, believe it or not. I’m here to keep you company. Shows are an hour so you have plenty of time to drift off. I’ll be here to keep you company either way. So, whether you fall asleep right away or you can’t sleep at all, I’m here to the very end for you as your bore-bud, your bore-friend, your bore-sib, and the rest of the terms we use around here, these parts. So, no pressure to listen, no pressure to fall asleep.

 

Structurally, this is a podcast that’s a bit different. Show starts off with business. That’s how we keep it free for everybody, then there’s an intro, which we’re about three-quarters of the way through or so. Intro’s around twelve to twenty minutes of me introducing the show in a inefficient way and then go…well, inefficiency is kinda me going off-topic, but it serves a purpose. It gives you time to get comfortable, to get ready for bed or to get settled in bed, and maybe even drift off. Some people fall asleep during the intro, and then two or three percent of people skip the intro. So, you say, well, I just want to get to the story. Start around twenty minutes or so. I don’t know exactly the time the story will start, but you know, right around there is pretty safe. So, there’s the intro, then there’s the business, then there’s a story.

 

Tonight will be a visit from my neighbor Ray, and he’ll give a little recap of his vacation, his recent vacation that I took with him, and probably talk about stuff I’d rather…like how much soda I drink and how many bathroom breaks I take. He loves talking about that. So, spoiler, if that’s interesting to you…both is a lot, I'd say. Then there’s some thank-yous at the end. So, that’s the structure of the show, and like I said, this is a podcast that’s here to take your mind off of stuff. The reason I make the show is ‘cause I’ve been there. I’ve been there on a lot of different ones. Last night it was…sometimes you have that…I don’t know what else to call it other than a false start.

 

I didn’t use my normal bedtime routine ‘cause it was a Sunday and my routine was off, but I used the most effective thing, which was reading, and I did have some wind-down time. Then I even think I got into a place…I was having a little bit of trouble with the temperature because it was cold outside, but the night before I was too warm, so I was very concerned with that. So, then I was trying to adjust the windows and stuff. I thought I had that under control, then I thought I fell asleep, and then the next thing you know, I said, what in the hey? I can't…wasn’t I asleep? Why couldn’t I have just stayed asleep? What, was I asleep for like, two minutes?

 

Then I said, wait, these were the positions I turned to last night, and this is how I had my primary set of pillows, then my backup set of pillows I like cooler when I need to switch to cooler pillows, and whatever. So, you know, short…long story long…long story medium-length…so, I’ve been there, I guess is what I’m saying. That’s just one example. I know how it feels. That was just plain old frustrating and a little baffling, but not…so, I’m here to take your mind off that, to interrupt that flow. Let’s say that was you. You just put on old Scoots, and then you say, what was Scoots…is Scoots talking about…? Huh, I wonder if any…there’s probably owls that make the sound ‘owl’, and maybe you could lie in bed…it is a relaxing word to say, owl.

 

Even…maybe if you stub your toe later, you say, owl. It might help…laughter always helps, they say. Also to say ‘owl’ instead of ‘ow’. Or maybe you’d say, ‘ow’ and then later you say, ‘owl’. Or how about instead of a snarky…is that a rejoinder when someone says something to you in a playful way that’s a little bit…? You say…instead of saying ouch. That’s a little passive aggressive sometimes, you know? You say, owl. They say, where, where? Holy cow. You know I’m in the…I’m a hoot fan. You say, I’m sorry, what? You say, I just got back from the Great Hootenanny, the Horned Hootenanny. You’d say, I didn’t know. You say, you’re gonna love owls, holy…so, where’s the owl? You say, no, it was a pithy rejoinder, or whatever the correct vocabulary words are. Instead of owl…I mean, instead of ‘ow’, I was saying ‘owl’.

 

You lost me. So, there’s no owl? That’s a big…that’s really passive aggressive. You must have known I was an owl fan. No, really, I didn’t. What do you say we go to the hootenanny or whatever? Well, the next hootenanny’s not ‘til 2021. Oh, well, I was just…I was wondering, owls aside, when do you think the name Hoot, H-O-O-T, was the most popular, and will that name ever come back, you know? ‘Cause we had a furniture store in the Bay Area, a couple of them, called Hoot…I don’t know the second name ‘cause I have dyslexia, and when you put a J in the middle of the word, it totally…Js and Ds really throw me off. I think it was like, Hoot Jugtion…something. Hoot Judge…Junkins or something. It’s a furniture store, I believe.

 

So, I don’t know if anybody out there…I guess you wouldn’t want to name a pet Hoot unless it was an owl, and then the owl would say, how about a real…? Now every time I hear another owl, I say, me? They say, no, I was just talking, and they hoot. An Owl Named Owl: My Story. That could be a very short and…oh, I don’t even know if that would be able to be a sleep podcast, ‘cause it might be so uninteresting. Oh, so, you’re not gonna buy my biography, An Owl Named Owl? No, I mean, I would think about buying that one, An Owl Named Hoot. A Hoot of an Owl, that’s what I'd say…if you want me to write a thing, though, I'd say that, A Hoot of a Read, ‘cause a owl is a hoot of an owl. In fact, if I named you, I would name you Hoot or Tooh, T-O-O-H, Tooh. Tooh. Okay, anyway, yeah, you’re probably right, I should wrap this up.

 

So, if you’re new, give this show a few tries. It does not work for everybody, but for the tons of people it’s worked for, they said it took two or three tries or four or five, or it took me listening to the show, not liking it, and then coming back and being like, oh, I get it, there’s nothing to really get. So, give it a few tries. I just really want to help. I make the show because, one, like I said, I’ve been there, but also, I believe you deserve a good night’s sleep and the world will be a better place for you and for me and for everybody if you’re rested. So, yeah, that’s it. I’m really happy to make the show. I work very hard, I yearn and I strive, and I really want to help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple of ways we’re able to keep the show free for everybody.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

(Transcription performed by LeahTranscribes)

All Intros

 

The Rise of Mindfulness

https://medium.com/@marcodpatricio/how-mindfulness-became-a-billion-dollar-industry-61acb50fd436

https://web.northeastern.edu/matthewnisbet/2017/05/24/the-mindfulness-movement-how-a-buddhist-practice-evolved-into-a-scientific-approach-to-life/

https://www.blinkist.com/magazine/posts/history-of-mindfulness

 

LEGO Pain

https://science.discoveryplace.org/blog/ever-wonder-why-it-hurts-when-you-step-on-a-lego-brick

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/why-walking-legos-hurts-more-walking-fire-or-ice-180970784/

https://www.thrillist.com/news/nation/why-does-stepping-on-legos-hurt

 

Cheech & Chong

https://www.thewrap.com/how-cheech-and-chongs-up-in-smoke-changed-the-world-one-hit-at-a-time/

https://www.rollingstone.com/tv-movies/tv-movie-features/cheech-and-chong-on-40-years-of-up-in-smoke-real-life-drove-everything-629983/

https://www.theguardian.com/film/2020/apr/10/tommy-chong-interview-cheech-movies-stoner-quarantine

 

Cathy Comic

https://www.thecut.com/2019/03/the-feminist-paradox-of-cathy-guisewite.html

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/10/18/arts/jamie-loftus-cathy-comic-podcast.html

https://www.avclub.com/aack-cast-reclaims-cathy-from-decades-of-detractors-1847648828

 

Baby Name Trends

https://daily.jstor.org/science-baby-names/

https://www.almanac.com/baby-names-short-history-and-trends

https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2022/02/most-popular-baby-names-unique/621491/

 

DOWN TO BUSINESS

What’s that train that goes to the North Pole? 

The local one, not the express

 

PLUGS

Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Rusty Biscuit Links; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline; Referral Program

 

SPONSORS

Helix Sleep; Zocdoc; Progressive; Lumen; Uncommon Goods; Apple Card

 

INTRO

• 932
• I’m trying to work on my mindfulness
• I talk along to meditation teachers
• My thoughts are more like Jack in the Boxes
• Pop Up Friend
• A cozy seat next to me on the North Pole Local
• The accommodations of the Polar Express are not that thought out
• Reversible accommodations
• Slight Humor
• Is this train even moving?
• Picking and choosing between tracks
• All the north pole trains need snow plows at the front
• I’ll be here for you whether you can sleep or not
• Figure it out by not figuring it out
• Everyone uses the intro in a different way
• An evolving relationship with the Intro
• Shoutout to the Brain Bots
• Who in the heck invented the Jack in the Box?
• Take away their Toy Inventing License
• A box that looks like a present
• A delight for maybe 10% of kids
• Jacks in the Box get played with maybe 2 times, max
• A time Traveling Inventor
• Where did that even come from?
• If I can time travel, I’ll un-invent the Friend in the Box

 

STORY

• • 933
  • Something eclipsed by a joyous event
  • Generalized Feelings
  • DSVM 5 1v1
  • I would slowly back out of the room and tumble on some stuff
  • “I Tumble For You”
  • Scoots, where did those crumbs come from?
  • Is that birdseed?
  • I bring my own stuff to trip over
  • Homer Simpson Impersonations
  • Prepping for if Mission: Impossible ever needs me
  • Turning the Eiffel Tower into a giant Tesla coil
  • A ritz cracker / saltine cracker sandwich
  • You should only back out of room to which you know the layout
  • I played secondhand Playmobil with my daughter

• As The North Pole Turns

• • Soap Operatic Elements
  • Heavy on the Bubbles
  • 934
  • What in the Hey Hey Hey
  • A spacey safe place
  • Cheech & Chong Retrospective Podcast
  • Don’t overtrope it

• Rekindling the Fire Through Gentle Listening

• • Gentle Listening
  • Be gentle with whatever comes up inside of you
  • I just did a sleep podcast panel with Harris and Sleep Cove
  • Of course you’re gonna have strong feelings
  • Does anyone have a zen sand garden?
  • Macy’s Parade
  • #laying
  • Long Term Listeners, what’s up?
  • I had to do a really roundabout way to record the Thanksgiving Parade
  • They did a wonderful job
  • 935
  • How the future is gonna go because of the past, but presently I’m thinking about the present
  • I’m getting better at tuning into my feelings
  • I’ve definitely spent 10,000 hours of overthinking
  • Focused Overthinking
  • I’m gonna glorify the 4th, 5th, and 6th shifts
  • Sometimes the 1st shift feels like the 5th shift, if you know what I mean
  • Explaining the Cathy comic
  • Oh So Raven!
  • Is that a creaky door or is that just my voice?
  • I will predict a That’s So Raven reboot
  • A That’s So Raven / Cathy fan fiction crossover
  • Auntie Adi
  • What if Raven herself rebooted Cathy?
  • Give the show a few tries
  • I picture Raven in a bungalow
  • I dream to work in a Universal Studios Lot bungalow
  • Waving like an animatronic at tourists passing by

• As The North Pole Turns

• Holy Melodrama
• Scooter, your hair is like Malcolm Gladwell’s except straight and poofy
• My hair is like hair you’d find on animal
• Hypro Glow
• 936
• Have I talked about hooting before?
• Free punchline for any joke writers
• Owls don’t say “Owl”
• When was the name “Hoot” most popular?
• One day I’ll start making sense
• Hold the show lightly like you would a butterfly in your hands
• An owl probably weighs between 5 and 40 pounds
• O-L-L
• Shoutout to pet listeners
• Memories of those Tootsie Pop commercials
• I just like how “Owl” sounds
• Holding a gerbil named Chitter
• Ray vacation recap
• I drink a lot of soda and I go to the bathroom a lot
• Last night I had a lot of false starts
• I was having some Temperature Trouble
• Long Story Medium Length
• Is that a rejoinder?
• The Horned Hootenanny
• I’m a big hoot fan
• J’s and D’s throw me off with my dyslexia
• An Owl named Owl
• A real hoot of a read

 

SUMMARY:

Episode: 1313

Title: I Tumble 4 U | All Intros 932 – 936

Plugs: 

Sponsors: 

Notable Language:

• 932
• Pop Up Friend
• Fleece Side
• Reversible accommodations
• 933
• DSVM 5 1v1
• Tumble
• Soap Operatic Elements
• 934
• What in the Hey Hey Hey
• Don’t overtrope it
• Gentle Listening
• #laying
• 935
• Focused Overthinking
• Oh So Raven!
• Bungalow
• Holy Melodrama
• Hypro Glow
• 936
• Hooting
• Owl
• O-L-L
• Terrarium
• Long Story Medium Length
• The Horned Hootenanny
• Pithy Rejoinder

 

Notable Culture:

• • 932
  • Mindfulness
  • Jack in the Box
  • North Pole Local
  • Time Travel

• 933

• • “Tumble For You” song
  • LEGO

• Mission: Impossible

• • Eiffel Tower
  • Ritz cracker
  • Playmobil
  • As The North Pole Turns

• 934

• • Cheech & Chong Retrospective Podcast
  • Rekindling the Fire Through Gentle Listening
  • Get Sleepy Podcast
  • Sleep Cove Podcast
  • Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade
  • 935
  • Malcolm Gladwell

• Cathy comic

• Garfield comic

• That’s So Raven!

• The Mandalorian

• Raven Symoné
• Universal Studios Lot
• As The North Pole Turns
• Hypro Dog Food
• 936
• Hootie & The Blowfish
• Tootsie Pop
• An Owl named Owl

 

Notable Talking Points:

• • 932
  • I’m trying to work on my mindfulness
  • I talk along to meditation teachers
  • My thoughts are more like Jack in the Boxes
  • Pop Up Friend
  • A cozy seat next to me on the North Pole Local
  • The accommodations of the Polar Express are not that thought out
  • Reversible accommodations
  • Slight Humor
  • Is this train even moving?
  • Picking and choosing between tracks
  • All the north pole trains need snow plows at the front
  • I’ll be here for you whether you can sleep or not
  • Figure it out by not figuring it out
  • Everyone uses the intro in a different way
  • An evolving relationship with the Intro
  • Shoutout to the Brain Bots
  • Who in the heck invented the Jack in the Box?
  • Take away their Toy Inventing License
  • A box that looks like a present
  • A delight for maybe 10% of kids
  • Jacks in the Box get played with maybe 2 times, max
  • A time Traveling Inventor
  • Where did that even come from?
  • If I can time travel, I’ll un-invent the Friend in the Box
  • 933
  • Something eclipsed by a joyous event
  • Generalized Feelings
  • DSVM 5 1v1
  • I would slowly back out of the room and tumble on some stuff
  • “I Tumble For You”
  • Scoots, where did those crumbs come from?
  • Is that birdseed?
  • I bring my own stuff to trip over
  • Homer Simpson Impersonations
  • Prepping for if Mission: Impossible ever needs me
  • Turning the Eiffel Tower into a giant Tesla coil
  • A ritz cracker / saltine cracker sandwich
  • You should only back out of room to which you know the layout
  • I played secondhand Playmobil with my daughter

• As The North Pole Turns

• • Soap Operatic Elements
  • Heavy on the Bubbles
  • 934
  • What in the Hey Hey Hey
  • A spacey safe place
  • Cheech & Chong Retrospective Podcast
  • Don’t overtrope it

• Rekindling the Fire Through Gentle Listening

• • Gentle Listening
  • Be gentle with whatever comes up inside of you
  • I just did a sleep podcast panel with Harris and Sleep Cove
  • Of course you’re gonna have strong feelings
  • Does anyone have a zen sand garden?
  • Macy’s Parade
  • #laying
  • Long Term Listeners, what’s up?
  • I had to do a really roundabout way to record the Thanksgiving Parade
  • They did a wonderful job
  • 935
  • How the future is gonna go because of the past, but presently I’m thinking about the present
  • I’m getting better at tuning into my feelings
  • I’ve definitely spent 10,000 hours of overthinking
  • Focused Overthinking
  • I’m gonna glorify the 4th, 5th, and 6th shifts
  • Sometimes the 1st shift feels like the 5th shift, if you know what I mean
  • Explaining the Cathy comic
  • Oh So Raven!
  • Is that a creaky door or is that just my voice?
  • I will predict a That’s So Raven reboot
  • A That’s So Raven / Cathy fan fiction crossover
  • Auntie Adi
  • What if Raven herself rebooted Cathy?
  • Give the show a few tries
  • I picture Raven in a bungalow
  • I dream to work in a Universal Studios Lot bungalow
  • Waving like an animatronic at tourists passing by

• As The North Pole Turns

• Holy Melodrama
• Scooter, your hair is like Malcolm Gladwell’s except straight and poofy
• My hair is like hair you’d find on animal
• Hypro Glow
• 936
• Have I talked about hooting before?
• Free punchline for any joke writers
• Owls don’t say “Owl”
• When was the name “Hoot” most popular?
• One day I’ll start making sense
• Hold the show lightly like you would a butterfly in your hands
• An owl probably weighs between 5 and 40 pounds
• O-L-L
• Shoutout to pet listeners
• Memories of those Tootsie Pop commercials
• I just like how “Owl” sounds
• Holding a gerbil named Chitter
• Ray vacation recap
• I drink a lot of soda and I go to the bathroom a lot
• Last night I had a lot of false starts
• I was having some Temperature Trouble
• Long Story Medium Length
• Is that a rejoinder?
• The Horned Hootenanny
• I’m a big hoot fan
• J’s and D’s throw me off with my dyslexia
• An Owl named Owl
• A real hoot of a read