1311 – Babes in Toyland 2

Watchalong / Seasonal / Holiday

 

Drawing a Blank

https://grammarist.com/idiom/draw-a-blank/

https://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/draw-a-blank.html

https://dictionary.langeek.co/en/word/55233?entry=draw%20a%20blank

 

Multiple Versions of Babes in Toyland

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vhuFd4fPNvs

https://fanedit.org/forums/threads/babes-in-toyland-1986-original-broadcast-version.4582/

https://www.reddit.com/r/ObscureMedia/comments/pkb0iy/the_directors_cut_of_the_80s_remake_of_babes_in/

 

Babes in Toyland Operetta

https://www.nypl.org/blog/2012/02/01/musical-month-few-thoughts-babes-toyland-and-world-operetta

http://operetta-research-center.org/babes-toyland-musical-extravaganza-victor-herbert/

http://operetta-research-center.org/herberts-babes-toyland-revived-new-york/

 

Online Trolls

https://www.mprnews.org/story/2019/04/24/miller-inside-the-world-of-an-internet-troll

https://medium.com/digital-diplomacy/the-psychology-of-online-trolling-9fa65544bc9c

https://socialmedia.umich.edu/blog/4-part-blog-series-the-spooky-side-of-social-media-4-trolls/

 

DOWN TO BUSINESS

I’m not drawing a blank, or am I?

How do you draw a blank?

I would love to draw a blank at bedtime

Partially Punny is what you can expect

 

PLUGS

Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Rusty Biscuit Links; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline

 

SPONSORS

Helix Sleep; Zocdoc; Progressive; Lumen; Uncommon Goods

 

INTRO

Drawing a blank, as they say

It can get really hard to relax

You’re not alone

Natural filler and repetitive words

Unmoored, Drifting Thoughts

It might take 2 or 3 listens, not 2 or 3 years

So Full of ‘Sposed To’s

The Borer in the Boardroom

Borer in Chief sounds too official

The etymology of ‘drawing a blank’

I drew a blank about drawing a blank

 

STORY

2nd half of Babes in Toyland

Barnaby is hanging out with Jack

Jack is concerned about Mary

Barnaby Barnacle

Bowling Ball Hunch

Lisa tries to set up Mother Hubbard and Barnaby

Who’s this cookie guy?

Cookie Guy can’t find Jack

Are these cars actually from Autopia?

This bowling ball house is incredibly memorable

They go to the Toymaster for help

A Parallel Bars Toy

There’s no time to play with toys!

Can the Toymaster turn Barnaby into a toy?

Good and evil exist inside of everyone

Barnaby and his henchmen wrap everyone in toilet paper

Opening up the Toymaster’s Armoire

Jug of Magic Juice

A Flask of No Good

What does Barnaby want?

He wants Toyland!

Why would you take over Toyland if you want to cease toy and cookie production?

This bird is flapping around

They play hide and seek with the bird

“Hiding” the bird in the armoire

This scene was cut from the version I watched before!

The Challenge of Protection Will Always Fall to the Young

They need to get that flask back!

They walk right out the front gates

Light Up Moss Based Beings

Barnaby and his henchmen are passed out from what they drank

They slide into Barnab’s lair

Fumes from a non-positive jug

Jack tries to make a deal with Barnaby

The fumes will turn people into minions in a not fun way

The fumes don’t affect Lisa

Lisa sings another song about Cincinnati

The Cincinnati song saves the day!

They roll out, pretending to be trolls to fool Barnaby

Barnaby buys it

Keanu dances off Barnaby to get away

Barnaby is not happy at all now

Barnaby uses the jug as a no good power-up

Lost on the way to Toyland

Jack swings them across the ravine

Georgie is too afraid to swing

They find a ladder to the cookie factory

They close off the cookie factory

Four Cars waiting for them outside the factory

Barnaby spies on them

I wonder if the bowling ball ever goes rolling in this movie?

The Toymaster can’t do anything

You can’t grow up too fast

 My theory that this movie is an indictment of latchkey kids

Lisa kept her teddy!

An out of place Slapstick Sequence

Richard Milliken is really good at being irritable

All the cars run out of battery power

They can’t open this barn door

These trolls are going to bother and troll Toyland

I was kind of a latchkey child

Lisa can’t grow up this fast!

If only Lisa could set aside her childish nature to make a very adult decision to be a child

A song about getting lost in fantasy

A childlike mind is more precious than gold

A lawyer-like argument to get Lisa to remember her childhood

Barnaby’s group vs Toyland’s

Lisa gets an idea

She believes in all the toys!

These toy soldiers have a good look

An owl professor says the school is closed

Let’s play a game

Fruits and Vegetables Obstacle Course

They give some tomatoes to Barnaby

Barnaby doesn’t like this obstacle course

Mother Goose is carried off?

Humpty Dumpty is sitting … on a porch

Barnaby is going to leave his crew behind

They have a relay race against Barnaby

Everyone’s covered in different colors and old fruits and vegetables

Barnaby is trying to escape

Team Toy Wins!

Any sore losers have gotta leave town

Georgie is a full on hero

Georgie escorts the henchmen out of town

Barnaby surprises Lisa

Jack dances with Barnaby

Jack Not Be Nimble

This is all on Barnaby

Barnaby is banished forever

One frog person is scandalized by this drama

Toyland is finally free!

The Eternal Dream of Childhood

Cut to Mary and Jack’s wedding

Mother Hubbard leads the choir

This song isn’t from the Grinch, but it really sounds like it

They knew what they had with Keanu, even then

It starts raining…something. Sawdust? Confetti? Snow?

Cut to a wooden sleigh?

Is that Santa or Beauty from Beauty and the Beast?

Returning Lisa to Planet Cincinnati

Lisa gives a farewell speech to Toyland

Wow that toy soldier’s tear is incredible

Hubbard and Judge – that’s Love Connection #2

I don’t know how those wooden reindeer will fly

PS the Toymaster is Santa

Someone looks like Chris Parnell

Taking the Milky Way home

Transitioning back to the real world

Lisa wakes up holding her teddy

A real Wizard of Oz moment

Lisa delivers the moral about staying good and young in heart

Cautions against Nostalgia

And roll credits

Reviewing some notes

Jack, Neo-Style

Jack Nimble Junior

It was similar to The Never Ending Story

The small toy soldier salutes you goodnight

 

SUMMARY:

Episode: 1311

Title: Babes in Toyland 2

Plugs: 

Sponsors: 

Notable Language:

• Partially Punny
• Unmoored
• So Full of ‘Sposed To’s
• Drawing a Blank
• Barnaby Barnacle
• C-R-Y
• Armoire
• Jug of Magic Juice
• Adult-Style Life
• The Challenge of Protection Will Always Fall to the Young
• Light Up Moss Based Beings
• T-R-O-L-L-S
• D-R-U-N-K
• W-A-R
• Fruits and Vegetables Obstacle Course
• S-W-A-M-P
• Plush Based Beings
• The Eternal Dream of Childhood
• G-R-I-N-C-H
• Jack Nimble Junior
• L-I-O-N

 

Notable Culture:

• Babes in Toyland

• • Autopia
  • The Toadies
  • Minions
  • Cincinnati

• The Grinch

• • Keanu Reeves
  • Drew Barrymore
  • Santa Claus

• Beauty and the Beast

• • Chris Parnell

• The Wizard of Oz

• The Matrix

• The Never Ending Story

 

Notable Talking Points:

• Drawing a blank, as they say
• It can get really hard to relax
• You’re not alone
• Natural filler and repetitive words
• Unmoored, Drifting Thoughts
• It might take 2 or 3 listens, not 2 or 3 years
• So Full of ‘Sposed To’s
• The Borer in the Boardroom
• Borer in Chief sounds too official
• The etymology of ‘drawing a blank’
• I drew a blank about drawing a blank
• 2nd half of Babes in Toyland
• Barnaby is hanging out with Jack
• Jack is concerned about Mary
• Barnaby Barnacle
• Bowling Ball Hunch
• Lisa tries to set up Mother Hubbard and Barnaby
• Who’s this cookie guy?
• Cookie Guy can’t find Jack
• Are these cars actually from Autopia?
• This bowling ball house is incredibly memorable
• They go to the Toymaster for help
• A Parallel Bars Toy
• There’s no time to play with toys!
• Can the Toymaster turn Barnaby into a toy?
• Good and evil exist inside of everyone
• Barnaby and his henchmen wrap everyone in toilet paper
• Opening up the Toymaster’s Armoire
• Jug of Magic Juice
• A Flask of No Good
• What does Barnaby want?
• He wants Toyland!
• Why would you take over Toyland if you want to cease toy and cookie production?
• This bird is flapping around
• They play hide and seek with the bird
• “Hiding” the bird in the armoire
• This scene was cut from the version I watched before!
• The Challenge of Protection Will Always Fall to the Young
• They need to get that flask back!
• They walk right out the front gates
• Light Up Moss Based Beings
• Barnaby and his henchmen are passed out from what they drank
• They slide into Barnab’s lair
• Fumes from a non-positive jug
• Jack tries to make a deal with Barnaby
• The fumes will turn people into minions in a not fun way
• The fumes don’t affect Lisa
• Lisa sings another song about Cincinnati
• The Cincinnati song saves the day!
• They roll out, pretending to be trolls to fool Barnaby
• Barnaby buys it
• Keanu dances off Barnaby to get away
• Barnaby is not happy at all now
• Barnaby uses the jug as a no good power-up
• Lost on the way to Toyland
• Jack swings them across the ravine
• Georgie is too afraid to swing
• They find a ladder to the cookie factory
• They close off the cookie factory
• Four Cars waiting for them outside the factory
• Barnaby spies on them
• I wonder if the bowling ball ever goes rolling in this movie?
• The Toymaster can’t do anything
• You can’t grow up too fast
•  My theory that this movie is an indictment of latchkey kids
• Lisa kept her teddy!
• An out of place Slapstick Sequence
• Richard Milliken is really good at being irritable
• All the cars run out of battery power
• They can’t open this barn door
• These trolls are going to bother and troll Toyland
• I was kind of a latchkey child
• Lisa can’t grow up this fast!
• If only Lisa could set aside her childish nature to make a very adult decision to be a child
• A song about getting lost in fantasy
• A childlike mind is more precious than gold
• A lawyer-like argument to get Lisa to remember her childhood
• Barnaby’s group vs Toyland’s
• Lisa gets an idea
• She believes in all the toys!
• These toy soldiers have a good look
• An owl professor says the school is closed
• Let’s play a game
• Fruits and Vegetables Obstacle Course
• They give some tomatoes to Barnaby
• Barnaby doesn’t like this obstacle course
• Mother Goose is carried off?
• Humpty Dumpty is sitting … on a porch
• Barnaby is going to leave his crew behind
• They have a relay race against Barnaby
• Everyone’s covered in different colors and old fruits and vegetables
• Barnaby is trying to escape
• Team Toy Wins!
• Any sore losers have gotta leave town
• Georgie is a full on hero
• Georgie escorts the henchmen out of town
• Barnaby surprises Lisa
• Jack dances with Barnaby
• Jack Not Be Nimble
• This is all on Barnaby
• Barnaby is banished forever
• One frog person is scandalized by this drama
• Toyland is finally free!
• The Eternal Dream of Childhood
• Cut to Mary and Jack’s wedding
• Mother Hubbard leads the choir
• This song isn’t from the Grinch, but it really sounds like it
• They knew what they had with Keanu, even then
• It starts raining…something. Sawdust? Confetti? Snow?
• Cut to a wooden sleigh?
• Is that Santa or Beauty from Beauty and the Beast?
• Returning Lisa to Planet Cincinnati
• Lisa gives a farewell speech to Toyland
• Wow that toy soldier’s tear is incredible
• Hubbard and Judge – that’s Love Connection #2
• I don’t know how those wooden reindeer will fly
• PS the Toymaster is Santa
• Someone looks like Chris Parnell
• Taking the Milky Way home
• Transitioning back to the real world
• Lisa wakes up holding her teddy
• A real Wizard of Oz moment
• Lisa delivers the moral about staying good and young in heart
• Cautions against Nostalgia
• And roll credits
• Reviewing some notes
• Jack, Neo-Style
• Jack Nimble Junior
• It was similar to The Never Ending Story
• The small toy soldier salutes you goodnight

 

Episode 1311 – Babes in Toyland 2

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for the podcaster who’s here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff, to be your bore-friend, and if you’re new, welcome to Sleep With Me. Sometimes I have something wittier or funny or…right now I’m drawing…I’m not drawing a blank. How…? Well, here’s something; if you draw…drawing a blank…I don't even know what that means. Maybe I’ll look it up. But if you were to draw a blank…that could be an interesting exercise for teachers out there. I’d like to see what children of different ages and adults come up with. At bedtime I’m never drawing a blank. I would love to draw a blank at bedtime. I’m drawing my blankets sometimes, depending on the temperature, but…sorry, that was the kind of humor you could expect with this show, partial pun…partially punny? Barely punny.

 

Okay, I’ll take that on the Pun Scale. Not even punlike. Okay, got it. But yeah, I don't know if that’s a issue for you, that something…that you need to be distracted. I didn’t even know I needed to be distracted so that I could fall asleep or at least feel less alone and be comforted in the deep, dark night indirectly, but that’s what…why I make this show. I discovered listening to the radio and listening to something that felt like a friend that was a little bit silly was what I was looking for. So, I said, is anybody else out there looking for a goofball to listen to who’s just gonna ramble on and on and on for about a hour, like a service where you could fall asleep and be distracted? Well, that’s what I’m here to do. What I’m gonna do is send my voice across the deep, dark night…oh wait, this is just the very beginning of the show.

 

Sorry about that. I got mixed up already. Welcome to Sleep With Me. It’s a podcast that goes on and on and on to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff. If you’re new, I’ll give you the basic structure of the show just so you know. Then just see how it goes, 'cause if you’re new, this is gonna be a little bit different. It does take a couple listens to get used to this show, but I’m really glad you’re here. I really hope we can help you out. What I’m gonna do is…coming up, we got support so paying for the show is optional, then a long, meandering intro meant to ease you into bedtime. Yeah, a long, meandering intro meant to ease you into bedtime.

 

That’s about fifteen to twenty minutes, and then later on it’ll be a bedtime story to further send you off into dreamland. So, that’s the structure of the show and kinda why I make the show. I’ll talk more about it in the intro. But I’m really glad you’re here, and I really do this show with a foundation of listeners who support the podcast directly or send nice words of kindness my way, support the sponsors, spread the word about the show. So, I don't do this alone, and I can't do it alone. There’s also a bunch of people that work on the show, too. So, I’m really glad I get to be here every week and put you to sleep. So, thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple ways we’re able to be here for you.

 

INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether that’s thoughts, things on your mind you’re thinking about about the past, the present, the future — you’re having trouble drawing a blank, as they say — or it could be feelings related to those thoughts, feelings that are left over from the day, or anticipating something coming up.

 

It could be physical sensations, changes in time, temperature, routine, you could be going through something, getting over something, in the middle of something, you could be traveling or have guests, you work a different schedule, whatever it is. The reason I list through some of that stuff — I kinda said it earlier — is at some point when I struggle with falling asleep, it can feel…there’s a lot of different feelings, emotions, thoughts, the physical sensations that go with it for me. But it gets really hard, I guess is what I’m saying, and not very pleasant. When I get to that point, I don't know if I can just get out of that mood, right? I say, well, let me just relax or let me breathe or think about something nice. I don't know, I need some kind of external distraction to listen to, to take my mind off of stuff.

 

But what I’ve learned with this show is it’s also important to let you know you’re not alone. That’s what happened for me. It was like, I could share a room with my brother or live under the same roof as a bunch of people, have a roommate or my loving dog Koa right there sleeping. But, I don't know, there was something there, and when I started making the show, I realized that we are connected, and while I not…while I might not know exactly what you’re going through, I might know how it feels. I might be able to relate to how it feels. I think I can, and even if I can't, there’s someone out there listening right now who’s really glad you’re here. They do know what it’s like for you. They’ve experience something very similar, maybe, or they’ve got a real handle on what it feels like.

 

They kinda are familiar with what brought you here, and they’re glad you’re here. They say, man, I really hope this podcast helps you like it helped me out and that it could be your bore-friend in the deep, dark night, 'cause you deserve a place you could get some rest, a place where you could lay your head down, get the rest you need so your life tomorrow is a little bit better, a little bit more manageable, and that you could get the sleep you need on a regular basis. The way I do it is I send my voice across the deep, dark night. I use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, and superfluous tangents. So, I go off topic, I get mixed up, I forget what I was talking about, then I loop back, I repeat myself, then I have a bunch of filler words, repetitive words.

 

All those are kinda natural, and they’re just there. I say, okay, I accept that there’s gonna be a lot of filler words and mistakes. I have trouble doing that at bedtime even though I’ve been making this podcast for eleven years. But, yeah, lulling, soothing tones, pointless meanders, creaky dulcets, superfluous tangents…'cause this is a podcast you could just barely listen to, almost like a TV show on that you don’t really care about or on in another room or people having a mild conversation or a out-of-focus picture, or even when you’re drifting off and your thoughts kinda change a little bit and become a little bit more…‘unmoored’ I guess would be the right word? More drifting.

 

So, that’s what this show is here to do, but it does take some getting used to, ‘cause if you got here and you’re like, this is a podcast I don't listen to? I don't even know what that means, and I don't know…I thought this was a sleep podcast. I say, yeah, it does take some getting used to. Most regular listeners who support the podcast say it took two or three year…I mean, two or three episodes for me to get used to the show. Not two or three years, though there are people that say that, so…or they say, I listened two or three years ago; I loathed you, then I came back. But just kinda see how it goes. Give it a few tries, 'cause it does take some getting used to to barely listen to a podcast.

 

Now, if you discover you loathe me for good or this podcast just doesn't help you out, there are other sleep podcasts out there and sleepy stuff, and I have that listed at sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou. So, you can discover what’ll work for you. So, there’s that. This is a podcast you barely listen to…it’s also not here to put you to sleep. It’s a sleep podcast I’ve been making for a while, but it’s not here to put you to sleep. There’s no pressure to fall asleep with this show. I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff while you fall asleep. You’re…at some point…I almost said ‘supposed to’, which is one of the words you shouldn't say in a sleep podcast. There isn't…I mean, even because…just because I’m full…I’m so full of ‘supposed to’s in my mind, you know? But there’s no wrong way to use this show.

 

I guess that’s why there’s no pressure to fall asleep. I’m here for over an hour so you don’t have to…you don’t have to say, okay, in twenty minutes, what if I’m not asleep? Don't worry, I’m here for over an hour. There’s over 300 shows in the archives ready to go, so you could pick what works for you and see how it goes, 'cause I’m here to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your neigh-bore, your bore-bestie, your bore-bore, your Borbie, your bores, your borer…borer of the bored room, borer in chief? I don't know if…that one sounds a little too official. Your best bore-friend f’eva, your bore-bruh. I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff whether you’re awake or asleep.

 

I’m here to the very end 'cause there’s people who are listening who can't sleep, who need a break during the day, wake up in the middle of the night, whatever it is. I’m here to barely entertain you. So, those are a couple things. The other thing that throws people off is the structure of the show, and the podcast is structured in a very specific way, but you can adjust. But I’ll just tell you about the structure just to meet you where you are, right? Because you say, why is this show…? I don't know about this. Yeah, I get you, I get you. Most people enjoy this ad-supported, linear version with the intro and stuff, but you might discover as a regular listener you want to make some adjustments.

 

So, the show starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, so you feel seen and welcomed in and you say, oh, okay, this seems friendly enough. I’ll check it out. Then there’s support so paying for the podcast is optional. If you want something without ads, you can get that at Sleep With Me+. Then there’s a long, meandering intro separate from the support. It’s about ten, fifteen, twenty minutes long, where I go on and on and on as I already have, trying to explain what the podcast is inefficiently. I follow a familiar structure every time, but every intro is different so it stays distracting, so it stays fresh for you, right, or whatever parts of you keep you up. Otherwise they would point out…he’s just saying the same thing every time.

 

Having some variety is what I’ve found over the years works for most listeners. The other reaosn the intro goes on and on and on is to ease you into bedtime. That’s what’s been shown to work, is to have some sort of wind down or bedtime routine or a buffer between being awake and asleep, to ease you into bedtime. So, that’s what the intro does. So, you could fall asleep during it. A percentage of people do. You could be in bed getting comfortable, you could be petting your pets, you could be doodling, getting ready for bed, making your bed, doing some other chill activity, whatever it is. Yeah, I guess…and the intro is there for fifteen or twenty minutes to just ease you into bedtime.

 

If you prefer something without the intros, check out Bedtime Stories from Sleep With Me in any podcast app. Then there will be some support, then it’ll be our bedtime story, and all told, I’ll be here a bit over an hour to help you fall asleep. Let’s see what the etymology…let’s see, D…drawing a blank. Etymology, is that how you say it, or…? Oh, a meaning, maybe? Let’s see. Oh, it means they’re…I, of course, associated it with…but it means when you can't remember something, right? I was like, drawing a blank? It’s some sort of…I drew a blank about drawing a blank. How funny is that? But I did. But I guess drawing a blank…I mean, where’s the etymology, though?

 

‘Cause it’s like, does it mean drawing it out of a well, you know? It’s an idiom. Some part of my brain called me an…said, idiom? Historically, to be able to…unable to find something. Okay, that doesn't really help me with the…I don't know, is it when you pull up water out of a well and there’s nothing there? Unsuccessful…elicit no response…yeah. Well…but I mean, I think it would be a interesting exercise to try to draw a blank. Looks like there’s other stuff on there with the history of it, but…brighter people…brighter minds…there’s not…yeah, there’s a lot of brighter minds.

 

But you say, okay, I’d love to draw a blank, especially…I’d love to draw a blank at bedtime every time, but…let me pick…oh, is this your card? I drew a blank card. Yeah, that’s my card. Thank you. So, anyway, I’m glad you’re here. I work really hard. I yearn and I strive. A bunch of other people work on this show. We really want to help you fall asleep. I really appreciate you coming by and checking this podcast out. I hope you give it a few tries and it helps you out, or you go to sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou and you find something that does. So, thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple ways we’re able to do this for you twice a week.

 

Alright everybody, this is Scoots back with the second-half of babes in Toyland, which you could listen to as a bedtime story either way, even if you listened to the first part, but it should be pretty dreamy. When we last left off, Barney…is that his name? Barnaby? The Barnaby character had caught Jack and hung out with Jack. Everything Lisa warned us was true. Jack was concerned about Mary, and then Barnaby brought…or Barney brought a big bouquet to look for Mary. Then Lisa said, what about Mary’s mother, Mrs. Hubbard? She kinda likes you. Depending on the version you’re watching…'cause it’s hard to…things have been moving around. This version…it was 52:19 on one version I found. Now this version I’m watching, we’re on 50:17. Oh, but this one he’s asking, where’s Mary at?

 

So, it might be the same timing. We’ll see. But then, yeah, Barnaby Barnacle, Barney…Barnaby Barnacle…Jack’s not here. He’s gone. The bowling ball…I’ve got a hunch. Some…you’ve already…hunch…it’s true. I did something besides C-R-Y. Then…so, this is what happens, is Lisa and Mary start looking for Jack. Barnaby lives in a…oh, no…so, this is…okay, the timing might be right on this video, too. 51:10 we’re at now. Lisa goes out. She says…Mother Hubbard’s a little jealous, but Lisa says, no, the flowers are for you, not for Mary, from Barnaby Barnacle, Mr. Barnaby Barnacle. He admires you. She says, sweet. He’s so shy, though. She actually drops something — I think it was improvised — and they pick it up. Then Jack come…or, not Jack. Who’s this cookie guy?

 

He comes and he says, no, I couldn't find Jack in Toyland. I looked everywhere. He has to be in Toyland. Him and Mary are in love, Lisa says. He claims he searched every foot. One place we haven't looked; the bowling ball. So, they get in their Autopia cars. I wonder if these cars are actually ones from Autopia. They’re moving too fast, I guess. So, they head out, and they head to the bowling ball. By the way, Barnaby Barnacle lives in a bowling ball, probably the one thing…I mean, other than the casting in this, is the most memorable thing is that…this one thing I remember when I was a kid and I saw it. So, Mary says, I’m not gonna cry. I’m going inside. So, she goes up to the bowling ball.

 

First we see her look out a window, and then she goes down the same slide…I don't know if the same slide as Jack went down, but another slide. It goes straight down to Jack. They share a big kiss. I would like to live in a…well, I guess there’s probably not a light of light, so…and then Barnaby says, enjoy yourselves. Now, instead of Lisa going down the slide, they go to the Toymaster. Probably a smart move, actually. They go to the Toymaster. They say, Jack and Mary have…we can't find them, and there’s no time to play with toys. Oh, Barnaby’s telling Jack and Mary, this is my home. Have you heard of the band The Toadies? ‘Cause I have a roadie from The Toadies here, Trollog, the fan of The Toadies.

 

Okay, so, yeah…oh, the Toymaster’s working on a toy, one of those toys that does…what is that, parallel bars or high bar? Toymaster, we got something more important than toys; Jack and Mary. It’s trouble, trouble with a capital J and a capital M that rhymes with…you know. There’s no time for anybody to play with toys, even the Toymaster. He goes, we’ll just have to manage. She goes, Toymaster, I don't think you really realize what’s going on here. You gotta do something right away. Then he says, what exactly do you have in mind? She goes, don’t you have the power to turn Barnaby into a toy, some sort of toy-man magic? He goes, but what if there’s good inside him? She goes, there’s no good in Barnaby. He goes, Lisa, that’s not precisely true. Good and evil inside of everybody.

 

Then Barnaby opens the door with his bird, and Zack and Mack, and they come in. They have everybody sit down. They wrap everybody up in toilet paper like a big joke. Like, instead of toilet-papering the trees, they toilet-paper the Toymaster, Lisa, and whatever the other dude’s name is. He takes the Toymaster’s key to the Toymaster’s armoire, and opens the armoire. There’s a giant stuff…a bear…plush bear on top of the armoire, by the way. Armoire? Armoire. Opens it up…this is the jug of magic juice, which is trouble. Pulls it out…hey, this is the jug of magic juice, right? It’s mine now. The Toymaster goes, oof, whoops, I should have put two locks on there. It’s a flask of no good. Lisa says, you don’t even need no good. You’re already no good. What do you need a flask of no good…? He says, leave the child alone.

 

Lisa says, I’m not a child. I’m an…I live an adult-style life. He goes, by the way, this is great. I got a jug of no good, no good juice. The Toymaster says, what do you want? Didn’t Santa bring you enough toys? I like how he says, what exactly do you want? Barnaby…and there’s…he goes, I want…I don't want toys. He goes, I want Toyland. Even the bird thinks about that one. You’re a taker instead of giving. Don’t you realize you can't take over Toyland? Not ever. Not possible. You’re not a toy, obviously. Also, why would you take over a town that’s built on toy production if you’re gonna cease toy production and cookie production? Just…it doesn't make any sense at all. But he doesn't…he’s like…he’s not making sense. I guess that’s what the toy person…so, they leave the bird.

 

So, the bird is there flapping around, and then Lisa comes up with an idea. Oh, the bird could get us loose if it accidentally chews on the toilet paper between…and the bird easily tears the toilet paper. Lisa gets up, sets everybody else free, and they get ready to head out, Toymaster, Lisa, and the dude…whatever…I can't…I don't know his name. Flask…let me go through my notes real quick. We’ll paint…we’re gonna paint…oh, first they paint the bird, the Toymaster does. Flask…total chaos…gets the key…this is great, maybe…beautiful…don’t touch, child. I’m not a child. What is it you want? I want Toyland. You’re truly…you’re a taker, man, in the land of giving. Oh, you enjoy something…then the bird gets them free. Well, we’ll paint him, we’ll paint the bird. Then they play hide-and-seek, and the bird hides in a trunk for a while.

 

Lisa and Georgie…gotta get that flask back. I should have put…I shouldn't have kept the key in my pocket to the armoire that’s right behind me. So, you gotta do it, though. I can't do it. I’m not spry enough. Okay, so, this is interesting; 58…so, in about a minute, there was a weird cut on the version I was watching. This is a different version. So, we’re gonna see what was missing, maybe. Right now they’re playing hide-and-seek with the bird, and Lisa’s really good at it. The bird goes and hides, 58:03…58:33. They sit on…they sit down. Okay, Lisa and Georgie, you gotta find a way. Get that flask back. Don't worry about Mary and Jack. You’re youthful, and the challenge of protection will always fall to the young, even in Toyland. That’s how we protect things. Georgie says, don't worry, we’ll get that flask back.

 

He goes, Georgie, great work, man. Then…huh, okay, so, I guess the cut was…it was just a two-second cut. It just showed them getting out of the car. Then they walk right out of Toyland, right through the head…front gates. Lisa’s gonna play some softball, and Georgie has a pink wrench. They go past the bear who runs the gate. The bear’s like, I don't know where they’re going. They go out into the forest, and this forest has cool lights and light-up tree-based beings, tree beings…more moss-based beings. Lisa and Georgie don’t really see them, and…but they’re also lost. Then they go down a slide, and it looks like a good one. Wow, this is funny. So, there’s…it’s about…what is that? One hour…oh, right around one hour, we see that Barnaby and Mack and Zack or whatever are D-R-U-N-K with whatever was in the flask.

 

They’re passed out. Lisa and Georgie come sliding into another room. They see Jack and Mary. Oh no, the same room. They’re all together. Barnaby says, what’s up? I’ve been waiting for you. I figured you’d come by. You say, no, you didn’t, 'cause you wrapped us in toilet paper. He goes, watch your manners, Cincawhatski. He goes, I got plenty of lovely pets. Jack says, yeah, he’s got all these…that’s who ate all the cookies, internet T-R-O-L-Ls before there was internet. He goes, yeah, we’re gonna take over the town. We’re gonna use toys and cookies to T-R-O-O-L people. She goes, this is a wonderful place. Why did you mess it up? He goes, check out the fumes from my non-positive jug, 'cause you, Cincawhatski…my birds with the Toymaster are playing hide-and-seek, so he’s probably happy now.

 

Then Jack tries to make a deal. He says, listen, let’s make a deal. You can take my factory, my cookie factory, and just forget it. Let’s just do that. Then you’d be…and he says, nope. He tries to get him to breathe in stuff from the flask, the fumes from the flask, and it’s a special effect. It’s gonna turn them into minions. I mean, not the cool kind of banana-loving minions. These are 1980’s minions of Barnaby. So, they’re trying not to breathe. One…what’s-his-name has…sneezing, and Lisa’s unaffected. I think this somehow goes back to the thematic part of the plot. Let’s see. Everybody’s laughing, and they say, don't worry, let’s not watch, though. We won. Lisa says, don’t breathe in, don’t change over. Just give me a second. They say, what about you, Lisa? She goes, it’s not bothering me. I’m immune 'cause I’m from Cincinnati.

 

She says, Cincinnati? I’ll sing a song for you about Cincinnati. I come from Cincinnati…spells it out, like Cincinnati. The best town in O-O-H-I-O, Ohio USA. Come on. The Toymaster says, this is good. Hold onto the good, like Cincinnati. Cincinnati, they named it so, they say. Hey, the girls are pretty, pretty in this gritty, little city. The fellers are the feistiest I’ve seen. Just like in the beginning of the film, we gotta do this, or the TV special. The Reds, the Bangles, they play a sock…they wear socks on the field. I mean, to argue is a…something defensible. The facts are very sensible, Georgie. Cincinnati’s pretty sweet. You know what I mean? ‘Cinci’’s more than merely ‘nati’. She’s Ohio’s Maserati. Cincinnati’s at the center of the scene. They all know the song. Cincinnati saves the day.

 

Meanwhile, all the T-R-O-O-L-Ss are rolling out. So, they say, okay, let’s pretend we’re like them, 'cause they don’t have…they can't see us. So, much like in other shows in the future, if we pretend we’re them, they’ll just accept us as their equals. So, they roll out. Oh no, they’re pretending for Barnaby. Okay, never mind. They fooled Barnaby somehow. I mean, I guess…his hair is pretty sweet, man. They say, alright, we’re ready to…three roars for our wonderful Barnaby, Lisa says. He’s so happy. Excellent. Now you can join everybody else. Open the latch, man. Mack, Zack…and they go out, and they say, yeah, we’re just here to do your bidding. As soon as they leave, Keanu dances-off Barnaby, just real quick so they can get away. He just does a shuffle-ball step or a shuffle off to Buffalo.

 

Barnaby says, I tried to be nice. Now I’m not happy at all. He says, alright, everybody, W-A-R, what’s it good for? I got a jug of no good, and he throws it on the ground like a power-up for him and all his crew. They breathe it in and it’s kinda like a green mist, and you know, man, that’s no good. Then we see Keanu, Mary; they all come running out. They’re a little bit lost. We gotta find our way to Toyland, dudes. So, they go…okay, let’s maybe try this way? I don't know. Let’s try it, man. Okay. So, we get a lot of overhead shots of people wandering around in the underground. Sugar and spice and everything nice, Barnaby smells. What does that mean? Oh, it smells like Cincawhatski. So, that was a compliment for Cincinnati. Cincawhatski, here comes Barnaby. So, they all head out. Yeah, they’re rolling around.

 

Keanu takes…oh, he grabs a reed or a root, and now they’re going around. I think he does a action move here. Let’s see. He’s got on blue…bright blue pants. He really does look like something out of…he could be the Jack of Jack and the Beanstalk, in my opinion. He swings Mary across, then he swings Lisa across, and then he goes to throw it back to his buddy. He says, come on, Georgie. Georgie says, eh…and Georgie says…and Keanu says, you’re a hero. You could do it. Come on, Georgie, let’s do it. We gotta keep moving. Then he goes, I can't do it. They say, come on, Georgie, you can do it. He says, I don't know. They say, yeah, you can do it. Come on. So, he takes a deep breath and he swings, and he does it. Hooray. Then they run off again. Barnaby and his crew…then they find a ladder. Oh, interesting, a ladder.

 

It comes out in the…oh, yeah, of course it comes out in the cookie factory. Somehow they never noticed that it was hollow, but who can blame them? You live in a land of toys. You’re gonna be distracted, especially in a cookie factory. You’re gonna be smelling all those cookies. Okay, now Georgie’s going up the stairs. It’s a little slippery, but he gets up there. He’s up. They close the top. They close off the cookie factory by putting…they jump on it, and then they put one table on there with a pink top, and what else do they put on there? ‘Cause that one table’s probably not gonna hold…oh, a couple big…purple barrel. That’s gonna have…that’s…probably has some ube in there. They get…then they leave the cookie factory. A lot of balloons. They go down a few flights of stairs.

 

There’s four cars waiting for them from Autopia; blue, pink, purple, and blue. Barnaby, Zack, and Mack are looking with purple binoculars from the bowling ball, and they see them mobilize. They go back in the bowling ball, they leave the bowling ball…I wonder if the bowling ball ever goes rolling in this. Okay, let’s run through some notes again. Okay, 59:06…breathing, dusk…that was a weird cut…hole, slide, Barnaby and crew passed out…back with crew…welcome…my manners…loyal legion of lovely pets. Yeah, my friends ate the cookies. Tree…people that troll trees? That’s weird. How could you? Now I want to. Cinciwhatski…then the green fumes…I’m gonna make you a princess…all seems lost…is this…is not…is this an effect? Drew is not…something or effect. Don't worry, I’m immune. I’m from Cincinnati.

 

Let’s sing the song again. Sing for the good. Cinci, Keanu, Mary, go. Georgie sings. We all sing. Told you Cincinnati was a good place. Now let’s act like them. Excellent. Let’s make comments on things just like they do. Let’s move. They forgot to get the bottle, though. That was a key thing that…I just realized that, Georgie’s one thing. I mean, I guess that’s the heroic choice. They chose to save their friends versus the bottle of stuff, but I guess it was a red herring. Now it’s on, Barnaby says…breaks the bottle. Action music…now it’s on. Gotta get to Toyland first. Sugar and spice, everything nice…come with me, swing on vines…Georgie, you’re a hero now. Come on. Big breath…he does it. Hurry, hurry…Georgie on a ladder…through the cookie room…table…and barrel outdoor…out of the cookie factory.

 

Autopia cars; I put it there. Yeah, Barnaby in bowling ball, giant binoculars…down the staircase to the cars, chase in circles, high-fives…something pop-up, speed up…comedy…near misses, WTF. Okay, so, this is a visual scene we’ll describe in a minute. Something in barn…then they open the doors. Smoky, misty…welcome to Toyland, Toymaster. Nothing I can do. I have to try. Here, they cannot…they can't stop us. You can't protect us if you don’t believe in toys. You grow…they grow up too fast. So, this is my theory, that this thing is an indictment of latchkey children. Babes in Toyland. I get…I don't know, I guess I don't know…but it’s like, it is about that, in some sense. Sings If You Could See in Eyes of a Child with twenty minutes left or something, or a hour and twenty minutes into it. He has magic powers?

 

Wait a second. Why didn’t you wait? Poles, hobby horse…faint whispers in the ear of a giant plush…do you want to believe, Lisa? Life made me grow up too fast. I kept my teddy. Do you hear that, everybody? She kept her teddy. See that? Really, truly…you do truly remember. I always did want to be a kid. Then there’s another cut, but we’ll run it back here. Okay, so, we got Barnaby coming out with his guys. They get in three purple cars. Everybody’s driving. A couple…one of these buildings is a double-wide trailer with decorations. So, I don't know where the set was on, but…filmed. I looked it up and I forgot. But yeah, they’re all…so, this is a little bit of a slapstick comedy. It just doesn't fit with the rest of the movie.

 

But they’re chasing each other in these miniature cars, pretending they’re bumper cars, high-fiving…like playing tag, basically. It is pretty funny. There’s Jack and Barnaby, Georgie just hanging on. Lisa’s a pretty good driver. That must have been fun for Drew barrymore and everybody to just drive around like that. There’s Lisa and Jack…high-five…Georgie and Lisa high-five. Now it’s a little bit sped up. There’s a candy store, then Barnaby…Zack and Mack pass each other more than once. They’re going in circles. Then they realize…Zack jumps out of his…he’s like, I can't drive my car anymore. Then there’s comedy with pop-up flowers. Oh, that was that pop-up thing. Barnaby’s like, you’re blocking my car in, man. Come on. Why did you get out of your car in the first place?

 

He’s so…Richard Mulligan’s really good at being irritable. I don't know if he was like that on Empty Nest or not, but…then they do more of this…drive-bys, then they show town hall, and then they…all our cars ran out of battery power. That must have been the weird cut, maybe? No, no, it’s after. I didn’t remember that scene. I didn’t write it down, but Zack or Mack kisses Barnaby’s hands and then jumps in the arms of the other thing. Zack or Mack…I don't know who’s who. So, Zack and Mack are kinda bumbling sidekicks. Okay, there’s something in the barn, so they open…oh, is this where the…? Mulligan is so…they can't get the door open, and he’s like, hurry up. So, finally they get the door open. This must be where his crew is coming through. Yup. So, they come out of a barn. Welcome to Toyland. Come on, take it over.

 

Start making comments on everything. Go to people’s houses. Comment on how they design their house. They move very slowly. Now everybody goes to the Toymaster. He’s still looking at his toys, and he’s saying, no, it’s…he goes, I can't do anything. What do you mean you can't do anything? I’m only a Toymaster. Only toys here. The toys can't do anything except change a child’s heart, basically. I don't know, I was a latch…I don't know, I guess I wasn’t a latchkey child, but I was of that generation. I played with toys ‘til I was too old, and someone here grew up too fast. Georgie’s like, is it me? ‘Cause I work at a cookie factory. Nope, it’s Lisa. Yeah, you’re not a child, you always say. Georgie says, Lisa, you’re the one that says you’re always not a child. I say, yeah, Lisa, listen up.

 

I can't save Toyland, but the way you become more of a child is by having the responsibility to save Toyland. If only you could set aside your adult nature to become childish to make an adult choice. Sings a song about it, though; If You See Through the Eyes of a Child…animatronic toys that are cool, and one of those spinning things with the candles, more animatronic stuff you might see at a mall in the eighties, a hobby…what is that called? A rocking horse. A giant, fluffy bunny plush that…I whisper in their ear. Get lost in fantasy like Scoots does. Spin stuff and dance around. He’s good at dancing around. It’s more precious than gold, a childlike mind. Precious dreams other folks don’t find. He’s even doing…he’s very…it’s very cute, especially when you’re just watching it on mute.

 

Keanu and Mary are watching so seriously. Georgie smiles. He says, wondering, wondering, wondering eyes and mind of a child. How about it, Lisa? Could you be a child for once? Yeah, you know what? I can be. Hold on, let me think about it. Do you want to believe? More than anything, more than words. All I ever needed you to know…I grew up too fast. We see a lot of shots of toys. Yeah, I still have my teddy bear. These other bears remind me of that. Georgie…she’s kept her teddy bear. Yep, I kept my teddy and I miss him. It’s kinda like a court case. She’s like, yeah…and you do remember how important toys are. Totally. Totally totes. Say you remember, then. Say the magic words. I do remember. The toys of Toyland made me remember that I’m a child. Maybe she’s singing.

 

I always wanted to be a kid even when I was a kid, and play with toys, but I guess I forgot I still am a kid. She holds a elephant toy. I really am. She looks at all the plushes, makes some eye contact. Then we go to Toyland, and it’s Barnaby’s group versus the Toyland’s. They’re like, hey, by the way…and then Lisa looks at a door and she smiles, and she gets an idea. The giant toy soldiers, I believe in you. She starts opening the doors. Don’t you see? I believe in you, all of the toys and all of Toyland. I really do. These toy soldiers are pretty good as far as…they have a good look. They start marching out, and the Toymaster’s marching with them. There must be music playing as he’s doing it. Lisa’s smiling, and they’re marching. Okay, some of it in HD is a little…but remember, this wasn’t originally in HD when it came out.

 

Maybe it’s not even now. I’m watching it on a tablet in my climb-in closet. Alright, we go back to the town. Everybody’s getting ready. People are even sleeping, one of the…the bear in charge of the gate is asleep. There’s Jack in the Box, there’s some chefs…so, it’s kinda like bad weather. Everybody’s getting ready. Oh no, they build up a little obstacle course. They say, why don’t you see…? Let’s play a game. It’s Toyland. We’re not gonna have any kind of antagonism here. Let’s just play a game. There’s a owl dressed as a professor with a math board. Says, school’s closed. Puzzle pieces…Mother Goose…so, they say, yeah, let’s have a obstacle course and have a game. We’re gonna play the Fruits and Vegetable Obstacle Course. Each time you don’t follow a obstacle properly, you get surprised with a old tomato.

 

Barnaby says, no obstacle course. They say, okay, have some tomatoes, then, Barnaby and crew. Barnaby, Zack, and Mack, they don’t want it, but they keep building…the people of Toyland keep building the obstacle course even as Barnaby…we used to set up obstacle courses, too. But yeah, so, now we basically have a disagreement about the obstacle course. There’s fruit flying or veg…I guess…is tomato a fruit or a vegetable? Either way, it’s flying around. Mother Goose gets carried by one of Barnaby’s friends. There’s a lot of brooms, a lot of brooms, as part of the game. A lot of crowd-surfing, running…there’s Humpty Dumpty. He’s not on a wall, though; he’s on a porch.

 

Then the Toymaster and the wooden soldiers…somewhat-plastic soldiers, in this case, come…are very…no, they’re…they look like they’re wood. I take that back. They’re very, whatever, glossy, but in a good way. Okay, so, then we get…obviously Barnaby’s gonna leave his crew behind, so they go to go on the obstacle course with the toy soldiers and the Toymaster. I always think of this song first, Toymaker to the King. Go to the end of Hopscotch Lane, he says, and let’s get it on ‘til the break of dawn or whenever. Barnaby is like…so, now it’s like, Barnaby and his…Zack and Mack are getting hit with fruits and vegetables. There’s still production going on at the toy factory or some…either the toy factory or the cookie factory, 'cause there’s pink smoke coming out of the smoke stacks. Okay, so, finally we get the build-up.

 

The Toymaster and the toy soldiers, they get to Hopscotch Lane, and so does Lisa. Lisa’s marching with Jack, Georgie, and Mary. They all come out and they say, hey, just…let’s just see. We could…now we could have a relay race between the soldiers and the…Barnaby’s friends. So, they start having a relay race. It’s kinda like one of those races now where people…they have all the poofy, different-color chalks or whatever. All the people of the town are cheering. It’s very exciting but very busy, you know. Then it’s kinda like that…I just talked to somebody that went to that tomato thing somewhere. It’s kinda like that, where everybody’s just covered in different colors and old fruit or vegetables, whatever you call a tomato. So, a lot of going back and forth. Hey, no, no, let’s go this way. No, go that way.

 

Zack and Mack and Barnaby are obviously trying to get outta there, because that’s just their style. The Toymaker’s cheering everything on, and basically, the…Team Toy wins, and Team T-R-O-L-L’s loses. They say, any sore losers gotta leave town and go wherever you’re from, go back to the S-W-A-M-P or whatever. Yeah, someone has a giant, purple carrot. Like, hit the road. Zack and Mack are hiding. Georgie finds them. Now he’s a full-on hero. He says, you two are not appropriate and you need to also exit Toyland. So, he takes them and escorts them out, totally. Zack and Mack actually don’t want to be with…and then he eats the cookie from his hat. That’s a good move. I like that one. So, they head out. We still haven't seen Barnaby, though. We see all the people of the town and the plush-based beings of the town.

 

Oh yeah, then Barnaby surprises Lisa. Cincawhatski, I’m really grouchy. You’re gonna be my bird soon. Mary sees it. She calls Jack. Jack says, Uncle Barnaby, what’s up, man? They actually dance-off. Then Jack dances him in…but it’s a move where he’s dancing. He says, Jack not be nimble. He really said that, but Keanu…oh wow, Keanu’s got kinda…I don't know if those are natural highlights or not, but they look good, in his hair. He dances him right out of town with the rest of them, with the rest of Barnaby’s crew. He says, let’s dance right out of here. Then Lisa says, Barnaby, this was all you. You’re the one that made this mess, no one else. You’re responsible. All the people, other people that Barnaby got all riled up, they say, man, you got us all riled up. You need to work with us.

 

The Toymaker says, Barnaby Barnacle, haven't you learned? He goes, you’re banished forever from Toyland. That’s the only thing we can do. You gotta go live with your friends you got riled up in the forest. He goes, you can't do that to me. They go, yup. By the way, please exit the Toyland. He kinda takes his time, but he doesn't have a choice. One of the frog people’s like, oh, my goodness, what dramatic thing. Even his…then he even says, I don't like toy soldiers, anyway. Then they exit and everybody cheers, even the people with giant carrots. Lisa and Jack have an embrace. The gates are closed. Toyland is finally free once again thanks to Lisa, who remembered the eternal dream of childhood and believed. Everybody cheers for Lisa. A big moment. Then we cut to town hall, and there’s a ding, dong, ding.

 

It’s a wedding, I think. Lisa goes down the aisle first. Mary is behind her. The Toymaster’s giving her away. There’s people with hula-hoops dancing. Oh, it’s…everybody’s singing. Oh, the choir…Miss…Mother Hubbard’s in the choir. They’re singing a song about getting married or something. Fate be kind, may you find health and happiness, warmth and happiness, peace of mind. Jack’s up there with his best man, Georgie Porgie. They’re still singing. I don't know, Mother Hubbard’s got…oh yeah, there’s…the M-I-M-E-Ss are even there. May the years to come — this is a pretty long song — be the best years. Jack’s…Georgie keeps Jack from looking at the bride a second time. We wish you the happiest marriage.

 

It’s kinda like the…I’m hearing the song from the G-R-I-N-C-H that the Whos sing at the end, but…now they say, oh, you look beautiful. Can't wait. Yeah, that’s it. Let’s get this marriage on. Lisa’s smiling. Do you, Mary Contrary Hubbard, take this man, Jack Nimble Jr. as your…? Jack Nimble Jr., I like that. Jack Nimble Jr., private eye. Do you want to get married? Yeah, I do. Jack Nimble Jr…he turned dramatically — that was cool — Keanu. They definitely knew they had something, 'cause they really get some good shots of him just looking dreamy. Man, there’s just one there. How about forever and a day? Will you be married? Not long enough. They have wind to make his hair move, even. Takes the ring, smiles at Georgie in a very friendly way, puts it on. Mary hands…or Lisa hands Mary her ring. She puts it on.

 

With this ring, these toy…residents of Toyland do be wed. The virtue of the almost unlimited power vested in me by the Toymaster — what does that mean? — I now pronounce you married. Keanu smiles just as a lip smile, kisses the bride, and then he swoops her up, and then everybody cheers. Then it starts raining something; I don't know, confetti, snow, rice, sawdust. We get a zoom on the cake. We see the toy factory, and then we have a parade going of wooden…a sleigh. We see someone dressed as Santa. We see…who’s that? The egg person again, Humpty Dumpty. Wait a second, is that Santa Claus or Beauty from Beauty and the Beast when she’s in that red outfit? Then the judge says, one day I’ll visit your plan…the planet of Cincinnati, to Lisa, and he winks. Then Lisa hugs Mary. What am I gonna do without you?

 

Don't worry, you’re really my sister, so…and Jack, how can we thank you? Don't worry. We’ll see you soon. Georgie smooths out his thing. I think he’s…he hugs her. She says, Georgie, I’ll miss you, and I don't like saying goodbye. There’s a plush football player who’s also a zookeep…a zoo guest, who wipes a tear away. She makes a speech; Toyland, I’m gonna miss you, miss you all. People are cheering. Oh, my gosh, at 1:30:30…so, an hour and thirty minutes and thirty seconds, there’s a tear that runs down the cheek of one of the toy soldiers. Probably the best thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life that I can remember at this moment. They they say, Lisa, you gotta get outta here, because the sleigh is going. The only way out of town. Hubbard and the judge set a date for later for dinner in her shoe.

 

He says he’d be delighted. So, love connection number two. They put Lisa in Santa’s sleigh. Or, I mean, I don't know, it’s got wooden reindeer, so I don't know how it’s gonna fly. I didn’t say goodbye to the Toymaster, Lisa says. The Toymaster says, you don’t have to. I’m Santa Claus. Hardy, har, har. Everybody laughs. What a reveal. He’s Santa. They head off. I guess it makes sense, the mystical powers of…Chris Parnell…there’s somebody that looks like Chris Parnell, Jack in the Box. That was at 1:30:20. Then they fly off. May fate never be unkind. Goodbye, Georgie. Lisa waves goodbye. We see her flying. May you find health and happiness. Lisa looks in the sky, gets this dreamy thing that we saw again when she was on the sled. She goes and sits next to the Toymaster, or, aka, Santa Claus.

 

I think we’ll take the Milky Way all the way. Watch for shooting stars, he says. She smiles. She laughs. She looks behind her one last time. I can't believe it. She’s very childlike. He goes, whoa. Then we see the moon and we see them cross in front of the moon, and then we see it turn into a painting. Or, no, it’s a window, and there’s snow. A shade gets drawn and we see the thing that saved the world of toys, Lisa’s teddy bear in the real world…and Mother Hubbard, and she hands it to Lisa, who’s sleeping on the couch. Georgie’s decorating the tree. Lisa wakes up and says, mom? Mama? Holy cow. She says, yeah, we were worried about you. You’ve been sleeping for Christmas. She goes, I’m happy to be home. Where’s little Joey? She goes, Lisa, you’re a child, not a mother. He’s asleep upstairs, warm and toasty in his bed.

 

We’re happy you woke up before it was midnight. Mary, Jack, and George, hey, you’re all here. I don't know if their names are right anymore, but Keanu, Mary, and Georgie. I was in a town filled with toys, talking toys…Mother Goose and Trollogs and all of that. Mom says, yeah, of course you are. That reminds me, we gotta…I got a to-do list I gotta work on. Barney from the store, he was in the dream, too. He was not nice. Oh, mom, the Christmas tree’s beautiful, she says, as beautiful as all things the Toymaster taught me. He must be a wise man. He was. He taught me that it was in our hearts that we must stay young and try to do good, and above all, we must believe in toys. We’re gonna have a happy holidays, aren't we? Always and always and always.

 

Then mom says, Lisa, let’s not get nostalgia, which always exists but isn't real, mixed up with doing the best but not being perfect. Lisa says, look at that toy soldier under the tree, and it salutes her. It doesn't have a tear. That’s the end of the show. We get a wave goodbye from…we get…oh, we see the scene where she’s leaving again, everyone saying goodbye, and the credits start to run. Let me see my notes, though. I believe…music starts, Lisa’s happy…march by…Toyland, sleeping guard, lots of teamwork…build a barnacle float? Jack, Mack…come to believe…mess up…barricade…bear gets lifted, stage diving, brown bottles, Humpty Dumpty watches…toy soldier exhales?

 

Barnaby ducks out…Hopscotch Lane…Humpty Dumpty watches, crew squad marches, too…tree people…rabbit woman waves…a cucumber…Georgie, Mack, slapstick…boo, boo, boo…eats a cookie as they care it off…oh, as they carry off Barnaby. Lisa, Jack, Neo style…Lisa says, Barnaby, go with them. Oh yeah, she says…she throws him…she says, yeah, you didn’t…you’re banished. Eternal dream of childhood…town hall wedding with singing…Lisa, flower girl…Jack’s back to bride…Jack Nimble Jr., vows, rings…almost ultimate power invested in me…something on a wedding cake. Oh, zoom on the wedding cake. It was just a strange shot. Humpty Dumpty…slight wooden…oh, sleigh and wooden reindeer. One day I’ll come visit your planet. The dude winks. Sport L-I-O-N wipes a tear…toy soldier cries…Lisa…goodbye.

 

Keanu…hurry, Lisa…during sleigh, Santa…wait, in the sleigh, Santa and the Toymaker…WTF? Waves goodbye in the sky…green screen…oh yeah, it was like Neverending Story, very similar. Milky Way all the way…Lisa looks back. Toymaster goes, wherever, across the moon. The teddy…snow…Lisa on couch, mama, Joey…stop acting like a mama. Talking toys and Mother Goose…people…Barney from the store…tree is beautiful. Toymaster taught me, stay young, behave, always and always. Small toy soldier salutes…it was all real. One more wave goodbye, and the credits, and we wave goodbye to you, and goodnight, everybody. Thanks so much for listening to this different movie, and please enjoy it on your own time, maybe. Goodnight.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

(Transcription performed by LeahTranscribes)