1308 – Babes in Toyland 1

Episode 1308 – Babes in Toyland Part 1

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for a holiday episode. Oh my, oh my, if you’re from Ohio, this episode may…there’s a song about Ohio. Or is it about Cleveland or Cincinnati? I don't even know right now. I should know. But if you’re…this is a blast from the past that I think you’re gonna enjoy. It’s a watch from a TV movie from the eighties starring Drew Barrymore, Richard Mulligan, Eileen Brennan, Keanu Reeves…Pat Morita is even in it. So, talk about a eighties crew. This would be…there was other…this would be like a pack of really nice people to spend time with. We’re gonna go to Toyland for part of watching this special from the eighties, Babes in Toyland. So, please join me, won't you? Please join me, won't you? I think you will.

 

If you’re new, by the way, welcome to Sleep With Me. It’s a podcast here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff so you could fall asleep. We do weird things like this, or — it’s a little bit different — watch…this movie’s a little bit different, too. Holy cow. I don't know…I think the moral of the story is don’t grow up too fast. Enjoy being child…a child or childlike. This podcast is like that. But I’m really here to keep you company and distract you versus putting you to sleep. This podcast could, would, maybe will put you to sleep, but first, I’m gonna keep you company and take your mind off of whatever’s keeping you awake, and that’s kinda what Sleep With Me is all about, being your friend in the deep, dark night. If you’re new, the show is so different, it does take a few episodes to get used to.

 

So, give it a few tries. See how it goes. I’m really glad you’re here whether you’re a new listener or a regular listener. Structurally we got…coming up is some support, then a long, meandering intro separate from the support meant to ease you into bedtime, and then a bedtime story where we watch part of this Babes in Toyland. Yeah, it’s…there’s music at the beginning, also a Suzuki Samurai, which is a car from the eighties or even the nineties, maybe, that was…I don't know, it was a very popular vehicle. My dad leased one for a couple years. So, yeah, I’m really glad you’re here. I guess…I mean, this is a pointless…podcast full of pointless meanders.

 

I’m really glad you’re here, and thanks again for coming by. Thanks to everybody who supports the show directly — they’re on Sleep With Me+ — or supports our sponsors or shares the word about the show or sends a kind word our way. That’s really how we keep doing this and why we keep doing it, to help you out in the deep, dark night, and it’s because of your help we’re able to be here. So, thank you so much, and if you’re ever wondering how we’re able to do it specifically, here’s a couple ways you could support the show.

 

INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether that’s thoughts, things on your mind that you’re thinking about about the past, the present, the future, thoughts, thoughts you’re thinking about.

 

So, thoughts, feelings, anything…feelings, emotions coming up related to those thoughts or emotions that are just there that…or just come up around bedtime, it could be physical sensations, it could be changes in time, temperature, routine, you could be going through something, you could be getting over something, anticipating, travel, guests, maybe you work a different schedule. Whatever it is, the reason I kinda go through some of that stuff is that the…it’s…I don't know, because it’s important for me to point out not what’s keeping you awake…to point it out for you, but to let you know…and this isn't to take anything away 'cause I feel this way, too; that that part of you that feels like I’m the only one, nobody gets it, a lot of us here feel that way, too, and have felt that way our whole lives, right?

 

When you tell somebody about how you can't sleep and they kinda dismiss it or they don’t understand, when…like, when you’re just lying there and you’re like, man, even though I have a roommate, even though I share a room with my sibling, even though my beautiful dog Koa’s there, even though my daughter’s in the other room, even though it’s a season when other people might be…you might have guests or be a guest, for me and I think a lot of other people — and this might not capture it for you; there may be other words — it feels lonely, 'cause whatever’s keeping me awake is getting in the way of me getting the sleep I would like to have. Whatever it is for you, I think I can probably relate to how it feels, but even if I can't, the good news is someone listening somewhere in the world right now does get it.

 

They see you and they’re hopeful for you because they started listening to this podcast, and they were like, man, nothing works for me. What can I do? This is so hard and nobody gets it. Then they said, oh, I didn’t know this podcast was gonna help me out. I didn’t even know to look for something like this. Man, I hope some other people down the road that need it find it like I did. Then, they’re really thinking in their bed right now, I’m really glad you’re here because this podcast has helped me when nothing else would, and I don't even understand really how it works or whatever, but I really hope it can help you out, too, and I hope one day you’re the one welcoming people in. So, that’s why my…we talk about it, because it’s like, we are connected even though we’re separate and this is ones and zeroes or whatever.

 

If this podcast really is just ones and zeroes, which I don’t believe but I know factually someone…I mean, part of the podcast is ones and zeroes. They’re ones and zeroes with hearts, which I can kinda see…you say, it’s no longer a zero. That’s a drawing of a heart. I can't see how it’s possible to make a one…oh, this one has a heart. Maybe it’s not drawn like a heart, but these ones and zeroes, they have hearts, which I’m not a person with…is that right, a proclivity towards this kind of prose? But it’s true. I’m the last person on Earth to say my ones…my digital ones…my ones…I have digital ones and zeroes, too, by the way. They’re not just ones and zeroes. Sir, you…whoa, whoa, hold the binary, C-3P0. Or, you speak binary, right, C-3P0? How did I get on this episode? I don't talk like this. Well, you do in this situation.

 

I mean, let’s get some of this protocol…let’s get…it doesn’t…protocol…don’t protocol droids try to get everybody on the same page? Everybody…technically, you’re partially correct. Right. So, my ones and zeroes have a heart. I mean, right? Do I need to explain it to you? Can you listen to R2? I mean, come on, let’s be honest with each other, C-3P0. R2’s got a heart. I mean, you wouldn't say R2 is just ones and zeroes. Star Wars is a fictional universe from a long time ago, far, far away. Okay, that’s really…I mean, talk about deflecting. Come on, C-3P0. Anyway, sorry about that. I just went on a tangent with…it’s true. I guess what I’m pointing out is that…well, I guess I pointed it out in a very meandering and indirect way. The other thing is you deserve a good night's sleep.

 

You deserve a place you could rest, a bedtime you could look forward to or feel neutral about, the rest you need so your life is more manageable. So, I hope this show could be a part of that for you. If you decide you loathe me and the podcast and you’re saying to yourself, that was the worst imitation of C-3P0 I’ve ever heard, I’d say, well, it was not a actual imitation or whatever they say; impersonation. I was connecting with the spirit of C-3P0, which I think I got pretty good, right, 3P0? I can't answer that because…I can't…affirmative. You never say ‘affirmative’, but I love it. Yeah. You were right on the protocol on that one, 3P0. It’s C-3P0. Okay, thank you. How come you don’t have your own streaming show? You should have a talk show. Or, how come you don’t have a etiquette show, right?

 

I mean, I…that’s fine if it’s in the…what is that, the Star Wars universe or whatever? Isn't there some sort of era like Star Wars: Royal…The Royal Years? How about that? Could…how about we do that? What do you think about that, 3P0? It’s not appealing. Well, yeah, but…yeah, okay, I can see that. Star Wars: The Royal Years. It’s like…the part I’m talking about is not like The Wonder Years, but it is like…we’re just having…it’d be a spin-off of a show that doesn't exist, where C-3P0 gives tips on etiquette, protocol. I’d like to adjust your protocol. Thanks, 3P0. Why don’t you sit down and watch the Star Wars holiday special? This is…this movie we’re gonna watch tonight is pretty strange, too, but it’s very enjoyable. I think you might like it. Okay. Okay, there we go. We agreed to agree on that one.

 

Yeah, you had me at ‘I might like it’. Okay, great. So…okay, so…oh, if you loathe me, though, like 3P0 may, or C-3P0, excuse me, there’s a website; sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou, or /nothanks I think will even work, and that has other sleep podcasts and sleepy audio on there because you still…even if you don’t like me, you still deserve a good night's sleep if you’re frustrated. You still deserve a podcast that’s gonna help you fall asleep. The other thing is, like I said earlier, this show does take a couple tries to get used to, so, just give it a few tries. See how it goes. You don’t have to…it doesn't…at first, most people that are regular listeners now said, yeah, at first I was like, what is he doing? Does he really think he sounds like C-3P0? Does he really not know that ones and zeroes can't have a heart?

 

But I guess he’s right, because R2 doesn't have a heart even though R2 is fictional. If R2 was real, R2 probably would be made up of ones and zeroes on…I mean, or whatever Star Wars version of that is, bittachlorians or whatever they would call it. But they would…R2 has a heart. I mean, there’s…and I guess C-3P0 does, too. All the droids we love…okay, not all the droids; you’re right. Thanks for that look, C-3P0. That really helped redirect me. Most of the droids we love that I can think of in my mind right now have a heart on some level. I realize technically you may not, but you get what I’m saying. So, what else do you need to know about the podcast? I send my voice across the deep, dark night.

 

I use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, I go off topic, I get mixed up, and…you’ve seen it already. But it’s all to take your mind off of stuff and keep you company. This is kind of a podcast that is like background noise, almost. You could listen to it, but you could also barely listen to it, kinda like calling your friend. You say, you sound nothing like C-3P0, but can you talk to me in the style of C-3P0 for like, an hour and a half about nothing? C-3P0 would be good at that. It would be…the only thing with C-3P0 is it might be too boring, right? Can you tell me about the protocol…can you tell me the history of Yodish beings and the protocol of interacting with them? Give me a version of how to win friends and influence Yodish beings. There’s no such thing as a Yodish being.

 

Oh man, you’re already on it. Keep going. It’s not like I’m some AI. Okay, well, let’s not go…you got me, but that’s good, 'cause I gotta move on, anyway. So, it’s something you would barely listen to, right? If C-3P0 was going on and on about that…first, C-3P0 would correct me, but then C-3P0 would say, I understand what you mean by ‘Yodish being’, and then would go into some history thing. By the way, don’t wave palm…you know, all that stuff, which would be useful but not super interesting. So, it might be interesting enough to barely listen to, but that’s like what this podcast is kinda like. You’re like, well…even those of you that barely…you say, I have a general idea who C-3P0 is, but other than that, I don't know what you’re talking about.

 

You’re still following along barely, 'cause this podcast is barely entertaining, barely amusing like something…a noise slowly fading away, a podcast…you could listen to it, but you don’t need to listen to it. There is no pressure to fall asleep with this show. I’m here to just take your mind off of stuff. There’s a reason the episodes are over an hour. It’s to keep you company while you fall asleep or if you can't sleep or if you need a break during the day. I’m here for you to the very end whether you’re listening or not. What I’m gonna do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents. I’m gonna go off topic, I’m gonna get mixed up.

 

But I’m here to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-bud, your neigh-bore, your Borbie, your bores, your bore-bruh, your bore-bestie, your bore-friend f’eva, to keep you company as a distraction, to be there. So, it’s a little bit different. It does take some getting used to, like I said. The other thing is the structure of the show. The show is structured in a specific way that you can adjust as you become a regular listener, but I like to meet you where you are, especially if you’re new, and say, why is the show structured this way? Well, there’s a pretty good reason. Most people listen to this linear, sponsor-supported version of the show. So, it starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, so you feel seen and welcome.

 

You say, okay, I can check that podcast out. Then there’s support so paying for the podcast is optional. If you prefer something without sponsors, you can get that on Sleep With Me+. Then there’s a long, meandering intro separate from the support. The intro is inefficient…where I try to inefficiently introduce the podcast, then I get distracted by something new, probably almost 1,300 times. This time it was different. I’m sure C-3P0 has been on here before, but not in this particularly context. Thank goodness…I mean, no offense to R2, but R2 would be very disruptive towards sleep, unless you were doing some sort of purring or just motoring around slowly. I mean, I would like to…I’m sure if you were…if you could vibrate in some calm way like a cat, R2, you would be good to hold before bed as part of my wind-down routine.

 

You know? I’m sure that you could be a sleep device. Like, oh yeah, this is…you hold R2 for ten minutes before you get in bed while you listen to Sleep With Me. Maybe if you had Bluetooth, we…you could send it via vibration. That would be…I would actually like that, R2. Thank you for offering that in my imagination. It already feels good, like a nice vibe…like a nice…like hugging R2. Mind if I put some sort of…what are those things? Like a fleece to make you look like a Wookie, like with…a fleece with…a hooded fleece sweatshirt, maybe. Okay, we agree again. Another win for me and the podcast. So, the structure of the show…so, the intro goes on and on and on one, so it’s different every time while it introduces and follows a similar structure of explaining the podcast.

 

The real reason the intro is fifteen to twenty minutes long is to ease you into bedtime. You could fall asleep during it, but for most people, they’re getting ready for bed, in bed getting comfortable, or doing some sort of other chill-down, wind-down activity to have a buffer between waking and sleeping. I mean, what better…? This was a nice one, imagining we’re holding onto R2 or BB-8, another one that I could hold onto. It’d be two totally different experiences, too, two totally different hugs; one a spherical hug and…versus a…what is…? You’re not a cone, R2. You’re a…what are you, a tube? Is that what they’re technically called? With a half-sphere on top. So, yeah, those are…and you have those legs, also, or whatever…yeah, legs, right? Wheels?

 

R2 just shrugged, so…yeah, I don't know what to call him, either, so, that makes two of us. I could sing Just the Two of Us, too, or three of…I don't think my room has…I don't think there’s room enough in my life for two droids at the same time, but we could work out week…R2…you know. So, okay, so…now I’m already like, this…we’re borderline getting into the silly zone. I mean, for not sleep, I don't know. For snuggling…I would prefer only to snuggle one droid. I mean, I guess that’s what I’m trying to say. Let’s just move on. You’re right. Thanks, BB-8. Oh, what was I say…? Oh, the intro goes on and on and on…oh, because people use it to wind down. So, just see how it goes. Then there’s some support, and then there will be our bedtime story.

 

Tonight will be coverage of the 1980’s special, Babes in Toyland, with Drew Barrymore and Keanu Reeves in it, which is kinda mindblowing. Then…yeah, that’s the structure of the show. If you prefer just the stories from the show, check out Bedtime Stories from Sleep With Me. That’s a different podcast. It just has the greeting and the stories. Or if you support the show on Sleep With Me+, you get a podcast with just stories of the podcast. So, that’s the structure of the show. I guess that’s why I make the show, right? Is there anything else you need to know? No, I guess…I’m really glad you’re here. Myself and a team of people work really hard. We yearn and we strive. We really want to help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple ways we’re able to be here for you twice a week.

 

Alright everybody, this is Scoots here, and this is our look back…it’s not a Tale of the Tape. It’s a kinda…a recap of the movie Babes in Toyland. I’m gonna look up the…1986, is this the one? Let’s get this Wikipedia article open. We may have already read this before. I don't know. So, this…okay, let’s talk about why are we doing this. Well, one, if you listen to Sleep With Me, you know I’m a superfan of the Laurel and Hardy, March of the Wooden Soldiers, Babes in Toyland film. So, that makes this movie…there are some good things about this movie, but it’s not…for me, that…and just in my lifetime, that Laurel and Hardy movie is a timeless holiday film, and it’s just something I always enjoy and I just have positive memories of, and nostalgia, and there’s…I don't know.

 

So, this is not…this one is…so, this has some good things, which we’ll talk about, but the reason I did it was a year or two ago I watched it with my daughter after we watched…I think maybe we watched all of them. There’s other versions, too. There’s…what is that? The Mouseketeers, [inaudible] and Ochello and the…I don't know the names of all those people. But…Bobby Darin, maybe? I don't know. But so…okay, so, this one came out in 1986 on…it was a TV movie, which for a lot of you, you’re gonna say, what’s…what do you mean? What’s a TV movie and what do you mean? I don't know if we have time to go on that tangent, but it means a movie specifically made for over-the-air or cable broadcast television, probably only to be aired once unless it was incredibly successful.

 

Eventually it would come out on VHS, I believe, at least from what I was looking around on YouTube. Normally, not to be judgmental, the quality of the movies, because it’s wide-casting or whatever…which we don’t really have very much of anymore 'cause it’s made to please an entire audience of people that are very different in their tastes. It’s made for everybody to sit down and watch it. Also, if you’re watching a TV movie, you were probably like me; you didn’t have a lot of choice in the matter. So, I remember this movie coming out, and I guess I watched it. We may have recorded it on VHS tape. I’m not positive about that, but the things I remember about it is a bowling ball that instead…and, again, me and my family had already seen Babes in Toyland on WPX every…multiple times.

 

So, this movie, at least in my house and with me, didn’t really stand a chance. But we watched it, and alls I remember is the bowling ball. Later in life, I would remember that Keanu Reeves and Drew Barrymore were in it. At the time, I probably knew that Drew Barrymore and Pat Morita were in it, because they were both really big stars from E.T. and Karate Kid. That was kind of another part of the made-for-TV movies, was getting a couple big stars into these productions. So, I’m gonna go through the Wikipedia page. Oh, but so, why am I doing it? Well, there’s a musical…it’s not a musical. Well, it is a musical, kind of. I guess I wouldn’t say it’s a musical, but it has singing in it. They call it a musical, but I don't want to…just like the original Babes in Toyland had singing in it, musical numbers…I would say it has musical numbers.

 

So…but there’s this music that’s at the beginning of the movie and then at a major plot point where they sing the song Cincinatti, and…we’ll talk about it more. But it was just like…it is like, that part and some other parts…but that part, especially the first time they sing it, is awesome. It’s just such a departure, even from the rest of the movie. It also features a departure. But, I don't know, it’s just so…back when I was a kid, we used the term ‘random’. It is so random that…it’s just…it’s cool. I’m not even…not even in a way…it’s just so surprising, I guess. Rewatching it and watching the performances…well, unfortunately to enjoy it…you enjoy it more when you see the whole movie, but even by itself, it’s really fun. So, if you don’t do anything, watch that.

 

But it’s a 1986 American made-for-television Christmas musical film directed by Clive Donner, starring Drew Barrymore, Richard Mulligan, Eileen Brennan, and Keanu Reeves, based on the 1903 operetta by Victor Herbert and Glen McDonough. This features a new score with select things. Let’s see what else is on the Wikipedia page. It was shot on-location in Munich, West Germany in the summer. So, that’s interesting, 'cause they did have to build a whole set. It was released on VHS in 1991. It came out December 19th, 1986. I’m guessing that’s Friday or Saturday. It was shortened to 94 minutes for other theatrical releases. On YouTube there’s a director’s cut. I don't know which version I watched, but we’ll find out. The worldwide home media release was 145 minutes. The plot we won't read.

 

Let’s see here…cast, musical numbers, release…yeah, it was never…the original 145-minute cut was never seen outside of television, but now it is available…oh, and labeled as the director’s cut. Okay. So, that’s interesting. See also…a list of Christmas films…Babes in Toyland director’s cut with intro…see…okay, so, that goes to the YouTube, but we don’t need it on here. Okay, so, it’s also on Amazon Prime. Oh, on 2022…I don't think I could find it. I guess it comes up in one of Drew Barrymore’s books, too, on Page 125. Here’s a Holly…oh, that’s 2023. Drew Barrymore Saved Christmas in Babes in Toyland.

 

This article just came out, 2023, but I don't have…it doesn't link to it, so…let’s see, musical numbers; Cincinnati, C-I-N-C-I-N-N-A-T-I, Toyland, Let’s Hear It, We’ll Think of Something, It’s the Feeling, Muenster Piece, I Live in Two Worlds, Cincinnati Reprise, Eyes of a Child, May the Years Come…May the Years to Come, Eyes of a Child Reprise…reprise or reprise? And Toyland. Let’s just see what the cast says. Oh, it doesn't have any written articles. Alright, so, let’s get into it here. So, what I’m gonna do is load up the YouTube…I guess the director’s cut may be what I watched. I don't know, maybe I watched the 94-minute version. We’ll go through my notes. I’m watching a version on YouTube labeled Babes in Toyland…there’s a heart emoji…1986, 720p, Full Movie, Best Quality. It has closed-captions.

 

This is the one I used. There is one cut from the movie missing, which makes sense 'cause the other thing was an hour and forty-five minutes. So, I haven't compared it to the director’s cut. But we’ll go through my…and I’ll also go through my notes. So, we’re…we got it loaded up, and it starts out with the MGM. It’s a paper…oh, paper city, paper-cut-out snow city. Credits, music, bus stops, snow swirls…so, not much. Small-town street…Paul Zindel did the story. There’s a book we had to read as a kid. Or, I might be having the name wrong. Snow street, car, news report…okay, so, we’ll get to that in a second. Starring Drew Barrymore, Richard Mulligan…and actually…so, I just got…Eileen Brennan. We’re zooming in on what we know…what I know…now know is Cincinnati, but there’s starlights. There’s a stadium.

 

Cincinnati Reds; we know that because Lisa will talk about Pete Rose. So, we’re seeing highlights, maybe a famous painting of Cincinnati? Maybe not. I don't know. It’s wintertime. It’s snowing. We’re seeing a park. This is all…what do you call that on the…? Oh, there’s a bus stop for the Metro Jay, or maybe that’s a upside-down C? Pedestrian crossing…and snow swirls that don’t match. Then we’re seeing another street. I missed all the other performances. Eileen Brennan, Keanu Reeves…we’re seeing more of the credits playing. Everybody’s grabbing snacks, if you were watching this. Now we see a suburban-style street, some cars, it’s snowed-in. We’re zooming on the cars. More snow…we’re seeing a house. No picket fence, but a pretty picturesque house. The lights are on. We’re going down the street.

 

Paul Zindel, story and screenplay. Now we’re getting even closer in on the streets. Maybe these are different paintings? I think so. But we’re seeing the houses, zooming in…lights are bright. Another swirl. Oh, now we’re live action. The snowy street, two cars passing in the night, one car working its way towards us and the camera. It pulls in front of a house. There’s two kinds of weather; there’s bad and worse. There’s some kind of bumper storm heading Ohio way tonight. Road conditions…and Drew Barrymore’s reading Better Homes and Gardens New Cookbook. Stay home…we see Drew’s sister getting ready to go from work. We had this Better Homes and Garden New Cookbook at my house. Her sister has a beret, a pink raincoat…mom calls. She’s in Midville at a gas station.

 

She’s getting chains on the car. Her and Joey are there, the kid brother. She’s got a couple more things she’s gotta do. She might be home in a hour. Drew says, okay. Are you gonna be okay alone, Drew? Yeah, I think so. Take…you take care of you and Joey, mom. Chains are ready on her car. Gotta go. Drew says, okay. Her sister’s getting ready to leave for work. There’s a fire in the fireplace. Mary, don’t forget your shoes. Oh, you didn’t put your shoes away, Mary. What’s your gift? Is it a blender? Well, then what is it? So, these are pretty important plot points. I did not realize it ‘til now. The sister stops. She’s about to leave…turn to work. She tells her what her gift is; a sled. Drew’s not impressed. A sled? Or Mary…I thought for a change you’d want something fun. Well, a sled’s a terrific present. I love you.

 

They hug and kiss. So, one of the plots of this movie…take it easy. Watch some TV, Mary tells Lisa. Lisa and Mary…are you warm enough? She probably isn't. She only has a regular raincoat on. So Hollywood. I think she’s walking to work. But we see the snow is getting worse. It’s the top story. Drew’s now mixing something in a mixing bowl. 10:00 p.m., a giant storm will be here, or it’s on its way. Yeah, they’re watching the 10:00 news. So, a couple holes in the plot there that…her sister’s going to work at 10:00 p.m. and the mom calls and Drew’s working at dinner. But the important plot points that they don’t really spend a lot of time on…but at least in the…if it was a musical, the ‘I want’ thing…I’m not exactly sure what Drew Barrymore wants.

 

I guess what she needs, they feel like…the movie feels like she needs is like…this is kinda this eighties’ idea that she’s kind of…I don't know how old her character is. Somewhere between ten and fourteen? Maybe twelve? She’s on her own making…she’s supposed to make dinner. She’s…obviously cleans up after her older sister. She’s competent enough to be alone, but she would prefer a blender to a sled. I think that’s the most important plot point; she would prefer a blender to a sled. We don’t quite see that she’s totally given up on being a child, but she’s a responsible young woman…but that she’s grown up too fast as a part of the latchkey generation, ends up seeming like somewhat of the moral of the story…spoiler, but because it’s hard to parse out, even though later it’s spelled out for us.

 

When it was spelled out, I said, wait, I’m sorry, what? Then it was spelled out…but it was spelled out so clearly that I said, okay, well, you’re spelling it out pretty clearly, so, obviously I gotta get it. But so…okay, so, there…that’s the…of all the things in the movie…but that makes sense from…there used to be after-school specials. It has to have…there was something about it, and this is very eighties, this idea of having a standard belief system, at least something like that. It’s like, oh, well…it isn't too aggressive, like saying the mom…even though the mom later in the…huh, I wonder if this influences…so, is this…? What do they call that, ganda of props to get us to get home to our children and let them play. Anyway, so, back to the movie. I’m hitting Play again. Drew’s mixing something up, watching the news. She’s enthralled.

 

Then the TV loses its signal. This is antenna television. The antenna falls from the roof and she says, oh boy. Drew’s wearing a jumper. Phone’s out as well. She tries to call somebody. It doesn't seem like…and then her reaction is to just grab a coat. So, she puts on a coat. Now, she does have a winter coat. So, presumably, time has passed. Maybe it is 10:00 p.m., but…her sister just left, but really her sister left four or five hours ago. That would make sense. She heads to a toy store where her sister works, which is somewhat of a warehouse. There’s carolers in front of the toy store, singing. It’s snowing very hard. Plastics from $5. Then we see…what should my wondering eyes should appear but in a Santa cap is…Keanu is here. So, Keanu Reeves, pre-any kind of fame, I believe, but I’m not positive, is in this.

 

So, he’s in a toy store. He’s wearing a toy store smock, maroon, and he’s being helpful, going through the toy store. He’s carrying a duck floatie. He goes up to Mary, who…this place is called Toyarama. Mary is working checkout, and obviously they’re in some sort of relationship. He says, how about a quick Christmas pizza before I bring you home? She goes, I don't think I could eat three pizzas. He said…anything about three. She goes, well, I have two other offers. The Delilah of the Five and Dime…she’s laughing. So, he’s not the only one. But I mean, he’s…looks like Keanu. Then we see Drew running towards the store. She slides down and gets back up. I don't know if that was in the writing or that was an improved fall, but she comes in — it’s cold — takes off her hat. Mary, Mary…Lisa, what are you doing here?

 

Phones are out. You gotta come home. There’s a big storm. It’s like a blizzard. It’s gonna hit Cincinnati in an hour. Mary says, okay. Mom and Joey get home? No. Keanu says, I got four-wheel drive. I could take you home. Somebody should tell Barney to close the store. So, then we realize our anti-Barney…and Keanu gives the shivers. They say, hide Lisa. So, Lisa hides under the counter. This is Richard Mulligan. He was on a show on NBC called Empty Nest. I don't know if this was before or after. I never saw the show. He plays a sleaze. So, he goes and tries to flirt with Mary, and then — this is pretty cool — Drew’s like, no way, bro. My sister works here. What else do we got? Let’s see, I’m hungry, mom. Christmas dinner will be ready when you get home.

 

Mary…white-and-pink beret, new blender, sled, big storm, TV antenna, toys, three singers in front of the store, Keanu, pizzas, Delilah of the Five and Dime. Lisa comes into the store, big storm, four-wheel drive, Richard Mulligan, hide…teddy, present, merchandise, pushing teddy bear…this was a TV movie? Oh yeah, it’s like, some of this dialogue…then he says he’s gonna fire Jack, who is Keanu’s character. Then Mary quits. She says, I don't like anything about you. Also, it’s a blizzard here. Drew Barrymore is very good because she…she’s eleven, okay. She’s like, you should close the store. But I guess it’s Christmas Eve or something. Don’t talk to Mary like that. Come on, Lisa. $29.90 is how much she owes him or whatever. You can sit on that or something? He tries to shut the door, then Mary goes, Jack, let’s get outta here.

 

Jack’s with his best-friend character. Barney, is that who…? No, Barney’s not the nice guy. But their names’ changing again anyway. Then, yeah, Lisa gets on the PA; says, excuse me, everybody, there’s a snow storm coming in, so, you better leave the store. So, everybody just starts taking what they can. Richard Mulligan doesn't like that, but everybody’s rushing out of the store. A guy’s got a stuffed bunny, basketballs…what do you expect? It’s Christmas. Oh, then Mary gives a sled, the Mountain Master sled, for the Sister of the Year Award. Oh Mary, a Mountain Master. They’re the best. Thank you. So are you. Then Richard Mulligan says, put that back. Mary says, that’s what you owe me, half the salary you owe me. He goes, you’re not getting the other half.

 

Then the other two quit, too, and they won't be paid. They give him their smocks and then pull a thing of balls, which…that’s comedic, the balls falling on Richard Mulligan’s head. He does a pretty good face. Then…so, they’re carrying the sled, which has a giant bow. Oh, so, he has a Suzuki Samurai, which is…my dad…I think I’ve talked about this on the podcast, but it’ll be a tangent here. I’ll pause the movie. My dad…that’s what it says on his…balls on his head, Richard Mulligan’s head. Then…Suzuki Samurai. So, my dad…it’s a red one, red Suzuki Samurai. So, a Suzuki Samurai was like a Jeep Wrangler, and they came out in the eighties, I guess. They were very popular for a time. There were some reasons they weren't popular.

 

But my dad has always been a very…he had six kids, so he never had a lot of his own things, right? We always…he always had used cars with a lot of rust. But at some point he leased one of these things to have as his own car. So, we had a station wagon…I think before this he had bought a used car from my mom’s younger sister, which was also a Suzuki, a very small Suzuki, but we…yeah, so, then what happened was that car was actually in a snow storm like this, where it went to nonexistence anymore. We were in the car. It was fine; it was just that the car…everything was fine except for the car. But so, I don't know if…how insurance works, to be honest, but so, then my dad got a Suzuki Samurai, which was stick shift. 1986…so, this wouldn't have been 1986.

 

It would have been…’94, ‘92…maybe ‘89 or ‘90 that my dad had this. But so, he leased it, but he leased this new car, which was so uncharacteristic for my…we never had any new cars in our life, especially a car that looked cool like this. So, I don't know, just…so, my life is connected to this in some sense, but it was a few years after this. So, they’re driving in the Suzuki Samurai, and it’s snowing. So, all four of them in the car…Mary’s…turns to Lisa. Lisa’s thinking about something. Lisa, do you really like that sled? You weren't just pretending. Lisa’s like, no, this is gonna be the best Christmas in the history of the world, right here in Cincinnati. Then Keanu…and I don't know if anybody else could pull this off other than Keanu; he says…he declares…he’s driving.

 

So, he’s in front, Mary’s next to him, then in the back is Lisa and the sidekick character. He says, welcome to…and only in glorious Cincinnati, or something, queen of high…Ohio’s alpine ski resorts. Even here; like this…right here in WTF Cincinnati. I mean, there was a WKRP in Cincinnati, so, Cincinnati has been glorified before. Tired of packing and packing up and down the dials…but they sing and he…they sing to each other as they’re driving, and it doesn't…it’s distracted driving. Being in a musical and singing a song about Cincinnati is distracting. Okay, but let’s read the…and not to be…to set your…this is the best part of the movie, so…I mean, it’s so good. It’s frozen on Keanu’s face right now as he’s singing. What else does it go?

 

I come from Cincinnati, C-I-N-N-C-I-N…they’re all singing it now, Cincinnati, the best town in O-H-I-O, Ohio, USA. At first they called it Cinci, but…'cause Cinci is so natti, they named it Cincinnati, so they say. Whoa…hey, the girls are pretty, pretty in this gritty, little city. The fellers are the fiestiest I’ve seen, and when it comes to ball teams, the Reds and the Bangles mall teams, they knock the socks off all the teams on the grid. I mean, to argue is indefensible. The facts are common sensible, since Cinci is invincible. Keanu just changed gears. You know…y’all know what I mean. Cinci’s more than merely natti. She’s Ohio’s Maserati. Cinci’s at the center of the scene. So, this is…I mean, to argue is indefensible. Jack…so, he goes…okay, so, that’s the end of the singing part.

 

Let me see in my other notes…sing, they drive, the distracted driving, car…tree…car…falls…he drives around it. Now, for some reason, and I don't remember this earlier, but…Lisa is sitting in her sled. So, she’s not just sitting in her car…the seat of the car. She’s sitting in her sled in the seat of the car, which, actually, if you’ve ever been in a Suzuki Samurai, it makes sense, because the back of those…Suzuki Samurai is very small. So, it is a tight fit. But so, after they go around, she’s already loosened…oh, also, the Suzuki Samurai, like a Jeep Wrangler, has a soft top. At some point during the singing, Lisa sticks her hand out of the bottom of the soft top. So, you could make it like a convertible.

 

She fall…and so, during the thing, she leaves the vehicle in her sled to go sledding in a impromptu…unexpected, impromptu way. She’s sitting in the sled. Out the back of the…impromptu way out the back…something…thing. Okay, let’s just see. So, then she goes sliding down…she’s sliding in reverse. She looks behind her, and then, by a magical flash of light, she is transported, kinda like something from the movie 2001. We see a spiral, then she’s flying in her sled in the clouds. Right now, that’s what we’re seeing, fog-machine clouds, blue sky next to her, some movement, then there’s balloons. We hear the Toyland song. A lot of balloons going up, and we see a beautiful…it’s not winter in Toyland. Toyland, Toyland…there’s a person in a bear suit directing traffic. Every child’s dream…she’s saying, wow.

 

There’s autumn…Autopia cars. Here you’ll find the magic only children understand. Then a choo-choo train goes by, like…girl-and-boy land, fantasy, hope, and joy land. The bear runs the gates. Then there’s geese. There’s plenty of forest friends and humans, life-size forest friends, some in a marching band. Mother Goose is flapping. Even though there’s life-size, anthropomorphized beings…then there’s a giant cake. Four bakers are doing it, and Drew’s looking at the cake and saying, I’m not possibly gonna land in this cake, am I? Oh dear, I am. She makes a landing in the cake. It’s…looks to be a cake filmed…people say, oh, nobody’s gonna be pleased about that. This dude’s getting married, Barnaby. He’s not gonna be pleased. Drew gets out of the cake, takes her gloves off and her jacket, which took on most of the cake.

 

A lot of the people, the forest friends, are just nonplussed. Now they’ve gone back to their normal routine. There’s a human Mother Goose and a goose Mother Goose that I’ve seen. There’s a frog Sherlock Holmes, and then we have a human, Peter, Peter Pumpkin Eater, or something? I don't know. What’s his name? Georgie Porgie? He bumps into Lisa. Hey, what…hey, are you okay? Yeah. Oh, good. I’m Georgie Porgie. Yeah, nice to meet you. I’m the Chief Taster at the Toyland Cookie Factory. Have a Raspberry Ripple. So, he gives her a cookie from his hat. He’s got a big hat on. He also has a cookie. She says, why are you in a hurry? He says, oh, it’s…I’m going to a wedding. That’s where everybody’s going. Not gonna be great, though. Why not? I thought weddings were fun. Not this one.

 

My best friend Jack, his sweetheart Mary, is getting married to Barnaby, and…but she really loves Jack. Then we see the bowling ball house on the hill. That’s Barnaby’s house. Three holes and…he’s not nice, and bizarre. If he’s irritable, he rolls the bowling ball around the streets and plays bowling with everybody. The guy sounds really weird. Also, in the eighties, it wasn’t cool…I mean, it was cool to be weird, but not on mainstream TV, even though this movie’s incredibly weird. So, then they’re talking about the wedding, walking down the street…frog pinwheels…takes her jacket off. George Porgie…the only thing that makes Barnaby happy is being rotten. Bowling ball house…marriage by mortgage. We even see surprise friends hopping out of boxes. Strange stuff. There’s even dancing mimes.

 

Then we have…get your…tough it, muff it. Start the wedding song. This is…so, they start the wedding song. You got the kid that can't sleep or whatever with the candle. Jack Sprat? I don't know. They start singing a hat…marriage song. We wish you the happiest marriage anyone ever knew. We see Lisa’s sister from the real world is in this world as somebody else. Also, Georgie Porgie is Keanu’s sidekick in the real world. Now Keanu comes marching in. He’s Jack. He’s watching. Mary looks over at him. Everybody seems a little down. If Jack loves Mary so much, why don’t they elope? There’s nowhere to elope to, Georgie says. This is just Toyland and then the Forest of the Night.

 

Also, Barnaby’s…there’s a mortgage…we’ve exchanged a mortgage for a marriage. That’s the…whatever you call that, the marriage thingamajig. So, then we see Barnaby, and Barnaby has two sidekicks that kind of are based on…seem similar to Meatloaf. Is that Meatloaf in…? Not Meatloaf; somebody else in Rock…the Rocky Fun-Time Picture Show. Not gonna be a nice wedding. Richard Mulligan has a hat on that has a moth…a gigantic moth design. Everyone says, I can't believe this. Then Jack runs up and says…but even the authority figures…he gets put in a mime box, and they don’t even say anything other than, you’re not to interfere in this wedding. So, then Drew…Lisa gets closer. There’s somebody in charge of the wedding, an offician or whatever. He’s got a beard.

 

I don't know, he’s like the judge or something or other. Dear friends and neighbors…oh, Justice of the Peace of Toyland. It falls within my power to marry this couple. Anyway…in matrimony. Toymaster can't be here. Who’s the Toymaster? Of course, Lisa wants to know. Well, the most wonderful person in the world, obviously. Make our toys…Toymaster did send a message, probably coded with something, right? If he’s so wonderful, how come he’s letting this wedding go on? Both you young people know that somehow or other, true love always wins through in movies. Mary Contrary, Barnaby…better or worse? What do you think? What do you say, good times? Bad? For good times and worse? Maybe. Barnaby Barnacle. What do you think about Mary, to…? Okay.

 

Then right before they pronounce it, Lisa comes in. No, no, no. Who said that? Even the mimes are…she says, this isn't acceptable. Richard Mulligan…or Barnaby says, it’s none of your business. Mary — Georgie says that — what are you doing? Then Mary…or Lisa says, Mother Hubbard, how could you? She says, keep your zip lipped. This imposter is not of Toyland. Lisa says, I’m not bothered by you. Then Jack sweeps up Mary, and everybody…most people do not want to take…stand up. He says, who are you? I’m Lisa from Cincinnati. Cincawhatski? He goes, well, you just broke up the wrong wedding. Also, he has Lee press-on nails on some of his things. So, I guess that’s it. He was…he doesn't really…he’s like, we’ll try again another time, and he stomps off. Georgie says, let’s hear it for Lisa. They start playing music.

 

Everybody’s dancing. Let’s hear it for the girl of the hour. This is a song. Let’s hear it for the girl of the day. The rafters echo after echo, and everybody’s dancing. What will we say? For the folks that love freedom, we need them every day. Oh, wow, Lisa does a flip. Let’s hear it for the Girl of the Week. The rafters groan and creek. The Girl of the Month, the whole year, my dear, kind of. Then they put her in a cart and they start parading around. They’re still parading…she’s happy. Barnaby and his crew are not. They’re watching from the holes in the bowling ball, which is cool. I mean, that was a cool…second-coolest thing, is the bowling-ball set…I mean the bowling ball as a piece of the set. So, she’s still parading around. They’re cheering for her. Then we go into Barnaby’s office.

 

Oh, Zack and Mack are sidekicks, so, they go down…they meet his pet bird, Trollog. He’s got a pet bird named Trollog who can see things, shows them what they need to know in his eyes. So, we look in Trollog’s eyes. We see the forest, Georgie saying, don’t go into the forest, Lisa. I’m gonna take over the…I gotta…so, we see the next thing. Jack has to get married by twenty-one to inherit the factory, which is tomorrow, or something. So…otherwise I think…Lisa Cincawhatski…but they say, we got business at the cookie factory. Let’s go. Then we see the Toyland steam something, we see the cookie factory…everybody’s working in the cookie factory, regular cookie-factory workers on roller skates. So, they’re skating around on roller skates. Richard Mulligan blows a whistle; cookie break.

 

There’s fans, which is nice. They all go out for…they leave their workstations…they leave the factory for a cookie break. He escorts everybody out. They run, and it ends up that there’s…below the cookie factory is a secret way to get to his thing. This I did not understand at first. But so, there’s a secret exit. Richard Mulligan’s laughing as Zack and Mack throw cookies and cakes — they also make cakes at the cookie factory — in boxes, and they also play baseball with the cakes and the boxes. There’s also cookie cakes that look like…that look like boxes. I mean, they must…I don't know…if they can't leave, how do they supply…? Unless everybody just eats cookies, but there’s a lot of…not thousands of boxes. There’s different-sixed boxes, kinda like different-sized donut boxes. They use a table to slide everything in.

 

Then we see Mary’s house is a shoe. Then we see her mom, we see the…what’s that, the egg on the wall? Miss Hubbard. I forget most things, but in your case, I’m gonna remember, Lisa. Tweedle…no, no. What’s the egg on the wall called? Oh, wait, I don't want to miss this. This is all our kids; Jack and Jill, Lil Boy Blue, a couple other…Jack Horner, the kid that jumped…Jack Spratt, maybe, some kids…I don't know who…she doesn't know who her other kids are. Mary Contrary…number 11. Why didn’t you marry Barnaby? I don't love him, mom. Oh, wow, the mouth just moved on the egg, I think, in the…that’s in the background. Some of the kids are washing the shoe, which is pink. Why don’t you…Lisa, why don’t you keep out of other people’s business?

 

When two young people love each other, they could be together. Well, I won't allow such radical thinking in my shoe. Then Lisa turns and says, why doesn't Barnaby marry you, miss Hubbard, or whoever you are? It’s gotta…then…by mortgage? That could be the thingamajig for the wedding. Says, okay. So, just an idea Mary had. Then they have these nifty little cars, pink and blue. They’re Autopia cars or…what are those? Go-karts. Toyland driver’s licence is a cookie. So, they drive in these cars. They’re exactly the Autopia cars, but, I don't know, this is…I don't think this has anything…we see that there is some traffic rules. Georgie’s eating a cookie, savoring it. He’s at work. He opens the door; Mary and Lisa come in. Wow, what a toy factory. It’s a cookie factory. Oh.

 

Come to…and then Jack sweeps up…hey…and then Richard Mulligan or whatever, he says, okay, why don’t you guys leave? Lisa’s welcome here whether you like it or not. Next Wednesday, you’re not gonna be in charge anymore. You gotta be married by then, twenty-first birthday. Then the authorities…figures come. So, this is a bit like that show…there used to be a show where there was these…I forget the name of it, but these bizarre…super-weird shows. One of them had giant hat…car…hat cars. But the judge comes with the rest of the authority figures. They say, hey, Jack stole all the cookies. Or, no, not…didn’t steal them. On what grounds, he says? Justice Grimm? All the cookies are missing. Six-months inventory. Millions and millions of cookies. We don’t know who did it, someone that’s not nice. It’s a lie, Jack says.

 

Well, the cookies are missing. So, Jack, I think, is supposed to be in charge of guarding them, so, somehow that’s dereliction of duty? Let’s see. Who’s responsible for their safekeeping? Okay, well, it’s not good for you, man. We gotta take you in. No alternative. They say, what do you mean? What exactly are the charges? Suspicion. That’s the charge. You may have…you most likely…whatever, the path of least resistance is the closest thing to the path. Richard or whatever, Barnaby, says, I’ll be down to write this up at your office soon. They say, oh no, what are we gonna do? Keanu goes off. The jail’s in a mauve color, like light purple. We’re gonna…they’re…we’re…gonna let me out. We’re gonna get you out. Lisa’s talking to the judge. How could he steal a whole thing of cookies?

 

That’s the way the cookie factory crumbles. Has anybody told you about Cincinnati, Justice Grimm? What’s a Cincinnati? Italian cookie? No, it’s a place, an amazing, magical city. Lisa and Jack are kissing. Georgie’s got the keys. Can't believe it. They open the gate. They let them out. Pete Rose…4,192 hits. Everybody cheered. King of Cincinnati. Amazing. Lisa says, okay, I gotta be going. Can I say goodbye to Jack? Yeah, sorry about that. My  keys…then she locks the judge up. That’s the way the cookie crumbles, she says. He strokes his beard. Let me out. Now they gotta stop Barnaby. How are we gonna do that? The Toymaster…Cincinwhatski…they’re all watching on Trollog’s TV. Hi. Alright, my pets…we see some other pets Barnaby’s got. We see cars. They go to the Toymaster’s workshop. It’s in pink. Wow, he must be important.

 

I don't think Santa Claus would pick anybody to make toys, Georgie says. They ring the bell, and some assistant to the Toymaker…The First Toymaker to the King; that was the movie…another movie. We see a lot of wooden things that move by candle power. Those were also popular at the time of this movie. Stuffed animals…I wouldn't call those toys, though, but maybe that’s just what the toymaker collects. A lot of candles, though. I’d say, I don't know, man. I don't know about all these candles at the toy factory. More stuffed animals…and there’s Pat Morita, the Toymaster. Hey, this is Lisa from Cincicincicinci. Cincinnati? I know about Cincinnati. Pete Rose. Of course he does, 'cause they deliver toys. Then he’s teaching the elves how important it is to have eyes on dolls…or, not eyes; pupils.

 

He says, don’t you see? You need pupils for it to be believable. It’s a dancing doll. What’s in those cabinets? Something wonderful. Toy…life-size toy soldiers. They’re gonna…that can march. But not much demand anymore. They got dust bunnies on them. They say, for the sake of Toyland…okay, I’m listening. Barnaby said Jack took all the cookies. Justice Grimm busted him. We got him out. Zoom in, Trollog. Okay, the Toymaster says, yeah, he’s up to nothing. I’m gonna let you in on a secret, a big secret. He says, do you want to know a secret? He pulls out a key. Now, this is interesting, especially this part of this plot. He pull…opens up this cabinet. There’s a big jug in there. Barnaby’s watching, though. He takes it out. There’s also other things in the cabinet like a Lego house or something.

 

He says, this is all the negative energy in the world. I seek it out, I isolate it, I distill its essence, and seal it in this bottle. Well, hopefully Barnaby doesn't get that. I knew the old wizard was up to something, Barnaby says, and he’s done it for me. This is perfect. But he says, you can't collect all the negative energy in the world, but maybe we’ll get Barnaby’s one day. But it won't be easy. You have to believe. Georgie’s eating a cookie. Found it on the floor of the cookie factory. Maybe it’s evidence. You’re eating the evidence. They say, well, that’s a clue. Let’s go look. Back to the cookie factory…and then they say, okay…the Toymaster says, alright, children…he goes back to writing up something. We go back to the cookie factory, and Zack and Jack are in there. Lisa’s fast, man. She says, hurry up.

 

Everybody keep up with me. They run into the factory. We gotta find where the cookies went. Case of the missing cookies, eh? Check Barnaby’s office. We’ll check the place…Georgie says, I picked up a cookie on the floor right here. There? So, they start walking around, but Zack and Jack have a little surprise. They have a auto thing for the floor. So, Keanu’s looking, and they’re waiting ‘til he stands in the right spot. He feels it’s hollow. Zack and…then they send him down to Barnaby’s office, directly down a slide to Barnaby’s office. Georgie comes in…found a top of a box. Now Jack’s gone, and Barnaby’s in his office. Jack wakes up. There, Trollog…he’s got a throne, actually, or a Barcalounger. Barnaby starts to sing a song about the schemes that fill his heart with joy.

 

The theme won't cease until I’ve created something out of Muenster cheese. Toil, trouble, boil, and bubble. All-time dream to life. You’ll see my powers increase. Trollog’s dancing…underrated Muenster cheese, Trollog. My dream fulfilled…today; Toyland. Tomorrow; the world. A rendezvous with fate. Evil to create…so, a little love…I gotta do it. I gotta release. Don’t tell the authorities. The best to unfurl…so, buddies from the forest…and we’ll be up to that and make all the things complete, and build a world with no more toys. No kids or boys will like that. No kids or…nobody else. That’s…only Muenster cheese for all on Christmas Eve. Then they say, go get the others. I make plans for all my friends. Jack says, don’t even try it, bub. You know, I think you don’t like Toyland.

 

Barnaby says, I’m gonna control Toyland, make some changes. Jack says, no way. Everything Lisa warned us about you is true. Also, Trollog is gross, man. He says, look in Trollog’s eye. There’s Mary. Get her here. Zack and Mack are gonna have her come down the slide and join you. He goes, you’re very well-organized, or I’m well-organized. Then he carries some flowers off. He marches up to the house. They close the door on him, the shoe house. He knocks on the door. Nobody’s home. Then Lisa says, hi, Barnaby. Where’s Mary? Oh, she’s not home. She’s sorry she missed you. I got flowers. Oh, they’re beautiful. She’ll be thrilled.

 

You sure are a charmer, Barnaby. He goes, thanks. Miss Hubbard’s really…she says Mrs. Hubbard, though, in the…at least in the…says, Mrs. Hubbard might like you, too. Barnaby kinda walks around, breaks a pinwheel…Lisa watches. Miss Hubbard’s like, wait a second…he goes, he brought you these flowers, Miss Hubbard. Barny Barnacle admires you very much. Just doesn't know how to tell you. She goes back in the house. Then we see Georgie Porgie in a car. Can't find Jack…he’s gone, Lisa. I know every inch of Toyland. There’s one place we haven't looked; the bowling ball.

 

I got a hunch. So, that’s probably a good place to stop for right now. We’ll continue this. Let’s just see…I dropped my pen, but let’s see. Justice Grimm…my pet…Cincinnati…the beet rose…just trying to make sure I didn’t miss anything important, right? Oh, L-A-I-R; that’s what I was calling Barnaby’s office in my notes. Very Burgermeister, his whole song about Muenster cheese. Big bouquet…knocks on the door…and Barnaby Barnacle…Jack’s not here. Got a hunch…let’s check out the bowling ball. So, that’s where we’ll return to soon. Thanks, and goodnight, everybody.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

(Transcription performed by LeahTranscribes)

Recap

 

Etiquette

https://time.com/5710240/emily-post-history/

https://theenglishmanner.com/insights/a-short-history-of-etiquette/

https://smileandgun.wordpress.com/2016/01/20/etiquette-guides-from-the-1920s-and-beyond/

 

Babes in Toyland (1986) / Director’s Cut

https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/movies/movie-features/flashback-1986-drew-barrymore-saved-christmas-babes-in-toyland-1235753613/

https://www.syfy.com/syfy-wire/34-thoughts-we-had-while-watching-the-1986-babes-in-toyland

https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/653058/babes-in-toyland-keanu-reeves-christmas-movie

 

The Suzuki Samurai

https://rememberroad.com/what/suzuki/1994-suzuki-samurai-the-cute-brute/

https://www.motortrend.com/features/suzuki-samurai-history-generations-models-differences/

https://www.stltoday.com/brandavestudios/the-suzuki-samurai-was-just-for-fun/article_9de5ba22-7d60-11ed-a8a5-b7a0edee813b.html

 

TV Movie

https://www.directv.com/insider/the-lost-art-of-made-for-tv-movies/

https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/awards/story/2023-06-22/how-tv-movies-are-evolving-changing

https://theweek.com/articles/575340/regrettable-demise-madefortv-movie

 

DOWN TO BUSINESS

Oh my oh my, there’s a song about Ohio

A blast from the past

A TV movie from the 80s

This is a great pack of people to hang with

The moral is…don’t grow up too fast?

A Suzuki Samurai car features in this

 

PLUGS

Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Calm History; Rusty Biscuit Links; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline

 

SPONSORS

Helix Sleep; Zocdoc; Progressive; Lumen; Uncommon Goods

 

INTRO

Thoughts you’re thinking about

I promise you’re not alone in your feelings

We are connected, even though we’re separate

Ones and Zeros with Hearts

Proclivity towards prose

Whoa, whoa, hold the binary C3PO

How did C3PO get here?

R2’s got heart, that’s for sure

Don’t deflect, C3PO

That was the worst impersonation of C3PO I’ve ever heard

Yep, that’s for sure!

How come C3PO doesn’t have an online etiquette show?

Star Wars: The Royal Years

A 3PO etiquette special

What is this sleep podcaster doing??

Are midichlorians binary?

Most of the droids we love have a heart on some level

I can talk in the style of C3PO for an hour, if that helps

The History of Yodish Beings

How to Win Friends and Influence Yodish Beings

R2 wouldn’t be great for helping people fall asleep

R2, can you vibrate in a calm way like a cat, please?

Hold R2 for 10 minutes while you get to bed

Thanks for offering that in my imagination, R2

R2, can you put on a fleece sweatshirt to look like a wookiee?

R2, are you a tube? A cone?

Hugging R2

The 1980s Babes in Toyland

 

STORY

A look back / recap of Babes in Toyland from 1986

I’m a superfan of the Laurel and Hardy version

Watching the original Mouseketeers with my daughter

What is a TV movie?

Eventually it would come out on VHS

All I remembered from watching this as a kid was the bowling ball

It’s kind of a musical

Well, there’s musical numbers

They sing about Cincinnati

It’s so awesome when it happens

Just so random

Based on a 1903 operetta?

It was shot on location in Munich??

There’s a director’s cut on YouTube

Browsing the wiki for this movie

Paper cutouts and snow cities

Zooming in on what I now know is Cincinnati

Story and screenplay by Paul Zindel

2 kinds of weather: bad and worse

DB is reading a better homes and garden cookbook

She’ll be alone while her mom is out

I didn’t realize these were important plot points until now

DB’s sister got her a sled for Christmas

Her sister needs more than a raincoat for that storm!

Why is her sister going to work at 10pm??

DB would prefer a blender to a sled

This belief system seems very 80s to me

The latchkey generation

The TV antenna falls from the roof

Maybe it’s 10pm now?

She heads to the toy store where her sister works

Keanu appears in a Santa cap!

The Delilah of the Five and Dime

DB tells her sister they have to get home

A blizzard is coming!

Richard Mulligan needs to close the story

DB stands up for her sister against sleazy Richard

DB tells the crowd to leave

The kids all quit and DB gets the Mount Master sled as thanks!

Let’s talk about the Suzuki Samurai

My dad normally had used cars

He didn’t have a lot for himself

It was rare that he leased a new car

And it was so cool

Only Keanu could sell this line of Cincinnati

Cincinnati has been glorified before, of course

The Cincinnati song sequence

Lisa is sitting in her sled in her car

It does have a soft top

She leaves the vehicle to sled, in an impromptu way

By a magical flash of light, she is transported into Toyland

Welcome to Toyland

She lands on a cake

Barnaby is getting married and won’t be happy

Forest friends are nonplussed

A human mother goose and a goose mother goose

Georgie Porgie welcomes her with a cookie

Jack’s sweetheart Mary is getting married to Barnaby

If Barnaby is bothered, he rolls the bowling ball around town to bother people

Barnaby enjoys being rotten

There’s even dancing mimes

Lisa’s sister from the real world is here in a different form

So is Keanu, in a different form as Jack

Why don’t Jack and Mary elope?

There’s only Toyland and the Forest of the Night

Marriage for a Mortgage

Barnaby has 2 sidekicks

Is that Meat Loaf?

Why can’t the Toymaster be here?

Lisa breaks up this bad marriage

Richard Mulligan is playing Barnaby, I think?

Cinci-what-ski??

Barnaby stomps off

Let’s Hear it for the Girl of the Day

The Bowling Ball Set is pretty cool

Zak and Mac are Barnaby’s sidekicks

A pet bird named Trollog that can see the future

Mary has to be married by 21 to inherit the factory

Cut to the cookie factory

Workers wear roller skates here

Time for a cookie break

Towering boxes of cookies

Mary’s house is a shoe

We see all of Old Mother Hubbard’s children

Giant Hat Car Show

Jack is accused of stealing millions of cookies

Jack was supposed to guard them, I guess?

Barnaby will write up the charges soon

Keanu is in the mauve prison

Explaining Cincinnati

DB locks the judges up

Time to stop Barnaby

Going to the Toymaster’s workshop

A lot of wooden things that move by candle power

Pat Morita, the Cincinnati

The Toymaster knows about Cincinnati, naturally

The importance of pupils on doll’s eyes

Barnaby spies on them via Trollog

Morita has a container of all the negative energy in the world

Maybe he’ll collect Barnaby’s energy one day

We have to go back to the factory

The Case of the Missing Cookies

Zak and Mac have a surprise for them

They send Jack down a slide to Barnaby’s office

Barnaby sings a song about his schemes

His vision of Muenster cheese

Barnaby will control Toyland

Barnaby comes to bring flowers to Mary

Lisa tells Hubbard that he brought flowers for her, not Mary

There’s one last place to search: the bowling ball

 

SUMMARY:

Episode: 1308

Title: Babes in Toyland Part 1

Plugs: Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Calm History; Rusty Biscuit Links; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline

Sponsors: Helix Sleep; Zocdoc; Progressive; Lumen; Uncommon Goods

Notable Language:

• Ones and Zeros with Hearts
• Proclivity towards prose
• The History of Yodish Beings
• The Delilah of the Five and Dime
• Marriage for a Mortgage
• Cinci-what-ski??
• L-A-I-R

 

Notable Culture:

• • Ohio
  • Babes in Toyland
  • Suzuki Samurai
  • Star Wars
  • Star Wars: The Royal Years

• The Wonder Years

• Star Wars Holiday Special

• • How to Win Friends and Influence Yodish Beings
  • How to Win Friends and Influence People
  • Drew Barrymore
  • Keanu Reeves
  • Laurel and Hardy
  • Pat Morita
  • Wikipedia
  • Richard Mulligan
  • Eileen Brennan
  • Cincinnati Reds
  • Pete Rose
  • Paul Zindel
  • Latchkey Kids

• WKRP in Cincinnati

• • Meat Loaf

• The Rocky Horror Picture Show

 

Notable Talking Points:

• Thoughts you’re thinking about
• I promise you’re not alone in your feelings
• We are connected, even though we’re separate
• Ones and Zeros with Hearts
• Proclivity towards prose
• Whoa, whoa, hold the binary C3PO
• How did C3PO get here?
• R2’s got heart, that’s for sure
• Don’t deflect, C3PO
• That was the worst impersonation of C3PO I’ve ever heard
• Yep, that’s for sure!
• How come C3PO doesn’t have an online etiquette show?
• Star Wars: The Royal Years
• A 3PO etiquette special
• What is this sleep podcaster doing??
• Are midichlorians binary?
• Most of the droids we love have a heart on some level
• I can talk in the style of C3PO for an hour, if that helps
• The History of Yodish Beings
• How to Win Friends and Influence Yodish Beings
• R2 wouldn’t be great for helping people fall asleep
• R2, can you vibrate in a calm way like a cat, please?
• Hold R2 for 10 minutes while you get to bed
• Thanks for offering that in my imagination, R2
• R2, can you put on a fleece sweatshirt to look like a wookiee?
• R2, are you a tube? A cone?
• Hugging R2
• The 1980s Babes in Toyland
• A look back / recap of Babes in Toyland from 1986
• I’m a superfan of the Laurel and Hardy version
• Watching the original Mouseketeers with my daughter
• What is a TV movie?
• Eventually it would come out on VHS
• All I remembered from watching this as a kid was the bowling ball
• It’s kind of a musical
• Well, there’s musical numbers
• They sing about Cincinnati
• It’s so awesome when it happens
• Just so random
• Based on a 1903 operetta?
• It was shot on location in Munich??
• There’s a director’s cut on YouTube
• Browsing the wiki for this movie
• Paper cutouts and snow cities
• Zooming in on what I now know is Cincinnati
• Story and screenplay by Paul Zindel
• 2 kinds of weather: bad and worse
• DB is reading a better homes and garden cookbook
• She’ll be alone while her mom is out
• I didn’t realize these were important plot points until now
• DB’s sister got her a sled for Christmas
• Her sister needs more than a raincoat for that storm!
• Why is her sister going to work at 10pm??
• DB would prefer a blender to a sled
• This belief system seems very 80s to me
• The latchkey generation
• The TV antenna falls from the roof
• Maybe it’s 10pm now?
• She heads to the toy store where her sister works
• Keanu appears in a Santa cap!
• The Delilah of the Five and Dime
• DB tells her sister they have to get home
• A blizzard is coming!
• Richard Mulligan needs to close the story
• DB stands up for her sister against sleazy Richard
• DB tells the crowd to leave
• The kids all quit and DB gets the Mount Master sled as thanks!
• Let’s talk about the Suzuki Samurai
• My dad normally had used cars
• He didn’t have a lot for himself
• It was rare that he leased a new car
• And it was so cool
• Only Keanu could sell this line of Cincinnati
• Cincinnati has been glorified before, of course
• The Cincinnati song sequence
• Lisa is sitting in her sled in her car
• It does have a soft top
• She leaves the vehicle to sled, in an impromptu way
• By a magical flash of light, she is transported into Toyland
• Welcome to Toyland
• She lands on a cake
• Barnaby is getting married and won’t be happy
• Forest friends are nonplussed
• A human mother goose and a goose mother goose
• Georgie Porgie welcomes her with a cookie
• Jack’s sweetheart Mary is getting married to Barnaby
• If Barnaby is bothered, he rolls the bowling ball around town to bother people
• Barnaby enjoys being rotten
• There’s even dancing mimes
• Lisa’s sister from the real world is here in a different form
• So is Keanu, in a different form as Jack
• Why don’t Jack and Mary elope?
• There’s only Toyland and the Forest of the Night
• Marriage for a Mortgage
• Barnaby has 2 sidekicks
• Is that Meat Loaf?
• Why can’t the Toymaster be here?
• Lisa breaks up this bad marriage
• Richard Mulligan is playing Barnaby, I think?
• Cinci-what-ski??
• Barnaby stomps off
• Let’s Hear it for the Girl of the Day
• The Bowling Ball Set is pretty cool
• Zak and Mac are Barnaby’s sidekicks
• A pet bird named Trollog that can see the future
• Mary has to be married by 21 to inherit the factory
• Cut to the cookie factory
• Workers wear roller skates here
• Time for a cookie break
• Towering boxes of cookies
• Mary’s house is a shoe
• We see all of Old Mother Hubbard’s children
• Giant Hat Car Show
• Jack is accused of stealing millions of cookies
• Jack was supposed to guard them, I guess?
• Barnaby will write up the charges soon
• Keanu is in the mauve prison
• Explaining Cincinnati
• DB locks the judges up
• Time to stop Barnaby
• Going to the Toymaster’s workshop
• A lot of wooden things that move by candle power
• Pat Morita, the Cincinnati
• The Toymaster knows about Cincinnati, naturally
• The importance of pupils on doll’s eyes
• Barnaby spies on them via Trollog
• Morita has a container of all the negative energy in the world
• Maybe he’ll collect Barnaby’s energy one day
• We have to go back to the factory
• The Case of the Missing Cookies
• Zak and Mac have a surprise for them
• They send Jack down a slide to Barnaby’s office
• Barnaby sings a song about his schemes
• His vision of Muenster cheese
• Barnaby will control Toyland
• Barnaby comes to bring flowers to Mary
• Lisa tells Hubbard that he brought flowers for her, not Mary
• There’s one last place to search: the bowling ball