1289 – Secrets of Your Success | Multiplex Ep14
A sleepy image, a word to wonder and a platitude put a sleepy spin on our friends' attitudes.
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Episode 1289 – Secrets of Your Success | Multiplex Ep14
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for the podcaster who is here to take you to a mall. Well, the characters will be in a mall, but we’ve walked malls before and we’ve strolled the meanders of my mind. If I sang a song, it’d be one of those slow songs. It’d be Strolling the Meanders of…in My Mind. Or if I had an album…like, if it was Scoots and Garfunkel, that would be…it would be…that would be one of our albums, Strolling the…or would that be a song on the album? Strolling the Meanders of Our…My…Our Minds? No, that doesn't work. You’re right. It’s kinda weird to be a…is that a duo? Strolling the Meanders of My Mind. I wonder if that’s why Simon and Garfunkel…did they break up or they just parted ways?
They say, no, I’m not gonna be singing a song called…I’m not singing a song, Strolling in the Meanders of Your Mind. It’s called Simon and Garfunkel. So, who’s ‘My Mind’, in that case? Clearly, we both agree ‘Our Mind’ doesn't work. I think part…I think two parts of my imagination may have just broken up. The good news is it’s perfect for a sleep podcast 'cause it’s extremely confusing. If you’re new, who would have known…? Now, there’s a real Simon and Garfunkel and then there’s…apparently there’s a Simon and Garfunkel within me, my own internal Simon and Garfunkel. Oh, now they just let me know by…they just sent me a memorandum. They said, no, no, we’re Simon…there’s a Simon in your mind and there’s a Garfunkel.
There’s no longer a Simon and Garfunkel in your imagination anymore, thanks…oh, they just said, thanks to your meddling. Wow. If you’re new, welcome to Sleep With Me. Believe it or not, this is a sleep podcast meant to put you to sleep, to take your mind off of stuff, to keep you company, put barely a smile on your face, which I may have accomplished some…I mean, I’m pretty sure, 'cause I’m not…this is not a…this is not anti-Simon and Garfunkel in the real world, or Simon, as well as Garfunkel within my imagination. But I know they have songs or albums, like Down…Walking on the 34th Street Bridge on a Sunday Afternoon or whatever. That’s a famous song, right? The Sunset View of the…on the 34th Street Bridge. Feeling Groovy…I’m kidding.
Oh boy, sometimes I’m so barely entertaining I make myself laugh, 'cause I just can't let it go. Feeling Groovy on the Bowery After…something like that, yeah. ‘Cause I bet you the song’s not Feeling Groovy even though there’s a song that has ‘feeling groovy’ in it. But now I’m imagining…yeah, it’s like, Whispers on the Winter Side of the Park. You say, I wish you were whispering on the winter side of the park. Many do, many do. Many agree with you. Thank you. Was that Garfunkel or Simon that said that? Say, yeah, oh boy, do I ever wish you were…I wish you were on…was that the last song they put out, I Wish You Were on the Other Side of the Park From Me (No Long…)…in parentheses, (No Longer Feeling Groovy)? But this is a podcast where you don’t have to feel groovy.
Believe it or not, this is supposed to be a two-second setup — it never is — just to warm you up to the podcast, to make you feel seen and welcomed, 'cause this is a show that — eventually — you’ll realize I’m not worth listening to. I mean, you probably already figured that out, but you’re like, wait a second, this is supposed to put me to sleep? Yeah, I’m your goofy friend here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff so you could fall asleep. It does take some getting used to, but the cool thing is this show is ad-supported or…and listener-supported, so you could listen…you have nothing to lose. Listen…to give it a few tries, see how it goes.
So, we got sponsor support coming up, then separate from the sponsors is a long, meandering intro meant to ease you into bedtime, and then later on we’ll have our ongoing episodically modular series, Multiplex, which is a bedtime story about friends in a mall. So, I’m really glad you’re here, and thanks, everybody, who listens to this show whether you’re new or you’ve been listening a long time, whether you’re one of those silent listeners out there who’s just listening in the deep, dark night for comfort or company or you’re someone that’s supported the show on a regular basis or occasionally. I couldn't do it without any of you. I mean, it does look like moving forward I’ll be doing it without my internal Simon or Garfunkel or both.
It seems like it could…it’s funny how…here’s another book I’ll never write; The Body Language of My Internal Beings, because they both have their arms crossed. They say, well, that’s pretty obvious body language. It’s not going well between us. Say, I don't know how two imaginary aspects of myself have their arms crossed and their brows furrowed and they’re turned away from me, but I accept it. What else am I gonna do? So, welcome to Sleep With Me, the podcast to put you to sleep, and here’s a couple ways we’re able to do this for you.
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts on your mind about the past, the present, the future, thoughts you’re thinking about or aspects of your personality that have become…I mean, I guess they’re already sentient. I just don’t real…yeah, I don't know.
Yeah, whatever you’re thinking about…it could be the past, the present, the future, all of the above, it could be physical sensations, it could be feelings related to the thoughts or the physical sensations, it could be changes in time, temperature, routine, you could be going through something, getting over something, anticipating something, traveling, having guests, whatever it is. The only reason I list all that stuff is so you know you’re not alone, because it doesn't have to be one of those things I listed. There’s people that work different shifts, there’s…right now I can't sleep 'cause of a multitude of things. It’s like, I’m even trying to…I don't know, my sleep has just been interrupted. I don't know, I record shows out of order, but…and I have not been able to get it back fully on track.
I’ve gotten it back on track to the degree that’s…that’s realistic, so I’m not totally…I’m trying to practice my wind down and bedtime routine and go to bed at the same time and then wake up…I mean, I just wake up when I wake up. But I guess the reason I list things or talk about the inability to sleep is because this podcast…that’s what we share here. We don’t share exactly the same thing, but we share a familiarity with, I don't know, not being able to get the sleep…not being able to…not that anybody can control their sleep. But you know how it feels, right, or you have a general idea how I feel when I’m kinda going through what I’m going through, which is trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep, trouble getting back to sleep, and trouble waking up too early, and it’s not easy, right?
It isn't something I can just…it’s just one of those times, if you’re a regular listener, that I’m trying what I can and eventually I’ll get to the other side of it. I’ve been doing this long enough. The one thing I’ve learned from making this show is anything that could reduce the…which is strange, the need to do something about it. The more I let go for me, personally, the less stressful it is not being able to sleep. It’s like, okay, well…okay, well, I’ll get up and read a book now. Alright, when I get up, I’ll change my…change how I’m lying, or, alright, I’ll try this. But instead of trying to control things but also do…I make it so those are small things I do, but more to distract myself and give myself some comfort. This show is a part…what I kinda do for other people.
Hey, I got somebody that’s kinda goofy and kinda silly to listen to that also knows how I feel and reminds me I’m not alone, that there’s people around the world who can relate to how it feels for me in the deep, dark night, and that is important. Also, the other side of it is true; you deserve a bedtime where you get the rest you need so your life is more manageable. You deserve a bedtime…I guess is…I don't know if I’m trying to model behavior, but where it doesn't become…even when you can't sleep or whatever, that you’re like…you have a little bit more ease about it. You say, okay, well, I get it. I’ll just try to lie here. I’ll try to read my book or whatever. I’ll try to do what I can, but I’m not gonna try to overdo it or…I can't force myself back to sleep. So, I don't know, this show is a part of that for a lot of people.
A lot of people start the shows in the middle of the night or they turn it back on or whatever. I’m just here to be a friendly, distracting voice in the deep, dark night, I guess is what I’m saying, if you’re new, because you deserve the rest you need and a bedtime you don’t have to dread. The way I do it here is I send my voice across the deep, dark night. I use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, and superfluous tangents. So, I go off topic, I get mixed up, then I forget what I was saying, then I double back, then I throw in a bunch of filler words. Actually, I don't have to throw those in. They naturally generate themselves. I think of stuff and then I can't let it go. I say, wait a second…'cause Art Garfunkel…Simon and Garfunkel; you probably heard of them. If you haven't, isn't that…?
That’s another…I know Garfunkel’s come up before on the podcast. It’s just a nice word to…it’s a name, not a word, but…Garfunkel. Art Garfunkel. If there was a alternative universe where Art Garfunkel didn’t exist and you go there…I mean, I don't…it’s his name, so I can't really do this, but I will, because this is how I roll. Feel free…in alternative universes where Art Garfunkel doesn't exist, I think it’s probably good…probably somewhat okay for you to use the name. I mean, as long as you’re doing good. If you’re disrupting the time-space continuum, trust me, the real Art Garfunkel’s not gonna be happy about it. That, I have experience with, and I…'cause I got to another realm. I said, they don’t even call him…it does the same thing as a particle collider, but they call it something else there.
Then I…well, there, I was going by Doctor Gart Arfunkel, and that was only by accident 'cause that’s just how my…I said, who are…? Sir, what are you doing here? I said, well, I’m Doctor Gart Arfunkel, so…they said, sorry, you’re Doctor Gart Farfrankel? I said, no, no, Doctor Gart Farfunkel. No, you made me mix up my own name. I’m Doctor…no, I’m not Doctor…there’s no F at the beginning of my name. It’s Doctor Gart Farfunkel. No…I already forgot. Doctor Gart Arfunkel is my name, not Far…not…that’s…and then they all laughed, and that’s how I got into that place. Apparently I brought one neutrino too many with me, not that I know what a neutrino is, but who knew? I could now…I didn’t realize we could…if you put…it’s weird that it becomes a tongue twister as soon as you put ‘doctor’ in front of it.
Doctor Gart Arfunkel, Doctor Art Garfunkel…Doctor…you could say that one if you need to giggle. But Doctor Gart Arfunkel, Art Garfunkel, paging Art Garfunkel, are you here? Oh, man. So, Art Garfunkel…I mean, now I’ve pretty much given the…Doctor Gart Arfunkel; definitely you can use that in an alternative universe, because I don't think there is…there probably is a Gart Arfunkel out there, but that’s a pretty rare name. Gart…I don't know a lot of Garts to begin with. How do you spell that? G-A-R-T? Gart. Gart Arfunkel, eh? Man, you should be in a…I feel like you should be in a band or something. Well, I was. I was in a duo within your imagination. Oh. So, another…okay, well, what were you in? Simon and…remember the show, Simon and Simon?
I just tried to confuse a part of my brain so I could move on. That was a eighties show where two brothers were private eyes or something. It was kinda like Magnum P.I. but with two brothers named Simon and Simon. They probably…even in my imagination, that probably didn’t work out, either. Okay, so, where…? Huh, how did I…? Man, I went way far afield, huh? So, this show is very different. I think you’ve already figured that…it does take some getting used to. Most people do not like…I mean, would you believe it? For the love of…how many times can you say ‘Gart Arfunkel’ in there? But you say, for the love of Art Garfunkel, man, you’re wearing out…I say, yeah, well, I’m here…I’m really here to be barely listened to, so it does take some getting used to.
‘Cause a lot of people find the show through a search or through a recommendation, and then you say, wait a second, is this a sleep podcast? I thought this was supposed to put me to sleep. I say, eventually. I’m here to keep you company while you fall asleep. So, this is a podcast you just barely listen to. If you already loathe me, I would say give it a few tries anyway, but once you know you’re never gonna listen again, it’s really simple; sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou is its own website, has other sleep podcasts and sleepy stuff on there to check out. But just give the show a few tries. You got nothing to lose, and that’s what most regular listeners say, it took two or three tries to get used to the podcast. What I’ll…what else? Oh yeah, so, it’s a podcast you don’t really listen to. That takes some getting used to.
It’s almost like a out-of-focus picture or like…I mean, I am…I’m one giant word scramble. I still don’t know what a word salad is, but people say…when they refer to me sometimes, they refer to me…something about a word salad. I say, that sounds like that’s…if Doctor Gart Arfunkel was in a bowl, I’d say he’s a name salad. Says, no, yeah, I’m in a band on the side, you know? Or, you say, what are you a doctor…? I’m a doctor of funk. What else would I be, you know? Say, okay, that makes more sense. So, just give the show a few tries. See how it goes. This is also a sleep podcast that actually isn't here to put you to sleep.
I’ve been making the show a long time, and the one thing I’ve learned is my job is to keep you company and distract you, to be your friend in the deep, dark night whether you’re awake or asleep, and to remind you there’s no pressure to fall asleep with this show. I didn’t realize it, but that’s what I was just saying earlier; I try to take the pressure even off myself, and that’s not easy. I mean, I don't do it successfully, to be honest, most of the time, but I try to take the pressure off. There’s no pressure to fall asleep with this podcast. It’s gonna be here…I’m gonna be here over an hour. There’s over 600 episodes ready to go, because there’s people listening who can't sleep at all or who need a break during the day or who have…are like me lately.
You have no idea it was…how…so you say, man, I just need something to listen to to keep me company and take my mind off of stuff, to be my bore-friend, my bore-bae, my bore-sib, my…somebody remind me; Borefunkel. My Borefunkel, my bore-bae, my bore-sib, my bore-bestie, my neigh-bore, my Borbie, my bores, my best bore-friend f’eva, my friend in the deep, dark night to keep me company, take my mind off of stuff, to be silly, and to barely put a smile on my face so that I can fall asleep. Then suddenly I wake up and I have no idea what he was talking about. I mean, I do feel like listening to that song, you know, whatever it is, Sunrise on 30…one of the shortest songs on that album, Sunrise on 34th Street on a…parentheses, (On A Rainy After…Rainy Tuesday Afternoon).
But it doesn't show up when…on Spotify, so it just says, whatever, Sunrise on the…whatever. So, yeah, I’m just here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff so you could fall asleep, and then you just…yeah, I guess you wake up. You say, what was he talking about? That’s the kinda ideal version of the show. Now, you may also be confused by the structure of the show. It is very intentional. There are other versions of this podcast, but this particular version you’re listening to right now is what most people enjoy, this linear, ad-supported version of the podcast, but you can adjust it how…and figure out, if you become a regular listener, what works for you. But the show starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, so you feel seen and welcomed in.
You say, okay, I could check that show out, then there’s a…then there’s support so the show’s…paying for it’s optional. If you prefer something without ads, you could support it on Sleep With Me+ or you could be a part of our referral program and actually just refer people to the podcast and get access to that. But then after that, separate from the support, a show within a show — I think we could say that for sure tonight — is the intro, which is a long, meandering intro not meant to put you to sleep but to ease you into bedtime. It’s usually fifteen to twenty-five minutes long where I go off topic, I get mixed up, and then I…oh, then I start thinking of stuff and I can't stop thinking about it. Clearly, tonight…I’m doing my best not to say the name again, 'cause I can feel some people’s steam coming out your ears, and I respect you.
I’m here to keep you company. Don't worry. I don't need you to give me an ear-funkel full of…so, that’s the last time. I’m just kidding. But yeah, I’m here to…oh, so, the intro goes on and on and on, though, and some people, when they don’t like the podcast…I kinda get it, but they’re like, oh, there’s twenty or thirty minutes of ads. It’s like, no, there’s a few minutes of ads, then there’s a long, meandering intro where I talk about nothing. I mean, you got me there, and I’d be barely entertaining, but it’s different every time but it follows a familiar structure. That’s one of the important things about this podcast; it’s familiar but there’s variety. It’s consistent but it’s different every time, and that takes a lot of work, but it’s what actually works for the show. You kinda know how things are gonna go, but you can't quite get used to it so whatever’s keeping you awake has some variety every time.
But the intro part is where most people are getting ready for bed or winding down or getting comfortable, not falling asleep, 'cause that’s just what’s been shown to work. Then there’s support after the intro, and then there will be our bedtime story, Multiplex. I think this will be Episode 14 of our friends in a shopping mall, and, yeah, it’s…so, that’s the structure of the show. That’s why I make the show. I’m really glad you’re here. I work really hard. So do a team of people, and…which is strange to make a show sound this free and easy. It does take a team of people, but we all yearn and strive. We really want to help you fall asleep. So, thank you again for coming by, and here’s a few of the ways we’re actually able to do this for you twice a week.
Alright everybody, it’s time for our episodically modular series, Multiplex. What ‘modular series’ means is that you kinda listen to these in any order. Episodically modular with a touch of seriality…this is Episode 14, I believe, but you could, believe it or not, consider Episodes 1 through 13 prequels. You could even listen to those in any order. Our main character’s gonna catch you up on everything you need to know and ease you into the story, and then if you want to go back and listen to those other episodes in any particular order, you can. You say, okay, I barely remember that from Episode 14, but I do remember the characters a little bit. It’s in a mall. So, just kinda see how it goes, I guess. But the reason we make it episodically modular with a touch of seriality is, well, some people like a familiar story, familiar characters.
Believe it or not, all the work that goes into the episodically modular series makes…impacts in a positive way the stories for all the other styles of shows we do. I don't know, it’s just a way of telling a bedtime story. Some of our bedtime stories are short and some are fourteen episodes long. So, yeah, that’s episodically modular. This is called Multiplex. It’s about four friends in a shopping mall, navigating, helping people, and that may or may not…that are helpful or not helpful, and learning about themselves in the process. So, yeah, without…now, without further ado, our announcer from the Greater Holly…Greater Los Angeles Area, associated with Hollywood…but I wouldn’t say just Hollywood, California, because, man, was I watching…we didn’t get to see the whole thing, but I was…on my screen or my television was a young…he’s telling me not to say this, but it’s true.
I said…first I did say, holy Vincent Cassel. Now, I mean that as…he’s taking it as a compliment, so don't worry. I more mean — as you understand — the essence of that, not…you know what I’m saying. This film from 1989, I believe, where a young…I mean, I’m not…I literally was floor…I knew you were in it. I was intentionally watching it, and my mind was blown. Holy cow. Now, here’s a question; was that a…? I’d have to go back…I’m gonna have to go back and finish it anyway, but I believe you were wearing a mock turtleneck through most of the film, but that might just…he just shrugged. He doesn't even know. So, that’s a question to wonder. During this film, in Spanish, were you wearing a mock turtleneck the whole…? I mean, the whole time that I’ve watched thus far…I don't know.
But I do know he comes…for his love of sleep, his love of listeners…I mean, his range as a performer but also as a podcast announcer…his range comes from somewhere deep inside him, somewhere deep inside him that’s caring. He’s able to make it into different roles, as I’m going on and on about. But as I’ve gotten to know him…because we work together for brief periods of time that do feel like eons when he can't be quiet…his natural charisma is noisy, his spiritual essence is noisy, but that noise is…I mean, he hums like an…not an onion, but if an onion could hum…he hums like an engine and an onion. You also hum…people cook eggs on engines, you know?
How come nobody ever cooks an onion on there? He shrugged at that. Maybe one day we could cook an onion on an engine block. I don't know if I’d really…I’m not really interested in doing that, but I just think…what is that called? I’d aspire…I guess I would…who eats their breakfast off an engine block, anyway? But I just…I’m pretty sure I’ve seen it, somebody cooking an egg on an engine, but this may be my imagination. An onion on an engine. If you find that confusing, you’re in the right place. But here’s our announcer, Mr. Antonio Banderas.
Ah, thank you. The friends beyond the binary, the ladies and gentlemen, the boys and girls, it’s time to get sleepy in the Multiplex. Yeah. Clickety-clickety-clack. Yeah. Wow, that was…I like that. Was that a sandwich technique you just did there? Again, he shrugs. He shrugs with…he’s an amused shrugger. I wonder…I don't think I could ever…I don't think we could…I would never replace you with Vincent Cassel, but…I don't know why that struck me, but I’m still thinking of it. For some reason, I’ve seen someone else that now looks like a young Vincent Cassel or a young Antonio Banderas, somewhere constantly…maybe it’s just a profile picture of somebody I know. So, it’s currently always on my mind. But anyway, that’s Mr. Antonio Banderas, and this is Multiplex.
Good evening, everybody. My name is Wyatt and I’m recording these audios to clear the record up. Maybe it’s just for myself. I don't know, are you from my family listening to this or are you a part of the world that is listening to this, somebody that doesn't know me? Well, I’ll tell you, if you’re gonna listen to these audios, you’re gonna get a chance to know me pretty well. The reason I’m recording these audios is so that people that got to know me in a way that I did not intend could get to know the real me and hear a real story about how I became who I am. I only say that because…so, back a long while ago…first I had an adventure with my friends; that part I’ve been telling you about.
After that, I had a public-access television program that, again, was just aired locally, where I would show autumnal movies, autumnal-themed films or some films that were in that kinda genre, and I would interview characters associated with those films or other characters like that. Everybody…it was just a local show. It wasn’t even that popular. I mean, sometimes I’d be going to get a burger; they’d be…say, hey, you’re Wyatt, right? The show was called Wyatt and Weird. That was one iteration, but that was…I don't want to get into it because I don't want you watching…'cause then someone took all the archived recordings. I mean, I guess in a sense this is good; they digitized them and then they uploaded them to one of the streaming…you know, one place where you could watch stuff for free.
They became very popular because my interviews were very in-depth. People wondered, how does he do those effects? Who are the performers on there? That gained me some fame in my current life, which I’ve kinda…I feel a little bit strange about, 'cause I say, well…how do I explain this? So, this is my version. I explain it in a long, meandering way not because that part’s important, not because I’m important or clearing the air is important. These weren’t…this wasn’t makeup. These were real beings. No, that part’s not important. What’s important is the tale has a bigger part to it. It was the story of myself and my two closest friends, San and Josie, Santos and Josie. He goes by San…and a acquaintance of ours that became a friend, Boyd.
We were all…the three of us…Boyd was an acquaintance who became a friend, but the three of us were friends and we were all destined for greatness. Or, that term…people say you’re destined for greatness, you’re gonna be the most successful or whatever. We were constantly told that and we believed it, but more than that, we believed it was one of the most important things we could do, that not only was it our destiny, but it was incredibly important to be important. I guess in the end, that’s kinda what it was. It was essential and incredibly important for us to be important and to take a path that would lead us to that importance defined at the time by the values and the…surrounding us in our…this was…would have been our eighteenth years.
That was success, which would have been success in high school moving onto…ideally, just by those values at the time…educated at a place with the Halls of Ivy and having a lot of achievements and learning there, and then going on from there to something else big or the next stepping stone. This adventure didn’t deter us. It changed all of our trajectories. Now, some might say that my trajectory had already changed, but I was still determined to get back onto this trajectory of success and importance. But then we were led on this adventure, which I could say is a great adventure, but it resulted in us not being on a trajectory towards greatness but on our own paths where being important was not as important as…I don't know, it’s tough to explain, again. So, that’s why I’m telling this story.
What’s the story so far? Well, my friends and I, we went to a shopping mall that had been closed for some time, forgotten about. We were there to get Julius J Juice concentrate and sell it on what would become the internet…that had been left behind before the mall closed but it was still shelf-stable, that had been essentially forgotten about. So, it was free for the taking. But once we got in the mall, we knew something was different. Time behaved differently. Things behaved differently. We thought it was some sort of immersive performance. Now, what you might say is an escape room or an immersive performance theatre…and at first we thought that because we saw people were work…the mall was…had been closed for a long time, but it was perfectly functional.
There was workers and stores, and then there was beings from the Multiplex, from autumnal films, classic autumnal films. There was even Crispy Commander, Crispy…Crispy Commander, Captain…Crispy Commander of Crunch, and…from cereal, from the famous cereal. So, a living, walking, presumably breathing cereal mascot, and people from autumnal films like Franny and the person who couldn't be seen, the Count du Chocolate, the mommy…and they need…all kinda needed our help to get back in their movies. But when we’d get them back in their movies, they would become cereal commercials.
The Crispy Commander explained to us that this was a way to get rid of the autumnal beings so they wouldn't mess with our world, because this mall happened to be at a intersection of a transverse plane, where universes intersect. The autumnal being world or the cinematic world or something? I don't…we never asked too much about that, but I want to get into it now, the cereal world and our world, and some sort of mall world, I guess. It doesn't make quite that much sense, but I’m just trying to explain it. So, we went on different adventures there, trying to help the Crispy Commander, help these autumnal beings so they could return to their movies, not get in trouble, and become cereal heroes, I guess, and that we would be paid for this. Because time was moving much slower at the mall, no one would miss us.
One day at the mall was one hour in our world because of the transverse plane effect. Now, it turned out, the last person we tried to help was the person who couldn't be seen, and things started to get a little…first of all, we were like, I don't know if we want to help you, because you’re not the greatest person in the world. But then it also became…man, this crispy…the person who couldn't be seen, after getting to know them and working with them, they said, I don't think I want to be…I want to go back to my movie. I don't want to be a cereal commercial. I want to be the person who couldn't be seen, but a better version who makes better choices. But the Crispy…we were getting pieces of details.
We learned the Crispy Commander was in love or love loosely…had a huge crush but thought it was love with a woman who had played a graduate student in a commercial for Frunchies, which was the new version of the Crispy Commander cereal without Crispy Commander in it, and that she was actually an actress. The Crispy Commander learned about that, try…was trying to get her to the mall so that they could have an acting camp with her. So, very juvenile thinking. So, we shifted from helping the Crispy Commander, saying, well, this isn't a good idea. She’s not…she has probably no desire…I mean, she has no frame of reference, even, to meet a cereal-based being who has a crush on her who’s pretending to be an acting coach.
So, we kinda staged a performance of our own to make…and when she arrived so that she would change her mind, 'cause the Crispy Commander made it seem like it was an acting…an immersive acting camp. We kinda had to make her not want to be there by talking about her. So, she could hear it, and the only way to make my friends get in that kind of mood where they could be not very nice with their words was to tell them the truth, which I had told them right before. That was the last thing I told about in the last audio. So, we had got this girl to go back home, basically, and stay out of the mall.
We knew Crispy Commander would be mad, but also, my…Santos, Josie, and Boyd were all very upset with me because I had had a scholarship, right, an admission to go to this School of Ivy, and…but my parents had done a good job of working out compromises for a long time. But at some point I started taking things that weren’t mine without permission, and now I know…I don't want to talk about the details, about why or whatever. We got that figured out eventually. But at this time, it was more of a baffling thing, 'cause I would take things and then I would ruin them and discard them.
It wasn’t like there was a clear…it was something that was just…I was doing it, I realized I was doing it, but a lot of people might like to portray stuff like that if you haven't done it before…especially as my friends were reacting to…how could you take something of mine? Let’s just say you had a favorite drinking glass, and I was over at your house, right, and you drank out of that glass, your juice, every single day. Oh boy, this is the drinking glass that I have a shared memory about, but it’s also a great glass for drinking out of, and I like to take good care of it and it’s part of my…it’s a big part of my life. I think you could relate to that even if you may say, I don't know…but…and, sure, the glass could…you could drop it, but you take good care of it.
Then one morning you discover the glass is missing. You say, ma, where’s my glass? Pa, where’s my glass? Maybe you got siblings. Well, I put it in the sink yesterday, and then we…we’ve always…now…and I’m your friend; I say, oh boy, this sounds no good. Your glass is missing? Eventually you can't find it and you go through the…that you’ve lost the glass, and you have your feelings about it. Maybe that’s part of the why. I don't know. I mean, I do know, but it’s not my place to talk about it here. But what really happened is I…one time when you went up to your room and nobody was in the room, I took the glass, and then I took it home with me. But I didn’t take it all the way home, because then at some point I broke the glass and then maybe put…threw it away or something.
Now, if you found out about that, you’d say, why would you do something like that, or who does stuff like that? If you said it to me, I’d say, I don't know, but I…yeah, I…I would never admit it because I learned that…I said, yeah, no, I did that. ‘Cause people just couldn't comprehend it, and they couldn't comprehend that unfortunately it was new…I wish it was just…I could have just stopped. Or, I guess I’m telling my side of it, here. I’m getting vulnerable. But I couldn't tell my friends this at the time 'cause I didn’t quite understand it at the time, but it…really come down to why. People want to know why. Did I do something to you? Are you jealous? Is this low…? You feel bad about…were you in a bad mood? No. I don't know why.
That really would have been my honest question. I mean…but if…now, if I’m being honest, I’d say, I can't quite understand why. I can almost understand it, but…I can't understand why, but…and I would just say, hey, come here. I don't understand why you did that, but I can see there’s strong feelings all around, so you probably need a hug. That’s what helped me at the time. But unfortunately, when…eventually you’re doing that…you think you could get away with it. Eventually you get caught sometimes, especially when it’s a business. I had got caught and…now, the thing my parents were able to do was smooth things out…well, the School of Ivy was never gonna find out about it.
But for some reason, there was rules with the way I was gonna pay for the School of Ivy that…this…they said, you can never do it again and you could probably go to the School of Ivy, but you’re not gonna get this particular funding anymore, so you’re gonna have to figure something else out. So, it did have consequences. Then that…eventually those…it was good because that led me to figure out what to do about it other than to say, I don't know. I know you’re mad. You’d say you were sorry, but you were apologizing for something you couldn’t quite understand. I’m not asking you to understand it either, now, because I counted on that. Because when I told my friends about it, they had strong feelings. We were able to project those strong feelings to the actor so that she would leave the mall, so that worked.
But we also knew…so, my friends were not happy with me. We were like, this is where we pick up, I guess. They were all kinda staring at me, even though we had the relief that the girl was leaving. We also knew the Crispy Commander was not gonna be happy about it, either, and…but we also knew…well, so, we knew there was only one door between us and the outside of the mall, and…but my friends were very unhappy with me. I said, we gotta get outta the mall. I know nobody wants to talk to me, but…we knew the person who couldn't be seen could hear us on the other side of the door. We said, listen, you can't be seen. You get the key and let them out.
I’m gonna go create a bunch of noise and make the Crispy Commander…maybe I’ll go to…I didn’t have quite a plan but I knew I needed to do something, and I guess I kinda felt like I have to do something anyway, because I felt like everybody’s staring at me and not happy about something I didn’t understand. They said, well, what do you want us to? I said, get out of the mall. Tell your parents. They said, no one will believe us. I said, okay, tell your parents I came here and I’m taking all the Julius J Juice and trashing…tell on me. Then they’ll…somebody will come. They said, well, how does that even work? I said, well, okay, so…it’ll work. You all get away. They said, well, you’re just doing this 'cause you feel bad about what you did.
I said, I do feel badly about what I did, but this is also the best I could come up with right now. Then the person who couldn't be seen said, the Crispy Commander’s already gone. I’ll have to find them and get the key. Then I said, what I’ll do is try to find the phone, then. I could find the office, I could probably out-dance the Crispy Commander, outrun the Crispy Commander. They said, what are we gonna do, just wait here, then, for either you or the person who couldn't be seen? I said, yeah, that sounds…I’ll find a way to get to the office. Then, all of a sudden, though, unfortunately, the PA turned on for announcements for the mall. The Crispy Commander was on there, and the Crispy Commander’s voice had taken a different turn of total displeasure and was out there.
He said, oh boy, you’re not gonna do any of that. You’ve been N-A-U-G-H-T-Y and I can't believe you chased her away. I’ll have to…I’m gonna get her…don't worry, I’ll get her back. But now you’re all in big, big, big trouble. I said, visible…the person who can't be seen, please go get the key, no matter what you do. You focus on the key. You get the key to this door; let them out. Who cares about the trouble? I can handle a cereal icon. ‘Cause Crispy Commander wasn’t…he was kinda like the same…bigger than what was on the box. I don't know, kinda fit…the size fit. So, I was pretty confident. Then the Crispy Commander said…was going on and on and on and said, you’re gonna be…I guess 'cause the Crispy Commander was also listening.
But then the Crispy Commander said, oh, let me look through this…autumnal films, new releases, and for the autumnal festival for this year. Oh, wait, do we have one for last year…? Then we said, wait a second, what? Because the idea was if you played a movie in the Multiplex, whatever was not nice in that film could come out of it. But we had only thought it was classic films that were starting on their own, but we had learned from the person who couldn't be seen that it was actually the Crispy Commander playing the movies, and something about the transverse plane or something made it…there’s some sort of magic in there. And that also, though, if you got rid of the film, that the world, maybe, would disappear.
At least, that was what the Crispy Commander told the person who couldn't be seen. Then the Crispy Commander said, oh yeah, this looks like a good one. This movie’s called Chopping Town Mall, with a C. We looked at each other 'cause we had seen the trailer for Chopping Town Mall. I think you say it with a English accent. Crispy Commander even did. We said, oh no, that’s the one with the mall and the safety friend…the automated safety friends that…they get extra activation due to lightning and it overloads their circuits, and they decide to be non-positive beings. They decide to no longer embrace the safety of the shopping mall, and they’re highly advanced. Said, okay, we can't stay here, then. We gotta find someplace to hide, just like in the movie.
The person who couldn't be seen was still there and they said, well, I’ll be fine. We said, no, no, no, they have infravision, so you won't be fine, either. We started to run, run, run through the mall, and we even heard their noises…'cause they had voices. Luckily they hadn’t detected anything 'cause you could just hear them say, patrolling food…even though there wasn’t anybody in the food court 'cause that’s where we were, but they would have said, patrolling food court. Food court empty. Moving to, whatever, West Wing B, west side. We were like, there’s three in the movie or four or two? We didn’t know, but we could hear them and they had…because there was tech…not the same as technology nowadays.
They’re pretty loud, but they were also very fast. The next thing we knew was that…which we hadn’t realized before was that there was a sporting goods store. So, we grabbed bikes out of the sporting goods store and we started riding bikes. Because we had seen the film, staying in the sporting goods store wasn’t gonna work. But also, we weren't even thinking that straight, to be honest. I think…but we were looking for someplace we could be safe from the safety patrol. Or, I don't know, something to tell us what to do. So, we started riding away from the voices but knowing…I don't know, it was intense, the four of us. Now, eventually we turned down this one hallway towards a anchor store, because we said, okay, we don’t hear any voices in that one.
Maybe we could get into the place…I think it was called Tailor of the Lords or something. But as we went down that hall, a side hall where you can get to parking and stuff like that, we heard a voice of a person. They said, get in here, come on, come on. We almost…we jumped off our bikes. But then the gate was closed to the store, and it was a very…of all the gates, this one was…it was a really solid gate. It was a new store. We said, open the gate, open the gate. They said, where’s the ladders? You need the ladders. We said, ladders? Dude, let us in. We need to get in the…and then we started to hear…pretty far in the distance still, though, but it’s hard to tell with the echoes and stuff. We heard the security friends saying, noise detected. Analyzing, or something like that.
We were like, open the door, please, please, trying…rogue security bots hit by lightning, circuits overloaded. They said, well, okay, but get the ladders, 'cause we gotta get this done. Then I was too blinded by all that I had going on that Boyd had to be like, it’s a mall worker. We have to help them, just like all the other times. We said, well, we don’t have time to help you. We’ll just find another place to go. They said, well, I need to get…we need…I need your help to get everything set up with the ladders. Josie and San kinda…they already had me at a distance, but they had kinda already started to look for ladders, 'cause they were being reasonable. They said, we passed ladders five stores down because they were working, again, on another store that was empty. They said, great, great. Grab the ladders. I’ll let you in.
So, we ran to get the ladders, and there was three ladders. So, we said, one…should we grab one? We should grab three ladders. Grab them all. Then we heard the bot coming. We didn’t want to be seen because they were so fast. Then we heard the person who couldn't be seen…and so, then the bot was getting close to us, almost detected us, but it was confused, right? We even heard one say, switching to infrared. Presence detected. But we grabbed the ladders. Now, unfortunately I dropped my ladder right as we got to the door and the gate was going up. We said, keep the gate low. Stop it there. We crawl…we went under the gate, pulled the ladders. It was very like the movie, Indy. Then we said, lower the gate, lower the gate.
Then we just lied there on the floor, sweating and breathing as the bot came. Then the bot actually knocked one of the bikes over. At first it didn’t say…it did say, noted area, missing bikes, processing, no presence…we didn’t move. We barely could breathe. Then the worker was standing there. They weren't making any noise, either. Also didn’t…no motion. But eventually the bot went back off, I think because they were still looking for the person who couldn't be seen. The person…the worker there…and we realized the store…which I think we had seen the sign, but the store was called Secrets of Your Success. It wasn’t a store we really went into. It had the most advanced gate. The worker was kinda standing there, but we were kinda recovering. My friends didn’t…there was some still distance between all of us.
So, San and Josie were kinda looking…being like, oh, I’ve never been in here. Then San goes, wait a second, what? They were pointing at…'cause there was stuff on the walls. I’ll explain everything in a second, but…well, basically, it was like this…Secrets of My Success…I think they sold other stuff, but what they were known for…which is kinda pop…it was like a early meme. They’d have a poster of a river, and then it would say, Victory. Then there would be a quote about victory or something, and it would be framed with matte and everything. I guess hearing that…and that’s kinda the truth of what it was. It looked really nice, but it was like, where would you put it? Some people had them in their rooms and stuff, but it was a little too nice.
Then that’s when San was like, this is $750 for just that? I mean, this was a large one and it was near the cash register, but the worker’s like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s…and we said, no wonder the…and then someone made a comment about me taking one or…kinda to give my feelings an extra jolt. But they said, okay, get…put the ladders over there. We need to get this display set up. This store actually had a high ceiling compared to the other stores, and we realized…oh wait, it was like, this was one of the ones where there must not have been a store above it. Maybe this was an area that could have been a part of an anchor store that was two stories, or maybe it was a former…so, the ceilings, instead of being ten feet, were twenty feet.
There was a place up there for more of these…I mean, they’re not posters, but basically these posters that held the secret to your success. They said, set the ladders up there. They already had three dots where, I don't know, presumably they were already lined up. Each one had three dots, so there was nine dots total. We said, well, what do you want us to do? They said, well, first we’ll put up the pictures. Oh, so these were like, bigger pictures. We said, what…are these gonna be, like $2,000? They said, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, more than that. So, this was gonna be a framed picture, then below the picture, a framed word. Then below that, a framed quote. I think the worker explained that to us. They said, first we gotta get the pictures up. So, the first thing you do is go up on the ladder.
You’re gonna put a nail in right where that blue dot is, the top blue dot. They said, don't worry, hammers, nails, we got belts, whatever. So, we all went up. We put three hammers in. Meanwhile…it was…Boyd stayed down and was watching the door. It wasn’t really loud because the holes were pre-prepared. Then we said, okay, which pictures do you want up? They said, good question. Why don’t you choose? This is…we said, what? Then we said, you know what? Can you just let…? This has a back door, right? Just let us…just give us the keys and let us outta here. You got the ladders. We all came down our ladders and we kinda tried to push this person into letting us…to giving us the keys to the back, but they were not…they were kinda…they seemed like they were college age or something.
They kept saying, the secret to your success…if this is what you want, are my keys, then you’ll have to get this done. It’s not gonna take very long. You already have one nail in. Picture…pick your pictures. So, they had all these giant pictures up. We looked at them; one was the arch and the painted desert or the towers in the painted desert, like big waves, lighthouse, people rafting, sunset…just tons of cool stuff, really nice pictures. But again, there was also not only the tension of having the safety bots looking for us but of the…that I had to kinda…it damaged our friendships earlier, but it had only come to light now. People have feelings, you know, even in the midst of other feelings. So, Josie was the first one, and she said, what is this, a bottomless lake?
The person said, I believe so. It’s technically not bottomless. It’s one of the green lakes just outside of Syracuse, New York. But yeah, that’s what gives it its color, is that it…maybe technically it doesn't have a bottom, 'cause it loops around to another lake. Lime…I don't know. She said it looks like a bottomless lake, and it kinda feels like my pending…I got thrown in a bottomless lake like my…she was using it as a metaphor for how she felt about me and our friendship. Then Santos picked up right up on that and picked up a volcano with magma and everything, like a churning volcano, and said, I don't even need to say anything, right? I’m choosing the churning volcano. It just looked to me as they said that.
I looked at all the pictures, and first I wanted to look for something stoic or…said, what’s the most forgiving outdoor…? I was looking for something with maybe a bird taking a bath, or the cat…but this place didn’t have pictures like that. They were all natural…not even natural wonders, but wonderful, natural things. I said, there’s nothing like…and then there was one that was like one of those…it was very picturesque. It was like an oasis in a desert. It just looked nice, and I picked that because it made me feel briefly…it was a nice picture. It made me feel like…I wish I could be at this oasis in the desert. Probably take a swim, take a drink, and it’s surrounded by trees even though it’s in the middle of the desert. Pretty nice.
So, then we went all the way up. We were wearing our belts, hung…then it took a little while of like, okay, no, no, no, move it to the left. You gotta get the right corner down a little bit. Then we put in the second nail, and then we came back down and we had to go through words. If you’ve been in a store…this store before, you know the words only have a vague…it’s a pretty open thing, you know? It could be people whitewater rafting and say ‘Trust’. Then you say, okay, I could see that. But other times it’d be like, ‘Victory’, and it might just show…I don't know, a mountain. You say, okay, well, climbing the mountain, maybe. Most of the words were like that; victory, success. Let me think of some of the other ones. Oh, like vision, teamwork, leader, triumph, all stuff like that, none of it I was feeling.
But then Josie and Boyd…or, well, Boyd was kinda supervising. Josie and San, they were kinda going through stuff, especially stuff on the sides. ‘Cause it was like, the store was getting ready to open or something or was going through a remodel, so all the stuff’s against all the walls. San found ‘Acceptance’ and went up and started that, and then Josie found ‘Service’. I said, okay, well, yeah, those look like things that could be there. Then, of course, the one I found was…after a while, but it was…I found it earlier and I said, no, please. But ‘Trust’ was the one I had to go and hang. Then as we’re up there adjusting them, of course what happens is I drop…I had already dropped the bike, then I drop the ‘Trust’ and it breaks.
Then the thing…the…made a lot of noise because it fell, whatever, fifteen feet. Then the bots, they start…they knew we were in there 'cause they used their infravision, and they made an announcement; blah, blah, blah. Then they said, open the gate, and the person working there said, no way. We gotta get this…they said, we gotta get this done. We said, do not open the gate. They said, don't worry, not until…we’re just…no, no, no, do not open the gate, period. Those bots have been kissed by lightning. Now, meanwhile…so, they’re going against the door, and we’re like, please, please, just let us out the back. Even you can leave the back. Then at some point, the person who couldn't be seen came riding a bike, and…even though they were invisible. They said, I’ll protect this bike from you.
So, they rode…but only…there was three bots. Two of them followed the person who couldn't be seen on a bike, which also made Josie feel better because he was respecting the bike, because in the past, he had not been respectful of bicycles. But then, one was still trying to get through the gate and eventually would. So, we said, oh boy, this is not good. Then we said, quick, quick, quick, give us…give me another thing. We said, is there…is this a puzzle we’re supposed to figure out? They go, no, it doesn't matter what you put up there. Just put up any…you’re the ones that were supposed to pick. You’re the ones putting so much thought into it. So, Boyd just starts handing quotes, just grabs the first quote, you know?
Whatever, I don't even know, 'cause we didn’t read the quotes, obviously, 'cause it was…I’m sure if it was another situation, you’d say, well, that was a Walt Whitman, and, oh, that was…Mark Twain said…whatever, for ‘Acceptance’. I never met anybody I accepted I liked and never met anybody I liked I accepted. So, I learned to accept that I don't like accept…I don't know, something like that was probably what the quote would have been. But the worker was like, it doesn't matter. You kidding me? You think they think about this stuff? It’s just the fonts and…it’s a visual medium. We said, but it’s words. They said, it’s a visual medium. Just hang them so they’re even. So, I grabbed another one. I think it was ‘Vision’ or something.
Maybe it was ‘Success’. I don't even know. It doesn't matter anymore. Then we’re trying to get everything right. Meanwhile, the whole store is vibrating every time the bot bumps into the door, but we get it done. The person working there says, perfect, perfect, perfect. Right as we do that, we hear knocking on the door for the store, which is the person who couldn't be seen. Then the worker opens the door. They were surprised that there was someone…they say, what…is somebody knocking at the door? Think that’s hilarious? The person who couldn't be seen said, I think this hallway is secure. I think we could go through this hallway. It’s secure. They said, I have an idea. We said, what’s the idea?
They said, I don't think I have much time left, but I think we pretend that she returned to the mall. So, they had costumes, like long…so that we all got dressed up. I’m kinda counting on that the Crispy Commander was not all…not really that…that it would confuse them. They said they couldn't get the key to the door, so we had to improvise. So, then we started running around. Now, mainly it was the person who couldn't be seen, and they said, but if you three or four can take this hallway — and you can almost get to the Multiplex — then you just have to go through the vents, and you’ll get there. We said, okay, okay. They laid out a map of how we’d get there, and then they headed out on a bike to kinda confuse the Crispy Commander.
I guess that’s probably a good time to stop, is like, we were all dressed up…an actress…to hopefully…to get the Crispy Commander to stop the movie with the security bots…was the goal of that, or whatever. But yeah, this is a good place…if we could have rested at this point, this would have been a place where we’d have rested and maybe had a conversation about rebuilding our friendship and our trust, but really, we just…I don't know, eventually we would. I guess I could tell you; like Emma Otter would say, all will be well, 'cause all would be well. This was just part of the adventure, you know? And realizing all is well already, even though it’s pretty adventurey, too. So, goodnight, everybody.
[END OF RECORDING]
(Transcription performed by LeahTranscribes)
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Multiplex
Simon & Garfunkel
https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/the-failed-simon-and-garfunkel-album-that-paul-simon-hated-making/
Why people shoplift?
https://lodgeservice.com/why-do-people-shoplift-understanding-the-reasons-and-solutions/
https://www.oprah.com/spirit/confessions-of-a-shoplifter-reasons-people-steal/all
https://thespinoff.co.nz/society/18-01-2024/why-do-rich-people-shoplift
Motivational Posters
https://www.inspiringquotes.com/a-history-of-cheesy-motivational-posters/YFNxXLQR2wAGlA_V
https://www.si.edu/newsdesk/releases/smithsonian-explores-history-motivating-employees
The Mall in Movies
https://www.vogue.com/article/anthology-film-archives-shopping-worlds-mall-elegy
https://www.fangoria.com/horror-movies-set-in-malls/
DOWN TO BUSINESS
I’m here to take you to a mall
Strolling the Meanders of my Mind
Scoots & Garfunkel
Who is the “my” mind in a song sung by a duo?
The Simon & Garfunkel within me
I’m not anti-Simon & Garfunkel in real life
Some imaginary S & G songs
Sometimes I’m so barely entertaining I make myself laugh
I’m sure many people wish I was whispering on the winter side of the park
The Body Language of My Internal Beings
Deep Dark Night United
n/a
PLUGS
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SPONSORS
Helix Sleep; Zocdoc; Progressive; Lumen
INTRO
Sentient aspects of my personality
I want you to know that you’re not alone
My sleep has been off track lately
Trouble getting to, falling back, and staying asleep
I know eventually I’ll get through it
Reducing the need to do something about it
I guess I’m trying to model behavior?
My filler words naturally generate themselves
Garfunkel is a nice word to say, I’ll admit it
You can bring the name Garfunkel to an alternate universe, but only for good
Doctor Gart Arfunkel
I brought one too many neutrinos with me
An unintentional tongue twister
I’m trying to confuse my brain so I can move on
I went way far afield, huh?
New listeners must think I really love Garfunkel
I’m one giant word scramble
I still don’t know what a word salad is
Doctor Arfunkel is, of course, a doctor of funk
I’ll be your borefunkel
Ideally, you won’t remember anything I’m talking about
Most people enjoy this version of the show
I’m doing my best to not say that name again
I don’t need to get an earfunkel, hehe
Multiplex
STORY
Episodically modular, with a touch of seriality
You can listen in any order
Some stories are short, some are 14 episodes long
I saw a young Antonio on my TV the other night!
Holy Vincent Cassel
My mind was blown
I believe you were wearing a mock turtleneck through most of the film
His natural charisma is noisy
He hums like an onion
If an onion could hum (like an engine)
How come no one cooks an onion on an engine?
Antonio’s intro
Wyatt introduces themselves
A real story about how I became who I am
A public access TV show interviewing autumnal characters with really realistic makeup
Someone uploaded all the archives online
Getting ready for the next steps of education
This adventure changed all our trajectories
An adventure headed towards not greatness
Time behaved differently in the mall
Beings from classic autumnal films
And the Crispy Commander Crunch
A living, walking, presumably breathing cereal mascot
The mall is at the intersection of the Transverse Plane
Cereal World, Our World, Mall World
Trying to help these characters get back into their movies
Something was going on when we helped the person who couldn’t be seen
CCC isn’t who he appears
He had a crush on a commercial actress
We had to get her to leave
I had to be brutally honest with my friends in order to make them surly
The woman left the mall
My friends are upset with me
I started taking things that weren’t mine without permission
How could I take their favorite drinking glass?
Oh no, your glass is missing!
The feelings of losing the glass
I didn’t understand it at the time
It was resolved, but I no longer had a way to pay for the school of ivy
I had to figure out what to do about it
You don’t need to understand why
Only one door remains to get outside
No one wants to talk to me
Invisible person should get the key so we can go
Tell on Boyd so parents will come? Will that work?
I’m trying to sacrifice myself so my friends can leave
CCC is already gone
I’ll try to find the office phone
The PA turned on
CCC’s voice sounds more unpleasant
He is not happy with us
We need to get that key
CCC is also listening
He’s gonna unleash some new autumnal characters
Who will he unleash?
Chopping Town Maul
Oh no, those are automated safety friends!
We have to hide
They can even see the person who can’t be seen
We can hear them patrolling
We rode some bikes from the sporting good store
Looking for safety from the safety patrol
Tailor of the Lords
Someone beckons us in to a store
The security friend detects our noise!!
Josie and San are looking for ladders so we can hide
We grab some ladders
I dropped my ladder when we got to the gate
We crawled under the gate, just like Indy
We made it to safety
This store is Secrets of Your Success
We’d never been in here before
They had a poster of a river with a quote about victory
This poster is $750??
These posters held the secret to our success
Get the ladders up there
These big pictures are easily $2,000
Put a nail in that dot up there
Does this store have a back door? Let us out!
They won’t let us go
People have feelings even in the midst of other feelings
Picking the pictures to hang
A poster of a bottomless lake near Syracuse, NY
Metaphorical posters of our friendships
What’s the most forgiving outdoor image?
Wonderful Natural Things
An oasis in a dessert
I wish I could be at that oasis
Now we have to hang the words
San chose “acceptance”
Josie chose ‘service’
I found ‘trust’, begrudgingly
I dropped “Trust” and it broke
The bots detected our noise
The gate won’t be open
These bots have been kissed by lightning
Invisible Person came by to distract the bots
One bot is still pursuing us
What’s another word I can hang so we can get out of here????
A string of quotes
The word doesn’t matter!
I think I grabbed “Vision” or “Success”
We hang everything
Invisible Person is now knocking on the door
The back hallway is secure
Let’s pretend that the woman returned
We found some costumes
And we start running around
We can take this hallway to the Multiplex
IP goes out to confuse
We’re all dressed like the actress
We want to get CCC to stop the movie
Hopefully we can talk soon about rebuilding our friendship and trust
All Will Be Well
SWM+ THANKS
SUMMARY:
Episode: 1289
Title: Secrets of Your Success | Multiplex Ep 14
Deep Dark Night United: n/a
Plugs:
Sponsors:
SWM+ Thanks:
Notable Language:
- Strolling the Meanders of my Mind
- Whispering on the Winter Side of the Park
- Garfunkel
- Doctor Gart Arfunkel
- Word Scramble
- Borefunkel
- Earfunkel
- N-A-U-G-H-T-Y
- Chopping Town Maul
- Bottomless Lake
- Wonderful Natural Things
- Kissed by Lightning
Notable Culture:
-
- Scoots & Garfunkel
- Simon & Garfunkel
- The Body Language of My Internal Beings
- Simon & Simon
- Magnum, PI
-
- Funk
- Multiplex
- Antonio Banderas
- Vincent Cassel
- Wyatt Weird
-
- The Transverse Plane Effect
- Chopping Town Maul
-
- Lord and Taylor
- Indiana Jones
- Syracuse, NY
- Mark Twain
- Walt Whitman
- All Will Be Well
Notable Talking Points:
-
- Sentient aspects of my personality
- I want you to know that you’re not alone
- My sleep has been off track lately
- Trouble getting to, falling back, and staying asleep
- I know eventually I’ll get through it
- Reducing the need to do something about it
- I guess I’m trying to model behavior?
- My filler words naturally generate themselves
- Garfunkel is a nice word to say, I’ll admit it
- You can bring the name Garfunkel to an alternate universe, but only for good
- Doctor Gart Arfunkel
- I brought one too many neutrinos with me
- An unintentional tongue twister
- I’m trying to confuse my brain so I can move on
- I went way far afield, huh?
- New listeners must think I really love Garfunkel
- I’m one giant word scramble
- I still don’t know what a word salad is
- Doctor Arfunkel is, of course, a doctor of funk
- I’ll be your borefunkel
- Ideally, you won’t remember anything I’m talking about
- Most people enjoy this version of the show
- I’m doing my best to not say that name again
- I don’t need to get an earfunkel, hehe
- Multiplex
- Episodically modular, with a touch of seriality
- You can listen in any order
- Some stories are short, some are 14 episodes long
- I saw a young Antonio on my TV the other night!
- Holy Vincent Cassel
- My mind was blown
- I believe you were wearing a mock turtleneck through most of the film
- His natural charisma is noisy
- He hums like an onion
- If an onion could hum (like an engine)
- How come no one cooks an onion on an engine?
- Antonio’s intro
- Wyatt introduces themselves
- A real story about how I became who I am
- A public access TV show interviewing autumnal characters with really realistic makeup
- Someone uploaded all the archives online
- Getting ready for the next steps of education
- This adventure changed all our trajectories
- An adventure headed towards not greatness
- Time behaved differently in the mall
- Beings from classic autumnal films
- And the Crispy Commander Crunch
- A living, walking, presumably breathing cereal mascot
- The mall is at the intersection of the Transverse Plane
- Cereal World, Our World, Mall World
- Trying to help these characters get back into their movies
- Something was going on when we helped the person who couldn’t be seen
- CCC isn’t who he appears
- He had a crush on a commercial actress
- We had to get her to leave
- I had to be brutally honest with my friends in order to make them surly
- The woman left the mall
- My friends are upset with me
- I started taking things that weren’t mine without permission
- How could I take their favorite drinking glass?
- Oh no, your glass is missing!
- The feelings of losing the glass
- I didn’t understand it at the time
- It was resolved, but I no longer had a way to pay for the school of ivy
- I had to figure out what to do about it
- You don’t need to understand why
- Only one door remains to get outside
- No one wants to talk to me
- Invisible person should get the key so we can go
- Tell on Boyd so parents will come? Will that work?
- I’m trying to sacrifice myself so my friends can leave
- CCC is already gone
- I’ll try to find the office phone
- The PA turned on
- CCC’s voice sounds more unpleasant
- He is not happy with us
- We need to get that key
- CCC is also listening
- He’s gonna unleash some new autumnal characters
- Who will he unleash?
- Chopping Town Maul
- Oh no, those are automated safety friends!
- We have to hide
- They can even see the person who can’t be seen
- We can hear them patrolling
- We rode some bikes from the sporting good store
- Looking for safety from the safety patrol
- Tailor of the Lords
- Someone beckons us in to a store
- The security friend detects our noise!!
- Josie and San are looking for ladders so we can hide
- We grab some ladders
- I dropped my ladder when we got to the gate
- We crawled under the gate, just like Indy
- We made it to safety
- This store is Secrets of Your Success
- We’d never been in here before
- They had a poster of a river with a quote about victory
- This poster is $750??
- These posters held the secret to our success
- Get the ladders up there
- These big pictures are easily $2,000
- Put a nail in that dot up there
- Does this store have a back door? Let us out!
- They won’t let us go
- People have feelings even in the midst of other feelings
- Picking the pictures to hang
- A poster of a bottomless lake near Syracuse, NY
- Metaphorical posters of our friendships
- What’s the most forgiving outdoor image?
- Wonderful Natural Things
- An oasis in a dessert
- I wish I could be at that oasis
- Now we have to hang the words
- San chose “acceptance”
- Josie chose ‘service’
- I found ‘trust’, begrudgingly
- I dropped “Trust” and it broke
- The bots detected our noise
- The gate won’t be open
- These bots have been kissed by lightning
- Invisible Person came by to distract the bots
- One bot is still pursuing us
- What’s another word I can hang so we can get out of here????
- A string of quotes
- The word doesn’t matter!
- I think I grabbed “Vision” or “Success”
- We hang everything
- Invisible Person is now knocking on the door
- The back hallway is secure
- Let’s pretend that the woman returned
- We found some costumes
- And we start running around
- We can take this hallway to the Multiplex
- IP goes out to confuse
- We’re all dressed like the actress
- We want to get CCC to stop the movie
- Hopefully we can talk soon about rebuilding our friendship and trust
- All Will Be Well
In this episode, Scooter recounts an imaginative adventure set in a surreal mall. Wyatt and his friends encounter cinematic characters, face tension in their relationships, and work together to outsmart the Crispy Commander, a cereal mascot who complicates their journey. Themes of friendship, trust, and whimsical escapades blend together in this relaxing, lighthearted narrative.
- “Jason Bourne was the original Pokémon but it was all ‘gotta catch him’ instead of ‘gotta catch them all.’” – Scooter
- “This is a podcast to take your mind off stuff and put you to sleep, believe it or not.” – Scooter
- Strolling the Meanders of My Mind: A whimsical, dreamlike landscape of thoughts and ideas.
- The Split of Simon and Garfunkel in My Imagination: A playful split of two figures in the mind.
- The Forgotten Mall and Its Cinematic Characters: A dimly lit mall filled with surreal movie characters.
- The Crispy Commander’s Plan: A cereal mascot plotting in front of a retro cereal ad.
- Caught in the Crossfire of Security Bots: Wyatt and his friends chased by security bots in a dark mall.
- Secrets of Your Success Store: The Suspicious Display: Motivational posters priced absurdly high in a mall store.
- Hanging Posters of Trust and Acceptance: Wyatt and friends hanging words like ‘Trust' on store walls.
- The Shattering of Trust: A dramatic moment of a framed ‘Trust' word shattering on the floor.
- The Person Who Couldn't Be Seen Arrives: A mysterious, invisible figure riding a bike through the mall.
- Disguised for Deception: Wyatt and friends dressed in mismatched costumes to trick the Crispy Commander.
- Biking Through the Mall: Wyatt and friends ride bicycles through the dimly lit mall, dodging obstacles.
- The Calm Oasis Amid Chaos: Wyatt gazing at a serene oasis poster in the midst of chaos.
This episode features Wyatt and his friends navigating a magical mall filled with cinematic characters and oddities. The group faces challenges with trust and friendship while outsmarting the Crispy Commander, a cereal mascot antagonist. The story balances lighthearted humor with deeper themes of loyalty and personal growth. The mall setting acts as a surreal backdrop for whimsical adventures, with low-stakes drama that blends well with the relaxing tone of the podcast.
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