1268 – The Crafty Lady | Multiplex Ep9

Episode 1268 – The Crafty Lady | Multiplex Episode 9

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for the podcaster who’s here to take you through a shopping mall or guide you down the…they don’t call it halls, the halls of the shopping malls, 'cause they’re not really hallways. How low does a ceiling have to be for it to be a hallway? I think I’ve seen some cinematic hallways where the ceilings have been like, twenty or thirty feet. Those have been…actually the back hallways of the mallways. Hallways and mallways…Sleep With Me podcast; going off topic always. So, if you’re new, welcome to Sleep With Me. It’s a podcast that’s a little bit different. I’m glad you’re here. Yeah, this show…you say, what is this person going on about? If you’re wondering that, you might be in the right place. I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff so you could fall asleep. This podcast is a bit different. But really, I’m so glad you’re here. Welcome.

 

All the regular listeners are smiling, too, 'cause they really hope this podcast could help you out. If you’re having trouble falling asleep, you need something to distract you in the night or keep you company or you need a break during the day, this show is here to try to help you. The way I help you is just by being your friend in the deep, dark night. What we got coming up; support so paying for the podcast is optional, then a long, meandering intro meant to ease you into bedtime, and then later on there will be a bedtime story to put you to sleep, Multiplex. I think Episode 9, but it’s the kind of show you could listen to in any order. So, I’m glad you’re here and I appreciate you coming by. Most listeners say give the show a few tries to see how it goes. But good to see you again, or welcome if you’re new, and thanks for making it possible, my bore-friends.

 

INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts, things on your mind, thoughts about the past, the present, the future…thinking thoughts, you know, thoughts that you’re thinking about, obviously. It could be feelings, anything coming up for you emotionally related to those thoughts or feelings that are just there, it could be physical sensations, it could be changes in time, temperature, routine.

 

Holy temperature change here. That’s why…people always say…actually, no one ever…has ever said, why do you have to mention temperature change? I think that’s because we know…you know why, a lot of us. But it could be other stuff. Hopefully I’ll remember to talk about temperature change and…but maybe I won't. But whatever’s keeping you awake…the reason I run through some of this stuff is so you feel less alone. I might not know exactly what you’re going through, but I think I could relate to how it feels. I know how it feels for me, and there’s…is that a panalpy? I think there was a podcast network for a while called Panalpy, which now is the first time it strikes me as interesting 'cause it was…I think it was a really good one. First of all, panalpy; it’s not spelled…I don't think it’s P…panalpy.

 

I have no idea how to spell it. Panel; P-A-N-E-L…definitely not. P-A…panal…there’s probably a ‘lop’ in there? Where do you put the Y in panalpy? I mean, I just heard it, but I don't know where to put it. I think it means a bunch of different stuff? I don't know, but that’s what it’s like at bedtime for me. Was there really a podcast network called Panalpy? I mean, I guess saying it, it is very audio…panalpy. You say, what is that, the walls of an outhouse? I say, well, it might be. I don't know. Panalpy…I like saying it. Yeah, it’s just one of those nice words to say without meaning. Panalpy. They’d say, sir, you gotta spell the word, though. This is one of the many reasons I haven’t been in that spelling contest. Panalpy; don’t…please don’t use it in a sentence. I’m just gonna keep repeating it.

 

Panalpy…also not gonna attempt to spell it 'cause I don't think there’s…I can picture it. It is a sight word, but I can't spell it. So, anyway, I’m pretty sure there was a podcast network and it was successful. It may have joined another…I think it was a news…pop culture? I don't know. Maybe I’ll look it up. But there’s a lot going on at bedtime and whatever’s going on for you, I hope you feel welcomed here and that I…even if I can't relate to what’s keeping you awake that you know that there’s someone listening somewhere in the world who can relate that’s listening right now. They’re perking up in bed and they’re glad you’re here. They really hope this podcast can help you the way it’s helped them. So, just see how it goes, because you deserve a good night's sleep.

 

You deserve, one, to have somebody out there in the world that says, yeah, that’s not easy. I can relate to how that feels. Your feelings are real and they’re legitimate, about bedtime, and I share them and I see you. That’s the most important thing I’ll say on the show; I see you out there. That’s why I call it the deep, dark night and that’s both true and a metaphor. But you also deserve…I see you and you deserve a good night's sleep. You deserve a place you could get some rest, the rest you need so your life is more manageable, a bedtime you don’t have to dread. So, I hope I could provide that for you. What I’ll do here is I’ll send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, and superfluous tangents, which means I’m gonna go off topic, I’m gonna get mixed up, then I’m gonna double back.

 

Maybe I’ll remember to talk about panalpy and temperature changes; maybe I won't. But that circuitous route I take is intentional because I’m here to be your friend and to be barely listened to. So, this is…that’s what takes some getting used to. This is a podcast…you kinda listen to it, like a rambling friend in another room or a rambling friend on the telephone back when they had those things, or on speak…I don't know, if I was calling and I was rambling, would you have me on speaker, headphones…? Funny; I just got off a call that…I actually used my phone without my Air Pods, which usually…but it was…I didn’t have any and I was like, I don't want to send it to voicemail. I want to talk to this person. They’re calling me, so let me just answer. I didn’t have it on speaker, so I was doing it the old-fashioned way.

 

Who would have thought that? You say, how’d you talk on the phone? The old-fashioned way. Oh, speakerphone? No, no, no, that’s just how my parents use their cell phones, but that’s not…strangely enough, that’s not how they talked on the phone. In the movies, I guess that’s…this is another tangent, but…and I realize this…I’m laughing but it is how my parents use their phone. They talk on their cell phone on speakerphone. If you were a child like my daughter or a childlike anthropologist, you’d say, well, I would assume back when you had one of those other phones, you were probably using the phone the same way. I say, yeah, funnily enough, no, that’s not how they used…I mean, in the movies people had speakerphones which was a speaker…it was different than…it’s too…it was a speaker that your phone came through and that you could talk to.

 

Kinda looked like…not like a Bluetooth speaker, but the closest thing. But they…none of our parents or my generation talked on a phone like that, where they were holding it in their hand and talking to their phone…I don't know. You had to hold the phone up to your ear. So, I don't know what’s up…what am I doing, some observational…? What’s up with that? I’m sure somebody funny already covered it, but it’s just interesting to me. It’s never been pointed out. As many times…I mean, if I had to write it out…'cause I have to…sometimes I write out when I’m not feeling…like, I feel frustration, I write it out. Or, let’s just say I journal about it. My parents are using speakerphone again.

 

Instead of saying, well, that’s interesting 'cause you never…you were…the way you were trained on your phone…but, I don't know. I don't get it, but that’s why I’m not meant to be listened to. I think that was my main point; you don’t listen to me, either. So, yeah, that didn’t make very much sense. So, it’s a podcast you just barely listen to, almost like a TV on in the other room. It also doesn't put you to sleep. I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff. There’s no pressure to fall asleep. The shows are over an hour so you don’t have to think about falling asleep. I’m gonna be here to keep you company to the very end whether you’re awake or asleep.

 

I’m here to be your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-bud, your neigh-bore, your Borbie, your bores, your borer, your bore-friend, your bore-buddy, and just take your mind off of stuff. You could listen and pay attention or you could just barely listen to me or whatever works for you. So, I’m not here to put you to sleep. I’m here to keep you company while you drift off, to take your mind off of stuff. As I said earlier, this is a podcast most people don’t like when they first get here. You could be skeptical, you could be doubtful, you could be frustrated, fed up…because this podcast is very different. Even…I started the show a while ago and this idea of listening to audio…sleep audio at that time was very different than it is now. But even now, this show is still different.

 

It’s like, wait, you’re just gonna talk in a boring way but not super boring and you’re not intentionally putting me to sleep; you’re just keeping me company, but then I’ll fall…? I say, for the people it works for, that’s what happens, yeah. Or there’s people that need a break during the day who listen. So, yeah, I’m just here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff. But yeah, it doesn't…the show is always never getting started. A lot of people get frustrated. We have a website 'cause some people get so frustrated they inform me…and they never say this…in no uncertain terms is the subtext of their e-mail. They have formed an opinion of me and they’re letting me know in no uncertain terms. Maybe that would be…that sounds like a movie; In No Uncertain Terms. More like a novel that you’d buy at the airport.

 

Seriously, right? Another…what’s up with these airport books? In No Uncertain Terms. It has a cover of some sort of monument on there, maybe some stars. You say, what is this? Oh, a political…it’s the story of Duke Errington and Mavis Marble. Okay. We could be onto some…No Uncertain Terms. But they do…they don’t check out sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou, which has other sleep podcasts and sleepy stuff on there. So, if you already don’t like me in no uncertain terms, check that out. But if not, give it a few tries and just see how it goes. It just takes some getting used to. Structurally the show also takes some getting used to, but you can adjust it. The show’s designed to help as many people as it can that it works for, but you can make some adjustments to how you listen.

 

So, I’ll just tell you because that’s another thing people let me know about in no uncertain terms. The show starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, so you feel seen and welcomed in. You say, okay, I might check that podcast out. Maybe I say something goofy so you get a general idea of the tone of the podcast. Then there’s sponsor support so the show can be free. That’s one of the ways we’re able to make the show and put it out, and paying for it’s optional. So, if you don’t like the sponsor support, it’s…kinda makes the show free. Or you could support the show on Sleep With Me+ and get ad-free versions, or through our referral program, you can get that, too.

 

Then there’s a long, meandering intro after the support, separate from the support — that’s what we’re doing now — where I try to explain what the podcast is but it takes me fifteen to twenty minutes 'cause I keep going off topic. You say, why would you do that? Why don’t you just skip an intro and go straight to the story or have a two-minute intro that makes sense? I’d say, well, one, the intro’s different every time so whatever’s keeping you awake can't quite adjust, but it follows a familiar structure so you say, oh, okay…if you’re a regular listener, you say, oh, at least…I know Scoots is gonna try to explain what the podcast is and go off topic in an unexpected way. I don't know, there’s something about that that works. But also, the intro is only meant to ease you into bedtime.

 

It may put a small percentage of people to sleep and there’s a small percentage of people that skip the show…the intor, but for most people, it’s part of people’s wind-down and bedtime routine, whether you’re in bed and getting comfortable or you’re doing some other chill activity. The intro is just…having a bedtime routine and wind-down time is what has been shown to work, what’s worked for me personally, and it just has…it’s a way to have a buffer between evening time and falling asleep. It eases you into bedtime. Then there’s support again so the show could be free, and then there’s a bedtime story. Tonight it’ll be Multiplex and it’ll be about some friends adventuring in a mall, and then there’s thank-yous at the end of the show.

 

So, that’s the structure of the show, and the other things you need to know…oh, room temperature; so, last night…two days ago, it’s…this episode will come out in a different…we record shows three months before they come out. So, it’s April here in the Bay Area and we had a warm…the beginning of spring where it felt like things warmed up, and then last night it got cold again for us, but still fifties or maybe even forties. It was cold in my room which I like, but I was like, oh, it might be too cold, but it wasn’t.

 

But that’s…sometimes when the temperature changes like that abruptly, it can…it’s another reason I need a distraction. So, that’s why I talked about temperature. But let’s look up panalpy. I don't even know how to spell it. P-A-N…okay, panop…there’s no L in there, by the way, Scoots. Panoply. Panoply. It’s a complete or impressive collection of things. Okay, let’s see if we put ‘podcast’ what comes up. Panalpy Podcasts…oh, it looks like it still exists. Oh, it became Megaphone, formerly Panalpy Media. It looks like there’s actually a podcast, though, too. Let me see. I just want to…2024…oh yeah, so, it was.

 

So, the Slate podcasts were Panalpy. It’s owned by one company now. Yeah, and it was…the Slate group started Panalpy Media. Panoply Media, Panoply. History…I gotta get…I gotta finish up this thing, but…yeah, there was a bunch of different…a lot of different podcasts. Holy cow. So, I was right, actually. Usually…a lot of times I’m wrong, but panoply…I guess those…like I said, it’s very audio and it’s easier to spell than I thought. P-A-N-O-P-L-Y. Yeah, it came out of Slate Gabfest and grew from there. So anyway, yeah, that’s about it. My panalpy of nonsense, am I right, over here? So, anyway, I’m glad you’re here. I work really hard. I yearn and I strive. I really hope I can help you fall asleep, and here’s a couple ways we’re able to do it for you for free twice a week.

 

Alright everybody, Scooter here. This is our episodically modular series, Multiplex. Three different series’ names popped in my head first, and then I…I said, what is the name of this series, even though I knew it. Which ones? Nuns in Space, Make Great Pets, and Spice Friends. So, yeah, and then the correct one got in there eventually. But yeah, welcome. This is our episodically modular series, Multiplex. What that means is you could listen to it in any order. If this is your first episode of Multiplex, don't worry. The main characters will fill you in at the beginning of the story. It’s just about friends in a shopping mall on an adventure to be ordinary. Not a ordinary adventure, but an adventure to be ordinary. Extraordinary adventures to be ordinary…so, that’s pretty cool. I think that’s it.

 

What do you say we have our Hollywood announcer, which I always say…but he comes from the Greater Los Angeles Area, and I found recently the more I compliment him on his amazing abilities, the quieter he is. He has…not only does he have so many amazing…when I think about intangible and tangible qualities that surpass…I don't know. I can't compliment him enough to make up for all I’ve put him through. But he loves putting you all to sleep so much. He comes here from the Greater Los Angeles Area under stored solar power or wind power. Okay, he said sometimes wind power. He’s hoping one day he could come here based on stored geothermal energy.

 

Why not just go for it? Maybe he could come under…? You know? No. I would like to be…if I could…other than…I wouldn't sing that song, Would I Want to Be Under the Sea…in a…what is that thing called? A pineapple under the sea? I’d like to live in a giant mansion near the sea with geothermal…that has geothermal heating and cooling and a pool, ideally, maybe one that’s geothermally heated and cooled too that’s paid for by our Hollywood announcer, and then I would record from there in-between enjoying the geo…oh boy, I can't…I don't even know what that would feel like.

 

But while we’re getting you powered…while we’re…why not…can I enjoy some of the geothermal energy while we store it for you? Can I be a passive…? I don't know. That’s…talk about a dream I have. Who lives in a mansion geo…powered, heated, and cooled geothermally? That would be me, ideally, if…Antonio’s just smiling and shaking his head. So, this is our Hollywood announcer, Mr. Antonio Banderas. The friends beyond the binary, the ladies, the gentlemen, the boys, the girls, it’s time to go into the Multiplex. Chick-a-chick-a-yeah. Oh wow, that was new. That was new. Thanks. That’s Mr. Antonio Banderas. This is Multiplex, everybody.

 

Good evening, everybody. My name is Boyd and I’m recording these…this…I’m recording my…well, it’s not just my story. It’s the story of myself and my friends, Santos, Josie, and Boyd. Did I say my name is Boyd or Wyatt? My name is Wyatt, though a lot of times I see myself through Boyd’s eyes. But I’m here to tell you a tale of how my friends and I became ordinary. We went on quite an adventure, and this is when we were just finishing up high school, the four of us. Three of us…Boyd was different but not…Boyd was our acquaintance, not our friend. At this point we…I think we could call us friends, but before the tale started, the three of us were friends and we were all what you would call destined for greatness.

 

Or, not even destined for greatness; working towards greatness academically, athletically, interpersonally. We were…all three of us…that was what brought us together, was…I don't know, not just ambition and not just adult-authority-figure ambition. I don't know what was pulling us. There was a lot of things pulling us towards being successful. I think that’s the way we grew up and the time we grew up in, was…that’s what you wanted to do. ‘What are you gonna do with your life?’ was the big question, and that wasn’t just a question, if you’re relating to what I’m saying. It was also…there was a message in there which I guess would be, you should be…you should have some big plans for your life. Now, this tale is how we went on an adventure to change that.

 

All our plans for our lives changed in a…not in a way of like, oh, there’s an obstacle; let’s change our plans, but let’s go on this heroic adventure that we didn’t plan on going on and then change our trajectories to become what most people would say is ordinary or regular, though I don't think that word really applies. Average…none of that works because it all has that same message in there in comparison. But how do you become people among people and kinda be in the background, satisfied? Like, maybe there’s a movie where there’s a character in the background in a comfy couch or a sofa or a chair, and you say, well, that’s…this is just…this is fanfiction, but maybe that’s person’s comfortable. They’re saying, alls I gotta do is sit here and act like I’m sitting here without acting like I’m sitting here. Don’t need to be the star.

 

I’m getting compensated for my time and I’m just sitting here. Anyway, this adventure took place, like I said, when we were finishing up high school. We were playing mini-golf. I just missed out on a scholarship which was gonna affect my trajectory of greatness, but I thought I had to do something to stay on that path 'cause I didn’t have a scholarship anymore that I assumed I was getting but didn’t get it. We were playing mini-golf to take my mind off that fact. Santos and Josie had…they were already on their…they were going to their schools. We ran across Boyd, who…Boyd’s…came through a culvert. Boyd said, if you follow…this is a summary; Boyd said, if you follow me through this culvert, I’ve got access to this culvert and it accesses an old…the old shopping mall, Fairglen Shopping Mall.

 

If we go in there, there’s cases of Julius J Juice concentrate which we could sell on what would become the internet — for our time, pre-internet — for profit, because we’re just moving them. Julius J Juice…at this time, the company no longer existed. Their stores had been liquidated and these were in spoil-free cans, so they were basically free for the taking as far as we saw it. We said, sure. So, we’d just go into this mall, take the Julius J Juice out, basically abandoned property, and then you’ll sell it and then it’ll actually help cover some of my costs since I didn’t get the scholarship. Problem solved. Well, when we went in the mall, what we discovered was something more than what we expected. There was something happening in this mall. At first we thought it was an immersive theatre.

 

Well, first we thought, oh, this is strange, 'cause we met some workers, then we met some beings from other…from movies, and we thought it was a mystery dinner or something but taking place in a mall. Then we realized it was real. I don't know…to be honest, we never realized it was real even though we realized it was real. We had to manage suspending our disbelief but not…you know what I’m…I think you know what I’m saying. If you were in a mall that was closed and there was workers there, fully-stocked stores, and sometimes they weren’t…things were happening like a dream. What we found is these characters were leaving their movies and they needed help getting back into their movies, but first they needed help fixing, resolving…a way to resolve things in the movie.

 

‘Cause in the movie they were the main character in their own story. I think that’s a popular saying nowadays. But in the movie they weren’t the main character. They were…while the movies were all named after them…that’s funny, but they were considered the most non-positive character in the film, and the films were about them having the old tables turned on them. Our job was to not just…not turn the tables again against who was turning the tables against the movie character; our job was to help resolve things in a way. So, we helped a mommy and then we helped Franny get back into their movies without…with a nicer ending for them, and then suddenly the endings would become cereal commercials.

 

Again, we were in high school and we were like, this must be…I don't know, it must be something…we didn’t think too much about it. Also, time had slowed, but we wouldn't learn that until we learn…we met the Crunchy Commander, Commander Crisp, the most…one of the most famous cereal mascots. That was like meeting a real cereal mascot in real life, which was even stranger than meeting the characters from the movies, because as you know, Commander Crisp kinda looks like an animated character, and Commander Crisp…Crunchy…Crispy Command…Commander Crunch, Crispy Commander…cereal, breakfast time…said, hey, yeah, you gotta keep helping out on this. We’re on a transverse plane, an intersection of universes. Somehow these characters are coming out of their movies.

 

They need help. Also, Commander Crunch never said…there’s also people in the mall that need help. I can't remember that part. But anyway, it was like being in a middle world, I guess, but not Middle Earth. I don't know. Middle Earth’s a different thing. Middle Earth’s a real world to the people in Middle Earth, right? So, forget I said that part because it doesn't make any sense. But, okay, I think…so, characters coming out of the movies, they needed our help getting back into their movies that had become cereal commercials. Crispy Commander, Commander Crunch said, yeah, that’s what’s happening. If you keep doing it, this…the movie cereal part’s my plan. If you keep doing it, you’re helping your world and you’re gonna also…you’re also gonna…what do you call it?

 

You’re gonna help your world and my world and you’ll be compensated. By the way, time slowed down. One day in the mall is one hour in the world outside of here, so you got plenty of time. Also, there was food, we were able to sleep, and…you know, we’re teenagers. This was…we didn’t really…we thought if…I think each of us was holding in our mind how cool this was. All the other feelings and the non-cool feelings, we held them at bay because we were teens. That’s what teenagers do. We call it angst, I think. It’s not really angst; it’s just ignoring all that stuff bubbling below the surface. It makes you angsty. At least, I can only speak for myself, I guess. But we weren’t angsty at this time, really, because we were so focused. So, we said, sure. We went back to the theatre, then we were looking around the mall.

 

We found the Count du Chocolate who was stuck in a chocolate shell, like in a life-size chocolate shell. Count du Chocolate said, hey, I’ve got the chocolate touch. So, a couple things I could tell you about now; this didn’t match up with what we had seen 'cause the movie was called The Count, you know, and it was a little bit different. In this…in our world now, instead of tomato juice, if you know what I’m saying, the Count du Chocolate had the chocolate touch, a lot like stories you hear as a kid about gold and other things. Anything the Count touched turned to chocolate. The Count was also from Europe, which is only important because in Europe, according to the Count, they…that’s where real chocolate is. Here in the US we don’t have real chocolate, according to the Count. Don’t send me any letters.

 

I would say our chocolates are formulated in different ways, and as the Count said…I don't know, real…human warmth melts real chocolate, and here in the US, particularly at the time…human warmth was not…our chocolate could resist human warmth to a certain extent. I mean, if you leave it in your pocket all day long, it’s not gonna resist that kind of warmth. Also different formulations…so, what’s important about that is the Count du Chocolate couldn't turn fake chocolate — using the Count’s words here — for US-formulated chocolate, which when we eat it tastes like chocolate to us. It’s just a different formulation.

 

‘Cause we didn’t really learn too much about the Count’s backstory, how the Count got the chocolate touch, but the Count lived the Count’s lives, or just like in the movie, long lives, a timeless life with the chocolate touch. For a while, at least what the Count told us, the Count made the most of it, but at some point then the Count became an uninvited guest of Vilma Vonka and had to make chocolate for her so she could have a chocolate enterprise. The Count said, I don't like this anymore. Eventually they came to an agreement and the Count moved on, but something with the intensity of the chocolate production there made it so that the Count could not even…it wasn’t even a physical touch anymore that would turn people to chocolate, or things. If the Count had warmth for you in your heart, like waving and conversing with you…this is just in the movie, by the way.

 

‘Cause you’d say, how come you kids…? I don't know, we didn’t…I never thought about that, but I’m pretty sure it was 'cause it was just in the movie. Even though it wasn’t in the movie, it would be in the movie, as you’ll see. But so, in the movie, the Count…in what would become the movie…or this was the tramverse…transverse-plane version of the movie, let’s say the Count…not Mina…who was…? Why can I never remember it? Oh, Lucy. So, the Count would see Lucy and Mina walking, Jonathan Harker, all…but particularly Lucy, and the Count would wave from London, and the Count’s heart…or I guess the spirit…the Count’s…the Count wanted…said, hey, I’d like to have some of these people close to my heart or my…if my back’s sweating, too, and that turned people to chocolate, too.

 

Or, it started with Mina. This is what the Count told us. The Count…who would want…? You know, that’s…I don't even think with Midas it was like that. I’d say, well, if I loved you, would you turn to gold? That’s even worse, right? Now I’m thinking about that lady with the stone gaze, and I really feel for her. So…okay, but so, this is about the Count. So, as far as we knew…and the Count wanted to get back into the movie to get home, but also wanted this problem resolved; can I be close to other people? It was actually the Count that helped us by…the Count…the reason the Count was in a chocolate shell or a fake chocolate shell if you’re using the Count’s terminology, was 'cause the Count had realized this chocolate’s different than the chocolate produced in Europe or produced by my touch.

 

Maybe if I cover myself in this…in a layer of fake American chocolate, I’ll be able…but then it…because the Count doesn't have human…because of human warmth…but even the Count’s a few degrees less than human warmth, if you’re familiar, you know. The Count was in a chocolate shell, so we got the Count out of the chocolate shell. We’re trying to help the Count currently. We took a nap after we heard the Count’s multiple layers of story, and then we started brainstorming. Like, okay, well…okay, so, being in a chocolate shell doesn't work, right? So, what are we gonna do now? What else can we do? We said, okay, what about a thinner layer? The Count said, this stuff, it doesn't melt with…even…and I don't know what’s in the chocolate to do that.

 

But then, I don't know if you remember this, but if you’ve been listening to these whole stories, you don’t need to remember it. So, we had gotten different…so, at one point we had helped an employee of The World of Cutlery, and we had different devices, samurai devices or multi-tool-type things. San said, well, what if we start scraping choc…American chocolate? Maybe I’ll just call that ace…our stuff into…scraping chunks…and then we said…and then…well, we can't smear it. Then, I think it was Josie though it may have been Boyd, said, oh, what about Oceans of Lotion? We said, Oceans of Lotion? Oceans of Lotion and Other Potions was the name of the store. So, we went there and then we got different…we got big tubs of lotion and we brought it back there, and then we started mixing a lotion.

 

We said, this is great. We’ll mix up lotion, we’ll give you a bunch of lotion to take…this was the easiest one we could have ever solved. So, we started scraping little chocolate bits and chocolate shavings, and I even had a file, though that would melt the chocolate. It didn’t really work. But yeah, so…and the Count was like, okay, I think this will work. So, then we got the Count slathered…the Count had to do self-slathering, obviously, 'cause of the chocolate touch, but it worked 'cause the lotion didn’t turn to chocolate. Then the Count…oh, you might say…here’s the thing…we did have this question, too; how do you drink water? The Count said, out of a chocolate cup, obviously, and I do a lot of stuff with a chocolate stick or chocolate…the Count was very adept.

 

So, the Count could turn on a water fawcet with a stick and then hold a chocolate cup. So, the answer…that should answer those questions. How does the Count eat? Chopsticks or a fork. How does the Count prepare things? The same thing; a lot of tools. So anyway, the Count slathered on lotion which was good because the lotion did not…there was chunks and bits of chocolate in there. The Count was already an interesting complexion, but this was even more interesting. Then we sent the Count back into the movie, right? We sent the Count back in pretty early because the thing was, now the movie, when we got back, was the Count du Chocolate movie. But it was still a movie, not a animated film.

 

So, we got the Count in right around the time the Count…so, we had to do it after the Count had got away, like right before the Count moved to London, 'cause the Count had to still get away from Vilma Vonka or negotiated their exit from their plan, and then get lonely and then move to London to wave at people. Now, this is what happened, though; so, because there was a change in location, we didn’t really see it. We saw briefly 'cause they kinda skip over it in the movie, even though there was…recently there’s a movie about it, but the Count takes a ship, right, to London, and apparently even this happened…because if you slather a lot of lotion on, you leave lotion behind wherever you touch.

 

It turns out if you do that on a ship, like you leave the lotion behind, everybody on the ship…so, a couple times the Count didn’t even make it to London. Then eventually we said, okay, we’ll give you the lotion when you get to London, and then you gotta get inside…but it still was hard. Then the Count was waving. But eventually we realized it didn’t fix things because, one, even when the Count’s waving, there’s little bits of lotion flying everywhere and that had the essence of the Count on there. So, if you got hit by a drop of lotion, you may turn into chocolate, and that wasn’t good for…that would always end the movie the way it ended before; everybody would say, oh boy, this Count…I don't know if we need Van Helsing or Harker or what. But in the end there would be no more Count du Chocolate.

 

So yeah, where I left off here…let’s see. So, then the Count came…the Count…every time the Count would get…just like in the other ones, the Count would pop back out of the movie. So, we said, okay, lotion’s not gonna work, clearly. So, then we thought perfume, ‘cause there’s also perfume. That was another…I can't even…Scents and…Scents of Sense or something? ‘Scents and Sense and Sensibility’ I think was…Scents, Sense, and Sensibilities; that was the names of that place. We said, okay, we’ll soak the chocolate in perfume. It didn’t…I’ll just save you…one, holy mackerel…or cologne, whatever. Smelly stuff, man. The Count’s…first of all, it clogged the sprayer, so then the Count would have to put it on and splash it. The same issue, also very off-putting anyway.

 

So, the Count already had all these things not going for him, and then if he smelled strongly of whatever…I don't even know what those…what does leather and musk even smell like? People…uncles and gran…but…and we even tried fancy ones 'cause we thought, man…we all laugh 'cause we said, Drakkar Noir, man, all the way. What else would the Count wear? The was…but it still didn’t work, but it also made people cough and not want to be around the Count before the turning to chocolate. So, then another idea came up which could be…we said, have you tried to eat any of this fake chocolate? The Count said, yeah, it’s disgust…it’s not chocolate. That’s why I’m saying…you think your…my chocolate’s not chocolate. I think your chocolate’s not chocolate.

 

Then it was like, you can't turn chocolate…we tried a chocolate…we were like, what if we build you a chocolate…a real chocolate thing to live in? That didn’t work. Eating chocolate didn’t work. But then we thought of a idea; what if we dry the chocolate out, right? So, if we put the choc…well, we were like, how are we gonna dry the chocolate out? This is how this idea came to be. Like, okay, what if we dry the chocolate out into a powder and then…? I guess we didn’t realize we could have just bought…but then I said, is that the same cocoa powder as they have in Europe? I don't know. But anyway, we finally were like, then you could dust it on yourself like a powder or eat it maybe in concentrated-powder form. Maybe this is a way to figure it out.

 

So then we…yeah, we gathered…so, then we got everything ready, right? We said, okay, well, we’ll get this…take this dried chocolate…or we’ll dry the chocolate out. So, I don't know, I guess basically our plan was to dry out this chocolate. So, we were brainstorming how do we dry out chocolate. Then, the Easy Bake Oven, that one was easy. So, we went into the one of the toy stores. Oh god, a Easy Bake Oven is…I think they still have them. It was a piece of plastic with metal inside where you could bake stuff based on a really strong lightbulb, and it came with little tins. So, we actually needed a bunch of them, so I think we got five or six Easy Bake Ovens.

 

This part did not go spectacularly 'cause what we did was…you filled up all the tins, plug…we had to use the outside of the…the inside of the mall but outside of the store we found plugs, ‘cause in this chocolate shop we were working in, it didn’t have a ton of plugs. But anyway, so, we all start plugging in these Easy Bake Ovens, put the baking…little baking tins…we put chocolate in there thinking that would dry it out, but what happened really was…it didn’t go well because the chocolate didn’t exactly dry out so much as melt and cook and smoke. We had them all…so, we were all together and then…so, this…it would have been comedic if it wasn’t for the Count du Chocolate being there…‘cause we were all standing around this ring of Easy Bake Ovens and they all start producing a lot of smoke at the same time, so much so that we’re bumping into one another.

 

I don't know. We’re just teenagers, right? Except for…the Count du Chocolate’s hundreds of years old or whatever, but not familiar with the principles of electricity or Easy Bake Ovens. So, we’re bumping into one another; so, this is important. So, we’re in the middle of what would be defined as fake chocolate smoke by the Count and bumping into one another. I bumped forehead-to-forehead with the Count, which I didn’t realize ‘til after we got everything cleared out, right, and unplugged. Even then, we didn’t real…we said, oh man, why didn’t we realize it wouldn’t melt? But I said, wait a second…after some time, I said, I bumped heads with the Count and I’m not…and then we weren’t willing to do any other experiments. We said…but we were like, okay…and we said, if you touch your forehead to somebody else…?

 

The Count said, yeah, it’d probably turn to chocolate. So, we were like, okay, smoke works. Burnt, fake chocolate works. So, then we were like, okay, but the Count can't bring back…there’s no plugs in London when the time goes, and this movie…the Count is waving at people, so there’s…we can't…we were like, well, can't we just wait until they invent electricity? They said, the plugs are still different. But also, the Count…so, then we said, okay, what about torches, right? Torches are a big thing in all these movies, or chocolate burners. So, we were trying to do that and we tried a couple tests in the movies. It didn’t work, especially 'cause people…smelly, fake chocolate doesn't smell good. It doesn't really smell…it smells really not good at all.

 

So, it…so, that didn’t work but we were like, okay, wait a second, this smoke…what other things could we…what else could we do with this? Then we realized Boyd is known…I haven't referred to Boyd as the Corncob Kid in a little while, but Boyd was known as the Corncob Kid in our high school because he had a corncob pipe that was for little kids. He just used it for comfort or style. Once upon a time — and this is part of the story — these shopping malls and other places had tobacco stores. People used to smoke pipes and tobacco and cigars and other things. It was a commonplace-type thing. Sherlock Holmes; a famous pipe-smoker. So, people would go to these stores to get pipe tobacco, I would assume cigars and other stuff, but I don't really remember. Pipes, pipe accessories…what a time to live, right?

 

I mean, even now…it’s my past. I don't believe it. But so, boy…they also gave to kids…one of the things you could get for free is a corncob pipe. I don't know if you had to make a purchase or not. It was a little kid’s pipe. You didn’t smoke anything in it, but…whatever. It looked like something…but it was a pipe. It was…so, we said, the pipe shop; holy cow. This place was called Pipes to Paradise. I don't know why, because…I don't know. Or, Two Pipes to Paradise? Maybe it was Two Pipes to Paradise after that song? I thought it was called Primo Pipes. But anyway, it doesn't matter. So, we went to the pipe shop with a general idea of like, okay, this idea could have some…where else are we gonna find smoky stuff?

 

Then, this is when we knew we were on the right path 'cause we went in there and out of the back of the shop…'cause there was a bell when we opened the door 'cause it was one of those places that had a door…because I don't think you were…maybe at a time you could smoke pipes in there. But anyway, there’s an employee working at the pipe store. They said, how can we help you? We said, we need…do you have any chocolate tobacco? They just laughed. They said, we have bubblegum tobacco and we have bubble cigars, bubble cig…candy cigarettes, but no chocolate…it’s bubblegum flavors we have. We said, no, no, no, not for us; for him, 'cause the Count was with us. They said, what do you mean? We said, well, he wants a smoked chocolate. The person was like, well, we do make custom blends here.

 

Smoked chocolate, eh? I’m not sure that could work exactly. Then we said, well, why not? They said, well, because it’s a different kind of smoke. We said, well, could you try to make a custom blend of, whatever, chocolate and tobacco for the Count? They said, yeah, we could, we could. We could definitely do that. We said, okay, but what is he gonna…? He said, we’re out of pipe-cleaners, so I’ll make you a custom blend if you get me some pipe-cleaners. We said, but you don’t have any customers. Then they said, yeah, you’re…obviously we do, and we need pipe-cleaners. We’re fresh out, and I was just about to head out and get some pipe-cleaners. So, this took a little bit of disagreement 'cause we said, no, no, you don’t need pipe-cleaners.

 

The store’s…so, they didn’t register that none of this was really happening and it became clear we had to go get pipe-cleaners. Then the Count said, don't worry, I’ll stay behind here and I’ll help with the blend. Can you go get some pipe-cleaners? We were like, pipe…? Unfortunately there’s only one tobacco shop at the mall, Count. Of all the other double-ups, there’s not any other places that would…and then San said, no, no, no, there is another place where you could get pipe-cleaners. They made a toot-toot sound which was very confusing, but then we realized it was a steamboat sound because there was a show, Saturday Steamboat, that we used to watch when we were younger. On the show was a segment from The Crafty Lady where she would teach youth crafts.

 

Now she had a chain of stores called The Crafty Lady and there was one at the mall, and obviously a big…especially when we were kids, it was…tongue-depressors or pipe-cleaners were two of the main crafts. In fact, I can't even think of any other ones other than Play-Doh. So, we said, oh yeah, The Crafty Lady is gonna have plenty…it’s gotta have tons of pipe-cleaners there. So, we headed to The Crafty Lady. Now, this was the strange part about this mall; some of the stores were locked, some of them were open, and there wasn’t really rhyme or reason to that thus far. But we got to The Crafty Lady and it was locked up tight with a padlock. So, instead of having a gate that lowered, it had a gate that went across and you locked it with a padlock.

 

We tried to get around that and we couldn't, and then we were like, man…and then Josie was pulling on the lock and said, wait a second, there’s a key halfway in here or three-quarters of the way broken off. ‘Cause we were using our things…we couldn't get anything in there, right? We were trying to figure things out. While we were trying to figure out what we could stick in there to get the key open, Josie started talking about second thoughts just in general, but I think talking about…what is this? Josie was kinda…we thought all the adventuring had caught up with Josie but now looking back on it, it was…Josie’s perspective was beginning to change…'cause stuff I was laughing about at the time wasn’t really laughable.

 

Josie was like, bubblegum cigars, candy cigarettes…now, this was also important because it kept all this fresh in our minds. Josie was saying they should know better, blah, blah, blah, this whole thing. Then Josie reached around her neck where she had this medallion. We had never seen this medallion before and we said, what is that? Because it was very interestingly-shaped. Josie had gotten into a very exclusive school. Josie said, well, this is my club legacy medallion. Both of my parents were in this club and this is my entry into this club. A fineel club, we’ll call it. You get into one of these fineel clubs, especially at this school, and you don’t have to be Mark to tell anybody that this is…paves the way towards your thing. Josie…I don't know if it was symbolic but Josie seemed to think that the medallion was…you couldn't get into this club without a medallion and all the other stuff.

 

I don't know, it was when Josie was kinda still frustrated with…what was the status quo in general. It was just all piling up at one moment, and Josie tore the medallion off. It was one of those breakaway-chain type things. One of the edges of the medallion just happened to fit in the key thing, but as soon as Josie stuck it in there, it was stuck in there. Josie turned it and the lock popped open, but then…couldn't get the medallion out. I think in the…even though in this story it just seems like a brief moment, I think it was a long, drawn-out moment of Josie trying to get the medallion out, still being frustrated with the tobacco shop being one of the main focuses of frustration, but we were perceiving it as something different.

 

But now looking back, I could see clearly…then Josie debating, wondering to break off the medallion and then saying some strong language, and just throwing the padlock across the mall into an empty fountain, saying, you know what? Forget about it. You know what I’m saying? But not…much stronger language than that…and then Josie throwing the gates of The Crafty Lady open and going, go get the…telling us, go get the pipe-cleaners. Meanwhile, everybody was in there and Josie went into another section of The Crafty Lady and came out with giant bubbles, like bubble concentrate. We said, what’s that? Josie said, trust me. We were walking back and we said, well, what are you…?

 

Then Boyd said, because there’s bubble pipes at the bubble store…or at the tobacco shop, too, and there’s a new-technology one. So anyway, we went back to the tobacco shop. We got back there and the Count and the tobacco employee, whatever, the shop employee, were going back and forth, back and forth, back and forth on the blends, and there was a little bit of smoky smoke in the air. Josie was very matter-of-fact; got your things, but we need to make a different blend now. Josie had all the jugs of…a couple jugs of the stuff and said to the Count, you could easily make this in your thing. But they had had this new state-of-the-art pipe for children, again, where…now, they never sold this pipe. Or, well, we…they…you could buy it, I guess, but it was very expensive.

 

But the employee was like, oh, the bubble smoke. Then we went and…trying to think of the fastest way to explain this. But basically, there was a pipe they had, butane-powered…so, again, this was something that probably the Count could replicate 'cause the Count was pretty smart, you know? Also, we were thinking that we had to help the Count long-term, but we really only had to solve the problem in the movie. So, we were, again, confused of how to…we were over-planning or over-engineering 'cause that was our style anyway. But so, this pipe was an amazing feat of engineering. It could make a bubble with smoke in it and it would pop. So, you mixed bubble stuff and then whatever you were gonna have make the smoke, and you didn’t have to have tobacco to make the smoke.

 

You could have anything that makes smoke, and it only needed a tiny amount to fill a bubble with smoke. The bubble would float and then it would pop, and then the smoke would be in the air. This was something…another form of advertising they did. The employees would sit out front of the store and do these…it was like magic, you know? So, we got that thing, basically. That’s the short version. So, we had chocolate to put into the thing…to the heating element, we had bubble concentrate, and we had this pipe. We had the general time; we’ll send the Count back when the Count gets to London, even though people were already kinda frustrated with the Count at that point. So, we sent the Count back to London. We said, you can wave and smoke your bubble pipe and see what happens, and hopefully this works.

 

So, that’s what we did; we sent the Count back. The Count gets to London, which in the movies did not go to plan, right? But basically the Count wanted closeness to other people. So, the Count’s up there smoking this bubble pipe which already gets people’s attraction, and the waving. But again, in movie time, this is only four or five minutes. Even though, if that was the real world which we kinda thought it is…that was, whatever, weeks and months. But the Count is waving at Lucy and Mina and Harker, and because the Count knows now, the Count’s also apologize…hey, Harker, sorry about that stuff at my castle. It got a little weird there. Too much chocolate liqueur. I just want to be really…friends with you and whatever.

 

But the thing with Lucy was that Lucy and the Count kind of…I don't know, they had something with a lot of eye contact and the bubbles and the smoke. Then, because the Count kinda knew…I think the Count had figured out a way to explain the time-travel thing. The Count could take a little bit more levity 'cause the Count knew, oh, I could…if stuff doesn't go well, I’ll just leave the movie and I can retry again. So, eventually the Count starts inviting people over like Lucy, Mina, and Harker. I don't even know if Van Helsing…I don't think Van Helsing was ever in the movie, now. While they would only sit around in company, the Count could smoke…in the movie, the Count’s smoking the bubble pipe and it’s popping and stuff like that.

 

The movie gets close…so, then the Count has all three of them there and he invites them over for a meal, 'cause they’ve sat in the parlor before. Then the Count invites him over for a meal, so then there’s one of those things where they’re at the door and the door opens and there’s smoke, but then it’s the animated…it becomes a cereal commercial again like the last time. It’s a cartoon version of the Count, much more cartoony, and there’s the bubble. Now, in this one, the Count has, intead of a smoke bubble pipe, just a bubble pipe which is free inside every box, your own bubble pipe, where you could produce bubbles instead of smoke. Harker goes, what are you celebrating with your pipe, Count? He said, my new cereal. Sit down and enjoy it; smoked chocolate. Lucy says, smoked chocolate?

 

Smoked chocolate milk. Then said, what’s…? Oh, it’s delicious. Try…this is the milk you’re gonna want to drink twice. That was the saying; smoked chocolate, the milk you want to drink twice. Then Harker goes, double up my milk, and basically…I don't know if there was any smoked chocolate in the commercial other than that it was the Count du Chocolate cereal and that it was…said it was smoked chocolate. I think because there was another cereal that was so similar that the fact that it was smoked chocolate…I don't even know if they said smoked…I’d say, what does that even…? Afterwards, you know. But it ended and the Count was gone.

 

The movie ended and then we stayed in the theatre and we said, now we definitely need to rest. This time we got a little closer. We actually snuggled, all of us, 'cause we felt bad for Josie even though Josie seemed like, whatever, stressors had kinda passed. We got the idea that something was going on with Josie and we didn’t realize that she had already kinda made her choice to now, for the…to diverge from this path of…taking to greatness to a more normal path. But that’s…I guess that’s a spoiler but the best kind, you know, that all will be well. So, smoked chocolate cereal came your way tonight. Goodnight, everybody. I’m Wyatt. I’ll be back soon.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

(Transcription performed by LeahTranscribes)

Multiplex

 

Airport books

https://www.pulpcurry.com/2017/07/pulp-friday-the-godfather-of-the-airport-novel/

https://www.ocregister.com/2022/09/02/the-book-pages-has-the-airport-novel-been-grounded/

https://www.literarygeographies.net/index.php/LitGeogs/article/view/251

 

European Chocolate Standards

https://thegreatergoods.ca/how-chocolate-is-regulated-differently-in-different-countries/

https://europe.wisc.edu/outreach-opportunities/european-union-chocolate-simulation/great-european-union-chocolate-battle/

https://www.buzzfeed.com/michelleno/european-chocolate-vs-american-chocolate

 

EZ Bake Oven

https://www.tastemade.com/articles/how-the-easy-bake-oven-became-bakings-gateway-drug/

https://www.partselect.com/JustForFun/Easy-Bake-Oven-Infographic.htm

https://food52.com/blog/18007-how-the-easy-bake-oven-has-endured-53-years-and-11-designs

 

Weird Vape Flavors

https://www.npr.org/2023/07/12/1187354558/flavored-vapes-are-supposed-to-be-illegal-but-theyre-still-widely-available

https://www.vice.com/en/article/jmby5d/we-tried-the-most-disgusting-e-cig-flavors-so-you-dont-have-to-541

https://www.theverge.com/2018/10/18/17996706/vape-juice-flavoring-electronic-cigarettes-chemicals-ingredients-irritating-e-liquid

 

DOWN TO BUSINESS

The Halls of the Shopping Malls

How low does a ceiling have to be to constitute a hallway?

 

Deep Dark Night United

n/a

 

PLUGS

Orlando Park Stop Fundraiser; Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Rusty Biscuit Links; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline

 

SPONSORS

Claritin; Duker; Helix Sleep; Odoo; Air Doctor Pro; Zocdoc; Progressive

 

INTRO

Holy Temperature Change

Hopefully I’ll remember to come back to temperature change as a topic

Panoply

Was there a podcast network called Panolpy?

Where do you put the Y in Panolpy?

That’s a nice word to say a lot

I share your feelings about bedtime

A rambling friend on the telephone

Would you have me on speaker or headphones? Send me to voicemail?

Talking on speaker phone

Child-Like Anthropologist

Explaining speakerphones

I might have to journal my thoughts on using speakerphone

However you feel is totally okay

No Uncertain Terms

What’s up with these airport books?

If you feel about me in no uncertain terms, that’s ok

Back to temperature changes

Let’s look up Panolpy

Oh it’s Panoply

Oh, it became Megaphone

Wow, I’m glad this still exists

A Panoply of Nonsense

 

STORY

3 different series names popped into my head before Multiplex

Extraordinary Adventures to Be Ordinary

The more I compliment Antonio, the quieter he is

I’d like to live in a giant mansion near the sea with Geothermal Temp Control

I dream of enjoying geothermal energy

Wow, that was a new intro, Antonio, cool

Boyd explains his story

I’m not sure what was pulling us towards this life of ‘success’

Changing the plans of our lives

To Become More Ordinary

How do you become people among people?

A background character in a comfy couch

Missing out on my college scholarship

Following Boyd through the culvert

Selling Julius J Juice concentrate on the pre-Internet

Characters that need help getting back into their movies

We helped Mommy and Frannie

The new endings became cereal commercials

Commander Crunch helped explain things to us

It was weird to meet an animated character in real life

There’s also generally people in the mall that need help

Each of us knew how cool this was and how uncool it was

Keeping those feelings at bay aka Angst

Then we found the Count du Chocolat

Stuck in a chocolate shell, with his chocolate touch

This was a different kind of chocolate

The European count didn’t like American chocolate

Vilma Vanca manipulated the Count

If the Count even felt warmly to you, you’d turn to chocolate

It all started with Mina

It makes me feel bad for that lady with the stone gaze

We want to help the Count

The Count was trapped when he realized this chocolate was different

Being in a chocolate shell doesn’t help

Let’s start scraping our stuff (American chocolate)

What about Oceans of Lotion and Other Potions?

Scraping little chocolate shavings

The count had to self-slather the lotion on

The count is very adept

An even more interesting complexion

Then we tried to send him back

Right before the count moved to London

When you lather lotion, you leave lotion on everything you touch

He was leaving lotion all over his ship

Bits of lotion fly off when he waves

It would still end the same way

Well, what about perfume?

Sense, Scents, and Sensibility

Perfuming the chocolate definitely did not work

What does leather and musk even smell like?

The Count definitely wears Drakar Noir

What if he eats the fake chocolate?

What if we dry the chocolate out?

Maybe the dusted, dried out chocolate will help in some way

We’ll dry the chocolate out in the EZ Bake Oven

Explaining the EZ Bake Oven

This did not go well – the chocolate was burnt and smokey

We’re bumping into one another

Fake Chocolate Smoke

I bumped forehead to forehead with the Count

And I realized I hadn’t turned into chocolate

Burnt Fake Chocolate works!

What about torches?

Boyd has his corncob pipe

There used to be tobacco stores in malls

What a time it was to be alive

Kids would get free corncob pipes

Oh, a pipe shop!

Pipes to Paradise

An employee was working there

We need some chocolate tobacco

Only bubblegum tobacco

They could make a custom blend

We need pipe cleaners for our (imaginary customers!)

They didn’t register that none of this was really happening

The Count will stay behind and help with the blend

Where we will go to find pipe cleaners?

San knows of a place…

The Crafty Lady store from Saturday Steamboat

Of course there will be pipe cleaners there!

The Crafty Lady was locked up tight

There’s a key halfway broken in the padlock

Josie started talking about second thoughts, in general

Josie’s perspective was beginning to change

Grumbling about candy tobacco

Josie has a medallion around her neck

Her Club Legacy Medallion from her exclusive school

Finial Medallion

Josie tore the medallion off her neck

The medallion could fit in the keyhole

The padlock is unlocked but the medallion is now stuck there

Let’s go get the pipe cleaners

Giant tubs of bubble concentrate

New Bubble Pipes at the tobacco shop

Chipping away at the chocolate tobacco blend

A new state of the art pipe for children

Bubble Smoke Blend

Butane-Powered Pipe

Over-engineering our solution

A bubble with smoke in it

And you won’t need tobacco to make the smoke

We then sent the Count back into the movie

Smoking his bubble pipe from his window in London

The Count apologizes to Harker

He just wants to be friends

Lucy and the Count made a lot of eye contact

The Count knows he can try again, which brings more levity to the film

Smoking the Bubble PIpe

Inviting everyone over for a meal

Then it becomes an animated cereal commercial

Bubble Pipe, free in the box!

Smoked Chocolate Milk

Double Up My Milk!

And that worked!

Now we definitely need ot rest

Snuggling together to sleep

Josie is less stressed now, but something is going up with her

Josie decided to diverge from her path

A good spoiler that all will be well

 

SWM+ THANKS

Jay, Michael, Sarah, Kate, Chana, Megan, Sydney, JJ, Kathleen, Terry, Karen, Hannah, Stephen, Gustav, Chanelle, Riel, Claire, Lulu, Sam, Vivian, Ashley, Craig, Nadia, Margarita, Chester, Slavin, Justine, Allison, Laura, Danika, John

 

SUMMARY:

Episode: 1268

Title: The Crafty Lady | Multiplex Ep9

Deep Dark Night United: n/a

Plugs: Orlando Park Stop Fundraiser; Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Rusty Biscuit Links; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline

Sponsors: Claritin; Duker; Helix Sleep; Odoo; Air Doctor Pro; Zocdoc; Progressive

SWM+ Thanks: Jay, Michael, Sarah, Kate, Chana, Megan, Sydney, JJ, Kathleen, Terry, Karen, Hannah, Stephen, Gustav, Chanelle, Riel, Claire, Lulu, Sam, Vivian, Ashley, Craig, Nadia, Margarita, Chester, Slavin, Justine, Allison, Laura, Danika, John

Notable Language:

• Holy Temperature Change
• Panoply / Panolpy / Panel-Pee
• Child-Like Anthropologist
• Always Never Getting Started
• No Uncertain Terms
• A Panoply of Nonsense
• Extraordinary Adventures to Be Ordinary
• Geothermal Energy
• Culvert
• Angst
• Multiple Layers of Story
• Oceans of Lotion and Other Potions
• Sense, Scents, and Sensibility
• EZ Bake Oven
• A really strong lightbulb
• Fake Chocolate Smoke
• Pipes to Paradise
• Club Legacy Medallion
• Bubble Smoke Blend
• Butane-Powered Pipe
• Smoked Chocolate Milk

 

Notable Culture:

• • Speaker Phones

• No Uncertain Terms

• • Panoply Podcast Company

• Multiplex

• Nuns in Space

• Make Great Pets

• Spice Friends

• • Antonio Banderas

• Spongebob Squarepants

• • Middle Earth / Lord of the Rings
  • Dracula
  • King Midas
  • Medusa

• Sense and Sensibility

• Drakar Noir
• Saturday Steamboat
• Mark Zuckerberg

 

Notable Talking Points:

• Holy Temperature Change
• Hopefully I’ll remember to come back to temperature change as a topic
• Panoply
• Was there a podcast network called Panolpy?
• Where do you put the Y in Panolpy?
• That’s a nice word to say a lot
• I share your feelings about bedtime
• A rambling friend on the telephone
• Would you have me on speaker or headphones? Send me to voicemail?
• Talking on speaker phone
• Child-Like Anthropologist
• Explaining speakerphones
• I might have to journal my thoughts on using speakerphone
• However you feel is totally okay
• No Uncertain Terms
• What’s up with these airport books?
• If you feel about me in no uncertain terms, that’s ok
• Back to temperature changes
• Let’s look up Panolpy
• Oh it’s Panoply
• Oh, it became Megaphone
• Wow, I’m glad this still exists
• A Panoply of Nonsense
• 3 different series names popped into my head before Multiplex
• Extraordinary Adventures to Be Ordinary
• The more I compliment Antonio, the quieter he is
• I’d like to live in a giant mansion near the sea with Geothermal Temp Control
• I dream of enjoying geothermal energy
• Wow, that was a new intro, Antonio, cool
• Boyd explains his story
• I’m not sure what was pulling us towards this life of ‘success’
• Changing the plans of our lives
• To Become More Ordinary
• How do you become people among people?
• A background character in a comfy couch
• Missing out on my college scholarship
• Following Boyd through the culvert
• Selling Julius J Juice concentrate on the pre-Internet
• Characters that need help getting back into their movies
• We helped Mommy and Frannie
• The new endings became cereal commercials
• Commander Crunch helped explain things to us
• It was weird to meet an animated character in real life
• There’s also generally people in the mall that need help
• Each of us knew how cool this was and how uncool it was
• Keeping those feelings at bay aka Angst
• Then we found the Count du Chocolat
• Stuck in a chocolate shell, with his chocolate touch
• This was a different kind of chocolate
• The European count didn’t like American chocolate
• Vilma Vanca manipulated the Count
• If the Count even felt warmly to you, you’d turn to chocolate
• It all started with Mina
• It makes me feel bad for that lady with the stone gaze
• We want to help the Count
• The Count was trapped when he realized this chocolate was different
• Being in a chocolate shell doesn’t help
• Let’s start scraping our stuff (American chocolate)
• What about Oceans of Lotion and Other Potions?
• Scraping little chocolate shavings
• The count had to self-slather the lotion on
• The count is very adept
• An even more interesting complexion
• Then we tried to send him back
• Right before the count moved to London
• When you lather lotion, you leave lotion on everything you touch
• He was leaving lotion all over his ship
• Bits of lotion fly off when he waves
• It would still end the same way
• Well, what about perfume?
• Sense, Scents, and Sensibility
• Perfuming the chocolate definitely did not work
• What does leather and musk even smell like?
• The Count definitely wears Drakar Noir
• What if he eats the fake chocolate?
• What if we dry the chocolate out?
• Maybe the dusted, dried out chocolate will help in some way
• We’ll dry the chocolate out in the EZ Bake Oven
• Explaining the EZ Bake Oven
• This did not go well – the chocolate was burnt and smokey
• We’re bumping into one another
• Fake Chocolate Smoke
• I bumped forehead to forehead with the Count
• And I realized I hadn’t turned into chocolate
• Burnt Fake Chocolate works!
• What about torches?
• Boyd has his corncob pipe
• There used to be tobacco stores in malls
• What a time it was to be alive
• Kids would get free corncob pipes
• Oh, a pipe shop!
• Pipes to Paradise
• An employee was working there
• We need some chocolate tobacco
• Only bubblegum tobacco
• They could make a custom blend
• We need pipe cleaners for our (imaginary customers!)
• They didn’t register that none of this was really happening
• The Count will stay behind and help with the blend
• Where we will go to find pipe cleaners?
• San knows of a place…
• The Crafty Lady store from Saturday Steamboat
• Of course there will be pipe cleaners there!
• The Crafty Lady was locked up tight
• There’s a key halfway broken in the padlock
• Josie started talking about second thoughts, in general
• Josie’s perspective was beginning to change
• Grumbling about candy tobacco
• Josie has a medallion around her neck
• Her Club Legacy Medallion from her exclusive school
• Finial Medallion
• Josie tore the medallion off her neck
• The medallion could fit in the keyhole
• The padlock is unlocked but the medallion is now stuck there
• Let’s go get the pipe cleaners
• Giant tubs of bubble concentrate
• New Bubble Pipes at the tobacco shop
• Chipping away at the chocolate tobacco blend
• A new state of the art pipe for children
• Bubble Smoke Blend
• Butane-Powered Pipe
• Over-engineering our solution
• A bubble with smoke in it
• And you won’t need tobacco to make the smoke
• We then sent the Count back into the movie
• Smoking his bubble pipe from his window in London
• The Count apologizes to Harker
• He just wants to be friends
• Lucy and the Count made a lot of eye contact
• The Count knows he can try again, which brings more levity to the film
• Smoking the Bubble PIpe
• Inviting everyone over for a meal
• Then it becomes an animated cereal commercial
• Bubble Pipe, free in the box!
• Smoked Chocolate Milk
• Double Up My Milk!
• And that worked!
• Now we definitely need ot rest
• Snuggling together to sleep
• Josie is less stressed now, but something is going up with her
• Josie decided to diverge from her path
• A good spoiler that all will be well