1166 – New Blue Milk | May the Fourth Be With You
One part Bantha, one part cosplay with a dash of Wendy Mirstrap to take you off the dreamland.
- Old Blowhard
- Blue Bantha Bucks
- If it makes a Jedi cry, don’t Deny. Your Supervisor run it by.
- David Duchovny
- Hoffman Hot Dog
Notable Talking Points:
- Holy cow, Fox Mulder is a great name
- Unraveling a Blue Milk Conspiracy
- Money Laundering with the Hutts
Episode 1166 – New Blue Milk | May the Fourth Be With You
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for the podcaster…it’s no…it’s…who’s recording something for a galaxy far, far away…long ago and far, far away. The long ago and far, far away; that sounds like some place if you go through a wardrobe where you go. Where are you going? The Long Ago and Far, Far Away. Okay, that sounds…through the wardrobe, eh? No closets in this place? No, it’s a older building, you know. Yeah, no, we just have wardrobes here. Okay, well, I thought…how about you go through a wardrobe and start the opening of a sleep podcast instead?
Oh, what kind of sleep podcast would I start? Well, one that’s meant to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff while you fall asleep, one that’s for people who’ve had trouble falling asleep their whole lives, or maybe they’re just in a situation where they’re having trouble falling asleep, but…they need something to take their mind off of stuff and keep them company. Okay. Sounds like you…oh yeah, no, I did…this podcast tends to repeat itself. What is it about bed…? Well, a lot of us dread bedtime. We have trouble getting to sleep, staying asleep, so, Sleep With Me is meant…'cause it’s not fun to do that. It’s not fun…everybody deserves a good night’s sleep, right? I think you’re right.
So, Sleep With Me is…even if people don’t like the show, there’s other sleep podcasts listed and sleepy stuff at sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou, 'cause everybody deserves a good night’s sleep. But we know what it feels like in the deep, dark night, so that’s why we make the show. Okay, I like that answer. What’s coming up? Great question; this is a episode that should come out around May 5th or May 4th. We always say, may the 5th be with you. You say, the fifth…the fifth what? No, it’s May 4th for Star Wars. That’s why we said far, far…the far, far away.
Okay. Oh, but structurally what to expect; there’s gonna be support — that’s how the show comes out free twice a week — then there will be a long, meandering intro meant to ease you into bedtime, and then there will be a bedtime story, some tangentially related to Star Wars. I think it’s about blue milk or something. I heard that. I saw some of the notes. New blue milk or something like that. Okay, well, that’s cool. So, yeah, that’s it. It’s time for…yeah, it’s time for…I’m trying to think what else. Oh, no, this is just…yeah, so, there will be a long, meandering…yeah, it’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. Thanks for making it possible, my patron peeps.
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is turn out the lights…get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts, things on your mind, thoughts, thinking stuff about the past, the present, the future. It could be feelings, anything coming up for you emotionally related to the day or those thoughts or something…feelings that are just there. It could be physical sensations, it could be changes in time, temperature, routine.
You could be going through something, you could have something coming up, or you could be getting over something, or it could be something else. Whatever it is…and the reason I bring this up…because whatever it is, I’m here to help. But whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, even if it’s unknown, which is…the last three nights, unknown for me. Really, I say, what? But whatever it is…if I can’t relate to it, somebody out there that’s listening right now can. I know how it feels not being able to sleep. Trouble get…trouble staying asleep or trouble getting to sleep, those have both come up in the past three nights for me. But, oof, I don’t wanna fixate on it. But so, whatever it is, I know what it’s like not to be able…to dread bedtime, to start thinking about bed…to start thinking about Sunday night’s bedtime on Friday or Saturday morning.
Say, oh no, I gotta go to bed on Sunday to get up on Monday. Or after a couple nights in a row, you say, oh man, not…please not again tonight. I know what those…that feels like. So do a lot of other listeners. It could be something else, but there’s someone out there…if they haven’t been through it, they could relate to it. There’s people nodding their heads right now. Of course, yeah, hopefully there’s some people nodding off and people gleefully remembering my piece of fanfiction about Hugh Grant, Nodding on Notting Hill. Knitting…oh, it was called Knitting and Nodding with…maybe we could add nana in there. Maybe this could be a actual episode; Knitting and Nodding with Nana on Notting Hill. I wrote that down 'cause tonight’s episode’s about Star Wars or blue milk. But where was…?
Is this the beginning of the podcast? I just…I paused it for two seconds; I forgot everything. Oh, but whatever it is, someone out there can relate to it. That’s why people are nodding or nodding off. So, I’m glad you’re here. It does take a few tries to get used to the show, as I said earlier, so give it a few tries and just see how it goes. You got really nothing to lose. But if you’re doubtful or skeptical or frustrated, you might be in the right place, 'cause that’s how most people arrived at this podcast. If you’re like me, you’ve tried a ton of different…other stuff. Some of it’s worked temporarily or maybe you just…searching tonight or maybe somebody told you about this show. So, if you’re skeptical or doubtful, why wouldn’t you be?
If you’ve been through the stuff myself and other listeners have been through or spent all the money on sleep solutions, it’s not easy, so, of course you’re gonna be skeptical or doubtful, and this show is an acquired taste on top of it because it’s…you say, what is this…? I thought you were gonna put me to sleep. I’d say, well, that’s where it gets interesting. I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff while you fall asleep. So, what I’ll do is I’ll send my voice across the deep, dark night here. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones. My tones are extra creaky, dulcet tonight because I don't think…I think it’s just that we’ve had wet weather, then dry weather, and the heater’s been on. So, I’m slightly creakier than normal, which is good. I’m here to keep you company.
I go off topic, I get mixed up, I forget what I was talking about, all to be here…this is a podcast that doesn’t actually put you to sleep. There’s no pressure to fall asleep. I’m here to keep you company and not really be…you could listen to the show, but you don’t have to listen. This is a podcast you could just barely listen to. Kinda listen as background noise. Some people listen to me at a mumble and some people listen and they fall asleep, and then some people who can’t sleep or need a break during the day, they’re listening to the show. So, whether you’re awake or asleep, I’m here to keep you company and not…just barely be listened to. So, I guess it’s…that’s where the show gets…it’s different. It’s a different approach.
I’m here more to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-cuz, your bore-bestie, your neigh-bore, your bore-bud, your friend in the deep, dark night to keep you company, just like if you called someone…you said, hey, talk to me about…you like that Star Wars stuff, huh? Some of the…could you tell me a story or a theory with a character…by the way, if you’re a long time listener of Sleep With Me, we’ll be hearing from the character Windy Marstrap and Dewy the Dewback, which we haven’t even heard from in years and years and years, that I’m aware of. The last time we heard from Dew…Windy Marstrap, I think, was on a Game of Thrones episode, maybe. I have no idea. Was that true that…? I’ve made over 1,100 episodes, so I lose track. Maybe by the time this is coming out, it will be at 1,200.
But I lose track of stuff like that. I say, wait a second, so I was making a Game of Thrones TV recap show and somehow a character…that doesn’t make any sense. I know I did a couple other May 4th episodes, so maybe it was in there. But so, I guess that’s it. What am I here for? To keep you company and take your mind off of stuff so that you could fall asleep. Oh, yeah, so don’t…you don’t need to listen to me, I’m here to keep you company, no pressure to fall asleep, be here for over an hour…oh, structure of the show. This really throws new people off. The show’s structured in a very intentional way, and as you become a regular listener, you could adjust or you could get different versions of the show.
But this is just the way the podcast can get out to the most number of people and be the most effective, and then you could change it around. But most people listen in a linear way, anyway, so I’ll just explain it all. So, the show starts off with a greeting so you feel seen and welcome; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, fans of BB-8 and…or fans of C-3P0. For some reason, that’s a Venn diagram that doesn’t have a bit…a lot of layover, but…I’m shrugging. Well, no, because I say, C-3P0, I like as a character. Well, BB-8…I guess BB-8…I’d like to be…play games with BB-8. C-3P0, probably an effective coworker and good to have on your adventures, but also some similar qualities to me that…oh, this is a intro to a sleep podcast. Sorry about that. So…just…I mean, this is just how the show works.
So, that’s the greeting, then there’s support for the show so it can come out twice a week for free, and that way it gets out to the most number of people and you can say, okay, I’ll listen. There’s over 500 free episodes in the archives. Then there’s a intro, which is separate from the support, which I guess some people object to that, but…and then they also lump it in with the intro. But the intro is…I don't want you to miss out on the intro because the intro is a show within a show. It’s ten to twenty to thirty to fifteen to eleven minutes long, where I just go on and on and on and I never…but I’m also easing you into bedtime.
I explain what the podcast is ineffectively, but it’s also — for a regular listener — part of their wind down or their bedtime routine, whether they’re getting ready for bed, doing a chill activity, or in bed getting comfortable, or for some people, already asleep. Or for some people, they skip the intro; they start the show at twenty minutes. Those are all ways you could listen, but the intro is meant to ease you into bedtime, not…it could put you to sleep, but for a lot of people, it’s a transition from the…it’s…that’s just what’s been shown to work, and what works for me most of the time is having that wind down routine where I could ease into bedtime. For me, it does take somewhere between a hour and a hour-and-a-half. That’s why I’m flummoxed right now. When I’m recording this, it’s post-holiday, so getting back into the driving-to-school schedule and stuff like that.
I say, wait a second, if I want to be sound asleep at 10:30, do I need to start winding down at 9:00? Well, is that a gift I could give myself? Is there a way…? So, that’s what I’m try…I don't know. But I’m…I’ve just been there. That’s my point. So, hopefully this podcast could do that in a little bit more effective way. So, that’s the intro, then again, there’s support between the intro and the story so the show could be free. But you can pay for it and skip the ads, too. Then there’s a story. Tonight, I think it’s gonna be Windy Marstrap talking about blue milk and some other stuff, and then there will be thank-yous at the end. So, that’s the structure of the show, that’s why I make the show. I’m really glad you’re here. I work really hard, I yearn and I strive. I really hope I can help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple ways we’re able to do it for you for free twice a week.
Alright everybody, Scoots here. Happy May…maybe May 5th? May 4th. How many times am I gonna get that wrong? I could just look at what day of the week that is. May…May 8th? May 7…May 5th, May 4th. Yeah, so it would be…ideally, this will be coming out on May 3rd for May the 4th be with you. But so, we’ve put out some of these episodes. At one point…the only thing I could think of, for some reason, is the Yoda statue at the Presidio at Lucasfilm, and I somehow associate that with episodes of Sleep With Me that come out on May 4th. There was one time my daughter and I got deep-dish pizza at a place that was celebrating May 4th, and they had Star Wars activity books and stuff like that. I don't know, so, I’ve probably talked about my history with Star Wars.
I saw…Return of the Jedi was the first Star Wars movie I ever saw. It was one of the first movies I saw in a theatre. I think I looked at the…maybe it was on the second run of Return of the Jedi, maybe the…no, I guess the first. So, I don't want to get too deep into that. I’ve enjoyed a lot of the series Andor. It was a absolutely spectacular television or viewing experience. But this idea came up not so much from…this came from a fandom of theme parks and an idea I put out a while ago. So, I just wanted to set it up, which is kind of like…then you’ll…then we’ll go on a little journey with somebody. But so, at some point over the past couple years, Disney opened a Star Wars-themed hotel, right, called the Galactic Starcruiser, which is interesting, 'cause wasn’t it the Galactic…? I don't know.
I don't know a ton about it other than it’s a cruise ship. You spend two…it sounds very cool; that’s one thing, but it’s also…right now it’s out of my budget, but there’s speculation that the price will come down, 'cause it’s kinda like paying for a cruise. But the cool thing is that it does sound a bit like a Renaissance Fair meets an escape room meets one of those mystery dinners you go to, which is — my daughter and I — right up our alley. So, it’s a fully-immersive experience and from what I’ve heard, which is mostly listening to Len Testa talk about it, is that the more you immerse yourself, the more you’ll get out of it and the more you’ll enjoy, and you stay very busy. So, at some point, I have fantasized about doing it, and…probably not in 2023, but maybe 2024, ‘25, I’ll budget it and pull it off or whatever.
But one of the things that was interesting…so, Len Testa is this Disney…works on the unofficial guides to Disney parks and other travel destinations and the touring plans, website, and app, and service. I always appreciate Len’s…takes a lot of it…is data-driven. But so, Len and…had gone to do this and kinda picked a character and was like, I’m gonna go in character, right? You could kinda hear all about that. It sounded like a great time and it was a funny character and great, well-developed ideas. The other day, I was just thinking about it again. I don't know why; maybe he was talking about it again on a podcast or something. But I was like, huh. I remember I was running. It was literally within a week, because I’m recording this way ahead of time, 'cause this idea came to me. I was like, well, who would I be if…?
So, if I do do Star Wars Galaxy…Galactic Starcruiser one day, what character would I be? At first it was hard 'cause I was like…a little too gimmicky. But then I realized…I said, well, I already have an idea that I shared in the podcast that would be perfect for it, which is kind of a skeptic…like someone…you know the…there was a TV show called X-Files, right? Maybe my daughter could be one of the characters from the X-Files or someone like that. But I would be more of, like, the characters that only appeared in a couple different episodes that…they’re barely-recurring characters on the original X-Files. What’s funny is that people say…the few celebrities that I look like, David Duchovny…occasionally I look like David Duchovny sometimes, if I’m standing the right way and my hair is the right way.
But anyway, I would not be playing David Duchovny’s character, Fox Mulder. Talk about a great character name. But I would be playing a tertiary character, someone a little bit more quirk…a little bit more like me. I’m not like Fox…maybe I…I don't know if I’m like Fox Mulder. Probably not, but I would be a little bit more quirky of a character with out-there ideas. But then I said, how would this fit a sensibility of a family theme park and a sleep podcast? Then I said, well, remember that episode you did? It was only on Patreon, but it was ideas…free ideas we were giving to Disney at the time when we were like, things don’t seem like they’re going that hot there. We gave out three…two free ideas. I think it played…but it was a bonus episode with Ray. Ray and I kinda came up with this idea.
But I’ll give you the second idea, too; the second idea was take the…please tell me you have…you didn’t throw away the animatronics from different shows that you don’t have anymore. Why not take…? ‘Cause I don't know if they watch YouTube, people at Disney, but these animatronic…a lot of people have nostalgia for ShowBiz Pizza and Chuck E. Cheese, or even Rainforest Cafe. Those animatronics, they have a soft spot…people for, and Disney has higher-quality ones that used to do shows that they don’t have anymore. I’m just trying to tell them for free; put those things in dining areas. I guess at the time, it was a food court, but you could do it at a paid restaurant, like a sit-down restaurant, starting with the land Food Rocks or Kitchen Cabaret.
But I was just thinking if it was a sit-down restaurant, they could have other ones. Like, there was the one in the Body of Life or whatever that was called, The Kid That Went to High School. I don't know if…that’s not what it was called, but…Discovering What It Means to Go to High School; that was another animatronic show. You could have that in a restaurant or you could have different rooms. Anyway, it’s just a free idea for them to say, hey, it’s not…with free printing…'cause they say, well, we gotta maintain…I say, well, there’s 3…don’t you got a 3D printer? Come on. But so, the other idea that I put out on that podcast is…kind of became the idea of this character. Then I said, well, who would the character be?
Then I realized, as I said in the intro, we already had a character ready to go that I have regular contact with that lives exactly where we need them to live. So, without further ado, I’m gonna turn things over to our guest, mister…not Antonio Banderas. Mr. Windy Marstrap, coming to us from a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, via the magic of the transverse plane. Windy Marstrap.
Oh, thanks everybody. My name’s Windy Marstrap. Also just a note; Scooter forgot to say this. You would say that this is…could be…my behavior could be called parody or satirical because Scooter forgot to say that…because I’m…I’m not very well-known, but I am known. Not to rock the microphone, like Scooter wrote for me when I…he told me to say that. But my name’s Windy Marstrap. I’m…good to be here. I’m here in the…where I’m recording this with my dewback, Dewy, who’s my best friend and my companion. Even though Scooter pictures a tiny Brontosaurus, that’s not what Dewy looks like. But Dewy’s a dewback. You might be wondering why I’m…so, this is kind of the idea; if I was on this Galactic Starcruiser, I would probably be…the irony is, I’d probably be a little bit older than Scooter, but I don't think ‘older’ is hard for him to play within the era of the First Order and things.
So, the last three Star Wars movies, I’m still around for those. So, I just want everybody to know that and why I’m there. But I…over the years, I’ve taken…as I’ve seen…I grew up…I wasn’t…of course, my best friend’s Dewy the dewback, so my best friend was not Luke Skywalker. But I did know Luke, and we spent time together and we grew up in the same place. We did a couple…I watched Luke have some adventures and I followed Luke, and, really, Luke’s done a lot of great stuff, and even stuff…there’s so many…Luke went from a person, a kid, to a mythological figure, along with other mythological figures. You don’t see that too often, especially in one lifetime. But so, it’s been…for me, it’s been exciting.
For other people, they may say…so, this is where my advantage comes in of why I’m here, what I’m talking about, and what I’m going…I’m here to do some debunking, believe it or not, and some telling of things you might not know about. The thing is that people who are bunking don’t want to be debunked. That’s one of the things I’ve learned over the years, and there’s a lot of Luke…they have bunk on Luke, which…they want to debunk Luke Skywalker or Anakin Skywalker or Kylo Ren or Han Solo. They want to talk about that stuff. You know, I’ve had other things in the past…I wanted to be a tour guide, and I did host a few things thanks to this podcast and this…I’m not sure I understand what a fanfiction fantasy machine is, but I’ve seen it and I’ve written in it, and I’ve been to your world.
We weren’t supposed to talk about that, only into where we’re recording the podcast. So, that’s cool. Oh, but so, I’m here to talk about what I’ve heard and what I know, because…oh, so, what happens is I still hang in the same…similar spots, and a lot of people know that I used to…that I know Luke. So, then everybody wants to bend my ear, 'cause I’ll be sitting around playing some Sabacc or whatever, and people say, that’s Windy Marstrap. They call me other names. I’m known by…I’m known…I’ve got some other names that people call me. Old Blowhard; that’s one of them. Smells like a sand pit; that’s…Bantha breath. But they call me other names, too. But so, they come and then they say, oh, you knew Luke Skywalker? At first they would do that, but then I’d say, uh-huh, uh-huh.
Then once they realized I didn’t have anything…I don't know, I guess I’m friendly and I’m a good listener, but I have that thing where people want to talk to me about their theories about everything. Oh, the theories I’ve heard about Luke and Leia and all this different stuff. Some of it, I say, maybe…I say, you know, I knew somebody down there, and she could talk to you about this stuff. I can only listen 'cause I’m just here. That’s interesting. But I do feel something in my heart where I say, huh, this person’s maybe having a tough time right now and they’re trying to find out alternative ideas through…figuring out alternative ideas about Luke and Leia and the meaning or the intention behind their choices. I guess in some sense, from what we historically know about Kylo Ren…though history does change, you know.
I’ve heard that. I hope they don’t change mine, 'cause my history’s not…it doesn’t affect any…you could…I’ve been in two timelines now, so, you don’t need to change my history. I’m not impactful; I’m just listening, until now as I’m…if I…so, if I was walking the halls of this Galactic Starcruiser, I’d have some pamphlets, and Scooter said he would get me some patches. The patches was…also offer people a chance to talk to me, 'cause they would say, Ask Me About. But apparently I have…especially when they say, he used to know Luke, over there; him with the dew…we said no dewbacks in here. I say, well, I’m…do you want me to come…? They say, okay, he’s allowed his dewback in there. But most places, my…Dewy takes up too much space. So, okay, so what was my point?
So, my point is that a lot of people come and talk to me about their theories about everything. Once they get started…especially 'cause normally I like to have…I don't imbibe in mind-altering beverages, but I like to sit there and play games and be social. It’s a social gathering point for our community. But I hear a lot of things, and I did want to…now, I never thought it was important…most people want me to listen and not talk. Especially I said…'cause their theories, they don’t want them to be debunked. I used to do that, and then people would get highly frowny. Now I don't have to do it anymore, which is great, because no one wants it anyway. So, okay, so, what was my…? Okay, so, why am I deciding to change my stance on talking about things?
Well, there’s one thing that keeps coming up, and because we’re here on the…this Galactic Starcruiser — imaginarily, Scooter said — we’re close to the point of…I said, this is where I could do the most…I can make some impact, especially 'cause no one thus far has wanted to tell me their theories about this, and no one knows this. I guess it’s…at first it wouldn’t seem like…well, there’s even theories about this; there are people talking about it, but they’re talking about it in a way that actually adds…instead of solving it, they’re adding more…they’re adding intention to it that’s not even there. So, what I’m here to talk about is blue milk. Some of you might say, what? You’re here to talk about blue milk? So, my thing would say, Ask Me About Blue Milk, or this is the theory, that it’s new blue milk.
This is something that people keep trying to debunk, but it’s just not debunkable. So, that’s why I’m here to talk about it and get…help people get to the bottom of it, because…so, I don't know if I should share all the theories about what…the thing. But the main objection is…oh, what’s blue milk? Scooter said, first off, you gotta tell them what blue milk is. Basically…so, blue milk is…it’s Bantha milk, right? It’s the milk of a Bantha. I know there’s other beings’ milk that are consumed, and there’s people that don’t consume beings’ milk. Not every being can consume it. But blue milk is renowned throughout the galaxy because it is associated with Luke Skywalker.
Even if it’s not directly associated with Luke Skywalker or the Rebellion or the…anyway, it could be indirectly associated with him, but it also is traditionally consumed…and it was a part of our diet where I grew up and where Luke Skywalker grewed up. It was…people would consume it as…so, I guess this is where the first thing becomes important to note. So, you have a beverage traditionally consumed in just a few places, a natural beverage that people may decide, well, I have a different feeling about Banthas and their milk, so I’m not gonna consume blue milk. But then you also have people that drank it for a large portion of their lives, like myself, and at some point…now, wherever that happens in the galaxy, there’s gonna be something they call nostalgia.
But there’s also positive associations or something different than nostalgia, which is foods you have positive memories about that you enjoyed that are harder to get, right? Blue milk has…was one…is one of those things that you say, okay, if…you can only make blue milk…it’s Bantha milk, right? But there was images, I guess, of Luke Skywalker drinking blue milk, and so, blue milk became popular. But it was…so, blue milk became as popular…if you could get it, right? So, someone might have purchased some Banthas and they would say, here on a outpost, Starry 4 Favor V, we’ve got blue milk. Or they’d say, Blue Milk Day coming up, and they could charge a lot of money for it. They’d say…and you could have your blue milk with…fermented or un-fermented or something. But they’d say, coming up, Blue Milk Day.
They could charge…and they could make a lot of money, and that would encourage them to keep their Banthas happy. So, blue milk did spread throughout the galaxy beyond what it would have naturally spread, because even though…even without Luke Skywalker, people that grew up in, whatever, the Outer Rim, we’ll say, who may have had experience with blue milk, they’d say, man, I’m fixing for a blue milk. Sometimes they would search out for something similar-tasting, but they’d say, oh, well…or they would come home and the first thing they would want to do is have a glass of blue milk, to be honest. Now, there’s people that didn’t have that experience, so it’s not everyone. So, I don't want to give you the wrong impression that blue milk is…was universally loved, but it was just well-liked.
If you need an…a way to identify that, you may have a easy association, right? But you may not. I discussed this with Scooter, so he gave me a reference that your culture may or may not understand. United…people, this is only in Scooter’s United States, though. But there is another one Scooter said maybe…so, Scooter said there’s two examples; one is there’s a lot of different ways to fry dough, and that’s one that everybody probably has a different one, but Scooter said that’s something you do at home. So, Scooter said, maybe that’ll help people. But the other one Scooter said was hot dogs. He said, maybe this isn’t a universal thing, but he goes, most hot dogs…most places had a regional hot dog. Maybe only…he said, but maybe only in the northeast. He said, those hot dogs had a particular favorite flavor.
They were probably the most popular hot dog at a butcher that kinda grew and was successful, but they had their own recipe. ‘Cause Scooter said there’s national hot dogs and regional hot dogs, but these are more local hot dogs. Scooter said, Rochester and Syracuse are perfect examples 'cause they have two different local hot dogs that are popular, and there’s probably other ones in the other…Buffalo or…Scooter said, I don't know, maybe other places. New York City has a few brands of hot dogs that are probably more national 'cause it’s a larger city. But Scooter said, you develop a taste for that hot dog if you develop a taste for it. Then as an adult when you move away, you say, well, these don’t taste the same as that one did.
So, that would go for other…what we’ll say…'cause Scooter said you could say, a dairy beverage. Now, Scooter said there’s…anyway, let’s just stick to…he said, stick to your theories. I said, these aren’t theories; these are facts. Okay, but people have developed…so, a lot of people grew up on that, right? So, I’m just giving you the context on blue milk, like a hot dog. Then you go to another region. But what if they gave you a hot dog and they said, yeah, this is a hot dog, the same hot dog…Hofmann Hot Dog is Scooter’s hot dog. He went to a place in California and they said, oh yeah, we’re a hot dog place, man, and we got Hofmanns. They served it and Scooter said it could be anything. The initial appearance, the preparation, or the taste. But Scooter said usually just the…you’d be able to tell before you tasted it.
You’d say, this isn’t a Hofmann hot…no, no, man, this is a Hofmann hot…well, you didn’t prepare it the way it’s traditionally…oh man, yeah, this is my take. Scooter said, if you finally got…if somehow you were…you’re not paying attention and you bit into it, you’d know by the mouthfeel. Then even if for some reason the mouthfeel was correct, then the taste. So, that’s why it actually does make a good example for this, because…so, people from the Outer Rim, we’re just gonna say…Tatooine; fine. We’ll say it. They’ve travelled the universe, the known galaxy, even, and then they have blue milk. Let’s say at some of this…this establishment…let’s just give an example, 'cause this is a popular one that I’ve heard and I’ve actually experienced it. So, I’ll just give you my own experience, 'cause that actually is a fact.
I went to one of these places. I was traveling for leisure. 100% leisure, by the way. No…I was not a emissary or anything. But let’s just say that I did that, and then I went there. They said, Blue Milk Day in two days, for these hours only. It was incredibly expensive. Now, not…like an expensive treat. I had the blue milk and I said, this is not blue milk. Even holding it in the glass, it was…and that one, I was proven…it was very easy to prove because people were already displeasured. I said, this isn’t what blue milk tastes like. This isn’t what it looks like. But the person did use the standard excuses, even though it was pretty quickly…'cause I said, show me your hands, and they were blue. I said, that’s blue coloring…food coloring. This is some sort of other dairy milk.
But at first they said, oh, well, this is probably…it’s different grass we’re feeding the Bantha, a different type of mollusc or whatever. Oh, the water’s different here, oh, you just don’t remember it correctly, oh, maybe you’re used to it…having it at a different temperature. I said, your sign says, ‘optimized for ideal…temperature…served at the ideal temperature, traditional Tatooine temperature for blue milk. Have a drink like Luke.’ That’s what your sign says. Okay, so anyway, that is a micro-sized version of what’s been happening across the galaxy, because what happened was…now, blue milk wasn’t that simply…localized or…as Luke became more and more popular and a larger mythological figure, more and more places would try to sell blue milk, and more and more of this would happen, and a lot of it was shown to just be not real Bantha milk.
But right here in the Black Spire Outpost where our ship is docking, apparently, there is a blue milk stand, and there’s more than one of these. Because suddenly, at some point over the last few years, blue milk has become more readily available and standardized at certain places. I have been paying attention to this and other people have. I’m not the only one, so I’m not taking credit for…but other people’s theories were…and this does overlap on my theory. Okay, a lot of these are theory…these are outposts, they’re still in the outer reaches of the galaxy, but you could go from one place to another and the blue milk will be the same at each stand, and the people working at the stand claim to be local and that they have the Banthas…local to the Outer Rim, to Tatooine, and that they’re following the best practices and that this is the real blue milk.
They stick to it in a way different…they just say…but they don’t get…they do say, okay, well, it could be something, but are you sure you remember it? That’s all they say. They say, this is real blue milk. This is the blue milk, the same blue milk Luke Skywalker used to drink. They say that in a adamant way to where they just won't even disagree with you. They’ll say, well, sorry; you must be…no refunds. This is real blue milk. You don’t…they can even show you…if you demand a refund, they say, this is actually sanctioned real blue milk by the Blue Milk Authority, the B…and then that’s…so, then you look at the Blue Milk Authority, right? Blue…BMA. If you start to dig into that, it’s controlled by a large Bantha operation, Bantha dairy operation; Bantha Family Dairies. But then it had a bunch of letters after it.
So, it’s a company that’s named the Bantha Family Dairies. It’s not…there is no Bantha family, obviously. They even have their little Bantha thing. It’s supposed to be all fun. We love blue milk, so…so, you start to say, huh, okay, so this is some sort of…and if you look up Bantha Family Dairies, you just say, okay, there’s a whole history there, but it sounds a little bit too wrapped up in a bow…about, oh, this Outer Rim and best practices and working together for the love of Banthas. You know, we lived in harmony with the Banthas. I’d say, you know, I have a best friend who’s a dewback. We don’t always live in harmony. I mean, we love each other and we treat each other with dignity and respect, but sometimes I say, dewy, I’m gonna go sleep outside.
You had too much broccoli, blue broccoli, and I can’t sleep in the same room as you, and I’m displeased because I asked you to please not eat it all. I will…I’m going off…or, I have a guest that I had a date with, and now you’re…I told you not to eat that blue broccoli. So, now I’m very unhappy. Oh, what was my point? Okay, so, here’s where we’re at, right? And we have one of these here at the outpost, a standardized form of blue milk that does not taste like blue milk that anyone…or the majority of people that I know, including myself, have tasted it; it does not taste like the blue milk of our youth. Now, we’re corrected and we’re shown, no, no, no, this is…and they have videos on their site. Oh, this is…hear the Bantha playing in their open…fields of Bantha happiness.
There’s the lute player playing music as the Banthas sleep. We at Bantha Family Dairies believe in only the best. Now, Bantha Family Dairies also sells other Bantha…blue-milk-related products, over…now, this is not something that’s been going on, but if you actually start to look at research about Luke Skywalker and when Luke Skywalker crossed over into being a popular figure, historical figure, to a mythological figure with mixed feelings about…that’s when the blue milk popularity…it became disassociated from Luke Skywalker purely, but there was still something propelling it along with Luke Skywalker’s fame or legend or whatever. So, now we have the blue milk planet…cereal is the most…or blue milk…I don't know what it’s called, but…I haven’t had access to it.
I would hope they serve it for breakfast on this ship and that it’s available for purchase, but I can’t…who wouldn’t…I would be dismayed if it isn’t. But so…and then there’s other things, like other milks that were popular…there’s a green milk that Luke Skywalker also consumed that’s become part of a legend that’s also not as popular as blue milk. But so, what conclusion do we reach if you’ve had blue milk? Let’s just say for me; I go to this blue milk stand in this outpost. I haven’t been to this one, but I’ve been to other ones. You drink the blue milk. Now, this one is a little bit closer in consistency and look to the blue milk. So, you say, okay…then the mouthfeel is a little bit off, but then the taste is not the same. I’ll tell you why, because we joke around; you’ll never have just one glass of blue milk.
Blue milk makes you full for a reason. So, even with kids, you’d say, slow down on the blue milk, Luke. You don’t want to have a tummy ache. Because blue milk is not…that’s why the cereal match-up with real blue milk would be different. It also goes to the consumption of Banthas and the amount of sugars, but that’s scientific stuff…but that blue milk is almost like a treat. But some people would give it…because it is…if you live out where…so, let’s just say young Luke Skywalker doing a lot of hard, physical labor…the beauty of blue milk would be for someone young like Luke Skywalker doing a lot of labor, it would be easy to consume and a large number of calories and proteins that Luke would need while Luke was doing Luke’s work. ‘Cause you say, well, if it’s tasty, why would…?
You say, well, because it’s a good thing for growing people or as a treat. But so, this blue milk does not taste…you’re not tempted to have a second glass. It’s more of like, okay, this is interesting, but I don’t feel…so, it’s almost like you’re being offered a chance to drink some of Luke Skywalker’s history, and feel associated feelings and uniqueness, even though it’s not directly marketed…I mean, it’s indirectly marketed as associated with Luke Skywalker. So, you drink it and you say, okay, so what is that, right? So, if your experience is, this isn’t blue milk, their objection is, yes it is, and we have iron-clad proof it is. So, you are wrong, Windy Marstrap. You’d say, okay, well, it’s close to blue milk, but it’s not blue milk. But they’re saying it is blue milk.
Now, one of the theories out there that I’m here to debunk is that it is blue milk with additives, and the most likely additive is something to help everybody keep their teeth healthy. I would say that is not true. Then they’re saying, well, maybe there’s…people could go on and on and on from there with wild ideas, but I’ve heard them all, sitting around drinking real blue milk, by the way, straight out of a Bantha on my home planet. By the way, I do like my blue milk ice-cold, but that’s not how everybody consumes it, and I drink non-fermented. I prefer a half-glass of blue milk as…you know. But I still stay pretty active. Okay, so, what…? Okay, so you’d say, okay, so someone changing the blue milk…and you say…I’d say, okay, those are…those theories make sense, but if you say, no…and I’m telling you, that’s not true.
What would be the thing that…why has this blue milk suddenly, over the past few years — maybe a decade — come so popular and so well-distributed, other than it’s…corresponds…it’s the opportunity to capitalize, I guess, on the popularity of Luke Skywalker indirectly. That’s not a judgment statement. Those are just looking at the trends. I would say there’s one other thing. Now, there was a big boost in a certain region. There was a gigantic boost that backfired, where blue milk consumption spiked and then plummeted. I looked at the distribution things…anyway, I did a deep dive into facts. So, it was…there was this region, and blue milk had already been selling there decently, and this…the Bantha Family Dairy, they launched a campaign…'cause they didn’t always serve it from stands, right?
You could buy it in a can or a bottle. They had this big marketing campaign, and the marketing campaign was…they had one of the more popular bands marketed to teens; they called themselves The Bantha Bums, but it was kind of like teen idol music and do-wopping, but it was more of a variety of music because there was eleven Bantha Bums and different beings and different genders and things from that region and from other regions that would have popular teen idol singers. So, they started marketing…being a part of this marketing thing. But then, part…once they got used to this…the Bantha Bums, they had this contest called Bantha Bucks. You would open a can of blue milk, and out of the blue milk would come a Bantha Buck.
You could win, whatever, one Bantha Buck up to a hundred, and they were good for things. Now, this was different than a other marketing thing that…this was not blue milk, but there was one…they had a similar campaign around the same time where someone thought they were gonna get a Galactic Starcruiser or, whatever, a Corvette…one of those Corvettes. They said they won enough money…they said…that was a different drink where they said, where’s my Galactic Starcruiser? So, this was different, but they were supposed…the Bantha Bucks were supposed to pop out of the can, but what happened was the Bantha Bucks would shoot out of the can and they would either blow away or they would bump you, or they might even hit your nose or something. There was actually that famous video; someone with a Bantha Buck…a hundred Bantha…a $100-Bantha bill…Blue Bantha Bucks; that’s what they were called…in their nose.
So, that campaign was so…such a failure that blue milk consumption plummeted in that region. But so, here’s where it gets really interesting; when you really dig into who owns these companies and you start to look at the trends and the timelines and who would need funding and…now, this is also related to our planet, unfortunately, because there’s a lot of money that moves through our planet because we do have gambling and we do have some powerful families here who are able to move money or change money and make it into an operate…make money…clean your money, I would say…money-washers, the Hutts and everything, because you say, well, if you made money doing something where it’s not taxable…okay, so…but there was also a growth and…'cause there was the Empire and then now we’re dealing with this First Order, correct?
The First Order is not the Empire; the Empire had…was able to tax people and through their taxation, they raised funds and did stuff. But the First Order, if you start to think about it, they’re…they’ve developed all this stuff, and some of it’s from leftover stuff. They have multiple revenue streams. Now, while even the existence of the First Order…you gotta say, is that even legal, or what are the treaties or whatever? But they’ve also tried to find as many ways as possible to raise money for what they’re doing, which Dewy and I have no patience for. We say, put them in disorder, the First Order. You’re out of order.
But if you look at the sudden rise in blue milk and you look at the success or the spending of the First Order and you start to really follow this trail — the Blue Bantha Buck trail; not the promotional one — it leads back to the First Order. Now, this is also known because that’s when people say, well, if there’s additives, then if it’s the Blue Order, they’re doing something to the blue milk. But this is where…what’s really gonna blow your mind, and it answers all the questions. So, at some point, this Bantha Family Dairy became the foremost lead distributor of blue milk, non-regionally-produced blue milk, an inter-galaxy producer of blue milk, and the most popular…and made it a somewhat-popular beverage.
Though the downside is, it’s not consumed on a multiple basis, but there’s enough people curious enough about blue milk that…we’ve done some studies that…this is where the next groundbreaking thing happens. So, at this particular outpost…there’s a few of them where I’ve been able to observe some attendance figures and how many people are consuming blue milk a day, within a mathematical range. Here’s what I found out. This is what led to my next round of research. I calculated the number of Banthas or the blue milk storage you would need to serve that much blue milk, and I did some heat-mapping to say, okay, can I find out where, locally, that…those Banthas are? Because that would be pretty easy.
You’d be able to see a Bantha or Bantha waste or Bantha breath on thermal charts of the planet, and there’s none. There’s no large Bantha farms, but there are buildings owned by Bantha Family Dairy. So, you’d say, okay, the Banthas are in there, or maybe that’s just where they’re storing the Banthas and they’re bringing the Bantha milk from off-planet. Now, this is a easy calculation; what is the size and weight of the Bantha milk, right? You say, okay, if you’re serving this many cups of Bantha milk a day, you could pretty much come up with a formula of how large a facility you would need and what…how many deliveries you would need of that off-planet. Those numbers don’t add up. To simplify it, there isn’t that much blue milk coming in and being stored and being distributed for it to make sense.
So, the blue milk is being pro…it has to be being produced locally. So, you’d say, okay, it’s a indoor Bantha farm. Okay, so then you start to analyze some of the water reports, and that doesn’t…you say, okay, there’s not enough Bantha waste leaving…on the planet to account for that. So, you’d say, okay…this is when I have already lost most people. They fall asleep or they leave, and that makes sense. But I talked to a scientist that worked for the First Order and that told me all this when they…when I was sitting there, and at first I just thought they were another person with a story to tell. But they talked about how after the fall of the Empire…and then it was a choice whether you wanted to be in the First Order. You couldn’t be…that was worse, in some sense, for people that don’t like the First Order, like me and Dewy.
‘Cause the people that work for the First Order now, they’re really driven in the missions of the First Order, which is mostly — and ironically — to get rid of Luke Skywalker and Jedis and other stuff. I don't know, have New Order…I don't know. But so, if you look at that…where were we? Okay, so, they said there was a big…a large number of First Order…that revenue generation and even taking stuff…that was one of their things, is like, they were moving into territory that the Hutts and other…the Hutt…Jabba the Hutt is probably the Hutt you’re most familiar with. They would say, okay, well, we control those areas. So, they started…they had the vision to work with the Hutts and other families that were used to saying well, we work in a gray area, here, and how can we create a win-win situation and not go at odds?
We’re looking for revenue opportunities, but we’re also…the Galactic Alliance is looking at us and checking us twice. So, we also have to come up with clean revenue sources, where all the books are in order. This scientist was…they said everybody was…they said, if you came up with a revenue…there was no bad revenue ideas. Now, at the same time, they were trying to perfect their technology and push that in the same…no bad technology ideas. If you think it’ll make a Jedi cry, run it by your supervisor. I think that was what the scientist said. Don’t deny…if it makes a Jedi cry, don’t deny your supervisor; run it by…or, I don't know, there was a poem for it. So, this scientist had heard all that, and they noticed that part of the…one of the things they were producing…I don't know, some top-secret stuff I think with that base, but I’m not sure.
But there was a few byproducts of those, of different things they were doing, like large quantities of byproducts. Again, they were trying to, again, not get on the bad side of the Galactic…where they could, so they were trying to store this stuff. One time, this scientist liked to go for walks. This was one of those volcanic-type planets that you see a lot of where they do this kind of stuff. This wasn’t volcanic, but like, underground rivers, limestone caves, all that. This scientist liked to walk down there, even though…so, these were byproducts, but they were kinda unknown byproducts, not where you couldn’t be near them. What the scientist noticed was this one byproduct was incredibly popular with the local fauna.
Then the scientist would keep walking, and then the scientist even told…talked to other team members, and they started to pay attention to the flora and the fauna. The flora and the fauna were un-impacted negatively by the consumption of this byproduct of an industrial process by the First Order. They said, well, that’s interesting, because this is free stuff and we’ve got a ton of it. They said, they only eat it when they need it. They say, okay, there’s no other food; we’ll just come eat this stuff because it’s consumable. They didn’t avoid it, but they didn’t seek it…they didn’t over-consume it, either. Eventually they said, well…and they dared one another. The scientist said, I’ll try it, I’ll try it. It was not the color of blue milk; it was kind of a gooey, translucent color.
But the scientist said…they said, what does it taste like? The scientist said, like old blue…kinda like watery…not the…a little bit like blue milk. Everyone else said, I’ve never had blue milk, so then they all tasted it. But they realized that it was safe to consume, and so, then they said, wait a second, this…then it went from there, where it was like, this is a opportunity. We have unlimited resources of this as part of our essential industrial process. We’re producing a ton of this goop, and if we could water it down and put some coloring in there, we could sell it as blue milk. Then they came up with all these ideas, and then they worked with the Hutts on the business structure, because they said, actually, the Hutts’ money comes in through there, too.
They said, we can clean your money, Hutts, for you, and anything you’re doing through this dairy structured in a way…and spending money on marketing and in contests. So, I guess I gotta wrap it up, but that’s why this is…when I say blue milk, this is new blue milk. It is not real blue milk. The original blue milk is something different than this blue milk. This blue milk is…and you might say, Windy, I don't believe you. I’d say, that’s okay, that’s fine. I would just say, well, enjoy your new blue milk. It’s totally cool to drink and it’s mostly palatable. But if it was real blue milk, you would want to have…you would say, I’d like to have a warm blue milk or a chilled blue milk or a frozen blue milk. I’d like to have another one. But that’s fine, too. If you want a blue milk, you just come out to where I am; come out to visit me. I’ll buy you a blue milk where I am. So, that’s it, everybody. Just Windy Marstrap checking in about new blue milk and the real…the original blue milk. Goodnight, everybody.
[END OF RECORDING]
(Transcribed by Leah Hervoly)