1,144. Greatest Cereal Ever | Make Great Pets Episode 3

Notable Language:

• Conjugation Station
• The Belle of the World Cereal Ball
• Negotiation by Venn Diagram

Notable Culture:

• “Dynamite” – Taio Cruz
• Haunted Mansion Ride
• Schoolhouse Rock

Notable Talking Points:

• When is Scooter gonna put some fleece on his words?
• Cereal Historians, don’t @ me
• Bluffin’ the Laser Pointer

Episode 1144 – Greatest Cereal Ever | Make Great Pets Episode 3

[START OF RECORDING]

SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for the podcaster…when I was coming home from the grocery store, I thought of a song. I was listening to an episode before it comes out and then I heard myself repeat something that I heard repeated in a song. Oh, it goes on and on and on. So, if you’re listening and you throw your hands up in the air sometimes…you say Scoots, oh…and you say, what rhymes with that? Well, Lyle Alzado does. That’s not what they’re saying in the song, but I’m a podcaster that does go on and on and on. Some people, they do throw their hands up, but if you’ve been throwing your hands up about getting to sleep, you may be in the right place. Welcome, if you’re new.

If you’re a regular listener, so glad you’re back. I love what you…your hair looks great, by the way. Or, you know, just to…gen…here’s a compliment; you’re doing great. But if you’re…oh, if you’re new, this show is a bit different. It is a bit strange. It does take some getting used to. Most regular listeners say it takes two or three tries to get used to because it’s here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff so you could fall asleep. I make the show — and there’s a lot of people listening right now, at least, who are nodding their heads — because I can relate to what it’s like not to be able to sleep, those feelings you might have. That’s why I call it the deep, dark night. There’s also the fact you deserve a good night’s sleep. You deserve a place you could get some rest, the rest you need. So, that’s why I make the show.

Give it a few tries. If you find out you don’t like the show, sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou has a list of other podcasts and stuff. But I’m so glad you’re here. What we’ll do is we’ll have some support for the show, then a long, meandering intro to ease you into bedtime, and then a bedtime story to put you to sleep. So, welcome to Sleep With Me, the podcaster that does go on and on and on and throws the lulls out like…not like Lyle Alzado. I’m not even sure I know who Lyle Alzado is, except that I said…say heyo, Lyle Alzado. So anyway, it’s time for Sleep…believe it or not, this is a sleep podcast? Oh yeah, it’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.

INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts on your mind, thoughts; thoughts that you’re thinking about about the past, the present, the future. So, thinking…thought…thinking thought stuff. Oh boy; thought, think, thunk. If I had a t-shirt…have I…I’ve probably…that sounds like something I’ve already said before.

But if…Scoots, if you could sum it up, how do you spend…how do you like to spend your time? Or if you were in that Disney ride with the grim grinning buds…if you were in the…before you go into the pre-thing before the pre-thing, before the stretching room, you go into that other room…before you go in that room, there’s those stones. You’d say…I said, I think I’d say think, thank, thunk, but thank doesn’t think. Thought, think, thinking, thoughten, thunken, thunked. Thunked. It would…whatever the punchline would be, it would say thunked, maybe. He was thinking he thought, but he was thunked. There you go. That’s the best I can do under pressure. But I think that’s…if he was thinking here lies…here’s resting right now, so soundly, is Dearest Scooter.

But it’d be better if we rhymed it with Dearest Scooter. Nothing rhymes with ‘Scooter’ that’s appropriate for bedtime. When he ate beans, he was a tooter, but he’s…this has nothing to do with all that stuff, but it’s think, thought, thunked. He thought, he thinked, thunked, and…oh, so whatever…if it’s thoughts keeping you awake…it could be feelings, emotions, like when you’re trying to think up stuff and then it all goes sideways. It could be anything emotionally related to the thoughts or that are just coming up for you, it could be physical sensations. I don’t know; why does ‘thank’ fit in there, though? Think, thank, thunk. Ese…’cause then I go ese orum ese…ese orem…esos…ese orem eso cese. That’s just stuck in my brain.

The only thing…four semesters and alls I can do is make a super-niche joke that’s probably incorrect. Ese orum eso cese. Oh, so, it could be thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, it could be changes in time or temperature or routine. Whatever it is that’s keeping you awake…it could be something else. I want to tell you, whatever it is, there’s a lot of people listening right now, and this is a weird sort of digital-type thing or whatever, but we’re all…we’re not all in the same boat, but we can relate to one another. That’s what’s important about this show, is…I might not understand exactly what you’re going through, I may not even be able to help keep you company or put you to sleep, but if I can’t relate to what you’re going through or how it feels, someone out there can.

I’m not saying that ‘cause anybody’s got any answers; we’re all full…I got questions. You say Scoots, I got questions about your congregations. I’d say, con…is it congregate…is it con…conjugations, right? I’d say well, I’ll meet you at Conjugation Station. It’s right out…it’s adjunct to Congregation Station. That’s where everybody congregates, by the way. I prefer there because I say, I don’t want to be in a station full of people conjugating. Then I’ll be think, thank, think, thought, and thunk. What was I saying, though? Oh, whatever it is, while there might not be anyone listening that’s gone through exactly what you’re going through, a lot of us know how it feels. That’s one of the reasons I make the show, because I know how it feels in the deep, dark night.

I know what it feels like to dread bedtime, to dread Sunday night starting on Friday afternoon. I know how that feels, or wondering…and I know it doesn’t feel good. That’s one side of it. The other side of it is I truly believe you deserve a good night’s sleep. I don’t even believe it; you know what? I know it. You deserve a good night’s sleep. You deserve the sleep you need where your life feels more manageable and you deserve a bedtime you don’t have to dread, that you could at least feel neutral about. That’s all I’m shooting for. I’m shooting to make your bedtime something you look…well, I got that guy who can’t…I guess that would be…he’s the most forgotten member of that Disney ride, Happy Friends at the Big Farm in the Sky. He’s out there in the stone…the…whatever they call that. What do they call it?

The stone garden, and he’s got a stone there; think, thought, thunked, or something. Also something about him have…eating too many beans. There once was a man named Scooter…oh, that’s a limerick. That’s actually too…that won't even fit, either. Oh, I’m making a sleep podcast. Holy cow, I thought this was the Lame Limerick Cast where I…sorry. That’s my secret podcast. It only has .04% of an episode completed. Okay, so…oh, you deserve a good night’s sleep, you deserve a place you could rest, and hopefully you get the rest you need, your life is not just more manageable, but you could be out there flourishing. That means our world is a better place if your world’s a better place. So, that’s why I make the show.

Now, there is a lot about this podcast that’s different and that does not work for everybody, but for the people it works for, they say oh, I didn’t even know I was look…I’m not…I didn’t realize I was cut out for this, either. I didn’t realize oh, this is what I’m cut…made to do. But the same thing for the listener; they say, I didn’t even know I was looking for something like this, but this is what I was looking for. That’s a show that could…that I’ll explain a little bit more, but that’s your friend in the deep, dark night, just here to keep you company. I’m not even here to put you to sleep. I’m here to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-bud, your bore-bestie, your neigh-bore, your bore-bor, your friend to call…that’s on-call. I’m just talking; you’re barely listening to me. It’s a podcast you don’t need to listen to.

You could listen to me as background noise, but you can listen. That’s the other thing. So, I’m here to keep you company whether you’re listening or not. There’s also no pressure to fall asleep ‘cause I don’t really put you to sleep. I just keep you company while you drift off. Those kinda things, they take some getting used to ‘cause usually when you check out something, they say hey, this is what helps me fall asleep. I listen to it every night. It’s my bore-guy or my bore-bud. You might think okay, when’s the soothing part come that helps me fall asleep? When are you gonna feel like a fuzzy…when are you gonna put some fleece on your voice or whatever? Fleece in your words? I’d say huh, mine’s more like…yeah, mine’s like a cheese grater. So, yeah, I don’t…I stumped myself ‘cause I said yeah, I’m not very fleece-like.

I mean, I can be; I serve the…but you say well, it does the same thing. It makes me feel like I’m bundled in fleece, maybe. Maybe not. Maybe not, my brain said, but that’s fine, too. So, this is a podcast you don’t really listen to, it doesn’t really put you to sleep. If you can’t sleep, though, I’m here to the very end, and that’s what really works about the show. I’m here to keep you company but you don’t need to worry about falling asleep or listening to me. If you wake up or you need a break during the day, I’ll be here rambling on and on and on. So, those are a few things to know. A couple other things to know…what else do you need to know? This is a show…oh, structure of the show; that’s the other thing.

So, the show starts of with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, then I quote a song or whatever I did this time so you feel seen and welcomed in and you say okay, I can kinda get the tone of the show. A little bit silly. Then there’s support for the show. That way if you’re listening for free, you get to listen for free and paying for it or supporting the show is optional. Better suited towards regular listeners anyway, or long-term listeners. So, the support is…allows you to test it out for free or allows you to listen to it for free if you can’t support it. Then there’s support for listeners and communities around the show, then there’s the intro, which is what we’re in now.

It is totally separate from the support and stuff because the intro serves two purposes; introducing you to the show, which after the third intro you say okay, this guy doesn’t have any idea what he’s doing. That’s what works about the show. I say, exactly. But it does take a couple times to get used to. But the other purpose of the intro other than introducing regular…new listeners to the show is that the regular listeners, this is part of their wind-down routine for 90% of the regular listeners. There’s a couple percentage of people that skip it, a couple percentage of people that fall asleep, a couple percentage of people that just listen to intros, but for most listeners, this is part of the transition from being awake to asleep.

Maybe you’re doing some sort of other activity to relax, maybe you’re getting ready for bed, maybe you’re in bed getting comfortable. I’ve definitely been petting my dog more as a part of my wind-down routine because she likes to be…she likes me to put a blanket on her anyway because I like my room freezing cold and she does…obviously does not. But she likes to be tucked in, so I also give her some pets. So, I don’t know, so the intro is meant to be a part of a twilight period or whatever. Then there’s support for the show between the intro and the story — again, keeps the show free and coming out twice a week — then there’s our bedtime story. Tonight will be our episodically bedtime story. Make Great Pets is the working title.

It’ll be about a pet trying to help somebody and it’s episodically modular, so you can listen to them in any order. Each episode…each of these is very standalone, procedural…there’s a person, they’re dealing with something, and the pet’s there to help them. A really nice way to ease you into bedtime, but it does follow a nice little structure. Not everything goes perfect, but when you got a pet…like I said, I get to pet my dog at bedtime. Then there’s some thank-yous at the end of the show. So, that’s the structure of the show, that’s why I make the show. I’m so glad you’re here. I appreciate you coming by and checking out this podcast. I work really hard. A bunch of other people do on this show, and I yearn and I strive. I really hope I can help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by, and here’s how I’m able to do it for you for free twice a week.

Hey everybody, it’s Scoots here. It’s time for our episodically modular series which I think is being called Make Great Pets. It’s about pets, kind of. It’s about pets helping people. But as always, it’s a little bit more than that. It’s full of meanders and…I don’t know if there’s soliloquies. There is a mention…here’s what you got to look forward to tonight; they’ll be talking about an ode. There won't be an ode, but there will be a lot of talk around…talking around odes. Not like my other podcast, Talking to Toads. That’s a different show…or Talking Toads. That’s a pod…those are on my to-do list, both…Talking Around Toads; I’ve done…that’s the only one I’ve done of the three. I’ve made Sleep With Me talking around toads or frogs. More frogs. Sorry, toads. An Ode to Toads. I love you loads. The end.

I’m glad I thought of that…when you’re not in my hand going to the bathroom, especially…that’s my main toad memory, even when…just in the palm…toad…a toad in the palm of my hand leaves something behind that…there’s my…that I don’t…wouldn’t write an ode about. Anyway, this is Sleep With Me’s episodically modular story, which means you can listen to this in any order. It’s basically a journal of someone named Rin who is helping…be helpful via pets. This episode’s about cereal, the break…the thing you have at breakfast time, and it’ll be nice and meandering. I don’t think there’s any other setup you need. It’s episodically modular, procedural, so…that you can get your bedtime started right.

Speaking of procedure, one of our procedures to start every episode of our episodically modular series is our Hollywood announcer whose procedure when they get here is to be as quiet as possible, which they’re so good at. That’s all I could say. I mean, I could say more about when they’re not good at it, but rarely have we seen a person who hasn’t been as quiet as Antonio Banderas, who drives up here from LA for free. Mr. Antonio Banderas. The friends beyond the binary, the ladies and gentlemen, the boys and girls, it’s time for Make Great Pets. Meow. Wow, that…I liked that. Thanks, Antonio. This is Make Great Pets.

Hey, this is Rin and I’m recording these in my journal. Just in case this is your first day…I’ve had a couple days on the job, but I’m still kinda new. I’m kinda recording my process that I’ve been involved in for training purposes. I’m not exactly sure what they’re gonna do with these journals, but I would think they would play them back or someone’s listening, I hope. Maybe you’re recording them. There is the part that it’s like oh, by recording these, that I kinda get a perspective. I’m assuming you know the rest. We’re part of this Helpful Pets program. That’s just a suggestion, is…what to call it. Post-Besos, Cash Penney, they were trying out with the available Earths. This is one of the things they’re trying out. This is what they told me. They said okay, we tried guardian angels. That didn’t work; too powerful.

I said, couldn’t I have been an angel with some of that angel power? I said, so angels really could…? They said, moving forward. I said…they said…and then the opposite of guardian angels didn’t work. In fact, that did not work so spectacularly, multiple timelines of Earth…apparently there’s other timelines of Earth that’s not just in the movies, or alt-Earths. I don’t know what that would mean, but let’s just pretend…they said, try to forget all that because…just remember, this is the most…this is the timeline…I said, I’ve never been…even when I was back on…in human form, I couldn’t manage just living in one timeline. It was one timeline but I was trying to go ahead and behind at the…you know, couldn’t…they said maybe that’s part of your…maybe that’s…I said oh, is this one of those things where it turns out this has been a process for me?

So anyway, I’m supposed to record my experiences trying to help, and…in case you’re new, that this would comfort you. Maybe you say wow, I’m very…compared to this person Rin, I’m very qualified…and try to give you tips and maybe keep…pass the time, because there is a lot of time to pass. I don’t want to get into that. I record these while my pet is asleep. Right now I’m Lin and I’m a cat. My first time being a cat. Normally I record these after my first day, but to be honest — and you may hear it in my voice — I’m a little bit…this is my second day. My first day was…we were traveling. Ziva is my person and we were…so, I had some sleepy stuff that Ziva gave me to keep me calm during travel.

So, I was kind of out of it, to be honest, and I didn’t record…’cause I was asleep most of the time and then when I was awake, I said is this what it’s always like being a cat? No wonder they’re…but it turns out that was just the medicine that was…so, today I’m feeling…I’m a little groggy, but that could just be…I don’t know. Again, this is my first time being a cat or within a cat, whatever you want to call it. As you probably know, but just in case you don’t know…so, we inhabit these pets. We can’t control them totally but we can influence them where…neither pilot or passenger, but both at the same time. We could definitely mostly control the pet, to be honest. They just say that in the training. You just can’t…if you try to initiate…it’s kinda like passive…works best for me.

If you really want to control the pet, I’m just saying…let’s just say…in cat, I found, if you want to stare at someone that you find you’re not…that was a situation I found myself in today that you may not…may have strong feelings about and then accidentally show them your…they say…you put your tail up and you turn your back to them and then say ‘look at that’ for a while. I was able to do that, but you gotta influence it. You can’t directly control it but if you think about it in a gentle way, you can do it. I don’t know, there’s no…I don’t think there’s any demerits, but if I…I guess probably…maybe I’ll just keep having to do this. Is that what’s going on? Like, once I get this right, then I get to be…it’s not that bad being a pet. I guess something to do, except when…the downtime part.

Okay, so this is day two, technically, but day one, and we are traveling. So, we’re not at home. We’re staying at a hotel, and…not bad. Then we headed to a…so, Ziva is my human. Now, there are a couple other humans being referred to or part of Ziva’s…her family or…her cousin and her best friend are meeting us, but they’re not here yet. So, our…this is adjoining…we have adjoining rooms. I guess it’s like a older cousin. So, okay, so we go to this…oh, by the way, I’m a indoor/outdoor cat that gets taken everywhere, which I know some people have…they…even today they made looks. They said I’m…by the way, I’m…and they said, okay…Ziva is being deferred to a lot in this situation, which I’ll explain. So, even though they said okay, well, you can leave the conference room, the person that was allergic to cats.

People are, but a lot of other people say why is a cat in a…? So, I have a backpack and a foldable wagon, though I could walk, but I’m unleashed. So, okay, so we went to this corporate industrial building and we had a town car take us there. Everyone was…there was…even though the building was somewhat drab, turns out it’s a headquarters. So, I’ll give you some of the information. Who; Ziva and two other family members we haven’t met, and then the CEO and the board of directors of this company, which is one of the top companies that makes breakfast cereal worldwide. Just like there’s been changes in being guardian angels, turns out there’s a lot of changes going on or have been going on in breakfast cereal, what…which is kinda part of the what and the why.

But part of it was they were very excited for Ziva to come. Ziva…I’ll explain more, but…’cause Ziva did not win a contest, but something similar. So, Ziva was the guest of honor. They had balloons, they had people taking pictures and video, and we were not comfortable. Well, I was, ‘cause I’m just a cat and then I was a little dazed from yesterday and I was in my backpack, so I had a bubble. I was shielded. But Ziva was doing her best, but it was like, Ziva’s my…what I’m gathering is Ziva’s not an attention-seeker and that this was…that Ziva feels put upon, because she told me that. She said…so, I’m not just projecting on Ziva. Okay, so, Ziva was greeted with great enthusiasm. Now, none of the press or anything…they had something…it was a formal thing.

By the way, halfway there, the car picked up a public relations person that explained everything that was gonna happen — so it wasn’t like anything was a surprise — and that there will be this formal greeting ceremony. I was still waking up, but they made…the CEO and some of the board of directors and the head of the union, they all made speeches and talked about how exciting it was. There was banners. Then we went into the…then we got a tour of the facility and then Ziva asked for a break. They said well, we don’t really have…they said we’re gonna have…they said don’t worry, we’re gonna have private conversation time. The formal stuff will be over by…and then they had a luncheon, then they actually did give Ziva a break, but it wasn’t like they had…they just had a spare office.

It did have…we took a break in there. So, it was a lot of activity, especially for a cat, and just getting to know somebody. But eventually, then we had a meeting with the CEO and the board of directors of this cereal company, and that’s where stuff started to get explained in very clear terms. But they did say, have you read everything we’ve sent you? Ziva said, no…or, I’ve perused it, but can you explain everything to me? Then they…so, this is the who, what, where, when, and why kinda summary, ‘cause this is what’s important. Well, one, Ziva’s outside of her comfort zone and Ziva’s being asked to do something within…not outside…like, outside of Ziva’s comfort zone but not outside of the realm of good taste or anything. Nothing…well, making…okay, let me explain it. That’ll be easier.

So, I said it was a contest, but it wasn’t really a contest. Every time they started, Ziva said back up and explain it more. So, start at the beginning. Now, I’m not gonna start at the beginning, but basically they talked about the history of cereal companies. I’ll just give you what’s important that I noticed. At some point in the world, they said an entire aisle…this is just my summary, so…’cause if some sort of cereal historians…I don’t know, if you’re some sort of cereal historian, you might object to some of this. But this is just a quick version, my version. But they said this whole aisle of cereal, breakfast cereal…they started getting involved and the priorities…cultural priorities shifted, but the companies were like, no. So, there was a big…disagreements about it.

Basically, they set limits and rules, and some of it did get a bit complicated with so many…with the whole world being involved in different local…not all bureaucracy’s bad, but bureaucracy can make things complicated. There was only a couple cereal companies…while they didn’t have a monopoly, they did kind of have a monopoly. But eventually, the overall goal, while the result was not that, it was like hey, let’s just…do we really need all these selections? Is it a good use of resources and a good expression of our societal values? Once they got passed all the discussions about those things and worked on implementing stuff, they said okay, well…they just set limits. It’s hard for me to under…I didn’t even understand it, but…with how many cereals you could basically sell within different category…that’s where it got to be something.

But it was a lot different than if you’re from the main…I think they all…everyone had big aisles of these grocery stores of cereals in the US, but a lot of…in this timeline it spread everywhere. It became a popular thing in a lot of places. Then people decided well, let’s change this. But at the same time, it’s kinda like, not everybody was a fan of it, but people got used to it. But what happened was because…and it was a bit of the bureaucracy and maybe the wink-wink corporate thing of trying to push these rules, right, because there was rules and they were trying to find grey areas. This particular company got caught…well, they said they didn’t understand, so I don’t know what the truth is, to be honest.

I’m just…this is where it’s hard to separate the spirit within the cat from the cat within the spirit, if you know what I’m saying, or the Rin…the cat within me, as Rin. So, basically what happened was they said you have too many cereals within this one category of cereals. It went on and on and on for a while, but basically the ruling body about international…International Cereal Body or whatever…of Governing of Cereals or whatever said no, no, no, out of those three cereals, you can only sell two. So, you have to eliminate one, period. It was part of a big negotiation, but that’s the thing they reached. Now, to the credit of the CEO, she said well, what if we make this a positive? This was all stated to us during this meeting when Ziva kept saying let me understand more. Like, what was your viewpoint? Ziva’s good at that kinda stuff.

They said well, we could look at this like a positive instead of a negative. You know, we’ve gone through the negotiations and we still have to eliminate one of these three cereals. Oh, the cereal…what cereals are…the Cocoa Blue Planet Puffs, Queen’s Corn Crunchy, and Frosting Flakes. So, one of those three had to be cut back on, eliminated from the marketplace. They only had a permit to sell two of those three cereals, basically, within those categories. They said they did some corporate brainstorming; oh, what if we put the flakes and the corn…? No, that’s Corn Crunchy. Planet Cocoa…so, we can…and then someone…the CEO, actually; she said well, what if we…why do we have to decide? What if we let the cereal-lovers decide?

‘Cause the thing was that from their market research, they said well, most people have a favorite of these three. They said, which one’s the most popular? But we…let’s not do it as a vote. They tested a bunch of different stuff out. Turns out cereal makes money. Then they came…then they started to see all these…they said well, we don’t want to have a vote…just a straight vote because that would kinda tend to delineate people that might like both, but then they have to take a side and when people take sides…and what if somebody figures out a gray area within the vote and changes the vote? But mostly they said we don’t want to split people up about this. The goal is…so, is love of cereal. That’s what they said.

So, then they had a contest, I guess, but it wasn’t open for public voting, where they were looking for a piece of art about the love of cereal. They said it should probably be general, not about the specific cereal, but have your specific cereal influence your vote. Whoever creates that piece of art will get to choose which cereal gets eliminated of the three. Ziva won that. Now, there’s one wrinkle, which is that Lionel, who was Ziva’s best friend…Ziva had written a ode to cereal and then…but not plenty…unrelated to this contest. But Lionel submitted it and got Ziva’s permission but didn’t tell Ziva what they were…so, Ziva’s under the impression that Lionel was submitting it to Quarterly Journal or something or a poetry collection for the library and not a international cereal elimination contest.

Okay, so then…I’m trying to think what else happened at the meeting that was important. They said okay, well, it was part of this weekend. In a few days…oh, they said don’t worry, ‘cause Ziva said well, I don’t like…Ziva explained and they said well, it’s past that point and you legally are in a binding…it would have to go to binding arbitration or something, and…so, you kinda have to choose. At this point it’s too late, and…don’t worry. They said we have a limitless amount of focus groups ready to go all week…all weekend or whatever, the next three days, and then you’ll decide and we’ll have the unveiling. They said okay, okay, that’s interesting, that’s interesting. So, they said just figure it out. You’ll figure it out. It’ll be fine. We’re here to help, but you have to choose something in the next few days, choose a cereal.

But don’t worry, we’re here to help, and don’t worry, your guests will be there. They’ll offer you some support, and it’s gonna be fine. It’s just breakfast cereal. So, that’s where we’re at is, like…today. That was today. Now we’re back at the hotel and Ziva was doing a lot of pacing, then Lionel came, then Ziva was ignoring Lionel. Then her cousin, Cinda, is coming tomorrow, so…at some point maybe in the afternoon to help. But I definitely didn’t like a couple of the board members or…and Lionel. I say, why’d you do this? That was the discussion they had this evening, is like, why…I can’t…still can’t believe you put me in this position. Lionel said you’re the belle of the World Cereal Ball. I’m surprised they’re not having one.

Everyone’s so excited and this turned out to be the strange, unifying event over cereal consumption. It’s ironic and cool at the same time, and gross. So, Ziva said mostly gross. There’s two…Lionel’s in this position, much like the board or whatever, the CEO; oh, this is just a win-win-win. Where Ziva’s like, I think there’s a lot of downsides to this. What if people are gonna be…? Then they said just…Lionel said just sleep on it and it’ll be fine. So, I don’t know. I’m gonna sleep on it too and I’ll be back after I see how things go tomorrow. Okay, hey, it’s me, Lin, the cat.

Thanks for asking; being…today was even a better day as a cat, and today was a bit of a roller-coaster. I guess Ziva had got a great idea which was a databased decision or databased decision. So, spent most of the day at the cereal head…HQ gathering all the info we had about the three cereals; their profiles, their popularity, the…even the…even some of the pluses for the company. Ziva even interviewed workers that work on each production, did video conferencing with workers around the globe. They don’t say all cereal is local, but you could say that. It might not be accurate, but your cereal may have been produced locally.

Oh, so, a lot of stuff, trying to gather all the facts so that in the end, Ziva can make an iron-clad argument about which cereal really was the best, not meaning the most popular, but even looking at the ingredients and then the flavor pro…like, which in…which had the most…from combing through cereal reviews, reading…Ziva didn’t want to get anyone involved immediately, but looking at all the literature, anything written about these three cereals; the history of their development, what cereal came first, Cocoa Planet Puffs, and where do they stand in popular culture, all…but…and each…to each gathering. This is one of Ziva’s skill sets, so it was like, every few hours they would do a new focus group and Ziva would present the argument.

I guess all these focus group people are committed to being…giving their opinions, but they’re all staying…maybe they’re staying at the same hotel. I didn’t even think about that. But so, none of these iron-clad arguments stood up, even…so then we gathered more data. Again, the company had limitless researchers, which is only a few people that were really good, and then Ziva would present the argument again, very much in a legal, scientific standpoint. They could not draw any con…there was never any consensus around any of the decisions and a lot of times it didn’t go well.

This left Ziva feeling really…and I was trying to help ‘cause I said this is…I was purr…doing a lot of purring as Ziva made each new discovery, but in the end, there was no…there was too many holes, no iron-clad way to defend one cereal where…it was so fully logical and clear, even though it was, but I’m not…Ziva said we’ll never speak of this ‘cause now we gotta start anew tomorrow. But it was like, even when it was, then there was other data that would contradict it. So, I guess I was wrong, ‘cause I say well, what about this? This blind taste test, 87% of people chose this. Oh, but when there’s no blind taste test, 84% of people choose this. Oh, this one…different milks, all…so, it turns out, data, facts, and science did not help create something where…and Ziva felt like no one’s gonna pick holes in my decision.

Now, I think I have a feeling…and I’ve tried to be like, purr, and even do some sandpaper hand-licks and arm-licks to comfort Ziva ‘cause I think that’s the way forward, is like oh, well, the emotional argument, which is I guess what we’re gonna work on tomorrow. Okay, hey, it’s me again. It’s Rin or Lin the cat…Rin and Lin. So, let’s see…so, the emotional part today did not…we…it did not…Cinda’s here now, so Cinda…and I’m not even in the same room, so I don’t know what’s going on there. Cinda said let’s talk without the cat. But so, today kinda didn’t go great. The plan was similar to yesterday going in and it was doing…it was also using the focus groups to find out…instead of pitching to find out more…and I say, how many focus groups has this company gathered?

But it was just too many…and I say, from the…from my standpoint as a curious cat, I say, how do they come up with these cereals that are landing this thirty-three percentile and that people feel so strongly about? Now, I know the restrictions probably changed people’s feelings about it and made people more intensely loyal to one cereal versus the other. It even got to the point where Ziva and the CEO and the board tried to get on the…they said look at this; emotionally, people don’t want to agree to one of these cereal…and they said sorry, this is the rules. There’s no choice. You have your person…this is…they have a ticking clock. This has to just be decided, otherwise they lose what…the rights to sell cereal internationally.

So, in summary, I guess, the emotional-based argument did not work at all, where Ziva thought maybe enough nostalgia could tip the scales or maybe enough empathy could be developed where people would say well, I understand now and I’ll find a new cereal to love, even though this isn’t some of the stuff people eat every day. But I guess maybe that adds to…that’s what we discovered, is like oh, that changes it only if you have it twice a month. Turns out you feel emotionally more attached to it. So, didn’t go well. I don’t know what Ziva and Cinda are talking about, but I’m gonna rest ‘cause it’s…I’m just spent, and we’ll see what happens. Okay, hey, it’s Rin. What is it? Day five or something? It’s coming up on…it’s coming up…I don’t know.

I guess you could probably hear it in my voice; I’m a little uncomfortable, but tomorrow afternoon is the big announcement and we’re almost there because…and Ziva…they came up with this new plan last night and then during the day today. Even Lionel kinda got on board with this, which was…oh boy, so, what happened was that…I don’t know, I guess I’m not even sure why I feel so strongly about it, ‘cause we got a solution and it’s a good one for Ziva. But I feel like it’s just too tied up in a bow where it’s not actually…I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s my cat instincts or something. Being a pet is different than being a person in somebody’s life, and I think being a pet, you gotta remember you’re closer to that person’s heart in some strange way, or you’re a part of their heart.

Not physically, obviously, but almost like their circulation system, and maybe that’s not what you have with…I don’t know. I’m trying to explain something I can’t explain…because Cinda came in and said okay, what’s stressing you out, Ziva? ‘Cause I did get…Ziva told Lionel everything. I guess Lionel and Cinda don’t speak, either, and that’s part of because Lionel did it without permission. But Lionel said, tell me what’s going on and how I can help. I’m sorry about this whole thing. Ziva said okay, what we’re gonna do is invite the representatives of the biggest fan groups of each cereal who are pretty…this is what Ziva was actually afraid of…and we’ll try to get concessions, which groups are biggest. This is all Cinda’s plan, but it was pretty solid.

It was like okay, what is…oh, Ziva’s biggest fears is feeling like one group is gonna be upset about the cereal going away and then they’ll be not nice to her or just feeling exposed. But also, Cinda was like, you can ask for anything. There is a compensation for this, but maybe that compensation’s not enough. Maybe you want enough compensation to give you some certainty as well. Then Lionel said well, what about me? Cinda said that should be easy to get from the company because if you just don’t decide, they’re gonna have to make some calculations. You could say well, I couldn’t decide. So, she said, your…right now your negotiation position is strongest with everybody.

So, tomorrow we’re gonna meet with all these parties and extract some certainty from them, financial certainty from the company, support from the union because their union had a clear cereal they…out of two out of three that they preferred, and from the fan groups, but also making concessions to all the fan groups. Like, which fan group…looking at it like a Venn…a negotiation by Venn diagram I think is what Cinda said, and we’ll find all the overlaps of what we can get the most out of and the least resistance on the other side from. We’ll get it all locked in and it’ll be great. Now, yeah, the…and this will help mitigate any downsides. Ziva, from a data standpoint, said wait a second, this might just work. We actually looked at the arrangement that the board of directors had.

We said wait a second, that’s what they get for doing that…isn’t that a part-time job? So, I guess Cinda had already contacted people, so I guess that part is almost locked in. I mean, not quite, but I don’t know. So, I’m not totally comfortable with everything, and what I did was I took…I found Ziva’s ode and I put it in front of three boxes of cereal that she has on the desk in her room because, I don’t know, it’s…I feel like the ode…none of this is based on love of cereal. I guess I’m learning how much as a pet can I control? Can I just purr? So, I’m hoping that by just being present here for Ziva…this is a low…as a cat, you can’t do much, but…I don’t know. Maybe she’ll read the ode, maybe she’ll change her mind, or maybe I’ll just be there as a pet, however it works out. Okay, it’s me again. I guess I want to say great news.

I’m assuming this is my goodbye ‘cause I feel like emotionally we got to a place that works. There’s still some uncertainty and it funny because it was also…so, Ziva read the ode and sighed and tasted the cereals and told Cinda to put everything on hold and that she needed time to deal with this by herself, and told Lionel that she would evaluate if they could still be friends. There seemed to be still one more piece left, and we were playing laser pointer chase in the hotel room where I get to knock over stuff because it’s a hotel room. Oh boy, this…am I…is it fun, holy cow. I’m not…that’s when I’m just a passenger. But at one point I thought I had the laser pointer cornered, you know? Because it’s tough to know it’s not a laser pointer. I was trying to bluff it to move so then I could move in reaction to it. Ziva said, are you bluffing it?

Then about five minutes later, she said holy cow, that’s it. Bluffing it. She’s called; she said I’m ready and I’m ready for a solution that’s gonna…that’s actual…probably a win-win-win. She told the CEO and the board to sit down and bring in the public relations people. She said, are you ready for a inside/outside-the-box idea? She said first of all, can you put presents back in cereal or toys or something? They said, is this part of your decision? She said no, but I think you should do that. They said well, we’ll think about it. What’s your…what cereal did you decide on? She said, all of them and none of them. She goes, ‘cause you were…she goes, secretly…she goes, I still want that…I want to draw that salary, but I’ll be do…I’ll be earning the salary separate from you, and I have another proposal.

She goes, but you were kinda bluffing, right? There’s still some gray area to be explored. They said well, kind of, but go ahead. Not that we could balance with the public relations; no. That was a piece we couldn’t put together. Yeah, because we have competition, so if we tried to get out of it, it’d look like it would impact us negatively. She said well, the thing is, this is all about the love of the cereal, right? I started thinking which cereal would I miss most was…part of the emotional thing I couldn’t wrap my head around when I was trying the emotional argument…which cereal has the biggest flavors? Which cereal has the subtlest flavors? Which has the best mouthfeel? She goes, and then I read my ode last night and I thought about it and said, what if you…how many things were submitted? They said, not that many.

You’d be surprised. She said, but the thing is that it’s about…it’s not just about savoring your cereal but savoring moments in life. Everyone should have their own ode, whether it’s to cereal or something else. Which cereal would you miss? They said okay, we’re confused. She goes well, you miss something when it’s gone, but you want it to come back ‘cause you have an emotional connection to it, right? They said, okay. She said so, I think we should have a worldwide savor, like a day or something, and this could be totally independent of the thing. She goes, I think you should be involved in that. But from the perspective of the cereals, I think what would work best is having…you just put them in rotation.

You don’t get rid of any of them; you get rid of two of them for eight months of the year and then four months a year, you only sell one of these cereals. They were kind of stumped and they said, holy cow. She goes, yeah, and then people will miss it. During the time it’s missed, the cereal that just went out…she goes, absence will probably make the heart grow fonder. Each one…she goes, don’t you think this will work? They said, yeah. She said, don’t you think you could…? Then you’re taking two cereals out. She goes, can’t you get the rules to agree to something like that? They said, I think we can. Ziva said, and then it is a win-win. No one has to lose a cereal but everyone gets a temporary hold. She goes, and then you could kinda see if people actually like them or not, ‘cause that’s what was hard to parse.

When the cereal’s gonna go forever, couldn’t get…I couldn’t get people to clearly think about it. She goes, and then I’ll have to worry about pleasing everybody because everybody can find their own way. I never wanted to choose…this is something that somebody did…might be half. Now I’m gonna get something out of it. We’re gonna establish this Worldwide Savor Foundation to savor whatever. You don’t have to savor cereal. You could savor the moment. You could savor the sun. You could savor your feet on the ground. But also I’ll draw…just like the board members, the same deal with the health insurance and all of that, and we’ll all…it’ll be a win-win-win for real. I purred and then Ziva put me back in my backpack. Now we have a early-morning flight, so I’m gonna get some rest, and I’ll see you in another pet sometime somewhere else. Hopefully something I did or a mistake I made was of service to you all. Goodnight.

[END OF RECORDING]

(Transcribed by Leah Hervoly)