1133 – NYE All Intros 788-792

Notable Language:

• Establishation before alliteration
• Inconclusive Arithmetic
• Betwixt Two Twix

Notable Culture:

• Calvin & Hobbes
• Enrique Iglesias
• Busta Rhymes

Notable Talking Points:

• The Twist and Puff
• Not every song can rip off “It’s not unusual”
• You can’t fake the ‘konkoma accent

Episode 1133 – NYE All Intros 788 – 792

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, it’s time for the podcaster who’s here to slow it down, patrons, and put you to sleep. Thanks for listening and for supporting the show.

 

Hey everybody, it’s Scoots here. Happy New Year’s or New Year’s Eve. I’m not sure. I gotta check the date, I guess, while I’m talking. Oh, Happy New Year’s. Welcome to 2023. This is an all-intro episode. It’s intro after intro after intro, one of the most popular things we do. People pay ten, twenty bucks a month just to get two all-intro episodes every single month on Patreon. So, you’re really in for a treat. There’s a intro, then four more intros without any theme music, so it’s really a snoozer and a bit incomprehensible, but in a good way. So, glad you’re here.

 

If you want more intros, you can get them on Patreon. But…tuck you in and start this year off right, because you deserve a good night’s sleep in 2023. Is that what year it really is? I mean, I’m in…I’m still…I’m sending you love and lulls from 2022, just catching you. I blew it like a kiss and it reached you here in the new year, maybe, unless my day…unless I was looking at the wrong days. So, Happy New Year, and take it…oh, then…yeah, take it away, future…oh no, Scoots from twenty…from the past; 700s Scoots. Goodnight, everybody.

 

INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical…anything physical, so things you’re thinking about, things you’re experiencing emotionally, physically feeling, where you might be; you could be traveling, someone else could be traveling, you could be a student, you could work the second or the third shift, you could be getting ready for…whatever it is, I’d like to take your mind off of that.

 

That’s really the gist of the show, is to take your mind off of things while you fall asleep, to keep you company as you drift off into dreamland. I don’t usually use this word facilitate, but to create a safe place to facilitate all that. It’s really an important part of it, is…even though it’s a totem safe place…it’s not really a totem…Theatre of the Mind is what TOTEM stands for. But it’s a joint safe place that I’m carving out here and kinda saying here, here’s plenty of room. The other ways I try to facilitate it or…I guess I…whoa, Scoots, hold on with the…establishation before facilitation. I say, chim-chiminey, chim-chiminey, or chim-chim-cher-ee, for sure. What I’m gonna do is I’m…send my voice across the deep, dark night.

 

I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, nonsense and nonsense words, or words that are in con…contextually nonsensical. You say well, for a chimney sweep or a character in a musical or an actor or an actress in a musical, chim-chiminey, chim-chiminey, chim-chim-cher-ee makes sense in the middle of a sleep podcast when you were talking about something else that somehow you already forgot about. Oh, I don’t even know, nonsense words or whatever. Oh no, that was my nonsense word.

 

Okay, I got mixed up, but what I’m gonna do is I’m gonna send my voice across…oh, nonsense words; that’s…or nonsensically…yeah, send my voice across the deep…lulling, soothing tones, pointless meanders, and kind of…not just…oh, not…non…there is a part of it that’s nonsensical in a way, to try to deflate the intensity at bedtime, to dial it down. You can hear me breathing, to give some levity, to give you some room not just to breathe but to unwind, to get some distance, and then to drift off. You’re here, maybe, because you heard about this podcast. Maybe you’re a regular listener. Glad you’re here. Maybe this is your second or third time, or any…maybe you occasionally use the show, but maybe you’re…I don’t know if you’re here because you’re having trouble getting asleep, falling asleep, staying asleep, in the middle of sleep, whatever it is.

 

You deserve some rest. If you’re here for a good night’s sleep, you deserve that. If you’re here for a break during the day, you deserve some room there to breathe, too. That’s really why I’m here, is to help. Now, this doesn’t work for everybody, so if you’re new and you’re approaching the show with a healthy dose of skepticism or even a extra…and then you say…and a couple extra tablespoons of skepticism, totally makes sense. Maybe you heard about this podcast and you said, what is it? It’s a sleep podcast? Okay, and maybe this is already a little divergent from your expectations. It’s a little bit different, yeah, for sure. Yeah, who am I to kinda…well, I’ve been there; that’s why I make the show. Also, my thoughts tend to be disjointed, so that may be…make you more skeptical at first. Alls I can say is give it a few tries.

 

Let me…if you’re new, let me give you a couple other pieces of information. Structurally, the show starts off with a few minutes of business. That’s how we keep the show free and going for over six years. So, thanks, everybody. More important for regular listeners. If you’re new, just kinda…whatever. Thanks for listening to that. Then there’s a intro. Now, we’re probably a couple minutes into the intro. The intro is the wind-down portion of the show, or for some listeners…and maybe this is me being…idealizing things, ‘cause there’s no wrong way to use this podcast, but I am a hopeless romantic when it comes to bedtime routines. I wish I had…sorry, I just…goofing on my…they say well, I could…you could…anyway, my bedtime routine, unfortunately, is hopelessly non-romantic. So, I guess I got caught in my own pun.

 

I was exposed by an accidental pun. But what was I saying? In my romantic version of it, which is much like my romantic bedtime…anyways, I picture listeners that kinda start the show…or there’s listeners that take care of dogs either in a…in professional or a volunteer sense. In a lot of places there’s animals, people play the podcast. Now, that’s really romantic to me, in a…I love animals and knowing the podcast is playing as they wind down for the night and put their heads down, that really is touching to me. But also kinda just seeing listeners brushing their teeth and they kinda bare…you can’t really hear that great when you’re brushing your teeth, but that’s kinda…you don’t really need to hear me that great. Then they’re…ideally you’re…yeah, thanks. Dentists everywhere are actually giving me applause.

 

Everybody…all my listeners floss, of course, dentists. Then maybe you do the rest of your skincare routine. If you do any…you know, I’m big on the…I actually don’t; I’m aspirationally…one day, not only will I have a skincare routine, I’ll have a elbow routine. I don’t know why I, again, romanticize balming elbows, but I do. The whole time this intro is playing, and then the listener gets into bed, maybe, and maybe they’re paging through something or maybe they’re doing…it’d be…I guess you could journal and listen to this podcast, but as I said, maybe you’re doodling, getting your temperature set, getting your blankets set, maybe dimming the lights. So, the intro, for a lot of listeners, is part of the wind-down, I guess was my point.

 

Statistically speaking, I think 2% or 3% of people skip the intro to about eighteen minutes and start the show there, and some listeners fall asleep during the intro, and I think a lot of those listeners become patrons. That way you keep the show going. So, some new people…when you’re new, the intro kinda…it can definitely throw you off ‘cause it’s not super-efficient, just because I’ve found bedtime and getting to bed isn’t efficient. So, it’s about a twelve or fourteen-minute wind-down where I just kinda try to explain the podcast in a slow, easy motion, get lost in my discursive thinking, try to come up with goofy metaphors, then I forget what metaphor I made at the beginning of the show — that already happened — then I’ll try to come up with another metaphor, I may talk to imaginary friends, take phone calls from imaginary beings which feel to me very real, a lot of friendly banter.

 

So, that’s the intro. But it’s a big part of the show for a lot of listeners, and it’s kinda something that’s grown out of listener feedback and that’s…it’s optional, like those regular listeners know that. So, that’s the intro. Then tonight after the intro we’ll have…there’s some business tucked between the intro and the show. Again, you’re winding down…keeps the show going. Then tonight we’ll be talking about Doctor Who, I think Season 2, Episode 11 or 12. Probably…yeah, somewhere in there. Episode with the Olympics in it. It’ll be a very indirect discussion of the episode. Not really any spoilers, not really any points. We’ll just talk about road work and Crayons and things like that.

 

So, it’ll kinda barely resemble the original episode…maybe talk about some stuff I had to look up and say huh, I wonder what that meant, or oh, that’s what they call that in England. What do they call it in the US, or things…you know. Say okay, what are some factoids about the 2012 Olympiad? They say Scoots, actually it’s the six…I say thank you, thank you, brain. So, that’ll be the episode portion, then at the end of the show is some thank-yous. So, that’s structurally what to expect. Here’s the good news; this podcast doesn’t really have a lot of rules. People use it in tons of different ways. There’s people that listen to ten episodes a night, there’s people that listen to the same episode over and over, and like I said, we talked about other use cases.

 

But you don’t…this is one podcast you don’t really need to listen to, and ideally I just get enough of your attention to take your mind off whatever’s keeping you awake. I walk at your side, stand at your side, sit at your side, sit nearby, sit across the hall, across the room, whatever you’re comfortable with, and keep you company as you drift off into the arms of Morpheus. So, you don’t need to listen to me and yeah, there’s a percentage of listeners either that don’t understand anything I’m saying or that turn me way down to a mumble. But there’s also no pressure to fall asleep. This is…I guess the paradox is you don’t need to listen, but you can. You might not hear any of the story, but the story or the journey of this Doctor Who episode will be complete, because there is no pressure to fall asleep.

 

I’m gonna be here about an hour. You could queue up ten hours of episodes if you need them. I’m here to keep you company. I’m here for those listeners that can’t sleep just as much as for the ones that are deep, deep asleep. Oh boy, do you look good sleeping so deeply. It makes me so happy, ‘cause I know that you’re resting. But those of you that aren’t, I’m here too, and you…by the way, you look great, too. Did you balm your elbows tonight? Whoa, boy. So, I’m here. No pressure to fall asleep at all. It’s a…yeah, you fall asleep at your leisure or not. I’m here to keep you company. I truly believe you deserve a good night’s sleep.

 

I’m someone that’s struggled with sleep on and off in tons of different ways, including this one, which the pod…this might be one of the few use cases the podcast is not good for, or it might be good for the wind-down portion, is the thirty minutes before your alarm wake-up. That’s what’s been going on with me this week. I’d say, that’s great that you’re really waking up right before that alarm, but not part of what we planned or discussed last night. So, no…really, you say, I’m glad there’s some sort of go-getter inside me, but I’d prefer you do any of your go-getting or getting or going after the alarm. As much as I loathe the alarm and like to wake up without it, it’s really there as a aspirational thing. You say, when that alarm goes off, that’s the idyllic ‘we’ve been asleep for eight hours exactly’.

 

I know it’s partially cognitive dissonance, but I’d really appreciate it if you just…I don’t know what we’re gonna do for those thirty minutes anyway. I think about just…I’ve…what I’ve seen in the ceilings; I got a good view of it. Okay, we could talk about it later. You’re right; I’m doing a podcast intro. So anyway, my main point is I’m glad you’re here. I really hope I can help you, especially if you’re new, but if you’re a regular listener, I’m so glad you’re back and I’m so glad you give me this opportunity to keep you company and to help you drift off. I work very hard, I strive and I yearn. I take this nonsense seriously, to…for this opportunity to be nonsensical, seriously. So, thank you so much for coming by, and here’s a couple ways we keep the show going.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, maybe singular sensations. Now I’m…thoughts, feelings…I was just laughing ‘cause that’s one singular sensation. I think that’s also the lullaby of Old Broadway. Okay, going off-topic…okay, so whatever’s keeping you up, that’s my main thing.

 

So, if you’re thinking about stuff, if you’re feeling stuff, if you’re experiencing anything, got anything going on situationally or you’re just looking for company, you’re looking for a bore-friend, you found it, ‘cause what I’m gonna do…I got this safe place ready for you here, and prepared. I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night, I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones. That’s…creaky; I don’t even know how to spell that. Dulcet; it’s a little bit rusty, a little bit sweet. Superfluous meanders, extra words, whatever I just said…remembering old TV commercials. You say, what else…? I was kinda trying to come up with that Sleep With Me formula. That’s what people say sometimes in my imagination. They say, what is that, cayenne…? No, there’s no cayenne in there.

 

Okay, so you got the creaky, dulcet tones, you got the rusty meanders, it doesn’t make any sense, point…circular stuff, or ovular. What else is in there? Oh, old com…old TV shows and commercials and everything I’ve ever absorbed in my entire life is what’s in there, sent through a lens of…that’s…okay, you turned that one around on me. That’s not really…yeah, I didn’t realize we were interviewing ourselves. But so, let’s take it to the new listener. So, if you’re new, I’m glad you’re here. A couple things to know; this podcast is different, so if you’re already like, what is this…or you checked it out, you say wait, is this supposed to put me to sleep? I don’t understand what that…those kinda things. I totally understand.

 

If you’re skeptical or you’re a little bit on edge or you’re like, I’m not sure about this, dude, I just want to acknowledge that’s a very common experience. So, give the show a few tries. I’ll just try to prepare you in a couple ways. This intro and the show in general, it kinda never really comes together in a clear way. I mean, it does; if you’re a regular listener, you know what I’m talking about. But it’s not some kind of instant sleep fix or some sort of sleep thing that’s…just falls into place. It’s just different and it’s meant to keep you company as you drift off. I thought I’d be able to explain it better, but I’ve been doing this a while and I still haven’t figured out a easy explanation. So, I’ll just tell you if you’re new, I want…I’m trying to help. It doesn’t work for everybody, so see how it goes.

 

Also, since you’re new, I want to prepare you for the structure, which…the show starts off with business, and I’m so grateful to the regular listeners that support the sponsors and support the show, ‘cause that’s how I’m able to have the podcast here free for you. So, thank you to them. Then there’s an intro. Now, the intros are around twelve to fifteen minutes or so. You say well, that’s a pretty long intro. What do you do in that intro? Well, not much. You say, is he called…is…what’s it called, spinning your thumbs? Is that called…? Where you say I’m just spinning my thumbs or whatever. I think there’s another word for that, but I can’t think of it. You say well, yeah, the intro is kind of a show within a show, and what it’s really designed for is helping you…ease you into bedtime.

 

Some listeners start it while they’re getting ready for bed and some listeners start it when they’re in bed, and then a few listeners skip it and go straight to the story. If you want to skip it, just set the show to start at like, eighteen, twenty minutes. Or you become a patron and you just get story-only episodes in the feed. But for most people, they say well, it takes a little time to get ready for bed. It’s kind of a thing, like of course we want to fall asleep right away. So, I’m trying to ease you into bedtime wherever you’re starting the show. So, basically the intro is that; it’s like Scoots, when you get…gonna get to the point? Well, when I can pronounce ‘gonna get to the point’.

 

I’ll probably still talk for four or five more minutes about stuff, and then we’ll get to the random Tuesday-style episode, which we only called it Tuesday-style episode because it…we used to come out on Tuesdays. Now it comes out on Sunday or Wednesday, and that just means it’s kind of a random potpourri-style episode. So, that’s the intro, then there will be the episode. Like I said, it’ll be a little bit of a bedtime story, and then there will be some thank-yous at the end, and there’s some business tucked between the intro and the story. So, that’s structurally what to expect. Also, you’re under no pressure to listen to me or to fall asleep. So, this is weird because it’s a sleep…it’s a podcast and it’s a sleep podcast, and you’d say well, the most essential thing…the definition of podcast is something you listen to.

 

I’d say well, is it something you listen to or something you hear, or something you’re vaguely aware may be playing, but you may not be hearing it or listening. You could just be in its presence. They’d say well, that won't work for…and I’d say yeah, this is one podcast you could say well, I’m in your presence. That’s kinda the social deal, too, is imagine…I mean, this is really the role I hope the podcast feel…fills and feels like. Imagine you had someone in your life and they were totally…they were on-call, and you had a total…first off all, you said you could…they were just a person you felt very comfortable around, but then you also had an agreement that they would put you to sleep without any expectations on their end. So, it’s like okay, you just come over or I’ll call you.

 

Tell me about your day or tell me about something, about some comics you read. But I’m…at some point I’m gonna stop listening, and also, I’m not gonna humor you and be like oof, tell…oh boy, really? So, it was Calvin and Hobbes and…oh boy, tell…oh boy, keep going. Was it a Sunday or a weekday? Was it one of the weekday ones that had…? Was this in a newspaper or a dream? You don’t have to humor…so it’d be like, okay, so you’re just gonna talk and I can fall asleep and you don’t…you say yep, that’s how it works. I don’t know what I was trying to explain other than…oh, so, no pressure to listen and no pressure to fall asleep. Oh yeah, so you…that’s what I mean. The podcast is present for you, but you don’t have to hear it or listen to it.

 

The same thing with no pressure to fall asleep; the shows are about an hour, a little bit over an hour, so you could drift off whenever you need to, or you could line up episode after episode, as a lot of our patrons do. They’ll listen to like, eight episodes in a night. That way you say…or you might wake up at 2:00 or 3:00 and you say okay, I need to start the episode again. So, however you choose to listen, you’ll kinda discover. But there’s no pressure to sleep ‘cause I’m gonna be here the whole time, and I make this show just as much for the people that are listening that can’t sleep at all. That’s why I’m here to the very end. As to the people that fall asleep in two minutes…but the episode is still playing and somehow helping you stay asleep. So, that’s a little bit about the structure of the show and what to expect.

 

I’m trying to think…oh, I was talking about those old commercials. What did I say? I was…now I just have the…what was…one singular sensation. This show does not have a singular sensation. Some people would say well, it’s singularly boring. I’d say well, but do we have a singular sensation? ‘Cause we got creaky, dulcet tones, going off-topic, keeping you company. I think that’s if we…but I don’t think…I wonder what they were referring to. Is that the chorus line that song’s from? Yeah, I don’t know. My memory’s not so good. That’s another thing in general. So, I say well…I mean, again, I just remember those songs from being on a commercial for the Milford Plaza on WPIX in the eighties or early nineties. So, yeah. So, I don’t know, if…here’s the thing; if you can’t sleep, I want to help, and I want to help you fall asleep.

 

I’ve been there, and that’s one of the amazing…main reasons I make the show, is because…you say well, it would have been…it would be nice or it would have been nice when I was a kid and I couldn’t sleep just to have someone come in and say hey, it seems like you can’t sleep; that stinks. Yeah. I say well, I don’t know, is there a way I could help you? I don’t know. Yeah, I don’t know, either. What if I just sit here and keep you company? You think that would help? I don’t know. Right, I don’t know, either. Maybe…even if it doesn’t help you sleep, at least I’ll be here to keep you company, huh? Yeah, I guess. Maybe I could just talk about something inane and pleasant. Okay, but just don’t talk about WPIX commercials again. Okay, why? Oh, well, then that just makes me think about…I don’t know.

 

I was just trying to throw you for a loop. Okay, well, I’ll just…I’ll be here, and I can tuck you in a little bit there and say get comfortable, get in there. Oh yeah, get…I like…wow, I really like that pillow technique you’re doing. What do you call that? I call it the twist and puff. Ooo, twist and puff. I like that. What is that you’re doing with your elbow? Oh yeah, I call that bed-scooping. I don’t know, it just…I think it just helps me get it comfortable. Sure. I did notice your big toe on your right foot is kinda rubbing…it’s almost like you’re digging in your bed with your right toe. Yep, I do that, too. It makes…I don’t know, I like it. It’s soothing. Cool. Well, I’m really learning a lot just being here watching you get in bed and fall asleep. Yeah, so you’re just gonna be…? Yeah, ‘cause I know you can’t sleep.

 

I know…and here’s the thing; I believe you deserve a good night’s sleep. I believe you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, and I’m just here to help. The thing is, I know you say well, I wish I could have a instant, on-call person to do that. You say well, I don’t know if that’s an option, you know? Everybody…yeah, everybody’s got to get to sleep too, huh? Yeah, that’s why I make this podcast. You can just use it on-demand when you need it. Huh. So, I just get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play, huh? Yeah, or you could do that in any order, but that just is the way I use to always say it, so it’s kind of like a well-worn pathway. Okay, great.

 

Well, thanks for being here and keeping me company. No problem. I’m glad to be here to keep you and everyone else company that’s listening. Like I said, if you’re new, give the show a few tries. See how it goes. 95% of listeners say it took two or three tries before I started regularly listening to the show. Yeah, I appreciate your time. I work very hard, I yearn and I strive, ‘cause I want to help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple of ways we keep the show going.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you’re welcome, I see you, and I welcome you in. I say, come on in, if you like. You could also stand on the…you could stand at a distance, you could look in the window, you could walk around the doorway or the threshold, you could peek in, you could step in, you could step out. It’s a safe place that you want to check out first, probably. Kinda like pets; I guess…have I talked about that in an intro? ‘Cause I got a lot of questions about that. I always do.

 

It’s like, what exactly are you checking out there before you do your business? Maybe we’ll get back to that, but…’cause I’m gonna try to create a safe place. Obviously, you say safe place, go ahead; there’s…we got that covered, too…where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature. So, stuff on your mind, stuff you gotta do, stuff…planning, work’s…some people here, you’re working the second or third shift. I know; the landscapers just got there. I hear you. So, I’m here to keep you company, and…whatever it is. If it’s something else, I’m here, too. Just a early reminder; if you can’t sleep, I’m here all the way to the end.

 

But what I’m gonna do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night, I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky…lulling, soothing, creaky…creaky, dulcet tones. How did I forget that one? I’ve said it 800 times, probably, almost. Pointless meanders, superfluous tangents…believe me, I’m gonna…you say Scoots, did you really need that tangent? I guess here’s a honest-to-goodness question; you say, is it superfluous…? In other cases, it would be superfluous. In the case of Sleep With Me, it’s essential. Essentially Superfluous; that would be another one of my Broadway hits. That was a duet with…I think I’d like to do that duet with Enrique Inglesias. I don’t know why, but I just feel like that would be…you’d say, essentially superfluous…we could dance…it could be a dance number.

 

Maybe…I don’t know if he taps, if he does tap-dance. Maybe Ricky Martin could come in. It was so nice to see Ricky on the…on TV last year. I really did enjoy it, being a great friend of the show…produce that show, which I can’t imagine on this pod…great show, though, about Versace. So, where was I? I was just in the middle of a superfluous tangent. Essentially superfluous, is that what I said? Again, we’d have to come up…that’s why I rely on the singers to come up with something. You say Scoots, you can’t do every song based on It’s Not Unusual, but you can’t…but what do you mean I can’t? I could say I’m essentially superfluous…what that means is…I could…I can do it; it just…you’re saying I should not do it. You’re suggesting I don’t. Okay, well, if you’re new, what was…oh, I’m gonna go off-topic. There you go.

 

I usually…don’t worry; I won't sing early in the show. Especially thinking about that, you say, I never thought about it before. I mean, or I thought about it and I forgot about it, that being…I guess I’m…I guess I’m a bit flummoxed, ‘cause you say, am I…can I be superfluous if it’s essential to the show? I’ve got myself in a conundrum. Anyway, if you’re new though, this is the kind of silliness and nonsense you can expect with the show. So, let me give you a couple…let me ground…try to ground things…get…I don’t think that’s possible, but let me try. I’m glad you’re here, if you’re new. Give this show a few tries. There’s, I don’t know, something like hundreds of thousands of regular listeners, and they all say it took two or three tries before I got used to the podcast. So, give it a few tries.

 

The structure of the show…it starts off with business. That’s how we keep the podcast free for everybody that wants to consume it, and I really appreciate all the hard work, everybody at PRX and Market Enginuity and Night Vale do to help us keep the show free for everybody. I really, really…and then our patrons. But so, if you’re new though…oh, the business isn’t important if you’re new; just the regular listeners. Then there’s a intro. Now, we’re a few minutes into this intro. The intros are around twelve to fourteen to eleven to thirteen to seventeen to eighteen to sixteen to fifteen minutes or so. It’s a big part of the podcast because I believe you need a nice wind-down as you get ready for bed. Paradoxically, some people fall asleep during the wind-down of the podcast.

 

So, it’s supposed to ease you into bedtime or something to listen to as you get ready for bed or as you drift off. So, it’s also where I kinda try to explain the podcast to new listeners in a way that regular listeners appreciate, because I never…I always…there’s always new tangents for me to go on, even ones about being superfluous or about the…I forgot what the first tangent was where I was thinking about why do the…why does my dog…why are you getting so choosy? I mean, I under…I don’t understand. I know there’s a book about it, ‘cause I think Rowan Mars a couple years ago interviewed the author of the book, so I’ll have to look that up. I mean, not just about that; about animal…pet behavior, maybe. I could have imagined the whole thing. But what was I talk…? Oh, so new listener, excuse me.

 

Went off on a topic there…or a tangent. So, business, then there’s an intro. For a lot of people, when they first listen, my voice…my tone throws them off, my…some things…you say, this is like humor, but it’s not funny. But it’s kinda like being funny. I say yep, that’s something that throws new people off. Then the other thing that can throw new people off is the intro, because you say, aren’t you gonna get to the bedtime story? I’d say, eventually I will get there. A lot of people might be asleep by the time I get there, but it still puts them to sleep somehow. So, some listeners that want to just skip to the story, they know and now you do, too; you just skip ahead to eighteen to twenty minutes, and that’s fine. It doesn’t bother me.

 

I just build this show kind of in a way that I’ve learned over time…it can help the most people or it can be repurposed. Just like I said, you say, skip ahead to twenty minutes and then I’ll hit the story part. So, that’s the intro, then tonight will be the recap of our latest series…a look back, maybe a look forward; I’m not sure…our series Big Farm in the Sky PI, Season 2, Phantom Minnow season, where I say okay, this worked or I learned this, or this is what went…so, we’ll do that. Then there’s some thank-yous at the end of the show, there’s some business between the intro and the show just to keep it free for everybody. So, that’s the structure of the show. A couple other things you might…you probably already figured this out ‘cause you’re so darn intelligent; you don’t need to listen to me.

 

You can kinda listen, you could barely listen, you can be…just kind of humor me. You say mm-hm, mm-hm. We talk about this every once in a while, ‘cause I think it’s really…it might even be a way to interact with the podcast. You say uh-huh. Okay, Scoots, go back…okay, what were you saying about…Enrique Iglesias is dreamy, so I could…uh-huh, Ricky Martin; dreamy. Uh-huh. Your dog going to find a spot to go? Okay, uh-huh. Well, the walking around and sniffing around part, uh-huh. I could see that. Yeah, ‘cause he’s your…my dog just kinda…I say wow, you’re really scouting out a spot to go. I’ve always been baffled by that. I forgot what it was, honestly, at the top of the show, that I said mm…but it is something that I always say…I don’t know.

 

I guess it’s something I’d like to learn more about, but it sounds like too much…I say well, I’d like to learn more about it, but instead I’ll just be baffled. I say hm, ‘cause you could do it…Koa, she’s a healthy dog. She goes three times a day, and that’s…that…okay, yeah, enough about that. So, that’s the structure of the show. You don’t need to listen to me. There’s also no pressure to fall asleep, which can be strange with a sleep podcast. That is another thing that could throw new people off. It’s like, you’re supposed to put me to sleep right away; what are you talking about? I say well, that’s kinda part of the method of this show. I thought there was gonna be a bedtime story. Yeah, eventually there will be a bedtime story. We’ll get there. It’s different than you might have expected, and if you were skeptical, of course.

 

Who wouldn’t be skeptical about a sleep podcast, right? Especially about a sleep podcaster working on a musical about essentially superfluous. Or it could be a fashion guide. That does kinda sound…Essentially Superfluous: A Guide to Wearing Nothing. Something like that, or Wearing Too Much. I don’t know which one it would be. A Minimalist Guide to Clothing: The Essentials. You just say okay, what are…well, I mean, he’s gotta wear something, right? Because it’s part of the social compact. So, keep your minimalism indoors, people. I’m gonna show you with this book a few ways to…co-written with Ricky Martin and Enrique Inglasias, in song. But no, no, no, we won't be minimalizing our clothing during the song. That’s something totally different. Okay, I went off-topic again there.

 

So, oh, you don’t need to listen to me, no pressure to fall asleep. I’m gonna…the reason the show is over an hour or just over an hour is to give you plenty of time. No pressure to fall asleep. I’m here to keep you company because I know there’s listeners out there who can’t fall asleep, and it’s important for me to be there, to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-cuz, your bore-sib, your bore-bestie, or if you’re new and…in this case, an applicant to bore you or to keep you company or to talk as you drift off into dreamland. So, I think that’s about it about the show, is I’m here to help, it doesn’t work for everybody, unfortunately. I honestly wish it did, that it puts you to sleep, too. But it does take a few tries. I do really, really appreciate you checking the show out if you’re new, so give it a few tries. See how it works.

 

There’s no pressure. The rest of you that come back, I really, really appreciate it. It’s my honor to try to help so you can get the rest you deserve. I want you to be out there in the world rested and say okay, let me deal with this slide rule. I didn’t know what it did anyway, but now I’m rest…metaphoric…this…in this case, I’ll just be on the nose; it’s a metaphoric…it’s not a metaphorical slide rule. The slide rule is a metaphor. That’s another book title, though. We just walked right into it; The Metaphorical Slide Rule: A Guide to Making Metaphors that Really Are Only Useful in Making A Sleep Pod…My Life Story: The Metaphorical Slide Rule, the Time I Slid Down the Metaphorical Slide Rule. I don’t even know. That’s too many things. Even my brain’s like hm, I’m not sure what to make of that.

 

But I guess if…what we would do if we were trying to make something that was…is change around the meaning of rule…’cause I think a slide rule’s a ruler with a slide on it. No, not that kind of slide. Now the kid…my kid brain just woke up. It was sleeping; it said, did somebody say something about a slide, like a superslide? I said, no…I mean, I did think about a superslide for a second. I’d love to go on one with you. Okay, well, I just woke up. You’re at the end of the intro anyway, so you did a good job. Oh, thanks. Yeah, I was just gonna say I work very hard, I yearn and I strive, and we really want to help you fall asleep. Thanks so much for coming by, and here’s a couple of ways we keep our superslide show going.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying…I’m still doing math. It’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, so stuff you’re thinking about, something you’re feeling emotionally or experiencing physically. So thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, travel, just stuff…anticipation or whatever the other one is. You know, stuff. Whatever’s…being human; it’s not easy.

 

If you can’t sleep or you’re having trouble getting to sleep, it’s even tougher, and that’s why I’m here to help. What I’m gonna do is I have this oral…aural…I always get those two…those are…it’s like a tongue-twister; oral and aural. Maybe we could do a tongue-twister with that, ‘cause I just realized that coral sounds like…coral and Carl, oral and aural. Maybe that could be…any…does any of George Foreman’s Georges listen to this podcast, one? Two, would you be interested in…do you have a litter of kittens you’d like to name or like me to name, I guess? Because we…and maybe we could work some math into that. I don’t know, but I’m gonna try to create a safe place.

 

Or, that’s when I was saying, is I’m gonna smooth it, I’m gonna pat it, I’m gonna rub it down, I’m gonna give you your space within the safe place, and then what I’m gonna do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones. Those are creaky dulcet, and people say Scoots, what’s a creaky dulcet? I say well, you know when you hear a door creak, the…there’s…a lot of times that’s…in big movies, that’s portrayed as something…or in those records of sound effects. You say oh boy, a door’s creaking. This is…in this podcast, that’s the creaky.

 

The dulcet would be I guess if the door was creaking because Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy or a person just that’s gonna give you a kiss on the forehead goodnight or someone’s gonna tuck you in…I guess those would be…you’d say oh, that’s a nice creaky. Or you say oh, that’s ‘now mom and dad are going to bed’ kinda creaky. You say, okay…I don’t know. So, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders. You might say, what was a pointless meander? I say, I think you’ve seen a few already. I had a pointless…some pointless arithmetic. It wasn’t actually pointless; it just was a different kind of pointless where I said hm, inconclusive arithmetic is like a pointless meander. Then we had the point…I don’t know if it was a pointless meander trying to name…I mean, that’s…is that new rhyming conventions?

 

I mean, words that already rhymed; I don’t know if you could say it’s a new rhyming convention. That makes me think of what happened to the old rhyming convention. You say, what the heck? Well, I used to go to that before Big Rhymes bought it out and corp…made it all corporate. I’d say, is Big Rhymes anything…is Busta…where does Busta Rhymes fall? Like, which one’s Busta Rhymes gonna be at? ‘Cause I could go to that one. You say, actually, I don’t know. We’d have to check the schedule. Okay, so are you going to the New Rhyming Conventions…Convention or the Old…? I’m gonna go…you know what? I’m going to both, and the one…there’s actually the one where ‘rhyme’ is spelled differently. That one is even…it’s O-L-D-E Rhyming Convention. Wow, that’s confusing.

 

So, there’s an Old Rhyming Convention, there’s a Ye Olde Rhyming Convention even though it’s just called Olde Rhyming Convention, and then there’s a New Rhyming Convention. Where is a poor convention just named Rhyming Convention left? Oh, I’m in the middle of a podcast intro; thanks. So, pointless meanders, that was, I guess, an extra one. Superfluous tangents…maybe that’s what that was. I go off topic, is basically the shorthand of it. The whole thing…the whole idea of the show is that I’m here to keep you company as you fall asleep. If you’re new, I’m glad you’re here. The only advice I would give you is to kinda consume the podcast a little bit passively at first, ‘cause it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, it’s a bit different, and it doesn’t work for everybody.

 

But for most of the people it works for, they listened a couple times and then it starts to work for them, once they realize that the podcast is a bit like…it’s gelatinous. You say, but it’s a digital podcast; how could…and I’d say well, I don’t know how…I don’t know why it’s gelatinous, but it is. I don’t know, I’ve been to pod…they’ve lined up my podcast against other podcasts and they say yep, this one’s full of ones and zeroes…oh, zeroes and ones. Oh, this one was done…what do you call that that’s not ones and zeroes? Whatever that…how do…digital and…I don’t know, the other one that’s not…and they say okay, there…yeah, that’s a old-school podcast. It’s done with the older equipment, hasn’t been digitized yet. Then we have this one. Okay, what is it? Well, it looks like a bowl of gelatin, but it’s actually a sleep podcast.

 

It’s in metaphoric form right now. All of the other podcasts…no, I guess I wouldn’t say that. I mean, all…there…I’d…I’m gonna have to shut this podcast convention down because there’s so many that could be good metaphors. Unfortunately I gotta focus on my new listener and my regular listeners, so I gotta leave this…that convention, too. Okay, so, I’m here, and if you’re new, let me give you an idea of what to expect. Obviously unexpected stuff that’s kind of strange and tangental. But structurally what to expect; the show…you already heard this. It starts off with a few minutes of business, and that’s kinda the…probably the…supposed to be the most riveting part of the show, ‘cause that’s how we keep it free for everybody. So that’s a little bit more upbeat.

 

Then there’s an intro, and the intro consists of…it’s…what do you call it? It’s a bit of meandering. It gives people a chance to wind down as they get ready for bed or as they are in bed and…to unwind. I guess that’s like winding down, unwinding, chilling out, getting settled in. Whatever word you want to use for it. That’s what the intro is. It’s about twelve to sixteen minutes or so. Now, some listeners will say Scoots, I want to get straight to the story, or in this case, the recap of Doctor Who. Just skip to about eighteen or twenty minutes. Ideally you listen to the beginning of the show so you know how to support it, and then you skip ahead. But you could skip ahead eighteen, twenty minutes and get right into that content if you want to. Some listeners, they also usually support the show…they fall asleep during the intro.

 

Then some people listen to it during the day as a destressor, or they listen as they’re getting ready for bed. So, there’s no wrong way to use it, but that’s just how the show is structured, and then it can be repurposed. I guess those were examples of repurposing the show. But mostly, the intro, in a perfect world, is introductory to new listeners and confusing. I mean, unintentionally con…just by me being myself, and as a wind-down. So, that’s the intro, then there will be some business between the intro and the show, and then there’s…we’ll be talking about Doctor Who, an episode of Doctor Who, and we’ll be talking about it in a pretty meandering way. Well, you say Scoots, are you sure you watched that episode? Really, ‘cause…or they’ll say man, which episode was he talking about?

 

‘Cause it didn’t…I…wasn’t totally clear to me. So, it’ll be very sleepy. If you say well, I don’t know about that episode with those one…those things that are like robots. I’m not…and I say, don’t worry. I’ll make it lulling and soothing for you. Then the show’s…ends with thank-yous, and that’s why I say don’t worry, is ‘cause I’m really here to help. I’ve been there, and I make the show to…oh, to…so that you don’t need to listen to it, but also you don’t feel any pressure to fall asleep. So, no need to listen to me, but I also want to give you plenty of time. The reason the shows are over an hour, right around an hour, is so you can kinda fall asleep at your leisure. So you say okay, I’m kinda listening here, kinda don’t know what he’s talking about, and then…but yeah, it’s distracting and I’m relaxing.

 

I can kinda picture the Doctor and the rose. I say well, it’s Rose, but you could call her the rose. Then hopefully you fall asleep. If you don’t, though, I’ll be here ‘til the very end, and you could queue…so, if you can’t sleep, you’re going through something or you’re just looking for some company, I’m here to help do that…fill that role, too, ‘cause that’s really what…the audio was there for me when I couldn’t sleep, is just listening to a friendly voice in the deep, dark night with something barely interesting to say that’ll maybe put a smile on your face, maybe put a neutral look on your face. So, that’s basically it, other than thinking about the pitch, again, to rename…if anybody does have any pets…what do we say? Coral…oral…aural…boral. No doubt about it.

 

Moral; oof, can you imagine being the one name…you say, why’d you name me Moral? Especially if it was a cat. It’s like, I’m the cat that likes to screw around. Not like that, Scoots; I mean the other kind, like play…take other cats’ balls of string. I say Moral, come on. You can’t do that. Give the ball of string back to Coral. Noral…I know it’s hard that I named you Noral since that’s not really a word, but I just love saying it. You were…you came right after Moral. Ploral, you’re twins, so I had to name one of you Ploral. That’s how we…that’s how they say…I think that might be how they say it in Ronkonkoma. Another Ronkonkoma shoutout. Ploral…I don’t know, I don’t have my Ronkonkoma accent on me right now.

 

Aural, Carl…that’s not the…that’s not a good Long Island accent. You gotta…when you don’t have it, you just gotta admit it. You can’t fake it. You can’t fake the Konkoma. Shoutout to everybody that’s here from…when I mention it, ‘cause I love the strong. So, what else? I think that’s it. I fit in a little pandering to Long Island, so you can never go wrong with that. So yeah, George Foreman…if anybody…if any of the George Foremans are listening, think about that as a naming convention for your children, words that rhyme with…oh wait, part of my brain said oral and aural don’t rhyme.

 

I’d say well, to you they don’t. When you say it with your heart and not your ears and your mouth, they do. So anyway, I’m glad you’re here. I really appreciate you stopping by. Give it a few tries if you’re new. See if the podcast helps. It doesn’t work for everybody, but I really work very hard, I yearn and I strive to help you fall asleep, and thanks again for coming by. Oh, and here’s a couple of ways we keep the show going. When your hand hits the fridge tomorrow, sleepwithmepodcast.com/sponsors. Thanks.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts you’re thinking about, feelings, physical sensations. So, anything you’re feeling emotionally or physically you’re thinking about. It could be travel…whatever’s keeping you up. It could be anything. I don’t necessarily…here’s the thing; I don’t know what’s keeping you awake or what it is, but I do care, and the way I care is…sorry, I just changed up the intro there.

 

Whatever’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that. Yeah, and what I’m gonna do…the way I’m gonna show that I care is I’m gonna send my…I’m gonna be here, digitally, kinda on-demand, on-call. You say, you rang? You pressed Play? I’m here. But what I’m gonna do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents. I’m gonna go off-topic, I’m gonna be…but I’m here. Like I said, I’m gonna be here to keep…to try to help. So, it’s basically ideally a safe place where you say okay, now I can get comfortable in bed. I can turn out the lights and press Play. Scoots is gonna keep me company and take my mind off of stuff, or try.

 

Maybe sometimes I won't be successful. But that’s…I’m here ‘cause you’re human and I’m human, so what…that’s one of the taglines of the show that hasn’t made it to…’cause I say, you’re human, I’m human, so what are we gonna do, huh, with a shruggy-shrug emoji which is different than a shrugging emoji? This shruggy-shrug emoji is actually…that’s part of my new kids’ cartoon show that has never been invented…hasn’t been made yet. I just thought of it. It won't be one of the main characters. That’d probably be one of the head professors. Shruggy-shrug emoji…what…I don’t…why did they get a D on this? That’s what the…the teacher would be doing that shruggy-shrug and say hm, I don’t know.

 

Why did you get a D on the test? I’d say oh boy, way to turn…way to make me come to my own conclusions, teach. But so, I’m here to help. If you’re new, I’m glad you’re here. Welcome. I really am glad you’re here. I really hope I can help. But a couple things you’re gonna need to know if you’re new and you’re skeptical, or you’re not skeptical; whether you’re open-minded or skeptical or somewhere in-between, or betwixt. I think I’ve talked about this on the podcast; no Twix in bed. Have it before…you can have it near your bed. Has anyone wrote a poem, like Betwixt to Twix? Maybe that could be…maybe that’s too commercial. But I mean, that does feel like something…I mean, it would be mysterious if you were lying between two Twix anyway. First of all, don’t do it in bed. Maybe save it for a camping trip.

 

Even then, probably not the best idea. But maybe that would be someone…I guess it would be a poem a kid would write at summer camp, because that would be the most likely place you’d be lying between two Twixes. Also, I realize Twix and betwixt are two different things, but I don’t know, I’m just picturing a kid there lying right…I mean, I guess a young version of me, saying here I lie betwixt two Twix, and I sigh. I guess maybe you’re right; maybe this poem doesn’t need to rhyme like all my other ones. But then I just thought of something that rhymed with ‘sigh’ and now I forgot it. The moon outside my window…my heart aflutter for the…this, I guess, is becoming more a letter. For the letter…for the school…the camp dance just ended.

 

Hence, I am actually in the middle of a podcast intro, but I’ll try to keep this going, this letter, as I lie here between two Twixes…betwixt two Twixes. I turn it back to you, Scoots. Oh, thanks. I was hoping to hear how that turned out. So, why don’t you work on your puzzle…or poem…your puzzling poem. So, if you’re new…oh, show’s a little bit different. So if you’re skeptical or not, you say well, how’s…this is…I don’t understand how this is going or where this is going. I’d say, so you’re very perceptive. So, the show…here’s the structure of the show, so maybe this will help. The show starts off with a few minutes of business. That’s how we’re able to keep the podcast free for everybody, is the people that support the sponsors or support the show. Then…so, there’s a few minutes of business, there’s…then there’s an intro.

 

The intros are about twelve to fifteen minutes of me kind of explaining what the podcast is and never successfully doing that. So, for some people, especially new…you could say, what…it could throw you off ‘cause you say, what is…why don’t you…or when does the bedtime story start? So, normally…right, it would take a…I don’t know. Normally, people get to the point. I think that’s what I meant. I couldn’t even get to the point there. This one it’s more…I meander to the point, because the intro’s kinda part of a lot of listener’s bedtime. Listeners might list…start listening to it as they’re getting ready for bed or as they’re in bed, sinking into…getting comfortable and winding down. Some listeners skip the intro, like a small percentage of listeners that skip ahead to the story.

 

So, it does take a while for me to explain what the podcast is, unsuccessfully, or kind of. You say, I almost got there. But it’s part of setting up the safe place, I guess. It’s like one of those old tents that takes…instead of a pop-up tent, I got one of the old-fangle…you say, is that a new-fangled tent you got there, Scoots? No, this is an old…this is a…I don’t know. This is the one tent that’s got 8,000 parts. I don’t even know how I’m…it’s gonna take me forever to get it up. But once I do, it’ll be time to go to bed. So, that’ll…it’ll help me. I don’t know if that makes sense. I don’t know if any tents come in little pieces. But so, that’s the intro, then there will be some business between the intro and the show, and then for the show, tonight…I’m not sure. It’ll be a surprise.

 

It’ll be a random Trending Tuesday-style episode, as we call them, then the show ends with some thank-yous and some goodnights. So, that’s structurally what to expect. A couple other things; you don’t need to listen to me. You can kinda listen. Or, I don’t want to put any pressure on you to listen. Really, I’ve had…I had a couple encounters recently; it was one with family members and then two online where people said I love the show so much. I really loved…I thought of something you said that was really funny or interesting, but then I fell asleep and forgot about it. That’s a great compliment in this case. I say yeah, you can kinda listen to me in the moment. I guess that’s what it is. I don’t know if I’ve ever captured this before; momentary listening.

 

I mean, really, part of the podcast is kind of about being in the moment and…for you, getting comfortable and sinking in or nesting or whatever. You know, the good kind of tossing and turning at the beginning. Or, you ever toss and turn…sometimes there’s, like I say, tossing and turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep. It’s even recently…like, last night…I’ve been on a not-great sleeping streak, but last night I slept great. I can remember doing some…in the middle of the night doing some tossing and turning. This does happen. I can tell some of you could relate to this, like positive…where you’re…I literally tossed one of my pillows and grabbed a fresh one, then burrowed back down and went right…and I said…and this was one of those…I said ooh, this pillow’s nice and cool and feels fresh.

 

It hasn’t been smushed down like I’ve been smushing my other pillows the whole night. So, that was tossing and turning. I can just picture an imaginary person just tossing…that’s what I was doing. I said hey, pillow, it’s been great, but pillow, bye. Then I grab another pillow. I say hey, how you doing? So, what was my point in all that? Oh, I don’t know. But I’m here to help. Oh, you don’t need to listen to me? Was that was I was saying? Here’s the other thing; no pressure to fall asleep, as strange as that sounds. This is not really a podcast to put you to sleep so much as to be here as you fall asleep or in case you can’t sleep or in case you wake back up, or in case you’re having a tough day. Any of those things, the podcast will be here kinda to comfort you or reassure you in a passive sense. I don’t know.

 

Like I said, with…what would I say that…? I think I invented a new way of listening and then I totally forgot what it was, just like I was explaining how that happens with listeners. What did I say? It wasn’t passive listening. It was like, toss…I don’t know what it was. You say well, I didn’t really need to listen. Optional listening? It was something more catchy than that. Maybe I’ll remember it. But so, you don’t need to listen to me. The reason the shows are about an hour is so you can drift off at your leisure, or if you can’t sleep, you know I’m gonna be here, and then you know you can queue up episode after episode. Or if you…some people like to use a timer so that…they listen to thirty minutes, then if they wake back up, they can start it again. So, but no pressure to fall asleep, no pressure to listen.

 

I make this show ‘cause I do believe…I wish…I do wish I could remember what that kinda listening was. Not forgetful listening, ‘cause that sounds too loaded. Inadvertent…? No, that’s the kinda listening where you don’t have to listen. I was celebrating not listening to me, and I don’t think I was told…some part of my brain was not listening. Oh, that makes me think of that ode I wrote once upon a time, Betwixt Two Twix. No one’s…listening all the time, yet no one hears, but it is the joy that makes me not want to rhyme with the word ‘rears’. Here at camp, my heart dances still, outside…don’t use window sill, but you just did, because outside my window, the night sings with joy. Here I lie betwixt two Twix, still just a boy. Oh, boy. So, I don’t know. So, you don’t need to listen to me, no pressure to fall asleep.

 

I’m here to help because like I said, I’ve been there and I really want to take your mind off of stuff, keep you company, give you a little bit of space to either drift off or to breathe in and relax, or just so when you’re…if the show does work for you and it becomes part of your routine, that you could say well, today was very human. It was ten outta ten for humanity. Last night was not that…but so, but at least I got Scoots to kinda entertain me, and whatever that new kind of listening he forgot it was…I don’t even really have to listen. I don’t even have to fall asleep. I can just kinda chill or pet the cat, or you could even…I don’t…I’ve never tried to read and listen to my own podcast, and I can’t read and listen to other podcasts, so that probably wouldn’t work. Maybe if you looked at a picture book or something, or a magazine.

 

You could probably handle a magazine in the podcast, maybe. I don’t know. Your choice. Whatever works for you. But that’s the thing; I’m here to help. Give it a few tries. That’s what almost every listener over the years has said; took two or three tries before the podcast worked. But I’m glad you’re here. I work very hard, I yearn and I strive, and I’d like to help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by.

 

[END OF RECORDING]