1132 – Great British Bake Off Holidays 2018

Notable Language:

• Knitting Niche
• Roll Me Biscuits, Flo
• Practically Perfect Penguin Present

Notable Culture:

• Notting Hill
• Blaze Romance Novels
• “The Twelve Days of Christmas”

Notable Talking Points:

• What do I actually know about Notting Hill? Probably very little
• A Scooter-esque Job
• A Pizza Peel Type Thing

Episode 1132 – Great British Bake Off Holidays 2018

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for the podcaster…oh, I got an…I’m sitting on a new pillow. I don’t think I’ve talked about that. You’ve probably heard me talk about the old…in the history of the podcast, I think the longest thing…the thing I’ve been using…huh, never paused to think about this, but congratulations to the chair I’m sitting in, who’s been with us for almost every recording of Sleep With Me — not every single one — in two different locations, two different climb-in closets, and now because of its service, I now needed to put a pillow on it. It was already a very basic chair, and I don’t say that in an insulting…oh boy, this is going on and on and on.

 

This chair might need its own episode. So, this chair might need its own episode, but right now it’s not…this is setting up an episode that’s coming out already. This is the kinda podcaster who could talk about a chair for hours and hours and hours. He could talk about a chair for hours and hours and hours and still not say anything and not finish the thoughts…original thought he had about the chair, and that’s why it’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that’s here to put you to sleep, really by keeping you company and taking your mind off of stuff, because you deserve a good night’s sleep. I’m so glad you’re here.

 

I want you to know this show is here so you feel less alone in the deep, dark night. We’re all here to keep you company, because we’ve been there. So, the show…there will be some support for the show, that’s how it’s free twice a week, then a intro, which is help…to help ease you into bedtime, and then there will be a little bedtime story. So, it’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. Thanks for making it possible, patrons.

 

INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is to create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts you’re thinking about, thoughts about the past, the present, the future. So thoughts, anything you’re feeling emotionally that’s coming up from you related to those thoughts or feelings that are just there or that come up at bedtime. It could be physical sensations or changes in time, temperature, routine.

 

Whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, I’m here to help, I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of it, to distract you, almost, so that you could fall asleep, to be your friend in the deep, dark night, because most importantly, you deserve a good night’s sleep. That’s why I’m here. You deserve a place you can get some rest. You deserve a bedtime you don’t have to dread, a bedtime that you could look forward to or feel neutral about. That’s one of the reasons I make the show, is because if you get the sleep you need, your life’s gonna be more manageable and you can be out there flourishing. That means the world we live in is a better place. If your life is better, our world is a better place. That is the truth.

 

The other reason I make the show and so many people are listening along, probably nodding right now, is because…maybe not…hopefully nodding off, but maybe nodding their heads. I didn’t realize there was a little pun in there. My piece of fanfiction I never wrote, Nodding on Notting Hill…but what was my point? Oh, nodding off…oh, nodding their heads, because a lot of us…while I might not know exactly what’s keeping you awake, out of all the people listening right now, there might be someone out there that’s gone through something similar, but there’s so many of us that can relate to how it feels. I don’t know how it feels for you, but for me, it can feel frustrating, lonely, and ex…I guess exasperating is a word I haven’t used and that I remember, but that’s how it does feel, or that’s how it felt last night.

 

So, whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, there’s a lot of us out there. That’s the whole purpose of the show, is we can relate to how you feel. Now, this podcast does not work for everybody, as the people that are nodding along or nodding off would agree. It takes a couple tries to get used to the podcast ‘cause it’s so different and I’m just not everybody’s cup of tea. I’m not everybody’s style. Not everybody likes me, and that’s understandable. So, whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, while I haven’t gone through it, I’m here to help you if I can, to keep you company in the deep, dark night. I guess I got mixed up there. What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.

 

I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, and pointless meanders, plus superfluous tangents, which means I’m gonna go off topic, I’m gonna get mixed up, I’m gonna forget what I was talking about, then I’ll be like wait a second, what was I talking about? Oh, I remember that. Nodding on Notting…what about knitting? Has there ever been any…? Here’s a…no, this is a honest question; there’s different types…I’ve worked in libraries before, just to qualify, and I’ve been in libraries before, and there’s different…there’s one…there’s a lot of different romance books out there, right? But there’s one dominant brand in the romance space, and over the years they’ve created their own niche imprints or something.

 

I always think of Blaze, ‘cause one, not spelled like Richard Blais, but like a blaze like oh boy, I’m gonna…I can’t look at this cover at work ‘cause I might start sweating, ‘cause the heat’s…normally in Blaze, the heat’s out of the kitchen, but I’m sure there’s ones where it is in the…you know, whatever. But is there any knit…there’s gotta be a knitting niche within romance. I’m just talking romance; hold on. Knitting and Nodding on Notting Hill. That’s the only…on Notting…there’s so many things you could do. Unknotting the Knitting on Notting Hill, the case…that could be a Miss…a Lady Marple mystery, maybe. I don’t know. They have to know actual facts…have I been to Notting Hill before? I may…I think so. Then the word just…Camden jumped in my brain, so I don’t know if it’s near that or not. I don’t know.

 

Sorry, everybody in that area, or fans of the film. So, okay, those are point…that was a pointless meander and a superfluous tangent by…I mean, I was trying to send…I was trying to give an example of one and then I went on one. So, okay, so what do you need to know if you’re new? I’m glad you’re here and you’re asleep…you deserve a good night’s sleep; that’s important. Those are the things I wanted you to know earlier. But there are a couple other things you need to know. This is a podcast you don’t really listen to. There’s no pressure to listen and no pressure to fall asleep, believe it or not, on a sleep podcast. What is counterintuitive about that is what ended up working about this show. So, you don’t have to listen to me. You could…there’s people that are already asleep, a small percentage of people.

 

We’re so happy for you, really, and your partners that are sound asleep and snoring. Oh boy, are we happy for them. My fingers are crossed. I don’t know why, just to…but so…but for…what was my point? Oh, you don’t need to listen to me. So, some people have me turned down to a mumble, but some people are listening along. But the idea is you’re kind of listening to me but you’re not really paying attention, and then you just fall asleep. I’m here to be your distraction. But you say well, you’re all…you’re just barely distracting. I say, right. Just like if you were in…if you were in Notting Hill and you were walking around and you saw someone knitting on a bench or something, enjoying the day and knitting, that would be just barely distracting. You’d say, that must be nice for that person.

 

Then you would probably move on, unless you’re a knitter or a hooker or a crocheter or whatever. Then you say huh, what are you…? Is that a…is that…what do you call that, counterpoint Pointillism you’re doing over there? They say no, it’s not. It’s knitting. Oh, okay. Well, interesting. Have a…top of the…yeah. May the yarn rise to meet you at your back, or whatever. So, you’d say that’s just barely…you say okay, I noticed that, but now I’m moving on ‘cause there’s architecture, there’s shops, there’s people, there’s stuff, other distractions. Sleep With Me, there’s no…you just say okay, interesting, and then ideally at some point you fall asleep. So, it’s a podcast you just barely listen to. It’s also a podcast that doesn’t put you to sleep. I guess I kinda described that. I’m here to be a distraction and keep you company.

 

In case you can’t fall asleep, I’m gonna be here to the very end, but that’s also the…what works. Because I’m here to keep you company whether you’re listening or not, you could fall asleep whenever. I’ll still be here talking. Some people set a sleep timer and some people listen all night, so you can kinda discover what works for you. But really, I’m here to keep you company, to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-bud, your bore-bor, your neigh-bore…bore-bae, did I say that? Your bore-friend, your friend in the deep…your bore-bestie to keep you company while you drift off. So, those are two things to know. The other things to know is the structure of the show. We get a lot of feedback on the structure of the show because it does come out linearly.

 

It’s just how…so, I want to explain the structure of the show ‘cause it does serve a few different purposes, or purposes, or porpoise…it doesn’t serve any porpoises that I know about. But the structure of the show; show starts off with a greeting…friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, so you feel seen and welcomed in and you say, I could check that podcast out, maybe. Then there’s sponsor support and listener support so the show could be free twice a week for whoever wants to listen. That way you could check it out. You got nothing invested, or if you just want to listen for free whenever you want, great; sponsor and listener-supported. So, that’s that part. Then there’s the intro, which is separate from the sponsor stuff, and the intro is a show within a show.

 

Lasts around twelve to twenty minutes long. Some people lump it all together or they think it’s self-congratulatory. If they’re listening and they’re like, obviously tired and not in a great mood…but if you’re skeptical, don’t skip the intro at first, because the intro is meant to ease you into bedtime as well as introducing the podcast. That’s just what’s been shown to work, is to have some wind-down time. So, for a lot of listeners, they may be getting ready for bed. Like I said, there are people that are asleep, but for a lot of people, they’re getting comfortable, they’re doing other stuff, and the intro is part of that. It’s part of that wind-down, that twilight, to ease you into bedtime. So, that’s the intro. It goes on and on and on. It never gets started but it’s always going, and there is…yeah, there is people that skip it, 2% or 3% of people.

 

There’s people that set sleep timers. So, just kinda see how it works. But follow this traditional structure at first and then adjust. Or if you already are…well, you probably already knew that ten minutes ago, but if you already…if for some reason you stuck around and you’re like oh boy, you are not the sleep podcaster for me, and…all caps with a lot of exclamation points, underlined…I’d say okay, there’s…I got sleep podcasts and sleepy stuff at sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou, because it doesn’t change the fact you still deserve a good night’s sleep. That’s still gonna be great if you get the sleep you need from another sleep podcast or whatever. So, check that out if you need it; sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou or /nothanks, I think, will get you there, but I’m not good at spelling, either. So, what was my point?

 

Oh, you might not like me. Yeah, that’s…surprise, surprise. So, oh, structure of the show. So then after the intro is more support so the show could be free, then there’s a story. Tonight it’ll be a TV…a little bit of a bedtime story based on a TV recap, I guess, or that’s how it’ll feel. Then there’s some thank-yous at the end. So that’s the structure of the show, that’s why I make the show. I’m really glad you’re here. I work really hard. I yearn and I strive. I really hope I can help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple ways I’m able to do it for free twice a week.

 

Alright, hey everybody. Happy holidays, bakers. I gotta pull everything up, actually. So, give me a second. We’re talking about the Great British Bake Off Holidays, which that’s not correct, is it? No. So, I gotta find it. I did watch it; it’s just that…of course it’s not coming up. Recently…my list? No, that’s not it. Okay, well, this isn’t going…this isn’t exactly going smooth, but…recently…oh, why does this…? Did I download it? Oh, I did download it. The download did not work. Oh no, that’s the finale. So, yeah, it’s going. It’s going slow. Collections? Let’s see. Okay, I think we’re almost there. Say wow, Scoots, this is exciting stuff. I say you’re right, it is. Okay, Season 4, maybe? Nope. No, that one looks good, though. Okay, I found it. This one was Season 4, the Great British Baking Show Holidays on Netflix. Is that the right one?

 

Flo, Liam, Jane, and Andrew. Yeah. While it downloads, let me see what…my notes here. Cake, stars, garage bands…people…cake…kid…to-do list…snow…purse on cake ball. Okay, none of that’s probably correct, but let’s hit Play here. That’s the opening sequence, you know? Audio and subtitles; we’re gonna need that. We got that. Alright, we’re good to go. But they go into the tent…lots of puffy coats. Liam and Flo…Liam in jacket up…Xmas trees…three. Oh yeah, there’s stars on top of cupcakes, gingerbread people…to-do list…recipe…kid eating. To-do list on a wall. Flower-dusting…snow person on a cake. Great British Christmas…British Cooking…Baking Show. Oh, Liam put his jacket over his mouth first. I think everyone had a puffy coat on, at least three out of three. Yeah, Flo did, too.

 

So, this was fun because I know Flo and Liam. I mean, not personally…innit. Christmas jumpers, Liam says. Trees in that…yeah. He’s excited to be back. I’m excited to see…I like Liam and Flo a lot. So, I don’t know Andrew and Jane. Flo thought she’d never be back. Her jacket actually matches her eyes, her puffy coat. Then she has a holiday-themed shirt on. Also back in the tent, Series 7, Jane, who’s a huge Christmas fan…loves the decorations, loves the tent. Lovely…with Andrew. Her and Jane are kinda frenemies. They’re competitive. So, that’ll be fun. Andrew and Liam have sweaters on, but they also have their aprons, which I guess is a jumper. In comes Sandi, Noel, Prue, and Paul. They’re very dressed up. Okay, so, Sandi has on a green…I’ll have to look.

 

The arms of her shirt have some sort of embroidery, then…so, she’s not themed that I can see. Neither…Noel’s not themed either, but he has a oversized sweater on with…a oversized rainbow sweater. Looks very thick, too. But he’s usually dressed warmly. We’ll go to Prue last because she…and Paul has on a…kinda like a alpine-themed sweater. I wouldn’t say it’s holiday-themed. Again, I’m not a…I do wear sweaters but I tend to get…I would be too hot, I think, maybe, in the tent. Maybe not, though. Now, Prue has on layers, so Prue has on a green sweater with a dog with a holiday hat on, I think. We can’t see it because…with a green sweater background. She has a red blazer over it. Her glasses and her necklace match the red blazer. So, Prue gets the VIP for…seasonal dress award for the hosts.

 

Or, I guess those are judges. So, the first thing up is a dozen iced biscuits. Twelve Days of Christmas. Flavor up to you, but twelve perfectly evenly-baked biscuits. Baking buddy Flo; that was alliteration three already? Oh yeah, seasonal special. That was E2. I don’t see E1 anywhere…alliteration one. Oh, Hark! The Herald Angels Singing was playing at one point. Reap the reward. Pause for outfits; we did that. Joke…twelve iced biscuits. Biscuits…twelve days of holidays. Twelve reflect…baked evenly. Two and a half hours. Go. Get set, bake. Liam spills some coffee. Prue; cozy…glasses and scarf. Oh yeah, now she has a scarf on. Paul wants balance. Old blue eyes…will be in a storm. The biscuits should be the star of the show, Paul says.

 

Let’s see, I think Prue’s the one that says old blue eyes will be as stern as ever, I’m sure. Very fettered. Make dough…FitBit…school flyer? I don’t know. Cram with Christmas; E6. Christmas classic; E7. Gotta make their dough. Jane’s doing it in the machine…saves the rubbing. Andrew also doing mints. So, two…I think Liam and Andrew are doing mints. Crunch, not a snap. Halloween haunt? haute? I don’t know what that is. Currants, cloves, ginger, nutmeg, cinnamon; that’s Flo. Full flavor. Royal icing…conifern…thirteen colors. Fruity Christmas classic will help them stand out…Liam. Mince pie…orange zest, mixed spice. Oh, Andrew’s talking…he’s gonna be crunchy. Back time…call doll…roll me biscuits, Flo. Good at…Flo’s…Noel starts talking to Flo at one part. Halloween haunt or Halloween haute. Like, how do you say that?

 

Haute couture? I don’t know. Andrew’s very ambitious with cartoons or…on his royal icing. Using apple brandy, which they say that’s interesting. But yeah, later Noel talks to Flo. Intricate…thirteen colors. Study hard. Hello, Liam. Paul cheery. Okay, so let’s see. We’re ahead of the game here. Jane’s talking about how….who’s her biggest competition. Andrew and I are…have a feud kinda going. She says I’m talking about you because I am behind your back. Behind your back…oh, time call doll…Liam pretends…Noel…Noel…Noel, Liam…Noel…Liam and Noel I always get…let’s see, Flo’s rolling her biscuits out. Heard on the grapevine that you like to rap. She says, no. Paul said you’re good at rapping on the…you did it on the Jo Brand Show. Do you like Biggie? Tupac? Never heard of them.

 

She likes will.i.am, so she does like some sort of hip-hop rap. He’s lovely. Noel says I could put a word in for you. She goes, I gotta focus on my cookies, buddy, or my biscuits. I’ll ring Will. Talk to you later. Twelve biscuits cut out, and Andrew’s using his craft knife. Bakers, bring back memories. Hello, Liam. Tell us about your biscuits. Twelve essentials of Liam. What? Game controller, biscuit-shaped dance move…Liam at Christmas. You’re rolling shortbread, dude, Paul says, over and over again. Are the layers gonna flake? Getting flour in-between. Liam says don’t worry about it, Paul. It will work. Can we have faith? Then they have a big laugh because they…he has one that’s a falafel. They say, how…what is that shape? He goes, it’s a falafel, dude. They say, how are you gonna know it’s a falafel? He goes well, I’m gonna decorate it.

 

I’m gonna pipe it. He goes, I’ll make it look like a falafel. They say come on, Paul, let’s let him work, please. Okay, then the biscuits are getting ready to go in the oven. Twelve minutes…crunch time. Everybody’s crossing their fingers, stressing a little bit. We watch some baking sequences. Will they meet the judges’ expectations? Liam says Paul is worried about it. Don’t get bent. Halfway through, Sandi’s got stars in her eyes…I love this show. Like, actual star cookies. Okay, falafel…into it…twelve minutes. Crunch time. Will they meet…expendables…Sandi…stars…eyes. Under-bake or burnt…battle of bakers’ nerves. That’s the next one. So nice, this jumper. Noel gives Liam a hug. You’re very huggable. Am I? Yeah. It’s a compliment, eh? I don’t know. It’s this jumper; something about it makes you more huggable.

 

Is a jumper a sweater or the apron? Cooling…toppings…brandy…icing…royal icing. Pink Panther’s legs…I guess that’s alliteration. I didn’t realize it, but it’s the color of Pink Panther. Flo is using treacle and ginger. A lot to do. Andrew, Liam, and Jane are using…oh yeah, pink…melting down Pink Panther’s legs. That’s deep, man. Andrew’s got thirteen colors of icing. A lot to do. Drawings…life drawing. Oh, they talk about life drawing, which is I guess drawing of nudes. Only bauble, son…okay, right now they’re talking to Flo. Twelve days…she used decorations. In Scotland there’s a baboon in the Twelve Days of Christmas, Sandi says. Say oh, that’s fascinating. Spiced treacle and ginger biscuits. Her family loves them. Decorated with fondant. So, she’s the only one not using royal icing. Partridge, pear tree, five gold rings.

 

That’s a lot, Paul says. She goes Paul, please don’t stress me out. He goes, are you worried about it? Sandi says I’m…look at me. You’re fine, you’re fine, Flo. Just ignore him. Okay, drawings…oh yeah, Noel’s talking about Jane’s drawings, that they’re pretty good. She goes oh, well, I took a life drawing course. It was awkward, you know, trying to…he was making eye contact with me. Yeah, the person who’s…we were drawing. She’s got a different…almond extract, ground cloves, Norwegian spiced…twelve festive ornaments. Gonna put a lot of detail in there, eh? Yep. Last time we saw you, you didn’t finish in time. Now your biscuits are out there cooling. You just gotta pipe them. Good luck, Jane. So she says it’s great to stretch herself in front of Paul. Dream come true, really.

 

Then we see the tent…half-hour…Noel and Sandi have ornaments as earrings. Piping or icing? Liam says you gotta be in the zone. Liam eyes Flo’s steel…oh, this is coming up here. Flood icing…only baubles. I was trying to figure out what that was. Intricately iced; maybe that was about the life drawing; someboby’s baubles, you know? That was a new alliteration, though. Good luck, Jane. Stretch self…I guess that could be alliteration. Flo keeping it simple. Flood icing…Andrew’s doing it on paper and then gonna transfer it. So, I wonder if he had to do them inverse so they would transfer to the cookies. I guess so, depending…I don’t know. Or maybe that was the bottom. Adds a sweetness, the apple brandy, but not dominant. Bum or falafel? They say about the falafel before it gets painted in.

 

Paul even is like, can’t wait to see this falafel. Will they finish? Can you do it, Andrew? Fifteen minutes. Panic. Liam eyes Flo’s stencil. Swift…and pinecones. Andrew; big problems, ‘cause they don’t come off. Hello lovely, Liam sings while he puts them on the calendar. Oh, Liam has a advent-calendar-type thing. Flo puts hers on a tree. Ripe dogs? Dinner…Liam sings. Show…bells by bells? Silver Bells by bells. So, that’s the transition music, is Silver Bells playing on bells. I’m watching Liam do some flood icing in blue. So, Andrew’s icing…he painted on this transfer paper, but it won't come off without…it just starts breaking up because he had so much detail. So, he kinda is like, great. Sandi tries to encourage him. They haven’t fully dried, so I’m gonna have to do another round of piping. She goes, you don’t have much time left.

 

We see everybody’s…wow, Liam’s piping is…nice piping, Liam. Oh, Flo’s got nice…she goes oh, I’m too heavy-handed. Yeah, everybody’s kinda…Jane’s dropping crumbs. One minute. Liam does some…or Noel does the owl eyes. There’s two…oasis…Liam and Noel, right? Glazed donut…makes my stomach growl. So, everybody’s getting everything done. Flo says I’ve done me best. Those look amazing. Andrew says mine look like a dog’s dinner. Time is up. Andrew’s stressed. Breeze…and everybody says oh, boy. A fresh Christmas trim for me; that’s what Liam sings. Okay, so now they want a dozen festively-favored…flavored, impressively-iced biscuits. Double alliteration. So, Andrew’s up first. Each one is a image of something I do at the holidays at home. Mince pie flavor with apple brandy icing.

 

They say okay, it looks…the idea is wonderful. Piping’s clumsy. Nice snap on the biscuit. I heard you had soggy biscuits, but these aren’t soggy. Thanks, Prue. Prue takes a bite. Flavor of shortbread. The star is the brandy in the icing, so that’s delicious. Prue says I’m gonna use that. Thank you, Andrew. Gets a smile, then they go to Flo, who’s up next. They say okay, very good, very elegant, but that’s some thick fondant on there, about the same thickness as the biscuit, eh? They take a bite, think about it. It’s treacley, but the ginger doesn’t make it too sweet. Excellent biscuit. Biscuit’s great, Paul says, but fondant’s too thick. Then Andrew’s up. I mean, Liam’s up. Sorry, Liam. Great colors. Rough around the edges, though. Gotta look at them from a certain angle to see that that’s a falafel. Let’s have a look. Lovely.

 

Very crisp, Prue says. Paul says mm, I was worried about them being flaky, but they’re crumbly rather than flaky. They’re delicious. I like the flavor of mince pie. Paul says it’s good. Just needed more time, and you could have done a decent job. Then Jane’s up. Hers are twelve days of decorating. They say pipe work’s excellent. Cracker looks amazing. Oh, she has a Christmas cracker. Icing’s not too thick. Hope they taste as good as they look, eh? They start…baked to perfection. They taste amazing, Paul says. Explode in the mouth with cinnamon. Grand job. Thank you. I like those biscuits. Noel says I love it. I like the…what is that, a penguin or something, or a owl? Then Andrew says Jane’s my friend-rival. She’s nudging in the lead. Jane says well, that couldn’t have gone any better. She’s pretty happy.

 

They both said lovely things. She’s like, just like opening a present. Liam says I proved Paul wrong. You just gotta believe in yourself. Am I looking forward to the technical? Kind of. Then we see a bonfire, and then we’re back and the kitchen’s clean. You got the gingham towel. First, Noel says no technical; we’re just gonna chill on bean bags. They say no, Paul did pick one. Any words of wisdom? Get the design right in your head before you start. So useful. Alright, so Paul and…or…yeah, Paul and Prue leave the tent. So, six Icelandic laufa bread. Laufa? Laufa bread? Yeah, friend flatbreads…traditional family bake for Icelanders at Christmas. Laufa bread needs to be wafer thin, perfectly crisp, in triangular cuts. Uniform in size, otherwise the Grinch will not like it. Let’s see, Andrew…nice snap…oh, this is not soggy.

 

That’s the earlier judgement. Get the design right in your head. Laufa bread…group uniform in size. Plans…drawers…9:35…laufa bread…never heard of it or seen it. Like oh, kinda like papadoms, Flo? Flatbread…fried bread like a donut? That’s what Liam says, but we see…oh, we see them finished. This is Prue and Paul at a dinner table. Yeah, it’s like a papadom. Gotta create the dough, roll them out. So, it’s…think filo dough; very thin. The tricky bit is the design. So, as these…it looks like a snowflake. They got special rollers with cutters. But then you kinda have to fold it and stuff, mark it with a B, but a star in this case. They have to be identical. Six of them, Paul says. You hang them up so they look really nice. You eat them and they’re decorations, and they crack beautifully. That’s what we’re looking for.

 

A little bit salty…delicious, Prue says. On Boxing Day it would be great with a turkey curry. We say hm, sounds good. Jane says I’m trying to make sense of these instructions. Andrew’s like, I’ve read ahead to the decorating part. It’s still an enigma. Make a dough, conventional ingredients…rub the butter into the dry until make…you make bread crumbs, kinda like rubbing pastry. But that’s where the familiarity ends. Everybody’s making faces. They talk to Flo; have you ever heard of this? No. Liam did other work? Like your caffeine bluffing? Flo’s never heard of it. Like your confidence…I’m bluffing. Liam, mix ‘til you have…no, that’s Andrew making a pliable ball of dough. I don’t know, six to three sugar balls? Twenty-centimeter circle? Thin and small. 19.5…don’t overwork it, Liam says, but I don’t know.

 

Knead the dough ‘til smooth. Six thirty-five-gram balls. Twenty centimeter, thin and small, thin as paper. Liam rolls it out…gets made. Snowflake pattern…six parts. 360 degrees. It’s gonna take up almost the entire pan. Andrew measures his pan like it’s…the circle’s the same diameter as the pan. Very thin. Transparent, Flo says. Thin and small. Wow, Sandi says. Six parts…Liam…no idea. Everyone cutting…don’t know…fold each tip…v-part. Lift the tip. Vibre it? Deep fry at 200 degrees. Noel has a holiday…chocolate holiday log. He says I just made this, Sandi. She goes oh, boy. Flippin’ heck, somebody says. Cutting the tool…it’s very…it’s like brassy, the tool they have. Twenty-four minutes. Twenty centimeters or…oh, centigrade or Fahrenheit, that causes a mix-up for two of them. Flo and Andrew end up a little bit burnt.

 

Five minutes. Liam; it is what it is. Looks good, though. Bring them up. Liam; four constant…big bubble…very good flavor. Oh, that’s the judging. We’ll wait for that part. So yeah, right now they’re trying to do the V’s. Andrew seems like he’s got that part down. Oh, that’s clever. I like that, Sandi says. Flo’s doing a kinda Scooter-esque job. I don’t know, I’m just messing around. Just making patterns. God help me, I’d…this would be like…I would be…Flo…if it was me versus Flo, Flo would win ten out of ten competitions. But she has the same kind of…I’m make…I’m cooking; I’m not…or, I’m baking for people, not for perfection. But then you have Jane; very…her attention to detail is…but she’s like, this is gonna take ages. Liam says I don’t get the V part. Hang on. Using a knife, flip the tip of every other V.

 

So, it kinda looks like it’s weaved together or something. Then Andrew goes oh, okay, lift the tip. Oh, gosh. I’d say I’ll pass. Just vote me out or whatever. They say, I can’t believe we gotta put this in the fryer. Then we’re watching the frying oil. A minute at 200, Jane says. Fine margin for error, though, ‘cause too hot, too cold…won't be crisp. Too hot, and it’ll burn. Fry one at a time ‘til crisp. They have to be uniform in color. Holy mackerel. Andrew’s temperature’s almost there. Twenty-four minutes. Twenty-four minutes left? Oh dear. Somebody else was calling time. Noel says I’m calling time; twenty-five minutes. Andrew is calling time. Not enough time. Andrew puts his first one in in kinda like a pizza-peel-type thing. Flo uses her hands. Jane and Liam’s oil is not hot enough ‘cause it’s at…they’re using cent…or whatever.

 

Andrew may be a little hot. His first one’s pretty dark, almost burnt. Liam and Jane are like oh, wait a second, I’m reading the Fahrenheit. So, they gotta turn their heat up. So, Jane’s like oh no, I was taking it up to the wrong one. But we’re gonna have to put it in with no choice. Flo says I think that was too…Andrew says I don’t deep-fry anything at home, so I don’t know. Liam says this is looking awful. Alright, bakers, five minutes left. So they say okay, five minutes. We’re gonna have to…Liam and Jane gotta go in the fryer even though they’re not ready. Jane’s is definitely not warm enough at all. They say man, these are hard to work with. They’re not gonna be cooked. What are they supposed to look like? Andrew’s are very…so, the people…there’s different spectrums.

 

Liam’s one that is done looks like it’s the right doneness. Then hang them on a Christmas tree. They gotta get all six done. One minute left, though, so not everybody’s gonna get them all done and they’re not gonna be crispy. Liam says oh, sugar. Flo just is like, whatever. Time is up. Bring your laufa breads up, place them behind your photograph really slowly. This century, if you can, ‘cause Liam’s barely moving. Jane drops one of hers on the floor. She says it broke…break…Santa goes on the floor. I think that was…she maybe had six. Six evenly-baked golden laufa bread. Oh no, whose is whose? They wanted six. Liam’s up first. Let’s start with these. What do we got here? Four, not six. Consistent on color, though. Bubbly. They’re meant to have tiny bubbles; these are big balloons. Lovely and crisp, though.

 

Liam’s covering his mouth. Not greasy. Good, good flavor. Okay, good. I thought Liam…oh, he doesn’t have six, though. Next up is Jane. Smaller bubbles, even pale. Could have gone in a little bit longer. Lovely pattern all the way across. Beautifully done, these are. Quite even. They even got the little triangles down. Neat and taste good. Good crack. Moving on. Next up is Flo. Color…irregular in color and too thick. Undercooked, this one is. Elastic. Taste the flour. Andrew has six…fairly elaborate in their decoration. Over-fried. This one’s a little darker than the other ones. A bit irregular. That’s actually burnt, yeah. They take a bite. Prue and Paul must now decide which are best. They put Flo in fourth place, Liam in third, though, but I thought they said Liam’s…I mean, I guess…oh, ‘cause there’s only four and maybe the decoration…?

 

I thought Liam’s tasted better than Andrew’s, but…they say, you didn’t even turn the V’s back, Flo. Liam, where are the rest of them? Okay. I rolled them out, but didn’t get them fried, no. Second place. Okay, so that’s why. Andrew…well, these are overdone, but good attempt at the decoration and they tasted great, which leaves number one; Jane. They say, perf…these were pretty perfect. Just could have used another five seconds in the fryer to give it a little more color. Beautiful design, nice and even, all equal. You managed to get six, so well done. Thank you. Jane says, who would have thought that, in a post-interview. Gotta say, been a pretty good day. Andrew’s pretty pleased so far. It was a bit of a mad dash at the end. A little burnt, but…Flo said I had never seen one before and I hope never to see one again.

 

Liam says I hope tomorrow’s good, but I’d like to end on a bang. We end with a picture of pine cones for that segment. Alright, so, I’m picking this up from past Scoots, here. Prue comes into tent? Is that where we left off? Flog…clears…never to see one again. Oh yeah, that’s what Flo had said. Prue comes into tent…Flo…tongue…side of mouth. Morning, bakers. Hidden design…Christmas present. Oh, Liam…Andrew put his arm around Flo, and Liam and Jane were talking. Liam just did a little shimmy. Jane looks…she was sighing. Now all the judges and the hosts…showstopper challenge. Spectacular hidden Christmas present cake. What’s that? Don’t worry. It’s decorated to look like a Christmas present, but once cut, it reveals a sponge design or picture hidden in the cake.

 

It could be shaped in the tin or sponges can be baked and carved and assembled after baking. It’s up to you, but you only got, whatever, four hours, I think? On your mark, get set, bake. Flo laughs…and well…eggs, flours, juggling balls. Never easy. See when you cut it? Medeira sponge? I don’t…I put a question mark. Not going to know…final reveal. Nice and bright. Constant something…sponge that mentions stopper…main mix…can carver? I don’t know what that means, either. What you want is a cake that looks like a Christmas present and inside is a design, Prue says. Now Prue has a green coat on, too. I don’t think she had that on last…robust sponge. Black cake…Jane’s…one of Jane’s cakes…exquisite decoration. Christmas flavors…absolutely wowed. A lot of eggs and oranges on Andrew’s table.

 

But the challenge is no one’s gonna know what it is until you cut into it. Nice and bright…Andrew’s…oh, nice greens, nice orange…or reds. So, the first task is create the internal…Liam’s doing gingerbread. Somebody else is doing two green and…colored cake, green and red. Hidden design relies on the consistency of the sponge. Moist cake, close texture is needed to maintain shape once sculpted, ‘cause you don’t want it to fall apart, Jane says. Oh, Andrew’s is stripes. Then Andrew’s working on a second cake that’s gonna encase the first one. I’m a mucky worker, Flo says. How are you? Fine, thank you. Tell us about your present cake. Green sponge in the oven…Christmas trees cut out. Bottle…a whole bottle of mulled wine. This is a whole thing that becomes a whole thing…in the cake; a whole bottle.

 

Even their looks. A whole bottle of wine in the cake. This is…it’s almost like the whole cake is mulled wine. It’s like a routine, almost. They say, have you done this before? Yeah. With a whole bottle? Yeah. Their family loves it. My family also loves…very merry prezzy…with some orange zest, cinnamon…it’s a cheeseboard, too, so there’s gonna be cheeses. Cream cheese, Stilton, and Roquefort. They say, Roquefort and Stilton? So, it’s like a savory cake? They don’t say that; I was just wondering it myself. Could be genius, could be madness. Flo laughs. I’m in. But they’re looking forward to it, so that’s cool. It’s outside of the box. Hard harble…spec…suspicious and hairdressers? Flo delves into the drinks cabinet. Boozy cake…bring it on.

 

Jane and Andrew are fruit bowls…zesting oranges; Andrew’s doing that. He has juice. Liam’s in the cookie…oh, Speculoos. I guess you get those in…it’s like cookie butter, right? They give them to you on the airplane. Prue says you get it at a hairdresser. I say well, you get it on the flight. Oh, with one airline, at least, and you can get them at TJ’s, and you can get cookie butter. Liam says I’m a bit of a magician. A baking magician, they call him. Three-in-one gotta be fun cake, a double design. He’s having gingerbread people and…so, every other…he’s alternating chocolate-flavored gingerbread people with no ginger. But Prue says I remember your showstopper pancakes still. Speculoos sponge; that was alliteration. First cake done, out of the oven. So, everybody’s getting that done.

 

Freezer or fridge…three hours, ‘cause you gotta cool your cake before you decorate it. Broken ornament of bird…Andrew; two baubles…gift every year. So, yeah, these are sweet stories. They’re coming up. You don’t want to…gift envy…gift every year. Orange hazelnut, Medeira sponge, carving to shape. So then they do…oh, the bird speaks to Noel and says three hours left. Then they throw it into the wild, but it was just an ornament, not a bird. It wasn’t a real bird. Okay, so two baubles are gonna be hiding in Andrew’s cake, ‘cause in the holidays they would get a Christmas decoration every year when they were kids. So then by the time they were adults, they’d have a full set of holiday decorations. Great idea. Inside orange and hazelnut…yeah, and Madeira; M-E-D-E-I-R-A sponge. You’re quite good at this stuff.

 

Yeah, alright. Don’t jinx me, Paul. Good luck, Andrew. Thank you very much. So, a lot of people are carving, so they’re using a cookie cutter, kind of, to carve their thing. This will be the double baking. A seamless internal design, but also prove the opportunity over…you could overbake…it could get overbaked ‘cause it’s gonna be inside another cake which has to bake around it. But Jane’s doing hers differently; she’s assembling hers from pre-baked sponges. So, she says it’ll be a bit touch and go, but hopefully it’ll hold together. Practically perfect penguin present. Wow, that’s a lot of alliteration. Christmas trees…so, he’ll have penguins in the middle. It’s gonna be cute. Not double baking…she goes yeah, if…when I double-bake, they always fall out of line or move. We’re gonna have a penguin in a tree.

 

Tree penguin, tree penguin. Penguin lost in forest, Noel says. Non-existent forest in the Antarctic; sure. Okay, then they’re halfway through and Noel’s got this Santa on his shoulders outfit on, which is actually…looks…it’s very effective with his…trying to act like Santa can barely hold him up. People are putting their cakes…doing their…making their next cakes. I don’t think they’re baking as fast as they can, but yeah, any mistakes now…Flo’s very precise on this one. So, Andrew says I hope Paul is right about me. Liam’s getting ready for a Speculoos sponge. I mean, that sounds tasty. Flo’s got her mulled wine cake. I don’t think I could eat that just because it would make me too…and oh, then Sandi and Flo talk about when Flo judges baking contests. Is she tough?

 

She says maybe we’ll have you fill in for Paul one day, but she’s a nice judge. Back in the oven. Not…don’t…Jane baking in oven…in freezer. Liam; buttercream…crumb coat, then apply fondant. So, let’s see. Trying to get the cakes…gotta make sure it’s baked. But Jane’s done with her baking. She’s in the cooling stage. Liam trashes Flo’s cake? Strong swag…stag…sting? Andrew, keep up with Jane. Cooking is key. That’s alliteration. Peanut butter…Andrew’s making a ganache. Smooth surface on which to apply fondant. Stilton and Roquefort is the…it was gonna go around the cake, and it smells…oh, Liam says blue cheese. He tastes it and he says whoa, strong. Nice, but strong. Wee bit soft, is Jane’s buttercream or whatever. She’s doing assembly. Double bakers, now is the time to see what happened.

 

Steady hand…catch…oh, Jane cuts a hole in her cake. Noel and Sandi in wreaths. One hour. That’s coming up. Right now, coming out of the oven…but for Jane, she has to carve through her cake. I’m like man, that’s tough business. Steady hand, as we said. But she’s basically tunneling a hole through her cake. Maybe she’s gonna flip it over, though. Andrew’s…or Liam’s watching. She says, not good for my nerves. See Andrew’s making some candy. Oh, wreaths around their necks, Sandi and Noel. They say oh, these are necklaces from Prue. One hour, bakers. Everything’s warm, so you gotta let your cake cool so you can pipe it, Liam says. Flo’s cake’s too warm. Andrew has to pull out of the oven. Jane; quite something. Flo’s cake…eye wash…Jane in a hurry. Bit of a mess. Bouncing cat? Perfect rolled fondant.

 

Flo; one, two, three. So, Jane gets hers assembled and tries to get it in the fridge. All quite precarious. Liam’s…or Noel says you’re making my eyes water with your wine-and-cheese cake. Jane’s…is that Jane? Hers is bowing out the sides. Andrew’s making his fondant and then he’s gonna put panels on it. They say yeah, you gotta be wrapped in fondant. You don’t want to…Andrew’s measuring his out. Too risk…too…not too thin, not too thick. That’s a big cake. Flo actually…her fondant is nearly perfect. Goes over it. Now Jane’s is going over. It looks like plastic, almost. Liam’s striping his with fondant, so it’s like he’s gluing it on. Andrew’s cake’s still in the freezer. Half an hour, just a half an hour. Not really long. No, not really. So, Andrew’s gotta bust a move while Flo’s doing some fondant repair.

 

Andrew’s is still warm. Gotta ganache it, though. Quick, right quick. Detail work’s going on with Liam and Flo and Jane. Jane’s like, sanding hers. Gotta get the panels on. Andrew starts his assembly. Jane’s painting hers. Liam’s piping his. So, interesting; Andrew and Liam do a construction, where Jane and Flo did a whole covering of their…with their fondant. So, Jane and Andrew are doing sugar work. Gotta work fast ‘cause the sugar’s cooling down. Jane’s got sugar stuck on her gloves. Andrew’s kinda doing one of those ribbon candies. Timing…Jane’s sugar crystallizes. Need a Plan B. No, no, no. Can’t shout out done. Amber, please…will bow…last of tears…Flo’s look good. Tin up…Silver Bells by bells. So yeah, Jane’s saying I need a Plan B ‘cause I can’t make my candy. Only five minutes left.

 

That’s when she says all those no’s. Liam’s almost done. Flo’s cake…she’s putting…what are those things called? Snowflakes on there. But Andrew’s like, I don’t know if my bow is gonna save me. Flo also has a fondant bow. Andrew’s painting his cake, though that doesn’t really look great. Liam has a fondant bow and then he’s piping. Flo’s goes onto…what do you call that? Jane instead makes some sorta candy balls. Time is up. Place them at the end of your benches. That’s like…it’s when Silver Bells…bells plays. Jane says I hope it doesn’t come down to a ribbon. But thus far, let’s just be honest, this episode hasn’t even been close so far with the judging, so…okay, so Jane’s up first. Practically perfect penguin present cake. Understation, a little dull, but classy. Quite effective. Delicate depth.

 

Baker…something. Let’s see…they say okay, there’s a penguin and trees in there. Paul’s staring, I hope, Jane says. So, they cut into it. Very exciting, Prue says, the reveal. We see a penguin. Look at that, and two Christmas trees on the side. Everybody’s like, wow. It has multiple colors, so it looks like a penguin. I mean, for being in the center of a cake. Delicious. Orange is fragrant enough. Good…real depth. Beautifully baked. Buttercream…fantastic cake. Thank you. Really good cake, Prue says. Now Andrew’s up. Paul looks down at it. What happened to the stars? Right mess. Looks like you did finger painting. Do like the sugar work on top, though. If you left the stars off, I guess it would have been a little too plain, but…so, his gets cut into. They say okay, look at that.

 

Looks more like presents than ornaments at this point, ‘cause they’re kinda…well, no, one looks like an ornament. Orange sponge, bit of hazelnut, or one of the sponges…hazelnut liquor, ganache, vanilla fondant. Say, nice flavor, Prue says. Overbaked, though, slightly. A bit dry. Flavors are christmassy, good. Texture isn’t a pleasure, though. Then three, two, one, gotta be fun. It’s gotta be fun. That’s Liam. It’s too messy, too clumsy. Not sharp enough, Paul says. Liam says okay, it’s…alternates between gingerbread and star. So, we see a gingerbread first. They say oh wow, then a star. How clever. It’s clever. But Prue says it’s a great cake. She goes, I was disappointed there wasn’t gonna be ginger in it, but now I think it’s delicious, especially with the butter icing, which is perfect.

 

Paul says you redeemed yourself. Sponge is baked. It needed a little bit more polish, though. Cool, he says. Then Flo’s up. Hers looks the best, I think, in my opinion. It looks the most like a present. I do like the decoration set up. I like the color. Very elegant and pretty. She got Roquefort cheese and Stilton in there. Everybody kinda is giggling. Cream cheese and a whole bottle of mulled wine. Everybody’s cracking up. A little bit…I think a little bit too much joking on Flo. So, they’re cutting. Sandi’s really into watching, and I like the inside design of Flo’s. It has two sets of trees. One set is upside-down. Texture of Christmas pudding. I can smell it from here. They take a bite. Prue says right away, I don’t like it. Love the imagination and the decoration. Don’t like the wine. She goes, I don’t like the combination. Yeah, Paul says it’s not good.

 

Interesting idea, but two different punchy flavors that are opposites and you brought them together. Unconventional manner, which is a cake. It’s brave. Never heard of anything like it. ‘Tis unique. Thank you, Flo. Thanks. Flo says oh well, never mind. Then they say…Sandi says oh, you’re festive bakers. Now it’s up for Paul and Prue to decide who’s gonna be Christmas Star Baker. So you can join your friends and family outside. There’s a big party going on. Go join…hugs and kisses. Flo says she’ll continue to make cake. Then there’s table talk. No one goes home…this is lovely. Andrew overbaked, Jane all around, Liam redeemed. Flo, what was she thinking? Judges come out. Cheers…very dressed up. Andrew wanted to go out on a high.

 

This is the talking heads part…and have the cake well-baked, but it doesn’t always go to plan in the tent. There’s fake snow. Flo says I know it was a…I’m gonna keep making this cake, so…maybe there’s real snow, ‘cause I see a tree. Then we have cake leftovers. Sandi says it’s great nobody has to go home, ‘cause that’s the part I don’t like. Only one Star Baker, though. They go okay, Andrew did well in the technical. His cake was bold but overbaked. Great sugar work. Jane’s done pretty well all the way through. Penguin looked amazing. You knew it was a penguin as soon as you cut it. Clever. Liam redeemed himself, to be honest. Prue says his cake was the best for eating. They have a laugh, unfortunately, at Flo. If it had worked, having your dessert and cheese at the same time would have been good.

 

So then we see snow or fake snow, kids, reindeer, cheers. Oh, everybody comes up. Very hunkered down. The judges with coats…Noel has…oh, Noel and Sandi have very big coats on. So it might be real snow; I don’t know. It doesn’t…no, probably not. But maybe it’s 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning. So they say okay, the winner is…come on, everybody still has their jumpers on. Then Jane wins. Everybody cheers and claps, all the family and friends. There’s a lot of hugging. It’s really rare for someone to dominate in all three challenges like Jane did, Paul says, but very proud of her. Been a great year. Wonderful way to end it, Prue says, and meet all the families. We’re proud of these bakers. They should be. I’m proud. Almost lost for words, Jane says. Lovely to win it. That comes to a close. So, I hope you enjoy your holiday baking, bakers. Goodnight, bakers.

 

[END OF RECORDING]