1115 – The Diamond Dogs | Lulling with Lasso S1 E8

  • Notable Notes

    Notable Language:

    • Biscuitotti
    • Bowling-Style Jacket (BSJs)
    • Shape-Based Joke (SBJ)

    Notable Culture:

    • David Bowie – Diamond Dogs
    • Laverne & Shirley
    • “ S’wonderful” – George / Ira Gershwin

    Notable Talking Points:

    • The Malted Verse
    • Deeper than a Fletch Cut
    • People have underestimated Ted his whole life
  • For Transcript of Episode Click Here

    Episode 1115 – The Diamond Dogs | Lulling with Lasso S1 E8

     

    [START OF RECORDING]

     

    SCOOTER:    Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for the podcaster that doesn’t have anything silly or…soon I’ll be saying stuff silly and witty.  Well, no, not witty.  I don’t think…yeah, I mean…yeah, I don’t…I guess I won't be will…witty.  I don’t know why the word ‘willy’ popped in my head.  Silly-Willy, was that a character or something?  Anyway, has anybody ever called Willy Nelson silly before?  I mean, I’m sure there’s been times, obviously, Willy Nelson has been acting silly, probably in a more comfortable environment.  What does this have to do with anything?  You may be asking yourself that, and that’s a great question ‘cause I have no idea.

     

    It’s time for the podcast that’s here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff so you could fall asleep, the podcast that believes you deserve a good night’s sleep.  You deserve a place where you could feel less alone in the deep, dark night.  That’s really what the show is here for, why it exists, and why it’s a little bit different, a little bit strange, a little bit goofy.  It does take a few times to get used to, ‘cause I’m here to keep you company and be your friend in the deep, dark night so you could fall asleep.  I’m here to be your friend you don’t need to listen to.  Clearly you picked up on that with the first part of this intro.  So, I’m glad you’re here.  I hope I can help you fall asleep, and thanks for making it all possible, my patron peeps.

     

    INTRO:    [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether that’s thoughts on your mind, things you’re thinking about, about the past, the present, the future.  Those thoughts, oh boy, do they come up for me pretty much all the time.  So thoughts, it could be feelings, anything emotionally coming up for you related to those thoughts or feelings that are just there, or they’re left over from the day.

     

    It could be any physical sensations, changes in your time, your temperature, your routine.  You could be traveling, you could be having guests, you could have something coming up.  Whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, I’m here to help, and the way I help, or…well, let me tell you why I help or why I try to help.  It doesn’t work for everybody.  This show, it does take a few tries to get used to, and it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.  So if you already know, you say I’m not sure about this show, we have other sleep podcasts you could check out and sleepy audio at sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou.  Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of thousands of regular listeners, people who have been listening since 2013, have told me it took two or three tries for me to get used to you.  So, give it a shot.

     

    The reason people have been listening so long, the reason people go out of their way to spread the word about the podcast — thank you so much, regular listeners — is because for the people the podcast works for, it works, and why I want it to work is one, a lot of us listening right now, a lot of the other people that are here with you, they know how it feels in the deep, dark night.  They might not know exactly what you’re going through, but they could relate to those feelings.  So, that’s one thing.  The other thing is that you deserve a good night’s sleep.  You deserve a place you could rest, you deserve a bedtime that you don’t dread, that you at least feel neutral about or that you look forward to.  You deserve a safe place, and it’s important to me too, because if you get the rest you need, your life’s gonna be more manageable.

     

    I know what…last…yesterday I was like, tired all day long and just groggy, you know?  So, I know how that feels, and I want your life to be more manageable.  If your life’s more manageable, you could be out there living your life more fully, flourishing, and that means the world we live in’s a better place, because your world’s a better place, and that is important.  So, that’s why I make the show.  What I’ll do here is I’m gonna keep you company and take your mind off stuff.  I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.  I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents.  So, that means I’m gonna get mixed up, I’m gonna go off-topic, then I’m gonna backtrack, I’m gonna say, what was I talking about again?

     

    Then I’ll say what about…when was the last time I was at a Oshkosh B’gosh outlet store?  Then I’ll say, I wonder; I wa-wa-wonder when I went to Osh…I went away to Oshkosh.  So, that’s the kinda stuff you could expect.  Those are superfluous tangents and whatever the other thing I said.  But a couple other things if you’re new to know; this is a podcast you don’t really listen to.  You just kinda barely listen, which means just kinda listen to it in the background as I go on and on and on.  Some people do listen, some people don’t listen to me at all, some people don’t even understand what I’m saying, some people have the show turned down to just a minimum volume where I’m just mumbling.  But you could…I always say listen to me like I’m just out of focus, like I’m just in the other room or across the room.

     

    It’s not so much that you’re not listening to me as that you don’t really have to pay too much attention to me.  I’m here for your benefit, to keep you company, so you could kinda just barely…you say uh-huh, uh-huh.  Oh, tell me again about those biscuits.  Oh no, I wasn’t talking about biscuits; I was talking about biscot…my new invention, biscuit biscottis; biscots.  You say, really?  I say, I don’t know.  Is that a…do you think that’s a workable…?  It’s a biscuit that takes…tastes like biscotti.  But it’s…and you say well, why did you just invent that in a imagine…that’s an imaginary invention, right?  Well, I don’t know.  I guess it’s a brainstorm here, right in the middle of a sleep podcast.  But one of the things that keeps me from eating biscotti is…other than…I’m not sure I had a piece of biscotti that’s been great.

     

    I’m sure there are great pieces of biscotti out there, but it’s also…the…I’m not a fan of crumbly, crunchy bread.  A little too crumby for me, particularly at bedtime.  I’ve never had biscotti in bed before, and that is a nice piece of alliteration, but it would be a bit crumbly.  I guess, again…and then you say, do you butter it?  Because I don’t think you do, because it’s…you can’t toast it ‘cause it’s already crunch…then you just…so then part of my brain said we’re supposed to be introducing a sleep podcast and telling people how to just kinda barely listen to us.  Then my brain said what about a biscuit that’s biscotti?  You’re saying a biscotti-flavored biscuit.  I say well, biscotti…oh, biscuit…oh, you’re right; we can’t call it biscotti because that’s already biscotti.  Biscuit-otti.  That’s…what did I originally call it?  Biscuit…biscotti.  Biscotti.

     

    Biscotti that’s a biscuit.  It’s biscotti.  But biscotti something…biscotti’s a specific thing; it’s not a biscuit.  Biscotti.  Biscotti.  Can you tell…?  No, I can’t tell the difference between biscotti and biscotti.  Oh.  Well, it’s a biscuit biscotti.  It’s shaped like a biscuit.  Well, but biscuits could be dry, my brain just said.  I said, you’re right about that.  That’s the one downside about some biscuits; too dry and crumbly.  So in this case, they would have something in common.  So, it is possible.  Maybe…I don’t know, maybe I’ll look up a recipe.  I’m gonna do it right now, actually, so I remember.  Homemade…can’t spell ‘homemade’ correctly.  Homemade B-I-S-C…oh, there we go.  Okay, so I have it on a tab on my phone.  So, oh, what am I…I’m here to…what was…?  Oh, so just kinda barely listen to me.

     

    Obviously if you were just listening to me, I kept you company, took your mind off of stuff with something that’s barely sensible.  But you say well, he does have a point.  This isn’t exactly…whatever they call it, that fancy…those fancy kinds of deconstructed cooking or anything.  But what’s stopping someone from taking a biscotti recipe and combining with a biscuit recipe?  I’m sure somebody on the internet’s already done it.  Part of my brain, again, has preconceived notions not just about the texture of biscotti but about the flavor of it.  That’s why.  I’d say well, we’ve never…I’m just being honest; there’s things I’ve never given a fair chance to.  Biscotti’s one of them.  I’ll just be perfectly honest with everyone out there.

     

    You’re correct; I’ve never given…I gave cannolis a fair shot recently, fresh cannolis at a restaurant, and they were unbelievable.  I think it was just more…my cannoli experience before that had been limited to cannolis that have been sitting around a while.  So again, I’m…you’re right.  You’re right; I don’t know what I’m…I’m just here to barely be listened to.  So, that’s one thing about the podcast, is you kinda just barely listen.  The other thing is this podcast isn’t here to put you to sleep.  It’s here to keep you company while you fall asleep.  I’m here to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-bud, your bore-bestie, your bore-bor, your neigh-bore, your bore-bruh, your bore-bud, your bore-friend in the deep, dark night to keep you company and to be here as a distraction, not to put you to sleep.

     

    Now, eventually you fall asleep, but if you can’t sleep, believe it or not, there’s a percentage of listeners who can’t sleep or need a break during the day.  I’m here to the very end.  So, I’m here to keep you company whether you’re awake or asleep.  I told you why I make the show.  I told you it takes a few tries to get used to it.  The other thing that throws new people off is the structure of the show.  The show is designed in a very specific way so that there’s a minimal amount of pressure to listen and a minimal amount of pressure to fall asleep.  I’m here…you could listen to me throughout the night or when you wake up.  But the show is designed structurally in a way to meet a couple goals; one, so you feel seen and welcome, so that’s what the beginning is.  Hey, friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls.

     

    I don’t say hey.  I don’t know if there’s any hey that actually listens to the podcast.  But you say oh, okay.  Then I say something silly and you say oh, okay, so this is not a serious podcast, either.  So, that’s the greeting.  Then there’s support.  My goal is for the podcast to come out twice a week, new episodes, as many new episodes as we could put out in a year on a regular basis twice a week for free, so paying for it is optional.  The sponsors and the listeners who support the show really make that possible.  All the work that goes into the show, all the love that goes into the show, that’s supported by the people that support the sponsors and support the podcast, so you don’t have to pay for it unless you want to.  Pretty cool, including the fact that I think there’s like 500 episodes you could listen to for free, or 400.

     

    So, that’s pretty amazing.  Then there’s support for listeners who are having a tough time and communities around the show, ‘cause it’s important to be a part of something, right?  Then there’s the intro, which is separate from all that stuff.  Some people, when they feel a little surly about stuff, they lump those two things in together or they wonder why the intro goes on and on and on for like, ten to twenty minutes.  So, I’ll tell you why it goes on and on and on; to ease you into bedtime and to give me an opportunity to have half-baked ideas.  Hopefully my biscottis are fully-baked.  Half-baked biscottis; finish them at home or…they don’t…I don’t know if…if they were half-baked, would they be less crumbly?  I don’t know.  I don’t think that would work.  Then you’d have a gummy biscuit.

     

    A gummy biscuit’s something totally different, which we don’t have time to cover.  That’s a biscuit…that’s a gummy and biscuit…a biscuit-shaped gummy.  That’s a third thing.  What about a mochi biscuit?  I know…I think there’s mochi donuts and I thought there was somebody that was making mochi something else, and there was…oh, like mochi muffins.  Mochi biscuit…mochi biscotti biscuit.  Might be too many…I don’t know.  That could solve the crumb factor.  I don’t know.  I like…I’ve never cooked anything with mochi before, so I don’t even know…I think I have some sort of mix in my cupboard.  Oh, boy.  Somebody call Wylie Dufresne and Richard Blais and let them know Scooter’s…what if…we’ll bring all those ingredients to a particle collider and we’ll see what happens, you know?

     

    Say, talk about…what do they call it?  Gastro-microbiology or what…they say, that’s not what we say.  Okay, well, fair enough.  Oh, what was I saying?  The intro goes on and on and on to introduce new listeners to the show but also give you some distance between the time you’re awake to the time you’re asleep.  It’s a kinda twilight and a tuning down or a lowering of the volume or slow landing.  So for most listeners, they’re listening to the intro and they’re either getting ready for bed or they’re doing something relaxing or they’re in bed getting comfortable.  There are people that are asleep; we’re happy for them.  We’re also happy for your partner or your roommate that falls asleep oh-so fast, or your pets that are sleeping.  So, that’s great for them.

     

    But for most of us, it takes some wind down to get to sleep, so that’s what the intro does.  Now, you could skip it.  2% of people skip it, a few thousand people listen to story-only episodes, but just see how it goes.  That’s why the intro’s here, to introduce you to something new every time.  I could just repeat the intro or something, but I don’t think it would do its job of taking your mind off of stuff if it was predictable.  It’s familiar, follows a familiar structure, but then I come up with some relatively okay ideas, like biscotti.  You say, what happened to Scooter?  Well, he retired for four days when he started his biscotti business, and then they said how are we gonna…we still don’t understand.

     

    You’ve misspelled ‘biscuit’ and ‘biscotti’, and there’s really no way for people to tell that it’s something different, unless you were at…I mean, I could do it at a farmer’s market.  Also, you’re not…you don’t…you’re not…while you bake things, you’re not a baker, you know?  Also, you’ve already been banned from every particle collider and particle accelerator and all those things, so you…there’s no…you won't have any…and the great coalition on dark matter has said…and you’re also not allowed in any metaverses or multiverses.  How about a malted…what about…instead of a multiverse, what about the maltedverse?  Is there a part of the multiverse that’s malted?  Just a question that popped in my brain.  I’d like to go there.  You say, I’ll have a regular shake, then you bring it back here.

     

    Vanilla shake in a maltedverse would be malted.  I mean, if you don’t listen to the intro, you miss out on this kinda stuff.  I mean, that’s the most sensible thing I’ve ever said accidentally while in the middle of a tangent about something else.  If you went to a part of the multiverse that was the maltedverse, everything would be malted, right?  You’d say…don’t just order balls in the malted verse, ‘cause it could be anything.  But you could order a shake.  Other stuff you might not want, you know, like mashed potatoes.  That might be interesting.  The biscotti though, or the biscuit-otti…biscotti, those would be…could be interested.  You say oh, this has…bring it back to our world.  That’s what you just do; you go…you say, what are you doing?

     

    I’m ordering malted eats, malt…malted-malted foods, or I’m just going out for…what do they call it?  Takeaway?  No.  I don’t know.  But oh boy, I’m in the middle of a podcast intro.  I’m actually at the tail end.  So, the intro is meant to go on and on and on to ease you into bedtime and take your mind off stuff, but you could skip it.  But if you’re new, just give it a few tries and see how it goes.  Then there’s support again so the podcast can be free, because believe it or not, it does take a bunch of work.  I know that’s hard to believe, but it…to keep the show coming out twice a week on the regular.  Then there’s a story.  Tonight will be our…we’ll be talking about Ted…you know who like…who would…I don’t know if Ted Lasso was in…one of the staff has to be into malted shakes, malts.

     

    You say, you want to go…you want to head over to the maltedverse?  You say, the multi…it’s the…well, that’s the maltedverse.  I wonder if you kiss your shoulders after visiting the multiverse, if you have a little bit of a malt flavor, you know?  Just from drinking the water, you probably would.  I guess you’d have to stay there.  I don’t know; what would…maybe I’ll have some…I don’t think I’ll have malted water, but if anybody wants to remind me, I do have malt powder.  Okay, so anyway, I gotta get back on track, here.  Too much time in the maltedverse.  You say, I mean…but you…if you were getting a rundown of it, you say it’s just like our world, but everything’s malted that you consume for…you say, really?  Yeah.  So, it’s not for every…no one…but everybody there is just normal.  Everything else is normal, except for the malted part.  You say okay, I think I could…you can’t adjust, though.  Your palate will never adjust, even…we’ve learned that.  We’ve done studies.

     

    But you could…so, we just go there for takeout.  That just doesn’t seem like a productive use of the multiverse.  Right; that was a sleep podcaster’s idea.  In-between, he has a place selling…on the border of the maltedverse and whatever we’re on, Earth 4…what do they call us in the maltedverse, right?  Oh boy, sleep podcaster, you’re…get back on track verse.  So anyway…oh, so then there will be…we’ll be talking about Ted Lasso, learning from Lasso, lulling…even if you’ve never seen the show, it’ll be pretty…you know, you’ve heard so far what I’ve covered.  Then there’s thank-yous at the end.  So, that’s the structure of the show, that’s why I make the show.  I’m really glad you’re here.  I work really hard, I yearn and I strive, and I really hope I can help you fall asleep.  Thanks for…again for coming by, and here’s a couple ways I’m able to do this for you for free twice a week.

     

    Alright everybody, it is time to talk about…is this…what episode is…?  This can’t be 9; is it really?  Hold on one second.  No, no, no, 8.  Thank you, thanks.  I was like, it couldn’t be 9.  But it can be 8.  It’s Ted Lasso, Season 1, Episode 8; Diamond Dogs.  They call them the Diamond Dogs.  We’ll go through my notes first, and…bus, grass, slow zoom.  Luggage…door opens.  Oh, man.  Question mark…dialogue that we’ll do later.  Did not want to miss the bus.  Rebecca…stud…oy, out.  Ted at the end of the bed.  That one was a little…Ted not handover…oh, Ted’s sitting there with his hands around his bag at the end of the bed with his evening companion, Sassy, right.  Some…oh, bag in lap.  Ted…not…hand over bag in lap.  How were two, three…oh, you’ve been awake for long?  An hour or two or three hours, or four hours total.

     

    I liked that.  Breakfast, late checkout.  I’ll be your Underhills.  Now, that’s a deep-cut joke that…very niche, but right at the niche I had.  So, that’s from Fletch, and…the first movie…the first Fletch.  I haven’t see…rewatched Fletch in a while, but I did rewatch Beverly Hills Cop in the last few months.  Similar style of…Rolling Stone, I guess, technically.  I don’t know.  But anyway, the Underhills are…you should see Fletch.  I haven’t seen it in a while, so I’ll have to rewatch it, but from my memory…and I’ve seen it in the last ten years or maybe the last fifteen years.  But yeah, it’s a deep cut, and I think at the end of the movie there’s even a joke about it.  So, yeah.  I was like…the first…I only got it when I was taking the notes.  I said wait a second, I’ll be your Underhills…’cause she’s gonna charge breakfast to Ted’s room.

     

    So, yeah.  Oh wait, let’s just look it up, though.  Let’s see if I’m…how close I am.  This is on Reddit.  It’s a reference to Fletch…Chevy Chase…yeah.  Where are they at?  Country club.  They might be at the Beverly Hills Country Club.  Won't spoil anything.  Very good, if a little uneven.  Okay.  Okay, deep joke.  Exclamation…oh, I put Fletch dot, dot, question mark, question mark.  Open…bus pulls into whatever, the dog pound or wherever they play…dog track.  Pound…what…if…I guess…Pound Puppies; I don’t know why that popped in my head.  That’s not my notes.  Nate…ill…theroy Roy…Lambo…oh, the Lambo’s in the parking lot, I think, still in the parking lot.  Beard chasing after Ted.  What’s up?  No talk for five hours.  Keeley…Roy getting his cheeks massaged.  We get a general MFM podcast reference.  Coffee…busy…naso hamstring.

     

    Next is…he’s gonna get his…you want to get coffee?  I’m busy.  Also, she’s gonna massage my hamstrings.  Ted says nuts for butts.  Higgins in casual gear.  Oh, so they talk about Ted’s night out.  Nate says did you have fun?  Did she have fun?  Lovely talking about, mates.  We’ll go through the dialogue about this kind of stuff.  Tell Rebecca no.  Roy, no.  Higgins says can I be honest with you?  Personal dilemma gods…rassal dilemma gods.  Silk jacket, Diamond Dogs.  Oh, those are the different…so, we’ll go through those.  Let’s look up silk jackets, though.  Silk…just Google it and see what comes up, and Diamond Dogs.  Silk jackets.  So, they call their problem-solving team the Diamond Dogs.  Okay, that didn’t…comes up with more like if you’re shopping for silk jackets.  Let’s see, silk jacket’s history.

     

    When I think of silk jackets, I think of Laverne & Shirley.  Silk jackets history.  Silk bomber jacket?  Silk shirt…let’s see, silk bomber jacket history.  No, that’s not it.  Silk…anyway, souvenir jacket and its cultural history.  Let’s see if I can find anything.  I thought when you think about Pinky Tuscadero…oh, and then you have silk jackets like souvenir sports jackets.  But I don’t know which jacket they were referring to.  I thought they were referring to, yeah, a bowling-style silk jacket.  Let me try that one, you’re right.  B…this is a live Sleep With Me podcast.  Bowling silk…I spelled ‘silk’ wrong, if you can believe it…jacket history.  Oh wow, it put in ‘history’ for me.  Cult fashion jackets…this is from messychic.com.  Let’s see.  These are fashion jackets, though.  Oh, and there’s a lot of pop-ups, so that’s not gonna work.

     

    Let’s see if anything…bowling shirt…fifties-style shirts…okay, so we didn’t find anything.  Let’s Google Diamond Dogs and see what comes up.  Would you believe I spelled Diamond Dogs wrong?  You would.  So, let’s see, Wikipedia…I just want to see what else comes up.  Diamond Dogs…Diamond Dogs is also part of a game, Metal Gear.  I didn’t realize that.  Diamond Dogs is a move…Diamond Dogs is a 2007 movie.  Oh, there’s a Pitchfork review; it’s from 2016.  That might be interesting, though.  Yeah, so let’s just look up Diamond Dogs album.  Let’s do the lyrics first?  Okay.  My brain said let’s do the lyrics.  Well, I’ll open…how about I open up the lyrics in a new tab, brain?  Okay, so the Wikipedia…that’s the eighth studio album by Bowie.  ‘74, it came out.

     

    It followed the disbanding of the backing band Spiders from Mars, and changes in…Bowie played guitar on the record.  Let’s see.  It was between pinups and David Live.  Singles were Rebel, Rebel, Diamond Dogs, and 1984.  It was conceived, according to Wikipedia, when uncertainty of where her career was headed.  It was the result of multiple products…projects.  There was a musical based on Ziggy Stardust, which was scrapped.  Adaptation of 1984.  Bowie couldn’t get the rights to it.  Then another something based on the writings of Boroughs.  Together, the songs from these projects form the theme of Diamond Dogs.  Really?  Though the title track introduces a persona named Halloween Jack, Ziggy Stardust is still present for…throughout the album.

     

    Proceeded by the lead singer, Rebel, Rebel, Diamond Dogs was a commercial success.  Many criticize its lack of cohesiveness but many biographers consider it one of the best works.  So, there’s a lot on there.  Music and lyrics…Diamond Dogs was Bowie’s last album of glam-rock genre.  Let’s see…let’s see, Side 1…there were all these little…Johnny Rotten and Sid Vicious is really in.  In my mind, there was no means of transport.  Roller skating, furs on…skinny…it was the precursor to the punk thing.  Okay, let’s go to the Pitchfork review.  9.0.  This is by Barry Walters; January 22, 2016.  Diamond Dogs is a bummer, a bad trip.  No fun.  A sustained work of decadence and dread that transforms corrosion and celebration.  Let’s see, after 1977, performances still ranks among the wildest, most manic musical performance to ever hit daytime.

     

    Biggy Pop chats with talk show host Dinah Shore and David Bowie.  Rosemary Clooney…this is some sort of…I don’t know.  So, this is…you know, these are…this is an in-depth review.  Last glam…gasp of Bowie’s English years.  Dog sprawls towards Bowie’s forthcoming White Duke persona…Thin, White Duke persona, embracing blaxploitation, funk and soul, rock opera, European art song, Broadway.  Rebel, Rebel was a Iggy Pop-like blast and aimed at America’s teenage wasteland.  Dogs was born of frustration of failed opportunities.  That’s what we were talking about.  While this was happening, loss…okay, so this is…and then the return of Tony Viscotti…Visconti.  So, yeah, tons of…I mean, you could really get in-depth here.

     

    Let’s see…let’s just…as they pulled out of the oxygen tent, you asked for the latest party with your silicone humping your…oh boy, this is…okay, we’ll skip…I’ll probably have to skip the lyrics of…let’s see, some of them…Halloween Jack, top of Manhattan Chase, elevator’s broke, so he slides down a rope.  They call them the Diamond Dogs.  So, you could read the lyrics, too.  Let’s see, but go back to…Keeley’s waiting for a text from Roy.  Wine…doorbell…Jamie is at the doorbell.  Facts…ten touches.  Dribbles…Keeley impressed.  Enough talk…her emoji…no, no, enough talk.  First they talk about emojis, then they say enough talk.  Then it’s the morning.  Ted has biscuits and truffles.  He thanks Rebecca for being there for me.  Metaphoric Saint Bernard…metaphoric…a lot of metaphor talk.  The Milk Sisters…done and doner.

     

    2.9% to the team they own.  2% milks…Keeley’s talking to players.  Air Jordans issues and Air Jordans, Rolos…just Rolos.  I bought some Rolos on my…when I was out of town specifically because of this, and I said I haven’t had Rolos in so long.  Then after I bought them, I said to myself, don’t leave them in your pocket.  I said well, I’ll just leave them in my pocket ‘til I get home from the store, but then I left them in my pocket and then they were…they had…they didn’t leak or anything, so then I put them in a freezer and I forgot about them, so I didn’t have any Rolos.  So, it’s on my list.  Roy shows up…Keeley’s office…efficient.  See a movie?  Talking V…love, loving.  Trying to be more honest.  Okay, then…no.  Yes, yep.  Roy knows…noise, breathes.  Mowing glass…moving grass pyramid?  Moving grass…mowing grass, probably.

     

    Roy’s staring at the pyramid.  Ted; hi, Roy.  Roy can’t speak.  Grunt.  Ted, amused…house.  Dad…Keeley, Jamie Tartt…a love triangle.  Docadecahedron…docedecahedron or something.  Fine, fine…furry feller.  Don’t you fret, my fine, furry feller.  Diamond Dogs…who care…they all know…cookies and cream…Gershwin…to be liked by someone like you must be wonderful.  Oh yeah, let’s look up Gershwins.  Yeah, so we get to learning with Lasso.  Gershwin…George Gershwin.  Pianist and composer whose music and compositions spanned both popular and classic genres, Rhapsody in Blue, American in Paris, and more.  Summertime…let’s see, there’s of course a ton of stuff in here.

     

    Whole family…like, the whole history of George Gershwin…Tin Pan Alley…his first big national hit, Swanee.  First major work was Rhapsody in Blue.  Then…let’s see, Porgy and Bess.  Let’s see what else, here.  So, again, very extensive stuff.  Think about the depth of the joke-telling.  I’m still not even sure what Nate says that is from Gershwin.  Gershwin, Lasso…let’s just put that in and see.  Gershwin, Ted Lasso…somebody else searched for it.  Shout-out to the Gershwins.  This is again on Reddit.  Does someone know a refer…what it refers to?  S’wonderful…s’wonderful, from George and Ira Girwin.  Nate says I think it’s wonderful.  I think it’s wonderful…it’s wonderful.  It’s wonderful.  Okay, wow, that is deeper than a Fletch cut.  Grow up and get over it, the Beard says.  Diamond Dogs…strock…strockongla.

     

    Pub moth…struck…oh, the Diamond Dogs struck again.  Then we’re at the pub.  The Milk Sisters jokes…Rupert and Bex are there…Rebecca times four.  Sha something…champagne.  Milk Sisters not coming.  Have they expired?  No, they sold their shares to Bex.  We’re engaged.  Drinks on me.  Boods…Keeley and Dani.  Oh, okay, then we go back; Keeley’s talking to Dani.  What does boods mean?  I don’t know.  Boots?  Oh, they get the boots so we can drink out of them when…Rupert’s like, I’m gonna buy us…a drink for everybody at the bar.  Mucho, mucho joy for free.  Roy and Keeley; press conference, roleplay.  Like you, but more macky.  More…Keeley laughs.  I really like, again, how they punctuate the performances of…like you, more…something.  I don’t know.  Keeley laughs at the end.

     

    Like, you can tell she’s…her and Roy are smitten with each other.  Rupert’s speech, back on Ted’s case.  Jeremy and Paul…Rupert wants to be friends.  Ted takes control.  How about a game?  Something for fellam…Alfred.  Oh, fed…addiction to fettuccine alfredo; that’s what that says.  Ted was hooked on fettuccine alfredo for a while.  Ted proposal…you’re on, Ruper-dupers.  Rupery-dupers or something.  Rupadupes.  Rupadupes.  Rupert has his own darts.  Then Ted does the ‘I forgot I’m left-handed’.  Roy and Keeley walking, talking, yoga…ball house?  Ball howl?  Oh, I think that was…maybe that’ll come up.  Something Roy says I wanted to look up.  Kiss…he gets a SD card…I think it’s actually a CF…a CF card, but I put SD card.  He gives it to Keeley.  Roy, I owe you.  Some on debate?  Let’s see.  Give this…Rupert, I owe you.

     

    Okay, Rupert, I owe you…or Rupert wants to do a lineup.  He’s gonna put Sam on defense.  No, it’s all…not all Ted’s fault.  Better…marinas…two triples…twenties…my handwriting is really…I did do this on a plane, just so you know.  Two triple twenties and a bullseye.  Ted makes a great speech.  It’s actually…I mean, really good, really, really, really good for…be curious, not judgemental.  One triple.  All those fellows who judge me, understand…never understood who I was.  I was nothing…I had nothing to do with it, or I didn’t understand.  Quarters like players…lots of drinks…triple two.  Ten to sixteen with doll how.  Babeye sauces…barbecue sauce, Ted says.  Bullseye.  Rebecca loves it.  Only thing…one thing less…left to do; drinks on me.  Training, favor…Sesame Street.  Higgins, one second.  Hi, boss.  Hi, Ted.

     

    They spell out…we spelt it out.  She filled it in.  I don’t know what that means.  Higgin and Rebecca talk tickets.  Rupert…Higgins says no.  Where were those morals when we were friends?  He says you’re right, I should have been brave.  I’m sorry.  I guess I’m gonna have to quit.  Higgins is out, Rebecca’s sad.  Then Keeley comes in and she has the CF card and she has pictures of the…that she set him up.  Then Diamond Dogs plays, I guess.  Come clean or…tell Ted the truth or I will.  So, somehow Keeley figured everything out.  But yeah, let’s get it playing right now and let’s see how it goes.  Apple Original here.  Warner Bros television production.  We zoom on the bus.  The hotel is very nice.  They open the door.  What’s going on, mon cherie?  Coach, come over here.  Sam’s got a nice, white sweatshirt on.  Z-man, Dani.  Check it out.

     

    It’s so cute.  Looks like a angel, man.  They take his picture.  He’s snuggled up with the coats.  Morning, sunshine.  You okay?  I didn’t want to miss the bus, so I slept in here.  Got a tummy-tum-tum.  Then we see a shirtless, very fit man in a bed, sleeping.  Rebecca’s trying to sneak out, but it’s her room and she says hey, get out.  Ted gets a text; Nate’s picture.  Good morning.  Got you a coffee.  Thank you.  You’ve been up one hour?  No, two hours.  No, three.  Actually four.  Three hours total.  Last night was nice.  Five star, certified fresh.  Ted’s a little bit…gotta go.  Yeah.  Got you a late checkout.  Very thoughtful of you.  Go on, then.  I’m going back to sleep, then I’m gonna order a huge breakfast.  I’ll be your Underhills anytime.  That’s where the…pro move right there.  I’ll see you around.  Ted nods.  Still awkward.

     

    He’s like, feeling…the look on his face.  Then the show opens.  The bus pulls into home after the opening.  Yeah, there’s still a Lamborghini, I think, in the park…no, I think that’s a Lamborghini.  Nate’s not feeling good.  Ted’s still looking like he’s overthinking, so then Beard’s…goes dude, what’s going on, man?  You didn’t even speak the whole five-hour bus ride.  That’s a record by five hours.  He says listen, I gotta tell you, I had a little…I slow-danced with somebody last night.  No jokes.  No knowing glances.  I danced with Sassy, Rebecca’s friend.  Want to talk about it?  Oh, do I.  Then Keeley goes in Roy…training room.  The trainer, she has headphones in.  Now a good time to talk?  Yeah, she can’t hear us, so don’t worry.  She’s listening to podcasts.  So she says wow, last night, huh?  Yep.  It was a party.

     

    Could use a coffee for the hangover.  You want to get one?  I’m busy, Roy says.  So, you better leave; she’s gonna work on my hamstrings and I tend to make noises.  I’ll see you around.  Bye.  Okay, then they’re in the office.  Ted says no judgement zone, right?  What is it?  I don’t like to kiss and tell, but slow-danced.  Did you have fun?  Did she have fun, Nate says?  Ted’s moving his head.  Higgins says, what’s the problem?  Well, it’s just quite a roller coaster of a day.  That’s when Nate says I always wanted to talk about the complex dynamics of things.  Should I tell Rebecca?  Everyone says no.  Everybody says…then Roy says what’s going on?  Love your perspective.  He says no.  Higgins says, why are you going on twelve rounds with yourself?  Beard says kite…time to cut yourself some slack.

     

    They make that up as a team, actually.  Need some scissors to cut yourself some slack.  Ted Lasso’s personal dilemma squad.  EQ warriors, knights of support.  Sounds like a jockstrap.  How about the Diamond Dogs, Nate says?  Diamond Dogs it is.  Then they all howl.  Keeley’s waiting for a text from…she texts Roy.  He doesn’t reply.  Jamie’s at the door.  Thought you were in Manchester.  I’m in town.  How you doing?  I had ten touches, dribbles…eighty-ninth minute…scored.  Just wanted to talk.  Everything happened with Lasso…Lasso didn’t dump me.  No, he didn’t.  He could have stopped it.  No…yeah.  Jamie says you know, you saw a greater Jamie inside a great Jamie.  Took me out to do all these emotional things, feel all these emotions.

     

    He goes, that’s…I don’t know, he says a bunch of stuff about how she…he says thanks for helping me.  She says, you’re welcome.  Then he goes to leave.  She goes, this is interesting; you never sent me a flirty emoji be…that’s what you always do.  Then they talk about flirty emojis…innuendo…emoji innuendo.  You want to have a drink?  Wait a second, do you mean…what do you mean?  You don’t mean a drink, do you?  She goes yeah, no.  He goes, this is how that works?  Sometimes.  She laughs.  Ted goes into Rebecca’s office.  Morning; I got biscuits and truffles.  Make a sandwich…a little breakfast sandwich deliciousness.  Thanks again for helping me in Liverpool.  Don’t worry, Ted.  You got a coupon for life.  I’m your metaphorical Saint Bernard…metaphorical stuff, metaphorical neck, metaphorically speaking.

     

    Then she’s…okay, if you want to help, I gotta meet these…the Milk Sisters, and I don’t want to.  They’re like that sleep podcaster.  She goes, I’ll just introduce you and take off.  Ted goes yeah, I can call them 2% Milks.  They’ll love you, Rebecca says.  See you later.  Then we have Keeley working with the team.  I love Air Jordans.  Athletic wear…issue…products…pro environment, anti-pollution, Sam says.  Rolos…sweets and chocolate?  No, just Rolos, Isaac.  Just Rolos.  No Sour Patch, please.  Then Roy comes in.  Keeley looks up; she says…she…he goes…she goes, this is my office when it’s not in use.  You get a box for everything.  Efficient.  You want to see a movie later?  What?  I asked you out yesterday and you said you were busy.  I was busy.  I texted you last night.  Yeah, I was busy.  What about that kiss?

     

    Oh yeah, it was great.  So, what’s the problem?  He goes listen, I guess I want to do things right this time, and honest and slow.  She goes…he goes usually I just have rumors or lose things.  He goes, I’m trying to do this one differently.  I should have told you that; I apologize.  Trying to be more honest.  Then she goes well, thank you.  By the way, while we’re being honest, Jamie was over last night and…yeah, so, you know what I’m saying?  Emoji innuendo turned to emoji fact-uendo.  He goes, what?  What?  She goes, I’m just being honest with you.  I’d like you to be okay with it, ‘cause there’s nothing wrong with it, either.  Roy doesn’t say anything, just glares.  When you can speak again, Roy, why don’t you come talk to me?  She watches him leave.  We watch somebody mowing the grass, then we see that pyramid of success.

     

    Roy’s glaring at it.  Ted says hi, Roy.  Roy doesn’t say anything.  Okay, am I supposed to figure this out?  Grunt’s all I got to go on.  Okay, let me see.  You’re buying your first house?  No.  Not that.  Okay.  You’re…stuff with your dad.  No, my dad’s from South London, dude.  Me and Keeley…but every time I think of her, I think of Jamie.  Roy goes oh, boy…I mean, Ted says that.  Love triangle; complicated shape.  Dodecahedron joke.  No shape-based jokes, please, Roy says.  He goes, it’s time to call the Diamond Dogs, who roll in.  They’re already…don’t you fret.  Your relationship dilemma will be a matter of the past.  Roy says what in the heck?  He goes…oh, there’s a lot of…so many jokes, but they already know.  Saw this coming.  Nothing like early courtship.  Roy doesn’t like this.

     

    He says you and Keeley are like cookies and cream, right?  Perfect analogy.  We all know who her ex-boyfriend is.  He’s in my brain.  I don’t understand.  Keeley’s so kind.  To be…by her must be s’wonderful.  Shout-out to the Gershwins.  Dang it, fellas.  Then he does the opposite…Ted does.  That’s not okay, darn it.  I love it when Coach does sarcasm.  Roy says I can’t control my feelings.  Then Coach says let them control you, then.  They say…he says, but what about last night?  They go well, are you dating?  No.  Are you together?  No.  Coach, what do you think, Beard?  Grow up and get over it.  Diamond Dogs struck again.  Ted’s happy.  They howl, they pant.  Roy doesn’t like it, but they’re correct.  Then we go to the pub.  Anyone see the Milk Sisters?  We’ll skim the back room.  Don’t make me regret this.

     

    I’m gonna be a utter gentlemen.  Bridget Jones’ dairy.  Maybe I won't use some of my jokes.  Maybe you should leave, Ted.  No, there’s Rupert and Bex.  Rupert, what are you doing here?  Oh, celebrating.  Rebecca, Rebecca, Rebecca.  This is Ted.  Howdy.  Yeah, join us for a drink.  Here you go, Rupert.  Anything else?  Couple more glasses, Mae.  From your West End to your Marble Arch.  They all have a laugh.  Thanks for your invitation.  We’re here to see the Milk Sisters.  Oh, well, we…I…Bex owns their portion.  I can’t own the club, but Bex can.  So, I got a little help from Ruper-dupe here.  Oh, he says a little financial aid.  But then when we’re married, what’s hers is mine, mine is mine.  You’re engaged?  Congratulations.  Join us for a drink.  Drinks on me.  Everybody’s happy.  Three boots…free…we wants boots lager.

     

    It’s Richmond.  Then we have Dani and Keeley.  He wanted to get into joy…mucho, mucho joy.  I don’t know if I can get you paid for…no, I want to give it away for free.  Thanks, Dani.  Then Roy comes in, but let me pause it to talk about Joygerm Joan.  This comes up every once in a while.  Joygerm…oh, I can’t spell it right.  Joygerm…so it’s Joygerms Unlimited.  National Joygerm Day is January 8.  Is there a website, though?  Is National Joygerm Day a real holiday?  It’s not a day off.  Joyful Newsletter…Joygerm Joan.  I’m just trying to find it.  So, there’s the Joygerm Foundation, which was founded in Syracuse.  Let’s see, the last…oh, I won't be able to get that ‘cause…let’s see, the Joygerm on Twitter.  Let’s see.  No, that’s somebody else.  Catch the Joygerm.  I don’t think that’s the Joygerm Foundation.

     

    It’s weird that it’s not…their website is…does not have the most hits.  I’m just trying to find something that doesn’t…let me see if I put in Joygerm Foundation.  There’s the Joyful Newsletter.  Joygerms is an informal club.  National Joygerm Day.  There’s a lot about Joygerm Joan, but most of those…okay, this is from the Joyful Newsletter.  Let’s see, it’s…many years ago we featured an article about Joygerm.  Started in Syracuse, New York by a kindred spirit.  Calls herself Joygerm Joan.  Founded in 1981, 185,000 members.  It’s a informal club to spread goodwill and joy everywhere.  Joygerms, Joan says.  It still has no meetings, just kid-friendly greetings.  Just do kind acts; no…just do kind acts.  No dues.  I got the idea…she was working at a advertising firm and…yeah, tried to counteract negativity.

     

    They planned parades, entertain anyplace where people are down.  Open to anyone who wants to join.  Yeah, so it’s…there’s a lot about it.  Let’s see if I can find anything else.  Unfortunately it’s mostly…let me see this one.  This is 55+ magazine.  Let me see if this one comes up, ‘cause a lot of them just have…a lot of them are AWOL’d articles.  Yeah, this one’s from 2021 from…oh, 55+…cny55.com.  It’s a one-person operation.  Joan E. White, Joygerm Joan…accentuate the positive and find the silver lining.  Yeah, she was even doing it during the…those couple years.  Really working hard.  So, you should learn more about Joygerm Joan and…or Dani’s the new Joygerm…Joygerm Joan’s not a fictional person, though.  So, that’s cool.  Okay, so Dani leaves.  Roy comes in.

     

    Keeley laughs as Dani leaves, and Roy says I’m not a baby.  I’m over Jamie.  Keeley says, can you say that out loud to everybody?  The press deserves to know.  So, she has a fake press conference.  She makes him go up, and then she pretends she’s the press.  Keeley Jones, Independent Woman.  Can you repeat what you just said?  I’m over it.  Can I take you out tonight?  Keeley…then she moves to a new seat.  Keeley Jones, Independent Woman Online.  What changed your mind?  I like you more than I dislike Jamie.  Barely, but close.  Keeley, woman…oh, he says the woman with the hair.  Independent Woman Magazine; where are we gonna go?  Coffee?  Okay, any better than that?  Dinner?  Sure.  Then she moves again.  Yeah, woman with the eyes.

     

    Keeley Jones, Independent Woman Insert on Sunday; can you talk about this other thing you were talking about?  Nope, no more questions.  See you on the pitch.  She watches him leave and laughs.  Everybody’s cheering Rupert on for the free drinks.  They’re halfway through their drinks.  Rupert says don’t worry, I’m back in charge.  We don’t like Ted.  No offence.  Thanks, Baz.  You, Jeremy, and Paul are candid.  Can’t believe he knows our names.  Bex is trying to hit the board.  Hey, if she hits the board, everybody cheer.  Everybody cheers.  Ted says you want to leave, Rebecca?  She goes no, I don’t want to give him the satisfaction.  So, Rebecca, let’s be friends again since we’ll be sitting in the owner’s box every single week.  Bex says I’m not going every week.  Rupert says yep, and when they ask me how it’s going, I’m gonna say not good.  I’ll tell them.  I’ll be relentless.

     

    Then Ted says man, you take your dirt seriously, huh?  What’s that billiard game?  Sounds like breakfast cereal cookies.  Snooker…Snooker.  He even makes a weighted blanket joke.  Watch, you got mailed a box of snookers.  Everybody laughs at that.  Ted throws a dart.  Oh, wow.  You like darts, Ted?  Yeah, they’re okay.  I’m more of a cornhole man.  Rupert says what about a game?  When he knows that Ted’s not…he thinks Ted’s not good.  My doctor told me I was addicted to fettuccine alfredo.  Too rich for my blood.  I’ll tell you what; instead of money, you pick the last two starting lineups, or if I win, you can’t go in the owner’s box.  He goes, I’m just following my gut.  What do you think?  Okay, you’re on.  Double in, double out.  Whatever you say, Ruper-dupes.  Just let me know if I’m winning or losing.

     

    Oh, Rupert says, I forgot I have my own darts.  Then Ted goes wait a second, I forgot I’m left-handed.  Then he almost hits a bullseye.  This is gonna be a hoot.  Then Keeley and Roy are walking along the river and talking.  What were you busy about?  Well, I was busy.  With what?  Private.  She goes, are you dating anybody else?  I just want to know.  He goes, it was yoga.  Women over sixty.  They don’t know who I am.  Twice a week.  Maureen’s dealing with something; we blew off some steam, went to a club.  Crepes in Balham.  He said it’s private.  Then Keeley says I’m gonna kiss you now unless you run away.  She goes, I want to…I know you want to take it slow, but maybe we could put our arms around each other or kiss for a long time, which they do.  Some…I said…I almost said pavarati.  Paparazzi takes their picture.

     

    Roy takes the flashcard, marches off.  Pictures of her estate…come on, I’m gonna cook for you.  Rupert has a 180…well in, Rupert.  Rebecca’s not rooting for Rupert.  Shall I give you the lineup card?  I’m gonna put Sam on defense.  That’s what I said.  It’s not all Ted’s fault.  It is Rebecca who brought the hillbilly to our shores.  Then he says some other stuff and Ted says hey, better manners, please.  He goes okay, what do I need to win?  Two triple twenties and a bullseye.  Okay.  He goes hey Rupert, people have underestimated me my whole life.  Never understood why.  It used to bother me.  But one day I saw this Walt Whitman quote; “Be curious, not judgemental.”  I like that.  Triple twenty.  Rupert says oh, boy.

     

    So, then I drive back to work and it hits me; all those fellows that belittled me, not a single one of them was curious.  They thought they had it all figured out.  They judged everything, everyone.  I realized that they were underestimating me, but it had nothing to do with me, ‘cause if they were curious, they would have asked questions, you know?  Like, have you played a lot of darts, Ted?  Hits another triple twenty, and he said I would have answered yep, I have; every Sunday afternoon at a sports bar with my father, from ten to sixteen.  Rebecca starts to hear some of his story.  Barbecue sauce…and he hits a red bull…the center bullseye.  Good game, Rupert.  He goes well, we’ll see.  Bex is my date.  Rebecca, Ted, enjoy your evening.  Mae?  Rebecca’s very happy.  That was fun.  Now you gotta buy everybody drinks.

     

    Drinks on me.  Do I have to?  Everyone cheers again.  Bell gets rung.  Then we have the hi, boss practice moment.  Ted’s very happy…where they just spell out ‘hi boss’ with their bodies on the ground.  How many fellas seen Sesame Street?  Higgins is participating.  He’s holding the biscuits, so it’s like her first…her morning.  Morning, Higgins.  Morning.  Alright.  Ted’s the I in ‘hi’.  She says hi, Ted.  Can’t hear you.  It’s like a funny sing-songy ‘hi Ted’, too.  She felt it, she felt it.  That’s what I’m talking about.  She laughs.  She says Ted really did…dealt with Rupert.  Bad news; we got unsold seats.  Give them to the opposing team.  Well, that’ll make sure we lose.  We’re gonna get relegated, Higgins says…against Man City.  She goes yeah, that’ll bother Rupert.  She goes, do it, Higgins.  He goes, you know, no, I’m not going to.

     

    She goes, where was that attitude when we were friends?  ‘Cause you can’t take your…punish Rupert for your pain.  She goes, I thought we were friends.  Yeah.  You had every opportunity to do something right, and you never did.  He goes yeah, you’re right.  I deserve that and I’m sorry.  I should have been braver, but this is wrong.  You have to stop this behavior.  She goes, or what?  He goes well, I quit, then.  She goes, you’ll be back.  Then I’ll pay back you.  He storms out.  She leans back, takes a breath, nods, and then Keeley comes in.  She says hi, and then Keeley shows a picture of her and Ted.  You arranged for a photographer to do this.  You said you hired him.  Don’t deny it.  Either you tell Ted or I do.  The episode comes to a close with Rebecca staring and then looking off-screen.  That’s it.  Goodnight, everybody.

     

    [END OF RECORDING]

    (Transcribed by Leah Hervoly)

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