1105 – Tan Lines | Lulling with Lasso S1 E5

Episode 1105 – Tan Lines | Lulling with Lasso S1 E5

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER:    [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’ll do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake.  It could be thoughts that you’re thinking about, things on your mind from the past, the present, or the future.  So thoughts, things on your mind, AKA thoughts, thinking stuff.  The reason I laugh is ‘cause I have…I have so many…I have so much think…so little thoughts, so much thinking, or so much…so little time, so much thoughts.

 

I don’t have quite something that’ll fit on a pillow about my thoughts, except for ones that would be four-letter words with my thoughts on there.  ‘Think’ has five letters, I believe, so it’d be more refer…four letters referring to my thoughts, or what they could…you know.  But thoughts, it could be anything you’re feeling that’s emotionally coming up for you related to those thoughts or to…that are just there, emotions that are just hanging around.  I mean, when I say that, I say…I imagine I go into…this is not how it…how come my emotions always come to me?  It would be great if I could go to them and go down to a basement hangout.  Emotions…instead of…my emotions do live in a cave.  Don’t they have…some people have…where they hang out; they call them dude caves or something like that.

 

My emotions do seem to exist in a cave, but it’s not some sort…it doesn’t have luxury BarcaLoungers and a wide-screen TV.  But I can’t remember.  I had thought of a joke and now I went so off-topic that I’m just picturing…oh, I said is that all you’re gonna do all day?  Alls you do is lie around.  My emotions go no we don’t; just wait.  When are you gonna start pulling your own weight?  Oh, we…no, we’re the weight that you pull.  We don’t pull any weight.  We’re the weight that you pull, us emotions.  Okay, so you’re just gonna lie around?  No, no we’re not gonna lie around all day.  We’re waiting for you to lie down so that we can get to work.  Or do you have anything important coming up that we need to know about?

 

‘Cause we could get…right before it starts, we’ll be…do you have anything that’s import…we could get…is there anything we could get in the way of?  Let’s check your…let’s go over your schedule, oh boy.  So, is that all you do all day?  No.  Well, we’re thinking up ideas.  We’re brainstorming.  So whether it’s emotions…it could be physical sensations related to the thoughts, to the feelings, or physical sensations you’re dealing with.  It could be changes in time, temperature, routine…an emotions cave.  You say, what is that?  That doesn’t sound like a very healthy coping mechanism, Scoots.  Oh, it is; it’s a wonderful place where my emotions hang out with one another and relax.

 

I wish there was another term for it, but I took on the commercial term for dude cave…bruh cave or whatever they call it, where dudes hang out, I guess.  It’s not actually a…it only exists in beer commercials and deodorant commercials.  I think some people have them, but they don’t have any time…they gotta…I don’t think they’re in a lot of use.  Usually they’re play rooms.  They’re a fantasy.  Just over the horizon, some people are saying one day, I’ll have my bruh cave and I’ll be hanging there with my bore…not my not bore-buds; my feisty buds or whatever.  But I decided that since that was not something that’s…some people do have those.  I think they used to call them rumpus rooms.

 

There used to be…here’s a thing; I don’t even know…I’m trying to talk to my brain, but other people listening, there used to be a term in parlance, I think, call…they’d…I can’t imagine ever saying…if I asked someone to come down to my rumpus room, I would only expect one reaction, and it would be a…it would leave a sting, right?  You’d say, would you like to come down to my rumpus room?  No, I would not want to come…what’s…I don’t know what rumpusing is.  Neither do I, but I got a rump…I just…oh, I just bought this place.  They said it comes with a rumpus room.  I guess if you were thinking in a more fantastical Sleep With Me, you’d say that’s where I keep my rumpus.  I ride it off into the great rumple at night.  It’s what I call my…it’s not my bedroom; it’s where I go fantasize.

 

No, no, no, not…no, not that kind of fantasizing around rumpusing.  My rumpus, it’s one of the…it’s kinda like one of those wild things, maybe.  I don’t know.  It’s a rumpus room.  It’s a room for rump…I guess I gotta look up rumpusing.  So, but…oh boy.  I guess…how did we get so off-topic?  Whatever’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that and keep you company while you fall asleep.  That’s really what the show’s here to do.  Rumpus definition…oh, well, rumpus…so, a rumpus room is a noisy disturbance or a commotion.  He caused a rumpus with his flair for trouble-making.  What does rumpus mean?  Yeah, noisy commotion.  Why do they call it a rumpus room?  Oh, it’s from the non…now obsolete word robustious, which means boisterous.  It could have been a play room.

 

Oh, children’s…I thought a rumpus room was where…interesting.  I was wrong the whole time.  Surprise, surprise, regular listeners, am I right?  I thought that was a romper room, which I don’t know if that’s an actual…or that was just a brand name.  Like a rumpus room, I thought was where adults had cocktails, and a romper room was where they put me up until age twenty-four.  They said why don’t you…where the kid’s table was, you know?  But apparently I’m wrong.  So, whatever.  I guess…so, my feel…I could put my emotions in…they say, where do you keep your emotions now that you don’t keep them in that cave of…?  Aren’t you…other thing is aren’t you supposed to be starting a intro to a sleep podcast?  I was.

 

Well, you see, I used to have an emotional cave because I thought…but yeah, then I said…now I give my emotions places to…a roaming room where they could roam around, a rumpus room, a romper room, a roaring room, a rut-row room where they could do imitations…it’s all the same room, by the way.  My emotions don’t know it; don’t tell them.  I always go upstairs when I say rut-row room, ‘cause then they say rut-row.  Then they laugh and they start doing Scooby-Doo.  While they’re distracted, I go upstairs to get back to my pod…even though I’m downstairs.  So if you’re new, oh boy.  So what I’ll do is I’ll send my voice across the deep, dark night.  I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders.

 

Won't be a lot…apparently now that I know the meaning of the word, there will be very little rumpusing going on.  But if there’s a part of you that is…whatever, rumpling or whatever that word was, whether it’s rumping around…Rumpelstilts…whatever.  Whatever it is, rumpusing…I’m trying to think of es orum…rump rumporum.  Why didn’t they call it a rumporium?  What’s a rumporium?  Where I buy stuff for my rumpus room.  Come on down to the rumporium.  Is there a lot of rum there?  No, no, no, it’s spelled…I don’t know how to spell it even though I opened it, ‘cause it only exists in my imagination.  No rum, at least in my rumporium…is a silent P; that’s why you got confused.  Totally makes sense, ‘cause I said rumporium and you thought I said rumorium, but I said rumporium.

 

I’m just trying to start a sleep podcast.  I’m gonna use lulling, soothing tones…lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents.  We’ve already gotten in quite a few superfluous tangents and…whatever those…pointless meanders.  This is all to keep you company and take your mind off whatever’s keeping you awake.  Like I said, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, or changes in time, temperature, routine.  Whatever’s going on, I’m here to keep you company so you could fall asleep, because you deserve a good night’s sleep.  You deserve a place you can rest, and I know what it feels like to be in the deep, dark night, and hundreds of thousands of other people that are listening right now…while not everyone is going through what you’re going through, a lot of us can relate to how it feels, and I say jeez, it’s not that great, right?

 

It can be frustrating.  The way I’ve learned to help is one, by letting you know you do deserve a good night’s sleep.  You do deserve a place you can get some rest.  You do deserve a bedtime you don’t dread, just like my…I guess my feelings feel like they…and they’re probably right…if they were busy, if they had all those rooms…most of my feelings right now while I’m talking, they’re still doing their Scooby-Doo bits.  They’re going ready-row?  Like, they’re asking one another where did I go.  Wheredy-row?  Then they’re saying no, that doesn’t sound quite right.  Wheredy-row?  They say yeah, no, that does sound right.  First we said wheredy-row, but it’s really wheredy-row.  Now they’re hearing my voice, so I gotta get…so, yeah, you deserve a good night’s sleep.

 

The reason I make the show is because one, I know how it feels, like I said, but also I believe if you get the rest you need and you deserve, your life can be more manageable and you can be out there flourishing or just not being so tough, and that is important.  It might not sound important, but it’s important to me.  The other things you need to know is this podcast is very different.  Most people do not like it the first time they listen.  So, if that’s how you feel, that’s a pretty normal reaction, and why wouldn’t it be if you’ve tried out a bunch of different stuff to help you fall asleep and then you listen to this and it’s very different than almost anything you’ve ever listened to.  Though you say okay, it has some…there’s some familiar themes, but it’s like they’ve all been mashed together.  I say yeah, this show’s very different.

 

It does take two or three tries to get used to.  That’s what most listeners say.  So give it a few tries.  If you already know it’s not for you, that’s fine too.  You could check out sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou.  That has other sleep podcasts and other sleep audio.  Because whether you like me or you don’t like me or the podcast helps you or it doesn’t, you still deserve a good night’s sleep, so check out those other options.  I can only help the people the podcast works for.  But the…most of the people…and I’m talking a lot of people that it does work for on a nightly basis, they said oh, it took two or three tries for me to realize how strange it…I knew it was strange right away, but I didn’t realize one, it’s a podcast you don’t really listen to.  You passively listen.

 

You can listen for it to take your mind off of stuff, just like he distracted his feelings by saying rut-row and ralby-right-rack.  That’s what I told them; ralby-right-rack.  They said row-ray.  Row-kray…I don’t know how you say…Scooby-Doo says okay, but row-kray.  You say that’s not it, but…ready-row; that’s what Scooty would…Scooty would say.  He also combined himself and Scooby-Doo to Scooty.  Scooty-Roo, where rar roo?  Oh boy, this has gotten ridiculous fast.  So, this is a podcast you just kinda listen to, whether you have me to a mumble or you’re listening for company in the deep dark night.  I’m more here to keep you company than to put you to sleep.  This podcast is really here to be your friend in the deep, dark night, and take your mind off of stuff, and then you fall asleep while you’re barely listening to me.

 

So, I’m here to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-cuz, your bore-bestie, your bore-bor, your neigh-bore, your bore-bruh, your bore-friend in the…keep you company.  If you can’t sleep, I’m here to the very end.  So whether you’re listening or not, I’m here to be with you with some nonsense.  The other thing that throws people off is the structure of the show.  The show is designed in a very specific way so that you an adjust it, but that it can help the most amount of people possible.  So, the show starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, so you feel welcomed in and you say oh, okay…okay, I’m…I can check this show out.  It does seem like barely…just barely amusing.

 

So, it starts off with a greeting so you feel seen and welcome, then it has support so the show can be free and not pay only…it’s optional to pay for the show, which is great for the people that are not in a position to support the show.  Then there’s support for listeners who are having a tough time, support for communities around the show, and then there’s the intro, which we’re almost all the way through.  The intro lasts somewhere between twelve and twenty minutes.  It’s separate from the support and it’s separate from the story.  It’s really a show within a show where I try to explain what the podcast is and then I go far afield, just like that happened tonight.  Something new happens every time.

 

They say a lot of times with…there’s a band Fish and not everybody’s into it or whatever, but with Fish, sometimes they play these three-night stands, they call them, like shows three nights in a row.  Ray-rows ree nights in a row, what Scooby would say.  But they say never miss a Sunday show, which to me, I say but I…if I gotta go to work on Monday, I can’t possibly do that.  But this…that’s the intro.  Anything could happen with the intro.  Who knew that I would…?  Every time…I don’t even know.  I really was like, I don’t know what I’m gonna talk about tonight.

 

But as long as I sit down and I’m there for the listeners and stay open-minded and follow the structure of the intro which is meant to explain what the podcast is, but also give you plenty of time to wind down whether you’re getting ready for bed or…for a regular listener, the intro gets integrated into your wind-down routine so that you have some separation between the day and the night.  I know…like I said, I’m going off-topic in-between going off-topic here, because that’s what I do.  But that’s what’s important, is…so you can kinda listen as you’re getting ready for bed or you’re doing something else relaxing or you’re in bed, and there is a small percentage of listeners that are asleep.  We’re happy for them.  Row rappy for them.  There’s a percentage of listeners that skip the intro, about 2% or 3%.

 

There’s people that listen to story-only on Patreon.  So, however…but there’s also people listening to intro after intro after intro, so however you listen, you could kinda discover that as you become a regular listener.  But at least initially, try it out.  Try having a wind-down routine.  Try having this show be a part of it, because that is one of the things that really works not all the time for me, but most of the time.  So, that’s the intro, then there’s, again, support between the intro and the story so the show could be free for you wherever you want it, and we can have a bunch of episodes in the archives.  Then it’ll be a bedtime story.

 

Tonight we’ll be looking at Lasso and learn…lull…getting some lulls out of Ted Lasso.  Whether you watch the show or not, believe me, it’ll be nice and lulling and relaxing.  Then there’s thank-yous at the end of the show.  So that’s the structure of the show, that’s why I make the show.  I’m glad you’re here.  I really hope the podcast can help you fall asleep.  I appreciate you coming by, and yeah, I yearn and I strive.  I really hope I can help you fall asleep again.  I say stuff repetitively.  Here’s a couple ways I’m able to do this for you for free twice a week.

 

Alright everybody, it’s time for another episode of Ted Lasso, learning and lulling with Lasso.  We’ll start off with my notes.  This episode is called Tan Lines.  Season 1, Episode 5.  The title is Tucked Right In There.  Starts with music…parking…Higgins’ wife…mustard…puffy coat.  Don’t apologize.  Thank…let him…boys…love you.  Bucks burn?  What does that say?  So, Higgins gets dropped off by his wife, who he apologizes to ‘cause one of the cars is in the shop.  She says don’t apologize; your job is letting us have two cars.  It’s just kinda…sets up their relationship.  Oh, boss burn; that’s what it was, or Rebecca…Bex burn.  So then she says boys, thank your father for going to work every day.  Then they say love you, love you, and then she says by the way, I loathe your boss.  Give her my best.

 

Ted bumps his head while the family’s watching.  Physical comedy…relatable.  Someone that bumps their head a lot.  Then Rebecca’s in her office with tea and Ted.  Biscuits with the boss.  Ted’s got his ice on his…blue gel ice on his head.  He starts oversharing; we’ll cover that when we watch the episode.  Oklahoma…King and I…instant ice.  Pacle?  P-A-C-L-E.  Is that a word?  Ted…hand…a caberet.  Z…let’s see if we could figure this out.  Oh, ice pack, a instant ice pack.  It was…pack’s on the second line.  P-A-C-K.  It looks like P-A-C-L-E.  Ted’s hand over label?  Question mark.  Not Ted’s…could be Gobert.  Ted’s hand over Gobert?  Question mark.  No, Ted’s hand is over the label.  Jamie’s apartment…art in the foyer.  I said is that a foyer?  What’s a foyer?  Well, maybe we’ll look that up.

 

Keeley meets her biggest fan…also a fan of Jamie in his briefs.  Thank you, Jamie.  He also had a picture of himself in his kitchen that’s subtley placed.  Rotes promo shoot…oh, pilsner?  Some sort of…or something.  Keeley…oh no, they’re still talking about it.  Keeley leaves her keys…Jamie won't pass during…what do they call it?  Practice.  Ted talks about peanut butter on the kitchen counter without a lid.  Roy likes it.  Sam…I heard my name.  Then we hear, dad?  Cat…I said, a cab dropped him off.  You’d think he would have his friend.  Was it…Ollie do it?  Then Nate says that law is…I think that run is longer than he knows.  Beard says that was a metaphor.  He gives a helicopter to his son and to his wife.  Ted kids his kid.  Really funny stuff.  Very natural, too.  Higgins, Rebecca…all going smashing.

 

Like taking…ruining the club and stuff.  Higgins goes, ugh.  Jamie…he’s doing some promotion for a beer, a pilsner.  Keeley and Rebecca joke?  Jamie…oh no, Jamie’s trying to joke with the beer.  Beer in a corn or something.  Unibeer.  Rebecca and Keeley talk about jobs and offering jobs in the loo.  A lot of truth and humor in that.  What do you do anyway?  I’m almost famous for being almost famous.  Plan B…Plan B here?  Plan B, yeah?  Plan B, yes?  Ted and fam go to the pub.  Hebaz is the name of one of the fellas that’s always on Ted’s case.  He says some bad words and Ted says I’d like you to meet my family.  She says wife’s…coach’s wife.  She’s heard it all.  Table…the woman that runs the pub gives darts to Ted’s son so he can play darts, and then him and his…she brings him and his wife to the table.

 

Ted must have let her know he was coming, which sounds very Ted-like.  Fish and chips…it’s a little bit awkward.  Even Ted can’t even speak.  He says something like [MUMBLING].  Then she tries to carry the conversation.  Do you think they’re gonna serve the fish and chip in newsprint?  His son plays darts.  Jamie…gum…confidence.  Roy and Keeley…who asked you?  Apologizes…feel the energy.  Go pee…Lego moments.  Idealized…they have…so, Ted’s…so let’s see what happens.  Jamie is chewing gum and he’s very confident.  He has an interaction with Keeley, but she turns him down.  Then Roy sees that and says you’re smart.  She goes, who asked you?  He apologizes.  I don’t know what feel the energy means, but basically she says should I ask you for permission for everything from now on?  I think I will.

 

Then she walks away.  She texts him; is it okay if I go pee?  Then we go to Ted and his wife and son.  They’re having this perfect Lego moment where they’re putting Legos together, drinking juice and water as a family.  There’s music…romantic music playing.  Field of Dreams…paradigm in music.  If you build it, they will come.  ‘Cause his wife’s like, why are you making a double-decker bus, a Lego double-decker bus, when we could be riding one?  Ted says Field of Dreams paradigm.  Family back…happy Ted.  Oh, family bed.  So they’re all in bed together.  Rebecca is…?  No, his wife’s not Rebecca.  His wife and his son are asleep, but Ted’s lying on his back, happy.  Keeley…posh.  Is that what that says?  Keeley poster…no, we see Keeley’s poster on the wall on Ted’s street.  Ted’s picked up breakfast.  He’s very chipper.

 

It’s a scone.  He has a scoop of peanut butter.  Oh, Michelle…we see Michelle, her back, then we see her…she turns around; she’s in tears.  Ted…very similar…I can relate.  It’s like, I want to resolve this immediately.  So, Ted says we gotta resolve this immediately.  Oklahoma.  This is really powerful stuff.  She says okay, well, I’ll just keep try…I’ll keep trying, Ted, to love you, basically.  She doesn’t say it like that; she says it in a way like, truthfully I’m gonna keep trying.  I don’t know, great writing, ‘cause it’s like, on paper…even in person, Ted’s amazing, handsome, I’d say, charming, outgoing, just…and to have a sibling like that is very optimistic like this, like Lasso-esque.

 

But you’d say man, Ted’s…so, I can see from her perspective why she’d say it must be me and not you, and I just gotta figure out a way…like I’m married to Ted Lasso; how could I…how can I not be into it?  Say well, it’s a fictional character on a fictional…oh, okay.  Let’s see.  Michelle, Ted…Oklahoma; that’s their word to tell the truth.  I’ll keep trying.  Son comes out in a jersey with no pants, but Ted is stunned after their talk.  He goes into the office.  Nate and Beard are there.  Beard laughs at something Nate says, which we’ll cover.  Five minutes for steak and relationships.  Nate knows that’s 440…4,438 miles that Ted has traveled to London.  Beard smiles at that fact.  He says well, my dad’s a cartographer.  He told me…he’s telling me I was .001 miles tall.  Ted talks about doing too much.

 

Space…she needs space.  440…4,438 miles of space, maybe.  Then Higgins comes in.  His phone was lost, which I guess is a ongoing thing I never noticed.  He almost dropped his phone last episode.  There’s just a funny thing with Beard; he says oh no, Beard, I…Beard says I found it.  Don’t worry, I optimized it.  Deleted some apps.  Not Battleship, I hope.  Oh, well, I was playing it too much.  Hold your horses, Higgins.  Oh, can I be in the inner sanctum of Ted…Team Lasso?  Well, how did…well, what’s your life like?  Well, I got a twenty-year-old cat, five boys, three dogs.  A lot more details.  Beard likes his cat…cat’s sad, too.  Oh, he makes this cat sound.  ‘Cause Ted says so, is your life easy?  He goes, did I tell you about the five boys, the three dogs, and the cat I love that’s very old?  Then Ted says 911 truth.

 

Then they go 999 truth here.  Then Ted…they go, wait, why did we never think of that?  999 versus 911.  You’re right, Ted.  One key issue; that explains it.  Errol…wall…oh, Arlo White…Errol While…Arlo White…game starts.  Jamie…no part of…oh, this is before the game.  He doesn’t take part in the team-building.  Ted’s not happy.  Deal…let’s make a deal, yee…with your yee-haw BS.  This is team tragic.  Jamie Tartt…Jamie Tartt…do do do do.  Little lad…then his son comes in.  So, Jamie’s very rude to Ted, but as soon as Ted’s son comes in, Jamie’s nice.  I’ll sign your shirt.  Next time I score a goal, it’ll be for you and for me, but not anybody else.  Just you and me.  Just for us.  Good lad.  Then he’s call…then he says the same thing to Beard, kind of.  Sound, song…June…Tartt…say…pub.  I don’t know what that says.

 

Sun…Sone June…Tartt…say…pub…2-0 down.  But we’ll find out in a minute.  Crowd’s yelling at Ted.  June…solo…Jamie has a solo goal.  So…might have been Jamie.  Oh, something Jamie Tartt.  Sang…songs…Jamie Tartt.  Budding star, Jamie Tartt; that’s said at some point, but that doesn’t start with two Ss or an S and an E.  Oh, singing the Jamie Tartt song?  No.  Jamie Tartt’s singing it, though.  Crowd yelling at Ted.  Jamie solo goal…budding superstar.  That’s when they say it.  Jamie’s pointing at his number saying me, me, me.  Ted says, what is he saying?  Nate says me, me.  Not meat.  Sam goes down…Jamie does not care.  Then we have a little Roy v Jamie action.  Wishing Sam…more…Jamie gets yad…Sam’s okay.  Roy gives him great advice for the crowd.  Go…something rhetorical.  Goal?  I don’t know.  Goal?  Go.

 

I don’t know.  Go…fringly…rhetorical.  So, let’s see.  I’ll tell you what happens.  So, Jamie scores a goal.  He’s happy.  Then Sam…there’s a yellow card on Sam, then Jamie gets a yellow card for ignoring Sam, then going back and forth with Roy.  Jamie still scores again, and…goal.  Oh, so that’s what that says.  Ted runs to Rebecca…is it okay if I bench Jamie?  Up to the stands.  You have my full support.  His wife and his son are there, and Keeley.  Then he calls to the side-judge or whatever; he says hey, highlighter, we’re taking Jamie Tartt out.  I mean, he says the numbers.  Beard is stunned.  Robert’s on.  Tartt off.  Crowd’s not happy.  Jamie has a stink face.  Roy’s confused.  Jamie’s mad.  That’s halftime.  Jamie’s jersey’s on the floor.  The locker room’s smoky.  Ted makes a big speech.  First time seeing tan lines.

 

The speech is really for himself.  Beard makes eyes…you know that, but he manages to make it not about himself.  Lady Football…eyes on me.  Then he touches the believe.  Then new healed Tartt…Kent to Obisanya.  So, Roy gets a breakaway…gets past the last person, passes to Sam.  Goal.  Cheers, hugs, claps.  Nate jumps on Ted.  So sorry; I’m just so happy.  Roy shakes Ted’s hand.  Same word, but different, bard…board.  Doborum…so, Roy shakes Ted’s hand.  Same world, but different…same world, but different body?  Oh yeah, so…something.  He says same word, but he goes…then Beard does…you mean the actor?  Ronald Reagan?  He does Doc Brown saying that.  Daddy wants a work week…daddy wants a…oh, what’s a wanker?  He says daddy, what’s a wanker?

 

It’s a person who wants to be alone with their thoughts.  Rebecca, oh sheet.  Oh, shoot.  Sheet of rain?  Rebecca…oh.  Rain…Ted and Rebecca…how they met.  Keeley and Roy…start of something.  Roy there for apologize…goodnight, Keeley.  Would not change a single thing.  I got no control over it.  I’m going to be okay.  Not quitting, just letting me go.  Ted says goodbyes…Beard’s there to help pick up the pieces with an umbrella and pints.  He nods.  They have two different umbrella…Beard…umbrellas are different shapes, slightly.  Beard spins his umbrella for a bit.  Okay, so that’s my notes on the episode.  Let’s hit Play on it.  This one is thirty-three minutes, believe it or not.  Let’s see, we got the TV Apple Original and Warner Bros. Television…this is all the lead-up.

 

Then we see a light stand, the stands, the pitch, the parking lot.  Nate’s car is there.  Rebecca’s car is there.  Higgins says goodbye to his wife.  Someone is actually walking by in the background.  Tell him, boys.  Love you, love you, darling.  Kiss goodbye.  Good luck to your boss.  Best.  Higgins laughs.  Ted’s walking in, not paying attention.  Then he’s in the…Rebecca’s office.  For Ted, pretty casual; he only has two layers on, like a sweater and a t-shirt.  Maybe even just a sweater.  You don’t have to talk about your personal problems with me, Ted.  We tried a lot of stuff.  Are you telling me this ‘cause I shared with you?  Ted goes oh, well.  We have this code word from therapy; Oklahoma.  Then we gotta tell the truth if someone says it.  Pretty helpful, but ruined the musical.  Oh, what a beautiful morning.

 

Surry with French on top, or…shall we dance?  He says no, that’s from The King and I, Rebecca.  Anyway, if I hear any tunes from that, I think my optimism…she says my optimism is too much.  I like how Rebecca sits back in her chair and leans her head back to talk about this.  Lesson learned.  Now she leans forward.  Getting close to each other; great.  She says, I do.  Ted says really?  Oklahoma?  She goes, no.  We see Jamie’s apartment.  Very traditional other than the art.  The foyer part compared to the background is ultra-modern.  We see Jamie’s latest date who’s a bit fan of Keeley.  She’s got milk, there’s French-pressed coffee.  Jamie with no pants no.  Oh, also, Jamie had robots.  That must have been one of the things I was trying to recognize.  Kinda like Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em robots.  Jamie’s just kicking it.

 

She says jeez, sometimes when I break up with somebody, I wonder if I made a mistake, but you’re making it easy…that my decision was correct.  Not only is Jamie’s picture…it’s a side profile picture shot.  Jamie’s like, you’re welcome.  He’s so Jamie that Keeley’s like, holy cow.  He goes, you’re gonna be at my promo shoot later?  She goes yeah, the one I set up?  Yeah.  She says nice to meet you.  Was that keys? It was something else, it looked like.  It looked like a fringe of something.  No, it’s a key.  It’s just one key, though, which makes sense; the key to his front door.  She leaves her key…we go to training.  Jamie does not pass the ball to Sam, who’s wide open.  He kicks it near the goal, but the coach catches it.  Make the extra pass.  Sam was more open than the jar of peanut butter on my counter, which is the idea that Roy likes.

 

Just my…stick my finger in when I walk by.  Now, Sam was open; pass to him.  Why?  Sam’s not gonna score, Jamie says.  Oh, I heard my name.  He says tomorrow we gotta play like a team.  That’s why we keep losing.  Let’s keep going ‘til we get this right.  Then you hear dad.  Ted also has amber sunglasses on, or sepia ones.  He starts running.  He’s running Lasso-style.  Longer run than he thinks.  Metaphor.  Keeps running, sees his…gives some helicopters.  Two-spin helicopters for both.  It’s windy and they do have proper jackets on.  Overcast…group hug.  Look at how tall you got.  You could talk now.  He’s joking.  You got teeth.  This is the kind of comedy I love.  Then Higgins is like sorry, the…this match is not sold out.  We’ve lost four in a row.  Facing relegation.  Rebecca says why be sorry?  It’s going great.

 

Then we have Jamie doing the pilsner…Darsteiner is the beer.  Favorite beer of Jamie Tartt.  Shows off his tattoos.  One is Chinese for arm.  I couldn’t get that one in the thing.  Drink the beer, Jamie.  Rebecca says, are you going out with Jamie?  No.  I get 10%, you know.  I’m managing this.  She goes oh, you really care.  I could kiss you.  If I was as tall as you, I’d kiss you on the lips, Rebecca.  Brewnicorn; that’s what his joke is, which is better than mine, beernicorn and beerby.  He goes, look at all…Jamie’s hamming it up.  That’s when Rebecca offers Keeley a job finding some more branding opportunities for other players.  A bunch of layers of jokes there.  Employment…and come on, we can do it.  We can do…give each other…offer each other employment, too.  I mean, what is it you do again?

 

I’m sorta famous for being almost famous.  Well, what’s your…whatever your Plan B is?  Then we have the family walking together.  Oh, this is when they’re going into the pub.  Ted’s…yeah.  It’s when they say come on, win a game, man.  Hey Baz.  Fellas, this is my wife, Michelle.  She’s a coach’s wife, so she’s heard people with bad attitudes before.  Go play some darts, kid.  I’ll take your mom and dad to the table.  Three fish and chips, two pints.  That’s when Ted says habbita…[MUMBLING] they wrap the fish and chips in newspaper.  I love it; have my food teach me stuff.  She’s…of course, that would be your dream scenario, like a donut that knows the history of Rosa Parks.  He goes yeah, okay.  Then he comes back, the son.  He’s had…he’s not very good at darts.  No surprise…then Jamie and Keeley are talking.

 

Goes hey, would you want to hang later at my place?  Look at this face.  Goes, we could look at the pictures together, you know?  He’s chewing gum, which does add to it.  She goes no thanks, Jamie.  That’s when Roy comments on it and she’s like, what is it of your business, dude?  He’s got his Wrinkle in Time, which we begin to see again and again and again.  She goes, I’m not with Jamie.  We broke up.  Okay.  Sorry about that; I apologize.  She goes oh no, I want you to weigh in on everything now.  Everything…I’ll text you.  You think she’s joking, but she’s not.  She goes…then Roy says you know, Jamie’s really a jerk.  He doesn’t even pass the ball.  That’s what I’m dealing with.  She goes oh, is it okay to go to the bathroom if my bladder’s full?  Roy goes yeah, in his head.  Then we get to the Legos.  We see the Lego instructions.

 

We don’t see the Lego brand, but even if they were hinting…and Ted’s wife also was good with layering clothes, which is very important.  Son is not, but he doesn’t…he’s a kid.  He probably doesn’t notice the temperature changes.  Then we got slow-mo Lego.  Okay, we do see that Ted does have a t-shirt on under his sweater, just in case you were wondering.  It looks like a grey t-shirt.  The camera’s going in 360-degrees circle around them as they’re laughing.  Then we pan across the family bed.  They all sleep on their backs, and Ted wears a shirt to bed.  It’s Kansas City…something shirt.  We see Keeley’s posters.  House of Frasier; that’s one of the stores by Ted’s.  Someone said rosy and java.  That’s not where Ted had the coffee from.  He says check out the scone.  Looks like a muff…tastes like a muffin; looks like a biscuit.

 

Thanks, dad.  Ted takes a little peanut butter.  Sees Michelle.  He smiles, and then he sees she’s a little upset.  She goes maybe I’m just jet-lagged.  It’s fine, Ted.  He goes no, no, no, Oklahoma.  His eyes are really wide.  He nods.  Come on, tell me.  She goes jeez, every day I’m trying.  I hope I’m gonna change the way I feel, but I’ll keep trying.  You know I will, Ted.  Then the son comes and they say okay, let’s get you ready for this match today, or whenever.  Yeah, I think it’s the same day.  Ted kinda paces.  He’s struck, man.  Then he’s back in the office, struck.  I don’t know what to do.  Nate kinda makes some unsolicited comments, but he goes yeah, I’m not married, so I don’t know.  Beard, have you been married?  That’s when he laughs; hah.  Coach’s five-minute steak…cooking.

 

Nate says it’s a personal question; why did you move 4,438 miles away, then?  He goes, that’s a specific number.  Oh, dad’s a cartographer.  Beard likes this personal stuff.  So does Ted, actually.  Ted smiles.  Good question.  Why’d I do it?  At some point I realized I was…being around so much was not solving the problem.  So, thought maybe space would do it.  Like, I would do something sweet…her and the therapist decided some space would be good.  Well, 4,400 and — what’d you say? — 38 miles, yeah, worth of space.  Higgins comes in.  Somebody’s got my phone.  Beard says yep, it’s optimized.  Hope you didn’t delete Battleship.  Well, I shouldn’t play it anyway.  Or Battleships.  Leave you lads to planning.  Hold on, buddy.  Wait a second.  Can you give us your input?  Sure, maybe.  What can I help you with?

 

Team Lasso…oh boy.  You’ve been married a while, right?  Twenty-eight years I’ve been married.  Five boys, three dogs, and a twenty-year-old cat who I’m emotionally invested in.  One small house…fit us all in there.  Sounds like a full life.  But you’ve had ups and downs, huh?  Yeah.  Did you hear all that?  That’s when he makes the cat sounds.  Beard laughs.  But when the…with the right person, even the hard times are easy, Higgins says.  Then they say oh boy, or Ted says I don’t know.  See a bunch of coffee mugs and a coffee cup in Ted’s office, too, or a coffee maker.  Maybe they should change 999 to 911.  Doesn’t seem good for little kids and stuff.  Yeah, I guess you solved it, Ted.  Thanks for solving that.  Arlo White, Chris Powell…Nelson Road Stadium.  Home game…circle it up, Roy says.  Everybody circles up but Jamie.

 

On three; one, two, three.  Let’s go.  Jamie’s taking selfies and sitting there.  That’s when Ted glares.  He goes over and he goes Jamie, what are you doing?  Didn’t want to…I didn’t want to join the team.  Sometimes you remind me of my grandma with the channel-hopper.  Always pressing the wrong buttons.  Jamie says, how about we make a deal?  Okay.  You keep preaching your yee-haw stuff and I’ll keep ignoring you, ‘cause this team’s tragic.  I’m the only good thing you got going for you.  Ted’s…raises his eyebrows.  Jamie says I’m the only one people want to see, anyway.  Sound fair?  Ted goes, I’d love…I’m not having a great day, so…Jamie goes, it doesn’t matter.  I’m already listening to people say baby shark, but Jamie Tartt.  He does a little dance.  Ted says cut the crap, then his son comes in.

 

He has his moment with Jamie.  Hello, little lad.  Now Ted’s son does have layers, ‘cause he has this…he probably has three…he has the jersey over his shirt.  Yeah, I’m gonna score a goal for me and for you, but for me also.  Just for us.  Good lad.  Then he says the same thing to Beard, who just breathes through his nose.  Oh, Ted’s son sings Jamie Tartt.  That’s my other notes.  Come on, goalie.  Canadian midfielder scores against Richmond.  Six minutes down, two-nil.  People are making their feelings known, how much they dislike Ted.  Ted can’t…his son is…then we see Jamie.  Find space…good pass to Obisanya, but no; scores.  Doing it himself.  Solo goal…Jamie Tartt.  Everybody’s happy.  Oh, the guy from the street that’s…made comments to Ted saying that…twenty-ninth minute; 2-1.

 

Jamie’s yelling ‘me’ and pumping up his back.  Okay, that makes more sense.  Then we have…Sam gets tripped.  That’s a yellow card.  They get a free shot, but Sam’s still resting.  Somebody check on him.  Jamie steps over him.  Roy says you’re supposed to check on your teammate.  Then Jamie says why don’t you move out of the way, instead of checking on Sam.  He’s not worried about it.  Roy is, so Roy and Jamie go back and forth.  Kent versus Tartt.  This has never happened since something like Newcastle.  Let’s see…I don’t know.  Oh, 2001, yeah.  Season lows for Richmond…sinks even lower.  Roy’s…or Sam says he’s fine.  Roy says okay, well, get up and act like it.  Get up slowly, limp around, and then gesture that you can bravely go on.  The crowd will love it.  So, Sam gets up.  He’s gonna play through it.

 

Such determination.  Atta boy, Sam.  Then Tartt takes a free kick.  Thirty-seven minutes right now.  Will he pass it or will he just shoot it on goal?  He just shoots it on goal.  I don’t know, in that case maybe he shouldn’t pass it, though, ‘cause he made it.  But two for Jamie Tartt, but…special player.  Jamie’s mostly…he’s not celebrating with his team; he’s just celebrating himself.  We see a team reaction, and that’s actually what pushes Ted to make the move…runs into the stands up to Rebecca.  Everybody’s like, what is he doing?  Good cardio, running those stairs.  Pulls himself up to Rebecca’s box.  Keeley’s there, Higgins is there, a couple other people are there.  You’re the manager, Ted.  You could do whatever you want.  You have my full support.  Ted runs back down and he says Roberts, you’re going in.

 

That’s where he says we got a sub going in.  Beard’s…can’t believe it himself.  Okay.  Early substitution.  Roberts on…Jamie Tartt off?  WTF, it says on the screen for the time.  What on Earth, they say, taking off his best player.  Jamie has a white undershirt on; Roy has a blue undershirt on, just in case you were wondering.  Jamie won't even shake Ted’s hand or give him a five.  That’s half.  What kind of reception awaits Lasso in the locker room?  Jamie’s jersey’s gone, so Jamie’s gone, I guess.  We see the smoky room…Ted comes out, says sit down and listen.  I’m gonna make a speech like in the movies this time.  They even invite Nate to sit down.  We’re a tie game.  He goes, we’re broken.  We need to change.  Change isn’t easy.

 

Once you’re playing freeze tag with your friends, next thing you know you’re getting zits, your voice goes low, and that’s when you see your first tan line, Scanlon.  Ted smiles and everybody else smiles.  Striking woman.  Not classically beautiful, but striking.  They laugh.  Most of the time, change is a good thing.  He’s got them.  That’s what life’s about, embracing change, being brave, doing what you have to so everybody in your life can move forward with their lives.  Beard is like, oh boy.  It goes, maybe that’s the only way to make her happy.  He moves his eyes.  Everybody looks at each other.  What?  Lady Football, I mean.  They say oh, yeah, yeah.  Thanks, Coach.  Good save, Beard says.  Sam, you’re gonna go to midfield during the second half, and Beard’s got some plans.

 

One last thing, and pay attention to this, and he smashes believe in a positive way.  Beard says eyes on me.  Everyone gathered around.  Then there’s two minutes added time.  Level at two goals apiece.  They played well without Jamie, then Roy’s open.  Nice pass to Roy, who makes a run.  Could take it himself, but he passes it and it goes through to Sam, who scores.  In the onion bag, as they say, I think.  Everybody’s cheering; the pub, Rebecca’s box, everybody but Rebecca.  But eventually she cheers politely, ‘cause she’s like, oh boy.  Then it goes full time.  That’s when everybody…the whole team’s cheering.  Nate jumps on Coach…sorry, I’m just so happy.  Love the energy.  Take this little guy.  Everybody’s like yeah, yeah, nicely done, nicely done.  Roy says yeah, I’m proud of you, Roy.

 

That’s all we got, buddy.  Way to play.  They’re saying…singing the same cheer but in a different way.  Oh, that’s what it is.  Same word; different meaning.  Kinda like back in the eighties when bad meant good.  Then they do their inside joke.  Who’s president back then?  Ronald Reagan?  Then he does Doc Brown.  Beard goes to shake the hands of the officials.  Son runs to him.  He does a long run, actually.  Hugs his dad…now he has another layer on, a jacket, ‘cause it’s a night game.  He asks his dad oh yeah, it’s just when you’re alone with your thoughts, son.  Does that make sense?  Not really, but let me give it a better view of the stadium.  Wave to everybody, let them see you.  Then it starts to rain.  Rebecca’s like, this is not working out.

 

Then his son is playing a little bit of soccer in the rain while Ted and his wife kinda talk about stuff, the first time they met; in a big parking lot at the exact same time.  That’s when we jump to Roy and Keeley in a second.  So random.  Keeley puts something in her boot.  Roy’s standing there.  She goes, what the heck?  He goes sorry about that.  He goes, I just want to apologize for yesterday.  It was none of my business.  She goes, it’s okay.  It’s very cold out.  They share a moment, and then Roy just says goodnight, Keeley, and walks off.  Keeley smiles and watches him.  Goodnight, Roy.  Everything we’ve been through, we go back to Ted and his wife.  Wouldn’t change a single thing.  Red eyes, even now.  He goes, I know, Michelle, there’s nothing…it’s out of my control, I guess.

 

She goes yeah, you’re not giving up, though.  You’re just letting me go.  But it’s a good life lesson.  There’s so many things out of our control that we try to control.  It’s not just about this relationship.  It’s gonna be okay though, right?  Yeah.  Then we see…they look at…both look at their son and they take another moment.  Oh, this is when he says yeah, I can’t quit, though.  She goes, you’re not quitting.  Ted’s like holy cow, it’s even harder.  He does some sniffling and lip-licking.  Really good performance.  Wipes his eyes.  Then they go, you ready?  Okay, yeah.  Thanks.  Thanks, Shannon, for playing soccer with my son.  I’ll see you the second’s over, bud…season’s over, buddy.  We’re gonna talk every day for sure.  Give me a hug.  He gives his son a hug.  One-armed hug, ‘cause he’s got the umbrella.  Love you.

 

Then him and Michelle kinda stand off, and she gives him a hug.  He lets his umbrella go down.  She leans hers back.  No, hers is over their head, I guess.  Depends on the shot.  They separate.  Ted’s stunned, very stunned.  But then he goes to sit down alone, and his friend comes.  Again, this…when I get choked up multiple times an episode, even watching this three or four times; this is just such a lovely moment.  Ted’s at a low point.  Can see it in his eyes.  He sits down in his khakis and his sneakers and his puffy coat.  His friend’s there to help him.

 

He has a pint, and they sit side by side.  Beard’s there for him.  He says yeah, let’s have this together.  One of the fans walks by and says hey, you did good tonight, Coach.  You might turn this around.  That’s when the two friends cheers each other, hold their umbrellas.  Beard spins his…I think one half-rotation.  Yeah, half-rotation.  No, a three-quarter rotation, takes a sip, and the episode comes to a close.  So, another nice episode of lulling and…lulling with Lasso.  Goodnight, everybody.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

(Transcribed by Leah Hervoly)

Notable Language:

• Luxury BarcaLoungers
• The Ruh Roh Room
• The Field of Dreams Paradigm

Notable Culture:

• Scooby Doo
• The King & I
• “Baby Shark”

Notable Talking Points:

• Is the Man Cave just the modern Rumpus Room?
• A Perfect Lego Moment
• Life is about embracing change and being brave