1102 – Lulling Labor Day of Love | All Intros 777-781
Lucky, yet sleepy sevens start this strange and soporific soliloquy.
Episode 1102 – Lulling Labor Day of Love | All Intros 777 – 781
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, it’s time for the podcaster who…I kinda sound a little bit like a narrator on a monorail or something. It’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep, patrons. Thanks for the support.
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature. Whatever’s got you…work schedule, whatever it is, I’d like to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff while you fall asleep. If you’re new, welcome. I’m glad you’re here. What I’m gonna do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.
I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents. Oh boy, I don’t even know how long I’ll be on topic or off-topic, but I’ll be here. I’ll be here to keep you company. If you’re new, here’s a couple…let’s see, here’s a couple things to know; if you’re skeptical, I’m glad you are. This podcast is a little bit different. It takes some getting used to. I’m glad you’re here, and I’m here to help you drift off. So…oh, if you’re new, I was gonna try to…oh, first off, the podcast doesn’t always make a whole lot of sense and it takes a while to get started, takes a while for me…if I’m going to get to a point, it takes a while for me to get to a point. The podcast is a lot of filler, the best kind of filler, though. You say ooh, this is a…fill ‘er up with filler words. I’d say, I sure will.
I’ll put as many filler words in here as I can; ums, ahs, and actual words that I’m doing in a manner just to be filler words. That was an example. Ta-da. I just landed like a gymnast or a ice skater, as I just demonstrated my use of filler words. But so…oh, if you’re new, it’s a little…this podcast is also a little bit silly. Structurally what to expect is the show starts off with a few minutes of business. That’s how we keep the show free and open to everybody. So, that’s great. Then there’s an intro. This is where, if you’re new, it could throw you off. The intro of the show is actually a part of the show and actually a part of putting people to sleep, but it does take twelve to fourteen minutes. But there’s different use cases; that’s part of what the intro is. You got your new user. That might be you; welcome.
You got your regular, long-term users. Hey, what’s up? How you doing? You have people that are getting ready for bed. Oof, your brushing technique is excellent, and wow, are you good at petting pets. There’s people that listen as part of their wind-down when they’re already in bed. Hey, snuggle in, get comfy. What’s up? Don’t worry, I’m just here auditorally. There’s people that listen during the day to calm down. Yeah, it’s tough out there being human, for sure. There’s a few…small percentage of people that skip ahead to eighteen or twenty minutes to the story. Hey, I guess you’re not hearing this, but don’t always skip ahead to the story, ‘cause you kinda miss out on me talking about stuff, but you can. I think that’s all the…I mean, there’s other use cases, but those are the ones I wanted to tell you about.
That’s why the show is…has a long intro, mostly ‘cause I know it takes a little bit of…wind-down is part routine, and this intro is kind of like a routine within a routine. It’s a routine meant to be part of your bedtime routine. Did I mention it’s full of filler words? ‘Cause I was really…that’s when I was on-point, when I was making those filler word jokes. If I had a dump truck full of filler words, I’d have it right here for you. Okay, so that’s the intro, then there’s a bedtime story, and there’s business between the intro and the story, and at the end of the show are some thank-yous. So, that’s structurally what to expect, and it’s…the podcast, at first, it can be a tough proposal, ‘cause you say okay, this is supposed to put me to sleep. What’s he talking about? Well, not much. No pressure to listen.
I’m talking so you don’t need to listen to me. It’s kinda…I’m kinda talking to be here while you fall asleep, to keep you company, but there’s also no pressure to fall asleep. The reason I’m here for an hour…the episodes are over an hour, is I’m here to keep you company. If you…just in case you can’t drift off, I’m here all the way to the end. I take this podcast very seriously, even though it’s a little bit of…nonsensical. So, that’s…I guess that’s the structure of the show, that’s what to expect. No pressure on you; no pressure to fall asleep, no pressure to listen. I’m always trying to look for ways to be more mindful, and this is just something I wanted to share and also something that caught my curiosity.
I said…I’ve been saying to myself, Scoots, you gotta be more mindful in the future, ‘cause oh boy, in the past, we just haven’t been mindful. What do we…how are we gonna be mindful later when we get to that later point when we have plenty of space to be mindful? Eventually I said okay, well, here’s one thing I know I do every day, is walk the dog. I take Koa for a walk. Sometimes I listen to podcasts during that, but I said well, what if I try to be mindful at that time? Then, this isn’t something that happened instantly; I said whoa, boy, what’s this…other than cleaning up and…I said well, if I could smell all the smells she’s smelling, maybe I would be mindful. But the only smell I can smell is this bag I’m carrying around, even though it’s…it was supposed to be…it’s tied up and everything, but…so then I said well, let me see; let’s pay attention to the trees.
That’s something good. Then I said what else could I pay attention to that would keep me in the moment that also…in a non-pressure way, kinda like this; I say well, I don’t want to be…I don’t want to be should-mindful. I don’t know if that’s a term. Maybe that could be a chapter in a book; Should-Mindful. ‘Cause when I do that, I just feel like the sh- part with other words than -ould…’cause I say well, I don’t want to…why do I have to be…? I think you know what I mean, if you’re a listener of this podcast. I’d like to be…you know, ideally one day I’ll be organically mindful, and that definitely could be a chapter in a book. But currently, a lot of times I’m a different kind of organically mindful. I have mindfulness compost, and that could be a whole ‘nother topic for me to go off on.
But one thing I found was walking around, looking for TV antennas. Now, some of you know what a TV antenna is on a house or an apartment building. Some of you don’t. Like, once upon a time…but you got TVs through these antennas, and they were pretty big, and they would be on the roofs of stuff. I don’t know if we ever had…if I lived somewhere with a TV antenna on the roof, but I’m not sure. I’d have to talk to my parents and stuff. But it used to be you took a big antenna to get the TV signals. I don’t know why. I guess I could do the research why. Then people started watching TV on cable, and then they had dish television services, which you still see those. Those aren’t as ubiquitous as…they were never as big as antennas.
But so, anyway, these antennas, though, they were very interesting to look at, and as soon as you notice them, one, you say whoa, there’s still houses that have antennas. I’m surprised. Then you start to wonder when you go around a corner, am I gonna see a house with an antenna? What is it, one out of every twenty houses? One out of every thirty? One out of every ten? Then you notice houses with the dishes on there. But every antenna…I don’t…I guess this is a loaded word, like I said. Every antenna seems to be somewhat unique. I mean, I know that wasn’t always the case. They’re a bit like weather vanes. I don’t know, to me, they’re birdlike. They stand regally ‘cause they’re there to collect something in the air. I don’t know, I’d…I really…things sleep podcasters say for…I really like looking at TV antennas on buildings.
What can I say? I guess I’m destined to be a sleep podcaster. But it may help you to be mindful, ‘cause most of the time I’m not…my mind is going forward and backwards, anticipating, regretting, predicting, whatever, and I’m trying to find ways to ground myself. Now, I don’t know if this is technically mindfulness or not, but I will say it’s observing things in the moment that I enjoy, in a pec…in a way I said well, that’s peculiar. Is anybody using their TV antenna? Do those even collect digital signals? I think that’s a legitimate question. If so, what kind of…that’s gotta get some pretty good fidelity. So, just some things I think about and I don’t know, that you could try if you’re out walking or walking your dog.
Take a look around for TV antennas. If you’re…wherever you are in the world, let me know about your TV antennas; maybe even share on Instagram or Twitter some TV antenna pics. Especially if you’re a younger person and you say well, these things…that was news to me. I always thought those were…what did you think they were, especially when you were a kid? That’s interesting. So anyway…and again, if…again, if we…it would be interesting to see what…they’d say well, are those some sort of sculpture? Those are modern-day gargoyles. Maybe somebody observing us from another planet that’s also young; somehow they have great technology, but they weren’t here for the TV antenna age. OTA, they call it; over the air. You can still watch TV that way. Maybe I’ll hook up my TV antenna if I could find it.
It doesn’t go on the roof, but it’s always a good way to…it can be really fun. Well, I don’t know if I’ll be able to find a…what do you call that? Remote, either. But anyway, it’s something I’ll think about. But what was I gonna say? Here’s the thing; I make this show to take your mind off of stuff and to keep you company while you drift off, and I work very hard. Now, this podcast doesn’t work for everybody, as I said, but give it a few tries. That’s what most reviewers say, is well, it took a couple tries, then I realized it doesn’t make a lot of sense, and I kind of…then I started falling asleep. I really, truly believe you deserve a good night’s sleep, and I’m here to help. Thank you for coming by. I work very hard and I strive to help you fall asleep, and here’s a couple of ways we keep the show going.
Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature. So, stuff you’re…been on your mind, stuff that you’re feeling physically or emotionally, or just changes, or just you can’t sleep. How about that? Or you wake up and you can’t get back to sleep. Whatever it is, I’d like to take your mind off that.
I got this nice, safe place here set aside, plenty of room, plenty of personal space, plenty of distance, very comfortable. Come on in. What I’m gonna do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents. Holy cow. I don’t know…I just pictured myself…if tangents were a balloon, I’d be a balloon-seller. Tangential balloons; that was on my…that album was only released in Germany under the…that’s right, it was under the name Chardonnay Noir. It was my cabaret album; Tangential Balloons. It was a good one. Actually, we just did a dance remix of it, too. But that’s another life. What was my point? Oh, superfluous tangents. I’m gonna go off-topic. Really what I’m here to do is keep you company.
If you’re new, hi, welcome. I’m glad you’re here. Don’t worry, we’ll talk about inflatable tangents. I think I’ve talked about that before. But if you’re new, here’s a couple of things; I’m glad you’re here. This podcast is a little bit different, so I don’t exactly know…I’ve been doing it, whatever, seven…almost eight hundred episodes. I still don’t exactly know how to set the expectations. I know if you’re skeptical, totally makes sense, and if you’re not sure about this podcast, of course; why wouldn’t you be? It’s a podcast to put you to sleep. You say well, what’s your…you know, I’m…well, let me…so, that’s why I say well, I’m not sure how to set the expectation. I’ll tell you this podcast is a little bit different. It does not make a whole lot of sense, and it does take some adjusting to get used to, or not.
Most listeners say well, I listened two or three times and then I stopped…I started falling asleep and I realized it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. So, I guess just see how it goes. I’m just here to help, there’s no pressure, and there’s no pressure to listen. This is one of the few podcasts you can kinda barely listen to. You could turn me all the way down, but some listeners turn me all the way up. Most people find it somewhere in-between. So, no need to listen, also no pressure to fall asleep. I’m gonna be here for about an hour to keep you company, so if you can’t sleep, I’m gonna be here. Then you could queue up episode after episode. So, I’m here to the very end so that you can fall asleep whenever you want. Structurally for the show, what to expect, is the show starts off with business that you already heard.
That’s how we’re able to keep the show free for everybody instead of a paid service or whatever. Then there’s an intro, which is around twelve minutes of me trying to explain what the podcast is and earn your trust. The reason it goes on for twelve minutes is just ‘cause it takes me forever to get anywhere. Also, a lot of listeners use it as part of their wind-down, ‘cause you say well, if…again, I over…I might overuse the word ‘paradoxical’, but it’s just because I don’t understand how this podcast works, either. I don’t know if a podcast would work if it said okay, I’m gonna put you to sleep right now, right after this intro. You’d say intro…smoozety-smooze? One, two, three…I’m here with Scoots’ imaginary friend Bill, and we’re sponsored by, whatever, Sleep Cream, and here we go, time to go to sleep.
That, to me, seems a little bit of…I like a wind-down. Sometimes I need a stealth wind-down and sometimes I need…where I say okay, I’m gonna get…I actually have a dimmer now, so I dim my lights ideally hours before I want to be to bed. A little insides…a little inside baseball, as they say. Ideally, after I do the dishes, the next time I’m in my room, if the lights go on, I try to turn the dimmer all the way down. Now, that does lead to some fumbling, but I’m fumbling and bumbling 24/7 anyway. Then I have a wind-down routine, and ideally I stretch my wind-down routine over about an hour, but…and it can vary. But I think that stealth moment of turning the dimmer on, at least I’m empowered, you know? I say okay, the dimmer’s on, at least. It’s gotta be good for sleeping.
I don’t know what my…oh, my point is most listeners need a wind-down. Now, some listeners, they don’t need it; they fall asleep during the intro or they skip the intro. They go to like, eighteen, twenty minutes and they just start playing the show there. So, if that works for you, that’s great. Whatever works for you, try it out a few times and see how it works. So, that’s the intro. Then there’s some business, then there’s a story, which is a…tonight it’ll be our episodically modular series Big Farm in the Sky PI. You can listen to those episodes in any order. So if you’re new and you say well, I don’t know anything about this series, don’t worry; I’ll catch you up on it. I’m here to keep you company, right, as you drift off. Then there’s some thank-yous. So, that’s structurally what to expect, you don’t need to listen, no pressure to fall asleep.
Oh, so I was talking about inflatable mean…is that what…? Inflatable meanders? Yeah, I guess at some point during the intro, I was picturing myself just blowing meanders up. That would be pretty cool. You say, what are those? What letter…? Are those all…are those balloons all Ws and curlicues? Oh no, these are meander balloons. I guess I should have called the album Meander Balloons. Maybe that should be my new…if I become a DJ…is that what Marshmello is, or does Marshmello do other stuff? Like, stuff that takes talent? Because…probably, but for me, I could be Meander Balloons. I wouldn’t be able to do anything, except I guess I already do it; meander. It could also be a joke, or what are those puzzles…?
I’ll never think of what they’re called, where it’s like a picture…it’s like a pun, but you look at it and you try to figure out what it is. ‘Cause meander balloons almost sound like me under balloons, which sounds like…I was thinking originally someone standing under the balloons, but I guess you’d say…I guess maybe if you live at the sea, you’d say yeah, well, I have…what do you wear? I didn’t see…I don’t see your flotation device. I say well, I wear MeUnderBalloons, actually. I’m Carl Cousteau, the youngest of the Cousteau…the great…I’m the fifth generation of the Cousteaus, Carl Cousteau. I wear MeUnderBalloons. I’m a founder and I’m a customer. MeUnderBalloons; it’s how I stay afloat and comfy, except for the sweating part and the fact that they’re made of…whatever. But you know, I stay afloat.
You say, some people wear leather, some people wear latex. I wear balloons. They say, how do you look so svelte, Carl? I’d say well, it’s MeUnderBalloons. That’s what it is. They say…then the reporter said okay, so you’re actually wearing balloons as underwear. Well, it’s a balloon-based underwear product. It’s MeUnderBalloons. So…well, I am wearing the prototype that I made yesterday with…there is also Scotch tape. So, you’re wearing Scotch tape and balloons as underwear? No, no, it’s a prototype of MeUnderBalloons. When the prototype’s finished, it’ll be inflatable, so it’ll be like PFD. So, I say…it’s also swimwear. It doesn’t…it instantly dries, ‘cause it’s balloons. I wear it as a undergarment; yes, that part is correct. What do you wear when you’re wearing nothing, Carl? Well, I don’t.
I wear MeUnderBalloons, because if I was wearing nothing, I’d actually probably have…that’s a trick question. Again, I’d just like to circle back to my…so, you’re wearing balloons as an undergarment. Balloons are a part of my undergarment, correct. Okay. Let’s get back to the sleep podcast, then, now that we got that clarified. It’s a work in progress. That’s Carl Cousteau, one of the imaginary Cousteaus, not to be confused with the actual Cousteaus. Inventor…imaginary friend and inventor, Carl Cousteau. Also a customer of meander…me under…what was it? I already forgot, ‘cause I wear meanderwear. Oh, MeUnderBalloons. Really, it’s a shame we don’t have a budget. You’re right, Carl, ‘cause I could see many commercials. You say, what do you got under there? Hold on…MeUnderBalloons.
Also, anybody listening, don’t ever wear…don’t put any balloons…balloons are for…don’t make any balloon undergarment prototypes. I’m not even joking. This is all just fictional, just to clarify that. Keep the balloons in the…blown up or wherever. Carl, what kind of example are you setting? I thought I was cutting-edge. It turns out I was just…you’re a dreamer, Carl. That’s great, ‘cause I’m here to enable people’s dreams, too. The way I do it is I go off-topic. Sometimes I get caught up in interviews that I end up saying well, it could have gone a different way, but…especially when something’s catchy like that, it’s hard to get out of. The name Carl Cousteau is also catchy. So, we’ll just stick with that. Thanks again for coming by, Carl. Also, I have a brother named Carl, so that works out cool. I got a editor on the show named Carl, so…so anyway, I’m here…if you’re new, I guess that gives you a pretty good example of how the podcast works.
I’m taking your mind off of stuff. I would posit that I did, maybe, there. You say oh yeah, I forgot. I was thinking about…what was I thinking about? Or well, just think about meander balloons. Anytime the word ‘spreadsheet’ tries to get into your head, say meander balloons. You say, where’s that spreadsheet? I put it in one of MeUnderBalloons, boss. Let me just get it outta here. It’s pretty tight though, ‘cause it’s still in a balloon. Don’t worry, they’re imaginary. Carl Cousteau invented them, of the imaginary Cousteaus. So anyway, if you’re new, I’m here to help, I’m here to keep you company and to take your mind off of stuff. I really appreciate you coming by, and I make this show ‘cause I’ve been there and I know how it feels, and I want to help. So, I think that’s it. Give it a few tries, like most listeners say, but I appreciate your time. I work very hard, I yearn and I strive, ‘cause I’d like to help you fall asleep, and thanks again for coming by.
Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I’ll gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is I got this nice, safe place here, and I’ve got it ready for you. You could even observe it at a distance, if you wish. Sometimes that’s nice; you say hey, I’m gonna get this…you just sit over there. I’m gonna set the places, I’m gonna smooth it, I’m gonna pat it, I’m gonna rub it down, and you just watch and see if you’re…you know, kind of like if you’re prepping a bed for a pet.
You say, I’m gonna make your bed here, but you don’t have to get…just watch me get it ready and then maybe you’ll want to get in it, too. I’ve never tried this with a child, but maybe that’s a way to say…to get them in bed. Say hey, why don’t you watch over there? I’m gonna make your bed extra-snuggly, maybe tuck in an imaginary child for that extra…a little bit of play acting or maybe talk to the pillows and say hey pillows, can I get you comfortable here? But that’s really what I’m trying to do. Then I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents. I’m gonna go off-topic, get confused, use filler words, pauses…we’ll have a few and then some more, but intentional and accidental pauses, gratuitous ones, oh boy.
Gratuitous jokes…podcaster amusing himself. Also, it’s been a while since I’ve talked about amuse-bouche. I know the season of Top Chef started when I’m recording this. By the time you hear this, it’ll probably be over. But I kinda like watching that in one big chunk, the whole season. So, I haven’t watched it yet. So, I don’t know if they made any amuse-bouche…amuse-bouche…it’s even a hard word to say. But this podcast is kinda like…it includes…I think that’s a little bite; that’s what amuse-bouche is. I’m sorry, chefs and linguists. What was my point? Oh, I’m here to take your mind off stuff, to keep you company in the deep, dark night. The way I’m gonna do it is if you’re new…it’s a little bit different. This podcast is, one, without…it’s got…I do have microphone technique.
Not on the level of the great hip-hop and R&B performers and MCs of the world, but I do have microphone technique to keep these lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones going, and so I can really be there for you. But if you’re new, here’s a couple of things to know; this show is different, and initially it won't make a lot of sense and you’ll say what is this, or what is he doing, or what is he talking about? Sometimes you might say it in a voice that’s not like that, and that’s cool. It usually works best if you give the podcast a few tries kind of passively, but initially with some skepticism. I totally understand that. Structurally what to expect, if you thought you were skeptical before, structurally what to expect is the show starts off with a few minutes of business.
That’s how we keep the podcast free and keep that ninety hours of work a week it takes to keep the show going; that’s the business side. Then there’s a twelve or fourteen-minute intro. A lot of times, traditionally in the history of introductions, except for big speeches where you have to butter up the speech-maker or award-winners, intros are usually limited to say hey, this is a Sleep With Me podcast, a podcast to put you to sleep; now I’m gonna tell you a bedtime story. When I first started making the podcast, it was a bit like that, but what I learned over time is that people…not everybody falls asleep at the same pace and no one except for…some of us fall asleep really fast.
So, the intro has kinda slowly evolved to be part of a lot of listeners’ wind-down routine, whether they’re getting ready for bed or they’re in bed, and then the day…I’m taking you into this world, the world of amuse…amusing you with my mispronunciations of amuse-bouche. Amusing bouches. You had the Mighty Boosh, and that was amusing…that’s a amusing show, too. This is an amusing bouche, too, kind of. So, where was I? What was my…? I got bouched. I did get bouche…now I’m picturing Julian’s hair. Scoots, you’re sticking in…British show from fifteen…I say well, yeah. Have you see his hair? It’s beautiful. Okay, so let me get back…where was I? Oh, I was saying…oh, the intros are really long ‘cause I tend to try to describe the intro and how it should work, and then I go off-topic.
Believe me, I was interrupting going off-topic, ‘cause I was thinking about…then I started thinking about Russell Brand. One part of my brain said those two are friends. I said okay, but let’s get back to the new listeners, Scoots. Then some listeners skip the intro, about 2% or 3% of people. Then more and more people are listening during the day, a part of…also part of a wind-down routine or a unwinding routine. That’s kinda how the intro became settled on that twelve to fourteen to eleven to seventeen to fifteen to sixteen to eighteen or so minutes, is that it’s kind of like a…it gives you a chance, if you’re new, to get to know me, which you might say okay, I’ve gotten to know you. Now I know I don’t need to give you my full attention.
I’d say, job done. It also makes bedtime kind of…you say well, I don’t know what Scoots is gonna talk about, because one of the things is the variety of the show. I feel like those parts of us that are keeping us awake are very adaptable. They’re somehow wound in with our human nature, and so they adapt. You might say well, I’m gonna balm my feet, then I’m gonna balm my elbows. That might…routine might work for a while to help you unwind, but as soon as it becomes predictable, maybe that brain that’s worried about spreadsheets or whatever starts carping back up. It says this…there’s nothing amusing about these bouches, and also…so, that’s why the podcast has this long intro that changes every time, ‘cause ideally if you become a regular listener, you get in bed and you say oh boy, Scoots is gonna talk about nothing for fourteen minutes, but it’s gonna be about something kind of, and also nothing.
You say, I don’t even know how it’s possible, but it’s…you say well, describe the humor used in the Sleep With Me podcast intro. You say hold on, I don’t know if it’s humorous; I’d say it’s more of an amuse. So it’s amusing? No, just short of amusing. It’s amuse. A bit like amuse-bouche. They’d say, isn’t that a mouthful of…? It’s not an appetizer ‘cause it’s too small. Technically, I’ve seen it on Top Chef and I think at really fancy restaurants they give it to you because they’ve charged you so much. They say well, this is a eleven-course menu if you count the amuse-bouche and the palate cleansers. You say yeah, I think it’s just a mouthful. Scoots is just an…he’s almost not an earful. I’d say okay, I’m not following you. You say yeah, exactly; that’s how…so, that’s the intro of the podcast. Took me a while to get there.
Then after the intro we will be talking about an episode of Doctor Who in a kinda indirect…this one will be pretty indirect. You say well, these were the character names. One of the characters’ names is Scooty. So, that was cool. So, we’ll talk about the episode and then we’ll kinda talk about well, what is some of the things that I wondered about? Like, what is metallurgy? Is that actually a thing or not? That didn’t come up; that was just a random example. So, that’s the structure of the show. In-between the intro and the show is the business to keep…sponsors that help keep the show free, and at the end of the show are thank-yous to people that help keep the show going. So, that’s structurally how the show works, and…oh yeah, you don’t need to listen. I think we kind of established that.
Here’s the other funny thing; there’s no pressure for you to fall asleep. The episodes are an hour ‘cause I’m here to keep you company. I’m here to take your mind off of stuff, to be at your bedside kinda clowning around, if you wish, and to be your bore-friend. So, to be almost amusing. You’d say yeah, he just…it’s an amuse. There’s amusement parks, there’s amusing things, there’s amusements, and maybe amuse-bouche and amusements are not…but you’d say well, that’s an amusing…ideally I don’t want to tell anybody how to do things, but here’s…and I don’t know if I’ve actually had an amuse-bouche. The last time I ate at a restaurant with courses was…I don’t think Golden Corral counts as…but here’s a tip; if you have a Golden Corral, maybe you have an amuse-bouche station. But so, what was my point?
I was…oh, here’s…if you’re gonna…if you are…if you’re a kid listening or you’re on your third or your fourth act, believe me, my life’s had more than two acts. So, don’t let people to do that to you. Whoever said that is…so if you’re a chef on your first act or your fourth act…if you’re in the middle of a play playing a chef, don’t…stick to your play. You probably shouldn’t even be listening to this podcast right now; you should be out there on stage. But otherwise, if you are designing amuse-bouches, maybe a little clue could be, is this gonna be amusing? You know, transcendentally, the broader sense of amusing…’cause you say, well…’cause a lot of these good cooks, they take you on a journey, right? Or chefs; excuse me.
I think…this is just my philosophy that I just came up with now on amuse-bouches…treaty on amuse-bouche, and also illustrated pictures from the Mighty Boosh. A fan…a piece of fanfiction and a cookbook by Scoots. Mostly it’s not cooking; it’s a…it’s me philosophizing on making your bouches amusing or amused. You say oh boy, what…is that…? What is that on my…the back of my palate there? Is this both hot and cold at the same time? Holy mac…is this macaroni? You say no, it’s mochi. That’s usually what they say on the show when it’s good, on those cooking…no, no, it’s a mochi compote with something…they say, yeah…I remember a couple years ago there was…sunchokes were big. This was probably five seasons ago of…was…I would say it’s a compote of mochi stuffed with sunchokes.
I say gosh darn…I said holy macaroni and I’m saying it again, because I don’t…I wouldn’t know how to say holy mochi sunchoke-aroni. Anyway, I guess I’m off-topic. I’m here to keep you company as you drift off to sleep, to be your friend, to be your bore-bud, because I’ve been there. I believe it for you; maybe you could believe it with me. You do deserve a good night’s sleep. You deserve a life where you can flourish and where you treat yourself and you’re treated with dignity and respect. I hope I can provide a little solace, a little amuse. I guess over…words Scoots has overused; amuse. Words…Alec, I’ll take Words I Almost Rhymed for $300. What is fuse and amuse? No, those actually rhyme. Oh, that wasn’t…that was incorrect. Oh. ‘Cause I think I was supposed to say amuse and misuse.
Yeah, you’re right, Alec, thanks. I’ll get back to the end of the intro. Oh, it’s also Alex; he just frowned at me. Wrote it on my…he wrote it on his screen. That’s the host of Jeopardy. I have a mirror…a mirror…well, anyway. Another facet of my imagination, we could say. If it was only true; if I didn’t have a direct, 24/7 feed to Alec Trebek…Alex Trebek. I say, where…when did…what happened to…where the Jeopardy…when Jeopardy became avant-garde? They say well, that was the guy from Sleep With Me. Poor Alex; he got a…he somehow had a 24/7 feed of the…dearest Scooter in his brain. So yeah, he started coming up with these strange questions. He also switched to only eating amuse-bouche. He would demand all his meals to be broken into tiny mouth bites.
That took a lot of time for him to eat a meal, because it would be eighty-four servings just for lunch because they were small servings. So, that was it. That was it for Jeopardy. Oh, thanks. Anyway, I’m back. I don’t know where I went, but that’s kinda how the podcast works. I’m here to help. If your first few times of listening…I know not everybody likes the show and I know it doesn’t work for everybody, so if you’re sitting here and you’re on the fence, or maybe you’re feeling like I’m not sure this is for me, give it a few tries or not. There are other Sleep With Me-like shows out there, and there’s plenty of audiobooks and other stuff to test out.
But I’m here to help in my own unique way, but most of the listeners, and I…there’s a good amount of listeners to this show, and 90% of them say it took two or three tries ‘til the show started working for me and I understood it’s…the bouche part of it. I got the…I got that he was barely amusing right away, but what was the meaning of a bouche? A bit like a whoosh or…so, that’s it. I’m here to help. I work very hard at this show and I strive and I yearn ‘cause I really want to help you fall asleep. Thank you so much for your time and for coming by, and here’s a couple of ways we keep the show going, so if you’re still with us and you could pay attention, it’s a huge help in keeping the podcast out there for everybody. Thanks.
Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. All you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature, changes in your routine. Maybe you’re traveling. Whatever’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that, create a safe place to do so, or a level of trust where you let me do so, and then what I’ll do is I’ll send my voice across the deep, dark night.
I’ll use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, extra words, misplaced words, concerns of mine that then I try to make more sleepy and dreamy…‘cause I was thinking about travel and then I said well, I had something I was thinking about. The whole idea is the podcast is here to keep you company while you drift off. Now if you’re new, here’s a couple of things; I’m glad you’re here. How you doing? Come on…you don’t have to come on in. You could…this is the kinda place and podcast where…’cause I really don’t like that. I don’t know why I…I mean, I did it ‘cause I said I want you to feel welcome, but I also want you to…here’s a…this…is this a paradox? I want you to feel so welcome, you could feel…you could feel unwelcome. You know what I’m saying?
Where you say…’cause I don’t like it when I’m standing somewhere looking in at a distance, and that’s my…I say well, this is my safe place, outside your store, looking in, seeing what you’re up to and seeing what your angles are, and trying to check if there’s any funny business. So then when you say hey, I see you looking in the store; come on in, air’s just fine in here, I say well, I’ll be the judge of that, thank you. Your friendly tone is doing nothing to earn my trust. Then they…then sometimes the people won't get it and they’ll say you get a lot better view from up close. I say, I don’t care if they call this Main Street USA; it doesn’t make me feel…you know, it doesn’t clarify my…it’s gonna take me a while. This podcast, I say you want to stay outside? Go right ahead. Ideally, that you could hear it wherever you are.
I would say the air’s just fine where you are, wherever you are. You want to come in? Come on in. You want to get a little bit closer? Then you say well, I prefer…I say let me just…you could look at me through opera glasses or a microscope or an…I don’t know if you…I wonder what you’d see if you used an oscilloscope or whatever that thing is. You’d say holy…I didn’t even know this thing could pick up creaky, dulcet tones, but you’re off the charts on the creaky, dulcet tones and pointless meanders. I’d say, excellent. So if you…oh, what was I saying? If you’re new, I’m glad you’re here. But if you don’t buy that, that’s great, too. Seriously, if you’re skeptical about this podcast, I totally understand. Just wait ‘til I try to explain to you what it is.
If you think you’re skeptical now…so…but I mean, I would be skeptical; that’s what I mean. Who says they’re gonna put you to sleep, right? I say come on inside this mattress shop; we just want to get you settled in, here. You say no thanks, I got it covered on the internet. So, oh, what was my point? Oh, the show is not…doesn’t have a lot of points. But if you’re new, structurally what to expect, show starts off with a few minutes of business; you already heard that. That’s more for the regular listeners. That’s how we keep the podcast free for everybody. Then there’s an intro, which is kind of a long…to some people it feels like a long, drawn-out, pointless description of the podcast, and that’s exactly kinda what it is. You caught me.
Maybe then…that would be how maybe the shopkeeper would…I guess if they gave me space to wander in there, eventually I…they could earn my trust and rapport. I just say hey, don’t…with the pressure to come in your store, I realize I just…and they say well, it’s…I wasn’t; I was just trying to be friendly. I’d say right, I’m not…my…I don’t get friends for friendship. I don’t…it’s a para…I live in a paradoxical world. I don’t even understand it. Don’t win…don’t be…you’re not gonna win any friends by being nice to me, or the other way around, either. I’d say just…hopefully I would have an imaginary nana with me who would say oh, don’t pay him any mind. He doesn’t…and I say right, nana. Maybe this is where…maybe it hearkens back to you. Nana, did you ever run a shop before? Oh, get back to the new listeners.
Oh, you’re right, nana, I should get back to the new listeners. That’s my nana. She lives in my mind always at every moment. Oh, he’s over…I say yep, you’re right, nana, over-exaggerating again. But so…oh, so the intro’s a long and…it’s just kind of a…I try to make a metaphor of what the podcast is and I never succeed. In doing so, hopefully I put you to sleep, or…so, some listeners, for the intro, some listeners fall asleep, some listeners skip the intro, but for the majority of listeners, it’s kinda part of their wind-down routine. Almost like watching someone else play a game that’s relaxing. I don’t know what that would be. Plus, I’ve piled too many metaphors on already. I say yeah, nana, I got whatever other metaphor I was making that I forgot about, and now I’m thinking of someone just using a yo-yo.
I don’t know, I don’t…I’ve never watched someone use a yo-yo before, because it’s kinda rare. I mean, again, holy going off course, but the quality of yo-yos…the majority of yo-yos distributed are not the…they’re usually giveaways, right, at a birthday party. So, there are high-quality yo-yos. I think I may have owned one…now, I’m not a yo-yo…now I’m thinking of Yo-Yo Ma. So, this is kinda…this is a little bit of a meta view. This is really what my mind just kinda naturally does. But I was gonna say the most famous company, I think, is Duncan, that makes the good yo-yos. Also, there was a funny Simpsons episode about yo-yos. Also now I think I’ve got…I’m stuck in a slippery part of my brain that just likes me saying yo-yo over and over again.
But if I…if there was…if there was another world where a lot of people use yo-yos and they were skilled at it or…you don’t have to be great, just moderately good at flicking it down…oh, what’s a yo-yo? Sorry. It’s like this thing…you could look it up on…I’m sure someone’s got a great YouTube channel where they do yo-yo. As a matter of fact, if you want to do a crossover episode, that would be relaxing just to see…just a relaxing…but I was saying some listeners, the intro’s like that for them, just watching a yo-yo go up and down, and that’s a pretty clear metaphor for a…spinning its wheels, too, and walking the dog. I think I did all those things in this intro. Around the world…oh boy, did I go around…meandering around my world.
So, that’s the intro, then there will be a bedtime…there’s some business between the intro and the episode, then there’s a bedtime story. The intro’s kinda like a bedtime story. It’s kinda like a stealth one, or it’s a bedtime story wind-up and cool-down. But then we’ll have a bedtime story, it’ll be Trending Tuesday style. I don’t know what it’s gonna be yet. Then at the end of the show, we have thank-yous and goodnights. So, that’s the structure of the show. Clearly I think if you’ve been listening, you probably figured out you don’t really need to listen to this podcast. You don’t really have to pay attention to it, much like that yo-yo image, especially one that…I don’t know if those have ball bearings in them, the good ones, or if that’s the company that makes them.
I’m trying to think when in my life…I think I’ve had two good yo-yos, but I don’t remember them. In the eighties there was a yo-yo comeback, and I think that’s what the Simpsons episode was about. But there was a butterfly yo-yo; I think I had one of those. Then later in life there was this series of books called The Klutz books, and I’m not gonna say they named them after me, but I should have been getting paid for that. I don’t think I had a Klutz yo-yo, but I think I had the one of how to tie your shoes. I don’t know if that was actually a book or they just said let’s send this to Scoots and see if it’s marketable. Then I was at the book…I was actually at a bookstore and I said I can’t…my leg’s…I can’t get my leg off this pole. I followed your tie-the-shoe book.
They say well, you weren’t supposed to lace the book to your shoes, sir. I’d say well, it’s about…I said, really? That’s interesting ‘cause there’s shoelaces in this book, there’s shoelaces in my shoes. Now they’re one. I guess I wasn’t a beta tester for that book; I just was looking in the bookstore until I was on…my shoe was on one side of the pole, book was on the other, shoelaces in bixtween. I say, can’t do this on Amazon. Holy cow. It actually felt good; it really felt like it stretched my foot out. Anyway, I don’t even know what I was trying to explain. Oh, I think I was talking about yo-yos and just trying to remember…but at some point in my life, I had another quality yo-yo very briefly. Maybe this could be the episode tonight, is…I don’t think so, though. But I’m sure there’s a lot of forgotten yo-yos out there.
Maybe that could be…I mean, I don’t…I guess…yeah, maybe there could be a song about the forgotten yo-yos. I’ve just overused the word already tonight, so I can’t make a episode about it. But so, anyway, the main message is I’m glad you’re here. This podcast is goofy. You don’t need to listen to it. There’s also no pressure to fall asleep. I’m here for about an hour to keep you company as you drift off at your leisure. I make this show because I believe you deserve a good night’s sleep and I want you to get it. Now, this doesn’t work for everybody. Give it a few tries and see if it helps you. But really, yeah…I mean, yeah, that’s what…I’m here to help, I’m here to keep you company as you drift off. I strive and I work very hard ‘cause I want to help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple of ways we keep the show going.
Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature or routine. Whatever’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that. That’s what I mean; I got this safe place here for you. It might not be something…you say jeez, this happens to me a lot; I say, I don’t know what’s up. I just can’t…you get a bit baffled, or at least I do.
But whatever’s keep…whatever the situation is, I’m here and I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, I’m gonna go off…believe me, I’m gonna go off-topic and…be…so, did I say rust…? Rusty meanders, that’s…is one of my main…I don’t know why I associate the word rusty meanders with overalls. Maybe we could come back to that, ‘cause I used to say oshkosh b’gosh a lot in this podcast. So maybe we could figure out a way to go back to that and say return to our…you say Scoots is returning…he’s got his podcast returning to its roots. He’s right there, right around 800 episodes or so, and he said he’s bringing his podcast back to its roots. They say okay, so what, a kid that can’t fall asleep? No.
A bit grounded in care and empathy? Well, kind…no, but kind of. That’s part of the podcast still. No, he’s gonna be saying oshkosh b’gosh more, and holy mackerel and a couple other ones. It’s not his catchphrase; this is…the catchphrase is he re-meanders. Okay, but if you’re new, let me take a second. Hey, glad you’re here. I’m glad…I really am glad you’re here, and I will tell you…let’s see how this goes, okay? ‘Cause it does…this podcast doesn’t work for everybody. I hope it can help you, so that’s why I want to take a second…time out here. If you’re a regular listener, hey, welcome back. But this podcast, most regular listeners listen to it two or three times before they became a regular listener, which I guess is a paradox in itself. But they say wow, okay, this podcast’s a little bit different.
First time, I was trying to make sense of it. The second time I was a bit baffled, and the third time I was…oh, okay; don’t…I don’t get it, so I do get it. So if you’re new, alls I ask is you see how it goes, but there’s no pressure on my end other than that. I’d like to help you, I’d like to keep you company as you fall asleep, but let’s just see how it goes. A couple other things I want you to know; structurally what to expect, the show starts off with business, which you heard. This is more important for the regular listeners and the super-users that listen to a bunch of episodes, ‘cause that’s what keeps the podcast free for everybody. Then there’s an intro, then there’s some business, then there will be the story, which tonight it’ll be our episodically modular series Big Farm in the Sky PI, then there’s some thank-yous at the end of the show.
So, that’s structurally what to expect. Let me talk a little bit about the intro, though, because sometimes this…people say when’s the bedtime story start? I could tell you, if you’re looking for that, it starts around eighteen to twenty minutes or so into the show, ‘cause we have a intro that’s right around fourteen to twelve to sixteen to eighteen minutes, where I try to kinda explain what the podcast is, but more…I don’t know, establish a baseline of nonsense and senselessness, and friendly nonsense and…I don’t know. I try to explain what the podcast is, then I realize I find the podcast baffling. Also, I’ll overuse words that I like. The main thing…the way the intro kinda developed was a sensible thing of like, for most people, they fall asleep…they want to…you need a wind-down routine, right?
You gotta ease yourself into bedtime. I know it’s been a while since I’ve said oshkosh b’gosh or pontificated on shoehorns. It has been a while. Also, it’s been a while…it’s been a…this existence…this stage of my existence, I’ve never owned a shoehorn. I’ve used some, I’ve held some, and I don’t really need a shoehorn ‘cause it’d just be one more thing. But you don’t really…you can’t…I guess my thing is you can’t shoehorn…here’s a generational thing; maybe I was…the post…my father had a shoehorn. My mother…what if that…the shoehorn story, or Shoehorn Leghorn. I think that was the last time, hundreds of episodes ago. Or you say Scoots, that was last week when you were talking about Shoehorn Leghorn. Yeah, that was the shoe…that’s a children’s book I’ll write one day.
My father was a shoehorn, my mother was a leghorn, and that’s…or a…maybe Shoehorn Foghorn. I like that better, ‘cause there was…what was it? Something…Foghorn Leghorn, wasn’t that the name of the giant chicken in the Bugs Bunny cartoons? I guess it doesn’t make…you say…oh no, that was the first name. Shoehorn Leghorn though, would be…or Shoehorn Foghorn…Shoehorn B. Foghorn…the shoehorn that was a foghorn. Yeah, maybe a…okay, so this is one of the meanders that goes on in the intro, where I try to explain what the show is. Shoehorn B. Foghorn; I can’t get enough of that. Also, your mouth when you say…go ahead and say it with me; Shoehorn B. Foghorn. Shoehorn B. Leghorn.
Isn’t it almost…found like…when you’re…when you see the word ‘chew’, like you’re chewing…or choo-choo-choo…I guess ‘cause ‘shoe’ and ‘chew’ do rhyme. I didn’t realize that. I’m not kidding. This is where it’s unintentionally funny. Until I said it, I didn’t realize that ‘shoe’ and ‘chew’ rhymed. Another part of my brain that isn’t linked to my rhyming brain said huh, that feels the same in my mouth; shoe and chew. I wonder why. That’s why I’m cut out to make this podcast. So, the intro just lets people ease into bedtime, and then some people fall asleep during the intro, some people fall asleep after the intro, some people fall asleep…some people skip the intro, some people listen to the whole show. So, whatever works for you, you’ll find out. Or there’s people that use the show in different ways all the time.
There’s some people that don’t fall asleep during the show; they fall back asleep. They don’t start listening ‘til they wake up. So, just see how it goes. I guess that’s my main thing. Oh, but the intro…I guess my main thing is to ease your intro…’cause some people expect the intro to be concise or make sense, and I just wanted to…I guess it’s a little late for that, but I kinda did an example. That’s also how the intro works; unintentionally I’m showing off my style, my Foghorn B. Shoehorn style. So, okay, so that’s the intro, then tonight will be a…then the story, which is our episodically modular series you could listen to in any order. This just happens to be the season closing episode before we do a season recap episode. But like I said, you could listen to it in any order.
There’s a big catch-up at the start, so we’ll get you caught up. So, that’s the structure of the show. No pressure to listen. This is the one podcast, like I said, where you kinda discover how it works best for you. Or the great thing about all the people that help keep the show free by doing…going out of their way to do that is that there’s all these different style of episodes. Some people say well, that’s the style I prefer, so I’ll just listen to those ones. Some people listen every episode, some people kinda pick and choose and create apps…and create playlists in their apps and stuff. So, just see how it goes. No pressure to listen. Here’s the other thing; there’s no pressure to fall asleep. I’m gonna be here for an hour to keep you company, and if you need it, you could run eight, ten, twelve episodes in a row.
So, I’m here to help ease you off into bedtime. So, there’s no pressure to listen, no pressure to fall asleep. I do…the reason I make this show is ‘cause I believe you do deserve a good night’s sleep and I know it’s not easy, and I’d like to be here and just keep you company as I can. You say well, I make the show just as much for the people that can’t sleep as the people who fall asleep in the four…first four or five minutes. So, yeah. So, that’s the kinda structure of the show, that’s the things to know. I did say I was gonna talk about oshkosh b’gosh, but then by oshkosh and b’gosh, I got distracted by old Shoehorn Leghorn Foghorn III or something, and went off-topic. So maybe we’ll go back to osh…that was just a…I don’t know, that’s a nice word. I know it’s probably…I guess…hm, I don’t…did I research this in the early days?
Was Oshkosh B’gosh a thing before it was a brand, or has it always just been a brand? I don’t know if I’ve ever owned…do they make doll clothes? I’m gonna have to look that up later. I think…oh, ‘cause I was thinking of meanders and then I was thinking of…when I say rusty meanders, I think of overalls. Then when I think of overalls, I immediately think of Oshkosh B’gosh. I think they only made kids’ overalls maybe just in the eighties, I didn’t own any. I think…so, I had six kids in my family. I think there was one pair of green Oshkosh jeans or something that were secondhand from one of my cousins in our home, but I was already over…outgrown them, or they arrived at my home…’cause I have so many cousins that it was like…what do you call that? Secondhand…you call it when you…so there’s a lot of clothing exchange.
It was just great being part of a big family, is…you’d say man, who…but so, I don’t know. Maybe I’ll get some Osh…I’m not a overalls person just because I need less…I say okay, well, I don’t need…I don’t need…if I have a denim shirt, it’s fine, but I don’t really need any denim above the waist majority of the time. But I could be wrong. I mean, you could say Scoots, just wear a shirt. You could do it just like they do when you…you put the…you put that piece of wheat in your mouth. The full Huck Finn or Tom Sawyer or whatever. I say okay, then I fold it up in my bare feet, right? No shirt, bare feet; just my Oshkosh B’goshes. I’d say hm, well, a couple things; I do a lot of running, so I know my upper body…there’s a certain part that gets chafed, and that’s with cot…other materials, so denim, I would worry about that. Two, I just don’t know…I mean, I can see that there’d be airflow.
The cool thing would be that I would have somewhere to put my hands, like holding my lapels or whatever you call those things. My stirrup? What do they call those, straps? I don’t know. So anyway, I think you got a good idea if you’re new of me going off-topic a few times. Ideally…and I don’t want to be overconfident by saying well, if the podcast is gonna work for you, maybe you forgot about…took your mind off of stuff. That’s the goal here. I’m really glad you came by. I’m really glad you came back, those of you. Thanks so much. It’s great to see you. Great to be here in your ears. I really appreciate your time, so see how it goes if you’re new. Give it a few tries if you wish, but I’m glad you’re here. I really work hard, I yearn and I strive to help you fall asleep, and here’s a couple of ways…really, if you’re here listening, you could find all this at sleepwithmepodcast.com/sponsors tomorrow. But these partners coming up here, these are what keep the show free and help us keep the show going.
[END OF RECORDING]
(Transcribed by Leah Hervoly)
- Tangential Balloons
- Should Mindful
- Shoe Chew
- Jacques Cousteau
- Yo Yo Ma
- Foghorn Leghorn
Notable Talking Points:
- Mindfulness Compost
- Does Golden Corral have an amuse bouche station?
- Pontificating on Shoe Horns